Eyes that see into Infinity
Part 2
Chapter Twenty Three
/
Is anything precious anymore? Is anything ever truly pure? When my dreams are all done and over, and I can't see Phai anymore, who am I? Am I the king? Or was I just this lost kid stuck in a dream. This lost somebody who couldn't find anything available to grasp despite having so many options around me? Was I this person who didn't know what to do or think even though all of my answers I had right here?
I had no clue. As usual I was just totally blind to my direction.
People were beeping their car horns and yelling. Some were even getting out of their cars wondering why this freak was in there way. Alex didn't know what all the clamor was for until he took in a deep breath and focused his dark cluttered eyes among the existing and looked around. His brain not registering his own reckless actions. "Hey get out of the street asshole!" An angry person shouted.
The vision he just had must have snuck up on him because ending up in the center of the road with heavy traffic was highly inconvenient and again his visions showed him no mercy. But by this time, he accepted that it was a part of his life and it wasn't going away and without apology for the inconvenience the blonde teen ignored the wrath of the crowd and continued to walk away.
Being lost...the feeling was like water as I am being brought in by the tides of an ocean. It sweeps me up on land in an unfamiliar world and just leaves me here, like a shell buried deep in the sand. I am forced to stay here until a hand hovers over me and picks me up. But I have yet for that to happen and now I was afraid no one ever will.
Some say that I was lucky enough to even get this far. I got this far because I had a purpose. I knew that purpose and that was to find him...my general and my friend that I sought when my eyes could see.
Well...okay? Good for me. I found him. I have him. So now what?
I'll tell you. Things were starting to not feel right between us, anymore. Our connection after a period of time soon felt disconnected...How so if we were meant to be together, you ask? How could the feeling not be right? We were soulmates for fucksake! So how and when did everything go wrong?
"So, Cassy asked about you the other day." Tolem brought up, as he just hung around, talking to Phai, while his friend was washing and cleaning up after their late swim practice.
"Oh yea? What does he want?" Phai didn't seem too impressed or interested and Tolem didn't expect him to be.
"I think he might have been apologizing but I really don't know."
Phai couldn't even imagine what Cassy's actual intentions were when he spoke to Tolem but he was sure he heard it all before. Not to mention it was Cassy they were talking about! And the thought of him apologizing for any reason was unrealistic. "Anything else?" He asked less impressed than he was before.
"Yea he wanted me to tell you that he really likes you and pretty much that's why he gives you such a hard time." Just going out and saying it didn't sound as awkward in Tolem's head as it did in words, due just for the mere fact that it was Cassy he was trying to speak for. Which also meant Cassy had feelings somewhere hidden in his callous soul. Tolem cringed at the thought of Cassy being in love and suddenly he wanted Cassy to remain the jerk he was, so that he didn't have to see him go all lovey dovey if indeed he did have true feelings for Phai.
"He wants me to go out with him?" The blue eyed teen smuggled a laugh under his breath like Cassy was the most ridiculous person ever, especially to think he was ever going to say yes. "Cassy's cute, but he's not my type." Phai replied as if that was his final answer and all the curled haired boy could do was shrug and agree. He knew bringing it up to Phai was going to end up a pointless effort anyway but atleast he could tell Cassy that he'd tried and to move on.
"He'll get over it. I think he might be satisfied enough that you think he's cute."
"Pity. Whatever happened to working hard for what you want?" Phai replied.
"It's Cassy. He expects shit to be served to him on a platter." Tolem answered. Phai smiled at that truth. "Anyway speaking of shit being served on a platter, have you talked to Alex yet or are you waiting for him to magically appear?" He turned the subject quickly, however not carefully, because next thing he knew Phai angrily stepped out of the showers and served him the meanest glare.
Tolem smiled innocently. "What! It's just a question? So have you? It's been like a millenium since you two were last seen together which got me worried. What's going on with you two?"
"It's nothing. And no, I haven't talked to him." The brunette shook his head. Then started to stubbornly dry his hair with the towel Tolem threw to him. "I was going to call him though."
"But?"
"But what?"
"Why haven't you? What's holding you back?"
"I don't know. I just didn't." The brunette teen started to get dressed in his sweats and tank after drying himself.
"Okay." Tolem accepted that as a good enough excuse even though he could see right through his stubborn friend.
They got quiet for about ten seconds until Phai spoke. "So guess what?"
"What?" Tolem looked away from his book he was reading.
"I told my dad." Phai sat on the bench now and started putting on his shoes.
"About what?"
"About liking Alex."
Tolem gasped. "Really? Was he cool with it?" He was shocked because he wasn't expecting Phai to have said anything so soon. Atleast not until he was older.
"Yea, it seemed like it but I don't really know." Phai stopped to think about it. "My dad hides his true feelings a lot."
"Are you going to tell your mom?" Tolem was now super stoked at the news.
"No!" Phai replied defiantly.
"Good, they're the worst. Trust me you don't want to. Do you think Alex told his parents yet?"
"Would they care?" Phai scoffed.
"Good point."
"You know what Tolem, I've been thinking, and maybe Alex and I shouldn't be dating." Phai let out a miserable sigh.
"You guys technically aren't if that helps."
"I know, but we're still together, we're just not…you know..."
"Not officially boyfriends." Tolem finished.
"I was going to say 'official'. But we're boyfriends. I think. I mean maybe. Now that I think about it maybe he needs a break."
"From who?"
"Everything."
The answer WAS everything. Everyone called it a breakup. If you want to call it a break up, call it that. Be my guest. But it wasn't. For some reason Phai and I agreed to never define it as such. It was something beautiful instead...something prolonged. Something that couldn't be repeated, tested or observed. Our bond we shared, still compressed us in, where I couldn't get rid of him and he couldn't get rid of me, no matter how much we tried or how much outside influence from the outside world wanted us pulled apart and gone from each other. It didn't happen because it couldn't. The obstacles we've been through were too enormous and unforgetable to just forget and walk away from, that's why we still managed and even though we broke away, we stayed as we once were.
It was just us...
...Two people...
... Falling apart.
It was just Everything...we worked for...
...being taken away. It was just us falling apart...
...because we had too.
There were many reasons why it had to happen. Even though it didn't happen until six months later, during our prom night.
"How about you ask Alex and see what he thinks." Tolem suggested on the careful side of things. He didn't want to push Phai too far with it but still wanted to give a helping hand because he cared what it was doing to Phai.
"Yea right." Phai stayed on the more difficult side of things even though he understood Tolem was just trying to help.
"Oh come on Phai. You two are never going to be able to move on if you can't talk to each other."
"It's been two days since we've talked. He's avoiding me. We haven't even text or called eachother."
