A/N: Did you like chapter one? If you've stuck around, I hope you enjoy this one, too.
MWAH xoxo
ETA: This chapter is now edited and updated. Thanks, Kim *kiss*
Hoodwinked
Chapter 2
Bella
It's Alice's idea in the end; to go along with Edward's post on my Facebook.
"No!" I insist, immediately opposed to it. "No." My thoughts drift to Edward, and I all but full-body shudder. I mean, sure, he was popular when he was in school, but he's Alice's brother; I barely even see him as a member of the opposite sex. I barely see him as little more than a Neanderthal. "God, no!"
"Why not? It makes perfect sense, and he's already set the chains in motion," she reminds me.
"It makes no sense," I counter unconvinced. Edward and I make no sense, and no one will believe it.
"It makes perfect sense given that he is the only male on the planet that you can actually hold a conversation with without turning into a stuttering, red-faced mess," she points out, a single brow arched.
"I can talk to Mike," is my feeble defence, because we both know she's right.
"After how many months?" She throws me that cynical look of hers, reminding me too much of Edward.
I shake my head dismissively. "I can't pretend that with Edward, and he'll never let me live it down."
"Okay..." she pauses to take a breath, and she's clearly working out the cogs in her plan, "aside from him being, well...Edward, he's right about one thing. He was popular in high school and the girls did love him."
"And?"
"If Mike Newton's going to use slaggy Jessica against you, let's face it, Edward will be the perfect revenge. You'll be able to hold your head high and totally rub him in his face. And you'll have a date for the Farewell. "
I shake my head again, not even remotely convinced, when Alice adds the coup de grace. "And do you remember how badly Jessica used to have it for Edward? All those love letters she put in his locker?" She snickers.
I consider it for a few seconds before groaning out loud and attempting to hide the fact that I'm openly cringing. Pretending to be with Edward? "No one will believe it," I reiterate.
"Not necessarily," she uses the same phrase Edward had earlier as a secretive smile tugs on her lips.
"In order for it to be convincing we'll have to pretend to..." I let my thoughts race ahead of me as my face immediately bursts into flames. "Ugh, no!" I stand firm. "He'll torture me over it!"
"Oh, come on, Bella," Alice urges me. "Imagine the fun we'll have."
"The fun you'll have," I counter, "and Edward's not likely to go along with it anyway."
"There's one way to find out." Grabbing my hand again, she pulls me out of her bedroom and back into Edward's.
His room's empty, so undeterred Alice shoves open his bathroom door. He's standing before his vanity, a towel wrapped loosely around his hips, shaving.
"What the hell do you losers want now?" he demands, continuing to run the razor down his face completely unfazed by the fact that we've caught him half naked.
"We have a plan—"
"Alice has a plan," I correct her.
"Okay, I have a plan." She sighs with deliberate exaggeration.
"Riveting," is his response, his eyes not deviating from his reflection in the mirror.
"You wanna hear it?" Alice puts to him.
"Not really," he replies, rinsing the razor under the running water and tapping it against the porcelain of the sink.
"Bella agreed to go to the Farewell with you," she fills him in regardless.
"Oh, yeah?" His eyes meet mine through the reflection of his mirror, both brows arched. "You're only human, snotface."
I scoff and roll my eyes, but don't bother with a reply. He'll only twist it.
"So, you want to hear our plan?" Alice attempts to sway him again.
He smirks to himself. "Okay, get on with it."
"We expand on what you already started..." Alice raises her eyebrows and waits for the light bulb to switch on in his brain.
It doesn't.
"Expand on it? You mean me and snotface..." His eyes immediately move in my direction suspiciously as that light bulb evidently switches on. "Hell no!"
Alice huffs in frustration. "What the hell is with you two? Bella's hot, you're...well, you're not hideous."
"Correction, I'm hot," he asserts smugly, "Bella's...snotface. Ugh, no chance."
