Chapter 9: The Ascent
"Gh-raaaaaaah!"
Subaru wrapped his fingers around the ankle of the knight, pulling with every ounce of his strength. With one hand, he was managing to prevent Julius from falling for the time being. However, it was only a matter of minutes before his grip strength gave out.
"Subaru- stop this! You're putting yourself in danger!"
The knight reasoned with Subaru, and yet the boy did not listen.
"You're the last person that needs to lecture me about safety!"
This is bad… Subaru thought to himself.
His one arm was outstretched to maintain a hold on Julius, but one hand wouldn't be enough to hold on to him for much longer. His only option would be to reach down with his other arm, but he would have to push his body out into the empty gap by an uncomfortable amount.
"Damn it, why not take the risk?"
He pushed his chest out into the empty space in an attempt to reach the knight's foot with his other hand. Unfortunately, this backfired, and Subaru's body began to tilt forward as Julius' weight began to carry him downward.
Shit, this isn't turning out like I planned!
He realized that things were going south quickly. Subaru's body had already made it's way off the ledge and would soon fall.
With little time to spare, he stretched out his free hand and grabbed the corner of the floor.
"Ahhg!"
The taste of blood filled his mouth. This maneuver was so Incredibly stressful that he had popped a blood vessel. A small factor in the grand scheme of things.
He was now holding Julius with one hand, and supporting both of their weight with his other.
This isn't gonna last, I have to do something!
His eyes scattered across the surrounding area, searching for anything of use.
The stairs!
Looking towards the wall, he noticed a spot where the stairs circled the wall a second time, although it was likely a 20-30 foot drop.
He shook his head for a moment as he considered the possibility of Julius getting hurt.
I don't have time to think about "what if", this is our only chance!
He then began to swing his left arm -which was currently holding the purple haired knight- from left to right, building momentum.
"Subaru! What are you doing!? You might fall!"
The knight urged him to stop, but Subaru only snapped back at him.
"Shut up! You're the last person I want bickering to me about safety you jackass!"
Finally building enough momentum, he gave one final pull.
"Mount Everesto!"
Loosening his grip, he cast the knight to the side, swinging him with enough momentum that his fall would align with the stairs.
'I did it!' Subaru celebrated internally, however he could feel his grip beginning to slip. The momentum from his throw had left him with only two fingers holding to the base of the floor above him.
His wrist was burning like lava, the sweat from his fingers only lubricating the floor, further causing him to slip more and more until-
"Shit-"
His hand was no longer gripping the floor.
Oh no.
He was falling. Again.
This was the second time.
No... Not again. Not again! No, please!
His mind screamed words, but his physical mouth couldn't muster more than a light whimper.
"Subaru!"
Landing and rolling onto the stairs, Julius realized Subaru's predicament. He quickly angled his body forward, pressing his back foot against the wall.
I won't fail, not again!
The brick of the wall cracked under the pressure as he kicked forward.
However, an issue immediately became evident. His right leg had nearly broken from the amount of force he had generated, causing him to relent.
Had he been conscious of the situation earlier, he would not have left his spirits behind. Now, he had minimal magic to reinforce his body.
What an idiot he was for this grave miscalculation.
The knight shot forward through the air, reaching out a hand to grab onto the falling boy.
"Subaru!" He called out.
Subaru turned his head, realizing that Julius was closing in. Although he was unsure how Julius had managed to jump so far, he stretched out his arm in an attempt to avoid his fate.
So close!
The knight grew closer, his arm outstretched, he only had one chance to save him.
"Grab on!"
Both parties had their arms extended as far as possible, trying to grasp any surface area they could manage… But it was not enough.
Julius barely managed to graze Subaru's index finger, only barreling past him through the air.
"Subaru, no!"
As he passed through the air, he could see the boys face. He saw the eyes of a man preparing to die. Julius slammed into the wall on the opposite side of the room, falling to the stairs that stretched down the wall, eventually rolling to a stop.
He couldn't bare to look. He couldn't handle the thought of realizing the finality of his actions.
He attempted to kill himself, simply to sacrifice his only friend.
That's what it was. He hated him. Yes, that's right. That boy could never be his friend.
He hated Subaru. That was the only explanation. Why else was that boy now taking the fall instead of him?
Julius gave a pathetic chuckle. What kind of hell was this? He forced his eyes shut and sucked air into his lungs.
"Aaaaaa...aaaaAAAAAAAHHH!"
As if falling into madness, he began punching the stairs. After a few punches, his gloves tore from his hands, blood running down the steps as the crunch of his breaking fingers echoed from wall to wall.
Why doesn't it hurt?!
He raised his hands and began pull at his own hair, grasping each strand with the fingers that managed to survive his pugilistic rampage on the stairs.
Even now, when I'm at my lowest, I can't feel a thing!
His maddened thoughts coalesced, he couldn't place a reason that he should be devoid of pain. Even as he raged psychopathically, Julius considered the meaning of his own words.
Perhaps he wanted to be punished? Yes, he was happy to acknowledge his own failures, however, there was something more.
He really never wanted to be separated from everyone, alienated in such a way.
Punishment meant that he should die. It dictated that he deserved a slow and painful death, and despite the fact that he so clearly deserved it, it wasn't what he truly sought.
Ahhh, that's it.
He realized what it was, an absurd and almost unthinkable feeling. He remembered his own pity towards those who thought like this.
He simply wanted to feel something that distracted him from reality. Nothing more.
Such a pitiful reason, that's what it was. He wanted to die. He wanted to jump off of those stairs and join Subaru, to bury himself along with his greatest failure.
To finally be free, to rest from his torment.
"B-but I can't."
If he died here, he would be throwing away the life that Subaru sacrificed himself for.
"Why? Why, why, why, why, why, why, WHY!?"
It was beyond his comprehension, even after killing his only friend, he was allowed- no, forced to live.
Julius flinched as an audible splat echoed through the room. This was the finality of his actions. The fruit of his pathetic existence.
