Cannonball Run 7: High Speed Heroes

by BKelly95

Co-written by The Turbo Man. The Cannonballers have returned for another race around the world for a five hundred million dollar first prize. Who will rise? Who will fall? And who will win the Cannonball Run?

4. It's Go Time

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES

by BKelly95 and The Turbo Man

DISCLAIMER: the usual.

AUTHOR NOTES: Our special thanks to our mutual friend GX7 for his help with this chapter and all the upcoming chapters. Thanks a lot!

CHAPTER FOUR: It s go time!

---

"Okay, people. It's only been an hour since the race officially began, but our racers are now halfway to Los Santos." Said Lazlow.

"We're predicting that they should be out of the state of San Andreas by tomorrow morning." Said Ron. "The determination of the racers is certainly showing as they jockey for position."

"With the only desired position obviously being first place, I might add." Said Veronica.

"You've certainly got that right." Replied Ron.

"Some people are a bit worried because of the mysterious tip-off the officials were given by a person calling him or herself 'John Doe', talking about possible hostiles." said Lazlow. "But the Cannonballers are still ready to take on all comers.".

"According to our betting pool regulators, Dante and Randal, leading the pack right now is Michael Knight in the Barbarian." Said Misty. "Let s go over to him now live."

On their monitor, an image of Michael appeared.

"Hi, Michael." Said Misty. "How are things going for you so far?"

"Well, things are certainly exciting." Said Michael. "Hold on a second, I think I see a challenger coming up."

In Michael's rearview, the Asp appeared, catching up quickly.

"Gotta go, guys. Wish me luck." Michael said.

"Good luck." The reporters chorused.

On stage, LL Cool J and Moby were set up to play.

"Okay, it's clear to us that both teams in the lead right now have very high-powered cars." said Moby.

"Therefore, we've picked an appropriate sound." said Cool J. "Here we go."

Moby started the music and a few seconds later Cool J started rapping.

Raw power, more power, foot to the floor power, here we go, here we go.
Raw power, your power, out on the floor power.
Drum power, bass power, right in your face power, rip it up.
Raw power, full power, out on the floor power, here we go, here we go.

The Asp came up behind the Barbarian. Joe managed to keep pace with the blue Pontiac.

"Okay, Joe, shall we hit it now?" asked Westlake as she prepared to activate the tank of nitrous that Frankie had rigged up to the Asp.

"Yeah, now!" said Joe.

Like a bullet from the gun, you're on the run.
We got it if you want some, want some.
Well squeeze it to the last drop, from the bottom,
To the very tip top, hip hop, don't stop, go!

The Asp rocketed past the Barbarian.

Go, go, go, go!

"That wasn t very nice." Said Michael as he watched them go.

"They re using NOS, Michael." Said KITT. "We're coming up to a straightaway. Shall we show them what high-octane is REALLY about?"

"Oh, hell yeah." said Michael as he reached for the button to activate the Barbarian's Super Pursuit Mode.

As the SPM activated, ground effects spoilers extended from beneath the Barbarian's front and rear bumpers. Then an airscoop rose from the hood, the suspension lowered, exhausts extended from the side skirts. Then the roof tilted to become a spoiler and the trunk lid elevated to become another spoiler. Finally, the rear fenders extended to become canards.

The 60s muscle car now looked like a car from the distant future.

Raw power, more power, foot to the floor power.
Raw power, full power, out on the floor power, here we go, here we go.

With a mighty engine roar, the Barbarian shot off down the road, with its SPM giving it an almighty boost. It began to make up ground with the Asp with little effort at all.

As Cool J went into the bridge, the Barbarian whooshed down the road until it shot right around the Asp at well over 150 mph, leaving the Asp in the dust.

We got to give it all or nothing at all.
We got to give it all or nothing at all.
We got to give it all or nothing at all.
We got to give it all or nothing at all.

"Oh-my-GOD!" said Cole as the Barbarian roared off into the night

"Catch him, Joe!" yelled Westlake.

"No problem!" said Joe as he put his foot down and tried to catch up with the Barbarian.

Slam dunking state of mind, every time.
Throwing you a life-line, life-line.
Well leave the group shell-shocked from the bottom.
To the very tip top, hip hop don't stop, go!

G-g-g-g-g-go, g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-go, g-g-g-g-g-go!

"WHOO! Guess that showed them for the time being, huh, KITT?" said Michael.

"I agree, Michael." Said KITT.

The Barbarian roared past a state trooper's car which was parked in a lay-by. The trooper was asleep in his car, but the speed of the Barbarian caused the car to rock, which woke him up. As he shook his head to clear it, he looked in amazement at the speed-reading his radar gun was giving him. It read 220 mph.

As he stared at it in shock, the Asp roared past him. He pulled out and gave chase.

Raw power, more power, foot to the floor power here we go, here we go.
Drum power, bass power, right in your face power rip it up, trip it up.
Raw power, your power, out on the raw power here we go, here we go.

We got to give it all or nothing at all.
We got to give it all or nothing at all.
We got to give it all or nothing at all.
We got to give it all or nothing at all.

"Smokey on our tail, Joe." Said Cole. "Any ideas?"

"Yeah. Let s use that cloaking device the guys hooked up to the car." Joe said. "Cam, you ready?"

"Just tell me when." Westlake said as she stood by the button.

To the next side, giving it the jazz rinse.

"NOW!" yelled Joe.

Westlake hit the switch and the cloaking device on the Asp was activated.

The cop brought his car to a stop in disbelief.

"No way!" he said. He then got on his radio. "Dispatch, this is Madison. You ll never believe what just happened. I m going to take one of my sick days tomorrow. I need it."

Hey, hey, hey slam dunking state of mind.
Hey, hey, hey every time.
Hey, hey, hey ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four four forty.

'Raw Power' by Apollo 440.

---

"Okay, Squeaky." said Big Boss as he climbed into his limo "It's go time. Let's get our guys out there and give the Cannonballers hell!".

"Right away, sir." replied Squeaky as he motioned for the troops to enter their vehicles.

Nearby, Turbo and Buttons climbed into a silver Cadillac XLR. "The Carbon X here oughta show those racers what high speed is all about." said Turbo as he took his seat behind the steering wheel.

Sissy, Chrissy and Missy got into a yellow Chevy SSR truck they had been issued.

"I think we should call this truck the Warthog." said Sissy. "It seems appropriate considering Moby Dick over there." she said while nodding to Big Boss.

"Very true." replied Chrissy

Yuri and Mr. Chairman climbed into a red 1971 Cadillac El Dorado. "Are you sure about leaving your army units until later?" Mr. Chairman asked Yuri.

"There's no real need to bring out the big guns just yet." said Yuri. "With the Shogun here, we can easily catch up with some of those racers. And we'll see if they can cope with our combined forces."

Nearby, a group of the WASP androids got onto a helicopter with Dr. Badvibes.

"Those Wasps had better work, Badvibes." said Big Boss. "Are you sure the Total Anarchy mask is in Oregon?"

"Absolutely." replied Badvibes. "I hacked into the mainframe of this company called Global Dynamics. According to their classified files, they're holding the mask to run tests on it."

"Were you detected?" asked Squeaky.

"Oh, please! It's me you're talking about. I was there and gone before they knew their firewall had been breached." Badvibes snorted. "Now, we'll just go and pick it up. This helicopter's stealth mode will be of service in that respect."

"Okay then. Give 'em hell, you guys!" said Big Boss.

---

In the Cannonball betting pool, Dante and Randal got ready to face the members of the band who they were about to let in.

"Well, this is it." Said Dante, apprehensively.

"What are you nervous about?" asked Randal. "We re getting paid a fortune, which is more than we'd make at the Quick Stop. And we get to meet some celebrities. I think this is friggin' awesome!"

Dante smiled and said "Yeah, I suppose you're right."

"It's incredible those gadgets those guys rigged up to the cars. So at least I know now that a flying car is possible." Said Randal as he pushed on a switch and the doors opened.

Rushing into the room first were Linda Moon and her manager Chili Palmer, followed closely by the members of Bowling For Soup and Papa Roach.

"Hi guys." Said Dante. "I'm surprised we didn t get all of the band at this point."

"Yeah, well some of them have to provide music." Said Chili. "But, of course, bets have to be placed."

"So, who are you guys betting on?" asked Randal as he took his place in front of the computer.

"My old partner Tommy is in the race, so I'd like to put up one mil on the Yellow Bird." Said Chili.

"One mil on the Yellow Bird it is." Said Randal as he entered the data. "Ms. Moon?"

"I'm putting up $500,000 on the Bisonte." Said Linda. "It looks tough enough to win."

Jaret Reddick and Chris Burney of Bowling For Soup then approached.

"We'd like to wager $200,000 on the Overlord." Said Jaret.

"All of the band?" asked Dante.

"No, just the two of us." Said Jaret. "Erik and Gary want to bet the same amount on the Bonfire."

"I think that team's fashion sense reminds them of that song we did, '1985'." Said Chris.

"By any chance, will you guys perform that song if they get ahead?" asked Dante.

"You never know." Called out Erik Chandler, BFS bassist.

Papa Roach vocalist Jacoby Shaddix approached next and said "The band and I want to wager 20 grand on the Utopia. I m sure that Drake guy can pay us back the money if he loses."

"What a hope." Dante said. "You get all that, Randal?"

"Check." Said Randal as he entered the last of the data into the computer. "Okay guys, keep your fingers crossed."

---

Trikz drove the Harbinger down the highway through Bone County, at speeds of at least 95 mph.

"Haven't seen anyone for a while. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing." Said Ty.

"I'm sure we haven't fallen too far behind." Said Lana. She then looked at Trikz who had his gaze fixed on the rear-view.

"Why do you keep looking behind us? Is there a Cannonballer coming up?" Lana asked.

"No, but there IS a car that's been behind us this last couple of miles." said Trikz.

Lana looked out the Harbinger's rear window and saw that there was indeed a white classic car behind them.

"So what? It's a public road, T." Ty said.

"Well, we're going about 95 right now, and that guy's been keeping pace with us exactly." Said Trikz. "So I'm wondering what he's up to."

The white car behind them sped up a little bit until it eventually got beside them. They got a good look at it.

"Whoa!" said Ty. "Chevy Fleetline. Vintage 1949. Real collector's item."

"You got that right." Said Trikz who was just as impressed. "Wish I had one for my collection."

The Fleetline flashed its headlights as it kept alongside the Harbinger.

"Looks to me like this guy wants to drag, Trikz." Said Lana. "You gonna give him what he wants?"

"I think I will. Buckle up, everybody!" Trikz said.

Ty and Lana fastened their seatbelts as Trikz put his foot down on the Harbinger's accelerator.

Within seconds, the Harbinger had gained a slight lead on the Fleetline, but the Fleetline quickly caught up and got alongside Trikz again.

The Fleetline kept pace with the Harbinger, and then with a mighty roar rushed ahead.

"Like that, is it?" said Trikz as he reached for the nitrous switch.

The Harbinger shot forward after Trikz hit the switch and gained ground on the Fleetline which was now pretty far ahead.

The Harbinger came up right behind the Fleetline, which then began swerving around to block the Harbinger's way each time Trikz tried to pass it.

"Come on!" yelled Trikz.

The Fleetline swerved to one side and Trikz made his bid to pass but saw that he was headed for an embankment so he quickly slowed down and turned away.

Eventually, the Fleetline shot ahead as the driver activated his nitrous. The Fleetline disappeared into the night.

"Shit!" yelled Trikz as he hit the steering wheel in frustration.

"Well, at least it wasn't a Cannonballer." Said Lana. "Now we can concentrate on the race."

"Yeah. Let's go." Said Trikz as he put his foot down again.

The comms screen on the windshield activated and Yucko appeared on it.

"You got your ass kicked by a vintage car!" Yucko sneered. "Ya goddamn pussy jerk-off! Street racers are losers! Kiss my sweaty ass, ya little poseur prick!"

Yucko honked his horn and then the image disappeared.

"Don't let him get to you, T." said Ty.

"Oh, don't worry. I won't." replied Trikz. "He's an even bigger joke than Lidell!"

---

At Team Rocket headquarters, Butch, Cassidy, Annie, Oakley and Domino all sat around a TV set that showed the race.

Wes Mantooth reported from his helicopter, which flew above the race route.

"The race has only just started and it looks like the Cannonballers are not giving each other any quarter." Wes reported as a shot of the Doomsayer and the Peligro racing against each other was shown.

"As you can see, the Doomsayer and the Peligro are running in third and fourth place respectively. A pretty good start for both teams." Continued Wes. "I'll move ahead to Los Santos to see what'll happen there. This is Wes Mantooth, reporting for the Cannonball Run!"

"There's the boss' car!" said Butch, pointing to the Peligro. "They're pretty high up in the ranking, according to that reporter!"

As Butch took a swig of beer from the can he was holding, Cassidy snorted.

"They're only that far because the Boss is driving. As soon as Jessie and James take over, they'll be stuck in the bottom three, I bet you!" she said.

"You really willing to bet money on that, Cass?" asked Annie. "I hate to admit it, but those two did do pretty well two years ago."

"Yeah, Cassidy. Why not make a bet?" Oakley urged.

"Okay." Said Cassidy as she took out a $50 bill. "Fifty bucks says the Peligro is low down in the ranking when they reach the bridge to Europe."

"Just be careful you don t bet too much." Said Domino. "Where are those goddamn pizzas?"

There was a buzz at the main door on the ground floor.

"That must be them." Said Butch as he got up to head for the door.

"You DID remember to order me a plain cheese?" Cassidy asked. Butch froze in his tracks.

"Uh, I think I ordered pepperoni on it." He said nervously.

"You WHAT?" Cassidy said.

"You can just pick the pepperoni off, can't you? God!" snapped Domino in exasperation.

---

As the Aquila sped along, Zartan got on a communicator and spoke to Buzzer, one of his Dreadnoks.

"Are you ready to go into the field yet, Buzzer?" he asked.

"We're heading out now, Zartan." Buzzer replied. "We're ready to give the racers hell! Just myself, Ripper, Torch, Monkeywrench and Zandar are going at this stage. But the others are awaiting your orders"

"Well then get your asses in gear!" snapped Zartan as he hung up.

Storm Shadow kept his foot to the floor as the Aquila roared past several cars on the highway.

"Faster, you fool!" snapped Cobra Commander. "We can't afford to let the Joes win!"

"You think I don't know that?" replied Storm Shadow, who then grumbled "It looks like I was right about the Commander's role on this team."

"I see the Joes up ahead." said Zartan. "Let's give them some dust to eat!"

"Absolutely." said Storm Shadow as he angled the Aquila into a safe position to overtake the Battle.

The Cobra ninja then activated their nitrous oxide shot and overtook the Battle.

Cobra Commander laughed triumphantly. "Farewell, Joes! COBRA!" he yelled.

Clutch, who was driving the Battle, didn't look at all phased.

"Are you sure they'll do it?" asked Rock 'N Roll.

"Ain't no doubt." replied Clutch as he picked up the Battle's CB and spoke into it. "Okay, fellas. That red Mustang is coming your way."

"Ten-four." a voice replied.

Up ahead, the Aquila slowed down a little as Storm Shadow saw a truck in front of them.

"That roadhog should pose no problem, Storm Shadow." said Cobra Commander. "Pass him."

"As you wish, Commander." said Storm Shadow as he prepared to pass the truck. Suddenly, another truck appeared on the left side of the Aquila, preventing Storm Shadow from changing lanes.

Storm Shadow went to swerve to the right instead, only for another truck to appear at the Aquila's side and cut that route off as well.

"Hit the brakes!" said Cobra Commander.

"That would not be wise." said Zartan as he looked behind them.

"WHAT...?" yelled Cobra Commander as he looked behind them and saw a fourth truck come right up on the Aquila's back bumper. The car was completely boxed in by the four trucks.

"How could this have happened?" Cobra Commander yelled.

"Easy." said Clutch's voice over the Aquila's CB. "There happen to be some very patriotic truck drivers around who are only too willing to help the US army."

The Battle swerved around the trucks boxing in Cobra Commander's team, and sped off on its way.

"Thanks again, fellas." Clutch said into the CB. "Remember, just keep our snake friends company until you reach the state line."

"Hey, just make sure you do this country proud and win this here race." said one truck driver as he saluted with his free hand. "Yo Joe!".

"Clutch, you are a genius." said Shipwreck.

"Those Joes will suffer for this!" said Cobra Commander. "As soon as we can get out of this, we'll let them have it!"

---

Some of the racers had gone via San Fierro and were now on the highway that bypassed the city but had trouble finding the exit.

The Destroyer and the Utopia drove round in circles as signs had been put up pointing them in different directions.

"I could have sworn the sign said turn left but it seems to be leading us back the way we came." Said the Baroness.

"Well, keep your eyes open for an exit! We can't go around here all night!" replied Destro.

The Drake steered towards what looked like an exit but saw that a barrier had been set up. "What the hell is going on here?" he yelled.

On the street below, Bugs Bunny and his team looked up at the chaos and laughed.

