Cannonball Run 7: High Speed Heroes

by BKelly95

Co-written by The Turbo Man. The Cannonballers have returned for another race around the world for a five hundred million dollar first prize. Who will rise? Who will fall? And who will win the Cannonball Run?

2. This Is Gonna Be Fun

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES

by BKelly and The Turbo Man

CHAPTER TWO: "This is gonna be fun!"

AN: Again we own nothing. We hope you enjoy our introduction to the rest of the racers! Here we go.

---

In the courtyard outside Willy Wonka's famous chocolate factory, the genius chocolatier stood next to a purple Renault Avantime, awaiting his racing partners. The doors of the factory opened, and out came the young Charlie Bucket, Willy's partner and heir to the vast Wonka chocolate empire and his grandfather, Grandpa Joe.

"I know I told Willy I needed some fun after working on that new line of candy for so long." Charlie was saying, "but I wasn't expecting this. I mean I only got my learner's permit but I don't want to lose it."

"Don't tell me you're not looking forward to this, Charlie." Grandpa Joe replied. "I've never really been in a race, but I think this will be the best fun we've had since we were first let into the factory."

"Hey guys!" Willy said as he waved to them. "I'm glad you finally decided to join me."

"Are you sure those Driver's Ed clases you took have prepared you for this, Willy?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, absolutely. But I won't be the only driver. I will be sharing the driving chores with one other person. He's in the car right now." Willy said.

Charlie looked into the car and saw one of Willy's employees, an Oompa Loompa, seated behind the wheel. He was taller than most of the other Oompa Loompas but was still no taller than four feet.

"That's Bill." said Willy. "Actually, that's not his real name. But his real name is absolutely unpronounceable. So I call him Bill."

"Hi Bill." Charlie said. Bill nodded hello.

"So, the site of the pre-race party and the start of the race is at the Four Dragons casino in Las Venturas, San Andreas. We'd better get going." Willy said.

"The car's rather unusual, Mr. Wonka." Said Grandpa Joe.

"Yeah, but it's fast. I call her the Averse." Willy said as he and the others climbed into the car.

"Well, here we go." said Charlie as Bill started up the engine and the Averse roared out of the factory courtyard.

"One thing." Said Grandpa Joe. "Does Bill have a license?"

"Hey, as long as his feet reach the pedals and he can see through the windscreen, I don't really care." said Willy, laughing.

---

"So, the boss wants to see us?" James asked as he, Jessie, and Meowth walked along the corridors of Team Rocket headquarters.

"It must be about the Cannonball." Meowth said. "Though why we keep entering on his behest after he got us disqualified two years ago, I don't know."

"Yeah, and even with him on the team last year we didn't win!" Jessie remarked. "And to think he calls US idiots! It was HIS idea to team up with the twerp and his lousy Pikachu!"

"Better be careful he doesn't overhear you." Said Cassidy, who was standing outside the door to Giovanni's office, along with her partner Butch.

"Oh, shut up, Cassidy. You and Biff wouldn't have the guts to go all around the world on a race!" Jessie said.

Butch went red in the face. "It's BUTCH, not Biff! Why can't anyone get my name right? Do I have to wear a nametag or something?"

"We're all lucky not to be nametag people after all the times we've failed to win that damn race!" grumbled James.

"Well we've been entering all this time. We're bound to win it eventually." Jessie said.

"Yeah, and maybe Piloswines can fly!" Meowth sarcastically said.

The door to the office was opened and Giovanni, the leader of Team Rocket stuck his head out.

"So you're finally here." He said to Jessie, James and Meowth. "Don't just stand there, come in!"

The three Rockets entered. Sitting in the centre of the room was a blue and white 1959 Cadillac El Dorado Seville.

"This is our vehicle for this year." Giovanni said.

"OUR vehicle?" Jessie asked. "You mean you're coming with us again, sir?"

"Yes. You know of my driving skills, don't you?" he said.

"Yes, we all know too well about your driving skills." James sneered.

Giovanni would have yelled at his subordinate, but remembered that he had a point. "Look, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry about the race two years ago? Besides, at least we weren't blackballed like Wario and his team were." Giovanni said.

"Lucky us." Meowth grumbled. "But we didn't win last year either."

"Well as you can see, we're not making the mistake of teaming up with Ketchum this year. Anyway, I call this vehicle the Peligro." Giovanni said.

"Isn't that Spanish for 'danger'?" James asked.

"Yes. I named the car that because anyone who tries to pass us will find themselves in great danger." Giovanni beamed.

"Is it armed, sir?" Jessie said.

"Not yet. The cars will be equipped with weapons at the starting line. Let's get going."

The Rockets and their boss got into the car. Giovanni took out a remote control and pressed a button on it. A garage door opened and the car drove out.

After the door closed after them, Butch and Cassidy looked into the room.

"Okay, they're gone." Butch said.

"Good. That means Domino's in charge now. Call her, Annie and Oakley." Cassidy said.

Butch spoke into a walkie-talkie. "They've left, Black Tulip. We're good to go."

In another part of the base, Domino, Annie and Oakley smiled as they heard Butch's transmission.

"Great!" Domino said. "Okay, let's get the party started!"

Annie and Oakley started taking out disco equipment. "Will we be watching the race at any point during the party?" Annie asked.

"Yeah, just to see if the boss and the three stooges actually pull it off this year?" said Oakley.

"Yeah, I think we will. Make sure to order those nachos for that." said Domino.

---

Newport Beach, California...

AN:Dialogue in italics belongs to the narrator.

"In the Bluth home, Michael was preparing to enter the Cannonball Run for the second time as he had had so much fun in it the previous year. At this moment, he was making his plan of action with his brother in law, Tobias."

"Okay, this seems like an ideal place for restocking supplies." said Michael as he looked over the map.

"Very good." said Tobias. "Can't race on an empty stomach."

"That's when Buster decided to see what they were up to."

Buster walked up behind Michael, said "Hey, brother", and started giving him a shoulder rub.

Michael pulled Buster's prosthetic left hand off his shoulder and said "Buster, that's a little uncomfortable."

"Since his hand was bitten off by a loose seal, Buster's shoulder rubs had become somewhat torturous. However, they were much worse when he only had a hook."

(Flashback)

After getting his hook, Buster walked up behind his Uncle Oscar, said "Hey, Uncle", and started giving him a shoulder rub. He repeatedly jabbed Oscar's shoulder with the hook in the process.

"OW!" yelled Oscar. "NO! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! YOU'VE GOT MY TENDON CAUGHT ON YOUR CLAW!"

"My claw?" said Buster as he let go of Uncle Oscar's shoulders and stared at his blood-covered hook in sheer horror as "Psycho"-type music played. "I'M A MONSTER!" he screamed.

(End Flashback)

After a few nervous moments, Buster said "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." said Michael.

"So, whatcha doing?" asked Buster.

"Oh, we're just planning on doing a little road race." said Michael.

"We are going to be in the Cannonball!" said Tobias proudly.

"The Cannonball?" asked Buster. "Is there going to be any speeding?"

"Pretty much." said Michael.

"That came as bad news to Buster."

(Flashback)

"When George Sr. was teaching him to drive, Buster had a problem keeping it within legal speeds."

"Buster! Buster!" yelled George Sr. "Slow down! Slow down!" The then 16-year-old Buster was literally driving like a maniac.

"So, George Sr. decided to teach his son a little lesson about speeding. Unfortunately for Buster, George Sr's lessons would involve a former worker of his named J. Walter Weatherman who had lost his arm in a construction accident. They would also involve a staged 'mishap'."

George drove down the street very quickly. "So, this is the speed you like, son?" he asked.

"Yeah, this is great!" said Buster from the passenger seat.

"Nice to see how much fun this can...OH MY GOD!" he said as Weatherman walked in front of the car. George Sr. hit the brakes, but he still hit him. Weatherman tumbled over the hood and his fake arm came off in a shower of fake blood. Buster started to freak out.

"Oh my God!" yelled George Sr. "If I had been minding the speed limit, this poor guy would still have his arm!"

Weatherman got back up and marched over to the window of the car. He looked Buster right in the eyes and said "And THAT is why you don't speed."

(End Flashback)

"Buster was now concerned for his brother and brother-in-law. At first, he tried to prevent them from taking part in the race."

Buster climbed into the family's usual transportation, a truck with a staircase on the back (it was previously used for boarding the family jet before their financial crisis), put it in neutral, and pushed it down the embankment. It came to a rest on its side. Just then, Buster's brother George Oscar "Gob" Bluth came riding up on his Segway scooter.

"Buster's brother Gob was first on the scene. He was also the first Buster explained his intentions to. He was also the first to tell Buster that Michael and Tobias were using a different vehicle than the stairs truck."

"You've made a huge mistake, buddy." laughed Gob.

"Finally, Buster decided the best thing he could do was go with Michael and Tobias to keep them out of trouble."

Buster walked over to the driveway.

"That's when Buster laid eyes on the most beautiful car he'd ever seen."

Right in front of him was a dilapidated blue '87 Chevrolet Caprice.

"No, not that one."

A roofer who'd been working on the model home next door climbed into the Caprice and started it.

"Wait for it."

The roofer drove away to reveal a silver Chrysler 300C and Michael and Tobias preparing to leave.

"There."

"Hey, what's up, Buster?" asked Michael.

"Do you need a third team member?" asked Buster.

"Why not?" asked Michael. "You'll have to do your share of the driving, though."

"Oh, no problem." said Buster.

"It was a problem. Because of George Sr's lesson on speeding, Buster had never taken his driver's test and didn't have a valid license. He still carried his long-expired learner's permit. Also, there were a few psychologists who theorized that this was the source of Buster's frequent panic attacks."

"Great, we're saving a seat for you." said Tobias. "Like the car? We call it the Ambitious."

"Yeah, I like it." said Buster. "This is gonna be fun."

"It sure is."

---

At Orange County Prison, the FBI wheelman known as Tanner met with DeMarco.

"How are you holding up?" asked Tanner.

"How do you think I'm holding up?" asked DeMarco. "I'm incarcerated, my assets have been frozen, my empire is in ruins! I'm fine, by the way."

"Well, that's what you get for poisoning the minds of America." said Tanner.

"No thanks to you, traitorous bastard." said DeMarco. "Why, I oughta..." he added as he grabbed Tanner's wrist.

"No touching!" yelled a guard.

"No touching." said DeMarco as he released Tanner and put up his hands.

"Anyways, the reason I'm stopping by is because Tobias Jones and I have entered the Cannonball." said Tanner. "The same race you tried to stop two years ago."

"Why would you do that?" asked DeMarco.

"Remember what you said about me not entering the race?" asked Tanner. "You said I was a good driver, but victory was not one hundred percent certain. Well, I'm out to prove you wrong. Tobias and I are going to run the race and show you I'm the best. We're not even keeping the prize money. We're just doing this to prove our skill."

"You're getting in over your head." said DeMarco.

"Maybe, but that's where I'm at my best." said Tanner. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got a race to win."

He got up and left. He walked outside to the parking lot where his partner Tobias Jones was leaning against a tan '67 Mercury Cougar.

"DeMarco still blaming you for his mistakes?" asked Tobias.

"Yeah and he's being a real jerk about it, too." said Tanner. "Ready to go?"

"Born ready." said Tobias. He climbed into the Cougar's passenger side door and took a seat.

Tanner got into the driver's seat and started the car. He backed out of his space, then did a burnout which took him out of the prison.

Tanner drove through town quickly. He stopped at an intersection a few blocks away. A few seconds later, an orange Plymouth Superbird with an airscoop, side exhausts, and mag wheels pulled alongside. The window rolled down revealing an Asian man behind the wheel and a black man in the passenger seat.

"Follow us." said the black man.

The Superbird pulled out of the intersection first and Tanner followed him. They then drove to a parking lot and got out.

"I know who these guys are." said Tobias. "That's Nick Kang, an officer of the EOD division of the LAPD. The other is Marcus Reed from the NYPD's Street Crime Unit."

"Why are they working together?" asked Tanner.

"Your guess is as good as mine." said Tobias. "As far as I know, they have no connections."

"So, you're this Tanner I've heard about." said Nick. "The various crime groups in LA have been talking about you."

"Same goes for New York." said Marcus. "They say the only person to hold a candle to you was this guy known only as 'The Kid'."

"What do you want with us?" asked Tanner.

"We know you were just at the prison." said Nick. "We also know this is the prison where your former boss, Jimmy DeMarco, currently resides."

"What we want to know is this." said Marcus. "We know you two have entered the Cannonball. Want we don't know is why DeMarco wants you in the race."

"Whoa, wait a minute." said Tobias. "Why do you think we're working for DeMarco?"

"We know about your involvement with him two years ago." said Nick. "He had you try to steal the prize money for the Cannonball Run. What's the plan this time? Take out the racers from inside? Steal the prize money while everyone else is racing? Pull a Wario?"

"No, we're just entering to show that we have the skills to pull it off." said Tanner. "Nothing more. DeMarco is not involved with us. I just went there to boast."

"Sounds plausable, but suspicious." said Marcus. "In any case, we're entering the race ourselves to keep an eye on you. If we find you're not doing what you say you're doing, we're gonna be on you like a pack of rats on a murder vic."

"Fine by me." said Tobias. "This the car you're running?"

"Nice, isn't it?" asked Nick. "We call it the Supernova XS."

"We did our homework and found out about those youth counselors from St. Louie." said Marcus.

"Well, this is our car, the Sorcerer." said Tanner.

"We called it that because Tanner is magic behind the wheel." said Tobias.

"I see." said Nick. "We'll see you in Venturas."

"Drive safe." said Tanner.

Nick and Marcus got back into the Supernova XS and drove off.

"You just had to see DeMarco." said Tobias.

"I'm sorry I did now." grumbled Tanner. "And those guys think I need to pull a Wario! That pisses me off! I say we show these guys a thing or two on the road! Let's go!"

Tanner and Tobias got back into the Sorcerer and drove out of the parking lot. A few minutes later, they ad caught up with the Supernova XS and pulled alongside. Tanner signaled for Nick to roll his window down.

Nick did so and then asked "Yeah, what is it?"

"You think I need to follow Wario's example, huh?" Tanner said. "How about a little race. Then you'll see how good I am! Loser pays fifty bucks!"

Nick looked over to Marcus who said "Yeah, take the bet. We'll smoke that guy!"

Nick looked back to Tanner and said "You're on, Tanner!"

"Right, follow me." Tanner said as he drove the Sorcerer towards a set of traffic lights in front of a long straightaway.

The Supernova XS pulled up alongside the Sorcerer and both Tanner and Nick revved their engines.

"First one to the next intersection wins." Tobias said.

"Got it." replied Nick.

As the light turned green, Tanner accelerated and took an early lead. Nick put his foot down in an attempt to catch up and he made up some ground, but Tanner stayed in the lead. The Supernova XS came up on the Sorcerer's back bumper, but Tanner kept his foot down and eventually flew across the intersection first.

"Goddamn it!" yelled Marcus as both cars came to a halt. "This guy is good."

"Hold on. I've got an idea." said Nick as Tanner and Tobias got out of the Sorcerer and approached them.

"50 bucks, suckers!" said Tobias.

Nick took a $50 bill out of his wallet and handed it to Tanner.

"So, next time you'll think twice before you doubt my skills, huh?" Tanner said.

"You got lucky." grumbled Marcus.

