Eyes that see into Infinity
Chapter Thirty Eight
Part Three
/
In my womb, I carried you. You were my avenger. You were my light. My happiness. I've seen the future. I've seen you. And you are leading it. You are creating it. You're going to change the world. You must because it's in you to do so. You're meant to be great, because you are divine. You are everything Phillip is not. He is coarse, you are refined. There is no throne large enough for you, not in this life, nor the heavens. Not in any life or any heaven. You are greater than the gods because you have a heart you can distribute to this world and the world above. You lay on top of it, beyond the sun and above the skies and its stars.
Forever young and forever inspiring…
Coming back from it, everything felt slow and the blaring music droned in like a long suspenseful opening before a curtain drop exposing something truly immense. He looked up and at himself and couldn't decide if he liked what he saw.
…never will there be an Alexander like you.
Alex leaned over the sink and dampened his face to cool himself down. He was burning up and it only increased more from the intensity of the latest vision. It didn't help that he was piled in a place with so much more body heat than his own. He was hoping to collect himself soon or else everyone waiting for him would become concerned and go looking. There was never any telling how long each vision would last.
He was finally able to gather himself from all of the anxieties. From all the pain. It wasn't that terrible of a place to have one because there was so much going on around him. He wouldn't stand out in the crowd because he was nobody and nothing to these people. Who would notice? Weird shit happened at clubs and weird people came through them all the time. But that's just what he thought. He was wrong. Everyone noticed because Alex always stood out. He could run, he could hide but in the end, he'd always be sought after. He'd always be spotted. His identity was difficult to define, more so for him, but it was there and it was as clear as an ice coated window.
Alex blinked solemnly, seeing someone else through the restroom mirror instead of himself. He began to look deep into himself, deeper than he should have because nothing good could come from the man looking back at him.
The dark lights made his very prominent eyes stand out. It was one of the things about him that turned heads. And they were otherworldly. His blue eye, he always saw as his human side, and his dark eye, was the demon in him. The other Alexander. The one who sits at the throne. The king who haunts him. The legend and the myth. But maybe he was the legend and the myth and this Alexander guy was the real thing. They shared one body because they were the same person but maybe that wasn't it at all. Maybe this life only existed in Alexander's mind. He could spin and spin into more darkness just thinking about it. Phai would tell him not to worry about it. He didn't see that as such a bad thing and Alex saw it as the worst thing in the world. But the fact remained, he was staring at himself and he was real.
Alex sighed and lightly turned his head. His blue eye looked brighter than usual and his brown eye was darker than normal. It looked almost completely black. Maybe it was due to angst and excitement. It had to be.
People entered the bathroom, loud and drunk and Alex shifted back to regularity. He rolled up each sleeve a little above his elbow then unbuttoned his black collared slim fitted shirt, four buttons down, freeing his neckline and exposing his firm chest. It cooled him down a little. He adjusted the ring on his middle finger. It was made of a very deep wine colored stone, with a rose gold band. After fixing the accessory to fit right, he ran a hand through his wild mane.
Alexander was next to him watching Alex prepare himself for the remainder of the event. "Are you ready?" The king asked sipping on some wine that Alex could actually smell and Alex nodded unsure. "Just breathe, all the way through. Control what enters your head and keep him close to distract you from yourself. Don't think of me. Think of him and only him, no matter when I appear and what may happen."
Alex nodded again. He could give good advice sometimes. Then he turned away from the mirror, Alexander following him, as they both exited the club bathroom to meet their friends who were awaiting the birthday boy.
Before we go there, we need to go here. Just a quick recap before this very special day. I wasn't ready for another birthday celebration. I wasn't ready for the flashbacks of birthdays before. I wasn't ready to lose the day Phai and I became inseparable because before this day we were like we never were before. Outwardly in love. Romantically ambitious. Physically connected. The break up never happened, our little arguments never happened, our distance never happened. Nothing before occurred. Everything was faultless and seeing Phai living perfectly was the best thing in the world one could only be privileged to witness. He is beyond beautiful when his face is covered in a shining smile...and that smile...my god, it's everything I don't want to be alive for when it diminishes.
God heard me. He must have because between now and the time I left the museum, the weight of everything lifted from my shoulders. The fight was over. Just like that. It was a liberation I had no idea what to do with. I stepped into a new light. I looked to the sun and saw it smiling down at me and things were good. Things felt good. I felt reprogrammed. Everything was so damn colorful or maybe I was always deep in a dark place that I forgot light existed. It couldn't have been an epiphany. Or maybe it was. And it all started when I walked out through those museum doors and watched my father put out a cigarette he would normally complete.
Then my birthday hit and I ended up here, at the club, with my friends. Today was going to be a good day. It was supposed to be because birthdays should be good...But I've always had bad birthdays.
Two Weeks Earlier
Phai was alone in the shed reading a different book, a new one, by the same author of the last one. Alex bought him Good Omens which was beginning to be a very humorous read and then suddenly he wasn't alone anymore with his imagination. The friends entered and surrounded him and he knew right away to put the book down because there was absolutely no point burying his face in it. He looked at Cleitus, Crater, Tolem and Leon suspiciously who were behaving like they were going to ask something but not really coming out and just asking so it was up to Phai to speak up. "Can I help you?"
"Yes, glad you asked." Cleitus said taking a seat next to him on the couch. "We need your help."
