Chapter 26: Deadpool Brings a Guest
Thanks for the reviews. I got this from a review, that I think was a guest review from ffn. It's gotten lost in the shuffle.
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Ivy was in the stables having a tea party with Frank and Gandr. It was Saturday and she hadn't seen Frank all week, so she wanted to share her week with him. Gandr just liked doing what Ivy liked doing. Tony, her daddy, indulged her perhaps a bit too much. They were talking over the lessons learned when Wade Wilson dropped in with a scraggly young boy with messy black hair and green eyes like Ivy's. They were hidden behind a pair of broken glasses that were held together with tape. There was a lightning bolt scar on his forehead.
"Hello, Mr. Wade," Ivy said. "Who is this?" she asked, peering at the shy boy, who was hiding behind the costumed man. She stayed seated because the boy looked like he'd bolt at any sudden or aggressive movements.
"This is your counterpart from a different reality," Deadpool said, pushing the boy gently around so that he could meet Ivy. "His name is Harry Potter. Harry, this is Ivy Harriet Potter-Stark," he said, nudging the boy forward. He'd have to break him of his shyness.
"Hello, Harry," Ivy said, slowly getting up and taking the boy's hand. "Was your Aunt Petunia mean to you too?" she asked in a knowing fashion. He looked like he got much worse than she ever did. Aunt Petunia never hit her. This boy had bruises and bumps. She was very angry on his behalf, but she didn't show it. She maintained her cute self-awareness. She would tell her daddy and he would take care of it, if Deadpool hadn't already, which she was sure the man had.
"No, my Uncle Vernon was the mean one," Harry said in a voice that was barely a whisper. "Dudley too," he added, there were tears in his eyes. He was crying because it was embarrassing and the man who took him away made sure that Uncle Vernon never hurt anyone ever again. He wasn't there when it happened, but Deadpool told him that Uncle Vernon was dead. He said he slipped, but Harry wasn't stupid, and Deadpool said it in a jovial tone. At least he hadn't hurt Dudley.
"They must have been really mean," Ivy noted, seeing there was real pain in the boy's face. She cut a look at Mr. Wade but couldn't tell anything with his mask on, but he was rocking back and forth like a child who had got caught with its hand in the biscuit jar. "Come, let's have some tea," she said like a proper British child. She decided to let the subject drop. If the man who hurt Harry was dead there was nothing she could do about it. Besides, he lived in a different reality.
Harry looked at his ragged clothes and looked at the pristine stables, and wondered if he would fit in here. He was about to protest that he needed to at least wash his hands and face, when he noted the pink unicorn and his eyes shot open wide.
"What is that?" he asked in awe. He pointed to the phenomenon, he'd only heard about unicorns in stories in primary and those were large white horses with horns, not tiny pink ones.
There was another boy sitting with the unicorn at a tea table. They were watching him and Ivy talking. Right now both of them seemed to be laughing at him for his outburst. Wade was chuckling, so Harry kicked his shins with his too big shoes. The man just laughed harder.
"Didn't Mr. Wade tell you?" Ivy said, not worried that he was mad at her. Wade and Gandr were being rude for laughing at the boy.
"No, what was he supposed to tell me?" Harry asked grumpily, folding his arms at everyone giggling at him.
"You're a wizard, Harry," she said and for some reason her voice turned gruff when she said it. It was like she was channeling a large man. "Mr. Wade, shame on you for not telling him," she reprimanded, waggling her finger at the man.
"Where's the fun in that?" Deadpool said, not the least bit put out.
"There's no such thing as magic," the boy said, still staring at the unicorn. He was only quoting what he'd been told all his life. Yet, here he was, staring at a unicorn. A small pink unicorn. Who was drinking tea from a large pink cup. Well, lapping at tea from a large pink cup, but same difference.
"Frank there shows that there is, but I am sure I can get my Uncle Sirius to show us some more. Come on. He's visiting this week," Ivy said, grabbing the boy's hand and hauling him to the mansion.
"Hey, wait, you can't have my wizard," Deadpool said, following along, if only to keep her from keeping the boy. He went through all the trouble to obtain the boy; he was going to keep him.
"Silly Mr. Wade, he's not a prize," Ivy said, still dragging Harry along.
Gandr was just shaking his head and following. He was sure this was going to cause some chaos.
"Where are you taking me?" Harry asked as he was being dragged along.
"To meet the family and to see magic," Ivy said, slowing down a bit so he could catch his breath. He seemed to be out of shape.
