I was sprawled against his chest and I listened to his steady heart beat. I closed my eyes. In that moment I was blissfully happy. I honestly believed that I would never feel this way again. That my dreams of a good man and family would never be. That I was incapable of ever having this again. Did I love him? Absolutely, he was my best friend. Did I love him romantically? I wanted to believe I could be on my way to starting to. Did he love me? That's was the scary part. I wasn't sure. I know he cares, but loving someone is another thing. I felt him move. "Good morning."

"Good morning beautiful." He said.

I smiled and becoming shy in the morning light. John and I didn't have sex. I wanted to last night, but he is right. I don't want to rush things with him. I want it to be special and once it happens then it makes this more official. We haven't discussed what we are, but all I know is he is making me incredibly happy.

"you want to get a shower and head down stairs. I am sure Val has something planned for the day before we head out."

I laughed and looked up at him, "I am sure she does. Yes, that sounds perfect. We both got out of bed a little reluctantly. "are you hungry? We could get some breakfast?" he asked.

"Oh, I think it's more brunch at this point. But I am sure Val has whipped something up." I said.

He looked at me curiously, "Val cooks?"

"No, but I am sure she had something delivered or she has a cook on hand."

He laughed, "I was about to say…Val doesn't cook or at least I've never seen it."

"she doesn't know how to boil water." I said

He did indeed laugh at that. We made our way to the bathroom. Although we had been pretty intimate recently I was still a little nervous about him seeing me in the shower. "why don't you take yourself a shower or bath. That'll give you some time to relax before the big day." He said.

He knew I was feeling a little apprehensive , which made me feel more appreciative that he understood. He would never call me out on it and that only made him more desirable.

"Thank you." I replied.

He gave me a wink and a smile. He grabbed his toiletries and exited. I disrobed and got in the shower. The hot water hit my skin and I felt rejuvenated. It was exactly what I needed after the long night we had. My body was accustomed to a different time zone.

After my shower, I found John and we descended down the stairs. We were met with this most amazing aroma wafting from the kitchen. Val came out of the living area. "Good morning sleepy heads. Just in time for brunch. Brandon and Sophia should be here any moment."

I was extremely excited to see my brother and Sophia it had been months since they had come for a visit. "what's for brunch? It smells delicious" I said.

Val smiled and linked her arm with mine and we proceeded towards the kitchen. "Did you order or do you hire a cook?" I asked. John was following in behind us. I could hearing him snickering behind me.

"I hear that" Val said over her shoulder. She looked at me, "you know me too well. Of course I have a chef."

I just rolled my eyes. Of course she does. We walked into the kitchen and I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was, but what laid on the table looked more like I buffet than a normal breakfast at your friends house. My mouth began to salivate. "what is all of this?" I asked.

Val dropped her arm from mine and stepped towards the table. She raised her arms like a price as right girl that was presenting a new car, "brunch of course." She laughed.

"Jesus, are you feeding the neighborhood?" asked John.

I laughed and Val looked at the spread, "too much?" she asked.

I shook my head, "no it's perfect."

As we proceeded to move towards the table, I heard the doorbell ring and Val took off towards the front door. She disappeared around the corner and I wasn't far behind. When I came around the corner I saw my brother and Sophia coming through the door.

I smiled as my brother sat down the bags and quickly hugged Val. And then he turned to me. His grin grew bigger. "it's about time you made it stateside.

I didn't even respond I quickly ran to him and he engulfed me in a bear hug. "God, I have missed you." I said.

He nodded and pulled back. "way too long."

Sophia, John and Val stood quietly while we had our moment. Brandon noticed John standing somewhere behind me "John? Is that you? How you doing?"

I turned to see John and he grinned as he greeted my brother. "I am doing well Brandon. Good to see you man." John approached and shook Brandon's hand. I took note of the encounter. My brother and John knew each other. They liked it each other, but there was no custom handshake. There was no nicknames. My brother had reserved that for his friends. His brothers. He didn't have that with John.

John noticed my stare and looked at me with a questioning look, but I quickly recovered and smiled at him. He returned the same sentiment. I hugged Sophia and we all stood there for a few moments exchanging pleasantries. Then Val ushered us all into the kitchen area. We buffet styled our breakfast and sat down to eat. David joined us soon after apologizing for his earlier absence, but had a few tasks this morning he needed to do before this evening. My thought immediately went back to the hushed conversation between him and John last night. But I don't ask questions. I simply enjoy just being with my family and friends.

After brunch we all decided to spend some time relaxing by the pool. Sophia and Brandon took a quick nap before we were to head into the city.

John and I planned on doing the same. We both headed back to our room. As the door closed, "Everythinf ok?"

I sat down on the bed and answered, "yeah, why?"

He hesitated only for a moment. "you had a look when I shook your brother's hand earlier."

"it was nothing." I said as I shook my head.

He looked at me. I knew that look well. He knew I was hiding something from him. "Bren, I know when something is bothering you."

I didn't want to have this discussion, but I also knew that I didn't want to lie to him either. "it's really nothing. Honest. It just makes me sad that you and Brandon aren't close. And I know it's because we live so far away."

