A/N: Another chapter! One thing I'll say about this story. I've rather ignored any sense of time, seasons, etc. I've kept the admiral around etc. I've just found it best to ignore any specific timeline.
Trust
Chapter 26: An Unwelcome Visitor
Several weeks later…
"You notice anything different about Mac?"
Harm looked over at his friend and former classmate Sturgis Turner, who'd managed to convince Harm to come out for a friendly game of one-on-one followed by a drink at McMurphy's.
"No, not really," he lied. The truth was, there had been a marked difference in Mac since Paraguay, but weeks ago Mac had seemed to at least be letting him in little by little.
Now, though she was polite, even friendly, she held herself back. She seemed to prefer being alone and rarely accepted invitations to lunch or the like, and she'd never answered his last letter to her. He hadn't asked her about it, nor would he, but it troubled him. He'd thought they had a good thing going and it was nice, albeit painful, to be so open. He took another sip of his beer while Sturgis went on.
"I know you two haven't been as close as you were before, but surely you've noticed how she barely comes out of her office. I asked her if she wanted to grab a bite at the cafeteria—just the cafeteria, mind you, and she refused. With a smile and a 'thank you for asking, Sturgis' no less."
Harm shrugged. "Maybe she just didn't want to go. It's not like the cafeteria is known for it's gourmet fare."
"No, but she used to go, even if she ended up not eating. Always said she'd at least like a break and would like to talk to someone who wasn't a client." Sturgis motioned to the bar tender to bring him another beer.
"Sturg—if I'm not mistaken, from what I've heard, she wasn't too social before I came back." If they were going to talk about Mac not coming out of her office, they should talk about how she'd sat in there hour after hour, coming in before everyone else, and leaving after most had gone home while he'd been working for the CIA. Bud had told him she had kept her door closed for the most part, and the younger man had been nervous to knock every time he had to speak with her.
Sturgis didn't acknowledge Harm's comment. "As much as she can drive me crazy, I have to admit I've been worried about her. It was rough while you were gone, and frankly, you were an asshole when you got back.
"Hey!"
"Come on, buddy. You know you were. I'm glad you finally got your head out of, well, you know."
Harm could only shrug and nod. Sturgis was right, after all. He motioned for his friend to go on.
"But there's something different now. She was gone for those weeks, and for a while after she got back she looked, I don't know, pale. Tired. Hey, as I recall, you were out for a while too." Sturgis swiveled his stool to directly face Harm. What happened?" he asked. "You know, don't you?"
Harm took a long swallow of his beer, then took another, well aware he was stalling. For someone who seemed to hold himself to such high standards and had an obsessive need to do everything by the book, Sturgis could be surprisingly nosy.
"Yeah, I do. And no, I'm not going to talk about it."
"Is Mac okay now?" Harm wondered if his fellow commander was just trying to come at him from another angle in hopes he would divulge more details, but a glance toward him told him Sturgis was honestly concerned.
"Yeah. She's okay now." With regards to her miscarriage, anyway, Harm thought to himself. He hated how she had been keeping herself from being a part of things. The last time she'd been out with the "gang" had been for Bud's wetting down as a newly-minted Lt. Commander, and that was probably only because the admiral had all but ordered everybody to attend. There was one of those fancy military balls coming up that the senior staff was obligated to attend and Harm had thought about asking her to go with him. Neither of them were seeing anybody, at least he didn't think she was, but he dreaded that same smile and kind refusal she'd directed toward Sturgis. As odd as it seemed, he would actually prefer if she told him she was seeing somebody rather than her now standard polite refusal. At least then he'd know she was at least seeking somebody's company.
As long as it isn't Webb. Just thinking about Webb with Mac made his stomach turn. No, she wouldn't go back to that bastard. He'd seen the disgust and almost fearfulness in her when the man called while they were going over a case. Harm emptied his beer
"Good. I've been worried," Sturgis repeated, and then to Harm's relief they went on to discuss less personal until Sturgis had drained his beer. "Well, Buddy, time for me to get home. The Johnson case isn't going to prepare itself and it's going to be a long weekend." He slid off his stool, threw a few bills down on the bar, and then clapped Harm on the back. "Take it easy, Harm."
"Yeah, you too," Harm answered absently. His mind was wholly on Mac. What was going on in that head of hers?
