Renesmee

I spent my childhood watching my Aunt Rose wish she could be human. At the same time, I heard all the stories about how desperate my mother had been to be a vampire when she'd been human. As a hybrid, I'd spent time wishing to be one or the other at different times, just so that I could feel like I belonged somewhere.

But I was never more grateful for my family's immortality than when I watched my dad carry my mom inside the house after she got word of her mother's passing. I couldn't imagine losing one of them. My heart ached at the thought of it.

Resting my chin on my hand, I stared out the open window of my grandparent's breakfast nook as I chased scrambled eggs around my plate with a fork.

The cool stone of my grandmother's arms wrapped around my shoulders then, giving me a tight squeeze from behind. Laying my hand over her hands that were folded over my chest, I closed my eyes and leaned into Grandma Esme's embrace, sighing with the familiar comfort of her gentle strength.

"Oh, my darling," she crooned tenderly.

I felt the slight smudge of lipstick left on my cheek as she eventually pulled away, opting to stand behind me, lightly raking the perfectly polished ovals of her fingernails through my curls.

Smiling weakly at her over my shoulder, I told her reassuringly, "I'm fine, Grandma. It's not as if I ever met my other grandma. I'm just worried about my mom," I admitted. "I feel terrible for her. I don't even want to think about how I'd feel if something ever happened to one of my parents."

"Feels like you already are," a deep, soothing voice sounded softly from the doorway. Abruptly, I felt the heavy weight on my chest lift, allowing my lungs to expand, replenished by the cool autumn air that wafted in through the window.

When I looked in the direction from which the voice came, I saw my Uncle Jasper occupying the doorway. He was dressed casually in a deep blue long-sleeve button-down shirt tucked into black jeans, a sympathetic expression softening his battle-scarred face.

I smiled shyly at him. Of all my family members, my relationship with Uncle Jasper was easily the most tentative. He'd always been kind to me, but since he and Aunt Alice had lived apart from us for most of my life, we hadn't had much of a chance to bond. To be perfectly honest, I'd always sort of wondered if some part of him blamed me, as I was the reason they couldn't live with the family anymore. Because of the headaches Aunt Alice got from not being able to "see."

I know it wasn't my fault, but I still couldn't help but feel a little guilty about the chasm I'd unintentionally created in our family. To me, it was just another reason to resent my hybrid nature.

Uncle Jasper's answering smile was amused somehow, which I thought was a little strange. Stepping away from the doorframe, he took two long strides toward where I was seated at the table. Pulling one of the pale wooden chairs out from the table, he flipped it around so that when he sat down, he was straddling the back of the chair, his forearms folded over the rounded back and his knees spread wide on either side.

Grandma Esme, seeing that I had given up on eating breakfast, cleared away the plate of cold eggs and disappeared with it back into the kitchen.

"You are so much your parents," he chuckled. "If you're breathing, you're blaming yourself for something," I guess that explained the amused glint in his eyes. I didn't really know what to say to that, but before I could respond, he cleared his throat, then went on to say, "You know, Renesmee, I've never thanked you."

Snapping my head to the side to meet his golden gaze, I balked, "Thanked me? For what?" I asked, my tone a little sharper than I'd intended.

Uncle Jasper chuckled again at my reaction. Tilting his head to one side, he said simply, "For being you." Then he went on to explain, "Before, when we all lived together, everybody always needed your Auntie Alice for something or another. It felt like I had to share her with the whole dang world," he drawled a bit sheepishly.

"But now I don't have to share her with anybody," he shrugged, a bright smile lighting up his face.

"You mean you like having to live away from the rest of us?" I asked a bit stunned.

Jasper nodded emphatically. "No high school. Nobody bursting through the door demanding a weather–or stock market– forecast. No nosey mind readers snooping through my head. And, did I mention, no high school?" he grinned. "It's all the best parts of being a Cullen without any of the bullshit." Then he ducked his head contritely and covered his mouth with his closed fist. "If you'll pardon my French, little Miss."

"In that case, you're welcome," I beamed, then bashfully tucked my chin to my chest when I felt the blood start to pool in my cheeks. Uncle Jasper laughed again.

"I know, I know," I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Just like my mom."

"Ya know what I think?" Uncle Jasper asked, the corner of his mouth curling into a lopsided grin.

I couldn't help it. It was too easy. "I'm not the mind-reader in the family, so no," I tossed back with a bit of sass.

He gave me a wry look, then answered, "Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think being a hybrid must be a bit like that. The best of both worlds without the BS."

Like a deer in headlights, I gaped at my uncle with astonishment. How did he do that? It was like he had seen straight to the core of all my doubts and uncertainties and exorcized them like a surgeon with a blade.