Tears finally began to stain his face.
It was over. His final failure had been set in stone.
Blood and tears covered the self hatred, the contempt he had for himself.
Even after everything he had done, he couldn't take his own life.
Weeping silently, Julius Juukulius pondered the depths of his own foil.
Subaru woke up.
Though it was not a normal awakening.
In reality, he had been awake for quite some time now. If it wasn't for the fact that his body returned to it's previous form multiple times, he likely would have been in bed after being awake this long.
Though ironically enough, he was already in a bed.
Strange how that works out, eh?
It was time to stop distracting himself. Time was of the essence, and he sure as hell wasn't going to waste any.
Spontaneously, he sat up in the bed.
"Julius, come here." Subaru's words vibrated through the Green Room.
Shocked faces turned to see him.
A white haired angel shook from her slumber, realizing that he had finally awoken.
"S-Subaru, you..."
"Emilia, I lost my memories. I don't know much about you. But don't worry, we'll figure this out together."
Hearing this, Emilia was almost too confused to cry.
He forgot? but he knew who they were. Beatrice had a similarly perplexing look. Subaru sat up in his bed, and glared at Julius. The knight was shocked, and almost looked on guard.
"Guess I'll have to go make my way over to you, then." The black haired boy mumbled to himself.
He pulled himself out of the bed. The two shocked girls would have stopped him, but they were far too puzzled to take any action.
Subaru stepped over until he was face to face with Julius, He could see the unease in the knights eyes.
Confusion, hesitance, bewilderment. He still had no idea what might have led to the circumstances he found himself in, but there was at least one thing Subaru was certain of.
Julius stared back into his eyes. He recognized the look in them. There was Tenacity and grit that Julius could never fool himself into believing he had.
But he asked. He asked the question anyway, like the fool he was.
"Who... Who are you?"
Subaru somewhat expected that question. He had been asking himself that same ridiculous question since this entire mess began. He had never been able to give himself a proper answer.
But for Julius, he had a definitive answer. He pulled his head back and stared at the ceiling for a moment. His eyes traced the cracks between the bricks.
He considered whether he really wanted to do what he was about to do, but shook it off.
He just died. Twice in a row, he died falling from the same stupid floor, in the same stupid tower, in the same stupid way.
The first one was pretty bad, but so was the second one. Somehow he managed to stay alive for quite a while. It hurt like hell. He's already been through this twice. What he was about to do was child's play.
"Julius."
He returned his gaze to the knight. He pulled his head back slightly again, and seemed to hold in a breath.
"I'll have you know..." Julius knew. He was about to yell and scream at him for his uselessness. His arrogance.
Julius had the nerve to ask 'Natsuki Subaru' who he was. He closed his eyes ready to accept.
"I'm your friend!"
Julius opened his eyes wide, right before Subaru's skull crashed into his forehead.
"-Augh?!"
Both fell backwards onto the floor, but Subaru quickly scrambled back to his feet. Julius sat with his eyes wide, his lightly bruised forehead couldn't have been anything more than a nuisance to him.
What mattered now were those words.
"I hate your guts. I really do!"
He remembered his conversation with Subaru after the defeat of the White Whale. That boy had played it off, saying he couldn't care less about Julius.
For all that time, Julius wished he could call Subaru a friend of his. But he had resigned himself to being the target for Subaru's hate and malice.
Memories or not, Subaru was still Subaru, and Julius was still Julius. Why would Subaru have a sudden change of heart? Had he only lost some of his memories? Had he forgotten his encounter at the royal selection?
Suddenly a hand reached out and grabbed the knight's collar.
"And as your friend, I'm going to rip you out of that fridge-magnet mindset of yours!"
"A... What?"
"Agh! Damn this cultural barrier… You're so polarized, you're either clinging on to something for dear life, or you're pushing yourself away from them. Don't you play dumb with me, I know what you're thinking!"
Subaru grit his teeth and pulled Julius up to his face.
"You think you're useless, just because everyone forgot who you are. You think your life is expendable. Did someone drop you on your head as a kid?! Pretty boy white knight, you think you can get away with playing the hero!?"
"What, I-I..." Julius stuttered in response.
"Don't mumble around as if you don't get it, you planned to let yourself die! Do you have any idea just how selfish that is!?"
"I-I didn't-" The knight attempted to choke out a response, but he was saying things so strange, yet so on-point that he wasn't sure how to reply.
Did Subaru see his display in front of Gluttony, how he had given up, ready to die? There were so many questions he had, but he couldn't muster the will to ask.
"Don't toy with me Julius! I saw it. I don't know how long you've been thinking about it. I'm sure you've agonized, struggled and lost hair over it. I get it. The last year or so, I've also been running away. hoping my parents would hate me, I wanted everyone to give up on me and toss me out."
Subaru sunk his head for a short moment, before peering over his shoulder to see two girls watching him.
"But damn it... They just wouldn't let go of me. I might not be anybody special. But I'm special to somebody! So if you die here, you'll be throwing everything away. All those memories they had for you... Just because they forgot you, are you really willing to give up on everything? Don't you care about those memories?!"
Subaru pushed him by his neck, forcing him up against the wall.
"You think they won't miss you? You think they'll just forget forever? I don't know much about these 'names' or 'memories', but do you really think they're non recoverable? Don't waste my time with that hopelessness. Look at me! I'm weak. The weakest of the weak, an utter failure and a nobody. But I'm still here, in the middle of some legendary watchtower, surrounded by pretty girls, spirits and dragons. Anything can happen. Don't you dare give in to an undetermined future!"
The air stilled for a moment.
The knight stood wide eyed at the ground. He wasn't sure what to make of those words. He couldn't believe what Subaru had said. Nothing made sense no matter how much he considered it.
Did Subaru only forget a few things?... A conundrum to solve another day.
His eyes softened a bit as he considered the words Subaru had directed at him. An unfamiliar warm feeling glossed it's way down his cheeks.
"Ah, I must look quite unprofessional at the moment."
He was crying.
