Subaru fell backwards, hitting the ground hard while grasping at his throat

For some reason, everything felt numb… and heavy. So heavy…

Completely in a daze, Subaru tried to open his eyes. But only then did he realize that they were open already—he just couldn't see anything. Or rather… only white. White, with some specks of light grey moving about. Neither could he hear anything, beyond the ringing in his ears.

He tried to move his hand up to his head, but even that was a chore. It felt like each of his muscles was strained.

"—ru!"

Strange. It sounded like someone was...

"—aru!"

The voice was distant. No… close. He recognized it. Of course. He didn't see white, he saw—

"Emilia…"

"You dunderhead," she chided, kneeling beside him. However, despite his senses slowly coming back… the sore feeling in his muscles remained.

"Sorry… Looks like the monster got me real good," said Subaru, slowly sitting up, holding his head.

"That's really mean to say," said Emilia, shaking her head. "Beatrice isn't a monster."

Subaru blinked. Did she just say… Beatrice? Why would she mention her?

As he looked around, he could see the others… Roswaal, sitting at the head of the table, his smirk as broad as ever. Ram, wearing an unreadable expression. And Rem… glaring at him.

This wasn't his room. That meant… he died. The monster got him. He died and returned to… the dining hall.

Fighting against both his wobbly legs and the feeling of dread, Subaru got up, only to quickly slump into his chair. As much as he would've liked some more time to gather himself… he had to maintain appearances. And find out to when he returned.

With a put-up smile he turned to Emilia, who had sat down as well. "Sorry about that. Uh… where were we again?"

"You were just about to procla~aim what you were going to do first," said Roswaal, shaking his head.

"What I was going to do first," repeated Subaru, still somewhat bewildered. "I… I see."

"Maybe the second bokko fruit really was a bad idea," said Emilia, averting her gaze, and clearly beset by guilt.

A bokko fruit. So this was… four days ago. He really had lost four days.

Subaru gulped. "Don't worry, Emilia-tan," he said weakly. "I'll be fine after a bit of rest. And afterwards, I'll head to the village."

"Barusu. If you collapse on the way to the village, I will not pick you up," said Ram, her tongue just as sharp as ever.

"Ram-chi sure is kind to worry about me," said Subaru, grinning. "But don't worry, after that short rest I feel fine."

Though that wasn't quite truthful. Resting had done little to improve his condition. After all, it weren't the side effects of the bokko fruit that had sent him to the ground, but the after-effect of Return by Death. No kind of rest could offset his state of mind after that experience. Of him losing full four days—and basically all interactions he had with the mansion inhabitants, sans Emilia.

But he couldn't be distraught forever. Even though it hurt… he simply had to rebuild his relationships with them. He had been forced to do so before already… even if not for such a large amount of time.

"I am sure Lady Beatrice will be glad to hear that her lesson was effective."

"You think she'll smile when I tell her later?"

Ram regarded him with a raised eyebrow, seemingly pondering whether he really was such a fool, or simply had a death wish.

"Oh, Ram. Before we go, I'll need the letter."

"The letter?"

"The letter that Pe… uhm. The girl from the village delivered this morning."

When Ram had regarded him with some disbelief before, now she seemed outright shocked—meaning her eyebrow was raised just a bit higher than before. With some hesitation—which escaped Subaru's notice—she reached within her uniform's pocket and took out a piece of paper, before handing it over to him.

"So you were carrying it with you…" he mumbled, leaving her to eye him even more confused.

"Is there anything else you wish to stall with, or can we finally go?"

"I'm ready!" said Subaru, storing the letter in his suit. It felt good to be dressed in his working uniform again. Even though the two maids were just as nice as the first time when he asked for their opinions… he was glad that some things simply remained the same.

Though what followed next certainly wasn't.

Just as they were turning to leave, Rem stepped out of the mansion again, calling out. "Sister!"

"What is it, Rem?"

The blue haired maid stood passively, hands crossed in front of her waist. Ignoring Subaru with her gaze. "Lord Roswaal has asked for you."

"Ros-chi?" asked Subaru, surprised.

"I understand," said Ram, nodding before turning to him. "Barusu, I'm afraid your visit to the village will have to wait."

Subaru's groan was mostly ignored, as the maids both turned to the mansion.

"Wait, can't Rem accompany me instead?"

The blue-haired maid's faint smile vanished in an instant. She turned her gaze to him, for what felt like the first time in that conversation.

"If Barusu insists on going…"

"… It can't be helped," finished Rem, after a small pause.

Subaru on the other hand was excited. With the letter at hand, he hoped to be able to make a better first impression. One where he wouldn't get practically thrown out of the village as soon as they'd spot him. And it was nice that he got to spend more time with Rem earlier on, as she remained distant before they spent some time working together. So, with Ram seeing them off, the two set out to the village.

Motivated to get on the villager's good side as quickly as possible, Subaru immediately went to the village plaza when he and Rem parted ways—her task being to do the shopping Ram had taken care of the previous loop. He didn't need to take a look around the village, as he already knew its rough structure and where the village head was.

When he entered the plaza, he could see a single girl standing in it… Petra.

"Hey!" called out Subaru, putting on a smile.

Much to his dismay though, the girl didn't reciprocate it. If anything, she seemed mortified. With a squeal, she turned heel and quickly vanished behind a house corner.

"Right… the children were afraid of me. Wonder if they'll pile up on me again," said Subaru, shaking his head.

With his mood dampened a bit, he climbed the stairs to the village hall and quickly made his way inside—where a familiar unfriendly villager awaited him, already winding up at the sight of him and just about to throw him out again. Unlike last time though, he wouldn't just be brushed off.

"This is a letter from your village elder," said Subaru, holding up the request for aid. "Give her this, tell her I've been sent by Lord Roswaal, and see whether she would still want me gone."