"Well you're avoiding him too. And if it helps he isn't really talking to anyone. He's been suspended for a freakin week. If that happened to me I wouldn't want to talk to anyone either."
"That's why I'm giving him his space." Phai reached over and zipped up his gym bag and no more than six seconds and another vented sigh later he gave Tolem 'that' look. That look that read he needed to ask something. "Did he and Cassy really get into it?" The question had been bothering him since the incident happened.
"Yea. Over you, if it makes you feel better." Tolem snickered, teasingly.
Phai rolled his eyes. And now for the next question that kept bothering him. "Did Alex really hurt Roxanne?"
"That's what everyone is saying." Tolem shrugged.
"Do you actually believe it?" Phai's eyes lifted up and towards his friend, his gaze deepening, hoping it wasn't true. And it didn't help that Tolem paused when they looked at eachother. "Oh come on Tolem, you don't believe he would do that?"
Tolem rubbed the back of his head. "Honestly I don't know. I love Alex, and I hate to say it, but the way he's been lately, who knows what actually happened. All I know is that Thais and Roxanne were there when they pulled Alex into the office. They said that he just sat there unresponsive, looking at them and he didn't deny anything the principal asked. He just accepted his punishment and left."
"Great. Now they're going to think he's some fucked up woman abuser all because of that stupid bitch Roxanne? Fuck that! and fuck her!" Phai crossed his arms, visibly upset.
Tolem was surprised at his sudden annoyance and temper and frowned. "I don't know Phai, but they had to do something, or else Roxanne's father would have filed a lawsuit claim against them. Alex should have tried to defend himself. If he didn't do anything to her I can't understand why he didn't atleast try to tell the truth."
"Whatever. I'll see you tomorrow." Something seemed to piss Phai off and it wasn't just his loathe for Roxanne and her little schemes. He just grabbed his things and upped and left the locker room.
The dark skinned girl was laying on her couch wrapped in a red robe, watching the large TV in her living room. She looked lost in her mind not paying attention to the movie her father had put on for her. She was still trying to get over her first problem, which was the breakup where she felt Alex betrayed her in a sense. Thinking of the first problem then led to her second problem, which was Cassy, the one who provoked it in the first place, and that led to her last problem, Phai. She contemplated ideas in her head to make all of their lives a living hell, but the one she would make the most of, was his. Because he might have not provoked it, and he might have not been the one that broke her heart, but he was the center cause of it all. Alex loved him. Cassy wanted him and where did that leave her?
Reason One. Roxanne. It left her in a vengeful state of affairs.
She dreamed from the very first time she laid eyes on me that I was going to be hers forever. Kids just happen to have a head full of dreams and crazy ideas which may or may not come true. In Roxanne's case her dream didn't go as well as she hoped or planned. Although I ended it with Roxanne and she wanted nothing to do with me, something still tugged at her. Clearly I wasn't that easy to get over. I never knew what it was that she felt for me. I know it wasn't love. Maybe it was obsession. Maybe it was power she sought. Maybe it was because she needed someone to love her and I was the only man in her life with a big enough heart for her to control and take advantage of. Or maybe she did love me but had shitty ways in showing it. I don't know, but what I do know is that because she couldn't let me go, it made it harder for Phai and I to hold on.
Cassy was walking down the street talking on is cell to Cleitus with his black jacket on, sunglasses and light blue jeans, and a cigarette in his unoccupied hand.
"Nothing happened Cleitus. It all turned out to be just bullshit by the end of the day."
"Bullshit my ass. You're always trying to start shit with him. I told you pissing him off would backfire. But you of course don't listen to me!"
"Hey hold it buddy, nothing backfired. Nothing even really happened. We argued, that's it. And this time I didn't start it. Alex came at me first. It was all something Roxanne said to Phai, which he took out on me." Cassy explained defensively.
"Uh-huh."
"You don't believe me?" Cassy halted his walking.
"Nope."
"You can ask Phil, Crater and Leon. They were there and can tell you exactly what happened. Alex was the one to come to me first."
"Cassy come on I know you well enough to know when you're lying out your ass."
The teen sighed. "Okay, I admit I said a few things and it made him even more angry, but I wasn't the one to start the fight."
"I still don't believe you."
"Fuck you then." Cassy smirked when bringing the cigarette back to his mouth and continued to walk.
"I have no objections. So what's this I'm hearing about Roxanne and Alex. Did they break up for real?"
"If you considered them together than yes. Also maybe if you came to school once in awhile I wouldn't have to waste my time explaining the drama to you."
"Fuck you. So I'm hearing that our little blue eyed buddy might be gay. Is that true?"
"Where did you hear that?" Cassy puckered his brows with green eyes only a tiny bit astounded that the rumor was going around still. Or maybe Cleitus was just late to the game.
"Duh, school." The blacked haired friend repsonded with a deep chuckle.
"I know what's happening at school, because I actually go, who did you hear it from?" Cassy groaned.
"Meh, some junior girl I sleep with every now and then. She said it's going around. Fill me in, does Phai really dig on dudes?"
Cassy sighed, flicking his cigarette to the ground and stepping on it. He didn't want to answer with the truth because he thought about the consequences if Phai were to find out. Also he would be a hypocrite if he went out and told everyone Phai was gay, when he himself craved him and couldn't admit it himself. Also Phai, knowing how Cassy feels about him, isn't that polite not to turn the favor.
Reason Two: Cassy.
Everybody at least has that one person envious of everything you have. That was Cassy towards me. I had Phai and he didn't. So he did everything in his power to get him.
Filled with charm and swaggering deceit, Cassy was number two on the list for why Phai and I broke it off. Same reason for Roxanne, but in an entire opposite situation, he couldn't let Phai go for the life of him. Phai being with someone like me was just unacceptable. Jealousy obviously had a lot to do with it but unlike Roxanne, who had reasons for her obsessive behavior, it wasn't that Cassy couldn't necessarily get over Phai, it was just that he wouldn't. Just in spite of me or something. It not only gave him the opportunity to challenge me especially since I was out of the picture but it also gave him time to change into that person Phai could tolerate and maybe even fall in love with. Cassy was a force to be reckoned with. I had no idea how powerful he was in the sense of his ability to get what he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted. He had everything I did. Yes, even the determination and strength to win Phai's heart just with a different approach to his method. No one even to this day, still knows if Cassy truly loved Phai, just Cassy.
"I don't know." He finally answered Cleitus. "Hey, listen, I'll call you back."
"Yea, yea, later. Be careful with Alex though."
