Eyes that see into Infinity
Part Three
Chapter Thirty
/
He loved me. He loved me for everything. He loved me after everything. Even when I didn't belong to his heart anymore.
xxx
The blonde teen was still put, in the exact same spot, attentive more than usual. The silence being undeniably thick for some reason.
"There you are!" Breathing hard, yet ecstatically, Phillip finally caught up to his brooding son. He wasn't happy, a sternness to his glare. He looked up towards the sky that his son seemed captured by and then back at Alex. "What in the hell is wrong with you boy?! Why am I chasing after you? It's the middle of the fucking night!"
The teen's indolent eyes sparked toward his inconvenienced father, ignoring his anger at him. "What's the one thing you remember about me when I was child?"
Phillip felt surprised that Alex said anything at all as he seemed to be paying special attention to the moon. He wasn't necessarily expecting to be the one confronted at this time. He planned it to where it would be the other way around.
He drew a strong breath, rubbing at his facial hair a bit with certain tenseness. "I remember you being a pain in my ass. And you still are. So it's not really a memory."
"I'm sure you can be more specific than that."
"Please, don't get me started." Phillip huffed but his son just sent him an engaging smile.
The blonde looked into the eyes of his father and Phillip into the eyes of his son trying to figure each other out. The father's eyes were stricter, tense and slightly annoyed; the son's eyes were in control, prominent and poignant.
"Share your thoughts. I have the time to listen." Alex didn't come off as uptight as usual and this lightened his fathers mood to some extent.
"Okay. We'll do this your way." The older man cleared his throat, seeming slightly nervous but more frustrated than anything. Not really one to express himself other than when he's drunk and angry. "Uh, when you were a baby you would have a difficult time falling asleep."
Alex didn't think that would be the memory. He was a little surprised.
"There were days when you would cry your head off and then there were days you were as silent as the grave." Phillip continued. "But that didn't matter. There was no middle ground with you. Your mother and I didn't know what to think. We also didn't know what to do. You kept us up all night worrying. Whenever we put you down for a nap you would just lay there. With your eyes just wide open. You fought sleep so hard. Most babies do but not like you. I didn't realize a baby could be so stubborn so early."
Alex nodded. "Yea, I remember." He solemnly whispered like he was lost in a daydream. He had never shut his eyes long enough for even a nap. It was sad that his parents didn't know the whole truth. It was sadder that he kept it from them. While he was quiet in his crib they thought he was finally asleep.
Phillip looked around for a decent place to sit down at. He figured he was going to be out there for awhile. Alex didn't look to be going anywhere anytime soon. He snarled to some extent and then sat with his son slumping back against a tree. "So this is what you mopey ass teenagers do these days, come out in the middle of nowhere when you're needing time to think or what?"
"Sometimes alone time with yourself is the only way to get over yourself."
Phillip chortled while shifting to get comfortable. "Back in my day, when we felt empty inside we would talk about it. There was no other way around it. So, what do you remember about yourself?" He asked trying to make an effort to make conversation.
The blonde blinked suddenly, not expecting the question to backfire.
Phillip raised his eyebrows slightly as if to say "Go on".
The answer to that should have been simple. I remembered everything, but for some reason nothing at all.
"I remember watching the sun rise and set and the moon rise and set right behind it. I never understood why they had to be separate bodies of the universe. I felt like the moon and the sun should have been one in the same, and that the flames of the sun just cooled down during a definite time and slowly transformed itself. And then the moon came about. It didn't matter what science told me. It didn't matter what I was taught or even that I've seen the moon and the sun in the sky together many times. Even then I always believed the sun was the face of the moon."
"You always had questions about the skies and what kind of stories it told. You spent a lot of time trying to uncover its mysteries and not enough time on anything else. You always wanted to be the first one to make sense of something. It drove me crazy. I think after awhile it drove even yourself crazy. And man, you're still curious to this day. " Phillip said as if it was stressful thinking about. "It's killing you, you know? This constant curiosity about everything, including yourself."
"Curiosity is normal." Alex shrugged defiantly.
"You were a kid trying to make sense of night and day. It tormented you. Most kids were preoccupied with other crap. Normal crap. You were always infatuated with the moon. You loved the sun but the moon was the most beautiful thing the universe had to offer. Kids would look up in the sky and joke about the moon being a big round pound of Swiss cheese and you looked up at the moon as if it had a soul."
Alex looked away from his father then chuckled. Phillip gave him a questioning look.
"I remember always waking you up in the middle of the night asking you to get the moon down for me. I didn't know what the hell I was thinking."
"How can I forget? You begged and begged. Even prepared a fishing hook for me thinking I could just swing at the moon and reel it in." Phillip smiled warmly at the memory.
"You answered me the same thing every night, 'Not now. Maybe some other time.' But you also never told me it was impossible. So I kept trying."
Phillip sighed heavily. "Never tell a dreamer that something is impossible."
Then the blonde's eyes turned a visible grey. "Am I the reason why you started drinking?"
A sense of shame came over Phillip and his appearance slackened. Somewhere down the line he knew he had failed his son way too early in his parenting years.
"You were a weird kid. Way more complex than most. You were the reason for my grey hairs but you weren't the reason why I sulked in the bottles every night."
Alex was curious. "What was the reason?"
Phillip allowed another impulsive breath to escape his mouth. He was uncomfortable talking about it but he knew talking would make up for all the bad times he and his son had together. Maybe if they understood where the other was coming from they'd bond more like a father and son should. "I was drinking long before you were born. I actually toned down the drinking the day you turned one. I used to bring home a fortune worth of booze everyday. It was something I rewarded myself with for the stress. I would occasionally drink a little wine with your mother during dinner or just something like a beer to enjoy in front of the television but by the time she was in bed, I drank like an animal. It's like I needed it. To live."
"So you started drinking because of mom?"
The older man didn't even have to answer. He knew it was rhetorical. He knew Alex had caught on. "My patience ran thin with that woman and I still have no idea why. She only wanted what was best for me, for you, and for herself. Everyone else in her eyes could just burn right at her feet while she would gladly sweep the ashes away. She reminded me more of a mother than a wife. But she knew in order to get what she wanted she had to fight for it. So she had to be a little bit more demanding. More selfish. More ruthless. Her abrasiveness was something I wasn't able to grip. For so long I hated her for it. I wanted things my way, she wanted things her way and her mind was made up. You couldn't convince her. On anything. She wanted a child, she wanted a boy, she wanted wealth. She wanted beauty, she wanted a man. She got it all."
The blonde never heard this much come from his fathers mouth about his mother. He felt he was relearning everything about her. But he's heard plenty from his mother about his dad. Before, he thought he knew all there was to know. "What did you want in life?"
