Chapter 17

Elena sits at the back of her old SUV refusing to look out the window. She wants to do it. She wants to watch the familiar roads of her hometown and remember every wonderful moment of growing up in Mystic Falls. She wants to remember the sleepovers and birthday parties with Caroline and Bonnie. She wants to remember the family nights with her parents, Aunt Jenna, and Jeremy. She especially wants to remember the years spent with Jeremy and Ric as they built their own families. But she doesn't need Mystic Falls to savor those wonderful memories. She enjoys them every day.

Elena knows that if she gives in to the nostalgia of Mystic Falls, it won't be memories of her first century that surge to fore front of her mind. It'll be memories from her second. This last century consists of the most wonderful years of her existence, but also the worst. Elena would love nothing more than to submerge her consciousness in the priceless memories of her life with Damon in Mystic Falls. But she doesn't do it. She refuses to embrace the good memories because that would mean facing the bad ones. The horrible, crippling memories that she's stubbornly refused to face for 50 years. Not a day goes by that she doesn't miss the emptiness that a lack of humanity afforded her. Every day she struggles with the temptation to return to that shelter, but every day her love for Damon is stronger than her attraction to the emptiness. So instead of staring out the car window at the town that created and destroyed her life, Elena watches her counterpart sit in the front passenger seat holding Stefan's hand while he drives them to Elena's house.

Elena's house. The house that burned to the ground 200 years ago. The house in which Jeremy and Elena grew up. The house in which their parents once lived and Jenna still does. Jenna. Ric. Jeremy. They are all alive. But Elena pushes away the thought of seeing them. They aren't her family. Her family lives on through Jeremy's descendants, but the last of Elena's immediate family died with Jeremy over a century ago. She refuses to think about them too. The only reason she's in the car is because Jenna texted the other Elena about taking Ric and Jeremy to a late movie.

"Isn't it weird that Jenna is keeping Jeremy out so late on a school night?" Stefan asks as the streetlights from the town square flood the dark car.

"Yeah, actually, but maybe she's trying to arrange some bonding time with Alaric or something? I don't know," Elena says from the front seat and then turns to glance back at her older counterpart. "I'm just bummed you won't get to see them tonight."

Since they are within the ten-foot barrier, the air crackles with energy at the doppelgänger's movement. Before entering the car, vampire Elena assured them the energy would dissipate once they put some distance between each other. Or use it on attaining a new memory. If Elena thinks about it long enough, she might realize the incongruity of her desire to relive some memories while avoiding others. But she isn't avoiding them all, just the ones that hurt. Sometimes even the happy memories hurt. She's glad that regaining her lost memories is proving mostly painless.

That's why she's here, right? That's why she agreed to accompany the happy couple. Caroline insisted Elena put as much distance between her and Damon. Given her almost-mistake with the faux Damon, Elena had to agree that it was a good idea. Secret or no secret, this Damon is not her husband. Even if he is a perfect match for him. Well, almost. Her Damon is a little more mature. Not much, mind you, but enough to make a difference. Elena is certain that if she wasn't in the midst of a six-week dry spell, this Damon would not have such a strong effect on her.

Regardless, she has to stay away. So when Caroline suggested, or insisted, human Elena and Stefan take vampire Elena home for a visit, she agreed. But Elena plans to vamp-speed away from that house the moment they pull into the driveway. She's here for the journey, not the destination.

"It's fine," vampire Elena says. Her counterpart frowns at the cold response, but doesn't comment. She doesn't turn back to the front of the car but meets the other brunette's brown gaze with concern. Vampire Elena smiles in assurance and glances at the review mirror to find Stefan watching her. She tilts her head at him and raises her eyebrows.

"What?"

"I'm just wondering about what other memories you've lost. How much of your life is just a blank?"

"Nothing is a blank, really," Elena says. "Just some of it is fuzzy. Usually, I know when a memory is wrong because the details are missing. Like, for example… I know how I met Damon because I've been told, but I don't remember much of that night."

"You mean day," human Elena says, but pauses when her future version frowns and shakes her head.

"No, it was night. I mean, Damon tried to refresh this particular memory plenty of times. We've stood on that road a dozen times trying to instigate a memory with no luck."

"What road? What are you talking about? I met Damon at the boarding house. I was looking for Stefan and Damon was being creepy. Don't you remember when he name dropped Katherine?"

