"I have been astonished that men could die martyrs
for their religion-
I have shuddered at it,
I shudder no more.
I could be martyred for my religion.
Love is my religion
and I could die for that.
I could die for you.
My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet."
John Keats

CHAPTER EIGHT: PLEASE

BPOV

The last two hours had passed in a daze. I sat, half slumped against Carlisle, vaguely aware of the hustle and bustle of the hospital going on around me. Vaguely aware of his fingers laced tightly through mine. Vaguely aware of curious glances, even hostile glances from some of the nurses who had worked with him previously, and furtive, suspicious whispers directed at our apparent closeness. It all fell over my mind like waves that couldn't penetrate, that fell away again to pool at my feet, all there, but not there.

Carlisle had tried his hardest to be involved in Charlie's surgery, even though he knew it was futile. The hospital were having none of it, he wasn't in their employment any more and it just wasn't possible. His body was tense against my own tenseness, and I knew his thoughts would be racing with the frustration of knowing he could help Charlie more than anyone else here, but was prevented from doing so. As to my own thoughts, they were everywhere and nowhere at once. I tried to grasp onto some but failed. I was in shock, I think. I couldn't process what had just happened. One minute my body had been thrumming with the thrill of Carlisle about to make love to me, the next it had been shocked into the fear of Charlie's arrival, then thrust into self preservation and anger at Edward careening back into my life, and then... just shock.

Two of the deputies who worked closely with Charlie at the police station approached, one of them scribbling furiously on his notepad. They had already spoken to both Carlisle and I separately; we had told them we heard a sound outside the Cullen house and had discovered Charlie in the condition he was in; sightings of a large animal had been mentioned, which we hoped would suffice to calm any suspicions of what had really happened – Charlie had been investigating animal attacks in the area, after all. Deputy Marks, however, had been relentless in his questions about why I was at Carlisle's house so late, and why Charlie had gone to the house, when I was there with my truck to drive home. He did not seem convinced that I would have spent the entire day and night catching up with the foster father of my ex-boyfriend, respectable doctor or not. One thing that had not escaped my notice, despite my shock, was the fact that his eyes had lingered on our every move, taking in our body language, noting every squeeze that Carlisle's hand gave mine, every gentle touch, every comforting hug. Carlisle was hyper aware of it also, and it was taking everything he had to not draw me closer, knowing how badly I craved his comfort right now. I looked up at them, trying not to frown. I wished they would get out of here already.

"Miss Swan," he acknowledged, before gesturing to Carlisle. "Doctor Cullen, if you could just come with us for a moment, please."

It was too much.

"Deputy, please! We have told you everything we know. Carlisle... Doctor Cullen... has told you everything he knows. He did everything he could for my father before the paramedics arrived, if not for him he might not have had the chance he still has now. What more do you possibly want to question him for?" I raged, stumbling to my feet, trying to stop the hot tears that were coursing down my face before I could even think to try and stop them. The deputy tried to protest, Carlisle rose behind me and steadied my shoulders, both of them shot a look at him as he did so. This was only going to get worse.

"Miss Swan..." Deputy Marks trailed off, unsure as to how to word his next sentence. "If anything... untoward... has happened to you in the last 24 hours... you know you can..."

"Please leave," I hissed, unable to meet their gaze for feeling like I might actually kill them both with a death stare, "I just want to wait and find out if Charlie is okay, that's about all I can cope with right now."

Carlisle sat me down again and I felt him emanate his vampiric allure out into the space between us all.

"Officers," he said, softly and calmly. "Bella is very upset right now, and still in a great deal of shock. I think it would be best if all questions be left until she is feeling better. She needs someone with her who she feels comfortable with, and right now the only person she has is me."

Both deputies glowered at him, but unable to offer up any further reason to harass us any longer, they backed up and left.

Momentarily alone again, but for a handful of ER staff going back and forth, I buried my head in Carlisle's chest as he sat back down beside me, and sobbed. He stroked my hair and softly whispered words of strength and love into my ear, before kissing my forehead. He brought his strong arms around me and held me close until the sobs subsided.

Suddenly there was a banging of hospital doors, and Carlisle's arms left me, swiftly but not so as to be too noticeably abrupt. I forced myself to leave the comfort of his body, glancing up to see Doctor Gerandy walking up to us. He threw me a perplexed look, before gesturing to Carlisle, who rose to talk to him. They moved further back down the corridor, poring over the notes Doctor Gerandy was carrying.

Eternity seemed to pass before Carlisle made his way back to me. His arm snaked around my back, his fingers fisting in my hair and his forehead gently rubbing against mine. His lips brushed my cheek. All in a split second moment, so fast that others wouldn't notice.