Phai grinned shifting in a cocky position. It wasn't everyday they asked him to aid them with something. "Uh huh, with what?"
"Planning Alex's birthday is becoming an impossible task." The black haired friend grunted and Phai quickly frowned.
"I thought it was going to be something more imperative."
"How dare you? It's Alex birthday. That is the definition of imperative." Crater said.
"And, anything we suggest, he turns down. And when I say everything, I mean everything." Leon added.
"What kind of psychopath turns down Disneyland?" Cleitus asked seriously.
"Adult men." Phai answered.
"We're not adults yet, Phai." Crater argued.
Phai sent Cleitus a grin. "Really, because you are supposed to be one but correct me if I'm wrong?"
Crater scoffed. "You don't like fun and fun doesn't like you."
Phai rolled his eyes. "Fun is completely subjective."
"Phai, we're coming to you because you're the best man for this job." Tolem interjected.
"I am the best man for the job, you were right to come to me but I can already imagine myself voicing an idea that you all will find flawed and then we disagree and then we argue and then we figure nothing out. Sounds like you set yourselves up for failure with this one."
"Okay, what do you have in mind then?" Cleitus asked crossing his strong arms across his chest.
"I don't have anything in mind yet. Also this wouldn't be difficult if you had just asked Alex what he wanted to do instead of just telling him what we're going to do."
"We asked and he doesn't want to do anything." Leon sighed.
"I believe him and nothing he shall receive." Phai shrugged. "It's not a big deal."
"Come on, Phai. You said he deserved something done." Tolem encouraged.
"Fine. I was thinking something small. Alex still isn't comfortable being the center of attention." Phai explained plainly.
"He low-key loves it." Crater scoffed. "He's just being modest."
"He low-key hates it." Phai disagreed. "He doesn't think as highly of himself as we all do of him."
"Exactly why we need to break him out of his shell. We want to take him to a club." Cleitus said. "It's the one thing we haven't run by him yet."
"A book club?" Phai got overly excited but there was no reason why he should have thought it was that.
"Really, Phai? Just because you're boring doesn't mean you need to torture us all with your nerdy vibe." Crater insulted.
"We would never do that, not even for you. No, we're talking about an actual dance club and since I have the hookup, we can probably get free drinks. What do you think?" Cleitus finished his selling point.
"Do we really need Alex getting fucked up on his birthday?" Phai said disagreeing completely with the idea.
"That's the best time to get fucked up. And Alex won't turn down alcohol. What better way to be, especially after all the shit he told us. That man needs to drink for life, all day, every day. We can even get him tipsy before the party starts." Cleitus argued illogically.
"No. I think he needs to fight any urges that may combat his well being. He needs to strengthen his will power to better care for himself. I believe alcohol will only shorten his life expectancy." Phai argued logically.
"Phai, alcohol will shorten anyone's life expectancy." Crater said. "We're all supposed to live like you, safe and sheltered?"
"Got it, our plan is to kill him sooner. I'm in." Phai answered sarcastically.
Tolem stepped in because he knew how much Alex meant to Phai and the others weren't helping or getting their point across in a way Phai would accept. "Phai, we know how much you worry for him but this isn't about the drinking. I'll talk to him about the drinking. In general though we think he needs to enjoy himself and that's it. It's simple even if it means doing what he wants with no repercussion. If it makes him feel better we should make it happen. And we'll be there to make sure nothing bad happens to him."
Phai saw it from their point of view but no one was seeing it from his. "What if going on a killing spree made him feel better? We're just going to honor him that? Bringing him to a place known for it's unhealthy atmosphere isn't wise. He'll feel better at the time but after, he'll feel like shit. It wouldn't be his first choice to go clubbing."
"Are you afraid of Alex going out in social gatherings because of how he is?" Crater backed Phai into a corner.
They all knew how he was. He was unpredictable. His visions were unpredictable. "I don't know. Maybe. He always look like he wants to fight people and he doesn't mean to have that look, it's just there because he's in his head and sometimes he can't help it." Phai knew more about his visions than anyone. They were ruthless.
"He survived school." Cleitus stated.
"He's also a lot more developed now."
"Can you just run it by him? He doesn't get to decide his own party. He sucks the fun out of shit, kinda like you. Every time we try to plan something, he always adds strategy and tactics to the mix. We just want him to have fun. He just needs to stop thinking for one day and just live for one day. He doesn't have a clue how to do that or what he wants to do. A party at a club will be the perfect way to loosen up. He needs it and you know it." The black haired man countered.
Phai gave in but he wasn't satisfied. "Fine. I can convince him to go. But we're doing something small before. My mom would like to invite everyone over the house to throw him a small dinner party."
"Are you serious?" Cleitus grunted like it was the end of the world.
"Yes. Why not?" Phai looked offended.
"Because that's what children do."
Tolem hit Crater on the shoulder. "We'll be there."
"Good. We can do that early enough so that it wouldn't interfere with whoever decides to go out clubbing. Things are already working out. Now if you don't mind, can you leave? I'm getting to the good part and you guys are distracting."
"Uh...what?" Cleitus snatched the book and sat on it. He knew Phai wouldn't fight for the book under his butt.
"Why aren't you going to the club with us?" Tolem supported Cleitus this time.
"I didn't like the last one, why would I go again?"
"You have to go. All clubs are not created equal." The curled haired man tried reasoning.
"I don't have to go, Tolem."
"Why the hell not?"
"Freedom of choice."
