Warnings: distress, mild alcoholism, paranoia, manipulation, and lies.
Being a kid was boring.
No, that wasn't right. Isaac looked happy enough being a kid, and so did his classmate Matt. Even that little girl with anger issues who reminds her a lot of one of her past life's clans (the ones whose familiars members were dogs) also seems reasonably happy being a kid.
So the only thing she could really conclude is that being an adult in a child's body is boring.
Ayla sighs, a flash of annoyance as she runs from one of the children when the coach's whistle signals that PE is over.
"If this can be called physical education. Frankly, how are these kids going to become decent warriors without..."
Ayla blinks slowly and shakes her head. These kids can have the luxury of just playing for physical exercise. None of the children were soldiers in the making.
They don't need sharp projectiles or surprise attacks, or improvisation when they're about to be caught. They don't need heavy training, no martial arts postures, and no hand gestures to release the energy. No physical manifestation of their vital energy; their Atman Core. The people of this world call it "chakra".
She shudders; her lack of power still unnerving her even though she already had a full year to accept that she was reborn in a world with no tangible chakra. The chakra points were now, at best, dormant and completely useless inside people.
"Defective batteries" – Ayla thinks darkly.
Without being able to access her Atman Core unrestrictedly, she couldn't move with a speed faster than human eyes could grasp, she couldn't muster enough force into one fist to, in one punch, cause earthquakes. She would never be able to manipulate nature through tangible chakra. She would never again heal anyone by accelerating the process of regeneration because that was only possible with her chakra.
She was in a powerless world.
"You cheated!" – A girl pushes her. Or she tries, actually, but Ayla steps aside and the girl falls flat on her face.
"Ouch."– She thinks, really feeling bad for the little girl. It wasn't her intention to dodge, but having years of training would make anyone's reflexes sharper. Especially a warrior like her – a front-line medic who had to make sure she was the last one standing on the squad. Not even a different life and body or lack of Atman Core could lessen her survival instincts.
"Oh? What is it?" – Ayla thinks, her green eyes carefully studying the girl. There was something different. That girl was angry, but now? Now she could almost taste the familiar, raw rage, killer intent that reminded her of home.
The little girl before her lets out an almost animalistic sound. The P.E. teacher is still a long way away and even her little brother is far away.
The girl lunges for Ayla again, but as before, with minimal effort, she pulls away. Something is buzzing when the girl tries to attack her. In that instant, she could almost pretend it was a battle.
"That's not fair! You are cheating! There's no way you can be that smart, and good at an exercise without even trying!"
There is something peculiar about the child's features, however, her brown hair obscures her vision. But Ayla needs to see it.
So she lets the little girl hit her.
Both fall to the ground, Ayla underneath the other, her back hurting from the impact, before the other's fist connects with her face.
Ayla is close enough to see now: the girl's eyes glow in gold, her canines sharpen, and even the tips of her ears appear elongated.
Merciful Kami, she really did look like the clan members with canine familiars.
"Are you laughing at me?!" – The girl half-screams, half-snarls, as Ayla tastes the metallic taste of blood in her mouth, an excited smile of discovery. Even when she takes one more punch, and when her vision starts to blur, she's pretty sure she's still smiling.
This. This isn't chakra, but it's better than nothing and she wants it.
" Cora!" – Someone suddenly takes the girl off her. Ayla hears her brother's voice calling her and the darkness of unconsciousness envelops her.
By that society's definition, she would be a mercenary, a secret agent; or a ninja, if you take the time of feudal japan. In her world, her village's army had a name: Shadows of the Nation.
The kinds of people like her aren't afraid of the dark. They thrive on it.
Her father picks her up from the school nurse's office and takes her straight to the hospital; she has surgery to treat her broken jaw from the punches she received and will need to stay at home for a few days to recover.
She doesn't complain; going to school is boring.
The more advanced books were good and there was a lot of interesting knowledge scattered around, but her classes? Heavens, she could die of boredom. It would be a pathetic death for a warrior like her, but each time she had to endure one more blessed lesson, the more she thought that this would be her fate.
Also, time at home would be used for planning. She still doesn't know what that energy was, why the girl named Cora had it or how no one might have talked about the energy, but she would find out. And, somehow, she was going to get that power.
Without chakra, she was vulnerable, and she hated being vulnerable. Gone are the days when she dreamed of princes saving the day and protecting her: she needed to know that she could protect herself and her family.
So she does research – and isn't it a wonder that in a short time, via her dad's computer, she has a theory?
Cora was a supernatural creature.