I cautiously raised my hand to his cheek, wanting to thank him in the best way I knew how. But before I could touch him, he gently caught my hand with his own, then bowed his head to brush the softest of kisses on my knuckles. And with his charming Texas twang, he drawled, "It was my pleasure, darlin'." Then he gave me back my hand.

"Where is Aunt Alice, anyway?" I asked curiously.

Smirking, Uncle Jasper, replied, "Where else? Restocking your mother's closet while she's out of town and unable to protest. And since you asked, where is your little posse?" he quizzed with an arched brow and a teasing smile.

I frowned a little. "Oh, well, to keep things equitable between Jacob and Nahuel, we're keeping to a schedule. Breakfast is my alone time. Then Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I spend my free time with Jacob. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays I spend with Nahuel."

"What about Sundays?"

"Sundays I spend in the lab with Grandpa Carlisle."

Trying–and failing–to keep a straight face, Uncle Jasper nodded and said, "Sounds like you've got it all figured out."

Sighing, I lamented, "I wish Aunt Alice could just tell me who I end up with. It would make my life a whole lot easier."

Nudging my shoulder with his broader one in a gesture of affection, he gently reminded me, "Even if Alice could see your future, she wouldn't be able to tell you that. She's only as sure as you are. You know that."

I harrumphed irritably. I wasn't sure of anything. That was precisely the problem.

"Must be Wednesday," Jasper mused offhandedly. When I followed his gaze out the window, I saw what he meant. Jacob, in human form, was cresting the grassy hill that stood between my grandparents' house and his modest cabin at the edge of the woods.

Heaving a sigh, I replied, "Must be."

"You two have fun, and remember–"

"Don't worry, Esme, I'll have her home by curfew," Jacob reassured with his usual goofy grin.

"Be sure that you do," my Gram answered in her sweet, pleasant voice, though it rang with an edge of authority. "Though I was going to remind Nessie to bring a jacket. The weather is starting to turn," she said, frowning a little at the darkening clouds hanging low in the sky.

Retrieving my rain jacket from the coat closet near the front door, Jacob helped me put it on. I quickly gave my Gram a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then let Jacob guide me through the open front door with his hand on the small of my back.

As soon as we were out on the porch and the door was closed behind us, Jacob pulled me into one of his bone-crushing hugs. "God, I've missed you," he murmured into my hair as the toes of my favorite pair of Toms dangled a few inches above the stone porch. Then he put me back down on my feet. And instead of pulling away like he would have a few weeks or months ago, Jacob took my chin firmly between his fingers and lowered his face to mine, kissing me softly on the lips.

His lips were warm, soft, and yielding as they danced with my own, the tip of his tongue delicately tracing the parted entrance to my mouth. Exploring. Tasting. Then claiming.

The hand that had been holding my chin slid up to cup the side of my face and then burrowed into the hair at the nape of my neck, holding me to him.

He was so strong. His tall, broad body folded around mine, encapsulating me in his warmth. If his embrace were unwanted, I would have felt trapped. But all I felt was safe and loved and an overwhelming need that threatened to explode out of his very skin like the wolf that was lurking just beneath the surface. It was an unbelievable turn-on.

Just then the front door swung open. My grandfather, dressed for a shift at the hospital, stood there giving us an appraising look. Naturally, Jacob and I parted like the Red Sea.

Eyes wide, I half-shouted, "Grandpa!", wishing for all the world that the ground would open up and swallow me. I stuttered out, "We were just leaving!"

"Don't stop on my account," he told us, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly upward. "But perhaps the front porch isn't the best choice in venue," he chided gently, his blonde brows raising up around his full hairline questioningly.

I groaned inwardly. My grandfather was the person I looked up to most on the planet and for him to find me in a compromising position was nothing short of mortifying. He shook his head a little, laughed once to himself, and headed to where his Tesla was hooked up to the wall charging station just outside the garage. Charitably, he winked at me as he passed.

"You should see your face," Jacob snickered after my grandfather was gone, though he at least had the decency to try to hide his mirth behind his oversized fist. I could only glare back at him.

Closing the distance between us once again, Jacob wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me against his chest. Resting his cheek on the top of my head, he murmured "Aw, don't be mad, Ness! Carlisle wasn't mad," he gestured to the now empty driveway. "He thought it was funny."

"I don't like giving my family reasons to treat me like an irresponsible child," I huffed. "And I'm sure it's the very last thing my mom needs to hear about when she gets back from Florida."

He pulled away slightly so that he could look me in the eyes. His were dark, intense, and contrite now rather than amused. "I'm sorry I got a little carried away. I missed you. A lot. But I'll try to be more discreet."

Jacob's apology instantly thawed me out. "It's not as if I was an unwilling participant," I admitted with a sigh. "So what are we doing today?"

"It's a surprise. Trust me?" he asked, flashing his wide, bright smile.

