Eyes that see into Infinity
Part 2
Chapter Twenty Six
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Being lost and missing was like not being gone at all. Being found however, felt like I was missing forever. And then being lost was something I was praying and hoping to long for once again...Another time. Because lost are the days that are lost. Until it isn't anymore.
I was just going to wait there, fading, wherever I was. Until Hephaistion decided to give up. Until he decided looking for me was pointless. Until he decided I wasn't worth having anymore. Then I could finally die and let go.
At least then I could enjoy the dreamless sleep.
\
India, the lost days
"Hephaistion has not yet returned. I'm starting to fear he never will." Perdicas quietly informed as he came through the tent where Leonnatus and Ptolemy were joined. The two sleepy generals were already feeling distressed, even more so now, with the recent news there friend had just brought.
Leonnatus sighed anxiously, his shoulders getting heavy, and he walked over to a chair to sit. This was yet another day and another night where they would stay flustered. And it was no oversight, finding themselves more restless than before. They were silent, the sound in the tent only being minor breathing as they kept to themselves. Not knowing what else to do other than worry and wonder. The only kind of productivity happening in the camp was the men and woman basking around, uneasy about what the future will bring, as they hoped for the best.
"Has the queen spoken?" Ptolemy asked Perdicas, knowing the general had been sent to her tent earlier that day for more questioning.
Perdicas looked reluctant to give more bad news. He shook his head thinking whether it was time to just accept the situation. "No. She didn't admit to anything."
"What good is moping around waiting an answer from the queen?" Ptolemy silently spoke but his frustration bled through. "She won't talk, despite the consequences if she's lying or not. We should be out looking, instead of sitting here accepting conclusion that they will somehow return to us."
"Waiting is more unmistakable. Cassander will not risk gathering a team to search for two men." Perdicas mentioned, knowing Cassander's intentions quite well. "It's not only reckless; it's unrealistic and would do us no good."
"Cassander needs to remember that's our king he thinks so little of. And even if Alexander is dead, he would have wanted us to get Hephaistion back and safe in good hands, even if half the men were in disagreement." Ptolemy argued blatantly.
"And what if Hephaistion is dead?" Perdicas asked, glancing up at the curled haired man.
"I'm not going to assume he is. I pray to the god's everyday that's not true." Ptolemy replied.
"The gods you want us to place our full trust in haven't shown us any mercy yet. The rains are only getting heavier everyday. The storm will follow Hephaistion and that might even be enough to swallow him whole." Perdicas calmly responded too tired to argue the topic to his fullest. "I want to pray to the gods for their well-being as much as you but I'm thinking rationally."
"There is nothing rational about making assumptions." Ptolemy remained persistent in his loyalty.
Leonnatus nodded in agreement. "I'm not going to give up on them either. Alexander would search for us and take revenge on those who threatened any of his men. And in his honor I would do the same. Nothing less Perdicas. I'm sorry."
Perdicas and Leonnatus were probably the closest in Alexander's union of generals. They were best friends and fairly loyal to each other, but not this time. Leonnatus had to disagree with his friend's logic. Leaving Hephaistion and Alexander behind wouldn't solve anything. In fact it would only upset the army more to not see their king return to them one last time. Too much was going on and the men were already falling apart. They needed to know where their king had gone. They needed someone to rule them.
Perdicas ran his hand down his face, with a discouraged moan in between his palm. "Cassander and the rest of the generals will never comply and I must say I'm with them. I love you two both equally, but I'm having difficulties distinguishing any reason to your thinking."
"I understand Cassander's motive in not risking more death. And even if he is doing this out of spite of our king, I do believe he is making decisions off what's best for the people and the men. They can no longer stay in India. It's an evil land and we would be wise to leave before it takes more of us, that I consent with you on, however I will reside here."
"What are you proposing Ptolemy?" Perdicas frowned at the curled haired general, bracing himself for something unanticipated.
Ptolemy sighed lightly. "We split the army. We'll send the travel guide to take these people home, through the safest route, while several of us stay behind and prolong the search for Alexander and Hephaistion."
Perdicas scoffed, shaking his head as Ptolemy spoke, not trusting Ptolemy's or even Leonnatus', what he thought were misinformed intentions. "The men believe that they are gone from us. They believe they are dead and no longer of this world. We all know that there is little hope left in them."
"Then those men can follow Cassander and whoever wishes to go home back to Babylon and leave the memory of their dead king behind." Ptolemy retorted, agitatedly. "But whoever wishes to stay stays. Whoever wishes to follow, follows. The same goes for those who want to go."
"We don't know how far ahead Alexander is. Nor Hephaistion. Those two could still be days, from each other. And if we begin this search, we're weeks apart!" Perdicas exclaimed. "Alexander went missing a day ahead, Ptolemy. Hephaistion is too far behind him to even begin to know where Alexander was taken. If Hephaistion isn't back by now he's dead, or out there dying. Hephaistion, no matter how strong his heart is, was a fool to have left in search for Alexander in the first place. I'd be surprised if he made it even through the fifth day. Where does that lead us? We have no direction, no way of knowing where they are. We would be running into the wild, in unknown territories. It would be charging into the depths of despair."
"Only if we divide up our defenses." Ptolemy began to explain. "Let us embark through the lands ready. I understand; Hephaistion has no chance of survival out there unaided. This is why we must go in search for him. If not for Alexander, we could do it for him."
"We shouldn't even have let him go astray by himself in the first place." Leonnatus added, with some of his own hidden guilt.
"Was their stopping him?" Perdicas countered.
"Not a single chance in Hades, but if we're as loyal as we claim we are, we should have been right behind him." Leonnatus stated. "Like you would have been for me Perdicas."
