Anastasia

Ellie is back in school and I find myself struggling. Ever since I had to relive the day Jack pushed himself into my apartment when I begged him to leave, I have struggled, but without Ellie being with me all day, I find myself getting stuck in that day over and over. The way we fought our way through the apartment, him dragging me through the kitchen when I tried to make a run for a weapon, the way he used my shirt to tie my wrists to the headboard... even after all that, blood running down my temple, my wrists raw from fighting against the cotton, I fought... but it didn't do any good. His laugh while I tried to scream my throat raw even when he had the tape on my mouth still reverberates in my head. I always thought of myself as a strong, independent person until this happened. Now, I question my ability to do anything.

I don't know what would have happened if I didn't plan for Elliot to come fix my sink for me. I had called the landlord so many times to fix it, but they failed to care. Now, I'm thankful for that. I owe Elliot so much and, yet, I don't know how to repay him. He tore my predator off of me and into my bedroom wall, immediately knocking him out. He cut me free with his pocket knife and helped get me redressed so that I wouldn't be nude when the police came. Unfortunately, while we waited, Jack started to wake up and that's when Elliot went apeshit on him... and that's what gave him the ammo against Elliot when he woke up from his coma more than a week later.

Elliot was there for me while I was in the hospital, right along with Kate and my parents. He and I were friends, sure, but this brought us closer than I ever dreamed. He really is a brother to me now. Sometimes I wonder though if when he sees me, all he sees is the broken bloody me on the bed. Lord, I hope not... but after these last couple of weeks and how everything has come to a head again, I can't blame him if that's what he sees.

Unable to concentrate, I sent a text to Taylor to ask when Christian set lunch today so I can bring him something. At least it'll keep my mind busy for a little while today. I take my time making us some chicken philly sandwiches and clean up before toasting them in the oven and putting them in the warming bag with some chips and a few Snapples.

XxXxXx

"Hello, Ms. Steele." Taylor gives me a grin when the elevator opens on the executive floor.

I give him a smile back. "Hey, Taylor. Hungry?"

His smile widens. "A little."

I reach into the bag and hand him a foil wrapped sandwich, chips, and a raspberry tea Snapple. "Chicken philly okay?"

He groans. "That's perfect. Thank you. Mr. Grey is in his office."

The ache in my chest releases a bit knowing that my love is so close and I'll get to be close to him in a minute. I really need a long hug from him. He helps ground and calm me unlike anyone else has ever been able to.

I greet Andrea on the way to his office and I find myself with a smile on my face when I open the door to his office.

I stop inside the door as it closes behind me and I feel frozen. There is a woman sitting on his desk with her back to me, Christian sitting in his chair in front of her while she leans into him.

"Ana, baby?" Christian leans around her and when I meet his eyes I snap to.

"I-I'm sorry to interrupt. I-there's lunch here. There's enough for both of you." I can feel myself trembling as I set the bag down on the side table by the door.

The woman turns. Lennon.

"Wow. Okay, bye." I turn on my heel and yank the door open. I can't bear to even begin to think that this is happening.

"Ana? Ana wait!" I hear his voice as I make my way out, but I can't wait. I need to step away. My heart is already under so much pressure already and I cannot lose it in his office. I'm sure he has a reason to have the woman he's fucked on his desk, but I can't even begin to come up with a good reason right now. I need to be alone.

I smash the elevator button over and over until it opens and I slip in, hitting the door closed button before Christian can make it to me. I just need to go home. I need some time to myself to cry it out before we deal with this. I will not fall apart in front of him.

I feel like I'm in the damn elevator for a damn lifetime because it keeps stopping at random floors for random people throughout the company, but I keep my head down and concentrate hard on keeping my tears at bay and my breathing unlabored. When I'm halfway through the lobby and to the side door that leads to the parking garage, I find myself bumping into a hard muscular wall. Looking up, I see Christian. Damn it. Of course his personal elevator is much faster. Why couldn't he just let me go?

"I just want to go home."

"Tough. You're struggling. You're not driving."

