Act 2, Part 7: The Hidden Fear
"We're lost, aren't we?" Elmina sighed.
"Not lost, just… an unexpected detour," Idalia replied. "That my map, um, apparently doesn't cover."
The route to Skuas Fortress was no longer as simple as it had once been. With the Tarheeds having seized most of El Nath, they needed to be particularly careful. They were bound to run into a patrol if they took the usual roads, but on the other hand, trekking through the wilderness posed the inevitable risk of encountering monsters. So far, the two had managed to fight past several packs of Hectors, but the deeper that they got, the higher the risk that they'd encounter something worse.
It had been six months since Idalia had been away from the battlefront, and while she had full faith in Tianbao being able to manage without her, there were certain things that she simply couldn't do from Ereve. Leading the troops, for one thing. Not to mention the fact that if things got any worse, they'd be facing a very real possibility of defeat.
She and Elmina had sailed to El Nath and had docked at one of the last ports still under their control. Evacuation of the north had been completed, but the Tarheeds had managed to cut off their northern army from Skuas Fortress.
And from what she'd been told, mercenaries from Mu Lung were cutting off their evacuation route through the basin. Skuas Fortress had been designed for a siege, but this was pushing it to the limit. They were almost completely boxed in, and they still had thousands of refugees stranded in the midst of a warzone.
Idalia had enjoyed the last several months in Ereve, but that time had needed to come to an end. Still, having fond memories of Ereve was something that she'd never thought would have happened. It had felt like something out of a dream to wake up next to someone that she loved each morning, to spend quiet afternoons and starlit nights together, and to crawl into the same warm bed every night. Leaving might've been the hardest thing for her to do if Elmina hadn't offered to come along.
The offer had come as a surprise, but Elmina had explained that it would be nice to take a trip back home. Over the last several months, most of her memories had come back and had settled into place. Though there were indeed some distinct changes to her personality, all the parts of Bianca that Idalia loved were still there. It was part of the reason why Idalia had agreed to let Elmina accompany her to El Nath, which was full of the familiar sights that Bianca had grown up with.
Regrettably, they hadn't been able to take Kari, who had quite vocally expressed his discontent about the whole thing. But it was dangerous enough taking Elmina, who – despite her magic returning – was still just a civilian. Taking a child, especially the future Knight of Light, into the midst of battle was out of the question.
"It'll just be for a few weeks, love. Alright?" Elmina reassured.
"But I wanna come too! I can fight!" Kari protested. "It's not fair – I'm doing sword school just like you're doing magic school."
Elmina smiled. "You're getting better. But this isn't the kind of place for a squire. It's gonna be dangerous. My magic is strong enough to protect me because I'm big. I know you hate when I say it, but you're still just my little boy. And you're getting bigger every day. It won't be long before you're ready to go out on missions of your own. But you'll have to wait a little longer for that, alright?"
"But I wanna stay with you," Kari pouted. "I wanna go back home together."
Elmina crouched down to meet his gaze. "Listen. Once this war is over, we'll both go back home together. I promise, okay? But first, we have to do everything that we can to make that happen. And for me, that's going back to help Ser Tianbao and the other Noblesses. For you, that's getting stronger. You're already doing such a great job. I'm so proud of you," she said, kissing Kari's forehead.
Kari had finally relented, though he had made sure to remind Elmina several times about her promise to take him one day before they'd finally left. Elmina hadn't told Kari about what had happened with the Book of Ancient. She'd thought that it would be too complicated for him to understand. He knew her only as 'Mama', and so she hadn't seen any point in explaining her sudden name change.
Nevertheless, they were both sure that Kari knew a lot more than he was letting on. Children were naturally observant, and Kari's knighthood training certainly would've developed those instincts. If Elmina's subtle personality changes could be picked up by someone like Idalia, who had only known her for a bit less than two years, then they would certainly be picked up by her own son, no matter his age.
"Are you thinking of Kari?" Idalia suddenly asked.
"Of course," Elmina replied. "It's the first time we've ever been apart. I know we couldn't have taken him, but… I wish we could. I miss him."
"If fate wills it, we'll have won this war before winter. And once we do, you can finally take him home."
"Home…" Elmina said. "It's funny. I've spent all my life here, but when I think of home now, all I can think about is Ereve. Our bed, that tree that we always sit under… I don't think I'd have it any other way now."
Idalia laughed softly. "Now that you mention it, it is strange. I spent half my life hating that place, but now… it all feels brand new again. It's like a haze just rolled across the place, and all of a sudden, I don't even see all the parts of it that I hated anymore. Even the Senate Hall is just… there. I don't frown when I see the elders. And I haven't had… any mood swings in so long. And it's all thanks to you."
"Me?" Elmina asked in surprise. "I didn't do anything."
"You did," Idalia insisted. "Before you came into my life, I spent so much of it tired and miserable. I was always fighting with the world. I pushed people away. I wouldn't open up to anyone. But you changed all of that. You showed me that I don't have to spend my life afraid of what's coming next. I… love you. So much. I don't think I could-"
She paused and caught herself, suddenly unsure whether she ought to say what she was thinking.
"Yeah?" Elmina asked, turning to look at her.
"I, um…" Idalia hesitated. "Er, it's nothing. I was gonna say… I don't think that I could live without you."
She braced herself. "Was… was that too much?"
Elmina smiled and shook her head. She leaned in closer to Idalia and passionately kissed her lips. Idalia leaned into the kiss and cupped Elmina's face as electric warmth surged throughout her body.
"I love you too," Elmina finally said. "And I think I couldn't live without you either."
"You mean it?" Idalia asked, her heart soaring.
