DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Naruto speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

Inoichi almost audibly groaned as he looked through a one-way mirror into the room where the youngest Uchiha was waiting for him to reapply his jutsu. He was supposed to ensure the kid was fit for infiltration duty, but Inoichi knew he was not.

Then again, most of the senior shinobi weren't technically mentally fit.

Uchiha Sasuke's psyche had been so screwed with, it almost made him want to retire again to write a book based on it. Sasuke had both a superiority AND an inferiority complex (the latter of which focused on an obsession with passing his brother and Uzumaki Naruto, whom he also wanted to kill off and on. Actually, Inoichi thought he might want to still kill his spy brother on occasion, too, and wasn't that saying something, considering what he'd been through?) Inoichi also thought he might have a second and rather dangerous personality, although he was too young to definitively diagnose. His mind was near as "scary" as Uzumaki Naruto's, whose Mindwalk he'd never forget...

"I don't think this is a good idea, Inoichi-san," the little blonde said in a sing-song voice.

"It's part of joining ANBU, Naruto-chan. As long as you relax, we can get through this painlessly."

"Okay," the brat said, grinning like a loon. "Just prepare yourself!"

Inoichi took a deep breath and dove in to find THE fox staring at him from a forest within a giant sewer system, with Naruto standing just outside it, looking like she'd just pulled the greatest prank ever. He gulped and nodded at the fox who was examining him - obviously finding him lacking.

"Get the fuck out of here, Meat Bag. I'm not dealing with any more blonde morons!"

Well, Inoichi thought, Naruto had felt bad when she had to rush me to the hospital. Thank goodness it was just anxiety and not an actual heart attack.

He opened the door and had to look down at his file when the Uchiha brat gave him a look that was so condescendingly annoyed, in any other case it would've been funny. "Ah, Uchiha-san! Since you've been through this before, do you have any questions, or are you ready to begin?

"Hn."

For a split second, Inoichi thought of making his jutsu just a LITTLE painful for the Uchiha brat.

"Do NOT make me take this kid," Jiraiya said, shaking his head as he looked at Sasuke's psych profile. "He's a mess!"

"Of course, he's a mess! After everything he's been through?" Minato asked, tapping the top end of his brush on his desk. "Why Sandaime-sama didn't FORCE him into therapy after his family's massacre, I'll never understand."

"Which is why you shouldn't let him leave the village. AGAIN, considering what you and Naruto said happened before. And I've got enough on my hands with that daughter of yours," Jiraiya reminded him. They were supposed to go hunting Akatsuki members over a week ago, and Naruto was driving him crazy wanting to get on with it.

Minato blew out the deep breath he'd taken and leaned back in his office chair. "Naruto's been keeping busy, training in regular ANBU..."

"With your brat student threatening every man in the village," Jiraiya mumbled under his breath. Naruto coming home thoroughly cut up, bruised, and battered only to study at night wasn't sitting well with her newlywed husband, to say the least. "She wants to be able to get on with her life, and that won't happen until the Akatsuki are dealt with."

Minato let out a bitter chuckle. "Tell me about it," he huffed. "Back to Sasuke-kun..."

"He's the victim of two terrifying genjutsus and believed what he was put through was real until just recently - and he's still questioning it," Jiraiya said, unusually serious. "And back on the subject of my kawaii nuisance of a granddaughter, he openly admits hating her! He tried to kill her after their team did the bell test, and was unpunished!"

Minato nodded, knowing the plan was risky, and also knowing that he needed to "get" Sasuke for that, or at least look into it more. -And the Sandaime for bowing to the whims of the council.

In the past decade, his sensei had found plenty of Orochimaru's bases, but they were highly scattered across several nations, and he'd yet to find what looked like the snake's primary nest. The fact that Orochimaru had shown up wearing an Akatsuki cloak and, according to Naruto's report, wanted to extract the Kyuubi - in the Forest of Death of all places: Orochimaru must have been desperate, but why? ...Not that Minato believed for a second that extraction could be performed that quickly - or quickly at all - he thought with a repressed shiver.

