Chapter Thirteen-point-Eight: Agreeable Letters

Kururugi Shrine, Yamanashi Prefecture, State of Japan, July 2009 ATB

It had happened again.

Suzaku Kururugi suppressed a sigh, and glanced at the face of the boy he was lugging up to the shrine. The boy stared down at the ground, his bloodied lips set hard, his eyes full of anger and pain.

"I can take it from here," he said, as they reached the top of the stone stairs, where the Kururugi shrine was located. Suzaku released his arm from around his shoulders, and let his companion step away. He didn't seem too badly hurt, but he was favouring his left leg just a little.

"I don't know why you keep going there," Suzaku said, after a moment's awkward pause. "They'll just keep roughing you up. And the greengrocer will just keep swindling you."

He knew that much, from the receipt he had found when helping him collect his dropped shopping. He had known it for some time, since the last time he had been forced to come between the local kids and their amusement, and sent them on their way howling in pain.

He felt the weight of his bokken, his curved wooden training sword, slung in his belt. A guilty weight, reminding him of what he had just used it for a few minutes ago; though it seemed like hours.

"Nunnally loves pears," Lelouch vi Britannia replied, holding up the bag for emphasis. "That's all there is to it."

He began limping back towards the storehouse, which had become his and his younger sister's home since they had arrived at the shrine just over a month ago. Suzaku still didn't understand that; treating supposedly important guests as if they were vagabonds or stray dogs. But his father had decided, and that was that.

"But you don't need to," pleaded Suzaku, accompanying him inside. "We've got staff here. You can have anything you want."

"That's not necessary." Lelouch set the bag on a table set against the wall, and began unpacking it. He had done a remarkably good job of making the place a home, all things considered. It was remarkably clean, for a boy anyway, with a kotatsu table and cushions in the middle of the floor, and two futons rolled up and stored in a corner.

It made Suzaku wonder. He kept his own room spotlessly clean and orderly, but he had always done so; and had always known what would happen to him if he didn't. But surely a prince, even an exiled one with a dead mother and a crippled sister, would be used to having things done for him, right?

He had never really found a polite way to ask. He wasn't sure what to think of this strange boy, who insisted on doing every little thing for himself. Was Tohdoh-sensei right? Did he seriously believe that someone might poison him or his sister?

He didn't want to believe it, but Kyoshiroh Tohdoh had never said a stupid or wrong thing since Suzaku had known him. And those two had enemies, if Nunnally was to be believed.

Yes, she had told him everything. She was her brother's complete opposite; open where he was guarded, sweet where he was sour, gentle where he was harsh. She had told him about their mother, her adventures and her enemies, her death and their subsequent banishment.

It had made him cry, and it had been a long time since he had cried, at least like that. And it had changed something between them. It had made him think of Lelouch as something more than an interloper, a bad-natured brat who mocked his country and refused the slightest hospitality or kindness; even after being condemned to live in a shed.

"But it is!" Suzaku insisted. "You're getting cheated and beaten up for nothing! The staff here will get anything you need if I ask them. No one has to know! Father doesn't care anyway!"

His heart clenched as he remembered. He found those boys, his classmates, beating and kicking a helpless Lelouch, his shopping scattered on the forest floor. There had been some girls too, watching from a distance. He knew them too, insofar as he knew any of the kids he attended the local school with. Some had been watching, sour or wary, while others had shot pitying looks at Lelouch. They clearly didn't approve of what the boys were doing, but neither did they do anything about it. And why should they have done?

So Suzaku had settled it himself, as he had done before. It should have been easy. They had attacked the Kururugi family's guest on Kururugi land, just inside the boundary. They should have known better than to follow him that far, but who was going to punish children for playing in the forest?

He had challenged them; get off his family's land or suffer the consequences. They had snarled and snapped at him, telling him to mind his own business and stop throwing his weight around. But he had seen the fear in their eyes. They knew what he could do, and they hated and feared him for it. They all did.

But then that idiot Furukawa had to go and make a stand, had to act the tough guy. He had given Suzaku no choice, not after all that grandstanding.

He wouldn't forget that wet crack as his bokken crushed Furukawa's arm; or that horrid, piercing scream; or the way they'd looked at him, like he'd sprouted horns or something.

They wouldn't try that again. They would shun him for it at school, no doubt, and try to make his life difficult. But he didn't care about them, or that school, anyway. He would be going away to a boy's boarding school next year anyway. He doubted he would ever see any of them again.

"You think I'm scared of them?" retorted Lelouch, with an edge in his tone. "Your little friends are nothing. I've seen worse."

"You have?" Suzaku's morbid curiosity got the better of him. Worse than them? In a Royal palace?

"There are pages at Saint Darwin Boulevard," Lelouch said, without looking up as he stored away his purchases. "Boys their age, either from noble or knightly families, or the occasional commoner given special treatment. Some of those families follow the old ways; they learn to fight from the moment they can hold a sword."