"Fuck you, Edw—"
"You offered to take her to the Farewell, you idiot—or have you forgotten, already?" Alice cuts me off as I huff to myself indignantly. I realise he's more than likely only messing with me, but I haven't mastered the art of not letting him get under my skin.
He practically laughs to himself. "It's one thing to be her pity date, but another to act it out. I have a reputation around here, you know."
"Get over yourself, Edward! As if I'd let you touch me!" I snap, my patience severing, as Alice shoves him in the back of the head; needing to practically jump up to reach him.
"It's not enough that you embarrassed her, but you don't have to be an insensitive prick! You do realise her boyfriend broke up with her today, don't you?"
"Yeah, she was bawling the moment I let her inside," he says, scooping a glob of aftershave from his face and smearing it across mine.
"You're hilarious," I mutter, grabbing a flannel from the sink to wipe it away, and just as Alice grabs the towel around him and yanks it off.
"Jesus!" he bursts, standing completely naked for a second or two before he shoves the two of us from his bathroom and slams the door.
"Alice, that was way more than I needed to see!" I utter, feeling slightly dazed and disorientated as she ushers me back to her room.
"He deserved it," she says, snorting back her smirk. "Besides, how many times did the two of you go skinny dipping together when you were little?" She's reacting as if seeing the sight of her six-foot-two, twenty-year-old brother stark naked is completely inconsequential.
"We're not four years old anymore," I remind her in a mumble, rubbing my brow in an obvious effort to conceal my blush.
I completely forgot that Edward's circumcised, and why it suddenly occurs to me right now is anyone's guess.
"Anyway, I'm sorry, Bella. He's such a...a dickhead sometimes." She rolls her eyes and flops down on her bed.
I drop down beside her, grabbing one of her pillows and burying my face against it. "Yeah, I know," I eventually reply from behind it. He is, but he always has been.
"I'll ask Jas if he knows someone," she suddenly muses.
Pulling back, I release my breath into a weary sigh. "Don't worry about it, Als. I don't mind going alone."
"You are not going alone." She's adamant, her eyes glazing over as she very clearly starts scheming ahead of her.
"I mean it. I'd rather go by myself than feel obligated to some guy I just met." Sitting myself upright, I click open my phone and re-read Edward's train wreck on my page. "Christ, he told everyone we got together in July!"
Breaking into a sly grin, Alice grabs her phone. "But look how many people have liked it? Half our year. Mike would have definitely seen it."
"Yeah, straight after his post with Jessica. How convenient," I say dryly, and half groaning, I drop my head and rub my forehead heavily with my fingertips. "Your brother's such a shithead."
"He really is," Alice agrees, as her fingers swiftly type over the screen. "Jas," she fills me in as I attempt to glance over her shoulder.
"Please tell me you're not trying to set me up with anyone," I complain. "Alice..."
She only shushes me.
"I'm going alone!" I assert, as a notification window suddenly pops up on my phone: Edward Cullen replied to his post on your wall.
I click it open, silently fuming to myself. He replied to Eric Yorkie's question about whether he's taking me to the Farewell.
Yeah, I suppose I can't get out of it.
I glance up blankly, my brow knotting heavily as the door to Alice's room bursts open and Edward leans forward hanging from the frame. He's wearing a pair of jeans and nothing else, while his hair is still wet and unruly. "Kay, I've changed my mind," he announces as his expression turns shrewd. "On one condition."
"What?" I ask suspiciously.
"You saw mine, so I get to see yours," he replies, his grin this time cagey.
"No!" I immediately retort.
"Just your tits," he clarifies as if that somehow makes all the difference.
"No!" I repeat, emphasising it further, and picking up one of Alice's Beanie Boo's, I hurl it at him. He dodges it easily, his grin growing broader and oozing with self-assurance.
"Come on, you saw me in all my glory. Fair's fair."
"Your sister did that, not me," I remind him.
"Okay, one tit!" he attempts to haggle.
"Get out!" I demand.
"You showed me once before, remember...?" He raises his brows, alluding to the time when I was five and he was seven and we had our own personal show and tell.
"Forget it. It's not going to happen."
