Cannonball Run 7: High Speed Heroes

by BKelly95

Co-written by The Turbo Man. The Cannonballers have returned for another race around the world for a five hundred million dollar first prize. Who will rise? Who will fall? And who will win the Cannonball Run?

6. Let's Do This

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES By Bkelly95 and the Turbo Man

CHAPTER SIX: 'Let's do this!'

DISCLAIMER: the usual. Thanks again to GX7 for his help.

"Good morning, Cannonball fans. I'm Veronica Corningstone with another Cannonball Update."

"This Cannonball Update is sponsored by Sofa King of East Orange, New Jersey." said Ron. "With four convenient locations, free home delivery, and old sofa removal, buying a sofa has never been easier. You'll wonder why other stores don't make buying furniture Sofa King easy."

"Our first news item." said Misty. "There was recently a break-in at Cannonball Headquarters, but fortunately the thief failed to abscond with the prize money. As a result, security has been tightened here."

"Another item of interest is an unofficial entry in the race." said Lazlow. "Shortly after the race began, one of the racers encountered the driver of this '49 Chevrolet Fleetline. Reportedly, the driver has made a bet with this racer, Trikz Lane of Team Rush, and is running the race course with the other drivers. Who will win? We'll see."

"But right now, the Cannonballers have now entered Europe. They are currently in County Galway, Ireland, and are headed for their first pit stop in Dublin, wherein they will find the bridge that will take them across the Irish Sea to England." Veronica said.

"And now, we have an in-car interview with one of the teams." said Ron. "Two years ago, this team was interviewed when they entered Europe and today, history repeats. Please welcome Team Angels."

The monitor behind him turned on and revealed Dylan and 99 sitting in the Detector's backseat.

"Hello, Angels." said Ron.

"Hello, Ron." said Dylan. "How's everything with you?"

"Pretty good." said Ron. "How's the race going for you so far?"

"Not bad." said Dylan. "We had a little bit of drama there, but everything's okay now."

"So, what's the secret to your success?" asked Ron.

"Let me give out some advice." said 99. "Folks, if you're planning on entering the Cannonball, you have to work on fore planning."

"Fore planning, you say." said Ron.

"Yeah, you have to prepare for anything." said Dylan. "If something unexpected happens, it can be a real pain in the neck."

"Do you have any specific plans for Europe?" asked Ron.

"Of course." said Dylan. "We plan to finish the continent first."

"Alright, that's the spirit." said Ron. "We'll let you get back to racing."

"This has been a Cannonball Update." said Veronica. "I'm Veronica Corningstone."

"I'm Misty."

"I'm Lazlow."

"And I'm Ron Burgundy. Stay classy, Cannonball fans."

Ron and Lazlow started to remove their clip-on microphones. "That ought to hold the little bastards." said Lazlow.

---

Chrissy, Sissy, and Missy drove through Ireland in the Manhattan Spirit, which they had 'appropriated' from the two paramedics back in the USA.

"Thanks for rescuing me from the hospital." said Missy.

"No problem." said Sissy.

"Just don't talk about the rescue." warned Chrissy. "I don't ever want to talk about that again."

"Okay." said Missy. "I'm just surprised that those two nuns weren't..."

"I don't want to talk about the rescue!" yelled Chrissy.

"Anyway, now we can use our transport here to our advantage." smirked Sissy. "Who would ever expect an ambulance?"

"Good idea." said Chrissy. "And it's only a matter of time before some stupid Cannonballer gets hurt. But that'll be peanuts compared to what we'll do to them."

"Then just keep listening to the radio." said Sissy. "When the time comes, we strike."

Not too far behind them was the Clover. Dane was now driving, but Denis looked a bit pissed off. It had nothing to do with Dane's driving. He was irritated by the GPS they had put into the Clover to aid them in driving through Europe.

"Why do you put up with that stuck-up condescending bitch, Dane?" Denis demanded.

"It's just a computer programme, Denis. It just so happens that was the voice that came with it." Dane replied.

"Well it pisses me off. It talks to us like we're idiots and gives vague directions!" Denis said.

At that, the GPS came on. "To get to N17, turn left soon." it said in an upper middle class British female voice.

"See?" said Denis, gesturing to the GPS box. "Turn left soon. How friggin' soon? In fifteen minutes? In a goddamn week? HOW (bleep)IN' SOON?".

"Jeez, Denis. I thought going through your ancient home country would calm you down!" said Dane. "Hang on, there's a traffic circle coming up. I'm sure we'll be on the right track then.".

As they went down the road to the roundabout, the GPS spoke up again.

"At the roundabout, take the third exit.".

Now, Dane looked confused.

"Roundabout? What in the blue hell is that? Sounds like the GPS is a Yes fan." he said. He tapped the GPS box and said "Can't you call it a traffic circle like everyone else in America does?".

"Glad you're venting frustration at the damn thing now." said Denis. He then looked at the various junctions on the roundabout.

"Which one's the third exit?" he asked. "Could it have been any more vague? What's it think we are, psychic?".

"I think it means that one." said Dane as he pointed to a junction at the south east end of the roundabout.

"Are you sure?" asked Denis. "That looks like the fourth exit by my count.".

"Well look over there." said Dane as he pointed to another junction right across from them. "That's a one-way street. That's not an exit. We try going through there we'll get killed.".

"Good point." said Denis. "But then again, knowing our luck, the lady in the box there counted it as an exit.".

"That is completely ridiculous." said Dane.

"Well, think about it. She's safe in her friggin' box! She doesn't give a shit if you die in a head-on collision! That GPS thing's the same as a black box in a goddamn plane! They always survive the crash!" Denis yelled, getting more worked up.

"You're starting to freak me out with all that stuff, Denis." said Dane. "I know you gave me my big break and all, but I have to assert myself here!".

He nodded to the South East junction. "We're going that way. We will be fine. We will not crash and we will not get lost. Okay?".

"If we DO get lost, don't say I didn't warn you." grumbled Denis as they circled the roundabout and went towards the south east junction. The Manhattan Spirit went a different way.

"Where are those morons going?" asked Missy. "That's leading them towards the R446. That's gonna take them WAY out of their way!".

"HAH! I knew it! These Cannonballers are lucky if they can find their own asses with both hands and a flashlight!" laughed Sissy.

---

Not far behind Team Angels as they drove through Galway City were Team Mystery Inc. They were all happy to now be high up in the ranking.

"This is going well. And we only had to use SST once this time." smirked Daphne.

"Those guys really souped-up the engine to heck and back." said Shaggy. "Do you think it could take long to get to Dublin?"

"I think we could take a break for a while." said Velma as she checked the map. "At least to change drivers and that kind of thing."

They suddenly heard a horn honk and saw a tricked out red Amuse S2000 GT1 coming up behind them.

"Wonder what this is all about?" asked Fred.

The Amuse got alongside them and slowed down to keep pace with them

Shaggy smiled as he recognised the driver and passenger. It was his Irish cousins Liam and Michael. Both of them were local club DJs in Galway.

"Hey there, cuz. Good to see you." said Liam, the driver.

"Hey guys." said Shaggy. "I thought you were going to enter the Cannonball this year.".

"Aye, we would have. But the car wasn't ready on time." replied Michael.

"We still entered the Irish Cannonball, though." Liam said.

"Oh, yeah. That's the one that's run for charity across Ireland isn't it?" asked Fred.

"Aye. And we finished very high up in the ranking." said Michael. "It was great fun. But that's not to say we still can't get in on the action in the BIG Cannonball."

"How do you fancy a race to Limerick?" asked Liam. "It wouldn't take too long, and you can make up the lost time no problem from what we saw of the Cavaliere's speed on TV."

Shaggy pondered that idea for a minute.

"Come on, Shaggy. Let your cousins have a bit of Cannonball fun!" said Daphne as she nudged Shaggy.

"Reah! Ro for it!" said Scooby.

Shaggy smiled. "Okay, lads. Let's do it!"

"Just one thing: Scooby has to drive." said Michael.

"WHAT?" Daphne yelled.

"We've seen that he can do it, Daphne." said Velma. "Let's go for it!"

Daphne thought a minute and then shrugged. "What the hell?" she said.

Both cars pulled over so that Scooby could get in the Cavaliere's driver seat.

As they made the switch, Fred had finished making a call to Race Central.

"Just calling in a favour." he explained.

At Race Central, Bowling For Soup took the stage.

"Alright, people. Here's one for Team Mystery Inc. as they are about to have some enjoyment in the Emerald Isle!" Jaret Reddick said to the audience.

"ONE, TWO, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!" yelled Chris Burney and they began their song.

Here We Go.
Here We Go.
Everybody's Gonna get down let's go.

Here we go.
Here we go.
Everybody's gonna get down... let's go!

With Scooby now behind the wheel, the Cavaliere and the Amuse roared out of Galway City and headed for the N18, leading towards Clarinbridge.

Back up man, you're out of control (yeah)
You're stressed out at full throttle (naw)
Got so many problems I don't need more (yeah)
I'm with my friends we just wanna roll (naw)

Right on through to the other side.
Right on through, we will never hide.
Cause this is our town to ride.
And our Chevy will fly.

As the two cars raced even further down the road, Liam got the Amuse up as fast as it would go and handled a series of sharp turns very well as he gained ground on the Cavaliere.

Scooby growled to himself and put his foot down on the Cavaliere's accelerator and managed to slowly catch up.

Here we go.
Here we go.
Everybody's gonna get down, let's go.

Here we go.
Here we go.
Everybody's gonna get down.. let's go!

This is our plan understand.
We're blasting out music from a foreign land.
Reggae and soul, punk, rock and roll, boom-box, radio.

With all this music, we don't wanna drop (yeah)
With all this music, we'll never stop.
And... non-stop night spot.
non-stop night spot, night spot not stop.

Scooby regained the lead and negotiated another bunch of sharp curves and turns as they neared Gort. Liam and Michael activated their nitrous shot and tried to make up lost ground.

As both cars reached an intersection, the Cavaliere continued on the N18 towards Crusheen, but the Amuse drove down the R462, a twisty country road.

"Are you crazy?" asked Michael. "We could lose them."

"Hey, who knows these country roads better than I do?" asked Liam, raising an eyebrow. "Besides, I wanted this to be a bit of a challenge."

Here we go.
Here we go.
Everybody's gonna get down, let's go.

Here we go.
Here we go.
Everybody's gonna get down... let's go!

I've been to Kingston.
I've been to London, Osaka, Nevada.
And back to Brooklyn, I've been to Nevada,
I've been to Stockholm, Sacramento, Fresno,
I've been to Oakland.

It's not about flexing, or starting a fight.
It's not about who's wrong or right.
It's all about hanging with your friends tonight.
At 7-11 every day and night.

The Cavaliere continued down the N18 towards Barefield and Scooby got ready to go on the M18 motorway.

"I hope your cousins haven't bamboozled us, Shaggy." said Velma. "They may be going the long way round but they could pull off the win if we're not careful."

"Then I guess we just use SST again." said Shaggy. "Scoob, if you please?"

"Rokay." said Scooby as he got behind a fast moving Range Rover to absorb its energy.

When SST was fully charged, Scooby laughed, got a clear opening and pressed the switch.

The Cavaliere roared down the motorway as Team Mystery Inc. cheered and whooped and the other motorists looked on in shock.

Here we go.
Here we go.
Everybody's gonna get down, let's go.

Here we go.
Here we go.
Everybody's gonna get down... let's go!

Here we go.
Here we go.
Everybody's gonna get down, let's go.

Here we go.
Here we go.
Everybody's gonna get down... let's go!

-'Here We Go' by Bowling For Soup.

---

Meanwhile, the Rumor drove down the M6 towards Athlone. Dom's team really enjoyed the scenery as they drove along casually.

Dom glanced in the rear-view mirror and his eyes widened as he saw the Orange Crush coming up behind them.

"Shit! It's Virginia!" he yelled.

"Seriously?" asked Brian as he looked back and saw the Orange Crush as well.

"I knew we should have avoided that big crowd back in New York!" snapped Dom. "Thanks a lot, Vince!"

"Hey, it was a million to one shot that she'd be watching it!" Vince protested as the Orange Crush pulled alongside, keeping up to speed with them.

Virginia got over a speaker system and yelled into a CB.

"Stop, Dom! I'm ordering you to turn yourself in!" she said.

"I'm not too good at taking orders, Virg!" Dom replied as he poured on the speed.

The Orange Crush had been modified so Virginia could keep up with him and she stayed with him.

"You're under arrest, Dom! Pull over now!" Virginia persisted. "I will run you off this highway if need be! Don't think I wouldn't!"

"You realize this is a Skyline and that's a Karmann Ghia, right?" asked Dom.

She swerved a bit and sideswiped the Rumor. Dom stayed focused on the road as Virginia tried to force him to stop.

"Okay, I guess not." said Dom.

Vince reached under his seat and pulled out a pistol. Brian saw this and panicked.

"You dumb shit! What are you doing?" he yelled at Vince.

"We need to lose her, don't we?" Vince replied.

"VINCE!" yelled Dom. "Put that thing away now! You just added possession of weapons to the rap sheet, you asshole!"

Vince thought about that for a minute. "Sorry." he said sheepishly.

Brian hit Vince on the arm. "Same old Vince! Still doing the same stupid shit!"

"Hey, watch it, buster!" Vince replied angrily.

The Orange Crush continued trying to sideswipe the Rumor.

Just then, another car, an orange Mastretta MXT, turned up on the road behind them. Behind the wheel was Jack Carter while Jo Lupo sat in the passenger seat.

"Looks like a Cannonballer has some trouble, Jack." said Jo. "We need the Cannonballers to help out."

"I hear ya, Jo." said Jack as he pressed a button on the MXT's dashboard.

One of the headlights opened up and a small disc-shaped object was shot out of it. It attached to the Orange Crush's rear quarter panel and sent out an electronic pulse.

The Orange Crush suddenly started to slow down and come to a halt.

"What the...?" Virginia said.

"Looks like Doc Banzai's disruptor discs work." smirked Jack. "He says they'll be the latest thing used by the highway patrol."

The MXT got alongside the Rumor and Jo gestured to Dom to follow them as they sped on.

"That's a cop, Dom. Are you gonna trust them?" asked Vince.

"I certainly trust them not to do anything dumb!" Dom growled.

"I said I was sorry! What more do you want?" Vince yelled as the Rumor followed the MXT.

"How about a bit of common sense?" Brian asked.

---

The Clover was now lost, driving aimlessly along one of many country roads.

"We've driven into rural HELL here!" Denis yelled.

"I'm not any happier about it than you are!" Dane yelled as he tapped the GPS box again.

"HELLO?" he yelled at it. "We need assistance! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

The GPS remained silent.

"I told ya! She's giving us the friggin' cold shoulder because we didn't do as she said! Typical snobby BITCH!"

"Denis, you're yelling at a Gameboy! Calm the (bleep) down!" Dane replied as he turned the Clover around and headed back the way they had come.

---

Bunratty Castle, Limerick, Ireland...

The Killer Cars had converged at the Castle. They had just taken delivery of a few backup versions of their muscle cars that Dr. Badvibes had made for them in case of emergencies. Stingray had re-joined the group and they now began to make plans.

"So, people." said Charger. "Do we have a new plan?"

"I had a great idea." said Camaro. "Maybe if we could somehow turn one of the Cannonballers against the others, we'll have a powerful ally."

"That's not a bad idea." said Charger. "Who did you have in mind?"

"I'm thinking the team headed by Michael Bluth." said Stingray. "Luckily, we're almost to England where we can find his bargaining chip, so to speak. I give you Rita Leeds."

She handed her team-mates a picture of a woman who looked a lot like Stella Bridger, only with a different hairstyle and a hat.

"What's her connection to Michael Bluth?" asked Charger.

"She used to date him while she was living in Southern California." said AMX. "They were forced to break up when she was deported on suspicion of spying."

"Sounds like she could be a tough one." said Charger.

"Not necessarily." said Stingray. "According to the file, she's an MRF. She should be no trouble at all."

"Very well." said Charger. "On to London."

They heard roaring engines outside and looked out to see the Cavaliere speed past the castle with Liam's Amuse bringing up the rear.

Stingray glared. "I can't wait to take these dickheads out!"

The Cavaliere came to a stop. The Amuse pulled up alongside it.

"Hey there, cousins!" smirked Shaggy. "I hope Scoobs gave you a good race!"

"Yeah he did." said Michael. "But only because Liam's a feckin' eejit!"

"How was I supposed to know we'd get stuck behind a tractor?" protested Liam.

"What did you expect on a country road?" asked Daphne.

"Well, anyway, Shaggy, good luck in the Cannonball." said Michael. "We'll hold a special rave in your honour if you finish in the top three."

"Okay, you guys. Bye!" said Shaggy as Scooby floored the gas pedal and headed off towards Dublin.

---

With a lot of luck, Dane had found his way back to the roundabout where they had originally gone the wrong way.

All of a sudden, the Clover's GPS spoke up again, sounding very smug for some reason.

"At the third exit, maybe you'll do as you're told this time." it said.

Denis angrily reached forward and yanked the GPS box off the dashboard. "Up yours, lady!" he said as he threw the box in the back seat.

"Asshole." it said.

"And proud of it!" Denis replied.

"So what now?" asked Dane.

The Doomsayer came up to the same roundabout and moved around to a different exit. Mario looked happy enough that he knew the way.

"Follow the other Cannonballers I guess." Denis sighed.

"I'll never trust a GPS again!" Dane grumbled.

Their comms screen crackled on and Yucko appeared.

"Big surprise that ya got lost, dipshit!" he laughed. "You've got the IQ of a friggin' retarded slug and are of ZERO (bleep)in' use to any living THING on this planet."

He then put on an exaggerated 'retarded' voice. "My name is Dane! I like to count the potatoes! Including the one I apparently use for a head!"

Yucko honked his horn again and disappeared.

"That buttwad's days are SO numbered!" Dane said angrily.

"Roger that." said Denis in agreement.

---

In the grounds of Trinity College in Dublin, Buckaroo Banzai and several of his Hong Kong Cavaliers were gathered around a blue and red Autocad Combat T98 armoured car. It looked as close to a civilian vehicle as it could get.

Also present was former S.C.A.T. commander turned Blue Blaze Irregular Lt. Simms. He and Billy Travers gathered around some communications equipment.

"Just received a transmission from Jack and Jo, Dr. Banzai." Simms reported. "They're nearly here."

"Said they'll be here in less than five minutes." chipped in Billy.

"Good. I'm glad the field test of my new invention went well." said Buckaroo.

"We could give them out to all the racers if we arrange a huge meet, Buckaroo." said 'New Jersey' Zweibel.

"Maybe. But we'll see." said Buckaroo as he admired the college. "A great institution this place. Got a lot of great history behind it."

"The Book of Kells is here, isn't it?" asked Pinky Carruthers.

"That's right." said Rawhide. "Also, Mary Robinson was the first female chancellor as well as the first female president of Ireland. Quite an achievement, huh?"

"Isn't she still president?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"That's Mary McAleese you're thinking of, dumbkopf." said Reno Nevada. "She's been president for more than ten years. It would help if you kept up to date on politics instead of how well your posters have been selling."

"Well, I knew it was a Mary who was president." said Tommy sheepishly. "So, I guess I'm not entirely perfect."

They saw the orange MXT drive into the quad followed by the Rumor. Both vehicles came to a halt and their occupants got out.

"Dr. Banzai?" asked Dom. "What brings you to Ireland?"

"The Cannonballers need help and plenty of it." Buckaroo announced. "The Total Anarchy mask has been stolen from GD's vaults."

"And you remember how much trouble Feng caused last year." Jack said.

"How could I forget?" said Dom. "Chaos and Fury could handle him but it was difficult."

"More trouble?" asked Brian. "This gets better by the minute!"

"Actually it does." said Jo. "We've already sent Professor Hikita ahead to the Four Dragons to inform Mr Yates. And we are giving our frequencies to any and every Cannonballer who is in need."

"Here they are." said Rawhide as he handed a sheet of paper to Vince. "Make sure all the other Cannonballers find out the details."

"We're also giving you some of these." said Simms as he passed them a couple of tubes of the disc objects.

"You can shoot or throw these at any hostiles or drop them in their path." Buckaroo explained. "The green ones are disruptor discs which short out a car's engine. The red ones are miniature mines. Try to use the red ones in emergencies only, okay?"

Dom looked unsurely over the discs but then smiled. "Thanks, doc. Are you going on the race route as well?"

"Yep." said Reno. He gestured to the Autocad. "We're taking the Trio Incarnate here. It acts as an attack vehicle and mobile command centre."

"And we've got the Maria Serpente." said Jo as she nodded at the MXT.

"Nice bit of variety there. Picking a Mexican car." said Vince approvingly.

"It was part of a deal we made with the Mexican government." said Jack. "It's completely modded for this mission."

"Thanks a lot, Dr. Banzai." said Brian.

"Alright! Let's mount up!" said Buckaroo as they headed for their vehicles.

---

Elsewhere in Dublin, the Megere wandered aimlessly.

"That tells you where haunted houses are." said David as he drove. "Is that the best one they had?"

"It's alright. I'll find the bridge." said Darryl as he checked his map.

"So, how do we get there?" asked Elizabeth.

"Okay, turn right here at the Paul Hewson house." said Darryl. "Then, make a left at the David Evans house."

"That's the Hewson house?" asked Elizabeth.

