Chapter 38 — A Life Filled With Love

x

Breathing through her nose, Kara reminded herself that Debbie and Peter hadn't deliberately chosen to boil crawfish for their wedding reception. It was Bacon, given free reign over the food, who decided on setting up various stations throughout Chez Peter in order to allow people to try several different platters, as opposed to being restricted to a single entry. And Kara had enjoyed the pasta station and potato bar. No matter how delicious the linguine tasted, however, Kara couldn't ignore the fact that the entire space smelled like crawfish.

Distracted, Kara didn't notice Mrs. Abbot until she was in front of her — beaming as she munched on a canapé. "This reception is simply delightful. I do hope that Mr. Cowley will agree to cater the next Florida's Orphaned Children Fund event. He has such a sense of flair and whimsy."

"Next event?" Kara asked vaguely, thankful that Mrs. Abbot was eating tomatoes and mozzarella and not anything with an odor.

"Oh, yes, I know that we said April but these things take time to plan," the woman replied cheerfully. "I was thinking that we could do a theme this year. Like the Kentucky Derby! And ask everyone to wear hats."

Pushing down a sense of panic — after all, she had just made it through two weddings as the matron of honor and was hoping for a little time off before planning something new — Kara smiled weakly. "I personally love the idea, but would cowboy hats be easier for the kids?"

Mrs. Abbot lit up brighter than a Christmas tree. "What a fantastic idea, Kara. We'll have horse riding, of course. But also line dancing and a lasso contest. Perhaps bean bag throw for the kids? Do you think Bacon would be willing to serve barbeque?"

"His steaks are amazing," Kara replied, both amused and impressed by how quickly Mrs. Abbot pivoted. "And I'm sure he could make something that the kids would like as well."

"We did a Western theme one year for Connor's birthday," Mrs. Abbot continued. "With a balloon arch and..." The woman's voice faded abruptly, a flash of anguish covering her face, quickly covered by a smile. But not the bright smile of a moment ago. No, this was the type of forced smile that Kara was all too familiar with. The kind that shut everyone out. "Anyway, April will be here before we know it. Perhaps we can meet up next week to talk about plans?"

"Mama," Courtney interrupted, her own smile just a touch off, suggesting that she had overheard at least part of Mrs. Abbot's comments. "We're here for Mrs. Foster...oops, Mrs. Frederick's wedding. Kara doesn't want to talk shop."

Mrs. Abbot flushed, the color just barely apparent, and Kara felt almost embarrassed for the woman. From her reaction, she must have broken one of the high society rules that Kara knew nothing about.

Kara rushed to fill the awkward silence. "Why don't we meet up after Mom and Peter are back from their trip? Perhaps the four of us?" Kara glanced at Courtney who, after a moment, nodded. "Then we can finalize the date and theme. I don't want to be presumptuous, but will you be willing to host again, Mrs. Abbot?"

Mrs. Abbot practically glowed. "That sounds wonderful, dear. Let Courtney know the date and I'll make sure to add it to my calendar."

Courtney waited until her mother had left to lean closer. "I apologize if she was a bit forward. Today is a hard day for her. It's ... it was my brother's birthday."

"I'm so sorry, Courtney." Kara lifted a hand to Courtney's arm. An acknowledgment that Mrs. Abbot had lost a son, but Courtney had also lost a brother. "Does my mother know?"

"No," Courtney's lips pursed, and Kara anticipated the same forced facade of cheerfulness that Mrs. Abbot had pulled out only moments before. But Courtney surprised her, letting out a long sigh before admitting. "Mama wouldn't let me say anything. She didn't want to mar the day. She was raised to keep her troubles private."

"That is not Debbie's style," Kara replied. "It surprises me at times how close they've become. Andrea thinks that it's because of us. Forced proximity and all of that."

Courtney tipped her head, considering. "She may be right. Mama married Papa right out of college. I remember her having tons of friends when I was a child, but she met most of them at the country club or through Papa. It's different here. Rick doesn't golf, so we aren't members of the club."

"We aren't either," Kara murmured.

