Eyes that see into Infinity
Part 2
Chapter Twenty Four
/
Sometimes it's hard to know where I am and I get the feeling that I'm stranded in the wrong time. So is it any wonder that I'm tired? Is it any wonder that I feel afraid? Is it any wonder that these shattered moments in time, could still shine?
No, because it's getting old.
If anyone could see what I see with my eyes they'd be so surprised at what they find. So if I see my Phai, my angel of light, should I let him know?
Alex was sitting at the edge of his bed. Alone in his dark bedroom. His head down. His eyes open. His dark lashes fluttering. His breath being the only sound as another vision found him. The memory rang in like a distant echo.
/
Alexander?
Yes Love. Alexander smiles softly at the voice of his friend.
How am I? The general asks as the two men lay another night in each others arms. The moon blaring like an angels halo.
What? The sleepy king shifts his battle worn body closer to his lover. He yawns.
How am I. What am I like? The blue eyed man simplifies for his half awake king with an easy smile and undemanding stare.
Really? The golden king is somewhat surprised with his lover's sudden insecurities.
Yes. His lover nods with excitement, desperate to know what his king thinks of him.
Alexander turns to where he is facing his beautiful lover. What type of things do you want to know?
Everything.
Phai, I haven't changed my answer from when you asked me before.
Sure you have. That was a long time ago when I asked that.
That was a month ago.
So, a lot can happen between two people within a month's time.
What are you saying? The kings voice is rather questioning.
Maybe you've lost interest in me?
Hephaistion who have you been speaking with this time? Alexander leans up and looks down at his lover.
Nobody. The general shakes his innocent head.
Is it Cassander? Craterus? Cleitus? You need to not listen to whatever they are telling you!
Okay. The general nods staring at the king with his magnificent eyes.
Alexander sighs. What did they tell you?
They told me that they were surprised that you still even bother with me, that I am no soldier. They couldn't quite find what you found attractive or likeable in me other than my face.
Since I've met you, you've been perfect. They are jealous Hephaistion. The loving king explains. The Hephaistion I knew would have suffocated them with his thighs.
But you always said no quarrels and fighting between your men.
I don't remember saying that.
Yes you did. It's the rule your most strict about.
I don't think I'm that strict about it.
Okay then, shall I will take your advice and go suffocate Craterus?
Wait, wait, I think I remember saying that now.
Thought so.
Okay then.
Okay what?
I will let you know what I think about you...Phai you are...
\
Then he was back before he got to know. The blonde started to cough. The tightness in his chest and pulsing in his head, he felt like he was dying. It was as if life flashed before his eyes as he entered back into realism. If that's what this was. He leaned up, running fingers through his hair and just held on, letting his head ease down from the pain waiting until his breathing attack died off.
Arrogant.
Selfish.
Hot tempered.
Miserable.
Stupid.
Useless.
Weak.
Clumsy.
Dreamer.
Girly.
Indecisive.
A bad leader.
A bad friend.
A bad son.
A bad lover.
Non compassionate.
Envious.
Self involved.
Ungrateful.
Pathetic.
Angry.
Hateful.
Liar.
Unsuccessful.
It was beginning to feel like a list about myself that could go on forever. These were all things I was never trying or wanting to be. But somehow I became them.
This is how I know myself. Flawed and short-termed.
And the list goes on...
Time shifted fast. The clouds turned drifty and the blue Indian sky was now grey and desolate. Droplets of water fell miles from the heavens, sinking into the majestic soils, turning the mysterious land into mud and grime. Nature torments nature.
And me continuing to run and hide still goes on... Because it's been my way of life since the very beginning. Strung from what that beginning was, with no other choice, I needed to start again.
Strong weather was approaching. The sleeping general was insensible to it as his lifeless and peaceful body was out cold upon the earth. Winds were getting harsher as if the gods demanded praise. The brutal air swept through the land, striking the man who displayed severe beauty and he finally awakened after falling anonymous among his dreams.
These eyes that see into infinity and this breath that comes to a halt, are doing nothing for me. The suspense of my future eats away at me every chance it gets and I just want to know. I want to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
With weighty lids and full lashes, he struggled to open them, as if his life on earth had just begun and he was seeing everything for the very first time. His breathing suddenly became rushed and the soft blueness of his squinted eyes attempted to focus and open fully at the world spiraling in persistence.
It's simple. I just want to die.
Laughter of high pitched voices was heard echoing through his ears, like he was surrounded by thousands. Hephaistion rubbed his eyes aggressively and blinked trying to get his sight adjusted quicker as well as the rest of his senses. At least he knew he wasn't dead.
Dying. It's a scary feeling. It's like feeling alone. Being alone. It's like adventuring into the wild. With no one. With nothing but the demons that walk by your side every day. They see you but you can't see them. And they're laughing at you because you have no idea.
But for some reason as frightening and lonely as it may seem, being dead never sounded so good.
The browned haired man realized his eyes were getting blurry from the blustery weather soaring from the overcast skies. He turned to his side, amongst the mushy base his body was laying upon. Goosebumps accumulated as the rain played and danced down his dry skin.
All I knew was that I live and I bleed like every other human that exists in the world. I feel pain and suffering. But unlike every other human who exists in the world, I never seem to just stay dead. I have my attacks. And sometimes my heart stops completely.
But I'm still here?
Why?
I've heard that before. I've been there before.
The general started to cough, like he was breathing in smoke from Hades realm.
Every time I came close to dead it was like the world between this one and the world between the one I see, was joining forces to keep me alive. Or maybe life just has a sick sense of humor.
Whatever it was, I needed answers. I needed to know.
Where was he? The trembling soldier looked around the unfamiliar moist territory as he coughed some more.
So I looked to the east.
Hephaistion looked to his left.
And I prayed in the west.
The general looked to his right. He shut his helpless sad eyes.
Then I realize that reality is now a long, long way from a dream. And I wonder if anyone has ever been where I've been or seen what I've seen.
I wonder if their is anyone out there who knows what direction is the way?
The general opened them back up after saying a little prayer to whichever god would listen and when he finally caught the world at a complete stop, he turned his head back quickly towards to the stifle laughs of the Indian children hunched over him.
