Chapter 11: The Greatest Failure
Rooms in all directions collapsed under the pressure of the blow. Soot and dust collected in the air as a white beam channeled through what remained of the walls that separated the tower from the outside world.
A gigantic scar had been carved into the tower, in the form of a gaping hole. Subaru's attack had not only poured its own energy into the foundation and brick, but had simultaneously deflected what remained of Reid's attack.
For minutes after the dust settled, rocks continued to crumble and fall. Holes had been made in the floor from the amount of debris that had fallen. Subaru drew in a long breath as he peered through the rubble, considering whether or not he structural integrity of the tower might be called into question.
Focusing his attention further down the hallway, or what used to be left of it, he was met with a crimson sun.
Now that a hole had been opened in the side of the tower, the horizon was visible. It almost made him forget about the red haired man that he had dealt the blow to. No matter where he turned his head, he couldn't make out what had happened to the Sword Saint.
There was only debris. Nothing but destruction surrounded him. He couldn't feel Beatrice on his back anymore, but he could hear some exasperated breathing from behind.
"Hey. You okay?"
He turned back and saw her laying flat in the rubble. She appeared to be uninjured.
"Betty, haah, is out of mana, haah, in fact, haaaah."
The girl huffed out a sigh as she sat with her back to the ground. Her belly rose and fell as she squirmed to take each breath. This immediately reminded Subaru how cute she was, and so he decided to tease her a bit.
"Really now? I thought you said you could keep the barrier up for 20 minutes?" Subaru questioned, before pulling her close to him again.
He took her hand and pressed it against his stomach. "Here, I'm able to get my mana back pretty quickly. Here's a little bit more."
After he said that, he quickly found himself sapped completely of energy a second time as Beatrice pulled out what little mana he had managed to accumulate. The little girl sat up from her position, before giving him an explanation.
"Casting that spell alone, even with Mother's knowledge is incredibly difficult as it is. Not to mention the amount of mana that man's attack pulls from those around him. He is no different than Reinhard, in fact."
Subaru scratched the back of his head and forced a grin. "As true as it is, it's hard to believe that Reinhard would be related to such a crazy guy." Despite the fact that Reid and Reinhard were both related, Subaru was slightly more annoyed that his attempt to tease Beatrice went unnoticed.
Subaru turned his head to check the surrounding area again. Nothing but rubble and rock were noticeable.
Pulling Beatrice to her feet, he didn't let down his guard. The last attack he had made on Reid was a powerful hit, but most of the damage done to the surrounding area had been from Reid himself. Still, he wanted to be certain.
If he wasn't completely sure that Roy's body was dead, he might not be able to complete his next goal. He looked down at his hand, opening and closing it. When he ran out of mana during the last attack, his sword disintegrated, no longer being able to maintain its form.
"Did we perhaps eject that man from the tower, I wonder?"
The duo stared at the red sunset that passed through the hole in the wall. That seemed like the most likely scenario, after all. They knew that it was unlikely for something to kill Reid of all people. Subaru stepped towards the ledge. Straining his eyes, he peered down at the sand below, he tried to make out any objects. There was only sand. Sweat beaded down his head.
"I don't see him anywhere." The boy mumbled to himself.
Beatrice looked around, unable to spot anything of note.
"Perhaps he ran? No, that man would never do something like that. He is simply too much of a brute, in fact."
Subaru gazed at her for a second. Suddenly, an idea manifested in his head.
"You're right. He absolutely wouldn't. I have the perfect idea."
The boy put on an evil grin. It was a perfect scheme. Beatrice immediately noticed the look on his face and put her guard up.
"W-what are you planning, I wonder?"
Subaru put his fingers to his forehead and let out a devilish scoff.
"It's simple, really."
He leaned over and whispered in the girls ear. The spirit nodded a few times, before crossing her arms and letting out a smug "Hmph".
"As expected of Betty's Subaru, I suppose."
The boy turned his head upward and faced the ceiling. He cupped his hands over his mouth like a megaphone.
"Well, would you look at that. The mighty Reid Astrea lost! I wonder where he went... Oh, he must be so shaken with fear, I can't believe it... He's hiding!"
Beatrice followed suit, raising her hands next to her mouth and giving a shout.
"How shameful, I suppose! An Embarrassment, in fact!"
Subaru led the childish display, continuing to throw insults and taunts.
