DISCLAIMER and note: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe. There are some of Kishimoto's lines in here - I think you'll get why.

Also, please keep in mind the chapter's title and what's been going on in the last chapter!

And finally, this site doesn't allow authors to do an awful lot of formatting: either that or I haven't figured out how to do it properly. You can't even use tabs on this site! I hope you can forgive me for messing with the format as much as I needed to later in this chapter. Hopefully, you'll see a hint of method in the madness.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Naruto speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

Sasuke jumped from his partner's arms as his Mangekyo activated. His clone must have disappeared or… "Oh, God. What have I done?"

Jugo was alarmed; Sasuke never acted this way. "Are you alright, Sasuke?"

Sasuke took a deep breath and then chuckled without there being any mirth in it - still staring straight ahead as he considered all that he just "remembered," wondering if any of it had been real. Tears came to his dark eyes as he cut the chakra to them. Slumping, he put his head in his hands.

The memories were there, in his head...

Itachi had killed the entire clan, exactly as he thought he had.

He'd killed his brother.

And then Sasuke had killed Naruto, blowing her arm off in a horrible battle following a fucking war. She'd only wanted to reason with him but no…

Sasuke had managed to turn even the fucking Sage of Six Paths against him.

"I've… I've made a terrible mistake. –A bunch of them."

.

Meanwhile, the weight of the ten-tails husk had collapsed a hidden tunnel between Suna and Konoha.

"Tem-ari, are you alright?" Shikamaru asked. Next to them lay their escort, Uchiha Shisui, whom Shikamaru was sure was alive - again - but had a hell of a lump coming up on his head. Not good: not good at all. The Uchiha had definitely been dead - his wide eyes completely vacant as Shikamaru's shadows had searched for a pulse that wasn't there repeatedly.

- And then suddenly the scary, curly-haired baka had looked over and almost drunkenly wiggled his eyebrows at him before groaning about "the Sage," Shikamaru was fairly sure, and passed out.

Shikamaru wasn't sure or not whether Temari realized that Kankuro was dead. Still dead. I can't believe it.

Temari felt fresh tears come to her eyes again. They really were all going to die here, underground, any time now - weren't they? As a proud kunoichi of Suna, she should've been prepared for this, although she'd always imagined herself FIGHTING against an enemy and giving her all - putting her life on the line - by protecting her home and brothers. She let out a whimper as she thought of Kankuro. At least they die as they lived: side-by-side!

She didn't expect to be crushed underground like this although she should have. "I - I never liked these damn tunnels. Or tunnels at all!" They might connect the villages now but look what had happened! This was ALWAYS a risk!

Shikamaru chortled. His shadow had extended over their party as soon he felt that chakra surge above ground and unfortunately, Shisui had tried to use his sunshin to investigate, he was sure. He'd left a shadow clone but it had popped when they were nearly crushed. The Uchiha had obviously been hit with something when most everything collapsed: probably a flying weapon or lantern, Shikamaru guessed, since he hadn't been crushed.

His breath hitched as he looked into his girlfriend's frightened eyes. –That expression wasn't like Temari's normally confident gaze, proving that they were really fucked. Shikamaru had dragged Shisui's (then dead) body over to them and his shadow was still holding up the weight of something enormous. –Either that or they were buried even further underground than they should be.

And maybe it was simply his chakra holding all of this up, somehow. He'd have to consider that more later. It's not like there was very much light here. They still had oxygen for now but...

He felt Naruto's chakra closing in and laughed. "Hurry up, Naru." I can't believe I need her to save me again.

I worked so fucking hard to make sure I could take care of my family, Temari, my teammates, and Asuma's family so that I was never in a situation like this again!

Whatever was happening above ground had to be very, very bad.

He soon felt Naruto's chakra dipping to the point that for a moment he thought it was gone and tried not to panic - not only for his sister but for them. For Temari: not again, please. Licking his dry, dirty lips, he looked down at the woman he loved, whom he was having trouble staying above to protect. His arms were about to give out, as was his chakra. "I -I don't know if we'll make it out of this, this time, Temari. I don't care how it seems, but I love you. I've loved you for a really long time." Longer than you can imagine.

Temari couldn't hold back the tears. "Baka!" She began to wrap her arms around him and gasped, stiffening, when she realized how much pain he was in. "Are you okay? And I love you, too, idiot!"

Shikamaru coughed out a laugh. "Good. …Good. Whatever's above us is really heavy. My back's fucking killing me." And my everything else, really. "Troublesome."

"You're so strong," Temari admitted and then flushed. "If I could just reach my fan… I don't even know where it is. OR WHAT I COULD DO WITH IT!" She sniffled pathetically without much shame at this point.

Shikamaru hissed when he leaned down to kiss her. The weight on top of him had really done a number on his back. –And then the ground shook and he felt relief! He began panting, adrenaline coursing through his veins. With a tremendous push, his shadows - or chakra - swelled behind him and he pushed the earth off of them. He collapsed onto his girlfriend.

"Shikamaru? Shikamaru! WAIT," she shouted at the bloodied Leaf nin who was soon trying to help them. ANBU was crawling all over the area and it looked like there had been an explosion - and that they had been in the center of it. "Something's wrong with his back: bring a scoop stretcher and be careful how you move him!"

.

Kakashi was surrounded by darkness, but ahead of him was a bit of light: a campfire. He made sure his presence was known, softly clearing his throat, as he approached it but felt more and more anxious as he moved forward.

Although he didn't remember this place, he had an inkling that he'd been here before at some point.

When he saw the long, silvery-white, bushy ponytail - the one that he'd followed or tried to catch up with before the man committed suicide - he felt his gut clench. "So, here you are, Father."

"Hey, Kakashi," Sakumo greeted his son warmly. "I brought your mother this time."

