Eyes that see into Infinity
Chapter Thirty Nine
Part Three
/
They were at Phai's house celebrating the miniature party for Alex. The pizza was almost gone and the cake Phillip brought over had been devoured right away. The friends were wearing party hats, popping balloons and being rowdy and playful with Callista who was equally rowdy and playful back all throughout the house and the backyard. Phillip and Amyntor hung out back watching the wild teens but also managing their own conversation and drinking beer from cups the boys couldn't see through.
"I remember when you told me your friends wouldn't have a good time." Phai's mom said to Phai who was helping her clean the table off from pizza and cake to set the presents up.
"They thought this was the worst idea in the world. At first. But they came around." Phai admitted.
"They're good people, Phai. Would you stop doubting them and be friendly for once."
Phai grinned and shook his head. "You say that now and no. Never."
"I didn't see you eat much." She mentioned and noticed like any mother would.
"I'm not that hungry."
"I apologize this isn't gourmet, Phai."
Phai glared lovingly." Does everyone think I just automatically fit in to the cultural ideal of fine food?"
His mom laughed. "You're my baby hipster boy."
Phai rolled his eyes. "You're a dork, mom."
"What is it then? Are you nervous about something?"
Phai shook his head. "Not at all."
But she knew. "Are you worried that Alex isn't going to have a good time tonight?"
"No, it's not that." He denied quickly.
"Well if that is your worry, he's having fun right now. He's going to have a blast tonight. And what young boys don't enjoy going to clubs?"
"Let me think. Boys who are barely old enough to drink yet."
His mom sighed at the sarcastic response. "You don't need to drink in order to have fun. Clubs aren't only for making out and drinking. They're for dancing too. Does Alex like to dance?"
"Not sure."
"Everything will be okay, Phai."
Phai said nothing and just smiled shortly.
Then it was time for Alex to open his presents and Phai opened the slide door, calling them all inside.
"You don't want to come out and play?" Cleitus said with a blindfold on shouting the opposite direction. They were playing Marco Polo and it was ridiculous.
"Definitely not." Phai answered bluntly.
"You're such a buzzkill, Phai." Crater said and the friends agreed, calling him out on it.
"If I wanted to join a bunch of shitheads in a game that should be renamed 'I can't see shit, come find me,' I would have."
"Whoa, language son!" His father reprimanded him with the sternest stare down and Phillip was watching the father-son interaction with admiration. They were both sassy but their relationship was strong and he could tell. "Come on, guys, let's open presents. The sooner we get Alex to open his gifts the sooner you all can get out of my house and get ready for tonight." Amyntor said rallying the dirty boys back inside the house that was now semi clean due to Phai and his mom.
Alex, who was the last one in, smiled at Phai from the end of the table before taking his spot at the table in front of the pile of gifts.
Of course his friends were competing on who gave him the best gift even though Alex didn't care. He opened Crater's gift first and it was the biggest gift of the bunch. Amyntor was recording on his phone for memories while everyone else were in the moment. It was a bow-flex home gym cage. It was meant for Alex to blow off steam in a healthier way. Perdicas gave him new speakers for his truck because the ones originally installed sucked ass. That way when he took long drives where no one knew where he was, he had actual sound. Leon bought him the worlds hardest and largest rubix speed cube to solve. Alex loved challenges and this was perfect for his nerves whenever he was in thought. Cleitus chirped up because his gift was next and Phillip immediately snatched it from Alex. "Don't open that one. Not yet."
Alex gave Cleitus the meanest look. "I already know what it is and no thank you."
"It may be useful later on."
Alex and everyone looked super disgusted and continued on as Alex continued unwrapping the next one. Phil got him an entirely new wardrobe of really nice active wear, name brand only. Alex wasn't a jean wearing guy. He wore comfort clothes that were lightly stylish or just casual enough. Like joggers, shorts, shirts and tanks. Cassy got him a bundle set of every kind of tactical weapon for survival, he may never need and Tolem got him a new fancy wallet and watch because Alex would lose track of time often. Phai didn't have a personal gift for him yet and no one brought it up or noticed which he was happy about. He didn't plan to be the only loser without one but he was happy that Alex seemed to be enjoying his time and loving each gift equally.
Phai's parents had given him a birthday care package earlier when he arrived, full of all kinds of goodies and sweets and gift cards to a ton of restaurants, stores and places. But that wasn't the last of it. Phai came downstairs holding a German Shepherd puppy that Callista helped him pick out.
It was black and sleeping and Phai handed her to Alex. Alex looked completely in love and took her in his arms carefully. "Here's your new pet. I named her Buchephalus. You can't keep calling your truck that because it's going to die soon."
"Now you have to take care of her because it's an actual living thing." Phillip insulted.
"You have never allowed animals in the house before." Alex mentioned.
"You have permission now but don't let it in my room."
Alex cradled the fur ball in his arms and everyone could tell how deeply and madly in love with her he was. "Hi, little girl. My dad is going to love you even though he believes he's bulletproof and can't be hypnotized by adorable things." He was totally in awe of the little fella.
Phillip rolled his eyes. "Yea, whatever. It is cute though."
"Dad, she is a her, not an it."
"We got her for you because she has eyes that look like yours." Callista said. "Wake her up."
Alex rubbed the twitchy belly and the puppy opened her eyes and sure enough one eye was blue and the other brown. It put Alex in shock. The puppy looked right at him and Alex caught himself staring back. He was paralyzed and didn't know why. He didn't look upset or frightened. He was just...Alex unsteadily blinked...surprised.
"I'll be back. I have to use the restroom." It was the only excuse he could get away with. Alex handed the dog quickly to Callista and left the room unexpectedly leaving the people in the room confused. He didn't know why whatever emotion just came over him suddenly. Maybe it was the overweight amount of love he felt. Maybe because he didn't think he deserved any of it. Maybe because he cared deeply about all of these people and if something went wrong...
He never went to the bathroom and stopped by Phai's room that always happened to be in immaculate condition. There was always a sweet smell in there. He never knew what is was or where it came from but it never left. Alex went in and sat at the end of the bed, not really knowing why and with thinking eyes, glanced around the room. It was the only place in the house he felt comfortable fleeing too. It was dark, cool and quiet. The way of nighttime. All it was without was the moon but he soon entered.
"Hey, Alex." Phai came in slowly.
"Hey. I didn't mean to just leave like that. My mind went somewhere."