They reached an intersection where the Reckless waited, then drove through.

"Are they going to the bridge?" asked Eric.

"I think they are." said Kelso.

"Move, Forman." said Hyde.

Eric followed the Megere. Within a few minutes, they reached an old castle near the docks. Everyone climbed out of their cars.

"I thought this was where the bridge was." said David.

"According to the map it is." said Darryl. "The stupid thing lied to me. Totally not righteous."

"Hey, hey, guys." said Eric. "Do you know where we are? This is the castle used by Nash Gorey to hide out after selling the plans for the MASK vehicles to the Cannonballers."

"Oh yeah, this is where the MASK team found him and rounded him up." said Kelso.

"Boy, I'd kill to live in a place like this." said Fez.

"I thought you wanted to live in a place like your country's president?" said Eric.

"Oh please!" said Fez. "My apartment is better than that dump!"

"Leave it to Darryl to get us lost and find a place from Cannonball history." said Elizabeth.

"Hard to believe this is where Gorey was staying." asked David.

"And after his arrest, it was taken over by a new resident." said an old woman who walked up to them. "There are many local superstitions surrounding him and you would do best to leave this place now."

"Okay." said Fez.

As he returned to the car, a woman's scream was heard.

"What was that?" asked David.

"That was someone who failed to take my advice." said the woman.

"And you're just gonna leave her to die?" asked Hyde. "I don't get old people." He ran into the doorway.

"Someone should help him." said Elizabeth.

"I'm going after him." said David.

"No!" said the woman as Darryl rubbed his temples. "Leave that fool to his chosen fate. The thing that brought that woman's demise will finish him and anyone else as well."

"Yeah." said David. "Look, we don't have time to argue because that guy will be needing backup."

"Dave, I gotta tell you." said Darryl as he stopped rubbing his temples. "I'm getting a major heebie-jeebie vibe from this place. I think we should listen to her."

"What?" said David. "How can you listen to this woman's ranting and ignore a fellow Cannonballer's need?"

"I gotta agree with her, dude." said Darryl. "Don't go in there."

"I'll go." said Elizabeth.

"What?" asked David.

"No body, no harm. Alright?" said Elizabeth.

"Okay, but try to return in ten minutes." said David.

"Fair enough." said Elizabeth. She walked into the castle.

---

Near St. Stephen's Green, Banner gathered his forces. They had been joined by Slater, Michaels and LaFours with their vehicles. They were all listening attentively as Banner showed them the Cannonball's Europe route on his computer.

Michaels noisily ate a jelly doughnut as he listened.

"Alright, after they're done with their little pit stop here, they cross the bridge over to England. They enter somewhere around Liverpool and travel south to the English Channel." Banner explained.

"We called in a few favours from the police forces in England" continued Montoya. "They've agreed to set up a roadblock near Dover, to try and stop the racers exiting the UK and heading for Mainland Europe."

"In the unlikely scenario that it doesn't work, we regroup in France and make new plans." said Bullock.

"In France, things could get a bit tricky, as the route then splits in two." explained Amos. "Some racers will go north via Belgium towards Germany, while others will travel towards Spain and Southern Europe. So we'll have to split up then as well."

"Don't matter." said Buford. "We're gonna stay on these sumbitches' butts until we nail 'em. Ain't that right, boys?"

The three new recruits nodded. Michaels then took a big bite out of his donut and squirted some jelly onto Junior's face.

"You sloppy moron!" Junior snapped.

Just then, Junior himself farted.

"AW, GROSS!" said Amos. "I told you to lay off the coffee!"

"Why would that make me fart?" asked Junior.

"To make room for doughnuts." Roscoe replied.

Victoria sat in the Evenflow and shook her head in disgust as she sipped her smoothie.

"Men. They're such pigs." she thought to herself.

Just then, the Reaper and the Firestorm both blew past the group, making the Evenflow shake with the force they were driving with.

Victoria spat out a mouthful of her smoothie in shock, covering a part of her windshield.

"GUYS!" she yelled. "I think it's time to go now!"

"Roger!" Willenholly and Bender said as they headed for their cars.

"Here, don't forget these!" said Slater as he took some pre-wrapped sandwiches out of a cooler and handed them out. "Just so you can keep your energy up."

Buford took his sandwich and was about to open it. He then shrugged.

"I'll save this for later." he said.

---

At the Four Dragons, Brock had just met up with Professor Toichi Hikita, an associate of Buckaroo's who had given him the low-down on the theft of the Total Anarchy mask.

"Thanks a lot, professor." Brock said. "It's good to know we have the support of so many people in this mess."

"Indeed. But it looks like we have to get to the bottom of who our enemies are." said the Professor. "You say you recorded that message this John Doe sent you?"

"That's right. Agent Vess is going over it right now, trying to see if it can yield any data." said Brock.

"I'll bring in some of our best computer specialists to help you out." said Hikita. "I just hope it won't be a vain hope that worse will not come to worse."

"You and me both." said Brock.

---

Elizabeth navigated the castle. She walked into an upstairs room and found a pale-skinned, blonde-haired woman looking at her.

"Welcome." said the woman.

Elizabeth got confused. "Are you talking to me?" she asked.

"Who else would I be talking to?" asked the woman. "My name is Maeve. Are you a friend of Steven?"

"How can you see me?" asked Elizabeth. "Are you a spirit too?" She swept her hand through Maeve's head then pulled it back.

"Is that supposed to happen?" asked Maeve.

"I don t know." said Elizabeth. "I've never met another spirit before."

"Come." said Maeve. She led Elizabeth through a door.

"Were you the one that screamed?" asked Elizabeth.

"She was." said a man who also had pale skin. "I assume you're friends with Mr Hyde." He pointed to Hyde on a nearby bed. He looked like he was recovering from an injury of some kind.

"Not exactly." said Elizabeth. "He literally doesn't know I'm alive."

"Are you a Cannonballer like him?" asked the man.

"Yeah." said Elizabeth. "What do you know about the Cannonball?"

"They have crossed my path before." said the man. "Even now, as I visit the land of that man who wrote that story about me."

"Who's that? Frank McCourt?" asked Elizabeth.

"No, you should know of this man." said the man. "He wrote a very famous book about me. His name was Bram Stoker."

"Oh, that man." said Elizabeth. "Wait, Bram Stoker? Then, that would make you..."

The man opened his mouth, revealing a pair of fangs. Maeve did the same.

"...Count Dracula." gasped Elizabeth.

"Now, it's your turn to join us." said Dracula.

"Hey, who's the blonde?" asked Hyde as he got up.

"Hyde, you have to leave this place." said Elizabeth. "Your friends are very worried about you."

Hyde opened his mouth, revealing a pair of fangs himself.

"And rightly so, it seems." said Elizabeth.

Maeve stood in front of the door to the room and said "Just try to get past me."

"Okay." said Elizabeth. She then passed through Maeve and the door.

Dracula, Hyde, and Maeve were confused by this. "After her." ordered Dracula.

Maeve opened the door and went after Elizabeth. To her surprise, Elizabeth was nowhere in sight.

Outside the castle, the others waited.

"Elizabeth's deadline is coming up." said David.

"She's not back yet?" asked Eric.

"Not yet." said David.

"I am now." said Elizabeth as she ran over.

"What's going on in there?" asked David.

"Vampires." said Elizabeth. "The place is full of them. That woman who screamed, she's one now. Hyde is too. We have to do something."

"She says we've got a little vampire problem." said David.

"Hyde?" asked Fez.

"One of them." said David.

"I suppose now would be a good time to say I told you so." said the old woman.

"Shut up!" yelled Eric, Kelso, and Fez.

"Yeah, that's most insensitive." said Darryl.

"Wait, isn't there another Cannonballer who specializes in vampire slaying?" asked Kelso.

"Yeah, that Californian girl, Buffy." said Eric.

"Right, we'll get her." said Darryl. "You guys warn the other racers."

---

The Four Dragons...

George and Gob paced around their soaked hotel room, trying to work out why the Foyts had accosted them.

"What did they want?" asked Gob.

"They just said that they wanted to get their boss out of prison." said George. "But for what reason? That's the million dollar question."

"If only there were a way to get some straight answers out of them." said Gob.

"You know, the younger one was kind of into you." said George.

"You think so?" asked Gob.

"I know so." said George. "Do you think I made it this far without being able to read a person's feelings? She was into you."

"Okay, it's settled." said Gob. "I'll seduce the truth out of her. Now, I have to find some way of contacting her."

"Wait, one of them said they were both in Orange County Prison." said George. "Maybe Warden Gentiles can give us some information on them."

He started to dial his cell phone.

Downstairs...

"WHAT? They heard me say that?" said Lazlow in disbelief as J.J. and Victor told him about his little insult getting picked up by his mic earlier.

"Yeah, Lazlow. And the network's not happy about it." said Victor. "In fact, they're so pissed off that they've demanded you take a break from announcing for the rest of the continent."

"They reckon that will teach you to be more tactful." added J.J.

"But that's not fair!" Lazlow protested.

"It's your own fault, Lazlow. You should know better than to insult the paying audience." said J.J. "Just be grateful they didn't decide to straight up fire you.".

"Well who's gonna replace me?" Lazlow said indignantly.

"Well, Toni and Thunder Bob could step in." suggested Ron Burgundy.

"Way ahead of you, Ron." said Thunder Bob as he and Toni stepped over to the camera and clipped on microphones.

"Hopefully by the time Africa comes, you'll have learned to keep your mouth shut, Lazlow." smirked Toni.

"Aw, eat it!" grumbled Lazlow as he slinked off in a huff.

"So, guys, where are the Cannonballers now?" asked Thunder Bob.

"They've just crossed the bridge over the Irish Sea and are entering England." said Veronica.

"Can we interview the leader?" asked Toni.

"Knock yourselves out." said Misty as she pointed out the cameraman counting down with his fingers.

Elsewhere at the Four Dragons, four college age men walked through the lobby.

"Here we are, the Four Dragons." said Norman Drabble, a man with brownish-blonde hair.

"This is Cannonball Headquarters?" asked Stu, a man with curly hair and glasses.

"Yeah, and things are in full swing." said Leonard, an African-American man with glasses.

"A prime location for the Blue Dudes to lend their support." said Eljin, a man wearing workout clothes and a sweatband.

"Right, but not now." said Norman. "We should get settled before planning the sign-holding."

---

Leading the way into Liverpool was the Primus. Not too far behind it was the Murmur, with Dudley Do-Right's team of protectors keeping up the pace.

"You guys sure are in a hurry." Captain Pierce called over.

"Well, Coil, Fluid and Multi are supposed to be doing a benefit concert at this club in Antwerp, so we gotta get there post haste!" Dudley said over the radio.

"Well, I hope you knock 'em dead. I really like your music." said Pierce.

"Thanks, cap." replied Multi as they turned and headed in the direction of Dover.

As they left, Jerry was talking to Thunder Bob and Toni.

"So you're taking a little side journey into Scotland?" Thunder Bob asked. "Are you sure that's wise, considering how hot the competition just got."

"It'll be fine. I've always wanted to visit Scotland to find out about my family history. My family were from Glasgow originally and came over to the States before World War I." Jerry said. "I'd just love to find out more."

"Glad you're proud of your ancestry." said Toni happily. "Let me know if you run into any cute MALE fans of Love Fist over there."

"Will do." said Captain Pierce as he rolled his eyes.

"So, there you go." said Thunder Bob. "While the rest of the pack heads south, Jerry's heading north into the heart of Caledonia.".

"With his reputation, I bet he'll have no problem catching up." said Toni.

Barenaked Ladies had now taken the stage.

"And on that note, here's some music for all you lovers of 80's music out there, like Toni." said Kevin.

"Are you sure this is an 80's song?" asked Tyler. "It sounded like 'Pinch Me' but with different words.

"Well, never mind that." said Ed as he stepped up to the mic. "Here we go!"

The song began, and Ed half-spoke, half-sung the lyrics as the mellow song required him to.

Hey, now just get in.
And close the door,
And put your foot down.

You know, I like this suburb we're going through.
And I've been around here many times before.
When I was young we were gonna move out this way,
For the clean air, healthy, you know,
Away from the factories and the smoke.
I like that shop, too.
You can get anything there.

So just get in,
And we'll go for a ride.

'Cos we'll go driving away from home.
Thirty miles or more.
And we'll go moving away from home,
Without a care

I'll tell you what.
Why don't we cross the city limit.
And head on down the M62.
It's only thirty nine miles.
And forty five minutes to Manchester.
And that's my birth-place, you know.

Driving away from home.
Thirty miles or more,
And we'll go moving away from home Without a care in the world.

Driving away from home.
Thirty miles or more.
Yes, we'll go moving away from home.
Without a care.

Some of my friends live up North, too.
If you like a longer trip.
All you've got to do is put your foot hard down to the floor,
And we can call on people I know in Newcastle.
Or maybe even Glasgow.
There's a lot of nice places to see out there.
So just don't worry.

Moving away from home.
Without a care in the world.

Driving away from home.
Thirty miles or more.
Yes, we'll go moving away from home.
Without a care in the world.

Move-em on, move-em out, move-em up.
King of the road, knight of the road.
It's all the same to me.
I mean, after all.
It's just a road.

Driving away from home.

Drivin'...
Driving away from home.
Drivin'...
Driving away from home.

Drivin'...

-"Driving Away From Home" by It's Immaterial.

---

In Brock's office, the red light on his desk flashed. That meant this continent's puzzle hunt entrants were ready to enter.

Brock took the call and saw that this time the entrants were the Simpsons, Team Rocket, Team NUMA, Team MASK 2, Team Looney Tunes, and the Drake's team once again.

"Back again, eh, Mr Drake?" asked Brock.

"Well you never said there was a rule against entering the puzzle hunt twice." smirked the Drake.

"Indeed there isn't. Anyway, it's fortunate you called as the first location is in Southern England." said Brock. "I'm going to quote a famous heavy metal song, and when you've guessed the location it's talking about, you'll know where to head."

The six teams listened carefully as Brock began to recite.

"Where the demons dwell, where the banshees live and they do live well. Where a man is a man and the children dance to the pipes of Pan. Where the virgins lie and the prayers of devils fill the midnight sky."

After a short pause he said "Did you get all that?"

"Got it!" chorused the teams.

"Okay, good luck!" said Brock.

"Are the clues always that cryptic?" asked Jessie in frustration. "And he says the place is in England? He mentioned banshees! Everyone knows they come from Ireland!"

"I know where it is, though. I've heard that song a thousand times." smirked Giovanni.

"What was it?" asked James.

"It was 'Stonehenge' by Spinal Tap." said Giovanni. "The song's famous because the model of Stonehenge they had put on the stage when they performed it live was always too small."

"You know the way?" asked Meowth.

"Was Liberace gay?" asked Giovanni mischievously. "Let's go! If we get there first, I'll give you all a raise!"

"Right!" yelled Jessie happily as she sped up the Peligro.

The Kowalski, the Maniac 2, the Thunder Rodd, the Utopia, and the Panama all followed them.

"Might as well have a bit of fun as the next relic is a few continents away." said Pitt.

"It's not like you need another five million though, Dirk." said Gunn.

"He's had his eye on this Tucker Torpedo this classic car dealership back home has." explained Giordino. "You can bet such a rare car won't come cheap, even on his salary."

"Oh. Right." said Gunn.

---

A while later in London, Stella parked the Terrific in Piccadilly Circus. A crowd of Londoners gathered around it.

"The locals really seem to be taking to the car." said Charlie as he climbed out.

"What do you expect? It's a Mini." said Stella as she followed. "The only vehicle more British is a double-decker bus."

"Hey, while we're here, can we take a few minutes to stretch our legs?" asked Lyle.

"Sure, good idea." said Charlie. "Stretch your legs, take a pee, eat something. Be back in ten minutes."

"Got it." said Left Ear.

Stella went looking for a food stand. Little did she realize, Charger and Camaro were right behind her in Camaro's field vehicle.

"Are you sure that's her?" asked Charger.

"Her hair's different, but it looks like her." said Camaro.

"Let's do this." said Charger as they got out of the car and followed Stella down the street.

Stella stopped to talk to a man standing on the corner. He wore a shirt for a local soccer team and blue jeans. "Excuse me, do you know where I can find a food stand?" she asked.

The man didn't answer.

"Well, how about a take-out restaurant?" asked Stella.

Still no answer.

"Fine, I'll look for one myself." she said.

That's when Charger and Camaro made their move. Charger grabbed her from behind.

"Hey, let me go!" yelled Stella.

Camaro put a bag over her head and grabbed her legs. They stuffed her into the back of the Camaro and jumped in. The man on the corner did nothing.

Charlie saw the whole thing and ran over. "Hey, that's Stella!" he yelled. "Get back here!"

The Camaro tore out of the parking space with Charlie right behind. The Bisonte drove past and stopped to avoid hitting the Camaro.

"Hey, hey, what's going on?" asked Darius.

Charlie ran over to the window and said "They grabbed Stella. You have to follow them."

"No problem." said Frank.

The Bisonte raced after the Camaro as Charlie turned to the man on the corner. "Thanks a lot, pal!" he yelled. "You were a major help there!"

He then stormed off to find his team-mates. A British royal guard marched past him and stood next to the man on the corner. "Drycleaners wouldn't take a check again, eh, Nigel?" he asked.

"Luckily, I've got an advantage to keeping up with this guy." said Frank. "I used to live here."

"Good, but don't get too close." said Darius. "We don't want them to know they're being followed."

---

Priss drove through the London streets at high speed. She went so fast, the scenery seemed to be moving on fast-forward.

Yet, she was able to steer with great skill and manage to avoid any obstacles.

She had headphones on, listening to 'Machinehead' by Bush on her MP3 player. It was clear that she had a great time on the Cannonball.

She got a brief look around and saw some young men doing skateboard stunts on one corner, including one guy doing them on the road before traffic could come along. She smiled under her helmet. London really did look like her kind of town.

As she got ready to cross Tower Bridge, Howard suddenly pulled up alongside her on the Wayfarer.

He tried to keep pace with her but fell behind as he had to recharge his super-speed device.

Priss shrugged and drove on. As the song came to an end, she had made her way to Shepherd's Bush. She brought the Streetfighter to a halt, took her helmet off and turned off her MP3 player.

"Time for a break." she thought to herself. She noticed the Wisdom parked nearby. As Mortimer and Bob both relaxed in the car with a bottle of soda each, Bella got out.

"Don't be too long dear." Mortimer called out.

"Don't worry. This should take a half-hour tops." Bella replied as she approached a nearby pub, advertising Guinness stout on the marquee above the sign.

"Always wanted to try Guinness." she thought to herself. "The only beer so good they named a famous actor after it."

---

Minutes after she was kidnapped, Stella was brought to a castle outside of London. Frank parked outside and watched.

Charger and Camaro brought Stella handcuffed and gagged into the castle's dungeon. Stingray waited with a cell phone.

"Good, let's get started." said Stingray. She dialled a number on the cell phone.

---

The Ambitious drove through London.

"So, this is London." said Buster.

"Yeah, this is a pretty nice city." said Michael as he drove.

"Say, Michael." said Tobias. "Maybe while we're here, you could look up that English girl you were dating, Rita?"

"Good idea." said Michael sarcastically. "Then maybe you can explain why I thought she was spying on us and had her deported. Isn't that right, Mr. F?"

Mr. F.

"And I apologize." said Tobias. "I thought he was a CAA agent, not a CIA agent."

Michael's cell phone rang. He answered.

"Hello, this is Michael Bluth."

"Yes, Mr Bluth." said Stingray on the other end. "Is it true that you used to date a woman from Britain named Rita?"

"Yes, why?" said Michael.

"Look at your screen." said Stingray.

Michael looked at the LCD screen on his cell phone. He saw Stella handcuffed and gagged in a chair.

"What do you want?" asked Michael.

"We want your assistance." said Stingray. "Betray the Cannonballers and your former girlfriend lives."

"Give me some time to think about it." said Michael.

"You have one hour." said Stingray. "In the meantime, we'll leave you with this picture to motivate you."

Stingray terminated the call. Michael showed the picture to Buster and Tobias.

"What does this look like to you?" he asked.

"That's Rita. They've got Rita." said Buster.

"Buster, don't be retar...stupid." said Michael.

"That's the blonde girl with the Mini." said Tobias. "Although, I can see why they thought she was Rita."

"I think we'd better do something about this." said Michael.

---

As all that had been happening in London, the puzzle hunt teams had made their way to Wiltshire and now approached Stonehenge.

The Panama lead the way as the six vehicles came to a halt near the famous stone circle.

"Hello, what's this?" asked Daffy Duck as he saw a large round table had been set up near the stones, with a sign saying 'challenge here' written on it nearby.

"I never knew King Arthur came to Stonehenge." said Liam.

The teams got out of their vehicles and came over to the table where an official waited.

"Good to see you all here." the official said. "The puzzle hunt challenges in Europe have a special theme to them."

"What sort of special theme?" Venom asked.

The official clapped her hands and a few more members of Cannonball staff appeared, each carrying a plate with a silver dome cover.

"A food theme!" yelled Homer excitedly.

"That's right! For each challenge, you have to eat a dish native to the country you're in." the official said. "You have a ten minute time limit to finish eating, and you have to have your hands tied behind your back when you do it. First one to win within the time limit, or ahead of time, gets the clue. BUT they have to share it with everyone else, so don't worry."