Elena frowns as she waddles through 200 years of memory to find the one from the boarding house. She has to admit, Damon was acting creepy that day, and she remembers the introduction and her lack of recognition. But Elena is certain that she met Damon several months before on the night of the bonfire. It was the night her parents died. But, then why wouldn't she remember Damon in the boarding house?

Oh, right…compulsion. Elena nods as she remembers Damon confessing during their first attempt to relive the memory. But, why? Why would he want me to forget meeting him?

Eager for an answer, Elena rushes forward at vamp-speed and grabs the other doppelgänger's arm. She can hear Stefan's alarmed voice and the glass from with car windows shattering outward from the power surging around them, but it all fades away.

"Where are we?" Human Elena asks as they both stand in the center of a dark road.

"Mystic Falls, the night my parents died," vampire Elena says, looking around. She finds Damon lying in the road waiting patiently for his next victim. How many times had they lain on a dark empty road together? Thousands. She smiles at him, remembering how they would pass the time by star gazing. With 150 years on her, Damon shared the names he'd given the brighter stars and constellations. The names were usually playful, and she enjoyed making new shapes in the sky with him.

The other Elena catches her counterpart's loving expression and glances at Damon. "What is he doing?"

"Waiting."

"I know, Bonnie. You're right, you and my mom both are. I just can't bring myself to tell him. At least no tonight. I'll call you later," memory Elena says with her cellphone pressed against her ear. Distraught by the difficult decision on her mind, she strolls down the dark path without concern for danger.

Damon recognizes the familiar cadence of her voice and vamp-speeds to meet her. "Katherine."

Elena looks up to see the hope and disbelief in his cool blue eyes, and she stops mid-step. She stares at the stranger's handsome face before remembering her manners.

"Um…No, I'm Elena," she says looking around. Where did he come from?

"Oh, you…you just look, ah..." Damon looks the human up and down as though he doesn't believe her claim. Like she's lying about her identity or something. Then he seems to accept the truth, and Elena watches the hope in his eyes melt away, replaced with an empty pain. In the blink of an eye, the emotions that fluttered across his face are gone, and he tilts his head at her with a half-smile, hiding his depth with a handsome mask.

"I'm sorry, you just really remind me of someone. I'm Damon."

"Not to be rude or anything, Damon," she says, stepping closer, "but it's kind of creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere."

"You're one to talk. You're out here all by yourself."

Elena smiles at him, enjoying the thrill that his dangerous aura triggers inside her.

"It's Mystic Falls. Nothing bad ever happens here," she says. He raises an eyebrow at the statement as though he knows something she doesn't, but he doesn't voice his dissent. Afraid he might leave, Elena continues. "I got into a fight with my boyfriend"

"About what? May I ask?"

"Life, the future. He's got it all mapped out."

"You don't want it?"

"I don't know what I want," she says, but Damon scoffs.

"Well, that's not true. You want what everybody wants."

Elena's lips curve into a small smile. Damon's confident charm is proving endearing, and a warm eagerness tugs at her stomach. She tilts her head with flirty eyes, and teases him.

"What? Mysterious stranger who has all the answers."

His laugh is deep and husky, and it sends shivers down her spine.

"Well, let's just say I've been around a long time. I've learned a few things."

"So Damon, tell me. What is that I want?"

"You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure and even a little danger."

Elena's smile melts away with each word that reaches out to touch her soul. She's amazed at the passion in his tone, but his eyes lack the same flame. Behind his flirtatious gaze, he seems lost and in search of something.

"So what do you want?"

He falters at the question like no one's ever asked him. Elena can't help but feel a surge of sadness for the kind man. A car horn disrupts their chat, and Elena glances over her shoulder to confirm.

"That's my parents."

When she looks back, Damon is standing a breath away. His blue eyes stare into her brown, doe eyes. At first, Elena is alarmed, but a wave of calm settles into her bones. When he speaks, his voice is therapeutic and washes away her anxiety.

"I want you to get everything you're look for. But right now, I want you to forget that this happened. I can't have people knowing I'm in town yet. Goodnight, Elena."

Then he's gone.

When the doppelgängers return to the SUV, they find it parked on the side of the dark road with Stefan watching them. A cool breeze rushes through the broken windows, and vampire Elena looks around to gather her bearings.

