A/N: A bit o' Trust.

Trust

Chapter 21: Unwanted Kindness?

Harm unlocked the door to his apartment, Mac's letter burning a hole in his pocket. He couldn't deny that he was apprehensive about reading it, especially since she made sure to recommend he read it at home, but that also told him she had been honest with him. God knew they needed honesty if they were ever to move forward.

Speaking of honesty…Mac was obviously in great pain today. He'd caught up with her a few hours after she'd given him her letter and had tried to get her to tell him what happened. The stubborn woman had refused, telling him she'd slipped a little and was just a little stiff. Of course, that didn't explain why her already white, pinched face paled further as she sat behind her desk.

"Mac…" he'd started, but she shook her head.

"Harm, I'm fine, and I have a lot of work to do, so if you'll excuse me…"

Harm watched her for a moment, while she was obviously ignoring him as she stared at her computer screen. He couldn't help but notice she was only typing with one hand before he turned and left, closing her door behind him.

Harm sighed. He hated to think of Mac sitting at home alone, utterly miserable, and there was no way he'd be able to relax when he was so worried about Mac.

He should really go check on her…

But he should probably call first…

And then she wouldn't pick up…

Harm picked up his keys again, and two minutes later he was on his way to Mac's apartment.

Harm knocked on Mac's door, wondering if she would actually let him in. He hoped she would, but then again, he could see himself muscling his way in there to make sure she was really okay—which of course would not be well received. Too bad, Mac…

Harm waited a few moments and was just about to knock again when Mac's door opened the tiniest bit. Mac opened it wider when she saw him, but he could tell she was wary.

"Harm—"

"Can I come in?" he interrupted, flashing her a smile. Mac blinked a few times as she worried her lower lip between her teeth. "Please?" he asked when she didn't answer right away.

"Harm? Is this about the letter?"

"Huh?"

"I thought the reason for writing instead of talking was so that we could think about what to say and how to respond instead of just being impulsive. I should have known you—"

"Mac, Mac…I haven't even read your letter yet. I'm here because I'm worried about you. You were obviously in pain today and I wanted to make sure everything's okay."

"Harm…I'm fine, really."

"No, you aren't. Come on, just let me in. Please?" Harm was a bit embarrassed to be begging and he knew he had to be annoying the hell out of her, but dammit, he really was worried. To his relief, she finally pulled her door completely open and motioned him inside.

"Can I get you something? Tea? Coffee? I might have some—"

"Mac, what happened? How did you hurt yourself?"

"I didn't…fine, I slipped in the bathroom last night. I accidentally overflowed the tub and then I slipped on the water. "

"Did you see a doctor?"

Mac looked a bit taken aback. "Why would I do that? It was just a little fall."

"Mac, I can tell you've been in pain all day. You could barely walk!"

"I'm okay, Harm. Just a little stiff."

"Right. Let me guess…you slipped and landed right on your six. Mac, your tailbone could be broken!"

"Well, there's nothing they can do about that, so why check it out?"

"And your wrist, Mac!" He gently pushed up the sleeve of the oversized sweatshirt she was wearing. "It's swollen."

"Yeah, and it hurts like a bitch, but it's not broken, Harm."

"Oh, you've already read your X-ray, Dr. MacKenzie?"

"Harm…" she sighed with exasperation.

"Mac…come on. Let me take you in."

"No."

Harm rolled his eyes at her. "Why do you have to be so stubborn, marine? You could be really hurt! That tile in your bathroom isn't very forgiving." Harm glared down at Mac and she glared right back. He was contemplating just picking her up and slinging her over his shoulder so he could haul her to the ER himself when she suddenly shrugged.

"Fine."

"What?"

"Fine. If it'll get you off my back, I'll go." She turned and grabbed her coat off the back of a chair as well as her purse. "Well? Let's get moving before I change my mind."

"Yes, ma'am!" He offered her his arm, but she ignored it, so instead he followed her to her elevator.

"Told you so."

"What, Harm?" Mac murmured sleepily. They'd just spent the last three hours in the Bethesda ER and Harm knew she was worn out.

"I told you so…you broke your tailbone."

"It's just cracked, Harm."

"Potato, Potahto."

"Well, my wrist isn't broken."

"You got lucky with that one. I wish, though, that you'd have let them send you home with something for the pain. I know what they gave you will last a bit, but after that…"

"Don't start, Harm. You know how I feel about that."

"Yeah, I know…I just don't like seeing you hurt."

"Well…I'm fine, Harm. I'll be fine."

"I know. Hey, did you want me to call Chegwidden for you?"

Mac turned toward him, eyes wide. "Whatever for, Harm?"

"To tell him you won't be in tomorrow."

"Harm, I'm going to work."

Stubborn woman. "The doc said—

"The doc said I could take tomorrow off if I wanted to. I don't want to. I've already missed too much this year."

"Mac, the admiral will understand, and besides, it's nearly eleven o'clock. Morning comes awfully early, you know." He pulled up in front of her building and parked his car.

