Eyes that see into Infinity

Chapter Thirty Two

Part Three

/

The Lost Days, India

The lively waters were ceaseless, falling like mad, clear from the grey white sky. And the winds were fiercer and more chaotic than the days before. This would be a myth to remember. A myth about the land that swallowed the Great King Alexander and his men whole.

The gods must have been telling them something. Maybe Alexander and Hephaistion weren't meant to be found. Perhaps this was their final resting ground.

Ptolemy blinked up at the holy rains. He could only hope it was cleansing the men from the sin and indulgence they had brought with them.

"Ptolemy! Perdicas!"

Ptolemy eyes fluttered away from his tense focusing and both generals turned towards the voice calling out to them. They smiled with joy when they saw that their friend had made it back.

There had been enough rummaging. Leonnatus had met back up with Ptolemy and Perdicas after redirecting his team away from the deep green depths that seemed to cause more danger to them.

Leonnatus, you're back!" Perdicas hugged his friend cheerfully.

The young general shook his head. There was more bad news to share than good. "It might be a haven to its people but I get the feeling this jungle has a mind of its own. The further east we headed the more closed in we were by its fruitless nature. It was too thick to cut through and make passageway. Everywhere we looked was a dead end. The path was lost to us so we made a haste return. We figured we could be more productive with the rest of the assembly."

"It was good judgement." Ptolemy nodded. The arranged search could have worked perfectly if the land they were upon wasn't so treacherous. "I'm happy your return was safe. I refuse to lose more men at the expense of this putrid place."

They had never dealt with anything quite like India and as long as they live through it they would never hope to again. Alexander was crazy to call it majestic. He was deluded to find it insightful. The generals often wondered if the king had brought them there as a punishment, after all his men were tired of the travels and more defiant than usual. The second Alexander stepped foot onto its terrain, he instantly lost himself. He was lost to all. Their king for so long had become unrecognizable.

Ptolemy lifted his hand, halting the men. He leaped from his horse swiftly and was struck by a sight ahead that instantly saddened him. Leonnatus and Perdicas quickly followed behind him while withdrawing their weapons in alert in case of an ambush.

The curled haired general covered his trembling mouth as he knelt down at the muddy ground, his knees sinking at the mercy of the the hellish soil. He said nothing for awhile. Then he released a weary sigh lifting his hand to comfort Hephaistion's horse. "Poor thing." He spoke softly as he petted gently the horse's mane.

The animal was breathing heavy, its whimpers struggling to sound. The stench opposing in meant it was rotting away at the wound. It was visibly dying and dying slowly. It made the general instantly tear up but he held firm his public demeanor.

"She's lucky the creatures who rule here haven't fed upon her yet." Ptolemy spoke quietly.

They were men. Warriors. They've killed and they been killed. Death was natural. It was crucial. So why was he feeling such an emotional flare for the animal dying now in front of him.

Ptolemy looked back at the other generals and soldiers who looked equally distraught. "She's strong. Just like Hephaistion." He uttered softly.

"If she is still alive it could mean that Hephaistion has a good chance of being alive as well." Perdicas remained hopeful. Ptolemy nodded in agreement.

"Could he be near?" Leonnatus asked after noting the many footprints in the wet soil leading away from them.

Ptolemy examined the wound of the horse then looked to the trail where he was certain Hephaistion was taken. "Hephaistion was surrounded by more than he could handle. They attacked him and they took him somewhere. He was most likely unconscious while it happened."

"Or dead." Leonnatus replied sadly. Dead was such a broad statement and Ptolemy refused to even suggest it. "What if we're chasing ghosts?"

"We don't know that." Ptolemy frowned.

"There is no sign of a struggle." The younger general pointed out.

"Would there be a reason to drag away a dead body?" Perdicas asked. "There is no trace of blood if indeed the attack was fatal."

"Look where we are. Blood may be red but it can't stain here. If we must fear something more than the sight of blood, it's these rains." Leonnatus answered frantically.

"If they wanted him dead, he'd be right here where they left his horse to die." Perdicas retorted back.