"No way you're getting out of it. You can't convince Alex to go and then not go yourself." Leon said.
"Oh I absolutely can. You see, I've already planned it. If I eat enough cake and ice cream, I'll get sick because sweet things hate me and then I'll be too unwell to go."
Tolem didn't know his friend at all and was actually incredibly shocked. "That's psychotic and unhealthy, Phai."
"I know but I get out of situations I am strongly opposed to that way."
"We're going to talk about your psycho mastermind shit another day but right now, I'm telling you to go, I'm not asking. We're going together as a group and that's final."
Phai gave in. "If I feel the need to leave at any given time because things are getting out of hand or I feel Alex won't make it through the night, we're leaving immediately." He demanded seriously and it was fair.
They agreed. "Deal."
"Now can I have my book back?"
Macedonian Headquarters, India
Hephaistion hadn't heard anything from Ptolemy. He hadn't heard anything from anyone. His worries were growing. The meeting either had gone terribly wrong or gone terribly wrong. But all of his doubts were only recent. He never had doubts when Alexander was around. He should have joined the meeting but didn't and couldn't because he was told his mind wasn't right. He was also too afraid to expose himself, mostly for personal reasons. He would care about their thoughts of him if they were to see him this way. He felt crass and untamed, looking more battered than he was. But he never once cared before.
For hours he had paced supported by his crutch. He hadn't asked the guards outside the tent for anything. In truth, the general only asked the gods to awaken the king and until he was awakened, he'd ask nothing for himself. They should have known he wasn't taking it easy or resting up like he should have been. The only time he voiced his needs was during prayer or to the sleeping king, reminding him of why he needed to come back to him. It wasn't easy but nothing had been easy for him since he's been in love. But he was up and about and not stationed to one uncomfortable position at the moment with only mild pain. That was a miracle in itself. His leg would be fine. His mind would be fine. His heart would be fine. He had to tell himself that or it wouldn't be fine. Nothing would ever be fine. He didn't want to blame Alexander but he blamed Alexander.
The starving and restless general would limp around the quarters as much as his crippled leg would allow until exhaustion crept up to him. Once he couldn't anymore, he'd give himself minutes to rest and then start back up with the routine no matter how excessive. When slowing down after another back and forth with himself, the dark thoughts appeared again. Hephaistion felt he shouldn't be alive. He felt strongly that he should have died back with Alexander. It wasn't that easy anymore. He couldn't just die because the king was still holding onto whatever the motive and Hephaistion was holding on hope for him.
The eunuch boy, the king had always been fixated on, entered the room quietly. The man he came to serve had his back to him but thinking he was unnoticed, the boy opened frail lips to speak. The general spoke first. He always spoke first. It shook Bagoas, the tone of his voice. It sounded vengeful. It never once used to embody a man who sought to take a life away.
"Is this the way the gods answer me? Through you?" The general with saddened eyes lingered on the king. The pretty servant bowed respectfully and with haste when the man finally turned following him a dangerous grace. "What have you brought me?"
The food smelt of fresh meat and the liquid shuddering in the chalice was clear and cold.
"Lord Ptolemy sent me. He wishes for you to feel better. You must eat and drink. He says that you must accept."
Hephaistion was torn between caring for himself and feeling guilty for resting, eating and drinking at the side of his lover who could not. But that excuse would never sit well with Philip.
The black haired Persian placed the food aside and remained elegant with his head low despite his fear of the returned lover. Hephaistion never knew it but among everyone else, he had to be highly feared because he was the only one who could inspire and manipulate the king. But Hephaistion loved Alexander very much and would never manipulate his thinking. He already received enough of that from his mother and father. He only taught the king right from wrong which in this day in age, meant nothing.
Hephaistion nodded and the boy bowed again awaiting his dismissal. "You mustn't fear me. I am nothing anymore. You can tell that, can't you? There is no amount of hate that I could carry for you that I haven't carried and given to myself. You poor thing, much you haven't deserved and I've been cruel."
"Lord Hephaistion, you have treated me with only kindness. I have seen cruel and you are not. The hate you see in yourself, it's a cloud and it will go away behind a brighter sky."
The general blinked over dark eyes and came slowly up to the boy. He paused before him and then ran coarse fingers down the pale soft face causing the boy to twitch at the touch and the sense of it. He was intimidated by the bigger man, that much Hephaistion picked up but his intention wasn't to intimidate the young boy. "I..." The general was mesmerized at his kept beauty. Not a single scar or blemish."I believe you. Hope does remain, I suppose, coming from you who has been through poorer circumstances than I and what faith have you found? What hope was given to you?"
The eunuch didn't know whether to speak and remained quiet as the powerful man remained dissecting.
"You may open that pretty little mouth of yours. I am asking, what gave you hope to continue this life?"
The frightened boy looked up. "Alexander."
He was bold for it and Hephaistion slowly grinned expecting a response like that. "Yes, indeed. Alexander lowers all stakes. He's inspiring?"
"Yes, my lord. More than any man."
"I admire your strength and your talents to look and remain the way you do through all of this shit and piss you tread in. I wonder, would you still be this pretty if I decapitated your head from the rest of your body?"
"No, my Lord." He was shaking, terrified of what was coming.
"I've seen horny men fuck beautiful boys that had already been pardoned from the living world. Would Alexander fuck your dead body if it gave him the fuel he needed to rise again? I want an answer? Would he fuck you?"
