A/N - sorry that updates on this story have been so erratic! I'm hoping to get back to the regular Friday chapters but work has been very hectic so currently no promises. xoxo - tmtcltb

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Chapter 18 - Indecision

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Kara hummed as she rocked the porch swing back-and-forth. Delilah shifted, burrowing her head into Kara's lap, thumb in mouth. Kara smoothed the child's hair rhythmically, waiting as Delilah's breath began to slow, indicating that she was sinking into sleep. She hadn't expected the three-year-old to nap today. Not only were they at a strange place, but Danny wasn't exactly being quiet as he and Stella played Marco Polo in the small pond. But the combination of the swing, the sun, and the child's exhaustion appeared to have done the trick, as Delilah's thumb fell from her mouth, a trickle of drool sliding down her cheek.

In the distance, Kara could hear Danny deep laugh before he called something to Stella, who shrieked in response, her giggles carrying in the wind. Although Kara had planned to join them once Delilah was asleep, she didn't move. There was something so soothing about sitting here in the warm sun, Delilah's hair tickling Kara's hand. So peaceful.

As if this is the way that life was meant to be.

Danny and Kara's prior excursions with the girls had all been structured. A park. An ice cream shop. A toy store where Stella was so excited by the choices that in addition to the dolls that Kara had brought them there to buy, the girls also ended up with a new dollhouse courtesy of Danny. Who justified the purchase on the grounds that the one at the Howards' house was falling apart. Which was true, but also clearly an excuse for a purchase that he would have made regardless. As he admitted to Kara later that night after first extracting a promise that she would not tell Tex.

Unfortunately, the toy store had also been the place where they were recognized. A photograph of the four of them appearing in the next day's newspaper with the headline of Glimpse of the Future? stamped across the page. Fortunately, the girls had not been identified, and the assumption seemed to be that they were the children of friends. But it had been a harsh reminder of how public their life was. Another picture with the girls would almost certainly raise questions.

Questions that Kara was simply not ready to answer.

Danny's suggestion of a day at the cabin, boating and swimming, offered the perfect solution. As well as having the advantage of being far from any cameras, the cabin provided an opportunity to interact in a more casual environment. Elena had agreed without hesitation, although Kara made a point of assuring her that both Danny and Kara were proficient in CPR and had extensive water training. As Kara talked, Elena merely smiled, before ushering them all out the door with the instruction to have fun.

Which is how Kara came to be rocking on the swing, Delilah asleep on her lap, and wondering what it would be like if this were all real. If tonight, after enjoying the water and sun, the four of them went home together. If tomorrow, she woke up with Danny by her side and two little girls asleep down the hall, rousing them all in a chaotic rush to get everyone to school and daycare and work on time. If today were merely another family outing rather than a carefully planned excursion.

The giggling alerted Kara to Danny and Stella's approach, and she watched as the two of them walked up the slight incline from the water. Stella grinning up at Danny, who reached over to tug at one of her braids. Abruptly, another image formed.

One of a five-year-old boy with golden curls skipping next to his father.

She blinked and the image was gone. Replaced by Danny giving Stella a high-five. Kara looked away, breathing in and out as she counted to ten. Waiting for the lump in her throat to disappear. For her heart-rate to return to normal.

Wondering what the hell just happened.

Months had passed since the last time Kara looked at Danny and pictured a five-year-old who should have been there, but wasn't. And it had certainly never happened during the time that they spent with the girls. Kara having kept them firmly separated in her mind, that separating reassuring her that she was not trying to replace the child that she - that they - lost. That she was drawn to the girls as individuals, as Stella and Delilah, with no other motive. Now, for the first time, Kara questioned that belief.

Noticing that Stella had the same color hair as Danny.

Realizing that they shared a sense of humor.

Seeing a reflection of herself in Delilah's petite frame.

But there was no time to figure out what it all meant, to decide whether the vision was an aberration or a message, as Danny and Stella arrived on the porch. Both tiptoeing, Stella's finger in front of her mouth. Danny flashing the boyish smile that never failed to make Kara's heart skip a beat.

He glanced down at Delilah, whispering. "Do you want me to move her?"