"Okay," he pauses and deliberately clears his throat. "My final offer. Tits with your bra on. Take it or leave it."
"Leave it," I counter without hesitation.
"Alice..." He turns his attention to his sister who sighs loudly.
"Bella, just show him," she says sounding exasperated, and just when I thought she was going to take my side.
"What?" I burst in disbelief. "I'm not—"
"It's not as if he hasn't seen it all before," she breaks in.
"Exactly," Edward adds.
"He hasn't seen them before!" I insist, feeling the urge to suddenly cover myself.
He snorts. "I beg to differ."
"What does that mean?" I challenge him.
"How many times have I seen you in a bikini, Miss Modest?" he mocks me, raising a single brow in emphasis.
Taking a deep breath, I release it into a completely drawn out, irritated groan, and completely concede. "Fine."
His expression immediately smooths out in surprise. "All right, then."
With a huff, I angle my back to Alice, silently motioning for her to unzip my dress. When she does, I stand up and allow my uniform to slip from my shoulders, catching it when it falls to my waist.
"Snotface..." he drawls, his eyes fixed to my covered breasts and sounding wholly impressed. "You've really filled out."
Yanking my dress back up to cover myself, I grab the closest thing to me—one of Alice's softball trophies—and throw it at him in a fit of frustration.
He catches it easily and props it up on Alice's chest of drawers, chuckling beneath his breath.
"Do you have to be such a jerk?" I accuse him, which only succeeds in increasing his amusement.
"No backing out of this, Edward," Alice warns him.
"Okay..." He completely exaggerates a sigh. "What do you want me to do?"
"Make it convincing," is Alice's answer, her grin suddenly mirroring her brother's.
"Make what convincing?" I ask as my heart reacts to the very idea of it.
"That you can't get enough of me, snotface," he teases me, and when my narrowing eyes darts to his, he winks.
"Ugh..." I grumble, pulling my dress impatiently back over my shoulders.
"Nothing too extravagant," she reassures me, "but I think I should validate what Edward said on your wall though. On my Facebook and Instagram."
"How...?" I mumble, pressing my fingers to my brow as heat steadily accumulates behind them.
"I'll take a pic of you two in a really compromising position that you're obviously not aware..." she begins when I immediately interject, horrified.
"How compromising?"
"Relax, it will only look compromising. Anyway, I'll then post it and make a big fuss about how I didn't know you two were together."
"I'm in," Edward announces, his smirk becoming suggestive, and before I can open my mouth to reply, Alice is pushing me through her bedroom door.
"It has to be in Edward's room, obviously."
After shoving open his door, Edward throws himself on his double bed, sits himself up against his headboard and folds his arms across his bare chest. "Well, come on then, snotface."
"My condition—no more snotface!" I say hotly, standing my ground.
He rolls his eyes. "Well, what the hell am I supposed to call you?"
"By her name, obviously," Alice replies in monotone. "Okay, Bella, jump in with him."
"In?" I echo her, raising a dubious brow.
"In, on—you get my meaning. Hurry up!" She shoves me forward.
Reluctantly, I move to sit beside Edward, keeping as much distance from him as I can.
"Bella...come on." Alice sighs shortly. "Try and be convincing."
"What do you want me to do?" I ask begrudgingly.
"Pull your uniform down again and get under the blankets with him," she suggests.
"No!" I immediately object. "It'll look like we're..." I intentionally abandon it, and from behind me Edward scoffs his reaction only half beneath his breath.
"Like we're what, snotface?" he murmurs against my ear.
On impulse, I elbow him in the ribs as he jolts and breaks into laughter.
"No more SNOTFACE!" I yell, moving to maim him again when he grabs my hands.
"Okay, no more snotface." He continues to laugh, not even pretending to take me seriously.
"That's it—I'm not doing this!" I conclude, reefing my hands from his, and moving to pull myself off the bed, when he curls an arm around my waist.
"Okay, Bella, I promise I won't give you anymore shit."
