A/N — almost to the end now! Two, maybe three more chapters. I can't decide whether I'm happy or sad to be at this point. xoxo — kals

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Chapter 41 — There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. — Leonard Cohen

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Kara looked up as Andrea walked into her office, firmly shutting the door behind her. Kara tipped her head, allowing her to read the name on the thick file that Andrea was holding. "What did Wright do now?"

"What?" Andrea asked, before looking down at the file, almost as though she had forgotten it. "Oh, he's put in a harassment complaint against Cooper."

"He's..." Kara's voice faded as she tried to wrap her head around the idea of Jeremy Wright filing a complaint against Sasha. She narrowed her eyes, picking up her tea — lord she missed coffee — and rolling the cup between her hands. "Let me see if I'm understanding this correctly. Wright asked Sasha out no fewer than five times, despite being told to leave her alone by Mike on four of those occasions. Resulting in Wright being transferred off the Nathan James five years ago. And now he's complaining that she harassed him?"

Andrea's voice was dry. "He's claiming that due to the misunderstanding that occurred five years ago, he was moved to a less desirable position and that Cooper has used her personal influence on Admiral Chandler to prevent Wright from being promoted on several occasions."

"Her personal influence?" Kara snorted. "And he's serious?"

"Of course, he's serious," Andrea deadpanned. "It's Wright. He probably even believes it."

Taking a sip of her tea, Kara noted. "How did you get stuck dealing with the problem?"

At that, Andrea smirked. "Wright also claims that Mike is conflicted due to his personal relationship with Tom, so Meylan wants me to handle it. It was either me or Anita so we drew straws. I lost."

"Either way, Wright's fucked," Kara replied, not feeling the least bit sorry. Not only was Wright an ass, but he brought this upon himself. Pre-virus, he would have been washed out after that first cruise to the Arctic, based on his unprofessional behavior towards Alisha alone. The fact that the Navy was desperately in need of trained personnel saved his ass the first time, and Sasha's desire to keep her relationship with Tom on the downlow kept Mike from throwing the book at Wright after Rota. But this stunt was too much.

"That's not why I came in here, though," Andrea said. "Debbie and Charlene are planning a surprise baby shower for you. On Thursday, at the scheduled meeting regarding the fundraiser."

Kara dropped her mug onto the desk a little too hard, the liquid splashing over the side. Grabbing a napkin from her desk, she wiped up the mess, fighting against a sense of rising panic. Reminding herself that she was thirty-two weeks pregnant now — eight months pregnant. Almost at the finish line, as Doctor Egowman said at their last appointment. Back when they started this process, Rachel said the goal was twenty-eight weeks and, once Kara passed that point, thirty-four. By thirty-four weeks, the risk of longterm complications were minimal. She was basically there. Yet...

So much could still go wrong.

The idea of getting this far, yet not bringing home a baby, still felt terrifyingly real.

What would she do with a pile of baby clothes then?

Kara forced a smile. "Thank you for the warning. You know how much I hate surprises."

Andrea nodded, pursuing her lips before offering. "You can store the gifts in our spare room, if you want."

A lump growing in her throat, Kara met Andrea's gaze. Knowing that, in this, Andrea understood. Perhaps more than Kara did herself. Being on the other side — having brought home a healthy baby after so much loss — gave Andrea a unique perspective.

"Thank you. We were actually going to start getting the room," Kara couldn't bring herself to say the work nursery, "ready this week. Danny's going to take the girls to the store to pick out the paint color this weekend."

"It's a good idea, having them involved," Andrea agreed. She stood, pausing before she opened the door. "But if things change, the offer stands. Maybe I'll tell Tex that it's for us, just to mess with his head."

That brought a smile to Kara's face. "Tex isn't that gullible."

"After the surprise Liam gave us, I wouldn't be so sure," Andrea replied, both of them laughing as Andrea disappeared.

xxxxx

"Kara! Kara, wait!"

Pushing the buckle of Delilah's carseat together, Kara raised her head to see her best friend darting across the parking lot, Val trailing behind with the disgusted look she wore whenever physical activity was required. Checking her watch, Kara suppressed a sigh. She was already running late and — if the look on Alisha's face was any indication — this wasn't going to be a quick conversation.

As Alisha reached her side, Kara held up a hand. "Before you start, am I going to need someone else to get Stella? The school charges five dollars for every minute she's there after eighteen hundred."

"What?" Alisha frowned, then shook her head. "No, this will just take a second. Debbie texted me an invitation to your baby shower. A surprise shower. This Thursday."