"That was a bit underhanded to do, Bugs." Said Daffy. "Putting those fake signs and barriers up. But what the hell, it DOES give us an advantage."

"You bet it does." Said Bugs as he climbed back into the Thunder Rodd and drove off.

Up above, the Drake suddenly decided to take a shortcut.

"Hang on, guys! I see a way out of here." He said as he steered towards a gap in the concrete on the highway.

"Holy shit!" said Ron.

"And he accuses me of being crazy!" said Venom.

"BANZAI!" yelled the Drake as he drove through the gap and jumped down to the street below.

The Utopia landed on the lower street, sustaining a little damage but not too bad.

"Whoa! My life just flashed before my eyes." Said Ron. "I sleep a lot from the look of things."

They heard another engine roar and suddenly, the Destroyer flew off the overpass and landed neatly beside them.

"Thank you for showing us the shortcut, Mr. Drake." Said Destro.

"No problem." Replied the Drake. "If you ll excuse us, I see a Transfender nearby and the car needs fixing up."

"Be seeing you later, then!" laughed the Baroness as she and Destro drove off.

Venom looked at Ron strangely. "How can you work for a maniac like this?" he asked.

"His checks don't bounce." said Ron.

"Now I can see you're nuts as well." said Venom.

"So, darling." Said the Baroness. "Are we going to join that puzzle hunt we heard about?"

"I see no reason why we shouldn't." replied Destro.

---

In the suburbs of San Fierro a while later, Sissy drove the Warthog into a long street.

"So, what are we doing here?" asked Missy.

"Just testing to make sure that this device Big Boss' people rigged up actually works." Replied Sissy. She looked to her right and saw a man closing his garage door after leaving his car in it.

As the man went into his house, Sissy stopped, backed the Warthog up and turned it so it was facing the garage door.

"Okay, here goes." She said as she pressed the switch on the dashboard.

The harpoon shot out from it s gun and burst right through the garage door and went through the rear window of the man's car.

"Okay, now we reel her in." said Sissy as she pressed another button. The line started to reel in and the car was dragged along with it. The force of the pull was so strong that the car was pulled right through the closed garage door. The sound of the wood of the door breaking caused the car's owner to come out of his house in shock.

"Okay. Now we know it works, now get us out of here!" said Chrissy.

"Right." Said Sissy as she took out her tranq gun and fired a dart at the car's owner, knocking him out. She then got out of the Warthog and disconnected the harpoon from the rear seat of the car.

As she returned to the Warthog to reel the harpoon back in, Missy turned to Chrissy and asked "Will it make any difference trying to catch a moving car?"

"I'm not sure, but I ve got a feeling we're gonna hook us a Cannonballer very soon." Replied Chrissy.

---

In the small town of Dillimore, San Andreas, the Harbinger had pulled into a gas station to refuel.

As Trikz brought the car to a halt, Lidell watched him from the Brigand, which was parked across the street.

"Perfect." Lidell smiled. "Now it's time for you to suffer, Lane."

He reached under his seat and pulled out a sniper rifle.

In the gas station, Trikz and Ty had gotten out. As Ty went to refuel the Harbinger, Trikz suddenly froze. Parked at a pump further down was the white '49 Fleetline they had raced before.

"Check it out." Trikz called to Ty.

A man in a grey suit with brown hair and blue eyes walked out of the gas station carrying a cappuccino in a plastic cup.

"See anything you like?" he asked Trikz.

"This your car, man?" Trikz asked.

"You bet she's mine." Said the man. "I hope you realize it was nothing personal when I kicked your ass on the road an hour ago."

Ty had wandered over. "So, I guess that means this Fleetline ain't stock." He said.

"Far from it, in fact." the Fleetline's driver said. "Got a 454 big block in her. Nothing like American muscle."

"Yeah, well it's a good job you re not in the Cannonball." Said Trikz.

"You're racing in the Cannonball?" the driver asked. "You think you can cut it?"

"With this car, anything's possible." Said Trikz as he proudly pointed to the Harbinger.

"Hey, listen, pal. I have an idea." The Fleetline guy said. "I know it's too late to officially enter the Cannonball, but I've got nothing better to do. So what do you say we have a little side wager. We race around the world. For slips."

Trikz and Ty looked at the man as if he had two heads.

"You're kidding, right?" said Ty.

"Hell no." said the guy. "I love a challenge. And this should be a great one.".

Trikz and Ty looked at each other, unsure. Neither of them had realized that Lana had been listening in.

"Take the offer, Trikz. We owe this guy for smoking us back there." She said. "Or are you too scared?"

Trikz looked the Fleetline guy straight in the eye and said. "Okay, mister. You re on."

"Great. Let's go." Said the guy as he got back into the Fleetline.

Across the street, Lidell had lined up Trikz in the crosshairs of his rifle.

"Good night, sweet prince." He said.

Suddenly he froze and got a mental image of his dance with Mango at the pre-race party.

As he sat there, reliving his trauma, the Fleetline and the Harbinger had both taken off on the road, neither noticing Lidell.

"Mango!" Lidell suddenly yelled. He snapped out of his reverie with a shudder. He then looked to see a police officer standing at the door of the Brigand. "Damn." Lidell said.

"Indeed, yes." Said the officer. "You got a permit for that weapon, mister?"

"Leave me alone!" yelled Lidell. He tried to escape, but his seat belt held him in place.

---

In Race Central, a red light on Brock's desk flashed.

"Ah, looks like these guys are ready to enter the puzzle hunt." said Brock.

He activated a communications screen on the wall and watched as the images of the Puzzle Hunt volunteers appeared on it.

"Welcome to the first Cannonball Run puzzle hunt. Who have I got on the line?".

"It's Howard T. Duck here, Mr. Yates." Howard replied.

"Destro here." said Destro.

"Charlie Croker and team." replied Charlie.

"It's the one and only Drake here, Brock." said the Drake.

"Mortimer Goth reporting for the puzzle hunt." said Mortimer.

"Joe Astor here, Brock." said Joe.

"Well, it's good to see you all remembered the rule of there only being six teams per hunt. Okay, here is my first clue for the USA: where were you at the end of the Cannonball two years ago? When you figure out where that location is, follow the signs to the next clue. Did you all get the clue?"

Everyone on the screen responded positively.

"Alright then. Good luck and happy hunting." said Brock as he severed communications.

The Drake switched his screen off.

"We need to figure out that clue. Talk about cryptic.".

"Just a minute. I think I might know what it means." said Venom. "I was talking to that guy Vince who's on Toretto's team. He told me that the race two years ago ended at the Grand Canyon.".

"You think that's the location?" asked the Drake.

"Well, think about it." said Venom. "He couldn't possibly mean a location each one of us were in two years ago. We were all doing different things."

"Venom, you know you're a genius." said Ron as he and the Drake smiled.

"Well, you didn't hire me for my charming personality." smirked Venom.

The Drake looked in his rearview and saw the four other cars in the puzzle hunt coming up fast.

"Okay, let's get the lead out." the Drake said as he stomped on the Utopia's accelerator.

"We must follow them!" said the Baroness. "The fact that they're moving so fast means that they figured out the clue.".

"Certainly, my dear Baroness." said Destro.

Suddenly, the Wayfarer swerved through the narrow gaps between each car and took the lead.

"Catch me if you can, fellas!" said Howard as he sped on.

The others sped up to try and catch him. As he looked ahead, he saw a truck with a box trailer full of soccer balls.

"A bit sneaky, but if it works, it works." he said to himself.

He sped up the Wayfarer until he got right behind the truck.

Taking one hand off the handlebar, he reached forward and opened the back of the trailer, releasing the soccer balls.

He swerved quickly to avoid the spilling balls and passed the truck.

"See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!" he laughed as he hit his super speed switch and roared off.

The Asp and the Terrific came up on the soccer balls in the road and swerved like mad to avoid the obstacles.

Joe handled the wheel excellently.

"Thank god not all my memory was wiped." he said as he handled the turns.

"Pretty damn sneaky of that duck if you ask me." said Cole.

"What do you expect?" asked Westlake. "Though to be honest, if he were a weasel and not a duck, I'd have thought it more typical of his species.".

The Terrific had difficulty avoiding the balls.

"Easy, Stella!" said Lyle.

"I'm doing the best I can!" she said. "At least we're avoiding them."

---

Meanwhile, on a bending road next to the sea approaching Los Santos, Brodie drove the Falcon carefully through the twists and turns on the road. He wore the Chaos mask.

"Hold on tight, good citizens! We shall soon catch up with the pack!" he said as he took another swerve around a hairpin turn.

"Hey, Chaos, are you good at drifting and all that kinda shit?" asked Jay.

"When the situation calls for it, good citizen Jay, but I don t want to try something too complicated this early in the race." Said Brodie.

Silent Bob tapped Jay on the shoulder and pointed to something behind them.

Behind them, the Cataract negotiated the same turns and gained ground on them.

"Aw, shit! We got some melonfarmers coming up behind us!" said Jay.

"Then we must speed up!" said Brodie as he put his foot to the floor, but continued to take the corners on the bending road with ease.

"Come on, Dick!" yelled Snidely in the Cataract. "Can't this thing go any faster!"

"You seriously think I'm going to let that masked lunatic win?" snapped Dick Dastardly in reply. "We'll catch them!"

The Cataract swerved around one of the turns but nearly went off the road.

"Easy for God's sake!" yelled Fearless Leader. "We don't want to end up taking a bath."

"Aw, shut up! I know what I'm doing!" replied Dick.

The Cataract continued to gain ground on the Falcon.

"Chaos, you gotta stop these motherfathers from passing us!" said Jay.

"Hang on." Said Brodie as he noticed a very sharp turn which overlooked the sea in front of them. "Now you'll see how good I am at drifting!"

Taking his foot off the accelerator and pulling the handbrake, Brodie drifted around the turn with ease and after successfully making the turn, he put his foot back on the floor and got back up to high speed.

The Cataract tried the same thing, but unfortunately the car went off the edge of the turn, down the seashore, and into the water.

"DAMN IT!" yelled Dastardly.

"Maybe you should have a look at this book." Said Boris as he handed Dastardly a book.

It was entitled "Driving For Dummies". Dastardly growled at the insult, while Muttley laughed.

"Shut it, Muttley!" Dastardly yelled as he hit Muttley round the back of the head.

Muttley grumbled to himself angrily.

"WHAT was that?" Dastardly asked menacingly.

Muttley grabbed Dastardly's hand and started to kiss it.

"That's better." Said Dastardly.

"Shouldn't we be more concerned with getting the car back on the road?" asked Natasha.

"Alright, let's do it. We have not yet begun to fight!" Said Fearless Leader.

Further down the road, Jay and Silent Bob were cheering.

"YEAH! Captain Chaos, you da motherjumpin' man!" Jay said.

"He certainly is!" said Silent Bob.

"Wait and see, my friends." Said Brodie. "We have a long way to go still!"

---

In Los Santos itself, Priss rode the Streetfighter through the hills of the city and enjoyed every minute of it.

On one street, Lt. Amos and Marshal Willenholly drove along in the Nightcrawler.

"HQ, this is Amos. We re in Los Santos, keeping our eyes peeled for Cannonballers." Amos reported. "It's been quiet so far. No sign of any trouble."

"Well stay alert, because that could soon change." Said Banner through the radio.

As they prepared to pull out onto the road leading downhill towards the sports arena, Priss suddenly rocketed past them.

"You were right there, sir!" said Amos. "Cannonballer sighted. We are in pursuit."

Willenholly pulled the car out of the intersection and took off down the hill after Priss. He activated the siren. Priss turned around after hearing it and, seeing the Nightcrawler, accelerated even faster.

"Why the hell did you have to turn the siren on?" snapped Amos. "I was hoping we could sneak up on her! NOW, we've got a friggin chase on our hands!"

"Talk to the hand, okay!" said Willenholly as he held up his free hand in a stop gesture.

Priss swerved into the parking lot of the sports arena after reaching the bottom of the hill. The Nightcrawler kept pace with her and followed.

Amos grabbed the radio mike and yelled into it "Halt, Cannonballer! You are under arrest! Pull over now!"

Priss accelerated the bike even more as Willenholly tried his best to keep up with her.

They still drove around the arena parking lot.

"Are you sure we can catch her?" Willenholly groused.

"Quit worrying!" Amos said. "We'll catch that crotch rocket no problem!"

The Streetfighter continued to hold a lead on the Nightcrawler as Priss finally exited the parking lot. As she did, she went for the bridge heading towards Ganton.

As she reached the other side of the bridge, she noticed that at one side was a ramp leading into the Los Santos riverbed.

"Okay! Let's see you assholes catch me now!" she said as she made a quick turn and headed down into the riverbed.

Willenholly took a hard right and followed her down.

"You ever notice that in the movies there are lots of car chases in storm drains like this one?" he asked Amos.

Priss sped along the bottom of the riverbed and then turned to the right and sped down another long stretch, with the Nightcrawler snapping at her heels.

"Shit!" she cursed to herself. Then she looked up ahead and smiled.

"See ya, fellas!" she said as she steered the Streetfighter towards a large opening leading into a pipeline.

The Nightcrawler pulled to a stop outside, as the opening was only small enough to allow a motorcycle in.

"Damn!" yelled Amos. "Have you got the map?"

Willenholly took a map of Los Santos out of the glove compartment and looked at it. He then groaned in frustration.

"There are about fifty possible exits from the drainage system in the city limits! We don t know which one she ll take!" Willenholly said.

"Well, there are still plenty more Cannonballers out there. And plenty more teams on this taskforce. We ll get em." Amos said.

"In the meantime, do you wanna tell Banner we messed up?" Willenholly sarcastically said.

---

As dawn broke the next morning, the Cannonballers found themselves in California. In Los Angeles, the Cowboy drove down Wilshire Boulevard. The streets were nearly deserted in the early morning.

Memphis drove at a high speed down the road.

"No sign of anyone else yet." Reported the Sphinx. "I think we finally passed the leaders."

"Could well be." Said Sway. "This car is fantastic. I think I could classify a Mustang as a girl car as well."

"What kind of girl drives a tricked-out Mustang?" asked Memphis.

"A girl like me." Sway said, giving Memphis a saucy wink.

As they passed a sidestreet, the Warthog pulled out and took off after them.

"Okay, here we go." said Sissy as she put her foot down and matched the Cowboy's speed.

"Hello, what's this?" asked the Sphinx as he saw the truck coming up to their back bumper.

Memphis looked in the mirror and saw their pursuer.

"Hang on, guys and gals." he said as he put his foot down and sped the Cowboy up to 120 mph.

"Uh uh, buddy boy. Not today." Said Sissy as she sped the Warthog as well, keeping right on Memphis tail.

"Okay, Sissy. We're ready." Reported Chrissy.

"Right" said Sissy. "Aim and prepare to fire."

Missy pressed the switch and the harpoon gun attached to the Warthog's rear turned until it was aimed exactly at the rear window of the Cowboy.

Memphis saw this and yelled "Watch out."

"Fire!" yelled Sissy.

Missy fired the harpoon and it shot right through the Cowboy's back window, narrowly missing hitting the Sphinx.

"Bloody hell!" he yelled.

The harpoon latched onto the back seat. Soon, the cable was pulled tight.

"Gotcha!" yelled Sissy as she went to step on the brakes.

"Oh no you don't, sweetheart." Said Memphis as he activated the nitrous oxide in the Cowboy and it took off at a high speed. The pull was so strong, it caused the cable on the harpoon to snap.

Sissy and her friends looked on in shock as the Cowboy drove off at high speed, while they had lost their harpoon.

"I was not expecting that." Said Missy.

"What do I do with this thing?" asked the Sphinx as he pulled the harpoon out of the back seat.

"I think we should hold onto it. Stop those guys from trying to use it again." Said Sway.

"Good point." Said Memphis. "We'll just stop off at Otto's to get the rear window fixed."

---

Meanwhile, the Vulcano pulled up alongside the Infinito at the start of a long stretch of highway.

"So, Bats." Said Joanna to Batman. "What was it you wanted us for?"

"This is the highway leading to Vegas. It's a four-hour drive at normal speed. But I ve heard that if you can go faster than 200 mph, you can make it there in just under two hours." Said Batman.

"We're not proposing that we race all the way to Vegas." Added Wonder Woman. "Batman knows a desert hotel about fifty miles away. It's called the Hacienda Hotel. We want to see which Italian car is superior: the Ferrari or the Lamborghini.".

"Both are pretty powerful in their own right." Said Lara. "But in OUR experience, it's not the car but the driver who determines superiority."

"Yeah. And in this case, the driver happens to be me." Joanna said as she winked.

"Yeah, well I bet I could outrun both cars." Said the Flash.

"That would be cheating, wouldn't it?" asked Anna.

"Just stating a fact." the Flash replied.

"Easy, Flash." said Batman. "We're just going to use the cars this time.".

"So, let me guess. First one to the hotel wins." Said Anna.

"Exactly." said Wonder Woman. "Last one there pays for the gas."

"You're on." Said Nina.

"Right. The race should take between 30-40 minutes, IF you can go faster than 150 mph." Said the Flash.