Kakashi took a half-step back as a woman he didn't remember (even from photos) stood up, smiling with tears running down her cheeks. He laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head. "Maa," he began but couldn't find the right words. Seems I'm dead.

Had he failed again? He must have.

"Kakashi?" the woman whimpered as she tried to approach him. Kakashi stepped closer - but not too close - to his father instead.

Sakumo grimaced. "We need to explain, remember, love?"

"Right," his mother said as she wiped her hands over her cheeks to dry them. Kakashi felt guilty but he didn't want anyone touching him but…

"Oh Kami. She's gonna kill me," he breathed. He looked up at his father and bent down near his side. "Is it true? Once fully bound and mated, Hatakes can't be separated in this or any life?"

His father let out a huff but nodded. "I think so. That's at least what they say." Sakumo looked toward his wife regretfully and took her hand.

Kakashi moved to pull a weapon when he felt a very strange but familiar presence. Unfortunately, he didn't have any weapons on him in this weird, much-too-intimate afterlife and his seals wouldn't work, either.

The most recent unwanted campfire visitor was a huge silver and white wolf. Instinctively, Kakashi had carefully moved to separate it from his parents.

My parents, dear Gods… And what could he even do here? He side-stepped slightly so that he could keep all three of them within sight. Naruto really was going to kill him.

His mother was beautiful. She had light auburn hair and blue eyes. She was pale - but not as pale as he and his father were. She was holding his father's hand. "Nice to see you." Did I just say that?

"Sakumo told me so much about you, Kakashi! –I want you to know how much I always loved and - and wanted you and - and - and how proud we both are of you!"

"Ah, thank you - for having me and for that." Kakashi smiled at her but felt more and more wrong about all of this despite her heartwarming words. "I've been here before."

"You remember," Sakumo said with a hint of excitement in his smile.

Kakashi laughed awkwardly - again. "Not really, but perhaps it's more important that we address the very large wolf here?" He nearly closed his eyes in a second of frustration when he realized that his parents couldn't see the huge thing.

"It's not your time," a disembodied voice echoed around him. Kakashi was fine with that. Call him a selfish bastard but "I just want to go home to Naruto."

"Uzumaki Naruto?" Sakumo asked rather sharply after a beat.

"HATAKE Naruto," Kakashi growled in warning, then tried to smile as a way of apology. Sort of. He was very possessive of his mate; his father of all people should understand that.

Sakumo took a deep breath. "Alright - now this is important, Kakashi; I need you to listen to me..."

Aside from the wolf, they all jumped when a man appeared over the fire, floating at that very moment. He looked very unhappy, had horns on his head, and possessed the Rinnegan. And is that another Sharingan-like eyeball in the center of his forehead?

"Who are you?" Kakashi asked - although somehow he just KNEW who this man was.

The Sage of Six Paths reached out his hand toward his head. "Remember, Hatake Kakashi." He reached his other hand out to the enormous wolf watching the whole thing. "Ookami? I believe you have a say in this."

The wolf bobbed his head and jumped onto his descendant and heir.

Kakashi gasped when he suddenly remembered Naruto - HIS Naruto: his mate and wife! - hugging his pre-teen masked face into her mouthwatering breasts when they'd defeated Mukade in Roran. That was my first mission with sensei.

Did I actually try to push her away? –I thought I was supposed to be a genius!
She smelled so fucking good even as she was disappearing!
Kakashi closed his eyes, feeling his blood boil at recalling that his sensei had wiped their memories, right after they learned that Naruto's last name was Hatake.

She was HIS! He had no fucking right!

The wolf inside of him snarled in outrage.

.

- Is there a fucking wolf in my head? What the actual fuck?!

And did Tenzo recall that mission? –He'd been there in Roran! Oh, he was going to kill Tenzo - or worse: retrain him.

.

It took Kakashi a few moments to get his shit together from there. He murmured something that was more a grunt than a word, attempting to address the aggravated floating person. Kakashi wasn't sure what was happening.

Am I really dead or dreaming?

"Remember Hatake Kakashi…"

The (Hardly a) Ballad of Earlier Kakashi and Naruto
From their very first meeting -

Kakashi winced as he observed his three not-to-be Genins from the tree outside of the classroom. If these three really were ANYTHING like his or the previous Team 7s, they were all fucked.

He was already fucked and had been fucked (and cursed) for many years. He was certainly not the man Minato-sensei was. He allowed an eraser that he could've evaded in over a hundred different ways to drop on his head.

"Hmm… My first impression of you is - I hate you." Kakashi schooled his features as he said something else and sunshinned to the roof. He… He did NOT see the look of resigned hurt on his sensei's son's face. He DIDN'T. He also refused to think about that later as he got black-out drunk at his apartment.

* He did NOT have a horrible pink fangirl on his little team - oh, I so do.
 * One of Obito's last two remaining clansmen was NOT an obsessed avenger bent on killing his older brother (whom Kakashi had personally trained to be an ANBU captain ) - oh, yes he is.
 * And Naruto… Oh, Minato-sensei:

"And then I'll become Hokage so all the village will acknowledge me!" - NOPE, he was not unpacking all the awful things that single statement implied.

- Ramen, ramen, ramen: that, too, was a painful reminder, especially of Kushina.

- - "You're so girly, Minato! Ha! Your sensei was even more girly when we were young, though! Don't worry; he's super strong, despite that."
 - - "Kushina! C'mon. Please don't tell my students stuff about THAAAAT! Play nice!"
 - - "Buy me ramen, pretty boy, and you've got yourself a deal, 'ttebane!"

* "Dattebayo!"
 - Yes, Naruto was a perfect split of Kushina and Minato in looks - and the boy was definitely rather girly-looking. He had no idea if the child had inherited any of their brains or talent, unfortunately.