"Charlie is still unconscious," he murmured gently. "But the prognosis is tentatively good. There was some internal bleeding, and his leg is badly broken in several places, but surgery went well. They are a little concerned about his head injury, but from what Doctor Gerandy has shown me, I'm hopeful for a full recovery."

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding, and felt relief flood through me. I knew Carlisle would be truthful with me. So I let his hopefulness wash over me like a balm.

He squeezed my hand. "It's unlikely he will regain consciousness for a while, Bella. Let me take you home for a little bit, so you can try and sleep. It's been hours, and it's 3 in the morning. Let's go home. I'll bring you back when you've rested, so you're here and in a fit state for when he wakes up."

I didn't have it in me to even protest, so I let him take me home. Home to the Cullen house, because that was home to me. Home was where Carlisle was. The only place that would ever be home for me now was by his side, in his arms, in his presence.

When we reached the house, he carried me inside, laid me down on the bed, and held me flush against his ice cold body. Within minutes, I was fast asleep.

xxx

CPOV

Watching Bella sleeping was a welcome distraction, but it did not keep all the unpleasant thoughts at bay. My mind was consumed with the image of Edward staring at Charlie, and then at me, the realisation of what he had done etched into his pained expression, merged with the disgust he still held towards me.

It was no use; I could not stay in one position while Isabella slept. There were too many things I didn't want to think about right now. Carefully, gently, I eased myself away from her body, so as not to wake her, and shot to the front door, sighing as I sank onto the steps outside and let the fresh night air wash over me. For the first time in a while I truly missed having my family around me; everything was swiftly escalating beyond my control and the loneliness of shouldering that burden alone was creeping through my bones again.

I toyed with the cell phone in my pocket, taking it out and staring at it, before putting it back, then pulling it out again. Clenching my jaw, I repeated this action multiple times before finally making a decision and hitting speed dial.

"Carlisle..."

It had barely rung before she picked up.

"Alice," I breathed in return. There was a silence as I gathered my thoughts, trying to vocalise what I wanted to say. I ran my hand through my hair absentmindedly, knowing I should have thought this through before calling on a whim.

"I'm sorry," she said, catching me by surprise. All previous thoughts left me entirely. Her voice was little more than a whimper, the most subdued I think I had ever heard her.

"Alice..."

"No, please hear me out... I'm sorry. Jasper and I... we are both so sorry. We should have been there with you, supporting you. We should have been there for you long before that. I know Jasper was, to a degree... but I wasn't. And I regret it with all of my being, Carlisle. I can't begin to express how sorry I am..."

She broke off, and I knew she was composing herself. We may not be able to form tears any more, but the tears didn't have to fall for us to silently cry. I could hear Jasper in the background, trying to comfort her.

I massaged my brow, trying to form words. I loved them both dearly, despite the distance that had grown between us. I loved all of them, still, in differing ways. Breaking the family apart had broken me. Alice's distance, her silence, her apparent lack of support, had hurt me deeply, but I had understood it. In our many conversations, both vocal and silent, Jasper had tried to convey the fact that she still cared. Edward's hold over her, the grief over the splitting of the family, had all taken their toll on her, and with the relentless visions on top of all that...

"Alice, it's alright," I heard myself say into the cell. "It's okay. I love you. All of this has been hard on all of us, but I know it was especially hard on both of you. You don't have to feel bad... but thank you. Thank you for telling me. It means... a lot right now."

"I love you too, Carlisle," she whispered, "We both do. So much. And we miss you. It's time to stop hiding, stop trying to be neutral. I've been a coward. But no more. We're coming back to Forks, Carlisle. We are coming to support you and Bella. We love you. Both of you."

A mixture of elation and relief surged through me. Elation at knowing my daughter and son were coming home to me, and relief that I didn't have to face this all alone anymore.

"How much have you seen?" I asked.

"I saw what... what Edward..." she trailed off, sadly. "I wish I could have warned you. I wish I could have stopped it... but he deliberately kept changing his mind about everything. I didn't even know he had been anywhere near Jasper and I until he was already gone, and then he kept his decision to attack you hidden until the very last second."

"It's not your fault, Alice. Please know that," I reassured her. "You take so much of our lives onto your shoulders, and you shouldn't. It's too much."

"No more than what we have expected of you, for far too long, Carlisle. You've given up so much of yourself, for us."

I closed my eyes, knowing she was right.

I was suddenly aware of Isabella stirring, her mind in a state of distress. She was calling out. I was by her side in a flash, soothing her.

"Is she having a nightmare?" Alice asked.