"Mama joined a couple other clubs but she seemed lonely until she met Ms. Debbie. Their weekly lunches are the bright spot in her week, other than time with Madilyn, of course."

"Of course," Kara replied, smiling. "I'm glad that they have each other."

xxx

"Mom," Kara continued shoving items to go into her duffle. Without much information about where they were going, she had to find room for a broader assortment of clothing than usual. "I already signed the lease on the apartment. You can't back out now."

"I'm just not sure I'm ready to move," Debbie replied, the words carefully enunciated in a way that Kara knew all too well. After sixty days of sobriety, Debbie had relapsed.

Ignoring her pack, Kara dropped onto her neatly made bed, pulling her knees up and resting her forehead against them. A month ago, Kara had flown to Kansas to stay with Debbie when she got out of rehab and spent the next two weeks convincing Debbie to move to Norfolk. Kara had been through this enough to understand the score. Debbie would do great while Kara was there to supervise but, as soon as Kara left, Debbie would slip back into old habits. Sobriety wasn't just about not drinking; it was about changing Debbie's life to remove the temptation.

New friends.

New hangouts.

New entertainment.

When Debbie mentioned going out line dancing with some friends from rehab last week, Kara allowed herself to be convinced that this would be like finding an AA mentor. They would all keep each other on the straight and narrow. But even as Kara told herself that it would all work out, she had known.

She had known that Debbie would trip up, either with her new friends or with the old ones. Telling herself that one drink with a friend on a night out didn't count. After all, didn't everyone do that?

And then, like clockwork, Debbie was canceling her plans to move to Norfolk in favor of drinking herself to death.

Again.

"Mom." Despite her best efforts, Kara's voice broke. "I called to let you know that I'm being deployed. We leave in three days. I'll be at EMCON for four months."

The only response was silence.

"If you don't want the apartment here, fine, I'll let it go," Kara continued. "But you need to tell me now because —"

But Debbie must have heard something in her voice. "I'll be on the plane, Kara."

Kara hung up, switching her phone to silent and setting it on her nightstand. She still needed to pack, and there would be almost no time tomorrow as she scrambled to get everything set up for a four month deployment. Despite automating as many things as possible, she still needed to forward her mail and take care of a few bills that weren't automatically deducted from her account. Now she also had Debbie's bills to handle.

Opening the nightstand drawer, Kara pulled out the small photo album she kept there between deployments, flipping through the pages. There hadn't been time to update since she returned home but little changed.

The pictures of Kara at the Academy, a few of them with Carlton.

Pictures with friends, most of them the crew of the Nathan James.

And then there were the pictures from her childhood. Kara with Jen, their second-grade talent show awards pinned to their shirts. Kara as a toddler sitting on her grandfather's lap. Mostly, though, they were pictures with Debbie. Debbie and Kara eating strawberry ice cream at the County Fair. Kara and Debbie picking apples. Debbie with her arms around Kara the day that she was crowned Corn Princess.

In each of them, Debbie was sober.

These pictures, these memories of the good moments, this is what Kara clung to. The belief that this could happen again.

Maybe this time really was it.

xxx

"You look beautiful, Kara," Peter said, handing her a plate of food.

Glancing down with some trepidation, Kara relaxed when she took in the saltines and squares of cheddar cheese. She chuckled. "Thank you. And sorry. Everyone keeps telling me that the food is amazing but the baby does not agree."

"Bernie did.." Peter stopped. "Why do you all make that face when I call him Bernie?"

Kara shrugged. "We always called him Bacon on the ship. So, he's Bacon. Bernie sounds ... wrong."

Peter looked thoughtful. "I was going to say that Bernie outdid himself, and thank you for asking him if he would be willing to do this for us. Which is all true. But I also just learned that Debbie owns a stake in Bernie's restaurant. Something about you putting the shares in her name when you invested?"

xxx

"I don't have the money, Burk."

Carlton stared at Kara like her head was on fire. "What are you talking about? We finally got our backpay for the last six months and there's no way you blew through that kind of cash working the kind of hours that we're pulling."

