A/N: Early update YAY. Okay, well to be honest, it's my birthday tomorrow and I'm going to be out all day celebrating turning...erm...23. :D
No need to wish me HB, btw. You can in a review ;) Gawd doesn't that sound tacky? My brain is slightly out of sink with my lips. Or would that be fingers? You know how it goes. I took a phenergan to sleep - if I don't I will literally not sleep for a year and I'm pretty sure that's how most serial killers kick off. Anyway, what was I saying? Okay, yeah, I forgot that I took one so I took another just to be sure. Now I'm like woooooo boy. How do antihistamines make you wonky-brained?
Thanks to Kim (beta), Biebs/Beibs/however TF I remember to spell it (long time fandom bestie and PR), and StarryEyedWriter8 (pre-reader who's also writing a super interesting fic with a Bella who is no wallflower)
Hoodwinked
Chapter 17
I wake the next morning to Alice sitting on the end of my bed with my mother's circa 1976 sex book perched on her lap.
"God, you can sleep, Bells!" she exclaims, closing the book with a loud thud. "And, what's this...?" She holds up the box of birth control pills I'd left on my bedside table, quirking an eyebrow in emphasis.
"Three guesses," I say dryly, sitting up and stretching my arms above my head. "Why are you here so early?"
"Early? It's nine-thirty!"
"We're on holidays," I point out the obvious.
"Still..." She shrugs and opens the book again, seemingly at random. I can smell the bloody thing from five feet away.
"Where the hell did you get that?"
"It was sitting on your desk." She juts her chin toward it, her eyes not deviating from the yellowing pages.
"God, my mother... I wouldn't be touching it without gloves if I were you," I warn her; she only chuckles lightly and continues reading.
"What's going on, Bells?" she puts to me after a minute of scoffing at the book's illustrations.
"Nothing," I reply, swinging my legs to the side of the bed.
"You never asked about Edward's...package"—her voice subtly restricts—"before."
"I was curious," I decide to go with.
"Did he show you?" She turns the page, her brow knotting, but it's obvious it's not from my mother's well-worn sex manual.
"No, but I did...see it..." I confess in a small voice.
She looks up and shuts the book again loudly. "So, you're really going through with it." It's not a question.
"Well...he is my boyfriend," I point out, cringing slightly when her gaze sharpens to mine.
"Boyfriend!" she echoes almost shrilly. "Did you forgot all this started so you wouldn't show up at the formal dateless?"
"Of course, I haven't," I reply in my own defence.
"Bells..." she complains, and she's serious this time. "Please don't do anything—at least until you realise how you feel."
"I won't. I promise," I assure her, fighting to hold off my grin.
She notices anyway and expels an audible breath. "You might as well tell me."
"I kinda admitted it. Last night..." I confess to my carpet.
I'm met with silence, and when I glance up at her she's staring at me with her mouth agape. "Already?" I nod sheepishly. "Shit." She shakes her head and half laughs in obvious disbelief. "So, you're having sex Saturday night?" Her voice drops to a whisper, her eyes appearing to subconsciously emphasize the book she's still clutching.
"I don't know," I answer honestly. "With everyone that's going to be at your house, I don't think it'll be the right time."
"He didn't trick you into it, did he?" is her belated knee-jerk reaction complete with overly suspicious brow this time.
"No!" I insist.
"How did it happen?" She stays her present course.
"Um..." I quickly reflect back on it. "He was saying if it goes bad between us it could cause shit between me and you, and we—me and him, I mean—could never go back."
"Hmm...well, he's right, but knowing Edward it was more than likely some kind of emotional blackmail."
"Alice," I say with a sigh. "I swear your opinion of him is lower than mine used to be."
"Bells..." she presses.
"Besides, he was pretty surprised," I add hastily in an effort to head her off.
"Are you serious about this?" she asks, her emotions veering back.