"Possibly. She was plagued by them when we left her," I replied, softly, at a volume below human hearing so as not to disturb Bella any further. I was flush against her back, one arm tightly around her body, and she had eased back into me, peacefully sleeping once more.

"I wish we had never left her," Alice sighed over the phone. "I wish Edward hadn't been so..."

She left the sentence hanging. Neither of us could bring ourselves to finish it. She changed the subject.

"How is Charlie? Is he...?"

"He has come out of surgery, and the prognosis is good. I've brought Isabella home for a while, to get some sleep. Hopefully when we return to the hospital later, Charlie will be awake."

She let out a breath of relief. "Thank God. Look, Jasper and I are getting ready to leave now. We will be with you soon."

"Thank you, Alice. You don't know what it means, to know you are both coming back to me."

I could almost feel her smile and happiness vibrating through the phone. But all too suddenly, she grew tense again.

"Alice?"

I could hear Jasper talking to her calmly and slowly, and I knew she must be having a vision. I tensed also, waiting impatiently for her to come back on the line.

"Carlisle," she breathed, sounding worried. "Your future just disappeared. I saw you laying next to Bella and then... nothing. Just like when Bella jumped."

My brow furrowed as I digested her words. Then that meant...

I jumped to my feet without thinking, but miraculously Bella didn't stir.

"The wolf pack is coming," I gasped, thoughts racing. "It was their involvement that blocked your vision before, Jacob phased while we were gone and it was him who pulled Bella from the water. They will have heard about Charlie. They will know the treaty has been broken."

"Carlisle!" Alice's tone went up an octave, her fear clearly apparent. "Jasper, we need to leave, now!"

"Don't worry about me, I'll deal with the pack," I reassured her, though not entirely sure if I believed myself or not. "You just focus on getting here safely. I'll fill you in as soon as I can."

A howl sounded in the distance.

"I need to go," I told her, and ended the call. I needed time to think this through, but I knew I barely had minutes.

xxx

JACOB POV

~ Filthy bloodsucker. Filthy leech. ~ My thoughts were relentless as we covered the ground to the Cullens' old place. To where he was, with her.

~ Shut up, Jake! ~ Paul grizzled at me, but I ignored him. My words to Bella on the night the leech had returned rang in my head.

Harm one hair on her, bloodsucker, and I'll tear you apart myself.

I couldn't do a thing then, on their territory, but now the treaty had been broken, I was relishing the chance to exact punishment on him. He might not have harmed Bella, yet, but one of them had harmed Charlie, and that was as good as harming Bella, as far I was concerned.

~ I want to tear him limb from limb... ~

I couldn't help myself, the desire was too strong. Sam's incessant rebuttal of my intentions continued as he barked inside my mind.

~ You'll do as I say, and nothing more, Jacob. I'm warning you. ~

I growled in frustration, not caring if I was disrespecting him as alpha. Technically that position was rightfully mine anyway, and if I felt like it, I could claim it. Wanting this so badly could be the catalyst for doing so...

~ Not like that, Jake. Don't make us choose between following you and doing what is right, ~ Embry warned. I snorted and ran on.

~ Let's just get this over with, ~ I snarled. The house came into sight.

xxx

CPOV

I was waiting in the grounds for them when they arrived. Fierce, angry eyes glowed in the darkness, then a brief pause ensued as they phased back into human form. Or at least, most of them did. A couple stayed as wolves, flanking their alpha and his boys as they walked purposefully up towards me. Almost at once I knew Jacob wanted to kill me there and then. I could sense the alpha – Sam, Bella had called him – willing him to stay calm and to stay back.

"Doctor Cullen," Sam said, his voice deep and his expression deadly serious. I extended a hand, but he didn't take it.

"Mr Uley, I believe. Bella told me you found her in the woods, all those months ago. Thank you for being there for her."

"For picking up the pieces of the chaos your family left behind you, you mean," Jacob spat, his muscles tensing as he readied himself to lunge at me any moment.

"Shut up, Jacob," Sam bit back, clearly growing tired of being usurped by the boy. He turned his attention back to me.

"I'm guessing you know why we are here."

"Enlighten me," I replied, buying for time to weigh up exactly where they wanted to go with this. His eyes narrowed.

"We heard about what happened to Chief Swan. You and I both know that was no animal attack that left him in that condition. Our treaty demands that you harm no human within our territories. As of now, that treaty stands broken."

"Why did you hurt him?" Jacob interrupted, taking a large stride forward before Sam restrained him with his arm. "I know he was coming here to find Bella. Did he get in the way of whatever sick plans you had for her?"