"Well that's easy. I wanted respect. I wanted equals. I wanted success. Power. Same thing she did, almost. I once had it. But then she demanded more from me. Things were starting to get bad. We'd argue every single night. And every single night we argued, I cheated. I cheated multiple times. I didn't give a fuck. I would leave the house, find some girls to fuck and come back home smelling like booze and sex. Your mother assumed the worst and she was right to assume it. I would lie about it and she read through my lies. I look back and I'm the guilty one. I'm the bad guy. She never once cheated on me. Even after all we put each other through. After all the hate and lies, she remained the strong one. And your old man sunk to the bottom, lost in the world. That's why I'm here with a goddamn limp in my leg. But I came to realize, shit happens. In another life, I've probably would have had it all. I'm sure when we're dead we'll discover new riches, new lives. They could be better days. Who knows."
"Did you ever love her?" Alex said with little expression. Their was slight concern in his tone but anyone could tell by intently looking at him that nothing was there. He was simply over it. If his parents were going to be apart forever, he would absolutely be okay with it.
The question made Phillip's expression soften in sadness. Or heartbreak. It was one of the two. "I still love her Alex. I can't not love her. But what's done is done and can't be undone. You can still love someone and sometimes that means letting them go for their own good. Sometimes things look and feel right but don't always work out.""
"I believe that." His parents weren't meant to be together the same way he and Phai weren't meant to be together. They might look good together. The thought of being together was more than ideal but actually being together wasn't what it was supposed to be.
The older man then sighed again, exhaustion making itself distinct. He couldn't believe the vulnerability he just expressed to his son so he made it apparent by refusing to answer anymore questions. "Why are you out here? If you know me at all, you know that I'm an inside man. So please tell me that I didn't come out all this way for no reason?"
"You came out all this way for no reason." Alex answered, not purposely trying to be antagonistic. But if he wanted the truth, that was it.
"You're unbelievable."
Alex sent him a sober gaze.
"You can't just be this force of nature on good days and then when the bad days come, hide away enduring different worlds. You will never be alright with who you are if you let the feelings that consume and eat away at your personal world, destroy you. Take it from a man who knows."
Alex didn't respond but apart of him glistened in guilt.
"Oh, so you're not going to say anything? Fine." Phillip stood up, pressing his weight against the tree for support and balance. "Have fun out here. I'll let the dangerous animals kill you so that I don't have to."
Alex sighed. His heart simmered down. "I was actually hoping you'd stay. Sorry. I didn't think you'd follow me out here. I didn't even think you saw me come out here. I was just trying to..." He blinked towards the moon. "…get some fresh air."
"By coming out into the middle of the woods and resting in a pile of dirt? We have a back yard and a front yard if you wanted fresh air. Hell, you have a window in your room. Open that bitch up."
"From there the moon doesn't shine as bright."
Phillip took his gaze away from his son and at the moon. It was strong in its beauty and he could understand why his son was so captured by it.
"It's also peaceful out here." Alex continued. "There's solitude."
The voices inside my head finally left for the night. That's rare.
"It's also crawling with fucking bugs and animals. "Phillip retorted. "Look Alex, I'm not dumb. You came out here to escape your feelings for Phai." He stated. "So while you're enjoying this alone time, you're also losing hold of your sanity."
"I'm not going to talk about it with you."
"Why?"
"Because it makes you uncomfortable. Besides I might hate myself more if I do talk about it." Alex explained. "In fact I could probably go my whole life without talking about it."
"Watching you worry over this makes me think you're going to go do something reckless. And trust me I know. You get your recklessness from me." Phillip actually sounded like a worried father.
I went to the dance that night to see Phai. I went in there and faced him; truly believing that I was never going to see him again and that this night would be the last night to say our goodbyes. I was hoping I'd go in and break his heart, intentionally, so that I would never have to deal with my feelings toward him again. So that he'd hate me and stay away from me, because that way I'd have no excuse to follow. But instead he did it for me. And I ended up breaking my own heart instead. I stayed the rest of the dance with him. I took him home. And before he got out of the car we both made it clear that I meant nothing to him anymore and he meant nothing to me. And that I needed these new feelings to stay like this. He accepted it. Then I waited for him to go inside. Now I'm out here. Explaining to my father what went wrong.
"The reckless part is done. I watched him go. I just let him walk away. I'm starting to think I didn't have a right to let him go like that."
Phillip didn't look confused or even sympathetic. He didn't look angry or disgusted. He just nodded in understanding. "Your head, your mind has always been in battle with your heart. You fought so hard against everybody including me about the feelings you had for him. You even told me to go fuck myself, which you learned never to do again I hope. But I saw your passion. You were confident and so fucking sure that nothing would tear you from him. What changed?"
"Everything." It was a hasty response. One built up from so much self hate.
"Fair enough." Phillip nodded, reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a half filled flask. He shook it a little bit making sure their was enough, then took a great chug of it before extending his hand out to his son offering it to him.
The blonde peered up at his father with uncertain eyes.
"Here. Don't ask any questions and just drink."
Alex hesitantly took the flask from his father's hand. He stared at it for awhile knowing damn well where this was going to lead him.
"You want to talk about being reckless? There is nothing more reckless than drinking in the middle of the wilderness with your thoughts broken. Start now and get over it as quick as you can." For some reason the seriousness in his fathers tone felt reassuring somehow. "If you're going down the same road I did, you had better come back out of it with different results."
And with no further hesitation Alex took a decent sized gulp. Phillip lit up a cigarette while Alex drank greedily from the flask. He then gave his son an honest look, admiring the fact that he would willingly fall apart just so that he can get back up again. "It will make you feel better, if it hasn't already. Whatever you do, just don't chastise yourself." They were wise words coming from a wise drunk.
Phillip put the cigarette back in his mouth and began to walk back towards the house. "Come on."
It was the blonde's first taste of real alcohol and it was something he had longed for since the king in his dreams promoted it. This was his redemption.
Alex finished it all, loving the burn of it penetrating the back of his throat. Then he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand while removing himself from the ground of the woods. His head spun for awhile once he got to his feet then followed his father back home forgetting to say goodbye to the moon.
They returned to the house. Phillip took the empty flask from his son and put it on the countertop. Alex slowly closed the front door watching his father take out a couple of bottles from his liquor cabinet. He watched him fill two small glasses up with dark tinted liquor and slid the glass over to Alex. "Drink up. It will help you forget this night. Hell, it will help you sleep." Phillip assured him.
Everything was happening so fast. The blonde didn't realize how soon the alcohol would intrude in on his life. But it did and it was here early. Alex cleared his throat nervously as he walked over to join his dad. He picked up the warm glass. "I could use sleep." He faintly replied.
Phillip saw how tense his son was. It made sense though. This was all so new to him. He was scared judging by how deeply Alex was staring at the thick fluid. But it was difficult for Phillip to see his son so depressed and this was the best way he knew how to help him.
"Trust me, it's good shit." Phillip encouraged, by taking the first shot and landing the glass back on the counter.
Alex continued to stare at the liquor sitting still and heavy in the glass with a look of worried amusement.
But the second he started feeling the buzz from his earlier consumption, he immediately lifted the solid glass to his mending lips and swallowed it all in one intake. It was stronger stuff and he could feel it free his mind and sting his insides, in a good but bad way. The king was an alcoholic so it was understandable that he craved even more.
"Try to sleep." Phillip patted him on the shoulder and left the kitchen heading to the stairs for bed. "And don't forget what I told you. Never forget what I told you."