He couldn't remember the last time he had cried like this. Not out of despair, or frustration, but grateful tears.
"I'm... Sorry, please forgive my-"
A hand reached out and grabbed his collar again, shaking him like a doll.
"Hey, no apologies. I'm not the one you should be apologizing to anyway."
Subaru looked at the door, and Julius immediately understood what he meant. Just how would Anastasia take it if she found out that he was ready to throw away his life without a fight?
"I don't ever want to hear you try to apologize to me again. When this is all over, and she can remember you, you better use all that effort to whip up the best apology you can think of. You got that?!"
Julius finished drying the drops from his face and gave a wry smile. "Of course. If you insist, I will never be apologetic about any of my actions around you again, although you may find yourself regretting those words one day."
Subaru gave an apprehensive look, before rubbing the back of his head.
"Damn, this is probably another one of those things I forgot, isn't it?"
Emilia gave a short giggle, before standing upright and crossing her arms.
"Mmm, we don't know too much about Julius-san right now, but from what he told us, you definitely didn't care much for him."
"Heh? That was probably me being a tsundere. Wow, this is really going to come back to bite me, isn't it?"
Subaru scratched his cheek with his finger. It made him slightly uncomfortable to be unknowingly making friends with someone he must have 'hated' before, but now wasn't the time to dwell on such things.
"Let's just forget all of that for a minute, I'm going to need all of your help with something."
Subaru sat on the ledge kicking his legs back and forth.
This plan is horrible.
Sweat beaded down from his forehead.
"If you weren't here, I would be really nervous."
Subaru gestured to a small spirit that was now perched next to his shoulder. It was hardly visible, but it would serve as the eyes on his back while he waited. He would have to thank Emilia for introducing them next time he talked.
'They're coming'. The spirit telegraphed it's words into Subaru's head.
Suddenly, he was rattled. Fear overtook him as he shook in place. He mustered all of his attention to make out the near-silent footsteps as they made their way behind him.
'Not yet'. The spirit tried to calm him, but it did nothing.
His body shivered uncontrollably. Who were they? Who was this person that wanted him dead? He cast away the thought, he had to trust his friends.
He would be fine.
Besides, so what if he died? He had already died twice, this was nothing... Right?
He couldn't stop shaking. He couldn't hear the footsteps over his own heartbeat anymore.
He was going to die. They were going to push him off, he was doomed to fail again, he was-
'Now!'
At the spirits command, he ducked his shoulders to the right and grabbed onto the ledge. He could feel something slip past him.
They were small. They must have tried to use their entire bodyweight to push him off the ledge. But now they were the ones falling.
The irony was almost too clear. Subaru would have laughed, he might have even scoffed or spat at their attempt, until he looked down.
They were a child. The small girl with blue hair.
"What."
He didn't even stop to consider. There was no point in thinking about it. If he didn't do this right now, he would live and die in regret.
He didn't care if he died again. This was precisely the reason he was alive.
So he jumped.
"Hold on, Meili!" He was at least a second behind her as she fell, but he would have to make up for it with aerodynamics.
He pointed his head straight down and placed his hand against his legs. Fashioned as an arrow, he slowly gained distance on the girl. They were only a few meters apart now. Reaching out his hand, he called for her again.
"Meili, grab on!"
She was falling with her back pointed to the ground, Strangely, her face wasn't what he expected. Yes, she looked surprised, but any normal kid in this situation would be crying and screaming, right?
Her look of surprise was shaken off, and she tried to pound herself out of her stubborn mindset. But she was afraid. She couldn't get rid of that fear.
She tried to kill him, again. They wouldn't forgive her this time. But, why did he jump? Why was he putting his own life in danger? To save her?
It didn't make sense. Surely, he just wanted to capture her alive so he could punish her... right?
But she knew deep down that it wasn't the case. She had seen for herself just what he would do for others. She was no exception.
He was going to save her. He was going to save his own murderer. So she took his hand anyway.
She was immediately pulled into his chest. He buried her as deep in his arms as he could, preparing for what came next.
If my plan B fails here, she might still survive. I'll make sure of it.
As he tore through the atmosphere, he found his hand covering the back of her head.
His memories flashed back to his first death.
He was able to survive a bit longer thanks to landing on Julius' body. If she had his entire body cushioning the fall, there was a good chance she would live in the event that everything went wrong.
He didn't plan to let himself die again, but he was a boy- no, a man with some amount of conviction.
Damn, I really hope this isn't some wicked game. Three strikes and you're out would be a bad way to go. He thought to himself.
He aimed his back downward as he plummeted.
He would have to protect her, no matter what. He didn't dare look down. All he could do was trust. This was the most cursed trust fall he could imagine, but if hid friends had insisted it, he wouldn't have it any other way.
Out of nowhere, it felt like the wind stopped bearing down on his neck. It was a strange feeling, but a welcome one. As if he had tunneled right through a portal.
His trust had paid off, as Beatrice had opened a gate directly beneath him, launching him directly out vertically on the other side of the room. He was now skidding to a stop on the other end of the portal, as Emilia had created an ice ramp to slow his momentum. Sliding and spinning off to the side, he rolled across the floor, gingerly covering Meili's head as his arms and legs scuffed against the brick.
Finally coming to a stop, he released his grip on the girl. But she didn't move, her head still buried into his chest.
"Subaru!"
Emilia ran to his side, before noticing the girl in his arms. Directly behind her, Shaula and Beatrice joined.
"Betty's Subaru is an idiot, in fact. Jumping off was far from necessary I suppose, you simply endangered your own life."
Shaula caught up, shaking her head and responding to Beatrice's comment with a blunt face.
"Nope! Master wouldn't get hurt from something like that, nope!
Subaru twitched slightly as she said that. She had no idea just how wrong she was.
Julius came around the corner, his spirits hovering above his fingers.
"In any case, it seems to have all worked itself out. So the culprit was Meili, as we suspected?"
Nodding, Subaru replied.