The other Elena swings her door open and rushes out to her knees. Stefan jumps to help her, but she brushes him away with a growl.

"He compelled me."

"What? Who did?"

"Damon. We met months ago, the same night my parents died. He just compelled me to forget." she says through angry tears. "How could he do that to me?"

"He didn't know you then. Honestly, you're lucky he didn't eat you," vampire Elena says. Through the broken window of the SUV, she watches her counterpart have a small meltdown.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" When vampire Elena shrugs, human Elena scowls at her. "How can you not care that he compelled you?"

"Because I get it. I was a stranger to him. The only reason he took an interest was because I looked like Katherine. You know, the woman he was in love with and waited 145 years to release from a tomb."

"He thought I was Katherine at first," human Elena says, rolling her eyes.

Vampire Elena purses her lips at her younger version's tone. She doesn't like it. She wants to defend her husband and claim that no one knows her better than Damon Salvatore, but she can't. Elena promised Caroline that she'd protect the big secret, and jumping to Damon's defense would only garner suspicion. Although, if she's being honest, Elena can't believe she hasn't stumbled upon any sexy time memories yet. She has to admit there's a certain appeal to reliving the first time with the love of your life. But that would give every thing away, and the cat would be out of the proverbial bag for good. Still, it's going to happen eventually. And based on their overly active sex life, probably sooner than later. Alas, Elena snaps her mouth shut for now.

"Did you know about this?" Elena asks her boyfriend, and he shakes his head.

"No, I had no idea he was even in town until I started school with you."

"Do you think he had something to do with my parents' deaths?"

"What? How can you asks that?" Vampire Elena all but yells as she jumps from the car to face her counterpart. No matter what, she couldn't stand back and let someone, even her younger self, accuse Damon of such a heinous crime.

"You just said that he didn't know me back then. I was just some girl that looked like Katherine, so my parents meant less than that to him. Why wouldn't he kill them? He's a psychopath. Or have you forgotten that?!"

"Elena," Stefan says. "Damon didn't do it."

"How do you know that? You said so yourself that he's a monster with no humanity left."

"Because it wasn't his style," vampire Elena says. "If he had killed my parents, they would've been eaten, not drowned."

"And..." Stefan eyes both Elenas. "I would have seen him at the crash when I rescued you."

The younger Elena seems to deflate. She isn't sure if she's disappointed at having no one to blame for her parents' deaths or relieved that Damon isn't her parents murderer.

Stefan watches his girlfriend sigh and slips an arm around her shoulders to help her stand. The wind howls around them, and he signals for vampire Elena to step back. When she follows his request, the wind dies to a mild breeze.

"I can't believe he compelled me," Elena whisper into Stefan's shoulder before pulling away to stare at her counterpart. "Does he do it again? Since he's known me has he compelled me without me knowing it?"

"Uh, maybe. I think so, anyway."

Elena stomps toward her vampire reflection. "And, you're just okay with that? How can you not care that he's compelled you? That's he's messed with your mind?"

"I do care. It was just a long time ago for me. I've moved on from it."

"I don't believe you. I don't believe you're me. I don't believe you cared at all when you found out," Elena says, grabbing the vampire's arm to prove her theory. The wind twists around them to form a small tornado. The SUV skitters across the road, and Stefan flies into a nearby ditch. Elena yells his name, but everything disappears again.

The girls stand in the front yard of small house with a large barn behind it. Bodies of armed men litter the ground, and Damon stands in the midst of it all covered in blood. His black, leather jacket is torn from shot gun pellets, but the victorious smirk on his lips reveal the fun he had killing his latest prey.

"What's going on? Who are these people?" Human Elena asks and then pauses when Damon's grin disappears to be replaced by pain and bloodlust. "What's wrong with him?"

"This is the day after I died," vampire Elena explains. "He's angry and hurt. So he's doing what he does best."

"Lashing out."

Two sets of brown eyes meet in recognition of the damage Damon can cause when he lashes out. They both snap to a body that isn't quiet dead. The prone form coughs through the blood from his neck wound.

"Matt?" Human Elena says, but her older counterpart places a comforting hand on her arm. The emotions from this memory are a storm of chaos for vampire Elena, but she knows that everything ends well, eventually.

Damon strolls over to Matt as he struggles to his feet. Before he makes much progress, Damon kicks the pitiful human over, so that he stares up at the vampire from his back.

