DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own.

Thinking (or flashbacks, etc.)

Emphasis

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

When Kakashi nearly stumbled out of the Chief Toad's mouth, he was on high alert, with a weak, hot, and sweaty Naruto now slung on his back. Riding in the toad's mouth had sucked but had fortunately been brief. Feeling an incoming chakra signature he was well acquainted with, he relaxed a bit at seeing Gai headed their way.

"You got this, Youth-chan?" the toad asked the green man in his deep voice before sheathing his giant tanto.

"Hai! Thank you for your assistance, Lord Gama," Gai nearly yelled as he bounded over to Kakashi. The toad gave Kakashi and the blonde he was now holding in his arms an apprehensive look but dissipated anyway. His size was going to be a problem otherwise, but the men appreciated the toad being ready to take down any enemies on behalf of his summoner. "Is she alright?" Gai asked at seeing Kakashi's wife, who was covered by Kakashi's Jonin vest, going in and out of consciousness. "What's wrong with your youthful blossom?"

"That's what I'd like to know," Kakashi muttered as he followed Gai to an inn south of the capital. Gai hopped up into a second-story window, where his minion was standing guard. Kakashi quickly followed him once Gai gave the all-clear. His friend's other two students were guarding outside the building, Buns on the roof while Hyuuga was still glaring at him from his Northeast position. He laid Naruto down on the bed; she was covered with sand and cuts and really needed to be bathed. He had a feeling that she wouldn't like that, though, not without being fully conscious. "Naru-chan, the exit strategy worked so far." He saw her blue eyes open for a second before they rolled up then darted to the side as if she was seeing something that wasn't there. "Gai-kun's here and we're going to get you cleaned up." Her eyes closed but it was obvious that they were moving underneath her eyelids as if she was actively dreaming.

Sure enough, once Kakashi tried to take off her bandages - which the sand had done a real job on - his stubborn little wife began slapping at him and trying to fight him off. He finally gave up and nearly dumped her in the warm shower where she seemed to get a hold of herself, but still didn't respond to him. He watched as she sat on the tiles, the sand flowing down the drain and her cuts already beginning to heal. Seeing that she was doing well enough to hastily scrub herself down with soap, he turned toward the sink so that he could wash his hands and face.

Considering how much sand they'd tracked in, it was a wonder Gamabunta-sama hadn't spit both of them out as retaliation mid-transit. Perhaps toads weren't sensitive to the taste or intake of sand? They ate bugs, so who knew? He wasn't going to ask them, and that wasn't his problem anyway.

Once cleaned up and having retrieved a new mask from his vest, he checked on Naruto again. The water was still warm but she was shivering all over. Most of their supplies had been sealed and taken by a messenger toad before the mission, but Naruto was still somewhat unresponsive. She wouldn't be able to summon the small toad back the way she was now. Blowing out a huff of irritated hot air, Kakashi turned the shower off and grabbed one of the stiff white towels that were hanging on a rod and covered his wife with it. "Gai, you got extra clothes on you? NOT a jumpsuit," he reminded his friend as he yelled out from behind the bathroom door.

"Hai, Rival!" Gai reached into his pack and whipped out an oversized and faded green "YOUTH!" t-shirt and boxers. Kakashi reached out and took the shirt from him, but let him keep his pink and green turtle-covered boxers. No way was he putting his little wife in those.

The water had further ruined Naru's bandages, and her dreaded thong had been ripped apart on one side by that dickhead Kazekage's sand attack, along with most of her dress which was in shreds. Kakashi had no choice but to simply put Gai's tee on her after drying her off, although he would have much preferred to have her in one of his own. Naruto was standing now, but seemed to have no strength and was falling asleep on her feet.

"Turn around, you," Kakashi ordered Gai as he blocked the view of his wife from the bathroom door. He didn't want Gai or anyone else seeing his wife's body underneath that green t-shirt or her legs that weren't quite holding her up. Gai complied quickly, tearfully mentioning something about "youthful possessiveness." The silver-haired Jonin helped Naruto into the bed after making sure to brush sand off the bedspread. He felt Naruto's cheek and frowned. "Maa, I think she's got a fever." He put his forehead on her own to make sure.

Gai waited a few seconds before joining him at bedside. "Doesn't the Kyuubi prevent that kind of thing?"

