A/N: I feel like I'm late. Am I late? Anywho, thank you to Kim for editing, even though I realised I sent her the wrong copy. I did keep, 97% of your edits, doll. Promise. I fail. Thanks also to StarryEyedWriter8 and Biebs. She knows who she is, bloody lurker.
So, Vertigo got nominated for finished fics of the month, or something. I'm not sure if it was nominated or just because it's complete, but I seriously don't do those things. I'm unpopular by default and that's the way I like it. If you're friends with me on Facebook you'll know I repel cliques of all kinds. I don't kiss arse, and if anyone was to ever kiss mine I'd assume they had rabies. I'm sure I never had to deal with this stuff before a certain beta *cough* I'm looking at you, Kim *cough* decided to start pimping me. I was happy in my unpopular, under-the-radar bubble. Sheesh...
Okay, I'll shut up now.
Hoodwinked
Chapter 6
"You know, staring at someone all starry-eyed is a sure sign you're in love with them," Edward drawls, a barely concealed smirk on his lips, as he helps me back into his massive truck at the end of the night.
I know exactly what he's referring to, and he's been deliberately delaying his reaction to my reaction just to prolong his method of torture over me.
"I wasn't staring at you starry-eyed," I insist frustrated and probably too defensively that it only makes the width of Edward's grin grow. "I just didn't expect you to stick your tongue in my mouth."
"Why not?" he asks as he slides himself behind the wheel.
"What do you mean, why not?" I put to him. "Have you forgotten we're only pretending here?" Though, pretending or not, I'm still having a hard time making eye-contact with him. Which is ridiculous.
He shrugs nonchalantly and turns the ignition. "Habit," he offers up in explanation. "You're not a bad kisser when you let go of all that virginity that's hanging over you."
I suck my breath in through my nose sharply, but decide to let it go. He's baiting me, and he's good at it. Plus, he already has me flustered, and no doubt my mother will be waiting for us to return with a glass to the wall. I can't lose my head—anymore than I already have, anyway.
"So, what are we doing tomorrow?" I ask begrudgingly after stepping onto my front porch, my eyes fixed to the concrete beneath my feet. It's beyond the realm of ridiculous because this is Edward. I usually have no problem looking him dead in the eye and telling him to shoot himself.
Usually...
"Hmm...tomorrow's my day off," he replies, the amusement still heavily laced in his tone as he quite clearly laughs through his nose. He's noticed my behaviour as well, which only makes things infinitely worse.
I watch as he shoves his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, his entire posture mocking me.
"Righto. Bye," I mumble, turning to open the front door when he grabs my hand.
"Oi, not so fast."
"What now?" I complain, and I'm fully aware that my hands are beginning to shake. I just don't want him knowing.
"First of all, do you think you could bloody look at me?"
I do, reluctantly, but in a knee-jerk reaction, that I'm immediately grateful for, my embarrassment turns quickly to impatience. "What do you want?" I demand.
"Reckon you could repeat it? Or was it a one-off?" That cocky grin is nailed to his face along with something else in his expression. It might be curiosity but I still can't meet his eyes long enough to be certain.
"Repeat what?" I ask the tiles beneath me again.
"You know what I'm talking about," he says wryly.
I do, and he knows I do.
"No!" I look up and state plainly.
"I promise not to stick my tongue in your mouth again," he counteroffers.
"No," I repeat, firmly this time, meeting his gaze for only a few seconds before I pull my eyes to the dozen or so insects circling the porch light.
"What are you doing standing here then if you're not waiting for me to kiss you?"
"I..." Flustered and feeling my face burn more conspicuously, I turn on my heel and reach for the door handle.
He grabs my free hand, and in one motion, he pulls me back to face him and leans in to plant his lips to mine. It's only brief—three seconds tops—but it still leaves more than an obvious impression on me, because even during those few moments, I feel the energy he's evoking in me in every extremity.
"Later, snotface," he says, still clearly enjoying himself at my expense, before he flicks my forehead with his fingers and turns to step down off the porch.
I walk through the door as starry-eyed as I was after our whatever-the-hell-it-was kiss in the cinema and head to my bedroom. In doing so, I run into my mother; her face is lit up in anticipation.
"Well...?" Her voice is also reflecting it, and I fully suspect she wants me to give up details. And Adjectives.