"Spoken like a true sore loser." said Tobias. "You should be grateful we weren't racing for pink slips. Then you'd have to walk home!"

"And you're thinking of running this slow-ass piece of crap in the Cannonball?" said Tanner. "Why don't you save yourself the embarrassment?"

"You've got a pretty big mouth, Mr. Tanner." said Nick. "But how big's your wallet? I wanna run again, to the next intersection, but for higher stakes."

"You want to get smoked again? That's no problem with me." said Tanner. He opened his wallet and took out a thick wad of cash. "I've got $500 here, which is yours IF you beat me, which is highly unlikely with that not-so-Superbird you've got there."

"Yo, Tanner. Are you sure about this?" Tobias said uncertainly.

"It's no problem." said Tanner. "We can clean these guys' clocks no problem."

"Before we start, we just need to do something." said Nick. "Marcus, can you check under the hood please?"

"No problem." said Marcus as he got out of the Supernova XS. He opened the hood and looked inside. He reached in and made a little adjustment.

"Okay, try it now." said Marcus as he stepped away from the car.

Nick revved the Supernova XS' engine. It sounded a lot more powerful now.

"Thanks, Marcus. I thought it wasn't firing on all cylinders." said Nick.

Marcus closed the hood and got back inside the Supernova XS.

"Don't think that's gonna help you any." Tanner sneered. "I'll show you guys once and for all who the real road master is!"

Tanner and Tobias got back into the Sorcerer and started it up. The Supernova XS pulled in alongside it and both cars revved their engines once again. When the light turned green, the Sorcerer took off into the lead again, but this time, the Supernova XS managed to get alongside it.

Tanner put his foot down as far as it would go, and so did Nick. The Supernova XS managed to pass the Sorcerer and crossed the intersection first.

"Shit!" yelled Tanner.

"I hate to say it, but I told you so!" said Tobias.

"Well, they're not getting any money from me!" said Tanner as he sped on and passed the Supernova XS which had slowed down.

"Son of a bitch!" said Marcus. "We've got a runner!"

"That's 500 bucks I'm not losing!" said Nick as he sped off after the Sorcerer.

As Tanner turned a corner, a motorcycle cop saw how fast he was going and took off after him. As the Supernova XS turned the corner, they saw this and came to a halt.

"Shit!" said Nick.

"Don't worry, bro. We'll see him again at the Four Dragons. And when we do, he'll be up El Creeko de Merde!" said Marcus.

---

In Neptune, California, vampire slayer Buffy Summers pulled into a beachside parking lot in a white Volkswagen GTI. She climbed out and started looking around.

She heard a low rumble and saw a red Chevrolet El Camino pull into the parking lot. It stopped a few spaces down from her and a woman with black wavy hair climbed out.

"You must be Buffy Summers." said the woman. "It's nice to be working with a veteran of this race."

"I take it you got the same invitation I did." said Buffy. "What's the name on yours?"

"Jordan Cavanaugh, Boston Medical Examiner's office." said the woman. "Have any idea who called us here?"

"Not a clue." said Buffy.

"I do." said another girl with shoulder-length blonde hair. Buffy and Jordan turned to her. "Of course, that's because I'm the one who sent them. Veronica Mars, Mars Investigations."

"So, why are you entering the Cannonball?" asked Buffy.

"And why do you need us?" asked Jordan.

"Buffy is a Cannonball veteran and you yourself are quite ambitious." said Veronica. "Both will be strong advantages for our team. I was hired to enter the race and track down one of the entrants."

"Who?" asked Buffy.

"That's confidential." said Veronica. "I'll let you in on it if it's necessary and only then. So, Buffy, you have the car?"

"Right here." said Buffy as she pointed to the GTI. "Taking into consideration what Volkswagen based this car on in the U.S, I've decided to call it the Usagi. It was originally going to be 'Jackrabbit' but I remembered that there was a vehicle called that in last year's Cannonball."

"Usagi, eh? Nice." said Veronica.

"So, shall we get going?" asked Jordan.

"Sure." said Veronica. "Buffy, I think you should let Jordan drive so she gets used to the controls."

"Got it." said Buffy. "Maybe we'll let you take the wheel on the way."

---

In a suburb of SimCity, Bob Newbie walked up to the front door of his neighbor, Mortimer Goth, and rang the doorbell.

Mortimer was at the door almost instantly. "Bob, please come in." he said.

Bob entered to find Mortimer and his wife, Bella. "So, what's going on?" asked Bob.

"Have you heard of the Cannonball Run?" asked Mortimer.

"Who hasn't?" asked Bob.

"Well, I've been asked to take part and I could use some assistance." said Mortimer. "Bella was nice enough to join me, but Cassandra's up to her own thing as you know."

"And you'd like me to join you?" asked Bob.

"No, I'd like you to find someone who will." said Mortimer. "Of course I'd like you to join me. How long have we been neighbors?"

"We've got a vehicle out back." said Bella. "Would you like to take a look?"

"Sure." said Bob.

"Fine then." said Mortimer. "Come along."

Mortimer led his wife and neighbor outside where a dark blue Honda Odyssey with a light blue hood and light blue stripes on the sides was parked.

"A minivan?" asked Bob. "Our race car is a minivan?"

"It was required for the project." said Mortimer.

"What project?" asked Bob.

"We are taking part in the Cannonball as part of one of Mortimer's experiments." said Bella. "He is trying to monitor the effects the Cannonball would have on the human body."

"Which reminds me." said Mortimer. "We're going to have to fit you with this harness." He took a harness and wrapped it around Bob's waist. "This will monitor your energy, your hunger, your fun, your social condition, your comfort, your reaction to your environment, your hygine, and your bladder." He checked the readout and said "Speaking of which, you might want to use the toilet before we leave."

"What else do we have in this van?" asked Bob.

"In this van, which we call the Wisdom," explained Bella, "we have a computer to plot a route, a microwave to prepare meals, and we also have a chemistry set for certain things."

"I see." said Bob. "So, are we going?"

"Of course." said Mortimer. "Hop in."

Bob took the wheel of the Wisdom while the Goths took the passenger seats. Bob started the van and drove down the block. He stopped in front of his house, jumped out, and ran for the door.

"I told you to go before we left!" yelled Mortimer.

---

In Springfield, Homer Simpson was in his garage, putting the finishing touches to a red 1970 Dodge Challenger. As he finished tightening the screws on the hubcaps, his wife Marge walked in.

"Homie, I think you've got that car tuned fine enough already." she said.

"Just making sure she's in good condition, Marge." Homer said. "Snake said he wanted it back as good as new when we were finished with it."

Homer stood up and wiped his hands on a rag, and then opened the garage door.

"There. I think she's ready now. Get the kids and we'll see how she runs." he said.

A few minutes later, two of the Simpson children, Lisa and Maggie were in the car with their parents. Maggie was strapped into a babyseat in the back seat.

"Where's Bart?" asked Homer.

"He had detention." said Lisa. "Let's go pick him up at the school."

At Springfield Elementary, Bart was in his classroom writing "I CAN AND WILL DRIVE 55" repeatedly on the blackboard. The bell rang and Bart ran for the door. He burst through the doors on his skateboard and stopped when he saw the car.

"Hop in, boy." said Homer.

"These are some cool wheels, Dad, but can she perform?" Bart asked as he climbed in.

"There are some who'd say that these older American cars handle better than rice rockets do, Bart." Lisa said.

"Well, here goes." Homer said as he started the engine. The engine made a loud, rumbling sound. Homer pressed down on the gas pedal and the car began to shake with the amount of power its Hemi engine had.

"Whoa!" said Bart. "Quick Keanu Reeves impression for you there." he then joked.

"Hold tight." Said Homer as he released the handbrake.

The Challenger roared away from the curb and Homer performed a fast turn to the right and sped into downtown.

As they left the neighbourhood, they were passed by police chief Wiggum in his squad car, who was heading in the opposite direction.

"Well, Homer. You may be preparing for the Cannonball, and I wish for your victory, but the law is the law." he said as he performed a bootlegger and chased off after the red muscle car.

"Since when did you care so much about the law?" said Lou, who was sitting next to Wiggum.

"Watch it, Lou, or I'll bust your ass to sergeant!" Wiggum warned as he turned on his siren.

"I am a sergeant already." Lou mumbled.

Seeing the cop car in his rearview mirror, Homer put his foot down on the accelerator and performed a quick turn towards City Hall.

"Now, I'll make us disappear." Said Homer.

He pulled in behind City Hall and killed the engine. Chief Wiggum passed by on a street running parallel to City Hall.

"I knew those things were fast, but I didn't know they were that fast!" Wiggum said as he kept his eyes on the road in front of him.

"Shouldn't you look left and right, chief?" asked Lou.

"You only do that when you cross the street, stupid!" Wiggum replied.

As the black and white passed Homer, he reversed out and drove back the way he came from.

"Now, we just lock up the garage and we're on our way." He said.

He looked over and saw that Marge had turned pale.

"This car's so fast it scares me." She said.

"Oh, come on, Marge!" Homer said. "With these wheels we should win."

"Yeah, and here's hoping you don't blow the money on something stupid this time!" Bart grumbled.

"Nobody's perfect." Homer replied, gritting his teeth.

A few minutes later...

Homer got back in the car after locking up his garage.

"What's this car actually called, Dad?" Lisa asked.

"Snake called it the Kowalski." Replied Homer. "So that's what the vehicle will be referred to as from now on."

"Cool." Said Bart. "So, on to Las Venturas?"

"Of course. And I won't spare the horsepower." said Homer as he put his foot down. A few seconds after that, he pressed a button on the dashboard marked "Go Baby Go" and a shot of nitrous oxide was sent into the engine. The Kowalski shot off down the road, causing some nearby parking meters to explode because of its speed.

"Wow! Free money!" yelled Nelson Muntz as he started to scoop up the change that the meters had lost.

---

In Miami sat a parking garage. In the parking garage sat a grey 2007 Audi R8. In the Audi sat professional wheelman Frank Martin.

Frank's watch beeped. He checked it, then pushed a button on the panel on the dashboard. It rose up and revealed a numbered keypad. Frank keyed in a code and unlocked the car's functions. He then drove.

Ten minutes later, he parked in front of the airport. He looked to the entrance, then checked his watch. After his watch reached a certain time, a man walked out of the airport with a duffel bag and got into the car.

"Are you Frank Martin?" he asked. "Darius Stone. Agent Gibbons told me where to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Mr. Stone." said Frank. "Now, remember the first rule of entering a man's car."

"What's that?" asked Darius.

"Respect the man's car, the man will respect you." said Frank.

"Oh, right, right." said Darius. He took the duffel bag and placed it behind the seats. He then fastened his seat belt.

"Very good." said Frank. "You've already realized rule three."

"Damn, you take this driving thing very seriously, don't you?" said Darius.

Behind them, a police car was parked. "Ten-four, we've identified the subject." said the officer into his radio. "It's Darius Stone, who escaped from prison two years ago. May have been involved in an attempt on President Sanford's life. Suspect is a passenger in an Audi R8."

Frank drove out of the airport with the police car following him.

"So, what do you think of the Bisonte?" asked Frank.

"It looks nice." said Darius. "I know someone who'd love to get her hands on this."

Suddenly, a pair of Miami police cars formed a roadblock in front of the car.

"Oh man. What do they want?" said Darius.

Frank threw the Bisonte into reverse and raced back down the street. He did a bootlegger and continued on at a high rate of speed.

"Okay, here's the deal." said Darius. "I was sent to prison for..."

"I know, Gibbons told me everything." said Frank as he swerved around another car.

Frank came to a four-way intersection. However, it was more of a three-way intersection because one of the streets was closed for repair.

"Looks like there's only two ways we can go." said Darius.

Frank looked to the closed off street and said "As my friend Tarconi is fond of saying, maybe not."

Frank turned down the closed off street and steered around the barricades. Two of the police cars followed.

"Brace yourself." said Frank as they approached a large dirt pile. Next to the pile was a crane which was holding a long pipe. Frank steered towards the dirt pile and jumped the car into the cable holding the pipe. The pipe plunged to the ground and the first police car crashed into it. The second car swerved around him and started to catch up with the Audi.

"This guy isn't bad." said Frank. He looked ahead to see a large hole in the road.

"Oh shit, out of the frying pan, into the fire." said Darius.

"Hold on." said Frank.

Frank managed to let the police car catch up with him, then slammed on his brakes. The police car jumped the hole and tore its front axle off when it crashed into the opposite side.

The car came to a rest next to an angry construction worker who yelled "Hey, didn't you know there's a hole back there?"

Frank then found the street and continued on to Las Venturas.

"So, what was that you were saying about a friend of yours wanting to get their hands on the Bisonte?" he asked Darius.

"Forget I said it. With those kind of moves in the race, no improvements should be necessary." Said Darius. "One thing though. Could you keep pace with a bullet train in this thing?"

---

In San Diego, Eric Forman navigated the city in his old Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser. With him were his three friends, Michael Kelso, Steven Hyde, and the foreign exchange student known simply as "Fez".

"Where is this place?" asked Eric.

"Okay, make the next right." said Kelso.

"Kelso, this is the same street we went down ten minutes ago." said Eric.

"Well, I know that if you can't find some place in San Diego, just go this way." said Kelso.

"Who told you that?" asked Fez.

"Leo told me." said Kelso. "I think we should be there any second now."

"Kelso, can I tell you something?" asked Hyde.

"Yeah?" asked Kelso as he leaned closer to Hyde.

Hyde punched him in the arm. "Give me the map!" he yelled.

Kelso handed the map to Hyde and rubbed his arm.

"Okay, Forman." said Hyde. "You want to take the next left, go two blocks, then we're there."

"Damn, Hyde!" said Kelso. "Did you have to hit me?"

"No." said Hyde.

"We're here." announced Eric. He pulled into a car dealership.

Inside the dealership's restroom, salesman Roger Park was fixing his hair. As he was checking the end results, there was a knock at the door.

"Roger!" yelled the knocker, Roger's best friend Corey Howard. "Are you done yet?"

"Almost." said Roger. "Hair cannot be rushed."

Roger walked out of the restroom. "Those guys from Wisconsin here?"

"Yeah, they just got here." said Corey. "Knock 'em dead."

"So, how do you know these guys?" asked Roger.

"Hey, Corey!" yelled Eric as he extended a hand to Corey.

"How you doing, cuz?" asked Corey.

"Oh, fine." said Eric.

Roger walked over to greet Eric and his friends. "Eric Forman? I'm Roger Park."

"Nice to meet you." said Eric. "So, where is this car we asked for?"

"Right over here." said Roger. He led them to a purple '71 Dodge Charger Super Bee 426 Hemi.

"Sweet!" yelled Kelso.

"Wow, this is nice." said Fez. "This is even nicer than the car my country's president drives." He opened the door and looked inside. "Hey, where's the 8-track, you son of a bitch?"

"This car have a name?" asked Kelso.

"The mechanics call it the Reckless." said Roger.

"Thank you very much." said Eric. "Well, we'll just find Hyde and get going then."

Outside, Hyde walked up to June Tuesday, a girl with spiked hair. "Hey, how you doing?" he asked.

"Good, I guess." said Tuesday. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"No, I'm from Wisconsin." said Hyde. "I'm just here with some friends picking up a car."

"This is San Diego." said Tuesday. "Why'd you come all the way from Wisconsin for a car?"