Mission after mission after mission after mission.
D-ranks for them and A & S-ranks for me, as usual.

Kakashi came to care about them. When, for a moment, he'd thought he'd lost his two most problematic Genins to Zabuza's partner inside of that ice dome, he realized just how much he'd both fucked up in training them AND how he needed to make himself stronger to protect them. He had allowed his skills to deteriorate terribly since being forced out of ANBU.

They ended up surviving, so he had to, as well. They all had to grow - and they would, together.

Mission after mission after mission.
It never ends, does it?

The Chunin Exams were meant to knock them around so they'd grow up and come together again - if the latest Team 7 even managed to make it to their first test together. But to think that his precious little Genins had been targeted by Orochimaru, a rogue he couldn't handle even as a Jonin or member of the Black Ops? The kids lived through it, however - and the next thing he knew, Lord Third was dead, Naruto had summoned sensei's toad and turned Gamabunta into the Nine-tails in order to defeat the Ichibi?

* Kakashi was so proud. –And a little afraid of the orange-loving kid following that if he was being honest with himself.
* At least Jiraiya was going to be taking on Naruto's training.

* Itachi's horrible, torturing genjutsu.

* And before he knew it, Naruto had brought Senju Tsunade back. He was also now wearing the Shodai's necklace. Kakashi saw it for what it was: a promise that the Godaime Hokage completely believed in Naruto, 100%.

Mission after mission - this time without them.

At the Valley of the End, Sasuke was gone: Kakashi had, once again, been too slow. He bent down to pick Naruto up, hating… HATING what Sasuke had done to him and was only a little surprised when Naruto moved to better cover up? The kid was half-drown, more than half-dead, and was suddenly strangely modest? They were both guys - not that it should've made a difference at a time like this! "I've got ya, Naruto." Kakashi ran back to Konoha for all he was worth as Naruto almost bled out on his back.

Mission on top of mission after mission, almost always alone now.
Again.

Naruto left us without saying goodbye. Only the Nara heir had seen the blonde when he asked around, and that kid had given him the stink-eye. Kakashi had also heard Shikamaru muttering about how Kakashi never visited Naruto in the hospital. –Which was true.

* He was too guilty to have done so. If he hadn't taught Sasuke the Chidori, Sensei's legacy wouldn't have almost died. If he wasn't a lousy teacher who possessed such terrible judgment - and didn't destroy everything around him - none of this would've happened.

* And Naruto HAD to leave. He had to grow strong enough to beat the S-ranked nins of the Akatsuki and only Jiraiya could train him that way. To fight S-rank rogues like Itachi - oh, Itachi: what happened to you? How is Naruto going to survive you or anyone like you?

* The audacity of wishing Naruto would stay with him and their comrades was ridiculous. But he was ridiculous - and weak.

.

Nearly three years later, a matured, blushing Naruto in a new, oddly fitting jumpsuit (what's with the big jacket? Aren't you hot?) handed him the latest Icha-Icha book. And Naruto edited it?! That's certainly interesting.

Mission after mission after mission -
both with and without Naruto and Sakura, who weren't getting along very well.
At least Naruto's trying.

And then Danzo's spy, Sai - what a weird kid - and his kawaii kohai, Tenzo (aka Yamato,) became part of their extended team, too.
Almost like a family.

Aside from whatever Sasuke was going through, which was something that constantly hung over his team members' heads, Kakashi was almost happy. –It was the closest he'd remembered to being happy in decades.

Something around him seemed to shift. Kakashi's gaze shifted back to the man floating, cross-legged, beside him when he chuckled. What is happening?

Kakashi was a genius. He didn't like not knowing what was going on - especially in his own head.

He saw himself humming and kicking the foot he had crossed over his other leg as he lay on a bench Tenzo had "grown" with his jutsu for him as Naruto worked on perfecting his wind chakra. As usual, he was hiding behind/reading Paradise.

"IEEEEEEEEEEEE," his kohai yelled.

"Yare, yare. What's wrong, Tenzo?"

"Don't call me that! And Na- Naaa... Naruto's a…"

"Shut up, Yamato-taicho," Naruto shrieked. Kakashi could hear the embarrassment in the kid's unusually high-pitched scream.

Kakashi laughed, not having seen why his kohai was completely freaking out. He trusted Naruto with Tenzo and he was feeling rather lazy, reclining in the sunshine. An hour or so later, he looked up to see a multitude of soaking wet Narutos working hard as they tried to cut a waterfall. Kami. Naruto was soaking wet, oddly curvy for a boy although such a thing wasn't unheard of.

And has a really nice ass.

He gawked and dropped his book, turning his head away so fast that his neck cracked. What kind of thought was that?! Saying goodbye to his subordinates, he took off, knowing that he needed to NOT think about anything like this, and resolved to get smashed (& possibly layed which had nothing to do with that moment of insanity, he assured himself) IMMEDIATELY.

I'm not that kind of pervert!

He might've screwed some dark-haired chick but definitely only saw blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Oh God, I am that kind of pervert!"

No, no, no: It's like people used to say: I had a thing for sensei. That thought had him literally vomiting.

When completed, the Rasenshuriken was magnificent and deadly - and Kakashi was SO impressed and proud. After defeating Kakazu, Naruto wouldn't be able to use it again but the kid wasn't worried. Naruto had grown so much (surpassing him) and had done so in many important ways - and he was still so kind, caring, and positive. Sometimes Kakashi felt like Naruto was HIS teacher in the things that mattered. The teen definitely led him to challenge his way of thinking about certain very important things. Naruto was still naive but the Jonin found himself wishing that that part of him would remain that way. –But they were shinobis.

It was impossible.

Speaking of wishes, Kakashi DID kind of wish that the blonde would cut his hair because it was getting long and…

Naruto's beautiful.