"I guess it was…"
He looked down to find her still hanging on for dear life, not moving an inch.
Somewhat alerted, he gave her a light shake.
"H-hey, are you okay?"
In response, she only shook. He was relieved that she was definitely still alive, but he couldn't be sure that she was uninjured. Subaru checked her up and down. No blood, not cuts, no bruises. She was fine.
But she wouldn't move. Why wouldn't she move? Was she afraid?
"Ah, yeah that's probably it."
Subaru realized that she was simply a scared girl. He felt like this entire mess was something he had orchestrated to get revenge on whoever was killing him, and decided that he was going to take responsibility for it.
"I'm... Sorry." He spoke.
"Heh?"
The girl loosened her grip slightly and blinked in confusion.
She considered it for a moment. Nothing made any sense to her. He was apologizing?
"Why... Didn't you let me fall? I-I tried to kill you! And you... I... Don't get it... Why are you being so nice to me?!"
She dropped the childish way of speaking that she had typically used around them. She wasn't going to try playing anything off, and confronted him directly with the truth. Grabbing and pulling at his clothes as she talked.
Subaru didn't know how to respond at first, but leaned in and rested his hands on her shoulders.
"You're just a kid. I don't know how you got here. I'm sure you must have been through some tragic shit. I've seen a lot of it already myself, I'm a little surprised I didn't go insane."
The boy rubbed his hands over his own skin, the burning feeling of his eviscerated flesh still haunted his memory. Yes, it was true that she was the one who did it to him. But she was a child.
"Meili, if there's one thing I know, it's that whoever I was, whoever I might have been before... The me who met all of these great people, trusted you enough to bring you to this tower. You weren't bound in chains, or cuffed and locked away. I was stupid to ignore what they told me about you. I thought you were harmless. I'm the one to blame here, I put both of us in danger by letting my guard down."
Meili began to raise her head. Emotions she didn't know she even had were swirling through her mind.
"Y-you're blaming yourself? I-I... I tried to kill you..."
"I know that." He responded matter-of-factly.
"But you could have-" She tried to respond, but he cut her off before she could say it herself.
"Could have what? Let you fall? Listen, Meili. The fact that you are so torn over this is proof enough that you needed another chance. I don't know you very well, but It's plain to see that you aren't doing these things because you want to. You're afraid of something. I don't know what, or who. Hell, I might be the one you're most afraid of. Doesn't matter. You were just like Julius, so afraid of something that you put all the weight on your own shoulders and try to run with it. But you don't have to do that now. We'll be here with you. I'll be here with you. When you want to run, just run to us. If you want to fight, fight along with us. If you want to have fun, have fun with us. We'll work together."
Subaru looked to his side. Emilia, Julius, Beatrice and Shaula. They had managed to remain silent for the time being, respecting the words that Subaru wished to share with the girl.
The boy looked back down with a smile on his face and offered his hand in front of her.
"All I need you to do is say yes. promise that no matter how sad, or afraid, or angry you get, you'll always come to us first."
She hesitated again.
Why was she hesitating? She was already holding on to him for dear life. What difference did it make if she took his hand?
She was afraid. Not of him. Not to be with him, or everyone else. Not to have fun, to laugh, to live.
She was afraid to die.
What if... What if Mother found her? What would happen to her? What would happen to... Them?
If Mother came after them, If- No, when Mother came for them, they would be done for anyway.
Should she run? She might survive. There might be a better chance of living.
That's what she thought. She thought she had a better chance of living when she tried to push that boy off the 4th floor.
Instead, the situation turned on it's head. She was the one who was going to die. She put herself in that mess, and she should have been laying lifeless at the bottom of the tower by now.
But... He saved her. Even though he was nearly killed. he was willing to sacrifice himself for her.
So, would she stubbornly follow her own plan again? Run away, try to escape by herself and leave others to die?
How many more people would she have to murder? Would she keep killing until it became habitual? Would she kill countless others just to die anyway?
She struggled with right and wrong. Actually, struggled wouldn't even be the right word. If it weren't for those she had recently met, she would hardly even understand what being human was. Even Elsa was more human that she thought. When Elsa was willing to sacrifice her mission to protect Meili, she realized that her life meant something.
Even if the eyes she saw that moment from, weren't her own. She thought about spilling everything regarding those memories, but she would rather it remain a mystery. That book was better off staying closed.
She was almost ready to choose. She only had one more lingering question. She knew what he would say. He had already spelled it out for her, but regardless she needed to know.
"Will you.." She hesitated yet again. This time for a different reason.
Did she really want to put him through this? She could protect him... Wait, didn't she just try to kill him?
She cursed herself. Protect the person she just attempted to murder? Pathetic. She only endangered him, and everyone else that had given her one too many second chances.
This was a mistake. She would get them killed. They would die. She was willing to kill this precious boy.
He was going to die. She was going to kill him. Mother would kill him. She would kill him and everyone he loved.
It was her fault. She had to protect him, but she couldn't... How could she possibly protect something she couldn't even kill?
They were stronger than her. Mother was stronger than her. Everyone was stronger, she was useless.
Pathetic. Murderer. Thief. Manipulator. She didn't deserve anything, if anything she deserved to d-
"Hey." Subaru noticed the distressed look in her eyes.
"You wanted to ask me something right? Do you remember what I told you? We're in this together. You talk to me and I'll talk to you."
Despite the pained look that still resided on her face, his statement was quite impactful. She had to stop thinking of doing everything by herself. She put her fingers around the hand he offered. She could see black markings tracing his palm.
Bruises maybe? They were rather distinct. She wondered just what might have happened to him. Scars lined his fingers. Rough but delicate.
She wondered where his sewing skills came from. His mother must have been entirely different from hers.
"You made toys for me when I was alone." She stated.
"Hm?" Subaru cocked his head to the side.
The conversation had taken an entirely different direction. She pulled a small doll out from her pocket, it was a small grey cat. He didn't recognize it, which was no surprise to her. But that didn't matter.
