TRIGGER WARNING: MAJOR TALK OF DEATH, ADDICTION, AND FUNERAL SCENE

Anastasia

Christian carries Ellie into the house and up to her room and I follow behind with my duffel bag of electronics and camera equipment. Christian said that Taylor would get the rest out of the car, but I didn't want to leave the expensive equipment he just bought me in the car.

He lays her in her bed and pulls off her shoes, causing her to stir.

"We're home now?" Ellie looks around, realizing it's her room.

"Yes, lovebug. We're home. It's really late so go back to sleep." He pulls down her blankets and she shimmies inside of them as he covers her back up.

"Can Filch stay in my room?"

I giggle. "Yes, please keep Filch in your room." Leaning down, I kiss her cheek. "Goodnight sweet girl."

She smiles up at me and her dad leans down for a kiss. "Love you."

"Love you, too. See you in the morning! I'll come cuddle." She grins, making us laugh. She was ecstatic to hear that I wouldn't be staying in the guesthouse anymore, although I wonder if I'll miss it. Maybe Ellie and I can have sleepovers over there every once in awhile.

Christian stands from her bed and takes my hand, turning off her light and shutting her door.

"I've got something to show you." He smiles and I giggle.

"I think I've already seen it."

He rolls his eyes and pulls me in the opposite direction of the master bedroom. We stop at a door a couple down from Ellie's and he opens it and flips on the light.

"Baby! Oh my gosh!" I wrap my arms around his neck in a tight hug.

"I want you to know you're here for the long haul. Your home is here with me. With us. I'll do everything in my power to help make your dreams come true."

I pull away from him and wipe my eyes as I take in the room. My new office. My HP memorabilia is on shelves and nailed to the walls, a large desk with a double monitor and my laptop sits in the middle while a large photography printer sits against the wall. There are dozens of frames and rolls of canvas and print paper organized in wood shelving next to it. Extra ink cartridges and office supplies sit above the photography material.

He follows me around the office as I take everything in. "Why would you do this? You know I don't... this isn't about-"

"I know. I know how you feel about money but this is an investment. I'm investing in your business and our future."

I frown. "But what if I fail?"

He sighs. "You won't. Even if you find that people don't want to buy your prints, you'll still do what you love and make us photos. There is a lot of rooms to fill here... at work... our other homes. Then I have hotels to fill with artwork and paintings. We'll be saving money just from that."

My heart skips a beat. "You... you want me to... to do prints for your hotels and offices and homes? Wow." I swallow back tears. "You really do believe in me, don't you?"

He grins. "I do." He throws an arm over me and steers me toward the door. "Come on, baby. It's late and we've had a long flight. I'm ready for sleep."

I can't help but feel giddy about falling asleep next to him tonight. It's the first night that it's officially our bed.

Once we're dressed for bed, he opens his arm to me and I snuggle in close to him in bed, resting my hand on his chest.

"We have to tell Ellie tomorrow."

I sigh. "I know, baby. I'm sorry. How are you doing with all of this? I know it's hard on you."

He lets out his own sigh. "It seems surreal. It's hard to believe that someone I had a relationship with for years is gone. I mean, I know that her and I had a lot of issues, but we had a lot of good times in the beginning." His fingers find my hair and he begins to twirl my hair around his finger.

"At the beginning... we had so much fun. We were still on college, but we seemed to have so much in common. She was honestly the first girl that I really cared to commit to. With my touch issues and everything... I just never tried.

"I tried to remember those good times so I could tell Ellie... but then she signed her rights away... but now, I want to remember them for myself. I find myself still trying to figure out what happened. I mean... she didn't give any inkling that she was money hungry. Did I just not see it? She couldn't possibly know that I would have been successful after college... unless she was just hoping?" He sighs again and it breaks my heart. He wants answers and now he'll never get them.

"Maybe she wasn't that way until the opportunity presented itself. Maybe all the great times you had during college shouldn't be ruined by what happened after." I want him to have his memories with her. She was so important in his life. He had such deep feelings for her even though now he's been burned too bad to let himself believe that.

"Maybe... I hope so."

I lean up and press a kiss to his lips. "Don't let those memories get lost, Christian. They're so important to you. She was a big part of your life. Plus you never know when Ellie will come to you and ask about her."

He gives me a soft smile. "I guess you're right. Thank you for listening."

"Of course. I'm always here to listen."

"You're not like other women."