Switching between the piece of paper and Subaru's cocky expression, the man frowned, but reluctantly took the letter. He ordered him to wait with a rasped tone, before disappearing into the elder's office.

It didn't take long for the man to return, begrudgingly leading Subaru to the office. Stepping in, he threw him one last glare before announcing, "That's the guy," and removing himself, almost slamming the door.

"So the Margrave sent… you?" asked the woman, wearing a deeply troubled gaze.

"Yes!" confirmed Subaru, ignoring her less-enthusiastic reaction compared to last time. "My name is Natsuki Subaru, and I have come in the name of Lord Ros-chi… eh. Roswaal, to take care of the beast!"

"...Well, still better than a mabeast, I suppose," she said, shaking her head, and asked him to take place.

So she told him of the creature that plagued them at night—much less lively than the first time he had spoken to her, though. Her overall demeanor was tenser, and her lips were constantly hovering near a frown.

For this reason, Subaru adopted a more confident stance. "I'll take care of it within the coming days!" he proclaimed.

But the old woman merely nodded weakly. "It seems we must put our faith in you."

Unfortunately, despite Subaru's boasting, there was an issue to all of that. One which he let unfold in his mind the moment he stepped outside the village hall. While he did have a plan… it didn't quite come to fruition, as he got surprised by the beast while searching for Rem. So, having had no opportunity to actually test it, he had no idea whether it actually would work. Even worse… if he or Rem got surprised by the beast again…

"Hey you!" a high-pitched voice shouted, startling Subaru who was lost in thought. "You made Petra cry… I'm gonna make you pay!"

Turning to the source of the war-squeak, Subaru saw the small boy running towards him. When their gazes crossed the boy seemed to hesitate for but a moment, before narrowing his eyes and rushing at him even faster.

Despite his preparedness for the assault, Subaru was once again jumped on—the only difference being that he could avoid the little rascal's harmless bites.

"Hey, stop it, stop it! If you defeat me now, I can't take care of the monster!" he yelled, just shortly before the others were to jump him as well.

Their faces showing clear signs of confusion, the children stopped and held council, whispering among each other, sneaking suspicious glances at Subaru now and again.

"You're gonna kill the beastie?" A familiar blue-haired girl emerged from the group, seemingly uninterested in the hushed conversation.

"Be careful Meili!" said the boy still occupying Subaru's back.

"Do I really look that scary?" asked Subaru with a hurt gaze… though the children's expressions hurt him even further, most clearly on the verge of shouting yes.

Regardless, Subaru endured and once more managed to evoke some sort of amazement in the children, with them eventually coming to accept his claim and dropping their guard.

"But Subaru, if you really wanna kill the monster, where's your weapon then?" asked the girl wearing a red ribbon.

"I left my sword at the mansion," said Subaru with a chuckle. "I just came here to talk, after all." Well, that, and the fact that he hadn't gotten it yet. But admitting that would've been—

"Lame," called the children in unison, sending Subaru tumbling. But just as he tried to save his face, he spotted the blue-haired maid, observing him. With a visibly displeased look.

"Sorry, sorry!" yelped Subaru, turning to the maid. "I didn't mean to keep you waiting."

The maid kept her displeased gaze for a moment longer, but eventually dropped it with a slight nod. So Subaru said his goodbyes, and returned to the mansion, oblivious to the fact that he was observed intently the whole way back.

When they arrived, he asked the maids if he could help them with their duties, wasting no time in trying to get closer to them. It took no little amount of effort to convince them, however. It was only after he assured them that he was neither shirking away from his responsibilities—by presenting the plan he had come up with—and his insistence to not be a burden—made somewhat more difficult by lacking the excuse Puck had provided—that the two eventually, reluctantly, relented.

Hours of work later, he announced his success at dinnertime, where even Roswaal looked mildly surprised, finding almost praising words for his effort. Emilia on the other hand regarded him mystified—leaving him to revel in the pleasure of her increased attention.

"No matter how you look at it, things are going smoothly so far," said Subaru, his cheeks red from grinning.

"And now you have nothing better to do than bothering me, I suppose?" asked the small girl, clapping her book shut after Subaru finally managed to break her concentration.

"And here I thought Beako would be happy to see me again," said Subaru, faking being hurt much to the librarian's chagrin.

The end of the first day had come. Keeping his knowledge from previous lessons, Subaru was able to make surprising progress in learning the Lugnican language, which Ram rewarded with… even more studying. And with Emilia, he had his dearly-held nightly meetings in the garden.

Now, just as he had established as tradition, he at least wanted to wish Beatrice good night as well. She didn't seem too thrilled… But that was just typical, since, "Beako surely can be a tsundere".

"Even though I don't understand what you mean, I know that it should irritate me, I suppose!"

But Subaru's smile only broadened further. The little bits of continuity soothed his spirit, making it easier to deal with the sense of loss. Though, it's not like Subaru was really ready to face such thoughts—that's why he was so intent to keep himself busy. Which there were, luckily, many opportunities for, not least his given mission.

His initial plan was still good to go. Though, mainly because he failed before he could even put it to a test… the mabeast had found him, instead of the other way around.

"Say, Beako. Is there any way to stay hidden from a mabeast? Like… those Ulgrams, how do they hunt?"

"What makes you think I would tell you that?" asked the girl, waving him off.

"Ah, I see how it is," said Subaru, tapping his forehead. "You don't know anything about it. Seems like this library is quite lacking."

Beatrice puffed her cheeks. "How dare you insinuate that I wouldn't know, in fact!?"

"No, no, I get it. It must be embarrassing to admit that something so simple is missing, right?"

Beatrice jumped out of her chair, only to stomp the ground. "If I tell you, will you leave me alone already I suppose?"