"Unless the agenda is to keep him alive." Ptolemy said trusting his instinct. And his gut told him that they would both be found and returned. Very soon. It would be easier for them all if they were to remain positive.

"Alive, unconscious, it doesn't mean they won't kill him. It doesn't mean they already haven't." Leonnatus stated with a nervous stutter.

"Leonnatus, trust that they both still live." Perdicas placed an easing hand upon his friends shoulder.

Leonnatus said nothing and doubt was still present in his eyes. He wished to embrace the comfort his friend was giving but he couldn't. He didn't mean to sound so distrustful towards Hephaistion's life but the anticipation was difficult to cope with.

"Where he is or what happened to him, we don't know but we must keep looking." Ptolemy was trying hard to keep a level head. He was frustrated. They all were. And the gods didn't seem to be on there side anymore.

They felt cursed. Cursed with guilt. A guilt that clung to the back of their minds. This was worse than just a bad omen. This was an unforgiving one. "Let's assume Hephaistion is still alive. If he was unconscious he wouldn't remember how to return back to quarters."

"Let's assume that he is dead?"

"He's not." Perdicas snapped with certainty. "Leonnatus you are losing it. A broken will is driving your fears. You must calm your worries my friend."

"They will be found." Ptolemy reassured once again.

"I know how we all felt about them. But they didn't deserve this." Leonnatus said while tears were building.

"Our men did not do this to them Leon!"

"Why is that so impossible for you to believe Ptolemy? Philotas? Parmenion? What about the thousand others who hated the king? They are still among us Ptolemy. Everyone wanted Alexander dead and because Hephaistion was loved by him, they wished him dead too. And this was the perfect place to end it."

Ptolemy shook his head in disappointed regret. "Perhaps they did. But here we are. Looking for the king and a fellow friend."

"I apologize." Leonnatus lowered his eyes and head. "I'm just worried for their lives."

"We know what they mean to you. To us. That is why we can not give up. If they are dead, their bodies belong to us and no one else. We'll follow the prints. We keep looking."

"I find we should rest first Ptolemy." Perdicas claimed as he stopped the man from making his move. "Who knows what we'll be up against but our men need to be at their strongest. This place is weakening us."

Ptolemy faced the followers of the king and scanned each exhausted face. And he was grateful. Even with no king, they remained devoted to his name. Then he looked up towards the glaring sky. He kept his head up for a moment longer like he was searching for a sign from the gods. "Ptolemy?"

The curled haired general sighed and looked back towards the two loyal generals. "If we don't find him now, Hephaistion will die. If we don't find him as soon as possible Cassander will take action. He will question every local tribesman and it will not be a peaceful entrance. We won the battle but we can't afford to lose more men over another. Cassander is power hungry. He will provoke Porus and Alexander isn't around to prevent that. Right now, the people, the soldiers, need a leader more than ever and if Cassander is the only one stepping up, they will be ruled by him. The weak cling to the strong." Ptolemy reminded. He knew Cassander was a snake. He knew he saw opportunity and one he could easily take advantage of. "He wasn't even supposed to come with us to India."

"There is no saying that Porus isn't behind this. Alexander was injured towards the end of the battle and has been in a comatose state ever since. Porus could have had his men sneak in our confinements and take the king knowing that our morale was down. It won't be Cassander provoking the enemy, maybe it's them provoking us. Maybe they were unclear who the victory belonged to but to challenge us once again, would be another humiliation. Alexander by our side or not."

"We don't know that Porus was involved. He found Alexander respectable." Ptolemy answered them both. "And Alexander him. This was the closest Alexander has ever been to defeat. He would be impressed. Not proud."

"He also admired Alexander. Like so many do. The king's body will be a trophy to him. The taken king is his victory."

"I don't believe that to be so. Have one of the soldiers turn back and let Cassander know that we've found a path. We need him to believe that there is hope for at least one of them before his patience is completely lost."

"Do we rest or continue on?"

"We stick together and we move on. We'll look upon rest only when we absolutely must."

Though they could enjoy a long break they knew Hephaistion was without one. Leonnatus signaled his men to proceed ahead. They were doing the right thing.

"What do we do with the poor animal?" Perdicas asked.