NO! No, no, no, no! Naruto simply looks even more like his parents with longer hair - and Kakashi would bet that Naruto might be growing it out to emulate his master, Jiriaya-sama. It only made sense that Naruto was an extremely attractive individual: both of his parents had been, too.

One day soon after that, he again took off from the ramen stand when he could've SWORN Naruto's large arm cast was covering up BREASTS. —Potentially large breasts if they were actually being tied down the way they kind of looked in that white tee. Despising himself more and knowing that he was losing what was left of his mind, Kakashi went on a series of benders and tried to convince himself that he was not gay - or WAS gay, and just needed to get over himself - depending on the day.

It didn't work - although he didn't feel that way about anyone but Nar– NO no no no.

"Gai-kun," Kakashi began, gagging as he gave up on life again. This really was the end. "I challenge you to… 50 laps… In bed."

"Yosh-ah- WHAAAA? No! I do NOT agree with this challenge! ...Rival," he added more softly - thank Kami for small favors - "what ARE laps in bed?"

Kakashi almost cried. "I don't know!" Gai patted his back a few times, sending him further and further to the ground and surely realizing that he was quite drunk again. "I didn't know where else to go!"

"I am STRAIGHT, Rival."

"Maa, I am too - or I thought I was."

"WHO, may I ask, has caught your attention this time?" Gai asked with a deep, threatening voice.

What was that about? Since when had Kakashi ever been interested in anyone for more than a quick tangle in the sheets? No one (else) had ever caught his attention!
EVER.
–Really, he knew there was something even more wrong with him, the more he thought about that.

"No one!" Kakashi sunshinned home. He thought Gai might know exactly who he had become infatuated with.

And then Pein attacked and he was dead - and for a short time, Kakashi had been with his father again… Just like a few minutes ago.

What is happening? And Naruto's not a guy: how outrageous.

And then he wasn't dead.

Am I still alive?

What is happening?

Making his way back to his favorite student who had saved them all, Kakashi jumped forward when he saw Naruto falling down on his feet. To think: even Uzumaki Naruto can get chakra exhaustion. "I've got you, Naruto."
When the kid scented him and let out a little moan as he fell against his shoulder, Kakashi nearly tripped. He suddenly realized how different the teen's clothes were right now. He'd been so shocked at seeing that red haori that resembled Minato-sensei's that he hadn't considered it.

"Maa- haha, Naruto. Shouldn't you drop the sexy jutsu if your chakra's this low?" –Yeah, he could feel… female attributes.

"What?" a tired, breathy voice asked. "You can't be serious. –This ISN'T a jutsu, sensei."

Kakashi tried to take that idea in stride. Nope. "What do you mean?"

There are breasts against your back, idiot!
–N- no there aren't.

"I'm female? I'm a woman, sensei. –Always have been, always will be, I guess." She chuckled attractively as she rubbed her nose into his hair, beginning to konk out again. "So much for looking underneath the underneath, hm?"

After eventually putting her down, Kakashi stood back as the entire village greeted his student - his FEMALE student (why did no one tell me and how could I have missed this?!) - and fisted his hands when he- SHE hugged some of her friends and Sakura slowly came up and put her arms around her.

Sakura feels insincere.

–Where did that knowledge come from?

The present, dead Kakashi, shook that off.

Maybe, if I can't shake this feeling, I can wait until she's 20 and then ask her out or something? –No: that's a long time from now; I'll be back to myself soon and such a thing is WRONG. These feelings are simply admiration and love: platonic/uncle-like love!

Considering that Kakashi hadn't loved ANYONE other than his father and maybe Minato-sensei - it made sense that he'd confused it with romantic love feelings, right?

He was forced to pull and nearly jutsu Sakura off of her - as if the pinkette was trying to really kill Naruto - after all the fanfare died down.
Sakura had not been happy to find out that her teammate had been a disguised woman all along.

.

Oh, Hells Bells… Sasuke's insane and I'm going to be Hokage. Goddammit.

Regardless, Kakashi played interference from Naruto's MULTITUDES of fanboys and fangirls that came out of the woodwork after the village was cratered. Fortunately, his favorite student seemed absolutely clueless about these things.

And then war was declared and she was being sent away again. But thank Kami Tsunade had woken up.

.

Naruto saved me from Hiruko…
- What a stupid plan that was. Why didn't Hiruko target Sasuke if he wanted the Uchiha's Sharingan bloodline?! –Not that I want Sasuke to be targeted.
Not that I care whether I live or die if it dying helps the village - except for Naruto-chan.
- "I'm really beginning to like you, Naruto!"
- Long, thick eyelashes batted demurely over big blue eyes as her cheeks turned a fetching shade of pink. Kakashi sucked in a sharp breath as the kids around him gagged and made fun of his affections. It wasn't his fault! Since when can Naru look like that?! It was TOO MUCH.

"I really like you too, sensei."

- Too much! Too much!

.

The dead had been brought back to life - I'm so sorry, Asuma - and Naruto and all of her clones stampeded into the Fourth Shinobi War, both literally and figuratively lighting up the battlefields. She gave us all hope and made us believe we could win.

Kakashi chuckled to himself, remembering Naruto cursing out the masked man...

Obito?

- "Kakashi. Surely you of all people know… there is no hope for this world. I'm going to create a world wherein heroes don't have to simply stand, making pathetic excuses in front of graves."

- Kakashi had felt something inside of him breaking then. The Nine-tail's, Kurama's, voice came from his student as it spoke to… Obito? "The Fourth Hokage entrusted me to Naruto. We became friends… He sealed me inside of her to take you down!"

Kakashi felt that he had shattered when that mask came off, proving his theory right, however.

"You let Rin die."

