A/N: I managed to finish another chapter despite my crappy hayfever right now. Stranger things have happened...
Happy birthday to Sammy Hale, and thanks to Kimmie45 for the edits, and StarryEyedWriter8 and Biebs for prereading.
Kim left a note at bottom. I apparently confuse her with my way of describing things lol.

Hoodwinked

Chapter 8

"You promised to do WHAT?" Alice screeches in disbelief while looking at me like I've just sprouted a second head. "Bella..."

"Alice, he's been calling me snotface for ten years straight. You think he'll be able to suddenly stop? He'll blurt it out without even realising." I'm not too concerned.

Okay, maybe I am just a little bit.

"Oh, dear, sweet, naive Bells. This is Edward we're talking about. He'll take a vow of silence to make sure of it."

I chuckle. "No...Besides, he's not allowed to. The plan is still on, so he has to talk to me."

"Would you really go through with it?" she asks, her expression softening into what feels like concern.

"If I don't, I'm stuck with him for another six months," I explain Edward's back-up plan.

"What?" She's confused and slightly repulsed.

"If I back out of it, I promised we'd pretend to be together for a further six months."

"Pretend...?" She echoes dubiously. "How the hell did you even come up with this idea—it wasn't out of guilt from what you said to him, was it?"

"No," I insist.

"Were you high?"

"...Well...we were mellow."

"So that bastard took advantage of you?" Her eyes widen and a crazed look is suddenly reflected in them.

"It was my idea."

"Why?"

I open my mouth to answer, when I pause. Why did I? I'm not one-hundred-percent sure myself. "I don't know."

"But, Bells, it'd be like...having sex with your brother—ugh!"

"Technically, he's your brother, not mine."

She scrutinises me for a few moments, her expression furrowing. "Is this because that prick Newton made you self-conscious."

I shrug a shoulder indifferently. "Partially, but it's sitting constantly over me, and I'm tired of it. I just want it gone, already."

"Bells," her voice softens again, "that's not a good enough reason to sleep with someone. You'll regret it."

"I won't," I reassure her.

"Bella," her tone becomes firm now and much too parental, "there are a lot of girls in this world who can just detach and have casual sex. You're not one of them. Jesus, you can't even kiss him without getting all neurotic!"

"I'll be fine," I say, smiling slightly to myself. I kissed him in the treehouse without a single neurotic episode, and despite him completely groping me.

"You'll end up in love with him—because look at him, he's not ugly—and he'll hurt you." She's beginning to sound desperate, as if I'm proposing something else entirely.

"Alice," I sigh in slight frustration, "you're seriously jumping the gun here. Let's just see if he can even stick to it first."

"Oh, he'll stick to it," she replies too confidently. "He has a will of iron."

I scoff, but I'd be lying if I said her certainty isn't concerning me. "Anyway, I'm babysitting tonight. Come and keep me company?"

"Hell no. Dad's gone for the night and Edward's going partying. Jas is coming over soon." She winks.

"Edward's going partying?" I echo, and I'm not sure why that bothers me, but it does.

"Yeah, he goes every weekend." She shrugs, bending forward to retrieve her phone and clicking it open.

She's quiet for several minutes as she types away in a message on Facebook, as I take a moment to contemplate her words.

"You really think he can make it a week?" I mumble, my faith in Edward's inability not to taunt me dwindling with each word I speak.

"My advice?" Alice replies, her eyes meeting mine over her phone. "Get on the pill."

At that moment, her bedroom door bursts open and Edward leans in from the frame. "Get in here, sno—" he abruptly pulls himself up short as his expression smooths out in shock from his almost gaffe.

I only smirk to myself and arch a very emphatic eyebrow at Alice. "Vow of silence?"

"My money's still on him," Alice poker-faces.

"I didn't say it. It doesn't count," Edward insists.

"You almost did," I point out, pulling myself off Alice's bed to my feet regardless.

He grabs my elbow and tugs me toward his bedroom.

"Get him drunk, Bella. It's your only hope," Alice calls out after me as Edward snorts.

