Chapter 6: Force of Will

After clearing his head, Subaru had slowed his pace accordingly.

Julius had obviously gone to the Taygeta Library in search of Reid's book. Though to Subaru, this might have seemed like a method too underhanded for Julius to make, he understood the premise of his conclusion.

The more information they could get on Reid, the better. Facing him again, especially alone, would only result in utter defeat. At this point, Julius was most definitely aware that attempting to take on the Sword Saint a second time would only humiliate him further. Julius had likely realized that gathering knowledge on this person was the best possible option.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Subaru was now in a steady walk, rather than the sprint he had found himself in before. He had assumed the worst, and now he was kicking himself for it. Julius was an idiot, but certainly not as stupid as Subaru considered himself to be.

He rounded the circular hallway before reaching another shorter staircase, this time leading into the library, where he presumed Julius to be. Walking up, he raised his head and peered through the various isles, hoping he would be able to spot the knight.

"I guess that would be too easy, wouldn't it?"

Unable to see anyone in the immediate vicinity, he made his way through the shelves and began searching. Finding a specific book out of all of these would certainly be an arduous task, it was entirely possible that Julius was still searching for it.

"Julius!"

The boy shouted his name a few times, hoping to get some kind of reply.

Letting out a sigh, he realized that either the knight was ignoring him, or was already under the effects of the book. It was also possible that he had not come to the library in the first place, though Subaru couldn't imagine him running off anywhere else.

Walking through the array of books, he came across a towering row of shelves, each book that lie on the shelf also had the same color.

Curiously, he inched closer to inspect it. Most of the other books had random colors. They would be red, green, blue, sometimes even white or pink. But all of these books were a dark black.

Cocking his head sideways, he attempted to read the label of one of the books.

Familiar characters engraved themselves on the neck of the book.

"What."

The boy's gut began to wrench. Sweat appeared on the back of his neck. He felt a wave of anxiety erupt inside of him.

Reaching out and grabbing the book, he gulped. Was this some kind of trick? Maybe someone was toying with him?

He shivered as his eyes glossed over the title on the neck.

'Natsuki Subaru'

Gritting his teeth, he slowly placed the book back onto the shelf.

Towering above, the wall of black haunted him. If not for the fact that his name was written in kanji, he would be utterly screwed… If someone was to see these books, knowing how his name was written, things would go south quickly. He would have to find a way to prevent the others from opening these, or maybe make an excuse not to come into the library in the first pla-

Suddenly, Subaru's thoughts were interrupted by sound of a thud across the room.

Alerted by this, he scrambled his way through the isles until he had finally found the source of the noise.

On the floor lie an unconscious Julius, his fingers were holding something to his side.

"Julius!"

Subaru ran towards him, pulling at his shoulder. As he did this, Julius' arm dropped what he was holding, and a red book flopped onto the floor, landing openly in front of him.

Before he could turn away, his consciousness had left him.

His surroundings began to fade and blur. His vision went completely black, before then snapping into a blinding white.

He twitched slightly. This was an oddly familiar feeling. Similar to Return by Death, Subaru felt as if his soul had been ripped away, and then placed in a new area. However, this time it came without the excruciating pain involved.

Holding his elbow in front of his eyes, he slowly allowed himself to adjust to the sudden change of environment.

Pulling his arm away, he began to make out objects.

"Subaru!?"

A familiar purple haired man spun around, interrogating him.

Confused, the boy tried to make sense of his surroundings.

"Wh- Julius? Where the hell are we?"

His vision finally adjusted, and he could now see the knight in front of him.

Julius opened his mouth for a moment to respond, but then closed it, realizing he was hardly sure of it himself.

"O~oh? Another one, tsu~! You knights really are something."

Subaru jerked his head past the knight to find a small blonde girl beckoning at his arrival.

"Great, another loli."

To this, her face twisted slightly. The word was familiar to her, but she had trouble placing it. Clicking her tongue, she juggled around various names with her authority, before arriving at an incomprehensible feeling.

Stopping on the memories of an oni maid, her body twitched uncontrollably with a euphoric feeling.

Wracking her brain, she tried to understand what this feeling was. Lust? Hope?…. Happiness? No.

Love.

"Ah~h"

The two knights gazed in confusion as the girl wrapped her arms around herself, glancing at Subaru and blushing heavily.

"As expected of our hero. To reach Od Laguna, the Hall of Memories, all for our sake."