I might not know my direction but what I do know is that I'm hoping that whatever is driving me insane will stop driving me insane. So that I can come to hopes that I end up forgetting about it all. In hopes that I can forget about him. So that I don't have to worry about my meaning of life anymore.
After all, only one of us can be strong.
As the children continued giggling away, the general's immediate response was to grab hold of his weapon and strike but the kids laughed even more, knowing what the strange barbarian man was looking for. They spoke and started whispering to each other in their own language. Then one boy from the looks of it, about six years old, wrapped in little cloth and barefoot with bright brown eyes, pointed at the general who he liked to call 'the one with wild hair' to the rest of the Indian kids. They all began to chuckle. Hephaistion frowned and blinked not understanding a damn word they were saying. But he was also one of the most intellectual in Alexander's army and his specialty was his talents to perform and communicate with other international unions and societies that differ from his own so he knew the basics and caught on quick.
He knew for certain that the kids were laughing because he didn't have a weapon. He also knew strangely that they were laughing at him for being captured, and being an outsider. Lastly, just because the children seemed lighthearted and playful he knew that wasn't the case.
He was in dangerous territory.
I've made many mistakes. I've made many bad and unhealthy judgments. And since forever, the day I found out that my eyes would never close again, I was exposed to more flaws and more blunder. I would oversee many risks and many dangers. And that there would be one day, just one day, that I would never be able to forgive myself again.
Right now what I see and what I have is beautiful.
But please let me just close my eyes. Make this all go away.
I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of begging. I'm tired of living. I'm tired of crying.
And I just need it all to go.
So that I can rest and forget.
In hopes that one day...
I'd disappear.
It was extremely early morning, about five A.M. The kitchen was torn up, cabinets opened, the refrigerator almost empty, the sink filled with dirty dishes and some hot water boiling over on the stove. It was like someone had been scavenging around searching for something. It wasn't that Alex found nothing he wanted; it was just that he was eating anything and everything he could find, including making a mess of things. Needless to say, the boy was hungry. And he didn't know why. The doctors said it could happen due to stress or depression, but Alex much preferred it was because of the sex he had the night before. Or maybe it was due to both. Who knows. The kings animalistic behavior did come out to play and it did make the night much more intense and daring, but that's not what the purpose of that was. They have never done it like that. And it felt great.
The teens hair was as messy as the kitchen he destroyed. His white shirt he slept in was on inside out. He didn't know how it got that way but he could also bet it had to do with what happened last night. He started to eat away at a soft pear.
Alex then looked up at the clock ticking slow above the refrigerator and realized the fruit he just ate, he ate in under a minute. Then he sighed, tossed the core away and looked back at what he was doing. His brows furrowed anxiously as he tapped the pen against the counter. He was at the kitchen counter writing something down in a notebook. Focusing indifferent eyes on the paper before him he was concentrating to the point of frustration. He had been trying to make this work, getting what he wanted to say on paper for the longest time but the minute the right thing popped into his head and the minute he quickly wrote it down so that he wouldn't forget, he read it over to himself, thought it was crap and scribbled it out. Nothing was good enough for him.
The blonde dropped his pen and stared blankly forward. He was never the type too just easily give up but making a list of all the things he needed to do before his big goodbye was harder than he thought. Sadly the reason for the list, began with an angel. Unfortunately that angel was next door at home sleeping sound asleep in his comfortable bed. Phai had suggested he make a list of everything he wanted to do and achieve in his life so that he wasn't always focused on the negative affects of his crisis. Like dying. He thought it might help him feel better if he strategized out a list of goals for himself. Obviously Phai had high hopes for Alex's future. Alex not really finding it worth his time finally agreed after a bit of convincing and minor arguing. It was a good idea but now he was starting to regret even trying. It was harder than it looked. He never really thought of his life passed the possibility of dying and finding Phai. That was it. That was all he had to look forward too. Now he was staring down at the last words he put down. Looking over it.
This list though not complete even at the slightest was special to me. This list was my map of everything I needed to get done before I finally slept. If this is truly a dream than this life I'm living is real. It means that I am alive. And that I'm not alone. If this life is not real, than I am dead, somewhere else in another life that I may or may not have not lived yet. If the latter is true, that means Phai's reflection at any time can be erased. That means this list I made was for nothing.
He started to tap the counter with his fingers now. Impatient with himself. Impatient with everything. Impatient with his untimely death that was supposed to happen two years ago.
The blonde brought the banana, jelly and peanut butter sandwich he had made, up to his mouth, followed by slurping from his cup of orange juice.
He began to tap his foot to the sound of the ticking clock as he chewed. Getting sick of the sound rather quickly, Alex stood and headed over to the counter by the refrigerator, hopped on top of it and snatched down the clock. He ripped out the batteries from the back and tossed the entire thing into the trash like he held some personal hatred towards the device. He jumped back down to the floor and went back to his thinking spot looking and feeling a bit more relaxed. But he had little time for that when his father came heavily down the stairs swooping into the kitchen. Unlike his son, he was cleaned up, dressed professionally, hair combed and ready to start the day. He clipped on his watch before he went to put on some coffee. Then he settled his eyes on Alex. He did a quick aghast thing with his mouth while glancing toward his sloppy son who was just casually leaning against the counter chugging down his glass of juice. "Didn't see you there." Phillip said glancing at the tortured kitchen, the clock in the trash and then back at his son, with an arched dark brow, not even wanting to know. It was getting harder to analyze his son. Right when he was just starting to get used to Alex's odd behavior, last night happened. Then he just thought his son finally lost his mind.
Phillip cleared his husky throat, looking away after a short while, opening the cabinet to reach his favorite coffee mug. "You're up early." He mentioned starting off with the small talk.
"I'm up early every single day." Alex stated and acknowledged without looking at his father, keeping eyes strictly on his list. Or the list that was supposed to be a list. The furthest he got was jotting down the number one and putting a period beside it.
"Oh yea?" Phillip turned to him.
"Yep." Alex replied taking another bite of his awesome sandwich.
"After last night?"
Alex knew the moment his father brought it up, which he knew he was going to, things would start to get heated. Which was unfortunate because it was still early.