"Who would have thought, that the mighty Stick Swinger himself would-"
Amongst the pile of rock and dust, a red head of hair popped from the debris, halting the boy. The man had an annoyed face, as if he had been interrupted from something important.
"Would ya' just shut yer traps! I was almost asleep down here, but ya' just can't keep those flaps on yer face locked longer 'n three seconds can ya?! Damn pricks."
Reid lifted his body out of the rubble and began to massage his shoulder.
"Asleep... You actually just tried to go to sleep in the middle of a life or death fight?"
Subaru looked at the man, perplexed. The Sword Saint simply rubbed his neck, looking at the pile beneath him.
"It was nice under there. Ever been buried in tha' ground? Trisha did it ta' me once. I was a bit pissed at first, but after at' I just sat back n' relaxed. Ya' should try it sometime."
The boy closed his eyes and gave an apprehensive smile, scratching his head.
"Ha. Haha... Are you sure you're related to Reinhard?"
"Rein-who?"
"Forget about it."
The two seemed to stare at each other for a moment, before Reid let out a yawn, stretching his arms in the air.
"Haaaaa... 'Ight, I guess I kept ya' waitin' on me."
He reached over and dug under a few rocks, searching for something. Then, he pulled out a sword, and raised it's point towards Subaru.
"I figure It's about time we-"
Reid looked down at his hands. The sword he was holding began to fizzle out of shape, eventually atomizing into a fine dust.
"Yer kiddin'..."
Subaru let out a sigh, before clinching his fists a few times.
"Looks like we'll be settling this the old fashioned way."
Reid slammed one of his fists into his palm and let out a chuckle.
"Never thought it would come down ta' this. C'mon, land a good one on me ya' prick!"
Subaru stepped forward and pulled his fist back, twisting his abdomen.
Neiji Rockheart, Fist of the Fist King.
His punch slammed into Reid's cheek, a loud thump echoed across the walls. The air pressure pushed rocks away from the point of impact, flinging them through the room in all directions as dust and sand plumed, covering the area in a thick curtain-like haze.
Beatrice peered through the cloud. As the air settled, two figures remained at the center. Subaru's fist remained pressed into Reid's jaw, and the man had not moved, barely budging his face.
"Oi. The hell was at'? Ya' lose some a' yer strength there toothpick?" The red haired man spat.
Shit, I'm nothing without all those buffs, not to mention my sword.
The boy loathed the fact that he had lost his advantage so easily.
Murak! He pressed his hand against his chest.
Reid lifted his hand. He then extended two of his fingers, as if he were going to use his own extremities as something to cut with.
Within a fraction of a second, his fingers were speeding towards Subaru's face.
Leaper!
The boy sucked in his breath and summoned the abilities of Dorkell, narrowly dodging the Sword Saint's attack.
"Subaru, we need to regroup I suppose!"
Beatrice summoned him, calling for a change of plan. Despite the fact that the boy had essentially teleported behind Reid, the man immediately picked up on his location. Another strike came towards the boy's face, and he once again jumped to the side, choosing to run past him and make his way to Beatrice.
I need to distract him!
Subaru summoned every last drop of mana to his gate, even digging down into his od.
"Ul Shamak!"
The boy choked up blood and spit the moment he let those words roll from his mouth. His gate reeled in pain, barely able to maintain the spell.
Despite all of this, he managed not to lose his composure. Instead, he had already angled his approach towards the blond haired spirit that was across from him.
Realizing that the area was going to be covered in another layer of darkness, Beatrice had already raised her arms and closed her eyes so that Subaru could pick her up. He scooped the girl up in his arms, making his way out of the black plume.
Breaking from the darkness, Beatrice gasped for air, coughing and hacking as she regained the ability to breath again.
"Shit! I'm sorry Beako."
The little girl managed to catch her breath before deflecting his apology.
"Betty is fine cough, there was no other choice, in fact."
Subaru slowed down, gazing at the destruction surrounding them.
"I need a sword. Beako, can you tell where the Green Room is?"
She diverted her eyes to the path ahead and pointed her finger.
"To the left, I suppose. It should still be... Intact."
Something caught her attention, making her pause for a moment.
"The contract... I can feel it. It is coming from someone else."
Subaru bit his lip, not realizing that Beatrice was still clueless to his situation. He felt like he was tricking her into believing that this was the real him, but he shook himself out of it.
