DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.
Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Naruto speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)
Emphasis
Bijuu, etc. speaking
Bijuu, etc. thinking
"I can't believe you had to have surgery! Surgery-surgery," Naruto steamed before trying to better explain, "you know, not just Tsunade-baa-chan does her magic green stuff and POOF: you're good."
She came as soon as she could - or as soon as she heard about him - ready to heal whatever had happened but here Shika was looking like his normal lazy-looking self. Except he's angry… I really should've been here for him when he was hurt. Or anytime before now!
Shikamaru stared at his suddenly teary-eyed sister as he often did, in wonder of the way she could flip a switch and turn into her old, dorky, rather dense self. Oh, she was still both of those things however she had grown into a much more complex, (somewhat) intelligent person. And what was with the tears?
But there were more important things to discuss. As in, he thought he'd seen a tattoo on her hand, for one. –That would be a strange place to get one although he supposed she could have more seals on her body - if that's what he saw. She was turning into one of the village's go-to people on that, from what his father had told him in a letter that he'd received in Suna a while back.
"Where have you been?" he asked instead. Not that he wanted her to cry about it but he was a little pissed that Naruto hadn't visited earlier. Call him petty: that would be troublesome but fair at the moment.
His sister turned 50 shades of red which probably meant that Kakashi had something to do with her absence. Troublesome, indeed. "I thought you'd come to see me as soon as you heard." He was sitting in a hospital bed for Kami's sake. It was boring as fuck. Naruto was a fun and noisy distraction, not that he'd say that.
"I did! –I even brought the obligatory fruit basket and a travel shogi set." She set one down, and then the other. She really hadn't known he was injured so badly until after everything was… over. So embarrassing! What is WRONG with me?!
Shikamaru hummed: a low and irritated sound. "I've got a shogi set here; I mean, I've been here for a WEEK and I'm being discharged tomorrow, Naruto."
"I'm sorry, Shika." It wasn't her fault that she'd gone into heat –no, no– had a sex-maniac husband that had a penis that did strange, painful, but powerful tricks (let alone what insane feats Kakashi's poor balls must have gone through when dealing with her) –no, no: DEFINITELY not– Uhhhh… "Hmph! Are you going to tell me what was wrong with your back or not?!"
"Are you going to tell me why people are saying you rode a horse or a dolphin," the latter of which is a hilarious thought, "through Konoha?"
Really, Shikamaru could picture it happening. It was very amusing.
"Either one of those things sounds better and more fun than what it was, you know," Naru sighed, plopping down in the nice upholstered chair next to Shika's hospital bed. He had a very nice room. It wasn't private but his hospital roomie was doing physical therapy right now. "I was 'riding' Kokuo. He was in that statue and… I blew it up," she admitted.
"What?"
"I," Naruto began hesitantly and really didn't know what Shika knew and what he didn't. Hell, there were things SHE still didn't know - such as what happened to his back! She huffed and crossed her arms under her chest.
"OKay. What I THINK happened is that Nagato got attacked by the Akatsuki after coming here for a peace conference: that's what I heard. Anyway, he 'accidentally' summoned that horrible statue that they once put the bijuu in, in our last life.
"There were two Akatsuki members I'd never seen before," she continued with a rapidly tightening throat. "They had some kind of dojutsu that manipulated iron in the blood." I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. All this training and foreknowledge and I couldn't simply BREATHE to do anything about them!
"The Ketsuryūgan," Shikamaru clarified. "The Blood Dragon Eye is only manifested in what's supposed to be the extinct Chinoike clan. –What a drag. If you faced one of them, I guess they're not so extinct."
He just had to know everything, didn't he?! "YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT WAS POSSIBLE, YA KNOW!" Shika only widened his eyes (a lot) and tilted his head a bit which was a pretty good indicator that he hadn't thought of something and felt guilty. Good! "The guy that used that dojutsu first took out a bunch of our shinobis. Then his kid or clansmen started in and… If I didn't die again I sure as hell came close to it, then I - I killed them. Maybe they are extinct now."
Naru licked her dry lips considering that that made these Chinoikes like her mother's clan, didn't it? And I ended them. "My um, chains shot out into them and the other Akatsuki members, I guess - aside from Nagato - but mostly into that statue. I pulled back - NO, Shika, that's not even accurate - I just turned to check on Kakashi to find you since I sensed you there and the statue exploded! Kokuo came galloping out of it while I was still trying to breathe and right myself; then picked my ass up and carried me away."
God, I feel like such a dick: I hardly thought of my own brother, compared to freaking out over Kakashi being down.
But I knew Shika was alive and Kakashi was… Kakashi was… She bit her lip and forced down a shudder. Shikamaru only stared at her for what felt like forever - especially with the loud clock ticking away the seconds on the wall . He must have had a horrible time sleeping with that thing going.