"Well, nothing," I retort too sharply, allowing my frustration at Edward to continue to dictate my emotions. Though my emotions are so frayed at the moment, I'm not sure who my frustration is directed at. Him or me. "He's a complete shithead and I'm gonna break up with him!"
"Oh, sweetie..." she replies, waving her hand, completely dismissing me. "If you fight a lot, it just means you have great chemistry, and"—she lowers the tone of her voice—"a lot of sexual tension." A barely smothered squeal breaks from her throat and I want to die.
"Please stop," I beg her out of continued mortification, but I'm beginning to suspect my mother is onto something. I mean, what else could turn me into a stuttering wreck with the one male on the planet I could always be myself around? "We haven't had sex yet." I, for whatever reason, feel the need to fill her in.
"You haven't?" She sounds disappointed. "That's okay. I have some great articles on oral sex if you're not—"
"Mum!" I cut her off with a full-bodied cringe. "Jesus!"
"Would you like another B12?" she offers, placing her hand to my cheek and angling my face to inspect my eyes. I wonder what she's looking for. Evidence that I'm high? I'm sure my mother must think abstaining from Edward is proof of drug addiction. "You've been awfully uptight these last few days."
"I'm fine," I insist, opening my bedroom door and turning back to her. "Really."
"What happened? Do you want to talk?" she asks gently.
"Tomorrow," I mumble, reminding myself once again that while my mother is often unorthodox in her parenting style, her heart's in the right place.
"Okay, sweetie." She appears placated, before again tilting my face to peer into my eyes. "You haven't been drinking, have you?"
Groaning just barely beneath my breath, I close my door on her; knowing nothing short of it will get rid of her.
Dress rehearsal was a smashing success, babe. Alice texts me a few minutes later as I'm washing the makeup from my face at my bathroom vanity. It's quickly followed by a second: Sooooo many people asked me whether you were with Edward and Mike together. I told them it wasn't intentional with Edward, and you weren't sure how to tell Mike, so you let him break up with you instead. Added this time is several laughing emojis.
It was a complete disaster! Edward won't stop pushing me! I reply aggressively, still caught up in an influx of emotions I'm not sure how to dissect.
Why, what happened?
He tongue-kissed me! I add one too many exclamation points.
Is that all? She replies along with a confused-face emoji.
You're defending him? I screech out in text form.
That's just how you kiss though.
No, it isn't!
Well, if you close-mouth kiss, but who kisses like that?
"Me!" I almost reply with, which is pathetic. Something Alice wouldn't shy away in telling me either. It wasn't closed-mouth, but he didn't have to stick his tongue into it. That's going too far.
They kind of just get in the way with open-mouthed kissing. She adds a shrugging emoji this time and I'm close to giving up. Remember, babe, you knew this was going to happen. Sure you can handle it? She reminds me when I fail to reply.
I can handle it. He's just such an asshole about it all the bloody time.
He's stirring you. You let him get under your skin too easily.
I know. I admit. I do.
Edward's just more experienced. I'll remind him to slow his pace if you like. She offers with what I'm sure she thinks will be helpful, but I almost pass out from horror.
No! He'll never let me live it down!
Slow down? Edward texts me exactly thirty seconds later, and just as I'm plunged into the throes of death. It took my balls just to get you to kiss me!
ALICE! I yell, my anxiety-pitched voice echoing off the tiles of my bathroom as my fingers type her name.
Sorry, babe! He was hanging over my shoulder. I didn't know.
"Jesus Christ..." I mutter, dropping my phone to the quartz counter top and burying my face in my hands as the groan amassing in my throat steadily becomes audible.
Scratch that first theory, snotface. I've figured it out. Edward texts me after I accepted a B12 vitamin from my mother and am settling myself beneath the covers of my bed.
Do I even want to know? I reply, but I do; if only to prevent more mortification on my end.
You're shy around me now which means – in your own words – you're seeing me as a member of the opposite sex. Plus, you said I'm a spunk. It's proof you're in love with me. You can admit it. I won't mind. Then we can work on that virgin problem of yours. I can practically hear that self-assured drawl of his oozing from each word he typed, but I'm not sure whether I want to laugh or throw my phone through the window.
You are so up yourself. I text back, before sending another. I'm going to bed, so stop bothering me.
. . .
"Sweetie?" My mother's voice invades the twilight of sleep still lingering over me. "Quick, he's mowing the lawn."
"What...?" I mumble incoherently as she pulls my blanket completely off me.