"Sure." Cassy hung up the phone and walked into the small coffee shop he had stopped in front of. He removed his sunglasses and smirked his nasty smirk, with his sharp green eyes as he approached the counter to bother Tolem. "Working hard I see. I never expected anything less from you Tols. Nice apron."
"Screw you Cassy and get out."
"Hey don't speak to me that way. I'm a potential customer. Besides I'm ordering something." Cassy smiled as he leaned on the counter to check out the menu.
Tolem walked over to the counter. "Sorry I can't do your usual. Phai's not here." He said sarcastically knowing well why Cassy intended to stop by and pay him a visit. "You can however order something else. We have a great 'get the hell out' special. It sells pretty well."
Cassy chuckled. "Aw, it seems though that I'm not that interested so how about instead of the special, I just get a tall cup of black coffee." He placed ten dollars on the counter, smiling widely.
Tolem snatched the money, put it into the register and grinned evilly at Cassy while not giving back his change. "Is that it for you. No cream or sugar?"
"All of the above please."
Tolem just rolled his eyes and went to go make his coffee.
Cassy watched Tolem work and then pushed away from the counter. "Also speaking of Phai, have you talked to him yet?"
"I have actually."
"And?"
"He's not interested, just like I told you." Tolem handed him his coffee. "Also isn't this low of you, to come in here and bother me about Phai?"
"If you didn't want me to bother you, you could have called me, or texted me, or maybe said something to me at school so that I wouldn't have to be here. So now I'm here." Cassy grinned.
Tolem stepped out from behind the counter ignoring him to go wipe down tables and Cassy just followed him. "Did you even tell him what I said?"
"Even if I did, would that change his mind, no. He thinks you're a jerk Cassy. That's it. The end. Now go away and stop stalking me at my job."
Cassy moved in close to Tolem, leaning on the table he was cleaning and Tolem stopped what he was doing and glared up at the meaned eye boy. Cassy smirked."Tols even in that nerdy geeked out heart of yours, no matter how much loyalty you have for Alex, you wouldn't mind Phai ending up with me."
Tolem chuckled antagonistically. "Is that what you think?"
"Yep." His affect was durable.
"Why would I want Phai to have anything to do with you?"
"That's not really your decision to make now is it? Phai will soon give in to me. That's how it always happens. It's just a slow process at the moment. He'll reconsider what he has now only to find out he needs better."
"I wouldn't be a good friend if I allowed Phai anywhere near you."
"I'm not that bad. Not like a certain someone else you and I both know."
"What the hell are you even talking about?" Tolem's patience was running thin.
"Oh Tolem can't you see how Alex is? And Phai can't be with someone like him. At least I'm consistent in my feelings and what Phai see's with me he gets, Alex not so much. And you and I both know what Alex will eventually become. So if you're really looking out for your friend, tell him to be careful around his blonde little steed." The sandy haired teen smirked. "Think about it. He is his fathers son afterall. Thanks for the coffee." Then he took his coffee and left the store.
Tolem tossed the wet rag on the table, watching Cassy through the glass windows of the shop walk across the street. Then he looked back at the wet table and continued back to his work.
Cassy despite being a complete dick, knew what he was talking about. I was my fathers son and even though he and I shared no love towards eachother, my dad still remained the biggest male influence in my life, because that's all I had to learn from. Correction that's all I had. Even though he was never there for me.
Tolem came to me years later in regret admitting that he wanted it. That he wanted Phai to end up with Cassy. He wanted to see how it would have ended up with those two. He wanted to see if Phai could change Cassy and make him a better person. And when I asked him if he preferred Phai with Cassy instead of me, he didn't need to answer. And I didn't need to ask because even I felt Phai would be better off with Cassy after how I turned out.
Alex was laying in his room, his back on the floor, staring up at his 'non' so interesting ceiling but staring with much focus, like their was a significance in the bland structure. Always so much going on in his head he was surprised he was actually thinking about nothing. There just seemed to be an infinite nothingness that his eyes could see. Something he was looking into but nothing being there.
Reality wasn't graspable until he felt his phone vibrating on the floor next to him. Monotonous, coherent eyes blinked and he turned slowly to look at the annoying buzzing device. It had been ringing all day. He already knew what the vibrating was. Everyone. All of his friends blowing up his cell with texts wondering where he had been lately and wondering about his breakup with Roxanne. Some were excited, some not, some disbelieving, but mostly everyone thought it was just a rumor, wanting to know if it was true or not. But he refused to answer any texts concerning her because he needed to forget. He refused to talk to anyone actually. He was angry that Roxanne had to have any feelings for him. He was angry that everyone was making a big deal out of it. He was angry that he didn't tell her earlier. He was angry that people were calling it a break up when they were never together to start. He was angry that it was his fault to begin with. He was angry he never once told Phai that he loved him. The king in him was making it hard for him to know how. He was making it hard for him to do anything and while this Alexander the king sat on his throne feeding his own ego, Alex the boy was suffering just trying to keep his soul from starving. The king consuming him from the inside out.
But he stared at his cell phone because he also needed to talk. He needed to talk to someone who would listen. Someone who wouldn't mention something he's trying to forget.
There were so many questions I needed answers to before I went forward.
I had started to receive stronger images flashing through my brain; I think the clearer the visions, it came with age as I matured more. I still don't know but if it would have gotten any stronger I just might have ended my life myself, because the pain was starting to become too much. It was a big part of my life now. The more clarity the visions gave, the more pain I suffered through. Just to give you an idea what it feels like, every time I get one, my head starts to pound vigorously. Then I get a feeling that my head is being split open. Not by anything sharp but by something dull. My eyes feel like they are being pulled into the back of my skull and my throat tightens and breathing becomes heavy. And I struggle fighting and reaching for the air to keep me alive. It's not a good feeling. Most of the pain I don't remember because I try to forget. But if it was a 'gift' like my doctor said it was then the reasons for a breakup seemed perfectly valid. And Alexander, the man that was me but the man I never knew, was a cause of it.
Clear scenes of who I was as king was just one reason why I couldn't proceed in my life with Phai by my side. And what I learned from those visions right away was that King Alexander was a bad lover. And since he was a bad lover, I thought of myself as a bad person, and lover who Phai deserved more from. I hate to say that about myself but the truth hurts and it's the truth I needed. The visions showed me how I treated my lover. Always leaving him alone. Alone in a darkness. Pushed to where I can only see him and the only thing with him was his own shadow and the sight of my greed. Sure he was misunderstood. Yes, he allowed the alcohol he consumed to talk more than he should have and yes, he was drowned in difficult times. I would know, we're the same freakin people but the fact was Phai didn't deserve it. Period. So I held myself accountable for the kings actions. But what I didn't know at the time, was how much I misunderstood and didn't know myself. At all.