Ah, who am I kidding? Shikamaru could sleep through an invasion if it was too troublesome.
She sniffed away potential tears and offered him what was probably a watery, shitty smile. I'm trying, dammit!
"Kokuo is the Five-Tails," he recalled.
"Yes," Naru nodded. "He's living at my place. With Kurama, partially outside the seal."
"Wh- Troublesome. I don't want to know."
Shikamaru considered that more and although he really DID NOT want to know - or it would be more accurate to say that he wished that he didn't need to know, he did. "Kokuo doesn't have a host, right?" Naru nodded and began peeling an orange as if she was pissed off at the fruit. "Aren't they in danger out in the open?"
"Our barrier's pretty good and Kurama did something to enhance it."
Shikamaru's lip curled up. He could tell his imouto was really irritated. "Kurama still won't give you information on his 'cool seals?'"
Naruto nearly rolled her eyes. "No. He says I'm not advanced enough in fuuinjutsu yet." And that I probably never will be. "Anyway, I want to move the free part of Kurama and Kokuo to the toad's mountain if they'll allow it. They want to be with Isobu, and he's really happy there. –Shit; I don't know if I should've told you any of that." She swallowed hard and found it hard to look at him.
Shikamaru knew that Naruto had pulsed out some kind of complex silencing seal he'd never seen before as soon as she walked into his room, so what could be the problem? There was one thing he knew could be causing her hesitancy: her complete lack of trust in him, of course. "I won't tell anyone, Naruto. –And I know I messed up big time with you by not telling you that your father was alive…"
"That was a long time ago, Shika."
"Still. And it wasn't that long ago, imouto."
Naruto's grin was tight but wobbly. "It's fine, really. I'm long past it."
Troublesome. "It's been what: a week since that went down? Is there a reason they're still at your place - and you need to tell me what the whole deal is with Kurama."
"I have to wait for the toads: Ma and Pa, most likely, to take them to the mountain if they decide to bring a fox and dolphin-horse-tailed chakra entities into their home," she grinned slightly more authentically, snorting at the outlandishness of it all. "I think the toads are fine with Kokuo being there but they do not trust Kurama."
"Why not just reverse summon Kokuo?" Shikamaru asked because he could see how uncomfortable Naruto was. Although it seemed like she was explaining everything well enough, something else was bothering her. And now it's bothering me.
Spit it out, Naruto.
"Kakashi doesn't want me away or to um, use so much chakra." It does take a LOT of chakra to reverse-summon a bijuu; Naruto could admit that.
"Why?" I know he's possessive but Naru's a chakra monster; not that I'll use that word out loud.
Naruto wiggled around in her seat before almost sitting on her fingertips so she'd finally stop fiddling with her hands. "Kakashi's convinced I'm pregnant."
She waited for the negative reaction. What the hell were they thinking?
WHY did Kakashi want this so badly now? Why was she being so dumb about it and such a willing participant?
Obito's still out there.
What are we, stupid?!
Or was the council stupid and then their demands got into our heads?
No, it wasn't the council that demanded this, although they wanted me to marry Sasuke and have Uchiha babies.
Or just pump out any and every clan baby I could.
No, it was "Jiji" that put our marriage contract together.
Oh, Kami. The realization made Naru feel sick! Had the Sandaime planned this? Had he been in contact with Obito at that point and figured that me having a baby and the seal loosening would work as a "final option" of getting Kurama?!
"Naruto?" Shika asked in concern. "Uh. Congratulations, then?" Naruto looked up at him with an expression that was very obviously surprised but extremely worried at the same time. Shikamaru could admit that he felt worried, too. He needed to gather more information.
In this instance, Shikamaru was on a slightly different wavelength from Naruto.
"What is it?"
"Thank you," Naru choked out. "For your congratulations, I mean, but um… Ha! I feel fine and that probably means I'm really not pregnant. What if something's wrong with me? Or not." Kami. That was the first time she'd admitted the fear of not being able to conceive to someone other than Kurama.
And then there was what the Sage mentioned.
I need to talk to Kakashi again.
Shikamaru drew in a deep breath, sitting up more in his bed and feeling pretty good at this point. "You can't do anything about whether you are or not so what can you do?" She gave him a deadpan look which didn't make him feel any better about all of the intelligence he was missing. Shikamaru might not know everything about the situation (or about Naru's new, hidden worries) but perhaps he could share something with his sister, first. He'd like to get back to the way things used to be between them. "Naruto. Kankuro talked to me and well… He remembers everything about his other life, too."
Kankuro thought Temari and I had died, too. So now Temari knows - although Temari doesn't remember anything and still plans to discuss it with Gaara. Or you, Naruto.
"Really?"
"Troublesome," Shika said with a heavy sigh. Naruto didn't get that this was a brand new thing, did she?