"Okay," he said, taking a minute to breathe. They walked to the house instead of running and came in as a group. Ivy was still in the lead, and she pushed open the door.
"Uncle Sirius," she called when she got to the house. "I have someone here that needs to see some magic," she said, making everyone come from everywhere. Clint even dropped from the ceiling.
"Ivy, what have I told you about bringing home strays," Tony said, wrinkling his nose at the boy's state of dress. He felt bad for the kid, but he couldn't afford to take in everyone she felt sorry for. The house was full as it was. Hell, Deadpool was here. Maybe it was his stray. That would make more sense since Ivy hadn't left the estate.
"I didn't, Mr. Wade did," Ivy protested, stomping her foot cutely. "Besides, he's me," she added, confusing everyone until they looked at his eyes. "Mr. Wade brought him here from a different reality," she added as if to clarify. She turned the boy around so everyone could get a good look at him.
"Well, I'll be damned," Pepper said, seeing it first. The eyes were a dead giveaway.
"How the hell?" Tony asked, sitting hard in a chair.
"I just popped over to the nearest reality that resembles ours and brought him home," Deadpool said, like it was completely normal. He dropped onto the couch and picked up a bag of chips that someone had left half eaten and started munching on them. He didn't bother asking or being neat about it either.
"Wade," Loki said, examining Harry with gentle fingers. He didn't like that scar. "That is not something that is easily done," he stated, knowing that it took a lot of energy and magic, which Wade Wilson didn't have. He couldn't do it without a lot of preparation.
"Oh, well, I might have stolen a ring from the Ancient One," Deadpool deadpanned. That had been a bitch and a half too. Oh, he was sure she knew what he was doing and let him do it, if only for laughs. He still had the ring, so…
"Do we want to know who that is?" Bruce asked, staying away from the boy child, who was looking completely overwhelmed with all the adults in the room. Clint, Steve and Natasha seemed to agree with him and stayed on his side of the room. Fenrir was standing with Gandr and was quizzing him on who the new kid was and if he was a threat. Thor was with his brother and making Harry very uncomfortable with his huge size. Sirius and Remus were staring at the boy with awe, he looked just like James with green eyes.
"Maybe later," Wade said, thinking that that was one person Ivy might not meet. The Ancient One was due to die soon, and Ivy would be sad. It wasn't that he was going to kill her, she had predicted her own death and had a successor already. He would introduce that man to Ivy when he got his feet underneath him. As far as Wade knew the man was already in training.
"Okay, let me get this straight, you stole a ring that can go to different dimensions and went to a different reality and stole a different version of Ivy?" Tony said, getting up and pouring himself some whiskey. He was due one drink. He might have cut back, but this was something to break that streak over.
"That was a lot of different differents, but, yeah, you got Ivy, I wanted some cuteness for myself," Deadpool said, pointing a finger at Tony. As much as he loved Ivy, he wanted to have his own weaponized cuteness. Venessa was going to love that it was a male child.
"Yeah, I think I won that category," the billionaire said, looking at his darling little bug. This boy didn't compare.
"I don't know, Tony. If we clean him up and get him some clothes that fit, I think he'd be just as cute," Pepper said, wiping some of the dirt off Harry's face. "Are you hungry, sweetie?" she asked, thinking the boy was terrified with all these people around. She edged him away from the Asgardians, who were still looking at his scar. Thor was more looking at the shape, whereas Loki was reading the feeling of it.
"Yes, ma'am," Harry said, looking down at his shoes, which were two sizes too big and full of holes. He wasn't allowed to ask for food, but she seemed nice and wouldn't hit him if he asked.
"I'm not adopting him," Tony said, making his daughter glare at him. He lifted his chin, but did look sorry for sounding like an ass.
"I'm not saying you have to," Pepper said, taking the boy's hand and leading him to the kitchen, where Tilly was working on dinner. "I'm just saying get him cleaned up," she added, then said to Tilly, "Can we have a sandwich? Something light." Anything else would upset his stomach.
"Yes, Missy Pepper," the elf said, making Harry stare at her in wonder.
"Harry," Ivy said, coming up to the three of them with her Uncle Sirius and Deadpool. "This is Sirius Black. He's my godfather, probably yours in the other reality too. He's going to show you some magic, okay?" she said with a cute little smile that made Harry feel brave and safe.
"Okay," Harry said as he was led to the chairs on the peninsula. He climbed up and then turned expectantly to the man who was going to prove to him that magic existed.
"Okay, kiddo, I'm going to do some transfiguration," Sirius said, and started changing things around the room, like the lamp into a monkey and the carpet into a dog. The animals started making a ruckus, so he turned them back with a wave of his wand.