"This is a special car." said Hyde. "We're using it in the Cannonball."

"No frickin' way." said Tuesday. "You're entering the Cannonball?"

"We are." said Hyde.

"Hyde!" yelled Eric as he pulled out in the Reckless.

"That's me." said Hyde. "See ya."

Hyde ran over and jumped into the car. Corey walked over to Tuesday with his sister Katie.

"Hey, Tuesday." said Katie. "Who was that?"

"He was one of those guys from Wisconsin who came for the car." said Tuesday. "Get this, he said they're in the Cannonball."

"No way." said Corey. "That's cool. I wonder if Roger knows."

Roger came running out of the dealership a second later. "Come on, you guys!" he yelled. "Let's go!"

Roger ran out back. Corey, Katie, and Tuesday followed him. They came to a white 1982 Audi Quattro.

"What's up?" asked Corey.

"You know those guys who bought that old Charger?" asked Roger. "They are using it to be in the Cannonball."

"That's what that frizzy haired guy said." said Tuesday.

"So, what about it?" asked Katie.

"I was listening to them talk about it and I decided that we should probably enter as well." said Roger. "Then, I remembered the boss promised me the Bonfire here and I've got some vacation time coming."

"Are you saying we should just pick up and enter the Cannonball JUST LIKE THAT?" asked Corey.

"Yeah." said Roger in that sing-song type of voice. "The car's ready for it."

Corey pondered his own question for a few seconds. "Okay, I'm sold." he said. "Besides, we all gotta die sometime."

"Alright, hop in." said Roger.

"Tuesday, we gotta call Margaret and tell her we're not coming in for a while." said Corey as Katie jumped into the car.

"Who cares?" scoffed Tuesday.

---

In Long Beach, former police officer Brian O'Conner pulled up to a garage. He exited his car and entered the garage where he found former street racing partner Dominic Toretto working on a silver Nissan Skyline with his longtime friend Vince.

"Hey, what's up, guys?" asked Brian.

"What's he doing here?" asked Vince.

"Relax, Vince." said Dominic. "He saved your life."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I have to like it." said Vince.

"Nice to see you too, Vince." said Brian. "I got your message, Dom. Really appreciate it. So, is this the car we're driving in the Cannonball?"

"Yeah, like it?" asked Dominic.

"Definitely." said Brian. "'96 Skyline if I'm not mistaken."

"Not just." said Dominic. He directed Brian to the side of the car.

"No shit." said Brian. "This is a Nismo 400R?"

"You wouldn't believe what we went through to get it out of Japan." said Vince.

"I can imagine." said Brian. "Hey, what happened to 'Memphis' Raines and Jesse James? You said they'd be running the race as well."

"Yeah, but in their own vehicles. Memphis is in the next bay with a real classic. Jesse's in the bay next to it with a rather unusual entry" said Dominic.

Brian looked over to where Dominic indicated. He saw former car thief Randall "Memphis" Raines working on a metallic gray '67 Shelby Mustang GT500 with white stripes painted down the centre.

"You guys have a falling out?" asked Brian.

"No, we decided we'd have better chances if we split into three teams." said Dominic. "Want to say 'hi'?"

"I guess." said Brian. He walked over to Memphis. "Memphis Raines?" he said.

"Huh?" said Memphis. "Oh, hi. You must be Brian. How you been?"

"I've been fine." said Brian. "Nice to meet you."

"Thanks." said Memphis. "Oh, I'd like you to meet my teammates."

"Hi." said a woman with blonde and brown hair. "Sara Wayland. Ran with Memphis a long time."

"Yeah, you're the one called Sway." said Brian. "I know you because I studied Memphis' record when I was with the LAPD."

"Oh, have you seen 'The Sphinx'?" said Sway.

A tall, muscular man walked over. "So, Mr. O'Conner, you're in this as well?" he said with a British accent.

"Yeah, looks like we're going to be working together." said Brian.

"Just remember we're on the same team." said the Sphinx.

"No prob." said Brian. "I'm looking forward to running together with Dom again."

"Okay." said the Sphinx. "Catcha later."

"Alright, I'll let you get back to work." said Brian. He walked back over to Dominic and Vince.

"I see you've met the Sphinx." said Dominic.

"I read about him in the crime reports." said Brian. "All this time I thought he was from Long Beach."

"Wanna say 'hi' to Mr. James?" asked Vince. He pointed into the next bay over where the Monster Garage veteran was working on the car up on the lift. "Go ahead. You know you want to."

"Alright." said Brian. He walked over and said "Mr. James."

Jesse looked away from the car to see who was talking to him. "Hey, what's up? You Brian?"

"Yep. Just got here." said Brian. "What's this?"

"This is our Cannonball car." said Jesse.

"Looks like something from a family man's driveway, bro." said Brian.

"Maybe, but I'm trying to tell the world I can make a racer out of this." said Jesse.

"I heard your buddies Tombstone and Body Drop are with you." asked Brian.

"That they are." said Jesse, pointing to a tall, beefy guy wearing a hat and black-rimmed glasses and a dwarf wearing a t-shirt and blue jeans. "I let them take a break because I'm almost done. Go say 'hi'."

"Okay." said Brian. He walked over to the pair.

Tombstone, real name Steve Stearle, held a set of drawings. "These are some sketches I drew up." he said. "I thought we could decorate the car this way. What do you think?"

Body Drop, real name Chris Artiaga, looked at the first sketch and said "That ain't gonna work."

Tombstone went to the next sketch.

"That ain't gonna work." said Body Drop.

Tombstone went to the next sketch.

Body Drop picked up a megaphone and used it to say "That ain't gonna work."

"Hey, what's up, guys?" asked Brian.

"You must be Brian O'Conner" asked Tombstone. "Dom told us all about you. You're very different from what those movies based on your and Dom's experiences make you look."

"Well, quite a bit of it is true, but you know Hollywood hype." said Brian.

"Quite so. " said Body Drop. "Good thing you weren't here earlier. You wouldn't believe some of the things Vince was saying about you."

"No, I guess I wouldn't." said Brian.

"Okay, everybody." said Dominic. "Gather around."

The street racers, former car thieves, and Monster Garage veterans gathered around. Dominic was commanding attention.

"Okay, people." he said. "It's almost time to leave for the Cannonball. As you know, we have split the team into three separate teams to increase our chances of bringing home the gold. These three teams are organized by prior relations. Memphis' team is comprised of his former crew of car thieves. My team consists of myself and two members of my racing team. Jesse's team is made up of a couple of Monster Garage veterans. Each of us has our own car. Memphis, what are you driving?"

"Our car is a Shelby Mustang." said Memphis. "We called it the Cowboy in reference to Carrol Shelby's Texan heritage. It's classic, baby."

"Nice." said Dominic. "Vince, what do we have?"

"Our car is a tuned Nissan Skyline." said Vince. "Specificly, it's a Nismo 400R. We call it the Rumor."

"Thank you, Vince." said Dominic. "And Jesse?"

"Check it out." said Jesse as he hit the switch for the lift. As it decended, the racers got a good look at a silver Volvo 240 GLT Estate.

"You're driving a station wagon?" asked Sway.

"We call it the Ignition." said Tombstone. "According to Jesse, it's faster than it looks."

"Or at least it should be." said Jesse.

"Well, we have to go anyway." said Dominic. "Everybody, get to your cars."

"Hold on a minute, Dom. Just one thing before we go." said Memphis. He walked over to his stall and inserted a CD into a boom box.

"Oh, of course." Said Dom.

A song started to play.

It was 'Lowrider' by War.

Memphis closed his eyes and held up his arms and shook them to the music. Jesse tapped his hand on his knee and whistled the tune. Brian watched the whole thing amazed.

"Just like it said in his M.O." he said.

"Hey, you'd better not be giving us a lot of cop crap on the race." Vince warned.

"Enough, Vince." said Dom. The song continued as Sway linked hands with Memphis and the two did a little funky dance.

After a few moments, Memphis shook his hands in the air and then signalled for the Sphinx to turn the music off, which he did.

"Okay. Let's ride." Memphis said.

The racers took to their cars. Memphis drove the Cowboy, Dominic took the wheel of the Rumor, and Jesse occupied the driver's seat of the Ignition. Within minutes, they were on the street.

Soon, they came to an intersection. The three cars parked side-by-side at the stop line while the light was red. Dominic looked over to Memphis, who nodded. He then looked to Jesse, who gave the "monster stare". All three put their cars into gear.

The light turned green. The three cars took off like a shot. The Rumor took an early lead with the Cowboy gaining fast. Just as the Cowboy caught up with the Rumor, the Ignition raced past them both. Dominic and Memphis both stared in surprise.

"Dear, Sweden." said Jesse. "All is forgiven."

---

In the headquarters of the anti-terrorist group known as G.I. Joe, its three highest ranking officers had a meeting.

"It's been confirmed." said General Clayton Abernathy, AKA Hawk. "Cobra is making plans to enter some of its' members in the Cannonball. Intel has informed us that with the kind of prize money the organizers are offering this year, they could become more powerful than ever."

"Very irresponsible of the organizers if you ask me, Hawk." replied Sgt. Conrad Hauser, AKA Duke. "They must know that an offer like that would bring all kinds of nasties out of the woodwork."

"Well it's not going to be so easy for Cobra, Duke." said Warrant Officer Dashiell Fairborne, AKA Flint. "The president has ordered us to enter a team in the Cannonball as well, to prevent Cobra from getting their slimy mitts on that dough."

Duke whistled. "You'd need a good driver for that. The Cannonballers are quite often excellent behind the wheel."

"I know that Duke. That's why I selected the team I did." Hawk pressed a button on his speaker phone. "Cannonball Run Unit report to my office on the double." he said.

After a short pause, five members of the Joe team entered the office. Walking in front was Lance Steinberg AKA Clutch, one of the Joes' best drivers.

"Clutch will of course be driving." Hawk announced. "The other members of the team can take turns however."

The other four Joes were Hector X. Delgado AKA Shipwreck, Craig S. McConnel AKA Rock 'N Roll, Lonzo Wilkinson AKA Stalker and the silent, masked commando known only as Snake Eyes.

"It'll be fun actually taking part in the race instead of chasing after a stolen weapon like we did two years ago." Stalker said.

"It'd be even more fun if it weren't just an out of town job!" grumbled Shipwreck. "I wanted a break from fighting those snakes!"

"Oh, come on, barnacle brain!" said Rock 'N Roll. "We can show old Chrome-cheeks who's better on the road. He'll never be able to live down the humiliation if we win."

"That's the spirit, guys!" said Duke. "So, what will they be driving, Hawk?"

"Well, Clutch has got a vehicle that he and Rock 'N Roll restored. He volunteered to use it in the race." Hawk said.

"It's right outside." said Clutch as he pointed to the window. The team went to the window and looked out to see a multi-coloured 1957 Chevy Bel Air. The hood was mostly red but with a bit of orange at the end, the roof was blue and the doors and rear of the car were purple.

"That is a LOUD paint job." Shipwreck remarked.

"The engine's even louder after I gave her the ol' Clutch Touch, Popeye." said Clutch.

"Does it have a name, guys?" Flint asked as he looked at the car in appreciation.

"Yep. We call it the Battle." said Rock 'N Roll.

"Well, guys," said Hawk "I wish you all the best of luck in the mission. And remember, have fun!"

"YO JOE!" the Unit (apart from Snake Eyes, who remained silent as ever) yelled as they raised their right arms into the air.

---

In an underground parking garage somewhere in Toronto, a dark-haired man wearing a long, grey trenchcoat approached a red 2000 TVR Cerbera Speed Six. The man was IMF Agent Ethan Hunt. Waiting in the car was the leader of his organization, Mission Commander Swanbeck.

"Ethan. I'm glad you could make it. It amazes me everytime how you manage to find time for the Cannonball in your busy schedule. It also amazes me how you get your jollies. It's either this race or climbing mountains." Swanbeck said.

"Well, what can I say? I love intensity. Has the usual arrangement been made?" Ethan asked as he got into the driver's seat.

"Yes, Snake should appear any minute. Literally." Swanbeck replied.

About twenty feet away from the car, the sound of a switch being activated could be heard and then, as if from nowhere, appeared the mysterious black-ops mercenary known as Solid Snake.

"Hope I didn't scare you guys." he said.

"Still using that stealth camouflage stuff, Snake?" Ethan asked.

"Well, you get used to it when every nasty from Brooklyn to Baghdad wants you dead. It's best to remain unseen." Snake replied, letting out a little chuckle.

Snake looked over the Cerbera. "Very impressive, Mr. Swanbeck." Snake said. "It really does look like a spy's car. I bet that Bond guy would be jealous if he saw us with this."

"I'm glad it's to your liking, Snake." Swanbeck said as he climbed out of the passenger seat. "The IMF has named the vehicle the Espion. That even means 'spy'. Not very subtle I know, but I thought it was appropriate. Your friend, Dr. Emmerich added a few features to it."

"Otacon?" said Snake. "I know then that we've got something special."

"Well, Snake, climb on in and we'll be on our way." Ethan said.

"No prob." replied Snake as he got into the Espion.

"Alright, gentlemen." said Swanbeck. "Goodbye and good luck in the Cannonball."

Ethan threw the car into gear and drove off out of the garage.

---

In San Francisco, two men looked under the hood of a maroon 1974 Triumph Spitfire. One was the car's owner, a local psychic named Darryl. The other was a landscape architect named David Abbott.

"Where did you get this car?" asked David.

"Some French dude gave it to me for helping him with his novel." said Darryl. "He called it his little Triomphe Megere."

"What does that mean?" asked David.

"Literally, it means Triumph Spitfire." said Darryl.

David laughed. "You know, that might be a good name for the car." he said. "The Megere."

"Sweet." said Darryl. "Okay, I just want to point out that this car may look stock, but it's totally modified for racing."

"I can see that." said David. "I didn't think it was possible to fit an old Triumph with a turbocharger."

"It's also got the works." said Darryl. "Racing suspension, transmission, brakes, engine mods."

"I saw the rollcage, too." said David. "Very nice."

"You wanna take a look at that before we head out?" asked Darryl.

"Sure, no problem." said David.

"Say, how'd you show the Cannonball officials you had the skills to race?" asked Darryl.

"Oh, that's easy." said David. "I just sent them a video of my daily commute."

He stuck his head into the passenger side window and looked at the rollcage. He was surprised to find his spectral girlfriend Elizabeth Masterson sitting in the back. If anyone but David could see her, the scene wouldn't look too much out of the ordinary...except for the fact that the rollcage's crossmembers passed through Elizabeth's ghostly "body".

"Thought we were gonna leave without you?" asked David.

"No, I just thought I'd save you the trouble." said Elizabeth. "Are you guys almost finished?"

"Just about." said David. "You have everything you need?"

"Let's see." said Elizabeth. "My body is downtown in the hospital's coma ward, so yeah, I've got all I need."

Darryl stuck his head in the driver's side window and said "I sense a presence. Is Elizabeth here?"

"Yeah, she's here." said David.

"Righteous." said Darryl. "All set?"

"Yeah, I'm ready." said David as he opened the door and climbed in.

"I'm there." said Darryl as he climbed in himself. The two fastened their seatbelts. Elizabeth sat up and looked at what they were doing. David turned to her and asked "You want a turn at the wheel?"

Darryl and Elizabeth laughed. "That would be a sight." said Darryl.

"Thanks, but no." said Elizabeth. "It's better this way. Last time I drove, I ended up like this."