Kakashi sat down more comfortably beside his wife, staring at her pretty tanned face and wet hair before going back to the bathroom to get another towel. He wrapped it around her hair as best he could, and Naru only groaned. He exhaled with a groan of his own and told his friend what he thought might be going on. "She activated her Kekkei-Genkai - for the first time." Gai inhaled sharply and stepped closer to the couple.

"The Adamantine chains?" Gai asked.

"Yeah. Sensei said it was a Kekkei-Genkai, although Kushina-nee said it wasn't. She said it was something all Uzumakis could do with proper training, but that sounds like a Kekkei-Genkai to me, too."

"But Naruto-hime wasn't trained at all. Was the bloodline activation forced?" That was the only reason that he could think of for the kunoichi to have a fever. Although first-time activation of a bloodline almost always involved exerting a good portion of one's chakra capacity, his rival's wife had immense chakra reserves.

"No. I don't even know why the chains manifested when they did." Kakashi scratched at his masked chin and noticed that his wife's hands were clenched over the exact place on the center of her abdomen that the chains had come from: just below her sternum.

"We need to report and get back to the village, Rival," Gai said rather gently.

Kakashi quickly summoned his pack, who began to complain - they had been doing a LOT of work lately - until Pakkun scolded them after looking at Naruto. The pug jumped up and sniffed her before curling up where her hands were. Naru slowly moved them away and sighed dreamily in her sleep as Pakkun gave Kakashi a questioning look and asked for orders. The other dogs jumped up on the bed, too, and surrounded her; Bull whining as he licked Naruto's ankle.

"I'm not going back there until I find out what the hell Hokage-sama was thinking," Kakashi said as he put his hands on his hips in frustration. "The fucking Kazekage seemed to be her mystery target, on our side of the border."

"He attacked?!" Gai asked with a bit of panic in his voice. Suna was supposed to be their ally: the strongest ally the village had!

"Maa," Kakashi winced, remembering what had happened, "keep this on the down-low, Gai; Naru-chan attacked him first, and the Kazekage retaliated." Gai let out a low whistle before slumping and sliding down the closest wall, and Kakashi decided to join him on the floor. "I don't know what he gave her to make her react like that, but it was..." He chuckled despite himself. "It was really something." He looked up to the ceiling as if for answers, but Gai reminded him of what needed to be done.

"If this involves a foreign nin - let alone the leader of our allied partner and our jinchuuriki - the Hokage has to be alerted, Kakashi. Find out what Naru knows."

Kakashi took a deep breath and found it hard to look at his rival, for reasons that weren't the obvious ones. He knew what he needed to do, and he needed the information Naruto had now. The clock was ticking. "I hope the Kyuubi is okay with this," he murmured mirthlessly. He tried one more time to rouse his little wife before pulling up his headband and lifting open Naru-chan's eyelid. As soon as their eyes made contact, he felt the familiar sensation of falling and time spinning backward. He stopped the inverted time flow when he saw her acknowledge Genma, who had a stupid grin on his face and was holding up a drink to her with a wink. Well, that pisses me off... A good thing about using Obito's Sharingan was that he could somehow hear his target's thoughts and feel what they were feeling, although there was a barrier between his own emotions and the target's.

Naruto had been more aggravated than he thought when she had been sitting at that bar.

"Why isn't he at least henged?" Naruto wondered about Genma. "That's not a kunoichi he's talking to. Meh, maybe it's a waitress." Kakashi followed along as he gazed through her eyes across the bar, noting four shinobi as she closed her eyes. "Dumb blank ROOT sycophants;" she counted eight of them in the area that were fairly close by. Kakashi could feel her anxiety increasing even before the next person entered the bar.

"Highly-repressed earth-natured chakra signature and looks like a pompous asshole, to boot." Naru averted her eyes when she saw the man look at her and took a deep drink of her sake. He could feel that she wanted more of it. "Stand by, Kurama." He wasn't sure who Kurama was but knew he'd heard her say that name before. His wife concentrated on her breathing rate and heartbeat, attempting to lower both. It was awful watching just how fearful she was.

"Hmm... Probably henged and that the guy's chakra is familiar from somewhere. Where?!" She'd almost guessed it as she ran through various chakra signatures she knew - which was a trip, especially with how fast Naru rolled through hundreds of them - all neatly categorized before she stopped herself. "I guess I don't know him. Still feels familiar, though."

Naru chuckled to herself. "Kakashi's pissed! Watch out Senbon-kun!" Kakashi shrugged: she was right. He trusted Genma with his life, but that didn't mean he wanted him looking at or flirting with his pretty little wife.

