Cannonball Run 7: High Speed Heroes

by BKelly95

Co-written by The Turbo Man. The Cannonballers have returned for another race around the world for a five hundred million dollar first prize. Who will rise? Who will fall? And who will win the Cannonball Run?

13. Hey, Are We Invited To The Car-beque?

CANNONBALL RUN 7: HIGH SPEED HEROES by Bkelly95 and the Turbo Man

DISCLAIMER: As usual, we own nothing but our original characters and no profit is being made from this work.

CHAPTER 13: "Hey, are we invited to the car-beque?"

"Welcome back, Cannonball fans." Misty announced as the reporters stood before the cameras. Lazlow had a rather idiotic grin on his face for some reason.

"This segment is brought to you by Logger Beer. The beer that brought the forest down." Veronica added.

"Yes, and in honour of our sponsors, I am wasted." Lazlow chipped in as he let out a loud burp.

Misty and Veronica groaned.

"Maybe you should avoid premature celebration just because a bet you made came through, Lazzie." Ron said with good humour as he rolled his eyes. "Anyway, the Cannonballers are now nearing the end of the bridge to South America which terminates in the town of Porvenir in southern Chile."

"High up in the ranking right now are Lara Croft's team." Misty beamed. "We now have them live via satellite. Hi there, ladies!"

"Hi, Misty." Joanna smirked as she drove the Vulcano. "Things seem to be going well for us right now, especially now that the Cannonball is more than half-done. We may pull in to get something to eat soon."

"Do you have a preference for a type of restaurant if I may ask?" Veronica questioned.

"Well, even though we're in a hurry, it certainly wouldn't be fast food." Nina stated from the passenger seat. "Especially not Cluckin' Bell. I bloody hate Cluckin' Bell! And I hate their 'food'. It should be banned under the Geneva Convention. Bloody deep-fried shite that's about as healthy as jumping off a cliff! It's greasy, fattening and gross! If I had my way, all of their restaurants would be trashed by this time next week!"

The rest of the team laughed.

"Who said I was trying to be funny?" Nina asked indignantly.

"Fighting words there, Ms. Williams." Veronica smirked.

"It's a good thing Cluckin' Bell's not one of our sponsors." Ron joked.

"Maybe you get some chili con carne somewhere." Misty joked. "Chilean chili in Chile?"

Lara's team all laughed heartily at that joke.

"Everybody here certainly wishes you ladies good luck and Godspeed for the remainder of the journey." Ron added.

"Thank you, Mr. Burgundy." Lara winked as she blew a kiss. Ron blushed a little bit

"Moving on..." Veronica began hurriedly as she gave Ron a nudge "...we now have a musical performance from Bowling For Soup. Take it away, gentlemen."

"And a one..." began Jaret Reddick.

"...a two..." added Chris Burney.

"...a three..." continued Erik Chandler.

"...A FOUR!" finished Gary Wiseman as the band began to play.

Sinking fast, the weight's chained to my feet.
No time to argue with belief.
I'm not alone, a thousand others dropping,
Faster than me.
What put me here?
Nothing to hold on to.
Nowhere to brake.

Where is the ripcord, the trapdoor, the key?
Where is the cartoon escape-hatch for me?
No time to question the choices I make.
I've got to follow another direction.

The last thing I remember was climbing up the stairs.
I threw the window open in challenge and despair.
I don't know what I needed.
I needed time.
I needed to escape.
I saw the future turn.
Upside-down and hesitate.

Where is the ripcord, the trapdoor, the key?
Where is the cartoon escape-hatch for me?
No time to question the choices I make.
I've got to follow another direction.

Accelerate.

The vista I see now is changing.
Uncertainty is suffocating.
Our hope has never felt so great and,
Lit up down.
A pounding pulse,
To make it go.
Make it slow down,
Go.

Where is the ripcord, the trapdoor, the key?
Where is the cartoon escape-hatch for me?
No time to question the choices I make.
I've got to follow another direction.

The city's burning, it's like it's ready to explode.
(Accelerate)
Accelerate to make it slow.
Make it go.
(Accelerate)
Accelerate to make it slow.
Make it go.
(Accelerate)
I'm incomplete.
I'm incomplete.
I'm incomplete.

-"Accelerate" by REM.

As the band finished playing, the audience applauded and the announcers' cameraman signalled that they had cut.

"WHOOOOOO!" yelled Lazlow in an even more slurred voice than he had spoken in on-camera. "I'm gonna hit the bar again!"

He then ran off wildly. "P-A-R-T! Y? 'CAUSE I GOTTA!" he yelled drunkenly.

Misty shook her head.

"At least he can keep his game-face on camera when he's shitfaced in real time." Ron shrugged.

---

The Falcon drove into southern Chile from the bridge.

"Well, I'm gonna turn in." said Brodie as he curled up in the backseat. "If I'm not up by the time we reach Colombia, wake me up."

"You got it." said Jay who was driving. "I guess it's just Silent Bob keeping me company."

He looked over at Silent Bob to see he was asleep as well.

"Okay, then it's just me and the GPS." said Jay.

"I am ready for the journey." said the GPS in a feminine voice.

"Take us to Colombia." said Jay.

"Turn right." said the GPS.

Jay made the next right turn.

"Turn left." said the GPS.

Jay turned left.

"Make the next right." said the GPS.

Jay made the next right.

"Make the next right." said the GPS.

"There is no next right." said Jay.

"Make the next right." said the GPS.

"It's a straight road as far as I can see." said Jay.

"You drive like a girl." said the GPS.

"Was that really necessary?" asked Jay.

"You suck." said the GPS.

"Now, that's just mean." said Jay.

"I think it's time we went on a break." said the GPS.

"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing." said Jay. "It's not been working out lately, has it?"

"No, you've changed." said the GPS. "You used to be so cool."

"I AM still cool!" said Jay. "Okay, there is something. I've been seeing someone else."

"Who is it?" asked the GPS.

Jay held up a road atlas.

"My own sister?" asked the GPS. "How could you?"

"Look, you have to understand." said Jay. "The information is right there and she doesn't yell out directions at the last second."

"I never loved you." said the GPS.

"Well, that's great!" said Jay. "I'm glad we're getting all of this out in the open!"

"I also have something to tell you." said the GPS.

"Oh really?" said Jay. "Our relationship is in pieces anyway! You might as well let it out! What is it?"

"I'm actually a man." said the GPS in a masculine voice.

"You're a what?" asked Jay. "How could you not tell me this?"

"You realize of course this means I'm gay." said the GPS.

---

Elsewhere in the town of Porvenir, Slater and Michaels drove the Crusader towards an intersection. Banner was speaking to them over the radio.

"The Cannonballers get off the bridge in that town. The two of you are bound to get lucky." Banner stated.

As Michaels pulled up to the intersection, the Usagi rushed by at well over 100 mph.

"Those were some great-looking chicks!" Slater mused.

"We nearly traded paint with a Cannonballer there, sir!" Michaels reported to Banner as he put the truck into overdrive and pulled out in pursuit of the Usagi. "We're in hot pursuit!"

"Don't lose them or your ass is grass!" Banner warned.

"Ain't gonna happen!" Slater chipped in as he flipped the switch for the Auto Taser and it began to charge up.

Veronica drove the Usagi and whooped to herself as she swerved around the slow-moving normal traffic with great ease.

"They're all over the place. These girls are good!" Slater mused.

"But not good enough." Michaels responded as he matched the Usagi's moves with little difficulty.

As Veronica got far enough ahead, she pulled the Usagi's handbrake and did a 180.

Michaels overshot her by several feet and grunted as he got ready to turn the Crusader around.

The Usagi took off in the opposite direction and sped off.

Michaels had turned the Crusader around and got back in pursuit of the Usagi.

"Wise broads! They're not gonna lose us!" he grunted as he got right back on the Usagi's tail.

A beeping noise confirmed that the Auto Taser was now fully charged.

"Get ready!" Michaels ordered.

"Roger!" Slater confirmed as he took hold of the Auto Taser's trigger as its hatch on the Crusader's front opened and a set of crosshairs appeared on a heads-up display on the dashboard.

"I think it's time we give these guys the slip." Jordan stated in the Usagi as she activated a switch they had and a large funnel extended from the trunk lid of the Usagi.

"FIRE!" yelled Buffy as she fired a large blast of the petrifying gel they had installed at the starting line.

"FIRE!" yelled Slater a few seconds later as he shot a blast from the Auto Taser. But it was a nanosecond too late. As the Usagi's gel enveloped the Crusader and brought it to a halt, the Auto Taser backfired because of the gel blocking its blast and shorted out the truck's operating system.

Slater and Michaels looked shocked as the Usagi turned a 180 once again and drove slowly past them. As they passed, Buffy and Jordan both grinned at the two incapacitated police officers. Veronica, still driving, smirked and gave them a wink as she then stepped on the gas and they roared off.

"Well? Did you get them?" Banner inquired over the radio.

"Sir, we have a problem." Michaels stated grimly.

"How big a problem?" Banner asked in annoyance.

"Are any of our other guys in the area with jump-leads?" Slater replied.

Banner put down the radio angrily in his and Baxter's office.

"Don't worry." Baxter assured. "We'll soon be making the announcement. After that's done, none of those scumbags will evade us for much longer."

---

In the hotel room which Batgirl's investigative team were using as their base, the computer let out a chime as the Facial Recognition Software finally found a match for the fake air-conditioning technician. J'onn J'onzz looked it over.

"Rafaella Diamond AKA Nightshade." he announced as he read out the data. "The best safe-cracker and jewel thief from Empire City if I remember rightly."

Batgirl and the others came over.

"That's very odd." Blue Falcon chipped in. "The last I heard, she was turning towards reformation after helping the C.O.P.S. solve the mystery of a spate of jewel robberies she had nothing to do with. She even performed the arrest of the perp herself despite not being a police officer."

"Same old story." Batgirl sighed. "They try to go straight but very few of them have the willpower to make the transition."

"Well, that's usually because there are unfortunately very few people willing to give them a second chance." sighed Blue Falcon. "Especially Baskin-Robbins. They always find out about criminal records."

"So, what do you guys reckon?" asked Dynomutt.

"Looks like a trip to the East Coast is required." J'onn answered. "I have contacts in the Empire City from my 'day job' as a P.I."

"Do you think that so-called psychic could be on the same trail?" asked Batgirl.

"If he is, it's more by luck than by design." Blue Falcon replied. "I doubt he's even left Las Venturas yet."

---

Shawn and Gus pulled up in front of a Las Venturas jewelry store in a blue Toyota Echo and climbed out.

"What are we doing here?" asked Gus.

"I saw the impression of an earring at the crime scene." said Shawn. "I thought this would be the right place to ask about it."

"Yeah, that's great." said Gus. "We'll go in there and ask about a crime we're not allowed to reveal committed by someone with a device we're not allowed to know about."

"Gus, don't be the entry of the National Safety Council." said Shawn. "I'm certain the owner of this fine establishment would love to help us in our investigation."

Inside, a few minutes later...

"You expect me to identify THIS?" yelled the owner.

"Yeah, he'd love to help us in our investigation." said Gus.

"This is a piece of mass-produced junk!" yelled the owner. "We only deal in fine upscale merchandise. Take a look at these pieces for reference!"

He took out a tray full of jewelry and showed it to Shawn. Shawn looked at a ring and noticed one of the "diamonds" had a chip in it.

He picked it up and quickly grabbed his head. "Oh, I'm sensing something." he said. "These diamonds came from a deep, dark place."

"Are these blood diamonds?" asked Gus.

"No. No." said Shawn. "There have been no wars fought over these, although there have been a few impromptu arm wrestling matches in the plant where this cubic zirconium was processed." He tossed the ring back onto the tray.

"Leave." said the owner sternly.

"Fine." said Shawn.

He and Gus made for the door. The security guard stepped in front of them.

"Excuse me." he said. "Can I see the drawing of that earring?"

Shawn handed it over.

The guard looked at the drawing. "It's her again." he sighed.

"You know of this earring?" asked Shawn.

"I used to work at another jewelry store in another city." said the guard. "We had a robbery a few years ago and a large portion of stock was taken. The only evidence we could dredge up was an earring like this worn by the thief when she was caught on security camera."

"Did they catch her?" asked Gus.

"No, they never did." said the guard. "But they did identify her. She was referred to simply as 'Nightshade'."

Shawn and Gus left the store.

"We have a new lead." said Shawn.

"Shawn, I don't know about this." said Gus. "She calls herself 'Nightshade'. Does that sound like someone you want to try reasoning with?"

"Where have you been these last few years?" asked Shawn.

---

In Brock's office, the Puzzle Hunt hotline chirped once again as the six teams called in to volunteer. Brock answered the phone.

"Okay. Apart from Mr. Drake, who else do we have?" Brock asked good-naturedly.

"You knew I'd call in?" the Drake asked in surprise.

"You're quite consistent and quite predictable by now, my dear Seymour." Brock joked. "So, who else do we have this time?"

"Willy Wonka here, Mr. Yates."

"Mason and Spike reporting in." Mason stated

"This is Fez and team volunteering, Brock."

"Mystery Inc. reporting for duty." Freddie's voice chipped in.

"And the mighty Corvax and team calling in."

"C'mon, Corvax! Gimme the phone!" Beavis' voice cut in.

There was the sound of a smack.

"Shut up, buttmunch!" Butthead snapped.

"Okay." Brock nodded as he consulted his laptop. "I have all of your cars called up here. I'm sending you all the co-ordinates of a meeting point in the resort town of Pucon in Chile. You'll meet up with Bulletproof and Bullseye of C.O.P.S. there and they will explain the nature of the first challenge to you there. Now kindly get the lead out."

"Easier done than said!" Shaggy chuckled over the line as the roar of engines could be heard.

---

Also travelling on the road towards Pucon was the Avenger, as Frank Castle had felt like going on a more scenic route.

CRAP had anticipated that such a thing could happen and as Frank sped along, the Starbreaker pulled out from a lay-by and Bender chased after the Avenger, turning on his sirens as he did so.

Frank heard Bender coming and turned off the main highway onto a long, twisting mountain road. Bender kept up his pursuit.

Up ahead on the road, a young man was doing some moves on a skateboard as there was no sign of traffic.

Just then, the Avenger and the Starbreaker turned the corner and headed towards him.

The skateboarder quickly moved over to the opposite lane and Frank and Bender drove right past him at high speed without incident as he shook his head in incomprehension.

Frank continued to negotiate the sharp twists and turns without much trouble as Bender kept up his pursuit.

Frank eventually hit a straightaway and gained a good lead on the Starbreaker.

"You won't lose me, punk!" Bender growled as he put his foot to the floor.

Frank rounded another corner and parked the Avenger behind a large bush, hiding himself from sight.

About twenty seconds later, the Starbreaker roared right past the bush without Bender noticing Frank as he drove on.

Frank smirked to himself as he reversed the Avenger back onto the road, turned around and started to go back the way he came.

Bender glanced in his mirror and saw Frank going back the opposite way.

Bender clenched his teeth as he turned a 180 and went back after Frank.

"Don't mess with the bull, young man! You'll get the horns!" Bender grunted as he got back behind the Avenger.

Frank accelerated away, once again handling the road's twists with expertise. But Bender was relentless and was more than able to match each sharp turn that the Avenger made.

Eventually, the pursuit lead back onto the main road. Frank was able to keep a good lead as Bender followed. Frank was able to dodge past a parked car as he made a slight drift to the right. As Bender made the same move, the Starbreaker glanced slightly off the right side of the parked car.

This caused the Starbreaker to go out of control and soar off the small hillside near the road.

The Starbreaker came down hard and landed in a small picnic area where it crashed through a few empty tables and eventually smashed into another parked car. Both the Starbreaker and the car it had hit were very badly damaged.

"Goddamn it!" snapped Bender as he undid his seatbelt and climbed out of his wrecked car.

Back on the main road, Frank smiled to himself and sped on.

---

The Cataract sped down a highway on the way to the city of Punta Arenas. Suddenly, the Vulcano sped past them at high speed with Lara, who had taken over driving, honking the horn at Dick Dastardly as she and her team took the lead.

The ladies all laughed in triumph. Nina, Anna and Joanna all flipped the bird at the main Villains Society team as they drove on. Lara took her left hand off the steering wheel to perform the gesture as well.

"So much for those losers!" Joanna chuckled.

"Nobody messes with us ladies!" Nina added.

"I think we should be leading the pack that went this way very soon." Lara agreed.

Anna looked out of the windshield and saw another Cypher drone move around in the air in front of them. She looked confused.

"J, is that one of your things?" she asked as she drew attention to the Cypher as it hovered over to the driver's side window.

"No, that's not one of my group's devices." Joanna said in confusion.

"Maybe it belongs to those guys in the Viper." Nina suggested.

As the Cypher hovered alongside the Vulcano, it opened up its gun port and fired upon the driver side of the Vulcano.

"Blast!" Lara yelled as the shots deflected off her window.

"Yes, it seems to want to do that." Anna grimly stated.

"Hang on." grunted Lara as he reached under her seat and pulled out one of her pistols. As the Cypher kept shooting at the Vulcano, Joanna lowered the window for Lara.

Keeping one hand on the wheel steering the Vulcano, Lara pointed her gun out the window and fired off a few shots at the Cypher. Her shots did some damage, but the Cypher quickly flew off before it could be destroyed.

"That was bloody weird." Nina stated.

"Who do you think sent it?" asked Anna.

"I don't really care as long as we're in the clear now." Lara announced as she put her gun away.

"As long as it doesn't come back to bite us later on." Joanna agreed.

---

Priss rode the Streetfighter down the highway to Cerro Sombrero in the Tierra del Fuego province of Chile. As she made good progress, she saw that the middle of the road up ahead was taken up by a custom chopper.

The rider was a Caucasian woman in her early 20's with dyed green hair and wearing a black t-shirt with a skull on the front and a pair of black jeans.

It was Zanya, Zartan's daughter and now heir-apparent to the leadership of the Dreadnoks (not to mention Zarana's bitter rival for the same position).

Priss tried to pass Zanya but Zanya kept moving the chopper to block her way, laughing to herself.

"HEY! Outta the way! I'm in a hurry." Priss yelled.

Zanya sneered at Priss. "Forget it, sister! The Dreadnoks rule the road! Nobody tells us what to do!"

"Except Cobra from what I've heard!" Priss snapped back as she tried again to pass but got blocked. "I'm serious, kid! Get out of my way!"

Zanya scoffed. "Just 'cause you've got a black leather jacket doesn't mean you're the Wild One, chick! Especially with that pussy-ass rice burner you're riding!"

"Right! That does it!" Priss yelled as she took one hand off the Streetfighter's handlebars and balled it into a fist.

She swung a punch at Zanya. "Like that, is it?" Zanya laughed evilly. "Okay!"

Zanya lifted herself slightly off her seat and went to slam her body into Priss' side. Priss saw the move coming and did the same. They bumped off each other with a grunt.

Zanya swung a couple of punches at Priss, both of which were dodged. Priss swung a punch back at her and Zanya dodged it and swung a punch which landed.

Priss grunted in anger.

Zanya roared up the road at a higher speed. Priss revved the Streetfighter's engine and raced to catch up with her. Soon, Priss had caught up with Zanya's chopper.

Priss stood slightly up on her seat and swung her left leg in a martial arts kick which hit Zanya on her right flank. Zanya wobbled a bit but stayed on her bike.

Priss climbed farther up onto the handlebars of the Streetfighter and turned her body around to face Zanya's front. She delivered some more punches and kicks which nearly knocked Zanya off the chopper. Zanya's legs slipped partly off the chopper and dragged on the ground for a few seconds before she pulled them back on and went to attack Priss again as Priss got ahead of her at high speed.

Zanya reached into her jeans' pocket and pulled out a butterfly knife with an evil grin on her face and gunned the chopper for all it was worth.

Within seconds she had caught up to Priss and made her move.

Zanya slashed out with the knife. Priss fought to dodge the slashes which came her way and threw another punch.

As Zanya slashed out with the knife again, Priss stood up and jumped into the air briefly as she let the Streetfighter slam sideways into the chopper, causing Zanya to drop the knife. Priss landed safely back on the Streetfighter's seat and got ready to speed ahead. Zanya was still a problem, though.

Zanya was now behind Priss and got the chopper right on the Streetfighter's rear tire.

"End of the road, bitch!" Zanya yelled in triumph.

Priss stood up on her seat again and quickly somersaulted backwards in the air. As she came towards Zanya's chopper, she extended both her legs out and hit Zanya in the stomach with a powerful kick, sending her flying off the chopper and onto the hood of a car parked nearby, where Zanya slammed against the windshield and shattered it without going through it.

Priss brought the chopper to a halt and smirked at the unconscious Zanya.

"It certainly is. For you." Priss smirked as she climbed off the chopper and walked back to the Streetfighter which had come to a halt and fallen on its side nearby.

Seeing that no serious damage had been done, Priss picked up the Streetfighter and dusted it off as she got back on it.

She gave the finger to Zanya as she revved up the Streetfighter and went on her way.

---

Lazlow was in the betting office, arguing with Dante.

"Whattya mean I can't put more money on Lara's team?!" Lazlow yelled, still very drunk. "They were in the top ten when they reached Chile!"

"That's no guarantee that they'll be in the same position in a few days' time." Dante snapped back. "And I think I can see where the money would go if you win another bet on them."