"I need to make sure that Debbie is taken care of," Kara replied, leaning back against the rather uncomfortable sofa in Burk's hotel room. There was no point in finding permanent housing, or even better furniture, when the Nathan James would be leaving in the next few days. And while Kara wouldn't be shipping out with them, she found that she didn't want to leave the hotel either. The thought of setting up a new apartment too mentally taxing.

"Debbie, I should have known," Carlton muttered.

The tense silence was broken by a brisk knock on the door, which was almost immediately thrown open. Danny walked in, head down as he looked at the papers he was holding. "We got orders and..."

"Dude, what happened to common courtesy?" Carlton interrupted, a strained note underneath the joking tone. "I have a girl in here."

Kara's jaw was so tense that it hurt. "Danny."

Danny's head flew up. "Kara. Hi."

Awkward silence fell, Kara praying that Danny would leave. After all, they were over. Done. A week had passed since the last time that they saw each other, when she told him that they should see other people. Maybe he already was. Finding a new girlfriend would be the work of a moment given the celebrity status to which the crew had been treated since they arrived in St. Louis. And Kara wasn't stupid enough to think that Danny was going to volunteer for celibacy. But Danny didn't leave, didn't move, just standing there.

Carlton was the first to crack. "Foster here can't invest in Bacon's place."

"Why not?"

Kara hated that she was being forced to talk to Danny like he was any other member of the crew. As if the urge to wrap her arms around him wasn't a physical need, the ache in her chest making the simple act of talking difficult. "I need to make sure that Debbie's settled."

She prayed that he would leave now. Nod and tell Carlton whatever he came here to say and excuse himself. But, of course, he didn't. Danny leaned a shoulder against the doorframe. The act so familiar that Kara's breath caught. "Why don't you invest in her name? That way if something happens to you, she'll have a source of income for years."

"I.." Kara stopped. "That could work."

"And that is why Green makes the big bucks," Carlton crowed. "Now what did you need, Green?"

Kara stood, ignoring the black bubbles that appeared in her vision upon the change in position. She headed in the direction of the door, assuming that Danny would move rather than let her walk into them. "I'll leave you gentleman to your orders."

She was almost back to her room when a hand slid under her elbow. Kara's breath caught, knowing without having to look who was standing there next to her. "What do you want, Danny?"

But instead of responding, Danny pulled her into a tight hug. They stood that way, silently, as minutes passed. The tears rolled down Kara's cheeks, and she could have sworn that she felt dampness where Danny's head touched her hair.

And then, in a moment, he was gone.

Kara took the two steps to her hotel room, before stopping. Instead, she backtracked, moving to the stairs and climbing three floors up. She stopped there, waiting to catch her breath, pretending that this was normal. Nothing to worry about at all, just a side effect of working too much and nothing to do with the vaccine trial or the miscarriage or losing Danny. Once her breath sounded normal again, Kara rubbed her face and hoped that all signs of tears were gone, then she knocked on the door.

Debbie answered almost immediately. "Kara! I thought that you were working late again tonight."

Pushing away the guilt — after all, most of the time she was working — Kara instead summoned a smile. "I was thinking that we could get dinner."

Behind Debbie, the bathroom door opened and Peter exited, clad in a bathrobe with a towel in his hair. He looked up. "Oh, Kara. Hi."

Kara started to back away. "If you're busy..."

"No, no, let's get dinner," Debbie said quickly. She turned to Peter. "I'll be back in a bit, sweetheart."

Stepping into the hall, Debbie tucked an arm through Kara's. "Now, let's find some ice cream and you can tell me why you were crying."

xxx

"Debbie doesn't know," Kara admitted. "I wanted to make sure that she would be okay. If something happened to me."

"Debbie is lucky to have a daughter like you." Peter smiled, but the gesture didn't reach his eyes, and Kara suspected that he was thinking of his son. Not for the first time, Kara considered asking Val to track him down and find out what happened. But she couldn't decide which would be worse — finding out that Peter's son had died or finding out that he was still alive and still wanted nothing to do with his father.