"Go ahead and kill me. You can't possibly hate me more than I hate myself," Matt says with his hand pressed to his neck wound.

"What happened to him?" Elena asks, but her older counterpart shushes her.

"Oh yes, I can." Damon sets a boot against Matt's neck. The high school senior struggles under the pressure that cutts off his air, but the vampire doesn't budge. "It should've been you."

Elena leaps from the barn and tackles Damon to the ground. She growls with her vampire face and screams at him to leave Matt alone.

Human Elena squeals at the sudden appearance of her vampire form and, having never seen her face twisted into a vampire, she's unnerved.

Damon on the other hand is relieved. Even though she stopped him from reeking vengeance on the overly useless Matt Donovan, Damon is thrilled to see Elena in all her vampire glory. He was concerned that Stefan's absurd idea of preventing the inevitable would get Elena killed. Permanently this time. And he wasn't sure he could've ever forgiven his saintly brother if that was the case.

Luckily, here she is straddling him and growling as though she could ever scare him. If anything, she's turning him on. He clamps down on the urge to roll her over and pin her beneath him. Nope, he won't do it. He won't smile at her, either. She doesn't deserve his smile, not even a naughty smirk. She made her choice, and as always, he's on the losing end.

He honestly thought for a second that she'd pick him. They'd grown so close over the past few months without his pesky little brother hanging around. Granted, Damon made a couple of mistakes along the way, but so had Stefan. And that kiss in Denver, wow. There was no way she could deny their chemistry, but it didn't matter. She'd chosen the better brother. She chose to let Damon die alone, so she could run home to be with Stefan in his last moments on Earth. And it had gotten her killed. Still, she chose Stefan.

It'll always be Stefan, Damon mutters to himself as he pushes Elena off, and Matt stumbles away to safety. The menacing vampire spins toward his car and stomps away, intending to leave Elena behind to clean up the mess he'd made rescuing her. Alas, getting rid of Elena is never easy.

"You were going to kill him," she says.

Damon keeps trudging toward his car. "Yep, the guy just won't die."

"It was my choice to save him. Why aren't you seeing that."

Finally, Damon stops in front of his car and glares daggers at her. "It's a little hard to keep track of all your decisions lately, Elena."

Elena dips her head at him, guilt weighing against her chest, and he turns from her to leave.

Human Elena frowns at the meaning in Damon's words, wondering what recent decision has Damon so upset and her memory self feeling so guilty. The doppelgänger at her side struggles to find the same missing puzzle piece. She racks her brain for the memory that would explain Damon's animosity toward her. Yes, he was upset when she died, but shouldn't he be angry with Stefan or Matt? Maybe he's mad because Elena chose to sacrifice herself to save Matt. Even after 200 years, nothing pisses Damon off faster than Elena and Stefan's sense of martyrdom.

"I remember everything." The baby vampire's words cut though Damon like a wooden sword. He turns to look at her, and she stares wide-eyed at him. "One of the highlights of my transition was remembering everything that you compelled me to forget."

Damon edges closer to Elena in front of his car and waits for her to continue. He's still upset, but a spark of hope dances deep inside his blue gaze. Still, he refuses to look at her. He stands square like a man awaiting a scolding that he's heard a thousand times before.

"Like, how you and I met first. You were a stranger that told me you want me to get everything that I wanted from life."

Human Elena considers the new vampire's description of her first meeting with Damon and can't find fault with it. She'd been so focused on the compulsion part of the memory, she'd forgotten about the rest of it. Damon was kind to her and insightful, but that wasn't anything new. He'd always had knack for cutting through the complexity of life and breaking it down to simplistic needs and desires. Like, when he told her to quit cheerleading or declared that any mother that would give Elena up for adoption sucked. No, Damon's behavior during their forgotten conversation wasn't unusual in the least, but Elena's response to him was. She smiled and played with him, like she enjoyed his attention. She even flirted back at one point. Human Elena tried not to think about her reaction to the handsome stranger, but she couldn't ignore the impression he seemed to have on the newly turned version of herself. The baby vampire seems awed by the revelation, not even bothered by the compulsion.

"Damon, why didn't you tell me?"

"Would if have made a difference?" He asks in a gruff, almost broken voice, and he finally meets her gaze. He wants an honest answer from her, from which neither of them can hide. Her silence is deafening, and he turns away. "I didn't think so."