Phai smiled. "You don't have to explain. That dog is cute, huh? Well, she misses you already. She started whining when you left."
"She's perfect. Thank you."
Phai sighed and leaned against the door. "You know you don't have to go out tonight, Alex. If things are to stressful, you can say no."
"I'm ready for tonight." Alex smiled to reassure him.
"Can you tell me why you look so sad?"
"I'm not sad, Phai."
"Are you happy?" Phai asked sweetly. "If you are, you have a funny way of showing it." He pushed away from the door and walked up to him running hands through his hair like he always did to soothe him. "They might get suspicious if I'm up here long enough. But take your time."
"Thanks." Alex nodded and Phai pulled back.
"I will keep everyone preoccupied."
"Phai, I love you and I need you to know that."
The blue eyed man smiled. "I know you do. I love you, too. And I'm going to prove it even more by going back down those stairs socializing with people I don't want to socialize with. Just for you." He winked at the blonde and then left him in the room alone, closing the door behind him.
Macedonian Headquarters, India
"What do we do about him?"
They were all in union. Hephaistion's mind wasn't where it needed to be. It wasn't what it used to be.
"He was only defending himself. We do nothing." Ptolemy answered Perdicas. He sat quiet with the rest of his thoughts.
"I meant his sanity? What do we do about his sanity?"
They were gathered in Ptolemy's tent while Philip remained behind with the king and with new honorable guards. They all looked at the sleeping man who was clasping onto the covers of the bed. "I'm not sure anymore." The curled haired general answered honestly.
"He attempted to kill Cassander?" Leonnatus asked but he wasn't emotionally affected by it. He despised the green eyed general.
"He knew where to cut. His intention was never to kill him, just to wound him." Craterus announced.
"You mean to warn him?" Perdicas corrected.
"Yes."
"Pity." Leonnatus said. "He should have done us the favor and sliced deeper. Perhaps he sliced deep enough damaging his ability to speak?"
"Cassander was out of hand but now he can be reasoned with." Perdicas cautioned his friend.
"That's shit and you know it. He will only become more maddened when he begins feeling better. We know him. He's going to want revenge." Leonnatus informed strongly.
They grew silent again. That was a possibility they couldn't discredit. Cassander was a devious little shit.
"I'll have a watchful eye on him, Leo, I promise." Craterus said noting the mans fear. "But now we need to hope and pray that Alexander wakes up soon. May the gods be with him."
"Then what?" Perdicas scoffed. "If the gods decide Alexander is no longer worthy to be among the living, then what? There will be divide, definitively. And what of Hephaistion? He has been out for almost an entire day. If he doesn't take care of himself, he'll be out longer than the king."
"He needs the rest." Ptolemy argued. "He hasn't had any since he's been back. The pattern between sleep and consciousness has been extremely minimal."
"Unless he decides to die in his sleep. It's possible. We've seen it happen with those who refuse to live the way they were living. That would be the way to go."
"He's not going to die in his sleep. Don't speak that way." Ptolemy didn't want to hear it and stood to pace anxiously once again.
"We can't know everything for sure, can we? After all, Sleep is Death's twin brother." Perdicas made them think and then Ptolemy yieldingly gestured Craterus to check on the sleeping man with a nudge of his head. The bigger general huffed and complied in case the silly theory was right. Hephaistion didn't look to be breathing, still and quieter than any dead man.
Craterus gently pulled the limp general towards him to get a good look at his face and chest. He lowered a hand by the parted pink lips and felt the strained breath against his hand and nodded. "He's alive but he might as well not be. He's having a hard time breathing."
"I told you."
Ptolemy saw their distress and surrendered to it. "Wake him. Wake him now."
Craterus did by shaking him and Hephaistion woke up screaming and fussing and it turned into something they hadn't anticipated at all. Craterus quickly held him down from lashing out violently at him and the three others joined him in the effort, holding him down as best as they could.
"Hephaistion, relax! It's us." The bigger general yelled but the worked up general wasn't at all in the present moment.
"Why in fucking Hades is he so strong right now?" Perdicas looked frightened.
"The muscles and blood are exerted. He has no control." Ptolemy responded as he struggled to fight the man beneath his weight. "Hurry, get Philip." Ptolemy told Leonnatus and the sandy haired general hurried out.
"What do we do now?" Perdicas was fearful.
Just keep him down." Ptolemy put forward.
"Was this your original plan?" Craterus angrily growled during the struggle toward Perdicas.
"I had no idea he would react this way!" Perdicas replied, regretting all of it.
"He's not fully awake. He's in a nightmare." Ptolemy added.
"How do get him to wake completely from it? We should pull him out of misery the same way we would do to an injured animal." Craterus suggested. "He is suffering more than he is living."
All of it was overwhelming. Ptolemy would never allow it...but he had been thinking it for awhile. "We can't. I won't. Wait for Philip!"
"This is how he is going to be even after the king opens his eyes." Craterus hated that thought of sticking a knife through Hephaistion's skull but what other choice was there. This wasn't a nightmare. It was worse. "We've seen this suffering before. He's never going to be the same and you know it."
Ptolemy couldn't listen. He couldn't lose another close friend. "He'll overcome this. He needs time."
"He doesn't have time, Ptolemy. He doesn't."
Philip rushed in and detected the predicament right away. He came up beside the heaving and aggrieving man who wasn't displaying normal signs of emotional stress. He placed a warming hand on the vigorous chest. "He believes he's being choked. Release him. It's not helping."
"Are you certain? If we release him, he's going to attack." Craterus disclaimed.
"Yes. Think about it. You're three very strong men holding him down against his will. It's only causing him to re-experience the injuries and pain. He's fighting for his life right now."
"Fuck." Ptolemy backed away first and then the other three followed.
The blue eyed man was shivering and confused. He had another blade drawn and aimed at anyone who were to come closer but Craterus just grinned and carefully slipped the blade from the unsteady grip. He was way to weak to attack wasting any useful energy just now. "Maybe you shouldn't sleep with this anymore. Nightmares?"
"Why am I here? Who is with Alexander?" He questioned frantically.
"Please, calm yourself, Hephaistion. I was with him just seconds before." Philip said.
"He is being guarded by reassigned men whom we trust completely." The curled haired general reassured but that didn't seem to complete his panic.
"Why do I feel sick? Did you poison me?"
"No, we would never." Ptolemy said with hurt in his voice. "You can trust us."
"I feel it, something is inside of me."