He prayed he'd soon find out.
"Hey."
"Mac!" Harm grinned widely at the woman standing in his office doorway. "What can I do for you? Come in, come in!" Harm stood up and motioned to his visitors' chairs. He knew he was being too eager but he was so damn glad to see her outside of her office.
"Um, I, uh just came by to give you this," she said with a tight smile. She held up a key and he leaned over to take it from her.
"You changed the locks again?" He asked, concerned. "Did something happen?"
Mac's eyes widened, and he could tell it wasn't just because she was surprised at his question. She had that deer-in-the-headlights look, and he knew as soon as she shook her head that she was hiding something.
"No, I just…I just had the locks changed. Again. Um, I just thought you should…I mean, there's no one else to—"
"Thank you, Mac," he interrupted.
"What?"
"I said thank you. Thank you for trusting me with this."
Her expression changed to one of confusion. "Harm, you've always had a key to my place. Even when we…I mean, even just before I—the baby—" Mac almost seemed distressed at this point.
"I know, Mac. I know, and I just wanted to say thank you for now and for all the years before. And thank you for keeping my key for me…even though I still don't have any plants." Harm grinned, his tongue poking through his teeth just the slightest bit, and winked at her. For some reason, Mac blushed, and then hastily moved toward the door.
"Um, okay, Harm. Thank you. Thanks for trusting me for—thank you. I'll, uh, I'll see you later, okay?" She didn't wait for his response, and Harm watched her walk away, his gaze never wavering even when she disappeared from view.
Mac slipped inside her office and shut the door. Her heart fluttered in her chest, and she wondered why the simple act of giving Harm her key had made him so damn grateful and her so embarrassed. She still didn't know what to do with this 'new' Harm. Even though she'd stepped away from him and their friendship, he'd remained friendly, almost affectionate—almost, because she wouldn't allow him to go any further. Old Harm would have pouted and turned his back on her. Old Harm would have made some snide remark…much like he'd made when she handed him her key just after Webb left. She had thought about giving the extra key to Bud and Harriet instead of Harm at that time, but she didn't want to have to explain things and certainly didn't want to discuss Webb, whom they would surely ask about. The advantage of a scornful Harm was that she knew he wouldn't ask. He'd only make some snide comment (which he had) and then the matter would be dropped.
Things were so different now. Harm was so different. It was hard to keep holding herself apart from him. She wanted to tell him so many things—how Porter Webb had invaded her apartment, how Webb still called her, and how his calls were becoming more and more frequent. He wanted to see her. He wanted to talk to her. He told her machine he couldn't believe she was being so stubborn. He didn't like how they'd left things and he just wanted to "talk."
But Mac wasn't going to talk to him. Not now, not ever, and the sooner he realized that, the sooner she could get on with her life. Clayton Webb was the stubborn one here, and for the life of her, she couldn't understand why he kept trying. Her silence all these weeks should have told him something.
At least he hadn't called her at work.
It was late when Mac finally set down her pen and shut down her computer. Most everyone had left, though she knew the admiral was here because Coates was still here, but that was fine. Coates wouldn't ask her to any after work activities, and the admiral certainly wouldn't, Bud's wetting down notwithstanding. At least Harm had left. She'd felt him watching her the few times she'd left her office today, and while she really did have enough work to keep her late, the chance of another run in with Harm was the main reason she was still here at 2006.
Mac started collecting the files she planned to work on over the weekend, but just as she was stuffing them in her briefcase, she was startled by the ringing of her phone. Cursing, she picked up the receiver and answered with a curt, "Colonel MacKenzie."
"Sarah. Don't hang up."
Well, so much for him not calling you at work. Ignoring Webb's request, she set the receiver back down, feeling the familiar twinge of nausea that always occurred when she heard his voice. Assuming he wouldn't stop with just one call, Mac hastily gathered up the remainder of her things, nearly running into the admiral as she left her office. He reached out to steady her, his eyes studying her speculatively.
"Mac? Why are you here so late? On a Friday, no less?"
Mac tried to adopt a joking tone, even as her phone started ringing again. "I could say the same of you, sir."
Her CO chuckled. "I suppose…meetings with the SecNav always wreak havoc on my day."
"I'm sure, well, I'll see you—"
"Aren't you going to get that?"