"I had no untoward intentions for Isabella," I replied evenly. "And I did not lay a finger on Charlie. That I swear to you."

"Quil happened by this way yesterday afternoon," Sam interjected. "He said he saw Bella stumbling through the woods in a state of great distress, calling out your name."

"Not looking good for you, doc," Jacob muttered.

"He's not wrong," Sam concluded. "The last time she was in such a state, it was down to the destructive actions of one of your coven. I suggest you explain everything, fully and truthfully, Doctor Cullen, before we drive you out of Forks."

"You can't seriously be intending to let him live!" Jacob exclaimed.

"For the last time, boy, shut up," Sam snarled. "That's your final warning. We are not wanton killers like them..." He trailed off, then corrected himself. "Like their kind. He has the right to explain himself."

He turned back to me. "So. Start explaining."

I let out a sigh. "How long do you have? To explain this fully, I would have to go back to when Isabella first moved here."

"We have time," he responded, eyes boring into me.

I sat down on the ground, and gestured that they were welcome to do the same. Sam sat facing me. The others followed. The wolves sat on their haunches. Jacob remained standing, arms folded.

"Vampires generally lead a nomadic lifestyle," I began. "It is rare for a coven to settle in one place for long, with the exception of a few, my own family included. Our... alternative lifestyle of course allows us to do this more easily than others. There is generally little to bond vampires together, if following their natural lifestyle. However, there is a phenomenon within our kind that can lead to strong bonds between two vampires, a mating if you like. When two mates find one another, the pull is irresistible. It will not relent until the two are fully bonded, and then it lasts an eternity, unless one or both are killed. If one is lost, the other never fully recovers, and usually falls into such a state, they seek out death also."

Sam pursed his lips. "We wolves experience something similar of sorts. For us it is called imprinting. It is an instantaneous gravitational pull. You become bound to that person, your soul mate, for the rest of your life."

"Interesting. It sounds similar indeed, except that it is not an instantaneous experience for us. While we might recognise it right away, and know it for what it is, the pull and the sensations drawing the two together happen at a slower pace, often over a course of years."

I paused, wondering if this shared bond might grant my story more sympathy from them, before enquiring, "And I'm presuming that you have no choice in the matter, when this... imprinting... happens?"

Sam nodded. "That is correct."

One of the wolves behind him snarled and scuffed somewhat angrily at the ground with its paws.

"It can be brutal, if one is already in a relationship. Once the imprint on another happens, the prior relationship dissipates immediately. It is... very hard on the one left behind."

The unsettled wolf whined, then lay very still. I guessed then that Sam was speaking of himself, and that whoever the wolf was, had been that one left behind.

"But enough of our lore, Cullen. What does this have to do with the situation we find ourselves in now?"

"Well, I am hoping that this shared knowledge will help you better understand the back story to the events of the last couple of days."

I proceeded to explain about Edward meeting Bella and what a singer was. About how I had then met her at the hospital after he pushed Tyler's van away from her, and experienced the pull of mates. Jacob had all but ripped my throat out at that revelation, but the others had grappled him back again almost immediately.

I explained that I had tried to ignore the pull for the sake of my son. And then moved the story ahead to Jasper's near slip up on Bella's birthday, ahead of Edward's insistence that we depart Forks, and leave Bella alone. I glossed over the family issues, giving only the necessary details of Edward's awareness of my connection to Bella and his growing jealousy and resentment, before getting up to more present events with Alice's vision of Bella turning blank.

"I returned to find out what had happened to Isabella," I continued. "We feared the worst – that she was dead. After I had spoken with her," I glanced up at Jacob, who was glowering silently, "And with Jacob, I returned here to decide what to do. It seems that my return triggered the pull between us to grow in intensity, and Bella came to see me the next day, confused. It remained unspoken between us until it became unbearable... I feared I might hurt her as my instincts began to take over – you have to understand that mating usually takes place between two vampires; I had not heard of it happening between a vampire and someone still human before – so we would normally give into the instinctual desire without fear of damage. I could not risk harming her... so I insisted she leave, and I ran as far as I possibly could to hunt without restraint, to get the bloodlust under control. Unfortunately she realised the truth of our bond while I was gone and returned here before I did, and mistakenly believed that I had left... that I had abandoned her as Edward had. That is why your boy saw her in the woods like that."

I paused, trying to read the man before me, but he was hiding his thoughts well.

"I returned, and found her, and all was well. We... shared everything we had experienced and realised. I told her of my love for her, and she told me of hers for me..."

"You filthy leech! Why can't your sick family leave her alone!" Jacob raged, making for me once again.