"It's your own stomach. Because you haven't been eating or drinking, you idiot." Perdicas said. "You've poisoned yourself. You are severely dehydrated and malnourished. You're going to be skin and bone very soon if you keep fighting us."
Hephaistion didn't believe them and started trying to tear open his own stomach with his nails and they hurried back to him to prevent him from hurting himself.
"Hephaistion look at me, no one is hurting you." Philip directed his visual coherence. "Nothing is inside of you but you need to eat to feel better. The pain will go away after. We're only trying to help you."
"I am hurting. I don't want to hurt anymore." They knew he was speaking of a different kind of pain at the moment.
"You need to eat right now." Ptolemy spoke.
"They say if you don't eat anything at all for a month, you start to crave human meat." Perdicas said to scare him.
Leonnatus glared at him. "That's not true."
"It is. I overheard some of the other men talking about it."
Hephaistion hadn't acknowledged or registered anything that was said. He looked lost, like he was chasing a dream he was unwilling to share.
"I give up. His brain is gone. He is a paranoid mess." Perdicas backed off leaving the others to deal with it.
Craterus put a tray of food on his lap and snapping out of wherever he was Hephaistion shot the bigger man a glare.
"Eat. Please." Then Craterus backed away with folded arms just waiting and watching.
"I'm uncomfortable. I don't want everyone looking at me."
The generals present lingered around waiting for Ptolemy to give them the order and he did. They turned the other direction except for Philip.
"I need you all to exit completely." Hephaistion demanded.
Craterus turned back around. "This is ridiculous, Hephaistion. Can't you see that we're trying to help you? Eat your fucking food!"
"I don't recall you ever helping me, Craterus. Aren't you just another man willing to see me fucked until I am further ruined?"
"That was long time ago, Hephaistion."
"That doesn't make me able to trust you, either."
"Hephaistion, enough. Craterus is only here to help. We can't honor any privacy because you gave us no choice when you allowed the food to go spoiled eaten much later by bugs." Philip told him truthfully. "We're not leaving. Now eat. Do not make this harder than it has to be. Once you eat, you're one step ahead to self recovery."
"Fine." Hephaistion snatched the food. He ate the meat and drank the water like a picky toddler but after he was done with the last bite and last drop he emptied his stomach of all of it. They watched it all come out and the four generals sighed and looked at one another hopelessly.
"He was so close." Leonnatus said and left to fetch more clean linen.
"I'm going to lay down now." The sick general said and went back to sleep in his own puke.
Ptolemy wasn't mad at him but he was frustrated. He wasn't going to get better at this rate and didn't know what more he could do for him.
"Maybe a knife to the head would do him better. Let me know when he's back awake. I'm going to check on the king. He's probably fighting a lot harder." Perdicas said and then turned to leave himself.
Ptolemy looked at Philip. "What now?"
The physician responded with a small unconfident shrug. "We try again. And again. And again."
Craterus reached over and rolled up the nasty covers and left to go grab more food. "I'll bring more food. Round two."
Ptolemy and Philip stayed with Hephaistion, wiping him clean. Then they tried again.
By the time Alex finally made his way back downstairs they were all outside again except for his dad who was in the kitchen drinking punch and holding the puppy. The whole scene was comical. "Hey dad."
"Hey. I was worried about you. Where did you go?"
"I had the shits."
Phillip frowned forwardly. "God, you're so bad at lying."
"Just like you. I take it mom isn't coming down anymore?" Alex assumed and Phillip handed him the puppy who was incredibly laid back for a puppy. "I should call her?"
"Alex, she'll be here. Just don't think about it and go and enjoy your time." Phillip knew his mother not being there was eventually going to upset him.
"Okay." Alex began walking away with the dog and Phillip called him back.
"Hey, I got you something. Nothing competitive like your other friends but here."
"You shouldn't have." Alex deeply grinned. He placed the lazy pup on his shoulder and began opening the small wrapped box. It was a ring, a very heavy ring and Alex knew right away the value of it. "Dad, I can't take it." Alex tried handing it back to him but Phillip shook his head.
"I'm not taking it back. It was my dads. He didn't deserve it though. He wasn't a good person. His favorite thing in the world was to take his boat out to sea far away from his family. He returned one day after a couple of weeks of being gone bragging about his find. That ring washed up on the beach shining on top of the sand waiting for someone to pick it up. And he did. He picked it up and took it home. He locked it up and only wore it on special occasions. I knew where he hid it and I stole it from him one day. When he discovered it was gone, he came straight to my room and beat the fuck out of me. He knew I took it but he couldn't prove it because I hid it somewhere better. He went crazy, Alex. I enjoyed seeing him fall off the edge. He destroyed the house looking for it. Everyday he would beat me thinking I would just hand it over and nothing appeared so he gave up after months. I never confessed. I took those beatings because I didn't care. There was nothing more he could do to me that I didn't already see coming. Life went on and I kept it close but never wore it because I didn't deserve it either. Good things, lost and found, should never belong to bad men and I don't care how lucky we were at the time. I'm giving it to you because it's special to me and your special to me. Just don't let anyone take it from you and don't lose it. It's real gold and real crystal gem."
Alex had no words. He never had that amount of affection from his dad and he believed it which was pulling at his heart. But Alex was sensitive to moments like these because they were rare or never. He had been an emotional wreck all day and now this.
"Do you need to use the restroom again?" Phillip joked like he always did to mask any emotional range and Alex shook his head keeping his head and eyes down, embarrassed to show his dad how much he meant to him. But Phillip saw how much it meant. He didn't need words. He knew he never made it easy for Alex to express himself.
"Thanks dad." He was finally able to choke up.
Phillip then embraced his son "I am so sorry for anything I have done to hurt you. I love you, Alex. Happy Birthday." Then he cleared his throat and released him. "Now go have fun. I'll take care of the puppy."
Alex watched his dad take off with the dog and sit with her on the couch and he wiped foreseen tears away before meeting his friends outside.
"Alex?" The blonde was twirling the ring around his finger while they figured out where to go. He had met his friends in the lobby of the club after his identity crisis match with himself in the bathroom. "What's the plan?" Cleitus came up to him.
"Let's go anywhere we want to go and do whatever we want to do." Alex said and Cleitus kissed him on the cheek.
"I love it when you give orders." His wild friend, already on obvious drugs, replied. "Go to the bar on the second level. You'll have something waiting for you."