"They kept me locked away for over a year. You would come down to visit me all the time. You would sew new toys for me. I really didn't have anybody other than you, and them."
She stroked the doll gently. She didn't smile. She only did that when she was trying to incite a reaction.
Every smile she had ever had was fake. She was going to be genuine for once.
"And then they said you lost your memories. I thought the scary eyed onii-san I had was gone. I started to trust him a little bit. But when you… He left me, it didn't matter anymore."
She pulled the doll into her chest and looked down. She had to confess everything. She had to be transparent.
Worst case scenario, they would throw her away. That wouldn't be so bad. Subaru was better off without her.
"I... I'm afraid of Mother."
Subaru turned his head in confusion. Emilia and Julius shook their heads. They had no clue what she was talking about.
"C... Capella. She's one of the Sin Archbishops. She's the one who took in both me and Elsa."
Emilia covered her hand over her mouth. Subaru was confused, his knowledge of this world was already paper thin so far. He wished there was an index storing all the lore implications that had been dropped on him up to this point, but the idea that this was "all a game" had pretty much taken the backseat.
"Wait, a Sin... Archbishop? Which sin?" Subaru asked.
"Lust." Julius confirmed blankly.
"Lust, huh... Don't tell me she wanted to capitalize on everyone's "love" or something like that."
Meili flinched at the word 'love'. Subaru noticed.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He tapped at her shoulder.
Meili shook her head and continued.
"Mother sent us after Emilia-chan. We were supposed to assassinate her. But sharptoothed onii-san killed Elsa and captured me."
She shook and fidgeted her arms around like she was trying to cover something up.
"She-... Mother gives us her 'l-love' when we make a mistake."
Subaru's jaw loosened. He understood the implication immediately.
"Oh God!"
He reached over and pulled her close. Meili was struggling to speak. Although apprehensive, she accepted the gesture.
Emilia was now in tears, her hand still covered her mouth. After the 'educational' lessons Frederica had given her, there was no mistaking the what the little girl was trying to imply.
Julius had a similarly awestruck face, before returning to his usually composed self. He had seen the world at it's lowest during his service. Things like this were something he had cracked down on with common criminals many times, but to think that it could have happened to the young girl before him still made him shiver.
"I'm... Damn it, I'm s-sorry, Meili. I know what you were going to ask. We'll protect you. That monster won't ever lay a finger on you again."
The young girl froze for a moment. Did he really just say that? Was he crazy? Yes, he was already nuts. He quite literally jumped off the 4th floor to save his attempted murderer.
This guy had a screw lose, but it seemed as if he understood her more than anyone else. He valued her more than she did herself.
So she had to correct this. He simply didn't understand what he was saying. He didn't understand who Mother was. He was just saying whatever he wanted.
"But, Mother is... Mother doesn't lose."
Julius recalled the battle of Priestella. Many people had fought against the Sin Archbishop of Lust, yet none were able to kill her.
He quickly realized that Meili must not have been properly briefed on the events of Priestella, and so he took the liberty.
"Young Meili, you might not have known. But one of the greatest reasons we are at this tower is in regards to Capella."
The girl returned a puzzled look. Was she already involved? What if Mother found out that she had joined the enemy? Was it only a matter of time? She was starting to panic. Waves of doubt rippled through her head.
Noticing her frantic look, Julius elaborated.
"During the battle of Priestella, five Sin Archbishops appeared, attempting to take the city. Capella was one of them."
Julius paused for a moment wondering how he should word the next part.
"As you may know, in our battle against them, Greed was slain in a collaborative effort between Natsuki Subaru and Reinhard Van Astrea. Likewise, it was a collaborative effort between myself and Subaru that the Sin Archbishop of Sloth was subjugated."
Julius turned his head and gestured towards Subaru.
"Subaru, if you would kindly raise your sleeve."
The boy, although perplexed, raised his sleeve to reveal a black coating that covered his arm, all the way up to his shoulder.
"You may not have been informed prior to now, but Subaru was instrumental in repelling the Sin Archbishop of Lust's hold on the center of the city, as was my lady, and Crusch-sama."
He pointed his finger towards Subaru's mark.
"The markings present on his arm are remnants of a blood curse, an affliction wrought by Capella. Crusch-sama has been afflicted by this curse as well, and is currently suffering through agonizing pain. Subaru however, is entirely immune to it."
Meili was shocked. She knew of a few of Subaru's exploits, but to imagine he had done so much, and had even encountered Mother before was something she never imagined.
She reached down and grabbed his hand, gingerly running her fingers over the darkened skin that covered his arm.
"Onii-san did all this?" She whispered to herself.
Subaru adopted yet another confused look. So many terms and lore drops were being made, he was having trouble keeping up.
Julius turned back to Meili and began to speak again.
"If I haven't already made my point clear enough, I will state it openly now; Natsuki Subaru is more than well equipped to handle a mere Sin Archbishop. Although I may not know the specifics of his situation, Greed was regarded to be the strongest amongst the Sin Archbishops, but was handily defeated with Subaru's help. In any case, power alone does not constitute an adequate challenge to Subaru. I can imagine why you might feel powerless against Capella, but I am certain that she is far from invincible."
Despite his confusion, Subaru grinned and pointed his thumb towards his face. He knew exactly what Julius meant.
"I trust him. So if he trusts me, I'll trust me too. I'll get my memories back, and we'll take Capella down together. So, are you with me?"
He reached out his hand and ruffled her hair slightly. Meili glared down at his arm. Dark pulsating veins ran through it, scores of black lined his muscles.
She had a single question in her mind. A burning question, eating her alive from the inside.
"Will you... Do you trust me?" The girl spoke again.
She wanted him to say no. She couldn't stand the thought of him accepting her selfish, worthless self. He would be putting his trust in a murderer. That's the problem.
Subaru turned to look behind him Julius, Shaula, Emilia, Beatrice.
"Look, I trust all of them, and they all trust me. Though, Shaula is still a bit of a mystery to me, she trusts me with everything she's got."