"You're out of warnings, my brother," one of the tribe reminded him as he once again restrained him alongside another. But Sam seemed to overlook this point, eager to get to the end of my already far-too-long tale.

"We were in the midst of... expressing our love," I said quickly, moving on before Jacob could explode any further, "When Charlie appeared out of nowhere, understandably furious at what he was seeing. Before Isabella or I could react, something knocked me across the grounds. It seems Edward had found out about my return and chose that very moment to arrive and attack me. Unfortunately, he was in such a rage, he didn't see Charlie's arrival and slammed into him as well."

"Oh this gets better! We get to destroy emo boy as well!" Jacob crowed.

"It was completely accidental," I implored to Sam, "There is no way Edward would ever wish to harm Chief Swan, or Bella for that matter. His rage was entirely for me."

Sam rose, agitated. He paced, weighing up all that I had said. He reminded me so very much of his great-grandfather, Levi. I prayed he would have the same level-headedness.

"That may be so," he said eventually. "But your son still endangered human life. He was careless, and supernatural carelessness kills. May still kill. Charlie isn't out of the woods, yet. I cannot let this slide. I am sorry. The treaty remains broken, and that makes you our enemy."

I backed up slightly, hyper aware that the pack, both wolves and humans, had suddenly tensed into hostile posturing.

I played the only card I had left.

"Sam," I said, carefully. "When your grandfather, Levi, made the treaty with us along with Ephraim and Old Quil, it was made with respect and with friendship. We are the same Cullens now as we were then. We wish no harm upon you or the humans living here. Edward is gone from here, and I doubt he will be returning any time soon. I know, despite all the ill will between us, that he would be deeply remorseful for what happened to Charlie. I ask you, as the same man who stood with your great-grandfather in companionship and friendship, to grant mercy on his mistake. You need have no worry that I will cause any further harm."

Sam sighed, but his expression remained hard.

"At the very least, wait until Charlie wakes up to decide?" I suggested. "It is only fair that his experience and opinion is taken into account, also."

Sam cocked his head, and the humans and wolves surrounding him did the same. I waited tensely as they partook in a silent conversation only they could hear. There was some shaking of heads and muttering and low whining. But there seemed to be a general agreement being reached, with the exception of Jacob. I was keeping my senses trained mostly on him. I knew he would not back down so easily if Sam agreed to be lenient.

Sam looked at me, as if trying to decide what he made of me. He curled his lip, then seemed to let out some of his tension.

"Very well, Cullen. We will speak to Charlie before making our final decision. But know..."

"What? You can't be serious!" Jacob interjected, furious. "There's a bloodsucker on the loose with unchecked rage and a vendetta against both leeches and humans, and you're going to just let that fly? What if he does come back? What if he decides to take his rage out on Bella next?"

"We will increase patrol and be alert to any vampire presence other than Doctor Cullen entering the territory," Sam responded flatly. He turned back to me. "I presume that you are indeed the only one of your coven present in Forks?"

"Two of my children are returning here in the next few hours," I confessed. "Alice and Jasper. They do so in support of Bella and I; you need fear nothing from their presence. If anything, Jasper will be a great help if Edward does decide to return, given his ability to calm emotions, as will Alice, as her visions may give us an idea of Edward's next moves, and buy us time."

The wolf I had surmised as female, given her reaction to Sam's imprinting story, growled low in her throat, and Jacob swore. But Sam had made his decision, and he stuck to it. Jacob was shaking with anger, and I braced for him to phase at any moment. But Sam gave him a look, and he seemed momentarily cowed, yet it didn't stop him turning to me with a level of hatred that I hadn't expected.

"Edward may be gone and out of my reach," he hissed, "But I can still make you pay for what he did, leech. I'll never accept a bloodsucker as being good for Bella. Not one single one of you. I will rip your throat out before I see her with you."

I resisted the overwhelming urge to growl in response. "Isabella is her own person, Jacob. She has chosen to accept this. She has freely expressed her deep love for me. I'm sorry if that offends you but..."

"Oh, you have no idea how much you offend me, leech," he retorted, all of the unchecked anger returning in a flood. "She doesn't belong with you. She deserves a life safe from the harm you will bring her."

"I would sooner die than see Isabella harmed," I snarled.

"That can be arranged," he snarled in return.

"Enough!" Sam snapped, but it was too late. Jacob phased, finally giving in to that roiling anger in his veins. He made to lunge at me and I instinctively dropped into a defensive position, a fierce growl bursting from my throat, but within seconds, Sam had visibly subdued him with the unspoken power he had over the pack, via their minds. He threw me one final glare as I slowly relaxed my stance once more.