The blunt cynicism was definitely there and Alex laughed humorlessly. He licked his lips from the mucky food and looked at his father with another proud "Yep."
Alex didn't care then and he didn't care now. His dad was obviously not happy with what he saw him doing with his neighbor, but what was done was done.
There was long opposed silence before Phillip decided to speak out. "Since when did you start fucking the neighbor kid?"
Alex took his indifferent eyes off the paper and pretended to think that far back. "Let me think. Few years now."
Phillip scoffed at Alex's deliberate frankness and the complete calmness. "And you decided you'd rather have intimate affections with another boy? Is that what I'm understanding?"
"Just my preference. If you don't like it call the cops. Because I'm almost positive what I did is a felony." Alex shrugged with laid back sarcasm.
"Your preference?" Phillip crossed his arms as he stared frustrated and confused at his son.
"Uh yea. You have something to say dad, say it?" Alex asked ignoring his fathers passive aggressiveness.
Phillip shook his head something in them flashing many uncertain signals of disbelief. "I should have known you'd be fucking him. You've always liked pretty things." His father murmured firmly while preparing his coffee roughly. "How did I not catch this earlier!?"
"You tell me." Alex with a lifted brow stared at his dad waiting the unanswered question.
Who would have figured that reason six for a breakup was because of our parents. And until we could support ourselves our parents would always be an issue. But let's lay this on the table, our parents do not have any issues with the gay community as far as I'm concerned. However, they do have an issue with their gay sons and because of that, it was getting harder trying to explain ourselves especially when they chose not to tolerate it.
Reason seven, was that I had to much respect for Phai's parents to mess up their relationship with each other, and the relationship between their son and vice versa. I'm not saying that the situation was always this heavy and this confrontational. No it had its moments when they didn't even seem to care, to caring again, to defending us, to not defending us, to being disgusted by it, to pretending nothing was wrong, to being embarrassed and so on. Which only means one thing. They were more confused than we were. Not just about us but about themselves. It's funny how things worked out though. Because our dads were more patient and tolerant of it. It was our mothers who couldn't seem to grasp the 'why' part. And maybe saying they didn't like it is overstating it. Maybe it was just that they didn't understand it.
I can't speak for Phai and I won't. But I do admit, I have been confused about my sexuality. I have been confused about myself entirely. I didn't know if liking Phai and finding him attractive was a bad thing or a good thing. At times my stomach would twist and turn and a knotted pain of guilt would churn in my chest thinking about him and everything I felt for him because I thought maybe I was confused. Maybe I did misunderstand myself.
But I went with my gut and my gut told me "Fuck your mother, fuck your father and fuck everyone else who has a fucking problem with us. Phai is in your life now for a reason so pursue it. Pursue him." And so I did. But that wasn't good enough for the king. He yells at me all the time like he's fighting for the world. He commands me like he's operating my soul and I'm nothing but the puppet. "Alex, don't run after him. Chase him. Keep up with him until you can take no more. Get him all. Because he is yours!"
And I did that. So now I'm here trying to explain to my dad, why. Sometimes I wish the king could just come out and talk for me, just once.
Phillip slammed his mug on the counter, his profile hardening. "I just can't see why. Why would you put yourself through such a disgusting and unhealthy act."
"Disgusting? Unhealthy? You're joking right?" Alex's eyes flashed from warm to cold.
"Do you think this is a game Alex? Does my frustration and anger seem like a joke to you?"
"Let me tell you how it is. I'm seeing Phai, And I'm also certain, fucking positive, there is nothing you say, or do that will change that. If you'd like to explain your objections, do so now, because I need to shower and get dressed." Alex answered like he was finally emotionally drained.
Phillip wasn't going to let him off that easy. If they didn't resolve something now the topic would still pull and tug at the back of his head. "No, let me tell YOU how it is. You're confused about your sexuality for one. Second, you're going through a phase which all young kids do. Third, girls have vaginas for a reason. Fourth you're too young to know the meaning of love, fifth no son of mine is a faggot and last, what the hell are you thinking? What you are doing is not allowed. In this house it's not happening."
"Ironic that I'm your only son and I just happen to be a faggot. Do you have anything else to add because it's happening. In fact it's already happened." The boy countered effectively.
Phillip rubbed his face. "When did I go wrong with you?" He mumbled into his hands meaning to be hurtful.
Alex's stomach tightened and he reacted on pure impulse. "Oh great, so you finally admit you went wrong with your son. Well guess what, I have some breaking news. You went wrong with me since day one of my fucking birth!" His son yelled resisting the urge to strangle the hell out of his dad and literally had to persuade himself to keep seated because if he stood up, bad things might happen. "Also me liking my neighbor has nothing to do with your shitty parenting. Trust me."
The blonde tore out the first page of his notebook, ripped it up and tossed it out. He hadn't written anything but his dad was pissing him off and he needed to express his anger in a way that didn't involve him yelling and them beating the shit out of each other. So he took it out on the list which he thought would make him feel better, but it didn't.
Phillip chuckled shaking his head at the outburst. He poured his coffee and turned back towards his son. "Alright you piece of shit, let's lay down some ground rules."
"Can't wait to hear them." Alex was not amused.
"I don't care who you're fucking and I don't care what you catch from it, but if I ever, ever see you in my house again fucking your pretty neighbor boy friend, or anyone for that matter, by the time I'm done kicking your ass you're gonna wish I had pulled out your mom early. Do you understand me? If we're not clear, I will be happy to send you back to your mothers. Got it?
My father was more shameful and disappointed in me than actually hating the idea of me liking Phai, if that makes sense. Let's put it this way, if I was banging boys for the sake of banging than he would be okay with that because in his opinion all men need to release their seed one way or the other…because apparently that's what we do. In his conclusion, men are horny and there is nothing wrong with that. On the flip side, if I were making love to the opposite sex than that is a major no go.
I can lust a boy but can't love one? Yep, that's my old mans advice.
"Speaking of mom, I should call her up, let her know you're out banging little girls again. I told you to be careful. The law is strict on pedophiles. Now tell me who has the bigger issue?"
"Do not pull that shit on me boy. I'm serious."