The boy shook his head but Hephaistion felt it was only out of respect.
"I think if it were him, I'd allow it but only if it made him feel better. I'd do anything for him, you know. Does that make me weak or does it make me sick?"
"I understand what you have felt." Bagoas spoke through a quaking tongue. "But I was weak and submitted to the men who took me. You were strong and found ways to live free from them. I feel it is easier to accept it than to fight it. If I went through what you went through, my Lord, I'd be another dead slave. Luck didn't bring you back. Fate did."
"Perhaps." The general replied reaching into the cloth that wrapped the boys small hips. "I envy you. I envy all of you. Though you've been taken from you the very thing that makes a man a man. Everyday since you've been in his life I have wished nothing but death upon you. A part of me still does, but you follow orders, don't you? Just like all of us?"
The boy nodded.
The general removed his hand from the boys cloth and started rubbing strands of the Persians hair between his fingers. He looked infatuated. It felt of wet sand and Hephaistion realized his beauty would never be the same again. He would never look the same again and the fear took over him and he backed away and went back to the king, done taunting the innocent boy. "You need to leave before I do something bad to you."
Bagoas watched the broken and jealous man hide behind a strength that was no longer there. "I pray you become better and the king awakens to you, my Lord."
Hephaistion said nothing to that and watched the boy quickly leave. Bagoas didn't deserve to be hated. He only did as his master commanded him to do. But he was pretty and Hephaistion thought he'd lose Alexander to him. After all, Alexander was rumored to love all things beautiful and there Hephaistion was, damaged, scarred, and hideous. He never cared about his beauty until now. Why? He began to believe his beauty only kept Alexander around but while he slept, it was only fading quicker and quicker away. It was unfortunate for him. Would Alexander still want him after being taken by multiple Indian men and leaving him bruised and battered because of it? He had been taken before but Phillip's men were much less barbaric. Though they would mock him and make him perform sexual acts against his will, it wasn't nearly as bad as being pierced where you shit with a spear doused in numbing poison and raped with dirty diseased cocks until he bled out. And then one day, his hair had been chopped away. He hid his insecurities that way. All of them that no one ever knew he had. He wanted to die after all of it because who could live after that? But if he did die from it, Alexander wouldn't be back in his arms...but to love Alexander was to suffer always.
Tears were again and he wiped them away before they determined what he'd become.
But it was in his head. It was all in his head.
The Morning Of July 20th
Amyntor knocked on the door and waited about two dreadful minutes before he heard Phillip coming from the other side of the door. Phillip opened the door and he looked all sweaty and gross. Amyntor looked at him with a questioning stare and Phillip glared back. "What do you want, Amyntor?"
"Why are you sweating? I thought you didn't work hard."
"I'm cleaning."
"Are you sure? Do I need to come back?"
"Why would you need to come back? I'm just cleaning the house."
"Sure you are."
"You think I'm having sex?"
"No one sweats that much when they clean." Amyntor judged.
"No one sweats this much during sex." Phillip replied. "You can come in and see for yourself."
They were closer now. Amyntor would go over every weekend as long as his wife was at work because Phillip was always bored. He noticed the more interactive Phillip was, the less he drank so being around and keeping him social was good for him.
Amyntor walked in and looked around. It didn't matter how many times he had been over to the neighbors house, his pattern was to always look around like he was doing detective work. In Phillip's case he was. It did look clean but the house was always clean due to very little activity from the two who lived there. So it didn't look any different. The kitchen was a different story. The appetite between father and son was worse than a starving lion or a pack of hungry raccoons.
"Did you forget what happens today?" Amyntor followed Phillip in the kitchen where the hard work was really being done.
Phillip shrugged picking up a carton of melted mint ice cream and drank from it. "Is there a game tonight?"
"You know, I refuse to believe you're that terrible. Also, are you a diabetic?"
"I didn't forget Alex's birthday." Phillip chuckled always keeping him on edge. "And I wouldn't know. I don't go to the doctor. It's easier not knowing what problems you have."
Amyntor sighed, not really finding it funny. "Did you get him a gift?"
"The piano," said the dark haired man, shaking out a large black trash bag. "He can finally play it now."
"You are that terrible."
"Before you go judging me, I made him a birthday cake."
"From scratch?" Amyntor looked impressed while switching on the kitchen sink to clean the dirty dishes that were scattered everywhere.
"Heavens, no, I don't put in slave hours. I paid someone for that. He loves cheesecake and red velvet. And it's enough to serve all of his stupid friends."
"Maybe you can pay someone to clean this kitchen?"
"It gets clean."
"When? It smells like every kind of food in here."
"Whenever Alex is home."
"How often is that?" Amyntor already knew the answer and Phillip caught on. "There's the light to the bulb. Where is your dish soap?"
"We ran out."
Amyntor was afraid to ask the next question and Phillip was daring him to. "How do you clean the dishes?"
Phillip looked at him. "Throw it in the dishwasher. Or if the water doesn't wash it off, throw the whole thing away."
"Wow." That was the one thing the family next door couldn't tolerate. Dirty dishes thrown in the dishwater. But he wasn't there to judge him. He was there to help. "Can you bring the cake to my house by 7?"
"You're really worried about this?"
"I want Alex to have a special day and you should too. I think it's important to all of us that it goes well."
