**WARNINGS** Mentions of attempted suicide and innuendos to rape. If you rather message me about this chapter than read it I will fill you in on the basics of this chapter.
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Emma stood outside her girlfriend's door shaking from the sharp and icy cold wind that morning. She could see herself breathing out wet, worried breathes of warm air. She'd spent the better half of her morning changing and re-changing her outfit. She had no idea what the plans would be, but knowing Regina, it would be fancy and she certainly did not own fancy.
It wasn't long before she called her best friend, Ruby. Every night at the bar, Ruby was dressed in something sexy. The sexier you dress at a bar, the more tips you'll make, or so she defended to Emma.
Before Emma left for Regina's place, she'd spent the last bit of time trying on Ruby's clothing, which her interpretation of fancy was terrifying to Emma.
But, six dresses later, she'd found the perfect one. It was a long-sleeved cotton black dress that stopped just before her knees, hugging every contour of her physique. It was simple and just Emma's style. She wore her red coat and simple low cut boots.
No matter how good she felt dressed in her friends clothing, Emma Swan was nervous.
Not the same nervous for a test or kind of nervous. Instead, it was a first date kind of nervous.
In all of her nineteen years of life, she'd never been on an official date with anyone. So now her first date was with Regina and she couldn't screw anything up.
When Ruby dropped her off, she reminded her to open doors, pull out her chair, and comment on her outfit.
That was a no brainer.
What Emma was most worried about was saying something stupid, or acting weird. She'd never had practice at this before.
Bringing her shaking hand up in a closed fist, she knocked on the door. She waited for just a few moments before her date appeared.
"You're late." She said in a tone that matched the temperature outside.
Emma looked down to her boots, she'd already messed things up. "I'm really sorry. I-" She was cut off before she could muster up an apology.
Warm hands were placed on freezing rose colored cheeks. "It's okay." Was all Regina said before she moved closer to her girlfriend to kiss pale, chapped lips. "We have to go though, we are heading into Portland." She spoke sweetly to Emma.
A little curious, Emma asked. "What are we doing?"
Regina turned to close the door before grabbing Emma's hand to start walking to her car. "I'm not telling you. It's a surprise."
Emma grabbed Regina's door and kissed her right before she slid into her leather seat.
Opening her door, Emma tried to gracefully slip into her own seat on the passenger side. Wearing a dress while trying to smoothly get into a low-rise car was a challenge, especially for those who are uncoordinated, like Emma.
"You look beautiful." Regina said as she looked at her girlfriend's body. She by no means expected Emma to be in a dress. It was a delightful surprise to see that she went out of her way.
"Thanks, I tried." Emma motioned to what she was wearing. "You look gorgeous as always."
The two sat in silence for the first ten minutes of the drive out of town. It was as awkward as Emma had imagined.
Not knowing what to say or do, Regina cleared her throat. Trying to instigate a conversation she asked, "So tell me some things I don't know about you."
Emma looked down at her sweaty palms and felt like things were heading south at too fast of a rate. The obvious and first thing that popped into her mind was being a foster kid. "I never knew my parents."
"I'm sorry?" Regina said, a little caught off guard by the random statement.
"I don't know what to say, so I figured what better than telling you about the obvious and that's me being a foster kid." Emma stated. "I never knew my parents. When I was a newborn, my mother gave me up, I was told she was incapable of providing proper care. That's how I ended up in the foster system. I was adopted rather quickly, but they returned me." She frowned at her words, it was hard talking about something she didn't even remember.
"I cried too much. I had colic and my adoptive parents got tired of me crying all of the time. It's always bothered me. I was an infant and they gave up so easily on me." It was true. One of the most frustrating things she dealt with in life was people giving up and turning away from her.
"As I got older, I was bumped from foster home to foster home. Some homes were nice, but they were few and far in between. I watched as some of my friends were adopted, but not me."
She grew up feeling like it was her fault. She wasn't pretty, funny, or smart enough. Just never enough for anyone to fully love.
"When I got older, things got worse for me." She paused.
She could still feel the handprint on her face, the burning pain a man left in his drunken, war path.
"There was so much verbal abuse. I would be yelled at, called names, and be spit on."
Regina's heart started to sink as she realized what Emma was telling her. She remembered how upset she was that day in the library over her reading what was in the school records. As tempting as it was to read everything, she didn't.
"Then one day, he came home drunk from too much whiskey and he hit one of the little kids. I stepped in and he slapped me in the face at first. Then he grabbed my arm tossing me off to the side as if I was as light as a feather. I broke my arm and had bruises all over my body."
Regina's jaw clenched at the thought of someone hurting Emma.