"Kakashi-Sensei. I don't know what went down between you two but now is not the time to get depressed! I'll listen to whatever you have to say later..."

"Kakashi," Gai chided from beside him - always beside me, always helping me stay on the right track and stopping me from following in my father's final steps - "Naruto is right! The world is on the line right now!"

And then Uchiha Fucking Madara showed up. And Naruto screamed at him, calling him a "retard."

.

Shit! I can't believe I ever forgot how Kamui really works!

.

The reanimated Fourth Hokage smacked Kakashi over the head. "I see how you're looking at my daughter: you can't fool me and this is NOT THE TIME!"

"Maa, I don't know what you're talking about, Sensei. She's my student!" It's not like he could tell Minato-sensei that Naruto had to hide as male because she was so hated and targeted in Konoha - or say that the whole "female thing" still shocked and kept him up thinking about her at night.

Yep, that's why he was up at night - not drinking himself quickly into alcoholism repeatedly so that he wasn't… Never mind: yes he was definitely doing that almost every night, thinking about her.

Gods, I am a fucking terrible person.

–And then her memories - including her love for (or at her least admiration for and crush on) him hit him like an anvil as some of her experiences and emotions flowed through the entire Shinobi Alliance. He resolved to defeat Obito and stay by her side, in whatever role she'd allow him to.

Everything was gone and Obito was on our side and we were fighting some kind of rabbit alien goddess?
Black Zetsu.

Black Zetsu...

While it was all going on AND finally over, Kakashi tried to figure out what Sasuke wanted to do but had to deal with the Sage of Six Paths' spirit(?) who was complimenting him for leading his remarkable students as they stood in the middle of all the dead kages.

-?!-

Kakashi's eyes darted to the man FLOATING beside him. This guy: I was right.

.

Kakashi broke down, falling on his knees as he finally remembered finding Naruto and Sasuke after they'd fought - immediately after fighting a war in which Naruto had been forced to bleed chakra like a sieve - each missing an arm and there was so much blood. How can there be this much blood?

I jumped down beside her…

Naruto looked up at him (somehow) fondly, her face terribly swollen and bruised; at least one of her orbital sockets had been broken. She coughed and spit up blood. Her voice was so small. "Kakashi. Sensei, I'm glad you're here."

"Don't talk, Naruto." I'm watching her leave me! Oh Kami, please don't die! "Sakura!"

"Sh-she has the Kyuubi and Sasuke-kun d- doesn't and they're both…"

"It's alright, Sakura." Normally beautiful eyes tried to look up into his two gray ones as Kakashi panicked, his eyes clouding over with tears. "I don't have Kurama, anymore: not really, I don't think," she half-mouthed to him. She could barely speak!

How could she lose Kurama? Kakashi looked at his downed male student and felt rage. HE had taken the rest of Kurama, too, hadn't he?

"Sakura, heal Naruto: that's an order!" Even Sasuke was asking Sakura to stop and heal Naruto instead of focusing on him! Kakashi saw the light leaving her blue eyes and shook her, getting right in her face. "Naru-chan!"

"Why: I don't know why… It's not working," Sakura cried out as she finally started concentrating more on her other teammate.

Naruto hummed and blinked a few times in confusion and smiled at her sensei and then over at the boy she more often than not called Bastard. "I've got an idea, Teme, Sakura-chan." She wiped her hand through her blood. "Ma can help. Kuchi… yose no Jutsu," she whispered after trying to go through the required hand seals. Kakashi realized that she must not be feeling her body or pain anymore because she looked like she was going through hand seals - not realizing that she was bleeding out from a missing arm.

Everything went dark and Kakashi felt his blood curdle. The Shinigami. "Naruto? NARUTO!" He tried to shake her but she was dead.

He felt his spirit leaving him and found something similar to a shadow of his student arguing LOUDLY with the God of Death and the Sage of Six Paths. Life was quickly sucked away from him, though, and he couldn't get to her.

And then he was adolescent in a purple barrier as the Nine-tails raged outside of it.

"What madness is this?" he muttered to himself. He jerked when the Sage spoke - even though he was still so young and inside of that purple barrier. His comrades - so young, so afraid but ALIVE - didn't see the Sage as he did.

"This is the result of a bargain gone wrong," the Sage said as he floated beside him. He watched as Kurama batted shinobis around in the distance. "Uzumaki Naruto made a deal with the Shinigami to take her soul but save her comrades - to, in effect, save the world. As the last living Uzumaki not in one of those despicable chakra-stealing 'pods' - but especially as my successor - Shinigami-sama was happy to oblige. He wanted out of that summoning contract the Uzumakis held, once and for all. And then he used a few of Naruto's more imprecise or peculiar phraseologies against her after the deal was struck."

Kakashi closed his eyes. Yes, Naruto could be either mouthy or get a little too excited and easily be misunderstood - especially the way she was back then. "All of that really happened?" Kakashi had felt it, he had remembered it now and certainly was hurt by it - but felt disconnected from all of it. It had happened to him and yet it somehow felt as if it hadn't.

Nothing was real.

No. That's not right.

What he'd learned about the war could be extremely beneficial if he could get back.
He'd also never let Sakura or Sasuke get close to his mate again.

He and the Sage faded through the barrier and were now in near darkness.

Hagoromo nodded. "Yes. All of that DID really happen. Shinigami-sama had not anticipated that I'd saved chakra to see what would become of Indra and Asura's incarnations. And he owed me," he sighed. "We bartered another deal; I altered the original for my own machinations." He straightened up and gave the shinobi a hard look. "Hatake Kakashi, Uzumaki Naruto is my chosen successor. She has suffered in two lifetimes and I want her to have a chance to achieve her goals. In her current state… You have bound yourself to her in this and all lifetimes: that is what is most pressing. THAT is also ultimately the solution."

