DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own.

Thinking (or flashbacks, etc.)

Emphasis

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

"What's happened to Naruto?" Shikamaru asked, or more like demanded that his father tell him the truth.

Shikaku sighed heavily. The things that had been dropped on him from the Hokage and Pakkun when he saw him beforehand: everything that had gone wrong was so, so troublesome. "Shikamaru. Let me ask you this... Why do you think something's happened to Naru-chan?"

"Don't - just... Don't give me that, Dad! You've sighed at least a dozen times and you have that look on your face that says it all. Ma was crying when I came in, and neither of you would say why - which is really unlike her at least. I've also been waiting for you to make a damn move on the board for at least 10 minutes and I'm wide open," he said, gesturing to the Shogi board between them.

Shikaku let out a single sad chuckle. "Language, son. I'm just... you and Naru-chan are really all grown up now, aren't ya?" He scratched his goatee and looked at the board again before saying more. "Please understand, Shika. As a parent, it's difficult to send your children into the field. That's all."

"Did - is she alright?" Shikamaru asked, not allowing himself to think that what he was afraid of could be true. He and Kami above knew that Naruto would throw herself into the lion's den without regard to herself in order to save someone. He only hoped that what she'd told him about her first life's mission to Wave would repeat itself, even if he did reserve some hope - for Naru's sake - that Zabuza and Haku would live and just give up. Like that's really going to happen, though...

"Yeah!" Shikaku hoped that his fake good cheer was enough to placate his son. "Last I heard, the mission turned out nasty for Kakashi-kun - and that will stay between us, right son?" He received a stiff, serious nod in return. "Anyway, Kakashi's fine now, and Team 7 should be back any day."

"They were the ones you went on a mission with - with Uncle Inoichi and Uncle Choza to investigate?"

His father made a move to take out his son's bishop and smiled up at him. "You're in trouble now." Shikamaru simply crossed his arms and looked even more aggravated with him than usual. "Fine. We did meet Team 7 in Wave, but I wouldn't have come home had I believed they were still in danger." I just didn't know about the "brilliant plan" cooked up by the Hokage and the Daimyo. He was still a little pissed that Yoshi knew and hadn't said anything to him.

He felt that if Naruto and Kakashi were going to... "do what they needed to do" in order to remain married, that they shouldn't be pushed any more than they already had been.

"I'm just going to say it," Shikamaru said as he moved one of his pawns to protect another piece, "I think you're not telling me everything, and that's your right as a shinobi and especially as the Jonin Commander. As a father, though... I'm a little disappointed that you won't tell me about my sister."

Shikaku groaned. Naruto had influenced his formerly quiet, contemplative son into speaking his mind, which was a drag. "I'm sorry you feel that way son. One of these days - sometime soon - it's going to be you that's sitting in my position." He tilted his head and stared at his son and watched him become uncomfortable. "And I'm not the only one hiding things, ne? Checkmate."

Shikamaru shrugged and began setting up the shogi board again. "I gave that to you, ya know."

Shikaku began laughing, making his son's ears turn pink. Both he and Naru-chan had picked up each other's verbal tics or "Nara catchphrases," as Naruto called it, but tried their damnedest not to let them out. Obviously, they often weren't successful.

Troublesome though they truly were, his kids were still pretty damn adorable.

With Pakkun's report that the Hokage's seal on their secondary missions had been broken and their missions changed, an irritated Kakashi had slung Naru on his back and proceeded back to the Leaf with Team Gai. Fortunately, Tenten-chan had extra clothing that she allowed Naru to wear as his little wife was still unable to summon a messenger toad or frog to bring back their supplies.

Honestly, he thought Gamabunta would have made the little guy come find them since he knew Naruto's condition wasn't great, but apparently, the chief toad had other things on his mind.

They were close to the village now and hadn't had any trouble with ROOT. Naru-chan might have her head simply lying on his shoulder and look asleep as they traveled, but every now and then she'd give him a status report on those behind and around them. He was dreading giving his report to the Hokage, and the more that he thought about it, the angrier he became. He'd already decided before all this that he wanted to stay with Naruto, and she seemed happy with him - which was saying something - so the fact that the Daimyo and Hokage had butted their heads in where they didn't belong really pissed him off. Oh, the things he wanted to tell that man...