He looked a little perplexed by my statement. "you got that from a handshake?"

I nodded, "you'll see. Him and Steve used to do stupid handshakes all the time when we were younger."

"just Steve?" He asked. He wasn't buying it.

I shook my head, "No, with Dylan too. You know they were as close as brothers even in high school."

He nodded and sat next to me. "made you feel a certain way, huh?"

"I didn't realize that it would. I know you and Brandon have been around each other once or twice. You've even talked on the phone. But it made me a little emotional seeing that he doesn't have that relationship with you." I answered honestly.

"Bren, you gotta give it time. Brandon and I don't have the history… not yet. Hopefully , that will happen."

I smiled and little and nodded. He didn't speak anymore about it. We decided that we would take a short nap before we left for the city.

I woke up before he did. I headed out of the room and headed downstairs. Val was sitting in the library. She looked up and saw me. "it's about time you got up. Make sure you and John pack a bag for tonight. We are staying in the city." She said and she leaned back in the chair.

"This wouldn't have something to do with the hushed conversation between John and David last night would it?" I asked.

She smiled, "wouldn't you like to know."

Damn her and the both of them. "what the hell Val. You are my friend." I whined a little.

She only laughed, "my lips are sealed bitch."

I rolled my eyes and laughed a little myself. "alright, well where are we staying?" I asked.

"oh I got that covered" she said.

"Val, please don't spend a bunch of money on a fancy hotel. We can always come back here." I said

She just smiled, "don't worry we have plenty of suites in our building. And besides…we will probably be in no shape to drive tonight."

That caught my attention. "suites? Your building?" I asked.

I knew about the house and the penthouse in the city. I didn't know of any suites. She looked at me innocently. "David and I have plenty of money. We decided with my and his business that we needed additonal space in our building so we bought the suites to have people stay while in town. For pleasure and for business."

I nodded. I was not trying to probe into her finances. I knew that Val and David both had been quite successful since they had moved to New York. Val was the most sought-after fashion designer in New York. And David was a huge success in the DJ scene here.

"it's just good business" that's all she said and that was good enough. "We need to get moving if we are going to make the show" she said.

I headed back up the stairs and John was awake. I told him that we needed to pack for the night. That we were staying in the city. He didn't seemed surprised. Which I figured he wouldn't be since he was part of whatever secret he and David had conspired together.

We hurriedly packed our bags and headed downstairs. Val had arranged the transportation and we headed off to Manhattan. The trip seemed long compared to last night and I was ready to get out of the car and stretch my legs.

As we made our way up to our suites. Val informed me that we needed to get the outfits for this evening. She had a dressing studio in the building. Val and I headed there after John and I dropped off our night bags in the room.

Val's studio was amazing. Pictures of her with her clients. Ranging from musicians, actors and even politicians hung on the wall. My friend had made it. And I couldn't have been more proud of her. We left her office and headed to the wardrobe area. It was quite overwhelming. She had assistants asking questions and Val answering every one of them with ease. She turned to me, "I have the perfect outfits for you tonight" she stated.

I am sure i looked a little bewildered "outfits?"

"of course, we have the play and then the surprise.. You have to be smashing for both." She said.

"are you picking up on the British lingo?" I smiled.

"Maybe" she said as she winked at me.

The rest of the afternoon was spent trying on outfits. Until Val had perfected both of my outfits for this evening. She modeled hers as well. And I will admit, she was absolutely gorgeous and made me feel the same way. That is why she is excellent at what she does.

She looked at me after everything was done, "you nervous?" she asked.

"about what?" I questioned back.

"Don't play dumb with me. You know exactly what I am talking about." She said.

Of course I was nervous. If he was here, I hadn't seen him in nearly a decade. There was a part of me that wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. But the other part of me still cared deeply for him. "Yeah, I am." I answered.

"Don't be. I'm sure it'll be fine." She said.

She was calling her assistant over and instructing them on hair and makeup for tonight. We only had a couple of hours and it had to be perfect she had told them. I wanted to ask if he was here. I'm sure she knew, but didn't want me to become anxious.

I kept my mouth shut and she called down to Brandon's suite and asked if Sophia was ready. She couldn't come sooner, because she was finalizing her piece for an article she had been working on. After the phone call, Sophia joined us and we proceeded to get ourselves ready for the evening.

Hair and makeup and then the dress. It had been a magical day. I couldn't wait to see Maddie. But the fear was rising for the other guest that may show.

I had walked most of the day. Every temptation of wanting to drown myself with each bar I passed, but I stayed strong. I carried a small flask in my pocket. Only taking small sips when absolutely necessary.

I had made my way back to the hotel. I didn't bring any clothes that screamed I was going to a Broadway musical this evening, but I thought I could pick up something here in the city. Luckily for me, the hotel was kind enough to direct me to a nice store on 5th avenue. They were instructed to take care of my needs. The Mckay name was well received here in New York as much as it was in Beverly Hills.