"You'd best be on your finest behaviour, all three of you," he warned. "One single wrong move from any of you, and it is war. One you will not win. We outnumber you considerably, and I won't be holding any of them back, next time."

I nodded in acceptance of that barely veiled threat, and prayed that nothing would go wrong that could cause such a moment to come to pass.

"Very well. Until we next meet, Cullen. When Charlie is awake and lucid enough to talk, we will reconvene."

Then, as quickly as they had arrived, they melted back into the trees, and with a howl or two, they were gone.

I stood awhile until I was sure they had all left our territory, before hurrying back inside to my Isabella.

xxx

BPOV

I awoke with a start, the beginnings of bad dreams and fitful sleep shaking me from what I hoped had been a decent amount of hours of rest. My hammering heart calmed as I took in the sight of Carlisle gazing down at me, his hand already reaching out to brush my cheek, his body leaning in, his mouth capturing mine. I let out a sigh of contentment as his arms went around me, holding me tightly. My tension and anxiety from the dreams fell away.

"Is there any news?" was my first question. He shook his head, and caught my look of worry.

"I wouldn't have expected any, yet. He will still be sleeping everything off. No news is good news, I promise."

Reassured, for now, I relaxed, and nodded. "Did I miss much while I was sleeping?" I asked, half jokingly, and he chuckled.

"More than you can imagine," came the reply. I quirked an eyebrow, but before he could clarify those words, my stomach growled embarrassingly loudly. He chuckled again.

"Breakfast," he insisted. "And then I will fill you in."

He made me scrambled eggs, and told me everything that had happened with the wolf pack while I ate. Jacob's reactions broke my heart, but Sam's level-headedness tempered my anguish with relief that they had let Carlisle alone, for now.

"I wish I had been awake," I grumbled. "To be there at your side. Supporting you, if nothing else."

He gazed at me for a moment, looking genuinely touched. His features were ethereally beautiful as always, but they also looked worn. Worn down. Worn ragged.

I looked down, biting my lip as my thoughts raced. He was over at my side in an instant.

"Isabella, what is it?" he asked worriedly.

I bit back a laugh. "Oh Carlisle! I'm worrying about you, and all that does is cause you to worry more..."

"Why are you worrying about me?" he asked, slipping on that mask as effortlessly as ever. I raised an eyebrow.

"Because you take everything on your shoulders, every single burden, and you carry it alone. Now more than ever."

I looked down, trying to find the right words.

"The implications of our relationship..."

His hands were cupping my face, his eyes gazing into mine worriedly.

"Don't doubt my love for you, Isabella," he breathed, pained.

"I don't! I don't mean that this is wrong, or anything... I love you, Carlisle! Nothing can change what we are. I just mean... it's had an earth shattering impact on your family. I feel nothing but joy at our love, but I can't help but feel sorrow for that."

I squeezed his hands, and he sighed, deeply.

"You just look so... worn out. I worry that you're taking all of this on and bearing it alone, when you shouldn't. You don't have to. I'm here, share it with me. Please."

He was silent.

"Please, my love. Talk to me."

He sighed again, but I could feel him relenting. I would push him to the very edge until I got him unloading this burden he carried, if that's what it took. He had carried it on his own for long enough.

"I... I don't deny that this hasn't broken me. But I have you. I wouldn't change that for anything. I just... I can't shake off the guilt. I know I bury everything, and I shouldn't... but it's all I know how to do. Push it down, and go on, for everyone."

"You give up too much of yourself, for everyone," I sighed, and he threw me a look. "What?"

"Alice... said the same thing, earlier" he confessed eventually.

"Alice? Have you spoken to Alice?"

Hope surged through me. He smiled, then, and it lit up the room.

"Yes. I called her while you were sleeping. She apologised for not supporting me... us... sooner. She's on her way here, with Jasper."

"Oh Carlisle! This is wonderful."

I threw my arms around him and pulled him close. When I could eventually bring myself to pull away from our embrace, I gazed into his eyes and cupped his face. His mouth curved into a smile, as my fingers traced his gorgeous cheekbones softly.

"I love you," I whispered. The smile widened. His whole face lit up, the weariness and the burden temporarily falling away, his youthfulness returning. His eyes sparkled. Smiled.

I brought it back, I realised in wonder. I brought back the smile to his eyes.

He kissed me. "I love you, too, Isabella," he murmured into my lips. "So much."

"You know, you'll never be alone in anything, ever again," I said, pulling back to drink in his happiness. "I am here for you, through everything. As I know you will be for me. You don't have to push it down inside anymore. Let it out. I'm never going to judge you for it."