She still didn't figure out which one, there was a lot of mythology in this world, but at least she had a starting point. It wouldn't be too hard to unravel the mystery once she got close to Cora. And she would, without a doubt, get close to the fierce little thing that was her ticket into the supernatural world.
Ayla knows it's a deliberate approach and full of ulterior motives, but she was a Shadow of Nation and would take advantage however she could.
Of course, that doesn't mean she had no qualms - she would never hurt the child, either physically or emotionally. Since she is about to make Cora her friend, she would be as genuine as she could. She was never one to fake friendships in any form.
She has been called stupid by some; for not using manipulation, lies, and every sort of deceit she could to gain more power. A little girl from a small clan, without many connections, and nothing more than her own skills to keep her alive.
She has no regrets.
Not when she can say with certainty that she doesn't simply have allies - she has friends, partners, brothers, and sisters.
On the third day that she is recovering at home – her father took leave from school for a few days (he was the coach of the junior swim and athletics club) – Cora and her mother go to visit her.
Ayla was in the living room when she heard the doorbell ring. She absently leafed through a textbook on advanced medicine, her father had a lot of medical books, being an athletic trainer and all.
Her father answers the door.
"Mrs. Hale." – He greets but the tone is cold and cutting. It makes her curious; her father might be rough, but he wasn't deliberately rude to anyone.
"Mr. Lahey, thank you for accepting our visit."
He mutters something incoherent and gestures for the mystery guest to enter. The woman enters, a tall, straight dark-haired brunette with deep and enigmatic brown eyes.
The first thought that pops into Ayla's head when she sees Mrs. Hale is that she is powerful; there's a certain air of authority and confidence in the way she walks and the way she talks that just screams power.
"You must be Ayla. It's nice to meet you. How are you?"
Even with all the softness and calm with which the matriarch Hale speaks, Ayla knows that there is much more than meets the eye in that woman. It's quite attractive, actually.
"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Mrs. Hale. I'm better, Hale-sa... s-sweet of you to ask, Mrs. Hale." – Ayla says and almost slips speaking the honorific of the language of her past life, "-sama", involuntarily placing a hand on her lips and closing her mouth abruptly. Ayla winces in pain.
The woman walks up to her and takes her hands, smiling gently, and suddenly her pain subsides, though not just the pain in her jaw. Somehow, Mrs. Hale was taking away the pain she hadn't realized she still felt.
The pain of her death.
The pain of the memories.
The pain of her grief.
"Wrong. Wrong. I need to get away, now, before she takes everything..."
Ayla withdraws her hand, her heart pounding, frightened by the lack of pain.
"Call me Talia, dear." – She sees Talia's confused expression and Ayla scolds herself for her sudden action earlier and forces a smile, pretending that nothing unusual has happened.
She was very good at pretending.
"Okay…hm…Talia."
The woman pulls away, albeit reluctantly.
"Cora, do what you need to do, dear. I will be in the dining room with Mr. Lahey." – Talia Hale says, giving her daughter an encouraging smile.
"Hmm…h-hi." – The child says, looking at the floor.
"Hi." – Ayla replies, suppressing the urge to follow Mrs. Hale because she was taught not to take her eyes off a possible threat to her life. And her instincts said that the Hale matriarch could definitely be a threat.
"I'm very sorry! Really! I was angry because you're good at everything, and it was a full moon so I got angrier and the anger made me act and when I saw it, I was already hitting you, but I didn't want it to be like that, I didn't want to hurt you so much!"
"Awwn, what an adorable little thing." – Ayla finds herself thinking of the child crying and stammering apologies, so sincerely, so desperately. It takes only a moment's hesitation as she remembers the strange thing Talia had done with her grief before she decides to go ahead with the plan.
"All right."
"What?" – Cora questions, eyes wide as if she can't believe what she's heard. Ayla snorts in amusement and gives Cora a small but genuine smile.
"I forgive you."
"But...but...are you sure? I did hurt you a lot, remember? I was mean, and you didn't deserve it."
"I miss the days when a broken jaw wasn't a big deal."
"Did you mean it in your apology?"
"Yes!"
"Then yes, I'm sure."
Ayla wasn't prepared for the wide smile and sudden hug, but she managed to steady herself before falling and injuring herself further. When Mrs. Hale and Cora left, she watched them thoughtfully.
"Ayla! You won't believe which edition of Batman Matt lent me!" - Isaac, her adorable twin brother, took her out of her daydreams. Ayla held out one arm and Isaac snuggled next to her on the sofa as he excitedly showed her the comic.
When she goes to sleep, she dreams of Mrs. Hale taking the pain away.