Perdicas turned from his friends, confounded by the immediate conclusion he would have to make in the next five seconds as Craterus came entering the tent, pushing away the flaps, breaking up their little chat. The three generals turned his way. Their eyes had lightened in eagerness hoping for some good news knowing Craterus had sent and led two small search parties. But again the weather was torturing their luck. The men were bound to return when the weather turned nastier and it looked like Craterus not only returned but was just about ready to give up. "This land is killing us slowly. We need to begin moving as soon as possible."
The three generals stayed put, looking at Craterus like they had other plans they weren't sure of yet.
The big general questioned the defiance he spotted in their cheerless faces. "What's going on?"
"I've decided I will stay behind and keep looking." Ptolemy responded quietly. "It's the right thing to do."
"And I'm following Ptolemy." Leonnatus also responded and Craterus couldn't believe what he had just heard. His brows knitted down, thinking what he heard was nonsense and looked last to Perdicas for a response hoping it wasn't as absurd sounding.
Perdicas just nodded, wordlessly expressing that he would be joining his friends in the mission to bring back Hephaistion and the King.
"What? That's madness men." Craterus appeared greatly shocked and angered. "Cassander finds that it is best to leave and this time I'm going to have to agree with him."
"Cassander, if I may remind you Craterus wasn't even meant to come on this mission with us. So why is he making any kind of demands? Alexander did not put him in charge!" Ptolemy growled hastily, the name Cassander being thrown around was just giving him more reasons to find the mean eyed general objectionable.
"You're right Ptolemy. Alexander did not put him in any such position to make any orders. But Cassander is right about departing from this land as soon as we are able. This is no disrespect to Alexander. I love him most but he's been missing for longer than we could count, not to mention he was on his death-bed before he even disappeared. And wasn't it all of us who settled to pull him out of his misery when we figured he would never awaken again? But suddenly he's gone from his bed and we feel obligated to go release him from any danger he might be in? As far as I'm concerned the man was already dead."
"Having a heart beat is dead to you? Loss of consciousness is not the same as being lifeless. As far as I'm concerned he was never dead. And he wouldn't be missing if we were doing our job right in the first place!" Leonnatus stood up, offense displaying quite vividly in his reaction as he yelled, directly to Craterus' face. The bigger man shoved him away telling him to back down but Leonnatus was no push over and just shoved him right back not finding himself intimidated by the bigger body towering four more extra feet over him. "To fucking Hades with you then! He thought of you as his greatest friend Craterus, and you're just going to turn on him?"
Ptolemy was thankful to have Leonnatus at his side on this. But he eventually had to calm him down before he and Craterus quarreled like Craterus and Hephaistion had done before, which didn't turn out any pleasant.
He placed a tender and reassuring hand on Leonnatus's shoulder giving him a clear signal that he would take care of the rest. "If Cassander wants to take you men home then go. We will not be attending the march back home." Ptolemy confronted Craterus.
"Ptolemy all I ask is that you be reasonable. You will be lost if you go. You will end up just like them." Craterus tried advising, with no intention to upset the general.
Ptolemy glared at Craterus. The other generals shifted where they were. "I'd be lost? No, you will be lost, because without the king you've men already proven you are nothing. You've proven your worthlessness. Do you think we will be able to manage the army, the people, the kingdoms, the politics, and keep everyone united? No. Alexander is the one who keeps us united. He's the one who builds our strength. He's the one who gives us the courage to fight. Not you, not Cassander. I'm not saying Alexander is lost without us. For all I know, Alexander woke up from his coma, killed his own guards and strolled off into the night somewhere. To Hades, he could have been sleepwalking. Or maybe he pissed off the wrong Indian tribe and is now being held captive somewhere thick in the lands of the devil himself. He isn't lost without us. We're lost without him. But I'd rather be lost knowing I did the right thing. Knowing that I did my very best to bring him back. If I leave him, my conscience will never let me rest again. You fear this land is so large and evil but look at the lands Alexander has already conquered. India is just that, another land. We fear it because we are unfamiliar with it. I find it sad that you men are so resentful and envious of his success. If that's the case than prove yourselves. Come with me to find the king, find Hephaistion, and bring them back. If you want to be remembered than do something memorable, even if it's not for Alexander. Do it for yourselves. Because once these times have gone by, and every tale told after we are long gone and dead, was that you were cowards, envious of a king you wanted dead."
Ptolemy.
Well what can I say about Ptolemy? - I can say a lot.
Ptolemy was the best man, the best friend, the best human being one could ever ask for. If you want a good person in your life, or anyone who would understand you, befriend Tolem or someone like him. Do it fast and keep him close. The only warning I will give on his behalf, don't make an enemy of him, because when it comes to friendship, no one is a better friend. No one can make you hold on to something so much, as well as he could. Throughout most of my troubling dark stages in life, it was Ptolemy who was honest with me. He was the one to put me in my place when I let my arrogance overshadow my psyche. It was him who would paste my miserable life and Phai's despondent days back together in one piece. He was the one who always tried as hard as he could, to make sure we found each other back in each others arms.
He was everyone's 'go to' guy. He was the one who was always in defense of my dreams and protective over Phai's outlook for me. He protected us from each other, from other lovers, from friends, from family, from the world, from our feelings, from sin, from everything.
Tolem had no bias. If Phai fucked up he'd tell him. If I fucked up he'd tell me. If we were too stubborn to listen, he would let us fail and learn the hard way. He's always been like that. Treating each one of his friends as equals.