If Minato-sensei was still Hokage, none of this would have happened. Then again, there's no way that his sensei would set him up with his daughter and... "What was that for?" he said in a low voice to his wife who had just softly bitten his masked neck. It was both arousing and distracting.

"I don't know," she said back sleepily. "Your emotions were harshing my mellow," she sighed. "Tenzo, Sai, and the Teme are still about the same distance behind us." She could also feel Gaara and his siblings with their sensei - that Baki guy - along with some other shinobi accompanying them. Naru yawned and shivered before nuzzling her nose into Kakashi's Jonin vest.

"Naruto," he whispered in a warning. They were traveling back to the Leaf with Gai's team and were supposed to be more than subtle about their relationship. A relationship that a tiny part of him wanted to scream to the world. "It's Tenzo-sensei, young lady."

"You could be my sensei, ya know. Teach me what you like and want me to do," she whispered dangerously in a sultry voice.

Kakashi groaned and quickly shook his head, (like a dog, although he didn't realize that.) "Behave yourself," he whispered back. Naruto laughed again and moved her cheek to his shoulder, laying her head back down. Her breath in his ear gave him goosebumps. Several minutes went by before either said anything else.

"I hate being sick." Naru pouted and considered it more. "I don't think I've ever been sick before."

"Your fever should go down in a day or so," Kakashi replied as he jumped down from a tree into the dirt road that led to the village gates. A vexing issue he was thinking of was that the Chunin Selection Exams began in two days. He was really worried about how Naru was going to perform in them, considering her condition right now. He was actually worried about the whole team being exhausted from their longer than expected Wave mission where he and Tenzo had trained the hell out of them. They additionally didn't get much rest afterward as they came out to help guard his wife against being taken by ROOT.

Gai must be feeling similarly. After they showed up at the inn, Gai told him that they had a mission in the Land of Tea that ran his team ragged. Kakashi let out a breath of annoyance. The idea of choosing a village leader as a result of a subordinate running a race seemed silly. At least their client had won, though. More importantly, the Genin and Chunin on Gai's team had all returned safely, too.

At least Gai's team has been through the Chunin exams once, unlike our team.

"Can you put me down, please? I think I can walk."

"Not until we pass the village gates," Kakashi replied, still waiting to be attacked out of nowhere. Naru bit him softly again and he shivered. "Knock it off, you." He only received a soft giggle in reply. Cheeky, Naru-chan. Very cheeky. "As soon as you're better," he whispered mischievously, "you'll pay for that insubordination."

Naruto sighed and enjoyed her last moments of peace - and fevered thoughts - she hoped, anyway. "Promises, promises, Kash." He groaned again and she struggled to get him to let go of her thighs again. "Please put me down? Your back is too broad for me."

"Obviously not!"

"Pervert," she whispered just as they arrived in Konoha. She let out a breath of relief. It was good to be home. Kakashi put her down and she tried to appear just fine as they all signed in. She smiled at the gate guards who were being especially nice and attentive but wobbled slightly as she turned around.

"Are you alright, Naru-hime?" Neji asked - in quite a familiar way, and right up close and personal, Naruto thought.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for caring, Neji-kun," she replied, wondering why he was being so weirdly nice. It wasn't like Neji wasn't nice after she beat the crap out of him in the Chunin exams in her first life, it's just that she hadn't done that yet. Why was she going to beat him senseless now? Maybe she wouldn't have to? What a ridiculous thought. Countering the Hyuuga taijutsu had been something she'd been training with Shika and her clones for years to do. My nintaijutsu should do the trick... She suddenly found Kakashi's arm around her waist and was jerked away from Neji.

"Let me help you walk back," he said and gave the Hyuuga kid a glare. Kakashi took the blonde's arm and wound it around his shoulder a bit - she was so damn short - as Naruto yelped in surprise. "Let's go."

"What was that all about?" Naru whispered as she was pulled along.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

They were almost at the Tower when Sakura's mother suddenly appeared beside them. Naruto scolded herself for letting her senses go and forgetting about the henge she normally used in the village. She was just so tired, but that didn't matter as the Haruno woman began to accuse her of doing something to her missing daughter. She wasn't making sense, but Naruto folded in on herself as the woman got more and more belligerent.