"I need you to go get my sword. You might... See him there too. You know, my actual body."
Beatrice did a double take between him and the direction of the room. The boy could see her unease plainly and tried his best to soothe her.
"Don't worry. He's probably clueless as can be, but you can trust him. Probably."
He gave her a wink and a smile, then ruffled her hair.
"Don't think about it too much. I've got a plan to fix all of this. We can laugh while we talk about it later."
With that, he let the girl down to her feet, and sent her forward.
"Hurry and go. If I follow you, he'll just rampage his way towards me. I can't do much against him without my sword, so I need you to bring-"
Before he could finish talking, a portal opened above them and another black haired boy fell through. His clothes were completely different than the tracksuit.
"H-huh!? What the- Beatrice?"
The boy shouted, after falling through the dimensional hole. Directly after him, a sword appeared, falling from the portal before the magic she had summoned vanished from the air.
Metal clanged on the floor as it fell to the ground. An old blade, still dulled and beaten from years of negligence. The shocked boy watched as his tracksuit sporting doppelganger lifted the blade from the ground and removed it from it's sheath.
"Uh, I guess that works too. But what about him?"
The [Strong] Subaru talked to the spirit, and then turned his gaze to the boy still sitting on the ground.
"Betty had just enough mana to open another portal, but there is no returning Betty's contractor, in fact."
The spirit then blushed, and touched the ends of her fingers together while she averted her eyes.
"B-besides, having t-two of Betty's Subaru means that… Things will surely be easier… I suppose…"
Both Subarus eyed her with a suspicious gaze.
She just wants both of us to herself, doesn't she? Both seemed to conjure the same thought in that moment.
"Uh. Sure." The [Strong] Subaru said, before turning his eyes back to his sword.
It's about time for some actual maintenance. Goa.
The blade began to take on a shade of glowing red, before being doused by another spell.
Huma.
The ice evaporated into steam, rapidly cooling the blade, further hardening the neglected weapon.
Subaru ran his nail over the front of the sword, sparks flying in all directions as he scraped layers of corrosion and adhesion off of the edge. After a few seconds, he eyed the edge, somewhat satisfied with it's sharpness.
"Way better than it used to be. Though I wish I could have done this under better circumstanc-."
"Ahhk, AAAHHHHHGK!"
Amidst the commotion, the [Weak] Subaru suddenly let out a scream, grabbing his arm as if it had been ripped off.
He rolled on the ground in anguish for a few seconds before settling on the floor, checking his surroundings.
The [Strong] Subaru, looked at him perplexed for a short period, before settling on a horrified expression.
"Don't tell me... You just..."
Taking a step back, he questioned the boy on the floor who was still holding his shoulder.
"Subaru, what's going on in fact?!"
Beatrice grabbed the arm of boy as he sat on the tile. He looked up to his tracksuit-wearing counterpart, and gave a grim nod.
"What's about to happen?"
The [Strong] Subaru questioned him again. In response, the boy on the floor pointed his finger at the wall.
"A giant scorpion is about to come through that wall."
The three of them exchanged looks for a few seconds, unsure of what to do.
"Do you think that you and Beatrice can hold it off while I worry about Reid? What about the others?" The boy in the tracksuit asked. In response, the other shook his head.
"I don't know. It instantly killed m-"
The [Weak] Subaru choked again, cutting off a scream. This time, he grasped his chest as if his heart was about to explode, inhaling and exhaling profusely.
Beatrice pulled at the arm of the boy on the ground, trying to get him to stand. Her eyelids fluttered conspicuously at the word "scorpion".
The spirit pondered the word, before her eyes went wide.
"That beast... It's most likely Shaula, in fact!" She placed her hand over her forehead, wincing from pain as memories of her mother flushed through her mind. Both of the boys turned to her with shocked expressions.
"Shaula... But why? why would she turn on me at random?"
The [Weak] Subaru called out from the floor. Beatrice shook her head.
"The rules of the tower..."
The girl gazed at the destruction surrounding them.
"She is bound to protect this place, I suppose. She likely does not have any choice."
The boy in the tracksuit grit his teeth. He was utterly pinned in this situation.
What do I do?
He gripped his face as he trembled in thought. Casting a glance at his true body, the boy who was still sitting on the floor across from him. The boy was afraid and confused. He could tell that this wasn't the first time his amnesiac counterpart had died, simply judging from the way he talked about his death to the scorpion.