"Um... thanks?" Not sure how I feel about that.

"I mean... most women would get all pissy about me talking about another woman from my past."

"Well, I'm well aware you have a past, Christian. You have a daughter for goodness sake. I won't pretend like your life begins and ends with me. Your past is what makes you who you are today. Your past gave you Ellie."

"I love you, Ana."

"I love you. All parts of you."

Christian

"Lovebug, we need to talk to you about something. Something that is really sad, okay?"

We're sitting in the family room with Eloise in between us on the couch. Leila's funeral is in two days and I hate even the thought of Eloise going, but I'm going to leave it up to her. I know she's nine, but she knows her heart and I don't want to traumatize my daughter by forcing her one way or another.

"Oh, no. What is it?"

"Grammy and Gramps called about your mommy." I sigh. How the fuck do I tell her?

"Is she in trouble? Is she hurt?"

"Ellie... your mommy is gone." I wince. That's too vague.

"Gone? She ran away?"

"I wish, baby. She died. She went to heaven."

Tears spring to my eyes just saying it out loud, but my baby girl's face is devastating. She goes pale, her little eyebrows knitting together while her jaw drops. She has this devastated look in her eyes that breaks my heart. After having to tell her that Leila signed her rights away, I never wanted to see this look on her face again.

Her eyes fill with tears. "Why? What happened? Was Grammy right? Was it that needle?"

I wipe a tear off her cheek. I want to lie to her, but I know she'll resent me later for it. "Grammy was right. Mommy had a problem with drugs, baby."

Her eyes widen. "But drugs are so bad, Daddy!" Her school started educating their class last year about drugs and I was honestly not happy about it, but now I am thankful. I don't know how I'd explain it to her now.

"They are. They hurt people and they hurt families."

"Why would Mommy do that?"

I shake my head. "I honestly don't know, lovebug, but she's been struggling with a lot of stuff for a long time."

"Mommy's dead." It's a whisper. The poor girl is trying to wrap her head around it, but considering I can't even do it, I think it's impossible.

Suddenly her hands form into fists. "She never loved me anyway."

"Ellie..."

She pushes herself up off the couch. "Mommy didn't care enough about me to even want to see me. She was mean and never loved me! Why should I feel sad about someone who doesn't care!"

I reach out for her and hold her by her waist. "Ellie, I know this is hard news to take in. I know there is nothing that can make this better, but you do love her, baby. It's okay to be sad."

"No it's not! She wasn't sad! She didn't care about me! She never cried when I left! I hate her!" She pulls away from me and runs off and up the stairs.

I fall back against the couch with a sigh. "Fuck."

"Christian, I'm so sorry." Ana's hand rests on mine.

I had expected her to throw herself at me and sob while I held her. I expected us to grieve together for the person that gave her life. Instead, she ran. She didn't want anything to do with me.

"She ran."

"Give her some time. She just needs to navigate her emotions. She'll come back."

I doubt that.

XxXxXx

For dinner, I have to force Eloise to come down to eat with us. Usually, she talks our ear off, but tonight, she didn't say a word. She inhaled her food, threw her plate in the sink and ran off again.

When I checked on her at bedtime, her light was already off and she was already under the covers. No kiss, no 'love you', no nothing.

By the time I climb into bed with Ana, I want to burst into tears. I know I need to swallow them back and let Ellie do her thing, but my heart is breaking for both of us. I feel like I need my girl and wish she needed me, too.

Get the fuck over it, Grey.

Ana rolls toward me and gives me a kiss. "I know this is hard. I don't want to force anything, so just let me know if there's anything you need from me."

I give her a small smile. "I love you."

"I love you."

"Come here." I open my arm to her and she curls into me so I can hold her. I breathe her in. "Thank you."

There is a knock on the door and it opens. We both turn to see Ellie come rushing in, sobbing.

"Oh, lovebug, come here." I open my arms and scoop her up, holding her to me so she can cry it out. "I've got you."

"I want to stay here."

"Of course, baby."

We snuggle in together and as she cries out the hurt, I find myself crying with her. It feels good. Slowly, her cries slow and her breathing evens out and she falls asleep.

When I look over our girls head, Ana gives me a soft smile as she blots her own eyes with a tissue.

"She needs you, Christian."

It makes me burst into tears all over again.

Anastasia

Ellie has slept with us the last couple nights and today is the funeral. Christian gave her the option of going or staying home and she chose to go because she said that Grammy and Gramps needed her. That sweet child.