Maybe the paper seal Orochimaru had unrolled at that time would've sealed Naruto. As the Kyuubi's container, certain scrolls could have incapacitated her, making extraction of the Kyuubi much easier.

Maybe Orochimaru or the Akatsuki had found a way to combine those strategies?

"I had hoped that Sasuke-kun would feel differently about things - and Naruto - after learning the truth behind the massacre," Minato said with a sigh. "It's also why I told him that I was his godfather; plus he deserved to know." Before she was born, Fu and Mikoto had agreed to look after Naruto just as he and Kushi had agreed to look after the Uchiha boys.

It had been a huge relief for Minato to learn that SOME of the Uchiha fought back against ROOT forces (and Obito...)

"Anyway, Sasuke-kun never complained - much - about orders to guard Naruto. And with Konan-san vowing revenge on Konoha, who's to say that Orochimaru wasn't allowed to rejoin the Akatsuki? One way or another, we have an opportunity to infiltrate Oto, one that walked right into our hands, Jiraiya-sensei."

Gods, all this talk made Jiraiya realize that hadn't heard from Itachi in quite a long time. Putting that sour thought off, for now, he tried to get Minato to rethink another one of his latest reckless plans. "Orochimaru wants to take over Sasuke-brat's body," Jiraiya reminded him. "After the number your kawaii kid did on him after the Chunin Exams, if he's still alive, Orochimaru's going to need a new body very soon. And if my traitorous former student gets his hands on Uchiha's body with those eyes..."

"I'll seal them," Minato said, then clarified what he meant when he saw how shocked his sensei looked. "Seal them so that someone like Danzo cannot use them: something humane, unlike the Hyuuga seal, but also similar to it," Minato said, dreaming up seals again.

Jiraiya groaned, knowing that when Minato started thinking about seals, he went a little ga-ga. His student was already humming that terribly off-key tune he used to when he'd done this in the past.

"Shisui-san agreed to it," Minato said, trying to assure his mentor when he realized he was irritating the man. "He said he needs to swap eyes with Itachi-kun first."

"Gross!" Jiraiya exclaimed.

"That's what I thought!"

"Fucking Uchihas," Jiraiya muttered to himself as one of Minato's guards knocked on his office door.

"Enter," Minato hollered.

"Hokage-sama, Hyuuga Hizashi-san is requesting an immediate audience," Iwashi said - a little uncomfortably.

"Send him in!"

Minato cocked his head at seeing his old friend carrying a bottle of liquor. Jiraiya, naturally, got excited and pulled three glasses seemingly out of thin air. "I'm on duty, Hizashi," he said with a smirk. He was the Hokage: he was always on duty.

Hizashi poured for all three of them. "Seal the room please?"

"Of course," Minato said in alarm and did so. He and Jiraiya watched as Hizashi took quite the long drink of some extremely strong liquor he'd poured for each of them. Minato didn't even know what it was, but the smell was STRONG.

Hizashi took a deep breath, still in shock from the news he'd been given only an hour ago. "Tsume-chan's pregnant."

Jiraiya broke into raucous laughter.

"I'm... afraid I don't understand," Minato began.

"I have a son who is almost 18!"

Seeing the confused look on his student's face, Jiraiya laughed as he slapped Hizashi on the back. When he congratulated the Hyuuga, Minato paled, his eyes going wide as he realized that Hizashi was the father of this child. "I woulda figured Tsume-chan to be too old to get knocked up," the Toad Sage said cheerily.

"So did I," Hizashi said while staring into the floor. "Hey," he then drawled in outrage. "We aren't old! YOU'RE OLD, you ancient pervert."

Jiraiya just kept laughing. "Can you imagine a kid with Hyuuga eyes, SLITTED pupils, with tattoos on their little cheeks?" Jiraiya cheered unhelpfully, gesturing toward his own. "And the teeth! Don't forget the sharp teeth!"