"Her current state? Is something wrong with Naru?" Kakashi asked quickly. But he was… fairly dead, wasn't he? In limbo: something like that?

"You wish to have children, do you not?" Hagoramo couldn't help but thinly smile when he saw the way the shinobi in front of him looked like he would fall down - and the way his breathing had hitched and picked up. He had reacted the same way when he had when his wife first sprung such an idea of him. She soon became pregnant with Indra. He touched the Hatake's shoulder, transferring more of his power to him until… He huffed. "That kunoichi is so unpredictable. It seems that Naruto has taken some of my power, regardless. –Never mind that - although it does change what I'd planned to do…"

"'Never mind that?'" Kakashi exclaimed, panicking even more. "You just said that she couldn't handle your power because she's pregnant - with my child ohmyGod suck it up, Hatake - and now you're saying NEVER MIND?"

"Ha! Did I imply such a thing? –And I thought you were so… 'cool?'" Hagoromo chuckled. "Is that the correct word at this period of time? Imperturbable may be a better one." He placed his hand against the aggravated nin's head. "Naruto has freed Kokuo, meaning that she has taken chakra from all the 9 of my children that your kind considers to be 'tailed beasts.' Hatake-san, there is a message you must deliver to Kurama. But I strongly suggest you go after Naruto. Listen well…"

Naruto jumped up, in pain but terrified of what had just happened. Was that a waking dream? No, no, no: things were never okay when that super-old Jiji Sage of Six Paths was involved! And FUCK she was in pain. Her coils and core were hot, her chakra was low but not as bad at least but… "Goddammit!"

The village was rocked as she cried out in pain again and for one imbecilic second, Naru thought her pain and yell had caused it. Two clones broke free behind her as she dispelled one that had been elsewhere, collecting nature's energy. She pulled on Kurama's cloak, too, and took off like a shot through the village, gates, and into the forest - blowing people to the side as she moved so fast.

The village's alarms went off behind her.

"No." It was that fucking statue and the Akatsuki and… Her eyes went to the group of ninjas, dead on the ground. "Kakashi!"

And Shikamaru? She tried to look for him but her tearful eyes couldn't be forced to leave the silver hair of the man she loved. On the ground and…

I still sense a trace of Kakashi's (or Kurama's?) chakra in him. What the fuck?!

"Please keep him alive, Kurama! Please!" She jumped when she saw Konan's lifeless body staring up into the sky and that's when she finally heard the crying. She made a shadow clone to guard and help her husband and look for her older brother.

Building up chakra for that damn jutsu she'd just learned, Naruto suddenly found herself unable to move.

"Hold her," a man's voice said as a child came forward. Naruto was repulsed by the way the girl's eyes were so large, red, and bleeding or oozing. The girl didn't have the Sharingan and neither did the man ordering her around - but Naruto could only guess that they shared some other creepy dojutsu she'd never heard of. She grunted, realizing that her heart had stopped or SOMETHING. She'd felt it hitch when she saw Kakashi but she couldn't breathe, she couldn't move at all!

Naruto didn't know that a small vixen was well behind her - outside of the collapsed entrance to her summoning realm - doing her best to counter the jutsu her summoner was being attacked by.

"My Kekkei-Genkai allows me to manipulate liquids with sufficient iron content," the little brat bragged. "That means blood!"

Ranmaru: this girl's eyes are like Ranmaru's - only bloodier and creepier - and so are the adult male's behind her. The little girl started going into a whole monologue about how her clan was wiped out by that man - but how that COULDN'T be true because she now realized that they were from the same clan? The kid just KEPT talking while Naruto struggled until she heard a different voice in her head.

"Kurama! Uzumaki! I am not chained and this damnable husk is unstable. They didn't seal us in order this time! Can you help me? Please!"

Kurama wanted to cheer: finally, something was going right even though the kit couldn't move! It's not like he was going to let her die, though. She or her perverted mated Ningen for that matter - although the Ningen's chakra had just STOPPED for some reason. "KOKUO!"

"Yes," Naruto hissed. The chatty girl jumped - Naruto thought she had been talking about destroying the great Shinobi villages although Naruto was far more interested in Kokuo being freeable - second to rescuing Kakashi. "C'mon, Kurama: help us! Please! This is bullshit!" She was supposed to be fighting, not standing there like a weakling dumbass! Naruto was able to take a few shallow breaths, while the girl was distracted but then it seemed as if her adult clansmen took over with those fucking horrible red eyes.

No answer - or Kurama's working on it?

From what the girl said, the little one's a megalomaniac in tiny packaging. The man with the cold, unblinking, disgusting eyes growled at her as he seemed to struggle to keep his dojutsu engaged.

Shouldn't I be dead by now? Naruto had only been able to take a few hints of a breath when she realized that she was hearing Kokuo's voice, but rapidly recycling her chakra, pushing and pushing it out, trying to end this to save Kakashi and Kokuo - to find Shikamaru - once and for all.

.

No!

She was dead.

Her mother was speaking over her and pulling chains out of her chest. "I'm sorry, Naruto! I won't allow that to happen to you again!"

"GENJUTSU, IDIOT!"

Groaning but still unable to move, Naruto's vision blacked as she pushed and struggled to circulate her chakra - THEIR chakras - to restart her blood flow - maybe her fucking stilled heart - and push out. Her clone popped. She had to get to Kakashi and Kuoko! Kakashi was NOT dead; he just couldn't be!

PUUUUUUUUUUUSH!

As Naruto's life force plummeted, thick, iridescent multi-colored chains shot out of her, straight through the heads of those controlling her, straight through Kisame who had gouged one of Nagato's eyes out(?) but was just standing there - how did he even get that close to Nagato?! –And straight past the weeping Nagato and into that fucking statue.