"Okay. Let's go." said Joanna as she revved the engine of the Vulcano.

---

"Okay, folks. The Justice League representatives and Lara's team are going to race." said Ron. He turned to Linda Moon and Pink who had taken the stage and asked "Can you give us some appropriate music, ladies?"

"Oh, hell yeah." said Linda as the song started to play.

---

As the song s intro was played, the Infinito and the Vulcano took off from the starting position, with the Infinito taking a slight lead. As Linda's vocals started, the Vulcano sped up to around 100 mph and made its bid to pass.

I've been looking for a driver who is qualified.
So if you think that you're the one step into my ride.
I'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine.
With a sunroof top and a gangster lean.

Both Linda and Pink took over vocals.

So if you feel me let me know, know, know.
Come on now what you waiting for, for, for.
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.
So start me up and watch me go, go, go,

Joanna shifted into a higher gear and managed to pass the Infinito. Batman grunted and accelerated again, this time to 150 mph, as Linda and Pink continued the song.

Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean.
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.
Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?
If you can, baby boy, then we can go all night.

Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five.
Baby you got the keys-
Now shut up and drive.
(drive, drive, drive)
Shut up and drive.
(drive, drive, drive)

The Infinito was gaining fast on the Vulcano, so Joanna sped up even more. As she did, she quickly maneuvered around a slow moving car that was in front of her.

The driver of the car looked stunned as the two exotics whooshed past him.

Pink took over solo vocals on the song.

I got class like a' 57 Cadillac.
Got all the drive but a whole lot of boom in the back.
You look like you can handle what's under my hood.
You keep saying that you will boy I wish you would.

Linda rejoined Pink on vocals.

So if you feel me let me know, know, know.
Come on now what you waiting for, for, for.
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.
So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go.

"That was close." said Nina.

Both cars came into a tunnel and Batman shifted gear again and the Infinito came to around 190 mph, but went no higher.

"Come on. Come on." he said as the Infinito gathered some ground on the Vulcano.

"Not this time." said Joanna.

"Give em hell, Joanna." yelled Lara.

Joanna shifted once more and the speedometer's needle now hit the 200 mph mark. The Vulcano roared out of the tunnel as the Infinito tried desperately to catch up.

Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean.
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.
Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?
If you can baby boy then we can go all night.

Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five.
Baby you got the keys-
Now shut up and drive.
(drive, drive, drive)
Shut up and drive.
(drive, drive, drive)

Linda and Pink entered the bridge of the song as the Infinito tried to catch the Vulcano, with little success.

Cos you play that game.
got what I got (Get it Get it)
Don't Stop It's a sure shot.
Ain't no Ferrari.
huh boy I'm sorry.

I ain't even worried.
So step inside and ride.
(ride, ride, ride, ride, ride)

Up ahead, a motorcycle cop had pulled over a jeep for driving with a broken tail-light. As the officer wrote a citation, the Vulcano and the Infinito rocketed past him.

He was knocked off his feet by the whoosh as the cars went by.

"Holy shit." he said as he looked into the distance.

So if you feel me let me know, know, know.
Come on now what you waiting for, for, for.
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.
So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go.

Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean.
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.
Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?
If you can baby boy then we can go all night.

Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five.
Baby you got the keys-
Now shut up and drive.
(drive, drive, drive)
Shut up and drive.
(drive, drive, drive)
Now shut up and drive.
(drive, drive, drive)
Shut up and drive.
(drive, drive, drive)

'Shut Up and Drive' by Rihanna.

Later

The Infinito pulled into the parking lot of the Hacienda Hotel to find the Vulcano already there waiting for them.

Batman brought the Infinito to a stop.

"Good race." Said Anna. "Now I believe you owe us some gas money."

Batman sighed deeply.

---

In Las Vegas itself, the Bisonte went head to head with the Overlord. Ford Fairlane had not forgotten the feud he had incited with Frank and Darius.

"Come on." yelled Ford. "Get that goddamn Hot Wheels toy out of my way."

"Try and make me, Dodge Stealth!" Darius yelled back.

"Take it easy, Darius." Said Frank. "Don't get too cocky."

"Man, why you so calm?" demanded Darius. "You bustin up my rhythm."

Ford had his foot to the floor, and he managed to gain a slight lead on the Bisonte.

But a few seconds later, Darius shifted into high gear and overtook him.

"I am NOT losing." said Ford.

"Ford, don t take it so personally." Said Don.

"Maybe we should have brought your BMW instead, Don." Said Jazz jokingly. "You know, the one you have a suit the same colour as?"

"I told you we should have got nitrous like most of the other cars, Ford!" Said Don.

"That stuff's for wimps." sneered Ford.

Suddenly, on the Overlord's comms screen, the familiar mocking face of Yucko The Clown appeared again.

"Hey, Nissan Skyline." he sneered. "You done showin what a washed-up Fonz wannabe (bleep)nut you are, or you still tryin to show you ve still got it even if your act is lame."

Yucko tooted his horn. He then began to recite.

"Hickory dickory dock, your career sucks absolute..."

Ford growled and switched the comm screen off before Yucko could get the final expletive out.

"When I find out where that jerkoff is broadcasting from, I m gonna kick his ass." he said.

"Yeah, you and every other Cannonballer." said Jazz.

A police car was parked up ahead, and the officer saw the two cars approaching. As they went past, he pulled out and accelerated after them.

"Cop on our six." said Frank.

"Okay, let's lose em." said Darius.

"Watch it." Don yelled to Ford.

The Overlord and the Bisonte swerved around another car with expertise. The police car couldn't stop in time, but the officer swerved onto the pavement.

He honked his horn at pedestrians as they ran for safety.

The cop car ploughed right through the elaborate front of a Chinese restaurant, leaving the inside of the building exposed.

The angry manager and customers looked to see the cop car swerve back on to the road and then come to a stop.

By this stage, the Bisonte and Overlord were long gone.

---

A few hours later, on the road leading to Flagstaff, Arizona, the Firestorm had caught up with the Tempest.

Amy was whooping with excitement. "Watch out, lads. We re gonna tear you all a new arse."

"Oh yeah?" Bam yelled back. "Don't let 'em pass us, Torquenstein."

"I don't intend to." Replied Torquenstein.

The Doctor kept trying to swerve past the Tempest but would have to change back to his original lane to avoid hitting another car.

"Alright, this is it." The Doctor yelled as he finally swerved past the Tempest and overtook it.

"YEAH!" yelled Rory and Amy as they left the Tempest in the dust.

"Uh oh." said the Doctor as he quickly changed lanes to avoid hitting a police car which approached from the opposite direction.

The police car made a U-turn and came after them.

Torquenstein happily slowed down to legal speed and let the cop car pull the Firestorm over.

"Let's see him talk his way out of THIS one." Tony said as they passed.

"Well done." Rory said sarcastically as the Doctor stopped the Firestorm. "What do we do now?"

"Relax." Said the Doctor as he climbed out. "I'll just use the psychic paper".

"Okay, pal, what s the big idea?" the cop asked as he approached.

"I'd say it s like the small idea except big." He then gave a little laugh. The cop didn t look amused.

"Look, I was trying to overtake that Pontiac so I could stop it. It's a Cannonballer's car you see." The Doctor continued, taking out a piece of paper and showing it to the cop.

The cop looked at it. "Steve Loftin, undercover police, eh?" he said. "You tryin to stop the Cannonball?"

"That's right." said the Doctor. "I'm sorry about nearly hitting you in my effort to uphold the law. I hope you ll be successful in keeping the roads safe."

The Doctor gestured to his clothes.

"I know my outfit doesn't look very cop-like, but that was the whole idea. To NOT look suspicious to a racer."

"Yeah, well maybe you should get rid of the bow tie." the cop said. "You look dorky with it. No offence."

The Doctor looked a bit hurt.

"Okay, well, that's nice and clear, officer." the cop concluded. "Good luck to you in stopping the race. Just watch yourself. Some of those Cannonballers are real road maniacs."

"Will do." the Doctor smirked.

The cop saluted the Doctor and returned to his car.

The Doctor got back into the Firestorm's driver's seat.

"Works nine out of ten times" said the Doctor. "The one time it doesn't work is the time to panic.".

Amy sighed. "How did I ever get myself mixed up with you as an imaginary friend when I was a kid?" she said. "To call you a little bit mad is the understatement of the millennium."

"In my opinion, every interesting person is mad by some definition or another." The Doctor smirked as they drove off again.

"Well that certainly applies to you, Doctor." Rory deadpanned.

---

Outside a warehouse somewhere in Arizona, three mysterious figures were awaiting the arrival of their client.

"(He should be arriving soon to claim the great weapon we have made for him, nari!)" said the golden-armored Land Pollution Minister Yogostein in Japanese.

"(I bet the Cannonballers don't realise that by burning fuel and letting smoke into the atmosphere, they are inadertantly helping our cause, zoyo!)" laughed Air Pollution minister Kitaneidas.

"(This world is quickly becoming aware of alternate fuels which is why we must do as much damage as possible, ojaru)." chipped in the human-looking Water Pollution Minister Kagaleisa. "(It is possible these goody two-shoes racers may aid such research if they win the grand prize, ojaru.)".

"(Which is why I am glad we aligned ourself with someone seeking to get revenge on one of them, nari!)" said Yogostein.

A black limousine approached the warehouse. "(Here he comes now, zoyo.)" said Kitaneidas.

The limousine stopped and out of it climbed a man in a white suit, who looked incredibly like Michael Knight, except with a moustache and a goatee beard.

"(Greetings, my esteemed friends.)" the man said in Japanese.

"(Greetings to you too, Mr. Garthe Knight, nari.)" said Yogostein.

Garthe, the real but estranged son of the late Wilton Knight rolled his eyes.

"(Must you three always end each sentence with 'nari', 'zoyo' or 'ojaru'?)" he asked. "(It reminds me of those terrible G.I. Joe parodies online that have Serpentor say 'This I command' at the end of each sentence.)"

The three Pollution minsisters looked a bit deflated.

"(Well, he practically did.)" said Kitaneidas. "(Even at the end of sentences that weren't commands.)".

"(Enough of that for now.)" said Kagaleisa. "(Mr. Knight, we are glad that you have joined our mission to claim the Cannonball run prize money by force and bring chaos to this pitiful sphere called Earth.)".

"(It was the least I could do, especially as I gain the chance to get revenge on Michael Knight.)" said Garthe. "(You say you rebuilt the Knight Industries prototype vehicle for my use?)"

"(Indeed we have.)" said Yogostein. "(The two of you are truly two of a kind as you both intend to show your worth to the upstarts who took your rightful places.)"

"(Work on your attack vehicle is just about completed as well.)" said Kitaneidas. "(The Knight Automated Roving Robot has GPS details of where it's being stored. Thet are both ready for your use.)"

Yogostein snapped his fingers and two underlings opened the doors of the warehouse behind them. Garthe walked forward and entered it.

He smiled as he saw, in the centre of the building a black Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR, with a white stripe down the centre and a yellow light tracking back and forth on the front near the hood.

"You must be KARR." said Garthe in English. "You have heard of our mission?".

"Indeed I have, Mr. Knight." said KARR in his deep menacing voice. "The original Michael Knight and my twin are to be stopped, along with the other Cannonballers.".

"Yes. I hear you have a score to settle against both Knight and his bastard son." smiled Garthe.

KARR rolled forward a bit and suddenly transformed from a car into a giant robot, with four legs attached to wheels, a cockpit for an operator to sit in and many mounted guns.

"Indeed I do. And as you can see, the racers will have to muster all their might to stop me!" said KARR. "The Pollution Ministers made many improvements to my form. I shall not disgrace either of us with my performance. KITT must die!"

"Excellent, my friend. We must move on the Cannonballers immediately!" said Garthe.

KARR let out a little laugh and transformed back to his vehicle mode. He opened his driver side door and let Garthe in.

As Garthe sat in the driver's seat, a helmet was fitted on his head, feeding his brain impulses to KARR. After a few seconds, KARR removed the helmet.

"Now, Mr. Knight, we are one!" said KARR triumphantly. "And now, on to victory!"

"But first, stop off near Phoenix." said Garthe as he checked the GPS on KARR's heads-up display. "There's something else the Ministers prepared for me. Another old and faithful ally."

"Certainly." said KARR as he drove off.

The three Pollution ministers watched the black car drive away.

"(And so it begins!") said Yogostein.

"(Have you ever thought we could align ourselves with that drug lord who is also trying to stop the race?)" asked Kitaneidas. "(He could be our Mind Pollution Minister and complete our group.)".

"(He is too merciful to his enemies.)" replied Kagaleisa. "(Mr. Knight is good enough to do the job for us!)".

"(Not that we are going to sit idle.) said Yogostein. "(We will head into battle ourselves now.)"

"(Brilliant!)" said Kagaleisa.

All three villains laughed.

---

The Bionic Cheetah drove through downtown Tucson. Space Ghost, in the driver's seat, and Zorak in the back seat looked annoyed.

This was because in the front passenger seat, Moltar kept messing around with the electronic seat tilt controls, trying to get in a good position.

At one point he tilted the seat back so far that it nearly crushed Zorak.

"No air! Can't breathe! You're a jerk!" Zorak protested.

Moltar tilted the seat forward again.

"Will you PLEASE stop screwing with the seat?" asked Space Ghost in an annoyed tone.

"I have to get comfortable!" Moltar said. "I have a bad back and it hurts like hell. There's only a couple of good positions.".

"How did you get a bad back? From leaning over your control panel all day?" Zorak asked mockingly.

"I help out at a furniture store on my off-hours from the show." explained Moltar. "I got the bad back from moving too many sofas.".

"You should know to transfer weight to lift things." said Space Ghost. "No wonder you hurt your back!".

"Hold on! I think I've got it." said Moltar as he tilted the seat again.

"You're gonna break it." grumbled Zorak.

"You can't break a car seat." said Moltar.

"Wanna bet?" said Zorak sarcastically.

---

"Do you see our next target?" asked Chrissy.

"Dead ahead." said Sissy as the Megere pulled into the convenience store parking lot in front of them. David and Darryl climbed out and headed for the store.

"I'm trying to keep my head clear, so no alcohol." said David. "What about you?"

"I'm going to see if they have a co-lah." said Darryl.

"I'll handle this one." said Missy. She jumped over the hedge and headed for the Megere.

Inside the store, David picked up a couple of bottles of fruit drink. Darryl went to the soda case, opened it, and ran his hands over it with his eyes closed. After a few seconds of this, he picked a bottle of soda. They then took their drinks to the counter.

Outside, Missy had used a slimjim to unlock the driver's side door of the Megere. She opened it and climbed into the seat.

She decided to get comfortable before hotwiring the car. She adjusted the seat to her liking, then adjusted the steering wheel.

She then grabbed the rearview and adjusted it. When she took her hand off of it, Elizabeth appeared in the previously covered part and said "What do you think you're doing?"

Missy turned and let out an ear-piercing shriek. David and Darryl looked up from the counter.

---

Just up the road...

"Feeling bad for not doing so earlier, Michael decided to let Buster drive a stretch. Part of this gesture was teaching Buster how to use the Autostick transmission in the Ambitious."

"Okay, it's really no problem." said Michael from the backseat. "Just tilt the gearshift to the right to upshift and left to downshift."

"Sounds complicated, but I think I can get it." said Buster.

"Are you alright?" asked Tobias from the front passenger seat.

"I guess." said Buster. "It's just that I really don't think I should be using the manual so soon."

"Come on, buddy, you're doing fine." said Michael.

"Trust me, Buster, you should learn to drive using the manual first." said Tobias. "When my brother was learning to drive, I insisted that he learn using a manual. As soon as he had a firm grip on the stick, I had him take me around the block."

Michael looked VERY unnerved by Tobias' statement. "Okay, with that surprising revelation, let's continue." he said.

"And with Buster behind the wheel, the Ambitious made up some distance. The Bluth family contiued their progress until it came time to pass the Ignition."

Buster pulled alongside the Ignition and looked to the driver, Jesse, who returned with the "monster stare".

"Okay, you've got a Chrysler 300C with a five-speed Autostick transmission. You want to pass an '88 Volvo. Which gear do you use? Fourth? Fifth?"

Buster switched gears and the Ambitious sharply decelerated.

"Second. A hundred miles per hour, second gear."

The Ambitious dropped behind the Ignition as Body Drop woke up in the backseat.

"I thought Volvos were supposed to be comfortable rides." he said.

"I had to make some sacrifices for performance." said Jesse.

Body Drop looked around. "Hey, where's Tombstone?" he asked.

Jesse pointed up and said "I didn't want him smoking in the car."

On the roof, Tombstone had the car's luggage rack in one hand and a cigarette in the other. "'Do that on the roof' he says. 'I'm not gonna go too fast.'" he said sarcasticly. "I'm shredding that '54 when we get home!" Just then, the headwind blew his hat off.

"Just relax, Buster." said Michael. "This is the Cannonball. Strange things are supposed to happen."

Tombstone's hat blew onto the windshield.

"That, for example." said Michael.