"Um, we're losing light," Alice says sarcastically.
"What do you expect us to do, again?" I ask.
"Get under the bloody blankets and snuggle as if you really are together! It's not hard!" she exclaims.
Edward complies immediately, pulling his sheet up to cover his jeans and turning to me, opening an arm. "You gonna keep your guy waiting, or what?"
Groaning beneath my breath, I allow him to pull me against him. I'm instantly flooded by the scent of his aftershave, and whatever it is, it smells nice. This is on top of how warm his skin is against mine.
"Pull your dress down again," Alice instructs me as I turn to her in warning.
"I am not pulling my dress down," I reiterate my stance.
"You'll still have your bra on," she points out.
"It'll look like we're having sex, and who takes a photo of that!?" I stress.
"I would," Edward pipes up as I shove against him.
"Of course, you would, but Alice wouldn't. Unless she has some creepy fetish with her brother."
"She has a point, midget." He's immediately convinced.
"Besides, I'm not looking like a slut just to get back at Mike Newton."
"Slut?" Alice repeats dubiously. "You never did anything with him, so how could you be a slut?"
I open my mouth to reply, when Edward beats me to it.
"Wait, you didn't?" He sounds surprised.
I shove him again, my hands making contact with his naked flesh in a way that is everything but threatening. "It's none of your business."
He smirks again, his breath shooting from his nose. "Righto."
"Can you two pay attention?" Alice snaps, and when we both turn to her, she continues. "Above the blankets, but dress down. Good compromise?"
"I'm not putting my dress down!" I stubbornly assert.
"I've got my dress down," Edward adds, slapping his bare chest.
"God, you're an idiot," I say, rolling my eyes.
"Bella, come on," Alice coaxes me, impatience wearing her voice thin. "It needs to be believable."
"All right!" I blurt, shoving my uniform back down my shoulders a second time and all but throwing myself against Edward.
"Think about Jessica Stanley's face when she sees this," Alice says in reminder.
"Jessica Stanley—that psycho chick who used to send me those creepy poems!?" Edward bursts, repulsion clearly on his expression. "Is that who you're worried about?"
"Five minutes after breaking up with me, my boyfriend decided to post slutty photos with her, so yeah!" I fill him in, but it only serves to increase the width of that smile of his.
"You mean, like we're doing now," he alludes, and scowling, I shove off him and attempt to jump off the bed when he grabs me again. "Would you stop squirming so we can get this done?!"
"Alice?" I appeal to her, but she remains unmoved.
"You're being neurotic, Bella. Hurry up, already!"
Grudgingly, I settle myself back beside him, and grabbing my wrist, Edward slides my arm over his chest.
"No grabbing my dick this time," he says covertly, his eyes dipping down to my partially covered breasts, and completely losing patience, I move to knee him. He anticipates me though, even as he fights the urge to laugh again.
"Alice, tell your bloody brother to behave!" I protest.
"Hey, I'm doing you a service here, remember?" he counters, and in response, I snort.
"Don't pretend you're not getting off on it!"
"Will the two of you get a grip!" Alice shouts, immediately silencing us. "Christ!"
"Okay!" I snap.
"Arms around him, Bella," Alice directs me, before Edward once more grabs my hand and drapes it over him.
I huff and force myself to comply, and lying my head in the crook of Edward's arm, he snakes his other around my waist.
"Finally!" Alice mutters. "Edward, look at Bella—not me. You're supposed to be unaware I'm taking this, remember?"
Edward rolls to his side to face me, repositioning himself as his lips twitch in obvious amusement. "Would you relax?"
"Yes, relax!" Alice agrees.
Taking a resigned breath, I attempt to loosen myself in his arms, but I'm not very successful.
"Bella, you're on your elbow!" Alice points out.
I don't even realise, and slipping it under the arm he has curved around my shoulders, I rest it against my hair.
"Okay, ready?" Alice puts to us.
"Ready," I mumble, closing my eyes to the sound of her camera shutter repeatedly clicking.