"Honest," Elmina assured her. "I only ever remember being in love once – with Jaecar. We fell in love so quickly, and after he died, I never thought that I'd ever love someone like that again. Raising Kari kept me busy, but… I still missed him every day. But when we first met – I felt that spark inside me again. And the more that I got to know you, the more I started feeling whole again. And after all this time, I feel like I can stop missing him. I can look back and smile on the time that I had with him, but I can also look at what's right in front of me – someone beautiful and talented and noble and unbelievably sweet. And I don't ever want to stop looking."
Idalia grinned and kissed Elmina on the cheek. "You can keep looking. I'm not going anywhere."
"Good," Elmina smiled. "I don't want any of this to fade."
The words hit Idalia like a hammer, breaking her reverie. It wasn't Elmina's fault, but the words triggered something. She hated how the littlest things like that could fill her with the same, tired worries. They'd talked about this so many times, but it never seemed to help for very long.
She knew that keeping it in wasn't good. Elmina had told her never to hesitate in asking, but asking made Idalia feel like an annoyance. And that took her right back to her old fears. Not that long ago, being a problem was the worst thing that she thought she could possibly do. But Idalia had said it herself – things were different now.
"Hey… I…" she began hesitantly. "I know you're gonna hate hearing this, but… I have a question to ask… again. Sorry," she added quickly. "I shouldn't keep asking-"
Elmina held up a hand. "Remember what we said? You don't need to apologize for asking. If it makes you feel better, I have no problem answering."
"Yeah… you're right. Thanks." Idalia said. She took a deep breath. "So… are you still… feeling like yourself?"
"I am. If I think back, most of my memories are still from my life as Bianca. And I can still remember it all."
Before, Elmina had told her that her memories as Bianca were crystal clear. Even the earlier parts of her life were sharper now, thanks to the memory spell. And, in place, the memories of her past lives felt murkier, which she likened to remembering one's early childhood. Because of the nature of the memory spell, her earlier lives were easier to remember than her later ones, with the obvious exception of her current life.
Elmina had many memories of her first few lives, and she'd spent the last several months recounting them in detail to Idalia. That, more than anything else, had been the reason why Idalia had stayed in Ereve for so long. She hadn't wanted to leave without first making sure that Elmina would be alright. That she was still herself, and that she wouldn't become a stranger the next time that they saw each other.
"What about your other lives?" Idalia asked. "Do you… remember anything from later on?"
Elmina shook her head. "It's still hard to remember anything from that time. The last thing I can remember is just after the end of the great war. If I concentrate hard, I can pick up more than just fragments."
From how Elmina had described it, the memory spell arranged her memories into fractals. Heinrich had understood it better, but from what Idalia had gathered, it was a way of organizing her past lives in a way that allowed them to be tightly compartmentalized in her mind, such that they would remain unobtrusive to her current memories, while also allowing her to access specific lifetimes upon concentrated recollection.
"It's been almost half a year," Elmina added. "I don't understand why those last few memories aren't there."
"I think we were right before," Idalia said. "It has to be because of Kirston."
"It's the only thing that makes sense to me," Elmina agreed. "He's not in any of the memories that I do have, and these just happen to be the only ones that I can't access."
"We thought before that he might've managed to undo your memory spell. Would that have messed with your memories?"
"Even if he did, those shards would've been pulled from the Erda Flow as soon as I recast the spell. And my memory spell was designed so that once those shards get first embedded into my soul, they won't lose the memories while inside the Erda Flow."
"I see… then what if Kirston might've used his own spell to erase your memories?"
"That… I'm not sure, actually. I'm can't say whether a spell cast with mana can carry across lifetimes. It's not something that's been studied very extensively, even by me. And with the Goddess' Promise in place, I don't think it'll be possible to test it out, either."
"What about blood curses?" Idalia asked. "Those are pretty similar, right? A curse that gets passed down from parent to child – the principle would be the same, I'd think."
"Hm… well, blood curses are tied to the lifecode of a lineage. The curse binds a bloodline to something – a person, an object, anything concrete. And as long as that thing still exists, the curse will keep persisting."
"What about for a soul? Would it work the same way?"
"That's a bit trickier. A soul isn't something that can be easily manipulated. While it is made up of Erda, just like everything else, the Erda that souls are sculpted from are of a higher purity than that of normal matter. And because of that, it exudes an aura that protects it from low grade energy."
"An aura?"
"Back then, the researchers of that time studied different powers in the hopes of challenging the gods. One of those powers was what they called an 'arcane power'. It was a field that wasn't very well understood, even by me. And it ultimately led to a dead-end."
"Why was that?"
"Originally, they hoped to weaponize the high-purity Erda of the soul, but in the end, they were never able to figure it out. The only thing they learned was that the arcane power was needed to inflict damage on high-grade Erda. But there was no application for their research, so they turned their attention to other types of powers. I actually incorporated some of that research into my memory spell."
"You did?" Idalia asked in surprise. "I thought you said that it was a dead-end?"
"It was, at least as far as fighting the gods went. But this was an – admittedly selfish – attempt at personal research. Using a special sort of mark, or I guess you could call it a symbol, I could shield the memory shards in that arcane power, which would ensure that they won't get lost in the Erda Flow. That's why even if Kirston had undone the memory spell, the shards that get recalled won't have lost their memories while protected within the symbol."
"Gotcha," Idalia said. "So him undoing the spell wouldn't have affected your memories. And you think that there's no way that mana could affect a soul?"
"That's what I'd imagine. My memory spell works because it's a direct manipulation of the Erda in my soul. But as far as I'm aware, no one in this day and age should have that type of power."
"Unless Kirston isn't from this time, either. Mages can extend their lifespan, right?"
"True, but that must mean that he's been alive for eons. As far as I know, the longest that any mage has extended their life is by a few centuries. To live for so long would mean that he's practically immortal, which definitely isn't possible for anyone but a god."