"Shortly after, I was removed from them and placed in a new home. It was the one before my current place. I remember being so hopeful and thankful to be somewhere new." Emma said as her eyes started to water. The lids of her eyes held back tears as she said, "The parents were nice. The mom was a hairstylist and the dad was a banker. They seemed to be a happy couple just wanting to help out a kid in need. They had a son who was older than me in high school. We got along just great. I thought we were friends. Until one night-" Tears started falling down her face as she got nearer to the end of her story.
Regina's grip on the steering wheel grew tighter and her knuckles were white as anger surged through her body.
"Stop." Regina said in a low tone. "You don't have to finish." She had no idea. Her heart hurt for Emma as she realized what she was about to confess to her.
She reached over and grabbed ahold of Emma's hand.
"Thank you for telling me. I had no idea." She soothingly told the blonde as she kept her eyes on the icy road.
"That's why I ran away from my home." Emma stated. "That's how I became homeless and you know the rest. I did it all to get away from how horrible everything was. But Ms. Tremaine, she's one of the good ones. As much as it doesn't seem like it, she gives me a place to stay that is violence free. She just gives us a lot of chores and hates being bothered by us."
"That's still not how it's supposed to work. She's supposed to be supportive." Regina argued.
Emma knew that. The thing was, she wasn't looking for a family, anymore. She was too old to be adopted. All she wanted was a home where she wasn't afraid to go to sleep at night or break a dish when she was doing her chores.
"I get that, but I feel safe for once." Emma told her girlfriend. "That's all that matters to me."
Regina nodded. She felt honored that Emma trusted her enough to tell her all these things. It made even more sense to her now on why she was so closed up and afraid, initially. Even more so when she told her that she was afraid of being left last weekend. It all started to come full circle.
Regina squeezed her hand and said, "If things weren't safe anymore or if something wrong happened, you'd tell me, right?" She held Emma's eyes until the blonde nodded.
She hated that Emma was stuck in foster care. She was old enough to have her own apartment and be on her own. It wasn't fair for Emma to have dealt with what she'd did in her short life, but nor was it fair to Regina the things she lived through, either.
Stopping outside of a theater, Regina pulled out her car keys from the ignition, and said, "So I thought maybe going to a play was a cute idea. I figured none of your classmates would be here and that we could just be us." She hated the idea of going to a movie. That was cliche, first date 101, but theater was not. Now she didn't pick Shakespeare, but what she did pick was a play she'd always loved.
"The Snow Queen, by Hans Christian Anderson. I've never heard of it." Emma said as she read the program.
"It's a classical tale of a witch. It's adventurous like The Chronicles of Narnia."
The pair sat in their seats in the back of the auditorium, sharing some popcorn. "I think my favorite character is the Snow Queen. She's evil. I like evil." Regina said in a too serious of a tone.
"You've seen the play before?" Emma looked up.
"My father used to bring me to the Portland Theater all the time as a kid. This was one of my favorites." Regina said matter a factly.
"That's so cute." Emma smiled thinking about a small Regina in a fancy little dress, watching plays with her father.
The lights started to dim over them and the director came out on stage. "Thank you all for coming out this afternoon. The cast has worked long and hard on this production and I am pleased to present to you all a play by Hans Christian Anderson, The Snow Queen."
The curtains pulled back and the play began.
It wasn't long before the Snow Queen was on stage. Her costume was all white, the actress even had a white wig on. It was dramatic and perfect for the character.
"Bits of mirror cast your spell today. Land in the eyes and heart of Kai. Blizzard winds carry them to that boy. Take away all of his happiness and joy. Quickly let the particles go. Travel mirror through the snow." Regina repeated as the actress on stage spoke.
"Quit, you're being creepy." Emma jabbed.
"What? Am I scaring you? Are you going to have nightmares that the Snow Queen is going to come for you now with shards of mirror?" Regina chuckled.
Emma grabbed fist full of popcorn and tossed them at her girlfriends face.
Not expecting that, Regina jumped in surprise.
"Would you two be more considerate, we're trying to watch the play." An angry voice distracted the couple.
Trying to not laugh only made them burst with fits of giggles.
"I'm going to tell the staff if you don't stop." The angry man's voice grew more serious.
The two sank down in their hard seats and tried to focus on the play.
The Snow Queen bent down and kissed Kai's head. She started to convince the small boy, "Let me take you to my home. Would you like that?"
"No! No, he would not like that you evil Snow Bitch." Emma snapped. Turning to her girlfriend, "Like rule number one, if a stranger invites you to their home you scream and run", but Kai did not. He said, "I guess so."