Pieces of the puzzle began to fit together in Subaru's mind.

His face began to twist into a deep scowl, as burning red hatred filled his eyes.

"Gluttony."

Her eyes flashed for a moment, before she turned her mouth into a grin.

"One such as you, a fine problem solver… You might have what we are looking for, tsu~!"

Pushing back the familial memories, she made clear her initiative.

Subaru reached for the sword on his hip, leaning forward.

"Subaru, don't!"

Julius attempted to stop him, but the boy had already taken off in the direction of the girl.

Her smile widened as he drew closer to her.

"Solar Eclipse."

In a split second, she had disappeared.

"Huh?"

Subaru looked over his shoulder to find a toned bare chested man behind him.

"Natsuki Subaru."

The man instantaneously changed his form back into that of a small girl.

Raising her hand above her head, she dropped something into her mouth.

Realization quickly struck him as the girl gulped.

"No!"

Julius reached out his hand, before balling up his fist and slamming it on the floor.

The boy collapsed onto the ground.

The room grew silent for a moment.

"…"

Wide eyed, the knight stared blankly, realizing the implications of what had just occurred.

The last person who remembered him had been eaten, and by the same monster that had taken his own name, no less.

But worse…

He had led it to happen.

Beyond his pointless identity, the culmination of failures he had wrought thus far had led to these events. Or, at the least, his mind had convinced him so.

"Why?"

Grabbing his head, he sat on his knees, questioning the world.

"Why?!"

Screaming into empty space in front of him, he called for an answer.

.

.

.

He was met with silence.

Why am I so useless?

Only seconds passed, but each felt as if it were hours. The knight stared at the body of the boy laying on the ground, unable to commit to any action.

"~Aah"

The girl had finished tasting the memories of the black haired boy.

"Final~ly, ~tsuu, we have found it!"

Tugging on her hair, carressing her shoulders and twirling her hands into the sky, she believed that her long sought solution had finally come.

"Yes! With this, we can redo! we can… Change everything, until we can finally be…"

Dropping her hands, she interlaced her fingers and brought them to her chest.

"Hap~py."

With a smile, she endlessly monologued about her potentially new found guide to the future.

Not content with this, Julius worked himself up to his feet.

"You…"

He reached for his sword. He was unable to locate his spirits, but at this point he had become accustomed to fighting without them.

"I won't let you-"

"Let me what?"

Before he could finish his statement, she had already called it into question.

With a wide grin, she continued.

"There is nothing, ~tsuuu! It has already happened! We have taken him, and you merely watched. Now you wish to do something?"

Julius' gaze began to falter at her words.

Seeing this, she chose not to stop.

"Yes~s, you could have tried, but now you can do nothing. In fact, you are nothing. Now that he is gone, there is not a single reason for you to exist."

Leaning over she began to caress Subaru's hair.

A slight look of discomfort appeared on her face, as if she hadn't been able to fully complete her goal, but ultimately she couldn't complain, even if she couldn't take his name.

"Ah~h, yes. Unlike us, you are worthless, ~tsu."

"…"

Julius winced his eyes shut, her words penetrated through him like steel rods. His mind flared with guilt and self hate. He thought about all of the people he had failed. Even his beloved brother, he could no longer remember. Finally, he had led Subaru into a trap. Now, the only person who remembered him, and the only person capable of carrying the torch of hope forward, had been stripped of his memories. And what led up to this? His failure to trust Subaru. Yes, the boy was suspicious. Ever since he had lost that duel, Julius wondered just how Subaru was able to make up for his astonishing lack of power so quickly. But he knew in the back of his mind that the want-to-be knight never had any ill intentions. Not only had Julius failed as a knight, he had failed as a friend. And with his death, he would rightfully fade out of existence.

All that was left was for him to accept the end.

"Totally useless. Utterly useless. Completely useless. We're telling you it's useless, and as it's useless, won't you accept that it's useless?"

Despite berating him as she trailed her fingers through Subaru's hair, she was devising a plan. She would leach a part of herself into the young boy, and finally experience the finality she always desired.

As if blowing a kiss, a part of her soul separated and took it's place, fixing itself firmly into the boy's od.

"Ah~h, ~tsu!"

With her plan in place, she needed only rid herself of the gremlin in the room.

Turning herself away from her new toy, she fixed her eyes on Julius.

She took a step forward.

Licking her lips as she walked, she considered what to do with him.