"Unequivocally," I confessed, taking his hand.

It wasn't long after that that we found ourselves walking hand in hand down the lonely dock of the marina at Telegraph Cove on the northeast side of the island. The water was choppy and the sky was a blustery gray-blue. The briny ocean air whipped my hair around my shoulders as the gulls circled and cried overhead. Tugging my jacket tighter around myself, I was immediately glad that my Gram had insisted that I bring it.

"We're taking the boat out? Today?" I asked a little doubtfully as I looked up at the brooding sky.

"Trust me," Jacob repeated, a request this time rather than a question, as he helped me board a small, open-air fishing boat that rocked rhythmically from side to side from the swells. It was a fourteen-foot aluminum skiff that was moored right next to the much larger, sleeker luxury speedboat that belonged to my family. I eyed the larger boat, noting how it was barely disturbed by the water.

Following my gaze, Jacob rolled his eyes a little and teased, his grin turning wolfish, "It's not the size of the boat that matters, okay? It's how you use it."

I gaped at him, speechless. Jacob–my Jacob– was not someone who ever got carried away kissing me or who made sexual innuendos. This Jacob was someone entirely new. And I had to admit, he excited me.

With my hand firmly in his, I jumped down into the skiff and took my seat across from where Jacob would steer from the rear. He quickly untied the boat and soon enough we were out in open water.

As we motored through the shallow waves, Jacob slowed down to a crawl in places, watching the water with focused eyes as if he was looking for something in particular. "I saw them yesterday when I came out here to check my crab traps," he told me, using a slightly elevated voice to be heard over the wind, the water, and the hum of the boat. Though I would've heard him just fine even if he'd whispered. I smiled at the very human habit.

"Saw who?" I asked interestedly, reaching over the side to let the tips of my fingers skim across the frothy surface of the water.

"Ah!" he exclaimed and pointed to a spot on the water about ten yards away where a whale breached the surface just enough to exhale through its blowhole, sending a blast of water droplets forcefully upward, propelled by the stream of warm air. Nearby the sleek, black backs and dorsal fins of a pod of at least seven other orcas could be seen gliding gracefully through the water.

"Jacob!" I gasped, pointing to the impressive animals.

Watching the pod with a faraway look in his eyes Jacob solemnly recounted, "Ka-Ka-Wad, or Orca whale, is the brother to the Quileutes. According to the legends of my people, the Ka-Ka-Wad was once a great white wolf who walked into the ocean and became the Orca."

I said nothing in response, just sat quietly in awe, taking it all in. I always loved it whenever Jacob shared the legends of his tribe with me. It was so apparent how deeply a part of him the stories were. Whenever he recalled one of them, his entire demeanor changed in a way I couldn't really describe. It was like his voice was no longer his own, belonging instead to his father, his grandfather, and all the Quileute chiefs that came before him.

I watched him watch the pod as the immense animals swam curiously closer. When they moved, they seemed to move as a unit, all eight fins traveling in the same direction. At times, they would take turns launching their massive bodies out of the water before diving back down into the depths, sometimes head first, sometimes flopping back down on their flanks.

The boldest whale rolled over onto his back, showing us the snowy white marking on his belly that resembled the silhouette of a mermaid as he glided directly underneath our boat. "You must miss La Push and being part of a pack," I surmised as I thoughtfully chewed on my lower lip.

My voice seemed to break Jacob out of the trance he was in. Turning his dark eyes back to me, Jacob smiled a little wistfully and replied, "Not as much as I'd miss you."

"I'm sorry that you have to choose," I smiled sadly, looking down at my shoes.

Cutting the engine, the skiff rocked slightly as Jacob stood up and carefully closed the short distance between us so that he could sit on the bench seat beside me.

Taking my hand in between both of his, Jacob murmured reassuringly, "It's not your fault, sweetheart. It's just the way things are. It's not even about you, really. The tribe trusts the Cullens, but the Elders don't want any more young kids to join the pack. The only way to ensure that doesn't happen is for them to stay far away from vampires."

Leaning over to rest my head against the taut muscle of Jacob's shoulder, I sighed, "So what you're saying is that I need to invent wolf control pills as my next great medical innovation."

Jacob barked out in laughter. "If only…" he chuckled at what was meant mostly as a joke, but that got my wheels turning.

Was it possible? With what we knew about shapeshifter biology, and with the latest advancements in cellular reprogramming and genome editing…I would need some blood samples and some time in my lab, and of course, Grandpa Carlisle to bounce ideas off of. Maybe if I–

"Nessie…Earth to Nessie," Jacob waved his hand in front of my thousand-yard stare. I turned to look at him, my eyes snapping back into focus.

"Where did you go just now? You were making that face like you were trying to solve cold fusion in your head," he teased.