After these more dramatic visions, I thought only two things. One, that my future wasn't supposed to be with Phai and what we had and shared together was a one time thing and that us being true lovers we could just forget about, because that was just a myth in my head. Two, that my vision wasn't a vision at all but a dream. A false dream. But since I can't sleep and dreams only arrive when one actually rests, then the first one has to be true. So maybe I should stop calling my visions dreams. Because dreams I desire. And at the time I didn't know what happened between us but I wished it was a dream.
A lot of things were the cause, but now as I speak with you, I fully understand why, because it was none other than I who gave him up. I let him go. And I know why.
Reason Three: The tyrant in me wasn't deserving of loving someone such as Phai.
Just when he scrolled down to Phai in his contacts, he stared at the name for awhile before skipping him and decided to dial his mother instead. He waited, hearing the constant rings and she finally answered.
"Hello sweetie."
He just blinked, with waiting eyes as if he was still waiting for his mother to pick up.
"Alex, darling are you there?"
He blinked once more wondering why he wasn't responding. It's not like this was the first time he's ever lost voice and forgot how to answer. But was it his mothers voice he was actually seeking to hear. Or was it someone else?
'Hun?"
"Yea. Hey mom." He finally spoke, but something about his words didn't sound driven or accessible.
She knew, just by being his mother that something was immediately wrong. "You sound tired. Is something wrong?"
"Yea, kind of. Are you busy?"
"I always have time for you. Tell me what's wrong."
"I thought I knew what I was supposed to do. But now I don't know what that is."
"Do with what?"
"My life. My future maybe. Try dignity." He murmured as he ran a lucid hand down his weary face.
"Daring, I've always told you, in life, you do what you need."
"What if I don't have that time to do what I need to do?"
"You can only make what's best of your time Alex. Not everyone is successful and not everyone gets what they want in life, but everyone has to work hard for what they want but they must be willing."
"I did work hard. And I do have what I want but why do I feel like I can't keep it. Why do I feel regretful? Why am I rejecting everything I worked so hard to get? I'm talking about everything I became strong for. I told myself in the very beginning that I would find what I want, take it and live in relief that my dreams have been confirmed. I have it now, but why do I not feel any comfort yet. I feel like I'm living my life in two different places and one is reality and one is not, but I don't know which one is real. I'm really confused right now because all I can think of is if this phone call is real or not. You're probably not real and I'm talking to someone completely different and I just don't know it. But I bet you will tell me that I'm wrong because what you're seeing, hearing and touching is real to you. So am I real or not?"
"Honey what are you talking about? Ofourse you're real. Are you alright?"
Something out of nowhere pulled and swarmed in his head. He closed his eyes tight bracing himself before fighting another vision from coming "Nothing. I'll call you another time." He hung up quickly and tossed the phone away from him as he grabbed at his hair, wanting to pull it out, if that gave him any relief at all. He was holding all attempts back at screaming as his headache returned less merciful than last. He stayed their counting his breaths while trying to function as he fought the outlook of his new vision.
/
The two have another moment by each others side as they admire the wonderful beauties the sky befalls upon the golden kingdom.
The general looks up to the sky. The world will eventually be yours Alexander. He turns to his King and lover. Why do you keep chasing dreams?
The king lifts his hand towards the sunrays. Seeing something his lover could not. His smile falls into place. It's destined for me, Phai.
His general recognizes that the king has been chasing dreams all his life and his heart races hearing that response. He watches the king breathe in and breathe out.
I dream all the time about this life Phai. But there is another life out there. Somewhere.
The brunette afraid of that answer closes his eyes. Sad to be losing his lover to the world. Is love a dream to you? Is love a dream worth chasing? I know I've told you over and over, but I can't help but fear for you Alexander. I fear of losing you to this world you so love so much.
Fear not Hephaistion.
As long as we're alive, I will continue to do so. The world you dream of won't be able to take care of you as much as I can. You will be consumed and lost wondering what to do.
I know. I'm reckless. You've told me. He chuckles.
It's not that. The general captures the king's wrist and pulls him in closer. He's become serious.
What is it Phai? Alexander recognizes his lover's teary blue eyes. They're dim. I won't be able to live without you. So promise me that when we die, I go first.
What are you talking about?
I won't be able to manage without you, when the world is yours and you forget about me. You've told me before, to have it, is the most important thing. Isn't that your number one goal my Alexander? To have the entire world at your feet?
Why do you think I'm going to leave you for this world?
The general looks down and smiles shortly. Saying it like that doesn't feel so bad. He looks back up.
I won't feel right, if you're gone and away Hephaistion. One day we'll break free from everything and we'll explore the mountains, and the seas. His hands touch the soft skin of his lover's wet face. You're my moon that guides my footsteps in the dark. I will never leave you here. Alone.
\
The entire session lasted five minute and his throat finally un-knotted and he was able to empty his rapid breaths. He sat up leaning against his bed panting. After he calmed down, he stood and left his bedroom. He walked down the stairs and into his father's office. Phillip was working on things involving filling out paper work for his job and looked up at his kid.
"What do you want? I'm working."
Alex wasn't nervous. "On what. You're out of work so it can't be that important."
"I'll be back to work soon. Did you just come down here to insult me boy? You know I have more ways than one, in kicking your little ass."
"I would never insult you dad. I talked to mom just now."
"So?"
"Don't you care?"
"No. Now leave, I'm busy."
Alex watched him take a sip from his coffee and try to concentrate back on what he was doing.
"I need to tell you something. I need your attention though."
Phillip surprisingly stopped what he was doing respecting somewhat his son's courage to interrupt him like that. "You have two minutes."
"I only need ten seconds. I'm in love with someone."
"Pfft, love? You don't know the meaning of it boy." Phillip chuckled lightheartedly amused at his sons supposed declaration of guilt.
"Do you?" Alex challenged already knwoing damn well his parents relationship was already down the drain. These were the same two people who claimed to love eachother when they got married. And these were also the same two people who said that love gave them a beautiful baby boy. What a different road he was on now.
"It's meant to kill. I suggest you rethink how much you really care about this person." Phillip almost came off as mocking.
"It's funny how you smile when you're giving bad advice."
"It's all the advice that's needed."
"I'm serious dad. Even if it does kill me."
Phillip grinned and crossed his arms against his powerful chest staring up at his awkward but intelligent son. "Since you think you're ready for the challenge, who is this special someone? Do I know her?"
"Yea the neighbor kid. By the way I'm going out for awhile." He turned to leave but his dad halted him.
"How long are you going to be out this time?"
"Why does it matter to you?" Alex asked neutrally.