He looked up, and there was a strange, unsettling smile on his face.

"Some of them would have cut your little friends to pieces, and laughed while they did it."

Suzaku shivered as he pictured it. From what he had heard of Britannians, Lelouch was almost certainly telling the truth.

"And my own mother's page was the worst of all," Lelouch went on. "In his eyes, there was…"

"No! You're lying!"

Lelouch froze, the strange look vanishing from his face. Suzaku spun around, and his heart clenched as he saw Nunnally in the doorway, seated in her wheelchair. She was clutching her skirt, her sightless eyes twitching behind her eyelids. She looked like she was going cry, just like that day over a month ago, when he and Lelouch had their first fight.

Standing next to her chair was his cousin, Kaguya Sumeragi, her normally doll-like face glaring at Lelouch. Suzaku only then remembered that he had left her to keep Nunnally distracted while he went looking for Lelouch. The two had been getting along much better recently, after all.

"Nunnally!" Lelouch pleaded. "Nunnally, this is…!"

"You're saying bad things about Alexander again!" Nunnally wailed. "You said he's mean! It's not true! He was kind to us!"

Suzaku's looked again at Lelouch, and saw a look of terrible anguish flash momentarily across his face. What was going on?

"Nunnally…I…"

"And you won't write to him! Euphie said so in her letter! You lied to me!"

Lelouch opened his mouth to protest, then froze as Kaguya held up a scrap of paper. Suzaku recognized it; it was the letter that had arrived from Princess Euphemia – Lelouch and Nunnally's sister – the day before.

The letter Lelouch had read out to Nunnally, without any mention of someone called Alexander.

"Nunnally…" Lelouch looked miserable. "We…we can't see Alexander any more."

"Why not?" Nunnally gripped her skirt harder, eyes squeezed tight. She looked like she was going to start crying. "Why do you hate Alexander so much?"

Suzaku fixed Lelouch with a hard stare. The other boy would not look him in the eye.

"It's not that…I don't…"

"Then why?" demanded Suzaku. It hurt him to see Nunnally so upset, and Kaguya so angry. "Wasn't he your friend? What's going on?"

Lelouch looked away, his shoulders hunched, his fists clenched.

"One day, Queen Gabriella set her pages on us," he said, in a grim tone. "Alexander fought them. And when he fought them, his eyes…."

Lelouch trailed off. He turned to look at Suzaku, his eyes haunted.

"His eyes were cold, empty," he went on. "As if…there was no one there. As if he felt nothing."

"It's not true!" Nunnally wailed! "He was scared! He thought it was all his fault! He cried! You cried too!"

She sniffed, and Suzaku saw the tears emerge from her closed eyes. Kaguya reached over to squeeze her hand. Her face had softened somewhat, but her eyes were still fixed on Lelouch. Suzaku looked from the girls, to Lelouch, to the girls again, and back to Lelouch, trying to make sense of it all.

"Kind of a jerk, aren't you?" he said.

"What?" Lelouch rounded on him, incredulous.

"I don't get what your problem is," Suzaku retorted, a little irritated. "So he was scary in a fight. Tohdoh-sensei's scary sometimes, but he's really cool, and he knows all kinds of stuff. It doesn't make your friend a bad person."

"He isn't!" insisted Nunnally, brightening a little. "He's handsome, and he's kind, and he's nice to everyone, unless they do bad things."

"You don't understand!" growled Lelouch. "I can't trust him! I can't trust any of them!"

"Why not?" Suzaku pressed, sensing victory. "You write to your sister don't you? He sounds like a decent enough guy."

"If he's so wonderful, why didn't he do anything!?"

The words came out as a shriek. Suzaku recoiled, and he saw Kaguya jump. Lelouch's face was a mask of rage, eyes bulging, teeth bared. He was only glad Nunnally couldn't see it.

"He didn't do anything!" Lelouch went on. "He didn't say anything! He just stood there while I faced that man alone! After all the love our mother showed him! After she forgave him everything! How did he repay her? He said nothing!"

He turned away and slammed his fist into the wooden wall. For a moment, Suzaku was too stunned to reply. Then he heard Nunnally whimper, and saw the tears running down her face.

Something inside him turned cold and hard.

"Well then," he said. "Why don't you go and tell my father what you think of him?"

Lelouch looked at him, surprised. The girls both looked at him as if he had lost his mind.

"Go on," Suzaku continued, his tone suddenly harsh. "You're always saying how useless he is. How he's stupid, and his government is stupid, and how they're wrecking Japan for their own profit. So then, go and tell him yourself!"

He pointed away at the main house, where his father was. Lelouch glared at him, his mouth twisting as if he was trying to say something, but didn't know what to say.