Phillip said nothing to that, feeling a type of way. Not about the man helping him but about himself. Then he continued to empty the cabinet full of liquor. It was more like a shrine full of liquor. Amyntor frowned from the loud clinking of thick glass, turned off the water and just watched Phillip with curiosity. "What do you plan on doing with all of that?"
"I'm tossing it."
"That's a lot to throw away." Amyntor noted.
"I know."
Amyntor frowned again but harder this time. "Just so that we're clear, you're trashing about 163 gallons of liquor and leaving nothing for yourself? That could fill a kiddie pool."
"All of it is going. I'm not going to drink it and I don't want Alex to think he needs to."
"I'm not telling you not to do it but some of that is aged. You're certain?"
"I'm certain."
Amyntor nodded. It was a positive change so why not. "You're doing it wrong. You need to pour it."
"Why?"
"Because that's too much weight for the bag and you can recycle the glass. Also if you don't pour it, the alcohol is still there.
"I don't know if I have the patience to open every single bottle and dump it."
"You have me for two hours and alcohol is a perfect replacement for soap."
Phillip accepted his offer and the two began opening every bottle and dumping the liquor down the sink and over the dirty stained dishes. The smell was so potent, it smelt as though the entire house was cleaned with it but at least the old food smell was gone.
"Have you heard from your wife?" Amyntor asked scrubbing down more bowls and plates.
"Ex." Phillip corrected, stacking them.
"Well, until you finalize your divorce, instead of splitting up like a couple of teenagers, the ex part is irrelevant."
Phillip just mocked him by repeating him.
"How is it Alex matured quicker than you?"
"Wait until he gets to be my age. He's going to be worse. You know, I haven't seen that kid all day. Or yesterday. Or the day before yesterday. Are you sure he's going to show up for the party tonight?"
"He'll be there." Amyntor said but he wasn't worried about Alex not showing. "Will you be there?"
Phillip causally shrugged. "Maybe for a little bit."
"You're going to meet up with that lady you've been seeing for awhile? I remember you talking about her."
"Yea."
"Euri, right?"
"Yea."
Amyntor turned off the sink and faced the rugged man. "You don't seem sure."
"I'm sure. I have manly needs that need to be met."
"You'd rather get your dick sucked than go to your sons party?"
Phillip closed the dishwasher. It was full. "Yea."
"You're going to drop those plans and reschedule because you love your son very much not to abandon him on his birthday."
"Why do you care? It's a stupid birthday celebration. He's going to have many more."
"Are you scared?"
"Of what?" Phillip was quick to anger.
"That Alex might have a good time and you weren't the reason for it?"
"Yea right."
"Your ego is ridiculous. You're not a bad guy, Phillip. You don't have to try to convince me of that anymore. "
"I don't believe in birthday celebrations, that's all."
"I get it. You didn't have a loving father who threw you parties. Do you need a hug? I'm a great hug giver."
"You're so fucking condescending." He sounded like Alex there. Exactly like him.
"And you're sad. You love knowing you're the reason for what harms you the most."
Phillip nodded to that. "I get that a lot."
"I don't think that I'm better than you, Phillip. I don't think that I am a better father or a better person but I recognize the shit I have done. I'm just trying to help you. If you don't want it then tell me but until you say something I'm going to finish your fucking kitchen and you're going to arrive tonight with the cake."
Phillip felt disgraced that he needed help at all. That he was depressed and someone noted it. No one ever told him about himself other than his wife but he never listened to his wife because she was a similar tortured soul. But the neighbor, someone who he only started beginning to know and like, exposed him and it wasn't a good feeling but it was a wake up call.
"I'll be there." Phillip huffed.
The taller man smiled. "You have no choice." He was right. Phillip had no choice.
Macedonian Headquarters, India
"Do you remember, Alexander, the day the Persian army almost derailed your battle strategy? It was simple but brilliant, the arrangement put in place to see the Macedonian army finally fall. I believe you were even stumped by the audacity. The battle hadn't even began and your speech had just ended. We were hyper and loud and the gods were with us. You had given us the hope we needed to stay alive even if we'd perished only seconds in. And then a single man in the front lines, a master marksman hired by Bessus tried taking that away from you. He was signaled by Darius to fire his arrow and because we were louder than a million roaring animals, no one saw it coming. We weren't expecting it because it wasn't the way of things. It wasn't the way we did war. There was a respect you had for the enemy but after this, no more. Darius knew who I was to you and he knew what to look for. I wasn't hard to spot because I was always at your side. He told the assassin that I needed to be the first to die. They knew how weak you would become without me. They thought maybe if I was the first one to bleed you would break away from your original line of attack and lose. It's not wrong to think that could have been our future. It's true. You wouldn't think accurately and control would turn to chaos. But I saw it coming because I wasn't participating during your battle cry. I was looking at you, admiring your freedom. I heard it piercing. It came so quickly but I blocked it with my shield. The army quieted, noticing right away your reaction. You were paralyzed and then you were on fire. I never liked seeing you mad, but when you were, you were magnetic and I felt bad for the enemy, whether I would have been struck down that day or not. I ripped the arrow from the shield and looked at you. I was calm about it because I needed you calm about it. You said nothing to me but your eyes told me everything that was going to happen next. You faced the enemy. Your men were ready to charge but you made sure that they did not. Not yet. Darius was almost hoping you would lose your way and attack, instigating a once in a lifetime failure but instead you guided yourself and Buchephalus toward the army and you went alone. If something had happened to you, we wouldn't have been able to reach you on time but knowing you, you probably kept that in mind. We were scared for you the whole way. When you rode up to the man all you did was remove your sword and then remove his head. You rode back to your army and then mercilessly, you ordered the charge. And we did. We charged and we killed them all. If you don't wake up, Alexander, to live another moment like that again, I will hate you."