Alex nodded. Everyone told him where they would be. Right now they were on the first level which was the floor of electronica and arcade games where Tolem and Leon stayed occupied. The second level was the pop and hip-hop floor. It was the busiest floor and Alex made sure Phai was in front of him not to lose him in the crowd.
"Phai." Alex leaned into him so that he could hear him better and pointed to a free round table toward the far left of the club.
Phai headed over there and sat down. "I'm going to save our spot."
"Really, Phai?" Perdicas shouted but only because the music was loud. "You're just going to sit all night?"
"Why not? There's no where to dance anyway."
"Excuses again?" Phil said.
"Don't worry about me. Go fuck bitches and get mono because that's what you're really here for, right?"
"Wow, you are so mature." Phil gave him the finger and walked away with everyone but Alex. Cleitus had long vanished to the third floor.
Alex smiled at the chuckling man who was pleased with himself. "You're not very nice."
Phai shrugged innocently. "I know."
"I'll be back."
"Are you okay?"
"Yea, yea. I'm good. It's just hot in here."
"It is. Let's go get some fresh air."
Alex hated that he was dragging Phai along with him just because he couldn't handle a little heat. "It's okay. I'll go get us some water." He really didn't want Phai to think he couldn't handle it, that he had it all under control.
Alex left and moved through the crowd. He saw Cassy with a drink already and flirting with a chick who looked super wasted and much older than him. Alex came up to him while he chilled against the wall next to the bar, being watchful like he always was except he wasn't watchful enough because he wasn't expecting Alex.
"How did you get that?" Alex asked him.
Cassy smirked. "Oh, this beautiful pineapple tequila mix? I got it because I have an I.d."
"How?"
Cassy pulled out his fake I.d and showed him. "Cleitus made it for me. He made one for anyone who wanted one."
"Why didn't I get one?"
"Did you want one?"
"It could have been useful."
Cassy turned to Alex, leaving the lady talking to herself.
"Well, everyone is so worried about you drinking yourself to death. Phai put horror stories in our head about your body declining if you even have one sip of wine."
He was clearly exaggerating and Alex just rolled his eyes. "It's not that serious, Cassy."
"Tell that to Phai. He has this fear that you're going to die one day and he will have nothing left."
"Can you get me one?"
Cassy had a fake gasp on his look. "Alex? You rebelling? I like it."
"My dad dumped all of the alcohol at home. He left me with nothing."
Cassy thought about it and then smiled evilly after taking a long sip of his delicious drink. "Nope. I don't want you to die either."
"Water? On my birthday?"
"You can grab a soda like the rest of the kids."
"Funny."
"That was a joke."
"Be funnier."
"Look Alex, I really wish I could but Phai would kill me if I allowed it."
"Really? Why do you care what Phai thinks?"
The green eyed man knew he shouldn't have said anything. "I don't care. But I will blame you if he kills me over your alcoholism you suffer from."
"Have you told him anything else?"
"About what? Your drinking problem? Everyone knows about it."
"Not that. Anything else that might upset him?"
"I upset him just by being alive. You have to be more specific."
"I saw you two standing together that day and you said something to him. It made him mad."
Cassy chuckled. "Is this what were going to do tonight? Fight?"
"Just tell me what you said and I won't have to beat your fucking face in?" The threat was very normal.
"I can't tell you. He told me not to tell you."
"Tell me what?" Alex was getting impatient.
"He told me something he didn't mean to tell me and he thinks I'm going to tell you. But I won't."
"Did something happen to him?"
"It's just something he's embarrassed about. Not necessarily what happened to him but what he allowed to happen. It's not that big and it's not what you're thinking."
"What am I thinking?"
Cassy patted him on the shoulder and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "The worst. You always think the worst. Just have fun." Then he walked away and Alex watched him disappear between dancing bodies. The blonde then walked up to the bar feeling annoyed and waited his turn. Nothin by N.O.R.E was booming above the bar. The bartender was helping four to six others before helping him. It was a busy club and she seemed to be the only one behind the counter but she was fast and good at her job and came face to face with the attractive blonde in no time.
"How can I help you?" The bartender asked with a pretty smile.
"I need just water. With ice."
The dark haired lady frowned with a light grin. Her lips were pink and her eye shadow blue. "You don't look like the water type." She said observantly.
Alex smiled back. "It's not for me. It's for a friend."
"Okay then, what drink do you want for yourself?" She leaned forward on the counter top after sliding him the cold water.
"Make that two waters. With a shit ton of ice."
The lady laughed lightly. "You know that is the most offensive drink one can ask a bartender?"
Alex chuckled and nodded. "It's easy. I can't drink."
"Oh yea, I see now. A friend of yours dropped by earlier. He said it was your birthday. Is that true?"
"Yea. He told me to come to this bar."
"He told me to look out for the eyes. I have something for you." He would thank Cleitus later. Then the girl, provocatively dressed, prepared and slid him a drink. "For the birthday boy."
"You can get in trouble." Alex noted.
"I'm not afraid of trouble. My name is Star. If you're thirsty again later, you know where to find me."
Phai noticed the bartender flirting with Alex at the counter but he wasn't necessarily worried about that, he was wondering why Alex had a drink in his hand. He watched her hand it to him and then rolled his eyes when Cassy came over to the table.
"You don't seem to be enjoying your time like everyone else seems to be."
Phai didn't answer and Cassy smirked and looked over at Alex and the girl talking. "He has his drink, I wonder what they're chatting about? He really does attract them. They always have dark hair. He found his type and he doesn't even know it. Oh but Phai doesn't get jealous. He's perfect and peaceful never pretending to feel a different way when it comes to Alex."
He didn't need to be jealous but Alex was looking exceptionally good tonight and something was different about him. He was always glowing. His aura you could just feel instantly but this time, you could see it.
"Can you leave?"
Cassy didn't think Phai was going to say anything. In fact he went over there thinking Phai was going to outright ignore him. "Are you still mad at me?"
"I'm not mad at you."
"There you go again, lying to yourself. You are mad at me. You want to know how I know? Because I wanted you mad at me."
"You love pissing people off, Cassy, I get it. It's sad."
"Phai, I can be a dick but I don't know why you take me so seriously."
Phai didn't say anything and just glared.
"Fine, be that way. But just letting you know, Alex questioned me just now about you. He's looking for answers. It might be easier to just tell him." Then the green eyed man left and good thing because Alex was returning. The last thing Phai wanted was for them to have another brawl. Even though he'd be lying if he hadn't imagined Alex fucking Cassy up again. Phai was somewhat of a pacifist. If not, Cassy wouldn't be around.