"Well, won't you?" he demanded, his lip curling as his anger rose. "If you're so honourable, then go and stand before my father and tell him what a stupid loser you think he is!"

"I can't do that!" bellowed Lelouch, half-angry, half pleading. He faltered almost instantly, as if he knew he had lost the battle.

"Yes! Exactly!" snapped Suzaku. "So stop being a hypocrite! You're no braver than him!"

Lelouch let out a snarl, then spun round and punched the wall again. He stood there for a few moments, shoulders hunched, eyes hidden in shadow.

"But I can't…" he whimpered. "I can't trust him."

His voice was hoarse, and something in it pulled the plug on Suzaku's anger.

"But why not?" he asked.

"Lelouch…" said Nunnally, mournfully.

"After the fight, he had to go away with Cornelia," Lelouch said, not looking up. "We hardly saw him for three years."

"But you were happy when he came back," insisted Nunnally. "He ran right down the stairs and gave Alexander a big hug!"

"He was with Cornelia the whole time," Lelouch went on. "She's…a wonderful, honourable, brave person, and he looks up to her so much."

"She is!" declared Nunnally, brightening a little.

Suzaku realised who he meant. Cornelia, the sister of their half-sister Euphemia, whom they had spoken of so many times.

"He was with her for three years, and they had all kinds of adventures," continued Lelouch. "The only person he loved more was our mother, and now she's dead. He's with her all the time."

"His mother died when he was a baby," added Nunnally sadly.

Suzaku began to understand. He could barely remember his own mother, but he was very fond of his aunt, her sister, and Kaguya's mother; the Lady Konoka Sumeragi. She was gentle, elegant woman – most of the time – who was very well educated and spoke several languages, including very good English. Everyone who knew the family agreed that Kaguya had inherited her mother's brains, but not her self-control.

His cousin could be a handful at times, but Lady Konoka was the nearest thing he had to a mother, and the only real link he had to his own mother. He could not bear the thought of offending her, or hurting her in any way. And on those occasions when he got to see her, she had always treated him like her own son.

"So then, write to him," he said, gently. "Tell him how you feel, and ask him how he feels."

"That's right!" Kaguya beamed. "You should tell him all about your honest and pure feelings!"

There was a long and awkward pause.

"Oh…all right!"

Lelouch took pen and paper from a nearby bureau – where had he gotten that? – and sat down at the table. A few minutes later, he finished the letter and began to fold it.

"Just a minute!" Kaguya snatched it from him and began to read it, Suzaku leaning over her shoulder to read it along with her.

"This is much too cold!" she complained as she finished. "Much too formal!"

"Yeah, it is," added Suzaku, not wanting to admit how hard he had found it to read. "You're not writing a formal letter, Lelouch. It's to your friend."

"What's wrong with it being formal?" demanded Lelouch irritably. "That's how we used to write when he went away with Cornelia!"

"It needs more feelings!" insisted Kaguya. "You should tell him how much you love him and miss him!" She raised her arm in a dramatic gesture, as if she were acting - rather badly – in a school play. "Of how the camellias of your maidenly heart bloom amid the light of his smile!"

Suzaku blinked in bewilderment. Where had that come from?

"I didn't understand a word of that," declared Nunnally, smiling awkwardly.

"I do not have a maidenly heart!" snapped Lelouch, shaking with anger and embarrassment. "Besides, I can't write things like that! He'll think I'm in love with him or something!"

"That's funny!" Kaguya shot him a coy look. "You're acting like you're in love with him!"

"All right! All right!" Suzaku stepped between them, before Lelouch could explode into red-faced fury. "Just write it again, and we'll tell you what to write."

Lelouch sat down again, grumbling to himself.

Chalcedon Palace, St Darwin Boulevard, July 2009 ATB

The mail had arrived.

Alexander was more than a little surprised to receive a letter. He rarely did, for he rarely wrote letters, and didn't really know anyone to write to in any case.

It was when he saw the envelope, and the writing on it, that he felt a thrill of excitement. It was Prince Lelouch's handwriting! Prince Lelouch had written to him!

As Euphemia opened her own letter from Lelouch, and her friends clustered around to listen, Alexander slipped away to one side. The library in which they were gathered was quite large, with many nooks and crannies in which to hide. He selected a window-seat, partially-hidden by thick, heavy curtains tied back with golden ropes, and opened the letter…

…and then recoiled as a cloud of perfume hit him full in the face. It was all he could do not to choke, so strong was the scent, and such was his surprise. Since when did Lelouch write scented letters?

To my beloved friend, Alexander

Please forgive me for being so cold. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, or Euphie's or Nunna's. I should have written to you as Euphie asked, but I couldn't find the words. It was the fears in my heart that prevented me from writing, from telling you how I really feel. I thought that perhaps my coldness had hurt you, and that you hated me.

