"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity." ― Henry David Thoreau
Jacob's rage slams into me just as I've been walking around my house deciding on what location would be suitable to add a room extension for a decent-sized nursery. It was going to be a day of construction planning and even interior design beginnings. It was hopefully going to impress Bella and show her I will stick to my word of being there for her.
I tear off my clothes and phase before I can even properly think in order to meet him when he attacks.
"You fucking freak! You fucking impregnated her?!"
He clashes into me before I can eloquently respond. His teeth graze my neck and I'm not proud to admit I'm not gentle with him to get him off. This isn't a teaching moment. It's a 'don't mess with me or my imprint moment.' I fling him into a tree, hearing his whimpers that instantly turn back into growls once he's on his feet again. His bones snap back in place and I know he's ready to go again.
Fortunately, his wrath prevents him from coming up with a decent attack so I'm able to deflect it once again with ease.
"How could you sleep with her! How!" he yells.
By now, the others have felt a shift in the atmosphere and have phased to join us. Jacob certainly noticed himself, but he's still too busy figuring out different ways to get through my defense. He'll tire himself out long before he can.
"Woah, woah," Paul gloats, "y'all finally did it? Guess I owe Jared ten bucks after all."
"Not now," Jared hisses. "What happened, Sam?"
"Bella's pregnant, that's what," Jacob hisses. He gears up to attack me again.
Everyone immediately goes silent.
It's enough for Black to stop himself and look between everyone else, huffing through his nose. I can tell his rage hasn't subsided at all, but the surprise that no one else knew shakes him off his warpath. I keep my mind as still as possible, waiting for the others to react.
"Like with a baby?" Embry finally asks.
"What else?" I can practically hear Leah roll her eyes.
But Jacob's smarter than I usually give him credit for. He turns to her to examine her lack of shock. Shit. Of course, Leah doesn't seem the least bit afraid she's now the center of Black's mania. Always poking the wolf, huh.
"You knew, didn't you? And you didn't tell me!" Jacob roars.
"Wasn't my fucking secret to tell, Black," Leah retorts.
"We both know how sick imprinting is," he seethes.
If she were in human form, I know she'd cross her arms and stand her ground. The effect as a wolf just has her digging her feet into the ground and baring her teeth. "Still doesn't mean she's yours."
He looks poised to attack again, but my beta's voice cuts through.
"Like an actual human baby? You and Bella?" Paul asks, incredulously.
I sigh, "Yes."
I decide to give them the gist of Bella and me finding out about the baby. My insistence on her taking a pregnancy test, her freak out, my own panic in the forest after Victoria. I know it suddenly makes sense to them why I shut down for days. But then I show them the ultrasound picture and the feeling of awe both Bella and I felt for it.
"I'll murder you for it," Jacob adds, ready to bounce on his hind legs once again.
"That's enough," I say in my Alpha voice, and immediately the rogue wolf whimpers back into a normal stance. I see the glare in his black eyes. His thoughts of tearing my hide off my back aren't exactly subtle. "Your anger isn't going to change anything."
I see his worry that Bella will be stuck caring for a kid who only knows how to throw up on her at the most inopportune moments. He imagines her completely stuck in life, waiting around on me rarely coming home, completely unable to chase any passions of her own. The worst part of it all is that this worry is mine too.
"What you've both done is inexcusable," he argues.
"What we've done?" I spit out incredulously.
I look between them all, seeing the majority of minds eager to hear what's next, some out of simple curiosity, but some who've caught onto something deeper. I decide to tell them as much as I can without breaking Bella's trust. But ultimately, they need to know just how capable the Cullen family is.
"Bella has been manipulated, lied to, and abused by many people in her life," I growl. "Not only just by the leeches. So don't fucking come in here and get angry at her for her choices."
Jacob rolls his eyes and my fury finally ignites. The image of her crying on her couch next to Rosalie breaks through.
"They made her addicted to Edward Cullen and then immediately put her into withdrawals. I don't care if they didn't fucking know that would happen. They are the reason she turned to drugs. You and I both know what kind of dangerous situations she put herself in, just to escape seeing his fucking ghost in her head. Don't come here and threaten the mother of my child for finally doing better."