"Can he hear you?" Cassander entered uninvited wearing a green silk gown. His hair was usually braided up but now it was free and long. "I went looking for you but I shouldn't have been so naive to think I'd find you in your own tent."
Hephaistion said not a word seated like a dead man at the end of the royal bed with his head low.
The evil eyed man shifted angrily. "Why don't you look at me? Am I upsetting to look upon?"
Hephaistion now looked up. He didn't look like the same man, not since the last time he saw him. The first thing everyone noticed was his hair. It was gone. All gone. "I know a snake in the grass when I see one. Another one slithered away earlier but where there is one, there's another. Maybe you've come disguised as something else?"
"I think you judge me in unfair ways."
"I judge you as you need to be judged."
The sly eyed general laid eyes on the king. "I've come to see what everyone else believes. That the king is alive. I was told of his rescue and the fire that ignited at his death. Philip assures the men that he still breathes. I see him but I see nothing more. Perhaps I need a one on one with the King and maybe you need to see to rest your eyes elsewhere. The blue is leaving them."
"I will not leave him alone with you." The blue-eyed general glared violently.
Cassander chuckled, amused by the threat. "What do you think I could possibly do to my good friend? Whatever it would be, he'd probably find a way to live from that too."
"You never liked him Cassander. You were always jealous of what he had and what he was."
"What was he again, Hephaistion? Hmm? A god or a tyrant? Refresh my memories."
Hephaistion smirked a little. "The gods couldn't even keep up with him. He was more. What does that make you?"
"There's the fire in you I haven't seen since you and Craterus fought."
"It comes from a bad place so I wouldn't get close." Hephaistion warned.
Cassander sighed and began to poke around Alexander's belongings. "What will it take for you to properly heal?"
Blue eyes gravely watched him. "You know the answer."
Green eyes spotted a familiar jewel centered between the gold crown. He picked it up, twirling it around his palm and Hephaistion reacted by springing up from the bed, guided by his crutch. He limped over to the green eyed man and snatched the ring back. "You're not allowed to touch anything of his."
"Did you really find that in Egypt?"
Hephaistion didn't reply and sat back at the end of the bed holding the ring tightly close.
"Philip discussed with the men your injuries and the training that would be provided to get you back on your feet."
"And you all laughed?" Hephaistion chuckled erratically. "Why not? Finally someone they found despicable is crippled. Granted I didn't go down in battle the way they wanted."
"No." Cassander shook his head walking up to him. "By the gods, your insecurity saddens me. It saddens all of us. The men out there think you a hero for saving and bringing back a man who thought himself one. Even Craterus is concerned about you. Believe it a mockery if you wish but we need you to get better soon. Which is why I can not stress enough the importance of finding slumber in your own tent on your own pillow. They say when you lay your head upon someone's pillow that isn't yours, you see their dreams and desperation. You can't be sad this way."
"I'm not sad. I am fucking furious!" Hephaistion barked.
Mischief coated the green-eyed generals entire face. "Your tears tell a different story. Being by his side will kill you. You don't want to die do you? Not after what you survived. You won't improve this way."
The brown-haired general knew he was right but... "It wouldn't be right to live."
"The gods gave you life, Hephaistion. You are indebted to them."
"Can you leave? It's time to pray."
"I respect your request, I do, but does it not interest you what was said in our little meeting?" Hephaistion knew then Cassander never meant to leave. "You're intelligent beyond myself so you can probably figure out the general thought."
"If and when he finally takes his last breath, I am keeping the body. He's mine and if anyone attempts anything, they will die."
Cassander relished his intensity. "You really are not yourself. You aren't thinking straight, Hephaistion."
"I am." Hephaistion hissed.
"You're being selfish. You have no ownership over the king."
"I am being just! And you don't deserve to have him dead or alive!" The blue eyed general shouted.
Cassander angrily reacted to the disrespect and grabbed Hephaistion, gripping him by the neck right below his jawline but Hephaistion didn't react back. "I'm not pretending that I care about you. I want you better. I need you better than you are. But you're acting up and your behavior is making it difficult to be nice."
"Then you better start by taking your fucking hands off of me."
Cassander didn't as eyes landed on the king once again. "Look at him. The calmest I've have ever seen this man. Alexander's weakness was his brain. It got him into trouble as much as it gave him victories. If he is alive, I wonder what he is thinking." Then he moved away from the blue eyed general and enclosed in on the king. Hephaistion kept a careful eye on the sly general who was now looking down at Alexander, right at his bedside. "It does seem strange that this is the man everyone is fighting over. Many have claimed him, Hephaistion, and when it is discovered among the rest, there will be a fight to the death and if you wish to join that fight be my guest but you can't do it alone. You would need capable people to back you and no one will back someone who is claiming the king for himself and by the looks of it, you don't have much fight in you anymore. Where did it all go?"
"I'm not worried about me."
"You should be worried about you."