"Naruto-chan had nothing to do with what happened to Sakura-chan," Kakashi said in a cold, low voice. He looked over at his wife who had leaned against the building next to them and had her eyes closed.

"She's not even denying it!" Mebuki yelled in outrage. She didn't care that Kakashi-sama was an elite Jonin and member of the shinobi council. He'd let that beast kill and possibly hide her daughter's body! "The last time my baby was seen was with that demon whore," she snarled viciously. The Jonin had the gall to growl at her. As a councilwoman, Mebuki knew that her daughter's supposed captain and that little beast were married - but she knew that the only way a shinobi like him would do something so stupid as remaining married to her was if the Hokage had ordered it - which she thought would be pathetic on his part - or if the kitsune had tricked him. "Pay attention to me you monster!"

Naruto's blue eyes flew open and she glared at the woman, reminding herself that she shouldn't be surprised by her words. Kakashi was trying to drag her away from the growing attention and crowd the Haruno was causing, but she put chakra into her feet to slow him down, as she had something to say. "She's three clicks south. I'm a sensor and can feel her chakra." She shook off her feelings of weakness and spoke in a quieter voice. "It's being subdued by some kind of barrier - and it's not like Sakura-chan's got tons of chakra, anyway…" Naruto's attention was taken away from Sakura's mother and those gathering around them to watch and glare at her. A man with absolutely neon pink hair - much brighter and gaudier than Sakura's - eyes darted away from her but puffed out his chest. "Who the fuck are you?" The man consoled Sakura's mother but said nothing.

"Your waves of guilt aren't unnoticed, civilian-san. What the fuck did you do to Sak-" she was cut off by Kakashi sunshinning her between the Hokage Mountain's steps and the barrier of their home. Naruto tumbled halfway to the ground as he let go of her to get into the barrier. "Hey! She - he - he did something to Sakura-chan! Kakashi..."

He hushed her while picking her up and sunshinned into their home. "We need to put additional security up on the doors and windows," he muttered, looking apprehensive, and nearly tossed Naruto onto the couch.

She was really dizzy and fell either asleep or unconscious almost immediately. Kakashi grabbed a can of coffee from the fridge and sighed at seeing his wife shiver. He put a blanket on her then flopped down on the rarely used sectional next to her head. "Three clicks south:'' he knew what was three clicks south. There was a large ROOT installation hidden from all those who hadn't been in the organization. So that's where Sakura is... And if what Naru-chan was sensing from the councilman he'd learned was Sakura's uncle was accurate - and having been through her memories of chakra and emotion-sensing while she was at the bar - he was sure that she was onto something. That meant that Tenzo's student's uncle had something to do with the pink-haired kunoichi's disappearance.

He needed to report it to the Hokage. Kakashi kissed Naruto on her temple, wrote her a note, and took off to do just that. He also needed to concentrate on not attacking his leader for all the shit he'd put them through.

Honestly, how did they not have a system in place that would have at least warned Genin teams against approaching Wave alone? Naruto knew about Gato beforehand, for gods' sake. That being the case, he couldn't imagine that Minato-sensei would've sent inexperienced Genin out on such a mission when not in a time of war.

Things needed to change.

Kakashi came home from his very awkward and heated meeting with the Hokage with three bags full of Ichiraku ramen. He found the Nara heir on his front porch and frowned. "Shikamaru. What are you doing here, and how did you get in?"

Shika rolled his eyes. "Troublesome," he groaned to himself and stretched as he stood up. "How else? Naruto keyed me in." He saw all the ramen in Kakashi's hands and sighed before offering to give him a hand. "She needed me to water her plants. Where is she? Was the mission alright?"

Kakashi swiped his thumb over the doorknob then turned it. "Ask her yourself." He didn't see Naru on the couch and wondered where she was and why she was hiding her chakra.

"She's not here."

"What?!" Kakashi took off upstairs. Sure enough, the Nara was right.

"I told ya."