"Edward—hurry!" Grabbing my hand, she pulls me upright and proceeds to drag me down the hall, into the family room, and then onto the back patio.
I'm barely awake, even as the grinding sound of a lawn mower and the smell of freshly cut grass floods my senses.
"Over there...see?" She points him out as I squint into the glare of the early morning sunshine.
"What time is it?" I complain, though my eyes remain glued to the bare-chested form of Edward pushing the mower down the backyard away from us. He's wearing a baseball cap on backwards, a pair of workwear pants and boots, and nothing else. Even from where I'm standing, it's obvious his back is glistening with sweat as his muscles flex with each step he takes.
"It's eye candy o'clock..." My mother giggles, pulling a small pair of binoculars from the pocket of her robe and peering through them.
"Mum!" I protest, keeping my voice deliberately hushed. "That's my boyfriend!"
"Oh." She nudges me. "No harm in looking."
"I...just can't..." I mumble dazed, sliding open the glass door and stepping back into the house.
Just in the nick of time, too, because as I'm shuffling in mortification back to my room, I hear Edward's voice call out, "Good morning, Mrs Swan."
"How are you, sweetheart?" my mother replies, putting on the same seductive voice she often uses on my father. "Would you like to come in for fifteen minutes for a cool drink?" she offers, as a horrified gasp bursts from me. "Bella's awake."
"Mum!" I holler in protest, immediately turning to drag my overeager mother back inside, but it's too late. Edward has already agreed.
He arrives five minutes later. He doesn't bother putting on a shirt, but he's removed his hat, as if that's some kind of consolation, and his semi-damp hair sticks plastered to his forehead.
"Come in, hon." My mother ushers him through the sliding glass doors. He'd jumped the fence between our yards.
While my mother pours a can of Coke into a glass and grabs a couple of cubes of ice from the freezer, he glances over at me and smirks; his eyes clearly absorbing the barely awake sight of me.
I only scowl back at him and fold my arms stiffy across my chest, which naturally increases his obvious amusement.
"Here you go, sweetheart," Renee says, handing him the tall glass.
His eyes sever from mine and he takes it with thanks that actually makes my mother blush. Blush, and then covertly turn to me mouthing the word "wow".
I can only sigh and pray for death while hoping, naively, that Edward hasn't noticed. He's far too astute to be unaware though.
Renee pours me a glass of Coke as well, along with another B12 vitamin.
"So," she claps her hands together, "what were you two fighting about last night? Perhaps I can help."
"Mum, no!" I insist forcefully, flashing Edward a very clear open-your-mouth-and-you-die warning.
"Edward?" she ignores me, turning her attention to him, and in turn, his canny smirk curves into a grin.
"I kissed her in the cinema," he decides to call my bluff.
"Is that all?" she asks me, her expression echoing Alice's sentiments from last night.
"He tongue-kissed me!" I blurt out defensively like a complete and utter idiot.
"Oh..." my mother says, a smile twitching on the corner of her lips. "Well, Bella's very shy," she explains directly to Edward, and the asshole almost chokes on his drink trying not to laugh.
"Mum!"
"Sweetie, are you worried because you're not confident you're doing it right, yet?" she puts to me, albeit delicately, while Edward snorts obnoxiously into his glass this time.
"Please stop..." I beg her as my face bursts into flames.
"Oh, honey. It's nothing to be ashamed of." She turns to face Edward again. "Bella's babysitting her brother tonight. Charlie and I will be gone from six to twelve, and Jake's bedtime is at seven, so if you'd like some...alone time to work things out..." She clears her throat with a deliberate innuendo while I'm pretty sure I've descended into Hell.
"Please kill me," I mutter to the ceiling after allowing my head to flop back in frustration, and without another word, I trudge back to my bedroom.
"Bella, sweetie, it's okay!" my mother calls after me.
I get barely five minutes of reprieve from the continued torture when Edward opens my door and pokes his head into the room.
"Snotface."
"Get out!"
He smirks and proceeds to do the opposite. Pushing the door open, he sits himself beside me on my bed and drapes a sweaty arm around my shoulders. "Your mother told you to walk me out."
I shrug his arm from me irritably. "You won't get lost finding your way back home, now get out of my room."
"What are you bitching about? I've been in here a thousand times before," he reminds me, pausing to glance around regardless.
"My father's rules. No boyfriends in my room. Take it up with him."