"Yeah," I reply softly, nodding my head to further reiterate it. "Spending this last week with him... I don't know. It brought it all back."
"Well, you've definitely done something to him," she mutters, opening the book for the third time. "The asshole woke me up at six this morning singing in the shower!"
I only laugh, as Alice takes a heavy breath, her shoulders saging with it.
"Nothing's going to change, Al," I promise her, shuffling out from under my doona to wrap an arm around her. "We'll still be the same, except I'll be less agro around him."
"He'll steal you away." She pouts.
"No more than Jas stole you away in the beginning."
She sighs again and jerks a shoulder. "I'm happy for you, I really am, but no double-dating all the time, 'kay? He's my brother..." she doesn't elaborate, but then she doesn't need to.
"Okay."
"Can I have this?" She holds up the sex manual.
"God, yes. Please take it!" I joke, as she breaks into a grin.
"You wanna do something tonight? Or are you going to hang with Edward?" she asks absently, flipping through the pages again.
"What do you want to do?" I ask.
"Jas and I were thinking about going late night shopping."
"You just said no double-dating?" I point out.
She looks up and smirks pretty ironically. "Going to the mall should be safe, but then this is Edward we're talking about."
"Yeah, he has as much filter as you do." I nudge her shoulder playfully. "Why did you have to go and tell him I refer to him as a 'good-looking shithead'?"
She smiles with one-hundred percent culpability. "Kinda slipped. Besides, since the two of you are in love and everything, you should be thanking me."
"Hmm..." I murmur, contemplating it. "I'm not sure if I'm in love with him exactly."
"Then..." she begins, confused.
"I just know I love his hot ass!" I add quickly.
She rolls her eyes. "My brother, remember? I don't want to hear about how hot he is. His head's already the size of Jupiter as it is."
"It is," I agree, smiling slyly to myself. I'm finding I'm suddenly not so adverse to it anymore; which is all kinds of crazy.
"It's Mum's fault. She was always telling him how handsome he was," she says, her tone turning wistful.
"Yeah," I say softly. "He's really struggling about her, Al."
She turns to me, her smile sad this time. "That's where you come in. You can make up for lost time, now."
. . .
"Late night shopping?" Edward echoes me dubiously, ducking his head around his bathroom door, a towel wrapped loosely around his hips as he dries his hair with a second. "I can think of fifty things I'd rather do."
He texted me just before five telling me to wait in his room for him, and not two minutes later he came through the door a grubby, sweating mess. He kissed me in greeting; it was only brief, but it almost bloody floored me, and I'm not sure I like this easily influenced side of me that he's bringing out.
"I'm sure you can," I say wryly, lying back against his unmade bed and draping my arms over my eyes. It's hot and the steam from his shower isn't helping. Either is the smell of him all over his sheets.
"What do you want to do?" he asks, a fraction of a second after I'm assaulted by the combined scent of his deodorant and aftershave.
I open my eyes to him leaning over me, his hands braced on either side of my shoulders.
"I don't mind," I reply, wedging my palms into his naked chest, almost subconsciously maintaining the distance between us.
"You don't mind?" he arches a suggestive brow and smirks.
I shove him forward, and grabbing my hand he pulls me upright. He's still wearing nothing but a bath towel, and it's making me more than a little uneasy.
"Is your mind ever not in the gutter?" Is my attempt to cover it.
He scoffs. "How did you get gutter from that? You wish, brown eyes." He clamps my nose between his fingers; something I'm beginning to suspect is his new method of torture over me.
I brush his hand away, and with a sigh he hangs his arm around my shoulders and sits beside me. "You don't really want to go shopping, do you?" He's serious.
"Not, really," I mumble, my gaze dropping to his floor, and to his discarded work clothes.
"What are you staring at now?" he wonders out loud, ducking his head to catch my eyes. He grins broadly, and I'm smiling along with him before I'm aware of it.
"Stop it," I nudge him with my shoulder.