"Just so you know, if you text it to me, it still counts," I warn him after he closes his bedroom door behind us.

"You just worry about yourself," he replies, his grin returning. It seems to be a permanent fixture when he's around me, and it's not a compliment.

"What do you want?" I put to him folding my arms across my chest. "I have to leave soon. I'm watching Jake tonight."

"Ah shit, that's right," he reminds himself, running his hand through his hair. "I was going to ask you to come with me."

"Come with you where...?" I ask as my back immediately straightens.

"Just...some party," he replies glancing up at me, his hand wrapped around the nape of his neck. "Never mind, I'll come and hang with you."

"You don't have to," I assure him.

"Your mother invited me." His smirk twitches into effect again.

"What?"

"She also gave me the house key."

"Please tell me you're kidding?" I feel suddenly faint.

"Nope." His smirk turns to a full grin, wholly at my expense.

"No..."

"Yep." He produces the brass evidence from his front pocket and holds it out to me.

"Oh my god," I mumble, as my head falls back in exasperation.

"She told me I can come around any time of the day...or night." He winks.

"If I ever wake up and find you in my bed, I'll kill you," I threaten him, and I'm not even remotely joking.

He laughs and hooks his elbow around my neck. "Anyway, sno—shit!"

"You are so screwed." I laugh lightly, shrugging his arm from me.

"I'm going to get on top of it," he mutters, sounding as if he's speaking it to himself.

"So, what happens if I win?" I propose.

"You won't win." He's adamant.

I roll my eyes at his confidence. "For argument's sake."

He scrutinises me closely, his forehead creasing suspiciously. "What do you want?"

I contemplate it for a moment, but shrug. "Let me think about it."

He smirks again and clears his throat. "Anyway, your old lady said to come around seven. That okay with you?"

"That's fine," I say with a sigh.

"Well, I'll see you then, Bel-la." He leans toward me quirking that brow at me again, and shaking my head to myself, I nudge him.

"Okay..." I move to leave his room when he grabs my elbow.

"Hey?"

"What?" I ask, turning back to him.

"I really am sorry about grabbing your..." He leaves it unspoken even as his eyes zero in on my chest.

Yes, he grabbed a handful in the treehouse, and on impulse I almost pushed him out. We were kissing, and it was getting pretty heated. At first, I was just satisfied that I could actually kiss him without falling to pieces, until I found myself getting lost in his mouth while completely losing my head. That is until he took a handful of my left breast and I practically jumped three feet in the air.

"No, you're not," I reply ruefully.

He immediately breaks into a broad grin and almost laughs. "You're right, I'm not, but..."

"Habit?" I finish for him, raising my brows high. That seems to be his excuse for everything.

Shoving his hands in the front pockets of his pants, he shrugs. "Pretty much."

I sigh, but I don't take him seriously. He's proven multiple times that he's barely capable of being serious. "See you at seven."

. . .

He arrives not a minute later, and after opening the door, I drag him inside with my finger to my lips.

"He asleep already?" he asks, his voice deliberately hushed as he follows me into the family room.

"Yeah. He's a good sleeper like Dad." Plus he's a hellion while awake. It's the reason my mother established such a strict bedtime with him very early on. "Want to watch a movie?" I ask him over my shoulder, and when my eyes meet his, he smirks.

"I can think of a few better things to do..." His expression turns suggestive and I roll my eyes.

"Is that all you think about?"

"Not always. What have you got to eat?" He makes a beeline for the pantry.

"I don't know. Grab what you want," I offer, continuing into the family room and dropping down in the centre of the corner lounge.

He joins me a moment later, flopping next to me with a bag of caramel popcorn as I scroll through Netflix.

"Anything you want to watch?" I mumble as he drapes an arm around my shoulders and offers me the opened bag. I take a handful and munch on them as I continue to browse the menu.

"I don't care," he replies after swallowing. "So... you're not on the pill?"