Tobias reached out and grabbed the hat. He then put it on and started doing a kind of Michael Jackson type dance. Buster and Michael laughed.

Shortly afterward, the two cars pulled into the parking lot of the convenience store where Missy had tried to steal the Megere. An ambulance had pulled up and the police talked with David and Darryl.

"Okay, you two seem to be in a hurry." said the cop. "And you don't want to press charges, so I really have nothing further."

"Thank you, officer." said David as he shook the cop's hand.

"Thanks, man." said Darryl. "If you're ever in San Francisco, be sure to drop by the Abandoned Planet bookstore."

"Okay, you can go." said the cop.

David and Darryl climbed back into the car. Elizabeth leaned over the seats.

"Thanks for saving the car." said David.

"Hey, I do what I can." said Elizabeth.

Darryl opened his soda and looked under the cap. "Righteous! I won a fanny pack!" he said. "Who wears a fanny pack anymore?"

David started the car and drove off. They passed Chrissy and Sissy on the way out.

"We need a new plan." said Chrissy.

"We need a new plan." said Sissy.

Two paramedics picked up a stretcher with Missy on it. "We need a new plan." she said through her oxygen mask.

The paramedics loaded the stretcher into a white 1959 Cadillac Ambulance.

The Monster Garage crew and Bluths climbed out of their cars.

"Hey, how's it going?" asked Jesse.

"Hello, fellow Cannonballer." said Tobias as he extended a hand to Tombstone. Tombstone just snatched the hat off his head and stormed off.
"Well, somebody is a Rude Gus." said Tobias.

Body Drop noticed the ambulance as the two paramedics closed the rear door and prepared to drive off.

"Hey, guys. Isn't that the same kind of Caddy meat wagon the Ghostbusters have?" he asked.

"Yeah." replied one paramedic and nodded to his partner. "Jared here even named her the Manhattan Spirit to strengthen the ties.".

"Well, treat her like a lady, okay?" said Body Drop. "She qualifies as a collector's item for car enthusiasts.".

"Okay. See ya." said the first paramedic as they climbed into the Manhattan Spirit and drove off.

The police officer who talked to David and Darryl walked over to the store with his partner. "Shouldn't we get back on duty?" he asked.

"Not just yet." said his partner. "Let's get some doughnuts first."

"I think I see our new plan." said Chrissy.

She and Sissy snuck over to the police car and opened the door. Sissy then pried open the steering column and tried to hotwire the car. However, it didn't work.

"What's wrong?" asked Chrissy.

"I can't seem to get this started." said Sissy. "This is Missy's department."

Tobias walked over and asked "What seems to be wrong, m'lady?"

"Uh, we seem to be having trouble starting our car." said Sissy.

"We lost the keys and we're trying to hotwire it." said Chrissy.

"Oh, that's no problem." said Tobias. "Just touch the green wire to the white wire and you'll have it started."

"Oh, the green wire." said Sissy. She touched the wires together and the engine started.

"Thank you." said Chrissy.

"You're welcome." said Tobias. He walked away as Sissy and Chrissy climbed into the police car and drove off.

The two police officers ran out of the store. "Hey, that's our car!" yelled one of them.

The Cannonballers all looked on in stunned silence.

"I've made a huge mistake, haven't I?" asked Tobias.

---

Somewhere else in Arizona, the Rumor was caught in a traffic jam. Brian drove.

"This kind of reminds me of that R.E.M. video, only you can't read everyone's thoughts." said Brian.

"Thank God." thought Vince.

"What's the holdup?" asked Dominic.

"It looks like they're painting the lines." said Vince.

"Shouldn't they be pulling over and letting us through?" asked Brian.

"Why don't you pass them?" asked Vince. "Come on, be a man. Show you've got a spine."

Brian pondered his dare for a second, then pulled onto the shoulder and raced past the line of traffic.

"Yeah, that's the spirit." said Vince.

One of the line painters saw the approaching Rumor and said "Hey, they're messing up our work!"

"Yeah, we're flying now." said Dominic.

"Woo!" chirped Brian. "There's the painters. Nice try, fellas!"

Vince leaned out the window and said "Yeah, suck on..."

Before he could finish the statement, one of the painters sprayed him in the face.

Brian cut in front of the painting truck and raced down the highway. Vince looked at him with white paint all over his face.

"Just put on some black eyeliner and I'll drop you off at the next goth club." laughed Brian.

---

Further away in the state of Arizona, Mickey pushed Herbie for all that he was worth as he tried to catch up with Minnie in Giselle.

The blue Lancia managed to keep a slight lead on Herbie.

"This is great!" yelled Daisy. "Us Disney ladies finally get to have some fun."

Herbie finally managed to close the gap between him and Giselle and honked his horn as he got ready to pass.

"Come on! Come on!" said Goofy as Herbie finally started to edge ahead of Giselle.

Herbie finally slipped in front and entered the town they were driving to ahead of Giselle.

Waiting for them were some of the town's residents. Anyone else would have been shocked at the sight of them, as they were all anthropomorphic cars. The town was the now-famous Radiator Springs.

The town's two mechanics, Luigi and Guido drove over to greet the Disney racers.

"Pit stop!" said Guido. It was one of the few English phrases he knew.

Luigi drove over to Giselle.

"Ciao, Bella!" he said to Giselle. "I don't care who won! You were bellisimo!"

Giselle honked her horn in reply.

"Hey, Luigi, you should be careful Herbie doesn't hear you flirting with his girl." Minnie said.

"I thought you liked the Ferraris anyway." said Daisy.

"Ferraris are my favorite, but I love all the vehicles from my homeland." said Luigi as he wiped Giselle's windshield and checked her tyre pressure.

"(Hey, Senor Herbie.)" said Guido in Italian. "(You sure can handle yourself well. Mickey was right to pick you for this race)."

Herbie honked in response.

"(Hey!)" said Guido, pleasantly surprised. "(You never told me you could speak my language.)"

"He's a Disney guy, isn't he?" asked Mickey. "We can always understand each other.".

The famous Piston Cup racer Lightning McQueen drove over, accompanied by his tow-truck friend Mater.

"Hey, Mickey, thanks for coming by." said McQueen. "We didn't think you'd find time for a stop during the Cannonball.".

"We'd never neglect Radiator Springs." said Donald. "This town is great.".

"Hey, amigos." said the Hispanic Chevy called Ramone as he drove over. He had applied yet another new paint job to himself. He was now black with red and yellow flames on his hood.

"Can't you just pick a look and stick to it, Ramone?" asked Mater. "I mean, shoot, that's the tenth respray you've had in two months.".

"What, you think it doesn't look good on me?" asked Ramone. "Anyway, Lightning, are you gonna tell the jefe here the news?".

"Alright, Ramone." said McQueen. He then addressed Mickey. "Mickey, we know you'll face some stiff competition in the race, and possibly some danger. So, Mater, Ramone, and I are offering our services in case of emergency."

Ramone extended one of his wipers. Attached to it was a piece of paper which Mickey took. On it was a phone number, and underneath it the words "Anytime, Anywhere, Anything".

"Gawrsh." said Goofy. "That's real decent of you, Lightning.".

"Indeed it is." said Mickey. "This is much appreciated, Lightning.".

"It's the least we can do for the studio that gave Pixar its big break." said McQueen.

"Now go and win that there race, Mickey! We got your back door if you need us!" said Mater.

"Okay, fellas!" said Mickey. He looked over at the girls and said "Ready to go, Minnie?".

"Yeah!" said Minnie. "And this time, I'm gonna beat ya!"

Luigi and Guido backed away to let both cars out. After revving their engines, Herbie and Giselle both took off at high speed.

---

At the Grand Canyon National Park, the Asp led the pack involved in the puzzle hunt, having finally overtaken Howard somewhere in Utah.

The other cars snapped at its heels.

"This is kinda like that 'Amazing Race' program, don't ya think?" asked Cole as he looked nervously at the Destroyer, which tried to get ahead of them to cut them off.

"Brock probably got the idea when Phil Keoghan announced for the race two years ago." said Westlake.

"Ah! There it is!" said Joe as he brought the Asp to a quick halt. The other cars and the Wayfarer bike came to a halt around it.

The teams poured out of their cars and headed for a table that was set up near the entrance to a trail. Near said trail, there were six tethered donkeys.

On the table was a note in an envelope.

Cole picked up the envelope, opened it and took out the note.

"Well, come on! Read it!" yelled Left Ear.

"Easy! What's the rush?" said Cole. "I know we're losing positions because of this, but it's hardly a matter of life or death."

"Easy for you to say." grumbled Lyle.

Cole read the note aloud. "Welcome to the location of the first clue. You will notice the donkeys near the entrance to the hiking trail. One member of each team must mount a donkey and follow the arrows on the trail to the banks of the Colorado River, where you will find the next clue. I implore you to move fast. Signed Brock Yates.".

The Baroness curled her lip. "We're supposed to ride those mangy beasts?"

"What? I thought a noble woman would know how to ride." said the Drake.

"I know how to ride HORSES, like a noble woman should, but not a miserable fleabag like that thing!" replied the Baroness.

"Never mind, Anastasia." said Destro. "I will take the donkey for our team."

"Okay, let's get going!" said Mortimer.

"Hell yeah!" said Howard.

---

At a native American reservation, Pitt and his team had stopped.

"I'm certain we're losing positions." said Giordino.

"Yeah, if we make stops like this every continent, people are going to get suspicious." said Gunn.

The chief walked over with an artifact of some kind. "All my life, I thought this was something from our tribe's history." he said. "I'm sure it will be much safer in the hands of someone looking to protect its secret."

"I promise you we won't let this fall into the wrong hands." said Pitt.

The chief handed over the artifact. "Guard it well." he said.

"Thank you." said Pitt. "Okay, let's go, guys."

Pitt and his team headed back to the car and got in. Roscoe, Buford, and Junior watched from the woods.

"That's them! That's a couple of them sumbitch Cannonballers." said Buford.

"Why'd they stop?" asked Junior.

"We can ask them when we run them in." said Roscoe. "Come on, I'm driving."

The Panama was back on the road and back on course. Roscoe and Junior were right behind them in the Aggressor.

"I don't see how the chief thought this artifact was from his tribe." said Gunn as he examined it. "The art style is much different. In fact, their artworks are more astheticly pleasing."

"Well, hold on tightly to it." said Pitt. "It's the only one in existance."

"Thank goodness for that." said Giordino.

Roscoe pulled up behind them and turned on his lights.

"Ah great." said Giordino.

"Don't worry, I'll try to lose him." said Pitt. He floored the accelerator.

"He's running." said Junior.

"We are officially in hot pursuit." said Buford.

"Wanna dance? We'll dance." said Pitt.

"Dirk, watch the turn." said Giordino. "Don't wanna end up in the river."

Pitt steered into the turn and pressed the brakes.

"Braking now?" said Roscoe. "Going in for the kill."

He too tried to brake into the turn, but the car continued to accelerate.

"What are you doing?" yelled Buford. "Slow down!"

"I'm trying!" yelled Roscoe. He looked down and saw that Junior's nightstick had gotten wedged between the accelerator and the seat mount.

He started to groan while trying to pull the stick out of its position.

"You're going too fast!" yelled Buford.

"Almost." said Roscoe. Finally, the nightstick came free and he laughed.

Then, he screamed when the Aggressor hit an embankment, flew over the river, and landed on a passing garbage scow.

The Panama drove by on the road. Pitt laughed.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your tax dollars at work." said Giordino.

Gunn filmed this with a video camera. "Sandecker has got to see this." he said.

As they drove by, Roscoe and Junior sat on the doors and looked at each other over the roof.

"Junior, you dipstick!" yelled Roscoe. "Why did you leave your nightstick under the seat?"

"Well, if I stick it in my belt, it pokes me in the stomach when I sit down." said Junior.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: there is no way, NO WAY you came from my loins!" said Buford to Junior. "Soon as we get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch your momma in the mouth!".

---

Meanwhile, Banner and Bender sped along a New Mexico highway in the Starbreaker, both keeping their eyes peeled for signs of Cannonballers.

"They were supposed to be coming this way." grumbled Banner. "Hope they haven't got wise to us. It would be just typical if we had a mole in our organization."

"You're being paranoid, sir." said Bender.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean that I'm wrong." Banner replied.

Just then they looked ahead and saw the Darkness driving along. It drove at the legal speed limit.

"Well, looks like our lucky day." Banner said as a smile formed on his face.

"They ain't speedin', though." said Bender.

"Well, then, as much as I hate to do it, it looks like we'll have to bend the rules a little." Banner said as he took his gun out of the glovebox and rolled down his window.

He took aim at one of the Darkness' taillights.

"Steady. Steady." he said as Bender kept pace with the Cannonball vehicle.

Banner fired a shot and successfully shot out the tail-light.

"What the hell?" yelled Rob Zombie in the Darkness. He put his foot on the brake and brought the black Buick to a halt.

The Starbreaker stopped just behind them.

Banner and Bender got ready to get out, but froze when they saw the menacing forms of Nemesis and 'Stone Cold' getting out of the car.

Stone Cold inspected the damage to the tail-light and then menacingly looked at the silver SLR that was behind them.

A nasty smile came to his lips.

"You boys just disrespected ol' Stone Cold and his team. And that's somethin' you just DON'T do! AH AH!" he said.

Bender pointed to Banner and said "It was HIS idea!"

"Shut up and get us out of here!" yelled Banner as Stone Cold reached into the Darkness' trunk and took out a tyre iron.

Bender quickly sped off, and the Starbreaker quickly became a speck in the distance.

"Guess you showed him, Steve." said Rob as he applauded.

"Ain't no problem". said Stone Cold.

---

Back at the Grand Canyon, the puzzle hunt participants rode down the trail on their donkeys. Mortimer brought up the rear.

"This looks pretty bad." he said. "But, if Howard can use a bit of trickery, then I guess I can too!".

He pulled out a fishing rod which had a carrot attached to the hook and dangled it in front of his donkey's eyes.

The donkey immediately got excited and started to gain speed as it tried to get the carrot.

Mortimer managed to overtake Charlie and the Drake as they rounded a corner which an arrow pointed towards.

"Oh no you don't." said Charlie as he spurred his donkey on.

He and the Drake gained speed as they tried to catch up with Mortimer.

Destro, Joe and Howard all looked around as they heard the sound of thundering hooves approaching.

"Come on! YAAA!" Howard yelled at his donkey as he tried to encourage it to speed up.

Destro and Joe tried to get their donkeys to speed up too, as they were now nearing the bottom of the trail.

But Mortimer managed to thunder past them and head for the sign at the river bank which read 'Finish'.

Charlie and the Drake came in close behind him.

"Bunch of upstarts!" Destro grumbled to himself.

Mortimer, Charlie and the Drake all dismounted their donkeys.

"Okay, so where's the clue?" asked the Drake as the other three reached the bottom of the trail.

"I think I'm looking at it right now." said Charlie as he nodded to two cars parked near the river.

They were both Corvettes. One was a Z06 and the other was a 1963 model.

Destro, Joe and Howard all saw the 'vettes as well and the group headed over to them.

There was a note attached to the side mirror of the Z06. Joe reached for it and took it off. He opened it and read the clue.

"It says 'find the place these cars come from and you will find the next clue'." he reported.

The Drake smiled. "You'd think he'd make it more of a challenge." he said.

"What do you mean?" asked Howard.

"Look at the windshield of the Z06." he said.

They all looked and saw the Z06 had a sticker near the top, saying it had come from Mad Marty's Motors in St. Louis.

"I know Mad Marty personally." the Drake smirked. "I'm sure he'll be able to tell me the clue over the phone.".

"Do not be so sure, Mr. Drake." said Destro. "Pride comes before a fall. I always say that to Cobra Commander.".

"Try not to be a sore loser." said the Drake as he dialled a number on his cell phone and put it to his ear.

After a few seconds, someone answered.

"Hi, Marty?" the Drake asked. "It's Seymour here. Yes, the Cannonball is going great for me. Listen, I believe you might have a clue for me."

After a pause, the Drake frowned. "What do you mean 'what do I mean'?" he asked. "There are two 'vettes of yours here. A Z06 and a '63 'vette.".

There was another pause. "You don't deal classic cars?" the Drake said. "Then where the hell does the '63 come from?"

Everyone else smiled smugly.

The Drake sighed. "Okay, thanks anyway. Incidentally, if that new model M3 comes in, hold it for me. Bye."

The Drake grumpily hung up.

"He says the only place he knows that would deal a '63 'Vette is in L.A.". he said.

"Don't say Nickel Noggin there didn't warn you." laughed Howard.

"Watch your tongue, mallard, or I may cut it out!" snapped Destro.

"Hey! Let's not fight!" said Mortimer. "We have to figure out what the clue really means.".

"Well, it's obvious that it's not just any old Chevy dealership that deals both these kind of cars." said Charlie.

"What makes you think they come from the same dealership at all." asked Joe. "These 'vettes look fresh. As if they haven't been together since they left the factory.".

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Joe. "Factory? FACTORY! Of course, that's it!"

"What?" everyone else asked.