"So, what are we doing?"
I half shrug. "I told you. I don't mind."
"Wanna get something to eat?"
"Sure, but no more junk food. I'll end up with cellulite."
He rolls his eyes. "Righto, Cinderella."
"Shut up—you're being condescending."
"Am I?" He appears pleased with the fact that he is, and getting to his feet, he plants his palm to my face and shoves me back against his bed.
"Edward!" I burst, but chuckling to himself he disappears behind his wardrobe door. "You're not allowed to manhandle me, you jerk."
"Stop bitching," he replies, re-emerging a moment later in a pair of jeans and wrangling a t-shirt over his semi-damp head. "Are we staying in or going out? —you decide."
"I told you, I don't care," I reiterate my stance for the third time.
"Chinese food?" he puts to me, sitting beside me again and bending forward to yank on a pair of black and white dunks.
"Yeah," I reply, shrugging my shoulders slowly.
"What?" he pulls himself upright and asks.
"Nothing. Chinese food is fine."
"You're acting weird."
I open my mouth to reply, but half laugh instead. "I'm fine."
"You're not going to get all bent out of shape like you always are, are you?" he asks, eyeing me suspiciously.
"Are you going to ask me that every day?" I sigh.
"If I have to," he replies matter-of-factly.
"I'm fine," I insist.
"We good?" He raises his brows, and his smile this time is almost uncertain.
"We're good," I assure him.
"Righto, come on then." He takes my hand and pulls me toward the door, grabbing his keys as he does.
. . .
He drives to the mall regardless and leads me to the strip of restaurants off the courtyard. We sit outside, watching people head back and forth to the cinema.
"Wanna stay over with me tonight?" he asks me the instant our order is taken.
"What?" I utter; he's caught me off guard, and I'm not sure how to reply.
"What?" he echoes me, and I have no idea whether he's messing with me or not.
"Edward."
"Bella."
I shake my head; I'm bloody exhausted already. "Stop it."
He laughs shortly. "It's not a hard question. You want to stay over, or not?"
"...I suppose."
"Geez, don't sound too keen," he says dryly.
"I..."
"You stay over with midget all the time. Just tell your oldies that's what you're doing."
I scoff at his naivety. "You honestly think they'll fall for that?"
He shrugs a shoulder. "What can they do? Make you facetime them at two am?"
"You have met my father, right?"
He takes a pointed breath and releases it. "Bella..."
"What?"
"So, you think I'm going to date rape you again—we're back to that, are we?" His brow furrows, and I think he might be serious.
"What? —No!" I insist. "I'm just..." I don't finish, because I have no idea what I am.
"You're just what?" he presses me, and I realise he's frustrated. And annoyed.
"I'm fine," I murmur.
"You can say no."
"I know."
"You're driving me mental, already," he mutters.
"Sorry!" I retort petulantly.
"Pain in the neck."
"Shithead."
"Snotface."
My mouth falls open. "What? You...you promised!" I almost screech.
He huffs, but a good percentage of it is out of remorse. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine," I grumble, "and I don't think you're going to date rape me, so stop saying that all the bloody time."
"You don't trust me, though, do you?" It's not really a question.
"Of course, I trust you," I immediately counter. "Why would you...?"
"Because you looked like I was threatening to feed you to the sharks."
"I..." I sever my gaze from his awkwardly. He's right, but I'm unsure how to explain it so he'll understand, and without him giving me shit over it. "I know..." I mumble behind a conceding sigh.
"I just want to hang with you. And fool around. And if you let me feel you up again, I'll be really happy," he says lightly, but I'm pretty certain I've hurt him. He masks it well, but it's obvious to me now.
I break into a small smile, and I'm beginning to feel like a little kid again. "It's just..." In defeat, I once more abandon it.
Edward groans, and it's not nearly as beneath his breath as I think he intended. "It's just what?"