When I was lost and couldn't be found, Ptolemy understood that it wasn't me who needed to be sought. Hell for all I knew, I was dead, and didn't want to be found. Maybe I didn't want to be found dead, because that would mean somewhere down the road I had failed. Who knows? But if I was alive out there, somewhere dying, my only concern would be for Hephaistion's life.
I wasn't expecting to be found. Ptolemy did know that I was depending on Hephaistion to be found.
I once said, "All good things to the king must be found."
So Ptolemy went out to find my Hephaistion. And he did. And for that I am grateful.
"I know that these men and women can not wait to see their home and the last thing they need is to worry about their missing king who is no longer around to guide them, but all I ask is that we try."
Craterus was thinking it over. He and Ptolemy were staring challengingly eye to eye before the bigger general did eventually admit to himself that what Ptolemy had said was the truth. That they wanted to give up because it sounded easier. "Okay, Ptolemy we'll do this your way but the people need to be reassured elsewhere. Not here. I'll run it by the rest of the generals. But just know that splitting the army is going to cause a disturbance. Most of these people are willing to stay put in these dreadful lands just to see their king return."
"Well, I wish more of the generals had some of their same faith."
"Not everyone can be a dreamer like Alexander. I'm a realist Ptolemy."
"I'm a realist too Craterus and that hasn't got me far at all. Alexander isn't. And look how far he's gotten."
I've probably taken us further than any realist ever could. How? Because I am a dreamer. I am a thinker. Because I don't back down when I see a charge of thousands of men coming right at me with bloody swords and gnashing teeth. Some would call me reckless. Most would call me a dumbass. I would call them cowards. A realist would think to run. A dreamer would take the risk and charge back, hoping an army of loyal men are behind him ready to protect and fight for him. Ready to claim the world as theirs. Ready to take the next leap in life. Because that dreamer, that idealist, you mock, trusts his gut and his head. But most of all he trusts his heart.
Craterus was a realist. Craterus was a coward. He would look at the odds. If something didn't seem feasible to him, he like any other person who claims to be practical, would turn around and run, because they are more fond of giving up than trying.
Some of us think rationally and some of us think irrationally. It's the way of life. I think the way I do, because it's the only way I know how to think.
So what's our reason for trusting reason?
After the kiss, Alex pulled slowly away from Phai and the two just stared into each others eyes, Alex lightly brushing soft fingers against the skin of Phai's arm. This was something they did often which used to feel awkward but now it was comfortable silence and natural passion.
The blonde smiled, when Phai took a quick glance at the time on his phone. It was later than he thought. But the time meant nothing to either of them.
Phai looked back at Alex. Saying nothing, but somehow expressing deeply how much in love he was. Alex stayed where he was, taking the time to stare back into blue eyes, appreciating how intense Phai could be when doing and saying nothing at all.
The cherished moment was soon gone when they heard the front door open to the house, and reacting as two teens would, who were up to no good, the two of them removed themselves completely from each other. Phai started to put things away and Alex went back to leaning against the counter.
Thinking at first it was Phai's father, they were mildly relieved when it ended up being their friends instead, even though they decided to just show up unannounced.
Tolem entered the kitchen first with two full bags of something and a 'get well' balloon in his hand, and then the rest of the gang followed in, minus Cassy.
"Hey Alex buddy!' Tolem said dropping bags on the counter. "So we went to the store and got a bunch of stuff."
Alex quirked an eyebrow. Phai's frown was unmistakable.
"Who the hell let you guys in?" The brunette teen was wondering. He was expecting his father, not them. And even though he was glad it wasn't his father, he was still expecting him home any second now. He could only imagine how his father would react to random guests in his house but it looked like attempting to kick them out was useless. They were going nowhere.
Cleitus shrugged. "The door was unlocked, we saw Alex's car, we noticed your dads car wasn't in the driveway and we decided to invite ourselves in. Don't worry we'll be gone before your dad gets home."
"Well welcome aboard, assholes. I guess I just suddenly have the best dad in the world who won't kill me for letting people into his house without his permission." Phai said, running his hands absently through his hair.
"Lighten up Phai, you should have locked the doors then." Phil said.
"Besides Alex is sick and we come offering gifts. So be appreciative." Crater replied, searching through the refrigerator for something to eat, while Phai sent him his famous 'I hate you' glare. Everything about Phai, symbolized that he was already growing irritated.
He snatched one of the bags from the counter and began looking through it, wondering what the hell they spent their money on that would make Alex feel any better.
"Seriously guys you really didn't have to do this." Alex said, acting modestly. Most people would have been flattered by the attention given, but this wouldn't be the first time his friends interrupted good moments between him and Phai. Infact all the times they had interrupted them were all potentially great moments. Now they would never know.
"Too bad. The favor has been done." Cleitus said, his hands roaming around in one of the bags as he started unpacking.
"Thanks." Alex said smiling at his friends, appreciating the effort. But smiling even more when Phai went to go stand back next to him, brushing against him softly without making a thing obvious.
"We got you, Amica. I heard its great for bruises, scars, you name it. Let's see, oh yea, some pain reliever...stuff that will help you sleep better, what else, what else, oh yes.." Cleitus whipped out a big jar of Vaseline. "Also this works miracles."
Phai frowned and crossed his arms. "How's that?" His question was sarcastically spoken. Phai was good at sarcasm.
"I'm glad you asked, Phai. Let me explain." Cleitus cleared his throat. "It doesn't get rid of anything but it makes your skin where the swelling is feel so much better. One time I got so high I climbed to the top of my roof and fell off. I don't know how, I thought the stars were trying to tell me something you know. I didn't break anything but I had bruising everywhere, including my cock. I was lucky."