"That's exactly what I can't figure out dad. What the hell is their to be serious about. What is the big deal about who I fuck, who I like, who I love, who I hang out with? You have no right to tell me shit about anything. Because guess what, I will always go by my rules and you will always go by yours. End of story."
"This is my house, my rules so as long as you're here living under my roof you are going to follow them."
"You go out and you cheat on your wife and you're going to stand before me telling me what's wrong about my choices?"
"You better shut your goddamn mouth about your mother."
"Why? Are you finally realizing you fucked up? Are you finally realizing that you don't have anybody and you don't want to be reminded that you have nobody? Think about it, mom hates you. You have no one. So like the grumpy old bitch that you are, you want to take it out on me because I'm the only one you have left in your pathetic little shit fuck of a life. So before you concern yourself in my affairs, look at yours first before you drive someone else away."
"Is that what you really think of me Alex. Do you really think of me as a bad father?" Phillip asked actually looking into his sons eyes. Really looking into them. Alex glared back where he sat and answered strongly.
"Yes."
Phillip just nodded. He looked at his kid for awhile. "Don't forget to clean up this mess." He then walked away taking his coffee cup and keys with him.
Alex sighed when the front door slammed shut but he didn't care. He had every right not to care.
For the longest time though my father was in denial about me. He wanted to believe that I messed around with boys, because I was on some power trip. Like a dominance thing. And since he already thought there was nothing manly about me anyway and being infamous for referring me to a girl he just never found anything manly about a guy and a guy together. He found it weak. A disgrace to the rest of the men in the world. In his opinion men were supposed to be equal. Men were supposed to be one way. Men were supposed to be strong and masculine. Men were supposed to be providers. And yes he found women slightly below men when it came to power and control and controlling a woman and being the man of the house, supporting the family was something he now knew I would never achieve.
All this, because I liked another man.
Alex picked back up the pen breathing in deeply and started a new list.
First thing on the list: Make him feel special.
The flashbacks of last night caused Alex to smile.
Check.
"Phai are you even listening to anything I'm saying?" Tolem gave up talking when he figured out that Phai wasn't even mentally present and off in lala land.
"No. Not really." The blue eyed teen admitted, not even sure what Tolem had been talking to him about.
Phai had been smiling all day. His mind was elsewhere and Tolem couldn't figure out why. As long as he's known Phai, he had always been pretty much neutral in personality. He was neither ever really happy or really angry, just always weirdly in between. Like when ever he was mad you knew it by his expression but his tone would come off very tranquil and his eyes would do all the talking. On a normal day he was usually balanced and mellowed out more than the rest of his friends... unless he was around Alex. Which started to now make sense and Alex probably had something to do with his sweet and out of the ordinary behavior, much to his relief.
Leon came up to Tolem and Phai. "Hey guys what's up?" The light brown haired boy asked.
"Nothing much. I'm still trying to figure out what's up with Phai." Tolem replied with a sigh after letting Phai wander blissfully ahead of them.
"You don't know?" Leon asked.
"Know what?" Tolem frowned in confusion.
"That's definitely an 'I got laid face.'"
Tolem grew shocked. "What?!"
"What you don't know what that face means?" Leon asked this time very surprised.
"I know what that face means Leon!"
"Then why did you ask?"
Tolem really didn't know why he asked but he was obviously in denial about Phai's new happiness.
Crater spotting the two invited himself over. "So Phai got laid or what? I must say about fucking time."
The curled haired teen rolled his eyes. "Crater go away."
Then Cleitus came out of nowhere and wrapped his arms around both Tolem and Leon, smooching them both on the cheek. "I never thought I would see the day where our little Phai finally gets laid. We should celebrate. Who's the lucky girl?"
Tolem knew that there was one person who that would possibly be so he played smart and kept his mouth shut. "Or maybe he didn't get laid and you guys are just horny idiots. Have you ever thought of that? and get off me. We should celebrate that you're actually at school for once." Tolem pushed Cleitus' arm away. "High and hung-over. Congrats."
"You're such a sour puss some days Tols. Lighten up. You want some weed?" He patted the curled haired boy on the shoulder.
Tolem folded his arms. "Uh no. You do know you can get in trouble for bringing that into school? Like big time trouble."
"And fortunately for me our school halls aren't patrolled by a bunch of pansy Robocop's and goody two shoes like you."
Tolem snatched the ziplock bag full of pot that Cleitus was waving out in the open and shoved it back in Cleitus' bag. "It's almost like you want to get held back again."
"Dude what's your problem?" The blacked haired man asked upset that Tolem refused his green stash.
"I'm annoyed. What the hell do you think?"
"About Phai?" Crater laughed at him. "Whatever Tols. I remember your got laid face. You were in the exact same bliss."
"My first lay was awkward okay, I was not happy. And I told you guys that. I never wanted to do it again." Tolem tried to explain that bad situation to his friends for the fifth time.
"Man I feel bad for Thais. You know it's safe to say she's probably seeking intimate affections with another man. You can probably take back your promise ring now." Cleitus teased. Crater nodded.
"Thais and I are perfectly happy." Tolem felt insulted.
"Yea, yea, yea, that's what they all say until you find out she's cheating on you with someone much better looking and with more money." Cleitus replied. "You're not the only stud with hair like Shirley Temple."
"Aw guys leave little Tol's alone." Cassy slipped into the group making himself welcomed, joined shortly by Phil who had received a text from Crater about a certain someone getting laid. "What did I miss you bunch of virgins and who got laid?"
"Phai got laid." Crater announced.
"Really? I wonder who the lucky girl was." Cassy enforced sarcastically knowing there was no girl but playing along just because. Tolem looked away falling silent when Cassy winked at him.
Phai stopped walking snapping free from his thoughts and turned to look at all six of them. On a normal day he wouldn't put up with it but today was a special day and he decided he'd take it easy on them.
Once the boys all saw that stare they stopped the boisterous talk and laughter like they had just got caught doing something bad. They all had guilty looks ready to be reprimanded for it. "First of all I can hear you all perfectly fine. Secondly, me getting laid or whatever you think happened is none of your business and third…." Phai bit his lip smiling. Phai liked to think that he was different when it came to being seduced or hitted on. Which he was. He was not easily played. At all. However last night Alex had seduced the hell out of him. And if he didn't think he could fall in love with the blonde anymore, he fell head over hills for him all over. "Well I can't think of a third. Anyway Cleitus you reek of weed. I'll see you guys later." He walked off all happy and shit and Crater curled his lip in disgust while Cleitus sniffed at his jean jacket making a comment that he smelt gorgeous.