"Kankuro died when we were nearly crushed underground in that tunnel." He nodded in acknowledgment of the horrified look on his sister's face. "Nagato, I think, brought him back to life - or at least Kankuro thinks that's what happened since 'Pein' did it a lifetime ago in Konoha. –It's being kept on the down-low, understandably. And from what I've heard here at the hospital? Kankuro's not alone, Naru-chan. There are others that were brought back to life in the forest and at least some of them remember past lives, too."
Naruto's frown deepened. "No one told me."
.
Weeks later, everything was still calm. Nagato, unbelievably, was ALIVE and had new eyes, supposedly. He was being kept at a safe house in Fire Country and doing intense physical therapy. Naruto hadn't seen him yet but really wanted to. Tsunade said that from what she figured, Nagato hadn't brought nearly as many people back from the dead as he must have in the past. Although her clansmen had managed to deplete a significant amount of life force in that jutsu, he at least hadn't died doing it this time.
Naruto really hoped that Konan was all right running Ame by herself.
She sat, thinking about all that and bouncing her legs nervously while Kakashi made them breakfast. He'd been cooking often since their little… thing/mating frenzy if that's what it was - honestly - and that was both good and bad. Kakashi apparently used to cook a lot, alone as a child: may Kami bless his poor, sweet, formerly lonely heart - but it had been a long time since he had cooked regularly. Because of that and even with the meticulous notes he'd made to cookbooks he'd finally brought from the original Hatake compound recently he was often burning or overcooking things.
It wasn't like Naruto was a great cook by any stretch of the imagination when she first started but at this point, she didn't want to turn into what Kakashi had become in the kitchen. Kakashi's recent cooking was a lesson in staying active in the kitchen - and not going years or decades without cooking. "I really don't mind cooking, Kash. In fact, I like it!"
"Mhm," he expressed tightly. He was going to stare down and watch this fish cook every second if he had to, daring the dead, wide-eyed little shit to burn on him. "You made the miso and you need to relax, anyway. You have to see Tsunade-hime today, Naru-chan."
When Naruto refused to go see the woman immediately after her heat (that Naru-chan still didn't believe in despite the days of marathon, desperate sex,) he chose to go see her, himself. Tsunade assured him that a pregnant Naru could still use chakra and even go all out in a spar - ha: as if I'm allowing that - for the first few months but he couldn't take Naru not believing what his nose told him was true any longer.
Later - well, they'd have to deal with her secondary gender - if that's what it's actually called, medically - later.
Later.
But for now… The fish.
Also for now, Naru was itching for a physical fight on a daily basis; she was a kunoichi and very active woman so it was understandable. Kakashi would order whichever trusted ANBUs particularly pissed him off on a given day to allow her to wail on them, while his most-trusted friends carefully oversaw the spar. He'd also often get the pleasure of overseeing or participating in those spars while taking his frequent breaks.
He clicked his tongue; still in disbelief that Naru didn't believe him! Not trusting her mate at what his nose and nearly a week of constant sex with an omega vixen in heat told him. Thinking about it, he eventually grinned so hard his eyes shut.
But don't burn the… "Shit!"
Naruto swallowed hard and sat up a little more at that weird smile Kakashi was wearing again before jumping up to rescue the rice. She KNEW she had that doctor's appointment but had she made sure that Kakashi understood? She'd feel terrible if they went to all of that doctor trouble and it came to nothing. And him taking a day off besides that? –He'd only have to make it up later, probably. "I feel fine, ya know. You're the one who should get your eyes checked."
She sighed, guessing that Kakashi was the reason she'd been put on desk-jockey duty, either working for him, her father, or in Intelligence for Jiraiya. –Not that she minded, truly: she was learning (and monitoring) a lot. She glanced at her palm and quickly turned it down again.
She had an imprint of what she knew was a Sun, although it looked more like a circle on her palm that the Sage of Six Paths had given her. Again.
Kakashi had the exact same thing on his right palm, too, this time, which scared her to death. He ALSO had the outline of a moon on the other. Thank God they both almost always wore fingerless gloves so no one could see.
Obito's still out there.
And he knows. The Sage told Kakashi that he knows!
She was pretty sure that she could heal people with that hand in ways that even Tsunade could not. Her father's half of Kurama had said she did it before, replacing failed organs almost instantly with that hand.
Kakashi could shoot a ROD out of his; not that he told her that. –She'd had to learn it from her father!
Kakashi looked up at his wife for all of a second or two and cursed when the fish started smoking. "H–HOW?" He threw a bogus glare at his mate. "You did this." Naruto only laughed at him as he hoped she would. "Maa, I think it's salvageable… I took the day off. We're seeing Tsunade at 0900 and can go by the Inuzuka kennels at 1300, ne?"
"The kennels?" Naru asked curiously. She frowned when she saw Kakashi's body still completely by the stove. "Is something wrong with one of the ninkens?"
"Noho-haha -heh."