Phai didn't look amused. He left Alex's side real quick, to grab an ice pack from his freezer and went right back to being next to his favorite person in the world. He held it to Alex's bad eye and kept it there as Cleitus continued his story.
"Anyway long story short, I rubbed some Vaseline on their and it was like an angel was stroking me off. Then I went to the doctor the next day and they were amazed at how much the swelling went down. The end."
Phil clapped. "Good story bro."
"I have a cock story I'd like to share." Crater rose his hand.
Tolem, Perdicas, Leon and Phai all moaned at once unimpressed.
"About what, how your fathers condom failed when he gave it your mother?" Phai insulted with a huge grin on his face. Crater glared at Tolem and Leon snickering in the back. Perdicas was standing their stiff, shocked that came from Phai's mouth. Who knew he had it in him.
"Who lit the fuse on your tampon Phai?" Phil asked, just as equally shocked as Perdicas.
"You did, when you entered my house without asking. Or maybe it was from the genital warts you gave me last night."
Alex started to choke on his glass of water. He was surprised aswell. Tolem and Phai highfived each other.
"That is too much information for me." Leon said, shaking his head.
"All I'm saying is, if we wanted to hear stories about your cocks, we would have asked." Phai muttered.
"You would like that wouldn't you virgin?" Crater chuckled to himself.
"Uh no but I would like something else. Like shock me for once. Say something intelligent."
"If you were a chick I'd bang the shit out of you." Cleitus said throwing his arm around Phai's shoulder. Alex grew extremely tense. It didn't help that his muscles were extremely sore.
Phai shoved Cleitus' arm away from him. "That will never happen. But let me just go grab a condom for your cock, so you have protection, to at least fuck yourself."
"Feisty and down to earth, I like it." The blacked haired man nodded in approval, looking at Phai with a weird perverted look.
"You know what Cleitus, I've been wanting to ask you this, the very second I met you. What goes on in your head?" Phai was shocked to find himself half serious about the question. Again, their was just something about Cleitus. "Like seriously, I'm worried."
"How about I let you in on my secret later. In my bed." Cleitus winked at him. It was like impossible for him to be offended. If Cleitus were to make any goal for himself it would be to go through life taking everything negative as a compliment.
"Gross. No thank you. Sorry I asked."
"What else could you guys have possibly got? Theirs like five full bags there." Alex craftily and swiftly changed the topic before Cleitus was able to keep up his flirting. All this talk about male body parts and Cleitus wanting to sleep with Phai was making him mad. Alex had mentioned to Phai before that he does get jealous. How jealous he actually gets, was the part he left out.
"We got you a heating pad." Tolem pulled it out from the bag.
"A heating pad?" Alex blinked giving the tiniest, least enthused smile possible. "Really?"
"Yea really." The curled haired boy took offence.
"I feel like I'm being babied." Alex made a face, his reply revealing nothing of his true emotions.
"Alex don't think we're babying you. We're spoiling you." Cleitus clarified. "We got you fucking munchies and Gatorade."
"Where does your canned foods go?" Leon asked randomly. Phai and Alex both frowned when they saw an entire bag of chicken noodle soup.
"What's that for?" Alex asked, his eyes narrowing in confusion while pointing at the bag.
"You're sick dude. Duh." Leon shrugged.
"Yea but I'm not sick, sick. I just got into a fight, that's it."
"Not according to those who saw you puking all over the place. Not to mention it will help a crampy stomach."
"Whatever." The blonde leaned back against the counter, almost seeming a bit pouty.
Phai was holding in a smile seeing how adorable and uncomfortable Alex was turning while getting babied by his friends. Phai found him sweet, even though Alex wasn't meaning too be. Sweet and stubborn was the better word.
Alex looked up and sent Phai the cutest, apologetic smile, sorry that things weren't going as expected. Phai smiled back, and turned to face Tolem instead. Because if he kept focusing all of his attention on Alex he would give himself away to everyone in the house.
"We got you a pack of 7UP, Ibuprofen for the swelling, gauze incase you start bleeding and incase none of this works it's probably because you need to go to the hospital." Cleitus nodded. "Yep, and that's it."
Hospital? That suggestion totally wiped the smile off of Alex's face. "I'm fine. Really. And thanks for doing this but it's not necessary."
"Pff, yea right. You guys should see his stomach. Alex lift your shirt." Phai asked, in more of a demand.
Alex rolled his eyes and lifted his shirt and the response he received was sadly the response he was expecting.
"Damn!" They all said in unison finding it hard to look at.
"Cassy fucked you up!" Cleitus rubbed in.
"Thanks Cleitus." Alex said dropping his shirt back down as lightly as possible.
"Shouldn't you go to the hospital for that?" Perdicas looked really concerned. "Like now."
"That's what I said." Phai shrugged. "He's just gonna say no."
"Yea dude, I've never seen so many colors on one body in my life." Crater said, amazed that Alex wasn't sending them signals of any discomfort. They would have never guessed by how relaxed he was that something was wrong.
"And that's no rainbow." Leon finished. "It's like the devils version of a rainbow."
"And we all know that aint no rainbow either." Phil, was shaking his head, not realizing it was going to be that bad.
The blonde just rose a protesting eyebrow at them. "It's called bruising and swelling. It will heal." Alex explained before they all got out of hand with this hospital business.
"Yea but it's not going to heal on its own. If you have broken ribs you need to go to the hospital." Tolem suggested getting more worried about it and not understanding why Alex hadn't checked himself in already. And by the look on his face, Alex was prepared to be resistant.
"I'm not going to the hospital." Alex responded as blunt as possible.
