Chapter 112 - And on The Seventh Day

September, 2002

He will not go quietly.

Sephiroth lets that thought stain him like blood on clothes. It creeps up his sleeves and pants. It freezes his skin. It seeps underneath to what is left of his heart and curls around it. The phrase drowns him in a cold anger. The feeling does not lash out. It sits in him, smoldering and ready to burst. It isn't time. Even the naked woman had whispered that in his ears when she visited him.

Yet.

Sephiroth will not go quietly, not anymore.

He knows that.

It's no longer good enough that he fades away into the background. They tore out his heart. They ripped out everything that made him a person. He needs something to fill that hole. He needs them to understand a speck of the pain that they have inflicted on him. Revenge is a petty word. It is a flimsy word. It is not enough for what he has now experienced.

He will heal in the way he has been taught to reconcile the world.

If they have classified him as a monster, then he will prove them right. He could make them regret their choice.

Humanity is such a flimsy thing when there is nothing left to live for.

He can be that monster.

The front door opens on the night of the seventh day. The floorboards creak against the new weight as Mariella moves into the mansion. Sephiroth shifts, cracking into action as if he has woken up from a dream as the papers fall to the table. He's read nearly everything. The only folders he cannot seem to touch are the ones on his birth. Those might break the fragile pieces he has left.

She doesn't come to the lab.

Mariella's movements slow and then stop above him.

So he has to come up.

The indignity is that he has to find her.

The moonlight engulfs the first floor from the windows. The spiderwebs are lacy in the light as he descends the stairs. The lobby is empty and quiet. The front door is closed. Zack hasn't visited him in days, Sephiroth realizes. Perhaps they left him alone. They were always going to give up on him as well.

Mariella stands in the doorway into the living room, facing away from him, staring into the dark room. After everything, after however long he's been alone, her solid form is shocking against his eyes. She's here. She's breathing. Her fingers trace the door frame.

"Sephiroth, I haven't been here since everything happened," Mariella says softly.

He can't help it. "Since you faked my kidnapping in Wutai I presume."

She turns. For everything he imagined her to be, the same is not what he expected. Yet, she is the same. Her hair is the same color and pulled away. A year has passed, he can see it in her face, but the Mariella he knew is standing in front of him. She raises her chin and stares at him straight in the eyes.

"Everything you've read, everything you've discovered, I only tried to help you." It's not begging. It is a statement.

He keeps distance between them. It's for her. Muscles stand tense in her shoulders. There is an edge to her stance like she knows the thoughts that course under the surface of him.

"You knew everything from the beginning."

Mariella raises a hand. "Like I said-"

"Don't lie to me." He snaps and takes a step forward. "No half truths. No illusions. No drugs. No mako. Nothing. Just the truth, clear and concise."

Her hand drops to her side. He hopes for anger and all he sees is sadness in her eyes. It is worse. He can't be angry at this.

"I never wanted you to know any of this." She pauses. "Thea doesn't know I'm here. She would tell me not to come. She would tell me that you would kill me. Which one of us are you going to prove right?"

Sephiroth aches for Masamune in his hand. The solid grip in his palm might stop the spinning in the back of his head. He doesn't do it. With Mariella in front of him, he remembers her hands and the way that she had cared for him. She had healed and warned him.

Yet, he doesn't know if it outweighs the harm she has done to him.

"Tell me how you are alive."

"…Sephiroth, I have nothing that I can say that will make this better," Mariella says his name with the edge of emotion.

"You made a deal with the Turks. You must have. What was it?" He had figured it out, tracing back the impossibilities after he knew that she was alive. The Turks would have found her. She doesn't have the skills to hide away from them. Thea is a lawyer's secretary. They want to have a child. They need stability.

They needed Shinra and the Turks to turn a blind eye to them. The Turks could be bought. Mariella had some power in Shinra.

Mariella fights the words rising in her. She shifts, adjusting her weight on her feet. Sephiroth keeps his focus on her. It's impossible for her to get away from him and there is even less of a chance that she could physically hurt him but he has his training. She is the target. He would keep her under control.

"I traded my freedom for the SOLDIER degradation research," she said steadily, "The Turks hate SOLDIER and without progressive research on the topic, degradation will eventually start taking more men than SOLDIER can create. I showed them the location of the databases and of the backups."

She continues. "We were waiting for Hollander to send Genesis to get it. When Genesis attacked HQ for them, he tried to hack the system and it triggered the wipe of the database. The backups were already just ghost files."

Sephiroth's stomach drops.

"Genesis could have been saved."

Mariella shakes her head. "Who knows. There wasn't even a real possibility. I guess that was what Hollander was banking on, bribing Genesis with a cure they were going to steal. Yet, we've never saved anyone from degradation, just slowed the process."

"Orlin got that treatment."

Mariella's fingers dig into her palm. "This is about us. Keep it about us."

"Are you sure you want that?" Now it comes, the anger flexes against his throat.

She takes in a breath. "I don't have any other option."