"What does that mean?!" Naru hit herself in the chest a couple of times and wondered why her voice sounded so weird.
Still facing away from her, Kakashi withheld a snicker and grinned again, knowing that Naruto's hair was probably flying out in all directions as it had been so often over the past few weeks. She might FEEL absolutely fine and he hoped that continued but her emotions were allllll over the place. No, that wasn't fair. They were more hair-triggered before receding just as quickly - more than anything.
"It's nothing. It's simply been a while since the pack got their check-ups."
Nope. He was not throwing Pakkun to the wolves quite yet. Pakkun would have to pay the piper sooner or later, but as his oldest friend, he'd let him enjoy what Kakashi hoped wasn't the dog's last few figurative hours. "Or literal ones," Kakashi muttered to himself morbidly.
"Everything's really okay?" Naru asked quietly. She didn't think she'd ever forgive herself for letting Jazu get hurt. Fucking Kisame: kicking my poor baby girl! She steamed just thinking about it. Naru almost wished that she could Edo-Tensei that shark-fucker just so that she could re-end his ass!
Maybe that's why Senju Tobirama invented that horrible jutsu. Someone pissed him off and died before he could kill him - so my great, great, great uncle or whoever he was to me resurrected the enemy, just to take him out again, by his own hands.
She looked over at Jazu who was sleeping in her fancy doggy bed in the corner. Naru was so glad she was alright. Tears built up in her eyes and ran down her cheeks.
Kakashi brought the fish and rice to the table and pushed his unmasked face into her neck like he always did lately when she got emotional.
- Right against the teeth marks he'd chewed, lightning-ed, and nearly killed into her that night.
- Those marks were never going away. She knew it!
- And Kakashi had gone out and ordered her a bunch of tops that would "show it off," he said!
- - I am not wearing them, she voiced to herself darkly.
She shakily wiped her face. "I don't understand!" Kami, she sounded so lame!
I guess the mark's only fair. Poor Kashi has my little marks all over him. She broke out in sobs. It was understandable, wasn't it? She had gone through some heavy shit lately! YEARS of heavy shit! Two lifetimes of heavy… "Shit!"
And Obito's out there!
"It's going to be alright, baby. Let's eat, hm?"
Naru nodded miserably and eventually forced herself to let go of her husband.
She was actually hungry! What the hell?! Pregnant women, she was almost positive, had trouble with food and Naruto could probably eat a house full of ramen. Or fish and rice: whatever! "Actually, I could go for some raw meat. –Or a cow."
And it's not like she could grab a book about pregnancy because then any and everyone would think she was pregnant - including Kakashi and then he'd be even more excited but ultimately more disappointed.
Fuck!
And if I AM pregnant, Obito's Fucking Out There!
She went upstairs to get her things and passed what used to be her room before she and Kakashi began sleeping together. Naru had donated almost everything orange that she owned after unwillingly spending time with Obito and his disgusting orange mask. She wouldn't forgive him for taking away something else that innately felt like was her unique thing - but a favored color was absolutely nothing compared to what he could take away from her now.
Kakashi wanted to turn her large former room into a nursery.
A nursery.
I sure don't feel like an Apex Predator right now.
And Gods. IF she was pregnant, she could never, ever let Obito learn about it. She'd have to ensure that Obito never got a chance to murder her family: the way he'd destroyed the little one she'd been born into.
Kami-sama! WHAT am I going to do?
"Sorry, Tsume-sama," Kakashi said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly after bowing slightly. "We had a couple of appointments today and I'm at fault for getting the appointment times mixed up."
"Hmmm. I guess it's alright," Tsume groaned before ushering the couple and Jazu into Hana's clinic. Having an infant at her age (or any age) was difficult. "Don't do it again, though. You know we have to seal the whole place down to keep your pack under control." She smirked at the blush that came up over Kakashi's mask. Naru looked very surprised and Tsume gave her a tight grin, having heard that the Hatake matriarch had no idea what was really going on here. "UP, PUP," she ordered Jazu to the examination table.
Jazu compiled with a happy bark. "Good girl! Look at you: what a beauty you are!"
Naruto smiled brightly as she ran her fingers through Jazu's shiny hair. "She is so beautiful, isn't she? Pretty Jazu! Pretty baby Jazu, oh yes, you are! Just So, so pretty!"
Tsume gave Kakashi a LOOK and Kakashi ducked his head. His wife was a little indulgent when it came to the ninken he'd given her. Naru loved Jazu a lot. Hana entered the room and nodded at him. Tsume sealed down the room and Kakashi summoned his pack.
As they had ever since they were pups, his pack of warrior ninken began acting like crazed, terrified, dumbasses when they realized they were at a veterinary clinic. "Oi. Knock it off, that's an order!" Kakashi took out his whistle when Bull nearly knocked Naru off her feet. "OI!"