Kakashi wanted to pull his hair out. He had only been gone a couple of hours! "Help me out if you have nothing better to do, Nara. My... silly wife has a fever and shouldn't be anywhere but resting at home."

"What an idiot," Shikamaru groaned as he pressed his earring again, thinking of contacting his sister by thought alone. Seeing that it didn't work, he finally chose to speak out loud, hoping that she would reply to him. He turned away from his sister's glowering husband. "Naruto. Tune in, you troublesome blonde."

"Hey!" came a subdued but cheery voice in his ear. Shikamaru smiled and turned, giving Kakashi a thumbs up.

"Where are you?"

"Rude. I haven't talked to you in forever," she replied easily.

"Naruto. I'm at your house with Kakashi-san and understand that you have a fever."

"Shikaaaaaa," she whined back at him. "I can walk now and I've gotta find a seal. I'm not sure if I told your dad about it or not."

Shikamaru glared at the imaginary dumb blonde in front of him. "Where? And don't fuck with me right now, Naruto! You shouldn't be out by yourself until all this Danzo shit is over," he hissed but had little doubt that Kakashi had heard him, even as he stuck his head in the couple's fridge to get a soda. Whatever. Naruto was already whining and cursing his supposed bossiness, but finally admitted that she was outside the village on their side of the Hokage Mountain. "I'm coming; stay with me alright."

"Tell her that she's making me one of those earrings," Kakashi ordered as they left, leaving all of the ramen on the table.

Shikamaru began leading Kakashi to where the blonde said she was and found her, bleeding all over the ground. "What the hell?!"

Naruto swayed but gave the two men a thumbs up. "Found the seal," she said, gesturing to the ground. "I think I broke it by wiping blood all over it." Shikamaru grabbed his ponytail in frustration and noticed her blood on the tip of her sandal and toes. "I'm sure it's at least screwed up if nothing else."

Shikamaru was shocked when Kakashi threw his sister over his shoulder and slapped her hard on the ass. He looked away from the completely weird and intimate scene when he bit her. Bit her! Right on her hip! "Troublesome. I'm outta here to let you two... work it out or whatever you two do." He knew his cheeks were burning in embarrassment at the display, but only got a nod from his brother-in-law.

Dear gods: that pervert was probably going to remain his brother-in-law. Shikamaru really wished he'd pulled sake out of the Hatakes' wine fridge.

The Jonin quickly set off for their home while Shikamaru waltzed away, figuring that he could get information about Naru's mission and fever from that bastard, Sasuke, or Sakura, whomever he found first.

Kakashi had a Jonin-sensei meeting that he was ordered to attend even though he didn't consider himself his team's sensei, but didn't leave his home or troublesome little wife until she was full of ramen, promised to stay home, and was bathed and in his bed. He summoned and ordered his ninken to stay and guard her against both her insane tendencies and anyone else. Bull was told to stay on top of her legs no matter what she said. Just before he left, he summoned a fox for the first time.

"Whaaaat?" the summon groaned with half-lidded eyes as it curled up on the porch. Kakashi couldn't believe it. Maybe this was why the fox clan hadn't been summoned in nearly a century.

"I want you to guard Naru-chan..."

"You've left ninken with her: I can smell them from here. Can I go back now?" it asked then yawned widely.

"This is the first time I've asked anything of you," Kakashi reminded the fox in irritation. "Guard the house and if anyone approaches let Pakkun know and find me immediately." As he sunshinned away, he heard the fox grumble that "summoners suck."

He was only two hours late! Anko had no reason to sick her snakes on him for such brief tardiness, and Kakashi told her so. Thankfully, the Hokage owed him for those disastrous back-to-back missions and he insisted Anko retract her far worse summons than the one he just left.

Anko was the "surprise" proctor for the Chunin Selection Exams, which meant that Stage 2 of the exams would be in the Forest of Death, AKA Anko's home away from home. Izumo, Kotetsu, and the Hyuuga brat - who Kakashi threw a dash of Killing Intent toward to make the pretty boy stop glaring at him - would be assisting Ibiki, Genma, (who hadn't returned yet from the border,) and Hayate for either Stage 1 or 3. It was Ibiki that worried Kakashi more than anyone. Having a mischievous jinchuuriki, oddly recovering ROOT spy, and an angry avenger dealing with Ibiki could easily drive any of the four of them over the edge. He nodded at the masked Yugao and the remnants of ANBU Team Ro and was glad that they'd be on hand for the exam in case anything went wrong. Team Kaifuku was there as well, plus the Hokage's ANBU guard, Jiraiya-sama, and the Jonin Commander. It was a full room.