I allow bits and pieces of what Bella told me to come through. Only just enough for the pack to know how dangerous 'vegetarian' leeches are as well. What she told me wasn't entirely clear, but I distinctly remember her mentioning the scent coming off the vampires being enough to completely mesmerize her. Like it was the first time she was truly allowed to smell them and it was enough for them to do anything they wished for her mind. Her constant exposure to them only made it all the easier.
"Listen," I approach Jacob soon after, snarling my teeth, "If you want to go off and be an Alpha by yourself, fine. But I won't have you coming into my pack and questioning my authority anymore. Know your place, Black."
Though his anger continues, I can see contemplation continue. Its many long moments of us staring into each other's eyes before he finally bows his head in submission. Not today, I think. Still, the path he's on is clear. I just won't have him take anyone from me.
I turn to the rest of them; everyone else waiting for me to continue. I swallow the build-up in my throat. "I know we're young and inexperienced, and way out of our depth when it comes to raising a kid. But we are happy. All I ask is that you respect that."
Maybe I've stunned them into silence with everything.
"Wow," Jared eventually says. "The first pack pup. And I thought it would be Kim and me."
He, unfortunately, shows many images of the lucky couple copulating days on end. We all yell at him to throw that out of his mind right away.
"I'm gonna be an uncle," Embry chuckles. "Or well, we all are. Plus one aunt."
"Better pray it's a girl and not a freak like Leah," Paul laughs.
"Fuck off," the woman in question snarls.
"Alright," I butt in quickly before a fight breaks out, "let's get back to our assignments. Or if you have the shift off, go home and do something productive."
Jared immediately thinks of Kim again and we all collectively groan. I mentally bombard him with images of needing to keep up with school work though they all brush off my attempts at getting them to take education seriously. After all, I was one of the rare few here to make it to college, even if I couldn't graduate.
But I think they've heard enough depressing things from me today to not want to stick around. Eventually, they'll get to see Bella and I prepare more for our kid and hopefully, the reality will set in. Hopefully, it does for me too. It still feels like a dream, even when I feel her growing belly beneath my hand.
As usual, the female wolf is the last to leave, huffing as she trots behind me.
"You've done right by her," Leah tells me. "Better keep it up or I'll disembowel you."
"Great, thanks," I chuckle.
Later after I've made some more mental notes on where to add an addition to my house, I realize it's time to tell my mom about the baby too. It would be wrong for her to find out through gossip on the rez. Alison welcomes me into her home every time I show up. Maybe this is what being a parent is about, I do need to start taking notes. She welcomes me even though I've gone a long time between visits. Of course, her house is spotless as always, littered with pictures of me when I was a kid. My chest squeezes.
"Well," my mom asks, "what're you here for? You never come unless something is up or it's a rare holiday."
I cringe. I need to treat my mother better. Especially for everything I've done to her already.
She makes a 'tsking' sound as if she can read my thoughts. "It has to do with this girl you've been crazy about, huh?"
Even though Alison knows about imprinting, I've never really stopped to think about how grateful I am that she never says the word to me. Never makes me feel like this is one of those wolfy duties I'm meant to accept for the rest of my life, even if it is.
"She's pregnant," I blurt out.
My mom freezes.
"You're going to be a grandma," I can't help but laugh a little even though my stomach flips.
She stares at me for another couple of seconds. I'm half convinced she's going to implode. But then she opens her mouth to smile and reluctantly laughs herself. And we're both dumbstruck, amazed that this is real. I know she assumed I wouldn't let myself truly get close to someone again. Not even Emily who I admittedly used as a support tool. But my mom's casually been dropping hints of wanting a grandchild for years. Some on the rez start their families very young, just as my mom did.
"No kidding," she says as she wipes the droplets off the corners of her eyes. "Well, when do I get to meet the girl? I don't like being resigned to just staring at her from across the beach. Even if she is pretty."
I had to ensure my mom wouldn't approach Bella during Harry's funeral or after-party. It was hard not revealing the exact details of what happened, but my mom's intuition quickly realized Bella saw more than just about everyone else that night.
"I don't know. She has class all day and then sometimes works at a hardware store after," I grimace.
"Classes?" Alison asks. "What is she studying?"
My mouth parts but nothing comes out. She stares at me for a single second before she understands that Bella is not quite old enough to be in college.