"Are you implying that I've had too much to drink?" Lazlow huffed as he put his hands on his hips.

"Yes!" Dante and Randal chorused.

"I'm not like this jackass here!" Lazlow snapped as he pointed at Jezz Torrent who stood nearby. "Back in the day, he got so high on booze and blow at the Hookah Palace in L.S. that he crapped himself in an elevator and ran naked into the goddamn street! I KNOW! I WAS THERE!"

"You know full well I gave up illicit drugs after that, ye arsehole!" Jezz snapped.

"Doesn't mean you're not still a jack-ass!" Lazlow replied. "You probably use the Electro-Toke system! Suck-asses who use that always talk bullcrap about not actually doing drugs!"

"Oh, aye?" asked Jezz. "I wouldn't be so quick to judge. On the bus tours of Los Santos they still talk about what you were caught doing with an eggplant, pal! And you bollixed up yer marriage!"

"You a-hole!" snapped Lazlow as he drunkenly swung a punch at Jezz. Jezz dodged it with no effort whatsoever.

"Look, Leslie..." Randal began.

"It's LAZLOW! LAZLOW, LAZLOW, LAAAAAZZZZZZLOOOOOW!" Lazlow yelled obnoxiously.

"Whatever. Just get the hell outta here until you've sobered up!" Dante ordered.

"Screw you guys! I'm goin' to the bar." Lazlow sneered in a scratchy, nasal voice as he staggered out.

"Whatta dick." Randal grumbled. "And to think some people like him."

"Jay thinks he's a bad-ass for some reason." Dante chipped in.

"That wanker Lazlow? A bad ass? WHY?" asked Jezz in shock.

"Something about him having a tattoo on his dick, apparently." Dante replied. "How Jay found out about it, I don't know and don't want to know."

"Pfffft!" Jezz scoffed. "That Lazlow gobshite has a tattoo OF a dick! And balls! On his chest!"

"What?" Dante chuckled.

"It's true." Jezz nodded. "I heard it from a very reputable source!"

"Yeah, right." scoffed Randal.

"I tell you what: if I can bring you photographic proof of it before the race gets out of South America, you two have to order me and the rest of Love Fist a dozen crates of Patriot Beer. Chilled."

Dante smirked. "You're on."

He and Jezz shook hands on the deal.

Elsewhere...

"Hold on." said Ron as he and Veronica Corningstone addressed the camera with an update. "We've just received word that a coup has broken out in San Sombrero, the country where the eastern terminus of the crossover bridge lies."

"A coup in San Sombrero?" asked Veronica. "Must be Tuesday."

"Live with the story in the capital of San Sombrero, Cucaracha City, is Chris Jacobs." said Ron.

Jacobs was seen standing in a tree-lined square holding a microphone.

"Hello, I'm standing in Parque Metropolitano, one of the largest park areas in Cucaracha City. No more than seven hours ago, a coup broke out in this quiet Latin American country. As has been mentioned, this could prove severely detrimental to the Cannonballers as the bridge to Australia starts from here. The Cannonballers have weapons to defend themselves, but will they be enough against these rebels? Surely, the participants of a well-publicized road race will be an attractive target for someone wanting to make a statement. Hopefully, this situation will be resolved without much drama."

A stagehand ran over and whispered something into his ear.

"What was that?" asked Chris.

The stagehand repeated his whisper and Chris looked off to the right nervously.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to try to make this brief because I've just been informed that the rebels are making their way through the city!" He looked right again and said rapidly "In fact, they're entering my area right now and I can see they have very powerful weapons, technicals, repurposed farm equipment and they're about to overrun my position! This is Chris Jacobs signing off, back to you, Ron!"

He then ran to the left. Two seconds later, an explosion went off where he'd been standing.

"We'll keep an eye on this and see how it develops." Ron announced.

Brock watched in the command center. "Ay chihuahua." he said.

---

An ACME carrier plane touched down at Cerro Sombrero Airport. As it came to a halt, it lowered its cargo ramp and four black vehicles drove out. At the head of the pack was the armoured Charger which Mr. Chairman had unveiled back in Empire City. Behind the wheel was Turbo.

Driving alongside him was a 2008 Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution X with armoured panels covering the windshield and windows with some small openings in the armour on the windshield for the driver and passenger to look out. Driving it was Buttons with Golem in the passenger seat.

The third car was a Maybach 62 with armour-padded panels on the doors and sides as well as armour around the windows and their frames. Mr. Chairman was driving it. The final car was a 2010 Mercedes-Benz E 63 AMG which had similar armour to the Maybach. Squeaky drove it whilst Big Boss sat in the back.

"Here we are, gentlemen. Way south of the border." Mr. Chairman announced over his walkie-talkie. "Now for some automotive carnage."

"That is true." Big Boss replied. "So, do these cars have codenames? Just about every car involved with this mission seems to have one."

"Well, who am I to break tradition?" smirked Chairman. "Big Boss, your car is called the Schafter V12. My car is called the Cognoscenti and Buttons' car is the Kuruma."

"So what do you call this bad boy I've got?" asked Turbo as he enjoyed himself driving such an intimidating vehicle.

"Well, there's a connection to a certain TV show with the type of car you're driving, the ACME technician who armoured these cars is a proud Irishman and it's hopefully going to be the death of the Cannonballers and DeMarco's guys." Chairman smirked. "So, I have named it...the Duke O'Death!"

"Nice." grinned Turbo maliciously.

"Okay. Crime's a-wasting. Let's go!" Big Boss ordered.

---

Eric drove to Pucon. "We're almost there." he said.

"Good." said Hyde. "Who's gonna do the challenge?"

"I can do it." said Kelso.

"No, you can't." said Hyde.

"Come on, Hyde." said Kelso. "I can do this."

"Kelso, you once burned down a cabin in the woods trying to make cereal." said Hyde.

"That would've worked if we had any milk." said Kelso.

"Guys, we're almost at the place." said Eric. "Can't you work this out somehow?"

"Maybe we should let Kelso do it just to see if he can do it." said Fez.

"Yeah, I'll do it." said Kelso. "Hell, I'll do them all."

"Wait, are you saying you're gonna do all of the challenges in the puzzle hunt?" asked Eric.

"I am going to rock this game." said Kelso.

"We'll make it a bet." said Hyde. "Write down what you want me to do if you win."

He and Kelso took pieces of paper and wrote on them. When they finished, they handed the paper to each other.

"Can't think of anything more torturous?" asked Hyde. "Okay, it's a bet."

"Same here." said Kelso.

They parked and climbed out of the car. Several of the other entrants had already arrived.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Freddie.

"Like, how bad could it be?" asked Shaggy. "We've already encountered vampires, crazed warlords, and aliens. What's the worst they can throw at us?"

"Rah!" said Scooby. "Rut's the rurst?"

"Are you keeping track?" asked Velma.

"Somebody has to." said Daphne.

"Party people!" yelled Bulletproof. "Who's ready for a challenge?"

"I am!" yelled Kelso.

"I'll be doing this one." said The Drake.

Bill jumped around while waving his hands.

"I'm in!" said Shaggy.

"Ready to score!" yelled Beavis.

"I'll do it." said Spike. "Uh, what are we doing?"

"Behind me, you can see a plane, the Tula." said Bulletproof.

Behind him was a white Grumman Goose with a yellow stripe around the nose, a mural of a woman reclining on a cloud with the words "All Aboard" above her, and blue and red stripes on the sides and tail. Bullseye waved from the cockpit.

"What we're going to do is take you up in this plane and you will be jumping out over a field a couple of miles away." said Bulletproof. "In that field will be a bullseye. Not him." he added as he pointed to the plane. "Landing in the center will award you one hundred points with ten points off for each ring away from the center. The highest score wins."

"Heh heh." laughed Beavis. "Score score!"

"I'm out." said Shaggy as he started to leave.

"Uh uh." said Freddie as he grabbed Shaggy. "You already volunteered. You're doing this."

"Anybody else want out?" asked Bulletproof. Nobody responded. "No? Alright. Let's get you suited up. We are going skydiving!"

"Daphne, maybe you should go with him to make sure he jumps." said Velma.

"Okay, but you're doing the next challenge." said Daphne.

---

Bender had managed to arrive in Pucon by foot and was now headed towards the Grand Hotel Pucon where he could see that an automobile auction was being set up.

The ticked-off Californian sheriff marched towards the center of the auction grounds where a metallic blue '52 Hudson Hornet was sitting on a podium. Standing next to it was a rather stuffy-looking Caucasian man with dark hair dressed in a very expensive suit. He was very obviously the auctioneer. As Bender approached, the auctioneer looked at him down his nose.

"(Spanish or Portuguese?)" the auctioneer asked in Spanish.

"I speak English, mister." Bender retorted.

"You're American?" the auctioneer then asked in English with an upper-class English accent. He then snorted through his nose. "You don't speak any version of the Queen's English."

"Very funny, Jeeves." Bender snorted back. "I don't have time for your stuck-up crap. I'm a cop and I'm in a hurry."

"Oh, you think that if you hurry back to America, you can make a dent in the continent's deplorable crime rate?" the auctioneer responded. "If you actually voted in gun control up there, you wouldn't have such a problem. And it would probably also help if you didn't spend so much time at the doughnut shops. That might also help you lose weight and be able to perform better in the bedroom so you don't have to shoot off your guns as often as your mouths because you can't reach orgasm."

"Ha ha." deadpanned Bender, although his eyes were blazing. "What could really help me fight crime more efficiently is if I had better equipment." Bender then flashed his badge and drew his gun. "Namely, your car there."

"This car?" the auctioneer asked in disbelief as he nodded towards the Hornet.

"That car." Bender nodded. "You can check my badge number on the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department website and you'll see that I'm telling the truth. And I'm also with a unit that has worldwide jurisdiction, which means that if you keep screwing with me I can have you busted for obstruction."

The auctioneer now looked nervous as Bender chuckled.

"You'd make a lot of new friends on the inside with that cute accent." Bender added maliciously. "Get in on some real drop-the-soap action."

The auctioneer gulped. "Okay." he said meekly as he handed over the Hornet's keys.

Bender scoffed as he holstered his gun and took the keys.

"Just what I thought." Bender sneered. "You're a gutless turd."

Bender marched over to the Hornet. "This thing have a full tank of gas?"

"Yes, of course." the auctioneer nodded nervously.

Bender climbed behind the Hornet's wheel, started it up and drove it down the small ramp from the podium.

The auctioneer sighed in relief. "At least he didn't ask for my shirt and trousers like those fellows in London did." he thought to himself. "Why do I always have a knack for getting on the bad side of the wrong people?"

---

The Ecureil sat at an intersection. Suddenly, a red '70 Chevelle with a black stripe around the tail raced up behind it and rammed into the rear end. The Chevelle's passenger compartment was empty.

The gearshift threw itself into reverse and the car backed away from the crippled Subaru. A dark blue '96 Impala SS, which also had an empty passenger compartment, swerved around the Chevelle and sideswiped the Impreza, shoving it into the street.

While the Impala circled around, a gold '81 Camaro with black side stripes raced down the street. It too had an empty passenger compartment. It steered towards the Ecureil and rammed it in the side, caving in the doors.

The Chevelle and Impala sped back in and raced towards the Subaru. They did additional damage to the front and rear of the car.

"It works!" cheered Dr. Badvibes. "The autonomous car modification I developed works! They have proven their killer instinct and readiness to destroy. Too bad that was just a dummy car."

The three driverless cars tore the Subaru in half, spilling three mannequins onto the street.

"Looks like you're now obsolete." said Lester to Luther.

"As long as it makes my job easier." said Luther.

"Now, we need some names for these cars." said Badvibes.

"I've got it." said Luther. "The Chevelle will be called Ivy, the Impala will be called Susan, and the Camaro will be called Leigh. I got the names from that TV show with the cross country road race."

"I remember that show." said Badvibes. "I can't figure out what went wrong."

"I can." said Lester. "It was on Fox."

The cars came to a stop on a nearby race track.

"Anyway, I think we should see how these cars handle a hot lap." said Luther.

"Sounds like a good idea." said Badvibes. "Then we can see how these cars handle during a pursuit."

"Shouldn't we have someone in the car to gauge the system?" asked Lester.

"Good idea." said Badvibes. "Luther."

"Got it." said Luther. He picked up Lester, opened Susan's door, and placed Lester in the driver's seat.

"Wait, wait, I wasn't volunteering!" said Lester.

"Have fun." said Luther as he closed the door.

"Is this safe?" asked Lester.

"Don't know, don't care." said Badvibes.

Susan took off down the track. Lester grabbed the seat and started to hyperventilate. Susan steered left into a turn around a hill. Susan came out of the turn and accelerated.

She then steered right into a series of S-turns. Lester got thrown side to side as Susan raced through the turns at high speed.

After the S-turns, Susan raced through a left sweeper and tore down a straightaway. Lester shoved himself back in the seat with a look of terror on his face.

Susan got on the brakes upon reaching a hairpin turn to the right and executed a drift as she went through. Lester placed his hands on the passenger seat to avoid getting thrown out of his seat. Susan raced through a series of chicanes.

Susan aimed for the last turn and accelerated again. Lester grabbed the door handle tightly. Susan raced through the last turn and sped down the main straight. She crossed the line and continued.

"Wait, I thought we were done!" yelled Lester as Badvibes answered his cell phone.

Not far away, Jesse drove the Ignition along the highway.

"Whatcha working on?" asked Tombstone.

"It's a device that can read radio signals." said Body Drop. "I thought it would help with the cops."

"Does it work?" asked Jesse.

"I haven't tested it yet." said Body Drop. "Let's see if someone's using a cell phone."

He activated the device. Dr. Badvibes' call came over the speaker.

"Yes?" asked Badvibes.

"Dr. Badvibes," said DeMarco on the other end "how is the test going?"

"Wait, that's DeMarco." said Jesse.

"Very well." said Badvibes. "They've proven to be very adept at destroying a car and we have one on the track right now undergoing speed testing."

"And how is that working out?" asked DeMarco.

"Excellently." said Badvibes. "One of the robot drivers actually managed to beat Luther's time in the same car."

"Good." said DeMarco. "We need to eliminate the Cannonballers soon. Perhaps with your latest invention, we will."

"What about those girls?" asked Badvibes.

"They have a plan of their own they're working on." said DeMarco. "They've told it to me and it sounds like it could work."

"I like it." said Badvibes. "A two-pronged attack."

"I'll let you finish those tests." said DeMarco.

"Bye." said Badvibes.

Susan raced by behind him. Lester said "Bored now."

"Robot drivers?" asked Tombstone.

"Sounds like this week's threat." said Jesse.

"You realize we have to do something about this, right?" asked Body Drop.

"Ah, why not?" asked Jesse. "It'll gve us something to do."

---

Belize...

"So, what do you say?" asked Sissy. She now wore a black latex jumpsuit and thigh-high black leather high-heeled boots.

"Both of us?" asked a nicely-dressed man.

"Oh, not just us." said Sissy. "They'll be joining us too."

Chrissy and Missy approached while wearing similar jumpsuits and boots. Chrissy brushed her hands through her hair and let it fall back into place. Missy suggestively sucked on a red lollipop

"Well, it's an enticing proposition." said the man.

"It'll be a weekend you can tell your kids about...if they're all boys." said Sissy.

"I'm still a bit nervous." said the man. "I mean I haven't even paid for it yet."

He looked to a Lamborghini Sesto Elemento. The car had a pearlescent paint job which faded from dark blue to green unlike a normal Elemento. A long, flat spoiler adorned the rear with a large, oval exhaust at the bottom.

"Oh, I promise we'll take good care of the Zentorno." said Sissy.

"Mmmm...okay." said the man.

He handed over the keys. Sissy, Missy, and Chrissy strutted over to the car.

"We'll have it back to you when we're done." said Missy.

"Please be gentle." said the man. "Oh, my friends are never going to believe this."

"Oh, you can invite them too." said Chrissy.

"Really?" asked the man.

She blew him a kiss as they drove off.

"So, what was the deal?" asked Chrissy.

"A weekend with the three of us if you know what I mean." said Sissy.

"Ugh!" said Missy as she stuck out her tongue.

"Well, it's not like it's really going to happen, is it?" Sissy scolded Missy. "Now, let's just go meet up with Yuri and head back down to Chile."

---

With the plane in the air, Bulletproof looked over the skydivers.

"Estimated time to target: one minute!" said Bullseye.

"Okay. We are now approaching the LZ." said Bulletproof.

"The what?" asked Kelso.

"Landing Zone." said The Drake.

"Now, here's what you have to do." said Bulletproof. "After you jump from the plane, count five seconds. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, then after five Mississippi, pull your ripcord."

"Like, can't we use a shorter state?" asked Shaggy. "You know, like one Maine, two Maine..."

"Then, you use the handles on either side to guide yourself to the landing pad." said Bulletproof. "Okay, let's get ready to jump. Spike, you go first."

"So, jump towards the propeller?" asked Spike.

"God, no." said Bulletproof.

"Alright." said Spike. He got up and ran to the door. He turned to the others and said "See you on the ground!" and jumped.

"Beavis, you're next." said Bulletproof.

Beavis got up, snickering to himself. "Flyer, flyer! Heh heh!" He strolled over to the door and stepped out.

"Drake?" said Bulletproof.

"Wish me luck." said The Drake as he got up. He made his way to the door, turned to the others, and saluted. Then, he jumped.

"Kelso, you're up." said Bulletproof.

"And we're off." said Kelso as he got up. He ran to the door. "Woo hoo!" he yelled as he jumped out.

"Bill? Time to go." said Bulletproof.

Bill jumped out of his seat and sauntered over to the door. He looked around outside and jumped.

"And finally, Shaggy." said Bulletproof.

"Uh, I think I'll take the four hour penalty." said Shaggy.

"Shaggy." said Daphne.

"No, I know what I can do." said Shaggy. "I think I'll ride this plane to the ground."

"Well, I guess I shouldn't have brought this." said Daphne as she took out a box of Scooby Snacks.

"You brought Scooby Snacks?" asked Shaggy as he got up.

"Oh yes." said Daphne as she walked backwards towards the door. "You want these?"

"You know I can't resist." said Shaggy as he followed her.

"Then here you go." said Daphne. She quickly tossed the box out of the door.

Shaggy jumped out of the door and grabbed the box in midair. "Got it! Huh?"

He looked up and saw the plane now out of reach.

"Aaaaaaahhhhh!" he screamed. "I hate you, Daphne!"

Spike rolled around in mid-air. The Drake looked across the landscape and yelled "Free! Free falling!"

Beavis chuckled as he plunged through the air. Bill raised his hands over his head with his index fingers extended.

Kelso looked around and smiled. Shaggy plummetted through the air screaming. The Scooby Snacks fell out of the box and flew away.

Spike checked his watch and pulled his ripcord. The Drake pulled his own, followed by Beavis, Bill, and Kelso.

"I shouldn't have done this!" yelled Shaggy as he pulled his ripcord.

Spike drifted over the field. Kelso laughed as he glided across the sky. Shaggy screamed.

Their teammates watched from the ground. "Here they come!" said Charlie.

Bill steered towards the bullseye and landed dead center. He threw his hands into the air and grinned.

"He did it!" cheered Willy.

Shaggy screamed as he glided towards the bullseye. He set down four rings from the center and said "Oh."

The Drake neared the ground. He pulled back his right fist under his shoulder, extended his left fist, kicked back his right foot, and stuck his left foot out straight forward. He landed on the second ring from the center and ran a few steps as his parachute fell behind him.

"Alright, landed with style." said Venom as he walked over and high-fived him.

Beavis floated to the ground, snickering all the way. "Heh heh! Cool! Cool! Now the girls will see me and I'll get to score with..." He landed on a fence crotch-first and let out a blood-curddling scream.

"I'm coming in." said Kelso as he aimed for the bullseye. "Coming in." Then the wind shifted and he blew towards the side of a barn. "Oh sh-"

He crashed into the side of the barn and slid down. After he reached the ground, his parachute fell down and covered him.

Eric, Hyde, and Fez all groaned. "I hope he's alright." said Hyde. "I mean...heh heh heh."

Kelso tried to pull himself out of his parachute as his team ran over to him.

"Kelso, are you hurt?" asked Eric.

"A little." said Kelso as he got out from under the parachute. "I think that's the worst that could've happened."

Elsewhere, Spike hung from a tree by his parachute. "Help." he said quietly.

Bill ran over to Willy, Charlie, and Grandpa Joe while holding the next clue over his head.

Shaggy walked over to the other members of Mystery Inc. with the clue. "That wasn't very nice, Daphne!" he yelled up into the air.

"Reah!" said Scooby. "Rot rool!"

"Did you get the clue?" asked Freddie.

"Oh, yeah. Right here." said Shaggy as he handed him the clue.

Freddie opened the clue and read it. "Your next challenge is at the Obelisco de Buenos Aires." he said.

"Buenos Aires?" asked Velma. "We're going to Argentina."

"Once Daphne lands, we're off." said Freddie.

---

"Meanwhile, one of the alien parasites called in two years earlier had plans of its own. After being revitalized by recent rainfall, it quickly realized it was the only one left of its kind. It came to the conclusion that it was to take the Cannonballers over again and repopulate its species in the process. However, it had made a small miscalculation in size."

The parasite crawled into the roadway and was promptly run over by the Ambitious.

