Eyes that see into Infinity
Part 1
Chapter One
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"Hi my name is Alex; it is nice to meet you… Nah that can be of any good. How about…Hi I'm Alex what's your name. Ugh how lame."
The blonde took a deep breath and started once again. "I am your neighbor and I just wanted to come by and say hi."
His body went limp giving up speaking to himself, which was unnaturally odd out in the open.
The blonde boy kicked the ground frustrated with the lack of amazing words to find. Now I won't be able to introduce myself without feeling stupid he felt.
He had seen movies like this all the time where the boy happens to be to shy to speak to the girl he likes, and at home or elsewhere he practices in front of the mirror or aloud to him self. Not only is it a good percent embarrassing but it could get nasty if not approached correctly.
Well, it never works out because of the lack of natural approach. He had always hated those genres of movies anyways. Romantics are not well worth the money unless you watch it as a couple. Other than that you will become a depressed person if you watch it by yourself, eating popcorn on an empty couch when that one person of your dreams is off in another persons lap.
/It's nothing real and nothing to lose but I have everything to lose.\
He admired Phai again from afar hanging out with nobody. It was his perfect chance, but instead he found himself playing with his nervous fingers and speaking to himself as he moved back and forth, blocking out most of the world around him, the boy he watched so closely being an exception.
"Alex stay with the class! How many times have I told you not to wonder off!"
Reality hits him in the face. "Sorry Mrs. Jan." He replied meekly. Alex kicked the ground once more with his head remaining down as he had been caught again too much in thought and wondering away from the classmates.
This was not the first time this had happened. Distractions were most common when it came down to him.
"Come boy before you get lost."
He hurried and stolen a quick glance at Phai and jumped from the boulder where the teacher was tapping her foot slowly waiting for him to approach her as she scolded him with her dark grey eyes. He shyly made his way towards the old teacher. Her arm extended and pointed in the direction of the rest of the pupils. She looked down on him stern with her feathered hat and small round glasses and a wrinkly long face. "Alex this will be the last time I warn you to pay attention before I am forced to give you a demerit, is that clear?"
"Yes maam."
"Now hurry off you go."
The young boy scurried away and caught up with the rest of the students but still kept a distance from everyone.
After all it was difficult to think with such loud kids around. "Field trips are so stupid." He mumbled. He didn't even know why he was pondering about it at the moment. There, in his thirteen year old opinion, thought nothing fun about it which was quite unusual for a boy his age.
His reading and writing class were at the zoo, for one of there assignments.
The zoo is the worst and I never plan on taking my children here later if I have any he thought. He walked by caged animals. He hated seeing animals being locked in the mercy of bars and glass walls all because humanity feared them or saw them as entertainment. They see them as a laughing stock. This gives the idea that humans' even small babies are superior to nature at its finest. Explains why they hide away behind rock and stone and grass, from tourists, so that they are unable to get a good look at their sadness and their depression. And as uncomfortable as it was to admit to him self, sadness and depression was very similar to what he felt all the time. He would assure those to not let his laughing and smiles trick them.
His mind once again was quickly aborted as he was interrupted by a frilly little shout.
"Ooo look at this one, come Alex look! It's gorgeous!"
The blonde boy looked up to Roxanne who was literally yelping about wanting him to hurry and see something that must be so incredibly cool. The whole class surrounded the cage and Alex went to go look.
"What is it Roxanne?" he tugged her shirt as she was distracted by whatever was in the cage.
"It's the lion's cage. The most fearsome creature ever lived?" She pronounces with such enthusiasm only getting an awkward look from the boy in return.
"Roxanna that is highly incorrect."
The dark girl glared at Alex and rolled her eyes dramatically as her fingers were pressed to the glass of the lion's cage. "Oh yes, Mr. I know it all about animals, then what about the lion?"
Alexander grinned. "The lion isn't a creature at all and definitely not the most fearsome. He is honorable and brave."
"Just like you see yourself." She mocked with eyes in playful shine.
"Not quite. I am afraid to do some things." He admitted timidly.
"But not all the time." She answers sweetly. "Hurry look!"
He peeked in to see the sleeping male lion on a large boulder while the female's moved stealthily around like hunters then scratching and growling scaring some of the children making them squeal and run away from the protective glass.
Roxanne pressed her lips together and looked at Alex with sudden glee in her eyes. She jumped away from the cage and took his hand. "Your hair remind me of lions."
