This chapter contains an extensive scene from New Moon. All excerpts that you recognise are copyright of Stephanie Meyer / Summit Entertainment. The rest is mine :)

"Every honourable man is forced to yield to blackmail once or twice in his life, just for the sake of keeping peace in the community."
~ Don Marquis, Archyology: The Long Lost Tales of Archy and Mehitabel

CHAPTER FOUR: CRACKS

CPOV

I sat as still as stone, watching her while she slept in my arms. Curled into my embrace, her head leaning against my chest, her body gathered in my lap.

I am in Heaven.

And yet I am in Hell.

I took in every inch of her, committing her to memory, for I knew not if I would ever be so fortunate as to have her so close to me, for so long, ever again. She was utter perfection. My personal paradise. I watched the rise and fall of her breast with a smile on my lips; felt the pleasure of her faint, quiet breath on my cold skin; gazed in awe at the facial expressions that played across her features as she slept and dreamed. Once or twice she adjusted her position, always seeking to be closer to me, nestled against as much of me as possible, ever more encased in my embrace.

I knew then that I could never leave her. I was entirely sure of that. I was certain that I would perish from a long, lonely, agonising grief if I was ever such a distance from her again.

And yet, how could I stay? Be so close to her, and yet not...

Salacious thoughts flickered in and out of my mind, different scenarios playing out, different choices. I pushed them away. They all ended in pain for one or more of my family members.

No.

The pain could only be mine, and mine alone.

But what about her?

Some inner voice cajoled at me.

If she is your mate, then you are causing her pain, as well, by denying this.

I shook such a thought from my head. Edward. She still loved Edward. If I could only convince him to return to her, then they would be happy, she would be happy, and life could perhaps go on, with all of us together again. More or less. At least I would be forever near to her.

Bella moaned in her sleep, her lips parting slightly. Her cheeks were flushed, and her fingers balled my shirt unconsciously, pulling me even closer to her body.

I closed my eyes, swallowing down the desire that spiked and roiled inside me. I forced myself away from the present, anywhere but here. My mind took me back again. Back to moments forever frozen in my memory.

The moment she first came to our home, all awkwardness and those delicious flushed cheeks.

The moments Rosalie had broken my heart, each time she rejected Isabella with her scathing remarks.

The moment when we were so free, so happy, playing baseball, before the nomads came.

The moments I was terrified for her life.

The moment we discovered Alice and Jasper had lost her, and Edward had streaked ahead of us.

Not knowing what we would find when we caught him up.

Finding her broken and convulsing when we did.

Trying to keep my cool, to keep Edward in check as he sucked the venom from her, keeping him from losing control and draining her, when it was taking everything I had to not knock him out of the way and save her... no, turn her, myself. It should have been me, turning her, there and then, as she so badly wanted...

I cursed out loud and she shifted against me. Softly I whispered into her hair, lulling her back to sleep. I cradled her closer. I needed longer. Just a little longer, to sit there and love her, without restraint, without hiding it, if only for this one time.

I closed my eyes again, shutting off that sense in order to heighten the others even more. Allowing her scent to become all-encompassing, so I could lose myself.

My inner vision shifted. It was Bella's 18th birthday. I remembered smiling to myself as I watched Edward bring her down the stairs, seeing her slightly mortified look when she realised we were making a fuss of her. Oh, how deserving she was of being made a fuss of. If only she knew how much.

Then, as she came walking down, I could see all of her. How incredibly beautiful she looked in that stunning green dress Alice had put her in. Without thinking, I had gone straight to her, instinct betraying me. As I took her hands in mine I realised too late what I had done, and quickly spoke the first words that came into my head, to cover myself.

"Sorry about all this," I smiled at her, relishing the way she beamed at me. "It's hard to reign Alice in."

Esme had taken her in a hug then, and then the others, and though Edward had thrown me an odd look, my thoughts remained my own.

But the paper cut... that was when I almost came undone.