I don't want to put him through another death...
Could he really handle all of this himself? If something happened, he couldn't reset. He didn't have Return by Death.
Could he return his memories to the other Subaru? He wasn't even sure if it would work. Even if it did work, then he would lose Ley's body, and have no way to deal with Reid. His face scrunched as he tore through his mind for a solution
Think, think think think think think think think THINK!
Everything was on his shoulders. Every one of his failures flashed before him. His breath became weary.
I'm going to fail again...
Everyone was going to die if he couldn't win, he was-
"I'll do it."
He heard a voice.
It was his own voice, but from another person. The boy who was shaking on the ground, the [Weak] Subaru, was now standing tall before him. He looked down at Beatrice and grabbed her hand. Then turned to the [Strong] Subaru.
"Beatrice and I will hold off Shaula. Do your best, Natsuki Subaru."
The boy in the tracksuit stared blankly at the mirror image of himself.
He thought that without his memories, he would simply remain afraid. Even now, with over a decade of suffering between them, he realized that nothing had changed. He was still afraid, he was still weak, he was still possessive...
But he had never lost courage. He forced down a chuckle, and flicked a tear from his eye. He couldn't let himself be seen so weak in front of his younger doppelganger, not after his badass entrance on the dragon... Although his attempt to impress Emilia went unnoticed, he still though it was worth mentioning.
"Right. I'm trusting you to keep both of them safe, then."
He turned his head back into the fray. The black mist finally dissipating from the air.
"Yer borin' me."
A red haired man called out, sitting on a rock with his leg crudely crossed over the other, twisting his pinky back and forth in his ear.
Noticing just how docile the man had been so far, Subaru felt the need to comment.
"I knew that spell wouldn't keep you for that long. You really just sat there and let us chit chat? Didn't think you would be so nice."
Reid turned his head to avoid eye contact.
"Tch. Takes a little investment ta' make things fun. Without that blade a' yers, you ain't shit."
Subaru's eye twitched at the Sword Saint's jab.
"You don't have to be so blunt about it..."
Reid hopped back to his feet and smiled.
"Hope ya got somethin' better for me this time, ya prick."
The knight slept silently on a bed of vines.
Warmth overcame him as he drifted. As if he were on a boat, making his way down the Tigracy river. Beneath the screaming nothingness that swallowed him into this dream, he could feel buzzing. It was familiar. Something he had grown used to in his time as a knight.
However, the familiarity of the buzzing and humming was only shared on by a single party.
Julius Juukulius found himself between a dreamscape and reality. This was not the first time he had done this. Often when he had trouble sleeping, his spirits could assist him as he attempted to doze off.
He hadn't experienced this construct of a dream for the past 2 months however. His spirits couldn't remember him, and so they never considered giving him such intimate treatment. The knight tried to move his eyes from side to side, stirring and gaining his bearings.
"You better stop that. At this rate, you're going to wake yourself up and throw away all of our effort."
A blazoned red haired girl sat next to him with her arms crossed. He gazed at her with surprise, before giving off a smile.
"La."
She returned a perplexed look to the knight, before averting her eyes with an embarrassed wince.
"La... Is that... Me?"
She looked somewhat disturbed that she had forgotten her own name.
"Yes, the name I gave you. Each of my precious buds have received one. But I suppose that is no longer committed to your memory..."
He looked at her again from head to toe. Just how much had she forgotten? Their lives revolved around Julius for so long that it was hard to say if they even had lives outside of him.
The worried look on her face shattered his heart. He hated to see something so meaningful broken in such a way. He felt the need to make up for it.
"I'm... Sorry. If I had been more thoughtful, this could have all been avoided. But I- Ack?!"
La reached out and poked at his eye with her finger.
"Just be quiet already. Don't you remember what that boy said? No apologies."
The knights eyes widened when she said that, before he took on a smug smile.
"Thank you for reminding me, however I believe it is you who remembered incorrectly. He said never to apologize to him."
"Hmph! Then it sounds like you never got the point!"
Another voice called out from behind him. He turned his head to discover another girl with black hair and a prideful look in her eye.
"Nes..."
"Stop! Shut up! you don't need to say anything else, Nes only wanted to know what her name was."
Julius wasn't surprised by her outburst. Instead, he nearly let out a laugh, before Nes shoved her foot in his sternum.