Catching up to them, Val scowled. "You get mad when I ruin surprises but you dragged me down her to warn Kara about one? Hypocrite."

Ignoring Val, Alisha continued. "I told Debbie that it was a bad idea. Even reminded her about how much you hated the surprise party that Carlton threw and suggested that we let you pick a different day but Debbie isn't budging. Do you want me to claim that you're on bedrest or something?"

Sighing, Kara checked her watch again. "Lord no. Do you remember what she was like after Brazil? I was ready to kill her. A surprise shower is a hundred times better."

"What's so bad about getting gifts, anyway?" Val asked, before popping her gum.

Alisha opened her mouth, presumably to educate Val on why Kara wasn't thrilled by the idea of gifts, but Kara caught her eye, nodding towards where Delilah sat in the car, feet away. The last thing Kara needed was for Alisha to even mention the possibility that something might happen to the baby brother she already talked about nonstop. As though to reinforce Kara's fear that Del was listening to every word, the girl's face brightened. "I like gifts!"

Turning towards her daughter, Kara cautioned, "Auntie Al is talking about gifts for the baby, sweetheart."

Delilah considered that, before asking. "Toys for the baby? Like mermaids?"

"Probably clothes," Kara replied.

"But I bet there will be at least one mermaid," Alisha interjected, her smile suggesting that the toys Alisha had in mind wouldn't be for the baby at all. She glanced at Kara. "Text me?"

As Delilah continued chatting about mermaids and babies, Kara watched Alisha drag Val back across the parking lot, their heads close together as Alisha presumably educated Val both about Kara's dislike of surprises and the reason why gifts might not always be as welcome as they might seem.

Heading out to get Stella, Kara just hoped that Val could be discreet enough not to say anything to Debbie. While all of them understood loss — everyone who survived the virus got a crash course — the last thing Kara wanted to be dealing with right now was her mother hovering.

Or worse — insisting that they talk.

Resting her hand on her rounded stomach, Kara waited until she felt the baby roll. Reassured, she shifted her attention back to Deliliah. "Now, Del, tell me all about making playdough at school."

xxxxx

Kara was straining the spaghetti when Danny appeared in the doorway. He scowled at his phone as he leaned against the doorjamb. Checking to make sure that there were no little girls in the area to overhear, Kara asked. "Another trip?"

"No." Danny hesitated, waffling in a way that Kara recognized meant he was about to impart bad news. He sighed. "Don't kill the messenger but your mother and Courtney's mother..."

"Are throwing me a baby shower tomorrow during the planning meeting," Kara finished, dumping the spaghetti back into the pot and adding sauce.

Danny blinked, then a corner of his mouth curved into a smile. "Who told you?"

"Andrea. And Alisha. Also, Rachel left me a message. Presumably she's invited as well."

"Do I need to invent a crisis?" Danny asked, moving behind her until he could wrap his arms around Kara, one hand on her belly, his chin on her shoulder.

Kara tossed the pre-cooked meatballs into the pot and finished stirring. She placed the lid on the pot before turning. Leaning up, she pressed a kiss to the corner of Danny's mouth. "No. Mom means well. And we were talking about getting the ... room ready anyway."

If Danny noticed her hesitation, he didn't comment. Instead, his head dipped, shifting them until Kara's back was against the counter rather than the stove, and then nipping at her lips. Wrapping an arm around his neck, Kara shifted closer, half cursing as the baby kicked out, protesting the lack of space.

"Oof," Danny grunted. He shifted a hand onto her stomach, waiting for another punch. "He's feeling rowdy tonight."

Resting her hand on top of Danny's, Kara sighed. "He's been like this all day. It must have been the orange juice that I had with breakfast."

Danny studied her, as though checking for ... something. Kara rubbed her thumb across his fingers, before asking quietly. "What is it?"

"I just ..." Danny paused, before shaking his head. "It's nothing."

Kara wanted to press the issue, to find out what nothing was, but before she could find the words, Stella wandered into the kitchen. She wrinkled her nose. "Are the two of you kissing?"

Stepping back, Danny left his hand on Kara's stomach. He smiled at Stella. "Come feel your brother. He's practicing his martial arts already."

Bouncing across the kitchen, Stella pressed her hand against Kara's stomach, squealing when she was rewarded with a solid kick. "He wants to get out!"

Danny chuckled, although it sounded straightened to Kara. He lifted the pot from the stove and moved it to the table. "Well, he has to wait a little while longer. But I did think that we could paint his room this weekend. Do you want to help?"