"If you tell me I'll disappear right away… for today." Though the last part was mumbled as indiscernible as he could manage.

"Mana," she said, causing Subaru's ears to perk up. "It is believed that mabeasts hunt by detecting mana… and also going after it, in fact."

Subaru put his hand to his chin. He couldn't have used magic anyway if Puck was right, so that wasn't as problematic. But… "What do you mean with going after mana?"

Beatrice shrugged lightly. "It all depends on the beasts. Some will simply attack. As any wild animal would, I suppose." Subaru instinctively moved a hand to protect his throat, the memory still lingering below the surface. "Some, however, and Ulgram can do that as well, use curses to drain their victims of mana—to kill them, in fact."

"What are curses? Some kind of magic?"

"In a way," said Beatrice, shooing Subaru away so she could grab a book stored behind him. "Curses are a special kind of magic. They can be put on someone, and activated at any later point. A victim might not even realize it is cursed until it is too late, I suppose."

Subaru shuddered. That sounded like the nasty kind of magic, easy to use for nefarious purposes. And the way Beatrice was talking about it, she certainly didn't hold it in any high regard either.

"Once it has been activated, it becomes impossible to lift the curse," she continued, frowning.

"Wait, and you're telling me those monsters can put curses on someone? Isn't that way too unbalanced!?" Rampaging monsters placing curses on people merely by seeing them… if any villager were to walk around at night, they'd be at serious risk of just getting afflicted without even realizing it.

"It is just the kind of magic one might associate with a monster. Luckily, there is one limiting factor to curses. Whoever the user may be, they must establish physical contact to cast the curse on their target, in fact."

Subaru sighed in relief. That at least eliminated the possibility of a sudden wave of curses. Still… he understood that he had to keep his distance from the beasts. If not…

The next morning, Subaru was rummaging through the garden shed, searching for the last pieces of equipment he'd need to set up his trap. His sword was ready. The rope, fetched as well. Now he only needed…

"Subaru-kun… what are you doing here?"

"Aha!" he exclaimed, hoisting up an axe. "Oh… good morning, Rem-rin."

But the maid's questioning gaze was resting on the tool he carried.

"I was gathering the tools for my trap. You know, the plan I told you about," he said, fastening the axe in his belt, and picking up the shovel he had put down before.

"And how did you know these things were here?" asked Rem in an inquisitive tone.

"Ah… Ram told me. You know, when I spoke about the plan, I asked her where I could find the stuff."

"I see…" It sounded decisively doubtful, but Subaru couldn't do much about that. He could hardly say that he was here after him and Puck demolished the garden—that reality was gone.

He shook his head. "That said, Rem, are you going to accompany me to hunt the beast today?"

"You want to hunt it immediately?" asked Rem, surprised. "Do you even know anything about it yet?"

Subaru halted for a moment. Rem did accompany him to the village yesterday… but he didn't go looking for footprints this time. They went back immediately after he talked to the children.

"One of the village children told me where the first roar came from," replied Subaru, quick to come up with a reasonably-sounding explanation. "I'll just look for footprints and try to follow them in that direction. It should be fine… so long as we don't get separated, or spotted."

Rem regarded him thoughtfully for a moment, but eventually nodded. "If Subaru-kun is that sure of it… then yes. Let Rem be the one to accompany you."

"So they came this close to the village," said Rem, looking at the many footprints in the dirt, right at the border of the village. It had become afternoon before they eventually set out—with nothing of Subaru's plan having changed. Neither the scornful gazes of the villagers, nor his previous failure could challenge his determination. Though he certainly had to make sure they wouldn't get separated this time, lest the disastrous result from last time repeat itself.

"Yeah," replied Subaru, trying to find the origin of the prints. "Here! That's where they come from."

"You seem pretty certain about this."

"Look, the trails lead in both directions," he replied, pointing to the two-sided imprint, to which Rem understandingly nodded.

But before they advanced, Subaru gulped. There was something he had to ensure first.

"Rem. Could you give me… your hand?" Each word was spoken mustering his utmost resolve. Asking that, especially if the girl was cute, simply consumed all his courage.

A myriad of emotions seemed to flow through the maid, though the only thing she did was narrow her eyes and change her puncturing glare between him and his stretched-out hand.

"Ah, well, you see!" he sputtered, panicking due to both the embarrassing nature of the question, and the potential inappropriateness inherent in it, "The forest seems pretty thick, and I don't want us to get separated!"

Now her slightly weakened glare just rested on him. "I wouldn't know what to do if something were to happen to you, so please…" There was no way he could look any of the mansion's inhabitants in the eye again if something were to happen to them due to his fault.

Some more moments of uncomfortable silence passed before Rem eventually replied. "Rem… understands," she pressed out, stepping forward and placing her surprisingly soft hand into his. "Rem will report that Subaru-kun needed his hand held during the hunt."

Flinching and wincing, Subaru turned around to head deeper into the forest, trying his best to keep his flustered face hidden—though he had little doubt that the maid knew it all the same. And cursing that he hadn't come up with a slightly less embarrassing idea. But he'd rather risk his reputation than them getting separated again.

So the two went deeper into the forest, following the thinner growing trail, until Subaru could only try to aim at the approximate direction Meili had told him to look for. Rem had meanwhile just silently walked behind him, putting in no effort of her own to dispel the awkward silence that had ensued. Neither a lighthearted joke nor some small talk could spark a conversation between them.

"Is Subaru-kun sure where to go?" asked Rem, monotone, when Subaru stopped for a moment to look around, startled by a noise he heard.

"Y… Yeah. Probably," he replied, as convincing as he could be—not very.

A moment of silence fell, as Subaru searched his memory for any familiar sights, trying to figure out if he was any closer to the place he was searching for. Then—

"I think that's enough," said Rem, pulling her hand away from his.