Panting and clutching her chest once she was finally able to breathe, she leveled Nagato with a look. "Bring them back. –I don't give a shit, Nagato. Suck it up! If you regret anyone's death - if you regret KONAN'S death and if you truly want peace: Bring. Them. Back. –I have to go."

She turned to pick up Kakashi - he's breathing! - and her heavy-looking chains swung with her almost weightlessly, tearing at all she'd impaled and causing an explosion. Naruto went flying through the trees, breaking through them and staying in one piece thanks to her Sage mode and then Kurama as it faded. The chains were gone.

She staggered and blinked several times as her legs slid over something as it lifted and bumped her into the air. Something wet? Green blasts of chakra flared out over the area from the direction Nagato had once been. "Kokuo?"

"Yes. Now, let's go, Uzumaki!"

"No! —Kakashi!" She looked behind her to see her husband standing there, looking furious as he stared at her and helped people up - as good as new aside from all the blood on his vest. "Kakashi?" Tears sprang out of her eyes.

"YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE," he yelled. Naruto shrieked and continued trying to get off the giant (and laughing?) dolphin-horse who was soon galloping over the village gates with Kurama's big golden paw hands wrapped around the both of them, not letting her move.

"Let go of me, you giant fuckers!"

"SHUT UP, NARUTO!"

.

"Explain," Minato hissed, "please." He'd received reports from his ANBU captains; Ame had not attacked Konoha. And it seemed that what happened outside of his village - aside from Obito's attack - had been some type of accident.

They'd set up a series of barriers that would allow them to speak freely, but Minato knew to manipulate them considering everyone here.

"I don't know how much time I have but… even someone as powerful as I can be beaten, it seems, Hokage," Nagato said. He looked down at Konan who was looking back at him, tears streaking down her face. The important thing was that she was alive again and being tended to by Tsunade-hime's snails. He tried to smile to reassure her that everything would be alright. Through his remaining eye, he could see that his red hair had an awful lot of white in it now.

The Yondaime Hokage had teleported everyone in the clearing (with one, single technique) into some type of well-sealed, large stadium. "They will all survive," the Uzumaki said in relief.

"What happened?" The entire village - aside from Naruto - hadn't been able to defeat this man before, Minato knew.

"The newest recruits Obito brought to our cause were survivors of the Chinoike clan. They possessed the Ketsuryugan, a dojutsu that allowed them to cast formidable genjutsus and, according to the kunoichi before her death, could freeze iron in liquids - or manipulate it. THAT fact, I had been unaware of. When Oyashiro stabbed Konan, I lost control."

"Similar to what happened with your teammate. Forgive me for mentioning it but Jiraiya-sensei said that Konan-sama revealed that the first time this happened…"

"Yahiko. Yes. My loss of control was triggered by overwhelming grief at losing my friend. –With Yahiko, it was the first time I had summoned the statue."

"The statue is now gone?" Minato asked.

Was it possible? Without that statue, (the ten tails' husk,) to enclose the tailed beasts, the Akatsuki couldn't accomplish its goals. Minato wasn't counting on that, however. He wouldn't put it past Obito and especially Zetsu to have backup plans. Maybe they'd at least get a break, however?

Nagato nodded and averted his eye from Konan for a moment and looked down at the young Hokage, holding his hand to his bloody, bandaged eye socket. "Kisame's water clone stabbed Konan. Uzumaki chakra chains ripped the 'statue,' the Gedo Mazo, apart." He shook his head and gave the Hokage a determined look. "My eyes are cursed, Hokage. Please, with the last of my sight and life, allow me to see you destroy them."

Minato nodded as he stomped on the Rinnegan that had been retrieved from the scene.

"Wait just a minute," Tsunade said, having listened to that and the surrounding drivel ("reincarnation" stories) for long enough as she worked on Uchiha Shisui who was only now beginning to make sense. Minato had said that he still wanted to go through with the Ame treaty. She shook her head as her son weaved through hand seals to adjust the barriers again so that they could speak a little more privately. Minato really was amazing. "We can destroy your other eye, too, alright, but I don't believe in curses anymore. And I have an eye bank, Nagato-san. I can easily perform the surgery; it's not like you're going to permanently lose your vision!"

Konan began to genuinely smile as she sat up more, pale and in pain but with the hope that Tsunade's words meant that her partner would survive. "You believe he'll live?"

"He's extremely weak and exhausted; and of course, he has lost an eye but I don't see the problem aside from those rods. A little blonde know-nothing birdy had hypothesized that Nagato was being taxed heavily by the Rinnegan - and that his body would be far stronger without those eyes." She moved toward him and stepped up onto the man's carrier. "May I?" Nagato looked more than half-dead and thoroughly exhausted so she began without his permission. Her hands lit up in the green hue of iryo-ninjutsu and moved around his head before she looked the man over sourly. She nodded at Minato, who weaved more signs.

"Those eyes aren't yours." He and Konan looked at each other, not understanding, but her next words were delivered to her son - who again weaved more signs. Somehow, Minato had also put up a genjutsu. "You're something else! –Nagato's pathways feel like Kakashi-kun's on the Sharingan side - but Nagato-san's are even more terribly overextended and swollen."

Minato waved more hand seals. "Where is my ANBU commander?" Almost all of the other ANBUs in the village were now here assisting those who'd gone down.

- - Where the hell was Kakashi? Minato had been told he'd been in the forest, battling Obito and the others.

A somewhat guilty Itachi stepped closer to Nagato, still not trusting the man even though he'd used the Kotoamatsukami on him - or had attempted to. He steadied Shisui who also wanted to speak and tilted his head, watching as Hokage-sama AGAIN moved the invisible barriers surrounding them. He could feel them but couldn't see them without his Sharingan activated.