"Wow, that was so cool," Harry said, his eyes wide behind his broken glasses.
"Uncle Sirius, can you fix his glasses?" Ivy asked very politely.
"Of course," the dogman said, and waved his wand at the boy's face. The glasses fixed with a few clicks and tinkling noises.
"Thank you, Uncle Sirius," Ivy said, standing on her tippy toes and kissing his cheek.
"Anything for you, princess," the man said, and then he left to discuss what to do with the new kid. He still couldn't get over how much he looked like James.
"Damn, now I'm going to have to go back and get the other Sirius," Deadpool said, playing with a ring on his finger. "Hey, can you keep an eye on the kid for me?" he asked, and then jumped up into the air and disappeared into the vents.
"Dammit, he did it again," Tony said, leaning against the wall. He wondered how the man crawled in the vents they were so small. He wasn't magical.
Ivy giggled her cute little giggle and then said, "He does that just to annoy all of you." She then took a plate from Tilly, thanking her, and handed it to Harry. "Here you go, Harry. You need to eat only as much as you can," she said to him. She remembered when she first got with her new daddy. She ate so much that her tummy hurt.
"Thank you, Ivy," Harry said, very worried that Deadpool disappeared. He had promised him a new home. He hoped he would come back. Then the boy shrugged and started eating.
"I wonder what else is different in our realities?" Ivy said, being the smarter of the two because of the potion that Sirius had Tony give her when she was younger. It had given her the side effect of having the tinkling giggle. Which she could live with.
"Don't know," Harry said, trying to answer without showing the food in his mouth. He didn't want to be rude. He was just so hungry. It had been days since he had eaten.
"Tilly, can we have some milk, please?" Ivy asked the house elf.
"Yes, Missy Ivy," the elf said and snapped her fingers. There appeared a glass that slowly filled up with milk.
It made Harry's eyes blow open wide. More magic. This was unreal. "Will I be able to do that one day?" he asked after he swallowed some milk.
"I think that that was house elf magic," Ivy said, not completely sure if wizards could do that. "We can ask Uncle Remus later," she said, tapping her chin in thought.
It was then that Goose came in. He went up to Ivy and started winding his way around her legs. She picked him up and said, "This is Goose. He's a Flerken. He's my best alien friend."
"He's not a cat?" Harry wanted to confirm. It looked like a normal cat.
Just then tentacles shot out of the non-cat's mouth, and one snapped onto the boy's forehead. It sucked on the scar for a moment and then they all went back into the non-cat's mouth. "Disgusting thing," Goose said, purring in Ivy's arm like he hadn't just sucked up a horcrux.
"Don't say things like that about Harry," Ivy chastised. "Harry is a perfectly normal boy."
"I was talking about the scar," the non-cat said, rubbing his head on her arm.
"Oh, well, that's alright then," Ivy said, brightly. "Eat up, Harry, and we can go watch the telly in my room," she said, waving her hand a bit to get him back to eating.
They all went about their business like tenacles hadn't just taken something out of Harry's forehead. Harry was just shocked, and decided to go with the flow, and continued to eat his food. Tony knew it was the same thing Goose had done for Ivy, and he wondered if all the Ivy/Harrys out there had bits of Tom Riddle stuck to their bodies.
"We adults will be discussing what to do with you," Tony said, taking Pepper's arm and steering her to the living room, where everyone else was still sitting.
"I've never watched the telly before," Harry confessed, taking a bite of his ham and cheese sandwich. It had mayonnaise, lettuce and tomatoes on it too. It was delicious.
"Well, all I have is movies for little girls, but I am sure we can get some from the study. Daddy has a collection there. Or we can ask Jarvis to show us something," she said, once again tapping her chin in thought. Jarvis would know where to find something for them to watch that they would both like.
"Okay," Harry said, and he continued to eat his light meal.
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Meanwhile, in a different reality. Deadpool was having fun slaughtering dementors. They had tried to make him feel depressed, but his lot in life wouldn't let him feel that way for long. He was slicing them up as he was calling down the halls of the prison. "Sirius Black?!" he sing-songed. "Are you here?" he called out in a singing voice. "Not that I'm not having a good time unaliving these demons, but I need to leave soon," he said, still in an song like tone. "Sirius, come out, come out, wherever you are." He peeked into the nearest cell and saw the bones of a dead prisoner and hoped that wasn't Sirius. "Tough luck, dude," he said to the skeleton. "Sirius, Sirius Black," he sang again, once more mowing through the dementors.