Kara forced herself to focus on the question, her mind still foggy. "She's pretty out. I think we can leave her here, just get a cushion to put on the porch in case she rolls off and lock the porch door so she can't wander down to the water."

She waited while Danny grabbed a cushion, setting it on the floor underneath the swing, before she eased to standing. Danny disappeared to collect the food from his truck and Kara turned to Stella, forcing her mind back to the present. To the child before her. Pushing away the image of the little boy.

Delegating the past to the past.

Kara ushered Stella inside. "Hungry? I'm sure that Danny got us something good to eat."

"Mr. Danny said he was going to feed me bug sandwiches," Stella replied, her nose wrinkling. "But I think he might be teasing me."

Kara leaned closer to the child. "I have an idea. When he gets back, I think that you should take a big bite of your sandwich and then tell him that you only found one bug, but that it was pretty tasty. See what he does."

Stella giggled, skipping towards the table in the kitchen of the small cabin. "He's going to completely freak out."

"How are things at school, Stella?" Kara asked, busying herself locating plates and silverware and napkins. Having been here only once before, she had to check several places to gather everything. She turned to find Stella looking down at the table, her smile gone. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"Tuesday is donuts with dad," Stella explained. "All the other kids have their dads coming. But I don't have a dad."

Kara hesitated, not certain what to say and definitely not wanting to say anything that might contradict the Howards. "Did you ask Mr. Bob to come?"

"Yes," Stella nodded. "He said he would be there. But it's not the same. It's not like the other kids."

Pulling out a chair, Kara sat down next to Stella. "You know, my father died before I was born."

"He did?" Stella's eyes were big as she looked up at Kara.

She nodded. "I don't remember him at all. Do you remember your father? I think that Miss Elena said you were about four when he died."

Stella scrunched up her face. "No. Mommy used to talk about him sometimes. She called him Prince Charming."

"You don't know his name?" Kara asked in surprise, forgetting for a moment the point of the conversation.

"No." Stella's eyes fell back to the table.

"Anyway," Kara said, aiming for a casual tone, "I never met my father. So instead my grandfather would come to my school. One time we went to a dance together."

Kara deliberately left out the fact that Papa Paul died when she wasn't much older than Stella now, leaving her with nobody to attend such events. Stella was looking at Kara again, her smile back. "You did?"

"Mmm-hmmm." Kara shifted the plates around the table. "I wore a dress with flowers all around, just like a princess. Maybe you could wear a special dress to school on the day when you have donuts with Mr. Bob."

"Maybe I can wear my special Easter dress," Stella replied, bouncing up and down again. "I'll have to ask Miss Elena."

Kara reached over to pat Stella's hand. "I bet she'll say yes if you agree to be really, really careful."

"I will," Stella said solemnly. She was still chatting about the dress when Danny walked through the door with their "picnic", which turned out to be a basket filled with gourmet sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, potato salad, and two flavors of lemonade.

Kara shook her head at him as she unpacked the basket, suspecting that the girls were unlikely to eat anything more complicated than a ham-and-cheese sandwich but feeling a glow as she realized how much effort he put into today's outing. Into making this excursion a success.

Ignoring the voice inside her head wondering whether Danny might have put too much effort into today, Kara cleared her throat. "Let's eat."

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Kara leaned down to brush a kiss against Stella's forehead. "I had fun today. Thank you for coming with us."

"We got Mr. Danny really good!" Stella exclaimed, laughing as she bounced up and down.

"Yes, we did," Kara replied, amused. Stella's claim to have found a bug in her sandwich was so believable that, if Kara wasn't in on the plan, she might have fallen for the act too. Danny had gotten them both back, however, showering them with water when they returned to the pond. Leaving all of them dripping. "It's time for me to go but I'll see you next Sunday."

"Can we go back to the pond?" Stella asked.

Kara smiled at the child's enthusiasm. "Maybe. We'll see. Now I see Miss Elena waving you inside."

Stella bounced off to give Danny a hug before disappearing into the house. Kara shifted Delilah on her hip, the preschooler having dozed off again during the car ride back to the Howards' house. Elena reached out to take the child, but Delilah shook her head, arms wrapping around Kara's neck. "No. Want mama."