"Don't move!" she orders us as she pauses to look back over the photos. "Oh my god, Edward, you're laughing at her! Try and look at her like you're completely into her."
"Don't say it," I warn him, my eyes flying open just as the grin pulls broad across his face again.
"Say what?" He feigns innocence, clearing his throat like a complete smart ass.
I tsk to myself but otherwise ignore him, my eyes everywhere but on his as Alice continues to click away on her phone.
"Please say you got one!" I bemoan after several moments of silence.
"I have," she replies, her voice brightening as a squeal bursts from her. "Come see."
As I'm pulling myself off the bed, Edward slips his index finger beneath my bra strap, and snaps it back sharply against my shoulder. I jump ten feet in my skin as his laughter is, once again, at my expense.
Past patience, I turn to him and shove him square in the chest. He falls back against the mattress, and I escape before he can retaliate.
Alice's photo is actually pretty convincing. It's intimate, and while a slight smirk is curved on Edward's lips as he gazes at me, it's relaxed, and from the context as if we were sharing a private joke. My dress is gathered at my waist, and only the back of my bra is visible; even if Edward's fingers are inched a little too close, as if he were contemplating grabbing a handful.
But let's face it, he probably was.
While Alice edits and crops it, I hastily pull my arms through the sleeves of my school dress. That's when Edward suddenly closes in behind me and zips it up.
I tense, unsure how to react to him, but this time it's not to mess with me, and I'm beginning to feel bi-polar.
"Give us a look," he says to Alice, holding out his hand. He gazes down at her phone for several moments, that crafty grin reforming across his face again, before he glances toward me. "Pretty convincing, hey, snotface."
Taking a stiff breath, I release it with complete exasperation when he suddenly drapes his arm over my shoulders. For a single moment, I actually think he's going to do something decent, as if he's even capable of it, but instead he ushers me and Alice out of his room and slams the door on us.
"Start updating your Facebook, Edward," Alice warns him through the door, before turning to me. "You too."
I drop my head back and utter a moan that's completely overrun with self-pity. "Remind me again why I'm doing this...?"
"Revenge, Bella. Revenge." Alice chuckles in response. "You are a woman scorned, and my brother is pretty enough—and dense enough—to aid you in it."
"I heard that, midget!" Edward pipes up from behind his bedroom door as Alice and I both laugh.
"What caption are you going to put with it?" I ask as after we're safely back inside Alice's room and out of Edward's earshot.
"I've already posted it—see?" she says, holding it out for me to view.
It already has nineteen likes; half of them the "wow" reaction.
Above the photo, she simply wrote: How the hell did I not know this was going on right under my nose?
I have to admit, it's a great photo despite how much trauma it took to capture it, and how just thinking about it makes me want to cringe to death.
"Alright, I might head home," I say with a weary sigh. I'm getting a headache, and after the events of today, I'm feeling slightly frazzled and disjointed. "I still need to study."
"Okay, babe," Alice replies, pulling me in her arms. "Tomorrow we're going to work on getting you to relax around him without wanting to kill him."
"Oh god," I groan, and despite myself, I break into a conceding laugh. "Okay."
. . .
I'm soaking in the bathtub when I get it. My phone pings with another Facebook notification.
I click it open almost reluctantly, wanting to recoil from whatever method of torture Edward means to inflict on me this time. I've been steadily filling with doubt over the last several hours, and I'm not entirely sure I'm doing the right thing.
Even in theory, Edward and I are beyond comprehension.
As I expected, Edward's tagged me in a post, and in complete resignation, I click on it.
I'm just putting this out there now, if anyone even thinks of hassling my girl they better be prepared to come through me.
"What...?" I utter to myself in complete and utter bewilderment.
Will I ever work this guy out? My best friend's brother who I've known all my life.
I like his comment, deciding to react to it with a love heart for the sake of pretences, then placing my phone on the side of the tub, I completely submerge myself beneath the water as my only means of escape.
Relax around him without wanting to kill him? I'm not sure that's even possible.
A/N: Thanks for reading!