And then just like that his father was already in his room, with the lights off, in his covers snoozing loudly.
"The selection is great isn't it?" Alex gasped and turned to find the king standing by his side looking with him at the cabinet of different kinds of alcohol. "I usually pick the strongest one. It's the only thing that will shut your mind from the pain. After all, you want to keep those emotions from surfacing."
Alex had this happen before. Sometimes the king would taunt him once in a while and appear to him with advice, sometimes smart advice and sometimes bad, as if he was really there. Even though deep down he knew it was all just in his head.
He turned away from the king and reached for the fullest bottle of whiskey. He opened it and downed the entire thing in less than twenty seconds. He wiped his mouth as he glared at the king. He did expect the burning feeling in his stomach. He did expect the spinning that began happening in his head. His eye lids were unusually getting heavy and a blur came to his sight. He didn't expect that it would make him feel good. But it did. And it was a feeling he didn't enjoy at all but needed.
He kind of chuckled to himself. Because it seemed that sleep would possibly come to him. Maybe if he drank enough he'd pass right out. He didn't even consider the side effects it might have with his already original problem but he didn't care about that as long as it helped him close his eyes for once.
Alex slid down to the floor against the counter with the empty bottle gripped in his hand. And even though the strong effects of the alcohol made him feel better for that slight moment, it was still sad to see Phai go.
All he wanted was to stop feeling lost so that he can finally go back to him. But he had a feeling all of these nights would remain the same until they both fell for somebody new.
It was draining. Being dead on the inside and alive on the out.
/
During the night, on the floor in the king's quarters, the two friends lay, asking each other thoughtful questions to pass time. Until they could fall asleep, safe in the arms of Morpheus.
The dark curls of the taller man are sprawled over the blonde mans naked chest while he relaxes against his breathing belly.
Would you rather live above the skies and be a god, or be a descendant of the titans?
The brunette's eyes flutter gracefully. And his voice lets off a soundless sigh. Neither.
You know the rules. You must pick Hephaistion. The king's eyes are resting but a small comfortable smile remains on his face.
Oh, I must? The general complies.
Yes. The king nods.
The browned haired man takes his gaze toward the ceiling, thinking about an answer. Okay then, since I must, I'd be the titan that prevents the gods from getting out of hand.
He feels the king's body suddenly shift from underneath him due to uncontainable chuckles. Are the gods up to something? The king asks after managing his laughter.
The general frowns. Yes. They always are.
Even me? I'm a god you know. Are you suggesting that I will be getting out of hand?
You already are getting out of hand by calling yourself a god. The general smiles affectionately at the supposed god beneath him.
The blonde king accepts his lover's warm smile and feedback and focuses back on the game they were playing. Your turn.
Would you rather be a lion leading an army of sheep or a sheep leading an army of lions?
I'd be more afraid of the army of sheep led by the lion, so I'd go for that. The king gives his usual informal answer.
Such a typical Alexander response. The brunette sighs distinctly.
The king raises a bemused brow. How so?
You don't think the more lions, the better?
It depends on what we're facing on the other side of the battlefield I suppose.
The general shakes his head and grins to himself. Let's say it's an army of mystical creature's way beyond our understanding. Would you still have an army of sheep?
I would. An army of lions wouldn't cooperate under a sheep's rule. Or with each other for that matter. They'd clash. Too many personalities relying on self worth. The blonde carefully explains.
And an army of sheep would blindly follow. It would be uncoordinated. You don't fear that they might run, leaving the lion, a lone wolf instead, once scared enough?
The lions would be misguided if a sheep were to rule them.
But the lions are stronger.
The blonde lifts his head slightly, his eyes peering open. It'd be chaos.
Sheep scattered about running for their lives would be shameful. The lion would lose with no choice but retreat. The general replies in retaliation.
Not if I'm the lion. The king now gives off a subtle smirk loving these back and forth debates with his lover.
The blue eyes of the general sparkle constructively up at his king. Well that changes everything then.
I know where this is heading Hephaistion. The king singles out the softest strands of his lovers hair to curl around his finger. It comforts him. You think that my men are going to betray me?
I think you're going to be more than just betrayed. The browned haired man strictly speaks. I may not be the strongest or the best warrior in your army, but I am damn good at being sharp eyed and watchful. You get distracted Alexander. Easily so. You would never see it coming. You trust us too much. You trust your enemies even more.
The king's face tightens in consideration. I know you have doubts about the men and I understand your doubt. But they will follow me Phai. And in the end we will be victorious.
He sighs lightly. You're always so optimistic even in the face of danger. I don't know if I admire that about you or despise it.
Everything was motionless including the drawn out night air. It was just them in the center of the worlds eye. As it should be.
You worry too much about me. The king speaks filling the silence.
It's my job. My worrying will save your life. The browned haired man predicts without a doubt.
Within seconds the kings lips visit the cheek of his lover. I'm grateful for you Hephaistion. I need you. I need you to help me manage the sheep when they become misguided. I need you to be my eyes. I need you to see what I cannot. My existence isn't an existence at all unless you're there to guide it Phai. Shivers are sent down his lover's body as his devoted lips and teeth now graze from the cheek to the ear. I mean that. There is no other person I'd rather have at my side.
A calming sensation sweeps over both friends. The embrace eachothers warmth.
The brunette finally closes his eyes losing the battle against sleep and before he drifts off completely he exhales a delicate breath and speaks the words he had been dreading since Alexander became king of the known world. I miss you Alexander. And there's no other man I'd rather follow. If I lost you, I don't know what would become of me. You're all I have...Did you know that? I have no one else. Just you. He steals the kings hand in his, holding it against his chest. He rubs the warm skin softly with his fingers. Then he gasps aloud, realizing he couldn't feel his King's pulse. He graces him with a sad smile before the blonde man instantaneously blurs and disappears from his memory as if they were never supposed to share one together.
My love…when will you stop hurting?
\
A month later...
He squinted impatiently at the red light. His fingers constricting the steering wheel under his anxious palm. He was ready to just drive straight through the light but that probably wouldn't have been a good idea. Street lights sort of reminded him about his own life. Always stopping and starting.
What is your plan?
"What do you mean?"
Your plan to get Phai back? You had no right taking him from me. You had no right letting him go.
"Great, now my mind is talking to me again." The blonde turned on the music in his car, choosing that over his own head.
Don't ignore me.
"Actually I did come up with a plan. My plan is to get rid of you."
You think your life is going to be easier somehow if I'm out of it?
The blonde smirked. "I hope that's not a serious question but I'll answer you anyway. Let's get one thing straight, my life would be much easier without you around. But you just keep following me. I don't know if you are supposed to serve some purpose but I really need you to go away."
I can't go away. That's something you are just going to have to deal with.
"Deal with it? You're a fucking virus man. Just a broken program in my head."
When did you start drinking?
"When you started."
I started very young.
"I am you aren't I?"
Stop making everything so difficult. The drinking destroyed me, it turned me into something I was not.
"It actually revealed who you really were. Turned you into a fucking piece of shit king who couldn't rule himself to save his life."