Perdicas joined the group. "Hey guys. I'm hearing Phai got laid."
"Don't you think you're a little late loser?" Cassy said.
"Meh whatever. So who's the lucky girl?"
"Oh my god! Would you guys leave it alone?" Tolem was getting sick of repeating himself.
"You're right Tolem. We should drop the subject right now and focus on our school work...Said no one ever. I just got here and I like the sex talk. As a matter of fact we should place bets on who we think it is." Cassy whipped out a twenty dollar bill and just to piss Tolem off some more he flapped the money in his face asking if he was in on it.
"Are you serious Cassy?"
"I've never been more serious in my life Tols."
"I'm gonna bet five dollars it was Bethany." Perdicas betted five.
"Who the hell is Bethany?!" Tolem asked.
"She travels along with the nerd group. Oval glasses, wide forehead, flat-chested. When you see her you'll know. She's a traffic stopper." Cleitus answered. "I slept with her once. Never again have I wanted my dignity back so bad in my life."
"Yea you idiot she's also a virgin. You're thinking of her sister." Cassy made mention.
"No I'm sure that was her." Cleitus disagreed. "But then again I was probably on too many pain killers to even notice. But getting back on topic I'm certain women aren't even Phai's type. So I place my bets on the football coach."
"The football coach is old and he just happens to be a man." Perdicas said, thinking maybe he joined the conversation at the wrong time.
"Oh come on guys. Are we even sure Phai is straight. I mean the rumor says otherwise." Cassy asked pretending to be naïve about it.
"I doubt it." Perdicas intervened.
"What are your reasons to doubt it?" Cassy challenged.
Perdicas grew silent thinking about it then shrugged. "I don't know. Okay you win I got nothing."
"Thought so."
"Okay jerk off what are your reasons to think he's gay?" Perdicas asked in return.
"I'm glad you asked. Hmm, let me think. His attention to detail. The music he likes. The way he dresses. His long hair. He likes to swim. His girly looks. The way he carries himself. He only has one sister. What else, oh yea there is plenty more, he's turned down every girl who has ever asked him out here, I'm talking about the hottest girls in the school. He's even turned down the nerdy girls nicely."
"We have gay guys at this school who have asked Phai out plenty, he's turned them down too." Perdicas responded.
"Oh really. Is that so?"
"Yea, I mean they were pretty upset."
"Maybe because he's interested in someone else. Who that is I can't possibly figure out. Tolem you want to help me out here. You're a good guesser."
Tolem ended up walking away. "I'm done here actually."
Cassy grinned as he walked away with the others.
"Wait Tolem!" Leon caught up to him when Tolem stopped in his tracks and sighed. "So….do you think Phai would allow me to take his sister to prom?"
"Of course you can't bring his sister to prom Leon?" Tolem answered as honest as he could.
"Why not?" Leon started to rub his arm nervously.
"She's thirteen Leon!"
"So?"
"You're eighteen!"
"So?"
"So you and Phai's sister hanging out, and going to a dance together while she's in middle school and you're about to graduate from high school is weird."
"We're only five years apart."
"She' still young though. Wait until she's sixteen."
Leon looked slightly flustered. "I know but we've just been hanging out a lot and she really likes me and I like her. Also she calls it dating."
"Really?"
"Yea we're seeing each other. You didn't know that?"
"Uh no."
"Well everyone else does."
"Do her parents know?'
"No. Of course not. They don't know."
"Shit Leon, why can't you go to the prom with someone from the school. I'm sure their are plenty of girls here."
"I'm not interested."
Tolem groaned.
"Oh come on Tols, at least talk to him for me." Leon pleaded.
"Okay, I'll ask Phai for you alright."
"Thanks dude."
"Yea."
Tolem sighed once more before he took off to go see where Phai disappeared.
The general leaned up slowly from the ground while keeping steadiness, trying not to make any sudden movements incase the children felt he would make an attempt to attack. He stood up fully and looked around, caring about the unknown environment he was in but mostly concerned that he did not have his Alexander by his side. The entire point of this was to find him. Not to fail him. He knew it would be difficult. But he didn't realize how alone he was in doing so. The gods had been sending upon him weather that made it almost impossible. He was being stalked by random Indians. Alexander being unconscious didn't help and the generals and the kings friends giving up made it that much harder. Alexander would have gone to the ends of all the worlds just to look for any of his people. So why couldn't they do the same for him. The general didn't understand it.
He looked in circles again finding no sight of his king. No one was out there with him but the children, three large huts and burned out fires. There was lost and confusion appearing in his eyes and a sad discerned expression in his face. "Alex?" He murmured desperately under his breath. He looked to the huts again not knowing especially by the silence if anyone was occupying them. "Alex?" He ran over to each of the shelters and looked inside. They were all vacant. Suddenly being captured meant nothing to him. The king was nowhere and now he didn't even know where to start looking. He just wanted to break down and cry.
But he had to first get himself out of there. He wasn't tied or bound by anything and no adult figure seemed to be around and the children couldn't stop him so he had an advantage. But what he did find rather uncomfortable and a bit unusual as why the enemy kidnappers weren't around. Maybe they thought he wouldn't wake up as soon as he did and left the children to keep an eye on him while they went to fetch food or something. But the children were just staring at him. Wide-eyed. Mouths tightly closed. Like they were in trouble or something.
Hephaistion searched the small huts, looking for any type of weapon. While hoping for a sword or blade of some sort he only found a spear. It would have to do for now and he took it. He didn't forget about his mission to find his missing king and this was his only chance.
He never even began to think what the Indian people wanted from him, or why they even detained him but one thing he wouldn't put up with, was his time being wasted. His only mission was to get his Alexander back.