Then Emma felt a hard tap on her shoulder. She turned to face a man in dressed a red vest and black pants. "Excuse me, but you are being very rude. I'm going to have to ask you both to leave." Emma's jaw dropped from her mouth. She did it this time.
"Excuse me, don't you dare touch my girlfriend. Who do you think you are?" Regina was up and out of her seat.
"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave one last time."
"Do not ma'am me." The woman took in a deep breath and a vein on her forehead popped out. Her face was heated with anger as she was about to eat the man for lunch.
"Regina." Emma said. She placed her hands on her girlfriend's shoulder and said, "It's not worth fighting over."
"The hell it's not." She turned back to the man. "Archie, is it? Archie, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Regina. Regina Mills."
The man's once confident expression dictated by power morphed into a fearful and worried look. "Ms. Mills, I apologize. Can I escort you to a better seat?" The man quickly changed his motives.
"What?" Emma turned to her girlfriend not expect the change in demeanor.
"That's quite alright. I think we will be going." She grabbed her coat and started to leave.
Emma followed behind her date trying to keep up. She was completely confused on the whole ordeal. "What was that back there?" She called out to the woman a few paces in front of her.
"The theater belonged to my father before he died." Regina said as she opened her car door in a rush. Again, she left her date very confused. Emma said under her breath again, what?
Getting into the car, Emma looked at Regina. "Soooo…" She said, waiting for Regina to share more with her.
"So, my father was very into the arts and he owned the theater. He died a few years ago."
Emma nodded her head. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Regina looked down at her keys. She pinched the bridge between her eyes and sighed. "My parents were in the middle of a very nasty divorce that was drawn out over a year. There were lawyers involved and my mother wanted to cripple my father. Mysteriously, one day he died. His brakes failed in his car and he went off the road and into a tree."
"That's awful. I'm so sorry. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose a parent like that."
"I loved my father very much. He was one of my best friends. He got me interested in theater at a young age and really encouraged me to ride horses. He went with me to all my training sessions, always there cheering me on. Every fall, every injury, he was always there to make me feel better when she wasn't. My mother was a very domineering person. She scared me a lot of the time. She's not a kind woman." Regina confided in Emma.
"She always pushed me too hard and was too demanding of me. I wasn't the daughter she wanted. In fact, I don't even think she wanted kids. She made my life hell, growing up. She was in every sense, evil."
Regina looked at Emma. "Even though I grew up with parents doesn't mean I had a good childhood. My mother never laid a hand on me, but her words cut through me likes daggers to the heart."
"What happened, Regina?" Emma asked.
"You promise you won't judge me, or look at me any differently?" The woman asked with uncertainty. It was seldom Regina ever allowed her confidence to waiver.
"Of course not." Emma said without hesitations.
"When I was sixteen, I got into a blowout fight with my mother. I got into an accident in her car. It wasn't my fault. Someone ran a red light and smashed into the passenger side of the car. I was lucky to even be alive, but all she cared about was that the car was considered junk because the parts weren't replaceable. She kept yelling and yelling at me that I figured that she really didn't care that I was safe and okay. She didn't love me."
Emma stiffened.
"So that night I took a bottle of her sleeping pills and drew a long hot bath. I sat down and just waited." Regina's frown matched Emma as she continued to speak. "I woke up the next day in a hospital bed. My father found me just in time to call 911. I spent the rest of the summer in rehab. No amount of therapy could have saved me from that woman."
Emma didn't even know what was appropriate to say. The whole failed suicide thing terrified her and made her angry. Not at Regina, but for Regina ever thinking that was the solution to everything. She was angry at her mother and bitter that someone who was supposed to be loving and caring would be so neglectful towards her own child.
"After my father passed, she made me do whatever she wanted by threatening to take everything he left in his will, away from me. So I went to Harvard and majored in education, not politics. I did everything she wanted. I figured that way, she wouldn't have anything to complain about."
"So you're only a teacher because she made you?" Emma asked.
"She's the school's superintendent. She basically forced them to give me the position. It's very uncommon that a first year teacher gets an AP class."
Emma sat there trying to find something to say. She felt awful for her girlfriend. It goes to show that not everyone has an easy life. Regina seemed like she had everything, but that was deceiving.
"Oh." Emma said. "But at least you got to meet me!" She tried to make light of the situation.
Regina smiled. That was the best part of all of the whole thing.
"Christmas Eve was my second night in the new town. I felt so alone and I didn't know anyone. I figured why not go get drunk at a bar. Never did I think I would meet someone like you to take home as a one night stand."
"What do you mean someone like me?"