"Because I'm your father and you can think whatever you want about me boy, I still care. What have you been doing the last couple of nights? You haven't been home. Your friends been calling asking where you've been. What have you been doing?"
"I like to take walks. I also drive around."
"Walks till six in the morning?" Phillip didn't believe that one. But then again who would.
"Yea." Alex nodded.
"Where do you go?"
"Places. Just around." The teen turned to leave again.
"Hey, you better be ready to go back to school tommorow."
"Okay." Alex didn't argue.
"You still talk to that one weird kid who you hung out with all the time? What's with his family. They're freaking weird. His dad always waves at me and smiles. You should stay away from them."
"That's what neighbors do." Alex couldn't help but smile just a bit.
"Too friendly for me. Oh and the little girl, I always hear her screaming."
"She gets excited about alot of things."
"And the kid you hang out with, is he gay?"
Alex was shocked his father asked. He didn't even know how to answer without being conspicuously eye catching. "Why?" he asked. He knew it was his fathers way to start conversation and the bonding thing, when he asked random, weird and out of place questions but asking if his friend was gay?
"I dont know I just have this feeling. He's just too pretty." His father was still deep in his work.
"Many guys at school do find him attractive. Me included."
"I'm hoping you like him for his girly looks." Phillip commented and wasn't taking him serious at all. "I think his dad is gay."
"Let me guess, because he keeps looking at you whenever your outside."
"Yes, what else am I supposed to think?"
The blonde didn't say anythng to that and left the office letting his father get back to his work. It was almost comedic that his dad would even think that and actually let it bother him.
"And if you want to come back into this house you better apologize to me boy."
Alex removed his hand from the door and groaned. "What did I do this time?"
"Thinking I don't care about you."
Alex knew his dad wasn't expecting a reply, or an answer or even acknowledgement, so he left the front door and closed the door quietly. In some ways he felt good about it. In some ways he didn't care or bleieve it. Glad that his dad got it off his chest. But the king he felt in him was very emotional so he still took his fathers words to heart. One thing that he was starting to learn about this king was that if he was pushed the wrong way it was bad for a lot of people. Alexander was a mad man. That was the best way he could put it but Alex was just a young adult, managing and balancing his feelings and the king's feelings and doing it very well for the most part, especially since the king in him was trying to wake up.
Alex started to walk down the sidewalk. He found himself smiling while taking a long stroll in the moonlight. He enjoyed the peace and quiet of the neighborhood. He had to smile just to tell himself the confession to his father wasn't all that bad. Even though he didnt say any names, he still let him know that he was in love. Alex took out his cell phone. He scrolled to Phai's name.
/
Hey Alexander! Where are you walking too? His future general left his room to catch up with him.
Nowhere now. Just hoping to get lost somewhere. The young prince whispered as he snuck out of the palace with his friend right behind.
But it's late. Too late to want to get lost. A prince should always have company! His blue eyed friend, didn't comprehend the blondes decision.
I know. The prince whined annoyed of being babied. But I'm okay with it.
The blue eyed boy stopped following after his friend, feeling unwelcomed.
What are you doing Phai?! Alexander looked back after taking a few more steps.
Well, do you need some company? I mean do you want it? The future general and bodyguard asked sadly. Afraid his prince didn't want him around.
The prince knew how he felt. He walked up to him with a charming little smile.Trying to cheer him up. That would be nice. I would love that actually.
I just don't want you to get lost by yourself. I will be very sad if you did.
Come with me then. Let's get lost together. The young prince reached out his hand for his friends hand.
\
Alex thought he felt someone come up beside him, taking his hand. And when he looked, Phai wasn't there, no matter how real his visions were. He put his cell away instead of calling him and walked down the sidewalk into the night, deciding he'd rather get lost by himself.
The music class was just getting out and all the students were clearing and sauntering out. Thais and Roxanne were laughing and chatting behind as they packed up their instruments. They weren't expecting to see him but Alex stopped by the room. This was his first day back in a week and if he looked shittier when she saw him last, he looked worst now.
He cleared his dry throat. "Roxanne can we talk?"
"Why don't you just leave Alex? She doesn't want to talk to you."
This time it was Thais serving an attitude towards him while Roxanne just ignored him the best she could, which she did really well. Alex understood completely why Thais was angry at him and why Roxanne was too. And he also knew that Roxanne and Thais were very close friends and he wasn't there to ruin their friendship. And even though Thais knew Roxanne could be snotty and bitchy at times, she did not know her true nature. Alex at that time hardly knew Roxanne's true nature but other than that it was under Thais own opinion that any man to touch a woman like that didn't deserve any respect.
"You're not even going to allow me to say that I'm sorry?"
"Haven't you done enough?" Thais snapped. "Come on Roxanne. I know you have other things to worry about."
Alex moved aside, against the door, out of their way as they both grabbed their things and shoved by him, leaving him in the music room. He sighed. Nothing ever serving him any sort of justice. He ran hands through his hair as he walked inside the room more, looking around at the setup, instruments and anything until his next class started. With a deep unenergetic sigh he sat at the piano bench. He tossed his backpack down next to him and all he wanted to do was sleep. He wanted to know what it felt like. He wanted everything to be normal again. Whatever normal was to him. He closed his eyes, and if he was being honest with himself, he expected school to be shitty the first day back.
Do you ever get those days where nothing goes your way? Nothing good happens? Everything is depressing and theirs a fucking storm just following you everywhere you go?
Well that's been my entire life plus an extra shit week. After I was suspended for not just 'putting hands on a student,' but also suspended for violating the girl's private locker room, I distanced myself to everyone. Even to Phai. The only reason I talked to Roxanne is because I did feel bad, for breaking her heart and putting my hands on her. But also because the principal of the school demanded that I'd try to apologize, obviously so the school doesn't look bad on my behalf. I wasn't angry that I was suspended. Disappointed in myself yes, but since I was a straight A student most of the time, the higher ups recognized my potential that I was a good student and showed me mercy as you will. Honestly it could have been a much longer suspension. Most schools don't tolerate abuse, even though that's not what I did, but that's what was claimed and perceived despite the truth.
Reason four for our possible breakup was based around my own insecurities. Phai felt I needed my space and after what he's seen I don't blame him.