"You are an idiot, Samuel."
"You aren't the first to tell me that," I sigh.
"Christ Almighty," she swears.
She runs a hand through her hair and sighs heavily, "Well, what do her parents think? Surely they want to castrate you."
I almost smile. "I don't think she's told them yet. But I will be there if she wants me to."
"Fuck," Alison whispers under her breath. I take it more to mean that she's still gobsmacked this has happened: me, with a high school student. "I'm glad you're at least older than I was with you, even if she's not. Poor thing, probably terrified."
"She certainly was when I told her," I mutter.
Alison raises an eyebrow and then shakes her head. Neither of us talks much about the benefits, or curses, of being a wolf. For all I know, she suspects I smelled it off Bella instantly. Even if it really took a minute for me to even hear a heartbeat and confirm it's true. Let alone realize it was mine.
"But we both want the baby, Mom," I'm quick to add.
"But does she want you? Do you want her?" Alison asks. "Because that can make or break a relationship involving a kid."
I barely think about the man the universe decided I was unlucky enough to be assigned as my father. I know enough about what he did. Pressured my mother to get an abortion, demanded adoption when that wasn't the case. Even in a goddamn married couple who say vows to one another. He chased the bottle instead. I've sworn since I was a kid myself to never be like that.
"I want her," I admit. "I hope she likes me enough to stick around."
My mom lets out a breath.
"But I don't know what the imprint means," I decide to admit the weight that has been pressing down on me for months. Even if I don't want to burden my mom with this, the words leave my lips before I can think. "I don't know how much are my own feelings versus that."
Alison shrugs, "Does it matter?"
I don't know how to answer her question. I can't even articulate why it seems to bother me so much. Regardless, I know for a fact I will not be asking Jared for his opinion. I've seen enough of his puppy-sick love of Kim to know he believes the imprint is the greatest gift in the universe. Only being a wolf is second. Which I certainly disagree with.
The imprint has brought me Bella. Bella. The most imperfect perfect person I know. The one whose lows I thought insurmountable, but proved me wrong without even acknowledging me. It has arguably brought us our incoming child. I should be grateful. I should be kissing the rocks on the ground and singing praises to the wind, but free will is a difficult thing to get around.
I know I chose her now. I chose most of all just to be there.
When Bella calls me on the weekend, I'm still filled with nervous excitement at just the thought of her. I wonder if that will ever subside. If I even want it to.
"I want to see you again soon," is the gist of what she says. Soon as in less than an hour from now, I realize.
"Yes," is my immediate answer.
"But can we meet somewhere? I'm like starving," she laughs.
"I'll take you out to eat."
"Nowhere fancy," she hurries to add.
"I know a diner," I add, and then smirk to myself not fully knowing her answer, but needing to say it anyway. "If you don't mind meeting my mother."
She agrees. It might take a moment of convincing, but my argument that it will eventually be good practice for telling her own father gets her to come around. Plus, Alison already knows. And she's more dumbstruck than angry right now anyway.
The diner is where my mother works these days. It still irks me that she's resigned herself to a line cook position rather than to be a waitress where she could make more. I know it's because of the scars. And I know I don't have a right to ask her about it.
With its pastel tiles and all-day breakfast menu, this joint is one of the more popular on the reservation.
I stand up when I see Bella walk in. She looks like a glowing goddess. There aren't any other words to describe it really. Perhaps this is the pregnancy glow my mom lectured me on. I couldn't imagine this woman getting more beautiful, but here she is with bouncing auburn hair and glittering eyes.
Again, I hug her, letting my warmth surround her while I reach out to feel her belly. As she relaxes and presses against me, I can tell she's grown in size, even if hardly noticeable to outsiders. Still, I smirk at the thought that my child is growing.
"How are you?" I ask as we slide into a baby-blue booth.
She looks away from me and I instantly get a bad feeling.
"Edward came to see me."
Her tone does not indicate happiness. I know I don't have a right to ask what happened or how she feels, but I want her to know she can at least be safe with me.
"I'm going to talk to him," I say with resolute certainty. "I'll make sure he's not going to mess with you anymore."
She shakes her head, "You can't, Sam. He'll know you're coming."
"Good," I answer.
