Sorry for the long delay! The semester was rough and summer has been busy for me. I hope everyone is enjoying the Legendary Edition of Mass Effect, it's been fun playing the game again in high definition.

Thank you to the med peeps on the Bioware discord for their help with some of the medical questions I had, you guys are the best!

Enjoy the chapter, thank you so much for reading!

Feros

2183

Feros was a shell of its former self.

The fires simmered, sending ash into the air as it intermingled unpleasantly with the dirt. On a large, overturned rock Shepard observed the fatigued activity in solitude, still feeling mentally drained from the mind melding Cipher. Supplies and first aid were being applied to the wounded, while the remaining crew member worked on the Borealis to run medical evacuations.

The mission was a success, even the colonists were thrilled that their home was saved, but Shepard didn't feel the same enthusiasm. The mission had left a sour taste in her mouth, and a brick in her stomach. The strange, parasitic plant-being made her skin crawl, but what made the uneasiness and disgust worse was knowing that ExoGeni used Zhu's Hope as an experiment.

She watched Ashley talk to Ledra, checking his stock on shotguns with interest. Dr. Chakwas came to assist with the colonists on the field. She took a keen interest in asari Shiala, trying to convince her to come aboard the Normandy for quicker medical extraction. Shiala on the other hand wanted to stay with the colony. Kaidan helped give the three colonists who didn't make it a proper burial. He covered up their bodies and aided in digging graves for them.

Shepard watched Kaidan in piqued interest; the way his biceps flexed, the sweat beading on his forehead, the fixation of his eyes, his mouth drawn downward in a solemn expression. Just watching him made her doubts and uneasiness disappear for a moment. He glanced over at her and she immediately broke eye contact, feeling embarrassed. He went back to shoveling and she centered herself back into reality, pushing away any other emotion that would make her lose focus.

Guilt washed over her for resting instead of helping, but the grotesque and intense visions from the Cipher had made her feel clouded and nauseous. The harsh orange and red color the visions were basked in bore into her head, it made her feel like fainting.

"You okay, Commander?"

Shepard looked up to see Kaidan standing over her, concern laced on his sweaty face.

"I'm fine, Lieutenant, just trying to process what the beacon and the asari showed me."

"You look really pale, and seem flushed like you're running a fever." Kaidan added.

"I'm a space kid, I've always been pale." Shepard tried to joke, but she did feel like she was catching a chill. "But honestly I do think I need to lay down for awhile."

"I'll get Dr. Chakwas for you," Kaidan started to go after her, but Shepard stopped him.

"She's got enough on her plate right now with the colonists, plus she said we're all stuck here in temporary quarantine until we get tested for toxins from the Thorian." She reminded him, holding her pounding head.

"Yeah, but you look miserable, Shepard, plus we destroyed the Thorian, it's effects died along with it."

Shepard noted how he dropped formalities.

"Better safe than sorry. I can go lay down where Calantha was before."

Shepard attempted to stand, but her knees nearly buckled, wobbling beneath her. Kaidan caught her, letting her weight be fully supported by his body. She was too dazed to care, and let him lead her to the makeshift clinic.

Shepard's eyes fluttered open, seeing the ceiling of the freighter in Zhu's Hope above her. She internally groaned, hoping she had already been escorted back on to the Normandy. She felt coated in sweat; her armor made the feeling worse. Her nausea had almost completely subsided, but she still felt fatigued.

"Maybe I'm actually getting sick…" she muttered to herself, hoping she hadn't been infected with toxic spores.

She turned over restlessly in her cot, debating whether she should bother summoning Chakwas in case she was still busy with the colonists still. Thinking about the colonists made her realize how quiet and still everything seemed, like the buzz of activity from earlier stopped. Curious now, Shepard strained herself to sit up so she could investigate what was going on. She couldn't shake a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, like something wasn't right but she couldn't place it.

Shepard hobbled over to the doorway of the little med bay in the freighter, leaning against it for support as she peered outside of it. The feeling of uneasiness grew, and an eerie sense of familiarity blended in - she had felt like this before. Coming out of the doorway and into the hallway she began to walk out to the exit, but the feeling of eyes watching her made her stop.

Her hair raised on the back of her neck, a chill shot down her spine, her hands began to tremble at her sides. She slowly turned around to see the strange man with the grayish hue and contortionist-like stance slouching at the opposite end of the freighter.

It was the same creature she had encountered at Flux with Ashley months ago.