Hephaistion looked towards the green wet jungle planning a getaway. He looked hesitant and fearful. He made sure none were lurking in the tall trees and bushes. And then when he felt it was safe enough to make his move he put his finger to his lips hoping the Indian kids knew that meant shush. Then he quietly snuck away, running back into the humid forest, keeping eyes on the huts, making sure no one had spotted him and making sure the children weren't following. Then when he felt at a good distance away, the general turned and ran as far as he could.
Phai flipped through his book trying to study for an exam due by the end of the month. The football team was supposed to gather later for practice but because that wasn't for another hour he had nothing better to do.
He was sitting at an empty table in the back of the common area of the library. He had ear phones in because music helped him concentrate and he also didn't want to be bothered by other noise or other distractions, like the loud preps two tables away from him, who couldn't keep their voices down for the life of them, the nerds who most likely were laughing at something nerdy and unfunny, the gothic kids across from him giving him weird stares while doing weird stuff to their bodies with sharp objects and of course Cassy, the one person he didn't want to see. Ever.
As Phai looked up from his work all he could register right away was the cocky grin, the glaring eyes and attempted charm.
"Hiya there Phai. You know what; I couldn't help but look at you and notice something strangely odd."
"And what is that Cassy?" The blue eyed teen snatched the ear phones out of his ears looking like he didn't have the time to be bothered.
"You're glowing." Cassy's eyes smiled.
"Bye Cassy." Phai attempted to put back in his ear phones hoping that would somehow get him walking.
"Nah." The meaned eyed boy slammed books on the table and decided to offer his own company. "You look like you need a study partner. And look at that, I am studying the same test as you. What are the odds."
"Please don't study with me." Phai asked in a no nonsense way but it was clearly another way of saying 'go the fuck away.'
"It's opposite day." Cassy said as he pretended to search for a pen through his backpack. The truth was he wasn't planning on studying jack shit. He was just there to be a nuisance.
"It's always opposite day with you." Phai stated quite sternly.
"Come on, unless this open seat was for someone else. Like Alex?"
Phai let off a stressful groan, knowing Cassy would eventually mention Alex.
"Speaking of our little blonde friend," Cassy continued with his oh so famous condescension. "where is he?"
"He's not around. Obviously." The blue eyes blinked filled with five percent calmness and ninety five percent annoyance.
"Oh wow I must say I'm surprised. That's something you don't hear everyday." Cassy chuckled.
"What the hell do you want Cassy!? I just want to be alone. And believe it or not I don't do everything with Alex, which explains why he and I are not studying together."
"Woah calm down their precious."
"Don't call me precious. And if you don't want anything, now will be a good time to go away."
"How was it?" Cassy sat back all comfortably as a conceited smirk formed across his face.
The question knocked the already frustrated and angered blue eyed teen off guard. "How was what?"
"Alex. Fucking you?" The green eyes locked with blue ones.
Phai couldn't believe it. "Are you being serious right now?"
"Yes. Ofcourse. I asked it didn't I?" Cassy put a toothpick in his mouth.
"Hmm let me see. None of your business. Now go away."
Cassy leaned up and quickly took Phai's study book away and his earphones. "I will be happy to leave once you answer the question."
"What the hell Cassy. Give me my things!"
"Where did you like it most?" Cassy remained confident of his intentions.
"You are a sick fuck Cassy."
Cassy nodded slightly. Something in his eyes expressed that he was offended. "You know I haven't changed since you've met me. You just figuring this out really hurts my feelings. We went through middle school and high school together not to mention we live in the same neighborhood."
"Yea and I hope my future for college is much brighter." Phai dissed as he leaned against the back of his chair with folded arms glaring hard daggers. Cassy smiled at him without saying anything and sat back glancing through the book he stole from Phai indicating that he wasn't leaving anytime soon.
The two were surprisingly quiet. Cassy with his 'I'm better than you' style was looking over Phai's book pretending to be interested and Phai was sitting at his chair waiting until Cassy got bored enough to leave. The bleu eyed teen opened his mouth t say something but close it quickly. He then cleared his throat as he twisted long strands of his hair.
Cassy looked up at him. "What?"
"You really want to know?" Phai asked with something graceful and innocent upon his features as if he was torn between excited and embarrassed to talk about it.
Cassy frowned knowing what was coming the minute the dark blue eyes smiled and the innocence disappeared. Phai was never ever completely a hundred percent innocent despite what everyone thought. Infact the way Phai played games was vital to who he was as a person. And he had made Cassy regret that he even asked.
"It was amazing. The best sex I ever had." He leaned up inches off the table and purred against Cassy's cheek. "He did something naughty with his bad behaved tongue and my god does he have a nice tongue." Then Phai chuckled callously. "I can keep going. Just because I know you don't want to hear the rest."
Cassy grew jealous. "I got the point, okay."
"Good." Phai sat back down and Cassy noticed Phai had snuck the things he had taken from him back.
Cassy sighed. Then kept persisting. "Have you ever thought about having sex with someone other than Alex? I mean you never know what someone else feels like unless you try?"
"Stop right there. I know you mean you and never. Never once actually. I've never even thought about kissing you to be honest. Or sleeping with you, or do anything with you at all. And that includes not studying with you either. What are you not getting Cassy? I do not like you. I hate you. If I had a gun and I was stuck in a room with Roxanne and you. I'd shoot you twice. And then Roxanne."
"I don't believe you hate me that much."
"You don't have to believe me."
"I think you're falling for me."
"I think you're full of shit and delusional."
"I think you're hot when you're angry."
"I think your compliment is failing as a compliment."
"I think Alex is going to break your heart. I'm pretty sure of it."
"And I'm pretty sure I'm leaving. You can stay here and study all you want with your invisible buddy friend though. Have fun you two." Phai stood, grabbed his shit and left.
Cassy sighed back and hit the table. "Damnit!"
"Mr. Hill is there a problem?" The librarian came from around the corner after hearing the disturbance.
"No Mrs. Pat." The boy answered disrespectfully. "I'm fine."
"Well then Mr. Hill I'm sure you are aware about the rules of the library?"
"Yes Mrs. Pat I do know the rules however I don't care. But sorry to be a disturbance anyway to the little book nerds."
"Well then I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"You don't have to tell me twice." Cassy grabbed his back pack and left the room leaving everyone not surprised by his attitude. This was an everyday thing with him.