---

In the small town of Highland, Beavis and Butthead stood waiting outside their house. Butthead held a black suitcase.

"So, will Corvax, like, be getting here soon?" asked Beavis.

"He said he'd be here in about 15 minutes when he called us back there." Butthead replied.

Suddenly, they heard the roar of a car engine and both teens looked to see a silver Aston Martin DB9 Coupe coming down the street.

Behind the wheel was the green-skinned sheik Corvax. He raced past Beavis and Butthead initially.

"HEY!" both teens yelled initially.

Suddenly Corvax performed a wild U-turn and approached them. He stopped beside his two team-mates.

"Just turning the car in the right direction so we can go." Corvax said. "You didn't think I'd leave without you, did you?"

"Well, for a minute there..." Beavis began.

Butthead smacked Beavis. "Shut up, buttmunch! He might leave us behind if you say that!"

"Up yours, asshole!" Beavis replied as he hit Butthead back.

Corvax put his fingers at each side of his mouth and let out an ear-piercing whistle. Both Beavis and Butthead stopped fighting and turned to face him.

"We have no time to waste. We have to get started on the road to Las Venturas right away. Now get in." he said.

"Uh, okay." Said Butthead as the two climbed into the car.

"Nice wheels. What do you call it?" Beavis asked.

"She's called the Starlight." Corvax replied. "Did you bring any good tunes?"

Butthead opened his suitcase and took out a CD.

"The best." He said. "This is a CD by Manowar. They rock!"

"Yeah!" said Beavis. "Death To False Metal! That's their motto."

"Yeah, false metal like Winger!" Butthead said.

Both he and Beavis shuddered. Corvax let out a nervous laugh as he ejected the CD that was already in the player: "In The Heart Of The Young" by Winger.

He quickly hid the CD in the glove compartment and took the CD that Butthead handed him.

"Put it on to track twelve." Butthead said. "It's a great driving song!".

"Yeah! Yeah!" Beavis said.

"Right." said Corvax as he looked at the case. "Wheels of Fire, eh? Well, I'll wait and play it when we actually get into the race, but for now let's go."

Beavis and Butthead started cheering as the Starlight roared down the road. In short order, they passed a motorcycle cop, who took off after them.

"Not today, Mr. Bear." said Corvax as he pressed a red button on the steering wheel. The Starlight was catapulted forward by a shot of nitrous, leaving the cop in the dust.

---

On a long freeway, a single vehicle sped along. It was a dark red Harley Davidson V-Rod motorcycle with a picture of a golden wing with a letter "A" painted on it. Riding it was a serious looking-dark haired man wearing a long leather trenchcoat and a black t-shirt with a skull painted on it. It was the ex-cop turned vigilante Frank Castle, known to his enemies as The Punisher.

"It was great being in the race two years ago." he thought to himself. "I'm hoping I can win this year. Then I can do with the prize money what I did with Howard Saint's money. Give it to people who deserve it. I may keep some for myself, though."

He then poured on the speed of his bike, the Avenger.

"Let's go, baby." he said aloud as the bike sped on.

---

In the semi truck which belonged to the organization known as FLAG (the Foundation for Law And Government), Dr. Bonnie Barstow and her assistant Reginald Cornelius III, RC3 to his friends, put the finishing touches to a blue 1964 Pontiac Tempest Le Mans GTO.

"There, that should do it." Bonnie said as she finished fixing a fuel line under the car and rolled out.

Standing watching the pair work was the Foundation's field agent, Michael Knight.

"So, guys." he said. "Is the Barbarian ready?" he asked.

"You bet, Michael." RC3 said. "KITT's personality has been transferred in and the Molecular Bonded Shell has been applied."

"We also added the Resonating Laser, Turbo Boost, and Super Pursuit Mode capabilities, since that's allowed again." Bonnie said as she stood up and wiped her hands on a rag.

"Very much appreciated. Thanks, guys." said Michael. "Well, here's hoping that this time around, I can pull off the big win."

"You doubt our abilities after doing the race so often, Michael?" asked KITT, the A.I. computer that was fitted into the Barbarian. "Don't forget, we were in the top ten in the race two years ago. Got one million dollars for our trouble."

"I know, buddy." Said Michael. "But the Cannonball has been anything but easy. And if you still want that female company for yourself built by the Foundation, the big prize should cover expenses."

"Michael, I think we should get going now. I'd like to see what my new form can do." KITT said.

Michael climbed into the Barbarian as the semi slowed down and lowered the back door to let the car out.

"Good luck, both of you." Said Bonnie as she waved. RC3 gave a thumbs-up.

Michael reversed the car down the back ramp and got onto the road.

"Okay. Las Venturas, here we come!" Michael said as he passed the FLAG truck.

"Would you like to try my computerized blackjack again, Michael?" KITT asked.

"After nearly getting bankrupted the last time? No thanks!" Michael joked.

---

In Metro City, brilliant scientist Julian Wilkes, creator of the crime-fighting car the Viper Defender,and the Defender teams's resident mechanic Frankie Waters, talked to the three members of the Metro City team who were competing in the Cannonball Run.

There were two dark-haired men and one dark-haired woman. The first of the men, Joe Astor, looked across at the second man, former CIA agent Thomas Cole. "So you're the guy who drove the Defender while I was away. I heard you were good."

"I heard the same about you, Mr. Astor." Replied Cole. "Best wheelman on the force if I'm not mistaken."

Joe looked a little uncomfortable. "I wasn't exactly on the force." He said.

"Well, I'm glad I was able to get assigned back to the project just this once. Since we'll be sharing driving duties I hope you live up to the hype." Cole said.

"Hey, don't worry about him." said the woman, MetroPol Detective Cameron Westlake. "Worry about the competition we'll have."

"You will indeed have great competition." Julian said. "We received an e-mail from an old college friend of mine, Bonnie Barstow of FLAG. She reckons their vehicle will be superior to ours. I hope you guys can prove her wrong."

Frankie spoke up. "In fact, Julian and I intend to go to Cannonball Race Central and join with the other special mechanics who'll be there. The three of you are the race team."

"Indeed." said Julian. "We modified the Asp so it could carry three passengers."

"No kidding?" Cole asked.

"I never kid about my work, Cole." Said Julian. "Besides, considering the record the three of you have had in the field, you should have no problem scoring the big win."

Frankie and Julian went over to a car with a tarpaulin over it. Together, they whisked the tarp off to reveal a red 1999 Dodge Viper GTS, with white racing stripes down the centre.

"This is the Asp." Julian said. "We thought it appropriate to use another Viper."

"Wow! As Frankie used to say, 'Poke out my eyes! I love it'!" Joe said in amazement.

"I knew you'd be impressed." Frankie smirked. "But I'm warning you guys, bring her back in one piece."

"So, is there any equipment in it?" asked Westlake.

"Yeah. Because the Defender project is still covert the car can't go into Defender configuration, but you still have the standard weaponry and abilities." said Juilan.

"That includes, of course, the grappling hook, the EMP pulse cannon, machine guns and missile launcher, mini spy satellite as well as both off-road mode and hovercraft mode." added Frankie. "All in all, fully loaded.".

"Good to know. Things are rumoured to get rough during the Cannonball." Cole said.

"Well, good luck, guys." Julian said. "Now let's get going.".

With that, Joe, Cole and Westlake headed for the Asp while Frankie and Julian went over to get in Frankie's purple Hemi 'Cuda to head on their way to San Andreas.

---

Outside the Vercetti mansion in Vice City, Florida, stood a man wearing a grey suit with a pink shirt. This was notorious Vice City crime lord Tommy Vercetti. He looked at his watch and then saw a taxi pulling up outside his mansion. He smiled as this meant his Cannonball Run partners had arrived. Out of the taxi got a black man wearing sunglasses and a green shirt and jeans, and a white man wearing a black leather jacket which was zipped up, a black shirt and green cargo pants.

"C.J, Claude. Good to see you guys again." said Tommy.

"Hey, Tommy. It's good to see you too." said the black man, Carl 'C.J.' Johnson. The white guy, Claude Speed, just nodded hello.

"Talkative as ever I see, Claude." Said Tommy. Claude smirked and gave Tommy the finger.

"Hey, knock that off, man!" C.J. said to Claude. "Remember we have to work as a team."

"I can take a joke you know, C.J." said Tommy. "So, your old pal Woozie is hosting the Cannonball party this year. Pity he couldn't be racing in it."

Claude nodded in agreement.

"Well, you'll be happy to know that the $250 million prize I claimed two years ago was well-used. I'm hoping I can pull off the big win again." Tommy said.

"Yeah, I know how much bread you need to run an empire." said C.J. "We're lucky over in Los Santos to get through a week without some dickhead trying to muscle in on the territory."

"Okay, well, enough chatter. The car's over next to my limo." said Tommy as he led his partners across the mansion's grounds. He then pointed to their racing vehicle. It was a yellow 1987 Porsche, specifically a Ruf CTR 'Yellow Bird'.

C.J. whistled. "Those are some great wheels, Tommy." he said.

Claude gave a thumbs-up.

"Thanks." Said Tommy. "As this model of car is nicknamed Yellow Bird, I decided that's what I'd call it."

"Great. So are we goin' now?" asked C.J.

"We certainly are." replied Tommy as he got into the driver's seat. C.J. climbed in back and then Claude got into the front passenger seat.

Tommy started the Yellow Bird up and peeled rubber out of its parking space.

---

In Empire City, Nightshade reported to Federal Agent Baldwin P. Vess aka Bulletproof, the leader of the city's elite crime-fighting force C.O.P.S.

"Big Boss is involved with Mr. Chairman and Yuri." She said. "They're acting on behalf of that drug dealer who went down two years ago, Jimmy DeMarco."

"Dr. Feelgood, eh? This could be tricky. I ordinarily wouldn't approve of people going all around the world and violating traffic laws, but if Big Boss is going to be involved, I think we should give the Cannonballers a hand." Bulletproof said.

He turned to three of his officers who were also present: David E. Harlson aka Highway, Donny Brooks aka Hardtop and Hugh S. Forward aka Bullseye.

"You guys will certainly be needed. Bullseye can fly over the race route in the Air Raid chopper. Highway and Hardtop can go on the road to provide protection."

"You can count on us, Bulletproof." said Highway. "I'd like to see any bad guys outrun my turbocycle."

"There's one problem, though, sir." Said Hardtop. "Most of our Ironsides vehicles are in for repairs after that last case we were on."

"Well, I'm sure the Cannonball officials can provide a vehicle for you, Hardtop." said Bulletproof. "I'll give them a call now."

Las Venturas...

Mr. X was taking the call from Bulletproof.

"Yes, Agent Vess, we would very much appreciate your help in this matter. I'm glad that some law enforcement officials are a bit more open-minded about the Cannonball. I have an agent myself who has a vehicle he can share with Officer Hardtop. I'll get in contact with him as soon as possible. Thank you very much."

Mr. X hung up the phone and dialed another number.

Empire City...

Bulletproof set down the phone.

"Okay, we're good to go. Nightshade, we may need you as well." he said.

"In what capacity?" she asked.

"According to you, the Night Fox may be attempting to steal the prize money. We'd like you to try and beat him to the punch and get the prize money to a secure location." Bulletproof said.

"I can try, but Toulour is good. Real good." replied Nightshade.

"Well, no offence, Nightshade, you weren't exactly an amateur before you joined our side." said Bullseye.

"Hardtop, Mr. X said you'll have a partner. Whoever he is, I'm sure the two of you will make a great team." Said Bulletproof. "Let's go, people. It's crime-fighting time!"

---

In a house somewhere in New England, a phone rang.

A blond-haired man dressed in black answered it. This man was Mr. X's agent known only as the Lone Wolf.

"Hello. Yes, Mr. X, I'd be glad to help in the Cannonball again. Big trouble you say? The C.O.P.S. from Empire City are offering their help? Sure, I'd be glad to have one as my partner. Yes, I have a car we can use. What? You're gonna call Miller too? Well, yeah he could be of use. I just hope he doesn't get too overzealous. Alright, I'm on my way now."

Lone Wolf hung up the phone. He turned to see a woman with black hair in a ponytail and green eyes wearing a white jumpsuit.

"Mitzi." He said to his girlfriend. "You overheard."

"That I did." Mitzi replied. "Do you really have to risk your life in that race again?"

"I owe it to Mr. X." said Lone Wolf. "He's done a lot for me. Besides, God knows what trouble the racers will face this year. You heard me say he's calling Richard as well, didn't you? If X needs two operatives of his in the field, you can guarantee it means trouble."

"Well, if you insist." Replied the alien girl as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Try and come back in one piece."

"Hey, when I've got you to come back to, you can be sure of it." said Lone Wolf. "I'll be using the Silver Bullet this year. Is it in the garage?"

"Yeah." said Mitzi. "Good luck."

Lone Wolf smiled at her and exited his house. He opened his garage door and entered the garage where a silver Cadillac Cien custom car was sitting. This was the Silver Bullet. He unlocked the car and got behind the wheel. After starting the engine, he drove out of his garage and off towards Las Venturas.

Mitzi watched him go, and then closed the garage door.

As Lone Wolf started the long journey to Las Venturas, he turned on his radio and smiled as an atmospheric techno song came on.

Traveling somewhere, could be anywhere.
There's a coldness in the air but I don't care.
We drift deeper.
Life goes on.
We drift deeper.
Into the sound.

Traveling somewhere, could be anywhere.
There's a coldness in the air but I don't care.
We drift deeper into sound.
Life goes on.
We drift deeper.
Into the sound feeling strong.
So bring it on.
So bring it on.

Embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.
Embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.
Embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.
Oh embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.

So bring it on.
So bring it on.

We drift deeper into sound.
Life goes on.
We drift deeper.
Into the sound feeling strong.
So bring it on.
So bring it on.

Embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.
Embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.
Embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.
Oh embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.

Embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.
Embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.
Embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.
Oh embrace me.
Surround me as the rush comes.

As the rush comes.
As the rush comes.

-'As The Rush Comes' by Motorcycle.

---

In Mad Max's dimension, the city called Paradise City was getting ready to bid its saviour farewell.

The man called Mason Strong and his partner Spike drove down the main street in an orange 2002 Chrysler Prowler.

Lining the streets were members of the military Blister Canyon gang called the Section Eights and the American football themed Paradise City gang called the South League.

They owed much to Mason who had rid Hell County of the despot Axl and his gang the Sentinels. They had also helped out with problems involving other rival gangs, so the Eights and the League had turned out to show their gratitude.

"I wasn't expecting this kind of reception." said Spike.

"After all we've done?" said Mason, raising an eyebrow. "Max is in the race again this year. Hopefully we'll be able to beat him. He is my friend and all, but since we're racing in the Cannonball this year I'm not giving anyone a break."

"What about good sportsmanship?" asked Spike.

"Don't worry. It's not my intention to cheat to win, unlike Wario." said Mason. "The Road Lord here oughta decimate all the other cars though."

Two vehicles were waiting for them at the end of the street. Standing beside one of them, a bown and blue '67 Chevy Camaro called the Thunder, were the leader of the Section Eights, General Warwick, and Section Eight drill sergeant Gunny.

Standing beside the other vehicle, a yellow Ford Bronco called the Juice, was Coach Knox, leader of the South League and his number two guy Vinny.