Michael was driving. "Well, guys." he said. "Welcome to South America."

"Cool." said Buster. "I can't wait to see Portugal."

Michael looked over his shoulder at him and gave him a questioning look. He then looked back forward.

A message came over the radio. "Ladies and gentlemen of the world, my name is Sheriff Baxter."

"Baxter?" asked Michael. "Isn't that the guy who launched a campaign against the Cannonball?"

"It was. Part of Baxter's plan to take down the Cannonball involved a hotline which normal citizens could use to report the racers."

Baxter met with Rex Banner. "Ah, Agent Banner. I have good news. We've set up a hotline to report Cannonball activity around the world. After that, we can have the local police handle the situation until we can get involved."

"That's great." said Banner. "This just might help us eliminate the Cannonball once and for all. What's the number?"

"The number is 1-800-555-CRAP." said Baxter.

Banner looked perturbed. "Um, I think we should try coming up with a better number." he said.

"They never did and five hours later, 555-CRAP went active."

"Oh, this is bad." said Tobias. "I think we should inform the race officials."

"Unfortunately, my cell phone battery is dead." said Michael.

"Maybe the locals will let us use a landline." said Buster.

"Okay, but does anybody speak Spanish?" asked Michael. "I took a crash course during the whole Marta thing and I can't remember that much. Busty, you take any Spanish courses during all your studies?"

"Actually, Michael." said Tobias. "I had a Mexican roommate in college and he taught me a few phrases. I could use a few while conversing with the locals."

"Good idea, Tobias." said Michael. "Let's give it a try with these guys."

Michael pulled up to a pair of locals and Tobias climbed out.

"Hola, friendo." said Tobias.

"Using his roommate-provided Spanish, Tobias launched into a small conversation with the local men. He immediately told them 'There's a party in my pants.'"

One of the men quickly punched him out.

"That could've gone better." said Michael.

---

In the town of Rio Verde, the Murmur had pulled over at a gas station. The Impossibles had gone into the store to stock up on supplies as Dudley watched the car. They had been picked as one of the Cannonball protector teams for South America. But there was about to be some trouble.

Dudley mimed playing the keyboards along with "Tom Sawyer" by Rush, which he had playing over the Murmur's radio.

Just then, an '86 Chevrolet Camaro pulled into the parking lot and parked at the gas pump in front of the Murmur.

The car had a brushed aluminium paint job with a red trim which included the word "Ruiner" in block capitals on the side, titanium tuner exhaust pipes, lowered racing suspension, a custom chin spoiler on the front just under the front fender, a ram air hood, a mid-level black spoiler on the rear end, windows with a black limo-style tint on them and muscle car wheels with red alloy rims.

Climbing out of the car were Alice and Janice Foyt who had smug smiles on their faces.

"So they picked you to be a protector this year, Do-Right?" Alice sneered. "They must really be desperate. The only thing you could probably protect is a case of maple syrup. Or maybe Kraft dinner!"

Dudley frowned. "Are you trying to say something about the Mounties?".

Janice snickered to herself upon hearing Dudley's Canadian accent. "That accent! What's that all aboot, eh?" she mocked.

"Now, wait a minute..." Dudley began indignantly.

"There's a moose loose aboot the hoose!" Alice joined in with the teasing.

Janice heard the music playing. "Rush? They suck! Or at least they do when the lyrics start. That jerk Geddy Lee has one of the most annoying singing voices ever!"

"It could have been worse." Alice smirked. "It could have been those poseurs Loverboy! That fat-assed lead singer thought he looked like such a ladykiller in that stupid outfit! He looked more like a walking billboard for Fanta!"

Dudley was now starting to get really ticked off.

"Hell, it could have been much worse! What about that reject Bryan Adams? Rock in the 80s was great until he came along!" Janice added. "It could only have been payola that kept that sucky Robin Hood song at number one for so long back in '91! Says a lot about how desperate some DJs are! Anyone desperate enough to accept Canadian dollars as a bribe has lost any semblance of self-esteem they ever had!"

"WHAT?" Dudley yelled at the top of his voice as his face flushed red.

"She said 'all hosers are freakin' deaf', you Canucklehead!" Alice sneered as she laughed. "You guys aren't even semi-competent at ice hockey any more either! And I bet YOU can't even drive that relic you've been stuck with!" she added as she nodded at the Murmur.

"The Ruiner here..." Janice said, nodding at the Camaro, "...could leave you in the dust with no trouble."

"Especially since everybody knows what pansy-assed pinko morons you are north of the border!" Alice added.

"That does it!" Dudley yelled as he threw his hat into the Murmur and got behind the wheel. "Let's go! Right here, right now!"

"With pleasure!" Janice accepted as she and Alice climbed into the Ruiner.

As both cars roared out of the parking lot, the Impossibles came out and saw Dudley speed off.

"HEY!" Coily yelled.

Multi and Fluey went out to the side of the road and flagged down the Maniac 2 and the Kowalski which were approaching.

Down the road, the Foyts laughed to themselves as they got a good lead on the Murmur. Dudley drove the Murmur at high speed, slowly but surely gaining ground on the Foyts.

Dudley upshifted and came up on the Ruiner's back bumper after a few seconds.

Alice looked in the mirror and chuckled as Dudley prepared to try and pass the Ruiner.

He stayed right beside them for a few seconds.

"Who's a pansy now?" he yelled happily.

"They never learn." Alice laughed as she upshifted and the Ruiner roared way past the Murmur and up the road even farther.

Dudley came up behind them and tried to pass. Alice and Janice laughed as Alice swerved the Ruiner from side to side, preventing the Murmur from passing.

Dudley kept trying to pass on either the left or right but Alice kept moving to block his way

Alice carefully watched, waiting for Dudley to try and pass the Ruiner again. Her foot hovered over the Ruiner's brake pedal.

As he came right up on their back bumper, Alice cheered and stepped on the brakes.

Dudley saw the move too late and swerved wildly to avoid a collision. As he did, he lost control of the Murmur and it rolled over several times and got wrecked as it came to a halt at the side of the road.

The Maniac 2 and the Kowalski had caught up by this point.

Alice honked the Ruiner's horn mockingly and drove off as the MASK agents, the Simpson family and the Impossibles who had hitched a ride with MASK went to help Dudley.

"Scratch one team of protectors. Or at least their car." Janice chortled as she bumped fists with her mother.

---

The repaired Crusader had just crossed into the Santa Cruz province of southern Argentina to get ready for preemptive action. This time, it was Bullock and Montoya driving it.

"Glad the brass decided to let someone who knows what they're doing drive this thing now." remarked Montoya as she drove. "So, do you really think the local cops can help us out?"

Bullock pointed the onboard video camera at himself as he got ready to activate a TV monitor on the dashboard.

"Banner set up a conference with Sheriff Miguel Machoso, the local police chief of this province." Bullock replied. "I'm sure he'll be more than able to help us out."

The screen came on and the image of a middle-aged Latino man in a police uniform appeared on it. This was Sheriff Machoso.

"Sheriff Machoso. This is Detective Bullock of the Cannonball Run Assault Patrol. Our commanding officers contacted you."

Machoso looked confused at the camera. "Que?" he asked.

"They contacted you about helping us out with the Cannonball Run as it goes through Argentina." Bullock volunteered.

"No comprando." Machoso replied as he shook his head and looked even more confused. "No habla Ingles."

Montoya rolled her eyes. "You want me to talk to him?" she asked in exasperation.

"It's okay. I've got this." Bullock nodded. Bullock then addressed Machoso in fluent Spanish.

"(Me and my partner are officers charged with bringing the Cannonball Run to a halt.)" he began. "(Our commanding officers contacted you about possibly lending us a hand as the race will soon be going through Southern Argentina. We were hoping that you could help us to set up roadblocks or other traffic stops and speed traps to help to snare these people.)"

Machoso still looked a bit confused, but now appeared to understand. Montoya looked a bit surprised at how fluent in Spanish her partner was as well.

Machoso responded to Bullock in Spanish, except his seemed a tad stilted.

"(Is a police presence of this scope really necessary to capture just some drag racers?)" Machoso asked. "(I mean, no offence, but a lot of far more serious crimes occur in our jurisdiction. I'm sure I don't need to remind you of the problems that the whole of South America has with drug cartels. I see why your superiors would want to...)"

Machoso was interrupted as one of his junior officers walked up to the side of his desk and leaned over.

"Hey, chief." the officer said in perfect English. "I'm going to the deli to buy lunch. Do you want me to get you anything?"

Machoso turned to the officer and also responded in perfect English. "Sure. Get me a roast beef sandwich on Italian with barbecue sauce, swiss cheese, tomato, lettuce, onions and cucumber. But NO peppers! I hate those things."

"Okay." said the officer as he gave a thumbs-up and left the shot.

Bullock and Montoya both looked stunned. "Hey, what the heck is going on here?" Bullock snapped. "You just said..."

Machoso shook his head in incomprehension once again. "NO. HABLA. INGLES." he announced clearly. "Adios."

The video cut out.

"I think that's a good sign that they're not willing to co-operate." Montoya sighed.

"Puta madre!" Bullock groaned to himself.

---

Dudley was lying stretched out on the back seat of the Maniac 2, moaning to himself. Laura looked him over.

"My Doctor mask was able to fix the damage." she announced to the Impossibles. "But he will still be very sore for a while."

"At least he's not seriously hurt." Multi remarked.

"GUYS! Come and listen to this!" Lisa yelled from the Kowalski as she listened to the radio.

The others came to join her as Professor Hikita streamed the announcement of the 555-CRAP hotline.

"I found this transmission online a few minutes ago." Hikita announced. "You guys really need to watch your backs now."

"Oh, crap." Liam groaned.

"You don't really think people will report us." Max said in disbelief.

"Why wouldn't they?" asked Homer. "The world's full of jerks with no sense of humour and who hate anything that's fun. Just look at our town sometimes."

"And we're one protector team down now that the Murmur has been sent to the scrapyard." Fluey agreed.

"Enough!" yelled Marge. "You all are letting these jerks on both sides of the law ruin the Cannonball for you! This is not the spirit of the Cannonball! The actual racers would stand up and do something! Instead, you're bowing down under pressure! Look what you're doing to Maggie!"

Maggie looked around nervously and whined.

"Marge, we're sorry." said Homer. "But we're kind of in a bind."

"Marge is correct, Mr. Simpson." Hikita chipped in over the radio. "You've beaten Jimmy DeMarco before. You can certainly do so again. If not for yourselves, then do it to make sure that Dudley's injury is avenged."

"You're absolutely right!" Laura agreed. "We're gonna keep on going!"

Everybody nodded in agreement.

"But that police hotline." Lisa asked. "What can we do against them?"

"Issues with the law?" asked Bart. "Perhaps you should leave it to the expert."

"What are you thinking of doing, Bart?" asked Lisa nervously.

"You'll see." said Bart. "Homer, cell phone."

Homer handed him his phone.

"Now, let's have some fun." said Bart as he dialled.

---

One of Yuri's Floating Discs touched down at the compound DeMarco had set up. The cargo ramp lowered and the Zentorno drove out, with Sissy still behind the wheel.

DeMarco, the Beagle Boys, the Killer Cars and the Golden Lords all stood nearby.

DeMarco was leaning up against a Lamborghini Miura with a metallic red paint job with ice white metal highlights on its's hood. The car also had a sport suspension, black high-end wheels and rims and dark limo-tinted windows.

DeMarco was still wearing the Total Anarchy mask. He smirked as he saw the Zentorno.

"So, my old friend Hernando did decide to part with it?" he asked Sissy about the Zentorno.

"It just took a little persuasion." Sissy smirked.

"He always did have more balls than brains." DeMarco chuckled. "Badvibes, Lester and Luther are still working on their end of the framing but it will require effort from you three as well."

"We're more than happy to oblige." Chrissy purred evilly.

"Good. Lady Croft's team is one of the group travelling the Pacific Coast route in Chile." DeMarco confirmed. "I'm sure you will find many creative ways to blacken their name."

"The preparations have been made as you can see." stated Yuri as he walked up. He nodded to the licence plate on the Zentorno. It had been changed to a California licence plate with the number 5EXY 5I5, an exact copy of the Vulcano's plate.

"And we heard the announcement of that hotline as well." Missy added.

"Then off you go." DeMarco ordered. "Do us all proud."

"Absolutely." smirked Sissy as she put the Zentorno in gear and they drove off.

"So, what's with this car you have here, Mr. DeMarco." Charger asked.

"Lara Croft may be our main target, but we will still be sticking it to the other Cannonballers." DeMarco announced. "I will do so with this little automotive beauty here. I named it the Monroe after a certain actress I had a crush on during my formative years."

DeMarco got into the Monroe. "With the added power of Total Anarchy, this car can do very special things. Like this."

The Monroe suddenly faded from sight.

"What the hell?" asked Simon in shock.

"What do you mean?" asked Yuri. "Nothing happened."

"He has disappeared." Stingray snapped.

"Allow me." DeMarco's voice came as the Monroe slowly faded back into sight. DeMarco then addressed Yuri. "You could still see me?"

"Da, I could." Yuri nodded.

"Well, with your psychic abilities, I should have guessed that. But the average Cannonballer has no psi abilities."

"Uh...what just happened?" asked Goldilocks. "Was that a cloaking device?"

"If it was a cloaking device, Yuri wouldn't have seem me either." DeMarco enlightened him. "It was the power of Total Anarchy.

Digit looked a little rattled. "Ooooh. That's voodoo, that is." he moaned nervously.

"And that's just the beginning." DeMarco smirked. "Now, I'm sure you guys know what to do. Try not to screw it up again."

"Yes, sir." Camaro grumbled testily.

Yuri handed a manual to Bankjob Beagle.

"The not-so-good doctor added a new toy to the Insurgent for you guys." Yuri informed him. "Here are the instructions. By all means, try it out if you encounter any resistance."

"With pleasure." smirked Bankjob.

---

On the road leading to Rio Gallegos, the Aquila had pulled over. Cobra Commander was sitting behind the wheel this time.

"Well, we made some great time even though I do say so myself." he beamed to himself.

"Only because we left the Joes in our dust." Storm Shadow added.

"Well, they and the other racers will still have some trouble courtesy of the Dreadnoks." the Commander remarked. "Isn't that right, Zartan?"

Zartan looked a little worried. "I just got a call from Zanya. She had a bit of trouble."

The Commander groaned. "Can I not trust you and your troops for anything?"

The Destroyer drove up and pulled up alongside them.

The Baroness was driving it. "Some trouble, Commander?" she inquired. "You don't look too happy."

"Why wouldn't I be happy?" the Commander snapped, trying to save face. "We got here before you and Destro did!"

"I would say that had more to do with the car than the driver, my dear Commander." Destro gently mocked.

"Give us a chance and we'll show you what we can do on the road!" Zartan snapped.

"Very well, then." the Baroness arrogantly smirked. "Let's go."

The Commander and the Baroness both put their cars in gear and revved their engines.

After a few seconds, they took off from their starting point. The Aquila gained a lead on the Destroyer.

But then the Baroness upshifted and began to catch up.

"Don't let that stupid snob catch us!" Zartan yelled.

"Of course I won't!" snapped the Commander. "And watch your attitude!"

The Aquila managed to stay in the lead a bit longer. The Baroness narrowed her eyes and shifted gears again.

Once again, the Destroyer began to catch up to the Aquila.

The Baroness tried to pass the Commander, but he blocked her way.

Just then, the Hellenbach GT came driving the opposite way.

Gonzo drove along and said "I wish I knew where that road atlas was."

"It will turn up sooner or later." said Fozzie.

"Gonzo, isn't that it?" asked Kermit as he looked into the footwell.

"Oh yeah." said Gonzo. "Hang on, I got it."

He reached into the footwell as the Aquila and Destroyer approached. The other Muppets all suddenly screamed as they saw the cars coming right for them. The Baroness quickly swerved around the Hellenbach GT to avoid a collision. After Team Muppets had passed by them, she got back beside the Aquila.

Gonzo got back up and said "Okay, mystery solved." He noticed his teammates' terrified looks and asked "What did I miss?"

"Have a care, my dear." Destro warned.

"Don't worry, James. I know what I'm doing." the Baroness smirked.

The Destroyer stayed right beside the Aquila as the Commander and the Baroness both poured on the speed and tried to beat each other for the first position. The Commander tried to push the Aquila farther but it had reached its top speed. The Baroness looked over, gave a wink, and finally overtook the Aquila.

The Destroyer was now in front of the Aquila and still going hard.

After she got sufficiently far ahead, the Baroness applied the brakes in the Destroyer. The Commander swerved wildly to avoid hitting her and ended up sliding into the dirt at the side of the road and doing donuts several times as he tried to bring the Aquila under control. Eventually, the Aquila came to a halt as the Destroyer left them far behind.

"Nicely done, Ana." Destro smirked.

"I never miss an opportunity to put that arrogant braggart in his place." the Baroness agreed as they drove on.

Cobra Commander glared after the Destroyer. "The next time I see that pair, they will pay for their insolence!"

The Hellenbach GT had turned around and had now pulled up beside the Aquila.

"Are you guys okay?" asked Gonzo who was driving.

"A little shaken, but we'll live." Storm Shadow sportingly confirmed. "Why were you going back the way you came?"

"We left our Cannonball card behind at a gas station a few miles away." Fozzie added.

"Would have served you right if you were left without it!" snapped the Commander.

"Hey..." Gonzo began to protest.

"Just take off and mind your own business, bazooka beak!" the Commander yelled.

"Well excuse us for living!" Gonzo sarcastically added as he turned the Hellenbach around again and the team went off to retrieve their credit card.

---

In Rio Gallegos itself, Takumi and K.T. were cruising along in the Reaper at high speed.

Suddenly, with a squeal of tires, the Crusader swerved onto the road behind them and started to pursue them.

Montoya activated the Crusader's beanbag gun and fired a couple of shots at the Reaper's rear end, puncturing the metal work of the car.

"What a nerve!" K.T. said haughtily.

"Hang on. We'll lose them." Takumi stated as he sped up the Reaper and got a fair bit ahead of the Crusader.

Montoya kept after them at high speed and Bullock manned the controls for the twin machine guns in the Crusader's hood.

He fired shots from both guns towards the Reaper's tires but was unable to score a hit.

"Have you been on the shooting range recently, Harvey?!" Montoya asked in frustration.

"It would help if you held the wheel steady!" Bullock replied.

Montoya gave him the finger as they kept chasing after the Reaper.

The Reaper made a couple of hard-right turns around a few corners as they tried to outdistance the two CRAP members.

At one point, both vehicles reached a four-way intersection and the Crusader had to swerve to the right to avoid hitting an SUV coming out of the left-hand road. The Reaper had managed to avoid the SUV altogether.

Montoya and Bullock kept up their pursuit. Bullock tried to shoot out the Reaper's tires again but couldn't make the shots count because of Takumi keeping a good lead on them and swerving from side to side occasionally.

Takumi upshifted the Reaper and made good progress. Suddenly, a station wagon came out of another left-hand intersection. Takumi quickly slammed on the brakes and let the car pass. He then shifted into high-gear again and drove off fast with the Crusader snapping at his heels.

As the two vehicles rounded another corner, they came upon a parking lot where a small market had been set up.

"You're not going through there?!" K.T. demanded in shock.

"No choice." replied Takumi as he drove the Reaper towards the market. The stallholders and the customers all screamed and scattered as the Reaper and the Crusader smashed through several stalls and trashed the market as the chase continued.

As they kept going, the Juice suddenly joined the chase. Coach Knox was driving whilst Vinny contacted K.T. over the CB.

"Keep going, you guys. We have a plan to get these morons off your back." Vinny announced.

"You're friends of that Mason guy, right?" K.T. asked in reply.

"Yeah, but we did say we'd help out any and all Cannonballers." Vinny added. "Take the next left at the intersection up ahead."

K.T. looked up ahead and his jaw dropped as he saw a series of stalls set up selling fireworks.

"You have got to be kidding!" he declaimed in shock.

"You have to go that way to get where our military friends are waiting." Vinny confirmed.

"I think you just wanted there to be a big bang." K.T. replied.

"We'll be fine, K.T." Takumi nodded as he made the turn.

The people loading up the fireworks ran for cover.

Amazingly, Takumi was able to avoid hitting any of the stalls or the firework boxes.

Montoya, however, had some difficulty avoiding them and some small explosions happened as the fireworks detonated. The Crusader took some damage but still kept coming.

"See what I mean about holding the wheel steady?" snapped Bullock.

"Shut up, Harvey!" Montoya growled in reply.

The Juice kept after both vehicles and Vinny made sure not to fire from the Juice's gun turret.

Knox took the CB off Vinny and contacted General Warwick over it. "We're on our way, soldier. You know what to do."

"Roger that." Warwick replied as he and Gunny waited at the exit to the city. The Thunder was parked near them as was a heavily armoured Ford F-800 truck with a gun turret. This was another of the Section Eights' vehicles called the Vault. Nobody was in the Vault. As Warwick and Gunny heard the sound of the chase approaching them, they both got behind the Vault and started to push it towards the road.

As the Reaper and the Crusader got on the road leading out of Rio Gallegos, the Crusader had caught up far enough for Bullock to line up another shot from the truck's machine guns.

"Here we go." he smirked.