"Alexander bought her for Hephaistion as a gift. I remember that day. It was the happiest I've ever seen the both of them. Hell, even the animal was happy."

"Is there a chance we could save her?"

"She's been suffering for too long. I'm going to release her from misery." Ptolemy chanted a small prayer while clutching a short knife. "Good bye old friend. You no longer have to be scared. You can be free now. With your friend Bucephalus."

They watched. And there was a lengthened and frightened persistence in the horses eyes before the general ended her from the pain.

How do you make sense of a right decision and a wrong one? What is the difference between making a choice and taking control of one? I like to believe that I had everything under control. Including my fate. That choosing this life was making things right for us. That separating myself from love and happiness was the right thing to do. Or was it the only thing to do? Truth is, I'm just a man. Nothing is ever under control and nothing is ever right. I had to face it eventually. Everything was a mess. One big scattered mess that didn't belong. But how do I clean that up? How do I decide? I was doing good for us by ending it, right? Like every breakup in history we had to learn to grow apart…so why do I feel bad about it? Why does my heart feel sad? I thought I did what I was supposed to do. There was no grudge. No pressure. No forced comfort. We had to make it work so that we could still be friends because for some reason it was still important to us to remain in each others lives. It was the only place we had left to go.

So it had to happen. The feelings that we had disappeared and the only feelings left were artificial ones. That much I owed him. I could still love him and he could still love me but it had to be buried so that we could be without any complications whatsoever. I had to avoid that mark. That scar. I couldn't be bothered by any feelings surrounding us while making it harder for us to move on. It would be the perfect darkness. It would be my faultless escape. The truth is things were going to be fucked up anyway. Especially due to my willingness to die and his willingness to prevent it.

I get it. Love should run much deeper than that. But you don't understand. You don't understand at all. Loving him is killing me. He's killing me over and over and he doesn't even realize. And to feel him, to see him and to breathe him, I became aware just how much.

I wish he knew how I felt this whole time being without him. I'm not a bad man. I promise.

He cleared his throat and lifted his hand to knock on the door but wasn't given the chance for a proper greeting when the door was swiftly swung open and a deep glare of intensifying hatred was looking right back at him.

"Weird. It was almost like you were expecting me."

"How many times am I going to have to ask you to stop coming over here?" Amyntor glaringly asked the well dressed man.

"Good morning to you too!" Phillip said joyfully but clearly the sarcasm reeked. It reeked badly. Then he swung his hands behind his back, twisting the big ring on his middle finger repeatedly. It was a nervous habit.

"What do you want?" Amyntor asked. "I have a really bad headache. It might be the worst it's been." That extra information was only a warning. He was just so confused as to why Phillip had been attempting to be a bother lately. Did he not know that he's killed a man before?

"What a coincidence, I woke up with one. The wife."

"Why are you here Phillip?"

"Just wanted to drop by. Say hi."

Amyntor sighed and waited modestly for the real reason Phillip decided to come over.

"And I figured since you've bonded with my son that it would be only fair that I bond with Phai. Is he around?" Phillip started peering over the taller mans shoulder in the house.

"Are you being serious right now? How come you are not annoyed of yourself yet? And no. The answer is no. You can not bond with my son."

"Why?"

"Because that's not how it works."

"How does it work then?"

"Alex confided in me. Phai would never confide in you."

Phillip just shrugged. It was harsh but true so he accepted it.

"And didn't you invite him over to help you out yesterday? Was that not enough bonding time? You know, you can't have more than what was already given to you. "

Amyntor was pissed and Phillip knew there was nothing he could do to change that. But that was a normal feeling when anyone was around Phillip.

There was just this negative energy, from both of them as Phillip sighed and glared at the taller man. There was no talking for awhile, just silent anger. Phillip crossed his arms across his chest. Amyntor did the same. It was almost like a mental battle for dominance but really Amyntor just wanted Phillip to apologize and Phillip just wanted forgiveness. But of course they were both too stubborn to just out right ask for it.

"Can I just say something to you? I'm going to be real upfront?" Phillip asked as he tried to gather up all of his arguments.