"Yep! Master always knows what to do, so I just kill anything that messes with him, yep!"
"Okay, maybe I was exaggerating. She totally only trusts me. Anyways, that's not the point. When somebody trusts me, I want to trust them back. So Meili, if you trust me, I'll trust you. My life is in your hands."
The girl shriveled up. She was so nervous, she couldn't stop shaking. Suddenly a warm feeling came over her face. It was strange... All these complex emotions... These weird feelings, it was starting to make sense.
She was crying. She knew what crying was, but it was strange that she was doing it now.
You were supposed to be sad when you were crying, right? When you were in pain, or distressed. She knew that feeling. She had been turned into a frog more than once by Mother.
That suffocating feeling, like you're entire body has been stuffed into a jar, and she could only internally scream.
That was what she was used to crying over. So why was she crying now? Do people cry when they are happy? When they are finally liberated?
She wasn't sure. But she knew one thing for certain. It was beyond a shadow of a doubt.
"You're s-such a fool, onii-san. I trust you."
"You heard what I said."
A lone black haired boy sat at the top of a mountain. To any onlookers, he might appear bereft of sanity. At times he would lash out angrily with his words, at other times lowering his voice as if speaking apologetically.
"Listen, Ley. I don't want to kill her. I saw what happened to her. Archbishop or not, you're the reason she ended up that way."
Within his consciousness, another voice manifest itself, sharing openly it's thoughts.
"You... Tsu~, You are a liar! You desire my help to kill my own sister?!"
His eye twitched slightly in reaction to the voice inside his head. Ley's emotions were beginning to peak. Subaru had to be weary of Ley's presence. If he allowed too much space, Ley could easily win back control over his body.
"You know that I'm not lying. You saw my memories, did you not? You know exactly how far I've gone, and just how far I'm willing to go."
Ley's voice was silent in response, choosing not to respond to the truth that Subaru had laid before him.
"Listen to me Ley. I know more about her than you do. Every tiny detail of her life has been burned into my brain... Oh, that's right. I guess this is your brain..."
It seemed like a simple slip of the tongue, but in truth Subaru had deliberately planned his wordplay to provoke the young archbishop. If he continued to stay silent, Subaru would only be left with an option he refused to consider.
"Damn it Ley, let me save her! Are you really going to sit there moping, wishing you had taken care of me when you had the chance? That chance is over! And quite frankly, that's only better for her! She sat there for so damn long, with nothing and nobody to talk to. And when she finally found somebody, it's a murderous set of monsters hellbent on stealing people's existence... Does nothing sound wrong with that picture to you!?"
He paused again, waiting for the archbishop to speak. It was only a few moments, but it felt like hours as he waited for a response. He heard nothing. Biting his lip, he began to stand from the rock he had been sitting on for the last several hours.
"Fine then. If there's no other choice, I'll just have to-"
"Wait."
Subaru's declaration was cut short as Ley pushed his presence back into his mind.
"You said, you'll save her...?" The voice asked.
Subaru nodded pointlessly to the air.
"That's what I said. I might even be able to give her the happiness she's been seeking, but I need you to hold your end of the deal."
Ley's usually unhinged voice strangely shifted into something more calculated and considerate, as he inhaled the nonexistent air into his disembodied voice.
"A-alright then. We... I will tell you everything."
Julius sat at the foot of the stairs leading to the 3rd floor, contemplating.
What he had seen was nothing short of remarkable, a light in the dark tunnel that once stretch across his broken mind.
He never changes. I can't believe that at one point, I thought he was simply bearing the fruit of my own investment.
Julius recalled his actions at the Royal Capital, challenging the boy to a duel simply to beat him into the ground. The young knight believed that Subaru gained character and passed away his own flaws... Perhaps he did. But it seemed the flaws were far from innate.
"W-what if, it was me?"
Julius put his hand over his face, clinching tightly as he considered his own actions. That must have been the reason. The way he treated Subaru, the way he sat idly by as the nobles and elders spat at Emilia, shaming her for nothing other than her race. It had to be, Julius must have forced Subaru into a corner at the Capital. He couldn't think of any other reason.
How else could a Subaru with no memories exude his greatest qualities? He simply shook his head. This wasn't the time to dwell on such things. There were more pressing matters at hand, and regardless, he could imagine having to withstand another headbutt if Subaru found out about the mental conversation Julius was having with himself.
For now, Julius kept watch opposite of the Green Room. This unique place allowed observation of exit and entry from the Green Room, as well as the 5th floor, and particularly entrance to the 3rd floor, which he was most keen on protecting. No matter what happened, he would-
"Oi, goodie two-shoes. Wher'd yer friend run off ta'?"
Julius' eyes widened and his breath hitched. He tried to straighten his legs, but they only shook beneath him as his body refused to take action.
"Y-y-you aren't... S-supposed to be-"
The knight attempted to reason with red haired demon, who simply let out a sarcastic laugh.
"Oi! yer jumpin' ta conclusions pretty quick there, white knight. I do what I wanna, yer piece a' shit contraption here ain't got enough authority over my ass to keep me locked up in that damn room."
Reid smiled as he drew nearer to Julius, whipping out a pair of chopsticks.
It seemed that Reid believed that Julius and the others were responsible for him being trapped in the tower, though it was possible that Reid wasn't referring to him, or rather just boasting on the outside. Whatever the case, this was not ideal.
"Now spit it out ya' prick. Where's at' tooth pick hidin'?"
Subaru walked down the hallway of the fourth floor, his shoulders feeling slightly weighed down.
He didn't mind. A young blue haired girl was riding atop them, kicking her legs back and forth slightly as he walked. She had her arms wrapped around his forehead, and was using his hair as a pillow.
"You getting sleepy up there?" He questioned the young girl.
She didn't answer. Ironically enough, that was simply confirmation.
"I'll circle back around to the Green Room, my shoulders need a rest too."
He continued to walk, he could feel her fingers pulling slightly at the tufts of his hair.