Ridicule me all you want but you're causing your own wounds here because of what you think about me.
"I'm doing what's best."
You don't even have a clue what's best for you. You don't need to run. You're running when you can stop now. You had your star; you let him go and for what? I am the only one who can rescue you from all of this.
"You caused all of this! If you are me than you'd know that if anything I say or do is not even worth saying or doing. So while I'm in that mindset, I'm not going to talk to you anymore."
What do you want most in life?
"I just want…to hold him in my arms before I fade away." Is what I should have said. It's what I wanted to say.
"I just want…to die." Alex answered himself.
Sounds like a good life. The king mocked.
"You have no idea what I'm giving up because of you."
You're a king. And a king doesn't sulk around with his troubles spent at his foot. I'm not your enemy. Your future is going to come with great responsibility, so stop acting like you have nothing to live for. Stop living life like you're alone and start living like you should.
"Go away."
You see me in yourself when you look in the mirror everyday. I'm not going anywhere.
Alex leaned up and changed the radio station to something louder stopping the conversation he had with himself as the king vanished from the passenger seat. He was still sitting at the stop light. The light had been red forever. Or maybe he missed the green light because his conscious came out to play and distracted him.
He turned his head at another driver who pulled up beside him. The driver looked like just another douchebag with some hot girl in his passenger seat. The man pressed the gas a couple of times trying to engage the blonde in a race. It was Cali so there were plenty of people around who thought looking tight in a hot sports car with a hot babe in a bikini made them important somehow. The dude ran his engine a few more times and Alex just rolled his eyes and looked back ahead at the light. Tapping the steering wheel impatiently.
The students were lined up waiting to proceed to there assigned seats. It was a big day for the new graduates as their ceremony began in less than two minutes. It should have been a big day for everyone.
Tolem looked around for his blonde friend and sighed in relief when he finally saw him arrive.
Alex came strolling in behind the outside stage where the students were gathered and started to throw on his gown over his head.
"Late start?" Tolem asked.
"I took a late shower." It was a lie. He did end up racing that guy. And winning. The chick even wrote her number on his arm. "But I'm here on time."
"Barely. And you're also barely dressed." The curled haired teen pointed out.
"I'm getting dressed as we speak. It's easy enough. It's like putting on a dress."
Tolem muttered something under his breath and helped his friend look a little presentable. "You have no sense of urgency."
Alex just smiled while straitening his hat. "But I'm here."
"Thanks for arriving. It's weird seeing you by the way. We hardly do anymore." Tolem spoke for everyone including himself.
Alex wavered slightly at that. Then the ceremony began as the students were guided to there reserved seating area.
When they walked out on the stage to present themselves, there was a big crowd of happy parents and siblings cheering and clapping for them. It should have made them feel excited but it only made them want this day to end as quick as possible.
They were asked to be seated.
"I'm actually surprised you graduated. You didn't deserve to." Tolem went ahead and said it.
Alex frowned at what he just heard. "Are you talking to me Tol's? Because that's fucked up."
"Well I'm being honest."
"What's up your ass today?" The blonde asked as he leaned into Tolem's ear, noticing he was more uptight than usual.
"You. You're up my ass." Tolem said looking at him.
Alex frowned with a half grin. "That's going a little too far."
"Oh my god, ew, not in that way you pervert!" Tolem replied in disgust.
The blonde just grinned. "Okay so why am I up your ass?"
"We'll talk about it later. Not now, people are watching."
"No, let's talk about it now. Tell me what's on your mind Tol's. I'm listening."
"You never listen to anything I have to say. Ever."
"Well that's just not true. What are you, a virgin to lying?"
"Whatever Alex."
Alex turned away from Tolem and looked straight ahead pretending he was listening to the introduction but really upset that Tolem was upset about something he wasn't clear about.
The sun was out and bright as always and overall it was a nice day but Alex had this knack for making even the sunniest days dark.
Tolem sighed heavily and apologetically. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of it I'm just mad at you still for other reasons."
"Like what?"
"Did you seriously have to end things the way you did?"
"Yes Tolem. It was necessary. It was absolutely necessary. Also I can't believe you still hate me for that. It's been like a total of..."
"I'll answer that for you. Six weeks. That's a long time to be awkward and quiet around each other. You two say like two words to each other everyday. Hi and bye and that's it. You live next door for fuck sake."
"We talked just the other day." Alex said, trying to make up for it.
"About?"
"Things."
"You're lying."
"Okay, so the most I say to him is hi." He admitted. "After everything, what am I supposed to say to him? I have no words."
"Do you think Phai really wanted that?"
"We both talked and agreed to this Tolem."
"Yea it's called a facade idiot. I'm pissed at him too."
"Oh, thank god. I thought I was the only one getting the "don't act like your fine with it either" speech." The blonde sarcastically said.
"You never take anything seriously anymore. It irritates the shit out of me."
"Tol's I'm sorry. I'll stop being a jerk. But in all seriousness it needed to happen. I swear to you I would never intentionally hurt him. Things were just not working out."
"Or maybe things were working out to well and it scared you."
"It's something you won't understand right away Tol's."
"Well when things don't work out, the normal thing to do is to try and make it work out. Do you know how hard it is to get him to play video games with me anymore? Fucking Christ Alex. Grand Theft Auto isn't even an option anymore. He used to love that shit. Our number of kills were legendary."
"You're a very provocative curser by the way. I like it. Trade me spots."
"What? No. These are our assigned seats." Tolem looked at him like he was crazy. Which he was.
"I need to talk to Phai real quick."
"I have this strong feeling you're about to make things a million times worse."
"I'm going to try to make conversation, just like you suggested."
"Not this way, Alex!"
"Move Tol's. Just take my spot."
Tolem growled and the two switched seats making it more difficult than it had to be.
"Cleitus, switch me spots. I need to talk to Phai real quick."
"Sure. No problem. Are you two gonna kiss again? It was kinda hot."
"You're kinda pyscho."
"Touché Alex." Cleitus smiled proudly.
Then the two switched seats and he ended up next to Phai after his final switch with Leon. Phai rolled his eyes while Alex was disturbing everybody around him. Not to mention the teachers were glaring at him hard from across the stage.
It had been a little over a month since he had been this close to Alex and what should have rubbed him the wrong way did just the opposite. He missed being this close to the man he was supposed to love for eternity. The biggest issue he had with this entire break up thing was that it was artificial. And they both knew it. Alex even went out of his way to convince himself that he would heal from all of this.
"Hey."
"Seriously Alex? This couldn't wait?" Phai kept his eyes ahead avoiding eye contact with Alex as much as possible.
"Probably but I couldn't help but notice how distant you've become. Are you pissed at me?"
"No." Is all he said.
"Oh, really?" The blonde wasn't convinced.
"I was never mad at you. We both agreed we weren't working out and I understand you have some things to sort out. Also funny you bring it up, if we're going to talk about distance, you have been the one distant from not only me but from everybody. As you distract yourself with those long runs and heavy workouts using it as an excuse why you can't hangout anymore or talk is fucking bullshit. We live next door. There is no excuse."