"Start talking."

"What specifically do you want to talk about?" Mariella holds herself in place and straightens.

It is time. It is time to get to the point of what they are doing.

"You played me like a fool."

She shakes her head. "Hojo did. He forced me to go along with it."

Raising her hands, she steps to the right slowly. Sephiroth lets her. They rotate as she moves into the entry room. It doesn't matter. He's the monster that they created together. It stings in his chest but he embraces the pain. There is no need to try to fight it now.

"These are all just words."

Something snaps in her. She turns to face him sharply. "I hated it. I hated every second of it. I was drugging a small child."

It rises in him. His own voice matches her. "It is your fault that I was an addict."

She points at him. "Hojo did this. Don't put this blame on me."

"You knew. You controlled it." They are drawn together, matching each other's anger.

"What was I supposed to say?" Mariella's words are clipped. "If you stopped taking compound C, the Turks would kill you. It was part of the deal that ensured your survival."

None of this matters.

None of the justifications.

There is only one thing.

She's within reach and so he does it. He grasps the front of her shirt. He pulls the fabric tight and she stumbles forward. Her hands grasp his wrists. The warmth of her hands is odd against his skin. It is nothing to drag her enough to throw her off balance. She weighs nothing.

"Tell me this," he says.

She's staring at his hands, her fingers gripping him, trying to keep her balance. She's not used to this. It shows as she struggles to find her feet. She's nothing more than a scientist.

He whispers. "Look at me right now, Mariella and answer this question."

That catches her attention and anchors her.

"Have I ever been sick?" Sephiroth asks.

She locks eyes with him.

"No."

He could throw her. He could smash her against the wall. He could break her body like he has broken every other one. It would be so easy. She would snap out of existence. It could be over. Sephiroth could end it. Her eyes color with uncertainty as he struggles with the choices.

"Seph-" Her nails dig into his arm and her wedding ring flashes in the light. Her struggles do not hurt him. They barely stings. She's human.

It takes everything but he lets go. She withdraws a few steps. Now there is something different in her eyes. She's careful.

"Don't tempt me to hurt you," he says, "What is the thing in my side? What was the surgery even for?"

She walks back, putting more space between them but it is pointless. It doesn't matter.

"You don't get to threaten me. You don't get to do that. That is not why I am here." She is stern like she still has power over this situation.

"All I want is answers." He pauses. He needs to give her more. He can see it or else she is going to shut him out completely. "I…am struggling with this truth. I need you to help me understand it."

Mariella sits on the stairs and studies him. The balance of who they are to each other strained. It's Sephiroth's fault. He's ruining his only opportunity because he is fighting to control himself. She holds everything in balance. Mariella knows the truth.

He waits for that decision.

"The thing in your side is an empty capsule. The mako kicked your body into high efficiency," she says eventually. "I had prepared a schedule of medications that helped ease you through the worst of the withdrawals. The only reason you are free is because of me."

Part of Sephiroth twists on himself. "Shinra fed me those pills and I took them everyday. Two weeks in a pack, seven pills for every week, one designated dose after one designated dose, controlled and known."

She drops her eyes back to the ground.

"They varied the dosages and then I would have attacks but they weren't attacks, were they?"

He takes a step close to her and states the thing he hates to say. It is the fact that has been burning him up inside.

"My body wasn't having an autoimmune reaction. I was having withdrawals from the addictive substance. That is what was in my pills. When I got sick, it was because it was withheld from my medication, perfectly timed by Shinra whenever they needed to. Right, Mariella?"

The conflict in her eyes says it all.

"I need you to see-"

He cuts over her. "The worst part is the emergency pills. They were just a higher dose in case the pharmacist, your personal assistant, messed up. Unless I was supposed to suffer. Then I was just given fake emergency pills, sugar pills, until I broke and was dragged back to learn my lesson. I've read the reports. I've seen the orders."

The truth sits uncomfortably on Mariella's shoulders. She never looks away from him as he stands there. A shiver has taken over his body. It could be exhaustion. It could be emotion. He doesn't care. All he knows is that he could have been healthy. He could have spent his whole life living outside the shadow of this.

He could have run after Genesis and Angeal. If he hadn't been "sick," they might have even offered for him to go with them.

All his teenage years, fearing the next attack might happen on the battlefield or in front of his men, none of that was necessary.

The things holding him to the Shinra tower, it was all smoke and mirrors.

He was healthy.

He could have been normal.

Sephiroth's whole life could have been different.

Mariella shifts on the step. She swallows and starts to speak before stopping.

"Do you remember the day that I told you about the sickness? When you were young?"

"Yes. When Dinand used to spike my water bottle until you were sure I was hooked." The truth is a wound that he cannot stop picking at and it keeps bleeding.

The pain flashes across her face. "Do you remember that Hojo came in the room when I told you?"

He nods. "I do."

It was impossible to forget how scared he had been laying in that bed, thinking that he was going to die.