"What?"
"Your phone."
"Oh, no, I'm not. Goodnight, sir." She practically raced out of the bullpen, leaving a very confused Admiral Chegwidden behind her.
It was a fairly exhausted Mac that returned to JAG the following Monday. There had been no calls from Webb, which would have been a relief if she hadn't worried it was because he planned to show up at her apartment instead. She'd had very little sleep as a result, and she was more than a little irritable. Oh well, she thought to herself. At least I don't have court or any interviews. Though it was tedious work, she would welcome another day in her office finishing up paperwork before things really got busy later in the week. She just had to get through staff call first, but unfortunately her inner clock told her she had no time to get herself a much needed cup of coffee.
It was at that moment Harm showed up by her side. "Here, I got you one. Just how you like it."
"Oh, thanks, Harm." She took the proffered mug and sniffed it, pleased it was stronger than the piss water Harm liked to drink. "You didn't have to," she said shortly, very happy he'd gotten it for her but not wanting to encourage more acts of kindness.
"Hey, I just wanted to. I can take it back—" He reached for her cup.
"Ugh, I'm sorry. I just had a rough night." Though she felt awkward by his gesture, there was no reason to be rude to the man. "Thank you, but I'll kindly ask you to keep your hands away from my coffee." She gave him a small smile, which seemed to make Harm inordinately happy. "Now, if you'll excuse me for a minute, I'm going to drop my things off in my office and I'll see you at staff call, all right?"
"You got it, Mac." He still seemed overly enthused, rather cute with his wide smile, and despite her best efforts, she found her own smile widening.
"See you soon, Harm," she said, then turned toward her office, still smiling. As soon as she stepped through the door, however, her smile faded.
"It's good to see you, Sarah."
No.
"Who let you in here, Webb?" Mac did her best to at least appear calm as she set her briefcase and cover on the seat next to the one Clayton Webb now occupied.
"A young petty officer. I told him I had an appointment with you, but he was reluctant to let me in until I showed him my badge."
"I see. I have nothing to say to you, so you may as well leave." Damn that petty officer.
"Come on, Sarah. I just want to talk. Just talk. You aren't answering my calls so I decided to come here. I figured there'd be less chance of a scene."
"Less chance of a scene…that implies you expect a scene. Why is that, Webb? Is it because you know I despise you and you're afraid I'll get violent? I have news for you. Nobody here has any respect for you anymore, not after that damn mission to Paraguay. Most don't know what all happened, but they certainly witnessed the aftermath. No one would bat an eye if I tossed you out of here on your ass."
Webb rolled his eyes. "There's no need to be dramatic. I only want to apologize for what went down after you told me about the—the—it. I want to make sure you were all right after the…after your—"
"Miscarriage? It's been months, Webb. I'm fine." Bastard. He still can't call my baby a baby.
"You should have called me. I would have been there." He almost sounded sincere, but Mac knew better.
"Oh, yes. I'm sorry, but having you there, all giddy becaue I was losing the baby, would not have been helpful."
Webb had the nerve to look indignant. "I wouldn't have been giddy, Mac, for god's sake. You were hurting!"
Mac closed her eyes at the memories he was bringing forth. "Yeah, I was. I nearly died."
Webb rather paled at that and it gave Mac some grim satisfaction, but then he said something that cut her to the core.
"I had to have been a relief, though."
Any attempt at stoicism on her part went out the window. "How dare you!" she hissed. "It was anything but a relief! I lost my baby! Good god, Clay! Where is your compassion? My baby died! Even if you hated him, where is your compassion for me?"
"Mac, calm down. Of course I have compassion for you. I just thought…look, I came here to apologize for the things I said that night, but I guess I'm not doing a very good job of it, am I."
Mac crossed her arms over her chest. "No, you're not. And now you can leave."
"Mac! Sarah! Just let me—"
"No. Get. OUT!"
"Not until—"
God help her, she was going to kill him. She was going to smash her fist into his face until he lay bloodied at her feet and then if he wasn't dead yet she'd break his neck. She knew how, after all. She stood poised to strike…until a hand rested itself on her arm.
"Is there a problem here?"