The blonde couldn't argue that. Phai had a right to be angry. They agreed to still be friends. But how can you be just friends with someone you love the most in this world. "Okay, so I've been a little distracted lately."
"I understand Alex but when you're doing it to intentionally avoid me, it's just not right. It doesn't feel right. You can live your days with that phony ass smile on your face, but we all know how well preserved you really are."
"So you are upset?"
Phai was upset about it. Very. Especially now that Alex brought it up like it was a casual and easy topic to discuss as if it never contained any of their earlier feelings. "I'm not. I've come to accept it. "
"You're clearly angry."
Phai grew even angrier that Alex stated the obvious. "Alex we're in the middle of our ceremony. Maybe I'm annoyed that you decided to chat about this right now. Ever think of that? Probably not, because you don't think. You just do."
"Harsh words for someone who isn't upset."
"Consider yourself lucky. They could be harsher."
"You're being very passive aggressive."
"There is nothing passive about this. I'm being very aggressive. And you're making it completely difficult to forget about you." Phai snapped.
"I asked Alex earlier, he didn't answer me, but are you two going to kiss again?" Cleitus whispered loudly over to them, all up in Leon's space, and Alex and Phai glared at him until he looked away.
Then Phai directed his attention back at the blonde man. "If you can't be with me because of what you're going through I understand Alex but do not shut me out of your life. I understand why you had to do it. It would be selfish of me to be angry at that. It's just hard for me because I finally had everything that I wanted. Now it's gone and I don't know where else to find it. But I'm sure, like you, I'll move on. I just can't get over you as fast as you can get over me."
Alex didn't say another word until after the ceremony when he had no choice seeing his dad approach him with his mother at his side.
"Mom?" He frowned heavily.
"Alex, darling. My handsome boy." She walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek.
Alex was shocked to see her. "What are you doing here?"
"I would never miss this day Alex. Your father told me the date and I flew out here just in time."
"Congratulations Alex. I'm surprisingly proud of you." Phillip spoke being his usual terrible father self.
Alex seemed to still be surprised that his mother was there, next to his father. It was just unusual. "I'm glad to see you mom." He finally gave her a deserving hug. "Sorry I just didn't expect to see you. Why didn't you tell me?"
"It was supposed to be a surprise."
Phai watched from a distance as Alex interacted with his mother. He didn't know what it was but their was something always eerie about his mother and the way she coveted her son.
"Did you miss her?"
Phai could have gone his whole life without hearing that voice even though lately he had been super patient with Cassy, rarely making it known that he was annoyed with him and actually being rather sweet to him. Being angry with the green eyed boy for so long just drained his energy he supposed. "Hi Cassy."
"Sorry about the Alex thing." The green eyed boy said.
"Why are you sorry?" Phai asked.
"Because I know how much he means to you."
Tolem came up beside Phai accidentally interrupting their very small but in depth conversation. "You ready?" he asked Phai.
"Yea." The brunette nodded and looked away from Cassy.
"Hey Cassy. You going to the after party?" Tolem acknowledged him.
"No. Who has time for that?" Then Cassy smirked and walked off.
"Short but sweet." Tolem scoffed.
Phai shook his head. "His situation sucks. His parents didn't even come. Sometimes I feel bad for him."
Tolem looked over at Cassy walking away from the school. Then looked over at Alex talking with his parents. "In Cassy's eyes, Alex has it all."
Then they both watched Alex and his parents together finding it just as weird. "This could either be a good thing for Alex or a really bad thing." Tolem mentioned.
Phai didn't like the idea of Alex's mother being around. He had his selfish reasons but mostly because she was bad news. She was a lot like Roxanne when it came to loving Alex. They were both manipulative toward his feelings and emotions as long as it stirred him in their direction. Also his mother never liked him. In fact he was sure she hated him. But she loved her son. And he loved her son. Meaning if she was staying for awhile, they would be even further apart. Not like it mattered. They were already miles from each other.
"Let's go Phai." Tolem said and the two left to go meet up with their families in the gathering area for refreshments and conversation.
Olympias was sitting across from her son. He was quiet. "What's wrong Alex?"
"Nothing." He reacted away from his thoughts.
"I know nothing means something."
"I'm fine mom. Just tired."
She realized that he didn't want to discuss what was on his mind and that there wasn't much she could do to get him to bring it up. Olympias sighed lovingly. He had always been an introvert as far as his thoughts were concerned but extroverted in every other way. "Do you have any plans? Do you know what you want to do with your life, what college you want to go to or where you want to work?"
"I don't know." There was not going to be much success as far as his future plans went so he never took it into consideration.
"You can do anything you want, Alex." She smiled pleasantly. "It will come to you."
"Not so sure about that." He mumbled under his breath.
"So your love life, are you dating? Roxanne, that's the girl." She said with slight detest. "The two of you still together?"
"No, we were never together. We never even kissed mom." Alex stated.
"Oh." She chuckled. "It was hard to tell with you two. Anyone you're interested in?"
Alex looked down clearing his throat. "No. No one."
"Oh by the way, I saw your friend. He's grown up so fast. You all are growing so fast. Especially you. So how is he?"
"Who?" He peered up at her.
"What's his name, your friend, the neighbor kid, Pie is it?" She had mistaken purposely.
"It's Phai, mom." Alex corrected.
"Wow it's been long." She laughed at herself. Then wiped her lips with her napkin modestly.
"Since we're getting personal, have you found someone?"
"Oh honey please, I'm far too busy to be dealing with a new relationship. But I heard your father has found a nice lady."
"Her name is Euri. I don't like her. But he seems to."
"How are you holding up with it dear?"
"I'm over it mom. I'm actually fine."
"Your father told me you were dealing with it a lot better than before."
"Dad and I are also trying to get along better to. It's kind of working."
"Phillip will always be Phillip. Unfortunately. But I'm happy to hear that you two are getting along..." Her sharp eyes suddenly shot up in interest from the cake she was cutting at with her fork. "So I'm interested, has Phai found someone yet. He's gorgeous. I can only imagine the beauty of his other half."
Alex looked up at his mother questionably and suspicious of her interest in Phai. "You were never very nice to him."
"Well what do you expect, they were our neighbors, nobody likes their neighbors." She justified it with a half ass reason.
Right when she said that Amyntor and his wife came up beside Alex and congratulated him and gave him a couple of gifts as if he was there own son. "This is my mother. She came to see me graduate." Alex introduced her to them.
"Hello, I'm Olympias." She shook Phai's fathers hand.
"I'm Amyntor, Phai's father, and I'm sure you remember my wife."
"Yes of course." She gave his wife a hug. "You saved my son's life, how can I forget you."
Alex for a second forgot how good his mother was at pretending to like people.
"Well enjoy the rest of your time." Amyntor greeted loosely then took his wife and left.
"Didn't Phai have a little crush on you?" Olympias popped a piece of fruit in her mouth as if she wasn't bothered by the idea, bringing it up informally.
"Who did you hear that from?" Alex's voice shifted nervously.