"Alex, not going to the hospital is not even an option. With that much bruising something has to be cracked." Tolem wasn't going to back down either.
"I'm not going to spend my free time at a hospital Tolem."
"What free time Alex? It's not like you can do much anyway but lie down and rest, so you might as well rest at a hospital."
"He doesn't like hospitals." Phai mentioned. "Good luck convincing him."
"I don't like school but I still have to go." Their blacked haired friend replied.
"Coming from you Cleitus! The only one in this room who ditches school and gets held back eight grades. You're so full of shit." Alex said getting frustrated, causing his chest to tighten and ribs to compress. He managed not to display any kind of pain and tried harder not to show that it was bothering him. "I can fucking manage."
"It wasn't that much. Not to mention I can make up for my schooling; you can't make up for your health. Oh by the way I can tell you're in pain buddy, you're not fooling anyone."
Alex expressed to them all a full warning glare. "I am not going to a hospital. Do not make me repeat myself."
"I don't understand why you think that's an option. Eventually you're going to end up in the hospital because you refused to go to a hospital the first time around." Phil declared. The rest of the friends in the room nodded.
"You are all being absolutely ridiculous." Alex scoffed, straitening up, releasing his hands from his side, as gently and slowly as he could, trying to prove a point to his overly concerned friends. "See I'm fine."
"No you're not. And you should be sitting. Why aren't you sitting?" Tolem asked firmly. This was unbelievable to all of them, how dismissive he was of his own health.
"Don't mention that, trust me." Phai quickly jumped in. "He won't sit. I've already tried. I tried hard."
"Guys, listen to me, people manage all the time, with cracked and broken ribs. The only thing they can do is be careful and suffer through the pain until it heals."
"Alex." Phai strictly called his name, thinking that him saying something, was a easier way of convincing him to go. Because Alex had a habit of listening to him. He was trying not to worsen Alex's mood about hospitals, but if anyone in the room cared about Alex's health more than anything it was him. "The problem we're having is that we don't know how to identify broken ribs, but the fact that you're holding your sides for support and it's been difficult for you to walk, and lift your arms, and your breathing has become labored means that you probably have fractured something. I understand your dislike for hospitals but get yourself at least checked out, incase something is worse than we thought."
Alex groaned. The thought of being back inside a hospital was something that he didn't even want to deal with. Phai knew that. He knew Alex was tired of hospitals and that them trying to convince him to go to one wasn't helping him like them any better. The only time he wanted to see a hospital again was when his time to die came. "Nope." He remained stubborn. Phai sighed trying to keep himself calm before he decided to yell at Alex. "How can I assure you guys that I'm fine? You know what, I'm not dying. Because you're acting like I'm dying. And I just want to make it clear that I feel fine and I'm doing fine and I'm probably going to be better the next time I see you at school. So really I appreciate it, but it's not necessary unless of course I was actually dying than it would be necessary. You know?" Alex did that all in one breath and he was inclined to believe that if his lungs could talk, they would be cussing him out right now.
"Alex I hate to be the bearer of bad news but even before you got beat up, you looked beat up. Just take our advice because you only live once."
"Stop with that Yolo shit. And no!" That was Alex's final refusal.
Cleitus flew up his hands. "Okay I give up."
"When I feel something abnormally wrong I will go to the hospital."
"Just because you have an extremely high tolerance to pain doesn't mean you should just tolerate it." Phai stated, and Alex looked at him, noting the concern of his tone and the concern in his harsh blue eyes.
Phai knew why he was being stubborn about it, and if they were in Alex's shoes, they would understand why he was acting that way, and the only thing Phai wanted to do was promise Alex that this would be the last time he would ever have to set foot into a hospital again. Unfortunately that promise could break anytime. But he couldn't say what he actually wanted to say to Alex in front of everybody, and he couldn't do what he wanted to do to Alex in front of everybody, but he did get the point across to his blonde friend, as they now stared deeply at each other... that as long as he was around, he promises on his life, to take care of him and he didn't need a hospital to do it.
Amyntor pulled up to his driveway and saw cars out front of his house. He had that what the hell expression on his face before he turned off the car, forcing the question in his head, if he had invited people over and forgot, but he had no friends in California. They were all overseas. He opened his car door and helped Callista out. "I guess we should go see what your brother is up to."
"I already know what he's up too. He's up to no good. Are you gonna ground him?" She asked with a bright sweet smile on her face.
Amyntor chuckled, rubbing her head. "No Callista."
"You should ground him dad. Actually you should let me do the honors." Callista ran ahead of him and sprinted into the house! "Phai you're in sooooo much trouble! Dad says your grounded."
Amyntor sighed and went in right after her. He went straight to the kitchen, seeing his son and friends gathered at the counter. He lifted a brow, with a look now knowing what all the cars were about. Phai turned towards his dad who was just standing there with a look on his face waiting for an explanation. "Hi, Phai's dad!" The friends said in unison and Amyntor just waved a hand at them.
"Hello." He said. "So what's going on? Is there a party I don't know about?" he said placing his keys on the counter.
"No, they were just dropping by really quick to see Alex. They won't be here much longer." Phai smiled innocently.
Callista ran straight to Alex pushing her brother and Tolem out of the way. "Oh, my God! What happened to you? Can I touch your face?"
"Sure." The blonde chuckled. It was always a joy to see Callista.
She took a deep breath before pressing on the wound around his eye. "That's so cool!" She yelped. "I must say you're pretty hot all beat up like that. Can I use you for my Show and Tell?"
"Callista give him some space would you. What happened Alex?" Amyntor genuinely asked, Alex's face speaking volumes.
"A fight happened at school." Tolem answered.