Mason stopped the Road Lord and rolled down his window to address his powerful friends.

"Mason, we're gonna make sure that no-one causes any trouble for you in the Cannonball." said Knox. "The South League will be leaving for Las Venturas soon to offer our services to the race officials as protectors."

"And that's exactly what we're gonna do as well, Mason." said Warwick.

"Any pukes who try to waste you or any of the other racers will find themselves in a whole world of shit!" said Gunny.

"And that's a fact." smirked Vinny.

"Thanks very much, you guys. We're heading for that dimensional portal now." Said Mason.

"You better hurry." Said Coach Knox. "Max went through a couple of hours ago."

"Yeah, we know." Said Spike.

"Well, I'll be seeing you guys then. This is without a doubt the big one!" said Mason as he accelerated the Road Lord off down the street.

---

In Coolsville U.S.A, the group known as Mystery Inc. were gathered around a black 2005 Dodge Magnum.

"You've got a very good sense of which vehicles we should use, Shaggy. You know that?" said Freddie Jones.

"Well I knew we needed something powerful" said Norville Rogers, known to his friends as Shaggy.

"I'm surprised you haven't picked a Subaru yet. After all, Subarus are nicknamed Scoobies." said the redheaded Daphne Blake.

"Really?" said the group's dog, Scoobert 'Scooby' Doo.

"Yeah, Scooby really." said the bespectacled Velma Dinkley. "I think Shaggy should pick a Subaru next year to honour you."

"Raw, shucks." said Scooby as he blushed a little.

"Maybe I will." said Shaggy. "But this car we're using this year has got some major horsepower."

"So, I take it you've packed up all the food?" said Freddie, half-joking.

"Not too much." Said Shaggy. "After all, we don't want to weigh the car down."

"So, what do you call the car?" asked Daphne.

"I thought something French would sound classy, so I named it the Cavaliere." said Shaggy.

"Cool." said Scooby.

"Well, then. Shall we go?" asked Velma.

"We shall indeed." said Shaggy.

"Let me drive first this time." said Freddie as he got into the front seat.

As the gang got into the car, Velma's boyfriend Patrick ran up.

"Hey, Velma." he said. "I just came to wish you good luck. All of Coolsville is behind you and we hope you'll be victorious this time."

"Why, thank you Patrick." Velma said as she leaned forward and kissed Patrick. "I'm just glad that there'll be no fake reporters trying to make us look bad this time."

"Come on, Velma. We have to go if we want to beat traffic." Shaggy said.

"Coming." said Velma as she got into the Cavaliere and Fred started it off.

The Cavaliere roared off down the road.

---

In the town of Broca Beach, New Jersey, a town run by the terrorist organization known as Cobra...

A handsome man, the Scottish arms dealer called Destro, and his lady love, European noblewoman Baroness Anastasia DeCobray, walked out of the airport and over to a waiting taxi.

"Where to?" asked the driver.

"Sector 12-R." said Destro.

"Vehicle staging area?" asked the driver.

"It's not the shuffleboard court." said the Baroness.

"Just asking." said the driver as he started to pull away.

Ten minutes later, the taxi stopped in the vehicle staging area. Destro and the Baroness climbed out and carried their luggage to the center of a group of parked military vehicles. Among the seemingly endless rows of tanks and jeeps were a silver Shelby Cobra and a red 2000 Ford Mustang Cobra R.

Nearby, two men stood while a third sat on a throne of old car parts. One of the men standing was dressed in a white ninja outfit with a red sash and the Cobra emblem on the chest. He was Cobra's top ninja, Thomas Arashikage. He was better known by the English translation of his last name: Storm Shadow.

The other stander wore a black chestplate and a maroon hood that framed his face. He also had black triangles painted over his eyes. This man was Cobra's infamous master of disguise, Zartan.

The man sitting wore blue battle armor and a red cape. Under his helmet was a gray hood that covered his face, so the only part of his face visible were his eyes. He held a staff that resembled a cobra snake that left no doubt as to his identity: the leader of Cobra himself, Cobra Commander.

"Well, Destro." said Cobra Commander. "So nice of you to join us."

"What was this mission you called us for?" asked Destro.

"As you might know, the Cannonball Run is starting up again." said Cobra Commander. "I thought it might be a good idea to enter ourselves to acquire the prize money."

"A great idea." said the Baroness. "But won't the G.I. Joe team try to stop us?"

"They might try." said Cobra Commander. "That's why I've decided to separate into two teams. Zartan and Storm Shadow will be travelling with me in the Mustang, called Aquila."

"Although knowing him, the two of us will take turns driving while he sits in the back and whines." said Storm Shadow.

"While the two of you will be together in the Destroyer." said Cobra Commander, pointing to the other car. "I think you can see what I like about these cars."

"Ah yes, they're both 'Cobras'." said Destro as he noted the Cobra badge on the side of the Aquila. "Excuse me, I have to do something first."

"So, how are these vehicles equipped?" asked the Baroness.

"Zartan." said Cobra Commander.

"I had one of the Dreadnoks, Thrasher, go over them." said Zartan. "Both vehicles have been tuned up as far as they can go. Also, MARS has added some nice little toys that should prove useful. Destro should know how to use them. Meanwhile, our car has been given a little trick that I will keep secret."

Everybody looked to Destro to see him opening his attache case. "This battle will be fought with horsepower instead of ammunition." he said. "But it is a battle nonetheless. So, out of tradition, I must prepare accordingly." He took a stainless steel face mask out of the case and quickly put it on.

"Can you drive while wearing that?" asked Storm Shadow.

"This is not the same mask my ancestor was forced to wear." said Destro. "It has many improvements including heat sensors, motion sensors, and a stimulant injector."

"With that done, let's set out and claim victory!" said Cobra Commander.

"COBRA!" cheered the group.

---

On a road just outside Las Venturas, an orange and white 1955 Buick Century drove along. In the driver's seat, admiring the view as he drove along slowly was another agent of Mr. X's...as well as an agent for the anti-terrorist group the V.S.S.E.: a dark-haired man wearing a black leather jacket with an eagle graphic on the back of it and a red sweater. His name was Richard Miller, also known as 'the One Man Army'. His car phone rang and he pulled over to the side of the road and stopped. He picked up the phone and answered it.

"Hello" He said.

AN: Yes, he actually CAN talk!

"Richard, it's me." Said Mr. X on the other end.

"Oh, hi, Mr. X. What's up?" Richard replied.

"You're aware that the Cannonball Run is starting again?" asked Mr. X.

A slow-moving Honda Civic passed Richard's car as he continued talking on the phone.

"Yeah, sure. I'd love it if I can take part in it in some capacity." Said Richard.

"Well you will be. There will be trouble this year,and you have the skills to handle it." said Mr. X.

"What kind of trouble?" asked Richard.

"The Big Boss of Empire City, Yuri and the Chairman of Acme are working on behalf of Jimmy DeMarco to try and stop the race and get revenge on the racers. If I'm right, that means that there will be attacks made on our racers in the field. I've already called in Lone Wolf, but I'd prefer if at least two people I can trust were out there watching the racers' backs." Said Mr. X.

"I hear ya, sir. Should I contact some more V.S.S.E. guys?" asked Richard

"We'll leave that as a last resort for now. Hopefully they won't be needed but you never know." replied Mr. X.

So, where shall we meet?" asked Richard..

"The starting line is at the Four Dragons casino in Las Venturas. I understand that you're in San Andreas right now?"

Richard checked the custom GPS he had put into his car

"As luck would have it, the Four Dragons is about ten minutes away from my present location." Said Richard. "I'll be there in five." He added mischeviously as he hung up the phone.

He started up the Buick and drove off down the road. After about 50 yards, he activated a red switch on his dashboard and the car leapt to an incredibly high speed.

Down the road, the Civic crept slowly along as the two men in it admired the countryside. Suddenly, the Buick rocketed past them, making them wobble a bit.

The Four Dragons...

"So, that's another of my agents on his way." Said Mr. X.

"Will he be here soon?" asked Brock.

"Pretty soon" replied Mr. X.

They heard the roar of a powerful engine approaching and looked out the window. The Buick, now slowing down a little, swerved and parked perfectly in a vacant spot. Richard got out of the car, locked it and tossed the keys to a nearby, bewildered valet.

"Clean the ashtray while you're at it." Richard called to him.

"Good." Said Mr. X. "He brought the Wildchild with him.".

"That's what he calls that thing is it?" asked J.J.

"Yeah. It's just one of a collection of great American muscle he has.". said Mr. X. "And he's great at handling it."

"Good. When Lone Wolf gets here later, we can start the briefing." Brock said.

---

Meanwhile, at Burbank Studios, a 1938 DeSoto hot rod was being worked on by self-proclaimed genius Wile E. Coyote. This car was painted mostly black but had yellow trim and flames painted on the doors. Wile E. finished tinkering under the hood, then closed it.

He turned to his team mates, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck and gave them a thumbs-up.

"Great, the Thunder Rodd is ready." said Bugs. "I guess that means we can get going now."

"Yeah, and we damn well better win this time." said Daffy. "With us, Disney and Hanna Barbera entering teams this year, it's full on Toon war! And there's no way I'm gonna let us be shown up by those guys!"

"Take it easy, Daffy." said Bugs. "We'll do fine."

Bugs turned to Wile E. and asked him "Is Taz in the back?"

Wile E. nodded. Bugs walked over to the car and looked in the back seat. Sitting there, strapped tightly into his seatbelt and bound in a straitjacket was the Tasmanian Devil. He babbled in his bizarre language.

"Easy, Taz." Bugs said. "You'll get some exercise during the race. Here."

Bugs took out a huge ham and threw it to Taz who caught it in his mouth and started to munch on it.

"Okay, let's go!" said Daffy as he climbed into the Thunder Rodd's driver's seat.

---

In a large parking garage near the famous House of Mouse, Mickey Mouse walked towards a white 1963 Volkswagen Beetle, which had red and blue stripes down the centre and the number 53 on the hood and the doors. Waiting in it were his friends Donald Duck and Goofy.

"Hi everybody." Said Mickey as he got in. "It's about time a Disney team got back into the Cannonball."

"We won't have it easy, though." Goofy said. "The Looney Tunes are entering again this year."

"Yeah, and Hanna Barbera are entering a team this year as well." said Donald.

"Well, with our own automotive representative here, I'm sure we can beat them." said Mickey as he patted the Beetle's steering wheel.
"Right, Herbie?"

Herbie, the famous Beetle with a mind of his own honked his horn in reply.

"I thought Minnie and Daisy were coming too?" said Goofy.

They heard the sound of another car approaching.

"That must be them now." said Donald.

Another car drove into the garage. Herbie suddenly raised up on his wheels in surprise.

Minnie Mouse and Daisy Duck had driven in in a powder blue Lancia Scorpion. The car had yellow and white stripes and the number 7 on the doors.

"They just HAD to pick Giselle, didn't they?" said Goofy.

Giselle was the Lancia's name. She too was a car with a mind of her own and happened to be a romantic acquaintance of Herbie's. The two had met while racing in the 1977 Monte Carlo Grand Prix.

Giselle came to a stop and opened her headlights at Herbie. She honked her horn at him.

Herbie turned on his radio and started playing the song 'Hey, Juliet' by LMNT.

"Nice to see you two still have a thing." said Minnie, who was driving Giselle. "But remember, both Disney teams are going for victory so try and keep the romance to a minimum.".

"It'll be great for the ladies of Disney to get some recognition for a change." said Daisy. "So you fellas better watch out."

"Maybe, but can Giselle still perform?" asked Mickey. "We heard it's been a while since she raced."

Giselle honked her horn indignantly.

"You better watch who you call rusty, Mickey." said Daisy.

"For your information, I intended to give you a demonstration of what Giselle is now capable of." Said Minnie.

"Then show us." said Donald.

"Okay." said Minnie as Giselle started up.

Giselle threw herself into high gear and drove off down the empty parking garage.

Giselle roared at high speed towards a wall at the far end of the garage. Minnie and Daisy briefly looked afraid but then suddenly, Giselle performed a bootlegger and turned back the opposite way, without losing much speed.

She started to steer herself between the pillars of the empty parking spaces, managing to avoid hitting each one. Donald and Goofy had their mouths wide open. Mickey just went "Wow" under his breath.

Giselle steered herself so she sideswiped, and ruptured, a nearby water pipe.

Giselle turned around and drove at full speed over the wet floor. She did not spin out. She performed another bootlegger and drove off towards the exit to the parking garage.

"Okay. Time to go." Mickey said.

Herbie started himself up and drove off after Giselle.

He quickly caught up with her and the girls as they drove down the street at high speed.

Herbie pulled alongside Giselle and Mickey called over "She's certainly got what it takes."

"And bear in mind, that was just her driving by herself." replied Minnie. "Wait 'til you see what she can do with Daisy and myself at the wheel!".

"Okay, last one to Las Venturas changes the oil!" said Goofy.

Both cars sped off into the distance.

---

In Cleveland, Ohio, Beverly Switzler, the lead singer and guitarist of hot local band the Cherry Bombs, was wishing her manager good luck for the Cannonball.

"Are you sure you're up to this, Howard?" she asked. "After all, they say that Cannonballers try every trick in the book to try and outsmart each other."

Her manager, the alien Howard T. Duck, smiled at her.

"Hey, don't worry, Toots." he said. "With the Wayfarer over there modified by Philsie, I should have no trouble."

Howard nodded over to a red Honda Gold Wing touring motorcycle.

"I'm still pissed that they didn't ask you and the girls to play as part of the Cannonball band, though." added Howard.

It's no big deal." replied Beverly. "There's always next year. Anyway, take care of yourself, Howard."

She gave him a peck on the cheek.

Howard smiled and said "No problem."

He then mounted the Wayfarer and put on his helmet. He started the engine and pressed a switch in the centre of the dashboard.

As soon as he hit the switch, the Wayfarer rocketed off at high speed.

"Whoa!" said Beverly as she saw Howard go.

---

At Turner Studios, the Hanna Barbera team were gathered around a dark and light green 1962 Buick Special. Huckleberry Hound was under the hood making the final adjustments.

"Hey hey!" said Yogi Bear. "This race should be ace!"

"Yeah, I'm sure it will be, Yogi." Said Yogi's friend Boo Boo. "I'd love it if we could show Disney AND Warner Brothers a thing or two."

"Don't get too cocky, guys." warned Ranger Francis Smith. "Remember that that old rascal Dick Dastardly is entering his Villains' Society into the race again. He'll probably pull just about every trick in the book to win!"

"Yeah, you're right Senor Ranger." said Baba Louie. "You know, I think "

"How many times do I have to tell you, Baba Louie?" interrupted Quick Draw McGraw. "I do the thinkin' round here, and dooon't you forget it!"

"Si, Quick Straw. Sorry." replied Baba Louie.

"Now come on, boys. Let's not fight! We need to work as a team." Said Yogi's girlfriend Cindy Bear. "We've not only got Dastardly to worry about, but Mystery Inc. as well."

Huckleberry looked up from under the hood.

"Well, we should beat them no problem." He said. "The Regalo's all ready." He closed the hood and then got behind the wheel. He motioned for the others to get in, which they did.

"Okay. All systems go!" Huckleberry said as he started the engine. The Regalo took off at full speed.

"Wow! This car is certain-lee everything you said it would be!" said Yogi.

"Yogi, for the hundredth time, please don't always talk in rhyme." Said Ranger Smith, before he realized what he just said.