What I did care about was what Phai thought of me. Especially after everything that had happened. I couldn't even think of him, or look at him, afraid of the reaction he might have if he believed anything about the talk going around. All I wanted was to be this idea of perfection in his eyes, even though I knew it wasn't possible or likely. As much as he told me he wanted to be there for me, I reflexively wouldn't allow it. His reactions to me in pain from the migraines I was getting from this stupid condition of never sleeping, was hard for him. It was horrifying. He couldn't just start another day and look over everything. He was scared for me all the time. I didn't want that. I didn't want pity and I didn't want to make excuses for why it has to happen. Even though he rarely witnessed me in my suffering process, normally only when he slept over at my place or when we would just go to the shed in the field, there was just something unnatural and weird about never seeing me sleep or take a nap. I couldn't close my eyes for even twenty seconds. So...what did I do. I spent most of my time going out for night walks not to return home till the very late morning. To get away. From everything. And the only thing I wanted to get away from, I couldn't, because it was me. Yes I was insecure. So insecure, the people who came to know me as this brash, overconfident, egotistical human being, this mighty king of the world, wouldn't even know what kind of shit I've been through. Fuckers had no idea. No idea that I was lonely. That I was sad. They never even knew that I was in love. Or that I could love. And that's what I wanted. To escape the reality that I questioned so much. To escape the only person I ever fucking loved and before I knew it, I was mentally bracing myself, knowing there would be a time where Phai eventually gets tired of me not letting him in. And since we are already on the topic of insecurities, I am a fucking screw up. That is a fact about me you should never forget.
The blonde, was leaning on the keyboard part of the piano as he messed and played with a couple of the keys, mindlessly, listening to the pitches echoing through the quiet dark room. Then he straightened up and slid his fingers to the center keys. He sighed again as he played short notes, listening to the different sounds the keys made. He hadn't played a piano in so long it was hard to remember back when he actually did and he situated himself to see if he still knew how. His right hand slid to the right of the keyboard and he started tapping the keys there.
Then he started to resonate quietly to himself as he played a familiar soft and eccentric melody on the piano. 'Alone, left here in dust...amidst my fears and doubts…' He scooted up more on the stool as his left foot met the pedal. 'Life's shattered dreams... I could have done without.' His hands moved with grace.
'Now chthonic life has set its sights on making me a slave to its ways." He laughed inwardly. 'I wait for return, until then my soul, it burns… and it burns... only for you...'
He smiled. "And i'll be with you soon..and I'll be with you soon.'
So you learn something new about me. Yes, I can sing. I can do music. Very well. It was hidden talent that I've always had but never shared because a long time ago in a world far away you ight have heard this story but my father told me to leave singing for the little girls and slaves. I was teased by fellow friends that I sang like a woman. Then generations after generations, people got this idea of me that I sang horribly just because they read it somewhere. You see we didn't understand music as it was back then. It was for just women and if a man was caught singing he was considered unworthy. They were wrong.
His voice was strong yet soothing. Nothing feminine about it. 'Night, it falls on me endlessly, I search for you in this blindness. A prodigy of lust and loss till sleep comes down
...sleep comes down...'
He shuts his lethargic but dynamic eyes. 'I can't explain, but disdain remains...some treason I can't reason.' He opened his eyes because he couldn't keep them closed for long. 'They left me here for dead my dear, barely breathing, but I'm still breathing...'
Then he stopped. Alex looked over towards the door. Phai was standing there just looking at him. The brunette teen looked like he didn't know whether to go in and compliment him or just shocked that Alex was there and that they were staring at eachother with nothing to say. It was a plethora of reasons. He didn't know what to do because even like Alex, he didn't have guts to go and just talk to him. It seemed easy to stare though. None of them even said hi to eachother but Phai did sneak in a shy conceived smile before he turned uncomfortable thinking he walked in on something private, and quickly left for his next class, leaving Alex alone. And once Phai dissappeared from his sight like he was never there to begin with, Alex turned back towards the keyboard and went back to just pressing one key over and over again. He smiled because Phai had smiled. It was just too bad he didn't share that smile when Phai gave his.
He stayed put where he was at for awhile longer, trying it again. Closing his eyes and counting to see how long he could keep them closed...
He was hoping for thirty seconds longer but only fifteen seconds came to him. He opened his eyes, grabbed his bag and headed to class.
Phai watched the rain fall as he looked out his window. He was biting his nails nervously, eyes observing the water drops slipping down the glass outside his room. Eyes observing the window from the house next to his. He had been working on his homework before his distraction kicked in when he decided to think about Alex and why he wasn't talking to anybody. It had already been the entire week of his suspension after what everyone claimed he had done to Roxanne and seeing Alex back was compelling on so many levels. It was like seeing the sunrise for the very first time but the gold fire of gas instead of completing its rise just stops at the horizon line. And the worried teen pacing about couldn't help but think it was his fault. Maybe that's why Alex wasn't talking to him. He should have never got Alex worked up. He should have never told him anything Roxanne had shared with him that night.
I think Phai despised my passion. The passion I had for him, my ambition, my passion to challenge everybody and everything. Especially the passion of curiosity. It's a funny thing to hate in somebody but I know Phai had his reasons. All he had to do is look back and see how everything in my life took affect on the way I turned out to be. This supposed 'passion' put him through alot of shit. It became a dangerous part in my life aswell. I let it take control absent thought of what I was doing. It got me into trouble, it hurt me most times but it definitly influenced Phai the most because he was the one dealing with my excessive perceptive temperament, because he loved and cared for me. That alone should tell you how much of a wonderful human being Phai was and what a great lover he was to me. Always putting me first above everything else. And I mean everything. But don't get me wrong, high maintenance I might have been, but I never put him last. Ever! He was always first in my head and the last person I ever thought about. The issue he had with me was that I never put myself first, even if that was the act I was playing aorund with for the longest time.
The teen turned when he heard two small knocks on his door. Amyntor was there with a concerned fatherly look on his face. "Hey." He said quietly. "Uh, your mom told me that you seemed upset about something. Thought I would just check up on you."
"She always thinks I'm upset about everything." He slumped on his bed, looking with big bothered eyes at his dad.
"What do you expect her to think when you come home from school with nothing to say to anybody. You're always in your room before we can even say how your day was." Amyntor was looking around his sons room like it was the first time he had been in there.
"Why does she even care? School is school, nothing changes."
"That's not what I heard from your friends."
"What did they say?" Phai moaned, ultimately annoyed by them at the moment.
"That a certain someone was suspended. Is that true?" Amyntor thought it best not to mention names because he still knew how uncomfortable Phai was, still mentioning Alex around him.
"Yea." Phai averted his eyes. "And that's definitly something I'm going to avoid talking to you and mom about."
"Why?" Amyntor asked, serious.
The teen shook his head. "Because you won't understand. And it's personal."
Even though they had come to terms on Phai's earlier confession, Phai was still isolating himself towards his dad, while his dad was trying more and more to involve himself with his sons life. Which wasn't working out for either of them yet.
"Do you think that I wouldn't care?" His dad asked trying to stay reasonable.