"Are you alright?" Amyntor asked, with a look that said, why the hell are you not at a hospital. Also taking a mental note if he wanted someone that reckless and irresponsible, around his son.
"Yea I feel fine." Alex lied.
"He's lying. He could have a broken rib." Crater ratted him out.
"It's nothing."
"It looks like something to me. We should probably get you to a hospital, just to make sure nothing is actually broken. If you go like that without seeking the proper care you could puncture a lung and that wouldn't be good." Amyntor advised in his natural fatherly demeanor.
"Thanks Phai's dad, that's what we were trying to tell him all along!" Cleitus exclaimed.
Amyntor gave Cleitus the same look Phai gives him all the time. That 'who are you' and 'why are you talking' look. There was just something about Cleitus. They just couldn't lay a finger on it.
"He's scared of hospitals." Tolem also said. Alex rolled his eyes and sighed, not denying that fact but not admitting to it either.
"All they are going to do is take some X-rays, see that severity of the injury, tape your ribs if broken. These days in age, if you can stand and walk, you can easily go home. You seem to be doing both just fine, so my guess is the longest you'll be there is an hour or two depending how busy the doctor examining you is. If we leave here in about twenty minutes, we can be back by 8:30. Let me run upstairs and give my wife a call and I'll be down to take you. Does that sound good?" Amyntor explained, calmly.
"Yea." Alex wasn't going to take any chances getting on Phai's fathers bad side so he just had to suck it up.
Phai looked up at Alex in shock just realizing now that he never told Alex that he told his father about them. And Alex had no idea Amyntor knew that he was in love with his son and possibly sleeping with him. Phai looked over at his dad with a suspicious hint in his eyes, not sure if this was some trap. Like if he was going to take Alex to some alley way instead of the hospital and shoot him and leave him for dead. Or question him about personal stuff. Oh fuck.
Amyntor smiled at everyone. "Since everyone's made themselves already at home, you should just stay for dinner. It's already cooked you just got to heat it up. It's in the oven." he offered. "Callista and I ate already, so dinner is all yours."
"That sounds great." Cleitus said and Phai glared at him. "I mean that sounds lovely, Phai's dad... I mean Mr. Amyntor."
"It's just lasagna, sorry nothing fancy." he apologized to the boys.
"Still sounds good to me." Crater was already excited to eat.
"Great! Alex, I will be back down shortly."
Cleitus leaned over to Phai once Amyntor left the kitchen. "I can't tell if your dad actually wants us here or wants us gone. But we might stay anyway because lasagna sounds fucking awesome right now."
"I want you gone, so he probably does too." Phai shrugged then left the room and caught up with his dad in the living room area. "Hey dad, I should have called you and let you know they stopped by. I'm sorry. But if you want them to leave I can tell them to leave."
"I'm not worried about it. Company is better than no company. Besides I already invited them to stay for dinner." His father shrugged, not really finding his friends being over as big of a deal as Phai thought it would be but still it was kind of annoying how accommodating his father was. The truth was, his mother wasn't around, he and Callista were always at school or with friends, so it was understandable if his father was at times lonely and bored.
"I'll go kick them out for you." Phai turned to leave.
"Phai, I mean it. I'm fine with your friends being here." His father laughed at Phai's unusual behavior. "Are you urging me to kick your friends out or something?"
"Maybe." Phai had a look of guilt. Or maybe he was just nervous about him and Alex being in the same car together.
"I'm fine with it okay." His father kissed him on the head and headed upstairs. "I'll be right down."
Phai turned at the sound of the doorbell ringing. He sighed and approached the door, hoping it was a sales man. He swung the door open, and gave off the tiniest meanest snicker when he saw who it was. "I can get used to looking at you this way. It's a good look." A blacked eyed Cassy was truly a sight to behold, in Phai's case, he meant it in the meanest possible way.
"Thanks Phai for your enthusiasm. Can I come in? Or do you hate me still?" Cassy was just finishing up his smoke.
"I've never liked you but right now I have every right to hate you."
"I know. And I deserve it. Is that better?" The mean eyed boy apologized in his own self-centered way.
"No. You deserve that and some more." Phai leaned against the side of the door with his arms crossed. He didn't know it but his natural duty of being Alex's protector was showing strongly, the body guard and Chiliarch of the King coming out in him, finally. "I'm not a softy I hope you know. I will punch you in your mouth."
"I know. I still remember last time you hit me. Thanks by the way, fortunately the dentist said my teeth were fine."
"Why are you here?"
"What do you think?"
"You want my honest answer? I have no idea."
"I'm here to see Alex."
"Uhm no."
"Why?"
"I can't believe how you seriously are sometimes. What do you mean 'why'? Did you forget already?"
"Of course I didn't fucking forget!"
"Don't cuss at me."
"Sorry." Cassy relaxed.
"What has Alex done, that makes you hate him so much? Even for you, provoking Alex like that was not only low, but stupid. That's like jumping into a lions cage unarmed, wrapped in raw meat."
Cassy shifted, grunting a sigh expressing everything that he was finding too complicated to say. "I don't hate him, okay." he admitted.
"Then what are you feeling towards him? Because to everyone else, you hate him. It's clear that your hate for him is perpetual."
"Look, I know he and I have been friends for a long time and believe it or not I hate having these feelings towards him. I just say that I hate him, when in truth I just envy him. Not just because he has you. It's because he has everything, including you."
Phai didn't even consider taking the compliment. "You know when we first met; you were even just a little likeable. Sure your comments and insults have always had bad taste but for the many years I've known you, I enjoyed you much better then, than I do now."