"So, what are we going to call our team?" asked Quick Draw. "Team Hanna Barbera sounds boring if you ask me."

"I have an idea, fellas." Said Cindy. "Since we are a Hanna Barbera team, why not call ourselves The Wacky Racers?"

Everyone in the car looked pleased.

"Yeah that sounds great." Boo Boo said.

"It'll certainly piss ol' D.D. off when he hears we're calling ourselves that." said Huckleberry.

"Well I'm sure we'll beat him all the same." said Yogi.

"So, on to San Andreas then!" said Baba Louie.

"YEAH!" everyone else cheered.

---

In the middle of a swamp somewhere far away, the big ogre Shrek and his wife Princess Fiona got into a burgundy 1971 Nissan 240ZG. Already seated in it were their friends Donkey and Puss In Boots.

"It's gonna be great taking part in the Cannonball again after all these years." Shrek said.

"I'm looking forward to it. I've never gone all around the world before." said Fiona.

"Join the club, Princess." said Donkey. "We're gonna kick some serious butt!"

"Especially with this helping us." Shrek said as he pulled out an orange and black mask with the word 'Fury' embroidered on it.

"Victor picked you to be Captain Fury this year?" asked Fiona, impressed.

"Aye, he did." said Shrek. "If anyone tries anything nasty during the Cannonball, they'll be in a whole world of hurt with both the Captains on the case.".

"I don't doubt that for one minute." said Donkey

Shrek got behind the Nissan's wheel and turned to face Puss In Boots.

"So, this is the Licorne then?" he asked.

"That's right, Shrek. You know how often my ex-wife wanted me to get rid of this car?". Puss said.

"I never knew you were married." Said Fiona.

"I was for a while. But that's Japanese engineering for you. The Licorne outlasted our marriage." Puss laughed.

"Well, here we go." Said Donkey. Then he started to sing. "On the road again "

"HEY! Leave that until the party before the race if you can, Donkey, please!" said Shrek as he started the Licorne up.

"Okay." Donkey grumbled angrily.

"Right, that dwarf Snow White sent will look after the kids while we're away." said Fiona. "Take it away, sweetheart.".

Shrek smiled as he pulled out of the swamp.

---

In New York City, a blue and white 1970 Plymouth Hemi 'Cuda pulled up outside an apartment building and the driver honked its horn. The driver was a short man in a white suit and hat, known only as Ralph.

"Come on! Come on!" he said impatiently.

From the building emerged his friends, adventurer Jack Colton and his wife of twenty years, romantic novelist Joan Wilder-Colton.

"Hiya, Ralph!" called Jack. "Nice wheels, but can you see over the dashboard?"

"Oh, ha ha! Very funny, Colton." Ralph replied.

"Come on, guys." Said Joan. "We don't have any time to waste."

"Okay, Joanie." said Jack as he got into the 'Cuda followed by Joan.

"You think we'll meet the Jewel again?" Jack asked Joan.

"Who cares about jewels?" said Ralph. "I'm interested in that $500 million prize!"

"He meant the Jewel of the Nile, Ralph." Said Joan. "Remember him?"

"Sure, and I remember how I had to walk over hot coals out there." said Ralph. "You two just can't get enough adventure can you?"

"Now you can't tell me you're not looking forward to this, Ralph." said Jack. "So, does this 'Cuda have a name?"

"Yep. I call it the Squalo." Said Ralph. "And you better like the name, 'cause I'm sure as hell not calling it the Angelina 2!"

Jack and Joan just laughed.

"Okay, hold on to your butts!" said Ralph as he drove the car off down the street.

---

Dick Dastardly addressed the members of the Villains Society he had hand-picked to be in the Cannonball Run.

"Now then, fellow villains." He said. "To increase our chances of winning in this Cannonball, I have decided to split us into three teams."

"Do we have to bring Muttley with us?" asked Fearless Leader. "All he ever does is laugh when we mess up!"

Muttley grumbled something angrily. Fearless Leader glared at him."Are you talking to me?" he demanded of Muttley. "Are you talking to me?"

"Calm down, Fearless Leader." Said Boris Badenov, one of Fearless Leader's agents. "There'll be plenty of time to pick a fight after the race."

"Yes, but at least we won't have Moose and Squirrel to worry about." said Natasha Fatale.

"No, but there will be plenty of do-gooders though!" Snidely Whiplash said. "I'll bet that as soon as we get to Canada, that idiot Dudley Do-Right will try and stop us."

"He wouldn't dare." Said Mojo Jojo. "He took part in the Cannonball years ago. So did my enemies, the Powerpuff Girls. If they try to stop the race they know they'll look like hypocrites."

"I'm just glad to be away from Eternia, and not have to worry about He-Man or his blasted sister ruining everything." Said Skeletor. "But I'm hoping my powers will bring us victory."

"YOUR powers?" said Jafar. "What am I? Chopped liver?"

"HEY! Cut out the fighting!" said Captain Hook. "Or I might turn my friend Mean's anger up to four!"

Everyone gulped at the mention of the vicious cyborg Mean Machine, who stood near Captain Hook.

"And you guys KNOW what I do when I'm pissed!" Mean cackled sadistically.

"So, Dick. Where are the vehicles we're going to be using?" asked Dr. Drakken.

"Yeah, because the sooner we get them, the sooner we can get going and beat those other losers to the starting line!" chipped in Shego.

"They're at the back of the room." Said Dick. "Harry, hit the lights."

"Right, boss!" said Oil Can Harry as he turned on a light to reveal three cars: a silver 2005 Vauxhall Monaro VXR, a white 1979 Nissan Bluebird and a green Hummer H3T.

Evil gunslinger Mad Dog McCree whistled.

"Those wheels look mean, Dick." He said

"I'm glad you like them, cowboy." said Dick. "The Vauxhall is called the Cataract, the Nissan's called the Capital and the Hummer is called the Comrade. I picked names beginning with 'c' because I thought this society represented the three C's of villainy: corrupt, conniving and crooked."

"Very good." Said Fearless Leader. "Then shall we go, Dick?"

"We certainly shall." said Dick. "Fearless Leader, Muttley, Boris, Natasha and Snidely will ride with me in the Cataract. Mojo, Drakken, Shego and Mad Dog will ride in the Capital and the rest will ride in the Comrade."

"Which means we all get our chance to drive at some point." said Oil Can Harry

"Right, well let's not wait for the grass to grow." said Dick as the VS members headed for their cars.

---

In the Chicago, Illinois suburb called Little Italy, two men worked on a car.

A woman stepped out of a house across the street and said "Joey, phone."

One of the men ran across the street. Halfway across, he heard the growl of an engine and stopped. He looked up the street to see a '69 Oldsmobile 442 heading his way. It barely missed him.

In the passenger seat of the 442, professional bodyguard Ron Lucas looked over his shoulder and said "You almost hit that guy! You should slow down!"

"I thought I did slow down." said the driver, a mercenary known as Venom. "Where the hell is that warehouse?"

"Next left." said Ron. Venom took the next left and entered the warehouse. Numerous cars were parked about.

"All these cars and I'm just looking for one Mercedes." said Venom.

"There it is." said Ron.

Venom brought the car to a stop next to a silver Mercedes Benz SL600. He and Ron climbed out and walked over to the car. Venom opened the door, climbed into the driver's seat, and started rifling through the center console.

"Check the glovebox." said Ron. "Glovebox. Does that look like the glovebox to you?"

Venom opened the glove compartment and pulled out a small Thermos. "Bingo." he said.

He and Ron got back into the Olds and drove to a mansion in Near North. They parked next to a blueish-gray BMW M5. They climbed out and walked out back. Seymour Drake Jr, a.k.a. "The Drake", sat by the pool waiting for them.

"You made it back with five minutes to spare." said the Drake.

"Is this what you sent me for?" asked Venom as he handed the Thermos to the Drake.

"How did he drive?" asked the Drake as he took the Thermos from Venom.

"Not much worse than you do." said Ron.

Ron and Venom sat down at his table. The Drake opened the Thermos and took out a frozen Charleston Chew.

"We did all that for a damn candy bar?" asked Venom.

"No, you did that for a job." said the Drake as he took a bite of his candy bar. "Did you really think I would hold onto a Mercedes? I'm a Bimmer boy."

"Yeah, I saw that M5 in the driveway." said Venom.

"That's the car we'll be using." said Ron. "We call it the Utopia."

"Venom, I will be taking part in my first worldwide Cannonball Run." said the Drake. "Due to the distance, I'm not entirely certain I can drive the whole way. Ron will help out and I'll be needing your help as well. Specificly, I'll be needing your help behind the wheel."

"I accept your offer." said Venom. "Mostly, that's due to the sheer lunacy of it."

"Good." said the Drake. "We will be traveling to the starting line in Las Venturas next week." Then, he handed his Charleston Chew to him and asked "Want a bite?"

"I only eat candy bars with nuts." said Venom.

"Well, that explains it." said Ron. "You are what you eat."

---

Outside the famous Muppet theatre, Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, the Great Gonzo, Rizzo the Rat and Animal all stood waiting.

"It's a shame Piggy couldn't come with us this year." said Kermit. "But it's nice of her to lend us one of her cars for the race."

"I hope it's a strong one. 'Cause I'm hoping we can win this year." said Fozzie as he took a sip of his coffee.

"CANNONBALL! CANNONBALL!" yelled Animal, who was nearly hyperventilating.

"Whoa, easy Animal." Said Rizzo. "We all know how exciting it is."

"Hey, here comes Piggy now." Said Gonzo as he pointed towards a vehicle which was fast approaching.

It was a green and white 1969 Mercury Cougar. Seated in the driver's seat was Miss Piggy. As she saw her friends standing outside the theatre, she slowed down and pulled into a parking space.

"Hi Piggy." said Kermit. "Is this the car? She sure is a beauty."

"Of course she is." said Piggy as she climbed out. "I call her the Hellenbach GT. Now I'm giving you guys it for the Cannonball, but there are a few simple do's and don'ts, because I want her returned in good condition."

Fozzie admired the car and as he was doing so, he set his coffee on the roof of the car. Piggy saw this and immediately lifted the coffee cup off.

"DON'T set drinks on the car." Piggy said. "Use the cup holder inside and mop up any spillages."

"Okay." Fozzie said sheepishly.

Piggy turned back to Kermit and said "Don't sideswipe any other racers, don't ram any racers from behind, don't get into any confrontations where the car may be damaged and above all, DON'T let Animal or Gonzo drive."

Gonzo looked disappointed. "Why not? I could handle this car!"

"Yeah, you could handle it right into a wall knowing your record!" Piggy said. "Just stay in the back seat."

"What are the do's on this list?" Rizzo asked.

"DO bring the car back in good condition, OR ELSE." replied Piggy as she made a fist.

Kermit gulped and then said "Okay, Piggy. Don't worry. Wish us luck, though."

Piggy's expression softened and she said "Of course I do, Kermie. Good luck."

"Okay, see you in a few months." Said Fozzie as the Muppets got into the Hellenbach GT.

---

In a house somewhere in L.A., a stereo blared into life, playing "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix. At the same time a telephone rang in the same house. Roused from his sleep, the man known as Ford Fairlane (known to many as the Rock 'N Roll Detective) climbed out of bed and switched the stereo off and headed for the phone.

As soon as he answered the phone, a female voice at the other end accosted him. "Ford, what the hell are you doing?" said Ford's wife Jazz. "You know we have to get going as soon as possible. You'd better be ready!"

"Look, Jazz. I love you, but there are still times you sound like Charlie Brown's friggin' teacher when you go on at me like that." Ford said.

"Look, Don and I will be around there soon with the Overlord, so be ready!" said Jazz.

"I will be, sweetheart, don't worry." Replied Ford as he hung up the phone.

Twenty minutes later

Ford, now dressed in a black leather jacket, black T-shirt, sunglasses and snakeskin pants stood outside his house. He heard the sound of the song "Jungle Love" playing on a stereo and then looked to see a red and white 1957 Ford Fairlane 500 Skyliner, his signature vehicle, approaching. In it were Jazz and music producer Don Cleveland, a friend of Ford's (and according to Ford, the only guy in the music business he could talk to without vomiting Day-Glo).

"Yo, guys!" Ford yelled as the car, named the Overlord, came to a halt.

"Still a bit egotistical driving the car you were named after if you ask me, Ford." Said Don.

"Well, people expect it of me." Ford said. "I was glad I was able to find a new Fairlane after my old one was blown up."

Ford looked at the radio which still played 'Jungle Love'.

"Still listening to that crap, Don?" he asked Cleveland.

"Hey, watch it, Ford!" said Don. "The Time were a great band!"

"The way I remember it, Prince did all the instruments on every song on that album except for 'The Bird'." said Ford.

"Not true. The Time's Jesse Johnson DOES do the guitar solo on 'Jungle Love'." said Don

"Big whoop!" said Ford sarcastically.

"Can we please have this discussion later." Said Jazz. "We have a race to run. Come on, Ford."

"Okay, okay!" said Ford as he got into the Overlord.

"Cannonball here we come!" said Don.

"After this, I'll never have to say 'Hit paydirt with K-Dirt' ever again." cheered Ford.

---

In New York, stand-up comic Denis Leary and his friend and fellow comedian Dane Cook walked towards Leary's car.

"So, here she is. The Clover." said Denis as he pointed to a lime green 1972 Pontiac Le Mans. It had an upturned exhaust, square hood vents and a spoiler which matched the car.

Dane whistled. "Chip Foose certainly did a good job on her for you."

"Yeah he did, alright. It was really junky before he got his hands on it." replied Denis as he climbed into the car and got behind the steering wheel. "He said he did it to show his appreciation for my aid to the firefighters of New York."

Dane climbed in beside him. "I'm glad someone knows you for your charity work as well as your act. People get the impression that some celebrities don't give a shit at all".

"Okay, here we go." said Denis as he drove off slowly.

"You're taking your time." said Dane, as he saw some cars approaching behind and starting to honk their horns at the Clover.

"Well you know how the song goes." Denis said mischievously. Dane smiled as Denis started to sing his signature song.

"I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane, while people behind me are going insane." Denis sang. "I'm an asshole."

"He's an asshole, such an asshole." Dane sang in harmony.

"I'm an asshole." sang Denis.

"He's the world's biggest asshole." sang Dane.

---

In the huge garage of Wayne Manor outside Gotham City, Batman and Wonder Woman walked up to a red 1992 Ferrari F40.

"I thought this would be the best car for this year's Cannonball, Diana." Said Batman. "I call it the Infinito."

"Must have been hard picking out a car from your collection, Bruce. But this one does indeed look impressive." Said Wonder Woman.

"I hear my old partner Buffy is entering again this year. It'll be good to catch up on old times. Shall we go?" asked Batman.

"We just have to wait for Wally to show up." Said Wonder Woman.

Both Justice League members heard the whoosh of something coming really fast and turned to see the Flash running at high speed through the front gate of the manor.

He slowed down and came to a halt in front of his two friends.

"Okay, guys. Are we ready to go?" Flash asked.

"Now that you're here we are. I bet if Sonic the Hedgehog is in the race again, you'll want to show him a thing or two." Said Wonder Woman.

"You bet I will." Flash replied. "J'onn's gone ahead to Cannonball Headquarters disguised as a reporter. He'll keep us posted. Barbara's also going to be helping out with security".