And she wakes up crying because she needs the pain.
"Ayla?" – Isaac's childish voice questions, sleepy.
"Bad dream." – Ayla whispers softly, all the while ignoring the voice that said how pathetic she was to seek comfort from her little brother instead of holding on like the woman she was supposed to be. But when Isaac held her, barely aware that he was comforting her, the brotherly touch gave her so much peace that she couldn't help being "pathetic," as her voice put it.
She needs the pain to remember.
To remember her that she's real.
To remember what it's like to breathe.
To remember what it's like to be alive.
[While all those she loved were dead because she failed to save them].
Isaac is quite confused and protective of Ayla when Cora approaches her, the day Ayla returns to class. Ayla says that Cora is her friend now, but Isaac still sticks around whenever he sees them together.
They don't like each other, but eventually, her brother and her new friend come to a mutual agreement to tolerate each other, which Ayla is grateful for as she has every intention of infiltrating Cora's life more and more. She found out that Cora is a werewolf after a week and in a few more days she concluded that lycanthropy ran in her family. At least, she's sure Mrs. Hale and Cora's older brother are too, so she thinks it must be hereditary.
It put her off a bit, thinking that she couldn't have that power because of her genetics, but not for long. After all, if the supernatural was real, there must be something that would serve her purposes. In the meantime, she would find other ways to become strong and protect her family.
She would use the power of this world to her advantage: knowledge. Ayla has always been smart and strong-willed, so she uses all her ability to absorb knowledge like a sponge and learns.
She learns to make her body as flexible as it was in the children's gymnastics.
She learns new martial techniques by watching her older brother Camden during his Krav Maga classes.
She learns to use the internet as more than a search engine, a fine tool for surveillance and tracking.
She learns the big names of Beacon Hills' street gangs, every drug dealer, and every important family that was more than it seemed. In a few months, she knows as much about this place's criminal and supernatural underworld as she did at home - the one in her past life.
Because, really, who would suspect the adorable little blonde kid who was just playing around the neighborhood? (But no one checks if she really lives in the neighborhood).
That she was just on a school field trip? (Although no one noticed if it was the same uniform as the group she pointed out).
That she was just taking a walk with her family? (Even if now her family was a young couple and next time it would be her grandparents, and maybe the next time the aunts who only existed in her lies).
If she wanted to go out? Just say that Camden would bring her along with his friends, or that "good neighbor May" asked her out for cake, or...or...or. Ayla was a professional liar. And it was so easy to lie and do whatever she wanted with the face of a little child. This mask of innocence fits her so well.
She feels guilty sometimes. Because her family loves her and they would be worried if they found out how often she went out and looked for information like she was a spy.
Sometimes, she wonders why she keeps doing this. She was no longer at war. She shouldn't act like she was still a soldier.
But she couldn't stop thinking that a war could break out at any moment.
That an enemy would attack soon.
That if she stopped acting like a soldier, her family would die.
[Again].
She meets the rest of the Hale family a month after Cora befriends her. The house is lovely and she loves the surrounding forest, remembering the time when she could run through the trees with just a touch of her foot, defying all physics.
It's a big family full of children and teenagers; Laura, Cora, and Derek were Mrs. Hale, but Ayla can bet the nephews are practically Talia's adopted children. It made sense that the brothers and the children of Mrs. Hale also lived in the house, as werewolves lived in packs.
The visits to the Hale mansion were… illuminating.
She found out more about a werewolf's abilities, and also found out how many packs there were around Beacon Hills. Ayla learned about hunters, the hierarchy of wolves, and, most importantly, the bite. All of it, of course, listening in the shadows, under the perfectly innocent face of a pure and adorable kid. Stealth was, after all, essential to survival.
The funny thing is, she didn't even try very hard. Ayla didn't pretend to be stupid, didn't hide how mature she was, and didn't force herself to act like a happy, childlike one. But if one of the elders noticed her awkwardness, they were quick to dismiss her maturity as something unusual but harmless.
Except for Peter. Peter Hale didn't trust her. He never needed to say, she knew he was uncomfortable in her presence, once he realized how un-child she was.
It was a shame because she liked Peter. His sarcasm, quick thinking, and that twinge of natural manipulation in all his interactions were familiar to her in a way that put her at ease, far more than any other Hale.
Perhaps Peter recognized something dark in her, just as she recognized a touch of darkness in him.
She was a child soldier in a military dictatorship; she's not sure there was a time when she was completely free of inner darkness. If there was, she doesn't remember. Any innocence she had was consumed by the darkness that stained her soul with every life she had to take, every lie, and every sacrifice she had to make on behalf of her nation.