"The problem is that you would care. Probably too much. You're acting like you and I didn't have that discussion about me liking Alex. And you're acting like you're not bothered by it. It's awkward talking to you because I don't know what you're really thinking."
His father knew eventually Phai would come at him with the trust side of their relationship. "That's not fair to me Phai."
Phai leaned up from his bed. "What's not fair is you pretending to be okay with it but not letting me know that it's bothering you."
"Why do you think I'm still upset?"
"Because I know you dad. You shut down when you think I'm not around."
Amyntor sighed after he placed his hands on his hips. He looked down at the floor, musing about something. "Look, we talked about this. We talked about how I would need time. I'm trying Phai."
"I regret telling you and I hate to feel this way dad I just do."
"So?"
"So what?" Phai frowned confused.
"Is Alex the reason why you're moping around lately?"
"Yea." Phai admitted sweetly as he looked away from his dad. Again with the sad eyes. "I told you I wasn't going to talk to you about it."
"I thought you two were okay?" His father persisted.
"Something happened at school and I said something to him that I maybe shouldn't have said."
"Do you want my advice?"
"Not really."
"Well..." Amyntor look at his watch. "He lives right next door. It's not too late. How about you go over there, and apologize." It ended up being that simple and his dad kissed him on top of his head. Then he left the room. Phai pretty much knew that meant for him to get off his whiny ass and do something about it.
But because it wasn't that simple, he had to think about it for another thirty minutes before he finally slipped on his boots and threw a jacket on. He wasn't prepared for what happened next. He found himself before the front door of his friends house with nothing ready or prepared to say. But he didn't want to look like an idiot just standing there so he rung the door bell, and just when he was hoping Alex would answer, it wasnt. Phillip opened the door instead, shirt off, grey sweats, liquor bottle of Cognac in his hand, and as mean looking as ever, then Phai remembered that Phillip's car was in the driveway when he walked up and why he didn't think of that.
Phai blushed just because of the no shirt part. Alex's father might have been notorious for never wearing a shirt. Always naked on top, when he checked the mail, fetched the newspaper, mowed the lawn, smoked. Always. "Uhm, is Alex here?"
Phillip looked at him weird. "Who are you?"
"I'm Alex's friend. I live next door. I actually come here all the time." Phai answered slightly offended, with extra confusion on his face. The older man didn't even take into account the boldness of the boys statement probably because he was too buzzed.
"Oh yea." Phillip nodded. "I remember you." He stepped aside. "He's in his room."
"Thanks." Phai walked in slowly feeling weirded out and uncomfortable. Phillip came off as a scary man. Always frowning, with deep dark brown hair, and built very strong for an older guy.
"Theres some beer in the fridge." Phai felt intimidated by the older man when Phillip looked at him awkward one last time before leaving him and going back to his office work. He was probably used to Alex's friends coming in whenever they wanted, that someone actually knocking was not normal to him.
Phai walked up the stairs slowly. Like he was about to walk through some mysterious looking cave. It felt awkward because most of the time the parents would call their kid down. But Phai felt the distance between father and son right away just by being in the house. It was dark and the only lights on were the lights in the downstairs office and a light on up stairs. When he made it up the stairway he walked before Alex's door. It was half opened and he gave himself atleast ten seconds before calling for Alex quietly, not entering the room completely but peeping in just slightly. When he didn't get an answer probably due to the blonde standing by his bed with just a towel around his waist while vigurously drying his hair with a smaller towel, he blushed even more. It was a sight he thought he'd never see again. Phai cleared his throat shyly and knocked feebly on the door again.
Alex turned.
"Hey." Phai said smiling, hoping this wasnt a big mistake. Or a bad time.
"Hey." The blonde said back and that was good enough for Phai. Alex was staring at him like Phai was some new beginning. Like he was a statue of magnificence.
"Uh, your dad let me in. I think he forgot who I was?"
"Is he drinking?"
"Yea."
"That's probably why."
Phai stood their nervously for a second. "Are you avoiding me Alex?"
"Maybe." It was easily said as the blonde teen shrugged.
His eyes were different. More assured, definite. He, himself was more confident. More manly and Phai found it hard to keep eye contact.
"I saw you today in the music room. Where did you learn to sing like that?"
"My mom used to sing to me all the time when I was young. She thought that would help me sleep. I stopped singing when my dad told me that singing was for little girls. I told myself, he's absoultely right I won't waste my time." He sounded nonchalant. But his stare stayed attached to the beautiful man standing across him.
"I think you're voice is amazing."
"Thanks."
Since the blonde was staring so seriously Phai thought he should keep up with talking. "I mean I wish you had told me you could sing and play music."
"I thought you wouldn't care."
"You thought wrong."
"My mistake." Alex was just killing him with that stare.
Phai started to walk around the room. Because Alex staring at him was working his nerves. In a good way. "So I heard about the rumors. About Roxanne saying that you hurt her. I know you didn't. You're not that type of person. No matter what you want everyone else to think."
"I'm not so sure about that. I wish I had strangled her."
Phai didnt know what to think. Alex was acting unusual. He was absolutely serious when he had said that. No emotion behind the words to attach on. Phai walked over to him. "No you don't. You would have never forgiven yourself."
That was just Phai hoping to save me from myself. Because, yes. I would have forgiven myself. It would have gave me closure to have actually strangled the living shit out of her. There was so much anger in me towards Roxanne, for what seemed like no reason that I understood, yet.
"Maybe. Maybe not." Alex said tossing the towel he used to dry his hair on his bed.
"You don't think I know you enough to know the real reason why you refused to defend yourself about Roxanne. Alex you wanted the suspension so that you wouldn't have to see me."
"Possibly."
"No that's a fact." Phai grinned. "I just want to let you know I will give you all the time in the world away from me, if that's what you want but just know that whatever your reason is to not wanting to be around me, I understand."
"I missed you."
Phai smiled. "I missed you too. Are you okay?"
"Yea."
"Are you okay with other things?"
I knew he was speaking of my health. I remember just looking at him, thinking, that whatever I answer would be another big part in us splitting up.
I went to see my doctor during my suspension week. And he told me something I didn't want to hear. We all know that prolonged periods of sleeplessness can be fatal. There are times where I feel disconnected to reality. My thoughts are distorted and I've been losing more focus on important things. And there are times when I am so tired that not being able to sleep makes me even more tired. I figured well in order for the body to function properly, it has to sleep, but that is a myth I was told from my physcian. At first I was okay with it. I excercised, ate healthy, kept my body in shape, thought positive, only to find out, it's doing nothing for me. My immune system is shutting down, very slowly and unless I sleep, I will die young. So they ran a test. They kept me at the hospital overnight. They drugged me up on sleeping medicine. Hooked me up to a machine. And I fell asleep. For the first time. I don't know how long I was asleep but I immediately woke up. I was coughing up water, I felt like I was drowning somewhere. I couldn't breath because I was choking. I thought I was going to die again. I was hoping I would die again. This time forever.