Would she kill him? Destroying his soul here would surely kill him. His physical body would be left a husk, and bystanders might only be able to assume he died of weakness. But at this point, that might be exactly what Julius would want.

Maybe she could steal his memories? Well, from what she had seen of Subaru's, they likely weren't worth much to her.

What if she took his name again? It would be an experiment. Yes, Roy had already eaten his name, but was it possible that she could eat it once more? If it were anything like eating memories, she needed only to fundamentally change him as a person, and it looked like she had already done enough to make that happen. And if he were to be put under that suffering once again, this time without a close friend being able to remember him, just how would he handle it?

Perhaps he would die, and lose himself forever. Or maybe…

"What a fine meal you might become."

Slipping her hand over his ear, she prepared the meal.

He watched as she lightly touched his head. He wondered what her plan was. Either way, he couldn't imagine himself leaving alive. He was sure she would steal what was left of him, and finally kill him.

He sat coldly, paying little mind to her actions. He could hear her whisper to herself before placing something in her mouth. He prepared himself to lose his memories, but…

"…"

Nothing changed.

"Huh?"

Letting out a snicker at the boy's confusion, Louis began to walk away.

"So it worked, ~tsu."

Confused as to why he was still there, Julius began to question her.

"Why… Just what did you do to me?"

The knight began to turn pale, realizing that his longing for an end had been met with something that could be far worse.

"~Oh, nothing we haven't already done."

She couldn't stop the grin that formed on her face. She was ready to laugh out how easily she had ruined this mans existence.

Instead, she decided to return to her side of the room, eager to see the results of her-

"Uoa~h."

A wave of serenity overcame Subaru.

As if he were drifting away on a floating bed in a swimming pool, his body was lightly caressed by waves of warmth.

Unexplainable, unimaginable, inconceivable comfort penetrated his entire being.

For what felt like both fractions of a second, and millennia, the boy allowed himself to sit still in the all encompassing feeling.

But while his mind welcomed these feelings, his thoughts tried to escape them.

He could feel emptiness inside, as if he had forgotten something. As if this entire reality was trying to tear him away from something incredibly important.

Pushing past the engrossing euphoria of his rest, he forced his mind to think.

What was he missing? He could feel walls of pressure containing his thoughts, forcing him away from his attempt at recollection.

Perhaps he should just give up?

He began to relax and give in to the warmth.

Laying back down, he felt a familiar feeling.

This was something that had happened to him before, he was certain of it.

It was just like that time he…

"Ah."

Suddenly, a wall of memories burst forth.

His friends, his family, his failures and his final moments all constructed into a single picture in from of him.

"So that's it… So this is what it's like to be eaten?"

He quickly realized where he was. What he was.

He was only memories. He was only a part of himself. But what was the definition of himself?

Perhaps memories made the person? Was the person outside, who was now relieved of his memories, truly Subaru?

Moving his head slightly, he tried to get a view of his surroundings.

All around him, people lay flatly in rows. Thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of people lined the beds in an endless white expanse.

For a moment, he noticed a blue blur.

Jerking his head back, he forced himself to fixate on the person next to him.

A blue haired girl lay silently on the bed across from his own.

"Rem…"

Deep within his being, rage took hold of him.

"Rem!"

Gritting his teeth, he tried to force himself to stand up. But a force as great as a car magnet stapled him to his bed.

He tried to reach out his arms, to claw his way towards her, but he was entirely locked into place.

"GRAAA!"

Kicking and screaming as loud as he could, he resisted the force.

Suddenly, the girls eyes began to open. Hearing his cries, she slowly turned her head towards his.

Locking their eyes, Subaru knew that it was truly her.

Indeed, the body that lay outside was merely a vessel. While she was there, she was never truly there.

"Subaru… kun…"

She forced words out of her mouth in weakness.

For the past year, she had been locked away.

Tears began to stream down her eyes as she realized what had happened to him.

"Not... you...too…"

Subaru was trapped by the same person who had trapped her. After all that she had said, he could not save her.

The boy gritted his teeth again.

Forcing himself up, he immediately broke past the first wave of oppression that kept him cemented to the bed.

Incredible agony coursed through his mind. Pain like he had never felt injected itself into him. Never once had he felt something to this degree.

Rabbits, knives, rocks, fire, ice and wind were nothing compared to what he was feeling.

For the first time since he had come out of that cave, he was no longer numb to the pain.

On his knees, he turned his head to a wide eyed Rem.

Holding his stomach, he cursed the impossible agony that was slowing him.