They were running from him now, and he was giving a merry chase.
"What?" came a loud voice from the middle of one of the rows. There was a lot of clamor from the rest of the prisoners but that was the only one that Deadpool paid attention to.
Deadpool jumped up and went to that cell, casually slicing a dementor in half as he did. They were so light that it only took one swipe of the sword. "Are you Sirius Black?" he asked the person in the cell. There was a distinct smell of dog about the cell, which was a good sign.
"Yes," came the wary answer from a distinctly not male voice.
That brought Wade up short, then he shrugged. If Ivy can be a boy, then Sirius can be a girl. "Seriously, you're a girl named Sirius?" Deadpool had to ask.
"No, actually, I'm a girl named Siriusly," she deadpanned. She was quite used to people making fun of her name.
"Man, you must hate your mom," Wade said as he started picking the lock on the door. It was an old-fashioned one, so it was pretty easily done. "I'll bet you heard the phrase 'Seriously, Siriusly, all your life. Therefore, since I pride myself on being original, I won't say it."
"You have no idea," she said, rolling her eyes. She didn't think she could hate that vile bitch any more than she already did if only for saddling her with that name. And, yes, she had heard that saying all her life. "My friends call me Siri," she added, hoping to get him to quit harping about her name.
"Siri, got it. Are you godmother to Harry Potter?" he asked, letting her out of her cell. This would have been a colossal waste of time if she wasn't.
"Yes, is he alright?" she asked in earnest. She had not heard anything about her godson since she had been put in this place without a trial. She had no idea who this man was, but if he could get her to Harry, she'd follow him to hell.
"I've got him somewhere safe, which is better than where he was. I'm going to take you there. They'll never find you," Wade said, making a circular motion with his hand creating a portal. On the other side was the lawns of Tony's mansion.
"What?" Siriusly asked, only to be shoved into the portal. "Arsehole," she spat, looking at him through the portal, and standing there with her hands on her hips. She then looked around to where she was and was amazed at the splendor of the place. She was from money, but her parents were of the gothic variety, and everywhere they lived was dark and dismal.
Wade jumped in just in time for the guards to come around the corner. "Tallyho!" he called as he jumped through. "See ya, suckers."
"What in Merlin's name?" one guard was heard to say as the portal closed.
"There, that's done. Let's go meet your godson," Wade said, taking her elbow and leading her to the house. "You'll like the kid, though he can use some fattening up. You guys can go on an eating spree together."
"You want me to go visiting looking like this?" she asked aghast. She may not be one for posh and circumstance, but she didn't go a calling looking like a vagabond. She ignored the dig on her weight. She knew she looked like an emaciated person. The food in the prison was not of four-star quality. Heck, half the time she had to eat it as a dog just to get it down.
"They'll understand," he said, not bothering to knock and just waltzed into the living room, companion in tow. "Everyone, meet Siriusly. She's Sirius' alternate. Siri, meet everyone," he said, grandly waving to all the shocked faces.
"Honestly," Siriusly said, yanking her arm from his hand. "Sorry, I've only just met him, and I can tell he's an uncouth brute," she said, smiling as sweetly as she could for someone who was unwashed and disheveled. She ran a hand over her unkept hair and tried to straighten it. It was a lost cause. "Please, call me Siri," she added, hoping they wouldn't harp on her name.
"Don't worry," Pepper said, trying to save the girl some face. "We do know him, and forgive him many things," she added.
"I have one question?" Tony said, folding his arms. They had been discussing it for awhile now. "How do you expect them to support themselves?" While he had more money than everyone, he couldn't go around giving it away to all the strays.
"Dammit," Wade said, then took on a thinker's pose. He stayed that way for around ten seconds, and then shot up. "How do the goblins feel about cross-dimensional bank transactions?" he asked, looking to the magicals and Asgardians.
"I don't know. I don't think it's ever been done," Sirius said, still getting over the fact that there was a female version of him in the room. And that once she got cleaned up, she'd be hot. Well, and after she put some meat on her bones. Not that he blamed her. He had been in her shoes not too long ago.
"I'll go ask. I'll be back later," he said and jumped out the window.
"At least he didn't use the vents," Clint said, watching the man run across the yard.
"So…" Siriusly said, plucking at her threadbare prison garb.
"Let's get you cleaned up," Pepper said with Natasha nodding in agreement. The two women took the other woman to Pepper's and Tony's suite. They would let her shower and give her something to wear.
"Do you think he'll pull it off?" Remus asked the room.
