Eyes that see into Infinity

Part 2

Chapter Thirteen

/

Much time spent away, my imagination grew larger, thinking of creative ways on how I was going to present myself to Phai again, seeing as I have been away for awhile and how much I have changed. Thinking of a special reintroduction grated unforgivingly on my nerves for some time.

I considered myself a special child because of the way I used to be. Corrupted by my dreams. Scared to death of death itself and losing him. Normally I wouldn't let something this small bother me so much but I was thinking and hoping not to fuck it up. It must be perfect. I was certain that I hadn't changed too much where he won't be able to recognize that young shy boy he met in middleschool at the zoo, by our lockers at school or at our mailboxes at home or in the field at the pond. Because if I remember clearly that's who he fell in love with.

It was easy for anyone to see how excited I had grown over the days. I was so happy to be going back even to see my father again no matter what damaged he had caused himself and my mother over the years. Life was only starting to get good and I had nothing to worry about accept only if he still lived right next door.

"How is he?" the handsome blonde teenager asked leaning on his car.

"He is on strong pain medication and it will make him a little tired so I suggest he gets sleep when he gets home." The nurse walked up to the car informing Alex as another male nurse wheeled his father out of the back doors of the hospital.

Both the nurse and Alex watched as his dad was being brought to the car. "It's nice that you would do this for him." She somewhat complimented and flirted with the blonde at the same time.

"It's no problem." He answered indifferently making the nurse blush. He then smirked taking his fathers arm and helping him up from the wheel chair and walking him over to the passenger side of his new car.

The nurse handed him a chart for him to sign, it requiring a signature from the one retrieving the patient from the premises.

Alex signed it scribbling his name after seating his father in the car.

"There ya go miss." He handed her back the chart and putting back on his sunglasses. He reared around the car taking his father's crutches and sliding them into the trunk.

"You two have a good one, Call us if you have any concerns or questions." the male nurse concluded as he left with the woman back through the slide generated doors.

Alex thanked them both considerately then scooted back into the car. He started it up but before driving off he looked over at his father who was staring straight ahead at nothing in particular.

He was unresponsive, almost angry looking but Alex assumed he either wasn't happy to see him or the drugs was working its magic. He didn't want to interrogate him with questions or a lot of talking and decided to keep it simple and quiet.

"Hey dad." Alex said patting his fathers bandaged up hand gently. "Are you feeling better?"

Phillip still refused to respond or even look at him.

"I've missed you too." Alex said smiling and shook his head driving off out of the parkway.

Even though not one word was shared between them even through traffic lunch hour, the ride home was sadly comfortable for him. He smiled all the way through listening to quiet soothing music.

Maybe it was because he was just happy to be back. He truthfully didn't mind being back and having the thoughts of spending most of his time in all probability taking care of him. He did miss his father dearly; it just took him until after he left the state to realize how much he actually did love him.

Though he loved his, mother very much, living with her was completely dreadful and up until his junior year was pretty much uneventful, nothing to look forward too. Sure it wasn't any less different but oddly there he felt non existent. He could look back almost at nothing and that's how unmemorable his time spent there was. Now he was back and could look back on everything his life used to be worth. He could look back on him and think of the things he could have or should have done differently to make things better.

Which there were tons of ways I could have done differently. Life was a blur, but now my eyes become clearer with more infinite vision. With more reason to live my life all the way through I just about had it with the thought of me dying young. Oh yea, let's make it until I turn old and die of a stroke instead.

"Phai," It's the name that rang through Alex's mind as he pulled up into his old neighborhood or what it seemed like. He strolled slowly down the quiet area finding himself smiling boyishly. It was like coming back home after leaving for college and returning to get a massive welcome back from old family. Except it wasn't the welcome he was after.

"Okay dad we're home." He notified parking the car in front of the house that brought him back so many good and bad memories.

Alex turned over at his father whose eyes were closed. He sat for awhile prying upon the indignant man and almost wanted to shed tears for him, even one tear if it made things right again.