"Yes!" Stella began bouncing around. "It should be blue, with planes! No green, with bugs! Or maybe trucks! Delilah, what does the baby want in his room?"

Lifting a hand to her back, Kara dropped it again as soon as she felt Danny's gaze on her. Smiling brightly, she moved towards the table. "Come on girls, wash your hands and let's eat."

xxxxx

Kara smoothed down the front of her shirt. One that was slightly nicer than her usual maternity wear but not so nice that it was obvious she knew what was happening. She had purchased it the night before with Alisha's help. Alisha had originally suggested blue but Kara went for hunter green after trying on the pullover and falling in love with the material. She liked it so much, in fact, that she splurged for two, figuring that she would wear them enough over the next eight weeks to justify the cost.

Kara was almost to the front door of the Abbot mansion when Courtney stepped out from a side door and caught her arm, tugging Kara away from the entry. Kara frowned as she took in Courtney's frazzled expression. "Is everything okay?"

"What?" But Courtney didn't pause for the niceties. "Mama and Mrs. Foster are planning a surprise baby shower for you. I didn't know that you hated surprises. I said something to Rick this morning and he told me that once when Carlton threw a surprise party at your house you pulled a gun on them before realizing what was happening and then I started thinking that if we scare you that you might go into labor and then..."

The words spilling from Courtney's lips sounded so similar to a panicking Miller that Kara had a moment of confusion about who she was speaking to. Finally, she took the same approach that worked with Rick. She held up a hand. "Stop."

Fortunately, Courtney sputtered to a stop.

"Now take a deep breath." Kara waited until Courtney complied. "I know about the shower. Danny warned me."

"Oh, thank goodness," Courtney replied. She retrieved a handkerchief from her pocket, dabbing at her forehead. "I tried calling Andrea but she was in a meeting and then I asked Mrs. Slattery to call the Admiral but he was also in the meeting and Val said she was sworn to secrecy and couldn't help and then I thought that I should just tell you because..."

"Courtney, I'm not even carrying," Kara interrupted. She didn't point out that it was because of how her gun dug into her back. Courtney didn't need to know everything.

There was a flash of tears in Courtney's eyes. "You aren't going to go into labor, are you? From the shock? I would never forgive myself if something happened."

She was worried.

It took a moment for understanding to sink in, then Kara reached out to squeeze Courtney's hand. "I'm fine. I knew last night. But I appreciate you warning me." She paused. "Should we go in, then?"

Courtney straightened. "Oh, yes." Two steps towards the door and she paused. "Do you think you could act surprised, though? For your mama? She's so excited."

Having been through this scenario before, Kara smiled. "That I can handle."

xxxxx

Five hours later, Kara sat on the couch, Delilah tucked next to her, the child clearly exhausted but not willing to admit it. Initially, the shower had gone much as Kara expected. Mrs. Abbot — Kara suspected that Debbie had handled little if any of the planning — had shown remarkable restraint in planning the small and low-key shower. The guest list topped out at twenty-two, even with the addition of Val who, by her own admission, had never been to a baby shower before and Kara suspected would do everything in her power to not go again. Upon Rachel mentioning the intimate setting, Debbie made a point of noting that they hadn't wanted to overwhelm Kara — presumably a nod to the fact that both Andrea and Alisha had voiced concerns about the plan.

All in all, the event had gone much the way that it would have gone had Kara planned it herself.

Including the fact that Danny, along with Tex, Rick, Carlton, Mike and Tom, joined them at the designated end of the shower. Danny had brought the girls, who immediately began digging through all the gifts, and the afternoon tea morphed into an impromptu dinner party. After pulling Courtney aside to ask if she wanted them to leave, Kara was reassured that Mrs. Abbot was in her element and, in fact, had made dinner plans in advance just in case of such an eventuality. With that settled, Kara found herself relaxing in the company of her friends. The gathering feeling much the way Kara remembered from prior to the virus.

Before such gatherings became synonymous with funerals.

Tex threw himself down on the other side of the couch. "Phew. I am wiped. I'm damn glad that Red and I are done with all of this."

"Yes, because having a toddler is incredibly relaxing," Kara replied, but there was no bite to her words.

Tex nodded towards Delilah. "When did she knock out?"

Kara glanced down, only then noticing that Delilah was, in fact, asleep. "It's been a long day. Although Alisha came through with the mermaids."

"I did wonder about those." Tex chuckled, gesturing at the dolls Delilah was holding. "Pretty sure that purchase was not made with Joshua in mind."