"Rem saw through you right away." She remembered the moment he had laid his nasty eyes upon her. When she immediately detected what no other inhabitant of the mansion could.

"As Rem's duty demanded, Rem had to treat you as a dear guest, loathing every moment of it." She was a professional, after all. And Lady Emilia did claim that he had saved her life.

"Hearing you boast with your greed when Master Roswaal listed rewards. With the prospect of you endangering every single one in the mansion."

"When you dared question Sister and Rem's loyalty."

"Your pitiful attempts at deceiving Sister, alone the thought being sickening."

"When Rem realized just how much you were after Lady Emilia."

"Your feigned idiocy at casting magic."

"Tarnishing Master Roswaal's reputation with your presence."

"As expected, Master Roswaal too saw right through your scheme, letting Sister and Rem keep a close eye on you."

"Not only detecting, but also provoking Lady Beatrice."

"Manipulating the villagers that easily."

"Picking a fight and threatening the children."

"Claiming to have heard of a hint from them, all the while Rem was listening."

"Coming up with a plan, despite not knowing a thing."

"Using Sister as an excuse, even though she never talked to you about the tool shed."

"Trying to lead me into a trap!"

"Were you the one who released the mabeast?"

"For how long did you plan all of this?"

"Were you behind the attack on Lady Emilia in the capital as well?"

"For how long did you observe the mansion?"

"Did you think no one would notice, someone like you approaching Lady Emilia so brazenly?"

"So Rem will ask you as many times as needed. What are your intentions and who do you work for?"

Subaru's screams were swallowed up by the dense, surrounding trees.

When he turned around, confused why Rem had let go of his hand so suddenly, his eyes shot wide open. In sheer reflex, he managed to jump to the side, yet he couldn't dodge the spiked ball of metal aimed directly at him.

He fell on his back, screaming, holding his profusely bleeding knee—or rather, the bloody pulp where his knee was supposed to be. Too soft and too hard spots were in quick succession where his fingers glided over, with both his flesh and bones exposed to the air.

Still in shock, Subaru didn't realize the steps coming closer to him. It was only when a disgustingly soothing feeling came over him that he realized… Rem was healing him.

"What… what are you doing?" Did she attack him by accident? But how?

"You won't bleed out," said Rem curtly, though there was no warmth in either voice or eyes. "No, you will answer my questions, Witch Cultist!"

Subaru regarded her with horror and confusion, not understanding a word she was saying.

"Answer me, Witch Cultist!" shouted Rem, having gotten up again. But he still didn't react. It was only the second impact of the weapon that forced his attention on the perpetrator, the morning star having missed his head by only a few centimeters.

The only word that escaped his trembling lips was an agonizingly spoken: "Why?"

But when his eyes, filled with terror, met hers, filled with hatred, it left him even more shocked. Despite the pulsating pain, his mind was racing, trying to make sense out of the nightmare unfolding before him.

"Don't even try to feign innocence, Witch Cultist!" she shouted, the last part dripping with hatred.

Subaru didn't understand. Did he confuse her with someone? "I'm not a Witch… Cultist!" he pressed out, ringing with each word. "I don't even know… what that means…"

A new surge of pain flooded his body, this time emanating from his right arm… the remnants of his right arm. He had to escape.

But when he tried to move his legs, he realized… his knee didn't move. It didn't bleed, but that was about it. It still hurt tremendously, and… there was no escape.

And just like before, the blue-haired maid healed it. Only to immediately apply pressure, causing him yet more pain.

"Rem saw through you right away," she said, ignoring his sobs. Instead, she shattered his arm, only to heal it again. "Answer me, Witch Cultist. What are your intentions? Who do you work for?"

"I'm not a Witch Cultist!" he shouted, glaring at her. "I… I just want to be with Emilia…"

"LIAR!" she shouted, repeating the process. "I can smell your wicked scent!" Repeating it over and over. "You're a Witch Cultist!" Over and over again. Asking the same questions. Intensifying the torture each time he repeated the truth. Letting him know just how much she loathed his presence. His existence.

He didn't know how much time had passed since. Just that each moment had been filled with agony. Endless agony. After a while, he stopped crying. His tears had been spent. He couldn't shout anymore. His throat wouldn't allow it. And yet, she continued. Continued.

Continued.

"Why won't you finally confess?" asked Rem, still enraged. She had asked him well over a hundred times by now, unrelenting. Merciless.

"Because I didn't do anything!" He had mustered all his strength to answer… it was the first time she asked something else.

"Damned Witch Cultist," she barked. "I should've just let you die in the forest, instead of listening to your lies." She had stood up and was looking down at his broken figure.

"Ha…" Subaru gave a weak laugh. New tears welled up from the corner of his eyes. "Ha… ha."

"What's so funny, Witch Cultist? Are you finally going to admit it?"

"I thought a mabeast attacked you," he said, unfocused and with a coarse voice. "I thought I messed up and you were in danger because of it."

The hatred in her gaze did not waver, but there was now a slight hint of confusion mixed in. "You're the only dangerous thing here," she spat.

"I wanted to save you. And in truth, you…" He couldn't help but laugh at the thought.

"Looks like you've finally snapped," said the maid, raising her morning star.

You left me to die. I died, because of you! I will die because of you! He could feel it. If she wouldn't stop soon, he'd succumb to all the wounds, regardless of the meager healing she kept him alive with. I wanted to save you, and you left me to die.

He felt like an utter fool, now that he finally understood.

"Why are you doing this…?"

"Because I will not let you cause any harm, Witch Cultist."

"Causing harm…?" He lifted his head, his mean eyes now fully transfixed on her hateful, blue ones.

"How much harm did I cause when I saved Emilia from that assassin!?"

"That was just your scheme to get closer to Lady Emilia!"

"How much harm did I cause when I helped to save a friend and their family!?"