He had stayed in the hospital for six weeks until the doctors told him it was alright to let him go. The doctors reported that the accident had been bad, and even though he remained there in their care for that long, hard visual bruises from the calamity still existed among his skin. He also had mild traumatic head injury, a couple of still healing broken ribs and damaged tissue in the right leg causing him to limp, the doctors saying he might have it for the rest of his life. They also mentioned he could be suffering from post traumatic stress and that he is obliged to take some antidepressants but over all he was going to live.

Alex's hand slipped from the steering wheel. He couldn't figure out why he was feeling sorry for him especially after his impression of being a horrible dad and only a horrible dad.

The loud shifting in his mind interrupted his own floaty thoughts and he shook his father by the shoulder carefully causing the sleeping man to open his muddled eyes. "We're home already." The sleepy man asked as if they went just all in the blink of an eye.

"Yea dad." Alex smiled relaxingly at him with his father only returning an awkward glance in return.

"Who are you?" he asked uncertain as if his son needed to show a certified card proving his own identity.

Alex frowned confused. "Your son dad." He answered.

"Oh that's right." Phillip turned away as pain and sorrow crept into his son's expression. "You look different that's all."

"That's kind of expectant after not seeing me for so long dad." Alex stepped out of the car and opened the trunk grabbing the crutches and then supported his dad out the other side. Phillip still being a little stubborn shoved lightly the boy away taking his own walking sticks into his hands.

Alex yanked his sunglasses off his face settling them on top of his blonde head. "Let me help you stubborn bastard." He argued.

"My son wouldn't talk to me that way." Phillip pointed gravely but nonetheless let himself be guided towards the door step. Alex unlocked the door and entered his very missed home. The first thing he noticed, nothing had changed. It was exactly the way he saw it when he left. He kind of wondered how his dad could remain sane in such a large house with no one to talk to or come home too. But he figured his dad didn't really worry about that and probably spent more time over some young girls house anyway aside from the months wasted at the hospital. There was no doubt as the house looked completely unused, and the smell of the famous cigarette smoke was prohibited.

"Okay dad." he situated his father on the couch, making him as comfortable as his pained body would allow him.

Phillip winced holding his bandaged up ribs and Alex stayed by his side. He thought that the pain killers had already kicked in but he was wrong.

His father saw how concerned his son looked; ready to drop everything just to be of use. "This is just the after effects." Phillip let him know. "They just hurt, but they are healing." He sulked grumpily. "I feel a lot better than I did, that's for sure."

Alex watched his dad panting the pain away waiting for it to finally disperse.

"I will go make you some tea." Alex offered willingly knowing his dad enjoyed the substance a lot and headed to the kitchen searching through the cabinet above the right of the refrigerator. Even though he was gone for awhile he still remembered where everything was kept.

He fetched his father some good warm lemon tea and he was happy to see him sigh a breath of relief after taking a sip from his favorite herbs.

They sat in silence for awhile, Alex playing with his own hands tracing the lines on his palm while his father stared at the black TV screen. Phillip adjusted his head to face him. "You don't look like my son. How did you get so big?"

"I grew up dad." The teen answered diligently.

Phillip didn't see his young boy at all and it sort of amazed him. "You've changed a lot."

The boy smiled glad he even noticed. 'For the better I hope." Alex admitted. "I was struggling for a long time dad but now I feel much better."

"Was it that stupid therapist your mom had you seeing that changed you."

Alex clicked his tongue; it was interesting to see his father still pointing out what he thought was good advice. Alex then chuckled and ran his hand through his thickish blonde hair. "No dad." He averted his confident eyes towards his fathers. He didn't tell him about his death experience and had no intention of telling him, for now it was over with and done forever he hoped. "This has nothing to do with therapy. I have just changed. Everyone changes. I'm sure you have." The boy hoped even though thus far he hadn't seen any.