All of the kunoichis' attention was on him, fortunately enough, as he grabbed Naru's arm to steady her. They all plugged their ears before he blew his dog whistle. The pack came to a screeching halt and lined up. "What have I told you?!"
"Boss! Why are we… Ohhhh shit," Pakkun continued, taking a few steps behind his summoner. "What is she doing here? This isn't a good idea!"
Naru thought Pakkun was talking about Jazu but he wasn't. He was talking about her!
"Be nice! Jazu's just getting her checkup." Kakashi grabbed the pug before he could try to dispel and was whispering threats in his little ear, Naru was almost sure. She went back to carefully watching her one-time ANBU/wrestling partner as she gave her beautiful ninken a thorough checkup.
Man, she really missed wrestling!
Hana didn't have one of the "marks" on her like some of her clansmen did: something Naru noticed as she was walking through the Inuzuka compound. The mark Kakashi had given her was red and raw-looking and hummed with his chakra - hell, her whole body did - but the marks she'd never paid much attention to here were still a little too teeth-like for her to be comfortable with.
Considering how much blood and chakra she lost that night, she probably owed her life to Kurama. She narrowed her eyes at her nervous-looking husband. Yeah, you better look nervous!
How the heck do Inuzukas survive being marked like that?
Kakashi's probably just a blood-thirsty brute…
Hana perked up. "You're right, Hatake-sama! Jazu is, indeed, pregnant!"
"What! You… You fucker," Naru seethed as she chased Kakashi and the pug around the clinic. "You evil little shit! Put him down, Kash! You always had eyes on my Jazu, you - you puppyo- pugo- retriever-ophile! –Deviant Dog!" Realizing that Jazu had lept off the examination table and was chasing her, Naru stopped and plopped down on the floor, letting her poor preggo doggo jump into her lap - or at least her front paws did. Jazu was all excited about the chase. Naru wanted to cry again.
Pakkun had no charm whatsoever. He must be too outwardly cute and inherently cunning for female dogs to resist.
What would Pug/Golden Retriever puppies even look like?!
Bisuke stepped up, ready to take the figurative (or possibly the literal) water bullet for his packmate. "I, too, tapped that."
Naruto's mouth fell open. "WHAT? Kakashi, you fucking pervert! What have you taught your pack?!"
"I - I seriously didn't do anything," he insisted. Naru didn't make a sound but it looked like she was sobbing or at least shuddering into the giant golden retriever's coat. "They're - they're dogs, Naru-chan."
"She's too young!"
"Nah," Tsume differed, carefully sitting down next to her, rubbing the blonde's back. "She's had her what? Her second heat?"
"Oh, Gods," Naru groaned, don't talk about more heat stuff!
Hana sat down on the other side of the ninken and laughed when Bull leaned on Naruto and her mother, almost knocking them all the way forward. The gigantic and powerful Bull, oddly enough, was the easiest of the Hatake pack to deal with when it came to checkups - something they might as well get over with as quickly as possible. Bull was a big softie. "C'mon, Bull. Let's take your temperature." The entire pack began wailing.
"Would you straighten up?" Kakashi asked, feeling humiliated. "Stop embarrassing me!"
"Your pack knocked up my baby," Naru pouted, rubbing her arms. "My poor Jazu! Is… If Pakkun's the father… Wait! How is that even possible?! He's too short. Jazu's super big!"
Pakkun was cocky. "I am endowed and skillful."
Naru didn't realize she could become more outraged! "A Pervert Pug is what you are!"
The pug looked between Kakashi and Naruto and then cocked his head, lifting his little eyebrow and clearly implying "like ninken, like summoner."
Naru decided then and there, Kakashi's fine, pale ass was getting the paddle tonight.
Unaware, Kakashi rubbed his masked chin. "If what Bisuke said is true, it would be more favorable." He ignored Pakkun's shout of outrage with practiced ease. "Have you seen Golden Pugs? –They're hideous." Tsume threw back her head, laughing, while Hana bit back her own, and Jazu began barking up a storm. "So you do understand the common tongue, eh, Jazzy?"
"Of course, she does," Naruto scolded her husband. "Stop saying mean things about Jazu and her puppies." Jazu continued barking although her tail swung in agreement with her.
Naru couldn't help but observe Bisuke more as he whined and occasionally nipped at Hana. Although obnoxious, Bisuke was actually pretty cute and she thought Kakashi might be right about puppies coming from a Bisuke/Jazu mix being more handsome than these so-called "Golden Pugs." On the other hand, (not that she'd say it out loud,) Jazu wasn't particularly smart for a ninken - although she's beautiful and adorable and trustworthy and strong - and neither was Bisuke. They were both fast, though.
Guessing what Naruto was thinking, Pakkun glared at her before biting into her toe.
"OW!"
"Goddammit, Pakkun! Mind your manners with my mate!"
.