"Yea, kids grow up Phai. And we change. I'm so sorry I don't hold well to your standards. I was still the same asshole."
"You are even a bigger asshole now. And guess what? I can say I grew up too, Cassy. How much have I changed?"
"You've changed, a lot. Did you know that you used to walk around, with your head down, your face in a book, shutting people out of your life? You were always irritated with things, with people. You always wanted to be alone, and the only time you had was time to yourself. You made it so hard for people to get to know you. We always thought you were so angry at the world. People were scared to talk to you. But now you've opened yourself up miraculously and you've allowed someone in. You've let Alex in your life and that's changed you. Without Alex in your life you were so impassive. I remember trying to make you laugh, to get you out of your shell and I remember him hardly doing anything at all to get your attention, but suddenly instead of you catching his attention, he caught yours. So sorry if I hated him for that. Sorry if I did something to offend you."
Phai came fully outside and shut the door. He shoved Cassy. Anger was their before Cassy even saw it coming.
"I'm sorry if I don't remember it that way. I remember you picking on me. Laughing at me. Making fun of me. Getting me into trouble when I did nothing wrong. If that was your way of making me laugh you're bad at it. I remember Alex being your friend and I remember shutting you both off because I assumed Alex was just like you, an asshole. And I'm not arrogant enough to just shut off people. People shut me out Cassy. Do you think I had friends in school? Do you think because of my good looks I would be popular? No complete fucking opposite. Because I wasn't interested in all the crap, kids were interested in, doesn't make me the bad guy. It made me a loser. I wasn't a loner because I chose to be, I was a loner because that's what everyone perceived as me. The bad guys were the asshole bullies, taking my books from me, the only thing that kept me sane throughout fucking school and throwing them away or pissing on it or leaving it in a toilet full of shit, or ruining the pages by running sink water over it. I was teased constantly in front of everyone, and I remember everything, kids pointing and laughing and whispering as more and more crowds gathered in the fucking hallway. Or girls giggling in their stupid fucking clicks, calling me names, like nerd, geek, loser, faggot. playing pranks on me and inviting me to tea parties because they thought I enjoyed that type of shit. I had boys twice my size, trying to fight me, wanting to fight me, pushing me, because they enjoyed telling me that I fought like a girl. And when I stood up for myself I would get beat up. Because I had long hair, because my looks are slightly feminine, I didn't fit in with the rest of the boys. They called me girl names every single fucking time I entered that school. They had a new name for me every time. That is the worst thing anyone could call me. I do not like being called a girl. I am a fucking man with a fucking dick. Don't you dare act like I made this hard for everyone else to get to know me. And don't you dare put yourself on a high pedestal Cassy. I was treated like shit all my life, every single minute of it until I was home and in my room where I could finally let my anger and sadness and stress leave me alone, before I had to gain all of it back again the next fucking day. There is nothing remote or sheltered about me. I will tell you why I hate arrogant dicks like you. It's because I've had disgusting, horny, sex crazed arrogant dicks like you touch me, and look at me like I'm an item, the worst feeling in the world by the way when you have no idea what's happening because you're so young and naïve at the time. Don't call me beautiful, don't call me any of it, because you're just mocking me. You're making fun of the way I look. Because all I see when you call me that is my middle school swimming coach trying to molest me and touch me, and lure me away with him with no fucking boundaries, trying to have me suck his dick in front of the rest of the athlete boys after school. Or boys making kissing sounds at me, or making fun of me because I chose not to shower in the locker rooms with them, thinking I was somehow less manly than them. And laughing about it because I would cry because it scared the shit out of me and I didn't know what to do. I used to think shit like that wasn't real, or possible until it fucking happened. I would like you if you didn't remind me of all those people. I would like you if you weren't such a heartless douche. You're cute Cassy, your charming, your smart, but there is so much more about you that is disgusting that I just can't get by. I'm not looking for an apology or pity, but you WILL apologize to Alex even if he doesn't want it, before you enter my house. Do you understand?"
Cassy faced him, with apologetic eyes. He rubbed the back of his head. He definitely wasn't expecting that and he didn't think Phai expected to tell him any of that. It was shocking and personal, but he didn't want to express that incase it would offend Phai even more. "That's why I'm here, to apologize to Alex."
"That better be the only reason." Phai stepped aside to let Cassy in.
"Hey look, I'm sorry. About what happened to you? I had no idea. I always just thought you weren't interested."
"It's fine. You don't have to be sorry. It's not your problem."
"Why haven't you told your parents?"
"That's something parents should never have to know." Phai answered softly almost like he regretted saying anything. He was almost coming off faintly withdrawn. Like those bad occurrences were running over and over again in his head and wouldn't stop.
"You're lucky you have parents who would give a shit. My parents would have thought I was making it up."
"I haven't said anything because I don't know how my parents would react. I didn't say anything at school because I'm tired of being laughed at. It's embarrassing you know. To know that other people will start looking at you differently."
Cassy now understood why Phai came off cold and defensive, because he wanted to keep those specific people away.
"Have you told Alex?" For some reason Cassy felt it was a question that needed to be asked. After all Alex was a major part in his life now.
The blue eyed boy shook his head. "I ask myself all the time why I haven't and my gut tells me he wouldn't be able to handle it. He would do either of two things. He would get angry find every person who did me wrong, and make them pay, or he would shut down completely and wonder what he did wrong. I want to avoid both of those as long as I'm with him."