"Some don't change boy. Remember that." His father replied back.

Alex grinned. "Some don't realize they have."

'If your talking about me and your mother, I would like to let you know I still have no feelings for her and I do not regret what happened between us. I've moved on a long time ago." He said trying to be hurtful.

"Was it me that split you two up?" Alex thought he needed to know.

"Don't fret boy, it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with us."

"Do you have another girl in your life? I would like to meet her if you do." Alex eyed him understandingly. It would be nice if his parents did forgive each other but he also knew it was not at all likely.

Phillip turned down the question declining his eyes elsewhere.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to; I just want you to know I accept it now. At first when I saw you with another woman I was sad. I wasn't even mad or angry just mindlessly depressed. I never understood why you couldn't just tell mom, she assumed it anyways. Even I did, it was just hard for me to understand, you know? Maybe I feared that I might become that way. There is just someone I don't wish to hurt."

"When you grow up and all you have is work, sleep and nothing else to look forward to then you will understand perfectly that this world is never as it seems."

Alex sat in the same room with his father waiting for him to fall asleep. It had been a long day for him, driving from the airport straight to the hospital and back home draining the time away. It was only three o clock in the afternoon and he smiled knowing he couldn't fall asleep no matter how fatigued his eyes were getting. He thought of many times crying himself into exhaustion. Even though he still had his visions, he never questioned death again thinking he had overcome it.

He didn't know where his head was wondering at this time. He felt strangely emotional and words couldn't explain why as he watched his father thinking of what they had talked about.

He watched his dad breathe harshly as if he was struggling to sleep. Alex stood and walked quietly over to him like his father was some mysterious person. He hadn't seen his father in years and it was almost wonderful to look upon him now. He was almost human, with human feelings. They day his father got in the accident was around the day he almost died in the hospital. It would have been a shame to die with a strong dislike towards each other but now everything seemed as settle as the day before his parents started to detest against each other.

Everything seemed to fit inside a large puzzle and the world was working out as it planned. Everything was in its rightful place and he swept everything away that had brought his life on its knees.

"Alex?"

The teenaged boy stopped his intent staring hearing his name croak from his father's mouth as his eyes still rested.

"Yea dad." He answered tenderly.

"I'm sorry you have to be here watching my old ass." The old man spoke softly.

Alex formed a large smile. There was a good chance the medicine was talking for him as he seemed to be a bit in a laze but never in his life would he have heard that before come from him. "I'm not sorry. I am glad I am here." The boy answered truthfully. "Just because we never had good moments doesn't mean you are not my dad."

Phillip just smirked and said no more as the pills kicked in again and darkness consumed him.

Alex sighed quietly. As always the house was quiet and he took care of him for another hour or so before his assistance was finally proved worthless, his father snoring noisily and he went outside to his car and started unpacking his own belongings. Within the hours of his fathers nap he found time to take a shower, change his clothes and even make some food for himself getting the familiar feeling back in use.

The day was bright and contrasty yet it lacked something of everyday life. It felt like a surrealistic time zone at how unusual the world around him seemed to reside in stillness. He officially moved back in and the man of his dreams house was officially still in existence. Now all he had to do was go over and touch him again.

He stopped by the front door with the last two large duffel bags in his hands when he saw a dodge truck pull up into his neighbor's driveway. His face lit up in excitement hoping Phai would leap out but instead it was an older man who he did not recognize. His hair was brown and short, he was a very tall man with a sturdy posture and his face was full of cheer.

His indifferent eyes inspected as the man entered the house. He didn't want to believe that someone had moved in already and Phai wasn't living there anymore.

He finished unpacking everything back into his old room and didn't want to wake his dad and ask him, so he hurried out of the front door heading over to his friends house taking his chances, remaining hopeful.

He rung on the door bell realizing he wasn't at all nervous but more excited to see him again as well as his family.

He waited only a short while hearing a silent scuffle behind the door and the door finally opened.