Shepard let out a sharp scream in fear, the horrible memories of its ghastly transportation flooding her memory. Before it could begin approaching her with its unorthodox gait, Shepard flared up her biotics and struck it with a powerful Throw. The impact of the blast sent the thing flying out the doorway, slamming part of its body into the steel frame with a sickening "thud". Shepard had also tumbled backwards, losing her footing and instantly feeling sicker than she did before.

Without hesitation Shepard focused on leaving the freighter, now crawling desperately toward the exit. She didn't want to wait around for the creature to come after her, but she felt so dazed from the Cipher, and possibly ill from exposure to the Thorian still. Her use of biotics had only amplified her symptoms; she could feel herself already losing stamina.

"Is anyone out there? Help! I need help!" Shepard cried out fearfully.

Before she knew it her squad, along with a colonist had run inside to see the commotion. They found Shepard on the ground, hyperventilating and nothing else.

"Commander! What the hell?" Ashley exclaimed, already at Shepard's side, trying to get her attention.

"Shepard, what happened?" Kaidan asked, giving her a small shake. He turned to the confused colonist standing above them. "Go get Dr. Chakwas!"

"You're both here! We need to leave, before it comes back…" Shepard tried to explain between pants, pointing a trembling finger at the back of the freighter.

"Shepard there's no one there." Ashley stated.

"No! It was there, it was…"

"You think the Thorian is still trying to control her mind?" Kaidan asked Ashley.

"We killed that plant, not sure how. Maybe it's just the side effects of that, and that weird mind melding thing the asari did to her. I knew that was a bad idea."

Shepard kept trying to explain herself, but she was too out of breath to talk over them. She remembered that Ashley had seen the creature and had been just as petrified, but after she had fallen asleep in their hotel and woken up Shepard had told her it was just a dream. She had no one to confide in, instead she just sounded crazy.

"It's going through a metamorphosis as we speak…" Shepard's frightened voice trailed off, glancing back where she had sent the creature flying.

"Commander, what's going on?" Dr. Chakwas came jogging in.

"I know this sounds insane, but there's a creature back there. It's going to transform-"

"Slow down, you're probably still having some side effects from the Thorian and the Cipher. It's a lot for your body to adjust to. Let's get back to the Normandy so you can lie down." The doctor soothed.

"It's not a side effect, I've seen this before! It's going to transform into an awful monster with hundreds of eyes and sharp teeth!"

The three of them looked at her with pity and concern, she hated it. She wished they would listen. As Shepard had her head turned, pointing in the direction where it was, Dr. Chakwas readied a sedative in her hand.

"You've had a hell of a day, Skipper, you just need some rest." Ashley tried to assure her.

"You forgot so easily, I wish I could. I can feel it, like tiny insects in my brain…" Shepard replied gravely.

"What do you mean?" Kaidan asked.

"It's like just the presence of it gets into my head."

Shepard felt a sharp job into the side of her neck. She jerked backward, clasping her neck. She saw the shot in Dr. Chakwas' hands.

"I'm sorry, Commander." Chakwas said.

Shepard soon slipped out of consciousness.

A name lingered as she faded away, something ancient and hard to fathom with human language. The sinister voice came to her, mocking that she couldn't defeat something so "lowly" as the "shoggoth." It was hard to comprehend, but she could feel the coldness and darkness returning replacing her awakened state.

Shoggoth…

The Normandy

Present Day

Shepard's eyes fluttered open to the bright fluorescent ceiling of the med bay. The back of her head throbbed painfully as she tried to move her neck, but it was too stiff. She could feel the tug of an IV pulling on her arm again. She felt awful and horribly disoriented. The memory of Feros felt so recent she could almost taste the dirt in the air from that day.

"Shepard?"

Dr. Chakwas stepped into her field of view, looking down at her. Her face was laced in worry as she studied her patient. Shepard went to adjust herself, but Chakwas placed her hands on her wrists to hold her down.

"Don't move, Shepard. I don't want you to have a brain aneurysm. You had a subdural hematoma. Please, I don't want to restrain you." Chakwas said sternly. "You're fortunate to have returned when you did, any longer and you could have bled out or had a severe stroke."

She strained to reach her arm up, it felt incredibly heavy. Shepard felt her forehead, feeling a row of stitches going across her swollen skin.

"Doc…" Shepard moaned.

"I'm sorry, Shepard. I'm not a neurosurgeon, but I did what I could given the circumstances. I would've had you transferred to Huerta Memorial on the Citadel, but apparently the Citadel is no longer accessible…" Chakwas stated, her voice trailing off.

Shepard swallowed hard, closing her eyes in defeat.

"Everything went wrong, doc… the Illusive man found out that the Catalyst is the Citadel, and now the Reapers have control of it. God, all those people living there…" Shepard mumbled, trying not to choke up.