He sighed for the umpteenth time that morning, and took my hand. He walked us out front, where a rare shaft of sunlight was falling onto the grass. I kept walking when he stopped, pulling him on, until he was stood in the light.

His skin instantly illuminated, reflecting a million diamonds back at me, his beautiful face serene. He was truly an angel on earth. He stood there for a moment, allowing me to drink him in.

"You're... indescribable..." I breathed out. "How are you mine?"

He laughed, allowing even more of his youthfulness to flood back into his features. I think I fell in love with him all over again in one single instant. I hoped this sensation of falling in love with him endlessly, while simultaneously feeling our love deepen and grow with each passing hour, would never cease.

"I wish you could see yourself how I do," he responded, stepping slowly over to me, running his cool fingers over the skin of my cheeks and over my smiling lips. He kissed me; once, twice. Then his eyes narrowed slightly.

"How are you holding up?"

I frowned. "I'm doing fine, for now," I reassured him, before scolding, "But don't you dare change the subject, Carlisle Cullen. We are having this conversation about you."

He looked uncomfortable, and it was my turn to laugh. "Come on, it can't be that hard. I'm going to crack that mask you wear, and prise it off with my pathetically weak human hands, if I have to!" I teased him. It did the trick, and he visibly relaxed, smirking at me. Another sigh. And then...

"I'm... afraid."

"Of what, specifically?"

"Many things. Right now? Being consumed. If I let what I have pushed down rise up again? I am terrified it will overwhelm me. Stop me from doing what needs to be done."

"And what if it does?" I said, after pausing for a moment to consider his confession. "What if you let it?"

He frowned, shook his head, as if he couldn't comprehend doing that.

"It won't consume you forever, Carlisle. You can keep on holding the floodgates closed, but they will break eventually. The longer you hold on, the more it's going to flood you. But trust me, it will cleanse you. And then, you will be free."

"I need to keep a clear head, right now," he said stubbornly. "I can't afford to lose focus right now. There is too much going on. Too much at stake."

"Then let a little out, at least," I begged him. "Please!"

He sighed, and ran his hand through his hair, like he always did when he was flustered. I moved closer to him, taking his hands in mine. Our fingers entwined. I squeezed, gently, reassuringly.

"There is so much... guilt..." he stammered, squeezing back. "Everything is my fault. Edward... Charlie... I blame myself for all of it. My choices... they led to all of this."

"You aren't responsible for Edward's actions," I murmured softly into his ear, drawing him close. "He chose to do the things he did. He chose to take the path he took."

"I know. But still. It's what I feel. I'm so angry at myself, Isabella. Angry that I denied our bond for so long, angry that I let Edward override my instincts, angry that I put everyone else before me... before us. I am raging inside at my own foolishness, but at the same time, I feel equal discomfort at finally having given in to such... such..."

I drew back and looked at him, trying to help him form the words.

"Such selfishness," he finally confessed.

"You think it selfish to allow yourself happiness? To fulfil your own needs?" I clarified, shocked. "Carlisle, cliché as this sounds, you can't constantly pour from an empty cup. Even if you are immortal. Especially if you are immortal! That's just asking for an eternity of misery."

His eyes met mine, breaking my heart. He looked utterly lost.

"I don't know how else to be," he whispered. "I... I don't know anything else. Allowing myself this... allowing myself to be more selfi... more self-giving... putting myself before others, before my family... it's very new. In all my centuries, I have been unchanging in this personality. Our bond, it has... transformed me. The immense love of the mating bond... it's the only thing that can cause a change in us."

"Because you are frozen..." I breathed. "Of course."

I began pacing as thoughts whirled in my head.

"But please know this," he continued, still visibly struggling to get his words out. "I feel bad for denying us this for so long, above all else. For causing you as much pain as I caused myself."

I ceased pacing, and shook my head.

"Don't," I said, more forcefully than I had intended. He looked surprised at my intensity. I shook my head again, biting my lip.

"Don't feel bad about something you couldn't fight. What you did, putting Edward and everyone else first ahead of you, ahead of us – you were only doing what was instinctual to you. And when our bond changed things, and allowed you do put yourself first, for the first time – again, you were doing what came instinctually."

He went to respond, but I hushed him with a palm to his lips. My mind was racing, threads of thought flying in all directions and weaving a web inside my head, a web that told a story. A story of what was.

"It's so beautiful," I mused. "The transformative powers that love has on a vampire. You were frozen at an age when you were self sacrificing, over and over again, You were so eager to please your father, putting his approval before your own feelings and needs. You felt unworthy, undeserving, even more so once you were turned. Being a vampire intensified all of that, and froze you in a perpetual state of it! No wonder your compassion and sacrifice is legendary, Carlisle!