Jessie looked disgusted. "You mean we have to eat like barnyard animals? That's disgusting!"

"Your own table manners when we've found food after blowing our budget aren't much better, Jessie." Meowth said as he and James sniggered.

Jessie took out her fan and whacked the two of them with it.

"This could be a bit of fun." said Pitt. "So long as no-one tries to do a Lardass Hogan during the challenges."

"Oh, thanks for saying that when we're about to eat, jerk!" said Daffy.

"Time out, you guys!" Laura said. "Let's just get down to it and start the challenge."

"I'll go for our team!" said Homer as he sat at the table and put his hands behind his back so they could be tied.

"Okay then. Here is your dish for Great Britain." said the official as the helpers pulled the dome covers off to reveal...

"Fish and chips." the official finished.

"Of course. What could be more English?" asked Lisa.

Jessie looked appalled. "What did they do to the fish? Batter it to death?"

"Watch it, Jessie. It's a national delicacy." warned Giovanni.

"More like a national disaster." Jessie grumbled.

Meowth sighed and took a seat at the table, placing his paws behind his back. "I'll eat it. I could do with a nice bit of fish anyway."

Taz, who had been released from his strait jacket, looked excited. He took the seat for the Looney Tunes team.

"Don't eat too fast, Taz. That would be cheatin'." Bugs said.

Taz nodded to confirm he would eat slowly.

Giordino, Max and Ron all took the seats for their teams and the helpers went to tie their hands behind their backs.

The main official reached into a sports bag and pulled out a chess clock. She set it for ten minutes and then set it in the centre of the table.

"Ready?" she asked as all the volunteers' hands were tied. Everybody at the table nodded.

"GO!" she yelled as she hit the start button on the clock.

---

Somewhere else in London, Ford had gone to a local performance shop called Speed Zone.

In the service bay, an African American man looked over the Overlord. He yelped and squealed as he stuck his fist in his mouth.

"Nice ride." said Don. "Right, Caesar?"

"Oh yeah." said the man. "I haven't seen one of these since I left L.A."

"So, can you work some magic?" asked Don.

"Yeah, we'll see." said Caesar. "Depends on your guy's budget."

In the main store, Ford and Jazz talked with a blonde man and a brown-haired woman.

"So then, Don tells me we should try to modify the car somehow." said Ford. "So, here I am. I'm over here now."

"Okay, you came to the right place." said the blonde man, Tony Basilotta. "Caesar's talking to your man right now. I'm certain we can work something out."

"And on that note," said the woman, Sandy Longmore, with a British accent "it's time to figure out what's going into your car. How much are you willing to spend?"

"What can this buy?" asked Ford as he dropped all of his money on the counter.

Tony and Sandy looked through the money. They looked at each other. Tony picked up a purple NOS tank and set it on the counter.

"Oh! Someone thinks he's a comedian!" said Ford.

"I'm serious." said Tony. "This is what your money will get you."

"That's it?" asked Jazz. "That's not going to help!"

"If it would help," said Sandy "you could raise extra cash by entering local street races."

"Street races?" asked Ford.

"Hey, I do alright." said Tony. "You should check with this international street racing crew. They're called the Midnight Club."

"There are different divisions of the club." Sandy added. "And one of them is called the American Royalty club. They drive American muscle cars.".

"Good to know they appreciate a fine machine." beamed Ford.

"There's a chapter of them right here in London." said Sandy. "You could make some decent cash by morning."

"Yeah?" asked Ford. "Alright, let's do this."

Sometime later, Caesar closed the hood of the Overlord and wiped off his hands.

"Okay, your car is now nitrous injected." he said. "Although, I had to detune it a little since you couldn't afford forged pistons and rods."

"What do I need that for?" asked Ford.

"Well, it helps if your nitrous shot doesn't blow up the engine." said Caesar. "So, go on. Win some green. Make me proud."

"Hold on, you should take this." said Sandy as she handed them a PDA. "This will tell you where to find the individual chapters of the Midnight Club. It will also tell you any store locations for Speed Zone."

Ford, Don, and Jazz got into the Overlord and drove off.

"Where first?" asked Jazz.

"Mayfair." said Ford. "We'll kick some ass, then come back for some pistons and rods."

---

The Wacky Racers got ready to exit London as the afternoon came. As the Regalo drove along, Baba Louie and Boo Boo had finished downloading a special piece of software from Race Central's website.

"I must say I'm surprised you guys knew about computers." said Ranger Smith. "You're just full of surprises."

"Well, nobody ever sees what goes on between cartoon episodes, do they?" asked Boo Boo.

"Got it!" said Baba Louie. "We've now got the Fuzz Buster program. It'll enable us to detect any nearby police officers."

"Why is it beeping like that?" asked Huckleberry.

"It wouldn't do that unless..." began Quick Draw.

"...there's a cop nearby." finished Cindy.

Yogi quickly brought the Regalo to a halt and shut the engine off. There was no sign of any nearby police cars.

"What's it picking up?" asked Quick Draw.

"Over there." whispered Boo Boo as he glanced out the window.

In an alleyway across from them, the Nightcrawler was parked. Willenholly and Amos were lying in wait for any Cannonballers. Luckily, the Regalo was behind a large set of bushes and hadn't been spotted yet.

Both officers were very tired after the long journey to Europe from the USA and were trying very hard to stay awake. They'd had some coffee but the caffeine was wearing off and they were coming down off it in a hard way.

"How the hell are we supposed to find any Cannonballers out here in the boonies of London?" Willenholly grumbled.

"If it were the city centre it would certainly be easier. I hate being stuck out here!" said Amos.

"You've been completely tense this whole shift" said Willenholly as he stifled a yawn. "What's the problem?"

"You DO know this city has a history of gang violence, right?" asked Amos. "Yardies, triads, the Russian Mob. I can't shake the feeling we'll get jumped if we stay out here."

"That's profiling!" said Willenholly. "It's true, of course, but it's still profiling. Besides, WE'VE got guns as well. I think we're in more danger of dying of boredom here, though."

"I'm putting the radio on. Might relieve the tedium." said Amos as he leaned forward.

"Quick, senor Yogi, give me that mood music CD you brought." said Baba Louie.

"What are you going to do?" asked Cindy.

"Have a little fun." said Baba Louie. He inserted the CD into his laptop, making sure he had the sound on it turned off. He then pressed play and quickly entered a code.

Within seconds, the disco tune that had been playing on the Nightcrawler's radio was replaced by the ambient sound of 'Sadness, Part 1' by Enigma.

"What the hell's this?" asked Amos.

"Very relaxing." said Willenholly as he listened to it. "It's making me really chill out."

"Yeah, me too." said Amos as he stretched a bit. "I'm feeling very tired. I know it's been a long day, but I hope I can stay up."

"Don't worry. Maybe the next song will have more oomph to it." said Willenholly as he too got a bit tired.

The next track came on. It was 'Songbird' by Kenny G.

"Oh, boy. Synths and saxophones. A deadly combination." said Amos as he felt his eyelids start to get heavy.

"Well, I'm still wide awake." said Willenholly.

Amos slumped over and went to sleep.

After a pause, Willenholly shrugged. "What the hell?" he sighed. He too fell asleep.

The Wacky Racers high-fived each other. "Well done there, Baba Louie." said Quick Draw. "I'm glad I DID let you do some thinkin' for once."

"Okay, now let's go." said Huckleberry.

"We're gone!" said Yogi as he pulled the Regalo out slowly and silently.

---

As the sun shone on Glasgow, the Primus drove through the city centre.

"Beautiful city." said Captain Pierce. "I bet you can't wait to take part in some old Scottish traditions, right, Jer?"

Jerry checked his watch as he pulled into a multi-storey car park. "We'll do the whole lot."

As the afternoon progressed, Jerry posed for a photograph wearing a traditional Scottish piper's outfit, complete with kilt and bagpipes.

A while later, he sat in the lounge of a local hotel with Pierce. Both were reading famous literature from Scotland.

Jerry was engrossed in a copy of 'Kidnapped' by Robert Louis Stevenson while Pierce read a book of poetry by Robert Burns.

Later, the two men sat at a restaurant table. In front of each of them was the Scottish dish haggis. Jerry was enjoying his, washing it down with a cool glass of Famous Grouse whiskey.

When he wasn't looking, Pierce pushed his own plate away in disgust.

Later still, the two team-mates sat in the bar and laughed along with the rest of the patrons to a Billy Connolly live show that was being broadcast.

Jerry thoroughly enjoyed himself, and so did Pierce.

"I wonder how the race is going, though." Pierce thought to himself.

---

The Firestorm drove away from a costume shop near Covent Green. The Doctor looked very happy.

Amy now wore her kissagram policewoman's uniform and Rory wore a male English policeman's uniform, which they had bought from the shop.

"I don't know why I let you talk me into this." sighed Rory.

"Well, think about it. If we all pretend to be police officers it could alleviate a lot of trouble." the Doctor smirked.

"I thought I could see the wheels turning in your mind when that happened, Doctor." said Amy. "But it better work, or you're in for a thick ear."

"I can believe that." said the Doctor.

"Why do you get to be the plainclothes cop anyway?" Rory moaned.

"Amy, you put up with his whining every day?" The Doctor said in amazement.

Amy reached over and clipped the Doctor's ear. "Just drive, okay?" she snapped.

"Take a chill pill, for Heaven's sake." the Doctor grumbled.

---

At the castle, AMX and Stingray watched television.

"This show looks familiar." said AMX.

"That's probably because they made an American version of it." said Stingray.

"Doesn't anyone in America have any originality anymore?" asked AMX. "It seems like the Brits really are smarter than us."

"All but one." said Stingray as she pointed in Stella's direction.

Neither watched Stella as she slid back to a table and felt around for something. She found an Allen wrench and picked it up. She used it to pick one of her cuffs. As soon as it was off, she brought her hands in front of herself and picked the other cuff. She then took off the gag and walked over to the cell where AMX and Stingray watched television and closed the door, locking it.

AMX turned and ran for the door. "Hey!" he yelled when he found out it was locked.

Stella just waved to him and ran. She whispered to herself "Why did they kidnap me and why did they use security measures that wouldn't stop a ten-year-old?"

---

Back at Piccadilly Circus, Charlie's team had been joined by Michael Bluth's and Nick Kang's teams. Lyle checked the computer for Rita's profile.

"This better be good. We're losing positions here!" said Marcus.

"It's no big deal if we lag behind in just ONE country, you know!" Nick replied. "Get your priorities straight!"

"Here she is." said Lyle as Rita's profile came up.

Charlie ran over and passed a drycleaner with a royal guard's uniform in the window.

"Yeah, that's her." said Michael. "That's Rita."

"Holy shit, she looks just like Stella." said Charlie. "She just has a different hairstyle and a hat."

"Also, this Rita girl is British and an MRF." said Lyle.

"What's an MRF?" asked Marcus.

"Mentally Retarded Female." said Lyle.

"We often joke that's why she went out with him in the first place." said Tobias.

Michael turned to him and said "Now, would you like to explain why she got deported, Tobias?"

"I'll explain. While Michael was dating Rita Leeds, it came to the Bluth family's attention that a mole known as Mr. F was leaking information to the CIA. When Michael saw Rita's medical bracelet read 'MRF', he assumed she was the mole and reported her to the authorities. Unfortunately, he didn't realize until later that Mr. F was none other than Mr. Funke."

"Looks like they tried to force you to do their bidding by kidnapping Rita." said Nick. "Unfortunately, they grabbed Stella by mistake."

"They probably should have checked more current information." said Lyle. "According to this, Rita returned to southern California last month."

"But Stella is here now." said Charlie. "Nick, Marcus, you're specialist cops. You're bound to have dealt with hostage situations before. So this kind of falls within your area of expertise. Any ideas?"

"Have you heard from Frank yet?" asked Marcus.

"Yes, he called and told me they took her to a castle outside of town." said Left Ear. "We can be there in minutes."

"Great." said Marcus. "Let's go there."

"Got it." said Charlie.

"You know, I'm partially to blame for this." said Michael. "So, I think I can help out in some way."

"Good man, Michael." said Tobias.

"And since you also have a hand in this, you're helping too." said Michael.

"Uh, I'm innocent in this, so..." said Buster.

"Sorry, you're helping too." said Michael.

"Dammit!" yelled Buster.

The teams climbed into their cars and drove off. On their way, they passed a procession of royal guards in uniform...except for Nigel, who still wore street clothes.

---

Back in Glasgow, Jerry and Captain Pierce had finally found the time to visit the Hall of Records.

"Now to find out some family history." Jerry said as he searched through the hall's computer database.

"There it is." said Captain Pierce as he pointed it out. "Davis. Right there. Had a big farmhouse outside the town in the 1700's before moving to the States in 1909."

"Thanks, cap." said Jerry as he opened the page and read its' contents out loud.

"The Davis family owned a farm on the outskirts of town where they raised livestock and harvested crops. The farm was founded in 1759, shortly after they emigrated from...Wales."

Jerry looked completely stunned as he read the last bit.

Ten minutes later...

"Hold on tight, cap! We're outta here!" said Jerry as he started up the Primus and performed a burnout leaving its' parking space.

"So where are we going?" asked Pierce.

"Cardiff." replied Jerry.

Pierce stared in disbelief. "You are damn near certifiable, you know that?"

---

Back at Stonehenge, the chess clock's alarm went off as the eating contest came to an end.

"Time's up!" said the official. "Let's see how you did."

Homer and Meowth had both completely cleared their plates. Max and Giordino still had a few chips left and Taz had left a bit of fish uneaten. Ron had dropped out because the fish had disagreed with him.

"Oh, god. Never again!" groaned Ron.

"Wuss." Homer said.

One of the helpers came over and whispered into the official's ear.

The official nodded and gave an announcement as the contestants' hands were untied.

"I've just been informed that Mr. Simpson finished first, with Meowth not too far behind." she said. "So, therefore, Team Simpsons get the clue."

She presented an envelope to the rest of the Simpson family.

"Wow! I never saw someone beat Taz like that when it comes to eating!" Bugs exclaimed.

"First time for everything I guess." Daffy said as the others rejoined their teams and gathered around Marge as she opened the envelope.

She read it aloud. "The next location is in France. It has a library that used to belong to the mother of the three monarchs under whose rule the Huguenots suffered. Good hunting."

A few of the puzzle hunt members sighed.

"I wish I'd done history in school." said James.

"Don't worry. We'll figure it out." said the Drake. "We've got between here and France to figure it out."

"Hey, Bart. You learned a lot on your exchange trip to France." said Lisa. "Do you know where they're talking about?"

Bart smirked. "You mean for once you don't have the answer?" he said teasingly.

"Come on, boy. Where are they talking about?" growled Homer.

"Hold on." said Bart as he concentrated. He then started sorting through French history facts he had learned.

"I DID learn a lot." he said. "This could take a while."

"What, are you doing a Google search in your head or something?" asked Liam.

"Well, look. Let's just get going." said Laura. "We know we have to keep them in sight until they solve it so we can follow them anyway."

"Okay. To la belle France, then." said the Drake as the teams went back to their cars. Bart still had his eyes shut, concentrating.

---

The Megere parked outside London.

"You called her, right?" asked Elizabeth.

"Yeah, she'll be here." said David.

"Here she comes." said Darryl.

The Usagi pulled in behind them and Buffy, Jordan, and Veronica climbed out.

"Ouch, major black aura." said Darryl.

"Yeah, this girl's got cruel intentions." said Elizabeth.

"Okay, what's this about vampires?" asked Buffy.

"We encountered them in Dublin." said David. "They've taken a woman from Ireland and one of the Cannonballers."

"Which one?" asked Veronica.

"Steven Hyde from the Wisconsin team in the Charger." said Darryl.

"Well, where's the rest of his team?" asked Jordan.

"Off warning everybody else." said David.

"Okay, I'll help you." said Buffy. "But only because it's my duty. Jordan, Veronica, you two can stay in the car if you want."

"Hey, I'm coming with you." said Veronica.

"We came as a team, we go in as one." said Jordan.

"Well, if you really want to." said Buffy. "I guess I really can't stop you."

"Thank her." said Elizabeth.

"Thank you, Buffy." said David. "You're doing us a great service."

"No problem." said Buffy. "So, how are we tracking these vamps?"

David and Elizabeth looked at each other confused. "That would have been a good thing to know beforehand." said David.

"Wait, I think I can sense them." said Darryl.

"THAT'S how we're tracking them?" asked Veronica. "Vampires of the world beware."

Just then, a call came over their radio.

"Hello? Is Buffy Summers there?" Buckaroo's voice asked.

Buffy looked confused but picked up the radio.

"Dr. Banzai? Is that you?" she asked.

"Yes it is. I admit that I overheard the call on the wire about vampires." Buckaroo said. "I just want to let you know that we can help. I have an expert here who's fought vampires before."

"That's me." Simms' voice came over the radio. "After S.C.A.T's little excursion at the Martin house, we adapted a few weapons that guy Weird Eddie invented. We think they could be of great help."

Buckaroo came back over the line again. "I'm emailing our frequency to your on-board computer. Don't be afraid to ask if you need help, okay?"

Buffy and her team thought about it.

"Okay, Doc. We'll keep you posted." Buffy said. "But we don't want any non-racers to get hurt. So let us try this ourselves first."

"Just letting you know the offer's open." Buckaroo said. "Good luck. And don't forget: wherever you go, there you are."

Buckaroo signed off.

---

The Terrific, Ambitious, and Supernova XS pulled up in front of the castle where the Bisonte was parked. The Cannonballers inside climbed out. Frank and Darius walked over.

"So, what's the plan?" asked Darius.

"We're letting Lyle find the floor plan of the castle." said Charlie.

"When he does that, I thought we'd try to determine where Stella is being held." said Nick. "After that, we make our way past the guards, rescue Stella, and get out."

"Guys?"

Everybody turned to see Stella coming towards them.

"Okay, new plan." said Marcus. "Stella gets in the car and we go."

"Sounds fine to me." said Stella.

"Absolutely brilliant." said Frank.

"That was a freebie." said Michael.

---

Near Hammersmith, Mr. Chairman and Yuri had parked their stolen Tesla Roadster near a large building, where they had a meeting with some more unscrupulous individuals.

Yuri looked angry as he had heard how Stella had escaped the Killer Cars.

"Is this what we pay these fools for? Ineptitude?" he snapped.

"Oh, give it a rest!" Mr. Chairman said as he turned to face their companions. "As you can see, lady and gentlemen, things have been a bit tougher than expected in the Cannonball for my associates and I. However, we still have the resources to meet your financial needs if you help us. And we don't stint those who aid us in any way."

His audience consisted of the oddly dressed Darius and his street racing crew, the Stacked Deck, from the US city of Palmont.

The team consisted of the Asian-American tuner favouring Kenji, the exotic car driving Wolf and, the group's only woman, the muscle car driving Angie. They all had hungry expressions. Since their defeat back in Palmont, they had been itching to show they could still handle themselves on the road.

The other four present were four African-American men with bleached blond hair. They were members of the notorious Washington D.C. gang the Golden Lords. The members were the leader Simon Caine, his second-in-command Goldilocks, triggerman Uzi and the huge muscle man Digit.

"I can sense that all of you would really like to show the Cannonballers what for, so to speak." said Yuri as he joined Mr. Chairman at the table's edge. "We need the extra help and I have no doubt that you will stop at nothing to get back at these morons who reap rewards while your own reputations in your hometowns have gone down the drain.".

"You bet your ass we are." said Darius. "I'll show those assholes that the Stacked Deck may have been down but we're not out!"

Angie, Wolf and Kenji nodded in agreement.

"And that goes for us too." said Simon. "Especially if we have a chance at getting back at Meteor Man if he shows his face!"

"YEAH!" growled Digit.

"Alright then. You will aid our other field agents. While they try to get their acts together, you head out and help." said Mr. Chairman. "We've uploaded the two race routes to your respective GPS'. Now then, be on your way."

"And show no mercy!" said Yuri. "You have our permission to divide and conquer the Cannonballers if you feel the need to."

"Right." smirked Angie. "That gives me an idea."

"You can try it out in the field." said Darius as the two groups exited the board room.

"So, what do we do now then?" asked Mr. Chairman.

"Big Boss told me over the phone that he's setting up an office in Antwerp." said Yuri. "Some Cannonballers are going that way. We'll make a plan of attack there."

"Alright then." said Mr. Chairman. "Let's go."

---

Back in the United States, Sheriff Baxter addressed his men.

"As you can see, the Cannonballers are currently in Europe." he said. "They are not projected to return to the United States for quite some time. But when they do, we'll be ready for them. You are all now united into a task force known as the Cannonball Run Assault Patrol."

"Uh, doesn't that abbreviate to..." asked one man.

"Yes." said Baxter quietly. "Additionally, we have our research and development division working on several new weapons and equipment to give us an edge over the Cannonballers. We also have tacticians working on new plans. I'm certain that with your assistance, justice shall prevail."

He left the briefing and went to the testing facility. As he entered, he asked "So, what's new and exciting?"

"Take a look at this." said a technician. "As you're no doubt aware..."

"But you're telling me anyway?" said Baxter.

"...beanbag ammunition doesn't have the best range." said the technician. "But we need it as using lethal force over glorified speeders would probably generate a massive outcry. Our solution was to develop a beanbag launcher with improved range and we've built it into the Crusader."