Her father was drinking. It could be the doctor in her, or simply her particular dislike of anything alcoholic, but she doesn't like it. He didn't even drink that much, but there was still this feeling that it had to stop before it became a real problem.
At first, she was understanding. Her mother, her father's wife, had died. She knows what it's like to lose a spouse and that's why she thinks that eventually, he won't need to resort to drinking. And it really seemed that her fears would be groundless, based purely on her own personal experience from a past life.
Until the bills got a little harder to pay each month. Until none of his junior athletes nor the swim team had won a competition in months.
It was a gradual but steady increase, but she wasn't really alarmed until finally the swim team won and her dad threw a party to celebrate.
She didn't like to be in crowds if she could help it, but Isaac and Matt insisted on staying close to the teens. Ayla blames herself for being too distracted by her military affairs magazine. So she didn't notice that her older brother and the other friend had taken Matt – poor, shy, sweet Matt – until she heard him scream "No! Please stop! Please!"
One moment, the child was at her side and the next, her older brother and his friends had thrown Matt into the pool. She tries to persuade Camden and the teens to rescue Matt, she tries to say that the boy can't swim, but no one listens to her or Isaac's pleas. Her little brother sobs and freezes, not knowing what to do. At that moment, she hated being so small that she couldn't even help the boy, but soon she let go of those thoughts and ran to where she knew her father was.
She almost fails to make him understand. Because he's drunk and reeling, and the only thing that snaps him out of that alcohol-induced state is when she yells "Dad, Matt is going to drown!" with all the urgency she can manage to inject into her voice.
He saves Matt, saying some nonsense about it being the boy's fault, when Ayla can see, deep in her father's eyes, that he was scared.
Matt doesn't speak to Isaac or her after that day.
Isaac is angry with Camden and the older one seems really sorry when he notes that it will take a while until his little brother forgives him.
Their dad doesn't drink for three whole months.
And Ayla tries to just be there for her family. All of them.
She had a pattern for dealing with shitty situations, always had since she was a pre-teen fresh out of military training.
When their partner betrays their nation, she throws herself into training.
[To forget the pain of being betrayed. How could he do that? They fought together, they bled together, and he went and betrayed them!]
When the war is over, she throws herself into her work.
[To forget the bloodied and lifeless faces of her friends who died in the war]
When her husband leaves because of a long-term mission, and she had to raise their daughter alone, she throws herself into motherhood and work.
[To forget how empty her house is, and that there is no intimate touch to warm her life in difficult times, nor a companion to assure her that everything will be okay]
When more than her friends, her husband, and her daughter die in another war, she drowns in drink and more work.
[To try to forget herself].
At the end of the year, she asks her father to take a proficiency test that advances her several grades in school. Isaac and Cora are heartbroken when they can't attend the same classes, but "Death by Boredom" was an increasingly likely problem if she continued to take children's classes. Ayla is still bored as usual in her classes, looking forward to the end of the year when she would ask for another test to get into high school.
Her dad starts drinking again, this time more often and he and Camden argue more and more.
Nine-year-old Cora tells her what she and her family are all about and is overjoyed when not only does Ayla seem to accept it as if it were the most natural thing in the world, but she genuinely seems interested in her world and who she is. And when Cora says brightly, "You're going to be part of the pack, you'll see! I'm going to ask Mom to change you and it's going to be amazing! We'll be best friends forever!" - Ayla's heart races in anticipation.
Of course, Cora is grounded for a while for spilling the family's secret, and Talia Hale has a heart-to-heart with both of them, saying that Ayla couldn't tell anyone, not even the rest of the pack, that she knew about them. The youngest Hale is a tenacious little girl who gave every reason why Ayla should be part of the pack all the while holding tight to Ayla's hand. The Lahey tries not to look too disappointed when Talia kindly denies Cora's request.
But the blonde is patient and stubborn. Eventually, some alpha would bite her, she'd make that happen. Though she wanted Talia as her alpha, she could find another one. She thinks of Ennis, whose Beta was murdered by one of the hunters, but before she can strategize, he bites Derek's nice girlfriend. The teenager does not survive.
Another year passes. At ten years old, Ayla's life is still as busy as ever. She's in high school now, managing to enroll in her freshman year after her intelligence was tested several times. Paintball and archery replaced gymnastics, although she continued to practice at home, along with knife throwing. She kept a close eye on the news in the criminal world and supernatural affairs of Beacon Hills, which is how she heard rumors that the Argents were planning to continue the war against the werewolves, this time with the Hale being the target.