Reason five: I failed to mention to Phai about other symptoms. Vomiting, blurry eyesight, hallucinations. That's how bad it had turned. I failed to mention that the sickness caused more problems than just migraines. One, He couldn't understand why I preferred no help. Two, he hated that I refused to go to the doctor appointments. Three, he hated that I let it get worse. Four, the reaosn for everything, the thing Phai hated most, was me telling him that everything was okay. I was lying to him. And I continued to lie alot about my health. But understand this, my doctor also told me to stress less and stop thinking about what ever was on my mind because whatever I was thinking about, whatever was stressing me out, was actually killing me faster. That stress, that thing on my mind was Phai. Apparently thinking about him twenty four seven was killing me. So I took my doctors advice. However it didn't go the way I wanted it to. I tried my hardest to stay away from Phai, hoping maybe I would forget about my purpose in life. But I never stopped thinking about him and the irony continued to kill me. So how would I let Phai know that? How would I tell him 'Phai you're killing me! Stop being amazing.' I can't.
"I'm fine. Went to my doctor. He found nothing unusual. Everything is staying consistent." Alex lied.
"Good. I'm glad. I was so worried." Phai smiled sweetly. "I'm always afraid I'm going to lose you."
Alex strolled up to him, brought him against his bedroom wall and started to push down Phai's pants away from his waist. Phai breathed in deeply not expecting the close contact. Not expecting anything really. Well he was expecting something. He was expecting the blonde to be pissed at him.
Alex started playing towards his neck with his hot moist mouth. Phai clutched his hands around Alex's strong biceps. Phai didn't understand this feeling. This feeling Alex had over him. The blonde was harsh, yet careful, aggressive yet tender. Nothing innocent about his kisses, but still compassionate. Alex never came onto him like this. Whenever they explored eachother sexually, they always settled first, and Phai came on to Alex most of the time. Why did his dad tell him to go over and apologize?
Phai let Alex molest him. He shut his eyes as Alex kissed the hell out of his neck and wet shoulder, from the water droplets falling onto him, from the blonde strands of stringy hair. "God I missed you." The vibration of Alex's lips as it moved against his lovers skin caused the brunette to shiver.
I think this was me, finally turning into a man. Finally letting the king come out and play. I felt powerful, rebelious, reckless, all knowing, yet I was the owner of my decision. I felt like I knew how to touch Phai in every way he liked. Satisfying him to no end as the king expressed himself through me. I wanted to make Phai feel like he was the best person in the entire world. That he was the most important person ever to enter my life. That he was the most beautiful man to ever walk the planet. I wanted him to feel sepcial. To feel good. I didn't care that my father was just downstairs. What was he going to do about it, if let's say he caught us? Nothing because there was nothing he could say or do that would stop me from loving Phai.
And being uncommon in the department of failing, I suceeded that night.
Phai slammed Alex against another wall, interrupting his mouth by parting his lips and invading it with tongue. He tried to be quiet and less passionate but he wanted more and he held Alex closer to him, afraid if he let him go, even inches off him, he would not see him again for another week. They focused little on how much noise they were making and more on the actual moment. Alex crossed his fingers inbetween Phai's and held his hand so fixed, bringing it above their heads along the supporting wall. His body pressed against Alex's flexed and contracted muscles which made his skin tense and anticipated. Then Phai took it upon himself and undid Alex's towel secured at his hips.
Phillip left his desk because he needed to get something from his room. He sighed tired of work as he walked towards the bottom of the stairs. Alex turned Phai around having him face the wall. He kissed the back of his neck while holding a handful of his lovers hair in his hand. Phillip began walking up the stairs, dragging his weight. Phai bit down his teeth stopping the moans from escaping all the way, as Alex pushed deeply in him. They didn't care or think about the use of protection. They needed to get into that habit but not tonight.
Phillip's room was just at the end of the hall, across from his sons room. When Phillip stopped before his sons room, the door half way opened, he pushed open the door quietly.
His son was handling sexually the next door neighbor kid. Phai moaning in oblivious pleasure, versus his sons dick deep inside his pretty friend. Alex taking charge of the situation. Alex being a different man, and man enough to satisfy him. They were both breathing heavily, and Alex turned and look at his father.
What Phillip saw in his son was a dark almost evil smile, maturity but something to fear evolving in his eyes, looking at him, vengeful almost, guiltless, content letting him know something. That this was his life. He could try to stop him, he could say something, but so far Alex wasn't cowering or embarrassed as he continued to make the unaware browned haired teen, whimper fervently. Alex has caught Phillip banging his new lady friend almost all the time, so this time, it was his turn to catch him. Alex finally looked away from his dad and continued to love and pleasure the beautiful boy against him.
Phillip went back to his office chair and sat down heavily. He didn't start back up what he was doing. Too much was on his mind. His dark eyes left his papers as he thought over what his son had told him about being in love. It didn't hit him until now that the love he was talking about was with his next door neighbor. The boy. At the time he didn't bother asking which neighbor. Because now it started to transmit clearly. Alex and Phai were always together. How could he be so stupid to not see it before. He came to realize right then and there as he left the two alone, that he and his son were so far apart in the world. He didn't know Alex had it in him to stare him down that way. To not care that he had been caught. To challenge him back. He never knew his son was that strong. That brave. He almsot resembeled him in the sense that they both had the same 'I don't care' attitude.
Phillip now sat back. He thought for awhile to himself. Trying to figure out if he was upset or not. But would being upset matter anyway. Alex already made it clear.
He sighed picking up a photo of Alex when he was younger. He's always had it on his desk, he just never took the time to analyze it this deeply. It wasn't a normal portrait of a kid. This image of his kid was staring straight at the camera lens. He didnt look happy. He didnt look mad. He didn't look thrilled. He didnt look sad or scared. He looked alert, seeing through the camera. At something else. And finally realized he never knew his kid at all. And that he had no reason at all, to be angry at someone he didn't even bother to get to know.
Here's another chapter my friends! I know it's super long and I'm sorry about that. Just pretend it's two chapters. Thanks to Baobao, 13Annie, violetsuki, deadrose, fabercastel, S0phea, classyblue, Lysis, serenity, and all my anonymous, guests readers. I am much appreciative as always and I'm sure you know that already so I'm gonna shut up.
-Stranger