"Your father. He called one day. I guess you two had got in a argument about something. He was drunk so it could be all lies for all I know but he told me that you liked Phai and he liked you. I wouldn't be surprised. You two were always around each other. Inseparable." She sounded a little envious.
He knew what she was doing. She was trying to get him to confess by pretending to be comfortable with it. She didn't know but he was very familiar with her sly ways. Roxanne was the same way.
Alex leaned back, looking like he didn't want to talk about it. Killing his father mentally. He shook his head. "No. There was never anything between us."
"It's not a big deal or anything. It's cute when you're young. However I do want a grand child Alex." That was just her settled way of letting him know to stay away from Phai. She wasn't worried about other boys, just him. "That other girl was good for you. I don't know why you ended it with her."
"I ended it with Barsine because I didn't love her like that and you know damn well you didn't like her either."
"Of course I did. She was, um, sweet." She didn't sound convincing.
"You only met her once. And don't take this the wrong way but I try to keep my relationships as far away from you as possible because I know how you are when someone else other than you has my attention. And the only reason why you agreed to liking Barsine was so that I could stay in Colorado with you incase I planned on dating her forever. I'm not dumb mom."
"No you're not sweetie. But you are my son and I want what's best for you."
Alex smiled. "I know mom." He didn't want to get impulsive so he changed the subject. The best way was to make it seem like the discussion was unimportant. "How long are you staying?"
"For a week. It's all I have time for. We can do things, like go shopping. You probably need new clothes. I doubt your father, that pig has been taking care of you the way you should be. Look at him, just hovering over the tray of cheese and crackers. Always thinking about himself." Then she smiled. "We can also go to a spa. You look like you need it. We'll do anything you want together." She glinted.
I wanted to destroy something. Anything. It will stop some of the pain. And only for a small price.
India, The days continued...
Ptolemy was leading his search team through the undomesticated jungle of India. It had its intricate and beauty but nonetheless it was a hellish land. One that the generals weren't to fond of with good reason. One they saw as a destructive path, believing that the land would leave the men's fate in the hands of bad omens. Alexander, being the first to test this fate. If only the King had brought them anywhere but there…Things would have been different.
Perdicas and Leonnatus had gone along with Ptolemy for the search, Leonnatus taking another group of men down another path to help broaden the search. It took time and convincing but Craterus agreed to stay behind with the other generals to manage the people at the camp. Cassander on the other hand had no choice but to stay put until the king was found despite his best interest in himself and the people. Though the citizens were restless and wanted to return home as soon as possible, they didn't allow putting their own needs before the king.
The generals had to admire their loyalty, something they wished they had more of. However, the searching was continuously ineffective despite their allegiance.
Where hope was gained, hope was lost. I don't know what it was about India that destroyed me so ...or what it did to weaken me. I never lost a battle until now. I suppose I knew I'd lose considering my failed effort to keep my reckless attempts at ease. Or the lack of charisma to keep my men inspired and loyal to only me.
My failure to win, my departure...This part of my story will never be spoken of when time comes to pass. It will just be lost, from history, only remembered by the men who finally killed me.
"Alexander always used to play these games you know." Ptolemy spoke out; gaining the attention of Perdicas who rode wearily at his side.
The younger general lifted his gaze toward Ptolemy at the unexpected statement.
"He'd always go into hiding. He loved disappearing. It worried everyone, especially his mother. So King Phillip would send out his personal guards, sometimes an army to find him. It was a big land and just a small child."
Perdicas smiled at that. "Oh yes, Alexander was the very definition of a complicated child. He wouldn't be Alexander without the complications I suppose. We even took it upon ourselves to go out and look for him but we could never find him."
"He made hiding seem like a talent. Very skilled at it. At times even an army was never enough to find him."
"Yet he disappears again, leaving us in a land of misery, continues to drive us mad and makes us loving him even more difficult."
Both generals knew that wasn't a literal feeling towards the king. They loved him dearly. But since they've followed Alexander as young soldiers, their days have been everything but simple.
"The only time we found him was when he revealed himself to us." Ptolemy chuckled remembering those days clearer than ever and the prince's naïve, non concerned expressions every time he came out of hiding.
"And guess who was always by his side?" Perdicas mentioned with a hearty grin.
"Hephaistion." The older general answered. "With an equally raw expression, might I add, which led me to believe that he was also the reason for Alexander's concealment. Hephaistion always knew where Alexander was, always knew his hiding spots and secrets. I believe we're going to find Hephaistion." The curled haired general stated with hope.
"And you think once we find him, we'll find Alexander?"
Ptolemy nodded. "Yes. Alexander is going to be at his side no matter what. Hephaistion will not be found without him."
"Both alive, I pray."
"Indeed."
They continued heading east.
It was wet around him. When they had left from the ceremony it was pouring out. The sky now was overcast and the storm that had came had recently stopped. Phai was sitting at the edge of the deck staring out at the pond and the winds that passed by were gentle to his face.
"You only come out here to think." The one he had been thinking about all day finally arrived. Somehow he knew he'd come, but it still caught him off guard. He had an ice-cream cone in his hand and he looked a mess, his hair looking like he tussled with something far bigger than him and his skin covered in oil and dirt like he came straight from working on a car. Or multiple cars.
Phai sent a faulty smile the blonde's way. "It's the only place that allows me to follow up on memories."
"They must be sad." Alex's voice was stiff. His eyes dark and concerned.
"Why do you say that?"
The blonde prepared his response hesitantly. "Because it's the only thing that would make sense right now."
Phai turned back away from him, focusing now on his other surroundings. "You're always right. You've always been right, since I've met you."
Alex said nothing, only fixing an icy glare towards the pond that almost killed him once. Then he handed Phai the ice cream. "That one's for you. Don't worry I washed my hands."
The brunette smiled widely and took it from him. "Did you have a good time with your mother? You look a mess."
"Yea, after too much socializing we went out to grab something to eat. We talked for awhile. I missed her."
"You look like you did much more than just eat."
"She took me to a junk yard."
Phai blinked. "What for?"
"I wanted to break something." He shrugged like it was no big deal to handle your anger like that. "I was thinking a lot and I made myself pretty angry."
"So unlike you." Phai chuckled. "Do you feel better?"
"A little." He smiled warmly.
"So where is she staying?" Phai blushed and looked away from the blonde.
"She's staying at the house."
"I'm surprised your father allowed that."
"He's been a lot better now about it...Look Phai I'm sorry about today. I know I came off as an asshole."
Then Phai sighed, his thoughts sauntering carefully as to what to say next. "You're hoping if you pretend that you're not affected by it that it would make you and I both feel better and then we could possibly get over the other quicker. But why you would put yourself through the trouble is something I just can't figure out. What are you expecting to find?"
"I don't know. " His eyes squinted in serious thought. "Maybe nothing. Maybe a part of myself I haven't figured out yet."
"You know I'm not in love with Alexander. I'm in love with Alex. The one in front of me, not the one in your dreams."
The blonde narrowed his eyes to the wet stained deck under his feet. "I'm not so sure about that. I think you loved him first."