"It's turning me into a bloody basket case—can we just get it over with already?" I blurt and I'm a lot more serious than I realise I sound.
He pauses, eyeing me closely for a moment. "Your virginity...?"
"What else!?" I snap sarcastically.
"You want to get it over with?" He's not convinced and it's suddenly pissing me off.
"You can see how neurotic it's making me, can't you?" I say, struggling to keep my voice hushed. "Christ, Edward, I'm a wreck."
"You've just built it up into something it's not," he points out, and pretty delicately for him.
"I haven't," I insist, huffing my breath when he quirks that sceptical brow at me. "Okay, I have, but it's...looming over me like this...big...monstrous thing. It's just...in the way."
"So, what do you want to do?"
"Not the night of the formal—there's going to be a million people at your house."
"I'll get you drunk. You'll be right," he jokes, and it takes me too long to realise he's only teasing me.
"That's not funny."
He rolls his eyes. "Jesus, you're a drama queen."
"Edward..."
He expels his breath, sounding exasperated again. "Just tell me when you want to do it and we will. You're getting too bent out of shape over it."
"I know!" I reply, frustrated. "That's why I want to get it over with."
He reaches across the table and grabs my hand in his. "Will you calm down, you royal pain in the neck?"
"...Sorry," I say quietly, dropping my gaze to the table. "I'm an... idiot."
"Yeah, but you're my idiot." He squeezes my hand, and when I look up and meet his eyes, he smiles. And completely hamstrings me. Good-looking shithead that he is.
"Shut up," I murmur releasing a heavy breath. "Okay..."
"Okay...what?"
"I'll stay over tonight," I relent, severing his eyes for a second time.
"Okay," he says simply, and he's not giving anything away.
"What?"
"What?" he echoes, appearing as equally confused. "Friday night?"
"Huh?"
"We can ditch the parties and go back to my house..." He raises his eyebrows to further his point, and getting his meaning I nod jerkily.
"Okay," I speak to the table again just as a whirlwind erupts in my mid-section.
"Bella..."
"Yeah?"
"Will you look at me?" He sounds impatient, and not wanting to frustrate him more, I do. "Are you sure?" he stresses, his eyes widening.
"I'm sure." I half nod, half shrug. I'm sure, but at the same time, I'm everything but sure.
"Do you think you'll be able to relax around me once you've lost it?" He squeezes my hand again as I break into a reluctant smile.
"Yeah, it's just the fear of the unknown, I think, but Alice is right."
"About what?" he asks dubiously.
"We just need to fuck each other and get it over with," I mumble, scoffing humourlessly, and in response, his grin broadens.
"You have to talk to me, okay, because I have no idea what's going on in that head of yours half the time," he says after a pause, and I realise he's completely serious this time.
I glance up at him and hold his gaze for a moment. He's throwing me off; I think I'm more relaxed around him when he's messing with me. "I don't think you're going to roofie me, or anything like that. It's just..."
"It's just..." He tilts his head for me to get on with it.
"It's because I have no idea what I'm doing, and you can so easily make me lose my head," I blurt out in confession before I can talk myself out of it. "I feel completely...out of control when I'm around you."
"If you didn't feel that way, I'd start wondering what you were doing with me." His tone lightens and that all too familiar smirk once again curves on his lips.
"You know what I mean," I mumble, feeling my face flame. "I'm sorry."
"Will you stop apologising, already?"
"You've been right all along. I'm innocent, and a kid—and I'm already driving you mad." There's only one person who can make him really angry, and I don't want to be added to that list. I don't want his hypotheticals from last night to come true, either.
"Seriously, is that what you think?" He scoffs. "Jesus, Bella."
"What?"
"You'll know when you're driving me mad, so knock that shit off."
"I..." I begin when he cuts me off again.
"Do have any idea how beautiful you are?" It's a declaration that leaves me surprisingly dumbstruck. "How can you not be aware of it?"