Phillip pulled up into his driveway and turned off the car engine. He stayed put until he finished his cigarette. His eyes were shut like he was resting but really he was just thinking about the bumpy conversation that had happened earlier between him and his son. They had left on bad terms and thinking about it only made him that much angrier and he let off a stressful sigh before glancing with an extreme dislike toward his next door neighbor.
The father of the house was out mowing the front lawn while the little daughter was out sitting on the porch eating an ice-cream. Phillip shifted up in his seat and glared for awhile as his stare was pressed and attentive on the dad. He brought the cigarette back towards his mouth and exhaled smoke. He then took his keys out from the ignition and continued to sit and watch, figuring out the best way to confront him about their sons.
"Welcome back Alex. Did you have a wonderful time off?" Cassy approached Alex as the two were entering from opposite sides of the field.
"Oh look at that, the two captains are late. What a horrible example you're showing to your team." Cleitus greeted them both.
Tolem and Phai were talking while sitting on the bench and they both stopped and turned seeing Alex and Cassy finally arrived. The first thing Tolem noticed was Phai blushing and trying to hold back a smile. Alex as always no matter how tired he looked came looking great and cool. His skin was glowing. His eyes stood out as the sun captured them. Strings of blonde hair were slightly wiggling in front of his eyes. But Phai wasn't really just focused on how great Alex had been looking these passed few days and more worried about Cassy's and Alex's first interaction since they've had that argument. It's been a week since they've seen each other. In fact all the friends were bracing themselves for something bad.
"You know what Cassy the time off was great. I enjoyed it very much."
Phai looked at Alex, with an uncontrollably grin at his cuteness.
"Did you miss me?" Cassy smirked almost with seducing conduct.
"No not at all." Alex answered straightforward.
"I didn't miss you either."
"Good I'm glad were on the same page then."
"What page would that be? The 'I like choking girls in the locker room page?"
Alex shortly laughed not being intimidated or bothered by him one bit. "Clearly we're not on the same page."
"Are we seriously gonna start this again." Perdicas whined. "It's like you guys are mind fucking us. I can't tell if you like each other or hate each other. It's making it really difficult for the rest of us friends here."
"How about you guys just kiss and makeup already. Or fuck. Either way it's better than you two bitches bitching." Cleitus joked even though it came off serious. The black haired boy smiled and winked at Phai like he knew more than he should.
Phai had this thing where he had a specific glare and special look just for Cleitus. In Phai's opinion Cleitus was bizarre. He didn't hate him, he just oddly found him weird enough to stare at all the time probably because whatever left his mouth was random and unnecessary but also the black haired man was like a loner with strange habits and Phai found it a bit intriguing.
It was a strange moment between Cassy and Alex. There was nothing warm or gentle between them.
Crater quickly glanced at Phai knowing somewhere he was part of the problem.
"Okay I have a plan. It's simple and easy. Alex and Cassy you two are making this much harder than it is, so how about you two just apologize to each other." Tolem suggested. "How about it?"
Cassy groaned in refusal.
"God Tols. That's the stupidest plan I have ever heard." Phil scoffed. "I say you guys fight and finish where you left off."
"How in the hell is that going to help! And when has your input ever been useful?" Phai asked not slightly annoyed but extremely annoyed. He was surrounded by a bunch of idiots.
"It's going to help release the anger they have at each other, obviously Phai." Phil yelled.
"When has anything ever starting in a fight been affective in how an issue is solved. Can you answer me that Phil?" Phai yelled back.
"Yea, I'll give you one example. My parents always end up having sex after they fight."
"That just means they need help. Right away. Probably now." Phai had an uncanny ability to make people feel stupid with the way he worded things. Probably because he was so much smarter than the rest.
"Phai it sounds like you need to get laid again. It's the only time you're not a complete bitch." Phil stated.
"I'd do you in a heartbeat." Cleitus said. Raising his hand making his offer known. And Phai gave him not necessarily a disgusted look but more a look that read why he had to open his mouth at all.
"No thanks Cleitus."
"Are you sure?"
Phai shook his head. He didn't know what to think anymore so he just went back to being quiet.
"Okay enough guys." Tolem came back to taking control of the situation. "No ones doing anybody and nobody's fighting anybody."
"Well I sure as hell am not apologizing to little miss blonde boy if I don't want to." Cassy said.
"Well it works out just fine because I just happen to not want an apology from you." Alex let him know smoothly. "And maybe we should just do what we're here to do and that is to practice."
"I usually call the orders." Cassy smirked. "Thanks for trying."
"You're doing a great job at it to. Your team looks ready to work and my god the energetic vibe I'm getting from them is out of this world. Let me in on your secret. How are you doing it?"
Cassy didn't like or expect that much sarcasm from Alex. And the monotone and deadly stare wasn't helping him like Alex anymore. Alex usually would listen to Cassy and do what he says. He was easy prey and easily manipulated. But that was when they were in middle school and considered friends. These days, not so much.
"I have a question, I already asked Phai but how was your night last night." Cassy slowly crossed his arms smiling at Alex.
Alex blinked and stared at him. Old Alex normally would have shrugged something like that off. He didn't really used to get angered or bothered easily but now anything could trigger him to go off. And it didn't help that Cassy was around to help provoke him.
Phai, Tolem and sadly most of the rest looked like they didn't want to get caught up in whatever Cassy and Alex had going on. Phai knowing Cassy pretty well couldn't believe he had just asked that. But he also knew Cassy was trying to irritate Alex to the best of his ability because Alex hadn't seemed to be affected yet. Until now.
"You do not want to go down that road with me today or ever." The blonde advised in an intimidating and dangerous conduct.
But Cassy being the stubborn jackass he was didn't pay attention to the warning and continued to press the blonde. "I'm guessing you had a hard time getting it up? I can't think of another explanation why you're such a miserable fuck."
And then everything happened fast after that. I think. Or maybe it just seemed like it.
And yes. I swung first.
Callista sat indulged in her messy treat. She found it fun watching her dad do the chores around the house since normally he wouldn't be home to do it. Now it was her mom she hardly got to see anymore because she started to work more hours at her job, which meant more overtime and more night shifts.