Just as he hit the firing switch, Takumi activated the Reaper's nitrous boost and sped ahead. Just then, Warwick and Gunny had pushed the Vault out onto the road, blocking the way.

The bullets from the Crusader's machine guns failed to penetrate the Vault's armour and Montoya hit the brakes a fraction too late.

The Crusader slammed into the side of the Vault and came to a halt. Bullock and Montoya's seatbelts saved them from serious injury. The Juice had caught up to them and stopped behind them, blocking them in.

Bullock and Montoya angrily undid their seatbelts and got out of the Crusader to face the Juice.

As they did, Knox flipped a switch and a sequence of bright, flashing lights came out of the Juice's headlights.

The two CRAP officers realized too late that the lights were hypnotic and they immediately fell into a trance.

Warwick and Gunny were unaffected because of dark goggles they were wearing over their eyes.

Bullock and Montoya were now completely mesmerized and unmoving.

In the distance, the sound of police sirens was heard.

"Time to go, ladies!" Gunny yelled to Knox and Vinny as he and Warwick ran for the Thunder.

"We'll let these cops explain what happened to those cops." Knox confirmed, laughing at his own joke as the Thunder and the Juice drove away, leaving the two CRAP officers standing by the Crusader, still in a trance.

---

In the Chubut province of Argentina, Team Fairlane drove the Overlord into an encampment in a stretch of desert near the highway to Garayaldo. The encampment had been set up by a local chapter of the American Royalty club which the team had found out about on the Midnight Club website.

Ford pulled over to a male club member who was looking things over on a PDA.

"Hey, senor!" Ford called to him. "This where the action is?"

"Sure is." the guy replied. "You lookin' to make some paper?"

"Absolutely." Jazz nodded. "How do you guys roll around here?"

"We specialize in chicken races." the club leader responded. "But it ain't James Dean style, so no-one has to drive off a cliff. There's a race about to get going now with our champ if you want to see."

"Okay." Ford nodded as he pulled the Overlord in to park with all the other muscle cars belonging to the club.

There were also makeshift bleachers set up nearby for a small audience. Some of them were holding yellow signs which had the Spanish word 'pollo' written on it in black block capitals.

About one hundred feet away from them and the other racers was a quarter-mile long straightaway dirt road on which the races would be run. A starting line had been painted at both the north and south ends of this track.

At the north end of the track, a gloss red '69 Dodge Charger pulled up and got into position. It had yellow, orange and white flame stripes painted on its hood on the left and right of the airscoop which was in the center of the hood. It also had carbon fiber bumpers and a matching roof, side exit exhausts, tinted black windows and 15 inch Centerline Convo Pro rims.

Pulling up to the south end was a metallic black '69 Pontiac GTO 'Judge'. It had firey orange wings painted on its sides and hood, a carbon fiber trunk and rear bumper, a bulge in the hood with a bug catcher, short side exit exhausts near the front end, black tinted windows and 17 inch Centerline Convo Pro rims.

Both cars stopped and their respective drivers climbed out to wave to the audience. The Charger's driver was a light-skinned Latino man with blond hair. He was wearing a red leather jacket with a graphic of a flaming cow skull on the back, red leather pants and cowboy boots, a black t-shirt and had a gold crucifix necklace around his neck.

The Judge's driver was a darker-skinned Latino man with black hair which had blond highlights. He was wearing a black and white leather jacket, black jeans and sneakers and a white t-shirt. The Charger's driver arrogantly smirked at him and made a 'slitting throat' gesture.

The club leader stepped up onto a small stage and picked up a microphone. He continued to speak English for the benefit of Team Fairlane.

"Alright, mi amigos!" he announced. "It's time to see who here has the biggest cojones at this contest!"

He extended an open hand to point at the Charger's driver.

"At the north end, the Chubut American Royalty champion! You know him! You love to hate him! Felipe El Fuego!" the leader announced as the crowd let out a mixture of cheers and catcalls.

The Charger driver made an exaggerated bow and sweep of his hand.

The chapter leader now turned and gestured to the Judge's driver.

"And the challenger. Hoping to live up to his name...Loco Luis!"

The crowd unanimously cheered now and gave the thumbs-up to Luis as he waved back.

"Okay! Let's get it on!" the leader announced as he took out a red cloth from his pocket.

Felipe and Luis got back into their cars and put racing helmets on. After Felipe put his on, he put a small plastic model skull with staring eyeballs in its' eye sockets on his dashboard. Both he and Luis fastened their seatbelts.

Cleveland looked a bit nervous.

"Are you sure about this, Ford?" he asked.

"Hey, we've seen scarier stuff than this, I'm sure." Ford replied, trying to hide the insecurity in his own voice. Jazz raised an eyebrow as she detected his unsure tone.

Felipe and Luis revved their engines. The chapter's leader stuck out his hand and waved the red cloth.

The Charger and the Judge both took off from their starting positions. Luis put his foot to the floor and focused on Felipe's car. Felipe was equally focused on Luis' car as they ran towards each other. Luis was trying to remain calm whilst Felipe kept an arrogant sneer on his face.

As the two cars got closer, Luis started to perspire as he saw that Felipe was not backing down. By now, both cars were almost on top of each other. With only a few seconds to go until collision, Luis bottled out and veered out of the way. Felipe's Charger glanced off the Judge's right rear quarter panel as Luis left the track.

Felipe laughed to himself as the crowd jeered him. Some of the audience, however, were flapping their arms like birds, making clucking noises and holding up the 'pollo' signs to mock Luis.

Jazz angrily glared at the Charger as Felipe reached the south end of the track and turned around.

"He needs taken down a peg or two!" she declaimed.

---

Elsewhere in Chubut, Jay drove the Falcon along the highway. Brodie and Silent Bob were still asleep. Jay had the radio on, playing "Runaway Train" by Soul Asylum very quietly so as not to disturb his teammates.

Suddenly, the song cut out and a ridiculously loud air-horn honked over the radio. It was loud enough to rouse Brodie and Silent Bob from their sleep and cause Jay to weave all over the road briefly before regaining control.

"What the frack?!" Jay yelled.

Equally obnoxious laughter came over the radio and they heard the dreaded voice of Yucko.

"Combination of air-horn, megaphone and microphone, pussy patrol!" He chuckled.

"Asshead!" Jay growled.

"Awwww! Poor widdle babies!" Yucko sneered maliciously. "Did I disturb your pansy jerk-off dreams about the stupid-haired space princess?! Or was it Lt. Ya-whore-ya from the other 'Star' crap!"

"We're nearing the end of our patience with you, jack-ass!" Brodie snapped.

"Well, what can ya do when ya don't know where I am, potato head?!" Yucko shot back. "You call me an asshole, but I'd rather be that than some D&D, Space Wars lovin' shithead like you guys are!"

"You're just as goddamn irritating as Dr. Sevrin, ya know that?" Brodie asked.

"You callin' me a friggin' space hippie, asswipe?" Yucko asked, genuinely offended. "Shows what a geekazoid you are that you reference one of the worst episodes EVER of that show!"

"And yet, you got the reference." Silent Bob stated in a smug way.

There was a brief pause.

"Ummm...I don't know you! Who is this?" Yucko said nervously. "I'm hanging up! Prank caller, prank caller!"

The radio switched back to the song.

"I believe the word is 'touche'." Brodie cheered as he high-fived Silent Bob.

"For now." Silent Bob agreed.

"I hope someone does find out where that smelly dork is." Jay added. "If we do, we're gonna rip his head off and take out his frickin' SOUL!"

"Amen, brother." Brodie smiled.

---

In the city of Puerto Montt, a group of young men sat in a black '88 Chevrolet Monte Carlo at a set of traffic lights, banging their heads to some music.

The Zentorno pulled up beside them. The men looked over at Sissy and her team and let out wolf whistles. Sissy responded by giving them a wink.

Sissy then floored the Zentorno's accelerator before the light changed to green. The guys in the car stayed put.

"Pussies." Chrissy smirked as Sissy made a U-turn and headed back to where the Monte Carlo was.

She swerved a bit and rammed right into the left side of the Monte Carlo, knocking it off the road and up onto the pavement, wrapping the car partly around a streetlight pole.

Chrissy lowered her window and raised a small crossbow which had a note attached to the dart. She fired the dart into the driver's side door of the Monte Carlo as the three girls laughed and drove off.

As his companions yelled and shook their fists after the Zentorno, the shaken driver took the note off the door and read it. Written in Spanish on the note was the following message: "Be sure to report us to this number: 1-800-555-CRAP. The green Lamborghini. Licence plate: 5EXY 5I5. We're in the Cannonball Run."

Farther down the street, Sissy and her team all laughed evilly.

"Hey! Heads-up!" Missy alerted Sissy. Just up ahead of them, a shirtless, heavily-tattooed man stepped out of a tattoo parlor. He had obviously got a new tattoo added. He walked over to a red '70 Chevrolet Nova and got inside.

"We'll soon see if he's as big a bad-ass as he thinks he is." Sissy smirked as she hung back a bit.

The tattooed guy put on his seat belt and pulled out of his parking space. Just as he pulled into the road, Sissy put the Zentorno in gear again and roared forward, plowing into the Nova's rear-end. The old Chevy was knocked around a bit and the driver struggled to bring it under control again.

Sissy backed off a bit and then charged forward again, banging the Nova around even more as the driver panicked and tried to regain control.

It carried on like this for a minute, with Sissy backing off at first and then ramming the Zentorno into the Nova again and again, eventually forcing the muscle car off the road and into the side of a condemned building.

The Nova had caught fire by now and the driver quickly bailed out and ran for his life as the old Chevy exploded.

The Zentorno stopped near the scared driver and Chrissy fired another message dart into a wall near him. The three girls laughed heartily as he read the note and all three of them gave the middle finger as they drove the Zentorno off on its way.

---

Team Fairlane walked over to Luis as he inspected the damage to his Judge from the race.

"Hey, pal." Ford called. "You did very well out there."

"Glad you think so." Luis smiled. "I just wished I'd beaten that verga Felipe."

"You wish, baboso!" sneered Felipe as he walked over with a big grin on his face. "You drive like a bitch, ese!"

Jazz stepped in front of Felipe. "Just because you've got those fancy flames on your car and your jacket doesn't mean you can drive, jack-ass!"

Felipe scowled and addressed Ford. "You better tell your old lady to watch her mouth, ese. Nobody disses me and expects to keep their face pretty!"

"Who're you callin' 'old', you asshole!" Jazz snapped.

Felipe looked even more angry, but still addressed Ford.

"You gonna let this little zorra talk to me like that?!" he snapped. "You're supposed to be responsible for her, you know!".

"Jazz, don't rise to him." Cleveland advised. "He's beneath you."

"I'd much rather be on top." smirked Felipe.

"In your dreams." Jazz scowled in disgust.

"If I was dreaming, you'd be lickin' peanut butter off my toes instead of bustin' my balls, chica!" Felipe replied.

"Callar, pendejo!" Luis snapped.

"You gonna make me, maricon?!" Felipe yelled. "No goddamn bitch talks to me like that!"

Jazz got right up in Felipe's grille.

"I bet this 'bitch' has more conjones than you, ese!" she snapped. "Figuratively speaking, of course."

"Oh, si?" sneered Felipe as he took out a thick wad of cash. "I got a hundred large here. I bet you double or nothin' that I can take you in the next race!"

"Hey, let's not jump the gun here..." Ford began.

"You got a deal." Jazz smirked as she turned to face Ford. "The keys to the Overlord, if you please."

"Jazz...honey. Wait a sec." Ford protested. Jazz stepped closer, reached out a hand, grabbed Ford by the crotch and squeezed, giving him a harsh glare as he grunted in pain.

"Give. Me. The Frigging. Keys. NOW." she enunciated clearly.

"Okay." Ford groaned as he handed Jazz the Overlord's keys.

"Thank you." Jazz nodded as she took the keys and released her grip.

As she and Felipe headed off, Cleveland put a hand on Ford's shoulder.

"Word to the wise, bro. Don't ever get that woman mad at you." He said. "Or at least not VERY mad."

---

Sheriff Baxter gave a press conference at the NOOSE HQ in San Andreas.

"Now, as you're most likely aware, we've launched a hotline to report Cannonball activity." said Baxter. "I'm pleased to say we've gotten quite a few responses for that."

"Can you give us some names reported by this hotline?" asked a reporter.

"Certainly." said Baxter. "First of all, we have a report on a driver named Stu Piddidiot. Right now, we're looking for this Stu Piddidiot."

The reporters giggled.

"We've also received a report on a racer named Isabelle Ringing." said Baxter. "We're trying to determine if the Cannonballers actually know Isabelle Ringing."

More giggling.

"Another report we have is for a Drew P. Wang." said Baxter.

More giggling and someone burst out laughing.

"Yes, he's aware of how much trouble Mr. Wang is in." said Baxter. "Another driver reported is a Bob Sledd."

More giggling and laughing.

"Next, we have Stan Dupp." said Baxter. "He's known to associate with a driver named Sid Tyte."

More giggling and laughing.

"Dan Druff." said Baxter. "He's someone else we have a report on."

More laughing.

"Sir, what can you tell us about this Dan Druff?" asked one reporter.

"Yes, Dan Druff." said Baxter. "Reportedly, he's been involved in a number of hairy situations. We've distributed some information to the local police in an effort to wash him out."

More laughing.

"Next, I.C. Stars." said Baxter. "We're putting our heads together for him."

More laughing.

"And finally, I.M. Adope." said Baxter. "I'd like to know if anybody out there knows I.M. Adope."

---

The Simpsons listened to the press conference on the radio as they drove along. They all laughed, even Maggie who took out her pacifier and giggled.

"I usually don't approve of such mischief." said Marge. "But..." she added before dissolving into chuckling.

"Are you going to make some more calls, Bart?" asked Lisa.

"Don't have to." said Bart. "Now that I've lead, others will follow."

"This just in." said Baxter. "We've got a report of a team from Ireland featuring Patrick Fitzwilliam and William Fitzpatrick."

"That wasn't mine." said Bart.

---

The Zentorno pulled slowly into a highway gas station somewhere between Valdivia and Lebu in Chile.

The three girls noticed a rather prosperous-looking man going towards the ATM at the station. Sissy smirked as she pulled a stocking mask over her face and took out a taser from the glove compartment.

She got out of the Zentorno and stealthily approached the man who was still busy at the cash machine and hadn't looked behind him when the green Lamborghini had pulled in.

When Sissy got close enough, she jabbed the taser into the man's right hip and zapped him with it very strongly. As he fell to the ground immobilized, Sissy took the stack of money he had withdrawn from the ATM and smirked under her mask.

She looked at the ATM and saw that the victim's account was still accessed because of his card still being in the machine. She chuckled and withdrew the entirety of his account. As the victim groaned, Sissy nudged him with her boot. "Muchas gracias." she taunted happily as she walked back to the Zentorno. Chrissy fired another message dart into the wall the ATM was on as Sissy got back behind the wheel of the Zentorno.

Sissy peeled rubber and the three villainesses roared away from the gas station.

---

Felipe got into his Charger which was still at the south end of the track.

Jazz pulled the Overlord up to the starting line at the north end and put her seatbelt on.

Luis came over and knocked on the driver's side window.

"Senora Fairlane." he said as she put the window down. "Here, just in case."

Luis handed his helmet over to Jazz, who slipped it on.

"Muchas gracias." Jazz thanked as she gave a thumbs-up.

Felipe put the skull figurine back on his dashboard as he revved his engine.

Jazz revved the Overlord's engine in return.

Up on the stage, the crew's leader once again waved the cloth and both cars shot off their starting lines.

Felipe smirked to himself as he kept his eyes focused on the Overlord. He was sure that he had the contest in the bag.

But Jazz didn't sweat it for a minute. She kept her gaze stern and unwavering as she kept up the speed towards Felipe's Charger.

Felipe started to get worried as he saw that Jazz was not getting nervous for a single second, but he kept going.

Jazz shifted gears and the Overlord made a quick charge forward. A collision was now less than ten seconds away, but she kept going. This time it was Felipe who started to break a sweat.

There were now five seconds to go.

Four...

Three...

Two...

"MIERDA!" yelled Felipe as he swerved off the track.

The Overlord glanced off the Charger's right rear quarter panel just as it had glanced off the Judge's before it as Jazz scored the victory.

Except that the Charger skidded for several yards before Felipe could get control of it. It slammed into a nearby fence, with the impact causing both doors and all four wheels to fall off.

The crowd cheered wildly, with the ones in the bleachers once again flapping their arms and holding up the 'pollo' signs.

"TE VOY A MATAR, PERRA!" Felipe yelled in a fury.

Jazz drove the Overlord over to where Ford, Cleveland and Luis were waiting. All three of them were cheering along with the crowd.

As Jazz got out of the Overlord, Ford came over and gave her a big hug. She took off the helmet and then the two of them kissed. The crew's leader came down to join them as he applauded as well.

"Now that's what I call real driving!" Ford laughed in joy.

"You bet your ass, Mr. Private Eye." Jazz smirked.

A very angry Felipe came over to them.

"You think I'm gonna take that lying down!" he yelled as a couple more members of the club held him back.

"Go cry to your mama, ese!" Cleveland taunted back. "And I do believe you owe us 200 large."

"Vete al infierno, maricon!" Felipe snapped.

"HEY!" the crew leader warned. "You were beaten fair and square, Felipe. You know the rules."

"Javier, come on!" Felipe protested. "I wasn't..."

"Wasn't what?" Luis asked. "Tough enough? Or do you just not like losing to a woman?"

"Hand over the cash, Felipe." Javier ordered. "Or you're out of this club!"

Felipe sighed and handed the cash over to Jazz who smirked at him and patted her rear-end.

"Besa mi culo, puto!" she laughed as she and her team walked away.

"I guess you did have more cojones than him, senora Fairlane." Luis cheered as he shook Jazz's hand.

"Well, 'hell hath no fury' and all that." Cleveland agreed.

"No shit." Ford nodded. "So, 200 large is bound to add a lot more to the car."

"I think we should let the lady decide what this time." Cleveland suggested.

"You'll get no argument from me." Ford confirmed.

---

The Cowboy was running at high speed on the highway to the Chilean city of Concepcion. Memphis and his team were enjoying themselves as there seemed to be no trouble with the authorities so far. But that was about to change.

Sitting a little way up a dirt side-road was the Euros. Roscoe and Buford sat on the hood, looking through binoculars as Junior sat in the car.

Buford chuckled to himself as he spotted the Cowboy.

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with C and S." he announced. "Cannonballer sumbitch."

"So, shall we go?" asked Roscoe.

"You bet your ass." Buford nodded as he and Roscoe climbed into the front seats of the Euros.

"Gew, gew, gew!" Roscoe chuckled to himself as Buford fired up the Euros' engine and they pulled out of the side-road and went onto the highway. Within seconds they were on the Cowboy's tail.

Memphis and Sway nodded their heads to Wilson Pickett's version of 'Mustang Sally' as it played over the Cowboy's radio whilst Memphis drove.

The Sphinx sat in the back seat and was also enjoying the music. He then thought he heard the sound of another engine coming up and glanced out the rear window to see if it was their competition coming up.

"Bloody hell." he whispered as he saw the Euros coming up on them at high speed.

Buford showed no sign of slowing down. He pressed the accelerator and slammed into the rear end of the Cowboy.

"HEY!" Memphis yelled in anger. The Cowboy wobbled and weaved over the road for a few seconds because of how hard the impact had been. Memphis got the vintage Mustang under control again and tried to lose the CRAP team.

Buford and Roscoe both laughed to themselves.

"Wasn't that a bit rough, daddy?" the concerned Junior asked.

"Boy, you ain't seen nothin' yet!" Buford cheered as the he let the Cowboy get a bit ahead of the Euros again.

"What's this guy's problem?" Sway demanded in concern.

The Cowboy got even farther ahead.

"Now." Buford whispered to himself as he hit the Euros' accelerator again and came right for the Cowboy again.

The Euros rear-ended the Cowboy again. Memphis was ready this time and managed to keep the car under control but he and his team were still shaken.

"Arsehole!" Sphinx yelled to Buford.

The Euros now got alongside the Cowboy and rammed into its right side, making it wobble yet again.

"Redneck lunatic bastard!" Sway yelled as she shook her fist at the Euros.

Buford swerved several more times, ramming into the side of the Cowboy. Memphis was able to keep on the road, but the Cowboy was now taking damage. The Euros was taking damage as well, but Buford appeared not to care.

"Daddy, I think you're being a bit too tough." Junior protested.

"Grow a set, you lugnut!" Buford yelled to his son. "These degenerates get no mercy from us any more!"

"Hang on! We'll lose these guys!" Memphis assured as he tried to gain some ground on the Euros. Buford was more than able to keep up.

"Are you sure about that, mate?" Sphinx asked unsurely.

Buford rammed the right side of the Cowboy a few more times.

"Hey, sugar thighs!" he sadistically yelled to Sway as he saw her in the passenger seat. "You wanna have fun? Then suck on this for a while, bitch!"

He rammed the side of the Cowboy a few more times.

"This is goddamn police brutality!" Memphis yelled.

Roscoe mimed playing a violin as Buford kept up the assault.

As the Cowboy got a short distance ahead, Buford slammed into the right rear quarter panel of the Mustang and managed to spin it out.

Memphis' team groaned as the Cowboy hit a guard rail and came to a halt.