Alex came back to the table and handed Phai the glass of ice water smiling at him delightfully. Phai licked his lips at his expression, took the water and pointed at the drink in his hand. "What's that?"
"It's a birthday drink. The girl made it for me. I don't know what it is but it's good."
"Did she not check your I.d?"
"Didn't have to."
"Always lucky, Alex. How do you do it?"
The blonde smirked. "Are you jealous, Phai?"
"Of her? No. I know the signs when something or someone has your attention."
"Phai, she was talking to everyone that way."
"I'm okay with it, she's into you and that's okay. How could she not be when she made it apparent to help everyone first so that you would be last? Also, you have a hard time with women. And they have a hard time with you. I'm not worried about it." Phai brought the glass of water to his lip with poise.
Alex was both impressed by the observation and turned on by the cockiness of Phai's statement. "Why do you pretend not to care?"
"Assurance, Alex, self assurance."
"Maybe it's you who needs the drink."
Phai realized why Alex said that. He was in a foul mood and Alex didn't deserve that on his birthday. Alex took Phai's water from him and slid him the alcoholic drink. "I'll drink water all night if it will help you enjoy yourself."
"I'm fine, Alex. Drink away." He switched back drinks. "It's your birthday. I'm not mad." He was such a sucker for Alex's blameless face. "I'm glad to see you in a good mood."
Alex forgave him with a smile. "I know you're not a fan of this scene but I'm glad you came."
"That seemed like forever ago. The last one."
"We were barely old enough."
"Now look at us, still barely old enough." Phai winked.
Alex drank the bright drink in one mouthful and then placed the glass down and held out his hand to Phai. "Let's go."
"I'm not going out there. I'm comfortable here."
"Remember last time, when you told me how boring I was because I wasn't proactive enough?"
Phai did remember that time and nodded to that. "I remember but you also beat up some guy… proactively."
"He touched you. And called me a faggot. He saw it coming."
"Yea and we would have been better off staying home. But I blame myself because I remembered I pressured you a little bit."
"And I'm telling you, this time is not like last time. It won't happen again. I've matured."
"Have you?"
"I have. Come on. Dance with me. If you don't, I will embarrass you. I'll start singing. I will. I'll twerk."
Phai gave in. He always gave in. It was Alex. Also Alex was really bad at twerking. Great at singing but terrible at shaking his ass. "Fine." He took a sip of water and took Alex's hand and the blonde brought him out to the dance floor.
"How was today? Did you have fun? I didn't really see you eat anything. We can grab some food after this."
Phai grinned. He was absolutely adorned by his lack of trying charm. "I had a good time but it's not about me. What about you? Did you have fun?"
"Certainly." Alex said keeping immodest firm hands on Phai's waist.
"I'm glad. I like seeing you so…lively. Despite your mental breakdown in the bathroom."
Alex looked at him with pretend confusion. "I didn't have a breakdown."
"I know the signs."
"It was small. I'm fine now."
"I'm glad." Phai smiled. He really was.
"You're stunning. Your smile, it's absolutely stunning."
Phai blushed but hid it well. Especially because it was dark in the club. Then Alex noticed a group of male friends staring at them. It wasn't a gay club so maybe they looked out of place but Alex didn't care. The world needed to know that Phai was his. "You know, my urges are coming back around. They ache and it makes it difficult to breathe and to think." He whispered to Phai closely.
Phai's eyes turned excited. "All you have to do is get me there. Are you having performance problems because that would be unlike you?"
Alex pulled him in closer. "Don't tempt me, Phai. I can make you come right here on this dance floor."
"You're not that charming anymore, Alex. You know, flirting, looking at me that way, won't get you what you want. I don't care if it's your birthday."
Alex accepted the challenge and ran a hand down his neck. He always went for his weakness and played around it with seductive strokes. "You're extra soft today. Is that dove?"
"I stay well hydrated." Phai moaned but it sounded like a stifled squeak. Alex knew how hard he was trying to keep himself together. "Did you know, alcohol can age you?"
"I did. But they tell us to die young, right?"
"Is that what you want?"
Alex apologetically smiled. "No. What do you think I want?"
"If I'm being honest, I think you want to fuck me in front of all of these people. Or kill me and then fuck my body. I get a serial killer vibe from you."
Alex said nothing but he seemed turned on by that. He was definitely holding back.
Then Phai looked at him with concerned eyes. "Alex, I'm kidding. About the killer part. But you definitely want to fuck me."
"That would be bold, even for me. But I have thought about it. To just ravish you right here, right now? But what if I just kissed you instead?"
"And leave the audience, star struck? I can't handle that sort of attention."
Alex leaned into him and kissed softly his neck right below his earlobe. Phai closed his eyes because it was an instant turn on and started invitingly rocking his leaner hips against him. Alex ate at his throat until he was completely at his mercy but then right away and with no warning he pulled on Phai what Phai had pulled on him before. The desire to explode but not being able to.
"I need to tell you something."
Phai looked down between them. "Can this wait? You gave me a boner, Alex and whatever it is, I don't want to know. Just enjoy your birthday."
"You need to know. I need you to know. That night I never made it home was because I was highly intoxicated."
"No shit."
"I did some heroin."
Phai stopped moving with him and looked at him, eyes ferocious. "I told you I didn't want to know."
"Doesn't it feel much better now that I told you?"
"No, it doesn't it. Heroin? Where the fuck did you get heroin?"
"I found it. I know, I regret it and it was the worst feeling in the world. But I needed to do it to feel."
"Alex, you could have felt something if you just came home. I could have helped you feel anything but bad."
"I know. I realized it then, how wrong it was, how wrong I was. I can't say that it wont happen again but I'm going to try my hardest to avoid all things that should be avoided. You have every right not to trust me. But since we're on the topic of trust, I have a question for you?"
Phai glared at him. There it was. His hard on was gone. Just like that. "Just because you have to confess doesn't mean that I do."
"Phai as perfect as you are to me, everyone has something to confess."
Phai sighed. "What do you want to know?"
"What would you like me to know?"
"I don't want you to know anything."
"Why?"
"Because if you know, things might become different. I like us where we're at."
"What did Cassy tell you?"
"What do you mean?"
"He's always hanging around you and whatever he's telling you is channeling something deep within and with my curious and loving nature, I want to know what is being said. I don't like it when you're upset."