"The Corvette plant in Bowling Green, Kentucky! That must be where the next clue is!" said Joe.

"You think so?" asked Charlie.

"He is a former wheelman!" said Mortimer. "I think he knows what he's talking about when it comes to fast cars!".

"Kentucky is thousands of miles away. We better amscray, post-haste!" said Howard.

"Alright then! To the cars!" yelled the Drake, as the team members ran back for the trail leading back to the top of the Canyon.

"Shouldn't we take the donkeys?" asked Charlie.

"Only if you want to die of old age before you reach the top." said Mortimer as he took out his phone and dialled.

"Hello, Bella? It's Mortimer!" he said into the phone as he ran. "Start up the car! We're going to Kentucky!"

---

A while later, in New Mexico, the Peligro and the Regalo raced down the road. James was behind the wheel of the Peligro.

"Can't you get any more speed out of this thing?" Giovanni demanded.

"Hey, you're the one who had the car prepared. You should know when it's at its top speed.". replied James.

"Will you two knock it off? You're acting like children." Jessie said.

In the Regalo, Yogi poured on the speed.

"Haven't heard any news of Dick Dastardly yet." he said. "I guess we can pray that he's dropped back a little.".

"You never know, Yogi." said Ranger Smith. "I think we need to keep an eye out.".

As the two cars passed a turn-off leading to a dirt road, the Dreadnoks sat on the dirt road watching them pass.

"Alright, mates." Buzzer said. "There's our first catch of the day!".

"You think just the five of us can take 'em, Buzzer?" asked Ripper.

"Sure we can!" said Torch. "One of 'em was Team Rocket. According to that TV show of theirs, they're a pushover!"

"Come on! Let's get 'em!" said Monkeywrench as he started up his Python cycle. Buzzer, Ripper, Torch and Zandar followed suit and they drove off onto the road and in pursuit of the two teams of Cannonballers.

Hearing the sound of engines, Meowth looked behind the Peligro and saw Buzzer and Torch come up on each side of the car, while Monkeywrench went behind them.

"Oh great!" he said. "Some heavy metal rejects want to play hardball."

Zandar and Ripper overtook their three team-mates and went after the Regalo.

"Uh oh! Looks like a few hostiles have shown up." said Quick Draw.

"If only El Kabong were here." said Cindy Bear.

"Ask and ye shall receive, fair lady!" said Quick Draw as he ducked down for a few seconds.

He got back up and now wore a black mask, matching cape and hat and held a Spanish guitar.

"Time to give these nasty boys what for!" said Quick Draw.

"Keep your foot down, James!" said Giovanni in the Peligro. The Peligro sped up, but the Cobra quadbikes were easily able to keep up.

"Okay! Get ready to do some damage!" yelled Buzzer as he readied his chainsaw and Torch got his flamethrower ready.

"I don't like the look of this." said Giovanni.

"I have an idea!" said Jessie. "Boss, quick, get my compact out of my purse!".

"This is a fine time to think about your face, Jessie!" Giovanni yelled.

"JUST DO IT!" Jessie yelled back.

Normally Giovanni would have chastised Jessie for raising her voice to him, but something compelled him to do as she said this time.

Finding Jessie's purse on the floor, he quickly rummaged through it and pulled out a powder compact. "Here!" he said as he reached it to her.

Jessie rolled down the right window of the Peligro and quickly threw the talcum powder into Buzzer's face.

"Bloody hell!" yelled Buzzer as he was blinded by the powder. Unable to see where he was going, he drove off the road and crashed his cycle into a river.

"Now, get my nail varnish and give it to James!" Jessie said.

Giovanni complied and James took the nail varnish in his free hand.

"Do the same to this guy?" James asked as he nodded towards Torch.

"Yeah!" Jessie replied.

James rolled down his window, and quickly opened the nail varnish bottle and threw it into Torch's face.

As the red liquid covered his sunglasses, Torch swore and drove his bike off the side of he road. He wiped his glasses off with his free hand to see he was headed towards a tree.

He quickly jumped off his cycle before it collided with the tree.

"Who'd have thought beauty aids could make effective weapons?" asked James.

Meowth cleared his throat, pointed to Monkeywrench and said "We still have this tailgater to deal with."

"I'll handle him." said Giovanni as he took out a pokeball. "Spinarak, I choose you.".

The pokeball opened and the spider-like Pokemon popped out and climbed out onto the roof of the Peligro.

Monkeywrench immediately turned pale when he saw the bug Pokemon. To say that Monkeywrench hated spiders would be an understatement.

"Spinarak, string shot!" Giovanni commanded.

Spinarak shot out its stringy web fluid at Monkeywrench, completely mummifying him. He went off the road an into a ditch.

"Well done, boss!" said Meowth.

"You didn't think I got to be Team Rocket leader on good looks and charm alone, did you?" Giovanni beamed.

"No, because you don't even have those!" Jessie thought to herself.

Meanwhile, Quick Draw aka El Kabong had climbed out onto the roof of the Regalo. Ripper aimed for the car's tyres with the bayonet attached to his laser rifle.

"Oh no you don't!" said Quick Draw as he raised his guitar and smashed it down onto Ripper's head.

"KABONG!" Quick Draw yelled as the guitar made contact.

The dazed Ripper steered his cycle down a nearby hillside next to a bridge and drove into a creek.

"This is getting ridiculous!" snapped Zandar as he raised his laser rifle. "Eat this, funny guy!"

He started firing laser blasts at Quick Draw, who desperately tried to avoid the blasts.

"Quick Straw needs help, Senor Yogi. Is there anything you can do?" said Baba Louie.

"Hang on!" said Yogi as he slammed on the Regalo's brakes. Zandar, unable to stop in time, plowed into the rear end of the green Buick and was thrown from his cycle.

He went flying over the roof of the Regalo and landed with a thump on the road in front of it.

"Well done, Yogi." said Boo Boo.

"It'll take more than these guys to stop the Wacky Racers!" said Yogi as he turned the steering wheel before starting the Regalo again, to avoid running over Zandar.

Quick Draw climbed back in through the window as the Regalo and the Peligro drove off on their way.

Zandar looked after the departing vehicles and cursed.

---

Somewhere in Santa Fe, Tanner drove the Sorcerer towards a 7-11. As he pulled into the parking lot, the Supernova XS slipped in behind him, trying to keep its distance.

Tanner pulled into a parking space and stopped the Sorcerer. He got out and headed over to the store with his ATM card ready.

"Looks like he's just going to get some money." said Marcus as Nick tried to back into a parking space without Tobias noticing them.

"Maybe. Maybe not." said Nick.

"Well, he needs it after we took that 500 bucks off him." Marcus replied.

Then there was a slight bump and the sound of a car alarm went off.

Marcus and Nick looked around to see that hey had given a slight nudge to a car behind them, which had caused the alarm to go off.

Needless to say, the sound had attracted the attention of Tobias, who now saw Marcus and Nick.

He angrily scowled at them.

"Shit." said Nick. "Might as well get this over with."

He and Marcus got out of the Supernova while Tobias got out of the Sorcerer.

Nearby, the Shogun had pulled up. Mr. Chairman and Yuri noticed Tobias, Marcus, and Nick about to have a confrontation and smiled.

"Perfect." said Yuri. "Hostility is already there."

Mr. Chairman pulled out a Desert Eagle with a laser sight and put on a gas mask, while Yuri also fitted a gas mask and pulled out a grenade of some sort.

"What the hell is your problem?" Tobias demanded of Nick and Marcus. "We paid you back, we told you we plan to play fair. What more do you want?".

"Well, let's just say that the fact Tanner tried to screw us over that $500 didn't exactly fill us with confidence." replied Nick.

"What were you gonna do with it anyway? Buy your own goddamn donut shop!" snapped Tobias in reply.

"Okay." said Yuri as he removed the pin from the grenade and threw it. "Here goes the Chaos Drone gas!"

The grenade landed a few feet away from Tobias, Nick and Marcus.

Suddenly, Nick threw a left hook at Tobias, nearly knocking him to the ground.

"Not so funny now, are you?" said Nick as Tobias got back up.

Tobias angrily returned the punch. Marcus joined the scuffle and delivered a strong kick to Tobias' middle.

Tanner had withdrawn his money from the ATM and exited the 7-11. He saw the fight and was shocked. He then noticed the gas coming from the grenade, and then saw the Shogun, where Mr. Chairman was lining up his shot. Thinking quickly, he covered his nose and mouth with a handkerchief and took out his gun with his free hand.

"What the hell is this?" asked Mr. Chairman as he saw what Tanner was doing.

Tanner quickly ran towards the fighting trio and knocked them all to the ground. While they were confused, he ran over and kicked the gas grenade away. He then raised his gun and fired at the Shogun.

"Shit!" yelled Mr. Chairman. "Get us out of here!"

Yuri gunned the engine and drove off at high speed. Tanner ran out into the road and fired after the Shogun, which had now gone into the distance.

Tobias, Nick and Marcus all picked themselves up.

"What the hell just happened?" asked Marcus, as the effects of the gas were now gone.

"I don't know." said Nick. "I just felt mega-aggressive for some reason.".

"I can tell you what it was." said Tanner as he came over. "It was a weapon used by this ex-Soviet commando called Yuri.".

"Yuri?" asked Tobias. "Didn't he try to stop the race two years ago?"

"Yeah. It looks like he's returned." said Tanner. "Are you guys okay?".

"Yeah." said Nick. "But I'm a bit confused. You helped me and Marcus despite all the crap we gave you at the start?"

"Yeah." said Tanner. "I told you I was on the side of good, didn't I?"

Nick and Marcus looked at each other.

"Well, hell. Looks like we had you figured wrong, Mr. Wheelman." said Marcus.

"So, does this mean a truce?" asked Tobias.

"I guess it does." said Nick as the two teams shook hands.

"Listen, I got the license number of that Caddy." said Tanner. "It was an Empire City plate reading STM 2088. If you have a computer I think you should run that number through it.".

"Will do." said Marcus.

All four men then heard the sound of sirens.

"They must have heard the gunshots." said Tobias.

"Well, I think I would rather avoid awkward explanations right now." said Nick.

"Motion carried!" said Tanner as the four ran for their vehicles, got in, and sped off as the local law enforcement raced to the scene.

---

Elsewhere in Santa Fe, the Capital tried to catch up with the Red Fury.

"Get those damn Rangers!" yelled Mojo. "I hate do-gooders! Especially ones whose TV shows have LONG worn out their welcome!"

"Blame Japan for always producing more of them." replied Drakken as he drove.

"Maybe I should put a bullet in their tyres." Mad Dog suggested. "You know I'm a good shot!"

"Worth a try, but it could end up getting us disqualified." said Shego. "So save the ammo for later.".

"Keep your eyes open for cow skulls or spitoons. If I shoot them I can get more ammo." said Mad Dog.

Mojo looked at him, indicated their environs and said "Reality, Mad Dog. Reality.".

"Says the talking monkey!" sneered Mad Dog.

"Will you guys zip the lips!" said Drakken. "I'm going to kick the Red Rangers' asses.".

The Capital began to gain some ground on the Red Fury.

"Those guys are right on top of us!" said Mack. "You guys got any ideas?"

"I've got a perfect one." said Casey as he drove. "Get the big map out of the glovebox, Nick."

"Okay." said Nick as he reached into the glovebox and took out a map of the USA.

"How's that gonna help?" asked Mack.

"You notice how strong the wind is?" asked Casey.

Mack realised what was going to happen and smiled.

Nick leaned out the Red Fury's window and lead the headwind blow the unfolded map onto the Capital's windshield.

The view through the windshield was completely blocked.

"Damn!" yelled Mad Dog.

"No problem!" said Drakken as he flipped a switch with his free hand. On the inside of the windshield, a computer monitor-like view appeared.

It displayed a video camera raising out of the Capital's hood and the words 'Tactical Camera Operational'.

"Just a little something I added at the start." smirked Drakken. He took his hands off the steering wheel and grabbed hold of a joystick which had raised up and used it to steer the car.

A camera had indeed raised on the hood and was showing the villains a CG-image of the road, the route and all the vehicles on it.

"Wonderful what the right technology can do." said Mojo.

"Okay, fellas." said Casey. "Hold on tight!"

He activated the Red Fury's nitrous and got a good lead on the Capital.

Drakken scanned the route they were following on his viewscreen and smirked again as he saw a shortcut that would enable them to catch up with the Red Fury.

He turned off the main route and headed for a side street. As he turned into it, he bumped into a group of trashcans, knocking them over. The Capital wobbled a bit. Drakken tried to bring it back under control but sideswiped an ice cream truck as he did.

"Shit!" yelled Shego. "You must suck at video games! Let me take over!".

"Knock yourself out!" said Drakken as he grudgingly let her have control of the joystick.

Shego steered the Capital with ease and manouvered towards the off ramp leading to the road where they would intercept the Red Fury.

Mack was laughing as the Red Fury sped along.

"Looks like we're A-OK here." he said. "Let's get going.".

Nick looked in the passenger side mirror and saw the Capital coming down the off ramp and catching up with them.

"Uh oh! We're not out of the woods yet." he said. "Keep your foot down, Casey."

"This ought to lose them." said Casey as he steered into a narrow alley way, which the Capital followed them into.

"You won't lose me that easily, boys!" said Shego. She pressed a button and the view on the screen changed to a view from a camera on the Capital's bumper. She laughed as he rammed the Red Fury from behind a couple of times.

"Get 'em, Shego!" said Mad Dog as he whooped and cheered.

As they approached the end of the alley, Casey managed to angle the Red Fury to avoid a dumpster that was partly blocking the way on the other side.

"Cool move!" said Mack.

"Au revoir, guys!" said Nick as he waved at the Capital.

As both cars exited the alley, Casey quickly accelerated the Red Fury away. Shego shrieked as she saw the dumpster blocking the way on the bumper-cam.

She couldn't turn in time and the Capital crashed into the dumpster. The spilt garbage brought the car to a halt.

By now, the Red Fury had left them in the dust.

"What was that you said about me sucking at video games?" sneered Drakken as Shego glared.

Mad Dog climbed out of the car to remove the map from the windshield.

Up ahead, the three Red Rangers cheered.

"I knew teamwork would help us get an edge." said Casey. "We should never forget about that."

"Hey, I may be a Red Ranger, but I know not to let ego get in the way." replied Mack.

---

Jerry and Captain Pierce walked out of a convenience store in Las Cruces.

"And I can't really figure how you can find that line dirty." said Jerry.

"Think about it." said Pierce. "'Let me know if it pops up'?"

"What about it?" asked Jerry.

"Remember what he's singing about." said Pierce. "It's right there in the title."

"Hey, what's that?" asked Jerry. A box sat on the hood of the Primus.

After they got back on the road, Pierce opened the box while Jerry drove. After he got it open, he found a plastic, gun-like object inside with a CD.

"We weren't told we'd be packing heat." he said.

"Is that a CD?" asked Jerry. "Maybe we should listen to it."

Pierce ejected the copy of "Sailing The Seas Of Cheese" that was in there and inserted the CD from the box. Shavers' voice came over the stereo.

"Hello. The device you have received is an experimental piece of equipment. It is a gun that fires microwave energy designed to short out electronic devices. It was based on a piece of equipment in use by an organization called Third Echelon. I must point out that the device requires an hour to rest before it can be used again. Good luck, I hope it serves you well. Now, how do I turn this thing off..."

"Electronic devices." said Pierce.

"I wonder if that would include engine electronics." said Jerry.

"One way to find out." said Pierce. He took the device in his hand and prepared to aim.

A car drove down the sidewalk while the driver hung out of the window and laughed like a madman. Pierce turned to Jerry and the two of them nodded to each other.

Pierce aimed the device at the car and pulled the trigger. The car started giving off sparks and ground to a halt. The driver stopped laughing and looked dumbfounded.

"Looks like it does." said Pierce. He and Jerry joined in an elaborate handshake and howled.

---

Near Albequerque, the Bionic Cheetah sped along, with Space Ghost now in the passenger seat. It malfunctioned, constantly tilting various ways.

"Congratulations, Moltar!" Space Ghost yelled at Moltar, who was driving. "You messed around with the seat until you broke it!".

"I will NOT be held responsible for faulty engineering!" snapped Moltar.

The passenger seat tilted sideways and left Space Ghost lying up against Moltar.

"Hey! Buy me a drink first!" Moltar sarcastically said.

Space Ghost straightened himself up. Then the seat tilted far forward and pressed him against the windshield, causing him to make a funny face.

"That's a good look for you, buddy." Zorak laughed.

---

The Barbarian and the Sorcerer raced along the New Mexico highways. Both stayed close to each other, as neither wanted to lose this little drag race. They failed to notice KARR hiding behind a billboard.

"Gotcha..." KARR said.

KARR began his pursuit of the two Cannonball vehicles.

"Michael..." KITT said. "That Ford Mustang behind us feels all too familiar."

"You're imaging things KITT." Michael said. "It's just a ordin... Did you see that yellow flash of light from the front of that Mustang?"

"I knew it! Michael, it's KARR! He's the same version your son fought against two years ago."

"Let's lose him, KITT!"