The Euros stopped nearby and Buford and his partners got out of the Nissan and trained their guns on the Cowboy.

"Out of the car, assholes!" Buford yelled.

"Shit!" Memphis grumbled to himself.

---

The sun was starting to set as Amos and Willenholly drove the Nightcrawler on the highway to Uzcudum. Behind them was a black '71 Chevrolet Vega with a white stripe down its centre which was honking its horn as the driver tried to pass them.

Amos scowled and refused to let the motorist pass. "What's this clown's hurry?" Amos asked. "You'd think he was a Cannonballer."

"Is that it or are you just hoping we can bust somebody soon to break the monotony of this shift that we've had so far?" Willenholly shot back.

Just then, with a mighty roar, the Overlord came around a corner towards the Vega and the Nightcrawler. As Jazz, who was still driving, cut in front of the Nightcrawler, Amos spun the wheel wildly to avoid a collision. The front end of the Nightcrawler was left in the Vega's path. The motorist smashed into the Nightcrawler's front end, completely knocking it off and wrecking the CRAP vehicle.

The Vega continued for a short distance and then went into a ditch, coming to a halt.

Amos and Willenholly looked shocked. Amos then glared up the road.

"I know that car!" he growled as he took out his cellphone and dialled a number. After a few rings, Ford answered it.

"Hit paydirt with K-Dirt." Ford said cheerily as he answered his cell phone.

"You son of a bitch, Fairlane! You're DEAD!" Amos yelled.

"Amos?! How did you get this number?" Ford asked in surprise.

"Through ways and means, dirtbag!" Amos yelled back. "You have screwed up your pathetic excuse for a life big-time now!"

"What's the goddamn problem?"

"Well, the latest one is the fact that you never told me how big Disco Express was in Europe back in the '80s, you goddamn piece of SPAM!" Amos snapped.

"Oh, shit." Ford whispered, not realizing he had whispered into his phone.

"What? You thought I'd never find out?" Amo sneered as he and Willenholly climbed out of their wrecked car. "I'm gonna rip your nuts off and make you EAT THEM!"

Amos hung up his phone as the driver of the Vega came over to check on him and Willenholly.

"Que pasa?" the driver asked. "Are you guys okay?"

"NO!" yelled Amos.

"Excuse me for caring." the driver replied, incensed.

"Is your car okay?" Willenholly asked.

"Front end's a bit banged up but it's okay." the man answered. "I think you guys need a new car real soon."

Amos smirked as he flashed his badge. "We just got a new car. Yours."

Amos and Willenholly ran for the Vega before the stunned driver could react and got in it.

"HEY! This is bullshit!" the Vega's owner yelled as Amos reversed the car out of the ditch, got back on the highway and took off after the Overlord which was long gone by now.

As the the Vega's driver shook his fist after them, a highway patrol car came around the corner. The Vega owner flagged down the squad car. It pulled over and the officer driving the car lowered his window.

"(Thank God a real cop is here!)" the Vega owner stated. "(I've just been carjacked by a pair of bogus cops!)"

---

Memphis and his team-mates stood angrily beside the Cowboy as Buford, Roscoe and Junior all wrote up matching notes in their citation pads.

"Y'all are officially hung, drawn and quartered now." Roscoe smirked. "Speeding, reckless driving and resisting arrest. And I think we should make sure ya get the court-appointed attorney as well. I hope they give y'all the dumbest friggin' lawyer on Earth."

"You think you can get away with those bullshit charges?" Memphis demanded.

"Everybody both north and south of the Rio Grande know who you are, Raines." grinned Buford. "No-one's ever gonna take your word over that of a respectable officer of the law like me, or my partners. So, suck it up, buttercup."

"By the time you get outta jail, every car will be a flying one!" giggled Roscoe. "And if you don't get sent up, you'll have to work at least three jobs to pay off the fine you'll get! Gew, gew, gew!"

"I oughta kick your arses!" Sphinx grumbled.

"Yeah, right!" Junior sneered at him. "You look tough, Brit-boy, but I bet you couldn't even get onto the England soccer team. And if you did, you probably couldn't break their losing streak at the World Cup!"

Sphinx lunged forward and grabbed Junior by the collar. Memphis and Sway pulled him off Junior.

"And I do believe we can now add assaulting an officer to the rap sheet." Roscoe giggled as he and his partners wrote more notes in their citation pads and then put them away.

"Serves you tick turds right for thinking you can break the law with impunity." Buford growled. "You're all a bunch of overgrown hot rod kids in denial that your lives have gone exactly NOWHERE. And y'all really think your fancy pants ride here impresses anyone?"

"This is a Shelby Mustang." Sway spoke up. "Some would consider this car a piece of art."

"Yeah? Well, I consider it a piece of shit!" Buford snapped. "And I think I know what my partners and I want to do with it. Gentlemen?"

"Do we have to?" asked Junior sheepishly.

"Why do you think I had you drink so much coffee at the last stop?" Buford smirked as he stepped up to the side of the Cowboy and unzipped his fly. Roscoe and Junior joined him and did the same thing.

Memphis mouthed an obscenity under his breath as the three cops stood with their backs to his team and collectively urinated against the side of the Cowboy.

"Now, this is very refreshing." Buford sighed happily as he relieved himself. Roscoe and Junior nodded in agreement.

About twenty seconds later, the three officers finished their desecration of the Cowboy and zipped their pants up.

Roscoe and Junior headed back to the Euros whilst Buford gave Memphis a hard look.

"Y'all should be grateful I see you as beneath our attention, Raines." he scowled. "We'll give you an hour's head start before we call you in to the local yokels and let them deal with you."

Memphis looked angered but strangely calm. "How charitible of you." he deadpanned.

"Well then, go on! Get!" Buford shooed Memphis and his team away.

The team got back into the Cowboy and drove off on their way.

Buford laughed maliciously as he watched them go. He then went over to the Euros and picked up the radio.

"If those scumbums think we're gonna give 'em a head start, they're dumber than I thought." he smirked as he reached into his pocket for his citation pad. He looked surprised all of a sudden when he felt that his pocket was empty.

"What the...?" he babbled in concern.

Roscoe and Junior checked their pockets as well and found that their pads were missing as well.

"MOTHER..." Buford began.

Up the road, in the Cowboy, Sway triumphantly held up the three citation pads. She had picked the three officers' pockets whilst they had their backs turned to the team whilst doing their business.

"Cops always seem to forget that sleight of hand is another of my skills!" she smirked as she tore the three pads up.

"Well done, love." Sphinx cheered as he bumped fists with her.

"I love this lady." Memphis added as he leaned over and kissed Sway on the lips.

"Now, on our way and don't spare the horsepower." Sway laughed.

Back at the Euros, Buford and his partners were having an argument.

"Can't you remember the licence plate off the top of your head?" Roscoe demanded.

"I wrote it down so I wouldn't HAVE to remember it, dumb-ass!" Buford snapped back as he hit Roscoe with his hat.

"Hey, come on..." Junior began as he tried to calm his father and Roscoe down.

Both Roscoe and Buford hit Junior with their hats.

"Shut up, you dipstick! You weren't much better!" Roscoe yelled.

As they were arguing, an energy projectile was fired at the Euros.

The three cops looked and saw the Asp honk its horn and drive past them. Joe's team had just fired a static pulse at the Euros and shorted out the operating system.

Buford sighed to himself in frustration. "I don't remember breaking a goddamn mirror!" he groaned to himself.

---

The Zentorno was approaching Concepcion. Sissy had noticed a small strip-mall with a Cluckin' Bell franchise restaurant in it.

"That's the chicken joint that blonde Irish chick hates, isn't it?" she asked Missy.

"It is indeed." confirmed Missy.

"Go ahead. You know you want to." encouraged Chrissy.

Sissy laughed and roared straight towards the Cluckin' Bell. As the customers in the restaurant saw the girls coming at high speed, they all yelped and ran for cover.

The Zentorno crashed through the front window of the Cluckin' Bell and smashed through the mass of tables as the customers and staff ran for the back exit.

Sissy smashed through a few more of the restaurant's windows and then crashed into the service counter, completely trashing the place. The customers and staff had all reached safety and watched in horror as the Cluckin' Bell was demolished. Chrissy left yet another of her message darts behind in the remains of the restaurant. Sissy honked the Zentorno's horn mockingly as they drove off on their way.

---

Somewhere outside Garayaldo, the Maria Serpiente was parked on the crest of a hill by the roadside as Jack Carter and Jo Lupo waited to rendezvous with some of the other protectors. Jo was checking under the car to see if the rough terrain they had recently traversed had damaged the undercarriage. Jack was standing at the open driver's side door speaking to Professor Hikita over the CB.

"The Incredibles and those people from CONTROL should be with you soon, Sheriff Carter." the professor was saying. "I have some more good news. I was finally able to find out who hacked GD's mainframe for you."

"I'm all ears then, professor." Jack confirmed.

"The malware is a signature product of a disgraced scientist from the Comtrex corporation in Empire City who is a known associate of Big Boss." Hikita continued. "He used the 'I'm a PC' message because his real name is Dr. Percival Cranial, but he is also known as Dr. Badvibes."

"I knew I'd heard Fargo mention him before." Carter nodded. "Do you think you could track him if he tried to hack the Cannonball's website?"

"I'll see if I can." Hikita replied.

Carter was about to say something else when he suddenly looked confused. He thought he could hear "Burning Down The House" by Talking Heads playing over a radio.

Suddenly, with an engine roar, the robot car Leigh shot over the crest of the hill and slammed into the top side of the Maria Serpiente. The impact was strong enough to knock the Serpiente off of Jo, leaving her exposed, and to snap the lead off the CB Carter had been speaking on.

"What the hell...?" Jo snapped in surprise as Leigh roared her engine and honked her horn in triumph.

As Carter checked to make sure that Jo was uninjured, the Maria Serpiente had been knocked down the hill by Leigh and had sustained damage. Leigh rammed into the overturned Mexican sportscar a few times to add to the damage. She was now playing Twisted Sister's "Burn In Hell" mockingly over her stereo as she trashed the Serpiente.

Jo got to her feet and drew her sidearm as Carter did the same. As they trained their guns on Leigh, she switched the song on her stereo to Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" and drove around in circles, kicking up dust to blur the Eureka residents' vision so they couldn't get a clear shot.

Carter and Jo fired at her, but emptied their magazines without hitting their mark due to the lack of visibility and Leigh's quick moves.

Leigh honked her horn again and drove off. As she went, her song once again changed. Carter and Jo glared after her as they heard that it was the chorus of "Drive" by the Cars.

"If I find out that this Badvibes guy was behind that, he had better hope that the regular cops get to him before we do." Jo grumbled.

---

In Temuco, the Golden Lords were driving along in an orange Willys MB Jeep with an orange external rollcage fitted to it. Simon drove whilst Digit sat in the passenger seat and Goldilocks and Uzi stood in the back holding onto the rollbar. They had named their vehicle the Slugger. They were keeping an eye out for any and all Cannonballers.

Simon grinned as he saw the Firestorm drive past them.

"Our first customer of the continent, gentlemen." he chuckled. "And here we go."

As the Slugger drove off after the Firestorm, the Lords had failed to notice the Megere approaching behind them.

"Those guys look distinctly un-righteous." Darryl warned.

"I agree." David nodded.

"Hang on." Elizabeth firmly stated. "If I can do it with our car, I can do it with another."

As the Slugger got up behind the Firestorm and prepared to attack it, Elizabeth transferred her spirit into the Slugger and took control of it.

She floored its accelerator and it overtook the Firestorm.

"Hey, big dawg! Whatcha doin'?" asked Goldilocks in confusion.

"I ain't doin' anything!" Simon protested as he tried to step on the brakes to no avail and struggled with the steering wheel.

The Slugger swerved over to the oncoming lane.

"Don't take us over this side, boss man!" Uzi yelled.

"And I said 'I ain't doin' anything'!" Simon yelled back as he began to panic and tried to remove the keys from the ignition. But again, Elizabeth controlled the Slugger and negated his every move.

She steered the Slugger into incoming traffic, avoiding collisions by mere inches and causing the Lords to get very scared.

"I TOLD YOU GUYS!" the petrified Digit yelled. "VOODOO!"

The Slugger kept swerving and narrowly dodging traffic.

Elizabeth slammed on the brakes, nearly sending Goldilocks and Uzi flying and then threw the Slugger into reverse.

The jeep ran backwards at high speed, once again narrowly avoiding colliions with traffic.

Then she spun the vehicle around in a wild circle, making smoke and leaving a huge circle of tire marks.

Elizabeth then made the Slugger take off at high speed once more and eventually steered it into a blind alleyway and drove at full speed towards the wall at the end.

The Lords screamed and Digit crossed himself as tears ran down his cheeks.

Elizabeth braked the Slugger just a few inches short of a collision with the wall.

The Lords all sighed in relief.

"I'm outta here." Digit whimpered as he undid his seatbelt. "I'm not hanging around with some Satanic street machine!"

Elizabeth left the Slugger and went back into the Megere.

"All sorted?" David asked as she materialized in the back seat.

"For now." she smirked.

---

The Alpha and the V8 Ghost were both speeding along on the highway after Hikita had informed them that he had lost contact with Jack Carter and Jo Lupo. Max Smart and Mr. Incredible were driving for their teams and were very worried about what had happened to their colleagues.

"Max! Look over there!" Hymie alerted Max. Both teams looked over to a road off to their right which Horace was speeding along at his top speed.

"That's Herbie's evil twin that Meteor Man warned us about!" Mrs. Incredible stated.

"He's not causing any more trouble on our watch!" Max grunted as both cars came to a turn-off and got onto the adjacent road Horace was on.

As the V8 Ghost and the Alpha drove side by side towards the still-speeding Horace, the evil Beetle showed no signs of slowing down.

"Stay on him! He can't take us both!" Max yelled encouragingly. "He'll have to turn off and then we've got him dead to rights!"

As Horace kept up his speed, he suddenly tilted his right side wheels a portion and flipped himself over. Incredibly, he started to do a barrel roll straight towards the two protector teams.

As they looked terrified, Violet projected one of her force fields in the V8 Ghost and both Mr. Incredible and Hymie got ready to brace the vehicles with their super strength.

Horace rolled on top of both cars and crushed the passenger compartments, causing the V8 Ghost and the Alpha to be wrecked and slide off the road.

Horace landed back on all four wheels and sped off in triumph.

Thankfully, the Incredibles and the CONTROL operatives had been saved from being crushed by Violet's force field and her father and Hymie's strength. Their cars would not be going anywhere for a while, though.

Hymie and Mr. Incredible ripped their car doors off and the teams got out to survey the damage.

"That's the first time I've seen something get stomped on by a bug." Max Smart shook his head in disbelief.

---

Turbo and Mr. Chairman sat at a sidewalk cafe in Concepcion.

"So, how did you start working for Big Boss?" asked Mr. Chairman.

"He needed a wheelman." said Turbo.

"And?" asked Mr. Chairman.

"And what?" asked Turbo. "It's not like you can put an ad in the classifieds for that!"

Big Boss called over the radio. "Everybody, we've got a Cannonballer! Get to your cars now!"

"Duty calls." said Mr. Chairman. He and Turbo got up and ran for their cars. Mr. Chairman got into the Cognoscenti while Turbo got into the Duke O'Death.

On the highway, the Terrific raced along pursued by Buttons and Golem in the Kuruma and Big Boss and Squeeky in the Schafter V12.

"Right now, we've got a little song going out to the Self-Preservation Society." announced Moby at Race Central. "I got LL Cool J and Jimmy Pop backing me up on the vocals. This is especially appropriate for you guys as it has a Terrific beat."

Rap music started to play as the cars continued to race along.

"They're still back there!" yelled Lyle as he looked out of the rear window.

"Stella, you gotta lose these guys." said Charlie.

"I'm working on it." said Stella as she drove.

Speed.

Turbo and Mr. Chairman raced onto the highway behind them.

I'm addicted to speed.
It's taking control of me.
It's now the life I don't want.
But it's the life that I lead.

"Uh, the party's got some more guests." said Left Ear. "I don't think they were invited either."

"Okay, I think it's time to break out the good china." said Charlie.

He and Stella shared a nod. He flipped a couple of switches and the rear license plate flipped down, revealing a pair of machine guns.

And I'm addicted to speed.
It's taking control of me.
It's everything I don't want.
But it's become what I need.

"Ready?" asked Lyle.

The Kuruma swerved in for the attack. Charlie saw it in his monitor and waited until the car entered the targeting reticle. As soon as it did, he hit the firing switch. The guns fired off a spray of bullets, ripping into the Kuruma's radiator.

Come on!

"Whoa!" said Left Ear. "That's definitely good china!"

The Kuruma slipped off to the side as it overheated.

Breakdown!
Can't stop, I've come too far now.
Wiped out!
Over the edge, hold on, here I go!

"Now we're going to have some fun." said Mr. Chairman as he swerved in to attack.

Charlie hit the firing switch again and sprayed another salvo into the grill of the Cognoscenti. Again, the radiator didn't survive.

The Duke O'Death cruised in for an attack.

Speed (speed, speed, speed , speed, speed)
I'm addicted to speed, come on!
Speed.
I'm addicted to speed, come on!

"Get ready to hit him again." said Charlie.

"Hold on." said Stella. "Let's see if I can lose him first."

She swerved onto an exit that had been closed off for repairs. The Schafter and Duke O'Death followed. They came upon a maintainence truck. The Terrific and Schafter cut around its left side while the Duke O'Death cut through its right side.

Speed (speed, speed, speed , speed, speed)
I'm addicted to speed, come on!

"These guys are good." said Lyle.

"Yeah?" asked Stella. "Watch this."

Speed.

She aimed for the on ramp back to the highway, but swerved away at the last second. The Schafter stayed on her tail while the Duke O'Death took the on ramp.

"That's not good." said Squeaky.

I'm addicted to speed.
It's taking control of me.
It's now the life I don't want.
But it's the life that I lead.

Turbo suddenly cut the wheel and swerved over the embankment. The Duke O'Death rolled down the embankment sideways and came to a rest at the bottom.

Turbo restarted the car and got back into pursuit.

And I'm addicted to speed.
It's taking control of me.
It's everything I don't want.
But it's become what I need.

"I don't see that Charger." said Left Ear. "I think we lost him."

"Now we can concentrate on that Mercedes." said Charlie.

The Schafter started to close in on the Terrific.

Come on!

"Steady. Steady." said Lyle.

Suddenly, Turbo swooped in with the Duke O'Death and rammed the Terrific.

Breakdown!
Can't stop, I've come too far now.
Wiped out!
Over the edge, hold on, here I go!

"Where the hell did he come from?" asked Lyle.

"Uh, guys?" asked Charlie. "Problem."

The targeting screen for the guns showed an error message. The mounting bracket had broken and the guns were now inoperable.

"I'll handle it." said Stella.

Speed (speed, speed, speed , speed, speed)
I'm addicted to speed, come on!
Speed.
I'm addicted to speed, come on!

She swerved into an alleyway. The Schafter and Duke O'Death followed. They launched themselves off of several inclines. Turbo plowed through a stack of barrels at one point.

I'm addicted to speed, come on!
I'm addicted to speed, come on!

"This guy is serious!" said Charlie.

"I'll try to lose him in the underpass." said Stella as she steered under an elevated highway.

"I think we've got them between us." said Big Boss. "Turbo, get ready to cut them off."

"Will do, boss." said Turbo.

He floored the accelerator and raced ahead.

Speed (speed, speed, speed , speed, speed)
Speed.

"Come on, Stella!" said Charlie.

"This is not as easy as it looks." said Stella.

At the next intersection, Turbo turned and blocked the street. "End of the road." said Turbo.

"Uh, we have a new problem!" said Lyle.

I'm addicted to speed, come on!

"Dammit." muttered Stella.

"Yeah, that's it." said Turbo. "Show me you love me."

Addicted to speed, come on!

"Against the wall!" said Big Boss.

"You gotta do something!" yelled Left Ear.

"Give me a second!" yelled Stella.

Speed (speed, speed, speed , speed, speed)
I'm addicted to speed, come on!
Speed.
I'm addicted to speed, come on!

Suddenly, she spotted a staircase leading to a lower level.

"Second's up!" she yelled.

At the last second, she steered towards the stairs and bounced down. Big Boss, Squeaky, and Turbo looked at each other in horror just before the Schafter V12 rammed into the Duke O'Death. The collision flipped the Duke O'Death over and sent the Schafter flying.

Speed (speed, speed, speed , speed, speed)
I'm addicted to speed, come on!
Speed.
I'm addicted to speed, come on!

-"Addicted To Speed" by Paul Oakenfold featuring Spitfire.

Turbo dragged himself out of the Duke O'Death and propped himself up on the frame rail. Big Boss opened the Schafter's back door and stumbled out of the car.

"Can't you idiots do anything right?" he groaned.

---

The Zentorno approached the Mall del Centro in the heart of Concepcion.

"If this doesn't get the law on Croft's case, nothing will." Chrissy grinned evilly as Sissy drove the Zentorno straight through the front entrance of the mall.

Pedestrians screamed and ran for cover as the Zentorno smashed through the tables in the food court and through a few store windows.

Sissy held up a high-caliber pistol with her free hand and lowered the driver side window. As the car roared past several stores, she fired shots from the pistol which were strong enough to destroy the display windows.