"So we know that Kirston must be human, and that he has to be a few centuries old at most. Your memories end just after the great war ended. Those two facts at least line up with each other. And since we can assume that he doesn't know how to manipulate Erda, it means that there has to be some other way that he's been getting around the force of your soul's aura."
"I wonder actually…" Elmina thought.
"What?" Idalia asked.
"I can access my past memories because I have a vague recollection of them. It's like searching for a book in a library. I can see the book titles on the shelves, and I know how they're organized. If I want to access a specific memory, I can search for it by title."
"I get it," Idalia said. "So you've been accessing the shelved memories by focusing on a time period and the thing that you want to remember. Like if you wanted to remember something about the great war, you'd think about how long ago that was, as well as what it is that you want to remember from back then."
"Exactly. But for some reason, I can't access those hidden memories on demand. It's like my mind is resisting my attempts to probe those parts. I've been trying my hardest to focus on finding things that wouldn't be easily forgotten – my names during those lives, where I lived, who my family was. But maybe I've been going at this all wrong."
"What do you mean?"
"What if I tried focusing on Kirston instead? I've been thinking hard to remember details that I don't know anything about, but I know a lot about Kirston, like his face and his voice. If I tried focusing on those details, maybe I'll be able to break through whatever it is that's stopping me from remembering."
"It's worth a shot," Idalia agreed. "Try it out."
Elmina closed her eyes and concentrated. She remembered the night that she met Kirston. He had been dressed in a purple robe with gold trimmings. Most of his face had been covered in a long hood and disheveled white hair that was long enough to cover his eyes and trail down below his waist.
Focusing on that image, she willed her mind to recall any trace of him in her buried memories. As she did, she began recalling the sound of his voice. It had been deep, but dignified. And disdainful. He had spoken down to her as though she were a small child.
She remembered how terrified she had been, and how furious. For a stranger to break into her home, to condescend her, and to make her watch helplessly as Rosalina had been cursed to death. And, as she focused on that fear and rage, she felt her mind push back against her. She was on the right track, she was sure of it. Whatever memories she had of Kirston, those feelings were attached to it.
She focused harder on that fear. The way that his mouth had curled insidiously in a smile. The way that he had frozen her in place with magic. His slow, methodical means of speaking to her, as though she were an animal in a cage about to be slaughtered. And suddenly, husks of raw, imperceptible memory burst forth into her mind, bringing forth with them sheer terror.
She could feel her heart rate elevate as the air suddenly left her lungs. She broke out in cold sweat, gasping desperately for oxygen. Her breathing was labored and her chest felt like it was ready to explode. Blackness began overtaking the corners of her vision. She began hyperventilating, unable to focus on anything but the feeling of impending death.
"'Mina… 'Mina! Hey, it's okay."
These panic attacks weren't something new to her, but Idalia was shocked that it would happen so suddenly. She crouched down on her knees to look at Elmina, who looked as though she were starting straight into the eyes of a killer.
"I'm here, alright?" Idalia reassured. "You're gonna get through this. Just concentrate on your breathing, okay?"
"C-can't-" Elmina stammered. "I- I can't…"
"Can't what?" Idalia asked.
"C-Can't move."
"Can't move?" Idalia asked in concern.
She took Elmina's hand in hers and squeezed.
"Try squeezing my hand," Idalia instructed. "Will you do that for me? Just a little squeeze."
Elmina continued breathing heavily, but slowly, she squeezed her tightly into Idalia's.
"You're doing great. Now, just keep focusing on your breathing. And if you think you can't move, then just keep squeezing my hand. Alright?"
Slowly, Elmina managed to let out a shaky nod. That was a good sign, Idalia thought. It meant that she was slowly starting to break out of whatever it was that had triggered her panic. Over the next few minutes, Idalia waited patiently as Elmina slowly regained control over her breathing.
After a while, she shakily began attempting to stand. Idalia helped keep her steady and checked to make sure that she was breathing normally again before wrapping her arms around her.
"You're alright now," she murmured. "You're safe."
"That…" Elmina whispered. "That was terrible."
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Idalia asked. "We don't have to unless you're ready."
"No, I'm… I'm alright now."
Idalia looked at her in worry, but nevertheless nodded.
"What did you remember?" she asked.
"Nothing concrete," Elmina explained. "No images or sounds, just… feelings. Absolute terror. Like I was trapped somewhere and I couldn't move at all. And it felt like… someone was hunting me… standing over me while I was caught in their trap. I thought that I- that I was about to die."
Idalia nodded in understanding. It was safe to say that Kirston was indeed responsible for the things in Elmina's erased memories. As she thought that, she felt fierce anger welling up in her chest. She regretted not finishing Kirston off back then. Whatever he'd done to Elmina, she would make him pay with his life. Once the war was over, she swore that she would go to the ends of the world in order to hunt him down and bring him to justice. But still, that wasn't important right now.
"You're safe now, alright?" she reassured. "I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. For now, let's get our bearings first, and then we'll-"
She immediately drew her sword as she heard a distant rustling.
"Get behind me," she ordered.
She narrowed her eyes as the rustling grew louder and dropped into a defensive stance, holding the Soul Shield up in front of her.
"Show yourself!" she yelled.
At her words, the rustling stopped. Idalia listened hard for the sound of any other movement. But it seemed like there was only one enemy before her.
"This is your only warning," Idalia declared. "Drop your weapons and come out, or be prepared to fight."
To her surprise, she heard the sound of something being dropped. The bushes began rustling again as a bruised and battered man in hunter garb appeared with his hands up. Elmina's eyes immediately widened at the sight of him.
"R-Rex?" she gasped.
Idalia looked at her in surprise before turning back to stare at the man, who was apparently Elmina's brother-in-law.