This went on and on over the centuries, keeping you other-focused ever since, putting others' needs first, before your own. You honed it in on your work as a doctor, and on your own family as it grew. Your care and compassion is your superpower, your immortal gift... but the one person you could never give it to, was yourself."

He was gazing at me, wide eyed as my words sank in. I kissed his forehead softly, before continuing my realisation out loud.

"The transformative power of the mating bond gifted you the change of putting yourself first for once. You finally could start considering your own needs, for the first time in centuries. And it is a gift, my love, because it means you can serve others even more beautifully and deeply than before! Because you know... filling your own cup and all that!"

I broke off to laugh, and felt joy surge through me as my thoughts ran away with me. He was still looking at me in a kind of daze, as though not quite comprehending me still.

"Don't you see? It gives you self love and compassion. This is why you struggled to give in to the mating bond – your frozen personality type made you automatically default to putting Edward above your own needs. And because of all that you had been through, all you have done, all the crap your father fed you about hell and damnation, the guilt you have felt at turning Edward, and Rosalie, and Esme, and Emmett, without their true consent... it all built up inside you, making you believe that you did not deserve true happiness. Because of what you are. But let me tell you, Carlisle... you are nothing but an angel on this earth. A kind, loving, wonderful man, the greatest and most incredible, beautiful soul that I have ever known, and ever will."

I stopped, finally, to draw breath and allow him to absorb my impassioned speech. He closed his eyes, pressing his head to mine, and then suddenly dropped to his knees, pulling me down with him. I realised he was quietly sobbing, and threw my arms around him, holding him close until he was spent.

He took my hands, his face angled down. "Thank you," he whispered.

I brushed his cheek, willing him to look up at me. In his own time, he did.

The force of the love in his eyes knocked the breath from me. He leaned in, pausing just a moment to take my face in his hands, before kissing me with a passion I didn't know was possible.

"I love you," he moaned, multiple times as his lips continued to kiss me and his arms pulled me tighter and tighter against his rock hard body. "I love you so much, Isabella. Your wisdom, your insight into others... it is brilliant, and beautiful."

I smiled against his kisses. "Renee always did say I was born middle-aged," I giggled, and I felt him smile against my lips in return.

"She wasn't wrong..."

"Hey! Are you trying to say I'm an old bat?" I rebuked playfully, and he laughed heartily, then, pulling back and grinning at me. There was love in his eyes, and happiness, and mirth, and an ease within himself that I had not seen before. It made my heart soar to witness.

"Middle-aged is hardly old," he replied.

"Well no. Not when you have multiple centuries under your belt, old man," I hit back. Damn, when did I get so quick-witted?

He pulled me into his lap, and I relaxed fully into him, relishing the safety and comfort of his embrace.

We were silent for a time, and the whirlwind of thoughts I had been having came swirling back.

"You know," I said, stroking his arm absentmindedly, "You shouldn't feel so badly about Edward. The same principles apply to him, just in different ways. He is frozen in his old fashioned ideals; he has never gotten beyond teenage infatuation and so can't possibly understand the strength of love that can potentially endure between two people. Perhaps that is why he thought I would eventually get over him. And he had so much self loathing... he could never fathom how I could just accept your kind. But you know... that intense teen infatuation is intensified even more as a vampire, along with all that rage and jealousy that comes with it... is it really any wonder that he is so against you, Carlisle, and consumed with this inability to let go of me?"

His lips swept the contours of my face, and I moaned.

"Isabella," he said softly, in a tone that made my breath hitch. "How can you possibly wonder at the fact you are made for me? How can you not see how perfectly we fit together as one? Your compassion and willingness to understand the deepest flaws in others... don't you see?"

My breath caught in my throat as I realised he was right. I felt so close to him right then, so similar in thought. Maybe we were indeed more similar than I had realised. It caused a fresh wave of love to course through me. Carlisle was mine, my mate, my lover, the one made for me, the one I was made for...

Carlisle's cell phone broke us out of our reverie, the ring tone piercing the silence abruptly. He pulled it out and answered.

"Doctor Cullen. Yes... I see. Alright. Thank you. We will be there shortly."

He ended the call and cupped my cheek, his eyes full of love as he gazed at me. I tensed, waiting for him to speak the news I had been waiting for, longing for and yet dreading at the same time. His thumb traced my skin.

"That was the hospital, Isabella. It's time. Charlie has woken up."

Whew, well that ended up a lot longer than I expected! The wolf pack wanted to muscle in with some extra page time. As always, thank you so much for your reviews and comments so far. Please do let me know your thoughts on this chapter, they are the dopamine hits that fuel future writing!