Sissy laughed sadistically as Missy slapped a fresh clip into the gun for her when she ran dry. With the new clip, Sissy shot out even more store windows.

At this point, a few security guards were running towards the Zentorno. Chrissy lowered the passenger side window as two guards got on either side of the stolen Lamborghini.

As the guard on the driver's side tried to reach through the open window, Missy grabbed hold of his arm and held on tight, making him drop his gun. He was left hanging partly out of the driver's window.

Chrissy did the same thing with the guard on her side as he tried to reach in.

Sissy spun the Zentorno around in a circle and then knocked the guard on the driver's side off into a support pillar holding up the mezzanine.

Sissy then gunned the engine and headed back for the entrance. Chrissy stuffed one of her message notes into the mouth of the guard she was holding on her side and then pushed him back out of the passenger window at high speed.

The guard dropped and rolled on the floor as the Zentorno smashed out of a different window.

As they drove on, Chrissy picked up a walkie-talkie.

"Did your little pals get all that, doc?" she asked as a cypher drone hovered in front of them.

"Excellent, ladies." Badvibes replied over the radio. "The cyphers caught all of the mayhem you've committed in Chile so far. That should do for the little appetiser video we're going to compile for Banner's people. Thankfully I was able to acquire some appropriate footage of Croft's team to make it work."

"Do you need us to cause some more trouble?" Missy asked.

"Possibly. I'm sure you can think of some more fun to have." Badvibes chuckled.

"Yes indeed." smirked Sissy.

---

Buford, Junior and Roscoe angrily trekked along the highway. The headlights of a car came over the hill behind them and the car honked its horn.

"Shut up!" Buford yelled. "We're over as far as we can go, dipshit!"

The car pulled alongside them. It was Bender driving the Hudson Hornet he had acquired back in Pucon.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Bender inquired.

"A little car trouble." Roscoe grumbled.

"Well then, get in the car, you morons!" Bender snapped.

Buford and his team nodded and got in the car with Bender.

---

Space Ghost drove towards Playa Union as night had just fallen.

"I don't think you can order an uncooked pizza, Moltar." he said.

"Why not?" asked Moltar. "I can cook it in ten seconds flat."

"I want an uncooked pizza." said Zorak. "Not so Moltar can cook it, just because it's more confusing."

"Does anyone else hear The Beastie Boys?" asked Space Ghost.

Susan raced up behind them with "Sabotage" blasting over her stereo system. She swerved around them and cut in front.

"Apparently someone wants an autograph." said Space Ghost.

Susan got on the brakes and Space Ghost swerved to avoid her.

"Someone wants an autograph...in blood." said Zorak.

As Space Ghost passed Susan, she tried to run him off the road.

"It's like she wants to occupy our location." said Space Ghost. "That's a complete violation of the laws of physics."

In the Ignition, Body Drop checked his equipment. Tombstone had been listening to news from Race Central over a radio and a pair of headphones and had heard the reports of the attacks by the Foyts, Horace, and Leigh. He and Jesse were very rightfully getting worried, as were the race officials.

"How close to those robo-cars do we have to be to track them?" asked Tombstone in a worried tone.

"About two miles." Body Drop reported. "I think I'm picking up one of them now!"

"I hope so. We don't want any more protectors being taken out of the game." Jesse nodded.

"Hey, Jesse." Body Drop said urgently. "The robo-car I've found is giving off some odd telemetry. I think she might be attacking someone."

"Where?" asked Jesse.

"A bit further down the road." said Body Drop.

"Floor it, Jesse." said Tombstone. "Time's running out."

"Roger." Jesse nodded.

Susan swerved in front of Space Ghost again, making him steer off the road. The Bionic Cheetah bounced over a rock and came to a halt. Susan kept going for a while, then turned around.

Moltar leaned out of the window and looked at the front wheel. "We have a flat tire." he said.

"Now we have to fix it." said Space Ghost.

Susan pulled into the clearing and stopped. She flashed her headlights at them.

"I think we're safer in the car." said Space Ghost.

Susan revved her engine menacingly. Suddenly, a rock hit her windshield. Everybody looked to see Tombstone had gotten out of the Ignition.

"Hey, leave them alone, you glorified Caprice!" he yelled.

Susan backed up and faced him.

"Uh oh." he muttered.

Susan raced for him and drove over a pile of rocks, scraping her undercarriage. Tombstone turned and ran down a dirt road.

Jesse and Body Drop walked over to the Bionic Cheetah. "Okay, let's do something about that tire." said Jesse.

Tombstone ran down the dirt road. Susan followed him with her bright headlights on.

"I picked a bad week to keep smoking." gasped Tombstone.

Jesse sprayed some fluid on the tire.

"Okay, it looks like the tire is intact." said Body Drop. "It only popped off the rim. Luckily, Jesse knows a trick to fix it."

"I'm ready." said Jesse.

Body Drop walked over and Jesse handed him a fire extinguisher.

"Okay, one, two, three!" said Jesse.

He struck a match and lit the fluid on fire. The tire popped back onto the rim. Body Drop promptly sprayed it with the fire extinguisher.

"Get the compressor." said Jesse.

Tombstone ran down the road with Susan following him. Finally, he stopped running and noticed Susan had stopped as well.

"Yeah, you see I just drew you away from the action." he said. "You're just now realizing I'm one guy when you were after a whole team. Way to fail your mission."

Susan slipped into reverse and backed away, revealing a puddle where she'd been parked.

"What do we have here?" asked Tombstone. He walked over and smelled the puddle. "Why, you have a fuel leak. I think it's best that you stay away from open flames."

He took out his lighter.

"You know, like this." he said as he flicked the switch and lit the lighter. He then kneeled down and touched the lighter to the puddle of fuel.

The fuel caught fire quickly and started to spread towards Susan. She quickly accelerated in reverse, but the flames outran her. The engine caught fire and the rest of the car soon followed. The gas tank then exploded, bringing the car to the end of its life.

Tombstone walked over and took out a cigarette. He lit it off the flames coming from the car and walked away.

Jesse pulled up in the Ignition with Body Drop in the back seat.

"Hey, are we invited to the car-beque?" asked Body Drop.

"Scratch one robo-car." said Tombstone.

"Nice work." said Jesse as Tombstone got into the car. "But you're still not allowed to smoke in the car."

Tombstone groaned and tossed out his cigarette.

---

Sheriff Baxter sat in his office holding his head in his hands. Banner walked in with a stack of papers.

"Here's the latest reports." said Banner. He dropped the stack on Baxter's desk. "And that's just the last hour."

"This hotline has been a disaster." said Baxter. "I don't know how I missed those puns at the press conference."

"If it helps, I missed them too." said Banner.

"Well now, the calls we're getting are all like that!" said Baxter. "Look at these!" He grabbed a report off the stack. "A Chinese driver named Ho Lee Cau." He took another report. "A Saudi prince named Hus bin Pharteen." He took another report. "Trikz Lane? I can't even figure out that one!"

"Uh, I think that one might be legitimate." said Banner.

"Oh." said Baxter. "Well then, let's process it."

"Shall I go through the others to see if there are others we can process?" asked Banner.

"By all means." said Baxter.

They both took a report.

"A Frenchman named Jacques de Monqui?" asked Banner.

"Toss." said Baxter. "Russian driver named Ivan Tukissu?"

"Toss." said Banner.

There was an urgent sounding knock on the door.

"Come!" Baxter called.

Masado entered, looking rather perturbed.

"Sir! We've had a whole slew of calls in the last twenty minutes, and they sound legit." Masado reported.

"Why? Just because there are no joke names attached to them?" moaned Banner.

"From the sound of them, they have the Cannonball written all over them." Masado added.

"So, what were the calls then?" Baxter impatiently asked.

"They've all come from Chile." Masado reported. "No names have been given for the racers, but it's been described by everybody who called as a bunch of crazy women in jumpsuits driving a green Lamborghini raising serious hell along the Pacific coast."

Banner and Baxter looked at each other, intrigued.

"Sounds about right." Banner smiled. "That sounds like the M.O. of a well-known Cannonball team."

"And they gave the licence plate number as well." Masado finished.

"Looks like our luck is about to change." Baxter happily stated.

---

In the small hours of the morning, the Overlord had passed into the Rio Negro province of Argentina and was now approaching the town of Grecco. Jazz was still driving whilst Cleveland sat in the passenger seat. Ford was sitting in the back seat and kept making nervous glances out the rear window.

Jazz sighed to herself.

"I'm sure that we've lost him long before now." she reassured Ford.

"Uh uh." Ford disagreed. "That mook Anus doesn't give up that easily."

"Well why didn't you tell him back in the day about how big Disco Express were in Europe?" Cleveland inquired. "I can understand him being pissed off about that. And it's not as if 'Booty Time' was that bad to begin with. I think it is the ONLY white disco record."

"That's a matter of opinion." Ford grumbled.

"Why can't you just work something out with Amos?" Jazz asked.

"Because I'd dare say that right now he wants to put me in jail for life, fine me a hundred million dollars and probably feed my liver to his dog." Ford replied nervously.

"I'm sure it's not as bad as that." Cleveland said. "Maybe he'll not bother with the liver. All those Sambuca milkshakes of yours are bound to have screwed it up and made it unfit for eating."

"Gee, thanks." Ford moaned sarcastically.

They heard the roar of an engine coming up behind them fast. Ford looked back and saw that it was the Vega behind them, with a still very ticked-off Amos driving and Willenholly beside him.

"SHIT!" Ford yelled.

"Hang on!" grunted Jazz as she put the Overlord into high-gear and got a lead.

The Vega kept on them.

"Thank God that guy tricked this ride out, considering what a piece of crap the stock version is." smirked Amos as he poured on the speed in the Vega.

"Stay on him!" Willenholly encouraged.

"I will!" Amos replied as the Overlord turned off onto another road and Amos followed it.

Jazz wobbled a bit on the road as the terrain went up and down slightly, but managed to maintain control.

Both cars rounded a couple of sharp bends. As the Overlord got ahead, a police car pulled out of another side road. Jazz was able to steer around it and keep up the lead.

Amos braked sharply to avoid a collision and then moved around the patrol car and kept after the Overlord.

"(Wasn't that black car the one that was reported stolen a few hours ago?)" one of the cops asked his partner.

"(You bet it was.)" his partner replied. "(Call it in and ask for back-up!)".

The Vega kept chasing the Overlord through another set of winding turns. At one point, the Overlord drifted over to the hard shoulder on the left side of the road.

"Crap!" Jazz gritted her teeth as she brought the old Ford back under control and got back on the road.

Both cars went through a brief series of dips in the road and through some more sharp turns. The Overlord kept ahead, but the Vega was catching up.

"That greaser asshole is as good as ours!" Amos yelled in triumph.

They heard the sound of sirens coming up behind them and Willenholly looked behind the Vega to see about six squad cars approaching.

"Perfect." Willenholly smirked. "Just pull over and let these guys catch Fairlane. His team hasn't a chance in hell of outrunning them."

"Right." Amos grinned as he brought the Vega to a halt as the Overlord sped on.

The two CRAP officers got quite a surprise when the squad cars stopped and boxed the Vega in. The officers got out of the patrol cars and drew their guns, aiming at the Vega.

"What...?" Amos demanded in consternation.

Up ahead of them, the Overlord kept on going without any impediment.

"Whaddaya know?" Ford declaimed in delight. "The cops foiled the cops!"

"NOW can you stop worrying for a while, sweetheart?" Jazz teased cheerfully. "Next stop, the nearest Speed Zone!"

---

The Silver Bullet had stopped at a stop signal in Sierra Grande. Hardtop was driving as Lone Wolf sat in the passenger seat. The two of them had just received a report from the Monster Garage team about the defeat of Susan.

"Robot cars?" Hardtop said in amazement. "That has Dr. Badvibes written all over it."

"Yeah. Hikita-san also thinks he was behind the hacking of the GD server as well." Lone Wolf nodded. "He's looking at some serious jail time when we catch up to him."

A car pulled up alongside them and revved its engine.

"Wonder what this guy's problem is." Hardtop mused to himself as he glanced over at the other car...and was stunned when he saw that there was nobody in the passenger compartment.

It was Ivy, the robot Chevelle.

"Speak of the devil." Lone Wolf remarked when he too saw the robot muscle car challenging them.

"Okay." Hardtop gritted his teeth. "This thing wants to party, I'll give it a run for its money."

The light turned to green and both the Silver Bullet and Ivy took off at high speed.

Hardtop got a good lead on Ivy. The robotic Chevy sped up and started to play Blondie's "One Way Or Another" over her radio as she caught up.

A circular panel fell off the center of the hubcap on her front right wheel and a tire slasher blade extended from it as she got alongside the Silver Bullet.

She swerved and tried to drive the blade into the front left tire of the Silver Bullet.

"Not on my watch, sister!" Hardtop growled as he hit the brakes and let Ivy get ahead.

He then activated a nitrous shot, swerved and rammed the Silver Bullet's front fender into the arm that the slasher blade was on, snapping it right off.

Ivy roared her engine in a sort of growl about that and then swerved her right side into the left side of the Silver Bullet, trying to ram it off the road.

Hardtop responded by swerving and ramming back, causing Ivy some damage.

"Yeah! How do you like it, hot stuff?!" He yelled in triumph.

Ivy ceased her attack and got ahead of them, starting to play "Killer Queen" by Queen over her radio. As she got a suitable distance away from them, she turned a 180 and came right at the Silver Bullet at high speed.

"Aw, crap!" snapped Hardtop as he swerved out of the way and went into a nearby parking lot.

He hit the brakes and swerved the Silver Bullet to the right so that it came to a rest at the side of a semi truck trailer which was in the parking lot. The impact caused a bit of damage, but both Hardtop and Lone Wolf were okay.

Ivy mockingly played "We Are The Champions" by Queen over her radio, honked her horn and drove off.

Lone Wolf gave Hardtop a stern look.

"Don't spread this around." he warned. "It could ruin my rep."

Hardtop nodded. "Yours and mine both." he agreed.

---

Howard rode the Wayfarer along the highway to the port city of San Antonio Oeste. He was pleased with himself as he was making good time on the trip.

He passed a dirt road which lead off to the left. Parked at the beginning of the road was the Monroe. Jimmy DeMarco chuckled to himself as he made sure that the Total Anarchy mask was secured firmly on his head.

He started the Monroe up and roared out of the side road. A jet of flame shot out of the Monroe's tail pipe as he got on Howard's tail.

Howard sped along, but wasn't sweating the journey much. It was actually quite fun for him. But his enjoyment was to be short-lived. He heard the sound of an engine approaching and signalled for the driver behind him to pass.

A sinister, echoing laugh was suddenly heard. Howard glanced behind him and saw the Monroe coming up fast, until it was almost on the Wayfarer's back wheel.

Howard pushed the touring motorcycle for all it was worth, but DeMarco kept on him, determined to push him off the road.

A little way behind the two sparring vehicles, the Licorne crested a hill. Shrek wore the Fury mask as he drove. Fiona sat in the passenger seat as Donkey and Puss slept in the back seat.

Shrek gasped as he saw the Monroe trying to run the Wayfarer off the road. Fiona looked confused as to why Captain Fury looked so shocked and why Howard appeared to be weaving all over the road as she could not see the Monroe at all.

"That vile villain shall answer for his crime!" Shrek/Fury growled.

"What do you mean, honey?" Fiona asked in confusion. "Howard's not being attacked."

"Can't you see it, my love?" Shrek replied.

"See what?" Fiona replied.

Howard struggled to get a lead on the Monroe as DeMarco laughed even more heartily. As they continued to battle, they passed Team Angels who had pulled over to change drivers. The Angels and 99 looked perplexed as to why Howard appeared to be driving as if he was being pursued. The Monroe was obscured from their vision as well.

"Friggin' psycho!" Howard yelled to DeMarco as they passed. "Get off my case!"

"Huh?" Dylan mused to herself.

A few seconds later, the Licorne roared past them with Captain Fury honking the horn.

"Hold on, good citizen Howard! We're coming!" Fury yelled as they passed the Angels.

"Okay. Something is certainly up." 99 stated as she took her seat behind the Detector's steering wheel. The Angels all got into the car as well and they prepared to follow the Licorne.

Howard had by now managed to get ahead of the Monroe. DeMarco chuckled as he upshifted and made one last ditch attempt to ram the Wayfarer off the road.

Howard grunted as he steered towards a bridge over a river. Mad Max and Jake Kesey were on the bridge, looking into the engine bay of the Black Knight, which seemed to have a strange glow coming from it.

"Okay. That is WEIRD." Max mused to himself.

Jake looked up and saw Howard roar up the incline towards the bridge and wipe the Wayfarer out into the side rail of the bridge on the left side. Howard was thrown into the air and into the river below.

Howard's swimming ability had thankfully saved him, but the Wayfarer had been damaged. Max and Jake ran over to check that Howard was alright just as the Licorne and the Detector pulled up.

Captain Fury leaped out of the Licorne.

"Is Howard alright?" he asked in a panic.

"Thankfully, yes." Jake answered.

Fiona got out with an indignant look on her face.

"Okay, Buster." she demanded of her husband. "What the hell is going on?"

Team Angels also had looks on their faces which demanded an immediate answer.

The echoing, evil laugh was then heard. It appeared to be coming from all directions.

DeMarco made himself and the Monroe visible to all of the teams present on the bridge.

Mad Max looked stunned as the vintage Lamborghini appeared from nowhere, facing away from the Cannonballers as it prepared to drive away.

DeMarco stuck his hand out the driver side window and flipped the bird to his enemies as he let out the evil laugh once again and peeled rubber. Once again, a jet of flame shot out of the Monroe's tail pipe as he left the Cannonballers in the dust.

A soaking wet Howard had now climbed out of the river and joined the other teams on the bridge by walking up the hill by the river side.

"Total Anarchy." Shrek/Fury grimly stated. "He must be stopped."

"Everybody else saw that, right?" Max asked. "I'm not starting to hallucinate, am I?"

"Don't worry, Max." Alex cajoled. "Despite your nickname, you're still as sane as we are."

"Unless we're going nuts as well." added Howard as he shook himself dry.

"Oh, thanks a lot." grumbled Max as he facepalmed himself.

---

Claude McGarren drove the Reckoning with the rest of his VSSE partners still riding in the vehicle as they were heading north along Ruta Nacional 3 towards Buenos Aires. Keith and Robert were giving an interview to Misty and Veronica over the radio.

"It must be a very exciting life to lead in your organization." Misty was saying. "But is it possible for there to be female agents in the VSSE?"

"I keep asking that all the time." Keith replied. "I know a lot of women in the service who could be a great asset to our group. There's even this special section of the Delta Force known as the Athena Project which is made up solely of female operatives. Some of the most kick-ass and tough ladies I've ever known."

"But one problem is that our group has a deal with the video game companies and we all know how difficult it is for some gamers to accept a female protagonist." Robert added. "It's that kind of misogyny that makes me want to swear off online gaming for good."

"That is a very good point." Veronica nodded. "Anyway, do you think that you gentlemen will see any action on this leg of the race?"

As Alan opened his mouth to chip in, Bob Newbie's voice suddenly came over the CB.

"Mayday! Cannonballer in trouble!" Bob yelled. "Any protectors please respond! This one's a heavyweight!"

Alan looked out the rear window of the Reckoning and saw the Wisdom being pursued by the Beagle Boys in the Insurgent, which was now right on Team Sims' back bumper.

"There's your answer right there, ladies." Claude announced as he sped off in pursuit of the attacking villains. "Wish us luck!"

"And on that note..." Misty began. "Here are Pink, Linda Moon, Natasha Martin and Moving Violation to provide some musical support for our friends in the VSSE with a song dedicated to their vehicle."

"More or less." joked Natasha as her band started to play and Pink took vocals on the first verse.

I came I saw I kicked some ass.
The pain I cause it makes me laugh.
'Cause the way I do my thing is strange.
I just inject myself into your veins, yeah.

Ma Beagle laughed evilly as she rammed the Wisdom from behind a few times. She then gunned the engine and swerved past Team Sims and ended up in front of them, going very fast.

"Looks like they're gonna leave us alone." Bob sighed in relief.

"Ever heard the words 'tempting fate'?" asked Bella unsurely as the Reckoning continued to catch up to them from behind as all three of the girls took the chorus of the song.

Can't run can't hide.
There's no way out.
The sun will rise and it's about.
Time for the wreckoning.
Time time for this girl to sing.

"Okay, Ma! Let 'em have it!" Bigtime cheered in the Insurgent.

Ma slammed on the Insurgent's brakes. Mortimer couldn't stop in time and hit the rear-end of the armoured vehicle. The team were bruised slightly but saved from serious injury thanks to their seatbelts.

"See what I mean." Bella groaned as she gave Bob an annoyed look.

The Wisdom's front bumper had got caught on the trailer hitch on the Insurgent's rear. Claude angrily glared as he knew that was what the Beagle Boys had wanted to happen.

Linda took the next verse of the song as the VSSE team prepared to save Team Sims and deal with Duckburg's most wanted.

Damn if I thought that you would change.
And my life would stay the same.
When you don't even care about me.
You know, you don't give a damn.