Amyntor stepped outside more and shut the door behind him and refolded his arms. "Go ahead. You are annoyingly upfront anyway."

"You're acting like a child."

"Really?" Amyntor squinted thinking over his own behavior. Maybe he was acting like a child.

"Yep." Phillip smirked. Alex wasn't the only one in the house with the power of persuasion.

"Alright Phillip. What's the deal?"

"What deal?" Now the older man looked confused. He wasn't prepared to be confused.

"Are you trying to win over my son to get back at me? Because it really feels like your intention is to piss me off."

"Maybe. Or maybe you're thinking too far into it." The older man shrugged.

Amyntor shifted, his facial expression enclosed in complete annoyance.

"Look, about yesterday, I'm a realist. Alex was out with his mother and your son just happened to be in plain sight. I was out in the garage. I spotted him. It appears that he's a young man, he's strong and capable and I asked him for help to move around some things that I myself am not capable of. That's it. That's all that happened. Normally I don't ask for help but I had to free my pride just for a couple of hours. Also if it were Tolem, I would have asked him too. So I assure you it was not intentional or personal."

"I'm also a realist. And now it's done and over and Phai knows better now not to go over there anymore. Don't ask my son for help again and don't pretend to be polite to him and we won't have any problems in the future."

"That's more pessimistic."

"I would like to call it a father's optimism."

"There is no pleasing you is there. Does your wife know how you treat your neighbors?"

"Just you Phillip!" Amyntor raised his voice. Phillip had no filter to his condescension.

…

"Phai, come and take a look at this!" Callista shouted for her instantly disturbed brother.

"Take a look at what?!" He said as he came by her side.

"Dad and Alex's dad are about to fight." She so hopefully waited.

Phai didn't believe her but checked anyway…just in case. He peeked out of the window and saw them 'exchanging' words. It looked pretty heated from his point of view but he couldn't really jump to any conclusions yet. They weren't smiling or shaking hands or anything but they also weren't throwing punches. "They're just talking." Phai stated like his time had been wasted.

"Like very aggressively." Callista commented back. She dramatically and with more effort than necessary swung her small body over the couch just to crack open the window so that they could hear more of what was going on. "We need more information about this."

"By the looks and sound of it I would call it mild aggressiveness." Phai replied then leaned up beside his sister and closed the window. "Come on, let them be."

"No."

"Callista stop being nosy and get away from the window."

Her smile faltered completely. "Don't act like this isn't interesting. Don't you want to know what they are arguing about?"

That's exactly what Phai was hoping to avoid. He knew exactly what they were arguing about. The last thing he needed was Callista eavesdropping on a serious conversation that involved him and Alex.

…

"Look I'm trying to fix this tension that was created between us so if you could let me, that would be great. If we're going to be living next to each other for awhile we might as well develop a relationship. Or try."

"You mean the tension you created?"

"What tension?"

"The night you came over drunk scared my wife and my daughter. They do not trust you. I do not trust you. In fact my wife would kill me if she knew I was even out here giving you the time of day."

"Well I know what your family thinks of me now."

"Do take it personal."

"I would like to apologize to the both of them. When is your wife home? You're daughter is trying to listen on us now, call her outside and I'll apologize."

Amyntor turned and looked towards the window and Callista just started waving at him. He sighed and looked back at Phillip. "No."

"Look, I'm just trying to get to know your son better." Phillip sounded desperate and it was kind of depressing to watch. It was like he was trying to prove something. Or trying to make up for those times he's lost with Alex. Like he was trying to be a better person. The sad thing was, he didn't know how to be.

"Maybe when he's older, out the house and I'm not paying his college tuition anymore."

"I want to say that I see something rather poisonous in you but that may be a false impression."

Amyntor slightly glared, not understanding what he meant by that. "It is a false impression. You have quite an imagination for ongoing false impressions it seems."

"Sorry. I did not know that asking your son for help would infuriate you. If I knew that I wouldn't have asked."

"You would have asked. Because you had an agenda behind asking him over. I'm not fucking stupid Phillip.

"You're right I had an agenda and that was just to get to know him a little bit more. Like I said I may have been a tad bit judgmental at the beginning."