We all immediately knew Jasper was losing control. But when Edward instinctively shoved Bella back across the room, I almost took him out instead. I know he was putting more distance between her and Jasper. But her body slamming against the wall and the shattering of glass reverberated through my entire being, distracting me; Edward had already hurled Jasper against the piano and he was up and coming for her again before I came to my senses. I lunged and missed, too caught up in trying to see if Isabella was alright. When I turned and caught one arm, Emmett seizing the other, I fought every reflex in me not to fly over to her and shield her with my own body.

Alice was calming Jasper, but then the scent of blood overtook her. Bella's arm was bleeding profusely. Every vampire in the room except for me was going to struggle now. Everyone needed to go.

"Get Jasper out of here," I hissed softly, then in a flash I was at her side, where I had so badly needed to be from the start.

I checked her quickly over then looked back at my family, taking in their shocked faces. I raised my hand, now smeared in her blood. Silently, except for poor Alice, who was full of apology, they filed out of the room. Only Edward lingered.

"I'll have to stitch this up in my office," I said, half to myself. Aware of Edward's intense gaze, I paused, then sighed, and told him to check on Jasper.

"I'm sure he's very upset with himself and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now," I pressed. Still he remained. Something in his face unsettled me. He looked as though... he didn't quite trust me. I gave nothing away, and stared back at him, unrelenting.

"Edward."

Finally, painstakingly slowly, he walked from the room.

What felt like a huge adrenaline rush inside of me began to abate, as my body relaxed, knowing she was alone with me now. Safe with only me now. With no eyes left to judge me, I swept her up into my arms and carried her through to my office in a second.

Those intimate moments between us in that room... unbeknownst to me at the time, the last moments between us, until now... they were exquisite. I was so achingly close to her as I washed her wound, plucking the shards of glass out one by one, her hand clutching my sleeve, her body so near to mine.

"I never wanted a party," she had smiled, the quirk of her mouth as she spoke the words sending achingly good shivers of delight through me as I chuckled softly.

"It's not your fault," I reassured her gently. "Jasper hasn't been around human blood as long as the rest of us."

"How do you do it?" she asked, as I placed down my tools and reached for the dressing. Her tone of voice had changed; it had shifted into some kind of awe, of wonder.

For me. All for me.

"Years and years of practise," I smiled back at her, my body alight with pride at her subtle appraisal.

"And you didn't even choose it," she continued as I worked on her. "That must have been really hard."

I shifted her to prepare for stitching, and her hand ended up resting on my side, her fingers brushing my shirt. Tucked under my arm, doing things to me that I couldn't even begin to describe. Somehow, I managed to form the words to respond to her.

"Like everything else in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given."

I focused on the stitching, painfully aware of the ever growing closeness between us.

"Did you ever think of... just doing it the easy way?" she asked tentatively.

I froze for a moment. It felt so good, knowing that she was exploring me, figuring me out, wanting to know more about me.

"No," I replied, continuing with the stitch, "I knew who I wanted to be. I wanted to help people."

I chanced a look up into her eyes, as I added, with a smile I couldn't hold back, "It brings me happiness."

The next words followed before I could stop them.

"Even if I am damned regardless."

A flash of pain flickered across my face in a small frown, and oh, she caught it. She looked down, frowning herself, as if she couldn't make sense of what I had said.

"Damned?" she replied, her tone incredulous. "Like..." She looked away, looking for the words. "Like... Hell?"

I paused, looked up into her beautiful eyes, then looked down again. I didn't have the words to reply to that beautiful, innocent face.

"Carlisle," she said then, fluttering her eyelashes at me, gazing up at me with huge, wide eyes, "You couldn't be damned."

Oh God, that smile. Those eyes. Did she have any idea what she was doing to me...

I felt myself coming undone, drowning in her.

"You couldn't," she continued as she looked down. "It's impossible."

Oh Bella, what have you done to me...