"I care nothing for your wretched Cultist friends!"

"What harm could I have done for you to leave me to die in the forest!?"

"Someone like you can never be trusted!"

The two were shouting at each other, fueled by despair and hatred.

"I've gone through hell to save her! Everyone! I've di—"

Subaru's voice died down. His pain was gone. But… he couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Nothing, besides his eyes, just the tiniest bit. The world around him came to a standstill. The maid didn't move at all anymore—so it was probably not something of her doing.

No… there was something moving, though. A shadow. A shadowy hand, creeping right up on him. He could feel it. It did not crawl up on his body… but through it. Slithering its way through his innards, until it had entered his vision, just barely.

Just feeling it had filled him with a sense of dread—it felt cold as death itself. Though when he saw it, he was outright terrified. The hand resided on his chest. In his chest. Surrounding his heart, and—

Pain. Horror. Terror. As if he had not gone through enough trauma already, each cell of his body was being filled with a whole new kind of fear.

"—Hrk!"

As soon as time continued to flow, Subaru was forced to cough violently. His still-intact hand immediately clenched his heart as well, though… the shadowy appendix was gone.

"You despicable Witch Cultist!"

The piercing echo of her words and the screeching sound of chains, were the last things that reverberated through his mind.

Somewhat expectantly, she looked over at him. But all of a sudden his boastful posture was gone. Instead, he was clenching his chest, hastily steadying himself on the table with his other hand.

Even before she could register the extreme change, he'd already lost his grip and sunken to the ground, immediately followed by the sound of shattering glass.

"Subaru!? What's wrong!?"

But he didn't answer. He just regarded her with wide-opened eyes and trembling lips, his face devoid of all color.

She got up from her seat and wanted to kneel down besides him, but even that made him flinch. And when Rem at the same time moved over—probably to remove the glass shards on the ground—he crawled back.

"S… Stay away from me!" he yelled, scrambling to his legs. He looked like a cornered animal… and she didn't remotely understand what was happening.

Though that question too would remain unanswered, as Subaru scrambled back with a shriek and staggered to his feet. Then he ran out of the room, leaving them behind none the wiser.

"How unfortu~unate."

Emilia turned to Roswaal, utterly perplexed.

"Perhaps he has been affected by Beatrice's mana drain just a bit too much," said Roswaal in his typical nonchalant tone, shaking his head. "Combined with a second bokko fruit in such a short amount of time…" Her breath itched.

Was it her fault?

"I will go look after him," she declared.

"Even though your worry might be justified, you mustn't so easily neglect your o~own studies, Emilia-sama."

"But Roswaal, he's…"

"Rem. Please make sure Subaru-kun is well, and report to Emilia-sama about his condition," he ordered, before turning his gaze back to her. "Would that be satisfactory?"

Emilia nodded hesitatingly, whereas Rem bowed deeply.

But when Emilia began her kingly studies, just having sat down at her desk in her room, she couldn't concentrate much on them. Subaru looked so utterly shocked… or maybe terrified? Was it Beatrice's spell? The bokko fruit? Or perhaps he realized just what exactly he had agreed to? Maybe it was just that. Maybe all his denial had finally come crashing down on him…

Sighing, she rearranged the pile of books that she had to work through. To learn the affiliation of each village to its domain, and what their primary produced goods are… it was tedious enough to learn that for Roswaal's domain. To also do it now for the whole Kingdom was… daunting. Still, this was but a small fraction of all the things she had to know and learn. So, eventually, she forced herself to begin regardless.

Luckily—to some extent—Rem showed up fairly quickly. Though not with the best of news.

She wanted to kill him. He could see it. The moment he returned, her hateful glare already rested on him, and now he could finally recognize it for what it was. She wanted to kill him. She would just wait for the right moment. Or wait until she could leave him in the forest to die again—leaving it to the monsters. Using them as an excuse.

When she knocked on the door and stepped inside his room, he simply yelled at her to leave him alone, unsure whether she wouldn't just kill him on the spot. To his relief though, she simply left… even looking slightly perplexed. This in turn made Subaru wonder. Why did she check up on him? Why was it her that accompanied him to the forest each time? Ram was the one who had accompanied him at first. Did she know of her intentions? Did Roswaal order it? Did Roswaal intend for this to happen to begin with? Was that the reason why he tasked the maids to keep an eye on him? To wait for the right moment to dispose of him?

Were they all in on the plan? Rem, Ram, Roswaal. Maybe even Beatrice, Puck, Emili—

Alone the thought sent a new shudder down his spine.

Plagued with these, and much uglier thoughts, he sat there, hunkered together under the blanket on his bed. As if the sheets would've provided him with any cover, should they decide to kill him at last.

He could feel the lump forming in his throat. The pit in his stomach. The knuckles with which he held the blanket were white from tension. His breathing jagged. His teeth, clattering. All the while having the lingering scent of puke lingering on in his mouth.

Too painful were the memories. Too painful the thoughts. He couldn't run away from them anymore. There was nowhere to run. He was trapped here… because just a few rooms away, his killer already lay in wait. Ready to kill him again. And again. And again. And ag—

"Subaru, are you there?"

His heartbeat quickened. Though for once not out of excitement… but out of fear.

"Emilia…"

She stood in the door frame, clenching her hand before her chest, and regarded him with worry.

"Are you alone?"

Emilia tilted her head, visibly confused about the question, but affirmed. "Puck isn't here if that is what you mean."

Subaru exhaled. He didn't even notice that he had held his breath since she appeared.

"Why are you here?"

"I was worried," she answered, trying to establish eye contact. "When you ran away, you looked scared." He could hardly deny that, though he didn't realize it was so obvious. "I wanted to check up on you, but Roswaal wanted me to focus on my studies and told Rem to look for you instead. But now she thinks she might've made you angry."