"What...?" I say blankly, turning to stare at him almost incredulous. "How do you manage to say the most random stuff that always seems to skirt around my non-existent sex life?"

"I heard midget tell you to go on the pill," he explains with a shrug.

"Yeah, she thinks you're going to win," I say dryly, watching as his smirk grows broad.

"I am going to win." I elbow him in the ribs as he laughs. "Seriously, though, I thought you'd already be on it."

With a sigh, I turn my gaze back to the television screen. "And why would you think that?"

"Uh...'cause you were going out with that dickhead for how many months?"

"Nine, and so...?"

"You're eighteen," he points out the obvious. "After nine months, most people don't tend to still be virgins."

"I..." I scramble for words but I don't have any. Shrugging irritably, I let it go.

"Unless you never planned on having sex with him." he deliberately pries, and I decide to be honest.

"I thought I did, but the more he pushed me, the more uncertain I became. I'm glad I didn't now," I murmur. Five days after breaking up with Mike and already the idea of having sex with him makes my skin crawl.

"I'm glad you didn't, as well," he adds a little too casually that I turn to gauge him again.

"Why do you care?" I ask genuinely curious.

"Because," he jerks a shoulder, "he's a wanker."

"Well," I laugh humourlessly, "I agree with you there."

"He giving you shit at school?"

"No, not really. He just scowls at me from the other side of the hall." I chuckle to myself as I recall it.

"If he does, let me know. I'll snap his neck in half." His expression momentarily darkens.

I gaze at him, smiling warmly to myself. "I'm beginning to think you want him to give me shit just so you'll have an excuse to beat him up."

He breaks into a grin that all but validates it. "You finished your exams?"

"Almost. Monday I have History, and Tuesday, it's Chemistry. Then I'm finished."

"I have an RDO Monday. What time does your exam finish?"

"Eleven."

"I'll come and pick you up."

"'Kay," I agree simply.

"You weren't in love with him, were you?" he puts the question to me after a small lapse in silence as I continued flicking through Netflix movies.

I almost laugh. "God, no."

"So... what did you see in him?"

I turn to face him again; he appears unusually curious. I shrug partially in answer. "I don't know. I had a crush on him, I guess."

"See, that shit right there I really don't understand," he bursts, sounding almost genuinely annoyed.

"Huh?" I utter vacantly, unsure of his meaning.

"You live next door to me and you get a crush on that weeny little fucker?"

I can only scoff at his brazen vanity. "You are so up yourself."

"Seriously, shit like that will make me question my own sex appeal. In eighteen years, you've never had a crush on me."

I roll my eyes. "I did have a crush on you, remember? I said I was going to marry you."

He gazes at me steadily for a moment before the corners of his lips twitch giving him away. "You were an infant. It doesn't count."

"Is that the reason you want to beat him up?" I ask, eyeing him closely and fighting the urge to grin myself.

He immediately scoffs to himself. "Get real."

"Hmm...I don't know. I think you're jealous," I tease him.

"Kiss me and I'll show you how jealous I am," he counters, pulling me against him and leaning toward me.

"No," I insist, planting my palm to his face and pushing him back.

"Why not?"

"I kissed you in the treehouse and you felt me up!" I remind him, as he smirks again.

"I told you. Habit."

"Habit my ass. I'm beginning to suspect you only agreed to this whole thing to satisfy some perverse curiosity."

"Partially," he agrees, his grin subtly turning inward.

I whack him. "I can kiss you without kneeing you in the balls now, so we don't need to."

"Yeah, no... You're still pretty obvious. You should be able to tolerate your boyfriend grabbing your tits."

"I did not sign up to get groped!" Though, I'm not really angry.

"You think that's groping?" His eyebrows pull high and he almost appears to challenge me.

"Just—no!" I insist, and I'm adamant. It's best I don't kiss Edward when there's absolutely no one around. I'm afraid I'll start projecting things into it that aren't really there.

He releases me and leans back to stare at me as if I confuse him. "If you can't kiss me when we're alone, there's no way you'll be able to lose your virginity with me."