"I wonder what the reason she gave her dad for her going away for a few months was." said Wonder Woman

"I'm sure she handled it fine. Let's be on our way." Said Batman as the three piled into the Infinito.

---

In the sold-out Madison Square Garden, world famous rock star and film director Rob Zombie took the stage in front of a crowd of screaming fans. The keyboardist of his band started to play the intro of the song. Rob grabbed the mike and said into it "Superstition, fear and jealousy."

The crowd went wild as the drum beat started and the song tore into life. Rob took the mic off the stand and began to sing as the guitars started.

Dead, I am the one, Exterminating son.
Slipping through the trees, strangling the breeze.

Dead I am the sky, watching angels cry.
while they slowly turn, conquering the worm.

Dig through the ditches,
and Burn through the witches,
and Slam in the back of my Dragula.

Dig through the ditches,
and Burn through the witches,
I slam in the back of my Dragula.

Rob did a slide across the stage as a spotlight followed his action. Sitting in the front row of the audience watching the concert were his two close friends, wrestling superstar 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin and the giant creature known only as Nemesis. Both were cheering themselves hoarse as Rob began the second verse.

Dead, I am the pool, spreading from the fool.
Weak and what you need, nowhere as you bleed.

Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat.
Tender is the fur, dying as you purr.

Dig through the ditches,
and Burn through the witches,
and Slam in the back of my Dragula.

Dig through the ditches,
and Burn through the witches,
and Slam in the back of my Dragula.

Do it baby, Do it baby.
Do it baby, Do it baby.
Burn like an animal.

Dead, I am the knife, dig into the skin,
Knuckle crack the bone, twenty-one to win,

Dead, I am the dog, hound of hell you cry.
Devil on your back, I can never die.

Dig through the ditches,
and Burn through the witches,
and Slam in the back of my Dragula.

Dig through the ditches
and Burn through the witches
and Slam in the back of my Dragula.

Doin' it baby, Doin' it baby.
Doin' it baby, Doin' it baby.
Burn like an animal.

Dig through the ditches
and Burn through the witches
and Slam in the back of my Dragula.

Dig through the ditches
and Burn through the witches
and Slam in the back of my Dragula.

Dig through the ditches
and Burn through the witches
and Slam in the back of my Dragula.

-"Dragula" by Rob Zombie

The crowd cheered as loud as they could when the song finished.

"Thank you very much, New York!" Rob yelled as he took a bow.

Stone Cold turned to Nemesis.

"Got your backstage pass, bud?" he asked.

Nemesis roared and held up his backstage pass.

"Right. Let's go." Stone Cold said.

Fifteen minutes later...

Rob Zombie lead Stone Cold and Nemesis down a backstage corridor.

"Incredible, isn't it, Steve?" Rob asked Stone Cold. "Two members of our team have played the Garden!"

Nemesis looked a little disheartened.

"Don't worry, bud. You'll have your day someday." Stone Cold said.

"The car's outside. I told my agent I'd be taking a break for a while, so there should be no trouble." Said Rob.

"Hey, do you call the car the Dragula by any chance?" Stone Cold joked.

"Nah, I don't want to get sued by the producers of the Munsters." Rob said, laughing. "I call it the Darkness."

"Very appropriate." replied Stone Cold as the three reached the backstage door.

"The fans think I'm coming out another door." He said. "So we should slip away unnoticed."

Parked not far away from the door was a black 1987 Buick Grand National GNX. This was the Darkness.

"Wow! Nasty looking sumbitch you got there." Stone Cold said.

"Would you expect anything else?" Rob asked.

"HEY!" a voice yelled. "There's Rob Zombie."

The three Cannonballers looked to see a bunch of crazed concert fans heading their way.

"In the car, quick!" Rob yelled as he got into the driver's seat.

Stone Cold and Nemesis quickly climbed in back as the crowd got closer. Rob turned the key and the engine roared to life. Just as the crowd were about to reach them, Rob performed a bootlegger and drove off.

"Okay, this is it!" Stone Cold said.

Nemesis roared in excitement.

---

In Tokyo, local rock singer Priss Asagiri mounted a black Kawasaki 900 motorcycle as her friends (and fellow members of vigilante group the Knight Sabers) bade her farewell.

"Okay, here I go, guys. Wish me luck." Priss said.

"Hey, Priss, with the Streetfighter there, you won't need luck." Said Sylia Stingray. "Dr. Raven assured us it's pretty powerful."

"Yeah, and here's hoping you can bring it back in one piece, unlike the bike you used to chase Gibson down". Laughed Nene Romanova.

"We'll all be watching the TV to see how you're doing, Priss." Said Linna Yamakazi. "We're all hoping you can pull off the big win this year."

"Well, I'll do my best." Priss said smiling. She started up the Streetfighter and heard the roar of its' mighty engine and then took off at high speed.

"God-DAMN! What a rush!" she whooped to herself as she raced off.

---

In Los Angeles, a black Cadillac STS pulled up in front of a tall building. Two members of a Ukranian gang climbed out and ushered a master thief named Charlie Croker out of the car and into the building.

A few minutes later, the Ukranians led Charlie into the office of their boss, Mashkov. Already there were three other members of his heist crew; Stella Bridger, safecracker and daughter of Charlie's mentor; Lyle, a computer expert who claimed to be the real inventor of Napster; and Left Ear, an explosives expert who lost the hearing in his right ear after a childhood prank. Croker was seated at a long table with Stella.

"So, how'd he get you guys?" asked Charlie.

"They mentioned something about my father." said Stella.

"They got me at a book signing." said Left Ear.

"Computer convention." said Lyle.

"He found me at my place." said Charlie. "I knew better than to refuse."

It was then that Mashkov entered with a bottle of champagne and a pair of bodyguards. "It's nice to see you're all here." he said.

Stella looked over at an empty chair at the end of the table. "Uh, someone's missing." she said. "Where's Handsome Rob?"

"We sent one of our girls to romance him." said Mashkov. "They were last heard from somewhere in the Caribbean."

"Why have you called us here?" asked Charlie.

"We will discus this over champagne." said Mashkov. One of his bodyguards opened a cabinet and took out four glasses. Mashkov poured each one a glass and handed them out. Once Charlie and his crew were drinking, he continued.

"The reason I have brought you all here is because of the Cannonball Run." said Mashkov.

"Oh yeah, we took part a couple of years ago." said Left Ear as he took another sip of champagne.

"It's running again and I would like it if the four of you were to run on my behalf." said Mashkov. "I have gotten you a car which is in the garage. You will receive funding from myself as well as support. Your car will include a cell phone for this."

"What's in it for us?" asked Lyle just before he downed the last of his champagne.

"We will split the prize money you receive in half and you can split your half four ways." said Mashkov as he took out a vial of blue liquid. "You will also each receive one of these."

"What's that?" asked Stella.

"Antidote." said Mashkov.

Charlie got nervous. "To what?" he asked.

"To the poison you just drank." said Mashkov.

Charlie and his crew looked at their empty glasses.

Left Ear slammed his glass onto the table. "Of all the punk-ass..." he said before Charlie reached across the table and steadied him.

"I'm gonna go puke my guts out." said Lyle as he started to get up.

"Don't bother." said Mashkov. "The poison gets into your system very quickly. However, it acts very slowly and you will easily survive the race. The antidote will be given to you at the finish line, win or lose."

"Will there be any side-effects we should know about?" asked Charlie.

"Occasional headaches, mild dizziness, and sensitivity to light at first." said Mashkov. "Later, as time starts to run out, you can expect fatigue, nausea, halucinations, and death."

"And what's for dessert?" asked Lyle.

"Come, you can't complete a race without your equipment." said Mashkov. He led them to the elevator which they took to the garage.

"So, where's this car of ours?" asked Stella.

"It's right over here." said Mashkov as he led them to a yellow Mini Cooper S. "While we were showing our equipment to Steve, he talked about the Los Angeles job, so we got you a car like the ones you used. We call it the Terrific."

"I hope it lives up to it's name." said Charlie.

"It will, I assure you." said Mashkov. "Please, you may go enter the race now. Good luck."

"Says the guy who probably just killed us." said Left Ear as he climbed into the back seat.

"You alright?" asked Charlie as he got into the passenger seat.

"I'm fine." said Stella as she sat in the driver's seat. "As in Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional."

"I'm sure we all are." said Charlie.

---

In Los Angeles, the three Angels, Dylan Sanders, Alex Munday and Natalie Cook sat in front of the white speaker.

"Good morning, Angels." Said Charlie's voice from the speaker.

"Good morning, Charlie." The Angels chorused.

"Well, here we are again. A new year, and a new Cannonball about to begin." Said Charlie. "You no doubt know that I wish you girls to enter. You'll be pleased to know that this year, you will be joined by a top agent from the organisation CONTROL. Here she is now".

A dark-haired woman in a white blouse, white leather jacket and black skirt entered.

"So, these are the illustrious Charlie's Angels then. Pleased to meet you all. You may call me 99." she said.

"THE Agent 99." said Natalie in awe. "Your undercover skills are legendary.".

"As are yours." 99 replied. "This little soiree we're going on should be interesting."

"Indeed yes" Said Charlie. "The Cannonball is the best fun you're ever gonna get, as far as my Angels are concerned."

"I hope that we can actually win for once." said Natalie. "We always seem to come close to pulling off the big win but come up short.".

"Any idea why?" asked 99.

"Well, we've looked over our previous runs and analysed the data." said Alex. "And I personally came to an unmistakable conclusion." She then smirked and said "It's Dylan's fault."

"Aw, bite me." said Dylan as she jokingly gave Alex the finger.

"So what kind of car do we have this year, Charlie?" asked Natalie.

"It's a nice little number I call the Detector." Said Charlie. "You'll see it parked outside."

Dylan went and looked out the window to see a white 2006 Dodge Charger.

"Wow! Those are some serious wheels. You sure you want to risk damaging that baby, Charlie?" she said.

"I understood most of the damage done in the Cannonball is to police vehicles." Charlie said. "The arrangement remains the same as far as the prize money goes. If you win, a portion of the money will go to charity, and the rest you can split between yourselvezs."

"Okay then." Said 99. "Ready to go, Angels?"

"YEAH!" all three chorused.

"Then let's haul ass!" she said as they exited the mansion.

---

In a secret base under the San Gabriel Mountains, MASK 2 leader Jeremy Sanchez addressed three of his agents.

"I ran your request by my superiors." he said. "They agree with me that you three have been working hard on the case and you could probably use a nice vacation."

"It's about bloody time." said one of the agents, Irish helicopter pilot Liam O'Grady. "I can only take so much of this high stakes combat."

"I'm well aware of your intentions to enter the Cannonball." said Jeremy. "I assume you're taking the Maniac?"

"Yeah, but the race officials said we had to rename it Maniac 2 for the race." said one of the other agents, infiltration expert and Liam's cousin Max O'Grady. "Apparently, there was another car called the Maniac in a previous race."

"Enzo, how does the Maniac look?" asked Jeremy.

Italian mechanic Enzo Castaldi kissed his fingertips and said "Belissimo. She'll run like a Swiss watch and look as nice as the Swiss Alps."

"Good to hear that." said Jeremy. "So, we've decided to let you guys take part in the Cannonball. I hope you don't mind if you represent MASK 2 in the race."

"Sure, no problem." said the third agent, field medic and Max's wife Laura Kennedy. "We're still racing, aren't we?"

"Of course." said Jeremy. "That's all. Good luck, you guys."

Max, Liam, and Laura walked out to the garage where the Maniac 2 was parked. It was a red Acura RSX Type-S with a carbon fiber spoiler, Veilside body kit, O.Z. rims, and side graphics of a yellow sunburst.

"Well, let's show the Cannonballers what MASK 2 can do." said Laura.

"Hey, Liam." said Max. "Didn't the original MASK team take part in the Cannonball two years ago?"

"Aye, but they were on special assignment." said Liam. "They were searching out who sold the designs of their vehicles to the Cannonballers two years earlier."

"I kinda wish we had an assignment like that." said Laura. "You know, just to add some excitement."

"Yeah, like we need more excitement." said Max.

Jeremy and Enzo watched them get into the car and take off.

"Did you install the scanner?" asked Jeremy.

"Si, si." said Enzo. "It should detect any infectees during the race course. One question, though: why didn't you tell them?"

"You know Max." said Jeremy. "If we told him he was on a secret mission, he'd just go out and look for danger."

---

Outside Nintendo HQ, the Mario brothers, Mario and Luigi stood beside a red Alfa Romeo 166 2.5 V6 24V.

"So, once again we team up with Sonic, eh paisano?" Luigi asked Mario.

"Si, si. He was a great help last year. Besides, when he saved us from being taken over by aliens two years ago, he moved up several notches in my opinion." Said Mario.

Luigi nudged Mario. "Here-a he comes."

Mario looked to see Sonic the Hedgehog and his best friend Miles 'Tails' Prower approaching.

"Hey, Mario." Said Sonic. "Is that our car for this year?".

"You betcha." Said Mario. "One of the finest Italian cars ever produced.".

"So what do you call her?" asked Tails.

"She's called the Doomsayer." Said Luigi.

Sonic whistled. "Well, I'd love to see if we can actually win this time."

"I have little doubt that we will." Said Mario. "Let's-a go!"

---

At a used car dealership somewhere, a salesman showed a Toyota Echo to the Los Angeles street racer known as Dice.

"This is a nice, little, economical number. If you're looking for variety, we have four hundred of these." said the salesman.

"I don't know." said Dice. "We don't want anything too popular."

"It's not popular. We have four hundred of them." said the salesman.

Another salesman showed a Ford SUV to the Parisian model turned street racer known as Parfait.

"Is this a Bronco?" she asked.

"No, the Bronco's been discontinued." said the salesman. "We're trying to get away from that whole fugitive-on-the-run thing. This is called the Escape."

"It's a little small." said Parfait.

Another street racer, a former Russian war hero named Savo, watched the two of them. Dice and Parfait walked over to him.

"Any luck?" asked Savo.

"None." said Dice.

"You had to pick this car lot." said Parfait.

"They had a Mustang last week." said Savo. "You should've seen it. You could hump that hood."

"If the three of you would just come with me into my office," said the salesman "I can probably help you find a vehicle."

"Maybe we shouldn't enter the Cannonball after all." said Parfait.

"No, we have to prove that we've still got it as street racers." said Savo.

"And I have to prove that Dominic Toretto is not the king of L.A. like he thinks." said Dice. "He stole that title from me."

"Mr. Salesman, that is a nice jacket." said Parfait. "Where can I get one?"

"Oh, we're giving them away with these." said the salesman as he pointed to a blue Subaru Impreza WRX STi. "Yeah, we have to throw in these little incentives. These high-end cars don't sell very well. The car's a ticket magnet, it goes through tires like nothing, insurance premiums are murder."

"We'll take it." said Savo.

Within minutes, the three were in the Subaru and heading for their garage.

"I don't see what's so bad about this car." said Dice. "It seems fine to me."

"Just wait until we get it to our garage." said Savo. "I've got some ideas for it."

"Are we going to name it?" asked Parfait. "Most cars entered in the Cannonball have code names."

"Yeah, we probably should." said Dice.

"Parfait, why don't you do the honors?" asked Savo.

"Mais Oui." said Parfait. "I shall dub it...le Ecureil."

"What does that mean?" asked Dice.

"Squirrel." said Savo. "Nice."