The Barbarian passed the Sorcerer, as KARR gave chase.

"What are they doing?" Tanner asked himself. Then he noticed KARR transform into his robot mode. "What the hell?"

KARR continued his chase of the Barbarian.

Flying above the three vehicles were the Powerpuff Girls.

"Let's get that robot thing girls!" Blossom said. The three super heroines flew and punched KARR, sending him stumbling backward, before they continued to damage KARR. However Buttercup noticed something weird.

"It's got no driver!" Buttercup said. "Where is the driver of this thing?"

"He's waiting for the perfect time to strike against the Cannonballers you just rescued." KARR said. "You won't save them in time..."

"You haven't seen us work!" Blossom fired her eye lasers and damaged KARR even further.

To save himself from destruction, KARR changed back into his vehicle mode and pulled off to the side of the road. The Powerpuff Girls smiled as they saw him splutter to a halt and decided to go on their way.

Once the three girls left, a huge customised black and grey Peterbilt 352 Pacemaker truck and trailer pulled up. It was Garthe Knight's infamous truck Goliath, rebuilt for attacks against the Cannonballers.

Garthe climbed out and helped move KARR into the trailer.

"They fell for it?" Garthe asked.

"Yes... they fell for it." KARR replied.

Then let's not disappoint them. Garthe smirked.

---

A few hours later, Homer drove the Kowalski through Austin, Texas, looking for a gas station. He finally saw one and pulled into it.

"I hope we get fast service." he said. "We need gas pretty damn pronto!"

Suddenly, the Avenger ramped off the roof of the Kowalski and drove to another pump.

"Sorry, Homer." said the Punisher. "Didn't see you there."

Homer got out of the Kowalski and closed his door.

"Watch it, dad!" said Bart.

"D'oh!" snapped Homer as he flattened himself against his door, allowing the Streetfighter to pass and pull in to another pump.

Homer then looked around and screamed in terror as he saw the Licorne heading straight for him. He ran towards an empty garage right in front of him as the Licorne followed him in.

He ran through a door at the back of the garage and found himself behind the gas station. He looked around and saw an attendant having a coffee break.

"Oh! Customers!" said the attendant as he threw his coffee cup into a nearby garbage can.

"What makes you say that?" said Homer sarcastically.

Homer and the attendant walked around to the front of the gas station.

"Hey, Homer!" said Shrek when he saw Homer. "Sorry about that, but we just need our tyre pressure checked."

"Well, please be a bit more careful next time, Shrek." said Marge.

"I thought something like that happened at your house all the time, Marge." commented Priss as she filled up the Streetfighter.

"Oh." said Marge, a bit guiltily.

"Okay, guys." said Homer as he got ready to head into the gas station's store. "Do we need any goodies?".

"It's five o'clock in the afternoon." said Bart. "I need some sustenance. Get me a large corn dog and a Dr. Pepper if you can.".

"What do we say, Bart?" said Marge.

"NOW!" Bart yelled at Homer. "Or I tell everyone about you and the flowers."

Homer grumbled under his breath as he went into the store.

"You're never going to let him forget that, are you Bart?" said Lisa.

"Not if I can help it." Bart smirked.

---

Somewhere outside the city, at a roadside gas station, the Starlight had parked while Beavis and Butthead were inside the store getting some snacks.

Corvax had the radio tuned to V-Rock. The station had formerly been a station exclusive to Vice City, but had gone national in the late '90s.

The DJ, Couzin Ed, was anchoring. He had just finshed playing the track 'Rearviewmirror' by Pearl Jam.

Corvax smiled and said to himself.

"I wish there were radio stations like this back home" he said. "Love live Rock 'N Roll'".

Corvax had failed to notice the sinister-looking black Dodge Charger with the tinted windows parked in a spot behind him. Sitting in it, drinking coffee and watching the silver Aston Martin with a hungry expression was Charger.

"Okay, my Arabian friend." he said to himself. "Enjoy your little rest stop, because from here on out, it gets nasty."

Charger let out a low, nasty chuckle. Beavis and Butthead came out of the store, carrying a bag full of Doritos and soda. They both climbed into the Starlight.

"You guys get everything?" Corvax asked.

"Yeah." said Butthead. "We even got a big bag of ice to kep the soda cool."

"Great" said Corvax. "Did you make sure you got caffeine-free stuff for Beavis?"

"Yep." replied Butthead. "We so totally don't want another visit from Cornholio.".

"HEY!" said Beavis. "I can handle caffeine no problem".

"Have me over for dinner some year and prove it." replied Corvax, as he started the Starlight's engine and started to back up out of the parking space. "But I don't want anyone going psycho in the car."

"Watch it, man!" yelled Beavis.

Corvax heard a light 'bump' noise and looked behind him. He had accidentally given the Charger a little nudge when he had backed up.

"Shit." said Corvax. He moved forward slightly and saw that no actual damage had been done to the black muscle car. He gave the Charger a careful look, but could see no signs of movement behind the one-way glass of the windows.

"Ah, what the hell?" he sighed. "The car's okay. There's no need for the driver, wherever he is, to know about this."

Corvax drove forward and left the store's parking lot and drove off down the highway.

Charger's smile took on a predatory nature as he watched the Aston drive off. "That wasn't very nice, buddy boy. Time for you to be punished." he said as he put his helmet on.

He then picked up his CB and said "Charger to Mastermind. I'm in pursuit of a Cannonballer. I think you should call a meat wagon soon, as there won't be much left of these guys when I'm done with them.".

He laughed nastily again as he started up the powerful engine of his car and pulled out after the Starlight.

Down the road, as Corvax drove along, Couzin Ed was still anchoring on V-Rock.

"This is where it's happening, dudes and dudettes." Ed said. "The nationwide home of REAL hard rock, not that commercial playlist payola bullshit Lazlow played when he was DJ here back in '86. I just knew it would only be a matter of time till they called up the REAL dark lord, Couzin Ed here, to come back. Anyway, to show that we here at V-Rock spit in the face of authority, here we have a song we're playing in honour of those bodacious ladies and gentlemen taking part in the Cannonball Run at this time. Thanks to a bit of string-pulling on our part, here is, live from the Cannonball Run HQ at the Four Dragons in Las Venturas, Papa Roach with their hit 'Getting Away With Murder'.".

At Race Central, Papa Roach took the stage.

"One, two, three, four!" said Jacoby and the music started.

"YEAH! YEAH! This rocks!" yelled Beavis as the song started.

"WOO-HOO!" howled Corvax as he and the two teens started to headbang to the music.

Corvax put his foot down on the accelerator and sped up to about 90 mph.

Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness,
I need to calculate,
What creates my own madness.

And I'm addicted to your punishment.
And you're the master.
And I am waiting for disaster.

Behind them, Charger accelerated his own car and sped up to over 100 mph. "Who's your daddy, bitches?" he laughed as he aimed for the back of the Starlight. Corvax casually glanced up at the rear view and was shocked to see the black car coming right for them.

"What the hell?" he said.

Beavis and Butthead looked behind and turned pale.

There was a loud thud as the Charger made contact with the back of the Starlight and nearly knocked it off the road. The silver car fishtailed and Corvax tried to bring it under control.

I feel irrational.
So confrontational.
To tell the truth I am,
Getting away with murder.

It isn't possible,
To never tell the truth.
But the reality is,
I'm getting away with murder.

(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)

Charger backed up a bit and let Corvax get the Starlight under control, before slamming his foot down on his car's gas pedal again and ramming into them again, causing Corvax to swerve to the side and nearly go off the road.

I drink my drink and I don't even want to.
I think my thoughts when.
I don't even need to.

I never look back cause I don't even want to.
And I don't need to.
Because I'm getting away with murder.

I feel irrational.
So confrontational.
To tell the truth I am,
Getting away with murder.

It isn't possible.
To never tell the truth.
But the reality is.
I'm getting away with murder.

(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)

"YEAH!" yelled Charger as Corvax put his foot down even further in an attempt to get away. "Don't like it up the ass, you buncha sissies, huh? Try this for size!".

Charger sped up and got alongside the Starlight. He then swerved and rammed into the side of the Starlight.

"Redneck lunatic bastard!" Corvax yelled at the black car. "I'm sorry I backed into your stupid car. Leave us alone!"

"Lose this guy, Corvax!" Butthead yelled.

"AH! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Beavis yelled as Charger sideswiped them again, nearly forcing them off the road again.

"Get a grip, Beavis!" Butthead yelled as he smacked Beavis upside the head.

Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
Getting away, Getting away, Getting away, With murder.

As Charger prepared to sideswipe the Starlight again, Corvax reached for the button to activate a tyre slasher built into the Starlight.

"This may be a bit extreme, but whoever you are, mister, I can't let you kill us." he said as the slasher blade extended from the wheel of the Starlight.

"Uh uh, buddy boy!" said Charger as he hit a switch on his own dashboard. From just below the driver's side door of the Charger, a long metal pole shot out.

Charger maneuvered his car so that the pole hit the slasher blade and broke it right off the Starlight.

Corvax picked up the Starlight's CB and yelled into it. "911! This is Corvax in the Starlight! Any Cannonball protectors in Texas, please come to our aid. We're being attacked by a possible hostile".

Flying in the sky was Meteor Man. He heard the call over his radio headset and checked on his tracker watch to find the Starlight's location.

"Corvax, this is Meteor Man. I'm on my way!" he said.

"Please hurry! I'm sorry I called you a lamo superhero." said Corvax.

"I forgive you! Just hold on!" replied Meteor Man.

Charger activated his nitrous oxide boost and shot ahead of the Starlight.

"Oh great!" said the shaken Butthead. "He's had his fun, now he'll leave us alone.".

No such luck. When he was far enough ahead, Charger quickly turned his steering wheel and made his car do a 180 degree turn. He now faced the Starlight. He got back on the accelerator and sped towards the Starlight.

"Let's see if you're a chicken shit, you green-faced geek!" sneered Charger as he sped towards the Starlight in a chicken run.

Corvax quickly swerved the Starlight out of the Charger's path and avoided a collision. He put his foot down as far as it would go, and sped towards the next town which was just coming up.

Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness,
I need to calculate.
What creates my own madness.

And I'm addicted to your punishment.
And you're the master.
And I am craving this disaster.

Charger turned his car around yet again and took off after the Starlight. He made sure to keep back a bit as he prepared for the kill.

The Starlight approached a four-way intersection with traffic lights. Just as they approached, the lights turned red.

Meteor Man flew over the intersection and saw the Charger now coming full speed for the rear of the Starlight.

I feel irrational.
So confrontational.
To tell the truth I am.
Getting away with murder.

It isn't possible.
To never tell the truth.
But the reality is.
I'm getting away with murder.

(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)

"Adios, bozos! See you in Hell!" Charger yelled as he roared towards the Starlight.

The Charger made contact with the rear of the Starlight and knocked it into the intersection.

"BOO-YAH!" yelled Charger.

Corvax and his team mates screamed as they saw a truck head right for them. Just when it looked like the end, Meteor Man swooped down and got in front of the truck. He held his right hand out, and with his colossal strength, stopped the truck from advancing any further and hitting the Starlight.

"SHIT!" yelled Charger. "I'll deal with you assholes later!". He spun his car around and drove off back the way he came.

I feel irrational.
So confrontational.
To tell the truth I am.
Getting away with murder.

It isn't possible.
To never tell the truth.
But the reality is.
I'm getting away with murder.

(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)

'Getting Away With Murder' by Papa Roach.

Corvax, Beavis, and Butthead let out a sigh of relief as the truck driver shut off his engine and Meteor Man walked towards them.

"You guys okay?" asked Meteor Man.

"Yeah." said Butthead. "Like, that was scary.".

"You got that right." said Corvax. "I take back what I said about that guy being a 'possible' hostile. I backed into his car a few miles back and I thought he wanted payback. But it's obvious he was trying to kill us."

"You think so, Corvax?" asked Beavis. "He could've just been some drunk or a pillhead or something."

"He chased you guys down the road at about 120 mph and tried to play Chicken with you, Beavis." said Meteor Man. "I think the baddies are making their move alright, just like that John Doe guy who made that call last night said they would."

"What about the other Cannonballers?" asked Corvax. "They need to be warned."

"I'll take care of that." said Meteor Man. "Lone Wolf and the others are still out there. In the meantime, Corvax, here's something I think you should watch.

Meteor Man took out a DVD and handed it to Corvax. The case read 'Defensive Driving Techniques by Buddy Armstrong'.

"Just in case someone attacks you again." explained Meteor Man.

"Thanks." said Corvax. "This will be of great help."

As Meteor Man went off, he thought to himself "I hope the other racers aren't having as much trouble."

---

Somewhere else in Texas, the Harbinger and the Fleetline still raced against each other.

Trikz managed to eventually get a lead on the old muscle car and sped past him.

"So long!" Ty yelled to the Fleetline driver.

As the guy tried to catch up, the Brigand suddenly roared past him.

"What the hell?" he said.

Lidell kept his foot to the floor. He was determined to catch Trikz after having talked his way out of a lot of trouble in Dillimore.

"Come on, let's go!" he yelled, as the Brigand was having trouble reaching a higher speed than 95 mph.

"Hey, check this out." said Lana as she looked behind them to see the Brigand trying to catch up. "Some guy in a Nova wants to play!".

"I'll show him what I think of that." said Ty as he rolled down the passenger side window of the Harbinger.

He has pulled his pants down a bit and his rear-end was exposed. He stuck it out the window, pointing it at the Brigand.

"Kiss this, wannabe!" he yelled.

"Wise-ass, huh?" said Lidell as he reached into the glovebox and pulled out a 45.

He stuck the gun out his window and fired a couple of shots at the Harbinger.

"SHIT!" yelled Ty as he quickly pulled his butt back into the car.

"Hang on!" yelled Trikz as he put his foot down and sped his car up.

"You ain't getting away, creep!" yelled Lidell as he finally got the Brigand's speed past the century mark.

Trikz kept his eye on the road as he raced up a hill ahead of the Brigand and drove down the other side, briefly leaping as he crested the hill.

Lidell performed the same move with expertise and finally came alongside the Harbinger.

"Here's some lunch for ya!" Lidell yelled as he sideswiped the Harbinger.

"Shit! It's Lidell!" said Lana.

"I knew he was up to something!" said Trikz.

Lidell sideswiped them again as they reached the bottom of the hill and came onto a straightaway.

Lidell was so wrapped up in getting back at Trikz that he hadn't noticed the Fleetline catching up with him.

"I'll show you that's no way to treat my friends. Or rivals." the Fleetline guy said as he aimed his car for the back of the Brigand.

The Harbinger finally got ahead of the Brigand as the three cars approached the Oklahoma state line.

"Now for the Big Gulp." said Lidell as he prepared to attack again.

The Fleetline driver activated a nitrous oxide shot and shot forward.

As he did, he patted his steering wheel and said "Hope you don't get too badly dinged up, darlin'."

Before the Brigand could attack the Harbinger again, the Fleetline rear-ended it and made it spin out.

"SHIIIIIIT!" yelled Lidell as he struggled to get the car under control again.

The Brigand eventually went off the side of the road and tumbled down an incline.

It came to a rest on its' roof at the bottom. Lidell undid his seatbelt and got out of the car.

Luckily, the fuel hadn't started to spill and the car wasn't on fire.

Lidell angrily looked after the Harbinger and the old Chevy which had now entered Oklahoma.

"Sons of bitches must pay!" he said as he tried with great effort to get the Brigand back on its wheels again.

Down the road, the Fleetline pulled alongside the Harbinger.

"Hey, Trikz! You okay!" the Fleetline guy asked.

"Fine! I owe you one, mister!" Trikz said.

"No big deal! I'd do anything to help out a Cannonballer!". the guy said.

"Thanks, mister." said Lana, smiling. "Say, what did you say your name was again?"

The man smiled mischievously and said "I didn't."

He then sped his car up and tried to pull ahead.

Trikz activated his NOS shot and sped past him.

The Fleetline continued to snap at Trikz's heels as its' mighty engine worked overtime.

---

At Race Central...

"Alright, folks." said Lazlow as the camera followed him around the foyer of the hotel. "The sun is starting to set again, and the racers have now mostly passed through the Lone Star State. Still a long way to go to reach the bridge, but we hear everybody's giving their all. Now, Mr. Yates has asked me to explain a new Cannonball update system to you. You can receive the latest updates by going to the 'functions' feature on the Four Dragons' personal website. Barenaked Ladies have taken a break from the music to try the system out, and I'm now going to join them to demonstrate the software."

As Lazlow headed towards a back room, he added "This system will allow online fans to get the latest race results in under seven minutes, without even needing an account on the website. The system is so streamlined that you could wake up and get the results without even having to get dressed. Ah, here we are.".

He knocked on the door.

"Come in!" said Ed Robertson of BNL from inside.

Lazlow and the camera man went in.

"Hi, guys, how are... what the?" Lazlow said.

He was shocked because all the members of the band were present, but not one of them wore any clothes.

"Hey, Lazlow." said Ed.

"Uh, what are you guys doing?" the stunned Lazlow asked.