"I shall stab you," Hizashi threatened, Killing Intent rolling off of him. Jiraiya blew a raspberry at him before making a toast to "weird-looking brats."

"I... didn't know you two were together," Minato said, feeling terribly uncomfortable for a good minute. Hizashi hadn't said anything to him about having another partner, and they'd had drinks together a week ago. Plus, there was a tiny part of him that felt - no, I don't really think it's a betrayal to his deceased wife.

That would be unfair. Not to mention it wasn't his business.

The problem was, Kushina had beaten it into his head that it was the two of them, together forever, or she'd come back to haunt and kill him! But that was just them... Not only that, but Minato knew that the Pure World was real and that his beloved was waiting for him there.

"Congratulations, then, Hizashi. How does Tsume feel about all of this?"

"Terribly sick. She's at the hospital," he said before raising a hand to wave only slightly to let them know that she was alright. "She was feeling poorly enough to go in for a checkup, and that's where she... found... out," Hizashi managed to get out, sinking uncharacteristically to rest his elbows on his lap, moaning to himself, "WHAT am I going to tell Neji?"

"Does Neji-kun know - about you and Tsume-san, I mean?" Minato asked. Hizashi shook his head, making Jiraiya pour another round of drinks. He stopped moving as he refilled his own glass, almost spilling the amber liquid over the top of it.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh shit!"

"What is it, sensei?"

Jiraiya was paling rapidly. "I... thought I was sterile! And here YOU are!"

How had he not thought of this before?! Jiraiya had had unprotected sex so many times in his younger days that he might... Oh gods: he might have a mountain-worth of tadpoles out there!

Hizashi looked up at Minato. "So that rumor is true?" Minato shrugged, a "what can you do" look on his face and not denying that he was Jiraiya's son as any sane man should, he felt. "My condolences, then."

"Thank you," Minato said.

"Hey! I'm awesome," Jiraiya said, scandalized.

"You are," Minato said, hoping to bypass Jiraiya's summoned toad and kabuki dance: the way he celebrated himself. Plus, truth be told, he did think Jiraiya was awesome.

"As a human, you are NOT," Hizashi whispered to himself as he rubbed his head. "WHAT am I going to tell Hiashi?" he asked, as close to panicked as one would ever see a Hyuuga. "The 'mixing' of our blood with the Inuzukas? This could cause problems for Neji..."

"IWASHI," Minato bellowed. The Chunin reentered the room, ready to fight. "At ease, son. Get me Hyuuga Hiashi, please."

"Hai!"

Shikamaru pointed out a combination bakery and creamery he remembered was Temari's favorite and nervously offered to buy her lunch. He'd met with the owner the day before and had arranged something special that he hoped would impress the woman he'd loved and missed for so damn long.

"Sure," she said easily, her teal eyes sparkling as she looked at all of the pastries on display. She gasped, not seeing her fellow ambassador's eyes gazing at her with so much longing. "They have ice cream!"

Shikamaru hummed as he looked away from her angular yet soft, sweet face. "What's your favorite flavor?"

Temari shook her head, trying to think of what that would be when it came to ICE CREAM: something she had only tried in Konoha as a small child. "How can one choose?!"

"I have an idea," he began to say as the owner greeted him, looking way too eager to help with wooing his (past and future) girl. "Troublesome," he sighed to himself. Civilians were so obvious.

"Nara-sama," the man greeted buoyantly.

"Good morning," Shikamaru sighed, hoping that Temari wouldn't suspect anything, considering this guy's current over-the-top attitude. Glancing over at her, it seemed like - for now - Temari was so utterly enraptured with all of the sweets on display, she'd miss a village-wide attack, fortunately. "My colleague and I were thinking about ordering some ice cream…"

"How can one choose?" Temari muttered to herself. Shikamaru would've laughed had he not figured it would embarrass the proud woman. Temari looked like choosing one flavor over another would be an insult to the ice creams she didn't select, which was probably true for her.