"Ahk!?"
He wasn't particularly familiar with this level of attitude, but it was understandable. They never knew him, at least in their mind. But even so, he felt a certain fondness in it.
"Hey, stop that! Julius, are you okay? Um... Maybe you could... Give me a name, too?"
A dazzling white haired girl appeared above them as if she were and angel, pressing the tips of her fingers together as she blushed. He glanced upwards and offered her a smile.
"Ah, no need to worry. This place is simply a figment of my imagination, so anything that happens here won't actually hurt me. Your name happens to be In."
The girl blinked a few times, then promptly began crying like a baby.
La's face twisted into something that seemed like annoyance.
"Well that's a reaction if I've ever seen one…" The red haired spirit let out. Julius grinned at her.
"She's always been quite emotional."
"S-s-so... U-um. You might b-be hurt. L-let me f-fix you up."
A shy girl with blue hair rested her hands on his chest, and a glowing aura began to emit from her palms. From the way she spoke, he didn't even have to look at her to know who it was.
"Hello, Kua."
The red haired girl turned to look at the nervous spirit.
"Seriously, didn't you just hear him? Nothing can happen to him here, there's no point in trying to heal him. Why do I have to be the voice of reason around here?"
The knight thought fondly of his spirits. Each one with a unique and engaging personality.
"Reason is a nothing more than subjective opinionation. Logical assertation has the burden of scientific proof as a prerequisite. Please do not babble on trying to force us under your own personal subjectivity."
Another voice called out. This time a blond haired girl gave her thoughts, sitting cross legged at the foot of Julius' imaginary bed.
Julius angled his head towards the end of the bed, appraising her with his gaze. He stared into her platinum eyes. Each of the spirits had the same eyes, although for this one, he tried to imagine a pair of glasses over them. It never seemed to work.
"You're as brilliant as the day I first met you, Ake."
The golden haired spirit lifted an eye brow.
"That's an interesting name. Although my color, and otherwise my manner of speaking is more than enough to discern me. I'll accept it regardless. Organization is fundamental for situations such as these."
Although her acceptance of the name was reluctant, The knight could tell that she was subtly excited by it.
Suddenly he felt something slide beneath his head. Lifting his eyes up, he saw another girl with green hair.
"Alo?"
She had rested his head on her knees, gently stroking his magenta hair. In response to hearing her name, she simply closed her eyes with a smile, cocking her head to the side. He relished the care of the mute spirit for a moment, before he found the urge to voice something that had been bothering him.
"Why did you bring me here?"
His voice rang through the silence, echoing in his head as there was no response.
After several minutes of laying in place, he jerked his head up from Alo's lap and grimaced.
"Why are you doing this for me? You don't even know me..."
"That's right, Julius. We don't know you. But you know us pretty well." The spirit with a head of fire answered back.
"And it's precisely that reason that we want to get to know you."
Another voice came out from Nes, who was trying her best not to look him in the eye.
"Get... To know me?"
He looked at the ground, putting his hand over his face.
"Perhaps... If only I were someone worth getting to know. Somehow, I believed that at one point. I was a fool."
He pushed himself to both feet, struggling not to shake as he considered his true self.
"Subaru saw that part of me clear as day. I'm simply a selfish worm that can't live without leeching off of the ones he cares about."
He leaned down and gripped his collar. The thoughts in his mind were conflicted. He wanted to stand and resolve himself to make due with what he had. But he couldn't ignore the fact that he was simply manipulating these spirits.
"That's right. I'm either pulling people towards me or pushing them away."
He looked up as he considered everything he had done up to this point.
"You're only here... You're only here because of that damned divine protection!"
He spat out his true thoughts, much to the dismay of the spirits. They all turned away, unable to look him in the eye.
"I'm nothing! Without that divine protection I'm..."
His eyes began to turn mad, red hatred directed specifically at himself began to swallow him in a torrent of anguish. His hands moved to his chest as he began to tear away at his clothes, as if he were attempting to rip out some kind of infection.
Get it out.
He didn't even stop to consider the meaning of his actions. Instead, he clawed away at his bare chest with his fingers.
The dream world began to flicker as the spirits watched him, their terror almost left them unable to sustain the imaginary scene in Julius' head.
Get it out. Get it out. Get it out! GET IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT OF ME, I DON'T WANT IT, GET IT OUT OF ME!