Rex smiled slightly and waved his upraised hands in a gesture of hello. "Thought I was hearin' things. But there's no way I'd ever forget yer voice. 'N after all these years, I never thought I'd hear it again, neither."
Elmina stood transfixed, as though she couldn't believe what she was seeing. But after a moment, she rushed forward and wrapped Rex in a tight embrace, which he warmly returned.
"Rex," she said, her eyes tearing up. "I thought I'd never see you again."
"Hey, Bi," Rex greeted. "I missed ye too."
After a minute of silence, the two finally broke from their embrace. Elmina wiped a tear from her face and smiled. She then jumped in realization.
"Oh, this is Ser Idalia," she introduced. "Knight of Light."
"An honor to meet a knight o' Ereve," Rex saluted.
"Likewise," Idalia replied. "I'm sorry about threatening you. You can never be too careful in Tarheed territory."
"Oh, ye don't have to tell me twice," Rex growled. "Those bastards are everywhere. Anyone who's fightin' to drive 'em out has my respect. Which reminds me – what're ye doin' all the way out here, Bi? 'N where's Kari?"
Elmina met Idalia's eyes uncomfortably before turning back to face Rex.
"Um… it's a long story."
. . .
Night had fallen as the three of them ate their meal. Rex had caught river trout and had made a stew of them.
"I gotta tell ye," Rex admitted. "There's no way I'd have ever believed yer story if I hadn't seen my share 'o crazy things in the world."
"Hard to believe it myself, too," Elmina grinned. "Things have been unbelievable over the last few years. It feels just like yesterday that we were out exploring the woods with Jaecar. I put that life behind me in Ereve. I thought everything that tied me back here was gone. I made my peace with believing that you were dead… that the Tarheeds had gotten you right before they got to Hemant."
"I thought the same thing with ye," Rex admitted. "When I couldn't find ye 'n Kari, I thought they took ye both to their camp. I went after ye too."
"You did?" Elmina asked in shock. "Did you get caught?"
"I tried bombin' their camp," Rex explained. "'N I fought that bastard Riche, too."
Elmina started at him with a mix of shock and disapproval. "Tell me you're joking. Did you even think of how dangerous that was? I'd have thought that was something Jaecar would've done, but not you. What were you thinking?"
"What choice did I have?" Rex asked gruffly. "I'd just buried Rosalina. Our house was burned down. Ye were the only thing I had a chance of getting' back. I had to try."
"How did you get away?" Idalia asked. "I can't imagine that Riche would just let you go."
"As a matter 'o fact, he did. Can't say why. Prolly though I couldn't hurt him. Biggest mistake he'll ever make."
"What do you mean?" Elmina asked.
"Ye think I've been sittin' here twiddlin' my thumbs all these years?" Rex asked. "After the Huntsman King let me go, I've been doin' a little huntin' of my own. Ye probably know from the stories, but as fer ye, Ser Idalia - how much do ye know 'bout the spirits?"
"I know that they represent the elements. That their lives are tied to nature, and that they're quite powerful. Some of them have been protecting humanity for ages."
"Exactly. They're protectors of this land. From the time o' the First People 'til now, the people 'o the snowfield have survived thanks to the blessings 'o the spirits. Riche started this whole war 'cuz some spirit destroyed his home. When's the last time ye've ever heard 'o a murderous spirit? I don't believe a word he's sayin'. But I do believe in the spirits 'o this land. Ye ever heard 'o an Archspirit?"
"I've heard the term before," Idalia explained, turning to Elmina. "In the book, as a matter of fact."
Elmina pulled out the Book of Ancient and held the ring over it, causing it to immediately flip open to the page that she needed.
"I just remembered that I could do that," Elmina smiled.
"Can hardly believe my own eyes right now," Rex said in awe. "Feels like I'm dreamin'."
Elmina cleared her throat and began reading:
Archspirits are a category of spirits that hold greater power than that of usual spirits. Because of their heightened elemental abilities, Archspirits are often mistaken for demigods – a term used to refer to the offsprings of mortals and gods. Though the origin of spirits remains unknown, the most notable difference between Archspirits and demigods is that the powers of demigods are tied directly to their godly parent, while the power of the spirits is tied to nature itself.
While many spirits live symbiotically with mortals, Archspirits typically remove themselves from the affairs of both mortals and gods, instead opting to protect the natural balance of their domains. However, there are confirmed instances of Archspirits consorting with mortals who have demonstrated a pure intent to protect the balance of nature.
Addendum: I have encountered a man who claims to have fathered a child with an Archspirit called the Spirit of Snow. While his story sounds unbelievable, I have met the child – a sentient Yeti who holds reason, morality, and the ability to speak. Despite his appearance, it is clear that this boy has the heart of a human being. I wonder what Archelon would have thought of this.
Addendum 2: In an act of maternal love, the Spirit of Snow has frozen over an entire mountain range, transforming that entire section of desert into a snowfield. In doing so, her son has been given new home, allowing him to live far away from the neglect and abuse of the humans who treat him like a monster.
"I remember this!" Elmina said excitedly. "I spent a long time searching for the Spirit of Snow. I was moved by what she did for her son and I wanted to meet her in person. Unfortunately, I never did get the chance to find her."
"Are ye tellin' me that ye met the Snowman in-person?" Rex asked incredulously.
"The Snowman?" Idalia asked in confusion.
"It's the name that people have given to the spirit's son," Elmina explained. "He's very famous in El Nath's folklore, especially for Southerners. But I can say with certainty that he's very much real."
"What about the Hobgoblin?" Rex asked. "Is he real too?"
"The Hobgoblin?" Elmina asked, surprised. "I've never met him, but… I have memories of hearing about him. From ages ago."
