HAPPY HOLIDAYS and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I really appreciate everyone's reviews and questions - and thank you all so much for reading and following my stories! I have new ones up, BTW.

Have a safe holiday season and VERY happy New Year!

Once again, this really isn't a bashing fic. Some of you may wonder about that, considering certain events that take place, but I'd like to think that certain people will grow as a part of the story. I hope it will all make sense as things progress.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own. I would be happy to take advice or suggestions from my readers! I always want to hear your thoughts!

Thinking

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

Emphasis

Tenzo jumped as the first Genin appeared in front of him. Who taught her the sunshin?! He gave the blonde a nod and asked her to sit as he waited for his other students, dying inside once again.

He had tried to imagine what terrible things he must have done in a past life that caused him to be assigned as a genin-sensei. I never, ever thought I'd have to be one! He'd cry if he didn't expect his senpai to magically appear at the first sign of tears, there to make fun of him right on time. That would be the only occasion for senpai to be on-time for anything... He sighed as he looked at the reason he was specifically assigned to this team: Uzumaki Naruto, the vessel of the Nine-Tailed Fox, which he had to suppress if needed.

I have no experience actually holding back a tailed beast! Damn Orochimaru for ruining my life!

He took in the very wide-eyed look on Uzumaki-chan's face and wondered what was the matter with her. Surely the beast isn't looking through her eyes?

Does it know I have Mokuton and can possibly suppress it?! He withheld a shudder at those thoughts and looked away from the girl's big blue eyes.

.

What happened to Kakashi?! Naruto couldn't stop staring at Yamato-taicho: she was utterly shell-shocked at his appearance in the classroom. She purposely worked on calming her heart and all the complications running through her mind. At least Yamato-Taicho aka Tenzo-sensei can't teach the Bastard the Chidori… She noticed her new sensei had longer hair surrounding his weird forehead and cheek or whatever-it-was-protector/hitai-ate. Looking at him more, she realized how much younger he looked with that long hair.

Kawaii!

.

Yamato looked up at her again and blanched, wondering what the petite blushing blonde was thinking. Naruto flinched away in fear at seeing his eyes get bigger: she had forgotten about her unnerving former captain's Big Eyes of Doom.

I forgot how scary he is!

Sasuke arrived, followed by Sakura. She wondered once again what the Bastard's problem was as he glared at her, Sharingan once again activated. Suddenly a familiar chakra signature appeared, shocking Naruto further. Now walking toward her was an utterly creepy smile and its one and only holder, Sai-kun.

What the hell is going on?!

.

Sasuke glared at the bitch that had helped make his life a living hell, along with That Man. He only looked away from her as his new sensei spoke.

"Ohayo, Team 7; you may call me Tenzo-sensei." Tenzo's lips twisted and he looked around him, obviously annoyed. "A moment, please." Tenzo sunshinned away, only to reappear moments later with his hand on the shoulder of a slouching silver-haired man. A MASKED man, Sasuke noted: this was the Copy-Ninja, Sharingan no Kakashi, whom his bro- That Man had often spoken of highly.

The only other Sharingan holder in the village, a gift from his long-dead second or so cousin, Uchiha Obito, was holding a book and barely noticing him. Things are improving, but why is he ignoring me? He also wondered why his blonde-haired nemesis shrank down, letting out a large breath of relief - judging from her smile - at the well-known Jonin's presence.

"Maa, Tenzo-kun, leave me alone," said the whining Jonin, apparently still engrossed in his bright orange book. Nearly his entire team felt apprehension regarding this strange man who was now being thoroughly admonished by their sensei in an angry whisper. They could make out some of their new sensei's words: "Irresponsible… Memorial Stone… Senpai," and three of the four wondered what was going on.

"Team 7," Tenzo-sensei said, still glaring at the new addition he'd brought along for the ride. "As I said, you will refer to me as Tenzo-sensei, and this is Kakashi-taicho." The now-introduced Taicho was already whining about his title but was forced by their sensei in a hushed voice to "do something."

.

Kakashi-taicho slouched further and seemed to be in pain. "Introductions," he said, looking down at his - no, Tenzo's students. "Go."

"What?" Sai asked despite himself, feeling what he'd read might be called "surprise" at the two Jonins' actions.

"Why don't you go first, Kakashi-Taicho, and show us how it's done?" Sakura asked sweetly.