"I…"

Sputtering out words, he tried to convey something to her.

"I won't… L-let you down. I'm y-your hero… after all."

To this, her eyes softened. Tears began to fall faster, as she let out a smile.

"R-rem will… T-trust you."

And that was all he needed.

Inside of him, something burned. It wasn't rage. It wasn't fear or even pain.

For years, he sat comfortably on a bed of sand under the dunes. Even in a situation that he deemed beyond hope, and without any possibility of recovery, he powered through.

Indominable will, forged in fire and ash had manifested itself inside of him.

Looking up at the expanse of white above him he let out a proclamation.

"I… will… stand."

Urging onwards, he raised his knee upwards, and planted his foot.

Once again, incomprehensible pain surged through him. However, what wasn't already numb, was chewed up and spit out.

Wave after wave of pain and hurt piled onto him.

But he continued. Nothing would stop him.

Now, both legs were planted on the ground.

He leaned upright, facing the ceiling above him.

Slowly dimming and churning, it began to swallow him.

The white faded to black.

All around him, colors appeared and disappeared. He was being moved, mustering himself forward through an expanse of nothingness.

Until suddenly…

images appeared. Once again he was in a white room. He could feel his body changing and shifting, taking a form that felt most desirable to him.

Ahead of him, he could make out a blot of purple. A man in a white jacket stood across from him wide eyed.

"W-whyy~, we a-are the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony, Louis Arneb… H-how have you done this to us~?"

The last vestiges of the being that harbored him let out a confused cry of grief. Her plans had backfired unimaginably, as the persona of the boy overtook her.

Realizing this, the boy answered with a serious demeanor.

"It's obvious, isn't it? You were too weak."

With those words, her body collapsed in on itself, completely changing into something else entirely.

A young boy with black hair and a track suit now took her place, facing a trembling knight.

Next to him lie the same boy, but this time with an entirely different garment. He sat quietly on the floor, completely unconscious.

"What? S-Subaru?"

The knight questioned him. Warily, he began to take a step back.

Subaru lifted his hands in front of his eyes, checking himself up and down, verifying that it was indeed him.

"Hmm. Yeah, I guess it really is me."

Looking back up at the knight, Subaru noticed a hint of unease in Julius.

Taking a step towards him, he tried to talk with him.

"Man, it's nice to have the tracksuit back. Those clothes were really getting old. I'm glad to see you're okay Julius, did she do any-"

"S-stay back!"

Waving sword through the air, Julius pointed it at the boy. He was clearly shaking now. He almost looked scared of him.

Stepping forward, Subaru tried to explain everything to him.

"Look, Julius, it's just me! She's not here anymore, just talk to me! Did she do something to you?"

Falling on his back, the knight kicked backwards and dropped the sword. Raising his hands forward, he said in a terrified tone.

"P-please! Don't hurt me… I… I just…"

Gazing down at the crazed knight, Subaru was at a loss for words.

"Julius…"

Suddenly, the room began to shake. Beneath Julius, and the limp body of Subaru, a crack began to form in the Hall of Memories.

"Time's up, eh? Well then."

Kneeling in front of Julius, Subaru placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Look, Julius. I need you to take care of him while I'm gone. I can't go back with you."

Pulling his limp doppelganger forward, he sat him next to the knight.

"He'll be confused. I hate to say it, but you'll probably see me at my worst again. Just keep him out of trouble, okay?"

Giving Julius a thumbs up and a smile, he saw them off.

"I'll be there shortly. Just hold on until I'm back."

A fissure formed beneath the two, swallowing them whole.

Julius reached his arm forward, trying to grab onto Subaru.

"Wait… I can't…"

He tried to call out to him. To say anything. To tell him how weak he was.

But before he could say anything else, everything went black.

I can't… I'll fail again.

With his return to the tower, Julius had fallen to new depths.

Chapter 6, end.

Alright! I know this chapter is a bit shorter. I agonized over how to structure everything and ended up cutting a lot of unnecessary junk out. Anyways, let me know what you think. I'm hoping that Subaru's mentality feat here doesn't seem like a total ass pull, I tried to at least make sense of it, but ultimately I'm not Tappei. Also, I will be moving the uploads to Sundays now instead of Saturday. Next week, I am hoping to begin writing for the contest, and be able to have enough time to work on both that, and the next chapter so I don't miss an upload. As always, your support is greatly appreciated, please let me know what you guys think!