He motioned to a black Chevrolet Thriftmaster pickup with yellow and red flames.

"Would you like a demonstration?" asked the technician.

"Of course." said Baxter.

"Okay." said the technician. He picked up a square, wooden frame with a canvas target nailed to it and walked twenty yards from the Crusader. He held the target in front of his chest and yelled "Test fire one!"

A man in the Crusader flipped a few switches and the shotgun-like weapon rose from the front fender. Baxter watched intently.

"Ready, fire!" yelled the technician.

The man in the Crusader pushed a button and the gun discharged. A beanbag hit the target twenty yards away and bounced off.

"Nice!" said Baxter.

"I thought you'd like it." said the technician.

"I do." said Baxter. "Can I see that again?"

"Certainly." said the technician. "He wants another one!"

The man in the Crusader nodded and flipped the switches again. The technician held up the target again.

"Ready, fire!" yelled the technician.

The man in the Crusader pushed the firing button and fired another beanbag. This time, he missed the target and hit the technician in the groin. The technician let out a howl as he dropped the target and fell to the ground holding his crotch.

"Other than the follow-up shot, not bad." said Baxter. "Just work out that little kink and we've got something."

---

A few hours later, the Nightcrawler still sat in the London alleyway it had been parked in. Amos and Willenholly began to stir from their sleep.

Amos sang some of 'Booty Time', the big hit by his former band Disco Express, in his sleep.

Willenholly stretched and yawned as he woke up first. As he got a quick glance at his watch, he suddenly looked panicked. He began to shake Amos' shoulder.

"Amos! Wake up!" he yelled.

"No school." mumbled Amos.

"Amos!" yelled Willenholly.

"Wha-wha-what?" asked Amos as he awoke with a start.

"We must have fallen asleep." said Willenholly.

"WHAT?" yelled Amos.

"I said..." began Willenholly.

"No, no." said Amos. "I don't mean 'what' as in 'I didn't hear you'. I mean 'what' as in 'what the hell is going on'!"

"It was that damn music the station got stuck on. It put us to sleep!" said Willenholly.

"Banner's gonna skin us!" Amos yelled. "We'd better get going before the Cannonballers get across the channel."

"Right." said Willenholly as he turned the key in the Nightcrawler's ignition. The engine refused to turn over. He grunted and tried it again. There was still no result. He tried it one last time, but still nothing happened.

Willenholly leaned back in his seat and sighed deeply.

"What is it?" asked Amos.

"The battery's dead." said Willenholly.

"What do you mean 'the battery's dead'?" asked Amos.

Willenholly glared at him. "I mean it's voting for Ralph Nader! What do you THINK I mean?" Willenholly yelled. "It has expired! It has ceased to live! It no longer has vital functions! THE FRIGGIN' BATTERY IS FLAT!"

(AN: that last piece of dialogue was based on 'Pineapple Express', NOT the Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch.)

Amos looked stunned. He then realised. "It's because we fell asleep with the radio on. It drained the battery."

"Do ya think so?" Willenholly said sarcastically.

"Oh, this is friggin' beautiful!" Amos said grumpily.

"Wait here. I'll go find a mechanic." said Willenholly as he got out.

"Well I'm sure as hell not going anywhere else!" Amos called after him.

---

As Veronica drove the Usagi, Jordan got on her laptop while she dialled her cell phone.

"Who are you calling?" asked Buffy.

"Someone who can help us." said Jordan. "What time is it in Boston?"

At the Boston Medical Examiner's office, a tall, thin man with neck-length black hair answered the phone. "Boston Medical Examiner's office, Nigel Townsend speaking." he said in a British accent.

"Hey, Nigel." said Jordan.

"Jordan, how's the race going?" asked Nigel. "Where are you right now?"

"I'm somewhere in Southern England." said Jordan. "We're in each other's birthplaces."

"How ironic." said Nigel. "What can I help you with?"

"I need you to look into a particular structure in Dublin." said Jordan.

"And what do I get in return?" asked Nigel.

"I'll set you up with someone." said Jordan. "She can give you as much information about vampires as possible."

"Ooh, that's blackmail." said Nigel.

"The structure is Riley Castle." said Jordan. "I need to know who the owner is and any connection to a woman named Maeve."

"Checking." said Nigel as went to work on his computer.

"How long is this going to take?" asked Veronica.

"Got something." said Nigel.

"Would you like fries with that?" asked Jordan.

"The castle was purchased just a few days ago by an Alexander Lucard." said Nigel. "And guess what the name of the real estate agent was?"

"It was Maeve, wasn't it?" said Jordan.

"Maeve O'Riordan to be exact." said Nigel. "I'm looking into her a little more."

"Buffy, do you know of a vampire named Alexander Lucard?" asked Jordan.

"Don't recognize it." said Buffy.

"Luckily, it was daytime when the Cannonballers left Dublin." said Jordan. "Since it's only been night for a couple of hours, they couldn't have gone far since then."

"Don't be too sure about that." said Nigel.

"What's wrong?" asked Jordan.

"I just did some more checking into Maeve O'Riordan's credit card account." said Nigel.

"I'd really rather not know why you did that!" said Jordan.

"She recently used it at a modification garage." said Nigel. "Strangely, the only modification she purchased was window tinting."

"Make, model, and color?" asked Jordan.

"It's a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution." said Nigel. "Ooh, she got it in silver pearlescent."

"Keep your eyes open for a silver pearlescent Evo with tinted windows." said Jordan. "In all likelihood, it'll have a white oval with 'IRL' on the rear."

"Got it." said Veronica.

---

Race Central...

"Okay, people. Our racers are now well on the way to the South of England and the English channel." said Ron Burgundy.

"And we've got a very special surprise for you now." said Misty. "Joining us to commentate on the race right now is none other than President Baxter Harris."

The clueless president stepped in front of the camera and waved as he took a microphone.

"Good to see you, Mr. President." Veronica said. "So, what, if I may ask, made you decide to do commentary here?"

"Well, I had nothing better to do to be honest." said Baxter. "Even in a city like Las Venturas, one gets tired of the blackjack table and the brilliant escort services eventually."

Harris chuckled a bit while the others looked a bit nervous.

"Thank you, Mr. President." said Misty as a sweat drop appeared on her face.

"Anyway, live from Chatham in England now with a news feed is Wes Mantooth. Let's check in with him." said Ron.

On the screen before them, they saw the view from Mantooth's chopper.

"Thank you, central. As you can see, our racers are now really giving their all to leave the United Kingdom behind." said Wes as his camera got a close up of the Cowboy and Giselle running nearly nose to nose through the streets.

"Right now, both Memphis Raines and Minnie Mouse are in a stiff competition to reach Dover first." Wes continued

As the four anchors watched, Harris looked very concerned.

"Hey, you guys." he said. "Do my eyes deceive me or does Mr. Raines' Mustang sound a bit rough?"

"HUH?" Ron, Veronica and Misty said at his nonsensical remark.

"Just saying that maybe he should pull into a gas station soon. That's all." Harris shrugged.

On the screen, Giselle began to weave a bit as Minnie fought to keep her under control but still kept the lead.

"Looks like the first lady of Disney is having a spot of bother there, guys." Wes commented.

"Yes it does." said Misty. "Any ideas what it could be guys?"

"I can't imagine what kind of problem it is Minnie's having." said Harris. After a brief pause, he then added "But I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem."

The other three looked confused again.

"Well, they've travelled thousands of miles already. Wear and tear on tyres is bound to set in eventually." Baxter added.

"Okay. Thank you, Mr. President." said Ron, still nervous about Harris' eccentricity. "Will you be back to commentate before Toni and Bob come back from their break?"

"Sure." said Harris. "Brock said I could after I had a talk with him. It's amazing what five simple words from me to him can do."

"Oh? What were those five words?" asked Veronica.

Harris smiled. "I can have you killed." he said.

Ron, Misty and Veronica looked appalled as Harris chuckled again and wandered off, oblivious to the fact he had just freaked everybody out.

---

As the Falcon drove through Canterbury, Kent, Jay, and Silent Bob admired the view.

"Isn't that famous priest or something from Canterbury, Brodie?" Jay asked.

"Are you being serious?" asked Brodie as he raised an eyebrow.

They heard the sound of two racing engines coming up on them. Brodie looked in his rear-view and was surprised to see that it wasn't Cannonballers coming up on them.

It was a silver 2008 Audi A4 and a white 2007 Honda Civic, coming up fast.

The tuner and the exotic got on either side of the Falcon and Brodie's team could see Darius and Angie in the Audi and Wolf and Kenji in the Civic.

"Follow us!" Kenji yelled as he pointed the way.

Brodie looked at Jay and Silent Bob. The two of them shrugged. Brodie sighed to himself and followed the four members of the Stacked Deck as they overtook him.

The Falcon was lead into a dilapidated train yard. All three cars came to a stop and their occupants got out.

"Okay? What was it you wanted?" asked Brodie.

"We know who you are, pal." said Darius. "You're the Cannonballer who's become Captain Chaos this year."

"You really think you're hot shit because of that dumb mask, don't ya?" sneered Kenji.

"We're willing to bet you're useless behind the wheel without it!" Angie added.

"Hey, now wait a goddamn..." Jay began.

"Shut up!" Wolf yelled as he and Angie pulled out guns. "We don't wanna hear a peep out of you two junkies."

He nodded to Silent Bob and added "Especially you."

"So, here's how it's gonna be, Captain Loser." Darius sneered at Brodie. "You and Kenji here are going to have a little race around this yard, out onto the main road, and then back here. YOU, leave the mask behind for the race. See if your so-called skills are up to much."

"The winner gets to continue on their way." said Wolf. "The loser..."

"Now listen carefully, Bruce, because this is the part that really concerns you." chipped in Angie.

"...quits the race for good and let's some talented racers head to the rest of Europe." finished Wolf.

Brodie narrowed his eyes. "And suppose I don't feel like doing it?"

Wolf and Angie cocked their guns. Brodie immediately got their meaning and he swallowed hard.

"Alright, then. I've no wish to be a spoilsport. Let's go." he said as he got back into the Falcon and Kenji headed for his Civic.

---

"Okay. With Great Britain nearly done and dusted, let's check in with Team Primus and see how Mr. Davis' little side trip has gone." said Toni as an image of Jerry appeared on the screen.

Jerry drove at very high speeds and Captain Pierce once again looked afraid for his life.

"Why the rush, Jerry?" asked Thunder Bob.

"There was a mix-up." Jerry said. "It turned out that I'm really Welsh after all that.".

"Holy cow!" said Thunder Bob. "So what's the plan of action now?"

"I'm taking another little detour. This time to Wales."

"Whoa! Do you think you can catch up with the pack when it's over?" asked Toni.

"Never mind that!" said Pierce. "Do you think we can get there without having an accident?"

"Cap, we'll be fine. I assure you." smirked Jerry.

"How about a little music to soothe your mind, Jer?" asked Jimmy Pop of the Bloodhound Gang as they and Bowling For Soup took the stage.

"Hell yeah, guys!" said Jerry. "I've always wanted to hear how you guys would sound in a duet."

"We've picked a song dear to your heart, Jerry." said Chris Burney as he and Daniel P. Carter slung on their guitars. The Yin and Gary Wiseman took their seats behind the drums and Erik Chandler and Jared Hasselhoff got their basses ready.

Jimmy Pop picked up his rhythm guitar and Q-Ball took his place at the turntables.

"It's really creepy how much this song seems to be about this guy, isn't it?" asked Gary.

"Maybe it's not about him. Maybe it's just about someone like him." Daniel replied.

"Yeah, VERY like him!" Jared said sarcastically. "It's about a racer named Jerry who drives a 442 and a retired fire chief from Virginia called Captain Pierce, you retard!"

"Hey, enough, okay?" said Erik. "Ready when you are, Jaret and Jimmy."

"Okay. On three." Jimmy said. He then suddenly yelled "THREE!"

Erik and Jared started out on their basses. They were soon joined by Gary and the Yin on drums and Chris and Daniel on guitars as they began the intro. Q-Ball kept the beat going as well as Jaret started singing.

Jerry was a race car driver.
And he drove so goddamned fast.
He never did win no checkered flag,
But he never did come in last.

Jerry was a race car driver.
He'd say "El Solo #1!"
With a Bocephus sticker on his 442,
he'd light 'em up just for fun.

Both Jaret and Jimmy did a funky dance as the first instrument break came in. After this, Jimmy took over vocals.

Captain Pierce was a fireman.
Richmond engine #3.
I'll be a wealthy man when I get a dime.
for all the things that man taught to me.

Captain Pierce was a strong man.
Strong as any man alive.
It stuck in his craw that they.
Made him retire at the age of 65.

He resumed dancing with Jaret. As the bridge approached, both Jaret and Jerry yelled into their microphones.

GO!

The second part of the bridge came in, with both bands enjoying themselves thoroughly as Daniel and Chris roared through the lead breaks. Q-Ball provided additional vocal effects.

Dog will hunt!

Jaret and Jerry did a dual vocal on the final verse.

Jerry was a race car driver.
22 years old.
One too many cold beers one night.
And wrapped himself around a telephone pole.

Go.

-'Jerry Was A Race Car Driver' by Primus.

As the two bands finished the song, the crowd in the Four Dragons went wild.

"That was great, guys. And let's indeed hope that the Primus is fast enough to catch up with the rest of the Cannonballers when Jerry's little side trip is over." said Ron as he stood with Veronica, Misty, and President Harris.

"I have no doubt it's a powerful machine." said Harris. "Just goes to show you how important the car is in automotive racing."

The others looked weirded out again.

"What planet is this guy from?" Misty thought to herself.

---

Back at the train yard in Canterbury, the Falcon and the Civic had lined up in front of a spray-painted starting line.

Brodie kept his eyes on the road ahead as he revved his engine. He glanced over at Kenji, who scowled and gave him the finger.

"He seems nice enough." Brodie said to himself sarcastically.

Angie stepped out in front of the two cars in order to start the race. To mock Brodie even more, she held the Chaos mask to use it instead of a scarf to signal the start.

Wolf and Darius kept Jay and Silent Bob covered with their guns as Brodie and Kenji revved their engines.

After a tense few seconds, Angie waved with the mask and the race began.

As the Falcon accelerated, Brodie managed to get a slight lead on Kenji and fought to keep it as they went into the first turn.

Kenji grunted to himself and poured on his own speed, pushing his Civic to its highest velocity.

"COME ON, ASSHOLE!" Kenji yelled at Brodie as he got a slight lead.

Brodie shifted gears and got a bit more speed up and got slightly ahead, but only for a few seconds.

Kenji moved forward and led by a nose-length.

"Damn, this guy's good." Brodie said to himself. "But I can do better!"

Brodie shifted into high gear and got the Falcon up even faster as the two cars moved through a long and empty warehouse.

Kenji fought to try and get a lead on Brodie but Brodie was determined not to let him win.

As they blew out the other side of the warehouse, they went through an open gate and out onto the main road. As they turned a hard right and roared back down the road on the half-mile stretch towards the entrance to the yard, the Opus passed in the opposite direction.

LaFours had got a good look at Brodie in the Falcon and remembered the trouble the latest Captain Chaos had caused him. He performed a wild U-turn and drove off after the Falcon and the Civic.

He smiled to himself, as even if he didn't catch Brodie, he could at least nail another speeder.

"Not bad, Kenji, not bad." said Brodie to himself. "But not good either!"

LaFours got behind the two of them and turned on his lights and siren.

"Whoops!" Brodie laughed to himself as he saw the Opus approaching.

Kenji looked back to see the Opus coming. Brodie used Kenji's brief moment of distraction to take the lead.

Back in the yard, Darius looked frustrated. "What's taking them so long?"

"Maybe we should just waste these jerks now and be done with it." said Wolf as he prodded Silent Bob with his gun.

"No! We wait!" Darius yelled.

As the Falcon and the Civic approached a hard turn on their way back to the entrance to the yard, both were now right alongside each other.

"Come on, jack! Let's get it on! COME ON!" yelled Kenji.

"YEAH! LET'S GO FOR IT!" Brodie yelled back as he approached the turn. In his head, time seemed to slow down.

"I can make it!" he thought to himself. "I can make it!"

As they got to the turn, Brodie made a quick swerve and drifted effortlessly through the turn and got the lead.

Kenji tried the same move, but the back end of his Civic was clipped by the Opus as it caught up.

"AW, SHIT!" Kenji yelled as he went off the road and his car bounced a bit on the rough countryside as it came to a halt.

Brodie yelled to himself in delight as he went back through the entrance to the train yard and won the race.

"Son of a bitch!" Kenji grumbled to himself as LaFours got out of the Opus and approached the Civic with a pair of handcuffs ready.

As the Falcon roared back through the yard towards the others, Jay and Silent Bob cheered in delight as they saw Brodie had won. Darius, Angie and Wolf looked despondent as the Falcon performed another drift and came to a halt in front of them.

"YEAH! YOU KICKED THAT LITTLE BITCH'S ASS, MAN! SNOOTCHIE BOOTCHIES!" Jay yelled as he did a little victory dance.

Jay then turned to Silent Bob and said "Seriously, I didn't think I could last there. Being that quiet for that long. I don't know how you can do it."

Silent Bob just shrugged.

Brodie got out and approached the Stacked Deck members as they put their guns away.

Brodie held out his hand for the Chaos mask.

"Where the hell's Kenji?" asked Wolf.

"I lost him on the final turn, and as you may have heard, a cop got involved. Check your nearest barred window motel." Brodie said smugly.

Angie grunted and handed over the Chaos mask.

"So, I guess I am a good driver with or without this." said Brodie as he took the mask.

"Enjoy it while it lasts." Darius grumbled. "Somewhere out there, there's someone faster than you. And sooner or later, they're gonna catch up."

"Let's get the hell out of here." said Wolf grumpily as the three Stacked Deck members headed for Darius' Audi.

Jay and Silent Bob came over to Brodie and the three of them did a three-way high five and howled.

---

The Cannonballers had just about reached Dover as the early evening came. Herbie, the Vulcano, Avenger, and Sorcerer all approached the coastal town.

Just as they were about to make a turn, Tanner had caught sight of the roadblock beyond a clump of trees.

The four vehicles came quietly to a stop.

"Oh, that's creative! A roadblock!" grumbled Tanner sarcastically as he looked at the roadblock.

The Starbreaker, Jawbreaker, Speed Demon, Aggressor, and Evenflow were all parked across the road. So were numerous British police cars with their assigned officers near them, with side arms ready. In addition to that, there were two large tractor trailers behind them, completely blocking the entrance to the town.

"We've gotta find a way around it." said Tobias.

"I know." Tanner said as he tapped his head. "Think, Tanner, think!"

"You better think fast. The others will soon be coming this way." said the Punisher.

Nina and Anna had their eyes on the roadblock with their binoculars. "Lara? Guys? we've got an idea." announced Nina.

"What is it?" asked Mickey.

"A little adaptation to our little ticket-avoiding routine." said Anna. "See those two in the trucks?"

Joanna took the binoculars and saw indeed that the two trucks had Slater and Michaels in the cabs.

"Looks like a pair of horny morons to me. It could work." Joanna mused to herself.

"Are you girls sure?" asked Goofy.

"Positive. We'd rather avoid a fire fight right now." said Nina. "No offence, Frank." she then said to the Punisher.

"So, you guys get ready to go when the moment comes!" said Anna as she and Nina got out of the Vulcano and slipped into the clump of trees unnoticed by the police.

"So, are you ready?" asked Nina.

"Yeah, but do we REALLY have to take our bras off as well?" Anna asked as she unzipped her suit.

"If it helps." Nina replied as she did the same.

At the roadblock, Banner looked at his watch in annoyance.

"You think they'll be here soon?" asked Victoria.

"I wouldn't go for coffee." Banner replied. "Where the hell are Amos and Willenholly?"

"HEY, LADS!" two voices yelled.

The cops turned and saw Nina and Anna near the clump of trees, with their suits unzipped to below their bust lines and their bras off. The sight as they jumped up and down immediately aroused a lot of the male officers, especially Slater and Michaels.

"Those are some great lookin' chicks!" Slater whooped. "So much for boredom!"

"Let's get down and dirty with 'em!" replied Michaels as he and Slater started up their trucks and pulled out. So did a lot of the other officers in their cars, heading towards the sisters.

"COME BACK, YOU IDIOTS!" Banner yelled. But it was no good. The road was now mostly unblocked.

Nina and Anna quickly ran back to the Vulcano and got in.

"GO, GO, GO!" yelled Tanner as he floored the accelerator of the Sorcerer and lead the way.

The three other vehicles followed, with Herbie doing another back wheel wheelie.

As they rushed past the stunned and angry Banner, the Punisher flipped the bird and shot out both headlights of the Starbreaker with his pistol.

By the time the other officers realised they'd been fooled, it was too late.

Banner got on his radio to his troops.

"Next time, if you see a beautiful woman flashing her mammaries, SHOOT HER FIRST!" he yelled in frustration.

---

Team Viper drove through Maidstone. They had realised at the start of the continent that they had lost the puzzle hunt money from the USA and felt a bit down.

"Oh, come on, guys. There's always the BIG prize!" Westlake said.

"Yeah." Cole agreed as he smiled. "And there's nothing to stop us entering the Africa puzzle hunt."

"Damn right!" said Joe as a smile came to his face as well. "Well then, let's just stop moping and get a move on!"