"Phai told me that you were pleasant. But I don't buy it."

"So now your sons a liar? I'm very pleasant when I want to be."

"Phillip I'm not going to do this with you. Can you please leave?"

"No."

The instance Phillip refused, Amyntor looked like he was about to rip his fucking head off. "Did you just say no to me on my own goddamn property after I asked you nicely?"

"I might have. The nerve on me." But Phillip was no longer taking him seriously and the long ass smirk on his face showed that.

"You wanted my son to stay away from yours. Which means that you should probably also stay away from mine."

"I don't recall."

"You were drunk."

"Makes sense. The drinking has probably got my mind a little fuzzy."

"You are unbelievable." Amyntor scoffed irately.

"No need to get out of line."

"Why not? Is that line not straight enough for you Phillip or is it a tad bit homo for your liking? Enjoy the rest of your day."

"Clearly things have changed, opinions have changed. I apologize. I apologize for what I said to you about your son. Happy now?"

"Fuck you Phillip."

"You have really high expectations when it comes to apologies."

"Because when you apologize to someone you should mean it!"

"I do!"

"No you don't."

"Excuse us sirs."

The two bantering fathers turned to look at two girl scouts on their bikes staring at them from the sidewalk.

"Hi." – "Hey girls." They both greeted simultaneously also trying to recover from their more impolite posture.

"Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?" They looked nervous.

Phillip frowned. "Geez it's already that time of year?"

"Sure. Why not." Amyntor said with a warming approach.

"It's four dollars a box." One replied.

"Jesus Christ. For some cookies?" Phillip complained.

"We'll buy some. I'll get two." Amyntor handed them 10 dollars and took any two boxes. He glared at Phillip. "Buy one."

"Are you serious?"

"They have a job to do. They'd really appreciate it."

"I'm short on cash. I don't think I even have my wallet on me."

Amyntor reached into Phillip's pocket and handed him his wallet he claimed he didn't have. "Don't act like you can't afford cookies. Buy a box."

"Fine. Yea you still have the chocolate mint ones right? I'll take that." Phillip opened his wallet and started flipping through his cash for four dollars. He didn't have an even four so he gave them a five and told them to keep the change even though he really wanted that dollar back. The girls gave the man his box and took off down the sidewalk as fast as possible. Kids were usually afraid of Phillip.

"Well here's Alex's dinner for tonight." The older man chuckled and Amyntor rolled is eyes not understanding Phillip's sarcasm. Not understanding him as a person. He really felt bad for Alex. He actually felt sorry for both of them. Looking at Phillip, seeing Alex, their lives were bound to be tragic.

His eyes softened the second he panned out their future. It made him sad that they were the way they were. It was just too painful to deal with and it was one of the reasons he didn't want his son involved in their life.

Amyntor raised his gaze and looked right at the older male. "Have a good day Phillip." It was an honest goodbye and oddly troubling as he surveyed the unhappy man before him.

"You too." Phillip responded with a half pure smile.

Then the two took the few quick steps back that separated them from each other. It started bitter but ended sweetly.

Amyntor headed back inside the house. He didn't say anything to his kids, placed the cookies on the counter and just headed up the stairs.

Callista and Phai heard the bedroom door close and they both walked towards the end of the staircase staring up them trying to figure out what had just happened.

"What's with dad's sudden attitude changes lately?"

"I'm just supposed to know that?"

Callista smirked at him. "What's with yours? Dad is soooooo like you when you're in one of your moods."

Phai tried not to think much of it but he couldn't help but think it was his fault that his father seemed upset. He was staring up the stairs for awhile trying to piece together all that did go wrong.

"They argue like you and Alex."

He turned away from the stairs and glanced at his chuckling sister. It didn't matter how many times he's heard from or seen Alex, he could always pale at the mention of his name. It always made him react. Defensibly, lovingly. Sometimes foolishly. And he hated that part. That part that still loved him. That part that would never let him go.

"Alex and I never really argue." Phai denied as he followed her inside the kitchen.

"Oh really?" She gave him that challenging look before ripping the refrigerator door open to grab a yogurt.