"Yeah, so you'd better drop me off and go home."

"I'm walking you up, Mac."

Mac just threw up her hands in resignation.

"Okay, Mac. Let's get you to bed." Harm started walking toward Mac's bedroom while she just stood in the hall and stared. What was he thinking? That he had to tuck her in? And why was she following him now? Following slowly, but following, nonetheless. Once she made it to her room, she found Harm pulling out those same cowboy pajamas he seemed to like so much.

"Here you go, Mac." He handed her the flannel set and she gingerly accepted it.

"Thanks, Harm." Mac stood there, contemplating him for a moment. "Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"Um, nothing. I'll just get changed." Mac turned around quickly, which sent a shooting pain to her backside, but she managed to hide any reaction to keep Harm from rushing to her aid. She slipped into her bathroom, wondering if Harm would still be waiting in her room when she finished.

"Mac, hon—uh, Mac? You doing okay?"

Mac set her toothbrush down and turned away from her sink. The question as to whether Harm would still be there had been answered, and she was almost afraid to step outside the safety of her bathroom. Harm's presence would be overwhelming, had really always been that way, and with things being the way they were…

But how were things? He'd been so sensitive, so caring. He'd bring her coffee from her favorite shop if he had to leave the office for a bit. He'd fixed a leak in her sink one night when they were working on a case without her even asking. He'd cook and bring the leftovers to the office for her if she was stuck on a difficult case. He offered to listen to her closing arguments just like he had when they first started working together. He was kind to her…

Kind in a way he hadn't been since before Mic and René.

But there was more to it. She couldn't pinpoint what it was, but it was something…and it terrified her.

So many things terrified her lately, not the least of which was how she felt about Harm.

She still loved him. She knew that now. Since she'd returned to work after her miscarriage, her plan was to keep things professional between them, and yet, she'd found herself slipping up and letting him in. Because she loved him When she'd blown up at him in her office three weeks ago, she'd been the one to come to him and apologize because she hated that she'd said such hurtful things when he'd been so kind…and because she loved him.

But she couldn't exactly excuse how he'd behaved after Paraguay and before her miscarriage.

Mac closed her eyes. She hated this confusion. The doubt. The love she felt for him but without the trust she'd once had in him.

And now he was here in her bedroom.

Mac heaved a sigh and stepped out of her bathroom.

"There you are, Mac. I was getting worried!"

Mac gave him a tight smile. "Harm, you knew where I was."

"But you were taking so long…"

Mac fixed him with a look he'd been on the receiving end countless times. Her eyebrow was raised, her arms were crossed over her chess, and the fact that she was in flannel pj's took nothing away from her pointed stare. "Harm, might I remind you that I'm down one arm and I can barely walk?"

He gave her the same sheepish grin he'd given her nearly every time she looked at him like that. "Oh, right. Sorry, Mac."

Harm was standing by her bed, and though she didn't need him to tuck her in, he couldn't resist pulling back her covers. She still had her grandmother's quilt on top, but underneath was a different sort of blanket. It was surprisingly heavy…very heavy."

"Whoa…Mac, this blanket…"

Mac's cheeks pinkened to Harm's surprise. "It's, uh, a weighted blanket. My therapist suggested…well, it makes me feel more secure, I guess. I think it's helped; the nightmares…"

"You still have nightmares?"

Mac looked away from him. "Yeah, a bit. Not so bad anymore."

"What are they about? Paraguay? Losing the baby?"

Mac's face shuttered at that, and she shook her head. "I, uh, I don't want to…Harm, thanks for tonight, but—"

"It's time for me to go. I know Mac. Let me just get you tucked in." He pulled back the covers a little more. "Get in."

"Harm, really, I don't…this is weird…"

It was Harm's turn to blush. "Oh…I'm sorry, Mac. You're right. I shouldn't be…well, goodnight."

"Goodnight, Harm. Thank you for…"

"Yeah. You're welcome. See you tomorrow."

"Lock up when you leave?"

"Of course. 'Night."

"'Night."

Harm stepped out into the hall and shut Mac's door, catching just a glimpse of Mac slipping under her covers. He hoped she'd sleep well tonight, but knowing she was still having nightmares…he wasn't sure he'd be sleeping well. Perhaps he should stay a bit and make sure she was okay…

No, he couldn't do that. She'd skin him alive if she found him out here. Harm reached into his pocket for his keys, then picked up his jacket from where he'd draped it over a chair. As he lifted it, a few slips of paper fell from it, and he was reminded he'd slipped Mac's letter into the inner pocket of his jacket before he'd left his apartment. Maybe he could read it here to give him a little extra time to make sure she was sleeping.

He sat down on Mac's couch and unfolded the pages, then settled in to read Mac's neat, even script.

Early the next morning, Mac stepped out of her room, already in uniform, to find an envelope resting against her coffeemaker, her name scrawled on the front of it.

End Chapter 21