"You know, if you keep treating me like a toy you're gonna make Beatrice angry."
The two continued down the hall for a moment in silence.
"Hmph."
This time Meili let out a small huff, presumably to show her displeasure at Subaru's warning. The boy chuckled slightly in return, It was a strange feeling to him. He didn't think he was that great with children, but this was different. She was just a child, yes, but she had nothing. Anything she did have was taken. Subaru had a strange, inexplicable desire to give her everything. To show her the world, although he still had never seen it for himself. This was the second little girl that he now found crawling all over him, just what kind of strange fantasy world was this?
He considered the events that led up to this moment, realizing that he had died twice to save her. Twice. But he saved her… Did he actually save her? He wondered just what he had actually done for the girl. She would have killed him and run away, journeying through a desert, possibly becoming an enemy of the others...
So the answer was yes. He had undoubtedly saved her from a hard life of running away from her problems, and possibly dying from them. He had saved Julius too, who would have taken the final step to his resting place. He began to realize just how powerful his ability was, but also how terrifying it was to make use of.
He didn't want to die. If he could help it at all, he wouldn't submit to death. He wondered if he would ever truly become desensitized to it, able to take his life at the drop of a pen and without so much as hesitant shudder. It was difficult to think about. He would do whatever he could to avoid that.
"Onii-san." Meili spoke to him, finally. It wasn't her typical 'onii-san', rather her voice felt melancholic, perhaps burdened or conflicted. He wondered why, but figured he would let her elaborate on her own.
"What's up, Meili?" He replied, nodding his head up slightly to show that he was giving her his full attention.
"When we get back to the mansion, are they going to lock me away again?"
Subaru froze.
Lock her up? Were they locking her away in a cell this whole time? He needed more context.
"Um..."
Uncertain on how he should respond, he simply mumbled. Meili quickly realized that he no longer remembered the mansion and apologize.
"Uh,um. Sorry, I forgot... You know."
Subaru shook his head and fired back with a smile.
"Don't worry about it. So, what exactly do you mean by 'lock you up'?"
Meili elaborated slightly.
"There's a dungeon at the mansion, they had a cell there where I've been locked away since last year. It's not like a real dungeon though. I have a nice bed, and lots of toys you made for me. They even make me eat until I'm su~per full."
She huffed a bit, as if it was some type of inconvenience to her, but Subaru got the bigger picture.
"Ram Onee-sama makes me eat all my greens. Yucky."
Subaru held back a giggle, seeing the young girl stick out her tongue like a toddler running from their medicine.
"But, it was better than what I was used to."
She moved her eyes toward the ground, reminiscing on the past when she was still an assassin.
"Me and Elsa-chan used to sleep outside for weeks. Sometimes it was an old shed, other times it was a cave full of spiders. I used to wash my clothes once a month if I was lucky. Now I get a bath every day, and a different pair of clothes too."
Subaru internally berated himself for worrying so much, he thought they they had locked her in a cage and treated her like a criminal. In reality, they were doing their best to simply point her in the right direction.
And now, they had achieved her trust. She wouldn't run, and they would protect her. That constituted some kind of change, at least that's what Subaru made of it.
"Don't worry Meili, you shouldn't have to stay there anymore. I'll get you room just like the rest of us."
Meili loosened her grip around his head slightly.
"You would... But I, I wasn't asking for that... I just thought you could just leave the door unlocked or something, you... You don't have to do all that, not after I... I-I..."
She started to struggle in her speech. Just how pathetic was she? She tried to murder this boy, and now she has him granting her requests? It didn't make any sense. She had to be punished. Just like Mother would do. Just like any lawful parent would do. She tried to murder him. She had to be-
"Hey. Didn't we already go through this? Stop beating yourself up over it."
She gripped his head tighter and closed her eyes.
"B-but what if... If you had, if I really-"
Subaru shook his head, he knew exactly how she felt. Deep down, he felt as if he had almost killed her. If he had simply stayed in place, she would have never been put in danger. Instead she nearly fell to her death, and Subaru didn't want to imagine what would have happened if he had not prepared a plan ahead of time.
In Subaru's head, it was his fault that she was ever put in danger in the first place. But he couldn't sit there and blame himself again, he would be making a bad example. Meili's life was simply the result of many of those. Subaru had decided he would uproot every one of those examples, and so he chose to set one.
"I forgive you."
He only said three words, and yet her reaction was that of thousands.
"You... Forgive me?"
"Mhm. That's right. You're sorry, aren't you? You regret what you did, or rather, tried to do, and so I forgive you."
She sat still for a moment, before speaking blankly.
"But, that doesn't change anything."
Subaru shook his head again.
"It doesn't have to. What's done is done. You can't change it no matter what you say or do, you just have to live with it."
Subaru looked down at himself, as the irony of that statement made him shiver.
This isn't some kind of video game, there is nothing fake about this. These are real people.
He turned his head back upward, catching a glimpse of the young girl that was using his head as her personal pillow.
"But you can live your life in light of the past. We all learn from our mistakes, and do our best to make up for them so that we never make those mistakes again. This is your chance to start over, just put everything else behind you and look ahead. We'll carve a new future for you here and now, I'll be here with you every step of the way."
Her face shriveled up again, and tears pushed their way down her cheeks. This stupid boy was messing with her feelings again, everything that she had bottled up inside shown through like a window.
She was completely different from the persona she had created, the fake smile she wore, and the lack of any emotional reaction she responded with was entirely manufactured. It was all a lie. She was raised by animals, taught by Elsa, and used by Mother, but none of those things were of her on volition.
She thought she was simply a tool used for killing, and that nothing else mattered. But this boy had shown her who she could be. He looked past every facade she conjured and took her by the soul, and he would not let go.
She decided she would return the gesture, and so she smiled.
She was truly happy. It was strange, putting actual happiness behind a smile. She thought she would never find the answer to the emotions she was missing. In fact, she was used to suppressing every emotion, and clawing her way through life like a beast. Simply devour, and continue living.