"I don't suppose you have something like a flight of different ice creams?" Shikamaru asked, knowing he'd damn well paid for such a thing - and even brought the guy a bunch of fancy little glasses to put the crap in.

"BRILLIANT, sir! That is a wonderful idea," the shopkeeper began gushing.

"What a drag," Shikamaru winced in a low voice. This guy was a terrible actor. "Then we'll take one with each flavor? All of them?"

"I don't see that on the menu," Temari began to say, pulling out her little purple wallet. Shikamaru waved her off.

"But it's a wonderful idea," the owner of the bakery said, smiling hugely. "And the customer is always right! I aim to please," he continued - on and on AND ON - as he put a generous amount of one flavor of ice cream after another into the glass cups.

Shikamaru was a little impressed when the man pulled out what was clearly a newly stained wooden shelf that would hold all of the glasses more securely, although he really wished the shopkeeper would stop talking. Looking at the owner's plastic-gloved hands again, Shikamaru figured that he must have a woodworking or painting hobby. Noticing that Temari was bitting her lip as she looked at the pastries - most likely over leaving anything behind unsampled - he sighed. "After that, give me one of everything else."

Temari laughed, looking delighted, and Shikamaru bit his lip: score 1 for Shikamaru!

Their date/meeting ended early when Temari's stomach ache got the better of her. He walked her back to her hotel, promising to meet her in the morning, then went to the store to buy everything he could think of to make her feel better, hoping that something would work (and maybe also hoping that it would earn him extra points with the woman he loved.)

Two days later -

Kakashi looked down, knowing he was being a big sap as he watched Naruto sleep. He'd tried to wake her up three times during the night for a little fun, but she just wasn't moving. Maybe that hadn't been a nice thing to try, but he wasn't exactly a nice person, plus it also hadn't been nice for Naruto to completely zonk out on him after prancing around in that tiny piece of lace all evening. She'd gotten him all riled up! For a minute, he thought of raising her eyelid and dropping in on the fox, but that would be rude, and Kami knew his little wife was exhausted, anyway.

He leaned back against the wall, thinking of what he could do to help.

Naruto's ANBU training - something that still pissed him off - was going well, but her overreliance on clones was both helping and hurting her. Yes, by using the clones, she could learn faster, but it also split her chakra every time a clone was made. Being an overpowered sage meant that in order to train with the other newbies on a somewhat fair level, she wasn't yet allowed to use sage mode - which apparently meant that she wasn't as "durable," as she put it. She also couldn't seem to stop herself from making clones left and right.

For sex, clones were sometimes great. For ANBU: Well - he just couldn't stop thinking about it...

If she wasn't making so many damn clones, Kakashi was sure that her injuries would heal even more quickly. And her injuries - or rather, HOW she received her injuries scared him silly.

Naruto would just throw herself out into the front of a battle, and often even made substitutions so that her fellow new recruits and ANBU vets wouldn't get hurt, saying that she could heal faster than they could. Even with him.

No, ESPECIALLY with him. He wasn't going to allow that to go on.

At least the ANBU teams were learning to expect to be suddenly pulled/near teleported to a different spot unwillingly and to fight accordingly. And now that Minato-sensei was alive - not to mention the fact that Kakashi could finally use the Hiraishin for short distances without vomiting, too - they needed to learn how to react to such a thing, anyway. It could now happen at any time.

There was one thing he could do that would make her happy, but would it really, once Minato-sensei revealed himself?

Naru-chan missed their old house: the Yondaime's manor.

She or her clones were still going by to care for her gardens, plants, and flowers every day. There just wasn't enough room in his small flat to house even a fraction of them. Really, there was barely enough room for the two of them here. Add the ninken and it was impossible to move! With Naru here, he couldn't even summon his full pack inside. She even cooked over there.

Something had to give.

He had a lot of savings. He seriously doubted that he had enough to buy the Yondaime's residence, but maybe he could make a downpayment? Or maybe they could buy another house...