Harm glanced over at Mac's usual chair, wondering where she could possibly be. He had assumed she would be in here seconds after him, but he'd now been in the conference room for the last ten minutes. Something had to be wrong. He could feel something was wrong. His worry caused him to start tapping his fingers on the table until he felt everyone in the conference room's eyes on him. He sheepishly moved his hand under the table, murmuring a brief 'sorry', but a glance at the admiral told him his CO didn't appreciate his apology.
"You seem restless, Commander."
"I—yes, sir." The fewer words the better.
Admiral Chegwidden stared him down for a moment, then asked a question Harm didn't expect.
"Would you happen to know where Colonel MacKenzie is?"
Harm swallowed hard. "She was in her office the last time I saw her."
"Would you please go remind her of her obligations here?" His CO was still staring at him pointedly, as if he, too knew something was wrong.
"Aye, sir. I'll go see if she's…I'll go get her."
Harm felt the eyes of everyone in the room on him as he rushed out the door, his worry for Mac intensifying with each footstep. When he arrived in the bullpen, he could see every staff member turned to face Mac's office and a second later he knew why.
Fucking Webb. Three long strides and he was at Mac's door.
"Is there a problem here?" Harm gazed in utter contempt at Clayton Webb as he layed a hand on Mac's arm. He could feel her muscles tensed as if she were about to spring, like a predator ready to strike at her prey.
"No, no problem," the now-hated CIA agent answered, but Harm could tell Mac was still ready to end him.
"Is he bothering you, Mac?" He saw Mac start to shake her head, but then she nodded instead and answered with obvious veracity.
"Yes, he is, and I'd like him to leave."
"Did you hear that, Webb? She'd like you to leave."
Webb glared at them both and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by someone who could be even more intimidating than Harm.
"Mr. Webb, Colonel MacKenzie has asked you to leave. Commander Rabb, will you please escort Mr. Webb from the building?"
"Happy to, Admiral." He grinned menacingly at the smaller man.
Webb at least had the good sense to follow along and Harm was pleased to see the man actually looked a tad nervous. He should be nervous, Harm thought as motioned Webb ahead of him. It wouldn't take much for Harm to show the bastard exactly why he should be nervous. With a widening smile, Harm wrapped his long fingers around Webb's arm and did as the admiral asked.
Mac sighed in relief, then prepared to face the music. "Forgive me for not being at staff call, Admiral. He was in my office when I arrived." Though her words were directed at her CO, her eyes remained on Webb as Harm escorted him out of the bullpen.
Admiral Chegwidden shook his head. "That's entirely all right, Colonel. Would you mind if I came in and had a word with you? I'll fill you in on what you missed."
"Of course, sir," she answered absently, but it wasn't until the admiral touched her arm and startled her that she stepped aside to let him in. Mac murmured an apology that he waved away, and then he shut the door behind him. Mac stood awkwardly by her desk, waiting for her CO to reprimand her now that they were behind closed doors.
"Sit down, Colonel." Here it comes.
"First, I know it isn't entirely appropriate to be talking here in your office," he continued, sitting down himself. "But I wanted to make sure you—"
"I know, sir," she interrupted. "My interaction with Agent Webb got out of hand. I apologize, and I can assure you it won't happen again."
"Damn straight, it won't happen again," responded the admiral, and the harshness in his tone told Mac that she was likely going to be relegated to taking care of junior officers' traffic tickets.
"Sir, once again, I—"
"Stop, Mac. I came in her to make sure you were okay."
"Oh. Oh. I'm, ah, fine, sir," she lied, her eyes feeling that familiar sting that told her tears were not far behind. You will NOT cry in front of the admiral, she admonished herself, while the man gazed at her with evident concern.
"Are you sure, Mac?" It rather unnerved her that Admiral Chegwidden was referring to her by her name rather than her rank. His now caring tone told her she was failing in any attempt to appear unaffected.
"Yeah. I mean, y-yes, sir." Her cheeks pinkened with embarrassment, and she wished desperately that he would leave. She didn't want to break down in front of him; didn't want to break down in front of anybody. Why did Webb have to show up here? Oh, no doubt he did fear a scene, but she was sure he also did it to embarrass her in the one place she couldn't afford to show weakness. She honestly didn't expect to feel so thrown, however.
"Well then, Colonel," the admiral started, putting Mac out of her misery. "I'll let you get back to your duties."
"Thank you, sir. Did I—did I miss anything regarding the staff meeting?"