"Then that's good enough fer me," Rex said in satisfaction. "It means all I have to do is find him."
"Find him?"
A look of realization came across Elmina's face.
"You're looking for the Hobgoblin to fight Riche, aren't you? That's what you've been doing out here in the wild all this time."
"That I am," Rex confirmed. "If Riche wants to destroy the spirits, then we've gotta ask the spirits to destroy him first. There's nothin' more appropriate."
"What's the Hobgoblin?" Idalia asked.
"An Archspirit. A spirit of the hearth," Elmina explained. "According to the stories, if you leave an offering of food by the fireplace, it'll guard your home while you sleep or go on travel. If you leave out a drink, it'll cleanse your home – whether that's literally cleaning your home or cleansing any illness in the household."
"Sounds pretty helpful," Idalia said.
"'N if ye offer it yer blood, it'll cut down yer enemies. That's the part they usually leave out," Rex said darkly.
"Because it's a cursed ritual," Elmina reminded him. "The Hobgoblin is a protector, not a killer. I hope those cuts you have didn't come from trying to summon him that way."
"Nah, these were courtesy o' the wilderness," Rex grinned. "Bu it's cute, seein' ye get all worried 'bout yer big brother. Takes ye back to the old days, don't it?"
Elmina smiled. "I used to hate it when you and Jaecar would go out hunting with Papa. I hated those woods so much, and I was so sure that you wouldn't come back. That you'd meet that Yeti from back then. And when you two would come back home with all those cuts, Rosalina and I would give you both an earful."
"…I saw that Yeti, ye know."
"What?"
"That night the Tarheeds attacked – it's what I was doin' in the woods. Thorne heard a rumor that mornin' that a huge Yeti was roamin' the woods nearby. It's why I went out with him so early. We were both out huntin' fer it."
"And… you saw it?"
"We did. It was the same one – I'm sure of it. It was twice as big as a normal Yeti. Could hardly lay a finger on it. Thorne… poor fellow got his bones snapped in its grip. Knocked the wind outta me 'fore it turned tail 'n ran. I came back alone, not knowin' what to tell ye. Didn't know what ye'd say 'bout me not bein' able to kill it. Figured I was stupid fer goin' in with just Thorne. 'N when I got back… that's when I saw what the Tarheed bastards did to our village. What they did to Rosalina."
Rex kept his eyes fixed squarely into the fire, letting the memories wash over him. Elmina watched him in pity, unable to find anything to say. Idalia watched the two siblings sit together in silence. Elmina had told her about the Yeti, and how it had killed her parents. It had been her greatest fear, back when she had just been Bianca. It made Idalia wonder what Elmina had to say about it.
"You know," Elmina finally said. "What I would've said back then is the same as what I'd say now. I don't care that it got away."
Rex looked up at her. "Ye don't?"
"That thing haunted me for so many years. Every time I thought of it, I couldn't stop freezing up. Watching helplessly as it ate my father. Hearing my mother's bones snap like twigs. I spent so much of my life afraid of seeing it again. I couldn't even leave town because of it. Until Jaecar took me by the hand and led me back out again. Remember how he took me to the lake for my birthday?"
"Fer yer thirteenth birthday, I remember."
"Each year after that, I started being less afraid, even while knowing that it was still out there. You know, I have so many memories now – of all my past lives. I'm realizing now that I've been afraid of so many things. I've had a thousand Yetis casting their shadows on me. But I don't have to be afraid of them anymore. Not when I have people who can give me the strength to face them. You and Kari and… Idalia."
She looked at a surprised Idalia and took her hand. "Idalia's been there for me when I needed someone most, just like Jaecar did. Jaecar took me by the hand and led me into the woods. Idalia swept me off my feet and took me out of them. They both saved me from my fears. And they're both equally precious to me."
For a moment, Rex said nothing as he took in Elmina holding Idalia's hand. And then, he smiled and nodded. "Figured there was somethin' goin' on between ye two. But I'm glad ye found it in yerself to be happy again. Jaecar would be too. 'N Rosalina, bless her soul, she'd be swept up in plannin' yer weddin'. Anythin' to get ye in that dress she'd been makin'."
"She was making a wedding dress for me?" Elmina asked in surprise.
"Swore me to secrecy 'n everythin'. Figured there's no harm in tellin' ye now. Can't say that I know how to make a dress, but when ye do have yer weddin', I'll be sure to get ye the best one that I can find."
Elmina smiled broadly. "I'll hold you to that."
"Ye know, when ye told me that yer name's Elmina now… I was worried for a bit. Thought that meant ye were someone else now. Still feels wrong not to call ye Bianca, but I guess yer still the same in all the ways that matter, no matter what yer name is."
As Idalia heard Rex's words, she felt a sense of epiphany cross her mind. What he had said wasn't something that she hadn't already known. In fact, it was something that she reminded herself over and over again. But there was something different about this.
Seeing Elmina laugh and reminisce with someone so close to her – someone who believed that nothing important had changed about her at all – it had managed to melt away her worries in an instant. But she reminded herself that it wasn't to say that their honesty and effort in talking it out hadn't been important. In fact, it was because of those months of conversation – all those times that she had asked Elmina about who she was, and all the times that Elmina had patiently answered – that had served as the foundation for this moment.
"Hey, Ser Idalia?" Rex suddenly asked, turning to face Idalia.
"Oh, um, you can just call me Idalia," she replied.
"Idalia, ye take good care of my little sister, alright?"
"I have every intention. I've sworn on my life that I will always be there at her side to protect her."
"She really did," Elmina added. "She got down on one knee and everything."
"Oh, so you're already engaged?" Rex asked.
Idalia felt her face turn red. "Uh, n-no, not like that, at least not yet."