"You're upsetting me now by bringing it up."
"I'm going to keep hold of you and keep loving you until you tell me."
"Is that why you dragged me out here?"
"Yep, to hold you close in case you try to walk away from cooperation. That wasn't obvious?"
"You're not necessarily the most transparent."
"But you are."
"Alex, I promise you, it's nothing big. He just talks shit and I let it get to me and I know that I shouldn't."
"Does it have to do something with me?"
"No."
"He told me that something happened. What was it?"
"I told him by mistake and now he's holding it against me. It was said out of frustration. It's hard to talk about. I don't want to remember it because it makes me sick and then I start to hate myself and I don't want to hate myself anymore. But it doesn't matter anymore because it happened a long , long time ago."
Alex pulled away to look at him with eyes ever so serious. There was more. He knew there was more. Cassy had always been a dickhead, but Phai never used to let it get to him the way it has been getting to him now. "Phai, if someone has hurt you and if they haven't been redeemed or have done anything in their power to unhurt you," he held Phai close to him now so that his lips landed on his sculpted jaw. The transition was felt causing Phai to shiver and it wasn't Alex anymore but the king. "I will figure out some way to find them and fuck their hearts out with my sword. You won't hate yourself ever again. You see, I can't allow that." Alex kissed him on the cheek then pulled back and that's all he said and suddenly he was normal again like he never made the threat in the first place. Alexander was real and Alex was possessed by him.
Phai terrified, slowly held him close again and continued with a new song. "No one hurt me, Alex." It was out of the blue. They had been silent for awhile but he needed to make sure Alex wasn't going to hurt anybody.
"Okay."
"You're going to have to thank your wife again for me." Phillip said handing Amyntor a beer.
The taller man took it. "Looks like you could use one too."
The dark haired man picked up Bucephalus who was roaming around and placed her on the coffee table between the couches.
"Already teaching her table manners, I see."
They both sat down, drinking their beers and watching the dog licking the glass top of the table. It's been a laid back busy day for the both of them.
"You think the boys are having fun?" Phillip asked genuinely concerned.
"I think they're having an excellent time. They'd be home by now if they weren't."
"You don't worry about what they're doing?"
Amyntor nodded. "I do. I always worry." He drank some more. "Why don't you ever invite the other neighbor dads to chat. You're friends with them right?"
"They fucking gossip and once I had my injury I just stopped interacting with people who were no good. It was exhausting trying to feel better than I was. I am no longer that impressive."
"That's not a bad thing."
"Choosing to be lonely isn't necessarily a good thing either."
"I apologize that I prevented you from getting your dick sucked. But overall I believe you had a good time."
"It was better that I didn't meet up with her. I found out she's married. I had no idea she had a husband and that makes me the biggest piece of shit in the world."
"You broke it off?"
"Yea. It was easier than I thought." Phillip chuckled but Amyntor knew he was sad about it. He watched his emotion switch around slowly. "I've told Alex that I loved him only a handful of times. I've told this lady that I loved her more than I have ever told my son and I didn't even really love her but I love him. It doesn't make any sense."
"You're not that affectionate and that's okay. Alex knows. He's old enough to know why you couldn't and why you can't."
"Are you sure?"
"Yea."
"Do you tell your son that you love him."
"Yes."
"And does he tell you?"
Amyntor smiled and it lacked any manner at all. "Yea. But you can tell it makes him nervous to say it. He's always been that way. He gets embarrassed when we kiss him or hug him. He doesn't hate it, it just makes him uncomfortable and I love making him uncomfortable with my love. I drown him in plenty of affection."
"Meanwhile, Alex wants it more than anything."
"Our boys are difficult."
"They are. And when they continue to grow and when we watch them grow we're going understand exactly where they got it from. Us."
"Cheers to that."
The others were all over the four story club and Alex and Phai were at the roof. It was quieter up there and the people around weren't to chatty as any noise dimmed out through the open air. They just held each other and slow danced the same way to whatever music played. It didn't matter. They were enjoying just being wrapped and entwined together enjoying the silent night. Again, nothing mattered.
Phai was tired. Alex could tell as he felt Phai burrow his head under his chin. Phai loved the sound of his irregular heartbeat just pumping and rushing to keep up and the slow motion of his chest that it caused. If he could just be engulfed by him, the overwhelming part of not having him fully would fade away.
"You ready to go home?" Alex asked the sleepy beauty.
Phai nodded with closed eyes. "We should probably make sure your dad didn't strangle Buchephalus."
"My dad isn't a murderer, Phai."
"You sure?" He asked through mumbles, tickling Alex's chest.
Alex lifted Phai's head up, cupping his cheeks. "Open your eyes cutie. You're talking nonsense."
Phai did. He opened his eyes. "I'm ready. Let's go find the rest of those idiots."
Alex took Phai by the hand and they went through the club looking for their friends. Cleitus texted him, telling him they would be on the second floor. It was still very crowded coming close to last call and Phai accidentally bumped into someone, spilling the other persons drink but only a little. Alex looked back and Phai was apologizing to the man because he hadn't been paying attention.
Phai felt dumb when he finally noticed it was the guy they met at the gym. Darian. "Oh shit, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you." Phai said nervously.
"It's okay. It's good to see you." The man smiled. "You here for a special occasion or you're just the party type?"
"Celebrating a birthday." Phai said as he squeezed Alex's hand tenderly. Darian nodded cordially at Alex who didn't want any part of the conversation.
"Happy Birthday, Alex."
"Thanks." The blonde responded with no eye contact whatsoever.
"We'll see you around. I'm sorry about the shirt." Phai apologized once more.
"I have plenty." Darian winked subtly. "Later."
The man took off and so did they. Alex didn't say or do anything because he didn't want to come across like a jealous boyfriend and he trusted Phai. Then they were interrupted and found by their loud friends who didn't look ready to unwind at all. Cleitus dragged them all back to the bar for one last celebrated shot and the same bartender happily made them one but making sure to keep eyes on the birthday boy as he took his.
Tolem and Phai were the only responsible ones not drinking. Then the curled haired man nudged Phai with his shoulder who was intently watching the scene. "You okay?"
"Yea." Phai said stoically. "I'm just tired."
"Did you have fun?"
Phai didn't answer and Tolem caught him glaring at the flirtatious bartender behind the counter. "Phai, she's way older than him. There's no way he would be into her."
"I think Crater was right."
"About what?"