She risked another look up at me, those chocolate orbs gazing back up at me from beneath those long lashes.

Almighty God, I truly am damned. To have this young woman before me, knowing she is rightfully mine to claim, and not being able to...

For the first time in my very long life, I loathed my impeccable self control.

I distracted myself with finishing her stitches.

"Thank you Bella," I smiled. "You've always been... very gracious about us. By all other accounts though, we are damned."

She looked up at me, like she was my salvation.

"But I hope... maybe foolishly... we get some measure of credit for trying."

There was a pause as she took in my words. Then she looked back up at me, a frown creasing her brow.

"Do they all think like this?" she asked.

Edward was back in the room with us, I knew. The tension between us shifted, and I sighed, knowing our intimacy would soon be over.

"Edward... doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind. We believe this is our afterlife. In exchange for this... limited... immortality, we've lost our souls."

Bella looked lost herself for a moment, her own private thoughts haunting her.

"So that's it? That's why he won't change me?"

I paused, gathering a hold of myself as thoughts raced through my mind.

I would change you.

No. Shut up. It is not your choice.

I pushed them away and found the words to explain Edward's... frustrating reluctance. To try and bridge a peace between them, on this disagreement.

"Imagine the situation in reverse," I said, unconsciously bringing my hand up to gently brush her chin with gentle affection. "If you believed as Edward does.."

I lit a taper from the candle beside us, before concluding, "Could you take away his soul?"

I set light to the bloodied rags as her face crumpled, exploring it from another perspective, and blew out the taper. With it, I blew out my own soul, in a way, for within twenty-four hours of that moment, my life was turned upside-down and left utterly bereft...

I was suddenly roused from my reverie by Bella stirring. I loosened my arms that were holding her safely against me, allowing her to shift and stretch. Her eyes fluttered open, then went wide, as she struggled to remember where she was.

She sat up abruptly, a deep flush rising to her cheeks.

God, I have missed that sight so much.

"Carlisle," she breathed, suddenly awkward and shy at the fact she was sprawled in my lap. "Oh God, I'm sorry! Did I... fall asleep?"

I smiled, letting her extract herself from me, even as my body cried out in loss.

"You did. And very peacefully, I might add."

She stood, embarrassed.

"Well, I guess it felt right, sleeping against a vampire," she mumbled. "Like I used to, with..."

She trailed off, and looked down. I forced away the pain that shuddered in my chest, and rose to join her. Ignoring her deference to Edward, I focused on her needs instead. I could hear her stomach rumbling.

"Let me fix you something to eat."

"Oh, no, Carlisle, it's fine. You've already done so much," she protested, but this time I was having none of it.

"Please sit, Bella. Let me do this for you."

She relented, and we moved wordlessly to the kitchen, where she perched herself comfortably on a seat, watching in amusement as I bustled around, creating her lunch and brewing coffee at vampire speed.

"Does food served at the vampire speed of light come with lighter calorie count, I wonder?" she laughed, taking what I offered her.

I chuckled. "Sadly not, but it's definitely a whole lot fresher than your average meal."

She laughed again, and her eyes actually shone, and I felt the deepest delight at having made her genuinely smile, after all she had been through.

She began tucking into the pasta salad I had made for her, when my cell went off.

"Carlisle Cullen."

I frowned. I hadn't been expecting the voice on the other end.

"Chief Swan."

Bella's head shot up.

"Yes. Yes... no. I understand. Yes she is here. No. No, I can assure you I have no intention of causing her any more... no. Yes, of course... do you... no. Alright. I'll tell her. And.. it's good to hear from you, Charlie."

I could tell Bella was frustrated at not being able to hear what her father was saying to me.

"No, I don't... Charlie, please. There's no need for... sigh. Yes. Yes I do get that. There really is no... fair enough. But I..."

I pinched the bridge of my nose as Charlie continued to rant at me. Bella looked mortified.