His mind screamed as his fingers bored through his imaginary flesh. But no matter how far he dug, he couldn't find it.
"Stop!"
La took action, grabbing his arm and pulling him to the floor, doing anything to keep his fingers away from what had quickly become a gaping hole of gore. Nes adopted a similar strategy, bracing his opposite arm against the floor.
"I have to get it out, it's a curse! I… I c-can't keep going like this. There won't be... Anyone to leave me behind... If there wasn't anyone in the first place. You'll all leave me again."
His teeth were chattering as he said those words. His mind was full of fear and self hatred.
"That's not true, we won't leave you." La attempted to calm him, but this only seemed to disturb him further.
"Why!? Why won't you leave me? This... Divine curse is keeping you here... Just run away and live for yourselves!"
Both of the girls trembled, faltering in their grip.
"We... Can't."
Nes let out a response. She was filled with emotion. Pain, anguish, anxiety. Julius eyes narrowed.
"But why?" He asked.
The spirits remained silent again.
"Just... Please... Just tell me!"
He shot a look towards La. She looked back up at him, tears falling freely as she let out a sob. She wasn't sure how to explain it to him.
"Your ignorance is astonishing. Perhaps if you discontinued solely attributing your considerations to yourself, you might comprehend the reason we continue to affix ourselves to you."
The spirit with golden hair spoke again, her tone shifting with a hint of dread.
Julius gulped as he tried to imagine what they were referring to.
Himself?
Had he really only been factoring himself in the equation here? He had been stripped of his name. twice.
And while that thought caused him much suffering, he didn't understand why that would cause others to suffer.
They didn't know him. They shouldn't be in pain.
Sure, they might be a little confused, but they don't have any emotional attachment to him. Surely those around him could find other people to have solace in.
He wasn't the center of the world, it's not like people revolved around him...
Him.
"Wait."
He began to realize what she meant.
These spirits spent every waking moment with him. The implications began to show as La's tears landed on his hand.
The white haired girl placed her hand over her eye. No matter how hard she thought, she could remember nothing. She didn't understand why she was what she was.
"We don't have anyone else... It's as if the last decade has been ripped from us entirely."
Nes curled her arms around her legs, sitting next to Julius. "We don't even know who we are."
The knight bit into his lip at those words.
Who was he to determine their fate? Why should they bother wasting their time with someone like him? He cursed himself.
"You don't need me. I'll only drag you d-"
The sound of a slap resonated throughout the room.
"Don't take us for fools!" Nes slammed her hand into his face.
He reached up to feel it. His cheek was burning hot from the friction of the contact she made.
"We don't know who you are. We don't know who we are. So we decided that we wanted to walk together again. To find out. You're our only hope."
He flinched. His eyes stared openly into the air above.
He hated it.
He loved them. He hated himself.
And he hated it.
He wanted the best for them, but they are bound to a pathetic person like him.
He reached down within his od. He could still feel the contract. But it was tied loosely. There was no contract on the spirits end. He was alone in the fact that he had the remnants of their promise. It was impossible for him to make another one while the old contract still existed.
So why wouldn't they just leave? They were free.
But they kept spelling it out for him. That they needed him. That he was who made them who they are, and that they needed to find the answer to all the questions they had for themselves. But was it really worth it?
"You could... Find someone else. Someone who could truly fulfill you-"
"And who would that be?!" La interrupted.
She had to hold back from screaming it out. She couldn't believe how far down the rabbit hole he was.
"Did Subaru's words mean nothing to you? are you really going to lie down and let yourself waste away like this?"
Julius grimaced. It took every amount of effort he could muster not to let tears fall.
"It doesn't matter. The moment that monster came down from the second floor, we were doomed." He said, as he continued to stare into the bleak white sky of the dreamscape.
They sat like that for what seemed like hours.
Though only seconds had come and gone, time screeched to a stop as they dreaded every moment that passed.
"We... We chose you for a reason. Please... Please don't give up on yourself. Please don't give up on us..."
The white haired girl grabbed his arm. Her tears beaded down his forearm and fell from his fingers.
He could have sworn she was an angel.
So why was an angel worrying herself over him?
He had to get them away. He was trouble. A failure. A spectacular moron of a person who only served to burden those around him.
"It... Doesn't matter what reason you have. You can find something... Someone better."