"Well, can't you see?" said Jim Creegan as he gestured to the computer they were gathered around. "We're checking the race results online.".

"But you're...naked." said Lazlow.

"That's right." said Ed. "You said we could check information on the Cannonball in under seven minutes."

"Without even getting dressed" added Kevin Hearn

"In the nude!" chipped in Tyler Stewart.

"I also said you didn't need an account, but I didn't think you'd go nude on me." shuddered Lazlow

"I feel as free as a barn swallow!" said Jim as he bounced up and down a couple of times.

"I'll let you get back to work." said Lazlow as he shook his head and left the room. The camera man lingered for a few seconds.

"We should have done this years ago." said Ed with a real look of satisfaction on his face.

"Uh, thank you, Lazlow." said Misty nervously as the camera cut back to her, Ron and Veronica. "Well, there you have it. It's much easier to check the results now."

"In the meantime, the prize money has thus far been safe." said Veronica. "Our dedicated security team will make sure of that. At the present moment, it is Blue Falcon and Dynomutt who are on duty."

Outside the vault...

"So far, no one's made an attempt." said Blue Falcon.

"Maybe this year, the money will be safe." said Dynomutt.

"I wouldn't count on it." said Blue Falcon.

An alarm started to go off.

"What's that?" asked Dynomutt.

"That's the external alarm." said Blue Falcon.

"Oh." said Dynomutt. "It's been so long since I've heard it, I forgot what it sounds like."

Outside, Catwoman stood on the ledge cutting a hole in the window.

"Now, to get my hands on the prize money." she said.

Dynomutt extended his neck from the roof until his head was next to Catwoman. "Sorry, you didn't say 'May I'."

Blue Falcon dropped to the ledge himself. "Well, if it isn't Catwoman." he said.

"Blue Falcon." said Catwoman. "I thought that after our last encounter, you'd think twice about crossing me."

"Funny, I thought you're supposed to worry about the cat crossing your path." said Blue Falcon.

Dynomutt lowered himself to the ledge with his extending arms. "Looks like your heist ends here." he said.

"If you insist." said Catwoman. "I guess I won't be needing this zip line then." she added as she took out a grappling hook launcher with a cable.

"Just hand it over." said Blue Falcon.

"Okay." said Catwoman. "Catch."

She threw the zip line off the ledge. Dynomutt jumped to grab it, then noticed too late that he had jumped off the ledge. "This is going to hurt." he said.

He fell a second later. Blue Falcon dove after him.

"Now that the interference is out of the way." said Catwoman. She pushed the circle out of the window, reached through, and unlocked the window. She then opened it and climbed through.

"I didn't really need the zip line." said Catwoman as she started to pick up the prize money.

"No, but you will need a doctor."

Catwoman turned around to see Batgirl in front of her. A split second later, she saw stars when Batgirl knocked her out.

"Bad kitty." said Batgirl.

"Good thing I didn't land on anyone in the pool." said Dynomutt.

"Yes, but it is too bad you missed the pool completely." said Blue Falcon as he carried Dynomutt back up to the window.

They found Batgirl putting a pair of bat-shaped handcuffs on Catwoman.

"Good to see our backup has arrived." said Dynomutt.

---

Elsewhere in the hotel, Alice and Janice Foyt had snuck in through the kitchen's delivery area, disguised as caterers.

They both wore special necklaces which disrupted security cameras any time they passed them. It was an invention of Dr Badvibes'.

"I'm glad these things work. His hacking skills are good too." said Alice as she checked a PDA device in her hand.

"So he found Bluth's hotel room on the register?" asked Janice.

"Indeed. Let's go." said Alice.

---

On the road leading to Kansas City, the Clover was going about 80 mph.

Denis Leary had a grin of satisfaction on his face.

"You're going pretty fast, Denis." Dane commented.

"Hell, we're just cruising. I'll LET you know when we're going fast." Denis said. "I'm glad I can keep up this speed and think of new ideas for my act at the same time.".

"Hey, on that note, my nephew came up with a good joke." said Dane. "It's got the potential to be very funny or very cringe-inducing.".

"Oh?" asked Denis. "So he wants to be a comic too?"

"Yeah, but he's hoping to not rely too much on profanity. A bit like that Brian Regan guy." said Dane.

"So, do tell. What's the joke?" Denis asked.

"Well, it goes like this." Dane began. "This frog walks into a bank and goes up to the cashier's window. He notes that her nametag says her name is Patricia Wack. She looks at him a bit confused. 'You're a frog aren't you?', she asks. 'Yes. that's right', he says. 'Is that a problem.'. 'No, not at all.', she says.".

Denis looked rather curious as Dane continued the joke.

"'Can I have your name, please?', the cashier asks. 'Kermit. Kermit Jagger.', says the frog. She looks amazed. 'Any relation to Mick?', she asks. 'Yeah, he's my dad. Seriously', says Kermit. 'How can I help you?' she asks. 'I'd like to take out a loan, please. $5000.'."

Denis continued to look intrigued.

"'That's a lot of money', says the cashier as she hands him the paperwork. 'Do you have any collateral?'. 'Right here', says Kermit as he takes out two china figurines. One is of a pig and the other is a frog. She looks at them and says 'If you'd like to fill out the papers, I'll just get the manager.'." continued Dane, getting near the punchline. "She brings the manager out just as Kermit has finished filling out the papers. The manager takes a good look at Kermit, then the cashier, then the paperwork and finally the two figurines."

Denis raised an eyebrow as he knew the punchline was coming.

"And he says, 'they're nick-nacks, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!'.".

Dane let out a little chuckle. Denis had a blank face for a few seconds.

He then spoke.

"I'd tell you to tell your nephew to stick to his paper route, but I don't want to ruin his artistic temprament.".

"So, cringe-inducing then?" said Dane.

"A little, but I think with a bit of work, he could be great." said Denis as they continued on their way.

---

Las Venturas...

George Sr. sat on the bed in his hotel room and watched the race while eating an ice cream sandwich.

Gob walked in from the bathroom and said "Well, I finally rounded up most of the doves. If you don't count the one that flew into the window, I'm missing one."

"Well, that money is lost." said George.

There was a knock at the door.

"I got it." said Gob. He went over to the door and opened it. Janice and Alice Foyt were there.

"Are you Gob Bluth?" asked Janice, pronouncing his name "gob".

"It's 'jobe'." said Gob. "You know, like the guy in the bible?"

The Foyts quickly burst into the room. Alice forced Gob up against the wall.

"Hey, what's going on here?" asked George as he jumped off the bed. Janice grabbed him and threw him against the wall.

"You're George Bluth Sr, right?" she asked.

"Yes." said George.

"Depending on how this goes," she said "you might walk out of here or you might have to be carried out by the paramedics. Just listen to our offer."

"I'm all ears." said George.

"Your development company built the Orange County Prison." said Janice. "Our boss is currently serving time there. What we want are the blueprints. Where can we find those?"

"What?" said Gob. "You want to know which family portrait to look behind?"

"You're saying it's behind one of the family portraits?" asked Alice.

Gob looked at her for a couple of seconds, then said "Don't think so."

"When we find where the safe is, what is the combination we will need?" asked Janice.

"I've already said too much by saying it's behind a family portrait." said Gob. "Don't you think I'd be saying too much more if I said..."

George got his hand free and quickly slapped Gob in the back of the head. "Shut up, you horse's ass!" he said through gritted teeth.

---

Lester and Luther were at the Bluth Company offices searching through the files. Both had their jackets off and their sleeves rolled up.

"There doesn't appear to be anything in these files." said Lester as he flipped through a bunch of blueprints on the desk.

"I'm coming up dry as well." said Luther as he looked through a file cabinet. He then took his gum out and stuck it to the side of the cabinet.

"What are you doing?" asked Lester.

"Leaving my calling card." said Luther.

"They're going to know we were here!" said Lester.

"They already know that." said Luther. "Our fingerprints are all over the office."

"You said they wouldn't check for fingerprints!" said Lester.

"I said 'Don't wear your mittens.'" said Luther. "They look ridiculous on the security camera."

"THERE'S A SECURITY CAMERA?" yelled Lester.

Luther's cell phone went off. "Yes?"

"Luther, the interrogation went a little better than we thought." said Alice on the other end. "The blueprints are behind one of the family portraits in Michael's office."

"Are you absolutely sure?" asked Luther. "Because we checked behind all of the portraits in the office and there isn't a safe behind any of them."

"Well, try another room, then." said Alice. "We'll keep pumping them for information."

She ended the call.

"Alice says it's supposed to be behind one of the portraits." said Luther. "She says to check the other rooms if we don't find it."

"But we already checked." said Lester. "There aren't any wall safes behind the portraits. Let's check the other rooms."

"Okay, but we might as well clean up here." said Luther. He picked up a portrait of George holding a frozen chocolate-covered banana and tried to replace it on the wall. However, he misjudged the proximity of the portrait to the wall and accidentally punched a hole in it.

"Nice one." said Lester.

"Yes, it was!" said Luther as he looked into the hole. "There's something in there!"

"What? Is it the blueprints?" asked Lester.

Luther pulled a small, metal box out of the wall. "It's too small for that." he said. "I wonder what's in here."

He opened it up and took out a slip of paper and showed it to Lester. "It's a patent for the Cornballer." said Lester.

"I remember those." said Luther. "I can't believe George Bluth was the one behind it. Did you have one?"

"Does this answer your question?" asked Lester as he raised his arms and showed off the long-healed burns on them.

"Wait, if this was behind the wall, maybe the blueprints are as well." said Luther

"Keep searching." said Lester.

---

At the hotel room, Alice returned from the bathroom. Janice still held George against the wall while Gob was handcuffed to the radiator.

"The two morons are still searching." said Alice.

"Good, we'll have the blueprints and get our boss out." said Janice.

"You know you won't succeed, right?" said George.

"We will succeed." said Janice. "Then, we not only free our boss, but get revenge on that Warden Gentiles to boot."

"Wait, you were in Orange County Prison as well?" asked George.

"We both were." said Janice.

"Hearing the name of his former adversary gave George the perfect escape from his current one."

"No touching!" shouted George.

"No touching." said Janice as she released him.

George ran for the closet.

"Dad's still a little crafty." said Gob.

George looked around the closet for something that could help him. Just then, Gob's missing dove landed on his head.

Alice unlocked Gob's cuffs and led him into the center of the room.

"Mr. Bluth, if you don't come out now," said Alice "we will be forced to terminate your son in front of you."

"Are you sure we should do that?" asked Janice. "He's kinda cute."

"I've got two more and a daughter." said George. "Well, two daughters if you count her husband."

"Have it your way." said Alice.

Suddenly, the dove came flying out and tried to land on Alice.

"AH!" she screamed. "Get it away! Get it away!"

"It's a dove!" said Janice.

Gob stepped away and raised his hands. A second later, he fired off a shower of coins.

"A quick illusion, and the situation was turned in the Bluths' favor. Overwhelmed by the change, Janice and Alice retreated towards the door."

"Come on, we've got what we needed." said Janice.

The Foyts escaped into the hallway.

"Looks like someone wants to bust someone else out." said Gob.

"Not if I have anything to say about it." said George as he dialled his cell phone.

---

At the Bluth Company...

"I think this is it." said Lester as he looked over a rolled up plan.

"It's about time." said Luther. He looked around the office which had walls filled with holes.

"Yeah, this is it." said Lester. "Let's get out of here."

"Okay, folks." said a security guard in the lobby to a group of people who were on a tour. "We've got a report of someone trying to steal building blueprints. God knows what they plan to use those for. Unfortunately, this means we're going to have to search every one of you and all visitors as well."

Lester and Luther hid around the corner at the top of a flight of stairs and heard that announcement.

Lester cursed under his breath and looked at the blueprints. "How are we going to get these out?"

"I'm thinking." said Luther.

"Well, don't think for too long." said Lester.

"Alright." said Luther. "I know we have a prison break to perform, like on that show."

"Which show?" asked Lester.

"'Prison Break'." said Luther. "You know, where the guy gets himself thrown in prison to bust out his wrongly imprisoned brother with the help of a very elaborate tattoo."

Suddenly, they looked at each other and smiled.

---

In a small town in Louisiana, the Hellenbach GT sped along. Kermit had let Gonzo take the wheel despite Piggy's warning.

"Wa-hoo!" whooped Gonzo. "This is great!"

"Just be careful you don't damage the car." said Kermit.

"Hey, I don't want to be on the receiving end of a patented Miss Piggy karate chop any more than you do." said Gonzo.

As they passed an intersection, the Carbon X pulled out of it and tailed them for a few minutes. Turbo drove very fast as usual and was able to keep up with Team Muppets.

Buttons opened his violin case and got his machine gun ready.

"Okay, Turbo. Let's let 'em have it!" he said.

"No problem." said Turbo as he saw an opening and pulled up alongside the Hellenbach, on its right side.

Buttons looked annoyed.

"You were supposed to pull up alongside them with MY side facing their car, lamebrain!" yelled Buttons. "What am I supposed to do from here? Sit in your lap and shoot?".

"Using a gun's too easy." said Turbo. "I want to see what these homies made of foamy can do!"

The Muppets had noticed Turbo and Buttons and looked nervous.

"Something tells me these guys are bad news." said Fozzie. "Especially as one of them has a gun!".

"Bad men!" said Animal.

"Never mind that! Get us out of here, Gonzo, before they wreck the car!" Rizzo yelled.

"Okay!" said Gonzo as he floored the accelerator.

"Uh, uh, weird boy!" said Turbo as he too sped up and kept right behind the Hellenbach.

Gonzo kept swerving to try and lose Turbo on the straight but Turbo was able to keep up with him and change lanes just as easily.

"Get 'em, you moron! Crime's a-wasting!" yelled Buttons.

"If you don't shut up, pastry face, I'll rip your tongue out and paint ya like a barber's pole!" yelled Turbo.

As the Carbon X gained ground again, Turbo attempted a PIT manuever, but Gonzo quickly swerved at the last minute and the Carbon X side-swiped a parked car instead.

Turbo grunted and brought the car back under control and took off after the Muppets.

As the Hellenbach reached the end of the long straight, a motorcycle cop noticed their speeding amd pulled out to chase them.

"Uh oh!" said Rizzo.

"No problem!" said Kermit. "I know this town. Gonzo, go for another half mile, then turn hard right! I can give you directions from there.".

"Gotcha!" said Gonzo.

The Hellenbach sped on, keeping ahead of the speedtrap cop and Gonzo turned hard right where Kermit had indicated. He then drove up another street.

"Quick! Around there!" yelled Kermit.

Gonzo turned around and drove around the side of a large hardware store. As they made that turn, the cop turned into the street and had failed to see them.

He went on straight down the street just as the Hellenbach had made a complete circle of the hardware store and then exited the way they had came in.

"HA HA!" laughed Fozzie.

"Now let's go!" said Kermit.

The Carbon X had lost sight of the Hellenbach as well, since Turbo had stopped driving when the cop showed up, hoping he would catch the Muppets instead.

"Next time, we use the guns! GOT IT?" yelled Buttons. "You and your alpha male driver crap!"

"Aw, blow it out your exhaust pipe!" said Turbo.

Suddenly, there were three brightly coloured blurs and the Carbon X was lifted off the ground.

"Huh?" both Turbo and Buttons said.

The Carbon X was being lifted off the ground by the Powerpuff Girls.

"You're not gonna give our racers any trouble for a while now." said Blossom.

"We're just gonna take you out with the rest of the garbage." said Buttercup.

The three girls carried the Carbon X to the river and set the car down on the back of a garbage scow which was crossing it.

They took off again, leaving Turbo and Buttons fuming.

"Make sure you get a shower or you'll be all STINKY!" said Bubbles, laughing.

---

Las Venturas...

"Security has been notified." said George in the hotel room.

"Good, then we can avert disaster." said Gob. "You know, that was good thinking with that dove."

"Thanks." said George as he tapped his temple with his finger. "Nice to know your old father's brain is still operating correctly, right?"

"Is something burning?" asked Gob.

"Ha ha, very funny." said George.

"No, I'm serious." said Gob. "It smells like something's burning."

Suddenly, the sprinklers turned on.

---

"What was that?" asked Blue Falcon as he, Batgirl and Dynomutt led the captive Catwoman down a hallway.

"The fire alarm!" said Batgirl. "Is this another heist?"

"I don't think so." said Dynomutt. "I smell something burning. And for once, it's not me."

"Grab the prisoner and let's get out of here." said Blue Falcon.

While they were talking, Catwoman used her claws on the batcuffs. After a few seconds of picking, they came off. She ran for the window and leaped out.

"Never mind, let's go." said Batgirl.

---

Outside the hotel, the guests and race officials had been evacuated. Firefighters attacked the blaze erupting from one of the rooms.

"We've got the fire contained to the room in which it started." said the fire chief. "The origin appears to be room 317. Looks deliberate."

"317? Why does that number sound familiar?" asked Woozie.

Milton snuck through the crowd mumbling incoherently.

---

As the Thunder Rodd exited Baton Rouge, it had a whole host of police cars chasing it.