Kara inhaled sharply.

Joshua.

Yes, she and Danny had chosen the name, even told a select few people — a group that did not include Debbie, who would have promptly leaked it to some tabloid or other.

But this was the first time someone actually used his name.

As though he were here.

A real person.

Tex frowned. "You okay, there, KFG?"

"Of course," Kara replied, but she knew her voice was too high, giving her away. She bit down on her lip. "Just surprised. We haven't told too many people the name we picked."

"Ah." Tex sat back, his face relaxing. "Green told us earlier. Now that you mention it, he did say that you didn't want Debbie over there going crazy with the monograms."

The very idea was horrifying.

Kara hesitated before asking, "Did Danny mention why we chose that name?"

A curious question, but Tex merely nodded. "He seemed pleased as punch that this little guy would be named after his daddy. Another Josh Green, so to speak." He waited a beat before adding. "It's hard, these days, picking a name. So many memories."

Feeling a lump in her throat, Kara recalled how Danny reacted when she suggested naming the baby after his brother.

If we name him after Zack, I'm going to be thinking about my brother every time I say his name. Imagining that he's Zack. I want this little guy to have his own identity.

How many other names had he rejected for the same reason?

Frankie.

Jason.

Steve.

Javier.

The list felt never-ending. Shaking off the memories, Kara brushed a hand across Delilah's head. "It's important to Danny that the baby has his own name. We're thinking about calling him J.D."

"It fits," Tex said. He lifted his eyes, looking over Kara's head, apparently communicating with Danny in that way the two of them had perfected over the years because moments later Kara could sense Danny moving in their direction. Then Tex turned his attention back to her. "The two of you should get home and enjoy a full night of sleep. Pretty soon you'll be up at all hours, cursing yourself for not sleeping more when you had the chance."

God, she hoped that Tex was right.

xxxxx

Kara flicked through the magazine, barely glancing at the pages, as she waited for Danny to finish up in the bathroom. She watched as he puttered around their bedroom, unusually quiet, responding to her occasional comment almost as an afterthought.

The way he had been since they left the baby shower.

She waited until he was settled into bed, flipping through the limited television channels before she spoke. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"They're not worth the penny." The answer was too quick, too glib, and Kara could feel the tension in his frame. She considered letting it go, not pushing the issue.

Yet wasn't that what they always did?

Ignored their problems, pretending they didn't exist?

And wasn't that the definition of insanity?

"If it's nothing," Kara reasoned, "no harm in telling me."

Danny was quiet for so long that Kara was certain he wasn't going to say anything — that the next words out of his mouth would be a joke. But he surprised her.

"My mom loved babies," he said finally. "I didn't really think much about it when Zack told me that he and Mandy were expecting. I didn't go to their shower. Pretty sure I was in Iraq at the time. But I remember when I got back, I went home to visit and meet Evie. She was adorable and Zack was proud as punch, but what I remember most is my mother's face. She was so happy." When Danny faltered, Kara reached for his hand. Squeezing. Waiting until he was ready to speak again. "Zack and Mandy only wanted two so after Chloe was born, Mom joked that she had to get as many baby snuggles as she could because she would be on her deathbed before I settled down."

"Oh, Danny," Kara whispered, knowing there was nothing — nothing — that she could say to make this better. The way she so desperately wanted. "She was teasing."

"I know." Danny's voice cracked. "But today, when I saw Debbie there, I just couldn't help but think about Mom and how happy she would be...How much she would have loved..."

Danny trailed off. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, Kara held him as he cried. Running her hand up and down his back as his body shook, his efforts to suppress the sobs somehow making them worse. Long moments passed before Danny calmed, his breath growing so even that Kara wondered if he was sleeping. She was about to turn off the lamp when Danny shifted, sitting up.

"Sorry about that." He rubbed a hand over his face. "I didn't mean to ruin your baby shower."

Kara raised an eyebrow. "Hardly mine. Pretty sure all the clothes were too small." That wasn't completely accurate, as Kara also received quite a few items aimed at her rather than the baby, but her words drew a chuckle from Danny. Kara reached up, cupping his cheek. "I'm sorry that they aren't here, Danny."

"I know." Danny was silent for a moment, then he reached over to click off the light. "Let's get some sleep. According to Tex, soon we'll be running on 36 hour shifts and catnaps."

Settling back against her pillow, Kara waited as Danny slipped into sleep, heart aching. Wanting more than anything to help ease his pain.

Even as she knew that some wounds never healed.