The two women were silent for a moment.

"You're fortunate to have a cybernetic infused body, Shepard. Anyone else who hasn't been rebuilt with your enhancements wouldn't have been so lucky. I relieved the swelling in your head, Shepard, but you need to refrain from physical activity-"

"You know I can't do that, not when the Crucible is being deployed toward Earth. I'm guessing that's where we're headed right now." Shepard interrupted.

"Yes, the Normandy is enroute to join the final assault against the Reapers. Shepard, I know you intend to see this through, I don't blame you after how long you've been fighting, but you must understand how serious your condition is right now. If you so much as bump your head on anything, or use any biotics, your brain could start internally bleeding."

"I have to lead the assault on Earth, you know that. If I don't go then our mission could very well fail, it's all riding on me." Shepard clipped tensely.

"I understand. I know the strain that this has put on you, Shepard. That's why as your doctor I'm advising you not to. Please, just give commands from aboard the ship-"

"No!"

Shepard's angry shout made her headache throb, and Garrus murmur in his comatose state in the hospital bed beside her. She had almost forgotten that Yuudai and Garrus were also recovering in the med bay along side her.

"Shepard I believe extreme stress is what caused you to get to this state in the first place. Extreme levels of stress can take a fatal toll on the body. If you keep pushing yourself like this-" Chakwas began gently.

"I don't think it was stress, something…" Shepard paused, remembering the awful dark feeling that had washed over her when she had fought Kai Leng. "It was like I had become possessed, like something else had come over me. I wasn't controlling myself. I have never felt power like that before, it was frightening."

Chakwas frowned. She went to her desk and retrieved her data pad as Shepard spoke.

"Do you feel any bursts of anger or extreme rage?" Chakwas asked, reading from her datapad.

"What? What do you mean?"

"Like a primal instinct to kill," Chakwas added, her voice cold and unemotional as she asked.

"You mean in combat? I-I mean if it's self-defense… I'm not following…" Shepard stuttered.

"Are you having frequent nightmares?" Chakwas continued on.

"Y-Yeah, I've been. I'm guessing from all the anxiety…"

"Do they leave you feeling crippled in fear, like do they feel very real?"

Shepard felt herself break out into a cold sweat. She could feel the awful sensation creeping back up, and that sinister voice speaking to her like it's in her head.

Cold. Dark. Hollow.

"Yes… I've been having a lot of nightmares lately…" Shepard admitted, forcing herself to crane her neck to look over at Chakwas suspiciously.

"What do you dream of?"

"They're just dreams… I mean, why?"

"Do you hear voices?" Chakwas asked.

Shepard felt a hard lump form in her throat, not liking the direction this conversation was going. She couldn't bring herself to physically speak in detail about the sinister voice she kept hearing; how its very voice was like a presence that took over her entire body; how she could feel it dragging her deeper into the void. It was like whatever it was could clamp her lips shut to hide its very existence. She couldn't bring herself to speak, her vocal chords felt like they were being squeezed with an invisible weight.

"Shepard, do you hear voices?" Chakwas repeated, this time more sternly.

Fighting the sensation was futile, so Shepard decided to give in from revealing the truth. She couldn't hide the apparent fear on her face, she knew Dr. Chakwas had seen it, too.

"No, Doctor, I don't. I'm just exhausted." Shepard finally answered, letting out a shuddering breath as her ability to speak returned. "Do you mind getting me something to drink?"

"You have an IV with fluids to hydrate you." Chakwas answered without budging from her datapad.

"My mouth is just very parched…"

Chakwas studied her, her eyes narrowing on Shepard's face as she internally decided whether she should leave the med bay and pause the evaluation.

"Okay, I will go out here to the mess hall quickly. Please don't move, Shepard." Dr. Chakwas sighed and left.

Shepard closed her eyes, feeling sick to her stomach as she replayed the questions in her head, gathering herself from the interrogation. She heard a creak from beside her, she opened her eyes to see her father sitting up on his gurney, staring directly at her. His lips were pulled back in an unnatural smile; his eyes wide and unblinking as they fixated on her. She felt a chill run down her spine, as she was once again reminded of the grey creature that had stalked her twice before.

Time is short, you are nearly at the climax.

The voice that came from her father wasn't his, it was deep and inhuman. Her mind raced, struggled to comprehend the dialect, yet her mind just seemed to understand what it was saying - like how she could understand the visions from the Prothean beacons.

The room began to go cold, Shepard swore she could see her own breath.

"Why do you keep following me? Are you the thing that took control of me?" She tried to sound stern, but any ounce of bravery she had fled.