"Naru-chan," he sang into her hair. "Time to rise and shine." Yes, it was two hours earlier than what she'd set the clock for, but she was STILL wearing that little thing and he wanted to take advantage of it. Plus his morning wood was begging for attention. He buried himself in her hair and made a lot of noise as he nibbled playfully on her neck.

"-shi," she whined, trying to wake up.

"Pervert," she soon added as clear as day as he grinded himself into her before chuckling and gently biting him back. "Someone's glad I'm awake," she murmured against Kakashi's pale skin. When she looked into his smoldering eyes, Naruto happily decided she'd slept enough.

"Of course I am," he said, humming happily. "Every time I watch you open your incredibly beautiful eyes, I gaze with awe just thinking of how blessed I am to spend the rest of my life with you," Kakashi quoted from a book that actually wasn't Icha-Icha. His smile turned into a smirk as, just as he thought she would, Naruto blushed and looked at him like he had hung the moon.

"Smooth," she finally said with sleepy amusement. "Let me brush my teeth and stuff, then I'll be right back." When Kakashi's hold on her only tightened, she substituted herself with a toilet paper roll, enjoying his deep chuckles at finding himself half-holding, half-humping a roll of toilet paper. Gods, she loved his laugh.

The Jonin had a feeling that he'd be taking a cold shower again when he looked at the work she'd last left on his desk - he'd been doing that a lot over the past week - but was more than pleasantly surprised when she returned to him by ripping the covers away and tossing the substituted roll of toilet paper with a burning fire in her eyes. She crawled on top of his thighs, making him suck in the breath he was holding when she moved the hands gripping her small waist to her breasts before she pulled down those lacy straps, almost eagerly revealing herself to him.

Kakashi was a goner: lost in her wiles and charm.

Two or so hours later, the two walked hand in hand toward Ichirakus, which Naruto insisted on having for breakfast. Who was he to deny her? Kakashi felt that he owed Teuchi because he was sure all that ramen had helped Naruto develop that ass and those thighs. He sighed dreamily and his hand was squeezed.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Maa, maa: don't mind me."

"How can I not mind you?" Naruto asked with a happy, sated grin. "You drive me crazy!"

"You love me."

"Indeed I do," Naruto openly admitted, waiting to see if he'd do anything (like run!) When he only smiled and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand and continued walking, she felt like she'd float away on a cloud. Reaching Ichirakus, she was pleasantly surprised to find Iruka-sensei and Konohamaru.

At first.

"Iruka-sensei! Kono-kun," she greeted the pair happily. She let go of Kakashi to give the two a hug, tossing Kakashi a wink even though he was quietly growling at them. They'd talked about his jealousy and "possessive issues" and she trusted he'd keep it together despite all of the animalistic behavior he often displayed.

Iruka huffed at her, staring angrily at Kakashi. "So it's true."

Naruto looked back and forth between the two men who were spilling KI (only a little, thankfully) at each other. "Yes."

"To-old you," Konohamaru teased his sensei before pouting at Naruto - something she found adorable. "You were supposed to marry me, nee-chan."

"You are such a brat," Naruto said fondly as she ruffled Kono's hair and straightened that ridiculous blue scarf of his.

"And you didn't bother to even tell me," Iruka said with SO much disappointment in his voice as he folded his arms across his chest, it made Naruto's heart hurt. She blinked rapidly as she pulled away from them.

"She doesn't owe you shit," Kakashi snarled.

"But I do," Naruto quickly professed, looking up from the floor. "Iruka-sensei was my personal tutor for almost ten years! He- he even volunteered for the job that I'm sure… few if any wanted."

He was also the first person that EVER showed me kindness and told me that I was a human being and not just the "Demon Fox." It's not like she could tell Kakashi that, however - it happened in her first life - and that made her eyes burn. Naru rubbed at her traitorous blues and tried to explain something that Kakashi would get, along with letting Iruka-sensei feel at ease with her marriage. "I wasn't allowed to tell anyone at first, sensei…"

"Because it is WRONG," Iruka said, startling her.

"No! I mean: how can you say that?!"