"Is anyone sitting here? I have a proposition for you," the disguised Kazekage said.

"That's pretty bold, asshole," Naru thought. Her hair was really bothering her. "I hope I've got it well covered." Kakashi realized that she was thinking about hiding the Hatake crest on her back and bit back a growl.

"I have a proposition for you," the Kazekage said with a smirk. Even though Kakashi had read the guy's lips before, hearing him say that so haughtily just made him want to throttle the guy. He could feel that Naruto did, too. "Barkeep! Your finest bottle of wine!"

What a showoff.

"Fucker's probably arranged something with the bartender in advance," Naruto thought but wondered if she was just being paranoid. "This bar's a shithole. Their best sake probably isn't even from Grass or even Iwa. What a load of crap."

Kakashi realized that he really needed to speak with his YOUNG wife about her drinking. How did she even know about Iwa sake? She was now glaring at the henged Kazekage and watching more carefully than she allowed the Sand leader to see in order to ensure the bottle and glasses the bartender had put down didn't have signs of having been tampered with.

She took a sip of her wine and forced herself not to guzzle the rest. "Holy shit! This is good! Where's it from?" Naru read the bottle and decided she was going to kill the bartender or at least torture him into telling her how he got a bottle of wine from Uzushio. Her darkening thoughts about someone having something she never even knew about from her mother's homeland were interrupted by the arrogant jerk sitting next to her. Kakashi sighed: those were her thoughts, not his.

"To think that it would be you, Namikaze-hime."

"Who the fuck are you and how do you know my last name?" Kakashi felt a little annoyed that she didn't remember that her last name was Hatake now, but could understand her surprise. He felt her concentrate on schooling her features into something blank and innocent. "I'm not sure I know who or what you mean." She forced herself to blink.

The Kazekage had a bloated ego and obviously thought far more of himself than his own village leaders displayed. Kakashi agreed with his wife that her target was being "naturally condescending," as Naruto reflected while looking at him. He also felt her searching through the man's negative emotions. Naru finished off her glass then smiled sweetly at her target, wanting more sake.

Honest to gods, this woman's going to be the end of me, Kakashi thought sourly.

"Keep looking at me like that fucker, and you'll be on the bad end of my kunai." Kakashi was proud of her, as she was hardly looking at the man, but still filtering through his emotions. "Appreciative but not interested. Well then stop looking at me, asshole: I'm off limits! What is his agenda?"

"Let us be frank, hime-sama. I am in need of your services. I have been assured by my backer that you will be able to perform this task splendidly." Naruto wanted to choke him. "As you must," the man continued and Naruto felt that he really meant that. There was definitely someone behind the scenes, she believed, ("Probably Danzo. I'm seriously going to kill that guy.") The more time that passed without either one of them saying anything was aggravating Naruto more and more. She definitely didn't enjoy drinking with the shinobi.

"Look asshole, I don't know what you want or who you think I am, or even what you think I must do. So if you're not going to tell me why don't you just piss the fuck off?!" Naruto whispered fiercely. She was even more riled up than Kakashi had thought when he'd been watching them from the corner of the bar.

The Kazekage then looked highly uncomfortable for the first time. Finally, the man handed his wife a very small scroll. She opened it and her hands shook.

"Jinchuuriki, your assigned mission is to kill the host for Shukaku, the sand demon. You have been granted 24-hour access to Wind Territory and must complete the mission within this time frame. The host for Shukaku is Sabuko no Gaara." That was followed by a description of the other jinchuuriki, but Kakashi didn't have a proper chance to read it. It was as if his vision was painted red, and all he could feel was Naruto's fury.

A huge red eye stared at him as a beast he was very familiar with sat up to his full height behind an enormous cage. Kakashi could hardly breathe.

"Pervert Junior. Or should I call you the Ninken Pervert? You're lucky the kit is fond of you or I'd rip that disgusting eye right out of your head."

Kakashi tried to stop his jutsu but found that his leg was being held by the end of one of the Kyuubi's tails that had sprung through the cage sealing the beast. Hot water was rising up over his ankles.

"Nice place, right?" The Kyuubi snarked as he looked around his prison. "Her mind's a literal sewer. I don't know if that's because she's the way she is, or if her suicidal father just built it this way."

Kakashi wondered how long it would take the gigantic beast to realize that he could just pull him into his cage. There was definitely room between the bars, but hopefully, the seal would prevent that. Looking up at the seal on the cage door, he nearly panicked at seeing it barely hanging on by a thread.