Later that afternoon -
"When was your last period?" Shizune asked as if that was a normal topic of conversation.
"I don't know," Naru admitted uncomfortably. Shizune looked at her as if she wasn't a human - which was hurtful. "What?"
"Naruto-chan, I'm serious. Think back: when was it?"
"I guess around five months ago."
"WHAT?! –That's impossible," Shizune said, studying her body a little too much for Naru to be comfortable with. Eventually, she only shook her head.
"It's not like my period's ever been regular." Shizune began madly searching through Naruto's records but unless the Sandaime or Tsunade (or god forbid, her father) were monitoring her with that crystal ball WAY too closely, there shouldn't be any information about anything like that.
Shizune closed her eyes and huffed. "Naruto. Where is your gynecological record." Naruto hid her blushing ears. "Explain."
"Yoshino used to bring me in for stuff like that, right?" Shizune nodded and Naru wished that Kakashi would leave again. He had just come back after "I'm monitoring what they're doing with your blood and urine:" (gross but thank you, Kakashi.)
"Anyway, I always took off, henged, and checked out the village during those appointments since I'd been sequestered at the Nara Compound. I'd also henge a clone as one of the nurses and tell Yoshino everything was fine with me. I mean, it's not like it's a big deal. If there was something wrong, Kurama would tell me."
And during my first life, I never knew doctor appointments were normal things.
Shizune stared at the blonde for a while before her blood started to boil. "You've never had a gynecologic examination?"
"Hell, no. No way." Naru wrinkled her nose as Kakashi looked to the ceiling (or heavens) for support and Shizune seemed to be trying to calm herself down or maybe just let it all go and welcome an aneurysm.
Well, there's a first for everything, Shizune finally decided. It's not like Naru was the first person to avoid this type of thing; she was more blown away by how creatively she'd done it. They'd need to watch out for that kind of thing and also go through their kunoichi records to ensure all of their ninjas were healthy. "You said your cycles are irregular."
"Yeah," Naru said, rubbing the back of her head and staring at the floor. "Back in the beginning," in both lives, "they were constant - like, I'd only get a reprieve for a few days, and then it would be right back! –Then it changed to where I'd get my periods quarterly or semi-yearly." Naruto looked up but saw that Shizune's mouth was hanging open so she averted her gaze again. Thankfully, Shizune only had a few more embarrassing questions and then she left.
"That's very interesting," Kakashi commented. "I should've thought more about it before but I guess I was enjoying having sex with you too much." Naruto stared at him blankly. "This is exciting don't you think?!"
Naruto couldn't help but smile as her husband babbled on in a way she'd rarely heard him speak before. Normally, Hatake Kakashi was a quiet man. She smiled when she felt a very familiar chakra signature approach. Sakura-chan! It had been quite a while since she'd seen Sakura.
.
Sakura entered his wife's examination room looking worn out and Kakashi moved between them with his Chidori flickering in and out of existence. –As a warning. He'd be happy to fully fire it up.
From what he vividly recalled happening in their past lives, Sakura deserved a good-sized hole in her head. Think of it as a vent.
Naruto flung herself under and between them before anything could happen. "Kakashi?!"
"Get back, Naruto! And you," he snarled at Sakura. "You stay away from my wife!" He had not and would not EVER forget how Sakura had failed Naruto before. It may have all gone down in a previous life but he would not allow it to happen again.
Kakashi had observed that he'd apparently been fond of Sakura in that other life - but GODS had he been disappointed and betrayed by her!
Sakura slowly raised her hands and looked just as bewildered as Naruto felt as the blonde pathetically tried to hold Kakashi back. All Naru could really do was hold on to him and whisper reassurances (of almost nothing!)
"Alright, Hatake-sama," Sakura began, figuring that something had set the Jonin off and he might not like being called by his captain's title anymore. "I was told that you asked for" -demanded- "medical attention for your wife?"
"Tsunade," he hissed. "ONLY Tsunade can examine her. I made an appointment!"
"Hatake-sama…"
"Sakura-chan, I am so sorry," Naruto said, tears coming to her eyes and then flowing down her cheeks like rivers. "What the hell's my problem?" she whispered before snarling at her husband. "And what's YOURS?" Naru sniffled and only cried more when Kakashi looked back at her so tenderly - but still with his arm out. And now he'd drawn a kunai? "Goddammit!"
"You're being a little out there, Kash," she whispered up to his ear before running her hands up and down his firm, muscular arms and chest soothingly. He was being even weirder than she was: Kami - they were a mess! "Stop causing problems, please?" She grabbed some tissues as Sakura backed out of the room, letting out a huge sigh of relief and wiping off her face. "What in the world was that about?"
"It doesn't matter," Kakashi said, clutching his wife's waist tightly - digging his fingers into the soft skin under her flak vest. He pulled the vest away from her shoulders, buried his face in her hair, and took in her scent (even pulling his mask down in this smelly, wretched hospital space) so that he could rest against her mark. "Love you," he whispered. He kissed his way back up her neck before kissing his wife desperately.