"If anyone can, it's Deadpool. If he can't, he'll sic the kids on them," Sirius said, thinking of the two cute kids playing in Ivy's room. Ivy would convince anyone that they were doing the right thing even if they were wrong. It was just the cuteness of her.
"How does he even get into the magical areas?" Loki wanted to know. Deadpool didn't have an ounce of magic in his body, yet he got in to everywhere. It was him that showed them the zoo after all.
"He's Deadpool," Clint said, like that explained everything, which it did. The man was beyond explanation.
"I guess," Tony said, then shook his head as if to clear it. "What are we going to do with Harry and Siriusly?" he said, looking to where the women disappeared to.
"Nothing," Thor said in his booming voice. "Wade Wilson is responsible for them," he stated as if it were fact. "He brought them here, therefore it is his responsibility to care for them," he finished, settling down like he had solved the problem neatly.
"Be that as it may, I don't think Ivy is going to let us just ignore the fact that her double is here," Loki said, waving Thor's input away. Everyone agreed with him. Ivy was just too kind to let that fact go. She would want the boy and his godmother in her life.
"Well, if he gets their gold, then they can settle in the magical world on this side of the pond and keep their ear to the ground, so to speak. We'll have Sirius and Remus over in the UK and those two here," Tony said, rubbing his goatee. "They'll need paperwork," he added thoughtfully.
"I'm sure they can handle that themselves," Bruce said, thinking that Siriusly was a smart woman, for all she got caught doing something stupid enough to go to prison for chumped up charges. That is if her circumstances were the same as Sirius'.
It was then that the women came back and Siriusly was wearing a dark green pantsuit of Pepper's. It was hanging off her, since she was nothing but bones, but she looked ten times better.
"I feel human," she said as she stretched, showing she was definitely a woman. She was actually pretty well endowed for someone who was half starved.
"Can you change into a dog?" Tony wanted to know.
"Yes, we did it for Reba," Siri said, looking at them strangely. "It was how I survived Azkaban. Didn't that happen to you?" she asked Sirius who nodded and shuddered.
"Hear that, Remus, your counterpart is named Reba," Sirius said, clapping him on the back. He dropped the topic of Azkaban like a hot rock. There was no way he was dredging up that memory if he could help it.
"Wait, does that mean that you were friends with Lily and not James?" Remus asked, trying to get the logistics straight in his head.
"Yes. Why? Were you lot friends with that toerag?" she asked, not sure what Lily ever saw in that git. He was a self-centered idiot.
"James was our best friend," Sirius said, sadness tinted his tone.
"Lily was mine," she said, the same sadness in hers.
"I think I get the picture," Tony said, going over the different scenarios in his head. "I'm going to assume that you were still betrayed by someone named Peter, or close to it?" he stated, pointing to Siriusly.
"Petra," she said, growling like the dog she could turn into. "She could turn into a rat," she confirmed for everyone.
"And I'm back," Deadpool said, coming through the window. "The goblins said, as long as you can prove who you are, and I can open the portal to the other bank, you can empty your vaults from here," he said, rocking back and forth like he was a kid that just did a good job.
"How the hell did you get that done so fast?" Sirius asked. It should have taken him hours.
"Telephone," Deadpool said, holding up his cellphone.
"Shite," Sirius said, having forgotten that Gringotts was now modernized. He was still doing everything the hard way.
"So, let's go then," Siriusly said, grinning like a fool. She didn't know what a cellphone was, but she was glad to see that it expediated everything.
"We'll need to get Harry," Wade said, going to Ivy's room. He came back with a clean Harry and Ivy in tow. He was wearing one of Ivy's less feminine shorts outfits. It still had a kitten on it, but it was blue, so there was that. They had also given him a shower and tried to comb his hair.
"I want to go too," Ivy said, looking at her daddy. She had her cuteness turned up to full. It radiated off her like a light bulb, and Harry was staring at her like he wanted to learn to do that.
"Why?" Tony asked, not sure what the point was.
"He is my friend. He's new here, and he's scared," she said, holding onto Harry's hand. Harry was nodding his head in agreement.
"Sure, why not," Tony caved, thinking he could check on a few things while he was there. It had been a minute or two since he had been to the bank. He had bookkeepers for that. Still, he could get some gold out.
"Yay," Ivy said, cutely and bounced up and down, not letting go of Harry's hand, who was smiling a cute smile. He cleaned up really well. His big green eyes showed from behind his glasses. While Sirius had fixed them, they needed to get new ones.
"Let's go to Gringotts," Deadpool said, taking Harry's other hand and heading out the door. It was the start of a new adventure.