"Erm..." He has me flustered, and I'm still struggling to maintain eye contact with him.
"You were way out of that limp dick Newton's league."
"Edward..." I complain, rubbing my forehead in an effort to conceal the shade I can feel my face turning.
"What? It's true."
"Thanks," I reply behind a small smile. "You know how to be pretty sweet when you want to."
"Would you look at me?" He repeats himself. "I'm gonna be saying that a lot, aren't I?"
I look up just in time to see his smirk resurface. "Shut up."
He snorts softly through his nose. "Pain in the neck."
. . .
"Test me out tonight, okay?" I appeal to him after our meal arrives.
He glances up at me, a spoonful of fried rice poised mid-air. "What?"
"I'm not sure how I'm going to react. I probably need a lead up, or something," I murmur to my bowl of ramen.
"Would you stop stressing?"
"How can I not? By the looks of you you'll tear me in half," I say a little too impulsively, and just as expected his lips twitch as he fights of the obvious urge to grin.
"I won't. So long as you can relax, anyway."
"This is mortifying," I mutter.
"Why?"
"Alice won't talk to me, and my mother will more than likely want photos!" I exclaim helplessly, as he all but chokes behind a mouthful of rice.
"Your old lady is pretty out-there," he acknowledges. "But why won't midget talk to you?"
"Because it's you."
"Okay, yeah, I get that. You still have me, though."
"It's not the same," I mumble, twirling the noodles around my fork absently.
"I was once a virgin too, you know," he reminds me, as if that will help the situation.
"It's different for guys, though."
"How?"
"I don't know—have you ever been with a virgin before?" I ask, unsure I really want to know the answer.
"Yeah," he replies, pretty cavalier.
"Who?"
He holds up his index finger.
"...The first time?"
"The first time."
"So, you were both virgins?"
"Yep."
"How did you know she was?"
"She told me, and looking back now, it's pretty obvious."
"...What did it feel like...?" It's something else I don't really want the answer to, but I'm oddly curious at the same time.
"Bella..." He has an expression as though he's confused and amused by my question simultaneously. "Do you really want to know?"
"Yeah. I... I guess."
"It was...tight."
"Christ!"
"You asked!"
"I meant...from her perspective."
"I don't know how she was feeling—Jesus! It was awkward as fuck."
"And you never wanted to see her again," I quote back to him.
"Yeah, but," he runs a palm to the back of his neck, "I'd only just met her."
"...How?" I'm bewildered, but deciding I really don't want to get further into it, I drop it.
"I'm probably gonna have to get you high beforehand, you realise that, right?" He's serious again.
"I thought you don't smoke to get high," I say, for want of a more appropriate response, anyway.
"You know what I mean."
"It's not a bad idea," I mumble, shoving the noodles in my mouth and chewing mechanically. I was pretty mellow. Enough to offer him my virginity in the first place.
"So, wanna get back and practice?" he pipes up after several minutes' sans talk of my approaching sex life, while clearing his throat pointedly.
"I might have to wait until my dad's in bed," I explain. For both our safety.
"Geez, you trying to kill me? I have to be up at five."
"Fine!" I huff, masking my sudden uneasiness behind irritation.
"Fine!" he imitates me because he's well aware of it.
"Do you always have to be an asshole?"
He chuckles, before pulling himself to his feet and grabbing his wallet from his back pocket. "You done?"
We're heading back to his car when we run into Alice and Jas.
"Why didn't you tell me you were here?" Alice exclaims, making a bigger deal out of it than it is.
"We just came down for dinner. How long are you guys going to be?" I ask, watching as Jas pulls Edward off to the side.
"A couple more hours," Alice says. "What?" She notices where my attention lies.
"What's going on?" I put to her, tilting my head toward them in emphasis. Whatever Jas is saying, Edward's jaw is set and his expression is beginning to darken. And right at that moment he places his hands on his hips.