Naruto's knees eventually went out. "Whoa… Um, wow. -I'm sorry. I've got you really messed up and worried, don't I?"
"Not at all," he said easily and sat her on the examination table. He pulled his masks up again and wrinkled his nose. "I do hate hospitals."
Naru smiled at him softly, almost wanting to ask Kakashi for one of his additional masks. "Me, too." Instead of bursting into the room with KI or dislodging doors like Tsunade normally did, her grandmother all but skipped in, dragging a machine along, and Naruto - feeling especially anxious - quickly tried to crawl out the window. Her clones tried to help her but it was a no-go. Kakashi wrangled her back into bed-table-thing and then tied her down to it with ninja wire.
"Pervert," Naru whispered, wondering what he was thinking. "Don't do this stuff in front of people!"
"Alright, you two," Tsunade said gleefully, ignoring that remark - Naru guessed that she probably had to tie up shinobis all the time - "we just need to take off your clothes, Naruto!"
"No way." Nope: Naruto knew that she'd given her precious and gross fluids away and that was enough!
"Yes way," Tsunade insisted patiently. "Now take off your pants and undies so I can take a look at things. We'll send Kakashi out when I examine your girls."
What sense does that make?! Naruto glared at the gleeful old bat, her upper lip twitching involuntarily. Tsunade was holding up a big wand and putting thick greenish lube on it. "Hard. Pass. If ya hadn't noticed, I'm straight."
She and Kakashi then struggled over her pants but Naru succeeded in freeing herself from his restraints and punching him good.
After a lot of cajoling, Naru made them both turn around and sealed the room before closing the curtains, too, before getting undressed. Konoha was full of perverts after all. She lay down on the table and put each of the two paper sheets carefully over her - and then glared at her grandmother's back. "Okay. Come here, Kakashi." She didn't want him to see what horrors her grandmother might inflict on her from the bad end of the table. He'd already threatened to Chidori Sakura-chan so there was no telling what he might do now.
"Ohhhhh-kay!" Tsunade grinned a million-watt smile.
She was seriously freaking Naruto out.
"This will be a little cold…"
"Iiiieeee! What the hell," Naru cried. Her grandmother had just applied and been approved for a major ass-kicking.
"STOP MOVING and grow the hell up!" Naru grimaced and Tsunade flicked her in the hitai-ate, with just a fraction of her strength. The Slug Sannin ignored the growling and snarling Kakashi was doing. His father was the same way - only not as bad. Naruto was holding him back by his vest well enough, she thought. If he got any more troublesome, she'd punch him out the window.
Kakashi finally calmed down and simply held his wife's hand as the monitor lit up enough to make them all avert their eyes and have to blink away tears.
"Damn Uzumakis." Tsunade adjusted and readjusted the screen's tint and sharpness; turning the brightness down repeatedly before anything could be made out - even to her. "You've got too much chakra, brat!" She frowned at Naru - her granddaughter's lips had begun trembling - before her own curled up into a soft smile. "There, there," she said in a way that she hoped would give comfort. From the dry looks that were returned from the cute couple, she'd completely failed. "AH! Do you see that?" Kakashi raised his headband and Tsunade saw, for the first time, what she'd heard about from her son: Kakashi-kun's gray eye spun into a Sharingan. "I need to check your eyes after this, brat."
"Right," Kakashi muttered absently.
She pointed to the screen. "Ya see that, Naruto? Right there and there? –Sorry," she apologized at seeing her granddaughter wince as she moved the wand a bit more. "Twin heartbeats."
Kakashi gasped and nearly broke her hand. Naruto didn't think she'd heard right. "I'm sorry. Did you say something?"
"Oh Kami: I love you so much," Kakashi cried as he bent over and kissed his wife repeatedly.
Twins: that was great! It seemed doubly efficient than, say, a single gestation, birth, growth, and one day leaving to build their own packs. Kakashi was fairly sure that twins didn't run in either of their families so that meant that his pups might be more likely monozygotic or identical. Depending on their tastes, that could either make things more or less affordable. Probably less. Human pups are expensive. He needed to think more about this… Do some research…
"What's happening?" Naru asked dazedly. Kakashi and Tsunade were crying, something that neither of them tolerated of themselves, as a rule. "What exactly am I seeing?" Little pictures were coming out of the machine.
Oh, My Gods.
Tsunade began hyperventilating and dropped the gross wand. "I just realized. -I'm going to be a great-grandmother. Oh my god, I really am SO OLD!"
"Do what now?! Wait a minute. Let's talk about this!"