She cursed herself internally. All these months of finally regaining her composure, and this was all it took for Elmina to leave her a stuttering mess.
"She used to get like this when we first knew each other, too," Elmina laughed.
"You knew?" Idalia demanded, flustered. "You told me that you had no idea that I liked you back then!"
"The power of retrospection," she replied, tapping her forehead. "Having a perfectly catalogued memory does wonders for the mind. But don't worry," she added. "All it means is that I spent that much of my time thinking about you."
She pulled Idalia into a gentle kiss, melting away all her worries. Idalia leaned passionately into it, feeling as though she might burst from all the happiness that was spilling right out of her. This was perhaps the happiest that she'd ever been in her life. With all her anxieties cast out of her mind, it was like there was nothing left in her except boundless love. She gladly basked in the joy, wishing that it would last forever.
At least until Rex awkwardly cleared his throat.
"Sorry to interrupt yer moment," he said. "But there's still one thing I gotta ask."
"What's that?" Elmina asked.
"The Hobgoblin," he explained. "I'm still goin' after it. I have to. This is fer Rosalina, 'n all the people of Hemant. It's not that I don't trust the Noblesses to win," he added quickly, turning to Idalia. "But Riche's made it personal fer me. I can't wait on the sidelines fer someone else to deal the killin' blow. If there's a chance I can get my revenge, then I gotta take it. 'N I know what yer gonna say, Bi- er, Elmina – that it's like with the Yeti… that I don't need revenge if I have ye 'n Kari now. 'N I do, I won't deny that. I'm happier than I've been in years knowin' that yer alive. But it's different fer me. No matter how happy I am, I can't stop thinkin' of Riche. Of all the things I can't get back. I can try, but I know in my heart… I won't ever find peace if I'm not the one to finish 'im with my own two hands."
Elmina nodded. "I understand. I… we," she said, gesturing to Idalia. "We have a mission of our own. It's not revenge… at least, that's not how I think of it. But there's someone out there… someone who's done a lot of terrible things. And neither of us will be able to rest until he's been brought to justice. So… I get where you're coming from."
"Who're ye after?" Rex asked in confusion. "I thought ye were both headin' to the Noblesse base."
"We are," Elmina explained. "This is just something… on our list."
"I see. Well, I suppose ye've got yer hands full already with things to do. Still, I don't think I could leave without askin', even if I already know the answer. Ye know a lot 'bout magic, and 'bout spirits. I ain't askin' fer yer help in gettin' revenge, but… if there's anythin' ye could tell me 'bout findin' the Hobgoblin… I'd 'preciate it."
Elmina paused and considered his request. Idalia watched her think, wondering what it was that she would say. What Rex was asking was probably something that even Elmina couldn't grant him. After all, there wasn't much about Archspirits in the Book of Ancient. From what Elmina had said, she hadn't even met one before.
But to Idalia's surprise, Elmina finally broke her silence and unexpectedly said, "I think there's a way that I can call him to you."
"Really?" Rex asked in surprise. "How?"
"There's a place in El Nath… somewhere deep in the snowfield. It's consecrated ground – a site of worship built by the First People, dedicated to the Goddess. That place is incredibly strong with life energy – the kind that spirits are attracted to."
"'N ye think the Hobgoblin might come there?"
"I can't make any promises. But I know a spell or two that might allow me to channel that energy and reach out to the Hobgoblin, wherever he might be. And if he's willing, he might come right to us. But that's the most I can do. What he chooses to do after that… that's up to him."
"Then that'll be enough," Rex nodded. "How far is it?"
"That's… a good question, actually. We're actually, er… a bit lost," Elmina said sheepishly. "We have a map with us, but we can't figure out where we made a wrong turn."
"Let me see it," Rex offered, taking the map that Idalia handed him. "Ah, here we are. 'Bout halfway to yer base. Where's the place ye were mentionin'?"
"Right here," Elmina pointed out. "Not too far from where we are right now. If we leave in the morning, we can get there just after noon."
"Then it's decided. We'll leave at first light."
. . .
The next morning, the three packed up and prepared to head out. Within the first hour, they spotted a horde of Yetis roaming in the distance, from which they kept their distance. Rex took the chance to go ahead and scout for any incoming enemies, leaving Idalia and Elmina to follow from a distance.
"Hey, I have a question," Idalia said. "Why didn't you tell him about what Kirston did?"
"What do you mean?" Elmina asked.
"He thinks that the Tarheeds killed Rosalina, but it was actually Kirston, wasn't it?"
"Oh… that."
"What's wrong?" Idalia asked in concern. "Is it still too painful to talk about?"
"No, it's not that. I… I actually don't know why I didn't tell him. It's… a lot of things, maybe."
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Sure. I guess for one thing, I'm worried that once he finds out, he's gonna add Kirston to his kill list. And that makes me… uncomfortable, I think?"
"Because you don't like the idea of him getting revenge?"
"I mean, that too. But it's the idea of him getting involved with Kirston at all. I feel like I have a history with Kirston. And a lot of it is something that I'm still figuring out. I don't even have all my memories back, and I'm still trying to figure that out too. Mixing up my life as Bianca with… all my time as Elmina – it feels overwhelming. I feel like I've only just started figuring out who exactly I am. And Rex has taken it really well, given how I just dumped it all on him. But there are still parts of me that I'm figuring out, and I just don't want it all to overwhelm me by having all these different parts of me clash together."
"I understand," Idalia said. "And that makes sense."
"Maybe once I figure out this whole thing with Kirston, I'll tell him. I don't know how he'll take the fact that I kept it from him, but I can figure that out later, right?"
"Right. And don't worry, I'll be there the whole way. Can't live without you, right?"
Elmina smiled. "Can't live without you, either."
"Hey," Rex called from afar. "I think we might've found it."