The handsome man who he saw enter the house smiled at him. "Hi what can I do for you?"

"My name is Alex a friend of Phais. Is he around?" Alex replied alluringly.

"I hope so." The man answered good-humoredly. "I haven't kicked him out yet."

Alex smirked. "Is he here?"

"Nah, he's at school. I am his father by the way." The older man extended out his arm and they both shook hands firmly.

"So where do you know him from?" the father now asked with interest with his brown deep eyes.

Alex shifted his head towards his house. "Just next door. I went to middle school with him."

"Who is at the door honey?" a smiling voice interrupted.

Alex brightened up when he saw Phais mother come to the door. Nothing changed about her.

"It's one of Phais friends. I thought he didn't have any." Assumed the dad talking towards his wife.

Amyntor felt his body jolt to the side as his wife pushed passed him and hugging the blonde teen tightly. "Oh my god Alex." She greeted insufferably as she kissed the boy on the cheek. "My god you grew so handsome. Come in."

She invited him into the house and reintroducing him to her husband who was trying to fit into the conversation between the mother and boy finding the young mans presence interesting. Needless to say it wasn't common for Phai to have any visitors other than Tolem.

"I knew you had moved but I didn't realize you were coming back so soon." The unexpected visit came as a surprise to her.

Alex only smiled unhappily. "Yea neither did I."

"So what are you back for, visiting?" she questioned while placing a glass of water in front of him. He gladly took it thanking her.

"Actually I had to pick up my dad from the hospital today and bring him back home. I'm here to stay and take care of him until he can finally do things himself. He thinks he can but he can't." The teen answered desolately.

"Oh yea I heard about that. We were all worried sick. Is he better now?" the mother asked concerned.

"Oh yea, he's doing better." Alex nodded smiling thankfully.

"Good, good." She responded gratefully. She looked upon the boy admiring how much he had changed and grown. "You better not show yourself to Callista Alex, she already thought you were cute to begin with."

A grin raised upon his lips pleased with the compliment. "So how's little Callista?" he asked missing her wild company.

"Still extremely passionate. She and Phai miss you a lot."

Alex blushed at the flattering remark. "When will they be home?" he asked.

'Probably not for awhile. Phai has a football game of the season tonight after school, and then I guess there is going to be a huge party after. You know what you should go see him play. We can't go tonight because this is the second week my husband has been home and we were planning on going out just the two of us and Callista is at her friends house spending the night. But he would love it if you go see him play."

'Uh, yea, sure I will go see him." Exhilaration inching into his features.

"Great!" she hyped in joy. She then told him everything he needed to know, aswell as the time the game started.

They chatted more and then Alex said his goodbyes pleased to have finally met Phais dad. He rushed back into his house, the game starting in the next hour or so and woke up his father. "Hey dad," he leaned in close so that his father could hear him so he wouldn't have to be loud. "I'm going out tonight. If you need anything just call me and I will come okay. I won't be gone long."

The father snorted in bitterness. "Stop babying me already and go. It's not like I need you here if I want to take a leak."

Alex smiled sadly. "I still love you, you know. You can be angry all you want old man."

The plain words illustrated an emotion Phillip was neither fond of nor familiar with. "Whatever boy." He tried forcing himself asleep even though the words and his sons sad eyes still lingered with him.

He missed the opportunity of holding his soft hands as a child, cradling him with his strong arms, playing with him and then placing him to bed in the crib. He hadn't done any of that and left it to the nurse or his mother. Now as much as he missed that chance he couldn't think of doing it anymore now that his boy had grown up shining in radiating beauty. Basically they were both men and should keep their feelings to themselves no matter the thoughts of wanting to hug him for doing this even though he could have made the decision not too and stay back with his mother. Phillip just sighed and scurried on back to sleep.

Alex upped and left the room and then the house closing the door silently behind him. He looked towards his car and back at the keys in his hand.

"I found you." He alleged softly thinking of Phai.