I'd go into more details of how much I want to rip her plaster head off his body, how I'll do it with just a sliver of a reason to, but my mom doesn't give us much more room to bicker. She's out from behind the kitchen quickly, heading straight to our table.
Fuck. Why couldn't you wait a minute, Mom? It's not like I get to see my imprint all the time or anything.
"So you're Bella Swan," Alison states, keeping her voice low and level.
Bella squirms in her seat, "Yes, sorry."
"Why are you saying sorry?" my mom asks, surprised.
"I don't know? For trapping your son for the next eighteen years?"
Alison breaks out into laughter. A smile passes over my face as well. Bella looks between us, swallowing some of her fear, and softly beaming as well.
"You aren't terrible," my mom judges her. Then her eyes go soft, "How are you feeling?"
"Good," Bella says. I'd reach over and squeeze her hand if there wasn't a table between us. The boiling desire to touch her worsens when I'm physically unable to do so. I want to be able to fully sense if Bella actually is doing good, or if it's just her nature to lie about it.
My mom gestures down at Bella's stomach, "Could I see?"
"Oh," Bella blushes. "Sure."
She gets out of the booth and for some reason, I decide to stand up as well, towering over both of them. Then she reaches behind her back to pull on her baggy shirt so the outline of her belly sticks through.
She's bigger than when I last saw her.
My heart pounds in my ears.
"Can I?" my mom asks, gesturing to Bella's middle. It's the first time in a long while I've heard her be nervous, even if it's not obvious at all. Her tells are subtle. Eye twitching and shortened sentences.
Bella, on the other hand, falters with every perceived embarrassing moment. She nods and twists her torso so my mom can gently lay her hand against the swell. Either my mom's hands are just small or my child really has grown, but there's enough surface area uncovered that it takes me by surprise. My mom runs her hand all over.
I watch them for a moment, feeling a strange tickling start in my throat.
"Can you feel anything yet?" Alison asks.
"No, I wish," Bella laughs. "I just feel all of the symptoms instead."
My mom smirks, "Oh, tell me about it. This one here gave me nausea for months after the typical morning sickness phase. I thought it would never end and he was gonna be some small, sickly kid when he popped out because of it."
They both laugh at my expense.
"The heartbeat is on the right side for now," I speak up, clearing my voice as I do so. The two women's eyes snap to look at me, wide and disbelieving.
I just shrug and reach over to gently graze Bella's stomach with two knuckles to show them where the heart is resting. Bella shivers underneath my touch so I quickly pull back.
"I don't know which way she is situated, of course," I explain.
"She?" my mom asks.
Bella shakes her head, "We don't know yet. I wanted to wait," she looks up at me, "until Sam was there too."
Alison looks between us, doing that annoying mother-instinct contemplation of deciphering the relationships her son is in. I can tell right away what conclusion she came to. Even if I want to argue against it, that spark of hope inside me that Bella could truly be mine someday wins out.
"Well," my mom speaks, "I best head back to the kitchen and let you eat. Enjoy your date, kids."
The muscles in my neck twitch. Bella doesn't acknowledge that last part either, choosing instead to hug my mom and tell her how nice it was to meet her. When my mom is back behind the kitchen door, I realize how anxious I'd been feeling that her scars would upset this conversation. But my imprint looked as if she didn't even see them, as if she doesn't even care what I did.
Bella and I eat. She's right in that her appetite has seemed to have increased two-fold. A strange sense of pride swells within me again. She laughs as I notice her pouring ketchup over everything. And I know it's moments like these I want to chase for the rest of my life.
But she brings up more concerns. Apparently, the blonde vampire has been less than forthcoming about her thoughts relating to the red-eyed monster situation. Bella is convinced the massacre in Seattle has to do with Victoria. It forces me to admit the bitch killed campers around the area for months. She's stalking both of us. But I promise to my imprint that she won't get close to her or her child, lest I'm dead first.
I know Bella doesn't believe me, and even if my instincts say to argue, I decide to keep this hour as stress-free as possible. We both go back to laughing at my mom's insistence that she's going to buy us some popular pregnancy book. Bella admits she's too afraid to see the gory details written out on paper. Best to stay ignorant and blissful.