"And she's lucky to have a husband like you," Kara replied, smiling as Peter was called away to say goodbye to a guest who was leaving. She was still considering what Peter said when Danny slipped his arms around her waist, his hand lingering over her small bump. One that was hidden by the loose, A-line dress that Debbie and Kara chose for the wedding. He chuckled before snagging one of her cheese-and-saltine hors d'oeuvres. "How does Bacon make saltines taste better?"

"The man is clearly a secret genius," Kara replied. She tipped her head back to look at Danny. "Bacon told Peter that Debbie owns shares in his restaurant."

"Mmm-hmm."

"Except," Kara continued, "I never invested in the restaurant."

"Really?" Danny's voice was bored. Too bored.

"Do you know anything about that?" If she hadn't been standing so close to him, Kara wouldn't have noticed the way Danny froze for just a second. She turned, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "You bought the shares for Debbie, didn't you?"

Danny tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, gazing at something over her head. Then he met her eyes. "I wanted to put them in your name, but I knew you wouldn't accept them. So I did the next best thing." He paused. "It was the only way I could think of to take care of you."

Kara blinked at the surge of tears. Really this pregnancy thing was damn inconvenient. "Thank you."

xxx

"Look what I found!" Debbie trilled excitedly. "Diet Coke! Peter managed to get some for the restaurant and let me have two bottles."

Kara picked up one of the glass bottles. Those hadn't changed, although Kara had heard from Bacon that the soda itself was different. Something about the original recipe for the syrup being lost. But even knowing that her beloved Diet Coke was another casualty of the virus, Kara smiled. "This brings back memories."

"Do you remember your high school graduation when the bottle exploded all over your gown? Thank goodness it dried clear."

What Kara remembered was that she had been forced to drag Debbie out of a bar in order to make it to the ceremony in time, and her efforts to sober Debbie up by plying her with soda had backfired. Although you couldn't tell in the pictures, Kara's gown stayed damp for most of the event, leaving her shivering in the brisk May wind. Now, however, Kara nodded. "Papa used to love Diet Coke."

"Yes, he did," Debbie agreed, her voice going soft at the mention of her father. "But enough about that, tell me your news."

Kara took a quick sip of her soda. Actually, the taste wasn't too off. A little more carbonation than Kara liked but that problem would likely be solved by leaving the bottle open for a few minutes. "I'm being transferred to Florida and assigned to the Nathan James again. We'll only be one time zone apart."

Debbie jumped up, rushing around the table to give Kara a hug. "Oh, this the best news. Peter and I were talking about expanding into a new location. Florida sounds perfect."

Kara blinked. "Mom, you don't even know where in Florida that I'm going."

"It doesn't matter where we are," Debbie replied, retreating to her chair and handing Kara a bowl of steaming beef stew. "All that matters is that we'll be together."

xxx

Kara stood, tapping her water glass. Until this moment, she wasn't certain whether she wanted to give a speech. Although she was the matron of honor, Debbie had decided to forgo many of the traditional wedding elements when she opted to skip the formal dinner, including the opening dances and bouquet toss. Instead, throughout the day, a number of people raised their glasses of sparkling cider to toast Peter and Debbie. Kara waited as the room quieted, and Debbie turned in her direction, Debbie's arm tucked at Peter's side.

"As most of you know, I'm the daughter of the bride." There was a ripple of laughter from the guests, many of whom Kara had introduced to her mother over the past few years. "I can honestly say that I never thought that I would see this happen. For years, Mom swore that she would never get married again. She used to give me a tight hug and tell me that it was just us girls." Kara paused, clearing her throat. "But from the moment that I met Peter, I could tell that he was different. And standing here, celebrating the official beginning of their lives together, I couldn't be happier."

Debbie dropped Peter's arm, moving until she stood next to Kara then, deliberately, wrapped her arms around Kara. She whispered. "It's still us girls. You and me and Stella and Delilah." Then, with a laugh, Debbie amended. "Except, I guess there's a little boy joining us soon."

"I love you, Mom," Kara replied, before leaning back and holding up her glass. "To Peter and Debbie. And a life full of love."