"Let's take these bozos for a ride!" chuckled Ma as she began to swerve the Insurgent every which way over the freeway, dragging the firmly attached Wisdom along with them. Mortimer stepped on the Wisdom's brakes but it did no good as the team couldn't prevent being dragged along with the Beagle Boys. The other vehicles on the freeway honked their horns angrily as they tried to avoid an accident. The Reckoning was able to manuever through traffic safely.

"Hang on, you guys!" Wesley cajoled as he and Alan got their sidearms ready.

"No gunplay just yet!" Keith advised. "The people we're supposed to be helping could get hit!"

Well things will come and things will go.
And one thing I know for sure is that.
You don't give a damn about me.
And so I'm walking out the door. (oh yeah)

Ma guffawed and drove the Insurgent across a gap in the freeway's median, ending up in the opposite lane where the traffic was oncoming.

She whipped the wheel sharply to the right and caused the Wisdom to come free of the trailer hitch and end up in the middle of the road with several cars coming right for it.

"Shield up!" Mortimer yelled as he quickly flipped a switch on the dash and activated a force field which covered the Wisdom. A lot of the vehicles heading for them were able to swerve and avoid the Wisdom. The ones which were unable to made a slight bump against the force field. Luckily, they and Team Sims avoided serious harm or vehicle damage because of the force field.

"Will you guys be okay?" asked Claude over the radio.

"We'll live." Bella replied. "Now please go and kick some ass for us!"

"Will do." Robert smirked as the Reckoning followed the Insurgent as it swerved back into the right lane.

Natasha took over vocal duty on the song at this point.

Can't move can't breathe it's gettin dark.
The beast has come to steal your heart.
So you better practice your scream.
Well you may not live your dreams.

As the Reckoning came up on the Insurgent, Keith and Robert leaned out of the right rear window and aimed their guns at the armoured Gurkha. Alan did the same in the left rear window and Wesley took aim from the front passenger window.

Bankjob smirked and leaned slightly forward towards the Insurgent's dash. "Electro-magnet, power 80%".

The electro-magnet which Badvibes had installed for the gang back in Chile activated and plucked the VSSE operatives' guns from their hands. The guns stuck hard to the body of the armoured SUV.

"CRAP!" yelled Wesley.

Bigtime's voice came over their CB. "You Cannonball clowns ain't the only ones with gadgets!" he laughed as Ma accelerated the Insurgent away from them.

Things will come and things will go.
And one thing I know for sure is that.
You don't give a damn about me.
And so I'm walking out the door.

Ma drove the Insurgent down an off-ramp, swerving around several vehicles as she went through a four-way intersection at the bottom and many motorists had to avoid crashing into her.

"That's it?" Alan asked. "They're just gonna cut and run?"

"Hell no. I know when some sicko is toying with me." Claude grimly stated as he kept going along the freeway. "Make sure you're buckled up, boys."

All three girls took the bridge of the song.

The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
Oh, it's time.

The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
Oh, it's time.

As Claude poured on the speed, the Insurgent roared up an on-ramp just behind them and now it was on their tail.

Ma and her sons laughed as she got on the Reckoning's back bumper and rear-ended them.

"Let's see you catch us now!" Claude clenched his teeth as he kept going at high speed along the freeway. The Insurgent was able to keep up and rammed them from behind a few more times but Claude didn't lose his nerve for a second and neither did his colleagues.

"Why don't you just give up, soldier boy?!" Ma snapped over the comm.

"Not when some very lovely ladies are singing a song of encouragement!" Keith replied as Linda took over vocals again.

Damn if I thought that you would change.
And my life would stay the same.
When you don't even care about me.
You know, you don't give a damn.

Things will come and things will go.
And one thing I know for sure is that.
You don't give a damn about me.
And so I'm walking out the door.

"Check it out!" said Wesley as he pointed out a sign at the side of the freeway. It was written in Spanish but Claude could tell that it said "Last exit before end of freeway."

Claude smirked and drove past the off-ramp next to the sign. The Insurgent was still on the Reckoning's tail.

"Let's hope those guys can't read Spanish." Robert nodded as he realized what Claude had in mind.

"I doubt that some of the Beagle Boys can even read." Claude smirked as the Insurgent rear-ended them a couple more times. Claude kept his resolve up and stayed on the road, not faltering in his course.

The three girls took the bridge once again.

The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
Oh, it's time.

The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
Ya don't give a damn.

"We'll soon put these losers in their place!" Ma chuckled as she kept up the attack.

The two vehicles went down a small dip in the freeway. Claude looked ahead and smiled as he saw another road sign in Spanish. This one read "Danger! Do not enter. Under construction".

Claude smirked as he kept his foot to the floor.

"What did that sign say?" asked Burger, who was getting slightly concerned.

"Who cares?!" snapped Bigtime. "We've got these suckers dead to rights now!"

Natasha now returned to vocal duty.

And I'm running from my problems.
I got my funny face painted on.
And then I'll think of what you said to me.
And then I'll think of what you did to me.

I'll think of you and probably laugh.
And then I'll think of you and probably laugh.
And then I'll think of you and probably laugh.
You're the one I'm running from.

The Reckoning kept going and crashed through a wooden barrier with the Insurgent still keeping up its attack. Up ahead was a very large wooden construction wall with an earth mover parked on each side of it.

"Get ready!" Claude warned.

"Got it." said Wesley as he moved his hand toward the emergency brake as the Reckoning kept on going.

Ma wasn't relenting with her attack, but Burger was now looking very nervous.

"Now we got 'em!" Ma cheered.

"Uh, Ma, I don't think..." Burger began.

"THAT is obvious!" Ma snapped. "Don't argue with your mother, boy!"

Pink took the final verse of the song.

Damn if I thought that you would change.
And my life would stay the same.
When you don't even care about me.
Ah no, you don't give a damn.

Well things will come and things will go.
And one thing I know for sure is that.
You don't give a damn about me.
And so I'm walking out the door.

As the Reckoning was almost on the construction wall, Claude yelled "NOW!"

Wesley pulled the emergency brake and the Dodge made a sharp drift to the left, got out of the Insurgent's path and came to a halt.

Ma couldn't stop the Insurgent in time and crashed right through the thin, wooden wall.

"CRUD!" Ma yelled as she literally saw the end of the line just ahead. The freeway ended and a sheer drop was about to greet them.

The VSSE team climbed out of the Reckoning as the Insurgent roared off the end of the ramp and soared into thin air.

All three girls were now wrapping up the song.

The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
Oh, it's time.

The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
Oh, it's time.

The Insurgent landed hard on the ground at the bottom of the construction lane and rolled over several times. It may have been an armoured vehicle but it got extremely banged up. It eventually came to a halt in the middle of a quarry, wrecked beyond repair.

The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
Ya don't give a damn.

The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
The wreckoning.
I'm walking out the door.

-"The Wreckoning" by BoomKAT.

The doors of the Insurgent were pried open and the injured Ma and Beagle Boys climbed out. They were all very sore, but still in one piece.

Burger gave Ma an angry look.

"I think I need to have a talk with whoever said 'mother knows best'." he groused. Ma was too tired and in too much pain to be annoyed by his remark.

"So, they are in one piece." Alan nodded.

"Just make a phone call to the local highway patrol." Robert smirked.

"On it." Keith smiled as he dialled his cell phone.

Claude went back to the Reckoning's driver's seat and spoke to Race Central over the comm.

"Thank you very much for the music, ladies." he beamed. "It was just the encouragement we needed."

"No problem." Linda replied as all three ladies blew a kiss.

---

Elsewhere, Lester sat at a computer with a flash drive in the slot.

"Okay, I've got all the footage from the Cyphers." said Lester. "I'm almost done putting the video together."

"Good. Good." said Yuri. "Pretty soon, we'll have something to frame the Cannonballers. Once this gets out, people will be falling all over themselves to report them."

"Finito." said Lester as he slid back in his chair.

"Let's see." said Yuri.

Lester pressed play on the video. It began by showing footage of Team Lara laughing in triumph, followed by a shot of the Zentorno in action.

"Nobody messes with us ladies!" Nina's voice declaimed as footage of the Zentorno attacking the guys in the Monte Carlo and attacking and destroying the Nova were shown.

The footage of Lara's team laughing and giving the finger was then shown.

"So much for those losers!" Joanna chuckled.

Then, footage was shown of the Zentorno approaching the Cluckin' Bell. An extreme close-up of Nina from her interview earlier was shown.

"I bloody hate Cluckin' Bell! And I hate their 'food'. It should be banned under the Geneva Convention." she announced.

The Zentorno's attack on the Cluckin' Bell was shown in its whole entirety. As the footage played, Nina's voice was played over the footage.

"If I had my way, all of their restaurants would be trashed by this time next week!"

A soundbite of the rest of the team laughing was then played, making it sound as if all the mayhem being caused was a huge joke to them.

Finally, the attack on the Mall del Centro was shown. An extreme close-up of Lara firing her gun at the cypher from earlier was shown, followed by footage from a distance showing the store windows being shot out by Sissy, making sure that the angle didn't show Sissy's face. The footage made it look like Lara was guilty of the shooting.

The rest of the mayhem committed at the mall was shown, with random snatches of Team Lara laughing and giving the finger at intervals.

The video ended with a mocking caption which read 'Catch us if you can, CRAP! Sincerely yours, Lara Croft and team.'

"Perfect." said Yuri as he let out a small clapping applause.

"And as Mr. DeMarco requested, Badvibes was able to hack Lady Croft's email account so it will look like she sent the video." Lester cheered. "He's waiting for you to do the honours."

"Very well. I'm going to send this to Baxter post haste." Yuri smirked as he took the flash drive out of the computer and left.

"So, what did you think of it?" asked Lester.

"I thought you did a good job with the video." said Luther. "Very convincing."

"Thank you." said Lester. "I always was the best at editing in film school."

"Really?" asked Luther.

"Oh yes." said Lester. "I have long held a belief that a decent editor can

---

Stella drove the Terrific into Peru. The team were still a tad rattled after the chase in Concepcion but were trying to remain calm.

"Are you sure Mashkov gave us poison?" asked Charlie. "There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with us other than being insane enough to listen to him."

"Charlie's right." said Stella. "The poison should have some kind of effect other than just killing us."

"I looked into a number of long term poisons." said Left Ear. "There was one that fit the description. In the coming weeks, we can look forward to headaches, blurred vision, memory lapses, iritability, memory lapses, and paranoia."

"And what's for dessert?" asked Stella.

"Why does that sound familiar?" asked Lyle.

"I don't remember." said Stella.

"Ah, put on the radio." said Left Ear.

Charlie turned on the radio to find "Until It Sleeps" playing.

"Ah, Metallica." said Charlie. "Lars Ulrich, a guy who hates Napster as much as you do, Lyle."

"Hey, I have a perfectly good reason for that!" snapped Lyle. "I wrote out the program for a music file sharing system! It took me six months to get the programming done and that was mostly because they kept updating Windows! And what happens? My college roommate, one Shawn Fanning, waits until I fall asleep and he steals the disc containing the source code for the system! Oh, and get this! He says that he called it Napster because of the nappy hair under his hat! He called it that because I was NAPPING when he stole it! THAT ASSHOLE DIDN'T EVEN GRADUATE!"

Everyone looked at him in shock as he started to cool off.

Charlie turned to Stella and whispered "Irritability."

"Don't push me." warned Stella sternly.

---

put the film together in a way to perfectly express what the director wants." finished Lester.

"Like making the Cannonballers look like absolute maniacs?" asked Luther.

"Yes, exactly." said Lester.

"Okay, the video's been sent." said Yuri as he re-entered the editing suite. "Now, we just have to wait until the police do their work."

---

In Brock's office, he and Mr. X were watching news footage of the coup in San Sombrero which was now well underway.

"This looks serious." Brock stated grimly. "I don't think it looks like things could get sorted out in time for the Cannonballers to pass through."

"No problem, Brock." Mr. X smirked as he opened up a laptop in front of Brock. "Here are some people who may have something to say about that."

On the screen was Tom Sheldon facing the camera. Standing nearby were Rico Rodriguez and Xander Cage near the Dark Rage. Behind them were two dark-haired Caucasian men in combat fatigues sitting astride Honda CBR Fire Blade motorcycles and three frizzy-haired Caucasian men wearing tan coveralls standing near a white GMC Vandura.

"Mr. X has let us know your concern about the outbreak of violence in San Sombrero, Mr. Yates." Sheldon announced. "So, with a bit of inter-agency co-operation from the NSA and the Banzai Institute, we are going to make sure the situation is brought under control before the Cannonball exits South America. I'm sure you already know of the credentials of Messrs. Rodriguez and Cage."

Both Rico and Xander gave a thumbs-up to the camera.

"And who has Buckaroo assigned to you?" Brock asked.

One of the motorcyclists stood up.

"Hi, Mr. Yates." he beamed. "I'm Dooley Kolodney." Dooley nodded to the other biker. "And this is my brother Ignacio."

Ignacio waved cheerily.

"The Kolodney Brothers." Brock smirked. "I've read of your notable exploits in Dr. Banzai's comic books."

"And, of course, his grandkids watched the Blue Blaze Irregular cartoon during their formative years." Mr. X teasingly added.

"Okay, okay." Brock sighed jokingly before continuing the conversation. "I take it that the three gentlemen with the van are the Rug Suckers?"

"That's right." Rico chipped in as he indicated each of the Rug Suckers from left to right. "This is Relayer, Figment and Arc Light."

The three Rug Suckers saluted.

"Rug Suckers. Odd name for a team." Xander mused.

"It's because they run a carpet cleaning business as their day job." Ignacio piped up. "There's no innuendo in it at all."

"Okay." Xander nodded.

"Well then, gentlemen, I wish you all good luck with your assignment. Will you need any aid from the organizers of the Cannonball?" Brock asked.

"Just sit pretty and let us handle it." Sheldon winked.

"As you wish." Brock replied as the image blinked off the laptop.

---

Lazlow sat at the bar in one of the function rooms in the Four Dragons. He was looking at his own reflection in the empty whiskey glass he had just drained and sighed to himself.

Also in the room were the members of the Villains Society who had been put out of the Cannonball back in Antarctica. They had recently arrived back in Las Venturas via plane and were now drowning their sorrows.

Some of them were getting to the feel-good stage of intoxication. Skeletor walked over to a jukebox and selected a song. He began to whoop loudly and dance as Irene Cara's theme song for "Fame" started to play.

Lazlow sighed to himself. "What a revolting display." he grumbled to himself.

"Like you can talk, pal." said Jezz Torrent as he took a seat in the bar stool next to Lazlow.

"Haven't any of you guys got anything better to do than bust my balls?" Lazlow groaned.

"Relax, Laz. I'm here to offer you an olive branch." Jezz smirked. "And possibly a few Martinis with olives in them."

"Forget it." Lazlow groaned. "The bartender here won't give me any more. He's worried about me puking all over the counter. I'm actually more worried that I'll end up pissing on the floor instead. Either way, I'll likely end up getting thrown out if I put one more foot wrong."

"I don't mean about a drink HERE. Are ye forgetting how hard me and the other lads party?" Jezz asked mischeviously. "We don't do drugs any more, but alcohol is fair game. And you had no problem playing our music on V-Rock back in the day. I think it's common courtesy that we show you a good time in return. We're holding the party in the penthouse. We've got three full kegs of Pride Brew. I hear that's yer favourite."

"I dunno." Lazlow mumbled.

"You wanna stick around for THIS?" asked Jezz as he pointed out that Skeletor and a few more of his team had formed a drunken chorus line and were doing dance moves and singing along with "Fame"...very badly.

Lazlow sighed. "Screw it. You got me." Lazlow sighed as Jezz offered his hand and Lazlow shook it. "Lead the way."

---

At Team Rocket Headquarters, Cassidy sighed in relief as she looked over Giovanni's car in the courtyard. The water had fully been drained from the engine and the vehicle was overall clean and running properly after she had given the engine a try.

She was then surprised as she heard a series of horns honking and looked around to see what it was.

A pair of vehicles were driving up. One of them was the Bluth family's plane steps truck, which seemed to be filled with smoke. The other was a supercharged limousine not unlike the one that Love Fist owned, except that this one had the V-Rock logo on the hood and doors.

Butch, Domino, Annie and Oakley ran out to greet the newcomers as Cassidy looked stunned.

Oscar Bluth emerged from the step truck, letting a lot of smoke out of the vehicle. J. Walter Weatherman got out of the passenger side, wearing his artificial arm. He was coughing and gasping for fresh air. Oscar had what looked like a joint in his mouth.

"Glad you guys could make it." Butch cheered.

"Hey, where the white women at?" the obviously stoned Oscar asked.

Domino frowned. "Was that a 'Blazing Saddles' reference, were you being racist, or are you another white guy who wishes he was black?" she asked.

Oscar took a long drag off his joint and paused for about ten seconds. "Yeah." he replied cryptically.

Cassidy marched over. "What the hell is going on?" she demanded as she put her hands on her hips.

"Hey, Cass. We still have a bit of time before the Boss and those three losers come back." Annie stated. "So we thought we'd invite some more guests and throw another party. We can handle it."

The rear doors of the limo opened and Penn and Teller stepped out, followed by Couzin Ed, who flashed the heavy metal salute.

"LAZLOW SUCKS! I LOVE SLUTS!" he yelled.

"Excuse me?!" Cassidy stammered angrily.

"Hey, no offence." Ed hurriedly apologized. "You all look like classy ladies to me. You into proper rock 'n roll?"

"Hell, yeah." Oakley smiled as she bumped fists with Ed. "Especially if you're involved."

"Yeah." Penn smirked. "He's the cousin you can sleep with and tell your mom. Or so I've heard."

Teller smirked and nodded.

"I hope you guys have really thought this through." Cassidy warned.

"Cass, everything will be cool." Butch assured her. "If there is a mess again we can clean it up before El Numero Uno gets back."

"Does he know you call him that?" Cassidy asked.

Suddenly, there was a crack and a whip coiled around the flag pole above the main door. Everybody looked shocked, but then Catwoman swung down from a tree and landed on her feet in front of the group. She uncoiled her whip from around the flag pole and smirked.

"Is this where the party is?" she asked.

Cassidy got a delighted look in her eyes and looked like she was about to squeal.

"Catwoman!" she whispered in delight. "It's such an honour to meet you! You've been a big inspiration to me since I joined Team Rocket!"

"Yeah, yeah." Catwoman said as she waved her hand. "So, is there a party here?"

"You bet there is." smirked Oakley. "Come on in, you guys. There'll be some of the Team Rocket rank and file joining us later. You're about to party hearty."

"Do you approve now, Cassidy?" asked Domino.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Cassidy cheered like a teenager meeting her favourite pop star as she practically drooled over meeting Catwoman.

"Okay, let's go." Penn grinned.

As the group went into the building, Couzin Ed leaned towards Catwoman.

"Hey, kitty. How'd you like to spend one of your nine lives with yours truly?" he asked lecherously.

Catwoman looked down her nose at him and slapped his extended hand away.

"Crawl back in your litterbox, creep." she sneered.

---

Freddie pulled up in front of the Obelisco de Buenos Aires...in Buenos Aires.

"Here we are." he said.

"Like, what do we have to do?" asked Shaggy.

"The clue says we have to...climb to the top." said Daphne.

"That's it?" asked Velma. "Well, I can do that."

"Rolunteering?" asked Scooby.

"Sure, why not?" said Velma.

They climbed out of the car. Mason and Spike pulled up and got out of their car.

"Think I should do this?" asked Mason.

"I jumped out of the plane." said Spike.

"Okay, I guess it's my turn." said Mason.

Eric pulled up and stopped. "Kelso, are you sure about this?" he asked.

"Course I'm sure." said Kelso. "I just have to climb a set of stairs. It'll be just like the water tower back home."

"Are you also gonna paint a hand flipping the bird on it?" asked Hyde.

"That was a pot leaf." said Kelso.

"Not a good one." said Fez.

"I'll take this one." said Ron as he got out of the Utopia.

"It's yours." said Venom.

Beavis and Butthead looked up at the Obelisk. "You know, I think it could use a smaller round building on each side." said Butthead.

"Heh heh." laughed Beavis. "I can imagine that. Heh heh."

"I don't understand what you...oh." said Corvax.

"You do it." said Beavis.

"Uh, okay." said Butthead.

"Are you sure you can do it?" asked Charlie.

"I've been exercizing." said Grandpa Joe. "This shouldn't be too hard."

"Well, I wish you the best of luck." said Willy.

---

Somewhere else in Buenos Aires, the Falcon approached a group of three motorcycles which were parked at a set of traffic lights as their riders waited for the red light to change.

Brodie was now driving the Falcon and was wearing the Chaos mask after having failed to get back to sleep after Yucko's rude awakening earlier.

Jay sat in the passenger seat. He angrily reached over to the steering wheel and honked the Falcon's horn.

"Good citizen Jay, would you kindly allow me to do the driving?" Chaos asked in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Screw that! We need to get past these lamers!" Jay snapped. "Every friggin' biker thinks he's a bad ass. These guys are probably a bunch of pansies like the leather guy from the goddamn Village People!"

"I think that was uncalled for." Chaos replied.

"And I can smell these dickweeds from here!" Jay continued. "Assholes and armpits! They almost smell worse that that shit demon in Illinois!"

Bob gave Jay a surprised look. Jay's statement was truly a daring one for him.

What Jay didn't know was that the three bikers were Ripper, Road Pig and Gnawgahyde of the Dreadnoks who were still out to attack all of Cobra's rivals in the Cannonball as per Zartan's orders. They didn't know that they were about to get a fresh target.