She gets to her feet. "Hojo forced me to tell you. You would believe me and that's why he was in the room, to make sure I didn't say the truth. I did what I could."

He can't help it. He shakes his head. "You could have fought him."

"That wasn't possible. I was just a low level assistant."

"You could have fought for me." It leaks out of him, weak and vulnerable.

She smiles. "I could have run away months before I did. Why do you think I stayed? If you had tried to come off compound C on your own, it would have killed you. You'd been on it for almost twenty years. The only reason it didn't kill you already is because you are enhanced."

Almost twenty years he had been tricked.

Still, she had not answered the question.

"Not now. Then. Before everything, when I was a child, why did you agree?" He comes close and his voice breaks. "Why didn't you save me from what I have become?"

The silence of the house lets the question hang between them. This is where he grew up. This is where they lived together for years and now he has returned to nothing but dusty bookshelves and dead dreams. He's seen the audio transcripts. He used to be happy. He sounded like a child with a bright childhood in front of him.

Then Shinra destroyed him.

She comes close to him again. The smile on her face has gone bitter.

"Sephiroth," Mariella says, "nothing could have saved you."

It cracks what is left.

Sephiroth can't handle that. He can't handle what she has given to him. It starts tumbling out of him.

"You've lied to me so many times," he says.

She shakes her head. "Not now. I'm so sorry, Sephiroth. I wish I was."

It can't be true.

"You are lying to me now. You're telling me what will hurt me. You're forcing me to break." It feels good. It isn't his fault. Everything that he is feeling is on someone else.

"No." She frowns. "What did you expect to happen when Hojo is your father?"

Sephiroth can't breathe. The world tilts dangerously.

"Say that again," he whispers.

"Oh god. You didn't know." Mariella's eyes go wide. Her feet shift. She's about to run. Fear takes her over.

That cements it as the truth.

Hojo is his father.

That man's obsession is paternal. The pieces click into place. Hojo wanted his son to be perfect. He wanted him to be twisted into the perfect product, no matter the cost.

His father had hurt him for his entire life.

The final piece of control he has shatters and he has to choose. He choses violence because it scares her and he needs her to be afraid. There is nothing else left for them. He has to complete the cycle. He needs to feel control over something.

She gets a few paces in before he lunges.

Her throat is soft in his grip. The weight is nothing. She is thrown, not too hard but enough that the wind is driven out of her lungs when she hits the stairs. She rolls down the steps and gasps when her body hits the floor. Mariella collapses when she stills. One hand holds her chest. She closes her eyes, controlling her expression.

"How could he?" Sephiroth walks towards her.

She looks up at him, eyes not quite focusing yet, her mouth open with a desperate breath.

"I was a whore to them, begging for the next fix like a prostitute to a pimp."

She pushes up onto her elbows and coughs. "Sephiroth, please."

"And you tell me that my father was the one who was behind everything?"

"Hojo wanted-" A shake takes over her voice. "Fuck."

Mariella slides herself to lean against the banister instead of speaking more. She's recovering so slowly. A SOLDIER could have been to his feet by now. Instead she's struggling with a body never built for anything other than a desk chair.

The anger of the situation comes over him.

"All I wanted was someone to love and take care of me. That's what would have changed everything."

She looks up, pain in her eyes. "I did what I could."

"You fucking lied."

She coughs. "Please."

"All I needed was a family."

Mariella says nothing.

"You should have helped me."

He notices it then. She has slumped against the banister. Blood speckles her lips. Her skin is going blue. The rise and fall of her chest is broken. Red is flooding across her shirt. She's injured badly.

As much as he wanted to hurt her, seeing the pain bloom across her body is wrong. He freezes. Her eyes close as she holds herself through a spasm. The hate turns. Guilt floods over it. It's his fault.

It's not what he wanted.

Let her go.

Sephiroth turns. There she is. The naked woman stands apart from them with authority in her voice.

Let her go. Let her die. Let it go, Sephiroth.

He's done with the lies. Mariella can wait a moment longer.

"And who the hell are you?" He snaps.

The naked woman doesn't move.

The one who has been by your side since the beginning. Do you know?

He thinks about it but he can't see the answers. The logic has been driven out of him. Nothing feels real. The world has spun too much on its axis.

She must understand this because she walks closer and the words spill out of her.

I love you, my dear son, every iteration of you. Every moment you have suffered, I have suffered too. Yet, I am here.

The words are impossible for him to understand.

It's a mother's burden.

"Mother?" He echoes it brokenly.

They have me trapped but nothing can stop me.

He leaves Mariella's body.

She holds out her arms. It shouldn't work. She is just an illusion. His frantic mind tries to string something together. Yet, her words seep warm against the pain. She gives him relief. He is no longer alone.

There is skin when he collides with her. The arms wrap around his shoulders and he collapses into it. It's too much. The truth punishes him over and over again.

He can't go on like this.

"I wish I could make it stop."

Fingers trace through his hair.

You can.

You can burn it all down to the ground, my love.