"RIGHT!" said Westlake as she shifted the Asp into a higher gear and roared down the road.

As they neared the exit to the town, they suddenly felt a bump.

Joe and Cole looked around and saw the Cataract right behind them. It had bumped into them.

Dick Dastardly's team of villains laughed their heads off as they drove at high speeds.

Fearless Leader, who drove, got alongside the Asp and kept up speed.

Boris leaned out the window with a can of beer.

"Wanna beer, gorgeous?" he yelled mockingly at Westlake as he opened the beer and let the foam spray onto the Asp.

"I don't think she drinks." Dastardly laughed. "What a little prude!"

"You guys are total pantywaists!" yelled Fearless Leader as Muttley sniggered.

Westlake just ignored them and kept her eyes on the road ahead.

"Oh, too good for us, huh?" Natasha sneered as she took out a Colt Python pistol and aimed it at the Asp's radiator.

"Eat this!" Natasha yelled as she fired a couple of shots.

The special construction of the Asp prevented it from taking any damage.

"DAMN IT!" yelled Boris as Natasha's gun clicked empty. Muttley sniggered mockingly.

Westlake turned to face the villains and gave a little mock salute.

She then hit the Asp's nitrous and left them in the dust.

---

As another large batch of the Cannonballers approached Dover, Space Ghost drove the Bionic Cheetah. Or at least he tried to, as he had one hand on the wheel and used the other to wrap a birthday present.

"Do you have to do that at the wheel?" asked Zorak. "Your cousin lives in Dusseldorf for Pete's sake!"

"Yeah, you could have waited until we got to Germany to do that." replied Moltar.

"Look, it's no problem! I've got this!" said Space Ghost as he turned to look at Zorak and Moltar in the back seat.

"Don't look at us! Look at the road!" Moltar yelled.

Space Ghost turned to look back at the road and panicked as he saw that in front of them, the Averse was slowing down.

To avoid rear-ending Team Wonka, Space Ghost quickly steered the Bionic Cheetah over to the other lane...and panicked again when he saw another car heading right for them.

"CRAP!" he yelled as he swerved off to the side of the road and braked hard. As the Bionic Cheetah came to a halt, he jerked forward and banged his head on the steering wheel.

"Ohhhh..." he groaned to himself as he lost consciousness.

Zorak and Moltar looked concerned.

Zorak undid his seatbelt and leaned forward to feel for a pulse.

"It's okay. He's just out cold." he reported.

"But apart from that, is he okay?" asked Moltar.

"He should be." said Zorak. "Don't you remember how thick his skull is."

As they were talking, the Manhattan Spirit had driven up behind them.

Sissy smirked when she saw the small accident.

"Paydirt." she said. "You two, go take care of this."

Chrissy and Missy opened the rear of the Manhattan Spirit and came out with a gurney and wearing paramedic uniforms.

"It's okay, you guys. We're here." said Missy as they came over to the Bionic Cheetah.

Zorak and Moltar got out of the Bionic Cheetah and looked relieved.

"Good job you got here when you did." Moltar said. "Our buddy took a bit of a hit on the head."

"Hey, he may be YOUR buddy, but he's not mine!" Zorak replied.

"Excuse me, but can't you see there's an injured superhero here!" Chrissy said with mock indignation as she and Missy undid Space Ghost's seatbelt and began to strap him onto the gurney. "Please be a bit more sensitive."

"Well, it's just that sensitivity is the last thing our 'pal' there has." said Zorak. "Listen, we're in a race and we don't have much time to spare."

"So, can you let us know where you'll take our friend? Just so we can pick him up to be on our way when you've sorted him out." asked Moltar as the two girls began to wheel the gurney over to the Manhattan Spirit.

"Sure. You're on your way to France, right?" asked Chrissy as she and Missy loaded Space Ghost into the back of the Manhattan Spirit. "It's the American Hospital of Paris. In Neuilly-sur-Seine. We're working as interns over there as part of our training."

"Okay, that's fine. I'm sure we can find it with our GPS." said Moltar.

"Okay, then. We'll see you there." said Chrissy as she closed the back doors of the Manhattan Spirit and knocked on it twice to confirm it was closed properly.

She and Missy got back in the front as Sissy started the engine.

"Well, he's in good hands for a while now." said Zorak. "Knowing him, he'll probably try hitting on those medics. Claim he needs mouth to mouth and all that!"

"At least he should be okay." said Moltar as he got into the passenger seat of the Bionic Cheetah and Zorak took his seat behind the wheel.

In the Manhattan Spirit, the three girls laughed to themselves. Chrissy picked up a cellphone and dialled it. Within seconds, she had contacted Big Boss at his new base in Antwerp.

"You've kidnapped a racer as well, you say?" asked Big Boss.

"Yeah, Big Boss. And we'll hold onto him unlike what those idiots back in London did." smirked Chrissy. "So, what are your orders?"

"I think a little ransom message to the Cannonballers would go well." said Big Boss. "Get yourselves over here to Antwerp and bring that loser with ya! We'll set up a broadcast at the base."

"Right!" smirked Chrissy as she hung up.

The Manhattan Spirit blew past the Averse.

"Are you going to go after them, Willy?" asked Charlie.

"Hey, it's an ambulance. You're supposed to let them pass." said Willy. "Besides, I'm not a lawyer. I'm quite content to let THEM chase ambulances."

---

In Dover itself, Banner had set the roadblock up yet again and his troops kept vigilant. They heard the sound of an engine approaching and got ready for action.

The vehicle approaching was the Firestorm driving at legal speeds.

Banner looked confused, as did most of his troops. The orange Jaguar came to a halt and the Doctor, Amy, and Rory climbed out. Banner looked confused when he saw the uniforms Amy and Rory wore.

"It's alright, everybody. We're here to give you an update on the situation." said the Doctor in an authoritative voice as he pulled out his psychic paper.

"And who might you be?" asked Victoria.

The Doctor held up his psychic paper like it was a police I.D. badge.

"James Gillard, special detective, Scotland Yard. Codename: the Doctor." said the Doctor. "I've been called in to give you all an urgent message."

The cops were taken in by his deception. Except for Junior, for some reason.

"Hey, wait just a minute..." he began.

"Not now, Junior!" yelled Banner, who then turned his attention back to the Doctor. "What urgent message, sir?"

"Agent Banner, the Cannonballers have fooled you." said the Doctor. "The officials of the race tricked you into thinking all of them were coming this way."

He turned to Rory and said "Isn't that right, Cole?"

"Yeah. MI5 found out a second bridge has been constructed at Portsmouth and more than half the racers are crossing that way."

"WHAT?" spluttered Buford. "Those sumbitches run a whizzer on us?"

"Daddy, couldn't you see that..."

"Shut up, Junior!" Buford yelled. "Let the experienced cops handle this!"

"Indeed they did." said Amy, putting on an English accent instead of her real Scottish one. "They're all on their way there now. So we suggest you hurry to the bridge there and set up a block."

"Thank you, Simons." said the Doctor.

"I'm tellin' you guys, this is a load of..."

"Junior, shut your damn pie-hole!" Victoria yelled. "Although I am curious. How come MI5 gave Scotland Yard assistance?"

"This is why." said Amy as she took out an official looking letter. Banner gasped when he saw the Royal Seal on top of it. He read it.

"The queen herself authorised the branches of the British government to prevent the Cannonball continuing through Europe?" he spluttered.

"Indeed yes." said Rory. "And you'll see it's been counter-signed by the Prime Minister and the Minister of Defence as well."

"Oh, gimme a break!" Junior yelled.

Amy raised her eyebrow at Junior. "Are you calling senior heads of state in this country liars, pal?" she said angrily.

"You should be careful what you say around P.C. Simons here. She's VERY patriotic." said Rory.

"That's right. And she doesn't take kindly to people from the colonies mouthing off about our government OR our monarch." said the Doctor. "Are you trying to get yourselves deported?"

The other English cops who were part of Banner's troops glared at Junior. Roscoe and Buford each clipped him around the ear.

"Dipstick!" yelled Roscoe.

"Dumb Ass!" Buford said at the same time.

"Fine then!" huffed Junior.

"So basically, we have to go to Portsmouth to catch the Cannonballers?" asked Banner.

"That's right." said the Doctor. "So, get going! We'll stay here to pick up the rest if they try to come this way."

"Right." sighed Banner to himself as his troops and the other English cops packed up and began to leave.

"Fooled by a bunch of gearhead miscreants and highway scofflaws!" Banner grumbled to himself angrily.

He looked up to heaven and yelled "WHY ME?"

"You're a prat, mate. That's why." replied a male English voice.

Banner turned around and saw that it was Rory who had said it as he stood by the Firestorm with his team-mates.

Banner cursed to himself and headed off with his unit as they made tracks to Portsmouth.

A few minutes after they were gone, the Doctor got on his radio.

"Okay, everybody. The heat, as they say, is off for now. Let's go!" he said.

The remainder of the Cannonballers slowly but surely made their way through the now-cleared road and sped through Dover to the bridge leading to Calais.

"You were right. It DID work." Rory smirked as he patted the Doctor's shoulder.

"I never knew you could forge signatures as well." Amy remarked.

"I didn't always have to, what with being a friend of Winston Churchill." The Doctor laughed. "Let's go. By the time the police realise we fooled them, we'll be long gone."

The Doctor's team climbed back into the Firestorm and performed a burnout.

"GERONIMO!" the Doctor yelled, yet again.

Just then, the Wayfarer roared past them. Howard whooped with joy as he headed straight towards the famous white cliffs, where the bridge started.

"Nice of them to build a bridge, but I think I'll take my traditional route." he said as he drove the Wayfarer off the cliffs' edge and transformed it in mid-air into an aquatic transport bike.

"HA HA!" he laughed as he landed in the English channel and began to cross.

The Doctor's team noticed this as they began to cross the bridge.

"Anyone who makes a joke about a duck taking to water gets a slap!" Amy warned.

"Never crossed my mind." Rory said.

"Not for a split second." the Doctor agreed.

"Good." Amy replied.

---

Luther checked the map drawn on his chest in the mirror. Lester arranged the equipment for a briefing.

"I think we might have to copy this." said Luther. "I can't read something if it's reversed."

"Then just look down." said Lester.

"I can't read upside down either!" said Luther.

"Look, if we can work out our plans," said Lester "we can have the boss out of prison within half a week."

"I know that." said Luther. "That's why I called that guy to help."

There was a heavy knock at the door.

"That's him." said Luther. "If I don't get this, there might be property damage."

He opened the door and revealed a massive, bald man. He stood about seven feet tall and wore black pants and a red and yellow camouflage vest.

"Ah, here he is." said Luther. "Lester, meet Golem. He used to be a wrestler until he killed a guy in the ring."

Golem smiled.

"So, he drifted into another life." said Luther. "He did some enforcer work in Green Harbor under the corrupt mayor Bordin. He was working for the Contraworld when I called him."

"Oh, and what do you do for them?" asked Lester.

"I lift things up and put them down." said Golem.

"O-kay." said Lester. "Let's get started."

Luther pulled open his shirt.

"Here we have the floorplan of Orange County Prison." said Lester. "In here..."

"I lift things up and put them down." said Golem.

After a pause, Lester continued. "In here, our boss is interred. Our task is to rescue him. Here, we have..."

"I lift things up and put them down." said Golem.

"Right." said Lester. "Here, we have the guardhouse. We need a distraction for the guards to..."

"I lift things up and put them down." said Golem.

Lester looked at Golem for a second, then said "You know, I just realized something. The police might be onto us, so we'll need a lookout." He led Golem to the balcony. "So, I need you to keep your eyes open for them out here."

"I lift things up..." said Golem before Lester shut the door behind him.

"I think this will go faster if we don't explain things to him." said Lester.

"I agree." said Luther.

---

As the Cannonballers had entered Calais, Dom's team had gathered a large number of them around, including Lone Wolf and Hardtop from the protectors, and had given out some of Buckaroo's disruptor disks and mines.

"Very decent of you to do this, Dom." said Hardtop.

"Don't thank me. Thank Buckaroo." said Dom. "Anyway, you all heard what I said. Use the red ones sparingly. They could cause major damage."

"Hey, it's US you're talking about." said C.J. as his team headed back for the Yellow Bird.

"Exactly. THAT'S why Buckaroo made a point of telling me to warn you about the red ones." said Dom.

"Hey, come on! We don't handle every situation with violence." Tommy said.

"No, just nine out of ten situations." Brian joked.

"Okay then, guys. Let's move out!" said Lone Wolf. "The ones who are going to Germany through Belgium, follow my lead. The others head south to Spain and the bridge to Italy in Barcelona."

"Will do, Lone Wolf." said Stone Cold as his team got back into the Darkness and followed Lone Wolf as he drove the Silver Bullet off towards the France/Belgium border.

---

One of the teams that had decided to go through France and Spain was Memphis Raines' team. They drove through Calais looking for a decent restaurant.

"I've always wanted to try French food." said Sway. "I mean, no offence to that diner where your mom works, Memphis, but there IS more to cuisine than a decent tuna melt."

"It's okay. I'm sure we'll find a good place." said Memphis. "Ah, this looks good."

He pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant called Manger a Sa Faim.

"Should be good." said the Sphinx. "The name means 'to eat one's fill'."

"You speak French?" asked Memphis.

"Of course I do." said the Sphinx with mock indignation. "Do I look like a Neanderthal to you?"

The team had a good laugh at that as Memphis tried to find a parking space.

As he got near the entrance to the restaurant, he saw the Starlight. It had been parked carelessly so that the front end was cocked slightly to the right and took up a good portion of the parking space next to it.

"Corvax really needs to be more careful when he parks." said Sway. "I mean, that is downright rude. He didn't park the car: he abandoned it!"

"No problem." said Memphis as he and the Sphinx both got out of the Cowboy and walked towards the Starlight.

Memphis went over to the driver's side door of the Starlight as Sphinx kept a look out. Memphis took out a special key that could unlock any car door, regardless of the make.

"Never thought they'd find a thing better than slimjims." he thought to himself.

He then paused as he saw that the Starlight's keys were still in the Ignition.

"Huh?" he and Sphinx chorused.

"I wonder if..." Sphinx began as he tried the door. The door, sure enough, opened. It had never been locked.

"Bloody hell. Is Corvax the ruler of the United Stupid Emirates or something?" Sphinx said to himself.

"Here, let me." said Memphis as he climbed into the Starlight's driver seat. As the Sphinx continued to keep a look out, Memphis started the silver Aston up.

He reversed it out of the parking space, swinging it around a bit, and then, as the Starlight faced perfectly forward, drove it into the space and shut the engine off. The other space was now clear.

"Beautiful." said the Sphinx as Memphis got out of the Starlight and shut the door.

"Okay, Sway, bring her in." said Memphis as Sway drove the Cowboy into the now-cleared space next to the Starlight and parked it.

She got out and smiled. "Good work, Memphis. Now I believe it's Sphinx's turn to drive when we're done here. I think we can partake in a little bottle of rose."

"Sounds great." smiled Memphis.

As they went to enter the restaurant, Corvax and his team-mates exited it. Beavis and Butthead looked happy but Corvax looked very annoyed.

"Oh come on, Corvax. Those were the best cheeseburgers we've had outside of Burger King." Beavis said.

"Yeah. The French ARE great cooks." Butthead put in.

"Cheeseburgers?" asked Memphis.

"Unfortunately yes." said Corvax. "It turns out this place is a really anglicised restaurant! I came here expecting haute cuisine and I get burgers, pizzas, and hot dogs instead! I only ate the food because I was hungry."

"Nothing French in there?" asked Sway.

"French fries." Corvax grumbled.

"Holy merde!" Memphis joked.

"Yeah, so I advise you not to waste your money here." said Corvax. "Let's get going, you two." he called to Beavis and Butthead.

"By the way, mate, you know you left your keys in your car?" Sphinx asked. "We saw it when we walked past."

"Damn! I knew I'd forgotten something!" Corvax yelled in shock. He tried the Starlight's door and saw it was unlocked.

"Whew! That was lucky!" he sighed in relief.

"You're damn right you were lucky." Sway scolded him. "Don't EVER do that again! Someone could have stolen your car."

She and Memphis shared a knowing look as they went back to the Cowboy.

---

The teams taking part in the puzzle hunt had exited Calais and still tried to figure out where their next destination was.

In the Kowalski, Bart still went through his French history in his head.

"Right. The three kings under whom the Huguenots were persecuted were...Francis II, Charles IX and Henry III of France." he said as he sorted through his knowledge. "But they were puppet rulers. The real power behind the throne was their mother."

"Who was...?" Homer pushed.

"I'm nearly there." said Bart as he concentrated so hard he gave himself a headache.

"The years under which those three ruled have been called...the age...of...CATHERINE DE' MEDICI!" Bart yelled as he got to the end.

"Right. So now we know who she is." said Lisa. "But where is this library that used to belong to her?"

"Just a minute..." said Bart as he gritted his teeth and tried to concentrate again. The radio was open to the other five puzzle hunt teams and they listened.

Just then, James' voice yelled out. "I know! It's at the Chateau de Chenonceau in the Loire Valley!"

Giovanni looked surprised.

"How did you know that?" asked Giovanni.

"Are you forgetting that my parents are aristocracy?" James said as he programmed the destination details into the GPS. "Before Jessiebelle was brought in to try and become my future wife, they took me to France to try and set me up with this French diplomat's daughter called Marguerite. As part of the trip we stopped off at Chenonceau and Marguerite told me of the history of the place."

"Was this Marguerite as crazy as Jessiebelle?" asked Jessie.

"No, She was relatively normal compared to Jessiebelle." James said. "But my parents nixed the idea of the marriage when they heard I'd have to stay in France. They wanted me to stay in Kanto so they could keep me under their thumb. One of the myriad reasons why I ran away."

"You Rockets' families have more issues than the world's largest news-stand. You know that?" asked Bugs over the radio.

"Well, never mind that now! Let's go!" yelled the Drake over the radio.

"See if you can keep up, losers!" Jessie sneered as she sped up the Peligro and followed the GPS details James had programmed in.

"There is something not right about that." Daffy said. "Taking a classic car and installing those new-fangled gizmos like GPS in it. I mean you might as well slap neon lights on it.".

"Careful those guys don't hear you." said Bugs as he nodded over to the Maniac 2 as it got ready to pass them.

---

Lidell laid in wait in the Brigand in a lay-by on the expressway to Lille, waiting to see if he could nail a Cannonballer. He had been warned by Big Boss to try and find a target besides Trikz. As the Infinito roared past him, he smiled as he had found just that.

"Here we go!" he laughed as he started the Brigand up and pulled out at high speed after the red Ferrari.

Wonder Woman looked in their rear-view and saw the Brigand rapidly catching up with them as she drove.

"I've never seen a Nova that could catch up with a Ferrari before." she said. "If it's been modified to do so, that is NOT good news."

"I agree." said Batman. "Let's make tracks so we can lose him!".

Wonder Woman accelerated the Infinito and approached a construction truck in the road ahead of them as the Brigand continued to catch up.

She went to pass the truck, but swerved back behind it as a Renault came in the opposite direction. Once it had passed, she steered the Infinito around the truck and drove past it. Lidell followed after them, falling a little bit behind but catching up rapidly.

"This guy's very persistent, Bats." said the Flash.

The Brigand came up alongside the Infinito eventually and Lidell got his .45 ready.

"Oh great!" grumbled Batman.

"Hang on! I have an idea!" yelled Wonder Woman.

She quickly swerved the Infinito around and turned a complete 180. She roared back off down the road in the direction they had come from.

Lidell cursed to himself and turned the Brigand back around as well and followed them.

As the Infinito got a lead on the Brigand once again, Wonder Woman steered off to the side of the road and went overland, heading to the expressway to Valenciennes.

"Why are we going this way?" asked Batman. "The expressway in this direction is closed for repairs. That radio report said so."

"I know. But something tells me our friend back there didn't hear it." Wonder Woman smirked. "Flash, I think we can have a little fun with this 'gentleman' in the muscle car."

Flash smiled. "I'll see what I can do."

He put a radio headset on as Wonder Woman steered the Infinito to a place it could be hidden.

The Infinito pulled behind a large mound of dirt in the countryside and pulled over.

The Flash got out and got ready to go into action. The Brigand pulled up about 200 feet away from him. Lidell climbed out of the Brigand with his gun ready.

Flash ran at high speed towards him as he fired a few shots. With his high speed, the Flash was able to avoid the bullets. He whizzed by Lidell so fast that the headwind knocked Lidell to the ground.

Flash stopped a little bit away from Lidell, turned around and made a face at him.

"Bang bang yourself, loser!" he laughed as he ran off again.

Lidell angrily got up and got back into the Brigand. He started it up and drove off after the Flash. While Lidell was distracted, Wonder Woman drove the Infinito out and drove back towards the Lille expressway.

Lidell activated his nitrous to regain lost ground on the Flash as the high-speed superhero ran down the closed expressway to Valenciennes.

As Flash got to the end of the road, he saw the huge barrier that had been set up to prevent anyone going any further.

He laughed to himself and turned around, running back the way he came as the Brigand turned the corner and came down the road at high speed towards him.

Flash ran straight towards the Brigand as it kept coming.

"Never see anyone play chicken on foot before." Lidell thought to himself as he kept driving towards the Flash.

As the two were about to hit, the Flash suddenly leapt over the Brigand and landed on the other side.