La latched harder into the arm she was holding on to. Her nails began to dig into his skin. She couldn't help it.
"How... HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TELL YOU!?" This time, she couldn't hold back the scream.
As soon as she finished her sentence, she began wailing, sobbing as if she were a mother who had lost her own child.
Every noise she made tormented the man. He wanted it to stop. He had to make it stop.
The white haired spirit pulled at him again.
"Please... Please don't die. Please stop sitting there, doing nothing. We n-need you."
The pressure in his head redlined as he heard her say that.
He was weighing them down. He had to push them away.
"You think... You think it matters whether or not I try?!"
He forced his head back up, ripping his arms away from the girls grip.
"What do you even know about me?! I'm simply a foil to everyone's desires. I feign a look of elegance as if I'm pretending I'm someone worth getting to know. Do you have any idea what has happened? Subaru lost his memories! Because of me! Even after I had lost my name the first time, I still had the gall to think I was capable... Do you understand just how arrogant, how impudent, how selfish, how childish, how pathetic of a person I am!? Do you know what they called me? Before I lost my name…"
He gazed back into the empty sky of the dream again. He put his fingers over his eyes, as if he could somehow hide the river of tears that were coming from them.
"They called me... The Knight of Knights. The Greatest Knight."
He leveled his eyes to the ground and forced a scowl, gripping his fist as if he could lash out at anything.
"I'm just a fake. Losing my name made me realize that. When there was nobody left to remember me, after even Subaru had forgotten, I finally realized that. When it was do or die, all I could do was get in the way of others. I don't deserve to live, let alone be called a knight. I was nothing but a snob of a person. I've never done anything by myself. I've only ever been riding on the backs of others. When Sloth was slain, Subaru was there. Even when I fought to protect Lagunica, All of you were there. I've never accomplished a single thing by myself. Even when I thought Subaru wasn't that powerful, I was handily defeated. He could have easily killed me. And then the Sword Saint..."
He grabbed his hair and began to pull while he grit his teeth. No amount of pain could distract him from his failure. The most spectacular knight who can only fail in the most spectacular way.
"I wasn't even able to swing at him. Did I really think I could take on the first Sword Saint?! And even then, I wouldn't just give it up... And that's where my arrogance brought me. I tried to read his book of the dead. And instead, I simply killed off the last person I had that could remember me. And now I'm reduced to nothing... No, I was never anything worthy of note in the first place."
He sat silently for a shot period, pondering everything. The failures he had so quickly accumulated upon losing his name. The looks of despair everyone had given him.
He ripped out a few strands of his hair and pointed his finger back at the girls. "So what could you ever want to know about me?! If you follow me, you'll only have to go through this entire ordeal again... Or worse. You'll all die. You want me to stain my hands with more blood?! Is that what it is?"
They all sat in silence.
Julius didn't understand how they had come to this conclusion. Any other spirits would have left by now, with no attachment to him.
They were a great wonder to him, that they were intelligent enough to discern their connection to him, and setup an elaborate plan such as this to bring him back from the ropes of his consciousness.
They were not lesser or minor spirits any longer. They were spirits in true form, able to discern for themselves and solve problems. He had nurtured them so, and spent his many years with them with the intent to grow them into their truest forms. Perhaps at some point, they might become Great Spirits, but that idea seemed to lose it's footing the longer he considered the position he had left them in.
There were few people who were able to contract spirits, and growing a Great Spirit was nigh impossible. It was likely that outside of him, something like that would never come to fruition.
"…"
He visibly recoiled at his inner thoughts.
For that short period of time, Julius recounted every ridiculous action he took, every longing glance he cast, and every short coming that entailed them.
"I hate myself."
Without vocalizing that line, he had no hope of penance. Though, it wasn't as if he ever had hope for such a thing in the first place. He might die soon, but this would surely be the first step in what would likely be a series of reflective thoughts as he descended to Hell.
But for better or for worse, the next words he heard would serve to remind him that the only failures he ever made, were made by his efforts, and his alone.
"Then we will die here too." Came the voice of the red haired maiden. Each head of hair surrounding him nodded in approval. A general consensus had been made.
And so, Julius found himself failing again. In his own pathetic way, he failed to carry out the wishes of himself.
Julius Juukulius failed to give up.
His head didn't turn. His eyes stayed in place.
He couldn't move.