Upon the maid's name being mentioned, one of his eyes twitched.

"I thought that maybe you wanted to talk," she said, her voice matching the warm smile she sent him. But when she stepped closer… Subaru recoiled.

"Ah… But if you don't want to, that's of course okay as well," she said, with all elegance traded for compassion, and in doing so granting both to an even greater extent.

The taste of blood spread in his mouth, as he had bitten hard on his lip, realizing just what kind of thoughts he had harbored since… since…

In a vain attempt to get rid of the doubts, he violently shook his head. He distrusted Emilia. She who had saved him first, who could've just left him to die if she wanted to. When he had suffered from a torture of a different nature in the burning flames, it was she who had allowed him to continue. How could he even think she was anyhow involved in the maid's actions?

When he saw her guilt-ridden expression, he swallowed hard. "It's not that," he said with a strained voice, "it's just… I felt pretty ill, all of a sudden." He couldn't tell her the truth. He wanted, but… he had learned unimaginable fear when he lashed out at Rem, right in his final moments. It felt as deeply rooted as a primordial fear, easily surpassing even the terror of being at the mercy of a lunatic.

So he had to come up with a justification—and make it somehow believable. "Maybe it was just all too much. The training with magic, and then whatever Beatrice did. Being tasked to hunt some monster that can probably kill me with one swift strike for a village that hates me."

For some reason, Emilia looked now even sadder than before. Because, unbeknownst to him, that only worsened her own feeling of guilt. "Don't worry… I'll just need some rest, and then—"

But the words wouldn't leave his throat. Even if he could come up with a lie to excuse his behavior… he couldn't just pretend like the true reason didn't exist.

"I'll probably need to rest for a while…" he said, practically trailing off.

"Mhm. Take all the time you need. I will inform the others that you simply need to rest."

"Thanks, Emilia-tan," he said with a weak smile. But the moment she had left the room, his expression darkened again and his mean eyes lost their shine.

"And whyever would I do that, I suppose?" asked the spirit, her cute butterfly-shaped pupils standing in stark contrast to the ire her eyes showed.

"Because you've been too harsh with him," replied Emilia, crossing her arms.

"What would a silly girl understand of my reasons? Nothing, in fact," said Beatrice, turning her head away to feign offense. It was bad enough that the half-elf had reached out to Bubby during their bonding time as siblings, but never would she have guessed that she would put forth a demand like that.

"Betty, maybe Lia's right," said Puck cautiously. He had been disappointingly silent so far, though now that he did speak up it had been better if he had remained silent.

"Bubby, not you too!" complained Beatrice, looking surprised at the floating cat.

"I'm not saying what you did was wrong," said Puck, patting his sister on her shoulder. "He probably even deserved it, but he isn't a bad kid."

But she wasn't moved. He had been utterly disrespectful, acting like an impertinent child, and she was having none of that.

"What I'm trying to say is… he's just a human boy. Maybe it was just too much for him to handle. I'm sure you didn't want to hurt or scare him badly."

He was an impertinent child. But… Bubby was right. He was just a child. She was able to feel that he wasn't dangerous.

When she drained his mana, she couldn't feel a hint of malice or hostile intent—despite his weak, yet decidedly disgusting smell, foreboding nothing but trouble. Not to mention his unfortunate nature, which was sure to draw ire and hostility wherever he went. But to her, it didn't mean much. It simply was none of her business, as long as he posed no threat to the Forbidden Library.

Which is why she wasn't interested in complying with the half-elf's request either. She simply had no reason to care. And neither did Bubby, for that matter. Beatrice huffed. Her brother probably only intervened on the half-elf's behalf.

And yet, her brother's words remained true. That mean-eyed boy didn't mean any harm, and neither did she want to do any more than teach him a lesson, and assure herself of his intentions. So if Bubby was genuinely thinking that she might have done too much… She huffed again. She didn't like the conclusion she had reached.

"If Bubby really wants to, I guess I can do it, I suppose." It was somewhat mumbled, and spoken with much doubt and hesitation, but the half-elf smiled nonetheless.

"Thank you, Beatrice."

"Thanks, Betty."

"Just that we're clear, if I'm going to do that, you will leave Bubby and me be for the rest of the day, in fact!" She wouldn't give up on their sibling time for something like this.

He couldn't lock the door to his room. So he had to keep an eye on it the whole time, all the while being plagued by the same, dark thoughts.

He couldn't trust them. Rem, Ram, Roswaal. The Lord and his two maids. Maybe it was only Rem, maybe only the maids, maybe all three of them, that wanted him to be dead. But he couldn't trust them regardless.

Emilia, he would trust. Puck wouldn't act against Emilia's wishes. At least that was his impression of him. Not to mention that it would take but a swing of his paw to turn Subaru into an icicle.

Leaving only Beatrice as an uncertainty. The little spirit girl didn't show any sign of interest in his affairs. Or him, in general, besides that one incident when she sent him to the ground all those days ago… or, well. This morning. So she could be on either side. But he thought of her more as neutral than hostile. That was his current estimation of the mansion residents.

So he was surprised when the drill-haired spirit entered his room, stepping directly out of the Forbidden Library. He observed her, not simply out of fear, but curiosity. He hadn't seen her outside the library aside from that one time.

"What a pitiful sight, I suppose," said Beatrice.

"Beako…"

"You're certainly just as unbearable as before, I suppose!" she said, her narrowed eyes attempting to pierce Subaru. But he was unfazed. "I'm already regretting having come, in fact."

"Why did you come, Beako? Did you miss me?" It was a weak attempt to lighten the mood. To the point where he almost felt pity for himself.

"Certainly not!" she said, crossing her arms. "I'm only here because Bubby asked me to, in fact. The silly girl told me you felt unwell, and Bubby wanted me to… uh," all of a sudden, Beatrice's voice wavered. "They asked me to take a look at you, I suppose."