Cassy came in close to Phai, trying his hardest not to make him feel uncomfortable and gently wrapped his arms around him. He wasn't the comforting type that's for sure, but Phai needed it even though he didn't want it and even though Phai didn't hug back Cassy didn't take it offensively. Phai was way to tense and needed to cool off and he understood that. There was no way he would be able to change his mood to happy in five minutes after recapping that entire trauma. He needed at least ten minutes or more to himself. "Stay out here until you're ready to come in okay?" Cassy whispered softly to him.
Phai just nodded his eyes surprisingly dark and perturbed and off elsewhere. "Maybe someday my opinion about you will change. I'm not looking forward to hating you forever. Just know that I want to like you. But I can never love you."
Cassy gave an understanding look, then walked inside the house while Phai just stayed outside remaining quiet in his own upset thoughts.
The blue eyed general forced his stiff and heavy swollen lids to open. His head was pounding. He was trying to move, only able to making little movements. But the poison that was infused inside him kept his body paralyzed. The open wound on his leg was now getting infected as the blood running from it, was exposed to bugs, dirt and air. He knew if he was laying there any longer, in the same spot, in his own blood, without being able to support himself, or cover his wound, out in the wet land, his leg would need to be removed. But right now he would just gladly die where he was.
He took his blue eyes and stared off into the sunset that was lowering itself behind the earth, shining elegantly and gently through the Indian bushes. And as that last light of the blaring sun passed, in a delusional mind, he could have sworn he saw a crown of blonde hair. He could have sworn he saw Alexander in his battle armor approaching him from the light. He could have sworn he saw the indifferent eyes of his king opening in a loving smile. He could have sworn he smelt the precious scent of his king affecting his senses. He could have sworn the mighty king, knelt down at his side reaching out for his pale hand and holding it as tight as he could. But the wish and hope of his dreams vanished as soon as the wind blew and the king was gone. The wind blew heavier and took the red piece of Alexander's shroud right from Hephaistion's hand and sent the cloth down an unreachable path. Tears multiplied upon the blue eyes strengthening the general's inner emotions but kept him at bay. He wanted to chase the cloth so bad. He wanted to scream out with all the voice he had, for someone to hear his cries. He wanted to get up and run after the only evidence of Alexander he had left. But he couldn't, as his leg held him back and the poison kept him astray and the pain that shot up his body was keeping him down.
The wind pulled and pushed the cloth further and further away from him and the only thing he could do was watch it disappear down the path leading towards the sunset. And the only thing he could hear was the warmth of his lover's voice ringing in his head and ears…
My magnificent lovely Hephaistion. My love for you is too strong to let you go to waste. I will hold onto you forever. And my forever…is longer than time..
\
Most people would argue that their is nothing longer than time...So what's our reason for trusting reason?...Well, there is no reason for trusting reason. Because life and it's series of moments would be pointless if we trusted any kind of reason whatsoever.
I would have never been found, if Hephaistion believed in reason. He believed in faith. And that's why I am able to share this story with you today...
And that's why my forever is longer than time.
There would be no adventure if we trusted life as it is. Adventures was something I grew up instantly ready for. It was something I prepared myself for since the beginning of my time here on earth. I was an explorer, an activist, a visionary. I loved to venture out in territory I had no idea about. Something about it made it exciting. Insightful. Mysterious. I didn't care what type of adventure, even if it was the tiniest of adventures, like journeying into the woods all by myself and hunting wild boar. Or taking Buchephalus for a long run, miles away from home leaving my parents worried sick. Or sneaking into Hephaistion's room and taking him out to the balcony to stare at the moon, wondering what was beyond the glowing yellow coin.
But I stared at the moon daily, with Hephaistion by my side, thinking that was the end to my journey only to realize much later, after I had achieved the world, after I was on my death bed, after I started over into a new world and met Phai all over again, that I finally I figured out the greatest journey was the one where I lost him and I had to get him back.
That's the adventure I longed for. I thought my journey started when I had him. This is what happens when an idealist tries to be a realist. Only to find out my journey hadn't even started yet.
Everything that's happened so far played a part, from me growing up around snakes, the death of my father, my accession, my campaigns in the Balkans, the fall of Thebes, marching my men to Asia, the battle at the Granicus River, the battles I have fought and won, my men and I conquering Caria, Lycia, Pamphylia and Phrygia, Darius abandoning Babylon, Me falling ill in Cillicia, The battle of Issus, the Fall of Tyre, the siege of Gaza, marching my men to Egypt, The battle of Gaugamela, the surrendering of Babylon, the surrendering of Susa, the assassination of King Darius, campaign to Bactria, my wedding with Roxanne, the murder of Cleitus, the abandonment of my men, the Battle of the Hydaspes against Porus, me falling wounded and ill, me waking up in a new world, watching Phai sleep on his boat, talking to Phai at the zoo, my parents splitting up, having to leave Phai and move to Colorado, moving back to home, making love for the first time, breaking up with Roxanne, and all that's been done, till now, the present. And though these were major events in my life, my true journey started on prom night.
An journey that was a total disaster but a disaster I was lucky to live for. Because that's when we were shaped and defined. Defined as a couple, as lovers, as exes, as friends, as co workers, as friends with benefits, as soulmates. We defined ourselves as Hephaistion and Alexander.
But nowhere down the road did I ever stop loving him. Not many know this and even more refuse to acknowledge it but you can not stop loving someone you were meant to be with.
That's a fact, I'm sharing with you.
Here is another long chapter for those who have been patiently waiting. It ended up being so long, I had to split it in two separate chapters, so the next one might be up on your time instead of my time ;) Like always, I apologize for any late updates, I'm trying my hardest to meet your needs and wants. The more impatient you are, the better I feel about my story and the trust I have in your dedication. Thanks as always my standby reviewers and readers! Enjoy! -Stranger