---

At the port of Los Angeles, street racer Trikz Lane pulled into a warehouse in his tricked out Nissan 240SX. His longtime friend Ty Malix was in the passenger seat.

"Looks like the Harbinger is still running well." said Ty. "Guess she's ready for the Cannonball."

"That's good." said Trikz. "Now, where's our passenger?"

"Passenger?" asked Ty. "Hold up, you didn't say anything about a passenger! We're doing this alone, that was the deal! The last thing we need is someone with us goin' yack, yack, yack! Talking talking talking! Throw my timing right off!"

"Hey, there she is." said Trikz as a taxi pulled up.

"She who?" asked Ty.

"Our passenger, Lana." said Trikz.

"Lana?" asked Ty. "Mind you, another person in the car would be company."

Lana Davis, ex-girlfriend of ex-street racing king Lidell Rey, climbed out of the taxi. She paid the driver and walked over to the Harbinger.

"Hey, Lana." said Trikz.

"Hey, Trikz. Hey, Ty." said Lana. "We doin' this?"

"You bet." said Trikz.

"How you livin', girl?" asked Ty.

"Well." said Lana. "Let's go."

"Hold it." said Trikz. "We can't get out of here yet. A couple of ships are docking."

On one of the ships, the Japanese freighter Kobayashi, street racers Takumi Fujiwari and Keisuke Takahashi, a.k.a. K.T, hurredly unpacked a shipping container.

"Quickly, Takumi." said K.T. "The captain will be by soon and he'll see us."

"I thought you paid him off." said Takumi.

"I paid off a dockhand." said K.T. "The captain wasn't in on it. He doesn't know the Reaper wasn't part of his car shipment."

They got the container open and revealed a yellow Mazda RX-8.

"She looks nice, but can she handle the Cannonball?" asked Takumi.

"Just watch. She was tuned by the Akagi Red Suns." said K.T.

"Okay, you're driving if you have so much faith in your team." said Takumi.

On the other ship, the NUMA (National Underwater and Marine Agency) salvage ship Martha Anne, several crew members gathered around a map.

"Okay, the Hornblower was carrying a lost treasure when it went down." said one crew member, Rudi Gunn. "Supposedly, this treasure is cursed and that's what caused the Hornblower to sink. However, the curse can be countered by installing a few artifacts into the treasure. Unfortunately, these artifacts are scattered around the world."

"And that's why we have to enter the Cannonball." said another crew member, Al Giordino. "These artifacts are all on the race route and we can find them under the guise of competing in the race."

"I don't get it." said another crew member. "You guys say there's a curse that sank this vessel and you have to retrieve these artifacts to prevent it from sinking us. I never really thought you guys subscribed to superstition."

"Well, we figured better safe than sorry."

Everyone turned to the doorway to see who said that. It turned out to be one of the ship's most prominent recovery experts, NUMA Special Projects Director Dirk Pitt.

"Besides, you know we love a good scavenger hunt." he continued.

"So, we're in the race, then?" asked Giordino.

"We are." said Pitt. "We're almost to L.A, then it's off to Las Venturas."

"I'm coming too, right?" asked Gunn.

"You'd better be." said the man in charge of the vessel, Admiral Jim Sandecker. "I need someone to keep these two on track."

"No problem, sir." said Pitt. "I trust you're providing us with a car?"

"It's right this way." said Sandecker. He led them to the deck. "Dirk, I know how much you like classic cars, but I decided to lend you my newest car for this mission."

He showed them a white 2004 Pontiac GTO.

"Wow, that looks nice." said Giordino as he started to store his gear in the trunk.

"As you know, many cars in the Cannonball have code names." said Sandecker. "So, I decided to go through the trouble of naming it for you."

"Really? Thanks." said Pitt.

"I didn't do it out of the kindness of my heart." said Sandecker. "I did it to remind you not to pull any crazy stunts at my expense. I called it the Panama."

"Riiiight." said Giordino uncomfortably.

"So, we're good to go." said Pitt.

"Good luck, you guys." said Sandecker.

The Kobayashi and Martha Anne docked and the cars parked on them drove off.

"That's our cue." said Trikz. He put the Harbinger into gear and drove out of the shipyard with the Reaper and the Panama right behind him.

---

In Bannerman Road, London, the mysterious time traveler known as The Doctor walked with his companions Amy Pond and her husband Rory Williams, towards an orange 2007 Jaguar XK.

"So this is the vehicle that you picked up for the race?" asked Amy.

"That's right." Said the Doctor. "I call it the Firestorm. As you can see, it's a great British car. I made a few modifications to it, of course."

"Yeah, it looks pretty fast." said Rory. "Are you still sure you wanna do this?".

"Absolutely. The Cannonball Run Worldwide is a great historical event. I'll be glad to be taking part." the Doctor said enthusiastically.

"I'm surprised you don't already know who wins this year's race." Said Amy , smiling. "After all, you've got a time machine."

"Well I don't want to spoil the surprise. Besides, anything could happen." Said the Doctor. "Well, then, the TARDIS is safe here in London for a while, with Sarah Jane looking after it, so let's go."

"Absolutely." Said Amy as she got in on the passenger side. The Doctor got into the driver's seat. Rory got into the back seat.

Amy noticed a red button on the end of the gear lever.

"Don't tell me. Don't touch the red button, right?" she asked.

"Well not too early in the race anyway, I'd say." The Doctor said mischeviously.

The Doctor started up the Firestorm's engine and it raced off at top speed.

"GERONIMO!". The Doctor yelled as they passed any traffic so fast it became a blur.

---

"Well, viewers, that about wraps it up for this show." Space Ghost said to the audience watching his talk show. "Hope you enjoyed this series. Me, Zorak and Moltar will all see you again in a few months' time."

"Cut!" yelled the director.

Space Ghost got up from behind his desk and his two co-hosts, Zorak and Moltar approached him.

"So, guys. Now that there's a break in our schedule, are you ready for the race?" he asked.

"You bet we are!" said Moltar.

"Yeah, and hopefully you can keep yourself from being a jerk throughout the damn race!" said Zorak.

Space Ghost looked a little uncomfortable. "Look, Zorak, I told you. I'm much more of a people person now. Besides, we'll all get an even cut of the money if we win."

"So come on, guys! Let's go!" said Moltar.

Space Ghost led his friends into the space station's cargo bay, towards a black Infiniti FX45.

"So this is the Bionic Cheetah, huh?" asked Zorak.

"Of course." Said Space Ghost. "I told the car salesman I'd take only the best."

"So, can you drive her?" Asked Moltar.

"Yeah, of course!" said Space Ghost. "I took her for a couple of test drives before I brought her here."

"Would that by any chance have anything to do with the police chase through New York's Chinatown we heard about yesterday?" asked Zorak.

Space Ghost looked uncomfortable again but this time said "Zorak, you really shouldn't mumble when you talk, okay? Come on, time's a-wasting."

---

Somewhere unknown, professional skateboarders Tony Hawk and Bam Margera entered a basement.

"Who called you?" asked Bam.

"I don't know." said Tony. "My invite was unsigned."

"So was mine." said Bam.

"Are you sure this is the place?" asked Tony.

"Address on the invite matches." said Bam.

They descended a staircase and found small garage. In it was a '66 Pontiac GTO with black paint and a red and orange flame job.

"Hey, check that out." said Bam.

"Yeah, who did this car?" asked Tony.

"Someone good it looks like." said Bam. "Hey, I just figured it out."

"Yeah? What's that?" asked Tony.

"You know the Cannonball?" asked Bam as a large being in black leather stalked up behind them.

"Yeah, the race they run around the world every year." said Tony. "It's about that time again, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is." said Bam. "Someone must have sent those invites to put together a Cannonball team."

"Who do you think it was?" asked Tony. "Someone from the Gumball?"

"Maybe." said Bam. "Adrien Brody? Jodie Kidd? Kim Schmitz?"

"Getting warmer." said the being.

Bam and Tony turned around and screamed when they saw him. A second later, they recognized him.

"It's Torquenstein." said Tony.

"I see you remember me." said Torquenstein.

"How can I forget?" asked Tony. "I saw what was left of your Viper after the 2004 Gumball. I still can't believe you survived that."

"My cybernetic parts were built with durability in mind." said Torquenstein. "You should be surprised my passenger wasn't even hurt."

"I am." said Bam. "Rob Dyrdek told me about the wreck. He and his bodyguard Big Black saw the whole thing."

"And I applaud him for his assistance." said Torquenstein. "So, do you like the car?"

"Yeah, it's nice." said Bam. "It looks hot."

"Thank you." said Torquenstein. "I thought I would let you two name it."

"I got it. The Tempest." said Tony.

"The Tempest. I like it." said Torquenstein.

"I get it." said Bam. "The original GTO was based off of the Tempest. Good choice."

"Then, gentlemen." said Torquenstein. "Let's be off."

---

Somewhere in Virginia, a black man in his sixties stood in the parking lot of a shopping mall which had closed for the night. Next to him was a car covered by a tarp.

A young man rode up to him on a mountain bike and stopped. "Captain Pierce, what's going on here?" he asked. "Why did you ask me to come?"

"Jerry, have you heard of the Cannonball Run?" asked Captain Pierce.

"I have." said Jerry. "Why do you ask?"

"I have entered it." said Pierce. "I realized I was going to need a halfway decent co-driver for this event and I remembered you."

"Or what's left of me." said Jerry.

"Don't say that." said Pierce. "I looked into your history. You used to be a great driver. You might not have won a race, but you did finish strongly."

"Never finished last." said Jerry. "You want me to join you, I see. Sorry, but I don't think I'm the man you want. Jerry the race car driver died in that accident."

"Then, who am I talking to?" asked Pierce.

"I don't know yet!" said Jerry. "All I know is that I no longer have the drive to...well, drive."

"Maybe this will change your mind." said Pierce as he walked over to the car. He pulled off the tarp and revealed the car to be a white '69 Oldsmobile 442 with gold stripes.

"Whoa." said Jerry. "That looks like mine."

"That is yours." said Pierce.

"What?" said Jerry. "No, that can't be mine. I wrapped that thing around a telephone pole."

"While you were in the hospital recuperating, I was bringing this thing back from the dead." said Pierce.

"Wow, even with a steady job?" asked Jerry.

"Actually, I don't work anymore." said Pierce. "The night I came upon your wreck, I was on my way home from my retirement dinner. I have some free time now. Can you spare some yourself?"

"I'm going to have to take a spin to get reaquainted." said Jerry.

"Then, let's go." said Pierce.

He and Jerry got into the 442.

"For the Cannonball, many teams have given code names to their cars." said Pierce. "Do you have a name for this one?"

"I think we'll name it after my favorite rock band: Primus." said Jerry.

"The Primus it is." said Pierce.

"So, what do you want me to do?" asked Jerry.

"The access road for the mall runs all around it." said Pierce. "I think you should take a lap around the mall at high speed."

"Around the mall?" asked Jerry.

"Go ahead." said Pierce. "Don't worry about going too fast. I've seen some squirrelly things in my career. You're not going to scare me."

"Okay." said Jerry.

"I think Target will mark the start and finish." said Pierce.

Jerry started the car, then drove it over to the corner by Target. He then floored the accelerator and took off like a shot. He raced up a hill and eased the wheel to the left to make a turn.

Jerry blazed past the empty parking lots and raced down the next hill. A speed bump lay ahead of him.

"Speed bump." said Pierce. "Speed bump! SPEED BUMP!"

Jerry hit the speed bump and sent his car flying. He made a hard landing, then continued down the hill and past one of the entrances to the mall.

He then tore along the access road and crested another hill. He kept it going towards the next entrance to the mall and raced under the traffic light. He then roared through another turn and continued on to the next parking lot.

He soon found himself back in the lot where he met with Pierce. He raced down the hill, passed the corner where he started, and brought the car to a stop.

"Yeah, you brought her back from the dead alright." said Jerry as he climbed out. "And you brought me with it."

He then noticed Pierce trying to catch his breath.

"Are you alright?" asked Jerry.

"Remember when I said you wouldn't scare me?" asked Pierce.

"Yeah." said Jerry.

"I was wrong." said Pierce.

---

Casey Rhodes drove a fiery red '79 Pontiac Firebird with a supercharger up to the Hartford residence. Beside him was Nick Russell from Briarwood, California.

"So you were the first Ranger team to race in the Cannonball?" Nick asked.

"Yep and afterward, we had to stop Dai Shi." Casey said. "It's a good thing I was able to find temporary Senseis for the Pai Zhuq Academy."

"It's the two former enemies isn't it?"

"Yes... Yes it is. But Jarrod and Camille are good people now. Though they learned how to go back into their armored forms. Which really doesn't bother me. Hopefully they can summon their Spirit Zords if we need the help."

"Good luck with that. But with my team, we've had some evil magic user come along. Some guy name Lord Voldemort tried to destroy Brairwood. We managed to chase him away with the Manticore Megazord."

"I heard that Voldemort guy was trying to kill the non magic users in the United Kingdom. In fact the guy and his cronies tried to kill Harry Potter from last years Team Hogwarts." Casey said. "Harry told us through a e-mail that the spell used by Voldemort bounced off of Harry and killed Voldemort. Talk about ironic."

They finally pulled up and Mackenzie "Mack" Hartford placed his stuff in the trunk of the car, before climbing in himself.

"Hey guys. Thanks for inviting me."

"Don't mention it." Nick said. "Anyway this is the Red Fury. I hope this baby will win us that prize money."

"One can only hope." Casey muttered, remembering last year's Cannonball Run with his fellow Rangers.

---

In his HQ, Banner had finished handing out the remainder of the vehicles to his agents.

"Alright." he said. "As you know, Bullock and Montoya get the Jawbreaker. Willenholly and Amos get the Nightcrawler."

He pointed out a red Pagani Zonda as he said that.

"Coltrane and the Justices get the Aggressor". he added as he pointed to an orange '98 Toyota Supra.

"And Bender and I get the Starbreaker." he finished as he pointed out a silver Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren.

"And I already brought my own wheels." said VIctoria as she walked towards a blue 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle 454.

"What do you call that machine again?" asked Roscoe.

"The Evenflow." replied Victoria.

"OKay, chit-chat time is over. Let's get going. The sooner we get these wheels on the road, the sooner we can start protecting it from those miscreant Cannonballers". Banner said,as all his officers headed to their cars.

---

And so, with all the teams ready to start, and all the cops waiting to catch them in the act, the beginning of the latest worldwide Cannonball Run was imminent.

Are you ever gonna push me, let me run and let me do?
I need it and I'm ready and I haven't got a clue.

Not any track is turning but The Race is in my head.
I'm attacking the illusion but the stopping drives me mad.

Time is running out and the illusion fades away.
Time is running out, another day is on its way.

On the fast lane of the street I'm driving.
Sometimes, somewhere, I'm arriving.
Every day and every night.

Another day is ready, coming up, I'm driving mad.
'cause I haven't got the notion and the pull, I need it bad.
(Got no brake, got no brake, got no brake!)

Another sun was shining and he knew he wasn't great.
He didn't ever talk about, he knew he couldn't wait.

Are you ever gonna push me, let me run and let me do?
I need it and I'm ready and I haven't got a clue.

Not any track is turning but The Race is in my head.
I'm attacking the illusion but the stopping drives me mad.

"The Race" by Yello.

AN:There you have it. All the racers introduced. Please R & R and watch this space for the pre-race party.