"I give my word. There is really no need to warn me about that, Charlie, as I already said, I have no intention of... no. No absolutely not. I am not Edward, and nor is he coming here."

That last sentence came out a little too forcefully, and Bella raised her eyebrows. Without warning, she launched herself at me and seized the phone from my grasp.

"Dad? Dad! Oh my God, dad, what are you doing? Leave Carlisle alone!" she scolded him. "What did you say to him?"

I could hear him reiterating what he had said. He had gotten my number from the hospital, having become concerned when Bella had left after being apparently unwell, and then didn't return home for so many hours. I glanced at the clock – she had slept for a considerable amount of time. He also wanted me to know, in no uncertain terms, that if my being here was going to mess with her head in any way, he didn't want me in town. Period.

It was perfectly understandable, after what Edward had done to her.

The boy is a fool.

You are so much better for her.

No, she loves him.

No, she is meant for you...

I clenched my fists and tried to block out the voices. Bella slammed the phone down on the counter at the same time, and we looked at each other, both equally tense.

"I'm so sorry," she apologised. "He's very... protective of me right now. I was... not in a good way, for a very long time."

I looked back at her silently, pained.

"He even threatened to send me back to Phoenix," she smirked, trying to lighten the mood. "That snapped me out of it, at least."

She went back to eating her pasta. My mind filled with images of her... alone, scared, hurt, broken. It hurt me beyond measure.

Why, why had I allowed him to make us leave? My mind flicked back to that awful day.

Edward was pacing up and down the length of the room like a caged animal. You didn't need Jasper's gift to feel the tension radiating off everyone – it was palpable; almost electric.

"We need to leave. All of us," he insisted, teeth gritted. I looked around at the family. Rosalie... well she hadn't needed a second thought about it. She had always considered that the further away Bella was from us, the better. By default, that meant Edward got an automatic, albeit reluctant vote from Emmett. Where Rosalie went, he went.

Esme... I closed my eyes. She hadn't needed much more convincing than Rosalie. This family was everything to her, and her maternal instinct was to protect it, to keep it together, no matter what.

But her easy acceptance of it, to leave Bella alone...

I felt so betrayed. Even though I had no right. For how deeply, terribly, was I betraying her?

Alice and Jasper were undecided. Alice desperately didn't want to leave Bella. She loved her like a sister. Her choice would determine Jasper's choice, though I feared his guilt over attacking Bella may help steer her away, in the end. Alice also loved this family beyond measure, and would do anything to keep it from falling apart.

Perhaps, in the end, we all tried too hard, and in doing so, caused what we all so feared...

But in that moment, I was not giving up.

"Edward," I bit back at him, trying to keep my temper under control. "Bella needs us. She is a part of this family. Have you given the slightest thought to what might happen if we simply up and go? Truly?"

"I have. She is better off, safer, without us, Carlisle. She deserves to have a chance at a normal life, to be safe, without us endangering her every five seconds."

I was pacing with him now, growing ever more agitated with each word he spoke.

"No," I said, finally.

"What?" he snarled, turning to face me.

"I said no. We aren't leaving."

"Carlisle!" he yelled, suddenly right up in my face. "You're outvoted. Even if Alice and Jasper agree with you, you're still outvoted."

"I am leader of this coven, Edward," I bit back at him, every fibre straining to keep my voice in check. "It is my decision as to whether this family leaves, or not."

I could feel the others staring at us, shocked by this raw display. I didn't care. I wasn't leaving Isabella. I couldn't.

"We are going!" he shouted.

"My say is final, Edward!" I shouted in return.

"Stop!" Alice begged, and I felt Jasper hit us with a wave of calm.

"Oh save it, Jasper," Edward muttered, whirling away from me, hands running through his hair in frustration. He moved to look out of the window, standing there for minute upon minute, trying to make up his mind about something, before turning back abruptly to face me.

I was surprised – I had expected him to continue wearing me down with his fury, but he was calm now.