They followed Rex into a remote clearing in the trees. As they proceeded forward, it felt as though the air had gotten even colder. Their breath came out even foggier, melding with the cold mist suspended in the air.
"Look at these rocks," Idalia noted. "What do they say?"
Elmina studied the strange runic text. "They're words associated with prayer. That one there says 'desire'. And the one next to it says 'faith'. The First People must've used them for meditation."
"What is that…" Rex asked in awe.
A large obsidian rock towered over them, carved in the shape of a jewel. At the center of the stone was a strange spell circle glowing golden with magic.
"Perail… fonvagor… kaeetalo," Elmina read. "Strange… it's written in modern letters, but the words themselves are from the old tongue. It means 'determination shines strongest in the dark'."
"Poetic," Idalia noted.
"'N perfect fer our mission here," Rex added. "Once the Hobgoblin sees our determination, he'll be bound to help us. What do ye need fer yer spell?"
"Nothing, really. I have everything I need here," Elmina replied, holding up the Book of Ancient. "Oh, actually – I do need an offering. Food or drink or… whatever," she trailed off.
Rex pulled out his spear and held the sharp end against his palm. "Where do ye need it?"
"Over here," Elmina pointed at the base of the rock. "But Rex, before you do – are you sure this is what you want? To ask for retribution with a blood sacrifice in a holy ground – it seems… profane."
"Well, I finished the last o' my rations on the way here, so I ain't got much food to offer him…" Rex joked. Upon seeing Elmina's reproaching face, however, he relented. "Listen, this ain't 'bout what I want – it's what I need. I chose this path fer myself. 'N I'm ready fer the consequences."
Elmina sighed resignedly. "Alright. If this is what you really want, then… go ahead and place the offering."
Rex approached the foot of the holy stone and quickly sliced his palm. He closed his hand into a fist, allowing the blood to flow gladly from the wound and stain the snow.
"Alright, now what?"
"Now, I need you both to stand back. I did say that I had this written down, but some of it's gonna be improvisation on my part. I'm gonna be channeling some powerful energies – I don't want either of you getting hurt."
After Idalia and Rex stood a safe distance back, Elmina turned back to the stone and held her hand over the book, causing it to flip open to a page in her list of spells. After rereading the spell several times in her head, she closed her eyes and outstretched her hand towards the stone.
"Vocauste apsa," she intoned.
Immediately, the wind began blowing around them, causing the air to grow even colder. The golden letters on the stone began shining brighter as the cold energies of the land began getting absorbed into Elmina, who gasped in pain, feeling as though a blizzard were happening inside her body.
But even as it happened, she felt her mind expand, causing her awareness to grow beyond where she was standing. She could feel Idalia and Rex standing behind her, and even with her eyes shut, she could distinctly see them. But her perception was quickly growing beyond them, flying across kilometers of snow and trees to a remote home in a remote corner of El Nath, where a small creature was huddled around a still-burning hearth.
The Hobgoblin sensed her presence and turned to face her. Elmina could see him clearly in her mind's eye. Dark green skin and a pointed nose. Ice blue eyes piercing straight into her soul with the full force of a blizzard. She opened her mouth to speak, but when no sound came out, she quickly looked down and realized that she had no form. Here, she was nothing more than a projection of her spirit, untethered by corporeal restrictions.
Instead, she focused on her thoughts and intents – her memories of Rex, their conversation about finding the Hobgoblin, and Rex's plea for help. She sent them across towards the Hobgoblin, hoping to make him understand that she was asking him to come with her. The Hobgoblin continued staring straight at her for a moment, as though he were gazing into the depths of her mind, and then, he nodded curtly.
Suddenly, the Hobgoblin turned translucent before transforming into a small, green wisp of magic that traveled straight into her, replacing the frigid cold inside her body with the gentle warmth of a crackling fireplace. And in the very next moment, she felt an invisible cord tugging at her, pulling her across the great distance between her spirit and her body in the span of an instant.
In the very next moment, she was back at the holy stone, where her body was floating in the air, her eyes shut tight in concentration. Despite her spirit returning to her body, she was nevertheless able to continue perceiving beyond the boundaries of her form, as though she were connected to the very land itself.
And then, several things happened at once.
The Hobgoblin's smoldering aura began spreading across her mind like smoke. Her head began growing hotter, as though someone had ignited a fire inside her. And as it did, she could feel the flow of mana, which was coursing rapidly throughout her body, bubbling with an intensity unlike anything that she had felt before. It was as though the Archspirit's power had catalyzed her own through their temporary union, overwhelming her mind beyond its capacity to function.
Somewhere in the deepest recesses of her mind, there was a part of her that had been long since sequestered away. A fortification that had warded off her attempts to access it. All this time, she had thought that Kirston had done it, but as this last, critical defense came crashing down, unable to be maintained during such an extreme assault of magical power, she realized that this suppression of terrifying memory was one that she herself had created all along.
She could feel herself trapped in his spell as he walked calmly towards her. Every part of her was screaming at her to run. To escape. A chill ran down her spine as he raised a hand and gently stroked her cheek. She couldn't scream, nor could she jerk her head away. All she could do was tremble as she felt his cold hand brush against her.
"My dearest Elmina, surely after all these years, you must see by now that there is no escape. No one is looking for you. No one even knows who you are. All you have left is me. But worry not, I will let no harm come to you. For even after all these years, you are still just as precious to me. You, who holds the key to the great awakening."
All she could do was breathe. Rapid, shallow breaths in quick succession. Kirston smirked and used a long fingernail to trace the outline of her eyes, as all she could do was helplessly let him.
"But you see, in spite of your great potential… you're not worthy of it, are you, dearest?" he asked softly. "No… your fear and your foolishness cripple you. In spite of all that potential, all that power… you lack the vision for how to wield it."