Why did Tenzo have sunglasses on? Mirrored aviators. They actually looked pretty good on the Mokuton wielder, Kakashi thought before bringing his book back up high.

"...Room 301 of the Academy. Kakashi-kun, as I've already informed the other senseis, you need to have your team fill these out and turn them in at the Academy," the Hokage said as he tried to hand the silver-haired Jonin the exam entry forms.

"Maa, Tenzo-kun's their cute little sensei, Hokage-sama." Kakashi turned a page in his beloved smut and ignored the sound of complaints all around him. Tenzo muttered curses under his breath as he took the forms, then tried to repeatedly force one of them on his senpai. Kakashi looked at the blank form then quickly stuffed it under Tenzo's happuri-style hitai-ate, telling him to fill it out first. Hearing the younger Jonin curse him out loud, Kakashi quickly turned a page but made a mental note to make his kohai spar with him soon, as an excuse and exercise to remind his junior to respect his elders.

Kakashi was frustrated with so many things; he hoped the meeting would end soon enough for them to spar. Jutsuing Tenzo was nearly as much fun as taijutsu with Gai, not that he'd ever admit either part of that out loud. He suddenly thought of something even better to do with Tenzo. It was owed, really. Tenzo had brought his team to help with the bullshit at the border, after all. Plus it would freak his kohai out.

"...Stage 3 of the exams will take place exactly one month after Stage 2 is completed, so in 38 days," their leader droned on.

Everyone knows that! When is this meeting going to end?! Kakashi scratched his head and looked around the room from behind Icha-Icha Paradise. Only the Hyuuga and Kurenai-san were newbies to overseeing Chunin Selection Exam procedures, and neither of them was paying close attention to their leader's words. Kurenai was checking out Asuma - they are so obvious - and he found that he might need to have a word with Gai about the Hyuuga. Otherwise, he was going to choke "Neji" if he continued to glare at him. He knew what that glare was about; he'd seen a couple of interactions between the soon-to-be pulp of a Hyuuga Chunin and his pretty little wife. Naruto was HIS, dammit.

He desperately wanted out of there. He had a stone to see and people he wanted to torture a little! Plus his wife had a fever and was naughty in general!

Shikaku moved forward and gained most of the room's occupants' interest. He sighed before clearing his throat and giving a look that said "are you kidding me?" to Asuma, who looked away from his obvious gaze that was roaming all over Kurenai's dress. "Troublesome," he mumbled. "So far we've found three mass summoning seals outside our village walls. Any one of them was large enough to summon a platoon or large summons through." It felt like all of the air was sucked out of the room. "The seals are somewhat bastardized versions of Uzumaki fuuinjutsu. We've been able to clear them, but there could be more."

Kakashi snapped his book closed. He would've immediately informed them about what Naruto had found and disturbed, but didn't quite trust the Hokage not to tell Danzo or the other elders about his wife's knowledge of fuuinjutsu. He'd have to catch Shikaku at the end of the meeting. His first thought was to take Jiraiya-sama out to look at the seal Naruto had found with him, but the way that the Toad Sage was glaring at him made him feel... anxious. Yes, anxious was the right word.

"Our suspicions lie with either Iwa or Orochimaru. Iwa isn't known for any degree of sealing prowess..."

"Orochimaru's shit with seals," Jiraiya said from the back of the room.

"I know you feel that way, Jiraiya-sama," Shikaku continued. "Compared to you that might be the case. But we know from past history that he is interested in the art."

Most in the room tried not to look at Anko, who was now holding the area above and behind her collar bone. The cursed seal of heaven Orochimaru had placed on her was enough proof that the snake could put his disgusting efforts into fuuinjutsu as well as ninjutsu.