Every time he tried to move, he only came closer to breaking under the pressure. Every glance he took only squeezed another tear from his eye.
Without giving it a second thought, he reached within himself.
Digging between the many complex layers of his od, there was planted a single string. By the blade of lost memories, it had been cut. It's remains we shared only by himself, an ode and a promise known only by his ears, committed only to his memory.
It was a contract between spirit and contractor. Long as it had remained, it had easily been severed.
Never had Julius thought that he would end the contract with his spirits, but the choice was clear as day.
Uprooting the string from deep within his soul, every pain he had ever felt paled in comparison.
Torn asunder, he cast it out into the emptiness of time, forever lost.
Then he smiled.
"It seems you have forced my hand this time, ladies. Rather rude of you to take advantage of a man in such a dire predicament."
La turned toward him, somewhat confused by what he had said, before brandishing a smile of her own.
"You had us worried there. But we knew you weren't the type to let something terrible happen when there was something you could do about it."
Julius forced down a sob. He wasn't sure what emotion was compelling him to cry again, but it wasn't something worth dwelling on further.
Inwardly, he considered what needed to be done.
He, himself, what he had aspired to become was insufficient.
The definition of the perfect specimen.
He fit all the criteria.
The Greatest knight.
In a flush of retrospect, he had deduced the error he had made.
As a boy, the idea of a knight was of great appeal to him. To become the most worthy, to display the greatest of etiquette, to render and raze the greatest of foes, and to subjugate the greatest of humanity's threats.
He had become what he had idolized, and through that venture, bought into the idea that he was truly what the people had named him.
But after this recollection, he found that his success was merely in name alone.
Once the title, the greatest was stripped from him, all became apparent.
That at the root of his desire, there was only naivety and ego.
By becoming the greatest, he knew all there was. Knowing all there was, meant that he had deduced all of the benefits and had weighed them all the same.
There was nothing worthwhile in becoming the Greatest Knight.
Perhaps being a simple knight was one thing, a safeguard and a protector, that was not an error or issue.
However, in the same measure that he had, taking the idea of being a knight to the extreme, pushing himself to the furthest of boundaries, to the point that the word knight, was the only potential description of himself, there became an issue.
To be a knight, for the sake of the knight itself, was wrong.
And so, Julius would become something else.
He would become something other than himself. Something other than a knight. Something other than an arrogant peon. Something other than an ignorant fool.
What that was, he wasn't sure. What he could become was something he would have to find on his own.
If he made it out alive, he would surely walk the ground all his days in an effort to disclose just what it was that he needed to be.
Now, abandoning all etiquette and appearance, all arrogance and ego, all naivety and all bravado, Julius Juukulius would find himself.
"I must warn you. What happens next may not reflect the previous version of me that you were familiar with. But I can promise right here and now, that I will work alongside you with all that is within me."
The six spirits lifted their eyes to him and each grew a smile.
Julius reached within himself and prepared to write on the newly prepared canvas of his soul. A new story was waiting to be scribed, and the quill was freshly inked.
"Would you, my dearest buds, be willing to form a new contract with me?"
Chapter 11, End.
Okay, so thanks for reading all this way. The story just hit 400 followers, so I wanted to just say thanks to everybody who has stuck along so far. I know my writing isn't the best but I would like to think I am improving. Or something. Who knows.
Anyways, the personalities of the spirits and the dream world with Julius are all an ass-pull. I normally wouldn't want to do something like this, but I feel like we were robbed of a potential character change with Julius in the novel, where he might have abandoned his desire for appearance and 'elegance' to seek only untarnished power, essentially becoming something a bit closer to Reid. I simply used those ass-pulls to facilitate that. I don't think we've ever gotten any breakdown on the personalities of Julius' spirits, but I could have missed something in that regard. I sure as hell hope I didn't make any kind of contradictions somewhere that will annoy people.
But yeah, if anything sticks out to you, good or bad, please leave a review. This one took a lot more time to write than the previous one, mostly for the sake of research and exploration of the topic at hand, being Julius and his mental state.
Also, after this chapter I am going to be going back and doublechecking previous chapters for inconsistencies and errors, so it might be a tad longer before I get chapter 12 out. So if you guys have free time, or just like to be helpful, I would appreciate it if you dropped any errors you see in a review. You guys make all this writing worth it, and I love seeing everyone's reactions. Anyways, stay safe everybody!