"Someone that's as beautiful as you are, inside, and out." Regina said as she stared into glowing emerald rich eyes. "I meant it when I told you I felt a connection between us. It's magnetic."
Emma blushed. She loved when Regina called her beautiful. She was right too, she was her polar opposite.
"So I'm guessing that's why you were in such a sassy mood when you walked into the bar."
Laughing, "That would sound about right. What was it that I said, I am certainly not accustomed to having balls thrown at me?"
The couple busted out in laughter. "You should have seen the look on your face too. You turned so white, I could have sworn that you were a ghost" Regina pointed out.
"Shut up." Emma said laughing along with her girlfriend.
"Make me." The brunette challenged.
Emma leaned over the center console and slipped her fingers in soft tendrils. She, for once, slowly kissed Regina, like really kissed her. It was different. It wasn't the normal heated kiss that was rough and desperate.
This time, she kissed her with all of her heart. Her body didn't feel on fire. Instead it ached because the distance between them, though a matter of inches, was too far for her. She wanted to comfort Regina and have her feel all of the emotions she felt. She was falling for her.
Bringing her hand to caress Regina's cheek, she said breathlessly, "Thank you for today. This was the best first date." Kissing Regina again, Emma felt like pure bliss.
Walking the three blocks back to her house from where Regina dropped her, was awful. All she wanted to do was reverse and go back and be in that car again with Regina. It was hard enough having to leave the other woman, even harder now as she knew she was walking into a home with a bitchy foster sister and a half assed excuse for a foster mother.
Opening the front door, she was immediately met with the pair.
"Where were you?" Her foster mother began.
"I was out with Graham doing homework at the library."
"See, she's dating that boy." Lily raged. "I saw her this morning trying on different outfits. I bet she was on a date with him."
"Is this true, Emma?" The woman said her name with disgust.
"No. He's just a friend I was studying with for my History class." Emma tried to defend herself from her screwed up family.
"Sure you were." Lily complained. "What about all of the chores you haven't been doing?"
"Yes. Let's talk about that. I have noticed a change in the cleanliness of the house. I think this week you do all the chores without Lily since you're acting out." Ms. Tremaine said.
"What? By doing my homework, I'm acting out?" Emma could barely understand the logic.
"Do not back talk me or I will make your life hell." The woman stood over Emma and stared down at her.
"What's your problem, lady? I can't fucking stand this bullshit." Emma finally snapped.
"That's it. You've done it now, girl." The woman practically huffed like a wolf. "You'll have three weeks of chores. Lily you're excused." Their foster mother said.
Emma watched as her foster sister scrammed from the room.
"Don't you dare ever sass me again. I would hate to have to call your social worker." The woman said in anger.
Emma felt tears start to stream down her face. "I understand. You don't have to worry."
"Now collect yourself, girl. Tomorrow you better get everything done."
Emma brought her hand up to knock on the door. She hesitated and started to turn to leave when the door opened up.
"Emma?" A familiar voice comforted her. "What are you doing here?"
Visibly starting to relax, Emma looked into dark chocolate eyes. "I got into a fight with my foster sister and mother. They're fuking awful." Emma held her head up trying to prevent the tears from escaping. She fanned at her eyes, praying that the motion combined with the cold frosty air would dry it all up.
"Sweetheart." Regina said as warm arms engulfed her into a hug. "It's going to be okay." She pulled away and kissed Emma's lips.
Turning to enter the apartment, Regina admitted, "I was about to watch a movie if you want to join."
Emma nodded and kicked off her boots. She sat on the couch and leaned her head against Regina's shoulder as she watched the beginning titles run across the screen.
"Wait, you're watching The Princess Bride?" Emma smiled, she loved that movie.
"It was my favorite. I remember when my dad brought it home on VHS." Emma would have never known that Regina had been through so much heartache in her life. She carried herself with such certainty and fearlessness that one would never assume things she'd experienced.
By the end of the movie, Regina stretched out her arms and legs. On her lap, Emma's head rested. The majority of the movie Regina stroked her messy blonde curls. Little did she know that the blonde fell asleep on her.
She looked at her watch and it was already ten at night. She grabbed Emma's cell phone and texted Ms. Tremaine.
Staying with Ruby tonight. I'll be home bright and early.
There wasn't a response, but then Regina didn't expect one.
Gently moving Emma off her lap, she slid to a standing position and grabbed one of her throw blankets and tossed it over the sleeping form of her girlfriend.
She walked to the side table and turned off the lamp.
Emma looked so peaceful on her couch. She belonged here. In Regina's heart, she knew that.
She bent down and kissed her forehead and said, "Goodnight, my love."