Right now she'd be at school but was home early because she had a half day today. Her mother had picked her up early and the two went for ice cream before her mother headed off to work. Now she got to hang out with her dad all day which wasn't all that bad.
The girl wanting to keep herself entertained waved at a couple of neighbor kids walking by the sidewalk of her house. The kids didn't wave back and she frowned and began to aggressively eat away at her ice cream while staring down the snotty kids. "Punks." She mumbled under her breath.
Phillip murmured something under his breath before he stepped out of the car and approached the neighbor who was mowing the lawn. "Hey, excuse me!" He yelled over the loud shearing sound as he called for the father's attention.
Amyntor didn't hear him the first time but when he finally noticed that Alex's father was trying to grab his attention he immediately stopped what he was doing. "Oh hey Phillip. How's it going?" He was surprised to see that he stopped by.
"Things are going fine." Phillip answered abruptly as if that wasn't what he was there for.
"So what can I help you with?" Amyntor brought up his shirt and wiped the sweat from his face.
"How is your son doing?" Phillip answered smugly with fake interest like he knew something.
Amyntor crossed his arms across his chest. "He's fine." His tone was unwelcoming.
"Good." Phillip nodded with a wide grin and the neighbor hated that he was so full of himself.
"How's Alex?" Amyntor thought he'd ask in return with the same fake friendly manner.
"Fine. I guess."
"Great. Have a nice one. I'll see you around." Amyntor gave out an annoyed breath and finally realized why he never tried harder to talk to the neighbor. He was a complete passive aggressive dickhead.
Phillip sneered and gave a half-assed wave while mumbling something under his breath, something rude as the two broke ways. Amyntor back to the lawn work and Phillip back towards his house but then Phillip felt that he wasn't done yet. He turned back towards the neighbor.
"Oh wait another thing." Phillip said walking right to the edge of the lawn that started the neighbor's property.
"Yea." Amyntor turned back to him trying his best to be polite which wasn't coming off polite at all.
"It's about our sons."
Amyntor glared at the intentional hostility in his voice and looked towards his daughter. "Callista take your ice-cream and go inside please." He said.
"Why?" she whined.
"Because, just go sweetie. I'll let you know when you can come back out."
"Geez, nobody wants me around!" Callista growled with a pout and stomped inside.
Amyntor made sure that she actually closed the door before clearing his throat and looking back at Alex's douch bag father. "So what about them? Is something wrong?"
"I think you know." Phillip cut to the chase.
Amyntor scoffed. "I'm sorry. I don't. What's this about?"
"I caught them two last night. Your son came over to my house."
"I'm sorry I didn't know that would be an issue. They were needing to work out some personal issues. If you have a problem I think I'm man enough to let you know that I take the blame and I apologize if he was over at a time that was inconvenient to you."
"I think you're mistaking my purpose for me being here before you now. I figured out something interesting about our sons yesterday."
"What would that be?" Amyntor knew what he was heading with but kept his knowledge hidden.
"I found out that Alex and Phai aren't just very close friends. I found out that they mean the world to each other and that's going to be a problem."
"Excuse me." Amyntor voice struck defensively.
"He and Alex went upstairs and I caught them doing something that they shouldn't have been doing. So all I ask is that you just keep your son away from mine. And keep him off my territory. I would appreciate it."
Phillip tossed his cigarette on Amyntor's side of the lawn. Amyntor surprised and angered all at once looked at the cigarette. Then back up at the man who had the audacity and the two fathers just stood their arms across their chest as they expressively glared at each other letting the other know that they didn't like the other.
"And I would appreciate it, if you get the hell away from my property."
Phillip grinned and stepped off but not before stepping on the cigarette, smashing it into the lawn more. "Have a great day." He then walked away and headed into his house.
So if I see my Phai, my angel of light, should I let him know?
That I need to give him up or I'm gonna die.
Should I let him know that I think I'm going to be gone again.
I know we can't always pick the life we find. And this life isn't what I had in mind but I'm here and still wondering if I'm lost. Still trying to understand the way I feel. And this feeling of being incomplete means that I'm nowhere now. It means that I'm slipping away. It means that I've seen better days but I'm starting to think that I won't live a normal life again.
I don't know me. I don't think I ever will. Despite my ambition, my heart is incomplete and my mind is intoxicated leaving me halfway dead and fully alive.
So I've been thinking about my future. Waiting for the day. Waiting for the day where this life I'm living stops dragging on, giving me high hopes that I just might make it to the end. But every day that sun rises, I'm convinced my life hasn't even started.
Then I look to the bright sky, into the darkness and emptiness of the universe and wonder why my dreams are being chased away. If I'm real it still wont change how I feel. I will still be here standing hollow. I will still feel tired. And when my time is near and if it is near, how is it going to be taken from me?
Then I see that Alexander is in constant search for everything making it harder to promise me an end.
Amyntor went back inside his home and dialed his son's number. He was pacing non stop all over the house. He knew his son wouldn't answer because he was in class but he was going to leave a voicemail anyway. "Phai this is your father, call me back when you get this. We need to talk." Then he hung up.
"Dad? What's wrong?"
He looked up not expecting Callista to be standing there. "Oh hey, it's nothing sweetie."
He shifted and postured himself to make himself seem natural.
"Are you sure. Is Phai okay?" she look worried.
"Yea, yea of course he is." Amyntor smiled sweetly at his daughter but she wasn't buying it.
"Why do you look angry then?"
"Do I? I'm not angry I'm just..." What could he tell his daughter that would make sense? "You know what, I am angry..."
Callista looked at him weird.
"Because I haven't eaten." He answered. "Hey lets say you and I go grab some lunch okay?"
"Are you sure you're okay dad. You look really mad? And you're scary when your mad." She reiterated.
Amyntor had to naturally smile at that. "No. I'm not mad. Get your shoes on and let's go. We'll go wherever you want."
"Awesome!" The girl ran upstairs to grab her shoes. Ice cream and lunch. This was the perfect day.
I know you guys have been waiting. But here's another chapter and I made it a long one. I want to thank everyone for the last reviews and I want to thank and congratulate Violet Suki for her new story 'Angel'. Anyway I hope you guys have a good read and thanks for sticking around.
-Stranger