Slightly shifting around, Subaru leaned against the headrest of his bed. "That's not really necessary, Beako. I'll just need some rest, that's all."

"Even if that is true, Betty told Bubby she would take a look, meaning she will do so, in fact." Stepping to his bedside, it seemed the girl didn't care too much about his opinion on that matter. "Give me your hand, I suppose."

Subaru twisted his mouth, but eventually nodded. However, the moment he stretched out his hand, he flinched back. The last time he took someone's hand…

"Unbelievable, how annoying you can be, in fact!" exclaimed Beatrice, placing her palm on his opened hand. "Just hold still. It shouldn't take long, I suppose."

He was really afraid there of a little girl. How silly.

She closed her eyes, standing silent for a moment, in concentration. "Hmm. Your gate is strained, I certainly can see that, I suppose. But beyond that…" She regarded him, questioningly. "I cannot detect any injuries. Or anything otherwise unusual, in fact." And yet… she regarded him very closely.

"Dear Guest—ah."

Beatrice first turned to the maid that stood at the entrance and then regarded Subaru again, noticing that he had clasped her hand tightly.

He could feel Beatrice's inquisitive glance, but his eyes were fixed on the newcomer. A droplet of sweat rolled down his temple, his eyes stood wide open, his breathing was strained, and he could feel the bile rise up again—all the while his heartbeat went through the roof.

"Please forgive Rem, Beatrice-sama. Rem did not mean to intrude, merely deliver a message from Master Roswaal."

"Hurry up then. I'm not done yet, I suppose," she said with a sigh.

"Dear Guest, Master Roswaal wishes you a speedy recovery, and will come later to discuss the matters regarding your task," said Rem, bowing. "Please do not hesitate to call Sister or Rem should you need something."

But all Subaru could do was gulp dryly, and increase his grip on Beatrice's hand.

"If that is all, you may leave, I suppose," said Beatrice, nodding to the maid, who was quick to comply.

After she had closed the door, Beatrice turned her attention to Subaru again, regarding him now even more closely.

"You're shaking like a leaf, in fact," she stated bluntly.

"Just… feeling unwell, that's all," pressed Subaru out while averting his gaze from the girl's scrutiny, his voice devoid of strength. "No reason to worry, really."

"Your heart is racing, your skin practically colorless, not to mention that your fingers trembled even when you held onto my hand, in fact," she listed, giving him no quarter. "I do not know nor care about your issue with the maid, but you should take care not to disturb the peace in the mansion even more, I suppose."

"So you noticed," admitted Subaru eventually. Though his face was distorted. "But it's certainly not me disturbing the peace. And what do you mean with even more anyway?" Where he normally would've overreacted and feigned being hurt, now it genuinely stung.

"Betty has better things to do than playing along with your antics," she said, waving her hand. "Even the silly half-elf is more reasonable about it."

But seeing Subaru's clueless expression, she sighed and continued, "Be as it may. I will tell Bubby that you will need more rest. Maybe try to arrange yourself in the meantime, as neither of you is going to go away anytime soon, I suppose."

Subaru gulped. Was that really how it was going to be? Would he just remain trapped here, completely at her mercy?

Subaru was hungry. But even so, he had turned down all meals that had been brought to him so far. After all, they were prepared by them. They couldn't be trusted. They were just going to kill him. It would be easy enough to put poison into a dish, or beverage.

He had to be on alert, all the time. She certainly was already planning his death. Just waiting for the moment he'd let his guard down. Staying awake got harder with each passing moment, but fortunately the bleeding, scratching spots, and the pain they emanated made for an easy distraction. If he got more tired, all he needed to do was to dig his nails into his arms. That would grant him some temporary boost to stay awake. And if things really got critical, he could still bite down on his lips, or cheeks.

So he lay there in his room, not having left it for three full days now. Left with no idea or perspective if, when, or how he'd be able to leave. Unable to move forward. Couldn't escape that situation. No one would believe him if he told them. Or… well. She didn't do anything so far. But she would.

Even alluding to it didn't work. He tested it. Emilia had come to visit him occasionally, in between her own study sessions or in the evenings. He did try to tell her something as cryptically as he could, but the shadow hand appeared instantly and made him regret ever thinking about it. Instead, it only amplified his fear and the feelings of dread that had overcome him ever since the torture he'd been victim to only a few days ago in the forest. Torture. Thinking about it made his stomach turn again. If it weren't empty, he definitely would've puked right then and there.

Roswaal had offered him all the time he needed to rest up, and only take on the beast as soon as he recovered. Meaning as soon as he recovered, he wanted to finish him. Wanted him to be taken care of. The strange contradiction did not bother Subaru. They could show friendliness all they wanted. He had understood that it meant little and would only bring unimaginable pain and suffering.

So that's where Natsuki Subaru was right now. Driven by fear and paranoia, he couldn't trust anything the maids or Roswaal said or did. Couldn't recover, because that would've put immediately a big target on his back, leading to him inevitably getting killed by them. Got weaker with each passing day without sleep, each time he declined a meal, or refused to drink, and thus only fell deeper into a mental delirium—unable to escape from it anymore by himself.

It was in this state when Emilia declared, "Subaru, I think that's enough."

"What is it, Emilia-tan?" asked Subaru, having enjoyed his few breaks into normalcy. It was only during Emilia's visits that he could relax somewhat, after all.

"Rem and Ram told me you haven't eaten anything for three days." So they had kept an eye on whether he ate or not. Or maybe they just noticed because whatever they put in it hadn't killed him yet?

"I'm just not feeling hungry, that's all," said Subaru, giving an innocent, yet clearly strained smile.

But Emilia stemmed her arms to her sides. "That's no good. You'll need to eat to get healthy again."