"Yes." He pronounced with a frown.

"I'm pretty sure that I was present for almost all of them."

"They weren't big arguments. They were always minor." He responded with little effort to defend himself.

"Of course. Only couples have big arguments... with a minor fill...Like that time when you guys were arguing over what fruit would win in a fight if they were alive and capable."

"That wasn't a serious debate Callista. And a pineapple would win. And the only reason he suggests that an apple would win is because it's the most popular fruit. You can't base your opinions on popularity or the percentage of water it contains."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about Phai. You guys always argue over stupid crap. You guys can't even agree on what to eat when you order out."

"Why does Alex hate Mexican food? I don't understand it."

"Why do you hate fish? The world will never know."

"It's gross. The smell is gross."

"Okay what about when you and Alex fought over that yellow shirt for days?"

"Yellow is a very bad color on Alex. Just because it's two dollars at the thrift store doesn't mean it's worth it."

She shook her head and grinned sarcastically. "I think I made my point."

Phai paused. He couldn't think of anything else to say that would convince his sister otherwise.

"Let's see what kind of cookies dad got us." Then she instantly cringed when they were two of the most boring cookies to ever exist. "Lemonade shortbread and peanut butter?" The look on her face... "Yea, you can have them Phai."

"Alex will probably eat them." Phai snatched the boxes from her.

'You take care of him more than you take care of yourself." She scoffed. "It's kinda cute."

Phai refused to comment on that. There were many things that could have went wrong if he had. "See you later."

"Where are you going?" Callista frowned like she had just been betrayed as she watched her brother hurrying to the front door.

"To hang out with the friends."

"Why do you call them 'the' friends?"

"Because they're not my friends and I'm sick of calling them Alex's friends."

"Weirdo."

Phai just smiled and opened the door.

"WAIT, does that mean I can go hang out with my friends too?"

Phai glared at her. "Are you even allowed to ask my permission to do something?"

"I dunno, can I?"

"Dad is here. Ask him."

"Dad seems upset. So no."

"Call mom?"

"Are you serious big bro?"

"Where are you going and with who?" He questioned distrustfully.

"A friend's house. She lives really close so I'm going to walk."

"That same chick as last time?"

"Yes Phai. That same chick as last time."

"What are you going to do there?"

"Girl stuff. You know like watch a movie, maybe go to the mall."

"If something happens call me. Text me her address."

"Okay." She smiled innocently.

"Callista, I'm serious. The girls you hang out with are terrible people."

"Okay Phai, I get it. Later."

"Later." He smiled at her before he left the house.

"I'm so glad we're done with school." Phil sighed.

"It took forever. I felt like I was in a prison for most my life." Perdicas said.

Crater scoffed. "My parents are already getting on my ass about college. They like want me to start filling out applications and shit already."

Cleitus chuckled. "Who even has that kind of time?"

'Exactly. Like we're just going to hop on a computer and research universities? Fuck that."

"Or worse, going to orientations and open houses. The amount of anxiety I have won't allow that." Leon mentioned.

"Fuck that. We shouldn't have to feel pressured by our own parents. You can get a good job that pays well without a degree I'm sure."

Clearly they werent ready for college yet.

"I think I'm going to stick to selling pot to unfortunate losers who have no life… who don't want a life." Cleitus said.

"Like yourself?" Cassy engaged in the conversation. "Because you literally just described yourself."

Cleitus shrugged. "Maybe."

"All I can say is that I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready for a new life and new friends." Phil said.

"Sucks huh?" Cassy smirked. "Good thing my parents don't give enough shit about me to force me to go to college."

They were jealous of Cassy's cheerfullness. Jealous of his life. How easy would their lives be if their parents just gave up on them? The green eyed teen pulled out his last cigarette and pinned it between his pink lips.

"My parents care too much. Can we switch?" Leon suggested.

Cassy just smirked. "Trust me, you wouldn't want my parents." He reached for his lighter but felt it get snatched from his hand.

"What the hell do you think you are doing Cassy? You can't smoke inside." Tolem angrily voiced.

"We're technically outside. Who cares? And didn't you go to work?"