"Oh," she follows my gaze and shrugs, "not sure." She doesn't appear too concerned, but Edward is beginning to worry me. He's so easy going that when he's angry it's stark. And obvious; like it is now.
Noticing that I'm watching him, he catches my gaze, and throwing me a hastily put together smile, he completely turns his back on me. I frown and turn back to Alice.
"Guy stuff," is her explanation. "You going back to our place?"
"Yeah," I reply, distracted.
"Yay. Jas is, too."
"Oh, okay."
"What's wrong?" she enquires.
"Nothing," I say simply, as Edward returns to my side, draping his arm around my shoulders.
"Come on, let's get going," he says, but his voice is tense; something he's obviously trying to conceal.
"What's the matter?" I ask him after we part ways with Alice and Jas.
"Nothing," he replies, way too casually, and I'm not even close to believing him.
"What did Jas say to you?"
"Nothing," he repeats, but there's a definite edge to his tone.
I huff. "It's obvious you're pissed off about something, so just tell me!"
"No," he counters without hesitation.
"Yes."
"Stop being nosey."
"I'm worried about you."
"What for?" He's attempting to make light of it, but it's only making whatever's bugging him more glaring.
"It's Mike, isn't it?"
"No."
"Tell me!" I demand, losing patience.
He expels a frustrated breath, and hooking his elbow around my neck he pulls me flush to his chest. "Will you shut up for five minutes!?"
Ironically, I almost forgot how stubborn he can be. I let it go for the time being, and by the time we arrive home, he appears back to his old self.
"I'm just going to grab a few things from home," I fill him in after climbing out of his truck.
He turns to me, his brow knotting. "How long you going to be?"
I roll my eyes. "Five minutes."
"A minute longer and I'm coming to get you."
"And you call me needy," I tease him.
I corner my mother in the kitchen, stacking the dishwasher. "Can we talk in my room?"
Her expression immediately brightens, and very meticulously, she folds the tea towel she's carrying over the rail of the stove and accompanies me.
"I'm going to stay over at Edward and Alice's tonight," I inform her after she closes the door behind us.
A noise bursts from her. I'd like to say it wasn't a squeal, but it's the closest word to describe it, and in the next minute she's yanking me in her arms. "Oh, honey, I'm so excited!"
"Mum." I sigh. "It's not..."
Before I can finish, she releases me and grabs the box of birth control pills still lying on my bedside table. "Don't forget these."
"I won't."
She claps her hands together. "I want all the details in the morning."
"You do realise that's not going to happen." I also realise I sound like Edward, but naturally she only waves her hand to dismiss me.
"You'll be fine, sweetie. Just soak in Epsom salts after."
"God, Mum, stop," I beg her.
She cups both palms to my face and squeezes, and by this point it's easier to let her get it out of her system. "My little girl."
"Okay, well, just keep Dad from finding out, okay?" I appeal to her when her enthusiasm dies somewhat down.
"Oh. Leave your father to me." She starts brushing down my shirt, before her hands find their way back to my face. "You're glowing, sweetie."
"Yeah, well..." I mumble awkwardly, breaking her gaze.
"Be brave."
"I'm going!" I say abruptly.
"Say no more, just make sure Edward's gentle with you. Okay?"
"Please kill me," I mutter beneath my breath.
"What's that? It won't hurt, sweetie. I promise you."
"I gotta go." I make a beeline toward my bathroom, shutting the door on her when she threatens to follow.
After hastily throwing my pyjamas and toiletries in my overnight bag, I throw it over my shoulder and escape the house before my mother recalls something else she feels is vital to pass onto me.
It's obvious now our mother-daughter bonding moment last night over the size of Edward's anatomy has set me back to the beginning, and ironically, right now, I'm glad for it. It's distracting me from the fact that I feel like I might throw up.
A/N: I have just saved 5 times in case I forgot I saved the other 4. What? Anywho, you'll be fine, Bella. Sheesh...