Thunder boasted in the skies, sounding through the rest of the meadow nearby. Another storm was coming.
"You should sit with me for a little bit. When you stand I feel like you're in a hurry to be somewhere else." Phai said in a calming murmur.
Alex sat by Phai's side and they faced the pond together. The invisible barrier between the two quickly dissolving. They were silent at first. It didn't matter their situation, most of the silence shared together had always been comforting. The bad weather, the breakup, the distance, didn't even matter at this moment.
"Would you rather be the moon or be the sun?" Phai asked with a smile flicking at his lips.
Alex ran his graceful fingers through his blonde locks. "Ah, yes, a familiar game. I'd be the sun, so that I could see the moon."
Phai smiled sweetly. "Somehow I always know what you're going to say." His interest deflected for a moment, gazing down at the faultless reflection of the blonde in the water.
"Would you rather be a fish in a small pond or a fish in a big ocean?" Alex proceeded on.
"Easy. I'd be a fish in a small pond."
For a moment they both stopped to contemplate.
Alex grinned. "But wouldn't you rather have room to explore more? Wouldn't you rather meet other interesting fish?"
"Well, I'd be that fish that doesn't care about exploring or meeting other fish."
"What would you do in such a small pond? It sounds boring."
"Well what if you lost something? I would have better luck finding this something in a small pond rather than a big ocean."
"Hmm, I see. What are you trying to find?"
"You. I'm trying to find you. Please don't make me look. I'll find you regardless but still, don't make it hard for me." He smiled lightheartedly nudging the blonde gently with his shoulder.
Alex kept his still dark eyes on the pond. Almost trance like, guilt striking in them.
"Alex, I know you don't believe in this life. I know you feel that we're non existent and that this life, isn't a life at all." It was a faint whisper. Phai sighed as he lowered his eyes realizing he wasn't making things any easier. "But I think in this life we can still be friends."
"I don't even know if that's possible." Alex said with a hardened tone.
"Of course it is. There's always going to be something more. You and I both know that. We can pretend all we want that we mean nothing to each other but it won't change a thing. But we were also friends before we were together. We can make it work." Phai sounded optimistic and encouraging.
"Phai, if I ever come crawling back to you, just walk away. Do not let me back in. Leave me crawling until I'm dead."
Phai couldn't excuse where all of that came from. "I'm praying for that day you do come crawling back. Because I'll take you back in a heart beat. I lied when I said that I understood why you have to do this. I don't, but I do know it's for the best or else we wouldn't be where we are at the moment."
It was simpler than we thought. I didn't deserve him... If only he knew.
"You deserve something better."
"Isn't that up for me to decide?"
"You have no idea what I'm going to put you through."
"No one puts me through anything, Alex."
Alex looks at the oh so familiar pond. It only reminded him how blue love truly was.
"You do know that we belong together right? That I was born to be with you. I wasn't born to be successful; I wasn't born to be good looking or popular. I wasn't born to be friends with you. I was born to love you. You'll find whatever you're expecting to find. And I will still be here." Phai grabbed Alex's hand and squeezed it tight. "I'll stay patient as long as you don't give up on yourself. You can give up on me at anytime but not yourself. I hate that you don't like who you are."
He was my angel. But something was wrong. In comparison to me, he was to pure. Too innocent and deserving of something so much greater. I didn't want Phai around my demon. I've destroyed and took away everything good about his life and purpose and I allowed him to go down in ruins with me. What kind of person does that to his lover? After all of it I only had regrets. It was Love. I shouldn't have fallen in Love.
"I've done horrible things to you Phai and I refuse to relive it." His uncultivated eyes flickered.
"Like what? I want to know. You're hurting for me when I should be hurting for myself. Tell me what these horrible things were and if they are as bad as you say they are I will walk out of your life forever. Deal?" he negotiated.
I wasn't necessarily a fool but I fell for desire and I allowed it to control me. I did stupid things. Dreaming of him, dreaming of someone like him, was one of them.
"Was I an inconvenience?" The brunette asked, mostly interested than slighted, like he knew all of Alex's troubles.
Alex shook his head. "I've hurt you. Bad. Did you know that I've tried killing you once. You were sleeping and I put a knife to your neck. I just got into a fight with both my parents the same night one after the other. They told me you were a distraction. They convinced me of it. I was hoping you were just another one of my nightmares. You were just too good to be true. You haunted me. Your beauty, your intelligence, your vision. It overwhelmed me to the point of insanity. I never thought someone like you could exist. You were just too perfect. And I thought it would just be easier for me to maintain my little sanity I had if you were no longer around. I'm fucked up Phai. I've taken advantage of your love and loyalty. I've even tried taking advantage of you mentally but mentally you were always stronger."
"What about physically?" Phai asked and Alex thought it was unusual that Phai hadn't freaked out yet. Maybe he understood better than him why the king did these things.
"Yea. I've taken you against your will."
"Why?"
"You were the only one who could handle my wrath. My drunkenness. And it felt good to finally unleash it all. Maybe I knew you'd forgive me. I've even went as far to putting innocent men to death for even thinking about you. It didn't matter if they were speaking ill about you or liking to you. I was always jealous. Always obsessed."
"So tell me something that I can't easily forgive?"
"I once told you that you're nothing without me."
"I am nothing without you." Phai admitted thoughtfully. "I forgive you for what your dreams have told you. For what the king has done to me and for what is going to happen from here on. I forgive you for everything. That's the place I thought I'd lose you forever, Alex ." They both faced the tranquil water. "I'm not going to lose you here now."
Then Phai licked the tip of the ice cream preventing it from dripping and shared the rest with Alex. Relaxing and sitting together. "We'll get through this."
The second storm came shortly after.
It rarely rained in Southern California but when it did, it poured. Poured like rain from hell.
He was in and out of unconsciousness, fighting to keep his eyes opened. Resisting the overwhelming weakness he felt in himself. His focus was impaired. His head was spinning while everything looked and felt distorted. He could hear voices overlapping each other. It sounded like scattered nonsense just becoming louder and louder. A pierce ringing started to sound and the blue eyed man could have sworn that was the sound of his near death. He couldn't help but shut his eyes, as tight as he could, as the loud buzzing took over his mind, blowing out the rest of his senses. More voices were heard. But faces couldn't be determined yet and neither could his location.
The tenderness of his recent abuse crept up on him like a predator on its prey and he growled in agony. Scared to death. Still not completely remembering where he was or why he felt the way he did. He felt like he may have had too much to drink, wandered off somewhere and got himself lost and into trouble. But he rarely drank. So what kind of trouble?
The general reopened his eyes, his sight becoming fixed. He had to blink away the wetness of what were irresolute tears. The shaky trees above him stopped spinning coming to a halt, the sky was grey, and the sun was hiding behind dark clouds, exactly as it was when he felt certain he was lost to oblivion. The ringing finally faded and he heard laughs of mockery from deep human voices. He quickly turned his head both to his left and right, found himself on his back on the soiled ground. He was immediately able to differentiate the tongue of his captives from the muffled voices he heard before and instantly remembered what had happened and what journey he had undertook. Then the horror came back to him like an instant hit to the face and he started to panic, struggling once again, pulling and tugging against the ropes restraining both his wrists and his ankles together, remembering rough dirty hands clamping over his mouth and body, silencing him while being effortlessly abused underneath multiple men. The thought was humiliating. It made him angry along with all other sorts of annoyed emotions that didn't blend well together.