He stared in satisfaction at the terror in Elmina's eyes, at the way that she was hyperventilating in panic.
"…But I have no such weakness," he whispered. "And that is why I have no choice but to do this to you, my love. Left to your own devices, you would squander this world's only chance to return to greatness. You forfeited your right to live as you please, from the moment that you chose to selfishly hoard your knowledge. For that reason, you have no choice but to belong to me. If you will not live up to your potential, then it my duty and my right to make you. Won't you agree?"
She let out a bloodcurdling scream that never reached her lips. Absolute terror flooded her system and mixed into her magic. She could still feel Kirston's fingers tracing across her face, with her remaining frozen in place, unable to even move even an inch away. And in the midst of the nightmare, one single intent flooded her system: to push him away, as far away as she could.
The Book of Ancient began flipping uncontrollably in the air before stopped on a page, whose words glowed fiery golden. The green wisp inside her was violently ejected from her single-minded desire to push it away, flying squarely into Rex's body.
Overwhelmed by the feelings of absolute horror in her mind, Elmina didn't even perceive Rex's scream of agony as her magic responded to her raw intent, pushing away the Hobgoblin and all his power into Rex, who screamed as Elmina's inadvertent spell, cast from the depths of her pain, painfully bound their spirits together.
As the Hobgoblin's power left her, her field of vision immediately reduced back to normal. Drained and severely weakened, she instantly passed out, even before Idalia rushed to catch her as she fell from the air.
"'Mina? 'Mina! Elmina!" Idalia cried.
She quickly put a finger beneath Elmina's nose and was relieved to feel her breathing.
"You're gonna be okay, alright? We're gonna get you somewhere safe, just as soon as I check on Rex."
Behind her, Rex continued screaming and clutching his face, which was slowly starting to turn a deep shade of green. His skin was starting to bubble, painfully warping the shape of his skull oblong.
"Rex? Rex!" Idalia yelled out.
She wanted to do something, but nothing in her life had prepared her for something like this. All she could do was stand transfixed in horror as she watched Rex's entire body begin changing as his spirit fused with power of the Archspirit.
Before her very eyes, Rex's nose and ears elongated and became flat and pointed. Two sharp fangs grew out from his lower jaws, while the color in his eyes disappeared, leaving behind only the milky whites of his sclera.
He collapsed onto his knees, with his haggard breaths slowly starting to come out as growls. Slowly, he dragged himself across the ground towards the holy rock. Idalia immediately moved out of the way and pulled Elmina across the snow to safety.
But Rex seemed to be focused on something else entirely. At the foot of the holy rock, he crawled towards the scarlet snow and grabbed a fistful with his hand, which had turned green and gnarled. He stuffed the snow into his mouth and gulped it down without a second thought.
For a moment, it seemed as though nothing had happened. But then, his skin began tightening as his muscles began growing in size, as though the blood offering had granted him new strength. Slowly, he lifted himself off the ground and stood towering at twice his old height. From a distance, Idalia noticed that dark red streaks had also manifested themselves across the sides of his face.
"Sacrament…" he rasped. "Blood sacrament… this land… kill the defilers…"
"Rex…?" Idalia asked cautiously. "Are- are you still there?"
"Vengeance… Tarheeds… I remember…"
"You do? You still have your memories?"
"An offering… smite the enemies… the power…"
"That's right, we came here to ask the Hobgoblin to help you. I- I don't know what went wrong, but… I think this might be spirit transmutation. But don't worry, I'm sure we can find a way to undo it. Let's just get to Skuas Fortress and get Elmina checked out. Once she wakes up, I'm sure there's something in the book that can help us. A-Alright?"
"Hobgoblin… Hob… goblin…?"
"Um… right. The Hobgoblin. Do… do you feel him in there?"
"I… Hobgoblin… Hob…lin…"
"Rex, you're in there… right? Come on, you have to try to remember. For Elmina."
"El...mina… who… argh!"
Suddenly, Rex clutched his head in pain. "Elmina… Bianca… no… can't… disappearing…"
His words were incoherent, but Idalia got the gist of it. His memories as Rex were disappearing, swept away in the face of the Archspirit's immense power overwhelming his mind and body. And while the Hobgoblin was said to be a benevolent spirit, whatever this fusion was – some strange amalgam of Rex and the Hobgoblin, mixed in with the blood offering – there was no telling what it would do next.
"I…Idalia…" Rex suddenly rasped. "R…run."
Idalia immediately drew her sword and got into a defensive stance. She hadn't wanted to agitate Rex even further, but things were about to get out of hand.
"I… not Rex… anymore…" he continued. "Taken… over… Hob…lin…"
"Hob…lin?" Idalia asked hesitantly.
"Hob…lin… Hoblin… I'm… Hoblin… kill… Huntsman… can't… resist…!"
Suddenly, Rex let out a threatening growl, revealing his set of pointed fangs. Idalia narrowed her eyes, bracing herself for battle, but to her surprise, Rex shook his head violently for a moment before turning and running away.
Idalia wasted no time in using the opportunity to hoist Elmina on her shoulders before heading the opposite way. There was no more time to worry about Rex, or whatever it was that he'd become. He'd likely expended the last of his self to distance himself safely away from them.
But Idalia pushed aside her sympathy for the moment. She needed to get Elmina to safety first. That was her first and only priority, and anything that wasn't conducive to that would need to be shut down. Because there was only one thought that could give her the strength to make it to the other side.
"I won't let you die. I won't. If I have to keep going like this until we reach Skuas… I'll do it. I'll do it without stopping… without eating… without drinking. Because I can't lose you, Elmina. I love you too much. I can't live without you. I don't care what happens to me, if it means that you'll be safe."