He pivots me using my elbow and then escorts me to his elevator with his palm on the small of my back. When the elevator closes, I take a deep breath and his smell washes over me. It makes me feel completely vulnerable for some reason and I find myself resting my forehead against his bicep as we climb the twenty floors. Even though I'm hurting, I still love him. I feel broken and I feel like I should want to fight, but I don't have it in me. He's done so much for me and hasn't done anything to question my trust for him. He's always been truthful and I know he deserves me listening to why he had Lennon on his desk, but I don't know if my heart can take it right now. I don't know how much longer I can keep my tears and anxiety at bay.

I find myself squeezing his hand between both of mine as we walk back to his office, concentrating on the pressure of our hands instead of the pressure in my chest. Lennon is gone when we get there and he locks his door behind us and grabs the bag with our lunch in it on his way to the couch.

"You made us lunch?"

I nod, but I'm unable to look at him.

"Come sit so we can eat and talk."

I'm not hungry, but I have no fight in me, so I have a seat next to him while I pick at my fingernails. If we can just hurry this up, I can go home and deal with this by myself. I should have stayed home. I could have stayed home and been blissfully unaware of Lennon sitting on his desk where I sit on his desk, her hands on his shoulders when they don't belong to her.

"This looks great, babydoll. Thank you." He places my foil wrapped philly in front of me on the coffee table and I reach for it just to keep my trembling hands busy. "While we eat, can I explain?"

I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear and nod while I pick at my sandwich, pulling a piece of chicken out to eat.

"Lennon came to talk to me about a donation to the Neuro department at St. John's. Their MRI machine broke and the hospital panel denied her request since they have an outpatient MRI machine in a different building. I was busy when she came in and she was annoyed that I was only half listening to her, so she tried to get my attention by sitting in front of my computer and making me listen. It's not what it looks like. I would never cheat on you, Ana. You're the only thing I want."

I nod and take a bite of my sandwich. I'm in no shape to talk right now. I'm sure he's thinking all of my heartache is from today, but today just exacerbated my brokenness.

"You believe me, don't you? I love you, Ana."

I place a hand over my mouth as I finish chewing and when I swallow, I nod. "You've never given me a reason not to trust you, so I believe you." That doesn't mean that my heart can't ache thinking she sat where he's said no other woman has. When he looks at his desk, it should be me he thinks about. Not someone else. Especially someone with curves like a goddess that he's had in bed before. He knows her too intimately and it's a painful reminder seeing her like that today.

"Anastasia. Look at me." His tone is demanding and I find my eyes on his before I even comprehend what he says. He searches my eyes. "You're still unsettled." He puts his sandwich down and dusts off his hands. "Come. I'll show you."

"Show me what?"

He takes my sandwich from me and places it back on the foil before pulling me up off the couch. "I'll prove to you nothing happened."

"I told you I believe you."

"Your heart needs reassurance. I can see it in your eyes."

Within a couple of minutes, I find myself sitting in Taylor's office next to Christian while Taylor pulls up footage from earlier. I hate that he feels like he has to go to these lengths to prove to me that he isn't a cheater. I told him I believed him, but it isn't enough for him. I know I have to tell him that's there's more to it, but I don't dare do it in front of Taylor. I don't even want to admit it to Christian.

When I see Christian's office on the computer, I gasp. "Christian! You-you have a camera?" I blush profusely at the thought of us being caught on camera.

He squeezes my hand and chuckles. "I control it, baby. I turn it off before you come."

"So, there's no...?" My sentence falls off as I look at him.

He gives me a soft smile that puts my heart at ease with the subject. "I would never do that to you."

I nod. "Okay. Good."

When I turn back toward Taylor and his computer on his 'L' shaped desk, I see he has it loaded. "Christian, you don't have to show this to me. I told you I believed you."

"And I appreciate that, baby. But I still want you to watch."

I chew on my thumb nail when Taylor hits play. I watch as Lennon comes into his office and has a seat at one of the chairs at his desk. She's talking to him and he's nodding, but his eyes remain on his laptop while he clicks and types away. She reaches across the desk and pushes his laptop closed a little and Christian rubs his temples. She gets up and moves around his desk and he watches her with a puzzled expression on his face as she sits down. She reaches over and pretends to strangle him and he smiles just as the door to his office opens. Then, there I am looking completely mortified and out of my element. I look like a damn deer caught in the lion's den. You can actually see me trembling at the door. I hate that my brokenness is so obvious. I should be able to keep myself in check. I thought I was stronger than this. I'm a failure.