I miss you so much, Alexander. I miss the days when we played together in the gardens, when we all walked hand in hand, and danced through fields of flowers, and when you sang to us.. How I long for the day when we meet again, like Alice and Puss in Boots amid the fields of flowers. Then we'll be together forever.

Your Prince

Lelouch

Alexander's mouth hung open. He could not think or speak. What was going on? Why would Prince Lelouch write something like this? What could have possessed him to do it?

Could it be…?

No! He shook his head, trying to drive the notion away. This wasn't Lelouch! It had to be some kind of mistake! It had to be! The stern, distant, dignified Lelouch he remembered would never write such sappy things! And why would he want to meet again like Alice and Puss in boots? It made no sense!

Puss in boots? And Alice? Had he lost his mind? Lelouch was normally so particular with the fairy tales he read to Nunnally. How could he mix them up?

Unless…

Forcing himself to move quietly, he slipped away from the window seat and headed towards a particular bookcase; the ones where Lelouch's books – the ones he left in Euphemia's keeping – were kept. It took him only a few moments to find the copies of Alice in Wonderland and Puss in Boots. He had seen them many times, mostly when he or Lelouch read to Nunnally from them. There was nothing in the pages to suggest anything, so Alexander turned his attention to the cover of Alice.

He paused a moment. The books were leather-bound, and not something he wanted to damage casually. He couldn't imagine Lelouch ever wilfully damaging a book, so if there was something Lelouch wanted him to find, then where was it?

A thought occurred, and he ran a finger down the soft paper lining the inside of the front cover. It was just slightly loose. Carefully, ever so carefully, Alexander ran his finger down again, putting just a little pressure on, enough for him to bend it up just slightly, and ease it out. The sheet came away from the leather binding, and there was a smaller piece of card affixed to the binding underneath. It was covered in a complex series of letter and numbers.

Alexander sighed with relief. It was one of Lelouch's ciphers! He had always had a fondness for ciphers and codes, though Alexander had found it hard to keep up with them all. Of course he would send a letter in code! It had to make more sense than him actually writing something like…well…like that.

He glanced from the letter to the cipher, slowly remembering how Lelouch had calculated them, and showed them to him. The process came back to him slowly, and as if by magic, the message seemed to form on the page before him.

DISREGARD THIS LETTER. WRITTEN UNDER DURESS. ANNOYING.

He sighed with relief. He knew there had to be a reason. But there was something more, at the very end.

WE MISS YOU.

Alexander came up short. They missed him? Really?

Tears began to prick at his eyes. He had begun to think that they hated him, or at least that they cared nothing for him; that they blamed him for what happened. But instead they…

"What have you got there?"

Alexander let out a yell and snapped the book shut. He spun round, and saw Euphemia and the others standing there, looking at him with obvious mirth. They had snuck up on him!

"Uh…your highness…I…"

"You've got a letter!" Euphemia declared, pointing at the letter. "Who's it from?"

"I…I…" Alexander stammered, trying to think of a way to deflect her attention.

"What's that smell?" Danielle asked, sniffing the air. "It's perfume."

"It's the letter!" shrieked Louise, in obvious delight. "Alexander got a love letter!"

In an instant they were upon him.

"Is it from Monica?"

"Show us! Show us!"

"Alexander's got a girlfriend!"

Alexander tried to back away, to keep the letter from the horde of shrieking girls. But his back hit the bookcase, and he stumbled. It was all he could do not to drop the precious book, Lelouch's book.

Then his blood turned to ice as he saw the letter in Euphemia's hand, as all the girls gathered round to read it. He could only watch, frozen, as their faces turned from delight to confusion.

"Alexander?" Euphemia asked, looking up from the letter. "Is there…something you want to tell us?"

Alexander's mind was a blank. He could feel their eyes upon him, and the vortex of blind, mind-blanking embarrassment rising to engulf him. Within hours this would be all over St Darwin Boulevard. What would people think? What would they say?

"It's all right Alexander!" declared Louise, smiling. "We understand!"

"Uh...?" Alexander paused, caught off-guard.

"Do we?" Euphemia asked, turning to look at her companion.

"Of course!" Louise stepped up and patted Alexander on the shoulder in a companionable sort of way. "It's only to be expected! Lelouch is very pretty after all!"

Alexander's blood ran cold, again. He tried to say something, to object, but he couldn't speak!

"Yes, he is, now that you mention it" mused Danielle.

"We all understand, Alexander." It was Charlotte, the wallflower of their little group, her hands clasped under her chin. "We love Lelouch too. Won't you please tell us about your feelings?"

"Oh yes! Tell us!" There was a strange gleam in Louise's eyes. "Tell us everything!"

"Tell us! Tell us!"

Alexander's mind sank into a blank, empty torpor. He would never live this down.