Alex itched the back of his head at the random compliment, if it was one he wasn't so sure. "Uh okay."
A bunch of her friends shout out to her so that they can examine another cage. "Come Roxanne leave Alex and let's go!"
The girls giggled and ran off with each other.
Roxanne pecked the boy on the cheek before taking off with her friends. "I will talk to you later Alex!"
This is why love is confusing. You don't know who to love especially if you are loved by someone who is not the person you have originally fallen for. It ends with broken hearts and never-ending drama. Just the way he hated it. He sighed and moved on looking more into the lion's pen. Always watching him, Alex's eyes remained on the brunette boy, who after everyone left came and was closely and intently watching the lions.
Alex looked aorund and made sure the rest of the students had scattered about and it was now his opportunity and possibly one chance to go and speak with him.
Unlike girls he didn't feel the need to fix his hair and straiten out his clothing or even smell his breath before he approached him. In fact he felt he wouldn't have given a crap about any of that. They were at a zoo. Not some first date. Now all he had to do was walk.
You ever had that moment when you are set out to do something so great but your body doesn't allow it because it fears something different from your mind. It brings us back to why the mind and brain is a powerful thing. It can be so strong, stronger than steel. And right now his body hated his mind. They were clashing together and unsurprisingly his body was winning.
Alexander pressed his heel against the ground to turn away and unexpectedly he ran into Cassy who steadied him before he fell.
The green eyed boy laughed blurting in his face. "My god Alexander, watch your steps!" he chuckles.
"Sorry Cassy. I was a bit distracted." The blonde muttered.
Cassy moved passed him and nodded towards Phai. "Oh really, tell me why I am not surprised."
"Why are you not surprised?"
Cassy wraps his arm around me. "You want to know something I have found about you Alex?"
"What?"
"You are gay."
"Gay?"
"Yes have you seen the way you look at that boy? It's obvious to all." Cassy smiled waiting for an answer. He didn't really assume it but he just liked to tease.
The blonde stole a nervous fleeting look towards Phai. "It's not what it seems." He says in a weak gesture. His fingers traced slowly up and down the goose bumps that had formed on his arms. His tongue darted between his lips and again he was staring off at the brunette boy.
"See what I mean Alexander, you pay no one attention when he's around. Just go talk to him. Don't mind that I hate him."
Cassy didn't actually really seem to mind or care. He was just a young boy who liked to cause problems. It was a normal thing for young boys to go and cause rumors and tease and joke.
Alex saw a future for him and that was Cassy would become the jock of high school, being on a really good or really shitty football team.
"That doesn't mean I have a crush on him." Alexander argued but still not strong enough to have even the earth convinced. "I don't swing that way."
Cassy shifted towards him, green eyes with disapproval and then laughs and heads off catching up with his friends. "I'm just joking Alex" he shouts. "See ya. We'll talk another time when your obvious crush isn't such an obvious crush anymore." He laughs again fading somewhere off with his group.
His friends for the most part weren't fond of Phai at all, but they never explained why or gave a logical response. That's why Alex kept it secret to everyone about his feelings toward him. He knew staring wouldn't do him any good and knowing Cassy he would probably inform the entire school. If you know middle school kids, they can be mean.
"Phai stay with the class or you will get lost!"
"My god she is annoying." The brunette proclaimed about the teacher as he continued to draw the lion in the cage down in his notebook.
What the class was supposed to be doing other than having fun was finding interesting animals and writing about them. Phai decided to draw and write about the lion, it being one of his favorite animals. Alex had not jotted anything down in his notebook. Why? Because he forgot it at school when he was daydreaming again.
"I am completely worthless." He turned more flustered with himself.
Phai stood leaving his notebook down on the bench and moved towards the cage again. He smiled as the fearless animal moved from its lazy sun spot and began to creep up towards the glass. Phai's eyes stared right back at the sharpening gaze of the animal as they met face to face. Satisfied with this moment, the boy slid his hand up the glass smiling almost in bewilderment. He then turned excited to tell the teacher about it but noticed the only one within a close distance was Alex just watching him. Phai looked at the perturbed boy. He was definitely tenser compared to himself, especially for having an animal within five inches of him.
The brunette didn't know how to break the uncomfortable silence. "Uh…do you want to come see this?"
"Uh, sure." The blonde choked the words at the disbelief the brunette said anything at all to him.