"Was Newton allowed in your room?" He cocks a brow at me.
"No," I say, acting snotty. So snotty, he pulls back to gauge me, his forehead quirked.
"What's going on? You're suddenly really defensive around me," he asks, his grin slowly reforming across his face, because he's already well aware why.
"Why do you think?" I reply petulantly.
He scoffs and squeezes his arm around me until my face suddenly plants against his sweaty chest.
"Eww!" I burst, shoving him off me.
He rolls his eyes, and grabbing my hand he pulls the both of us to our feet. "Stop whinging and walk me out. See ya, Mrs Swan," he calls out to my mother as we pass the entrance to the lounge room.
"Bye, sweetheart," she replies, using that same seductive voice again.
"Your mother digs me," he says after releasing my hand on our driveway, his grin surfacing again.
"My father doesn't. I take after him," I grumble, as he scoffs back another urge to laugh.
"You were finally relaxed yesterday," he points out after a moment of scrutinising me, shoving both hands in his pockets, "and now you're back to being all virgin."
"Maybe because you insist on using the word virgin every two bloody minutes."
He shrugs a shoulder, his hands remaining pushed deep into his pants. "You're acting virgin."
"I am a virgin!" I feel the need to point out again, as some kind of misguided defence.
"I can fix that for you," he teases me, and I immediately shove him.
"Stop acting like a bloody child!"
"Stop acting like a bitch!" he retorts and his voice this time tightens.
I glance up at him in surprise. He looks suddenly irritated. "I'm not..." I say weakly.
"You are. I helped you rub it in that asshole's face last night and here you are acting like a stroppy little kid again. What the hell's wrong with you?"
I open my mouth but I have no reply, at least for the moment. "It's...too confusing," I admit without fully meaning to.
"What is? Me?" He appears confused.
"Yes, and me. I've known you all my life, and now...I...I don't know..." I abandon it with a heavy sigh and drop my chin to my chest.
He's quiet for a moment while my eyes fuse to the concrete of the driveway. "This was all your idea, don't forget."
"It was Alice's idea," I correct him in a mumble.
"You didn't say no."
"Either did you," I look back up at him, and in response he smiles almost warmly.
"I'm not the one who needs a date anywhere."
"I'm beginning to think going dateless isn't such a bad idea, after all."
His eyes train on mine for an awkward pause before he snorts. "Suit yourself." Then smacking his palm to my forehead, he shoves me backwards. "Little kid."
"Fuck you," I snap. "Big kid."
"Virgin," he replies with his back to me as he makes his way toward his front yard.
"Asshole!" I retort for want of a better insult.
"Daddy's little girl," he adds, his voice fading as he walks further away.
"Mummy's little boy!" I shout back without thinking and just as the words die on my lips.
He almost stumbles mid stride before turning back to me, and there's a shocked kind of pain suddenly reflecting on his face.
"E-Edward..." I stammer, immediately flooding with regret, "I'm so—"
"You better block me, snotface, 'cause I'm gonna out this entire bullshit," he threatens me, his entire expression darkening, and whipping back around he continues toward his house with long, angry strides.
With my heart suddenly lodged in my throat choking me, I turn and race back inside.
I'm so sorry, Edward. I wasn't thinking. It was so insensitive of me. I'm really sorry! I hastily type out my apology over iMessage, but he doesn't reply.
While I'm waiting, and silently praying, my phone beeps with a Facebook notification as the bubbled message pops up on my screen: Edward Cullen has posted on your wall.
My hearts stalls for a moment, and with shaking fingers, I click it open.
There it is, just as he threatened, all in capitals and ending in multiple exclamation points.
IT WAS ALL A LIE. AS IF I COULD GO OUT WITH THE UGLY, BUCKED-TOOTHED KID FROM NEXT DOOR!
My heart drops all the way down to my toes, and in complete defeat, I slump to my bed, drop my head into my outstretched hand and let my phone fall to the carpeted floor.
The irony, I pushed away two guys in a week because I'm an inexperienced little kid. Just as Edward accused me of being.
A/N: Uh-oh... Btw, yes you are meant to be frustrated by Bella. Even Edward. It's okay to tell me you are without sending me apologetic PMs for your reviews. I won't boil your kid's bunny in a crock pot, or anything. Promise.
Oh, and one more thing, I forget to add that if you review, I'll give you a spoiler for next week's chapter :)