XxXxXx

Christian sits me back on the couch in his office and he hands me my Snapple urging me to drink something. I do find myself extremely thirsty all of a sudden and I gulp down almost half of it before I set it back down.

"Ana, baby, what do you need from me? You're struggling. Tell me what I can do." His eyes look so sorrowful. I can see how miserable my brokenness is making him. It's too much to bear. Reaching for him, I hug him tight around his neck and find myself sobbing into it. He pulls me into his lap and I'm thankful because I feel like I can't get close enough. I cling to his back, my fingertips gripping his button down tightly. I can't hold him tight enough.

He begins to rock us. "I've got you, sweet girl. I'm here." His grip is tight while his hand strokes my hair and a little of the pressure starts to leave my chest. "I love you so much, Ana." He kisses my hair. "This isn't about today, is it?" His realization finally hits and I'm thankful he's realized without me having to say it.

I shake my head in his neck.

"It's like the wound is torn open again, isn't it?" He sighs. "I'm so sorry, babydoll. I'll help you. In anyway I can, I'll help. I think we need a trauma specialist."

I nod. "Yes." I've been thinking about that. I never went to therapy after the incident and I thought I could do it myself, but having the wound reopened is too much. I'm not coping. It's been a couple weeks since I started working with the police and I still feel as raw as I did when I had to retell what happened.

There is a ping on his computer and knowing what it means, I pull away from him, trying to suck in a few shaky breaths. I've taken up enough of his time while he's trying to work. I'm not about to let him ignore his clients or employees anymore.

He hands me a couple of tissues so I can blow my nose and clean up my face. "I'll cancel the meeting."

I shake my head. "Please don't. I'm okay now. I just needed a good cry. I'll use your restroom and go."

He holds my chin in his fingers and looks at me. "Are you sure? I don't mind."

"I'm sure, baby. I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"Nothing to be sorry about. We lean on each other, Ana. I'll always be your safe place."

I smile. He can be so incredibly sweet. Leaning in, I press a kiss to his lips. "I love you."

He looks relieved by my smile and grins. "I love you, too. Take your time in the restroom. I'll wrap up your sandwich. I want you to eat it when you get home, okay?"

I give him another kiss and stand to get myself put together in the restroom before leaving. I bring my handbag and work on applying new make-up to hide some of the evidence of my breakdown. I've got a couple hours before I have to pick up Ellie from school and I'm relieved because it'll give me some time to get my shit together.

When I finally re-emerge, Christian is sitting at his desk with his earbuds in and he looks over, giving me a smile. He puts a finger up.

"I need to mute myself for a minute. I'm still here." He tells whoever is on the opposite side of the computer before making his way over to me to give me another hug.

"You okay?"

I smile up at him and nod. "Yes. Nothing that a big Iced Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks won't fix."

He chuckles and leans down to kiss me. "Love you. Text me when you get home."

Christian

I knew that Anastasia was struggling with the Hyde situation because she's been more introverted the last couple of weeks and we haven't been intimate since she talked to the police. I don't mind being patient with her, but there is a part of me that is devastated at the thought of her possibly being disgusted at the thought of being intimate with me now. I am trying to not let it bother me, because this is her trauma, not mine. My concerns don't matter. I just hope that once she gets the help she needs, she'll remember that I'm safe and I would never want to hurt her or make her feel defiled.

I end up working late, pushing myself to get everything I can done so I can take tomorrow off. After her breakdown today, I want to be with her tomorrow. I want to give her some time to relax and not have to worry about anything, but herself for the day. When I get in, it's after 10:00pm and both of my girls are already asleep. It killed me to work so late after seeing Ana so hurt, but I'm hoping that having tomorrow off will be worth the extra five hours of work tonight.

When I slip in beside Ana, I notice her pillow mascara soaked, her cheeks stained. Reaching over, I run my thumb over her cheek and they're still wet. It startles her awake.

"It's me, I'm sorry I startled you."

"You're home."

"I'm home." I press a kiss to her mouth and she curls up closer to me.

"I've missed you, Christian."

I smile. "I've missed you, too. I'm sorry I'm so late, but I'm off tomorrow."

Her face lights up and I instantly know I made the right decision.

"Really?"

"Really." My arms find their way around her and I kiss her temple.

"I need that."

"I know, baby. I know."