The time passes by quickly, much too quickly. I'm paying for our meal before I know it, refusing to let her even touch the bill even if she argues. I put my hand on the small of her back guiding us to the clear spring air outside.
It might be time to say goodbye already, but I fight it for a moment longer.
"Bella, wait," I grab ahold of her arm and gently turn her back to me.
She blink ups, eyelashes heaving but waiting on me every word.
"Let me give you my cell phone number. I picked one up the other day in case you need to call me about anything you need," I say. If I look closely, I can see a faint blush on her cheeks. "Or anything the baby needs, of course."
Bella bites her lip, "Oh, wow. I, uh, have actually been thinking about making some changes too." Her cheeks flush redder and I can tell she's aching to not let me notice. "Starting with my truck."
Her truck? I look over at the rusted beast. Is something wrong with it?
"Can't put a car seat in there," She adds with a dry laugh, twisting the ends of her hair.
I almost cock my head at her, wondering if I should be talking her out of this choice. I know from Billy, and even Jacob, that Bella loved the truck her dad bought off them. I remember her caring about it even when high and drunk. It's an old vehicle, but I know that's why she likes it so much. Maybe there are other old and weathered things she likes.
But instead, I just smile, "Suppose not."
She grins up at me, "Not sure anyone will buy it though. I'll probably get a couple hundred, max. Not nearly enough for a new car."
"Then let me cover the difference," I add without thinking.
"Sam, no," she says. "That's hardly fair. I'll be the one driving it."
I shrug.
"Don't even think about it!"
I laugh at her, "I wouldn't buy anything without making sure you like it first."
She crosses her arms over her chest, "Then I'll make a point to not like anything."
"And what? You'll just push around a stroller all day?"
"Yup."
"Well," I laugh, "they're your arms."
I look at both of her arms tucked into her jacket. The fabric adds considerable circumference to them, but I know what's beneath is probably a third my size, at the very most. Any significant force and they'll snap like a twig. I mentally make a note to watch for more points of fragility. Everything is even more exasperated now. In the back of my head, it pains me that my instinct as Alpha is to look for points of weakness, but that doesn't make the insight go away.
"I guess I do need the muscle," she mumbles.
"Nah," I say, "I'll be that for you."
It's cheesy, and definitely something one of the other boys would say, but seeing her reaction makes it worth it. She even moves to fake slap me on the shoulder. I wonder if she acted like this around Jacob, he has the personality for it, but she's too cute for me to get jealous right now.
"You're terrible!" she gasps, but then a more serious look comes over her face. "But I know you're going to be a great dad, Sam. I don't know about myself though."
I hold her hand, "You're already great."
Again, I lean forward to press my lips gently against hers. She sighs into me, but this is hardly the place to deepen the kiss. I pull back and smile at her.
Bella bites her lip and I almost, almost say fuck it, I'll kiss this woman here for the world to see. But she smiles her goodbye and my eyes can't leave her until she's down the road in her truck. I can still feel her touch on me.
But that night I have a nightmare and it destroys me. It's her ex-boyfriend's shadow obscuring both of us. It's Bella, lying beaten and bruised on the ground. Her neck leaking profusely from the bite marks left behind. It's my own child born with red, haunting eyes. And Edward Cullen is responsible for it all.
I tried to last without confronting him, but it isn't going to happen anymore. I make it to Sunday afternoon until I'm sizzling with rage. Really, only half a day after the disturbing dream.
Now I'm going to the Cullen's house. I'm going to make it clear he can't be allowed anywhere near her.
My eruption into a wolf is messier than it's been in years. That's what tells me I'm truly shaking with rage. I could hunt a thousand deer, something none of us ever really do unless we're truly upset, but it still wouldn't be enough. My prey is a hundred-year-old decayed statue.
I let branches hit me on my path. My cuts open and reheal. The pain only adds to the wrath inside of me. He's going to feel everything a hundred times worse.
It's only when I'm maybe less than a mile from their house when I realize how stupid I've been. This monster can read minds. If he's there, he knows I'm coming.
I slow down to stop, but it's too late, he's just yards away from me.
It pains me to admit I know why Bella fell for him. None of them are ever unattractive, the bastards. But there's a haunting aura. This is how he attracts his victims. He lures them with the promise they can fix a troubled man. Yet in the end, he doesn't want to be fixed, he wants to devour everyone else.