The admiral stood and his lips turned upward slightly. "No, nothing new. I trust you're prepared for the Johnson case on Thursday?"
"Yes, sir. It should be an easy one." Of course it was easy. Admiral Chegwidden had kept her caseload light for a while, and she'd let him, much to her chagrin. At least she was starting to get the more interesting cases again. She finally felt ready for them, and she wondered if she should thank the admiral for seeing that as well. No, it would be best to let it go and just take the "better" cases he was offering now.
"Excellent. Well, I'll leave you to it." He pulled open the door and Mac sighed with relief, but then he shut it again and turned toward her.
"Mac," he said gently. "Please know you can come to me if Webb continues to come around. I'll have him banned from the building."
Mac nodded, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. "I know. Thank you, sir."
"You're welcome," he said simply, then asked if she wanted her door open or shut. Wanting to appear as if everything were normal, she told him to leave it open, and then the man finally went back to his office.
Harm didn't say anything as he walked Webb down the hall and he didn't say anything to him as they rode down on the elevator, but when they made it out the door of the building, Harm let loose.
"Just what the fuck were you thinking, Webb?" he hissed, keeping his voice low as they were still on JAG grounds. "She's done with you!"
"This is none of your business, Rabb. This is between Sarah and me, and you can—"
"No. This is my business. It's the business of everyone here who cares about Mac. I'm sure she asked you to leave more than once, and I swear, if you ever show your face here again, I'll—"
"You'll what, Rabb? Get yourself court martialed? I'd ruin you!"
Harm looked around to make sure no one was in the immediate vicinity, then grabbed Webb by the lapels and shoved him into the brick of the building. "I don't give a damn about me, you son of a bitch. Just stay away from Mac. You've hurt her enough."
"Oh, I've hurt her enough? What do you think you've done? Do you know how many times I went to her apartment to find her crying over you? I know all about the cruel things you said to her. I spent so many nights comforting her, and you're telling me I'm the one who's hurt her enough."
"Go to hell, Webb." He gave the man once last shove into the wall, then let him go. Webb stumbled a bit, but as he regained his balance and straightened his suit, he smirked infuriatingly at Harm.
"Fine. But you'll be in hell right next to me. Goodbye, Harm, and tell Sarah I still want to talk to her. Somewhere where we aren't likely to be interrupted, all right?" Webb then tossed off a salute and left Harm standing on the steps of JAG, desperately trying not to give into the urge to chase him down and break his neck.
Harm reentered the bullpen, relieved to fine everyone back to work and minding their own business. He had work to do himself, but he had to check on Mac first. She'd done her best to appear calm, but Harm knew different. He'd felt her trying to maintain control and not attack her former boyfriend, and he could see the pain in her eyes before he hauled Webb away. So, before Harm could hope to do anything useful today, he needed to make sure Mac was all right and if she wasn't, he'd stay with her until she was, cases be damned.
It was a short walk to Mac's office from the glass doors that led to the heart of JAG, and he was relieved to see her door open. As expected, he could see all was not well as he watched her fighting with her file cabinet. That thing had been giving her trouble for the last eight years, but all that time with it had taught her a few tricks if it wouldn't open. Brute force was never then answer in this case, and yet, she still tugged on drawer handle so hard it gave way. She stumbled backwards, Harm just managing to catch her before she fell.
"Here, Mac. Let me help," he said as he stepped into her office, still supporting her. He let go when she had regained her balance, and then he closed the door behind him. "Let me help, okay?" He made to lay his hand on her wrist.
"I'm fine, Harm. I got it." She batted his hand away, but Harm could see hers was trembling.
"Mac, come on. Just let me—"
"No, goddammit! I don't need you to—I don't need you—" She slammed her palm on the offending file drawer, hard enough that the cabinet banged loudly against the wall. "Goddammit!" she cried again, tears now streaming down her face. Her hands trembled even more than before, and she was beginning to hyperventilate.
"Hey, hey, Mac. It's okay. You're okay," he said, pulling her into his arms. She fought it for a moment, but then allowed him to enfold her into his embrace. "It's okay, honey. I've got you. I've got you." He kissed the crown of her head, and it only took another moment for her to wrap her arms around his waist, holding on to him for dear life.
End Chapter 26