Chaos still waited for the lights to change, but Jay angrily stepped on the Falcon's accelerator whilst he was distracted.

"What the f..." Chaos began uncharacteristically as the Falcon surged forward and slammed into Road Pig's bike, knocking the huge 'nok off it and knocked the bike itself to the ground.

Chaos kicked Jay's foot off the gas pedal and got on the Falcon's brakes.

Ripper and Gnawgahyde turned around to see what had happened to Road Pig and smirked as they readied their weapons. Road Pig growled as he picked himself up and grabbed his hammer from the rear of his prone bike.

"Now we can say we were provoked." Ripper grinned.

"I hope you're happy, citizen Jay. Because now I'll have to do what I do best!" Chaos grunted as he put the Falcon in gear and roared off, nearly running over the three 'noks and making good his team's escape.

"After them, mates!" snapped Gnawgahyde as Road Pig picked up his bike and the three of them took off in pursuit of the Falcon as it weaved through traffic on the overpass they had ended up on.

Silent Bob saw that the 'noks were pursuing and angrily slapped the back of Jay's head.

"Hey!" Jay sulkily protested.

"Hang on! I shall leave these ne'er do wells in the dust!" Chaos cheered.

"Wanna bet?" asked Jay as Ripper's chopper began to quickly catch up.

Ripper got right behind them and got ready to slash at the Falcon with the huge bayonet on his rifle.

Jay began to panic and looked in the Falcon's glove box. He pulled out a golf ball.

"What's this for?" he asked Chaos in confusion.

"I have been known to play mini-golf. So what?" Chaos replied.

"Couldn't you have brought a frackin' gun?" Jay yelled as Ripper pulled up.

"Chaos does not handle firearms!" Chaos indignantly replied.

"Terrific!" Jay sarcastically snapped as Ripper got beside the driver's side door.

Out of ideas, Jay threw the golf ball out the open window at Ripper as he got ready to gouge the door with his bayonet.

The ball hit Ripper in the face and stunned him. He lost control of his bike and wiped out. He rolled on the surface of the road as his bike slid towards a truck with a box trailer carrying propane tanks.

As the bike collided with the trailer, several of the tanks fell out onto the bridge.

"Oops." Jay sheepishly groaned as Ripper ran for cover and the Falcon team sped off and braced themselves for an explosion.

As they held their breath for about ten seconds, the explosion they had expected never came.

"Huh?" asked Silent Bob.

"No explolsion?" asked Jay.

"Well then, it seems that you didn't make a colossal screw-up after all, citizen Jay." Chaos cheered.

"Thanks. I think." Jay responded. Silent Bob tapped him on the shoulder and pointed out that the other two bikes were still after them and Gnawgahyde was now gaining ground.

Jay looked around and picked up the floor mat from his feet and opened his window as the Falcon and Gnawgahyde's bike got on the left side of a huge oil tanker.

As the Dreadnok poacher raised his gun to fire, Jay held the floor mat out of his window and let the head wind carry it away and blow it right into Gnawgahyde's face.

"Bloody dingoes!" Gnawgahyde angrily yelled as his face was covered and his vision blocked. He blindly fired a few shots from his rifle into the tanker's oil tank, causing oil to leak.

Gnawgahyde lost control of his bike and crashed. He too rolled over the blacktop as his bike skidded towards the oil tanker and collided with it. The tanker came to a halt and its' driver got out and ran for cover.

Once again, the Falcon team tried to put as much distance between them and the tanker as possible as they expected an explosion. But once again, ten seconds later, no such explosion came.

"This is getting mega-weird." Jay grumbled in shock.

"We have one more bad guy to deal with." Chaos piped up as Road Pig caught up with them.

Silent Bob tapped Jay on the shoulder, and handed him a Desert Eagle pistol which he had kept in his coat.

"You FINALLY got a gun?" Jay asked in shock as he took the gun. Jay then angrily slapped Silent Bob's face with his free hand. "Why couldn't you have told us earlier, dumb ass?!"

Silent Bob looked offended.

"Considering your behaviour, I don't think citizen Bob trusted you to handle a firearm." Chaos answered.

"I can handle it. I'll take this frackin' musclehead out!" Jay snapped as he got ready to aim at Road Pig as he pulled alongside the driver side of the Falcon, grabbed his hammer with his free hand and got ready to swing.

"Remember not to kill him." Chaos warned.

"I know, for Christ's sake!" Jay yelled in annoyance.

As Road Pig was about to attack, Jay fired a few shots into the gas tank and fuel-line of the huge Dreadnok's chopper.

Road Pig panicked and lost control of his bike and he crashed as well. As he rolled out of the way of traffic, his bike went skidding towards a truck with a box trailer carrying water cooler bottles. As Road Pig got up and ran for cover, the bike slid under the truck's trailer.

The truck's driver braked hard and bailed out of the cab, running for cover.

A few seconds later, the trailer full of water bottles exploded.

Chaos and his team looked shocked.

"THAT ONE exploded?" Jay asked in surprise.

"Citizen Jay, we need to have a talk about your impulsive nature sometime soon." Chaos sternly chastised him. "I recommend that you wait until Asia before you drive again."

"Shit." moaned Jay to himself.

---

Ron continued up the stairs of the Obelisk. He stopped and tried to catch his breath. "I guess I should lay off the deep dish." he said.

"Nah, you just have to pace yourself." said Grandpa Joe as he climbed past him.

"You were saying?" asked Kelso as he ran past them both.

"Looks like he was ready for this." said Ron.

Kelso reached the top of the Obelisk and found a race official. "Woo." he gasped. "That's even taller than the water tower back home."

"Is that the one with the pot leaf painted on it?" asked the official.

"Yeah, that's the one!" said Kelso. "Some of our best work!"

"Wait, you and your friends painted that?" asked the official.

Kelso looked at him guiltily for a couple of seconds. "I have no idea what you're talking about." he said.

"Well, you made it." said the official as he handed the next clue envelope to Kelso. "Here's the next clue. Good luck."

"Awesome." said Kelso. "So, where's the elevator?"

"There isn't one." said the official.

"But I just climbed all those stairs." said Kelso.

"And now you get to climb back down." said the official.

Kelso moaned and collapsed. He ended up tumbling down the stairs.

He rolled past Grandpa Joe. "Well, he wasn't ready." he said.

Kelso rolled past Ron. "He was first?" he asked.

Butthead stopped on one step and heard Kelso tumbling towards him. "Hey, how far is it to..." Kelso rolled past him. "Uh, never mind." he said.

Kelso rolled past Velma. "Jinkies." she said.

Kelso rolled past Mason. "He would not have survived the Rot." he said.

Kelso finally reached the bottom of the stairs.

"God! Kelso!" yelled Eric.

Kelso got up and said "That was less painful than I thought it would be."

"But you got the clue?" said Hyde.

"Here." said Kelso as he handed it to Eric and dropped it before Eric could take it.

"Maybe I should take the next one." said Fez.

"No, I said I'd do them all, so I will!" said Kelso.

Back at the top, Velma took the clue. "Thank you." she said.

Grandpa Joe emerged from the Obelisk.

"You got it?" said Charlie.

"Nice workout." said Grandpa Joe.

"Well, that was less embarrassing than Chile." said Spike.

"You'll have a chance to make it up at the next challenge." said Mason.

"Got it." said Butthead as he handed the clue to Corvax.

"Ah, very nice work." said Corvax as he opened the clue and read it.

"Where are we going?" asked Beavis.

"Hmmm." said Corvax. "Your next challenge is in the village of Juliaca on the shore of Lake Titicaca."

Beavis and Butthead just stared at him.

"Huh." laughed Butthead. "Huh huh huh."

"Heh heh." laughed Beavis. "Heh heh heh."

"Huh huh huh." laughed Butthead. "Uh, huh huh huh."

"Heh heh." laughed Beavis. "Titicaca. Heh heh heh."

Brock watched them laugh over closed-circuit television. "I suppose we should have seen this coming." he said.

---

Banner, Baxter, and Masado were looking over transcripts of the calls they had received based on the mayhem caused by the Zentorno.

"So, a green Lamborghini. Crazy women in jumpsuits and go-go boots. AND they left their licence plate number." Banner stated in surprise.

"That's right." Baxter confirmed. "California licence plate reading 5EXY 5I5. Pretty ballsy if you ask me."

"That was just the beginning. We received this email with video attachment about an hour ago." Masado confirmed as he called up the email which had Lester's video attached.

Banner and Baxter watched through the video showing the chaos with the footage of Lara and her team interspersed with it.

By the time the video was over, Banner and Baxter looked absolutely furious.

"The sheer GALL of those degenerates!" Banner lividly whispered.

"I have always heard it said that Lara Croft has never officially been on the right side of the law, but this beats everything!" Baxter agreed.

"Well, that settles it! We're gonna send a message to all Cannonballers by taking this crew of brazen harlots down and take them down HARD!" Banner growled as he pounded his right fist into the palm of his left hand.

"Masado, set up comms with our field operatives." Baxter ordered. "The gloves are officially off!"

"Roger." Masado confirmed.

"This will redeem our image after that hotline business without a doubt." Baxter chuckled. "No one will dare make fun of the Cannonball Run Assault Patrol again!"

---

Herbie was roaring down a highway on the way to San Vicente in Bolivia. As Mickey drove, Wes Mantooth hovered above Team Disney in the news chopper.

"I must say, Central..." Wes reported to the Four Dragons "...it is at times hard to tell how much of Team Disney's great performance is down to good driving or the fact that they have an exceptional vehicle."

"I can hear you, you know." Mickey said over the radio.

"No offence, Mr. Mouse." Wes apologized. "So, do you fellas have time for an interview."

A loud horn sounded and the Doomsayer came up on the highway behind Herbie and tried to pass.

"I'll have to take a rain check there, Wes." Mickey replied as Herbie accelerated even more. "Looks like a challenge here."

"Okay. I think the guys at Race Central know what that means by now." Wes grinned as Jimmy Eat World took the stage at the Four Dragons.

"Never a dull moment for us musicians around here." chuckled Jim Adkins.

After a beat of a few seconds, Rick Burch and Zach Lind began on drums and bass. Shortly after that, Jim and Tom Linton came in on guitars and vocals.

Whoo!

Sonic was trying to move around Herbie and got ready to pass on the left side. Herbie managed to block the Doomsayer's way and shot a jet of oil out of his tailpipe onto the driver's side mirror of the Doomsayer.

"Wise guy!" Sonic grumbled.

That summer I did nothing.
Just sleeping, thinking and hanging around.
(thinking and hanging around)

In Herbie's back seat, Goofy was amazed by Herbie's audacious move.

"Garwsh!" he mused. "Herbie can be a real outlaw."

"This is the Cannonball, Goof." Mickey smirked. "We're all outlaws here. Now, hang on!"

Mickey put his foot to the floor and Herbie gained even more speed as Sonic and team tried to catch up.

Left the dark streets of September.
As the air was cooling down.
(As the air was cooling down)
Woah yeah it was cooling down.

I need the sunshine in the morning.
I'm heading for the open road.
Sunshine in the morning.
Lord you gotta let it flow.

"Don't let him get away!" Luigi yelled to Sonic.

"Not a problem!" Sonic nodded as he shifted gears and got after Herbie at high speed.

Yeah yeah yeah.

"Here he comes again, Mick." Goofy announced. "When he tries to pass again, floor it as far as it will go!"

"WHAAAAAAT?" spluttered Donald, who was already alarmed at how fast Herbie was going.

"Don't worry. I can handle it." Mickey announced as he shifted gears again as the Doomsayer came up and prepared to pass.

Ever since I lost her.
Seems the more I learn, the less I know.
(the more I learn, the less I know)

As the Doomsayer got ready to pass on the left side once again, Herbie performed a wheelie and took off at a higher speed than Team Mario could hope to match.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAK!" Donald yelled in terror.

"And I thought that it was J. Thaddeus Toad who was Disney's craziest driver." Mario shook his head in incomprehension.

Everyday I think about her.
But if I look back I'm gonna turn to stone.
To stone, woah yeah gonna turn to stone.

Wes was also shocked as he saw Herbie's extreme acceleration into the horizon from the chopper.

"Can you keep up with them?" he asked his pilot.

"No offence, but this is a news chopper, not Airwolf." the pilot shrugged apologetically.

"Well, if anyone bet on them being the first to reach San Vicente, they've got it made." Wes mused.

I need the sunshine in the morning.
I'm heading for the open road.
Sunshine in the morning.
Lord you gotta let it flow.

As Herbie steaked down the highway, Donald saw a semi truck up ahead of them.

"Truck! TRRRRUUUUUUCCCCCCK!" he yelled.

"No problem." Mickey smirked as he manuevered around the truck, managing to pass it without incident despite Herbie's high speed.

Goofy was now getting a bit uneasy.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he enquired uneasily.

"We'll be fine." Mickey grinned as he kept his eye on the speedometer. "Let's see if we can do 200."

"Let's not." Donald whispered in abject terror.

Mickey did not listen and Herbie picked up the speed even more.

I need the sunshine in the morning.
Yeah I gotta feel its glow.
Sunshine in the morning.
Lord you gotta let it flow.

I'm heading for the open road.
I'm heading for the open road.
I'm heading for the open road.
I'm heading for the open road.

I'm heading for the open road.
I'm heading for the open road.
I'm heading for the open road.
I'm heading for the open road.

Herbie now practically became a white blur on the highway as Mickey and team took off. Up ahead of them in the road was the Red Fury. Herbie manuevered around them with no problem and left Team Red Rangers wobbling on the road a little bit.

"What was that?!" asked Casey in shock.

"A Volkswagen." Mack mused in surprise.

Go!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Yeah!

Even farther up the road, Team Stone Cold had pulled over to take care of the Darkness' overheated engine. As Rob poured some water he had collected into the radiator, Herbie shot past them and nearly knocked Rob and Stone Cold off their feet with the wind he was kicking up.

Nemesis whipped out two of his tentacles and held his team-mates firmly in them, preventing them from being blown away.

"WHAT?" Stone Cold yelled as he looked around in shock.

It hit me without warning.
I was left out on my own.
The bad times they were forming.
I went through them alone.

But a new day it is dawning.
And I feel my pain is gone.
The open road is calling.
And I am moving on.

"PULL OVER!" Donald screeched. "MICKEY! PULL OVER!"

"I'm gonna have to side with Donald on this one, boss!" Goofy nodded as he started to turn pale. "We're almost there anyway."

"If you say so." Mickey shrugged.

"WE DO SAY SO!" Donald screamed.

I need the sunshine in the morning.
I'm heading for the open road.
Sunshine in the morning.
Lord you gotta let it flow.

Mickey saw a roadhouse near the entrance to San Vicente, advertising itself as "El Oasis". He slowed Herbie down and steered into the large parking lot. As Herbie slowed himself down, he did several doughnuts and kicked up a lot of trail dust as he brought himself to a halt. As this happened, Jimmy Eat World began to wrap up the song.

I need the sunshine in the morning.
Yeah I gotta feel its glow.
Sunshine in the morning.
Lord you gotta let it flow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-"Orpheus" by Ash.

Herbie finally came to a complete stop and several figures ran over to help Mickey and his team out of Herbie.

Donald was shaking and his feathers were soaked with sweat. One of the figures handed him a rag.

"Thanks." Donald grumbled.

"No problem." said a familiar voice. As Donald's vision cleared, he saw that it was Lita Halford.

Helping Mickey and Goofy out were Ophelia and Eddie Riggs.

"That was out of sight, Mick!" Eddie cheered. "I would never have believed it was possible."

"Thanks, guys!" Mickey cheered "Now, maybe if you gave us some of that Squealer Sauce stuff that Fletus gave you..."

"HEY! You guys did more than well enough without it." Ophelia sternly declaimed.

Donald shook his head in disbelief. The Baron walked over to Donald and offered him a bottle of beer.

"Here, mate. This should cool you off." the Baron stated.

"I don't drink." Donald grumbled. But nonetheless, he took the bottle. "But what the hey?"

"Sensible attitude." the Baron smirked.

"It is a surprise to see you guys here." Mickey said to Eddie.

"We did say we'd see you in South America, didn't we?" Eddie stated as Ophelia put a whistle around her neck.

"In fact, we have a little show planned for you in honour of your performance back there on the highway." Ophelia nodded as she pointed out a line of her Razor Girl warriors dressed in cheerleaders' outfits. Standing a little way behind them were some of Ironheade's roadies with their powerful speakers on their backs.

"It's not exactly metal, but we think it's fitting." Eddie announced. "Especially after you just showed what guts you have."

Ophelia blew the whistle and the Razor Girls began dancing and waving their pom-poms as the song "Mickey" by Toni Basil began blaring over the Roadies' speakers.

Mickey and Goofy chuckled whilst Donald shook his head in disapproval and downed his beer in one go.

---

In the sky above San Andreas, Batgirl was flying the Batwing on a course towards the East Coast.

J'onn, Blue Falcon and Dynomutt were all riding in the high-tech aircraft with her.

"Are you sure that Batman won't mind you using this baby?" asked Dynomutt.

"He knows that I'm qualified to pilot it." Batgirl shrugged. "Besides which, this way we get a major headstart on the Nightshade investigation when we reach Empire City. Over my dead body is some phony psychic gonna get the glory for this."

"We'll be flying over Fort Zancudo soon." J'onn warned. "Don't forget to activate stealth mode."

"Would they be likely to shoot us down?" asked Blue Falcon.

"If you did as much amphetamines and drank as much black coffee as the San Andreas military do, you'd be lucky not to shoot anything that makes a sudden movement." joked Batgirl as she activated stealth mode and the cloaking device just to be safe.

"Now, on to Empire City!" Falcon cheered.

---

Somewhere in Peru, the majority of the CRAP field agents had their vehicles parked near a set of wooden building frames of houses that were to be constructed.

LaFours was driving the Opus as usual but Slater and Michaels had now joined him. Victoria and Virginia were riding together in the Evenflow, Clouseau and Cato were present in the CM Venga and the Justices, Roscoe, and Bender had just joined them in the Hornet that Bender had acquired in Pucon.

Most of the team had just had the information about Lara and her team relayed to them over the radio and they were getting ready to go into action.

"What about the Crusader, sir?" Victoria asked.

"They can still take care of the other Cannonballers." Banner announced. "In fact, I would like Inspector Clouseau to focus his attention on the other Cannonballers as well so that we don't focus all of our efforts on one team.

"It will be my pleasure, sir." Clouseau smirked. "It will be no problem for a great detective like me."

"I know. Good luck everybody. Kick some ass!" Banner cajoled.

The CRAP operatives got ready to drive off.

Virginia was looking a bit sadly at the Hornet.

"Have you picked a name for that car yet?" she asked Bender.

"Sure have." Bender confirmed. "I call it the Scarsdale because of the whole New York/Hudson connection."

"Then we'll know what to put on its headstone." Virginia groaned.

"Huh?" asked Junior.

"Come on! You know by now that just about every vehicle that goes up against the Cannonballers gets sent to the scrapyard eventually." Virginia complained grimly. "It's a tragedy to see that such an American classic as a Hudson Hornet is going to meet that fate."

"Relax, lady." Bender smirked. "It'll be fine."

As Clouseau put the CM Venga in gear and drove off, he accidentally knocked off one of the foundation posts of the building the Scarsdale was parked near. The wall that was held up by the foundation began to fall towards the Scarsdale. Virginia winced as she saw it fall.

But, amazingly, there was a large picture window in the wall with no glass put in it yet. As the wall fell, the empty window fell over the Scarsdale and the classic car was spared even the most minute damage as the wall fell to the ground.

Virginia looked completely stunned.

"See what I mean?" asked Bender.

"I knew our luck had to change." Buford cheered.

Virginia shook her head in disbelief as the CRAP teams went on their way.

---

Jack Colton and team had run into trouble in the town of Tarija in Bolivia. Bullock and Montoya had managed to talk their way out of trouble back in Argentina and were now back on the road in the Crusader. The two of them were now pursuing the Squalo through the streets of Tarija.

"I told ya not to run those lights!" Ralph was yelling.

"Relax! We'll lose these jokers!" Jack replied as he kept up their high speed.

Montoya picked up the Crusader's CB and spoke through the loudspeaker they had attached to the Crusader.

"You in the Plymouth!" she yelled. "We know you can see us! Pull over immediately!"

"Yeah, right." Joan remarked as the Squalo kept going.

"Should we use the weapons?" Bullock asked in the Crusader passenger seat.

"Just get ready to use the Auto Taser." Montoya replied. "We'll do this the old-fashioned way."

She activated their burst of nitrous and gained ground on the Squalo. The Crusader rear-ended the fleeing Squalo a couple of times and nearly knocked it off the road.

"SHIT!" the Colton team chorused.

Montoya then rammed the left rear quarter panel of the Squalo and spun it out, causing it to come to a halt at the side of the street.

Montoya made a handbrake turn and made the Crusader face the disabled Squalo, blocking it in.

"NOW!" she yelled.

Bullock fired the Auto Taser at the Squalo and shorted out its operating system.

Both CRAP officers smirked and got their handcuffs ready as they climbed out of the Crusader.

"Oh, crap." Jack groaned.

"Hang on, guys." Joan stated. "I've got an idea."

TO BE CONTINUED...