Sadness? What is that? Grief? No such thing. Fear? Tools aren't supposed to be afraid. It made her sick, bottling everything up and moving along like it didn't matter. But he saved her, she could laugh happily, without worrying who saw her. She could sing or dance, or play...
She could even cry. She could cry happy tears, or sad tears. That was precious to her. And he made it possible. She didn't attempt to hold back the river of them flowing from her eyes, at this point she wanted to cry. To get everything out, to simply be free.
"T-thank you. Thank you so much."
Subaru couldn't see much given her position laying on his head, but he was just able to make out a smile. An actual smile, and it only caused his own to widen.
Unfortunately, whatever smiles they wore didn't last long, as the ground beneath them began to shake.
"Wh-What the-!?"
Subaru stumbled back and forth, resting his shoulder on the wall. Meili quickly bounced off of his back and landed on her feet, mentally preparing herself to face whatever obstacle had been presented.
"C'mon, let's hurry and check on the others!" Subaru exclaimed.
The girl nodded subtly, grabbing his hand as the duo sprinted in the direction of the Green Room.
But another impact struck the tower, throwing both of them off of their feet.
"Ghk! What the hell is going on!?"
Grabbing Meili by the hand again, he pulled her to her feet and began to run once more.
"The mabeasts are saying there's a... dragon outside!?"
Subaru did a double take
"The ma-what? A dragon!? How are you able to tell me all this!?"
Meili shook her head and kept up her pace.
"You're so silly, I'll just explain it to you later."
Rounding the corner, the back side of a familiar knight came into view.
"Julius!"
Subaru called to the knight, who swiftly turned around to respond to him.
"Subaru! get the others, quickly! I cannot hold him off for much lo-"
Julius was immediately pancaked into the wall, the brick shattering and spilling across the floor as a crater formed around him, instantly knocking him unconscious.
"There ya're, toothpick, Aren't ya gonna fight me? I told ya' in a days time we were gonna get started, it's impolite of ya keepin' me waitin' like this, ya prick!"
Again, Subaru was only confused, this tower was nothing but mysteries, and now incredibly strong opponents were being thrown at him.
"H-Hold on a sec! First off, you totally just wrecked Julius, how am I supposed to take you on? And secondly, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!"
Reid shook his head scoffed at him.
"Heh? Ya' really tryna chicken out on me already, you? Huh... Nah you don't look like yer lyin'... What the hell, guess I'll just kick yer ass anyway, ha!"
But before Reid could take action, a white flash appeared between them.
"I won't let you hurt him!"
Emilia stood between the two, her arms raised.
"Ohoh! Ya came back t' me fiercely frizzlin'! I'll tell ya' what, sleep with me tonight n' we'll put the match on hold for another day, wad'ya think?"
Emilia completely ignored him, instead stretching out her fingers, and summoning forth an array of weaponry.
"Ice Brand Arts!"
Ice conjured forth into the air, circling around her with a variety of weapons to choose from. Without hesitation, she picked a war hammer, and then promptly set the end of the hammer on the ground.
Subaru blushed.
Raising her hand, she pointed the rest of the blades directly at Reid, who took on a fierce grin.
"Oi, I knew ya had some spunk in ya'! Come at me with everything yer've got!" The red haired man put one chopstick in each hand, taking a stance as if he were a snake poised to strike.
But before either could make a move, the tower shook again, this time the source of the commotion was much closer, dust pulling in from an entry wound on the wall, blocking out sight for most of the crowd.
"Sorry Reid, you're not laying a finger on my Emilia-tan."
The dust began to settle, revealing the head of a gigantic dragon protruding through the wall. However, the voice did not originate from the dragon. Instead, a black haired boy descended from the head of the beast, both feet landing on the brick below without making a sound. He adorned a familiar track suit with black and white two toned sections and orange stripes.
"Sorry I'm late, Julius."
He looked at the wall and saw the unconscious knight, beaten and bruised. He then turned to regard the red haired man who was having trouble containing his smile.
"So that's why I couldn't take your body, Roy? How about we settle this... Just you and me, mister 'stick swinger'."
Reid returned with a glare, beaming near madness.
"Ohoh, OH BABY! There're two of ya now!? This just got REAL INTERESTIN', GET OVER HERE SO I CAN KICK YER ASS!"
On the 4th floor of the Pleiades Watchtower, a battle of legendary proportions began to unfold.
Chapter 9: End.
Ohh Mama, it's about to start.
First off, I'm never doing a monolithic chapter like this one again. Probably. I don't know how Bob and Sam can get away with these 30k word colossal chapters from hell. If I could keep my finger off the delete key, these probably wouldn't be so bad, but it feels like I'm revising way too much. At one point, I even thought about removing my delete key from my keyboard, but I already make way too many mistakes as it is, so I really need that sucker. But as far as questions, many of you may have noticed that Meili is opening up a bit faster than her character would normally. There is a VERY good reason for this, and I plan to reveal it in the future. The keen amongst you might have already caught on to it. For now, I hope you can overlook her being slightly out of character. Anyways, others of you might know that she pushed Subaru off the ledge in canon for an entirely different reason than the one she stated in this chapter. I PROMISE THERE IS A REASON DON'T KILL ME. Another question (okay, please kill me) that I can see being asked is "Why didn't SubaLouis kill Meili like he did in the web novel?" That's because Subaru, and thus Louis, didn't know that Meili was the one who tried to kill him. By the time Louis would have had a chance to kill her, Meili would no longer be dangerous to Subaru. Louis (at least I believe) decided to kill Meili because she was afraid of dying again. So that's been skipped almost completely. Also, SubaLouis never had that super creepy talk in the library with Meili, so their perspective on each other is not nearly the same.
ANYWAYS, hope you guys got a kick out of this. I'm going back to the 4-5k word chapters because I'm a wimp. If you have any feedback, or just wanna share your thoughts, please leave a review. I love reading through people's reviews, and you guys keep me going. Have a good night!