He gave a quick goodbye wave to Lidell as he ran off back the way they had come.

Lidell was so shocked that he lost control of the Brigand. He swerved wildly and eventually the black Nova hit part of an incline at the side of the road and flipped itself over.

The car rolled a couple of times and eventually came to a rest on its wheels near the barrier. It was totalled beyond repair and the horn was now jammed so that it kept honking non-stop.

"SHIT!" Lidell yelled as he undid his seatbelt, amazed he had survived.

"Scratch one hostile, guys!" Flash said over his headset. "Non-lethally of course."

"Good job, Wally." said Batman in reply. "Meet up with us in Lille and we'll be on our way."

"Right!" said the Flash as he kept running.

Back at the barrier, Lidell had limped his way to the side of the road and looked back angrily at the wrecked Brigand, whose horn still blared.

In frustration, he pulled out his gun and fired a shot at the Brigand.

As the bullet hit, the black Nova exploded.

Lidell grumbled to himself and went off down the road as the remains of his car burned.

---

Elsewhere on the highways of France, the Orange Crush, which had been repaired, Kenji's Civic and Darius' A4 drove along.

"Good job I found that garage on the highway." Virginia thought to herself. "Now, if I stop by Paris, I'll see if my old master can help me out.".

In the other two cars, there were only the three male members of the crew. Darius and Wolf rode in the Audi and Kenji drove his Civic.

"That was unpleasant having to bail you out, Kenji. DON'T let it happen again." Darius said.

"Okay, I won't." said Kenji. "I'm gonna kick some ass now! Where's Angie though?"

"She said she had an idea. Something about getting back at a Cannonballer who caused her a lot of misery." Wolf said.

"I don't remember our old 'friend' from Palmont being in the race." Kenji remarked.

"Well she says she'll guarantee results." said Darius. "Now let's go get ourselves some of those."

"Roger." replied Kenji.

---

Banner and most of his troops had finally arrived in Portsmouth. Banner looked stunned as his group saw that there was no other bridge leading to France.

"what in the name of blue Hell is going on here?" Banner yelled.

The enforcers heard a horn honk and turned to see the Nightcrawler and the Opus driving up. The Nightcrawler had finally been repaired back in London. As the two cars came to a stop, Willenholly leaned out the Nightcrawler's window.

"Agent Banner. What are you guys all doing here?" he asked.

"We were told that there was a secret Cannonball bridge here." Bender said. "But it looks like we've been had."

"Willenholly, can you access Scotland Yard's personnel database?" asked Banner.

"Yes, sir." said Willenholly as he began to access said records.

"See if there's a specialist called James Gillard with the codename the Doctor." Banner continued.

After a very brief search, Willenholly came up dry.

"No such person or codename, sir." Amos reported. "No offence, but it looks like you HAVE had the wool pulled over your eyes by the Cannonballers."

"That's what I was tryin' to tell y'all!" Junior protested. "That ID badge was a blank piece of paper!"

"WHAT?" Everybody else chorused.

"But we saw the writing on it!" Roscoe said.

Amos rolled his eyes. "Do the words 'the Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded' mean anything to you?"

"The guy must have been a hypnotist or something." said Slater.

"Then it's no wonder Junior wasn't fooled." said Buford. "He hasn't GOT a mind to be influenced let alone a weak one."

"Daddy...!" protested Junior.

"Don't you 'daddy' mean, you dimwit!" Buford snapped back.

"But then, this means..." began Michaels.

"...the Cannonballers made it to France!" Banner finished as he took his hat off in a fury and stamped on it.

"SON OF AN EGG-SUCKING, TRASH-HUMPING, CHEAP-ASSED GODDAMN BITCH!" he yelled at the top of his voice.

He then calmed down and looked at his stunned troops.

"Pardon my francais." he said, breathing heavily. "Our strategy is clear then." he continued. "Back to Dover and head to mainland Europe. And this time, we stick it to those Cannonballers."

AS he passed the Opus, LaFours looked at him expectantly.

"I already told you, LaFours. That guy you arrested WASN'T a Cannonballer and he was bailed out." Banner snapped. "So, NO! You don't get paid for him!"

LaFours grunted to himself in anger and looked ready to say something. Banner raised a finger.

"Don't give me excuses! Give me results! THEN, you get paid!" Banner said.

LaFours sighed to himself.

---

Back at Race Central, Dante and Randal dealt with Natasha and the other members of Moving Violation who checked the details of their bets.

"So, Trevor, you placed $2000 on the Sorcerer, right?" asked Dante.

"That's right. I know that guy Tanner is something else behind the wheel." Trevor confirmed.

"Well it seems that he's now running in third." Dante said as he checked the equipment. "If he makes it out of France in the top three, I see a major return on your investment."

"Great, Dante. Thanks a lot." smirked Trevor.

Randal dealt with Natasha, Mike Z, and Nick. "Well you guys are in for some GREAT news." he beamed. "The Squalo has taken the lead now. Not counting the puzzle hunt teams, that is. But it would seem that $100 grand is guaranteed to you three as they got out front somewhere outside Calais."

Mike Z and Nick shared an elaborate handshake while Natasha smiled.

"And to think I wasn't THAT big a fan of Joan's books." she said.

"Hey, would you believe me if I told you Joan is driving right now?" the happy Randal replied.

"Well I'll be damned." said Natasha. "I guess she did have what it takes."

"Hey, after being married to Jack for twenty years she was bound to get some of his spirit." Mike Z said.

"Good call, guys." Randal smiled as he handed some money over to the three of them. "By the way, Ms. Martin, I really loved 'Needle To The Redline'. It was my favourite single of the year."

"Glad you're a music lover." Natasha smiled.

"I'm a lover of many things." beamed Randal.

"Nice try." said Natasha as she rolled her eyes. "Don't forget about Carlo, though."

"Hey, as the late Dan Hartman said 'I can dream about you'." said Randal.

"Yeah, keep dreaming, Randal." sighed Dante as he overheard.

Outside in the ball room, Misty and President Harris had taken a brief minute to interview Gloria Baker and April O'Neil.

"Well, ladies, I bet you're happy that the race is continuing despite all the intensity." Misty said. "Was it anything like this when you ran the Cannonball back in 1987?"

"Well, Misty, every race can be intense at times, especially one of this magnitude." Gloria said. "I like to think that that's why the invitations are sent out to the best of the best to take place in the Cannonball."

"Exactly. I admit that when I took part in the race with Gloria in '87, it was a real learning curve for me." said April. "It made me much more determined to be the best that I could be in all fields of my life and experiences. And look what I have to show for it more than twenty years later."

"Indeed yes." smirked Misty. "Three Peabody awards and the award for TV News Personality of the Year four years on the trot. That is one of the most impressive records I've ever seen. I admit that's part of the reason I myself stepped up to be a Cannonball reporter, Ms. O'Neil. You've been a major influence on me, if I may say so."

"Why, thank you, Misty." April smiled. "That's really flattering."

"I must say, Ms. O'Neil, that I really enjoyed all your news broadcasts as well." Harris spoke up. "In fact there were two very important reasons I liked them.".

After a brief pause, he added "One on the left and one on the right."

Gloria, April and Misty looked incensed.

"I beg your pardon?" April said as she put her hands on her hips.

"Hold it, guys!" said Veronica as she came over. "We've just received word that Jack Colton and his team in the Squalo are ready to give an in-car interview."

Misty managed to contain herself and put her game face on.

"Okay then. Let's go over to them live and direct." she said as an image of Jack's team came on the screen.

"Hi guys." said Joan. "I must say I never expected that we'd take the lead so soon into Europe. So the fact that we have has my blood racing."

"That's good to know, Joan." said Misty. "Have you had any trouble with the police yet?"

"We're just taking a little precaution to avoid such trouble." Joan said as Jack pressed a switch on the dashboard.

An outside view of the Squalo appeared and suddenly, all the windows on the car became silver and reflective like a mirror. This completely hid the car's occupants from the view of anyone outside the car.

"Just a little device we were given at the starting line." Jack explained. "This way, we should hopefully avoid being spotted."

Ralph had his eye on some instruments on the control panel. A red light flashed.

"Aw, goddamn it!" he cursed. "That speed camera back there caught us before you flipped the switch."

Joan brought the Squalo to a halt and looked in the mirror to see said speed camera a fair bit behind them.

She snorted to herself in amusement and flipped another switch. The left tail-light of the Squalo opened up to reveal a missile launcher. Joan hit a red button and a missile was fired. It completely destroyed the camera. Ralph looked completely stunned.

"What speed camera?" Joan mischievously asked.

"ALRIGHT, JOANIE!" Jack cheered as they drove off once again.

Misty and the others looked very happy.

"So that's that. Even if some policeman notices the Squalo speeding, they'll never make the connection between it and Team Colton if they stop for a rest." Misty cheered.

"Exactly!" Harris said happily. "The police's chances of catching Team Colton in the act, which were nil before, are practically zero now!"

Everybody looked at Harris in confusion and worry.

"Uh, I think it's time for a break." Veronica hurriedly said.

---

Lidell had managed to make his way to the highway to Paris. He stood angrily at the side of the road trying to hitch a ride.

Eventually, the A4 pulled up to him. Lidell scowled as he saw Darius was driving it.

"Darius! As if one punk-ass jerk that cost me my reputation in this race wasn't bad enough!" Lidell grumbled.

"Nice to see you too, Lidell." Darius replied. "Good recovery you made in L.A. Before Mr. Lane came along!"

"If you're gonna insult me, you can just f..." Lidell began.

"Hold it, you idiot!" Darius said. "My crew and I are working for DeMarco's guys as well. We're on the same side here."

"You're gonna stop the Cannonballers as well?" asked Lidell.

"Yeah. So if I were you, I'd stop grumbling and get in this car." Darius smirked.

"I ain't so sure I should be trusting..." Lidell began again.

Darius pulled out his gun and aimed it at Lidell.

"Embark the vehicle, shit brain!" Darius snapped.

Lidell knew that he had used the last bullet in his own gun to blow up the Brigand. So he grumbled to himself again and got into the passenger seat of the A4.

The silver car continued the journey towards Paris.

---

The Black Knight had managed to overtake the Destroyer on the expressway to Paris and Jake had gotten a good lead on Destro and the Baroness.

The Baroness snarled to herself as she kept the Destroyer up to its full speed. She fired a few laser blasts from the Destroyer's headlights but the black car got out of their sight.

As the Baroness activated their nitrous boost, the Destroyer rocketed around a blind turn. Both Cobra members then looked shocked to see the Black Knight blocking the road about fifty feet away from them, with Jake and Max standing at either side of the road. The Baroness went to try and slam on the brakes.

"Keep going, Ana. I know how to deal with these fools!" Destro said.

The Baroness smiled and kept going. Destro stood up in his seat and fired a couple of his wrist rockets at the Black Knight. He completely destroyed the car, reducing it to flaming wreckage.

The Baroness flicked a switch and out from the front of the Destroyer, a small plough appeared. The Destroyer pushed its way through the wreckage of the Black Knight with no problem at all.

"Goodbye, fools!" the Baroness laughed at Max and Jake as the Cobra team continued on their way.

A few seconds after they had disappeared from sight, the Black Knight reformed once again and Max and Jake got back into it.

"I wasn't expecting him to do that." said Jake. "These guys are getting smart.".

"Good thing I talked to Brock and he doesn't consider it cheating that our car can respawn itself." Max smirked. "Now, let's get after those two."

"Will do." smiled Jake as he started the Black Knight up again and drove off.

---

In a garage somewhere in the Latin Quarter of Paris, Angie smirked as she watched a few technicians working on her attack vehicle. She herself talked to Darius on the phone.

"So you'll soon be ready?" he asked.

"You bet, guy. I'm glad this little divide and conquer tactic was approved by our employers." Angie said with an evil smile.

"Okay then. Give 'em hell!" Darius said.

Angie hung up and looked over to where the technicians were working. The car they had just finished customising was a 1970 Plymouth Hemi 'Cuda that looked identical to the Squalo, right down to the mirrored windows that Team Colton had recently added to it.

Angie gave a sadistic little chuckle as she thought about what she was going to do.

---

Outside Paris, Mason drove along and watched the sights.

"Approching Paris." said Mason. "Hey, have you been to our Paris since 'The Rot'?"

"Oh, they got hit bad." said Spike. "City of Lights? Not anymore."

Just then, they were passed by the Reaper.

"I think we've got ourselves a challenger." said Spike.

"Let's give it a try." said Mason.

The two cars pulled up to an intersection.

"Hey, are you looking for a little race?" asked Mason.

"Why not?" asked K.T. "But how about it's just us?"

"Looks like I'm sitting this one out." said Spike as he opened the door. He and Takumi climbed out of the cars.

Takumi ran to stand in front of the cars and raised his hands. "Are you ready?" he asked. "Go!"

The two cars took off racing. The Road Lord took an early lead. The Reaper started to catch up, though.

Down the road, two men sat in a red and white Citroen 2CV.

"So, I hear the Cannonball is coming through France again." said the older one, Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

"And that is why we are keeping a watch for speeders." said his companion, Cato Fong.

Just then, the Road Lord and Reaper rounded the turn and the Road Lord sideswiped a truck.

"And there they are." said Clouseau.

He started the Citroen and gave chase.

"Can we catch them in this thing?" asked Cato.

"Not to worry." said Clouseau. "Ze CM Venga has been heavily modified. It can lap Le Mans twice as fast as stock."

"What's stuck, Inspector?" asked Cato.

"I mean the Venga can go much faster than a normal 2CV, you idiot!" snapped Clouseau.

"Oh, right." Cato said sheepishly.

K.T. checked his rear-view and saw the car approaching. He pulled over and let the Road Lord past him.

"That's a good idea." said Mason. He looked in his rear-view and saw the CM Venga. "Oh crap." he muttered.

He pulled over and got out. Clouseau did the same. "I'll bet you're wondering why I've pulled you over."

"Wild guess: speeding?" asked Mason.

"But of course." said Clouseau.

"Buttock curse?" smirked Mason. "What is that? French diarrhea? Your accent is terrible!"

Mason laughed hysterically.

"Cato, do we have a first aid kit back at the station?" the ticked-off Clouseau asked.

"Yes, Inspector." Cato smiled.

"Good. Show this gentleman your skills."

Cato let out a martial arts yell and gave Mason a foot sweep, knocking him on the ground.

Cato turned Mason around so Clouseau could handcuff him.

"Aw, crap!" Mason grumbled.

"Indeed yes, monsieur l'idiot." Clouseau smirked.

K.T. watched this from the Reaper. "That did not end well." he said.

---

Meanwhile, in Paris itself, the Tempest had come to a halt outside Notre Dame Cathedral. Bam was in the driver's seat and addressed Race Central through their comms screen.

"We decided to have a bit of a special challenge here, guys." Bam announced. "We're trying to see if we can outrun these guys here."

The camera panned over to show two healthy looking men in sweatpants and t-shirts.

"You're trying to outrun two guys on foot?" asked Thunder Bob.

"It's not what it seems." Tony said. "You've heard of parkour? Commonly known as free-running?"

"Oh, parkour experts. That makes sense." Toni said. "They're great at getting from point A to point B with as little hassle as possible."

"Exactly." said Torquenstein. "Our Point A for this race is Notre Dame here, and our Point B is the Arc de Triomphe. we have no doubt that the Tempest will prove victorious."

"I sure hope you guys know what you're doing." said Ron. "Paris, like every other major city on the globe is well-known for its traffic problems."

"Especially as Bam's good friends the Bloodhound Gang just bet half a million bucks that you could do it." said Veronica as Jimmy Pop and Jared Hasselhoff appeared on camera with her.

"Thanks a lot, guys." said Bam. "I won't let you down."

"We hope so, Bam." said Jimmy. "We have a little surprise for you, though."

The Race Central camera cut to the parking lot of the Four Dragons to show a stretched Hummer limousine. Bam recognised it as the Job, the vehicle he and his 'Viva La Bam' friends had used in the previous year's Cannonball.

"Win or lose, Bam, we'll do something very special with the Job when your race is over." Jared smirked as the camera cut back to him and Jimmy.

"O..kay." said Bam, a bit uncertainly. "It better not be anything too severe. I still have to pay the Job off."

"You'll see." smirked Jimmy.

"So, ready when you are, Bam." said Torquenstein as he pulled out an air horn.

"Right. Francois, Michel, are you ready?" Bam called to the two parkour men.

"Oui." both men chorused.

"3, 2, 1, GO!" yelled Torquenstein as he honked the air horn and the Tempest performed a burn out and roared towards the bridge to the Quai de l'Hotel de Ville.

Francois and Michel ran off on the same course, easily bypassing any obstacles in their way by leaping over them and moving around pedestrians with ease.

"Can these guys really be as good as they say?" asked Tony.

"Doubtful." said Bam. "After all, we've..."

Suddenly, Michel ran in front of the car and Bam immediately hit the brakes. While he was stopped, Francois vaulted over the front of the Tempest.

"...got an engine." said Bam as he hit the accelerator.

Michel and Francois ran into a parking garage. Bam drove past.

"They appear to have made a wrong turn." said Torquenstein.

"Let's take advantage of their mistake." said Bam.

He continued down the street. He quickly hit traffic and had to stop.

"Well, we've still got an advantage." said Bam.

On the third floor of the parking garage, Michel dove over the wall, somersaulted in the air, and landed feet first on the roof next door. He collapsed into a ball, rolled back to his feet, and kept going. Francois followed him, doing the same thing.

Bam managed to get the car going again and found a clear street. "Okay, let's keep going." he said. "We lost a bit of time with that traffic jam."

Michel and Francois jumped across a gap between buildings.

"We can make it up right now." said Tony. "Just don't screw this up."

Michel jumped over a railing and landed on top of a phone booth. He jumped off and kept running. Francois climbed over the railing and somersaulted to the street. He followed.

Bam caught up with them. "There they are." he said.

"They look like they stole something." said Tony.

The light turned red and Bam hit the brakes again.

"This cannot end well." said Torquenstein as Michel and Francois ran past.

The light turned green. Bam drove off and looked for an empty street.

"Come on, I'm not losing to someone who dresses slightly worse than I do." said Bam.

Michel ran across a rail and vaulted over a policeman. Francois slid across the hood of his police car and followed him.

As the Tempest sped down the Champs-Elysees, they had some trouble with traffic. Namely that as they neared the intersection with the Rue de Berri, they had to suddenly brake as the Battle and the Aquila roared down the Rue de Berri, followed closely by the Streetfighter.

"Goddamn it!" yelled Bam. "This is gonna slow us down!"

"Don't get frustrated!" yelled Torquenstein. "That means you're not thinking clearly!".

"Shut the (bleep) up, will ya?" Bam yelled, as he put his foot down on the accelerator once again and sped off when the way was clear.

Meanwhile, on the Rue de Berri, Storm Shadow leaned out the window of the Aquila with his bow and arrow at the ready to try and hit the Battle's gas tank.

Suddenly, with a loud whoop of joy, the Streetfighter leaped over the top of the Aquila and landed in front of it.

"What the hell...?" Cobra Commander yelled.

Priss flicked a switch on her left handlebar and a thick smoke screen shot out of a hatch at the rear of the Streetfighter.

Cobra Commander was able to use radar-assisted steering in the Aquila to avoid crashing despite the zero visibility, but the Battle had now escaped them.

Priss waved the Battle on.

"Get going, boys! Yo Joe!" she called.

Snake-Eyes, driving the Battle, gave a salute as he drove off.

Priss sped up the Streetfighter and followed them.

As the Aquila cleared the smokescreen, Priss turned around and gave the finger to Cobra Commander.

However, she failed to see Zartan activate a switch of his own. From the passenger side mirror of the Aquila, a small dart shot out and hit the rear headlight of the Streetfighter. It was a homing device. Priss had failed to notice it as it had caused no damage.

"When that insolent wench gets out of Paris, the Dreadnoks will find her and teach her some manners." Zartan laughed.

"Brilliant, Zartan." the Commander smirked. "She'll learn a harsh lesson about interfering in Cobra's affairs."

Five minutes later...

The Tempest finally pulled up to the Arc de Triomphe and came to a halt.

"Alright! We made it!" Bam cheered. "Parkour pansies can kiss my derriere!"

"Uh, Bam?" said Torquenstein as he pointed upwards.

Bam looked up and his face feel immediately. Standing on two statues near the Arc were Francois and Michel, looking very happy.

"SHIT!" yelled Bam as he hit the steering wheel in frustration.

---

In the Loire Valley, the Peligro was the first to arrive at the Chateau de Chenonceau. A sign pointed the puzzle hunt racers towards the gardens of the Chateau. Jessie pulled to a halt near the gardens, jumped out and ran over to where the dinner table had been set up.

"Well, I guess I can give you that raise now since we were first here." said Giovanni to James.

"Oh, thanks boss!" James beamed.

"When we get back to Kanto, I'll pay you all an extra two dollars." Giovanni smiled.

James and Meowth sighed in disappointment.

"You're so generous." Meowth grumbled.

As the other puzzle hunt contestants arrived and headed over to the gardens, Jessie had taken her seat at the table and her hands had been tied.

"So, what is it, garcon?" she asked the official. "I hope it's not escargot."

"No it isn't, mademoiselle." the official said, looking a bit put out as a delicious looking chicken dish was set in front of her and the chess clock was readied as the others arrived.

"It's Coq au Vin." the official said.

"Magnifique!" Jessie smirked.