.

Just how dumb is Fruity Pebbles? Introductions are introductions! Rolling his visible eye, Kakashi began. "Maa, my name is Hatake Kakashi. My hobbies are too old for you, and I don't feel like telling you anything else. My dreams? Other than the ones I have every night - which are also too old for you - never thought about them. GO!"

Sai stood up then dropped to one knee. "ROOT protocol," thought half of those on the roof. "Maa? My name is Sai. My hobbies are too old for you, and I don't feel like telling you anything else. My dreams? Other than the ones I have every night - which are also too old for you? I never thought about them. Go." He bowed politely as everyone sat dumbfounded.

Oh, she tried so hard not to, but Naruto finally fell backward in nearly hysterical giggles. It seemed Sai had been even more ROOT-fucked in the head than she remembered, Kami love him! Her senseis were looking at her, entirely unamused, and she quickly apologized. She turned to apologize to that Emo Printing Press old friend of hers as well, forcing her shoulders to stop shaking in absolute joy and mirth.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes further as nonsense commenced.

.

Tenzo-sensei cleared his throat. "My name is Tenzo. Please refer to my introduction and use your own circumstances and beliefs, Sai-kun." He seemed to ignore Sai's loud reply of "HAI!"

Looking at each one of his students meaningfully, he continued. "My hobbies and likes are training, crafts, and little else…" The silver-haired captain nodded his head eagerly at that, obviously annoying the man speaking. "Che! My dislikes include anything associated with snakes…" For some reason, their taicho said "I'm telling Anko," which made Tenzo-sensei freeze, his eyes popping out to a comic degree. Coughing into his hand, he finally continued. "My dreams include continuing to serve my village and Hokage, and ridding this world of dog-summoners."

"Liar," Kakashi-taicho admonished.

The Genin team Plus One couldn't be sure considering only one of the masked man's eyes was visible, but it looked like he winked at their sensei.

Sai felt even more confused at the interaction between the two former ROOT members. They were so unlike any of Danzo-sama's other subordinates. He decided to listen closely to obtain intelligence that might help him interact with his new targets and better complete his mission.

"Uzumaki-san"/ "Hime," the Jonin said together. Kakashi-Taicho looked like he might have regretted the title he bestowed upon the well-endowed blonde, while Tenzo-sensei looked at the other Jonin in confusion. Uzumaki-chan blushed brightly and began speaking.

.

The Hokage had told Naruto that for the time being, she needed to refer to herself with the first part of her maiden name.

Sucking in a breath, she began. "I am Uzumaki Naruto," she declared, finally looking up. "I like lots of things, like training. Hmm, cooking, gardening, toads, and my friends and family."

Sai watched as the jinchuuriki blushed for some reason, before looking at each one of the new graduates AND him with a determined glint in her eye. "I hope that you'll all become a part of my family." Uzumaki gulped, and her eyes were noticeably shining. "I - ano, I also dislike snakes…. No, actually I fucking hate them. Gomen!" Her blush returned, probably because of her abhorrent language, Sai figured.

"I am a dual specialist - well, maybe I have three specialties: whatever… Considering my status, I'm a frontline fighter…" Sai noticed that both Jonin almost imperceptibly shook their heads at her in what he knew was an admonishment. The kunoichi rolled her eyes and shrugged. "My dream is to have a loving family, and create lasting peace among all nations, where children can grow up without fear of attacks and choose their own paths." She nodded her head sharply.

For some unknown reason, that caught Sai's attention. He felt something odd inside of him shift.

"Oh! I also want to write erot - EEP - I mean fiction, just fiction that will compete with and therefore cause a certain author to up his game. Plus just for fun."

Uzumaki pulled her shoulders in and the redness of her cheeks took over her entire blonde head. "Fucking mouth vomit. I swear to Kami it's going to kill me one of these shitty days," she muttered.

Sai took on a more thoughtful posture, grasping his chin as he'd seen others in the village often do.

Interesting. It seems that Uzumaki-chan loves profanity as much as she loves this elusive peace she dreams of. Perhaps she is also bipolar, Sai thought. He jumped up then fell into an appropriate kneeling position.