Kara froze, her mouth opening, then closing before finally managing to ask. "Should I take her upstairs and lay her down?"

"How about we walk to the kitchen together," Elena suggested. As Kara followed her into the house, Delilah still clinging to her, Elena spoke again. "Did you have a fun day?"

"Very fun," Kara confirmed. "I spoke with Stella a little about donuts with dad."

"Stella has been concerned about it," Elena agreed. "Were you able to reassure her that she won't be the only child there without a father?"

"I'm not sure about that," Kara admitted. "But I told her that my grandfather would go places with me, since my father was dead, and I often dressed up. Stella seemed excited by the idea of wearing a special dress. She mentioned wanting to wear her Easter dress."

"I think that can be arranged." Elena glanced sideways, but Kara couldn't read her expression. "I wasn't aware that your father died when you were a child."

"Then you obviously don't read the paper," Kara muttered, then flushed. "My apologies. That was inappropriate."

But Elena merely laughed. "Don't apologize, Kara. I can't imagine what it is like to be hounded constantly the way that you are. And I do appreciate your willingness to expose yourself to more press for the sake of our foundation."

"That is my pleasure," Kara replied, truthfully. Actually, the exposure for the upcoming fundraiser for the Florida's Orphaned Children Fund was one of the few positives to come from the recent media storm. When they reached the kitchen, Delilah finally allowed Kara to set her down in exchange for a handful of saltine crackers. Kara ran a hand over the child's head, leaning down to give her a kiss. Finding herself lingering despite Delilah being settled.

"Kara, I don't want to speak out of turn but..." Elena paused. "If you were interested in a more permanent arrangement with the girls, I would be happy to recommend that to social services. I did want to mention, though, that there is a preference for married couples. For stability, you understand."

Kara had known that Elena must suspect the true purpose of the visits with the girls. But...

She wasn't ready. Not yet. She needed more time.

And yet, even as she thought the words, Kara wondered what was going to change. What sign she was looking for. The one that would tell her that she was making the right choice, or not. And what that choice might mean for her future - either with or without Danny.

She managed to smile at Elena, hoping that her internal turmoil was not completely obvious. "I understand. And I appreciate you letting me know. We haven't made any ... decisions, you understand."

Elena reached out, touching Kara's arm. "You let me know when you are ready to talk."

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The drive back to Kara's place was quiet, both Danny and Kara apparently caught up in their own thoughts. Her turmoil over the vision of the ghost child only increased by the memory of Delilah's voice when she said mama. Imagining what it might be like to hear that word every day.

Scared of how good that the word sounded.

When Danny pulled into her driveway, she turned to him. "Are you staying tonight or heading home?"

Danny furrowed his brows, glancing over before he killed the ignition. "Is that a hint that you're sick of me?"

"What? No!" Kara looked over, only then noticing his smirk. "Asshole."

They were inside before Kara made the decision to tell him about her conversation with Elena. "Let me make some coffee and ..."

But her plans were interrupted when Danny's phone went off. The ring tone the distinctive one that he assigned to Naval Command. He looked at the screen, swearing. "Hold that thought. It's Cooper."

Kara was at the table drinking her coffee when Danny reappeared. She watched as he filled his own mug, knowing without having to ask why Sasha would be calling on a Sunday evening, rather than wait the twelve hours until Monday morning. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow," Danny confirmed. "Mop-up work."

She fiddled with her mug. "So Columbia then."

Danny leaned against the counter, sighing. "Sasha has a bug up her ass about something. Unfortunately, she's stuck stateside while she and the Admiral..." Danny trailed off and Kara knew without having to ask that it must have something to do with Tom and Sasha's effort to have a child. A topic that she and Danny deliberately avoided. "Anyway, I shouldn't be gone for more than a week. Maybe two."

Kara set down her coffee, moving towards Danny, sliding her arm around his waist. Putting aside all thought of the past or the future. Stretching up on her toes to brush a kiss across his lips. Danny set down his own mug, turning, lifting Kara so that she was sitting on the counter, their heads even. She smiled against his lips.

"If you're leaving tomorrow, then I guess we should make the best of tonight."