"You asked me to make a choice, Damon. So I did," Elena says with a stern voice. "If you're going to be mad, then take it out on me, not on Stefan or Matt or anyone else. Me."

"Are we done here?"

The vampire Elena from 200 years in future sucks in a painful breath as she watches Damon. She can see the shattered pieces of his heart past his cold tone, and she knows that she's the cause of his pain. Elena doesn't know how or when, but something happened. She was forced to make decision that hurt him. And though she doesn't remember it, Elena regrets her decision. She hates thinking of her Damon hurting this way, even if it was two centuries ago.

"If it had been you at the bridge last night and not Stefan and I had begged you to save Matt…"

"I would have save you. In a heartbeat, no question," he all but yells at her.

"That's what I thought. And Matt would be dead because you couldn't let go. Matt would be dead."

"But you wouldn't be," he says with such anger and regret that it sets Elena on her heals. "And you would've gotten to grow up and had the life you wanted, the life you deserve. And I know I didn't use to get that, but I do now. And I wanted that for you, Elena. And I would gladly have given it to you and let Matt die because I am that selfish."

The passion in his voice reverberates inside all three Elenas. One is frightened by the intensity, but can't deny her attraction to it. Another accepts his unabashed devotion and makes a mental note to kiss her husband at the first opportunity. The final one drowns in a whirlpool of confusing emotions.

Damon leans close to Elena. "But you knew that already. The first night we met isn't all that you remember."

As Damon leaves in a huff, memory Elena struggles with her feelings for this absurdly complicated man and the moral implications of her death. But she can't help the feeling of loss at his departure. She wanted to choose him, but she couldn't. Not if there was a chance at fixing things with Stefan. If she walked away now, she'd always regret it and wonder about how things could've been.

Vampire Elena rejoices at having another piece of the puzzle in place. She's not certain about the decision that seems to have Damon pissed off at her, but she's not worried. She knows how this love story ends, or rather, continues into eternity.

The human doppelgänger surges with a torrent of raw emotion. She's comforted that her future self protected Matt from Damon's wrath, but it seems Elena made a choice to turn in order to save her friend. A choice that Damon disagreed with and Stefan encouraged. Damon wanted to her stay human and have the life she always wanted. He would've sacrifice others to make it happen without batting an eye. Elena knows that kind of love is dangerous, and she shouldn't encourage it, but there's also something deep within her that longs to experience such passion. She certainly doesn't feel that way for Stefan. Will that change? Her love must grow deeper over the next two centuries, right?

That kind of love is deep, but selfish. Elena shouldn't want anything to do with that kind of emotion. She doesn't want to be that person. She doesn't want to be like Damon. He is that selfish. He said so himself. He also implied that there was another compelled memory.

"He did compel us again," Elena says as soon as they return to reality.

Stefan pushes vampire Elena back. He doesn't want any more memory strikes tonight. He's not certain the SUV could handle it.

"What else did you remember when you transitioned? What memory did he steal from us?" human Elena asks.

"I don't know.."

"Let me guess, you don't remember," Stefan says under his breath. He's trying not to let it bother him that every memory strike seems to be about Damon. If future Elena was so distraught about Stefan's death that she mind-wiped all her memories regarding him and thus Damon, too, why hasn't she regained any memories about the younger Salvatore? You know, the one she's supposed to be in love with?

"Bingo," Elena says, flashing her ex-lover a playful smile. "Why don't we find out?"

"Nope." Stefan jumps between the doppelgängers before they can touch. "Not tonight. Your car is trashed, Elena, so I'm putting my foot down. No more memory strikes tonight. At least not until we get you home."

"Or we could just call Damon and ask him," vampire Elena says, and her human counterpart huffs.

"What makes you think he'll tell the truth?"

"Only one way to find out." She cocks an eyebrow before pulling out her newly acquired burner. Stefan had given one to her and Caroline before their departure form the boarding house. Naturally, they had taken a few minutes to program all the important numbers.

All three of them make their way to the trashed SUV, while vampire Elena dials Damon's phone number. The phone picks up about the same time that Stefan and his girlfriend lean against the front passenger-side door in an impatient manner.

"Hello."

"Caroline, why do you have Damon's phone? Is he okay?"

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