"I called out. If you light that I swear to God Cassy…"

Cassy snatched the stick out of his mouth and put it away. "Fine. Your shed, your rules."

"Thank you."

Phai entered the shed. Everyone was there and so animated. Tolem and Thais were playing an intense video game, Cleitus was rolling a fat joint, Cassy was just leaning against the wall flipping through a dirty magazine, Perdicas was on his phone watching trailers for up coming movies, Phil and Crater were tossing back and forth a football, Leon was tuning his guitar. Everyone was doing something...the exception being Alex who was just sitting there on the right side of the short couch staring blankly ahead. His expression hollow, dead in the eyes. How can one be that still and that quiet with so much going on around him.

He used to be so vibrant and now he was dull like he was hiding some deeper animosity. It was weird. Eerie even. He's already lost some part of Alex. It would hurt more to lose him completely.

"Hephaistion?"

It sounded like a far off whisper but it was close. So close..

"Hephaistion?"

The heavy-eyed general had looked up quickly the second he recognized that voice. The blue pained eyes widened in disbelief when he saw a healthy gold haired Alexander approaching him. The general presented a gleaming and hopeful smile as if it couldn't be real. His lashes trembled breathlessly and his heart escaped him.

"Alexander?" It hurt to speak as his throat was dry and his lips cracked from lack of fluids despite the heavy rain and the non stop tears. And they had been falling like the storms of the heavens in respect for his lost king. "You're okay?"

King Alexander knelt down before the general in a graceful motion. The look upon his face filled with sadness like he had been betrayed. "Phai, you said you'd follow me to the ends of the earth? Where are you?"

The blue eyes were mystified. His excitement to see his king was real, but why didn't it feel right. "Alexander. I'm here. I'm right here."

"I need you Phai?" Alexander reached out his hand to touch the broken skin of his generals face, caressing the long raw scars. It was a ghostly feel.

"I'm right here!" Hephaistion yelled. He was trying. Trying so hard to break free and reach out to touch his king in return.

"I needed you Phai and you weren't there." The kings eyes were fixed in shame as he shook his head in disappointment at his general.

Hephaistion didn't know what to say or what to do. But to fail his king was something he never intended. "I'm sorry Alexander. Forgive me. Please!" He begged.

The king lowered his eyes in desolation. "I should have known you couldn't protect me."

Alexander stood and turned his back on him and it caused his tears to fall urgently in fear that he would disappear again. "No, don't go. Don't leave me. Help me Alexander. I'm restrained and if I escape they'll kill me." The general was panicking. "Please help me."

The king stood in silence ignoring the desperate pleas from the crying man.

"Help me Alexander! Why aren't you helping me?" His general began to shout in frustration.

"If you can't help me, you're unworthy."

Hephaistion's eyes simmered in sadness. "Alexander, I left to go find you. I got captured for you. I was raped for you. And I'm going to die here for you. Why am I unworthy? I did this for you!"

"I needed you Phai."

"But my leg. It's infected. I can't move it. I can't go anywhere. I need help. Help me and I'll find you. I promise. Please Alexander."

"I'm sorry Phai. You are no good to me."

Alexander turned and faced the pitiful general. Hephaistion was in shock. He felt betrayed. He never knew his own dear Alexander would be the one to stab him in the back.

"I'm already dead."

Dreary eyes slowly slumped towards the ground. He was stunned into silence by the harsh words. By the harsh conditions. By the harsh reality that he truly had failed his king.

The king removed his sword. He looked down at the teary eyed general with a hint of satisfaction. He then placed a hand on the weakened and dying general's head. "It hurts doesn't it? Loving me?"

Hephaistion only nodded but didn't face him. He closed his eyes as tight as he could when he heard the sound of the sharp sword cut high in the air.

And the second it swooped down to remove the leg that had let him down, Hephaistion shot open his eyes from the nightmare and screamed out. The pain was there. It was real. And it didn't matter if he slipped out of the binds. It didn't matter if his leg was suddenly healed. Or if fed a days worth of meals to gain his energy King was dead and still so far from his reach. And he could only blame himself.