"My name is Sai, just Sai: no surname. I like drawing and painting…" He didn't know that his face showed an emotion some would call 'confusion.' "I dislike lung diseases, and… not drawing? My dream? I do not know, but I would like to learn more about this 'erotic' fiction Uzumaki-chan has mentioned." Sai immediately noted that he had said something that might be controversial, as nearly all of "his team" were wide-eyed except for Uzumaki-chan and Kakashi-Taicho. Taicho was looking at him with an expression he didn't comprehend. He believed that from the books he'd studied, that somewhat masked expression could be one of either "pride" or "hope" - but he didn't know why the Elite Jonin would feel that way.

Uzumaki-chan was covering her cheeks with her hands and shaking her head. Not knowing what to do or say at their reactions, he concluded, "Sai out." There was a long silent pause.

Looking at one another the team leaders simultaneously ordered "Broody" to go next. They looked at each other and nodded in agreement at the nickname.

The last Uchiha remaining in the village - and one of Sai's two primary targets - huffed and began. "Uchiha Sasuke. I have no likes and many dislikes. My dream - no, my ambition is to kill a certain man and his accomplice."

There were different opinions on this. Kakashi and Tenzo figured it was coming, but were wary or worse by his admission anyway. Naruto sat up straighter, wondering and hoping that now Sasuke knew about the masked guy. Sai? He'd been informed of the prowess of the young Uchiha, which he was to encourage during his mission while ensuring he didn't turn traitor, so he had no opinion for now. And Sakura - well, Sakura held her hands together in front of her heart and made the scariest sound a straight male shinobi could hear.

"Squee!" Sasuke-kun's so cool!

Horrified, the two Jonin interrupted quickly. "Pinky"/"Banshee," they said at the same time, nearly spitting the fitting nicknames from their mouths.

Sakura sneered at them. How dare they?! My family will be hearing about this! Putting on the charm, Sakura began. "My name is Haruno Sakura," she smiled too-sweetly as Kakashi turned away and Tenzo winced. "I like…" she looked at the wannabe-avenger and nearly fell over on top of him, giggling. Sasuke moved away from the girl. "I HATE Ino-pig and Naruto-baka!" Naruto slapped herself in the forehead and rolled her eyes. "My desire, my dream? I have only one," she gushed darkly.

Blinking hearts and kissy lips swirled dramatically toward the Bastard, and Naruto wondered if Sakura had actually meant to make that genjutsu. It's just as scary as Lee's! Kurama had apparently been watching and was so disgusted he immediately helped her from getting stuck in the madness that, at least at this point in time, was Sakura Haruno. Kakashi came over to push chakra into his little wife again - bless his adorable heart - and she waved him off.

The captain frowned at his little wife in concern then checked the other little shits he and Tenzo had been assigned, finally bopping Sakura on the head. The genjutsu dropped, leaving a very green Uchiha.

Stepping back to stand beside his kohai, Kakashi let out an evil laugh. All four supposed genin flinched at his darkening aura. Naruto heard scary pipe-organ music coming from behind the copy-nin. Tenzo was smirking, his eyes slowly getting larger and larger, turning him into his most frightening form. Kurama's voice broke through and told her to get a grip, that this was all a genjutsu!

"Bwaa-ha-ha-ha! So, young wannabe Genin. Normally I'd warn you about this a day in advance, but you're going to be tested today!" Kakashi nearly shouted in glee as lightning flashed from the sky around him.

Oh, he's really putting on a show today. Is it a genjutsu or is he already firing off jutsus... Naruto heard Sakura shriek as she noticed Sasuke pushing his planted butt back from the Jonin with his feet. A wooden fence began growing in an extremely wide circle around them. Naruto had to hold in Kurama's wrath: he really despised being caged and the very idea of Mokuton with a passion!

"15 laps around the fence, then we'll start the test to see if you become genin." Tenzo said blithely. He was enjoying this so much. Maybe being a sensei won't be so bad!

Naruto heard Sakura whining about already being a genin, and interestingly enough Sasuke's angry retort, too. She didn't remember that happening in her first life, but it had been a long time ago, and already there were glaring differences between her past and present lifetimes.

She had already begun running toward the fence at the order from "Tenzo-sensei:" that name was going to take some getting used to. The blonde was halfway through her first lap when Sai and his creepy smile caught up to her. They made their way around the fence, finally finishing their laps together - neither one of them tired. As Sasuke and Sakura angrily caught up, the latter nearly out of breath, Naruto could only wonder what would come next.