"And by the way: 'garcon' means 'boy'. It's highly insulting." the official said sternly.

Jessie sweat dropped. "Sorry." she said sheepishly.

---

Back in Paris, the Tempest got ready to exit the city. Bam looked very irritated. On his comms screen, the Bloodhound Gang were seen in the Four Dragons' parking lot with the Job. Well, most of them were. Jared was absent for some reason.

"So, guys. What's this special thing you were going to do to the Job for me?" Bam asked. "Anything will make me happier right now."

"Well then, just watch, Bam." said Q-Ball. "Let us take cover first though."

Bam looked confused as the BG went out of the camera's sight.

"What's going on?" asked Tony.

The camera pulled out to reveal Jared sitting behind a stack of sandbags and at the trigger of a large minigun, wearing a military helmet and ear protectors.

"Son of a..." Bam began.

"Do it, Jared!" the Yin yelled.

Jared laughed maniacally as he opened fire on the Job. Within about thirty seconds, the Hummer limo had been reduced to a flaming, bullet-ridden hulk.

As Jared laughed, Jimmy appeared on camera strumming an acoustic guitar.

"The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire." he sang. "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We don't need no water, let the mother(bleep)er burn! Burn, mother(bleep)er, burn!"

The rest of the BG returned and laughed along with Jimmy and Jared.

"Let that be a lesson to you not to lose us half a million bucks, Brandon Margera!" Jared laughed.

"You guys are SO dead when I get back!" Bam said.

"Yeah, right!" scoffed Daniel. "If you win the Cannonball you can always pay for the damages."

"So dig yourself up some motivation from that." Jimmy said.

Bam grunted and turned the comms screen off.

---

Back at the Chateau de Chenonceau, Jessie had been the first to finish the meal of Coq au Vin. She angrily checked her appearance in her compact mirror.

"Damn! I've got chicken meat all around my mouth and a load of wine stains! I look like a baby after its' lunch!" she moaned.

"Oh, dry up, Jessie! You'll get cleaned up soon." said James as he looked at the next clue.

"Find the world's largest aquarium in the city where Christopher Columbus was born." he said.

"The guy who directed 'Home Alone' is from Europe?" asked Daffy.

"Wrong Chris Columbus, featherbrain." scoffed Pitt. "It means the Christopher Columbus whom everyone thought discovered America."

"Well, I do know that Leif Ericsson was really the one." Giovanni remarked.

"Nope. It was a noble Roman named Junius Venator." said Giordino. "You see, a few years ago we found..."

"HEY! Spare us the stories of past triumphs if you will!" said the Drake. "Do you know where we have to go?"

"Genoa." Gunn deadpanned.

"Do I know who?" asked Homer.

"Genoa in Italy, you eejit!" said Max.

"Oh right." said Homer.

"So, I think we should get going now!" said Pitt.

"We'll have to go through Belgium and Germany because it's in Northern Italy." Laura added.

"Okay, then everybody get the lead out!" yelled Bugs.

The puzzle hunt teams headed for their vehicles, with Meowth howling in excitement as they went.

The official watched them go. "(And leave us with all the washing up! Bloody tourists!)" he grumbled in French.

---

The Juice pulled up outside the Paris police station where Mason had been taken.

Coach Knox checked the blueprints of the building which he had found thanks to a bit of computer hacking.

"The cells are on the East side of the building." he reported.

"Okay. Let's go check it out." said Spike as he and Vinny got out of the Juice and wandered around the building, making sure to duck under the windows as they went.

When they reached the east side of the station, Spike saw a series of barred windows and glanced in each one until he found Mason.

"Hey, buddy. How are you?" Spike asked.

"I'm okay for now. But just get me the hell out of here." Mason whispered.

"We haven't got much time, so we'll have to think of something fast." whispered Vinny. "The General and Gunny are going to break the Road Lord out of impound in about ten minutes. You can bet it'll be all over the radio."

Spike looked around and noticed the CM Venga parked near the cells. In fact, it seemed right in line with the wall of Mason's cell.

"This is Clouseau's car, right?" Spike asked as he got his toolkit ready.

"Yeah." said Mason. "And you know how powerful it is compared to a regular 2CV after it managed to catch me."

"Then this should be no problem." Spike said as he went towards the CM Venga. "Keep me covered, Vinny."

---

Zorak and Moltar had just left the American Hospital of Paris, and were both very concerned. The administrators had no record of Space Ghost being admitted and certainly had no record of the Manhattan Spirit being registered as one of their vehicles.

"As much as I dislike Space Ghost, I'd hate to see him used as a hostage." Zorak said. "Call one of the protectors about it, okay?"

"Right." said Moltar as he connected their comms to the Wildchild, which was now in Belgium.

Richard took the call. "Right. You say it was a '59 Cadillac Ambulance? Like the one the Ghostbusters have?" he asked as Moltar relayed the details to him.

"That's right. And there's three American women driving it." Moltar remarked.

Richard checked his on-board computer. "There's an APB out in Arizona for such a vehicle. Stolen from a hospital near Tucson a few days ago." he said. "I've got the license number now." he said.

Just then, the Manhattan Spirit cut past him and drove off at high speed.

"Well, whaddaya know?" he asked himself as he drove the Wildchild off after the Manhattan Spirit, careful not to arouse suspicion.

"Hold on, guys. I'll get Space Ghost back. Head for Antwerp in Belgium. We'll rendezvous there when the rescue mission is done." he continued into his communicator.

"Okay. Good luck. And thanks." Moltar remarked.

---

Back in the Paris Surete station, Virginia Fairchild had dropped in and approached Cato. She smiled and shook his hand.

"Master Fong. It's good to see you again." she said.

"And you too, Virginia. I take it that your skills have come in useful in apprehending any troublesome parole violators." Cato smiled.

Clouseau came over and heard that last bit.

"Am I missing something here, Cato?" he asked.

"Well, you remember those few years I was helping my grandmother out with her Miami Beach bingo parlour, Inspector?" Cato said. "I also briefly opened a dojo. Ms. Fairchild here was my best student."

"Oh, wonderful. It is an honour to meet you, mademoiselle." Clouseau said as he kissed Virginia's hand in a gentlemanly way.

"Thank you, Inspector Clouseau. I was hoping I would run into you as well as Master Fong as I need your help with the Cannonball Run." Virginia said.

"In what way if I may ask?" asked Clouseau.

"A parolee of mine is taking part and has violated his parole by doing so. He's a tough cookie and I know that these Cannonballers look after their own." Virginia explained. "I know of your reputation as one of the greatest detectives in the world with a huge arrest record, inspector. And I know how Master Fong has been great help to you since he officially joined the Surete. That's why I feel that with your aid, I could bring this guy in."

"Interesting." said Clouseau. "But from what I hear, there is already a contingent of police officers working against the Cannonball. I'd need to think about it."

Just then, Spike ran into the station, looking roughed up and in a panic.

"Monsieur Clouseau!" he yelled. "I need your help urgently. My wife has just been abducted! I saw the perpetrators drive off in a yellow BMW. I can show you which way they went! PLEASE, help me!"

Clouseau and Cato looked at each other stunned.

"I think I'll have to handle this first, Ms. Fairchild." said Clouseau. "But this should not take long."

Clouseau pulled on his raincoat and put his hat on as he and Cato ran out of the station and around the side to where the CM Venga was parked.

As the two got in and fastened their seatbelts, Clouseau started the car up and put it in gear.

As he pressed the accelerator, the CM Venga suddenly went into reverse and crashed through the wall of Mason's cell.

Mason had stood clear and avoided the crash and laughed.

He ran out through the new hole in the wall and gave a mock salute to Clouseau as he left.

He joined up with Spike and they ran to the front of the station, where General Warwick had driven up with the Thunder while Gunny quickly jumped out of the newly liberated Road Lord and threw the keys to Mason.

"Okay, let's get the hell outta here before every cop in Paris is on us!" yelled Warwick as the Juice joined them and drove off.

A whole squad of police officers ran out of the station as Mason and Spike got back into the Road Lord and drove off.

A few of them fired their weapons but soon Mason and his friends were long gone.

Clouseau and Cato had rushed around to the front too. Clouseau angrily glared after the escapees as Virginia joined them.

"I have changed my mind, Ms. Fairchild." Clouseau angrily said. "I would be happy to help you out with these lead-footed lunatics! No one makes a fool out of Clouseau and gets away with it!"

"You've been getting away with it yourself for years." Cato thought to himself.

Mason and Spike laughed in the Road Lord. "A little tooling with his transmission, huh?" asked Mason.

"Yep. Switched gear and reverse around. It could take a while for him to fix it and we should be long gone by then." said Spike.

"I hope so. I'd hate to think we've made a new enemy." Mason said.

"Hey, Clouseau usually only succeeds by accident from what I've heard." Coach Knox said over the radio. "But we won't underestimate him even so."

"Right. Now, on with the Cannonball." said Mason.

---

Goliath sped down the road through Belgium. Garthe Knight drove as usual and sitting in the back and front were the Pollution Ministers. All four made the decision to work together to catch the Cannonballers.

"(What a great idea Garthe-San!)" Yogostein said. "(We'll catch those Cannonballers in no time!)"

"(I just hope your minions' customising skills are good enough.)" Garthe replied in Japanese.

Just ahead of them were the Yellow Bird and Sorcerer, both trying to upstage the other with a few other teams nearby trying to pass them. However it was difficult when two vehicles push, ram, and try to knock each other off the road.

"Asshole!" Tanner spat.

"Ram that guy again, CJ!" Tommy ordered. "No-one disses my swimming abilities and gets away with it!"

"Here we go..." Garthe said as he sped up to seventy miles per hour. Garthe got ready to arm the huge truck's missile launchers.

Goliath was almost upon the Cannonballers when...

"What the hell!" Garth slammed on the brakes as Goliath shook violently.

He looked at the rear-view mirror and saw that a back tire had broken off and bounced across the road. Even more unfortunate was the fact that the bouncing tire smashed the windshield of a car on the opposite side of the highway.

The tire shattered the car's windshield before flying into the woods nearby. The people in the car were unhurt but Goliath was once again out of action.

Dirk Pitt, as well as the other Cannonball teams nearby, saw the tire bounce off the windshield and it gave him a idea.

"I saw something like this on TV once." he said to himself as he searched through his iPod playlist to find the song he was looking for. When he found it he hit play and got onto the radio. "Alright everybody sing along with this song."

The teams in the Yellow Bird, Sorcerer, Vulcano, Peligro, Falcon and Panama all laughed as they took turns at singing the lines.

(Tommy Vercetti)
It's big, it's mean, it's a bouncing machine!

(Tanner)
It's the meanest damn radial the world has ever seen!

(Carl Johnson)
Springing down the road, black top, hip-hop.

(Silent Bob)
Lord only knows where the sucker's gonna stop.

Bob then fell back asleep, as Jay drove...

(Meowth)
When it's coming your way high tail it quick!

(Giordino)
And don't become the next victim... of a GALVANIZED RUBBERIZED SON OF A BITCH!

(Pitt)
With a P.S.I. of eighty pounds per inch!

(Lara Croft)
It's big, it's mean, it's a bouncing machine.

(James)
It's the meanest damn radial the world's ever seen!

(Jessie)
Springing down the blacktop hop by hop.

(Jay)
Lord only knows where the (loud car horn) is going to stop!

Jay gave the driver that was trying to pass him the finger. Silent Bob woke up again, and realized it was only a driver practicing road rage. So he fell back asleep.

I'm racing here, you asshole! Jay shouted to the car that just rudely honked it's horn and cut them off. Claude wrote something down on a piece of paper and showed it on the web camera in the Yellow Bird to Dirk Pitt. Pitt had to look at it closely and laughed when it only said THE END".

"You realise you just lost your bet, Jay. Don't you?" asked Brodie.

"Not yet." said Jay. "The tubby bitch was asleep so he didn't hear it. He has to hear it for it to be official!"

Brodie smirked a bit. "I knew you'd find a way around it."

"If he DOES hear me say it, he has to say a certain phrase to let me know." Jay added. "THEN, I'll know I've lost the bet."

"Even so, I'd be careful if I were you. Silent Bob's no dumb ass." Gunn remarked over the radio.

---

As the night fell in the Belgian capital of Brussels, the Evenflow chased the Barbarian. Victoria laughed to herself as she had been able to maintain a decent pursuit of Michael Knight.

"Okay, you guys! I've got me a Cannonballer dead to rights here!" she said into her radio. "I'm heading north on Av. de l'Universite. Bullock, Montoya, you go to the East on Av. General Medicin Derache!"

"Roger!" said Montoya as she headed in the direction specified by Victoria at high speed.

"Slater, Michaels, you head West on the same street." Victoria said, There's a three-way intersection! We'll box him in!".

"Affirmative." Michaels remarked as the Speed Demon headed on its' course as well.

"We're gonna have to cut this very close, KITT." Michael remarked.

"I think I can handle it, Michael." KITT replied.

As the Barbarian and Evenflow came right up on the three way intersection, the Jawbreaker came in from the right and the Speed Demon from the left.

Just as they were about to box Michael in, KITT turbo-boosted over the intersection.

As this happened, Montoya and Michaels panicked and swerved to avoid each other. The Jawbreaker crashed through the front of a bakery and the Speed Demon mowed down a stack of trash cans, spilling garbage over Slater and Michaels.

"I need a beer!" moaned Slater as he looked at their state.

Victoria kept on going. "No way I'm letting this car get wrecked!" she thought to herself. "Hollywood wrecks too many American classics these days."

As she gathered more ground on the Barbarian, another black '08 Shelby Mustang GT500KR pulled up behind her. It had been following her since she had begun her pursuit of Michael but she hadn't noticed it.

Unlike KARR, this Mustang had a red light tracking back and forth on the hood. It was the Foundation's latest counterpart to KITT, except its' initials stood for the Knight Industries Three Thousand.

Behind the wheel was Michael's son Mike Traceur, also sometimes known by the soubriquet Michael Knight.

"Okay, KITT! Microlock her brakes!" Mike said.

"Affirmative, Michael!" said the new KITT as he activated his front scanner and caused the Evenflow's brakes to seize up.

"What the hell?" yelled Victoria as the Evenflow came to a halt.

KITT 3000 then overtook her and eventually caught up with the Barbarian.

Mike activated the communications equipment to speak to his father.

"Hey, dad. See you were having your usual trouble with authority." Mike said.

"Mike? This is unexpected. Come to cheer your old man on in the Cannonball?" Michael asked.

"Actually to offer our help and to warn you." said KITT 3000. "You no doubt know about KARR resurfacing."

"Yes, unfortunately we do, dear brother." KITT said.

"Please don't call me that." KITT 3000 said.

"Well should I call you KITT Jr. or something then?" KITT said mischievously.

"I see that my dad's sense of humour rubbed off on you, KITT" Mike said. "But seriously, KARR isn't the only danger to the Cannonballers or to you."

"These images were taken from speed cameras in the Appalachian Mountains and in Belgium fairly recently." said KITT 3000 as he uploaded the pictures to the Barbarian's heads-up display.

Michael looked stunned as he saw Goliath.

"My God!" he said.

"I can't believe that big snub-nosed brute is back!" KITT said in equal disbelief.

"And guess who was positively I.D'd as the driver?" asked Mike.

"Garthe." Michael said grimly.

"Indeed yes." said KITT 3000. "Both our teams are to rendezvous with Dr. Barstow and Mr. Cornelius in Amsterdam. We are to receive additional weaponry. Anything that may aid us against Garthe Knight and KARR before they can cause a catastrophe."

"We understand." Michael said as the Barbarian followed KITT 3000's lead.

"Garthe and KARR. And it isn't even my birthday!" Michael sighed to himself.

"I fail to see why getting either of them as a birthday present would please you, Michael." KITT said.

"KITT, shut up." Michael moaned.

---

In the city of Antwerp, the four Golden Lords drove along in a gold-painted '49 Mercury Coupe called the Hitman.

Goldilocks sat at the wheel while Simon was in the passenger seat. Uzi and Digit sat in the back.

They came up to a set of traffic lights where Herbie was sitting.

Simon and Goldilocks looked over at Mickey's team and smiled smugly.

"Check this, losers!" Simon yelled as he turned up the Hitman's radio. It played the song 'Odyssey' by Johnny Harris.

As it played, Goldilocks activated the hydraulics on the Hitman and made it 'dance' a bit to the music.

The Golden Lords all laughed as Mickey, Donald, and Goofy looked a bit embarrassed.

But suddenly, Herbie perked up and started to do a few 'dance' moves of his own, including spinning himself around in a circle and flipping himself over and landing safely on his wheels again.

As the light turned green, Herbie honked his horn triumphantly and did another back-wheel wheelie out of the intersection.

Simon looked angry as Goldilocks sped up the Hitman and roared after them.

"Fine! If they refuse to lose with dignity, then they die like dogs!" He said as he activated a switch on the dashboard,

On top of the Hitman's hood, a machine gun popped up on either side of the car.

Uzi took control of the firing switch and tried to take out Herbie as he drove on.

However, Herbie was more than able to avoid the gunfire thanks to some more of his 'dance' moves and quick turns.

"I told you practicing using a video game wouldn't work, Uzi!" Goldilocks yelled.

"Where the hell's your gun then?" Uzi demanded.

"Alright! Next time, we'll sic Digit on 'em!" Simon said in an annoyed tone.

Digit smiled to himself evilly.

Suddenly, there was a large bump as the Hitman was rear-ended by the Darkness.

The Golden Lords looked angry.

"Digit, deal with that asshole!" Simon yelled.

In the Darkness, Stone Cold and Rob Zombie looked a bit angry at Nemesis, who was driving.

"Why didn't you hit the brakes?" demanded Rob.

"Sssstarrrs!" Nemesis replied.

"We shouldn't have to tell you too!" Stone Cold said. "You need to look out for the other guy!"

Digit got out of the Hitman and approached the Darkness, growling at the top of his voice.

"YOU IDIOT!" he yelled as he approached the driver's side window. "YOU BASTARD! YOU DUMB SH..."

He broke off and stared in shock as he saw Nemesis in the driver's seat of the Darkness.

After looking a bit freaked out for a few seconds, Digit smiled nervously.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. Were we in your way? I'm very sorry. We'll not hold you up any more." he chuckled in a cowed tone.

He went and got back in the Hitman. Simon, Goldilocks and Uzi had seen Nemesis and his equally scary partners as well and had no desire to hang around.

Goldilocks floored the Hitman's accelerator and they drove off.

"Pansies!" Stone Cold thought to himself.

---

Elsewhere in the city, the Manhattan Spirit headed towards Big Boss' safehouse. Sissy, Chrissy and Missy all sat up front, unaware that the Wildchild still followed them.

Richard was careful to keep his distance, occasionally cutting in behind trucks and other vehicles to avoid being spotted.

He reached under the dashboard and got his gun ready.

Neither group were aware that in the back of the Manhattan Spirit, Space Ghost had regained consciousness.

He heard the three girls laughing evilly in the front of the vehicle and realised he had been abducted.

He managed to avoid panicking and started to carefully rock back and forth on the gurney, causing its' wheels to move out of their slots.

Making sure he was unheard, he managed to get the gurney loose.

Just as he did so, the Manhattan Spirit went up a hill. This caused the gurney to roll backwards and to knock the back door open.

"Oh crap." Space Ghost grumbled to himself as the gurney flew out the back of the old ambulance and landed on the road.

Richard looked stunned and swerved to let the gurney roll down the hill past him.

He quickly did a U-turn and drove back after Space Ghost, who was now rolling down the street out of control.

"GANGWAY, PEOPLE! WATCH IT!" yelled Space Ghost as the gurney rolled through several lanes of traffic, miraculously not getting hit.

He knocked over a few trash cans as the gurney mounted a pavement.

"The hell with this!" he grunted as he flexed his chest and arm muscles and managed to get out of his restraints.

As he did, the gurney rolled through the open door of a nearby night club.

It was the club where the Impossibles were playing their gig. As they came to the end of 'Summer in The City' they looked surprised as the gurney rolled to a halt in front of the stage.

Space Ghost applauded them as Dudley Do-Right came up to him.

"I've heard of hospital radio, but I never thought someone could get out of hospital to hear a live performance." Dudley remarked.

"Any news of where my team is?" asked Space Ghost as Richard came through the door.

"I'll call them now." said Richard.

"Well, that was a bit of an anti-climax." he thought to himself. "I hope I get to see some real action soon."

---

Back at Race Central, Brock had a discussion with the Killers, who were rather annoyed.

"I'm telling you we're not going to do it." said Brandon Flowers.

"I wish I didn't have to ask you to, but I do." said Brock. "The producers want you guys to play 'Can't Stop The World' since the song didn't get as much exposure as they'd hoped."

"Yeah, I know." said guitarist Dave Keuning. "Because it was on that show about the cross-country road race. Can't figure out how that show failed."

"I can." said bassist Mark Stoermer. "It was on Fox."

"Nevertheless, you guys are being asked to perform it." said Brock. "I'm sorry, but there's no other way around it."

"Can't we perform a more car-centric song instead?" asked drummer Ronnie Vannucci Jr. "You know, like 'Ventura Highway', 'The Road', or 'Radar Love'?"

"The producers have made their demand." said Brock. "I know this is not what you were hoping for. I'm sure that Elvis Costello felt the same way when NBC's producers wouldn't let him perform 'Radio, Radio' on 'Saturday Night Live' all those years ago. I think you can remember how that turned out."