"Oh, that old thing?" The Kyuubi chuckled - which to Kakashi didn't sound right at all! "Minato, himself, loosened it to save the kit many years ago." He scratched his chin with his very human-like hands. "Here's a thought: maybe that vile eye of yours can enhance our setting."

Kakashi stared at him, bewildered and not understanding what setting he meant. As the Kyuubi looked increasingly irritated, he finally found his voice. "Maa, maa," he began weakly with the smile he hoped to one day patent, "I'm afraid I don't understand your request. Because I'm not an Uchiha," Kakashi winced behind his mask and held himself in place with chakra as the beast in front of him snarled and looked like it would attack more quickly than it had earlier. He continued, however, as he tried to take a step back unsuccessfully. "The Sharingan drains my chakra at a rapid rate. I can't stay for very much longer." He noticed that the word "Sharingan" seemed to piss the beast off almost as much as mentioning the "Uchiha." He wouldn't bring them up again.

"Look down, dumbass. I'm feeding you my chakra right now." The Kyuubi crossed his arms and looked highly put out.

"Umm, why?" Kakashi asked quite seriously.

"To discover your intentions, heathen! To THREATEN you with a painful death if you ever betray the blonde idiot, and to see if you can renovate my temporary living quarters!"

Kakashi tried to remain smooth but figured he was doing a shit job of it. "My intentions are to discover what caused Naruto to react the way that she did to the Kazekage as well as follow up on what happened at the border. I would like to know why and how she activated her chains when she did. I do not intend to ever betray my wife - if that's who you were referring to - and I'm not good with home decor." He couldn't tell if his words made the Kyuubi pout or if the expression he was making was simply a more disturbed snarl.

"Turn this area into a forest with your 'magic eyeball,'" the Kyuubi said while using air quotes with a huff, "and I'll tell you what you want to know."

"I'm not sure of how to do such a thing. And you are attempting to escape, ne?"

"Filthy Pervert! I am doing no such thing, you fuckwad. Surely you can see that this place needs renovation? Keep the bars and the seal for all I care! Use your damnable eye for good for once in its nightmarish history! NOW!"

Kakashi wasn't sure what happened, but he felt another chakra drain from his eye, and couldn't believe it when the cage bars turned into huge bamboo trees - the seal still barely hanging off of one - and the lock still engaged as it looked previously, thank Kami. The Kyuubi looked somewhat pleased as he lay down on a large area of soft grass that was surrounded by a waterfall and large trees. He heard the Kyuubi mutter something that sounded like "Chomei" but was more astounded that he'd recreated an area in Taki that he'd hid out in a few times. He wasn't sure how it had happened but would reflect on it more later.

As large as the bamboo were, they didn't look nearly as sturdy as the iron cage bars they'd replaced. Kakashi took a large breath in the hot air surrounding him and tried to remain calm. "I've completed my part of the bargain. Now, will you?"

"Yes, yes, although I'm tired... What was it you wanted again, Pervert?" The Kyuubi widely yawned, showing off his enormous and many sharp teeth - the smallest of which was still larger than Kakashi. "No, just shut up. I know what you want." The fox stretched and Kakashi nearly fell down when he saw that Naruto was wrapped up in one of his tails that the beast had hidden behind his foot.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER?"

"Be quiet, pathetic human! You'll wake her up, and she's in a mood." He tsked at seeing Kakashi fire up a jutsu. "Do the both of us an enormous favor, Pervert. NEVER teach that jutsu to the Uchiha. And the kit's fine!" The bijuu looked up from gazing down at his sleeping jinchuuriki and glared at Kakashi before his lips turned up into a malicious smile. "She's going to be quite angry that you're here. Maybe I should wake her up!"

"You're not going to hurt her."

"I thought you were intelligent! If she dies, I die. Or we were supposed to," the Kyuubi's last words were more of a whisper. "Anyway, Kushina was the one who pulled out those damned chains."

"What?! That's impossible!"

"Nothing's impossible, flesh bag! My former horrible host's chakra imprint activated when Gourd Boy dropped his sand on or around Naruto. Why and how the woman reached through Naruto's chest and immediately dispensed all her chakra beats me. Close your mouth and finish quickly. I like you here even less than I enjoy your lethargic lightning chakra running through us, which I don't care for at all."

"My chakra is dense, not lethargic," Kakashi defended himself - for what reason? He didn't know anymore. He internally gasped as he remembered that the large chains that came out of Naruto's back were mainly white. Had that been his chakra?! The chains coming out of her chest were reddish-gold. Oh gods: he felt nauseous.