"Who says that will even happen?" He only cocks an overconfident brow as I huff. "It's only been a couple of hours and you've already slipped twice."

He breaks into a small smile, it pushes through his nose audibly before he severs my gaze. "I'm not going to hold you to it, Bella."

"...What...?" I'm beginning to think this guy has multiple personality disorder.

"Despite what you like to call me, I'm not an asshole. No one should have to have sex because they lost a bet. Especially for your first time."

I only stare at him, my mouth falling open. "Will I ever work you out?" I utter, shaking my head to myself with the barest movement.

He smiles again and he's almost charming; almost. "Considering we were both high, I can't really make you go through with it." He dongs my knee playfully.

"Hm..." I glance down briefly, grabbing his hand with mine, "but what if I want to go through with it?"

He frowns, but it appears more out of confusion than anything else. "...Do you?"

I shrug again. "Yeah, I mean, I kind of want to just get it over and done with."

He takes a very deliberate breath. "Bella...if that was the only reason, you would have had sex with Newton."

I open my mouth to reply, but immediately close it again, because he has me there.

Air shoots from his nostrils in silent laughter, and he once more curves his arm around me and nudges me closer to him. "It's not 'cause of all the shit I give you, is it?" he asks when I expected the complete opposite from him. I expected him to give me shit.

"No," I mumble, gazing down at his hand in my lap that I'm still clutching with my own.

"Sure?" he prompts me.

"It's not..." I assure him.

"Okay..." he pauses to rub his chin in contemplation, "is it because of what that deadshit called you?" His tone tightens and it suddenly occurs to me that his hostility for Mike Newton runs deep.

I shake my head and scoff. "No."

"So... why this suddenly change of heart?"

I consider it for a moment, but come up empty. "I don't know," I conclude.

"Bella..." His tone sounds all-knowing, as if he knows exactly what's going through my mind and he's taking secret pleasure in it.

"What?" I sigh, bowing my head to rub my brow with my fingertips. He's making me feel self-conscious again, and it's becoming an uncomfortable trend.

"You broke up with your boyfriend after nine months because you wouldn't have sex with him, and less than a week later you're offering it to me. And we're only pretending."

He's stumped me again. I'm speechless; something he doesn't fail to notice, and as a smirk once more edges across his face it rebounds in me as impatience. "What are you implying!? That I'm in love with you!?" I burst, a little too passionately.

He shrugs a shoulder languidly, and he's back to pissing me off. "You tell me."

"Unequivocally, no!" I state.

"Unequivocally?" He arches a brow again and mocks me.

I shove him. "Why are you so fixated with me being in love with you?" I demand. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear you want me to be."

"Yeah, because I can't think of anything that would complicate shit more," he mutters and I'm uncertain whether he's being sarcastic or a complete smart ass.

"Well, I'm not in love with you, so get over yourself!" I snap. "Jesus, do you ever stop thinking you're some kind of Greek god of perfection?"

"Not really," he says simply like the abject shithead he is.

"Go home. You're getting on my nerves!" I lunge to my feet, preparing to leave the room when he grabs my wrist and attempts to pull me back down.

"Okay, calm your tits," he says with a sigh.

"You calm you dick!" I retort, yanking my hand free from him. "You're treating me as if the prospect of me having feelings for you is like getting the plague."

"I'm just trying to work you out!" he exclaims, pulling himself to his feet beside me, and for the first time I realise he's frustrated. "Since Monday you've been treating me like a fucking leper and now all of a sudden, you're making deals with me to have sex. You're confusing me. I need to know what the fuck I'm getting myself into."

"Obviously I didn't mean it," I blurt out impulsively. "I was high—okay? I've never been high b-before." Seemingly out of nowhere my voice breaks and I'm forced to turn my back on him so he can't see the tears pooling in my eyes.

From behind me I hear him release his breath in a gush before he quite obviously groans to himself. "Bella..." he mutters.

"You're right, okay?" I declare, turning back to face him again and clumsily wiping away my tears. "I'm just a little kid. The snot-faced virgin you don't shy away from telling me. I'm just...I'm tired of being a joke to you."