"I think I do." said Brandon.

"I was hoping you would." said Brock.

---

Meanwhile, back in Antwerp, the Licorne, the Ecureil and the Espion were all lined up at the beginning of a long straightaway. They were preparing for a quarter mile dash.

At the wheel of the Licorne was Donkey.

"Are you sure you can handle this, Donkey?" asked Fiona unsurely.

"Ain't a problem, princess! Especially with Puss keeping an eye on that doodad Shrek fixed up." Donkey smirked.

The 'doodad in question was a meter that would show Puss when the exact time to shift was so that the Licorne would handle the race.

"Aye, well I hope it'll work, that's all." Shrek said. "Especially with the audience we've got here."

Over at the side of the road was Donkey's loving wife Dragon, who smiled with pride that her husband was getting a chance to race.

Along with her were the three Dronkeys, her and Donkey's dragon/donkey hybrid children who were cheering their father on.

Behind the wheels of the Ecureil and the Espion were Ethan and Parfait respectively.

"Alright. I hope you remember how to shift here, pal." Ethan remarked to Donkey.

"Sure I do." smiled Donkey. "Is it upshift or downshift by the way?"

Parfait looked at Donkey as if he didn't have a clue. "Upshift of course. Why would you want to go SLOWER in a quarter mile dash?"

"Okay. Let's do this!" Snake said as he stepped out of the Espion to signal the start of the race.

Donkey, Parfait and Ethan all revved their engines.

Snake brought his hands down and the race began.

Parfait took the lead but the Licorne quickly gained on her.

Puss checked his readout. "Okay, shift NOW!" he yelled as he saw the display.

Donkey reached for the gear lever but couldn't grip it properly because of the fact that he had hooves instead of hands.

"And I thought the steering wheel was hard!" he groaned to himself as the engine started to make a weird noise.

"What gear are you in?" Shrek yelled

"Just a minute!" Donkey yelled back as he still tried in vain to shift.

The Licorne suddenly came to a halt, with smoke coming from the engine compartment.

Donkey shrunk down in his seat as the other three members of the team glared at him.

"Oops." Donkey said sheepishly.

"Oops? You blew the engine and all you can say is 'oops', Senor Stupido?" Puss yelled.

"That settles it. You stay in back from now on, Donkey." Shrek said sternly as they saw the Espion and the Ecureil continue the race, with the Ecureil winning.

Dragon and the Dronkeys came over. Dragon looked sympathetically at Donkey.

"Sorry, baby." Donkey apologised.

Dragon just smiled and blew a ring of smoke in the shape of a heart.

Donkey smiled. "Well, at least I still have you, win or lose."

The Ecureil and the Espion came back towards the Licorne.

"Looks like you could use a tune-up." Dice remarked to Team Shrek. "I suppose I could do a free overhaul for you."

"Thanks, but why a free one?" asked Fiona.

"I don't think it would be wise to overcharge a guy who has a fire-breathing dragon at his disposal." joked Dice.

---

At his safehouse elsewhere in the city, Big Boss angrily reprimanded Sissy, Chrissy and Missy when they found out that Space Ghost had escaped.

"And I thought it wouldn't be possible to find someone dumber than my nephew Berserko!" he yelled. "From now on, I want at least one of you to ride in the back of that meat wagon so you WON'T screw up again! GOT IT?"

"Yes, Big Boss, we get you." Sissy replied, angered at the humiliation.

Dr. Badvibes was also present and he tapped Big Boss on the shoulder.

"You needn't be too concerned, Big Boss. I just sent some more help into the field." he said.

"Well, it better not cost me too much." Big Boss grumbled.

"Don't worry. All this guy wants is to make people suffer." Badvibes smirked as he went over to a window and looked out of it.

He saw a car drive off at high speed into the night, honking its' horn angrily.

"Go get 'em, Horace!" He thought to himself.

The car that had driven off was a solid black 1963 Volkswagen Beetle with tinted windows. The windows hid the fact that the car was driverless.

The car was Horace, an evil counterpart to Herbie who had been created by twisted race car driver Simon Moore.

Dr. Badvibes had brought him back after his destruction in 1997. And now, he had his mind set on revenge, particularly against Herbie.

As Horace drove through the night, he activated one of his modifications and shot a laser beam at a car in front of him, taking out its rear left tyre.

As the car skidded to regain control, Horace honked his horn in delight and sped off.

He loved mayhem of any kind on the road.

---

"Okay, folks. Night is now falling and the Cannonballers have made great progress through mainland Europe." said Toni.

We've just heard that the puzzle hunt participants are now on their way to Holland along with half of the pack. Leading is Seymour Drake's team in the Utopia." said Thunder Bob.

"And as we nearly say good night to them for today, we have some music from the Killers." Toni announced.

The Killers took the stage. Ronnie began tapping out a tune on his drums. Dave started to strum his guitar, then Brandon started to sing.

How far will you go?
How deep is your love?
Your body's bruised, and on fire.
Can't stop the world.
Can't stop desire.

And I can't turn around.

As the song was being played, Pitt's team caught up to the Utopia. Pitt looked rather annoyed at the slow song being played.

"Great. Some nice fall asleep at the wheel music." he said sarcastically.

"Couldn't they pick something with a little more LIFE?" said the Drake in frustration in the Utopia's passenger seat.

Suddenly, Brandon turned to the band, waved his hands, and yelled "Hold it, hold it, hold it!" The band stopped playing. He then turned back to the audience and said "I'm terribly sorry, folks. There's no reason to perform this song tonight. Ready? One! Two! Three!"

Mark strummed his bass three times, then let the notes echo out. A second later, he strummed three times again. Pitt's and the Drake's teams immediately perked up as they recognised those opening chords.

"About freakin' time!" said Giordino.

"Yes!" yelled the Drake in pure delight.

After another pause, Mark strummed seven more times, then Ronnie joined in. Brandon joined in on vocals.

I've been driving all night, my hand's wet on the wheel.
There's a voice in my head that drives my heel.
It's my baby calling, says "I need you here".
And it's a-half past four, I'm shifting gear.

When she is lonely and the longing gets too much.
She sends a cable coming in from above.
Don't need a phone at all.

We got a thing that's called radar love.
We got a wave in the air.
Radar love.

In the Utopia, the Drake began to tap his hands on the dashboard in time with the song's drumbeat.

The radio's playing some forgotten song.
Brenda Lee, "Coming On Strong".
The road has got me hypnotized.
And I'm speeding into a new sunrise.

When I get lonely and I'm sure I've had enough,
She sends her comfort coming in from above.
Don't need a letter at all.

We got a thing that's called radar love.
We got a line in the sky.
Radar love.

As the song went into its lengthy instrumental break, Team NUMA all banged their heads while Giordino and Gunn both played air guitar and keyboards respectively.

As the big drum solo came in, the Drake thumped his hands on the dashboard in time with it and managed to keep time with it exactly.

As the singing started again, both cars made the crossing into Rotterdam.

No more speed, I'm almost there.
Gotta keep cool now, gotta take care.
Last car to pass, here I go.
The line of cars drove down real slow.

The radio played that forgotten song.
Brenda Lee, "Coming On Strong".
The news man sang his same song.
One more radar lover gone.

When I get lonely and I'm sure I've had enough.
She sends her comfort coming in from above.
Don't need no letter at all.

We got a thing that's called radar love.
We got a line in the sky.
We got a thing and it's called radar love.
We got a thing that's called,
radar love.

-"Radar Love" by Golden Earring.

---

Up ahead, on the road near Gouda, Buffy got on her radio.

"Eric, are you out there?" she asked.

"This is Eric. Go ahead."

"David Abbott told me about your friend." said Buffy. "His friend Darryl says he's found out where he is."

"Where is he?" asked Eric.

"According to Darryl, he's been tracked to a nightclub in Amsterdam." said Buffy.

"Of course!" said Eric.

"Sounds logical that he'd go to a nightclub because he can find potential victims about his age there." said Jordan.

"And he'd definitely go to Holland because there, you can legally buy...tapioca." said Eric. Luckily, he caught himself before mentioning the gang's illicit activities.

"We're on our way to the club." said Buffy.

"Yeah, we're on our way, too." said Eric.

"So, let's get the hammer down then." said Veronica.

Buffy checked their GPS and picked up the radio again. "I'm calling in some back-up. Just in case." she said.

"Dr. Banzai?" asked Jordan.

"Not just yet, but they can kick as much ass." Buffy replied.

---

In a construction yard in Amsterdam, the FLAG semi truck was parked. Bonnie and RC3 both made modifications to the Barbarian and KITT 3000 as Michael and Mike looked on.

"As much as we hope things won't get too tense, we have to prepare you for all eventualities." Bonnie said to Michael. "So, I'm giving you back the microjam feature and the deflector windows. The resonating laser is being beefed up as well."

"Much appreciated, Bonnie." replied Michael. "What about the other KITT? How's he being modified?"

"That's a little secret for now, Michael." RC3 remarked. "But we have no doubt you guys will be able to hold your own when Garthe and KARR strike."

"Let's hope so." Mike remarked. "I just heard a report from FLAG intelligence that Garthe's old buddy Tsombe Kuna just sent a battalion of his Pan-African Liberation Movement soldiers to help out as Garthe's been having a few problems."

"Well, if he wants to tangle with us, he'll have to prepare for twice the trouble." KITT remarked. "I just hope that that brute Goliath won't be too much of a problem this time."

"That's nothing." KITT 3000 remarked. "With his new abilities, KARR is no pushover either."

"Well, we're still gonna kick some ass!" Michael said. "No one is gonna threaten the other Cannonballers on my watch!"

"Or mine!" agreed Mike.

Bonnie smiled. "I bet you guys never thought a father/son bonding exercise could be like this, huh?"

---

The Usagi pulled into the parking lot of the club called Winter House. Buffy and her team-mates climbed out to find the Megere and the Reckless waiting for them.

"There." said Veronica. She spotted a silver pearlescent Lancer Evolution.

"IRL." said Buffy. "That's definitely her car."

"You want to mention what's going on?" asked Kelso.

"Okay, an associate of mine, Nigel Townsend, got some information on the vampires." said Jordan. "This car belongs to the woman who was in there and turned into a vampire with Hyde."

"So, who's the guy who saw the vampire?" asked Buffy.

David looked at Elizabeth and realized he had some explaining to do. "It's complicated." he said.

"Don't say it." said Elizabeth.

"It's like this." said David.

"No." said Elizabeth.

"After I moved into my apartment, I discovered a ghost living there." said David.

"David!" said Elizabeth.

"Her name is Elizabeth." said David. "For some reason, only I can see her. She decided to come along and she went into the castle. She saw the vampire."

Buffy looked at him for a second. "I've seen stranger." she said. "Bring her. We need her to identify the vamp."

"You are so lucky." said Elizabeth.

"You know, if all of us go in there, it's going to attract attention." said Eric. "Maybe someone should stay with the cars."

Jordan and Veronica looked at each other. "I'll stay." said Jordan.

"Yeah, me too." said Fez.

"Alright, let's go." said Buffy. She led the others into the nightclub.

After they walked past a few cars, Eric froze in shock. "Uh oh." he said.

"What's wrong?" asked Veronica.

"This is my cousin's car." said Eric as he pointed out the Bonfire.

Jordan's cell phone went off. She answered it. "Jordan Cavanaugh."

"Jordan, do you still have a pulse?" asked Nigel on the other end. He was rather frantic.

Jordan checked her pulse. "Yeah." she said.

"Good." said Nigel. "I did some additional checking on Alexander Lucard. Much of his background appears to be fabricated."

"Not surprising for an undead fiend." said Jordan.

"Anyways, I went looking into his background when I noticed something." said Nigel. "If you abbreviate his first name, combine it with his last name, and reverse it, you get..."

Jordan did the letter jumbling in her head and became very alarmed. "Oh God." she said. "Nigel, I gotta call you back."

"Godspeed, Jordan." said Nigel as he hung up.

Jordan folded up her cell phone and started for the club. After two steps, she had a thought and went back to the car. She reached in, took a medallion from the rear-view, and went back to the club.

In the club, Buffy and the other Cannonballers looked around. "Does Elizabeth see anyone she recognizes?" she asked.

"No, the crowd's too thick." said Elizabeth.

"She doesn't see him." said David.

"Okay, here's the plan." said Buffy. "Veronica and I will search the various crowds for possible vampires. Elizabeth will do the same with David and Darryl. Eric and Kelso will do so as well and try to find Eric's cousin and get them to safety."

"Got it." said Eric.

"Let's go." said Veronica.

The teams split up just before Jordan and Fez came running up to the bouncer.

"You have to let us in." she said. "Some of our friends are in grave danger."

"Sorry, babe." said the bouncer. "Can't let you in without ID."

"Well, would you settle for this?" asked Fez. He quickly started doing a disco dance. He finished by doing a knee slide and springing back to his feet.

"You know, I think I can let you in." said the bouncer.

"Thank you." said Jordan.

---

Janice relaxed in her room at the Pink Swan hotel in Las Venturas. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. She got up to answer it.

It turned out to be Gob with a radio. "Hello there, Janice." he said.

"How did you find me?" asked Janice.

"Warden Gentiles gave you up." said Gob. "But don't worry. I'm not here for revenge. I just thought there might be something between us and decided to see if that was right."

"Oh." said Janice. "Well, I did say you were kind of cute. But how are you in bed?"

"How about we see?" asked Gob.

Janice smiled and jumped onto the bed. Gob walked over to the dresser, set down the radio, and pressed play on the tape player. He then got next to Janice and started to make out with her as "With Or Without You" started to play.

As the two of them moved their hands to each other's shoulders, the lyrics began. However, the singer's voice was deeper and rougher than Bono's.

"Who is this singer?" asked Janice between kisses.

"It's me." said Gob.

Janice stopped making out with Gob, quickly rolled over him, and hit the stop button. "You like making love while listening to yourself sing?" she asked.

"Oh, come on!" yelled Gob. He looked at her for a couple of seconds, then said "I mean seriously, that can't be the strangest sexual habit you've ever seen."

She looked at him. "Yeah, you're right." she said. They went back to making out.

---

Elizabeth slipped through the crowd and finally came upon Maeve.

"Well, you're not going to disappear on me again, are you?" she asked.

"Where's your friend?" asked David.

"Over here." said Dracula. "You must be the friend of this...spirit."

"Yeah, we go back a while." said David.

"Man, I'm getting a totally bogus vibe from this guy!" said Darryl.

"I have that effect on people." said Dracula.

"Where's Hyde?" asked Elizabeth.

"He went to check out the bar." said Dracula.

Eric and Kelso made their way to the bar where they found Corey and Tuesday.

"Hey, cuz!" said Corey. "Stop off for a little fun?"

"Corey, you have to get out of here." said Eric. "You have no idea how much danger you are in. Where's Katie and Roger?"

Katie sat at the bar and struggled to keep her head up.

"What did she take?" asked Kelso.

"I don't know." said Corey. "She left my sight for two minutes and she was like that when I found her."

"What about Roger?" asked Eric.

"He should be over..." said Tuesday as she pointed to the back of the bar. They saw Hyde biting into a screaming Roger.

"Jesus!" said Corey.

Meanwhile, David and Elizabeth continued to stare down Dracula and Maeve.

"You know, this would be a good time to release our friends from your spell." said David.

"Explain something first." said Dracula. "How is it you can see this lady and not be one of us?"

"It's a long story." said Elizabeth.

"They're over here." said Darryl as he led Buffy and Veronica to Dracula.

"Okay." said Buffy. "Now to see...oh, for God's sake."

"Wait, you know each other?" asked Veronica.

"We've met." said Buffy and Dracula simultaneously.

"Guys, this is none other than Count Dracula." said Buffy.

David, Darryl, and Veronica looked at him in shock.

"Oh, was that important?" asked Elizabeth.

"Of course, A. Lucard is 'Dracula' backwards." said Veronica.

"Nigel figured that out as well." said Jordan as she stood near the tables with Fez.

"Is that Nigel Townsend you are referring to?" asked Dracula. "I finally found the internet last year. I have found his blog most interesting."

"That's the one." said Jordan as she held her hand behind her back. She held the medallion in her hand with the chain hooked on her index finger.

"You must be this Jordan I've read about." said Dracula. "I could use a strong woman like you in my army. No offense, Maeve."

"I look forward to working with her." said Maeve.

"What do you say?" asked Dracula.

"St. Christopher sends his regards." said Jordan. She then threw the medallion at Dracula.

He caught the medallion and it started to burn his hand. He let out a groan of pain.

"Righteous." said Darryl. "And I mean that literally."

The crowd saw this and started to make for the exit.

"Go on, get out of here." said Eric.

"But Roger!" said Corey.

"Leave me!" gasped Roger as Hyde released him.

"Come on, let's get Katie and go!" said Tuesday.

Corey grabbed Katie and guided her out of the club. On their way out, they ran across the Angels.

"Looks like the place." said Dylan.

"Oh good, my backup's arrived." said Buffy.

"Standard vampire situation?" asked Natalie.

"Mostly." said Veronica. "We've got friendlies among the undead."

"That could be a problem." said Alex.

"Let's go and get your guys out of there." said Dylan.

Jordan came face to face with Maeve. "So, this Townsend found us." said Maeve.

"He's also gone through your credit card statement." said Jordan. "If you spare me, I'll let you have a go at him."

"He's what?" asked Maeve. Alex leaped in and performed a foot sweep, knocking her down.

"Yeah, think about that." said Jordan.

Elizabeth snuck through the crowd trying to find David. Instead, she found Roger who had completely changed.

"Well, who's the hot girl?" he asked.

"If you don't mind, I must be going." said Elizabeth. She ran for the door to the back. Roger followed her.

Dylan rolled over a table and looked around for anything out of the ordinary. While she was looking, Hyde tackled her to the floor.

"Sorry, babe." he said. "It's just a bad habit of mine."

She threw him off. He jumped up and tried to attack her again. She threw him into the wall with a judo throw.

"Ah, why'd you do that?" asked Hyde. "I said I was sorry!"

Dylan smirked at him, then another vampire put a hand on her shoulder. Dylan turned to face this new threat and froze in shock.

In the backrooms, Elizabeth led Roger on a merry chase.

"It'll only hurt for a second." he said.

"Yeah, I doubt that." said Elizabeth.

She looked down a dark hallway and got an idea. She ran down the hallway and Roger followed. After she passed into the shadows, she passed through a wall. A second later, she heard a thud as Roger ran into the wall.

"Live and learn." she said.

---

Corey raced down the road trying to put as much distance between him and the club as possible. Katie sat in the backseat trying to regain her composure.

"I can't believe we just faced down a horde of vampires." said Tuesday.

"And I can't believe they got Roger." said Corey. "Let's hope there's a way out of this."

"Guys, I'm thirsty." said Katie.

"Didn't you have enough at the club?" snapped Tuesday.

"I mean it." said Katie. "I'm really thirsty."

"Okay, we'll stop at the next convenience store and get you something." said Corey.

"No, I mean I'm really thirsty right now." said Katie.

Corey suddenly had a sick feeling. He looked in the rear-view. He did not see his sister.

Katie bared her fangs and said "Just a little bite. Okay?"

Corey quickly brought the car to a halt and he and Tuesday bailed out and ran.

"Hey, you owe me, Corey!" said Katie. "I'll tell the world!"

---

Back at the club, Buffy and Natalie double-teamed Dracula.

"Does it ever get tiring to keep facing the Cannonballers every year?" asked Natalie as she delivered a series of punches.

"Once in a while." said Dracula as he blocked the punches.

"Tell me something else." said Buffy as she performed a series of spin kicks. "Why is it you look different from the vampires of Sunnydale?"

"It's something we do not discuss with outsiders." said Dracula as he intercepted the kicks.

Natalie pulled back her fist to make a punch, but it was grabbed by someone else. She turned to see who it was and was surprised to see it was Dylan.

"Dylan?" she asked.

Dylan quickly bared her fangs and scared the wits out of Natalie.

"Oh, this is bad." said Buffy.

"What happened?" asked Natalie.

"She was distracted...by me." said Alex. Everyone turned to see she had become a vampire as well.

"Oh, give me a break!" yelled Natalie.

"My fight with that real estate agent didn't go as planned." said Alex. "Needless to say, things are not looking good for those of you who are still human."

"Buffy, get out of here." said Natalie. "The situation is out of control."

"I'll get you out and stage a new battle." said Buffy.

"I can't get out of Dylan's grip." said Natalie. "Run!"

Buffy tried to escape. "I'm coming back for you." she said.

"Not if you can't escape." said Dracula as he stood in front of the exit.

Buffy jumped onto a table, then somersaulted over the lattice screen and made for the door.

"Not bad." said Dracula. "Definitely a worthy opponent."

"Worthy indeed." said Natalie. "You're as good as doomed."

"So are you, my dear." said Dracula.

Dylan grabbed Natalie's other wrist and forced her against the wall. Natalie struggled to escape Dylan's grip while Dylan leaned in closer to her neck. Finally, she stopped struggling, tilted her head to the side, and said "Okay, make it quick."

TO BE CONTINUED

AN:We would just like to point out that this chapter was in the works while Mary MacAleese was still president of Ireland. Also, the destruction of the Job was not in reference to the death of Ryan Dunn.
Thank you for reading and Happy Halloween.