Alive again thanks to Nagato, Itachi remembered everything: the horrific crimes; murdering his own family - all of the atrocities he'd committed in his past life.

He didn't understand why he was given a second chance. Itachi looked down and absently petted the good-sized slug attached to him as he spoke. He was beginning to become fond of it. "Commander-sama flashed off just as you appeared, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade clicked her tongue. "Naruto was riding another bijuu through the village so Kakashi's probably gone to investigate that. Considering her colorful language and screaming, I think the ride was involuntary - although you never know with her."

Minato's mouth fell open. "She was riding and doing what?!"

Shisui asked to see Hokage-sama privately; something Minato agreed to although he needed more information from Nagato. "I need to find Sasuke, sir. Something's happened. –Something serious."

Minato's face twisted into a scowl. "Don't I know it."

.

Kankuro was listening to those in his group while his sister (and a weird but helpful slug) fussed over him. He was unsurprised by the whispered discussions around him. Somehow, while he was dead, he remembered living another life just like so many others here did.

His previous life had ended at the end of the Fourth Shinobi War. He had NO idea of how he'd returned to the land of the living - how he had returned to begin living a life similar to one he'd lived before but figured Gaara knew something about it. –As did that weird Naruto. They both were quite different in this life than they had been in the previous one.

It's almost as if they remembered their old lives and tried to prevent what once was.

"Heh. I'd thought that little idiot was a guy for the longest time back then. Dumbass."

"What?" Temari asked. "Kankuro, I didn't understand. Katsuya-sama, is he… Can I do anything?"

The slug shook its head as it TALKED back to his sister, creeping Kankuro out even more.

Kankuro didn't like slimy things. "H-hey, I uh, just thought of something. Uhhh, Katsuya-sama, you can secrete acid, right? Do you do poisons because I'd love to work with you!" Temari bit a smile back and playfully rolled her eyes but seemed to feel better about his mental and physical state now, making Kankuro happy that he'd avoided discussing what he'd accidentally muttered aloud before. "You should check on Shikamaru again, Temari. –That guy really loves you."

He did in our past life and he does now. I won't stand in your way anymore.

Kankuro continued carefully listening in on or lipreading some of the other conversations of those that that disabled guy had brought back to life. They all remembered the Fourth Shinobi War, too, it seemed.

"Kankuro," Temari breathed. "Thank you! And again… I'm so glad you're okay! I love you, too; don't forget that." She limped over to check on her boyfriend again - whom Tsunade had just moved to work on. She was taking over for her apprentice, Shizune. "Will Nara-san be alright?"

"He needs surgery, but yes. I believe so."

.

Hands in his pockets, Kakashi stared blankly at the ugly, horned, dolphin/horse thing with the enormous leg. The thing's one oversized leg was holding down his unconscious wife. Aside from that, it was about the size of a horse.

"Hello, Hatake-san! I knocked Naruto out," Kokuo said with a gentle look to his downed partner - who, again, was under the thing's much too large leg - and pregnant with my child if Kakashi understood what the Sage said.

That's why she smells different. Gods, the thought was so exhilarating Kakashi thought he might pass out. Instead, he nodded and swallowed hard, wanting to Chidori the weird thing holding her down. Naruto was out cold.

Kakashi hadn't yet noticed the hoof mark embedded in Naruto's headband's metal plate.
He'd be really pissed off as soon as he did.

"Maa, shouldn't you be… bigger?"

"That's funny! I am bigger. But I didn't want to crush your home."

"Thank you for that," Kakashi found himself muttering. How did he get into these situations?

Right: Naruto.

"You're welcome!"

"May I please have my wife back?" Kakashi was really losing his patience.

"I should explain. Naruto-chan was adamant about retrieving you but Kurama said her chakra was too low. This was mostly because of her earlier exercises with the Toad Sage but she could've killed herself when she tried to reverse summon me elsewhere! –It takes a LOT of chakra to reverse summon a bijuu no matter what size we take. Ano, I also needed to get her away from other humans, too, you see. –Or you will. She is stubborn."

Kakashi sighed heavily: that answered one of his questions (and pissed him off) but left more open. He hadn't been absolutely sure if this thing was another tailed beast or simply some kind of weird amalgamation of large mammals that his wife dragged home after it ran off with her but now he at least knew that. The thing moved slightly and he finally saw the tails clearly: yes, there were five of them.

He had been so dazed and confused when he woke up after that explosion that he couldn't see straight. It was odd how he'd sensed everyone's chakra so clearly, though.

Maybe it was something that the Sage did to him.

"You wanna talk to Kurama? –I just realized: you already can talk to Kurama, can't you?" She knocked Naruto's mate over with her hoof to start that conversation, regretting once again that she didn't have hands. Oops. Kokuo guessed that Kurama wasn't in a talking mood: that's so like him. She got off her older brother's vessel and curled up on the grass. Naruto's mate glomped her so she moved over a little more.

Naruto opened her eyes. "K...ash?"

"Naruto, what did you think you were doing?" He made a shadow clone and ordered it to report to the Hokage and then glared at his wife.

"I'm 35," huh?
18+17: does that mean you remember, too?! Have you known all along, Naruto?

"I'll be right back. Don't move." He had to get away or get a drink or something. If she had known, all of this time…

"Hmm?" Naru closed her eyes tighter. My head - and more - really "hurts. I'm so glad you're… ok?"

Huh. He'd left.

Orange bubbles of chakra began melting away from her and Naru tried to grab the sly fucker. "Where the hell do you think YOU'RE going, Kurama?!"

Before he could answer, Naruto snarled when she felt two nearby nuisances' chakra signatures.

Leaping into action, she flew out of her home's barrier to take down Kisame (and maybe even Zetsu) once and for all.