"You're not a joke to me," he counters as his hands wrap around my upper arms, and it suddenly occurs to me that behind those normally shrewd green eyes of his, he really is capable of tenderness. "Not even close. You just wasted nine months of your time on a fucking asshole who didn't value you!"

"You have a funny way of making me feel valued..." I mumble, severing his gaze to hastily dry my eyes.

"If I didn't value you, Bella, I wouldn't be wasting my time on you, for any reason."

"Wasting your time...? ...What...?" I utter, blinking back my tears as I attempt to construe his meaning.

He groans to himself again, his eyes closing as his brow creases further behind it. In the next moment he pulls me against him and wraps his arms tightly around me. "Jesus you're a pain in the neck. I didn't mean it like that."

I'm happy to let it go, and releasing a shuddering breath, I curl myself against his chest. Despite his propensity of tormenting the hell out of me there will always be something about Edward that's safe to me. "I just feel...so out of my depth with you. You have a way of making me feel two inches tall."

"I just like to shit stir you, but you get too bent out of shape all the bloody time," he replies, and while his voice lightens with amusement there's also warmth behind it.

"I know..." I mumble, exhaling heavily one more time and inevitably pulling myself from him.

"You done slobbering all over me?" he teases me, and despite myself I break into a smile.

"Shut up."

He smiles as well, though his is more out of his perpetual amusement in me more than anything. "You know what your old lady said to me after you chucked a hissy fit this morning and left?"

"God, what...?" I mumble, not sure I want to know.

"She reckons she could feel the sexual tension between us like it was electricity." He smirks, fighting the obvious urge to laugh but there's also something crafty behind his expression.

I groan and drop my forehead to my palm. "She's...just... She thinks there's something wrong with me..." I admit.

"Why is that?"

I look up and meet his gaze wryly. "She can't understand how I haven't jumped your bones already."

Naturally, he thinks it's hilarious. "I can't, either."

I shove him, but I'm grateful he's able to lighten the mood.

"Geez you're a head case," he teases me, curling his arm around my shoulders again and dragging me back to the lounge with him. "Are we going to watch something, or would you rather make your mother proud and jump my bones?"

My smile broadens, but despite Edward's ability to shrug off any and all awkwardness, I'm not gifted with the same talent. I feel like an idiot. "I'm sorry I acted mental," I mumble sheepishly.

"Eh...it's not as if I haven't always known about it."

I sigh, but it's completely feigned, and I'm suddenly flooding with affection for him "You're an asshole."

"So, we gonna kiss and make up?" he puts to me a moment later, after we've finally settled on a movie to watch.

"No—stop it."

He groans. "Okay, you either kiss me or tell me the real reason you want to hand over your virginity to me."

"It's 'cause..." I begin but abandon it. I'm fairly certain I understand why, but it's still a matter of expressing it without causing his head to expand any bigger than it already is.

"It's 'cause..." he presses me.

"It's 'cause I trust you," I decide to just be open about it. "Despite you taking the piss out of me any chance you get, you're still the only guy I can relax around."

"Sure it's not 'cause you're in love with me," he whispers in my ear.

"Oh my god!" I blurt out as he breaks into laughter.

"I'm still not going to hold you to it," he reminds me, but when I turn to him, I'm suddenly cynical. I know he's somewhat capable of being a gentleman but this passes all realms of plausibility.

"Prove it. Call me snotface."

He opens his mouth but immediately hesitates, and I'm pretty sure it's the only time I've ever seen him blush.

"Ah...see?" I point it out, my grin pulling triumphantly. I'm also sure it's the first time in history I've ever got one over him. "You want to have sex with me, too."

Beta Note:

I had to ask Lyndal what this sentence/phrase meant because I hadn't heard it before. So, if any of you were confused like I was...

His smile subtly turning inward means-Another way of saying he's smiling to himself at her expense.

A/N: Thanks for reading. All reviews get a spoiler.