Cassander unexpectedly seized Hephaistion by the neck again and forced his body atop of Alexander in an attempt to inflict on him suffering. "Release me, Cassander!" He struggled against him, weakened from the torture before but he was still strong. They always underestimated his strength. He was the body guard of the king. Cassander knew it would't be easy and had two guards on standby, bigger than Craterus. He ordered them to hold the fighting man down and they did and Hephaistion was back in the green wet forest, lost, on his back and with legs pulled apart. He couldn't do it again.
Cassander watched with perversion and excitement them restraining the screaming man over Alexander's lifeless body. Then he covered his mouth and placed weight on his chest with a hardening fist. It felt like a rock was suffocating him slowly. If he couldn't breath he couldn't cry for help. "I have a proposal for you." Hephaistion wasn't listening as he tried squirming his way out, still kicking and hitting at the aggressors. "You thought that was the worst thing that could happen out there? They took it easy on you, Hephaistion. I won't. You're going to want to go back in the wild once you feel me inside of you. Don't test my patience and silence your fucking mouth or I will cut your fucking tongue out and carve out your teeth and melt your lips shut."
Hephaistion stopped fighting but he was still shaking in panic from the trauma. Cassander removed his hand from his chest finally. Phai started gasping for the air he lost. "What is wrong with you?" The general coughed.
"I know what was done to you and it changed you a great deal. Couple of years ago you were different and now, you are something else, some version of him. Tragedy really does turn a person. But thank the gods that you were able to put an end to those barbaric shrews. To not have you return, still as beautiful as ever, would have been difficult for me."
The guards began to laugh.
"Why are you lying?" Hephaistion started to cry. "Why the fuck are you lying?!"
"I care about you."
The blue eyed general shook his head with tears falling to the covers. "No you don't. You have never."
"I have always." Cassander spat offended. "But you would never know that because Alexander was always around. He could make you blind to all. I will let the king live but for the inconvenience you're going to give me something in return. I'm never usually generous but what I'm offering is generous enough."
"I won't do it. I can't do it. I have nothing to give you. I having nothing of value to give you." He desperately begged.
"Plead all you want." Cassander began stripping him. "Begging looks good on you."
"Please, Cassander. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I still hurt."
"I grow tired of waiting. I need to know what you feel like."
Hephaistion then remembered what Bagoas had said. The fight wasn't worth it. It was easier to submit yourself no matter what it took away. It really was strange what sexual desire did to men. Alexander was no angel when it came to his desires taking over and he had times when completely drunk out of his mind he'd take his frustration out on him. Hephaistion never fought it because he knew offering himself would ease him down. He accepted it because there was no keeping the king from granting his own wishes and rather him than a poor slave girl or boy. But Alexander would never hurt him knowingly. This would have been the perfect time for Alexander to open those misconstrued eyes of his. But he didn't so Hephaistion closed his own eyes and embraced himself for the same thing as always.
"I thought you had forgiven me for that." The king alive in his head said, carrying eyes as sorry as they could be.
Hephaistion shook his head. "I thought I did but I didn't. I'm sorry."
"I really am no different than my men?" The king asked, needing to know.
Hephaistion couldn't tell him. Alexander would never feel worthy again. "My king, my love, you drink way to much and it turns you. It turns you into a bad man and I am terrified of who that man is."
Hephaistion opened his eyes. He had turned off his mind and body and everything in sight. He felt nothing. Nothing at all.
"Here to join?" The snaky general welcomed the three who had barged in before anything worse happened.
"What in Hades fuck are you doing, Cassander?" Ptolemy looked horrified. "Fucking release him!" He ordered and the two soldiers did. "Get out! Get out!"
They looked to Cassander, their actual commander and he nodded for them to leave. Before exiting, the snickering men spit on the half naked man on the bed who was long gone but they must have forgotten their place in the world and Craterus removed his sword, swiftly decapitating the both of them in one strike. They were bigger but they weren't stronger. No one saw it coming but Cassander only looked unimpressed by the heads rolling near his feet. "Oh dear, am I next?"
"Yes." Craterus growled shoving him aside as Ptolemy and Phillip were checking up on the man who might as well have been dead.
"He'll be fine. He's used to abuse of all kind."
Ptolemy turned to him, disgusted and fuming. He grabbed Cassander and slammed him against the wall hard enough to break his spine. "What were you thinking? Huh,? Tell me. Where the fuck is your shame?"
"We were in agreement. He wanted it. He likes it this way. His cock was already hard for it."
Ptolemy released him but not because he wanted to. He didn't know what to do and couldn't stand the sight of Cassander and his grin. Every single negative emotion was running up and down his face. "This is the biggest fucking betrayal. Do you know that!?"
"I didn't get far." Was all he said and they thought how lucky he was that Alexander wasn't awake.
"Why were you in here alone?" The doctor asked.
"I was only trying to guide him back to his own tent. After all, hanging around a dead lover can't be all that healthy. I was trying to help him but he didn't want it. Then I did what any one of us would do to an ungrateful cunt."
Craterus with heavy angry breaths looked to Ptolemy who was more quietly enraged now. They could kill him but then they'd lose order. The bigger man then aimed his sword at the smaller man. "I know every single man here who holds not a single liking for him and I will cut the cock from all of them and you will go first. You're not allowed back in this room. You're not allowed anywhere near Hephaistion or the king. I'm not sparing you. I promise I'm not and if I ever get the chance to rip your face off, I will."