Almost too calm.

He looked down, as if unable to look me in the eyes.

"Let's take this somewhere private," he said quietly. "To talk this out."

The others took their cue, leaving silently to hunt, far from the house. Gritting my teeth, I turned on my heel and moved to the privacy of my study. He followed wordlessly.

Once inside the room, I perched on the edge of my desk.

"There are other ways to keep her safe, Edward," I began. "We don't have to..."

"Oh, I bet you have plenty of ideas, don't you."

He ended his cutting remark with a bitter laugh. I looked up at him, his tone unsettling me. A slight rush of unease rippled through my core.

"I just..." I hesitated, trying to read him. A different angle, perhaps...

"I'm just not sure what you're trying to achieve here. The other nomad, Victoria... she is still out there. What's to stop her coming back when we are gone, and taking revenge on Bella for the death of James? Surely us going away leaves her more open, more vulnerable?"

"Alice would see. She can keep checking in on Victoria, we can act accordingly if she makes a decision," he replied, flatly.

"She will be hurt beyond measure if you up and leave her."

"She will learn to live without me."

"And what about you? Can you live without her?"

"I can live, knowing she is living a full life, as it should be."

I massaged my brow in frustrated tension.

"I know you want to keep her safe..."

He laughed, interrupting me. "Oh yes, I do, Carlisle. I want to keep her safe. From vampires, from heartbreak, from being turned before she's even lived... but that's not the only thing I need to protect her from, is it?"

The look he gave me made me shift uncomfortably.

"What do you mean?"

His lip curled in distaste, and his eyes turned hard as they fell on me. I felt a chill descend; I could barely recognise my longest companion anymore.

"You know full well what I mean."

I swallowed.

"You think I wouldn't know?"

His voice was dripping with venom.

"You really thought you could keep it hidden from me? For what, weeks? Months? Years? Eternity? Seriously, Carlisle? Something as big, as life changing, as important as that?"

I couldn't meet his hateful gaze. Venom pooled in the corners of my eyes.

He laughed again.

"Oh, spare me the emotional theatrics, Carlisle,"

He all but spat out my name.

"And spare me the compassionate speech I'm sure you're trying to formulate. The apologies, the explanations... the fact you couldn't help it, no matter how you tried..."

I tried to find words, but I couldn't.

He was ranting now, as much to himself as to me.

"Finally I find the love I didn't even know I was looking for..." he snorted. "I do everything for her, love her, protect her, find solace in her silent mind. Let her love me in return, let her dissolve my loneliness..."

His head snapped up so he could target the full force of his hateful look on me.

"But then there was you. Fates collided. Her scent got to you too. Oozed into your pores, made you want her more than anything you'd ever encountered in all your centuries..."

"I didn't do this on purpose, Edward!"

Finally, I found my voice. "I didn't have a choice. It happened as soon as I met her. There wasn't anything I could do to stop this, and by God I tried. She's my..."

"NO! Don't you dare speak it out loud!" he roared, flying across the room to slam me against the wall, one hand bunching my shirt and the other seizing my neck, squeezing in and forcing my head up.

"She is MINE," he snarled into my face. "She is mine, I saw her first, I claimed her first, and by God, I loved her first. And this is just how much I love her, Carlisle. I'm keeping her safe, from Jasper, from the nomads, from herself, and most of all, from YOU."

He released me and I gasped, half sinking to the ground.

"You're deluded if you think that this is good for her," I retorted, which in retrospect, was unwise. He was back forcing me up against a bookcase within half a second.

"Shut your lecherous face!" he snarled. "You thought you were so fucking clever, didn't you, hiding away your thoughts just like you've taught yourself to, when you don't want me to come prying. I caught glimpses, though, and not just from your mind. I saw the times you looked at her just that little bit too long, or reacted just a little bit off. Enough to make me question. Enough to make me wait, for when your defences would finally be down..."

I closed my eyes and cursed myself. Bella's birthday. I had been a fool.