Bugs drove down various different back streets and side streets trying to shake them off.

As he came out of one side street, a cop car waiting for him at the end nearly collided with another one that was behind him as he quickly swerved, leaving the cops in the dust.

"HA! They nearly wiped each other out!" smirked Daffy.

Bugs noticed another cop car heading straight for him. Using his quick vision, he saw another cop car coming down an intersection on the right and activated the nitrous in the Thunder Rodd, quickly moving past the oncoming squad car when he saw an opening.

As the Thunder Rodd missed the oncoming cop car, the one coming out of the right intersection collided with the other cop car as it wobbled a bit.

"Those two DID wipe each other out!" Daffy said. "Non-lethally of course.".

"You did a great job with these wheels, Wile E." smiled Bugs.

The coyote genius blushed a bit.

"I'm glad that apart from that little bit of trouble, the race is going well." said Daffy to Bugs. "At least you finally made that left turn at Albequerque like you always should have done."

"Now to get the lead out and get to the Mississippi line." said Bugs.

He reached forward and inserted a CD. Johnny Cash and June Carter's hit song 'Jackson' started playing.

Bugs nodded his head in time with the music as they got on a long canyon road.

"Hey, look out!" yelled Daffy.

Bugs looked ahead and noticed a sharp curve. He was unable to turn in time and the Thunder Rodd started to run down the incline.

Suddenly, the picture froze.

"Wait just a cotton-pickin' minute!" Bugs' voice said. "Let's put things in reverse.".

The picture 'rewound' so that the Thunder Rodd went back up the incline and came to a stop.

Bugs turned the wheel around and then they drove safely off on their way.

Daffy, Wile E. and Taz all let out a big sigh.

"Hooray for cartoon physics." Daffy said.

"Amen, brother." agreed Bugs as he started to sing along to 'Jackson'.

---

Somewhere near Jackson, Mississippi, the Darkness had come across an old friend of Rob Zombie's. It was the renowned 'World's Greatest Roadie' Eddie Riggs.

Eddie was standing by his pride and joy: a customised '32 Ford Model B called the Deuce. Nearby were Eddie's girlfriend Ophelia and his engineer Mangus, both of whom had crossed over with Eddie from the Land Of Metal, made famous by the video game 'Brutal Legend', based on Eddie's exploits.

Rob, Steve and Nemesis all looked impressed at the work Eddie had put into the Deuce, thanks in part to the Guardian Of Metal and his Motor Forges.

"I must say I'm surprised you actually DID cross over, Eddie!" Rob said.

"If I didn't I'd have missed seeing you guys compete in the Cannonball." said Eddie.

"So you're Rob Zombie." said Ophelia. "I love your song 'Superbeast'." She then paused and said "Then again, it IS the only one of yours I know. At least until Eddie finds some more Buried Metal.".

"I'd love to go to that Land of yours." said Steve. "It would kick some major ass!".

Nemesis roared in agreement.

"Nemesis there would be right at home, I can tell you, dudes!" said Mangus.

"So, Eddie, what did you want us to come here for?" asked Rob.

"Very simple." said Eddie. "If you have the time, I'd just like to give the ol' Deuce here a run against the Darkness. See how it would go."

"You sure you want to do this?" asked Steve. "We had her tricked out to the extreme.".

"Well, there's a little condition to the challenge." said Mangus. "Nemesis has to drive."

"And, considering how some musical performances have been done in the Cannonball, Rob has to sing one of his songs during the race." said Ophelia.

Rob whistled. "Now, THAT sounds like a worthy challenge." said Rob. "Nemesis, take the drivers' seat. We're gonna do this.".

"Whereabouts?" asked Steve.

"Through this place called the Ziker Pass." said Eddie. "It's a place I used to drag before I became a roadie.".

"Starrrrssss!" said Nemesis.

"He asks why you want him to drive." said Rob.

"I used to race this demon called Fletus in the Metal World." said Eddie. "I just want to see if a different demon can cut the mustard.".

"Okay, let's go!" said Rob as they returned to their vehicles and headed out to the Ziker Pass

AN: the Ziker Pass is a fictional location. We named it after Dick Ziker, a Hollywood stuntman known for car stunts. Just our little in-joke there.

---

On a highway back in Texas, the Aquila had finally managed to catch up with the Battle after the trucks had left it alone at the San Andreas state line.

Cobra Commander was now sitting in the passenger seat and Zartan was driving while Storm Shadow rode in the back.

"We must pay those Joes back for that little stunt, Zartan." said the Commander. "You say you have a plan?"

"Yes, Commander. Luckily I was able to contact Thrasher and I told him to bring the Thunder Machine." said Zartan. "But the really clever part involves lulling the Joes into a false sense of security.".

"Then let's do it!" said Cobra Commander.

Zartan pushed the Aquila's gas pedal to the floor and managed to cut in front of the Battle.

"Looks like the Fang Gang are back to bother us, mates!" said Shipwreck, who had taken over driving.

"Make sure he doesn't get a lead on us." said Stalker.

The Aquila had now got a good lead on the Battle and entered a long tunnel.

"Now, for my little surprise." said Zartan as he activated a switch on the Aquila's dashboard.

As the Battle approached the tunnel, a huge black 18-wheeler truck with a skull and crossbones on the hood drove out of the tunnel.

Shipwreck looked shocked and tried to veer out of the way.

Rock 'N Roll reached forward and steadied his hand on the wheel.

"Keep going! It's just a trick!" said Rock 'N Roll.

"How the hell can you be so calm?" demanded the freaked-out Shipwreck.

"Trust me! Just don't panic!" said Rock 'N Roll.

Sure enough, just as the truck and Battle were about to collide, the truck vanished like a ghost.

"Huh?" said Clutch.

"It was just Zartan's holograph projector." explained Clutch. "One of the 'Noks tried that trick on me once. It's how my Nomad got trashed.".

"Good thinking, Rock 'N Roll." said Stalker. Snake Eyes gave a thumbs-up.

"Now let's catch those snakes!". said Clutch.

At the other end of the tunnel, the Aquila had exited and steered around the Dreadnok battle tank known as the Thunder Machine.

Seated in it were its driver Thrasher and Zartan's sister Zarana.

"We'll take it from here, Zartan!" said Zarana into the CB. "The Joes will think we're just another holograph, just like you said. Then we stick it to 'em!".

"Excellent, Zarana!" said Zartan. "Make sure some harm comes to them.".

"COBRA!" chorused the Commander, Zartan and Storm Shadow.

As the Battle reached the end of the tunnel, Shipwreck saw the Thunder Machine.

"Hello." he said "Using the same trick twice, eh?".

"That's just what they'd expect us to think!" said Stalker. "Keep the wheel steady."

Stalker put down his window and leaned out, pointing his laser pistol at the Dreadnok tank.

"What the hell?" said Thrasher alarmed. "They weren't fooled!"

"Fire, you bloody dingo!" yelled Zarana.

Thrasher let loose a blast from the Thunder Machine's twin chain guns, but Shipwreck managed to avoid getting hit.

With expert aim, Stalker fired a shot at the Thunder Machine's engine and blew it out.

"SHIT!" yelled Thrasher.

Shipwreck steered around the inert Cobra vehicle and sped off down the road to the state line.

"Hey, Commander!" said Clutch into the CB, tuned to the Cobra Commander's frequency. "Next time you try to pull a fast one on us, don't assume you're dealing with morons.".

In the Aquila, Cobra Commander glared at Zartan, and said "The only morons I deal with are the ones on my blasted payroll!".

He threw the CB down in anger.

---

Race Central...

"We've just heard an announcement that Team Stone Cold are going to have a drag race in Mississippi." said Ron. "It will be combined with a special performance by Rob Zombie.".

"He'll have the aid of Love Fist, who are now taking the stage." said Veronica.

On stage, Jezz Torrent of Love Fist talked to Rob Zombie through a headset.

"Okay, Rob. We're ready. Which song will it be?" Jezz asked.

"I decided it'll be 'Demon Speeding'." said Rob.

"Will do." replied Jezz.

At the beginning of the Ziker Pass, the Darkness and the Deuce both lined up to begin the race.

Mangus and Ophelia both listened to a police scanner. There was no sign of any police activity.

"Okay, you're good to go!" Mangus announced.

"Kick his ass, Eddie!" cheered Ophelia.

Nemesis revved the Darkness' engine and Rob had set up a microphone in front of him on the dashboard.

As Stone Cold got ready to wave the two cars off on their race, Love Fist began the intro to the song.

Rob leaned to the microphone and said "Why don't you ask me what it feels like to be a freak?".

The song started properly and Stone Cold dropped his hands.

"GO!" he yelled.

The Darkness and the Deuce both took off the starting line and ran neck and neck for a while as Rob started singing.

Hey, do ya love me. I'm untouchable darkness.
A dirty black river to get you through this.
Hey, do ya love me I'm a devil machine.
(hey do ya love me I'm a devil machine)
Get into my world all american dream.

A car suddenly pulled out of a dirt road and Nemesis swerved a bit and went down the dirt road as the Deuce took the lead. The unfortunate car hit the side of a nearby truck and all four of it's doors fell off.

Nemesis drove the Darkness along the dirt road running parallel the highway, looking for an opening.

In the mouth of madness.
Down in the darkness.
No more tomorrow.
Down in the hollow.

Nemesis saw an opening and cut the Darkness across a grass field and got back on the road and started to catch up with the Deuce.

Eddie saw the Darkness catching up and activated a boost of nitrous. Nemesis did the same and was soon right on Eddie's back bumper, looking for a way to get past.

Hey do ya love it when the kids are screaming.
Wrecking on the road violate their dreaming.
Hey, do ya love to see the filth in the clean.
(hey do ya love to see the filth in the clean)
Get into the gone all american dream.

In the mouth of madness.
Down in the darkness.
No more tomorrow.
Down in the hollow.

As both vehicles turned around a sharp curve, Nemesis made a bid to get past. A car coming the other way saw this and swerved, going into a ditch.

This distracted Eddie and the Deuce wobbled a bit, making him lose a bit of ground. The Darkness gained a tiny lead and Nemesis fought to keep it.

I'm demon speeding.
I'm demon speeding.
I'm demon speeding.
I'm demon speeding.

Get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on come alive.

As the Deuce tried to close the gap between it and the Darkness, which was increasing, both cars came off the curved part of the road and onto a straightaway leading to a highway overpass.

Eddie tried to get ahead but his nitrous was taking too long to recharge.

Nemesis hit his nitrous once again and soared up the on-ramp and far across the overpass.

At the other end of the overpass were some more members of Eddie's army Ironheade: their leader Lita Halford, the bass playing healer called the Killmaster and the motorcycle riding pyromaniac called the Baron.

The three of them cheered as they saw the Darkness cross the line and win the race as the song came to an end.

Hey, do ya love me elevating the madness.
(Hey, do ya love me elevating the madness)
a super death rising to get you through this.
(a super death rising to get you through this)
Hey, do ya love me like a beautiful fiend.
Get into my world all american dream.

'Demon Speeding' by Rob Zombie

The Darkness came to a halt as Rob and Love Fist ended their performance and Nemesis got out and let out a victorious roar.

The Deuce finally crossed the overpass and Eddie humbly smiled as he lit up a cigarette.

"I guess some demons are great drivers." he sighed.

Rob got out of the Darkness.

"You're not pissed that you lost?" he asked Eddie.

"Hey, at least one metal warrior walked away victorious." Eddie said. "Why do you think my buds here were cheering?"

"That was close, Eddie." Lita said. "I told you it wouldn't be easy."

"Hey, I'm not complaining. Rob's still a good friend of mine." said Eddie.

"The Deuce DID perform well." noted the Killmaster. "But it looks like another upgrade could be needed soon, Ed.".

"He'll have to save up his Fire Tributes then." said the Baron.

Eddie got out of the Deuce and shook Nemesis and Rob's hands.

"You gave me a good run, guys. AND with the distraction of a live performance. That is truly AWESOME!" he said.

"Okay, thanks, Eddie. Now we have to head back to the Cannonball." said Rob.

"We'll go back and pick the others up." said the Killmaster as he started up his customised Thunderhog motorcycle and the Baron followed suit with his Harley chopper.

"I want you guys to go FREAKIN' NUTS in the Cannonball!" said Eddie. "Knock 'em dead!".

"I sure hope we will." said Rob.

---

The Averse powered down a highway somewhere near Meridian. Willy handled the driving with great ease.

"Thank God I pick up on lessons easily." he said. "But it is a bit embarrassing being the only adult in my Driver's Ed class."

"That reminds me." said Grandpa Joe. "What else have they been teaching you."

"A lot of stuff about drunk drivers mainly." said Willy.

"That's very important, Willy." said Charlie seriously. "If you want a drink, you DON'T drive. Period."

"I know. Not above the alcohol limit of..."

"The alcohol limit for you is ZERO, Willy!" Charlie said. "If I find you've had booze, your driving priviliges you will lose!"

"You should tell Yogi that one, Charlie." smirked Grandpa Joe.

"Well you know I don't drink anyway, guys." said Willy defensively.

"Yes, but you DO make that Butterscotch and Buttergin stuff." said Joe.

"Yes, but I don't drink it." said Willy. "And neither does Bill here.".

Bill shook his head to confirm this.

"I made a point of picking a teetotal Oompa-Loompa to be my co-driver." Willy added.

"Good." said Charlie. "I'm glad you're good at controlling the car at high speeds."

"Hey, by the time Vic was through with me, I had no trouble." said Willy. "Vic's my high-speed driving coach if you're wondering."

Behind them, Stingray slowly crept up and got ready for action.

"I know this guy." she said. "That candy maker. This should be a piece of cake.

She put her foot down and sped up. Eventually, she came alongside the Averse.

"Hello, what's this?" asked Joe.

Bill leaned over and whispered into Willy's ear.

"Bill thinks that with that one-way glass, this is one of the hostiles we were warned about.". Willy reported.

The blue Corvette sideswiped them and sent them into the parking area of a gas station.

Willy quickly manuevered the Averse to avoid crashing into the gas pumps and got back on the road.

Stingray cursed under her breath and tried to catch up with the Averse.

"Yes, that's DEFINITELY a hostile." said Charlie.

"No need to panic." said Willy. "Bill knows what to do. Don't you buddy?"

Bill nodded and took out piece of candy and a slingshot.

The Corvette got alongside them again. Stingray lowered her window a bit and got ready to aim a gun at the Averse.

"Okay, do it!" said Willy.

Bill loaded the slingshot and fired the candy into the Corvette.

"What the hell?" said Stingray as the candy landed on her passenger seat.

"3, 2, 1!" said Willy.

There was a loud bang from Stingray's car and the inside of it began to fill with smoke.

Stingray swerved her car around the road in confusion as she lost sight due to the smoke.

The Averse sped on.

"Exploding Candy For Your Enemies, right?" asked Charlie.

"That's a big ten-four!" Willy smirked. He looked at their GPS monitor screen and saw that two teams of protectors were in the immediate area.

"I'll just notify security." said Willy as he pressed a button and the monitor connected to the protectors' frequency.

An image of Lone Wolf came up on the screen.

"What's up, Willy?" Lone Wolf asked.

"We just fought off one of the nasties. We thought you should take them in hand. It's a blue Corvette, disabled not far from our current location."

"Right. We're on our way!" said Lone Wolf as he logged off.

"And now, on with the race!" said Charlie as the Silver Bullet roared past them to try and catch Stingray.

Hold on. Said Willy. I want to watch Lone Wolf catch this not-so-charming person.

The Averse followed after the Silver Bullet and the Corvette.

Stingray had lowered both her windows the whole way to get rid of the smoke. She had finally regained control of her car when she saw Lone Wolf and Hardtop coming up behind her.

"Not this, now!" she said in exasperation. She sped off at high speed, but the Silver Bullet's superior horsepower enabled Lone Wolf and Hardtop to keep up with her.

"Okay!" said Hardtop, who was driving. "Scratch one bad guy as soon we stop this 'vette".

"Be careful. These guys won't just give up." said Lone Wolf.

"Hey, I like a challenge. Makes the job exciting.' smirked Hardtop.

Both cars came onto a narrow suspension bridge.

"Alright, jerkwads!" said Stingray to herself. "Try and catch me."

The Silver Bullet was now alongside the 'vette and tried to swerve it into the guard rail to try and make it stop.

Stingray smirked and rammed the Silver Bullet back, making it hit the guard rail.

Hardtop was surprised and tried to regain control.

In the Averse, Willy's team were shocked.

"That guy must be crazy!" said Grandpa Joe.

Stingray swerved into the Silver Bullet again, nearly sending it over the edge.

"I am NOT losing you, pal!" Hardtop yelled.

"Wanna bet, copper?" Stingray said. "As the Governator famously said 'Hasta la vista, baby'!"

She quickly activated a switch on her dashboard and a square ramming device shot out of the side of her car.

The Silver Bullet was rammed hard and finally went off the edge of the bridge.

"LONE WOLF!" yelled Willy in horror as the Silver Bullet plummeted to the deep river below...

TO BE CONTINUED...