Cassander laughed, not taking the sharp bloody weapon serious enough. "What happened to brotherly love? Am I the devil to you now, Craterus? What about you and your dislike for him? It vanished so suddenly. Or have you been hiding your own feelings for the whore? No need to be shy about it. We all feel a type of way for that man. We have all thought about fucking him useless. I am no different than the king you all worship so don't treat me like I am worse."
The general who had been in a short state of numbness pulled the dagger from under the pillow where Alexander's head rested. He lunged at Cassander, passing Philip, and slitting his throat. The shock that grew in everyone's face couldn't have been predicted when the sneaky eyed general held his bleeding neck. He wasn't sneaky eyed any longer when he dropped to the floor. Hephaistion who couldn't stand for very long also collapsed to the floor but he sat back and watched the blood lightly drip into more blood.
They had seen plenty of death but they hadn't seen many surprises. The blue eyed general wasn't done though. He reached over and picked up one of the severed heads of the men who assisted in degrading him. The knife he used to attack Cassander, he used to cut the tongue and teeth out of the mouths. When he was done breaking out the teeth, he crawled over to their bodies. Making sure faintly green eyes were still on him he removed the dicks from the dead bodies and added them to the pile of other parts. "I do believe this means that you're indebted to me now." Hephaistion said to the man who thought he was dying. "You'll live from this but next time you put me in a situation that makes me fear for the kings life, I will gut you from your ass and you will bleed out in the same way I almost did. I am going to burn their bodies respectfully but I will post their heads up high for you to see and remember. Then I'm gong to grind up their teeth and their tongue and there cock and serve it to you, making certain it will be your first meal when you wake up tomorrow morning or you will eat nothing else. That is my gift to you, cunt." That was all the energy he had and Hephaistion laid down his weary body, storing himself away in sleep on the bloody ground and Philip hurried for bandages to keep Cassander alive.
The Afternoon Of July 20th
Phillip called his wife. "Come on, pick up." He rushed.
"What do you want, Phillip?" Olympias answered the same way she always did when it was him and he was surprised that she did. He really thought they weren't on speaking terms.
"Where are you?" He had asked unusually.
"Home. My flight doesn't fly out for another 6 hours." She answered while folding laundry in her room.
"I need a gift idea for Alex."
He sounded desperate and Olympias wasn't surprised one bit. "You had all of this time to think of one."
"I don't know what he likes or what he's into." Phillip admitted.
"Typical. Have you tried asking him?"
Phillip replied,"No," as he searched for his car keys around the top of his dresser thinking he needed to rush out last minute to purchase a gift. "Can you suggest something?"
"Just ask him. You're making this far too difficult for yourself." She was stern but deeply upset.
"Why can't you just help me out?"
"Why should I? He told me that he didn't love me the last time we spoke and you told me that when you cheated on me. I will not take time out of my day helping two arrogant boys out with a gift decision."
"What did you get him?"
That's none of your business."
Phillip ran his hand over his mouth, stressing that he couldn't find his keys and aggravated that his wife was choosing to be being difficult. "He loves you. Whatever he said was out of frustration and you know it. I cheated on you because I didn't feel good enough for you because you didn't make me feel good enough. Me cheating was a security decision. It was dumb and selfish but it happened. If I could take it back, I would but it isn't about us anymore."
Olympias stopped folding one of her fathers plaid shirts. "How long are we going to go on like this? You still can't apologize properly and genuinely? You will always be the same man."
"I won't apologize until you do." Phillip gave up searching. "Those are the rules. If you want me to apologize, I will but you will too. I wasn't the only bad guy in this family." He got quiet and so did she. Apparently she never knew how he felt before but it wasn't going to change anything. "If it makes you feel any better, Alex wanted to call you and make things right the second he said whatever he said."
"But he has your pride. I know." She scoffed.
"He has my guilt but he doesn't have my pride."
"I refuse to be judged by my own son."
Phillip heavily and agreeably sighed. "That's the one thing we have in common. But he's not judgmental, Olympias. He's never been judgmental. We don't deserve to be his parents because he is everything we should have been. I don't want to disappoint him anymore. I'm done with that. I'm done."
Olympias took in a deep breath before replying. Alex was special. He was extraordinary and they were ruining him. "Phillip, you know exactly what to give him." she said through motherly tears.
"I don't know."
"You do."
"You know him better."
"I also know you better than you know you. What do you think Alex wants from you?"
Phillip growled in frustration. "I don't fucking know. Does he keep up with the trends? A new cellphone? A new car? It's a piece of shit and it's loud. He needs a new car."
"Phillip, you are to pigheaded to see it."
"You're speaking in riddles again."
"And you're getting angry again. You are always so quick to anger. Control it or you will die from a heart attack. What did you want from your father when you were growing up?"
"Nothing. He was an asshole."
"Is it not obvious what you craved from him? You craved the very thing you lack now."
Phillip wanted to hang up the phone or throw it. Or break it. He couldn't figure out which way the frustration wanted to go. He closed his eyes tightly.
Attention. Affection. It was always so hard for him to give. It was also too late for it. He knew that and I knew that. But I forgive him. I forgive him for everything.
"Phillip?" Olympias called.
"Yea. I'm here." His voice was low. He had given up, sitting at the end of his bed now looking down.
"Listen to me. Alex isn't materialistic. He's human. He's very human and whatever you give him could be the most simplistic thing a human can give to another human. But as simple as it is, it's important still. Maybe that will help." Olympias hung up the phone and Phillip was left with more unhelpful information and no gift wrapped for his son.