"So leave it to you to interrupt," I smirked, nudging him in the side with my elbow so that he knew I was just kidding around. "Just nerdy science things," I explained away with an offhanded shrug.

I didn't want to get Jacob's hopes up if the plan I was hatching turned out to be impossible, which it very well could be. I wouldn't know until I did some tests. But if there was some way to suppress the wolf gene, it would mean Jacob wouldn't have to spend such long stretches away from his tribe and his dad, who certainly wasn't getting any younger. Because I could visit La Push with him.

Now I wasn't under any delusions that the members of the Quileute tribe would take some experimental drug just so that the vampires could visit. That would be absurd. But I did happen to know from overhearing conversations between my human grandparents that there were quite a few families in La Push that were struggling with the realities of wolf life.

Newly-turned pups ultimately had to be separated from their families while they adjusted to their volatile, rapidly-changing bodies. To stay with their human families during the transition meant certain harm to their family homes, not to mention putting their loved ones in danger. And those adolescents who hadn't yet triggered the change were perpetually in danger of triggering it if they ever left La Push, say, to go to university, and then encountered vampires somewhere else in the world.

In short, there were tribe members who might make another choice for themselves or their children if they were given the option. And if they wanted the option, shouldn't they have it? I tried very hard not to wonder what would happen to the imprint bond if the wolf gene were to be edited out of their DNA sequence.

"Jacob, if you could go back to just being human all the time, would you?"

Jacob's eyebrows seemed to jump off his forehead at the question. He finally replied, "There was a time when I thought I wanted that…But not now, no," he shook his head. Then his brows knit together, concerned. He asked in an uncertain voice, "Would you want me to be human all the time?"

"No! Never! I love you just the way you are, bushy tail, dog breath and all," I teased. "Besides, I've always liked that about us. That you're only half-human, just like me. We kinda match like that," I explained, squeezing his hand just a little. Something I said made the tense expression on Jacob's face soften.

"I love you, too, just the way you are," he exhaled deeply, his breath warming my face from the stinging coastal wind as he drew nearer. It was I who closed the distance, leaning forward to press my lips to his.

As the wind swirled around us, we rocked gently but insistently by the one-foot swells. Jacob positioned his body to try to shield me from the blustery sea breeze. My lips curved into a smile against his. He was always taking care of me, even in ways I didn't think he was consciously aware of. It was nice. It reminded me of the selfless way in which I watched my dad love my mom or my grandpa Carlisle dote on my Gram. It was a quality I definitely needed from my life partner. Jacob had it in spades, but if Nahuel did too, I hadn't seen it yet. Nahuel seemed more concerned with how I could fulfill him rather than the other way around.

As Jacob's hands caressed my back and tangled in my hair, I was brought back to the present moment. I chided myself for letting my thoughts drift to the other man when I was here kissing Jacob. Re-focusing my energy on him, I kissed him back with even more vigor, letting my hands travel over his muscled arms and shoulders through the thin fabric of his red and navy plaid button-up, appreciating the sculpted definition I felt beneath my fingertips.

Jacob was beautiful. There was no denying the physical attraction I felt for him, which was only intensified by the knowledge that he was all mine if I wanted him. And I definitely wanted him. The throbbing heat between my legs was proof enough of that. But did I want him forever? I certainly couldn't picture my life without him, but how did one know?

Jacob gasped and moaned then, and with a start, it occurred to me what I'd done. My hand had gravitated up toward his face as we kissed, and in my enthusiasm, I must have shown him something involuntarily. I started to snatch my hand away but he covered it with his own larger one, refusing to let it budge.

Turning his face slightly to kiss the palm of my hand, Jacob turned back to me and in a low, husky voice, just loud enough to be heard over the wind, he whispered, "I want that, too, Nessie. You have no idea," his voice turned almost pained. Then in a choked voice, he confessed "But I don't think I could…stand it," he swallowed loudly, "if you gave yourself to me and then turned around and chose Nahuel."

The truth of what he was saying smacked me in the face. I blinked up at Jacob, stunned. "...So as much as I'm not trying to pressure you, if you want to take things further, I'm going to need you to choose." Then, flashing me a tight smile, he explained, "It's a self-preservation thing."

I nodded mutely. He was right. Of course he was. Until I was sure of my own heart, I would do whatever it took to protect Jacob's. He deserved that much. He didn't deserve to be strung along, and neither did Nahuel. I would make my decision. And soon.

A/N Thank you all for your patience while I've struggled to get this chapter out. Writing every day is starting to become a habit again, so hopefully, the next chapter shouldn't take so long to post. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts! Would Renesmee even be Bella's daughter if some guy wasn't issuing her a sex ultimatum? We've come full circle. Thank you as always for reading and reviewing.