He will not hurt her anymore. Bella is mine now. She's mine.
And the memories of the imprint come breaking through the dam of my mind. She was the most beautifully pathetic creature I'd ever seen after he left her exposed in the forest. She struggled for so long to recover from him, especially not even knowing what he truly did to cripple her. But she recovered, she finally let me get close to her. And now we're meant to be together, the universe has decreed it so. He or anyone else in their disgusting family can't stop that truth.
"What did you do to her?" Edward asks in a dangerous, low voice.
It takes me half by surprise. Then the anger returns almost immediately.
"What did I do?" I growl. "What did you do, you sick fucking monster. You shouldn't be allowed anywhere near her."
He's at my face in seconds, even though I'm still in wolf form and bearing my teeth.
"You've ruined her life," he says again.
The inhuman way vampires never need to move, never really need to breathe, hasn't hit me as horrific as it does with Edward Cullen. He's worse than a monster, I see now. He's some kind of alien.
"No," I tell him, letting the anger swirl around in my head, "you're the one that tried to do that."
"She doesn't know," Edward snarls, "what you've done."
I extend my spine further so he knows just how much I tower over him even as a wolf. "Because it doesn't matter. She still has a choice. What you did, you didn't ask her, at all."
"You've taken away her choices for the rest of her life as a teen mother."
"She wants the baby," I growl through my teeth.
"A mistake," he shrugs.
"Hers to make," I retort. Ours, I think in my head. I so desperately want to say it, but enunciating that she deserves a choice by herself in this matter means more. Anything, everything to let him know he has to respect her desires.
"You don't need to fear, I won't threaten your offspring," he adds, obviously bitter. "We're all here for the sole purpose of protecting her from Victoria, which you've clearly failed to do."
"Why'd you leave then if you were so worried?" I hiss out.
"Alice believed she would follow us to South America or at least stay out of Forks. She wouldn't have immediately suspected I could leave Bella behind."
"Sounds like your fortune teller is also a failure," I proclaim. "Wonder who else in your tribe is overstating their abilities."
Edward laughs.
"As if you can possibly understand us."
I don't like his tone or what he's implying. I've heard enough legends growing up, enough first-hand experience from Bella to know exactly who they are.
"She's the only person that was protected from you," I realize. "And you hated that, huh? So that's why you had to go break her mind in order to feel like the god you're convinced you are. But you're not a god. Not even a man."
He laughs dryly at me, "Oh, I'll make sure she doesn't choose you."
"She doesn't have to," I say with sincerity. "I've chosen to protect her regardless. Clearly, you haven't-"
I'm going to launch into another tirade of how much this leech has failed her when he cuts me off, panic echoing throughout his frozen features, even if it's only evident by a single muscle twitching in his jaw.
"Be quiet," Edward suddenly hisses. "Someone else is coming."
The second he says it, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I know the feeling without even thinking. A Cold One is coming. A violent, unfeeling monster. I know before it gets here that it's going to have bright red and unflinching eyes. The mark of a remorseless killer.
"It's Victoria," I grit through my teeth.
"No," he shakes his head, straining his neck in the direction of the forest. "But it's someone who knows her."
More instincts crawl up my spine. Six bursts of raw energy blast through my nerves, very nearly threatening to knock me off balance.
"My pack is coming," I say.
"So is my family."
Both of us entirely forget our conversation from seconds ago as we feel into the woods for our respective clans to join. I can feel the force of six wolves and six 'vegetarian' leeches sprinting through the land, all almost ready to converge on a single target that seems headed straight towards us. It's not even making an effort to disguise itself.
"Who is it?" I snarl.
"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity." ― Henry David Thoreau
The haunting feeling that something just isn't right here squeezes every muscle in my body. I grow hot, I almost shake in anticipation of phasing to join the upcoming battle. Looking back at the vampire beside me, Edward's expression turns wholly unreadable. He's straining to hear more and I can't fathom his kind has any better senses than mine.
It is only when I have this thought that I realize he's not trying to hear with his ears, but with his mind.
"He says his name is Riley and he wants to talk to Alice and me."
A/N: Lots of baby stuff this chapter, but now it is time for the plot to pick up once again! Fifteen chapters left, ahhghh!