"Go away. I need to speak with Naruto." The Kyuubi considered the Pervert for a few more moments before deciding to be magnanimous. "Consider this information a gift to my interior decorator. Naruto will never hurt a jinchuuriki or bijuu. She is LOYAL," he sneered. "It does not matter if that scum Kazekage, your tree-hugging Hokage, or any other leader orders our annihilation. She will defend and honor us. Now fuck off."

"What's going on, Kur-" Naruto's drowsy voice was stopped when Kurama stepped on her face with one of his feet. Kakashi's holler brought her attention to her husband who was standing beyond the ca- bamboo trees?! What the actual fuck? She wondered angrily then looked up at the fox. "Get off me you asshole!"

And the fox did! At the same time, Kakashi was unceremoniously kicked out of the weird hallucination and was left panting on the floor. He looked up at Gai while trying to come to terms with having been in an enormous foreign forest with a chatty Bijuu who was stepping on his wife a second before. He rushed to Naru's side to make sure that she was alive and checked her pulse - which was slow and steady. "How long was I in there?"

Gai tilted his head at him, his enormous eyebrows furrowed in concern. "How long did you use your Sharingan? I would say a minute, tops; a little long for you. Did you find out what we needed to know? How much chakra do you still have?"

Kakashi stared at him in disbelief before checking his chakra stores. Almost unbelievably, they were completely full - even with his entire pack here surrounding his wife! "I'm good. Pakkun, I need you to take a message to the Hokage. Naruto and I will not be returning until I hear word back, so interrupt him if necessary by whatever means you see fit." He quickly began to write out a report, but more importantly, he questioned his leader on why the hell he and the Daimyo had sent Naruto to her death. If she hadn't been so talented at manipulating wind chakra to protect herself and most likely permanently scarring the leader of the Sand simultaneously, he was sure she could have been killed.

Naruto was still running a fever after Pakkun left, but she seemed to be doing alright, no matter what the fox was doing. She had mumbled Sakura's name as well as his own a few times, and Kakashi wished that he could do more than simply put cool cloths on her head.

Early in the morning, Hiruzen Sarutobi sat with a ninken on his desk, wondering how it had all gone so wrong.

The "seduction missions" were supposed to go to both Kakashi-kun and Naru-chan: it was the Daimyo's wicked idea of getting them to finally decide whether or not to remain officially married... and do all that would be entailed in order to make it so. Hiruzen groaned out loud and took off The Hat before rubbing his temples. He wasn't the only one in trouble here. As Madam Shijimi was Naruto's godmother and he and the Daimyo both agreed to tell her that the girl was dead all those years ago, the Daimyo's wife was angry enough at learning that Naruto was very much alive. Now? When she's demanding to have her goddaughter visit the capitol? After what's just happened?

Gods help the both of them.

But help me especially, he thought with a pained expression. He had a traitor or spy in his midst. The sealed mission scrolls he had given the Hatakes - all while acting a part to ensure that neither of them expected what they had planned - had been tampered with by someone with knowledge of his personal effects, signature seal, and more. Someone with access to the Daimyo or his seal, and who could copy their signatures so exactly - almost exactly like the Sharingan could. This person was associated with the Kazekage, a supposed ally, who should be sending his teams to the village as the Chunin exam was nearly upon them.

And Iwa's coming, too. What a headache.

Plus Naruto activated her Uzumaki Adamantine Chains on the border with Wind, in front of dozens of witnesses. Genma's team had cleared as many witnesses as they could, but Hiruzen would bet money that word would soon get out about another surviving Uzumaki with that incredibly special chakra if it wasn't out already.

It was supposed to be a mission to decide how the Hatakes really felt about each other, almost like a three-day vacation! Yoshino-chan had put together "cute clothes" that she thought Naruto could wear on dates with her husband, and Hiruzen was the one who finally sealed everything up. It just went to prove how he was too old for the job.

He was going to have to pressure Jiraiya to take over once the exams were over: Jiraiya was the only one who would be acceptable to the council. His seals must have been easy to break - probably due to the way his hands had begun to shake a few years ago. Old age was difficult but was supposed to be a multi-faceted reward for living a long life well. That reward was hurting his shinobi, and now he had a jinchuuriki who had fought the leader of another hidden village. What a mess...

He was proud of her, though. Naruto had held her own against a Kage, and wasn't that something?