I told Christian that I would stay home if he wanted it to just be them, but he told me he needed me to go. I worry that someway, by me being there, it will upset her parents. Obviously I wasn't on my best behavior the night Leila and I were face-to-face and I worry they judge me for my unkind words.

When we step into the room where her showing is being held, there are quite of few people sitting and congregating in small groups, talking quietly and crying together. Along the side are boards with pictures of her and her friends and family. I walk behind Christian and Ellie as they make their way over to the boards first.

My eyes zero in on a board with mostly her and Christian. Pictures of them in their college hoodies, out with friends, standing in front of a small building with 'Grey' on the front.

"That was my first office." His voice is low as he points to it. "I still own it, but rent out to a medical group."

I smile. His first building.

"Is that me in her belly?" Ellie points to a picture halfway down where Leila and Christian stand with his hand on her stomach. Her shirt reads 'It's A Girl!'

"Yea, lovebug. That's you." He wipes a tear out of his eye and my heart breaks for him. "And look. You as a baby!"

"I was cute!"

It causes him to smile. "Yes. Still are."

Ellie gasps. "That looks like me!"

She's pointing to a picture of Leila when she was about her own age. She does look so much like her, except instead of gray eyes, she has green.

"Wow, Ellie. You look so much like your mommy."

Ellie chews on the inside of her cheek and her brows are furrowed.

"What's wrong?" Christian whispers, bending to talk to her.

"Am I going to be like her?"

"Oh, lovebug. You're going to be like you. The same brilliant beautiful self as you've always been."

I lean down, too. "Please don't be upset that you look like your Mommy. It also means that you look like your Grammy."

"Mommy is pretty."

I nod. "She's beautiful, Ellie girl. Just like you."

"Was." Ellie frowns.

"We're going to go up front now, Ellie. Remember what I said? That her body is up there but her soul isn't." Christian reminds her.

She smiles. "Her soul flew away to be happy again."

Christian nods. "That's right. So it's just a vessel her soul used while she was here. Just because her body is up there doesn't mean you have to look. That is up to you. She's going to look a little different cause her soul is gone."

She nods. "Okay. Let's go see Grammy and Gramps."

On our way up to the front I pluck a bunch of Kleenex out of the box at the end of one of the rows of seats. I know all of us are going to need them.

When we get close to the casket, Christian's hand reaches behind him and I slip my hand in his and squeeze. I'm right here.

Ellie waves awkwardly at her grandparents who are sitting in chairs next to their dead daughter and then turns to her mother, stepping up close.

"Mommy." Her hand reaches up and she touches the back of her mother's clasped hands that are resting along her ribs.

Christian and I are both bawling like babies and I hand him a couple tissues.

"Daddy?" Her head turns to the side to look up at him. "Did I kill Mommy cause I didn't go with her?"

Christian lets out a sob and kneels beside her. "No, lovebug. Absolutely not. Your mommy had lots of issues before that. That night has nothing to do with what happened, okay?"

She hugs him and cries into his neck and I can barely keep my own sobs back. Two of the people I love the most are falling apart and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I can't exchange my life for hers, I can't save her from the drugs that consumed her, I can't go back and shake some sense into her about her money issues.

"My sweet girl, your daddy is right." Her grandmother is kneeling behind her, rubbing her back. "Mommy had to be saved a few times before that even happened. This time... we were just too late."

Ellie turns to hug her grandmother and she squeezes her. "Oh, my sweets. I thank God for you every day. Gramps and I love you more than anything in the world. You are so special, Ellie Grace."

"I love you, too, Grammy. Can I come to your house soon?"

Lydia beams at Ellie, like it's the best thing she's heard in an eternity.

"Anytime. Any day, any hour, any second."

Ellie giggles through her tears and it's a refreshing thing to hear.

"Why don't we say hi to Gramps? Give Daddy some time?"

Christian stands and I squeeze his shoulder. "I'll give you a moment."

He grabs my hand. "Do not leave me." He hisses through his teeth. I can see that he's on the verge of a breakdown and he can't even look at me in the eye. His eyes are locked on my lips.

"Okay, baby, okay. I'm here." I entwine my fingers with his and hold the inside of his elbow with the other.

He just stares at her and it's heartbreaking. I press my forehead against his bicep and close my eyes. Lord, please give him some peace.