Once I had finished purchasing my suit, I found a barber shop to cut my hair and shave this beard that seemed to be quite untamed. I managed to get through it all. I needed to be my best for my girls. Maddie was counting on me to show up. Bren… I needed her not to see me as a total mess.

Once I arrived back at the hotel. I changed into my suit and stood in front of the mirror. A lot had changed since the last time I saw her. I saw the wrinkles, the gaunt features in my face and the thinness of my entire body. I didn't look healthy. Hell I didn't feel healthy. I was a shell of the man she would remember. Unworthy of her love. But I had to try and explain.

The show would start in a hour. I still needed to make my way to the theater. I had wondered if we would all sit together, but I knew that was a frivolous thought. I grabbed my flask. I desperately didn't want it, but at this point I knew I couldn't be without it. I ran my thumb across the surface of it. Muttering curses beneath my breath. I opened and filled it with vodka. I placed it in my jacket pocket. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time.

I headed down to the lobby. The hotel made arrangements for a limo. I had declined wanting to arrive a little more inconspicuous. I had decided to take a taxi. My head was buzzing and I wanted to pull my flask and take another sip before the arrival, but restrained myself.

Traffic was typical Manhattan…terrible. But I arrived in plenty of time and handed the taxi driver a generous tip. I made my way into the theater. Not wanting to draw attention to myself, I hid in the shadows.

The lights would dim soon to indicate the play would be starting and to make our way to our seats. I was having to catch my breath in the excitement of seeing Maddie and of course possibly having the opportunity to see Bren.

I was about to leave my secluded area when I saw Donna and Kelly chatting away near the entrance door to the theater. I rolled my eyes. Not a chance in hell I was stepping out there now. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, making eyes at two gentlemen across the room. I chuckled to myself. Nothing changed. Still the same high school girls I once knew. I also had a good chuckle because earlier I saw those same two men kissing… it seems Donna and Kelly were to be sorely disappointed.

I noticed their eyes quickly averted in another direction and I followed. I saw Steve speaking with Brandon and who I am assuming is Brandon's girlfriend. She was a pretty girl and it was nice to see Brandon looking so happy. I also saw David and Val. The power couple. Both looking like they ruled New York. Which from my understanding they did. It actually made me happy that they had finally got together. He and Donna were sweet together in High-school, but Val is where his heart truly settled. I didn't see her. My heart fell into my stomach. I closed my eyes and dropped my head. She didn't come. She changed her mind. The tears were nearly welled in my eyes, but I pushed them back. I opened them and looked back at the gang. They were all laughing and talking to one another. It made me miss them. As much as I am loner, I still missed them.

I was about to turn around and make an escape through another door when I saw Steve bend down to hug someone. Brandon was in my line of view, but I assumed it was Janet. He pulled back and Brandon stepped to the side slightly. I caught a glimpse of brunette hair. Her hair was shorter than I remembered. Her back exposed. I knew it was her. I knew the hair that had splayed across my chest at night after making love. I knew that back. How many times my hand been placed upon it. As well as my lips. My heart fluttered a little. Until I saw a hand touch the small of her back where my hand used to settle. She turned then and I could see her profile. And my God….she took my breath away. She was more beautiful than I remembered. She smiled gently at whoever the person was that was touching her. I was awestruck just to be gazing upon her pretty face. I willed Brandon to move. I wanted her to turn so I can see her completely.

My request was soon answered. She turned around to face Brandon and I saw her. There she was in the flesh right before my eyes. I was completely dumbfounded by her beauty. I wanted to touch her, to speak with her…hell at this point I was just happy to be in the same vicinity as her. Brandon was being pulled away by Sophia and I caught a glimpse of whose hand had been touching my girl. The rage I felt can not be described. When I saw John standing next to her….I literally clinched my teeth.

I withdrew behind the wall further. I looked up to the ceiling. I turned my back to the wall and rested against it. I closed my eyes. I can't be mad at him. He always liked her. I was fully aware. It still didn't take away the hurt and jealousy I felt. Even though I knew I had no right.

I had to look at her again. I braced myself and peered around. This time I was surprised to see Kelly and Donna had joined them. You could feel the tension from across the room. Bren looked uncomfortable, but only to the trained eye. You had to know her. Really know her, because my girl was damn fine actress. Donna and Kelly never seemed the wiser. They never truly knew her. She smiled politely at them. It was only when Val spoke that I could see a hint of sparkle come to her eye and slight upturn of her lip. Val must have said given them a little hell to get Bren to break her façade.

The lights began to dim and my heart nearly stopped. I didn't want to stop looking at her. I was scared I wouldn't get another opportunity. It was then John leaned down and whispered in her ear. He placed a gentle kiss to it and she placed her hand on his cheek. It made me want to hurl fists in his direction. She never looked in my direction. But I noticed her eyes constantly scanning the room.

The final dim took place and everyone started to head to their respective seats. She again scanned the room once more. I saw it, I saw the disappointment in her eyes. But only for a moment. John again placed his hand on the small of her back and led her away from me. Damn that lucky son of a bitch.