Deep inside Alex still felt it didn't count. Maybe he was thinking the first words would be of something more special and memorable. Or maybe he was being too picky.
Phai smiled at the lion once more but still having some nervous reaction.
"He won't strike at you?" Alex reassured.
"I know." The boy didn't look at him. He never looked at him and if he did it just happened to be a second passing by.
"So are you done with your assignment?" Alex asked hoping to cause a more natural discussion.
The moment was ruined when a bunch of other kids came in yelling high pitched and scaring the animal away. Phai watched captivate as the lion had moved away back to its sun spot on the rock and then moved annoyed with the kids and took his notebook looking disappointed and walked away.
Alex sighed in repentant. Now the boy would never talk to him again now that he had interrupted his first and probably only moment with the lion. Yes he was jealous of a lion. The boy felt more of a connection with the animal then had did with him. It's actually safe to say they didn't connect once at all. The feeling was very flat and lifeless.
The trip had finally ended and the kids all met back into the bus. Alex sat in the way back staring out the window. He thought about his death and when it would take place. He obviously wasn't met for Phai and the brunette was the wrong person to go seeking for. This wasn't the best day for him, indeed he felt like the biggest failure on the face of the planet.
The teacher stood counting off a record making sure every student was aboard. She shouted names moving down the list and when she passed Alex's, he did not answer.
"Alex, is he in?" she asked again incase she misheard.
"Yes teacher, he's in the way back." Called a student enthused and still hyped about the trip.
"Quiet down children!" The bus silenced as the teacher yelled and shushed them all. "Mr. Alex are you here?" she questioned strongly.
The day dreaming boy was nudged by Roxanne and the rest of his friends were giggling as they tried to get his attention, snapping fingers in his face.
The blonde boy looked slowly up at his friends then at the teacher and folded his hands in his lap. "Yes maam I am here."
"Alex we are going to have to speak with your parents about your behavior as of late. Your participation grade is shifting to the bottom."
His friends all looked to him.
"Are you okay Alex?" Cleitus asked concerned.
The fact was he didn't care. He didn't care one bit. He was dying anyway and grades were the last thing on his mind and his parents most likely wouldn't care much about a participation grade. They were hardly home to begin with or when they were they were to busy arguing about something as pointless as a calendar. He was a sick child just following this revelation he was cursed with. With no love his life seemed pointless, the visions get more pointless. It was like he was just stuck inside another persons body and he was the one who has to solve some untold riddle in order to get out from it, the mystery being the hospital bed and the blankets that cast over his body completely after the heart stops to beat.
His friends leaned in around him looking worried as Alex didn't reply and turned back towards the window.
"I'm fine."
Alex walked from the bus stop to his empty home, head low as his parents were off working again, traveling elsewhere working for the government. He slammed his back pack on the porch table and began searching through it for the keys to the house. He heard a garage door opening and saw Phai and his mother pull up in the driveway. Phai stepped out of the car and once again the existence of Alex went unnoticed. Alex began to briskly search for the spare keys while his face was buried deep in his pack. He finally found them and moved towards the door, unlocked it, and then stepped in, too angry at himself and his life to even make it any further. He tossed the keys at the wall and began to shed tears he had been holding in for a lifetime.
He rarely cried. He was so deep in hallucinations he didn't have the time. He was so set on making the boy his, never thinking about the despair of things and only the joy and hope of it. But there was no joy at all and it was becoming obvious there was no hope.
Typically everyone has there heart broken once at least but his situation was different. His heart wasn't broken. He and Phai haven't been together once. So this was just another case. This was a case of loneliness. He turned the lights off in the house and walked up the stairs to his room.
/
Get out of my way. Let me see him!
My eyes are already closed and I still hear his voice shouting out for me but he goes ignored. Hands messed with me and pressed into what felt like open wounds.
He's bleeding massively! Hephaistion, I don't think you want to see this!
I can tell the words scare the man more with blue eyes than it does me.
What I see is what I get and I want to know!
His voice is booming and he is faced with his worst enemy. My death. My non existence.
Hephaistion we are sorry, he is in bad condition. He might not make it. You might want to step out.
I am going nowhere!
He stands strong against the god of demise even though I am in no such luck, my body turning ice cold and my limbs getting stiff.
Hold on, love!
My hand is taken and held, and kissed gently softness curing my coarseness.
I am with you always even in death!
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