He fought and wrestled against the restraints. And his captors sat amused, chuckling out loud. One of them spoke something to him, and of course Hephaistion didn't understand it but he knew it was insulting. It seemed like the only reason why he was back where he started was so that they could entertain themselves with his struggle. Just because he belonged to King Alexander.
Alexander! The name sharpened his memory. His last memory of the king wasn't an actual memory at all but a fainted wish.
His body froze up like a cold shadow embracing him. And the red cloth of the king's cape haunted his mind. It was a reminder that the king was dead. How else would the capturers have the keeping of his cape if they didn't take and execute the king themselves?
Immediately he started to chew and gnaw at the thick and well tied twine as he was able and free enough to bring them up toward his mouth. However, it was another hopeless circumstance. He didn't know how long he had been out since the Indians tracked him down, tortured and raped him and left him in the middle of the India terrain for certain death. All he knew was that he was still in India, Alexander was still not found and that his mission wasn't over until he was dead or until the king was at his side.
"Where is Alexander? Where is he?" Hephaistion angrily shouted, denial seeping through him, grief undermining him, guilt overshadowing him. Something just kept burning in his dilute eyes. There was no way Alexander was dead. Alexander told him a long time ago that nothing would stop him. That death itself couldn't stop him from conquering. He'd conquer hell itself if it came down to it…
Alexander wasn't in the depths of Hell alongside Hades yet. He couldn't be. It was too soon.
Hephaistion must have seen life flash before his eyes a million times before, whether it was on the battlefield or just unconventional circumstances, but the feeling was never like this. Dead inside. But even so, there was still a fire in him and the limitation he had showed before suddenly befell him. He remembered his purpose. "Tell me!" He shouted again unleashing a different kind of anger from within. It was painful for his muscles to tense like that, but it didn't matter how much stress he was planting on his body. Alexander was his only concern.
"Dead." One capturer answered, knowing that was one word they all could understand. Then he stood up from the log he was sitting upon and sauntered over to the beautiful powerless man. "Dead." He repeated with ridicule.
Dead?
Hephaistion spit at the foot of the enemy who had stood over him. "Where is he?!"
The enemy smirked down at the powerless man then made a straight gesture towards the king's belongings isolated by a tree. The general turned his head towards the direction the Indian aimed his attention at. He was in shock. They had everything. Alexander's shield, sword, armor, crown, wrapped in the remainder of his royal cape.
Hephaistion knew that the king wasn't wearing any of his battle gear before he was captured. He was in bed, sick. This didn't prove that he was dead. It didn't prove anything. It seemed like they were just playing on his fears by using these abandoned items against him. But Hephaistion wasn't dumb. He was aware that the enemy knew who he was to the King. They knew that Alexander thought dearly of him. If he was just another general in the army he would be dead already. Which led him to believe that Alexander had to be alive. Why else would they keep him alive if they couldn't use him as physical and mental punishment against the king?
He began to cough heavily. "This means nothing." His voice was worn and hoarse from mostly lack of sustenance.
A second and third capturer said something to each other and he was surrounded by laughs again. They acknowledged his need for water. So the one, who stood over him, leaned closer towards the general, pinching the pale jaw between his fingers, forcing his mouth open. Hephaistion tried snatching his face away from the clutch against him but it was no use. All he could do was be detained against his will by the stronger enemy who laughed even harder when he decided to take out his cock and empty his fluid inside the generals mouth. The struggle to remove himself from the man was firm. He started to cough and gag as he attempted to kick and belt out. The enemy tried to hold him still but even for a weakened, starve deprived man, his resisting was imposing. Once done he spit belligerently inside the general's mouth then removed his self from the squirming individual.
They watched as the man choked out before speaking amongst themselves.
"Show him the dead King."
Hephaistion felt himself being pulled to his feet after they cut the restraint binding them together.
"We walk." The enemy aggressively forced him before him, holding him tight against his chest, seizing his upper arm. While gripping his dead hair with his other now occupied hand.
They pushed him through the treacherous rain forest. They walked ways. Hephaistion's breathing was becoming more difficult to manage with every step they took. He couldn't stomach the pain or the disgust anymore. He couldn't imagine where they were taking him. Inside he was panicking, fearing the worst but hoping for the best. He was outmatched in options.
The one who had him apprehended was speaking to him forebodingly in his own native tongue. He spoke how it was a thrill to see the king weak and powerless. That they didn't imagine the greatest conqueror to be as insignificant as he was the day they took him. He was nothing like they had previously imagined. He was ill; the fever was still maintaining its function. He still wasn't strong enough to put up any kind of struggle as his eyes would open and close against his will. They threatened him with fire, but he stayed tough. He embraced the fire like he'd consume the fire instead of the fire consuming him. They couldn't figure out what to do with him. He started to explain how they had even left him for food for the dark creatures hiding in the leaves. The creatures ignored the king and sought other food sources. He truly was a king. Magnificent. Even half awake the king seemed unstoppable. Neither fire or land could take him. But they found a source that will.
They made it to the spot. They pulled forcibly the damaged soldier to the rim of a cliff. A very high cliff with a water landing beneath them. The Indian shoved the general aside and pointed towards the bottom of the waterfall. He picked up a random rock from the ground, showed the stranger it up close and lightly pitched the rock overboard. Hephaistion knew what that signified. They threw the half unconscious king over the cliff. There was laughter again. Wild laughter.
"Get him out of there!" The general yelled.
They just laughed again feeding on his misery. "He's been down there for hours. He's already dead. His insides have probably collapsed by the pressure of the water."
So many words couldn't describe the pain that devoured the kings lover's face. He was suddenly down on his knees. Everything destroyed that was able. There was nothing left of his soul. His eyes narrowed in confusion. Tears falling as if they were figuring out how to explain themselves. This wasn't supposed to happen. He wanted to scream. He wanted to call out for his King. He wanted to jump off the same cliff they tossed Alexander but the enemy knew better than to allow that. He couldn't seem to release a single noise and he couldn't move from where he was. That was it. Then there was… nothing. Just the end for both the King and the General. The end of his search. He didn't think he'd lose the king so soon. He didn't think he'd lose him now. Alexander told him that they were meant to live forever.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Alexander." He cried. "I thought I could save you. I forgive you. For everything. Do you think you can forgive me?"
It's not easy being loved by all. By my enemies. By my friends. By my lovers. Because when you're loved by all, it seems like everyone wants you dead. Even by those who love you the most. Especially by those who love you the most.
Sometimes people want you dead because they love you that much. Because you realize you deserve it and they realize it has to be done. Because it's the right thing to do.
Hello everyone! Thanks for sticking with me and demanding more. Hope you've enjoyed! It's a bit long and I apologize for that. -Stranger