"When it comes to being the center of attention, he loves it, he's just being modest."
Then they both looked at him. He was loving himself. He was loving the attention. He had a wild streak they had never seen in him before.
Blue eyes tensed when he saw the girl with Alex's phone most likely putting herself in his contacts. Alex was as clueless as ever but then maybe Phai was only disillusioning himself.
"I'll go grab them." Tolem said and headed over to the crowded counter of friends.
The night was over and it was only a little after 2 A.M when they arrived home. The boys made it back and they all piled in the shed thinking they had energy at the time to stay up and play a few games but no, they passed out as soon as they stepped foot in there. At-least this way they'd all wake up in the same place and when they have sobered up, they could walk home shamefully. But while the rest were passed out, Alex was wide awake. He only had one drink and two shots so he was feeling fine and Phai always stayed up as late or early as he could for Alex.
He walked up to Phai, dragging a little and then sat heavily next to him. "I just checked up on my dad and guess who is passed out on the couch with him?"
Phai gasped with the widest smile. "Really? Our dads are having a sleep over? That is the cutest thing in the world."
"No, Phai. The puppy. But your dad is on the floor sleeping like he's used to it."
"That's normal. I wonder how much they drank?"
"I only saw one beer can open and it wasn't even finished. I think they were just exhausted from the day. But one day I'm going to see you drunk and I'm going to enjoy watching whatever level it takes you to."
They were sitting together on the deck above the pond. The moonlight shimmered and glowed and the sky reflected that. It didn't matter how many times they met out there. It always looked different.
Phai chuckled. "You're never going to see me drunk."
"Maybe. Maybe not." Alex remained hopeful.
"You had fun tonight?"
The blonde nodded against the clean breeze. "I did."
He wanted to ask him more about the girl but he decided not to. "What would you like to do now?" Phai asked, rubbing his eyes and yawning. "We can do anything."
Alex looked at him with a grin lathered on his face. "You're tired, Phai. Let's go to bed."
"I'm not tired anymore. The fresh air woke me up."
"You should sleep if you're tired."
Phai chuckled. "I'm not tired, Alex. I promise."
Alex moved the hair out of his face to look at him. "Do I need to help with that?"
Phai loved it when Alex made love to him so good, he'd pass out. "Tempting but I would rather stay up with you."
"I still haven't opened your birthday gift. Unless, you're going to be too tired to you know, watch me unwrap it."
Phai smiled with a blush. He had been blushing all day. "Alex, I never know what to get you so I didn't get you anything for your birthday this year. It's not about the difficulty of finding a gift. Anyone can find a gift for anyone. I just think you deserve something more than whatever is materialistic. If anything, I'm being difficult. But you'll get one as soon as I find one."
"I enjoy our time, Phai. I like the time we spend together, good and bad, and coming out here to talk and stare at what the earth offers, I could do it all day long. It should be tradition by now."
Phai turned to him with a cheeky grin. "Tradition would be that we have sex in the shed, and then I sleep and then you watch me sleep. We can't break that now. Unfortunately for us, the shed is full of snoring drunks."
"Let me unwrap you right here."
"You need to take it easy on me. Not everyone has your thrust."
Alex smirked. "I strive hard."
"You looked so good tonight." Phai rushed and kissed him and kept landing more and more kisses on his face. Alex laid on his back casually allowing Phai on top of him just enjoying being smothered all over by Phai's wet lips. The blonde closed his eyes feeling the pressure of Phai's cock against his and they both reacted by adjusting to where it felt the best. Phai began to thrust evenly causing the birthday boy to moan in stress of him and more. His dick was already solid despite the low friction but Phai was Phai.
"I was jealous tonight and I shouldn't have been." Phai spoke through minor whines. The blonde opened his discolored eyes and met insecure ones. "You didn't see it but everyone was looking at you, not just the bartender. You would never know the way my entire body fails at the sight of you and I would be selfish if I thought others shouldn't feel the same way."
The confession only made Alex hungrier and he didn't wait any longer to unwrap his gift and began to remove Phai's black v-neck and then his own. Then the blonde hurried to unbutton and unzip the tight jeans that looked really good on Phai, so he was sad to see them go, but something better was underneath. Phai gasped gratifyingly when Alex latched a heavy hand around Phai's released penis. Phai awaited with deeply seductive eyes, that hardly looked blue anymore, Alex's own length to meet his and once it did, control was again abandoned.
Phai's cries were always more whimpered and submissive and Alex's were always more guttural, primitive and demanding but that's how they were. Alex enjoyed the feeling of dominance and Phai enjoyed the feeling of being used. Phai had other ways of taking control and Alex had moments where he gave in but it wasn't preferred. It wasn't preferred because it was a bad thing, it was preferred because when submissive, Alex felt out of control and when in control Phai was reminded of the dark place he'd find himself often in. It was a place Alex had been picking up on. Phai was sexually assaulted and didn't want anyone to know about it and that was Alex's conclusion. It felt wrong to make that assumption but he was right to think it after seeing all the aroused and excited eyes on him tonight. It had been on Alex's already fucked up mind since he spoke to Cassy and though the sex was still great between them, he didn't think any differently of him if it was true. But he promised not to bring it up or make a big deal about it and just laid back and enjoyed the sexy ride Phai took him on while thinking back on the cues he missed before.
Phai loved being choked. He loved hands around his neck and he loved them around it tightly. It could have just been a kink but it wasn't. The way he enjoyed struggling to breathe was a boy who was choked during a sexual encounter unwillingly before. It didn't help that Alex had an aggressive spirit, his dad being abusive to him and Phai unknowingly would bend Alex to his will supporting him to be more forceful. But that wasn't all. He noticed Phai would leave body clues as to how he wanted to be taken which was usually from behind, being held and restrained face down until climax which Alex enforced because he didn't see it as a problem until now. Phai, in the beginning and when younger, never encouraged rough sex and Alex couldn't remember when they started fucking like wild animals. They used to be innocent, sweet and loving when making love but there was a new desire this time. They were becoming men but Alex felt it wasn't that and came to a realization that something was seriously wrong with the both of them. Another indication was Phai demanding his feelings be disregarded. Alex only remembered tears sometimes. Phai never showed signs that it hurt or even showed that he wanted him to stop but now Alex couldn't help but feel guilt. Was he hurting Phai? Phai would allow him to do anything to him and would demand things harder and faster whether it felt good or not. Was Phai allowing Alex to abuse him? Phai would also sometimes be disconnected. His body was present in the moment but his mind would be somewhere else. Most victims of sexual assault would refuse to participate in the actions that traumatized them in the first place and Phai seemed perfectly comfortable with any sexual act. There was a tortured promiscuity to him that Alex could't quite figure out. But if he was sexually abused, he couldn't tell completely because Phai hadn't showed any more underlying signs that he was. It made Alex wonder more as the beautiful man slid up and down his dick with his own.