XxXxXx

I wake and groan. I feel soft, warm lips on my neck and it awakens Poseiden before I can even clear my head enough to realize that my love who hasn't made a move on me in two weeks is seducing me bright and early.

"I like that."

She giggles against my neck. "Gail just left with Ellie. You deserve this." She moves down my bare chest and I rub my hands over my face, trying to wake up enough to make sure this is what she wants too.

I grab her upper arms as she reaches for my boxer-briefs. "Is this something you want, too?"

She gives me a soft smile and nods. Her eyes are light and she looks happy now that she's washed her face and her mascera is gone. I release my hold on her arms and let her yank my underwear down. She doesn't bother to pull it down any further than my thighs and I chuckle.

"Impatient little thing."

She smiles up at me as her hand runs up and down my shaft a few times before she throws her leg over me and guides me to her opening. She's wet, but not overly and she pouts when she can't push my deeper than a couple inches. I worry she's trying to force this, but I need to trust her. She knows her boundaries and I don't want her to think I don't want this. It feels like it's been so long since I've had intimacy with her and I'm not about to fuck this up if there is no reason to.

I reach over to my side table and pull out the bottle of lubricant. "Here, baby. Let me put this on while you take your nightgown off."

She blinks at me with the pout still evident for a few seconds before she gives a nod and shimmies back a little. She looks shy as she pulls her nightgown off and my heart aches over it. She's struggling and I hate that. I wish I didn't ask her to take it off if she's uncomfortable. I'll do my best at keeping my hands to myself and let her take the lead once she's able to slip me inside of her.

I keep my eyes on her face as she watches me lube myself up and when I see her lick her lips, I grow even harder. At least I know she still enjoys what she sees.

"Okay, baby. Climb on, beautiful. You're in charge."

"Mmhmm." She gives me a grin and it makes me laugh as she shimmies back on top, sheathing me much easier this time. "Oh, yes. Much better, Christian." She sounds breathless.

I reach up and hold onto her hips, feeling like it's a safe enough zone for me to touch without making her feel uncomfortable. "Ride me, babydoll. I'm at your mercy."

When she starts to move, she begins to moan and mewl and I find myself relaxing back while I hold her hips, enjoying the sound and feel of her. My eyes are half-hooded and I my orgasm starts to build too fucking fast for my liking.

"Shit, baby, I'm going to come. Let me get you there." I reach down for her clit, but she smacks my hand away and stops moving.

"No. I don't care. I just want this. You come when you need, Christian."

My heart aches thinking she won't let me touch her, but I know I need to do this on her terms. One step at a time. I don't want anything negative to come out of our lovemaking.

She picks up her pace and her voice gets louder and it ends me. Before I can even tell her, I'm coming hard, every muscle in my body seeming to be clenched. "Fuck."

She moans out. "Yes, Christian. Deep."

I find myself thrusting my hips up into her, trying to bury myself as deep as I can for her. When I finally relax, my hips do too and I blink a few times, my girl smiling down at me. She leans over me and presses a kiss to my lips, my cock buried deep still.

"Mmm, thank you, baby. That's exactly what I needed."

I quirk an eyebrow at her words. "What you needed, huh?"

She giggles and rises, letting me slip out of her. "Yes. I needed to feel like yours again."

I clench my jaw. "You are mine." It's almost a growl.

"I know." She relaxes beside me and runs her palm over my abdomen while she props herself up on her elbow. "But, sometimes I need a reminder."

"Anytime you need a reminder, you know where to find me. I'll use my teeth, my tongue, my dick..." I eye her neck, where I would love to leave a bruising love bite.

She giggles. "I love possessive Christian."

I prop myself up on my elbow and grip her hip, pulling her closer. "Is that right?" My right side of my mouth pulls up into a grin.

"Oh, I know that look..." She tries to turn to make a run for it but I dive for her neck, pinning her down while I rub my scruff all over her sensitive neck and chest. She squeals and giggles as she tries to grab my face. "Christian!"

I stop and let her hold my face between her palms. She looks relaxed and happy.

"I want you, Christian. Touch me."

My mouth drops open, but I quickly recover and clear my throat. "Are you sure?"

She nods against her pillow, a soft smile on her face as she looks up at me. "I want you on top."

Fuck yes.

Teaser? Just Ask.

So this chapter got too long so the run-in with police will be next chapter. I'm sorry I jumped the gun!