It is beyond your mere comprehension.

"Apparently I'm worth something to you, otherwise you wouldn't have been following me for years." Shepard didn't intend to sound snarky, she suddenly felt fearful that she had enraged the strange voice.

Her father smiled even wider, implying that she had amused the source of the ancient voice.

I am not the one to explain, you will be informed soon enough.

"Why can't you just tell me now? I don't understand, are you a Reaper?"

Reapers are lesser to our existence, the Messenger will explain to you when He is available to do so. There is much observation to be made.

"Who are you? Are you what I encountered on Helyme? Hna-Hnarq-" Shepard struggled to hear the name her father had said back on the planet.

Do not attempt to speak His name, you butcher it with your unintelligent human tongue.

Shepard shuddered, realizing that there were more than one of whatever these creatures are.

Hnarqu… shoggoth…

Your lesser mind will not be able to comprehend, do not even try, it is fruitless. If you further prove yourself in the upcoming battle, perhaps He will present himself to you.

"Shepard?"

Startled, Shepard turned her head to see Dr. Chakwas standing in the doorway of the medbay, holding a cup of water. Shepard looked back over at her father, who was lying down again, unconscious.

"My-my dad… he woke up for a moment…" Shepard stammered, knowing how bad this looked.

"Did he?" Chakwas handed Shepard the water, she sat up awkwardly and took small sips from the cup.

Her head throbbed dully with the movement, and her IV tugged sharply. She resisted the urge to grimace as she watched the doctor check on her father. She checked the machine he was hooked up to, cross-referencing with her datapad. Feeling even uneasier than before after her encounter, Shepard lowered the cup of water, mustering up the courage to ask Dr. Chakwas the dreaded question that she had feared above all.

"Doctor? Do you think I'm… indoctrinated?"

Dr. Chakwas stilled for a moment, then went back to looking at her datapad. Shepard waited for her to answer, holding her breath in worried anticipation.

"Honestly Shepard, it does seem like you are showing some of the symptoms, but I also don't think you're being completely honest with me."

"It's-it's just hard to explain, doctor. The voices I've been hearing, I don't think they're Reapers and I don't feel coerced into doing anything. It's more like I'm being watched and toyed with…" Shepard admitted, feeling even more scared than before.

Chakwas didn't mask the shock on her face very well, Shepard could see the alarm in her grey eyes. She came over to Shepard, placing her datapad down on her desk.

"Hearing voices that aren't your own thoughts, whether they're Reapers or not, is never a good sign. How long have you been hearing these voices?" She continued.

"For years… I would say the last three years at least. But doctor, it's not just voices, I'm seeing things too."

Dr. Chakwas narrowed her eyes on Shepard.

"Before you diagnosis me with insanity, I'm not the only one who has seen strange things. Ashley saw something when we were on Flux years ago, and Garrus and Kaidan were attacked by a monster. I think that monster was attached to the voice I've been hearing. Please, doctor, don't put me on lockdown, you know I have to see the battle on Earth through." Shepard begged.

Chakwas sighed heavily, bringing her hands up to her forehead as if she had a migraine. Shepard knew this information wasn't easy for her to handle. Symptoms of indoctrination had strict protocol that had to be followed, but the moving of the Citadel and the discovery of it being the Catalyst had changed everything. Without Shepard down on Earth, things could fall apart, and they both knew that.

"Okay, Shepard, my hands are tied on this. Just please… be careful, and if you feel any pull or influence from the Reapers, you know what must be done. It's more than just a gamble, Shepard, the lives of everyone are riding on the Crucible and what happens down on Earth."

"I know, doctor… I'll give the order to James, if I start to turn he can put me down. He's the only one who would be able to... Please let Admiral Hackett know in confidence, I don't want Kaidan or anyone else knowing about this. If the time comes I'll deliver the news. Other than that, the plans of me or the Normandy joining the assault won't change."

Saddened, Dr. Chakwas nodded.

"Very well, Shepard. If you survive the battle on Earth, you know I'm going to have to put you on lockdown if it's still medically necessary, especially if our efforts to destroy the Reapers aren't reached. And if you do destroy them, there's a chance they'll take your mind with them." Her voice was soft, masking the grief she felt.

Shepard felt a tear trickle down her cheek, she was unaware that her eyes had even started to well up. Hearing the affirmations of reality aloud made fear and sorrow pang steadily in her heart, but she kept her composure for the time being.

"Thank you, doctor. I know this is a huge risk for both of us, it's more than a court martial for breaking safety protocol."

"A court martial and insubordination is the least of our worries with everything going on. Get some rest, there's still time before we reach the mass relay."