Subaru chuckled. "I'll do so when I can get a bite down. Maybe it would be easier if Emilia-tan would feed me."

"Why do you always have to say such silly things?" asked the girl, shaking her head, though her warm smile betrayed her insincere complaint.

It was his last, desperate straw to normalcy. If Emilia would stop visiting him—

"Alright," she said, raising her finger. "But you'll have to be a good boy and eat up."

Subaru regarded her dumbstruck, his mouth gaping wide open. "Why do all my attempts at this make me sound like a little kid!?" he groaned, realizing just what he had gotten himself into. But it was of no use. Emilia grabbed the meal the maids had placed right at the door—he wouldn't let them get any closer—and began to literally spoon-feed him. He wasn't sure whether he should be reveling in the moment, or burying himself at the shame of getting treated like this. Though, ultimately, he decided to just swallow what remained of his pride and roll with it. Not like he disliked any moment of it.

After he had finished the last spoon of dinner—the soup having been watered down enough that his stomach could contain it, even after several days of fasting—he just barely escaped Emilia wiping his mouth, hastily taking the piece of cloth from her with which she had leaned in already.

"Please, Emilia-tan, that was embarrassing enough," he moaned, his cheeks glowing deep red. And seeing the pout on the girl, it only worsened.

"EMT!" he said, burying his face in his palms.

"I'm glad you seem a bit better," said Emilia, getting up from his bedside. "I'll need to go and talk with the spirits. But I'll come back afterwards if that's alright with you?"

"Of course!" said Subaru, beaming.

However, the moment Emilia had left the room though, Subaru's thoughts were quick to regain their bleakness. So at least the food wasn't poisoned.

It did not take long for new droplets of blood to flow down his arms.

Sometime later, in the evening by what little light shone through the closed curtains, Emilia returned with another tray, holding a small pot of tea and a singular cup. He felt bad that she sacrificed her time for him, undoubtedly doing the maids' job right now. Yet, he simply couldn't trust them. So that she was doing so of her own volition, meant he was even more grateful for it.

"Here, Subaru," said Emilia, pouring him a cup. "This should help you calm down some more, and hopefully get well sooner too."

"Get well, huh," mumbled Subaru, drinking the tea in one go. He couldn't reject tea made by Emilia, and his dried-out body demanded more immediately as well. "I'm sorry, Emilia-tan. For being such a burden." He could feel how his strained body, deprived of any kind of nutrition, slowly but surely calmed down.

"You dunderhead." Hearing those words warmed his heart as well. "I didn't say anything like that, lest think so." But Subaru still shook his head, showing his stubbornness.

"If anything, I should be the one to apologize." His ears perked up. "Ever since I met you, you've pushed yourself. While all I could do was say some shallow words unable to really help."

Subaru frowned. "That's not…," he wanted to say, but a yawn prevented him from completing the sentence, allowing Emilia to interject.

"So it's alright. No one is holding it against you that you need some rest, especially not me. If anything, I can understand why you ran away all panicked. Having to go to the village…"

As much as Subaru wanted to accept Emilia's kind words, he couldn't. She didn't know about all his failed loops. Didn't know about… that. The memory made his head feel heavy.

He drowned his thoughts with another cup of tea, emptying the pot. "I still feel bad though," said Subaru, still entangled in his web of self-deprecating thoughts. "Having brought you so far to make some tea for me… if anything, it should be the other way around."

He wondered absentmindedly how effective the tea must've been, with how comfortable it made him feel despite the past few days of terror. Or perhaps it was Emilia, soothing him with her presence?

Emilia shook her head, breaking him out of his thoughts. "I'm just glad it seems to help you calm down, maybe get some sleep." He leaned back against his cushion, feeling a sudden tiredness wash over him. "And there's no need to worry. Rem prepared this tea, just for you."

Subaru's heart almost stopped. "She seemed relieved when she heard you finally ate something, and asked me whether I could give this to you."

Even though Subaru could feel his mind racing, at the same time all his thoughts jumbled together into some incoherent, slow mess. The last thing he saw was Emilia putting the sheets properly over him and staying at his side until he fell asleep… all the while he desperately tried to form a single sentence, as the horrible realization washed over his staggered mind. She poisoned the tea.

It was a strange dream. Subaru was looking at the mansion… but for some reason, it got smaller. And he also felt terribly light. Almost as if he wasn't walking, but floating.

There was also his sword, dangling from his black and white skirt. It was strange. He could swear he never wore those two things together. His vision darkened again.

Now he was in a forest? Or at least there were a lot of trees. It made him feel in danger, and some primal instinct told him to run away. But he couldn't move his limbs. That wasn't a dream, but a nightmare. And a terrifying one at that.

He didn't know for how long he wandered through the forest. Didn't even know why he was there. A forest, a bad memory. He shuddered, yet still couldn't move. He laid down, his sword right by his side.

Then he saw it. Two red dots emerged from the scrubs. Four. Eight. Too many to count. Just staring at him, all around him. Something told him to run away. But he still couldn't move.

However, the worst thing wasn't the red dots, but the color blue towering above him, high atop a tree. It felt as if it alone was keeping him down there, all the while silently cursing his very existence.

Observing how the dots moved in and turned to white, sharp daggers instead. Sinking deep into his flesh, gnawing and chomping down. Subaru felt sleepy again, and he was glad to escape such a horrendous nightmare… even though falling asleep also hurt. But he knew nothing but pain anymore anyway.

Then he woke up. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. Like a bucket of freezing water had been dumped over his head. He could see the residents of the mansion regarding him expectantly—including the color blue from his deranged memories. Staring. Glaring.

And the nightmare began anew.

Author's Note

Many thanks to [LookingGlassInsect] beta'ing this chapter! Greatly appreciate it.