"Why didn't you tell me you needed help? I would have been there. I would have come running. Jesus Christ, Leila. After everything! And you still let the demons in."

What he's whispering has me sobbing into his arm and I can feel his whole body trembling.

Clearing his throat, he takes a step back from the casket and I pull out of his arm when he lets go of my hand. "I need a minute. I'll be right back."

I give him a nod and hand him another tissue just in case.

I find myself in front of her casket alone. Looking at the outer shell of the person who once upon a time made the love of my life happy... who carried Ellie and who responsible for making Christian a father, my whole soul aches for her.

"Thank you, Leila. I know you had some issues that made your adult life a struggle and I wish I could have changed that for you. I wish you were mentally right to care and love for Leila because she is the best little girl that ever was. You have a part in that, so I know deep down you were good... I think you just had some wiring issues. I pray that you are free from that. I pray that wherever you are now that you can see your girl and love and look over her as she grows. I hope that when she graduates, gets married, or even has babies that you can be there and you can love her along with the rest of us. I promise that I will do my best to help raise her and be there for her as much as she needs. I know that I can't replace you, but I hope you can look down and be proud at the job we're doing for her. I pray for your peace, Leila, and I pray for theirs. Thankfully, you no longer have to suffer, but now their suffering is just beginning. Please watch over them. And... Thank you for Ellie."

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I startle. Turning around, I find Christian and he throws himself at me, sobbing into my neck. I squeeze him as tight as I can. I'm a little embarrassed that he heard me whispering to her and I wonder how much he really heard.

"That wasn't meant for anyone to hear." In my periphery, I see people walking in, so I side step us a few steps so we're not in the way.

He just hugs me tighter.

"Christian?" His mother's voice can be heard behind him and he turns to hug her and she sways him, smoothing the back of his hair.

I'm so thankful for her. He needs his mother right now. There's nothing like a mother's love and my heart lurches at the thought of Ellie missing that. I step away so that he can have a moment with his parents.

"Anastasia." Lydia gives me a sad smile while she sits with Ellie in her lap. I return it.

"I want to apologize for what transpired at your home. I hope that seeing me doesn't make everything so much harder for you today because of what I said to your daughter-"

"Oh, Anastasia, don't be silly. The girl was high and trying to take Ellie. I respect you for what you did."

"You-you do?"

"Yes." She hugs Ellie close. "It showed me your love for my grand daughter and your willingness to fight for her no matter what."

"I don't want to replace Leila..."

"We don't need a replacement, we need a mom for Ellie. Leila was her mother, but she was never a true mom. She just didn't have it in her. Ellie deserves a mom. You have the fire in you for that."

"Wow. I don't know what to say to that. Thank you."

"We just hope that you two won't keep Ellie from us now that our connection is gone." Ron adds, smoothing Ellie's hair while her cheek rests against Lydia.

"Your connection isn't gone. You're her grandparents. You deserve to see her as much as anyone. Christian would never do that to you... and I wouldn't want to either." I kneel down and squeeze Ellie's hand. "You are the most loved little girl there ever was, girlfriend. Do you need anything? Water or a snack?"

She shakes her head. "I just want to sit with Gram."

"No problem, Ellie girl. You sit a long as you need."

Christian and I sit in the front row with his family sitting around us and Christian keeps leaving his seat every now and again to go back to the casket. I can see him talking and I hope that whatever he's saying will help ease his heart. I know there is a lot that's gone unsaid between the two of them and I am glad he's getting it out, but also heartbroken that he'll never get any answers from her.

Ellie is still sitting with Leila's parents but she's talking up a storm to her grandfather and he's actually smiling. She is their little ray of sunshine during this dark time. She is such a special little girl. She had done so much good for so many people's souls in her short little life already. It's a terrible time of heartbreak, but I can't help but feel blessed for this family.

When Christian takes his seat again, he puts his arm around me and pulls me against him. He kisses my temple.

"Lydia wants to know if we'd be interested in going to the family luncheon afterward. Would you mind?"

I give him a smile. "Of course not. If that is what you want to do, then that's what we'll do."

He searches my eyes. "Never leave, okay?"

I can't help my giggle as I lean my head against his shoulder. "Wouldn't dream of it."

A/N: Jeezo. This one was a super hard one. It also happened to land on the same day as my niece's death day, who died in a car accident 6 years ago, so I'm already a depressed mess. I hope it lived up to all of your standards.

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Up Next: Christian takes Ana to the bank.