Edward laughed bitterly.

"Oh my God, Carlisle, the thoughts going through your sordid little head when she was in that room with you. Innocent, vulnerable, in awe of the good doctor, the inspirational wonder boy, so impressive with his restraint around humans and their blood, so innately good, he makes God look second rate. What a fucking joke."

His face twisted into a look of pure hate. It crushed my very soul to see it.

"What would she think if she knew the impure thoughts you were having about her? If she knew how badly you wanted to press your body against hers, press your lips against her lips..."

"Edward, stop this..."

"Push her body down, make her feel things that weren't hers to feel, not about you..."

"Edward, please!" I begged, but he was relentless.

"Please Bella, please let me take you.." he crooned, imitating my voice. "Let me take your innocence away from you..."

"I would never..." I began, and then he punched me, right in the gut.

I crumpled to the ground, more from the weight of what was happening than anything else.

I am damned... cursed and damned...

"Get up."

His voice was hard, and unforgiving. I failed to move.

"Get. UP," he repeated, dangerously close to losing it with me completely. I complied, unable to see how we could possibly come back from this.

He walked up to me, pressed his face right up against the side of my head.

"Now, let me tell you again, what we are going to do. We are going to leave Forks, and leave Bella behind in peace. Here's how it's going to happen. You are going to walk out of this room, gather our family together, and tell them that you were wrong. I am right. Bella is better off if we leave and start life over again in Ithaca. Is that clear?"

I swallowed.

"And if I don't?"

I felt his lip curl into a snarl.

"If you don't, then I walk straight out of this room and tell them. Tell Esme that you don't love her anymore, that you have been unfaithful. That the biggest threat to Bella is you. That you can't help yourself, you lust after her, and it's only a matter of time before you break and take her."

I closed my eyes in anguish. He wasn't finished. Not even close.

"I'll make them hate you, Carlisle. I'll cause a rift that can never be mended. Even if you try to defend this... this thing between you, I'll deny it. I'll tell you I read your mind and it isn't true. This family will be torn apart. They will all be broken beyond repair, because of you. Every beloved member of this family, who you either turned, or took in like one of your own, will hate you. Do you understand me?"

Slowly, reluctantly, I nodded, fury coursing through me. "You have made yourself perfectly clear, yes."

I hoped, deep inside, that he didn't mean a word of what he was saying. That in his desperation to do what he thought was right, he was bluffing, knowing that I wouldn't dare take the risk of hurting this family so badly.

He snorted a small laugh at that.

"I guess you'll never know," he muttered, just loud enough for me to hear it.

"Oh, and if you're wondering if Alice will have a vision about any of this, don't worry. I've already forbidden her from searching for anything concerning Bella."

Then, as if none of the past moments had happened, he slapped a hand on my shoulder, smiling his crooked smile.

"You should be thankful," he said, brightly. "The only reason I didn't come in here and rip your fucking head off and burn you on the spot, is because I could read how hard you tried to suppress all of this. For me. Thank you, Carlisle, for your chivalry. Your unending compassion and self sacrifice always was your saving grace, after all."

He released me, and walked from the room.

I should have called his bluff. I should have fought Bella's corner longer, harder. But I didn't. And now, it was too late.

I lingered, for a long time after. In part, I was putting off going out there and telling my family we were leaving. I didn't need Alice's visions to know that this would break her heart.

But most of all, I was putting off acknowledging the fact that, as far as I knew then, I was leaving my Bella, my beautiful Isabella, forever.

Oh Edward! Did you see that twist coming? Do you think he really meant it, about breaking the family like that? And why is Carlisle still advocating for he and Bella to be together, despite all that was said?

I always thought it strange that Carlisle allowed them to leave in the way that they did, and in this story, with the added element of their bond, I figured it would have to take something huge for him to leave Bella behind.

Remember, reviews make me write faster, and that means we get to Carlemons faster!

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