An hour later, they were strolling (Naruto like a zombie) toward the Tower with a ton of overwhelming information, schedules, and prenatal vitamins in a scroll. Naruto was still in a haze of disbelief but Kakashi said they had to report this to her father for several reasons she couldn't remember. She bit her lip once she realized where they were. "I forgot to bring them their Bentos."
"Shikaku and Minato can fend for themselves, Naru-chan," Kakashi commented, pushing her forward. They sat outside her father's office for a few minutes before being allowed to enter. Sure enough, both Shikaku and Minato were there.
Naruto realized her mistake as soon as she saw them. Yoshino would have her head if she weren't the first to know!
Kakashi sealed the room. "We have big news," Kakashi said excitedly, "and we haven't told anyone else." He turned to his wife and whispered in her ear. "Do you want to tell them or should I?" Naruto nodded, patting herself but holding her hand over her heart with big wide eyes. She was making him nervous: he could SEE that her pulse was racing.
"Jazu's pregnant," she explained.
Shikaku and Minato looked at each other and pulled back, looking surprised and perhaps even impressed. "Congratulations?" Minato said with a nervous smile.
Shikaku frowned. "Troublesome. –You should've told Yoshino first, Naruto."
Naruto shuddered and let out a whimper.
Kakashi took a deep breath and blew it out noisily. "Nah-ru-to. There's OTHER news we need to report to Hokage Sama." You're still the jinchuuriki, Naru-chan: it's required that they know!
We have to plan everything from here on out very carefully.
"Right," Naruto said, saving herself. "Pakkun's a little pervert and Bisuke may have gotten in on the action, so we don't know who the sire is. Jazu also seems unsure," she continued babbling.
"I've seen what they call 'golden pugs'," Shikaku commented as he crossed his arms over his chest. "They're often ugly." He smirked at the way Naru gaped at him and Kakashi nodded before the Copy Nin was whispering loudly into his surrogate daughter's ear:
"Whenever you're ready, Naruto."
"I'm… pregnant," she finally breathed after a lot of other ninken talk, staring at the floor before the light caught her eye. Kakashi was so fricking radiant right now: like the moon, itself. She knew that she paled in comparison plus she was simply SO freaked out. She looked toward her fathers, realizing that her biological father had tripped over his desk, and then looked down again, feeling her face heating ridiculously fast.
"We're going to have TWINS," Kakashi grinned.
*THUMP*
"Tou-san?"
Yep, Minato had passed out. At least she got a big hug from Shikaku. He also promised that he wouldn't tell his wife that he'd found out first.
Naturally, he lied.
The couple's next stop was the cemetery where after putting up a barrier, silencing seals, and a genjutsu while Naruto kept her senses peeled constantly, they gave Kushina and Kakashi's parents the big news.
Later that night after finally managing to hide from Yoshino's warm, motherly wrath, Naru continued sitting up in bed, her head resting back comfortably in the hole her Rasengan had once plowed into their headboard. She didn't FEEL pregnant, pretty much.
"You're afraid," Kakashi said.
"Yeah," she freely admitted with a huff - and without saying anything else.
"I'll protect you Naru-chan. He stretched his fingers out across her currently toned, flat stomach. She was wearing that silky blue nighty that matched her eyes again. "I'll protect all three of you."
"Plural," Naru said morosely. Nine tailed beasts' chakras, plus mine, plus two little ones make a dozen. "I told you I wasn't in heat, by the way."
Kakashi glanced up but then snuggled against her tummy. "That's not what Tsunade said. She simply said that 'secondary genders' are the pervert's name for what's really going on here: my clan's association with canines combined with yours with Kurama. –You didn't have to tell her what happened, 'by the way.'"
"YOU were the one over-sharing, Kash!"
"Right. C'mon: let's get some sleep."
"Sleep?" Naruto asked, wondering who this was impersonating her husband. "What about… you know?"
"Sex?" Kakashi drawled with an arched brow, thinking it was endearing that Naruto was still so shy sometimes in discussing it. Other times she was over the top. "Maa, maa. I have to research how we can do that safely."
Naruto pouted furiously before grabbing the paddle and twirling it dangerously. "Oh no, you don't. If you don't want to do it, that's fine, but using the condition you put me in as an excuse? No! –You are SO getting paddled!"
"No, wait," Kakashi falsely begged.
Naruto rolled her eyes. Kakashi had only turned over and grinned at her and she'd swear he wiggled his ass a little. "You pervert. You're lucky I love you so much!"
"I know I am, Naruto. I know I am."
"And then you also know that... if I'm 35, you're like in your fifties."
"That's completely inaccurate!" He'd already explained how the whole thing went down!
"Still though: since you're so old, we might as well do this stuff while you still can," Naruto deadpanned, lacing it with a little resigned sadness. Kakashi's gray eyes popped out and his face promised revenge, definitely. Naruto shrugged and gave him a pop on the ass anyway.
"YyyyOUCH! Heehee!"
"I'm gonna tie you up!"