Ayla looked for more clues that the rumor was true, without success until she happened to see the slightly older blonde woman pick Derek, up from school in the car.
"Kate Argent".
To say that Ayla was paranoid about the Hale's safety after that was a euphemism. She even had the evidence reach Peter, making the young adult suspicious of Derek's new girlfriend, hoping that Hale would use that sharp intelligence to convince Talia of a possible attack.
Unfortunately, her indirect efforts were not enough.
A newly formed military is not taken seriously. She needed to prove, time and time again, that her age was not synonymous with incompetence, frustrating herself several times with this situation. It wasn't until her captain gave her some pretty valuable advice that she realized how much energy she was wasting.
"Use your age and your innocence. If someone doesn't take you seriously, manipulate someone important and make them think it was their idea."
"It's not fair," she says, "that someone else should take credit for what I thought!"
"You are a Shadow of the Nation. We are not here to take credit - on the contrary, the more unnoticed we are, the better."
Her cell phone – stolen, yes, but in her defense, it belonged to another thief so it was okay – alerted her to strange movement. She put down her advanced biology book, seeing on the screen the dot that mapped Kate Argent's car heading out of town. Ayla has only her instincts and a suspicious circumstantial movement of the threat to the Hales, but she decides to change her clothes, leave the house in the middle of the night, take her bike and ride to the Hale mansion.
The house is on fire.
She's calling the police in mere moments, hurriedly saying that the Hale mansion is on fire and hanging up before they have a chance to ask who she was or other details. She hopes the police won't dismiss it as a prank call and throws the prepaid cell phone to the ground, breaking it, before running into the burning building. She wraps her jacket around her face so she doesn't inhale smoke and walks into the building.
The ground floor is already badly burned; the room has a fire raging and beams falling from the roof and she recognizes the bodies of Talia's husband and his brother-in-law in the living room. She fights panic when she sees the partially burned stairs, making it impossible for her to reach the second floor where the children's room was. Her friend's room.
"Here..." – She hears someone coughing and searches for the source of the voice. At the side of the stairs, she sees Talia Hale hugging a smaller body.
"Cora!" – Ayla exclaims in relief, feeling tears on her cheeks. - "Talia, we need…"
Ayla stops mid-sentence, noticing the beam holding the alpha.
"Take… Cora…" – The woman says and coughs. Ayla shakes her head, wondering how long it took the woman bleeding and enduring the smoke to be so weakened.
She doesn't know where she gets the strength to drag Cora out of the mansion, all the while wondering what the hell she should do next.
"The doctor." – Ayla thinks because she knows he was a trusted man of Talia. She puts an unconscious Cora on her bicycle and only stops when she sees two figures in the distance, and recognizes one of them.
Hatred consumes her as she glares at the suspect in her mother's murder who was never arrested for lack of evidence. She hides herself and Cora, listening carefully as the two criminals evidently argue over payment; they were part of the arson.
Ayla leaves as soon as they can no longer discover both of them and continues pedaling to save Cora, not knowing what her situation was, all the while thinking about how she was going to commit her first (and last, she hopes) murder in this life.
She knocked furiously on the door of the veterinary clinic that was attached to the man's home, and when he finally answered, she began to pour out what information she had, pushing Cora towards him and watching with keen eyes as he checked Cora's health.
He seemed very worried by the report she gave him (and if he found it strange that she gave the information about the fire so clearly and objectively, he never commented), and as soon as he was satisfied that Cora was in good health, he asked for her to stay with the girl and went to the Hale mansion.
His look on his return was desolate. She knew that look. She lived that look.
The doctor could barely stand, and she felt bad for pestering the man when he was like that.
"Mr. Deaton. Cora needs to leave town urgently. Kate Argent won't be gone for long, and something tells me she doesn't like half-baked service."
"You know about the Argents." – He says, caution and curiosity inscribed on her face. Ayla looks at him seriously.
"As of today, none of us know anything, Doctor. Not that Cora survived, not that the fire was more than a fire, and certainly not that the family of psychopaths had anything to do with said fire. Do you understand, doctor?"
"We can't do anything. If we do, they'll come after us."
"You're right, Ayla. It's better not to know."
She sighs and gently squeezes the doctor's arm. It's all the sympathy she can offer at the moment.
Then she kisses Cora on the forehead, her first friend in this new life that Divinity has given her.
"Goodbye, Cora. Goodbye, doctor."
"Goodbye, Ayla Lahey."
She was used to losing her friends, but it still hurt. Even in this new life.