"Why not cancel the exam if you thought this?" Anko asked heatedly. "God only knows what that bastard is up to!"

"We had already received confirmations from the villages that will be competing this year by the time we found the seals," Hiruzen replied as he turned over a page on his desk. "After the Kyuubi attack, we cannot be seen as weak."

"That was 16 years ago!" Anko shouted in outrage. The Leaf was plenty strong, she felt, plus they'd hosted the Chunin exams since then!

Hiruzen ignored her. "Suna has ten squads, three of which should be checking in this afternoon or later tonight. Taki's three squads will also be here by nightfall. Iwa sent two that are already in the village and being monitored, and Oto has sent one. Ame, surprisingly, sent six squads - one more than we expected. They are all here, as are the two Kusa teams..."

The meeting finally ended as the sun was setting, and Kakashi was quick to get both Shikaku's and Tenzo's attention. He told them about the seal Naruto found and they decided to investigate it early in the morning. After assuring Shikaku that Naruto was fine outside of her fever, he invited Tenzo to join him for a walk.

Tenzo still hadn't taken off his aviators.

"I thought you lived at the Jonin complex on 1st," Tenzo said as they walked up the steps to the top of the Hokage Mountain.

"Maa, I moved." Kakashi glanced past the pages of his book, enjoying the bewildered look on Tenzo's face. He allowed the brunette into the barrier and watched proudly as Tenzo gawked at his home. After going inside, Tenzo continued walking around the interior in awe, even taking off his new sunglasses to admire the place.

"Senpai," he said in an astonished whisper as he looked around.

"Since we just got back, there's not much prepared," Kakashi said as he leaned into his refrigerator. He held up two cans of iced coffee, never hearing the way Tenzo said, "We?" under his breath. "Coffee or sake? I'm not making tea, so don't ask."

"You know that's not very polite, senpai," Tenzo scolded, although it wasn't like he was expecting anything else. It was a wonder Kakashi-senpai allowed him into his "den" at all! Lack of tea or not, he really was honored to be in his home.

"What's he up to?" was Tenzo's immediate question as he considered it; Senpai was up to something sneaky, no doubt. Is this even his house?! He caught a can of coffee that Kakashi threw - at him - as he walked over to a series of pictures that were in an interesting but tasteful wall unit full of decorative shelves. He felt better at seeing proof that they were in his senpai's home, at least.

Tenzo had never seen Sakumo Hatake other than in more serious, official pictures and grinned upon realizing that the two Hatake men had the same eye smile. "These are Naruto's parents?" It really wasn't a question but Kakashi grunted in a way that was affirmative anyway. "I thought she looked like Yondaime-sama, but she resembles her mother even more. You were close to both of them?"

Kakashi said yes and gleefully waited for Tenzo to see the one picture that would probably blow his little mind. Sure enough, Tenzo was about to gag on all of the air he just sucked in. The Hatake had to pretend to cough to cover his laughter at the way his kohai's big eyes had bugged out and landed on him. "Hmm?" Kakashi asked innocently.

"Is that - is that? Is... that a wedding photo?!" Tenzo's mouth had gone dry. Hell, he'd be surprised if his blood wasn't turning to dust!

"Oh yes. She looks beautiful in her wedding kimono, ne?" Kakashi laughed as Tenzo continued to gape like a fish and only turned around when he heard Naruto's voice behind him. Oh no...

"Kakashi?" Naruto asked sleepily with her hair all tousled from sleeping on it after her shower, and in the tiny blue satin nightie Kakashi had given her. Her eyes went wide at seeing Tenzo standing there staring at her. "Oh shit."

Kakashi sunshinned to her to cover her up, take her back to his/their room, and explain that he was torturing Tenzo before they discussed some things. Just then the door was opened by the man who had originally put the seals on the house in the first place.

"Ero-sennin! You can't just walk in like that!"

Seeing his goddaughter barely dressed in the arms of a lesser pervert - even though their relationship had been hinted at by Shikaku before the Nara fully realized that Jiraiya didn't know and so shut up about it - was just too much. He joined Tenzo, unconscious on the Hatakes' floor.

Naruto ran down the stairs as fast as she could. "Did we kill them?! Oh no!"