"Fuck. Off. Iruka," Kakashi hissed, beginning to lose his patience.

"He's at least ten years older than you; older than me! He's a known womanizer and a pervert. You have no idea…" Iruka had a lot of other professional and personal reasons for not caring for Kakashi and that included repeatedly failing teams he passed and turning him in for supposed insubordination. He supposed he owed him (not!) for ending his ANBU career which held him back for promotion back then, and the same could be said for taking his known one-time girlfriend for a one-night stand. Now he had Anko - and that former girlfriend had been nothing but trouble - but Kakashi was also a particularly violent and cold-blooded killer. Everyone knew it!

Not to mention the smut he almost constantly had in his face!

But this thing with Naruto? It was worse for him. He had (almost always) been protective of the Nara-sheltered girl and had looked at her like a little sister for nearly ten years. And then her comforting, funny presence just vanished from his life. Kakashi had taken her away from him.

"Hatake ends up killing everyone around him."

Naruto gasped, reeling in devastation and sadness - and an odd kind of resigned shock coming from Kakashi. He had confessed to her once that he felt that everyone still believed that about him, although the villagers hadn't said it out loud in a long time.

"You shouldn't love a man like me, Naru-chan," he said, kissing each of her knuckles. "I worry that you'll only receive more hate being with someone of my… reputation. Not to mention those who want to take vengeance against me; I've done a lot of bad things."

"How fucking dare you? I LOVE this man!" Kakashi poofed away and Naruto quickly turned to look at nothing but smoke and would've slumped had she not been so furious.

"Naruto," Iruka said, (sort of) regretting his words, "I'm just… worried…"

"I don't fucking care," Naruto said bitterly, gritting her teeth. She put down some money for Teuchi but didn't touch the noodles. "I'll see ya, Kono-kun," she said, sunshinning away to the Memorial Stone to follow her husband.

"You fucked up, sensei," Konohamaru said knowingly. His big sister was very protective and didn't take kindly to people messing with her precious people. She'd defended him on many occasions! He didn't like that she was married, either, but Naruto was strong and cunning. She wouldn't have married and still hung around someone she didn't really like without maiming them, he figured.

"Yeah," Iruka sighed reluctantly. "Maybe I did. And watch your mouth. …Geez: I didn't expect her to say THAT." - That she loved Kakashi?! He could only hope and pray that Kakashi wouldn't wreck her emotionally or physically. Putting down some ryo for his and Kono's ramen, Iruka didn't need to look up to see the disappointment in Teuchi's eyes, either: he could feel it.

He HAD fucked up.

Stalking out of the ramen stand, he was immediately accosted by his girlfriend. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Anko hissed, shoving him against a wall. "What? Are you IN LOVE with that girl?!"

"You can't be serious," Iruka exclaimed, finding the idea ridiculous. When Anko punched him in the gut, knocking all of the air out of him with tears in her eyes, he realized that she WAS serious.

Jiraiya was the one who dragged Kakashi back to her - sort of - at one of the ANBU training grounds. Her husband had not been willing to share or deal with her in any way at the Memorial Stone earlier.

"We got a mission," the Toad Sage said gravely. "Genin Team Eight's in trouble."

Kakashi stood even taller and carefully observed all but one of the selected team members critically. "We're headed to the Land of Rivers. Jonin Yuhi's down but Inuzuka-kun got a message to us. Gather your weapons now. We leave from the North Gate in five," he said before poofing away again.

Naruto sighed, heading toward the gate as she was always packed and ready. How she managed without knowing sealing in her past life, she didn't know.

"You two need to either work it out or preferably suck it up for now," Jiraiya whispered in a rush.

"Will do, Ero-taicho." Kakashi hadn't been exactly talkative - at least to her - at the Memorial Stone earlier, but if Kurenai-sensei was down, there was nothing to be done about what happened at Ichirakus for now. They needed to get to her, fast.

"Nope," Jiraiya drawled. "Kakashi's captain of the team this time."

"Great," Naruto muttered, a little sarcastically.