When they were out of condoms, because they were careful people now, they reduced to foreplay that felt better than penetration most times. Alex came strongly all over his lower belly and Phai did shortly after with a silent growl, not to wake their friends and the entire neighborhood. Then he smiled down at him and Alex smiled back. He wanted to ask him so badly but it probably wouldn't have been an appropriate time. But Alex wasn't necessarily an appropriate person. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yea." Phai allowed him even though it didn't keep them both from feeling nervous about it.
"Have I ever hurt you?"
Phai looked confused. "No."
"Have you ever been in pain when we're having sex?"
"No." He chuckled.
"Have I ever left you feeling unloved or violated?"
"Alex, no. What's wrong with you right now?"
"Were you ever molested?"
Phai then froze up and he turned paler than the moon. He said nothing for a short awhile but it seemed like he held his breath longer. "No, why would you ask me that?"
The delay said it all and Alex's heart skipped. "I care about you, that's all."
"I know you do but whatever Cassy told you, it isn't true. We talked about this. No one hurt me."
"Cassy didn't tell me anything, Phai."
"Alex, I wasn't molested!" Phai snapped defensively. "I'm not helpless. I'm not. Why would you automatically assume that? What about me tells you that I was molested?"
"I don't think that you're helpless. I'm sorry. I was wrong to ask. I shouldn't have pressured you into telling me anything."
"You promised you would let it go." Phai was about to be in tears and Alex couldn't allow that.
"I know. I'm sorry." Alex leaned up and hugged him tightly burying his head in his chest. "I'm sorry. Forgive me, please. I shouldn't have asked. I'm stupid, I know. I thought I needed to know but I was wrong, okay? I was wrong for that."
Phai felt bad and knew he shouldn't have turned that angry. Alex was just curious and said dumb things. Then Phai hugged him back and kissed him on his fluffy head. "Don't be sorry. I like that you're worried about me. But I haven't been sexually abused, Alex. No one has ever touched me inappropriately or against my will. I was pushed around, bullied and humiliated by boys and girls in the past but that's it. I was embarrassed and I never told you because I didn't put up any kind of fight and I allowed it to happen. I didn't want you to think I was weak because I'm not. I was scared and I thought I deserved it. That's it, Alex. That's all it is. You don't have to hurt anyone because no one hurt me."
Alex knew he wasn't telling the entire truth. He wasn't lying either, he was just leaving out plenty more detail. Again, Phai couldn't hide anything. His tell were his eyes and they will always be what gives him away. The shame and secrecy was visible and it hit Alex unexpectedly. He was staring at Phai trying not to let his own feelings of anger and sadness expose him. Phai didn't need to tell his story. Alex just had to be okay with it and understand that Phai wanted to forget whatever happened. And whatever happened Alex couldn't fix and he couldn't make the pain go away and that was the worst feeling in the world.
But before Alex could find anything else to say to replace any awkward strain, Phai's cell rang. It was his dad. Phai smiled and showed Alex the screen. "He knows."
"Tell him that we didn't need a condom for this."
Phai snickered and then rolled off of Alex answering while simultaneously tucking his dick back in his pants. "Hey, dad."
Alex also zipped back up his pants and just laid there watching the stars sparkle as if they were trying to tell him something.
"Phai, I need you to come home."
His dad didn't sound right. "What's wrong?" Phai instinctively turned serious.
"Just…come home. Are you with Alex?"
"Yea. What's going on?" Then there was silence and nothing else for awhile. "Dad? Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not. There's been an accident. I need Alex to come home. I need you both to come home. It's about Phillip. He's been shot and I...I really need you and Alex home. I need to know that you're safe."
Then Phai got quiet and looked over at Alex who had no idea. He was finally happy for once and now this? Life really was testing him. Testing the both of them because there were only two places Alex would go back to. Colorado with his mother and back to the terrible place in his head he had been out of for awhile.
"Phai, did you hear me?"
He couldn't help but watch Alex because these were going to be the last seconds he sees him this way. Happy. "I'm here. I'll tell him. We'll be home shortly." Phai hung up the phone. But for some reason he couldn't just tell him. It was too sudden. To shocking. To unexpected. He didn't know how. He never had to tell anyone news like this before.
Alex looked at him. "Is he talking about me?" Phai just stared at his phone. The information was gnawing at the corner of his mind. He didn't know how to say it.
"Phai? You okay?" The blonde leaned up.
Phai just looked over at him. "Alex?" His voice was shaky.
The blonde frowned always quick to react when Phai had watery eyes. Someone either did him wrong or something bad happened. "Phai, what's wrong?"
"Alex, they need you home."
"Why?"
"Your dad. He's been shot. We need to go home now."
Instead of acting in an urgent manner, Alex quickly went to the denial stage and chuckled. "Yea right."
All Phai did was shake his head.
That's when Alex knew he wasn't joking. If tears were coming down Phai's face, they were real.
Alex got up. "Is he okay? What hospital are they taking him? I'll go down there."
Phai shook his head again. "He's not at one."
There was no bracing for the pain. There was no bracing for anything. There was nothing he could grip to contain himself. There were no tears. But there was deep hidden sadness that wasn't yet activated. "He always did find ways to ruin everything for me."
"Alex."
"He was fine today, Phai. We talked and everything. I guess I don't get to live the way that I'm supposed to live. Am I selfish that I want things to go right for me just for once? Am I asking for too much? Phai, you know me, I don't ask for anything. I'm not a bad person so why do bad things happen to me?"
Phai was astounded that Alex thought that was the reason. But what could he convince him now of? His dad was dead on his birthday. "You're not a bad person. You never were."
"If I don't go, it didn't happen. Problem solved, right?" Alex sat back suddenly globed over with a hard-heart.
"You can't turn away from it, Alex. You need to face it and you need to know that this didn't happen because of who you are."
"I don't want to see him, Phai. I don't want to know."
Phai didn't argue. He had no right to drag Alex along just because it was his dad. People mourned differently and this was Alex's way of dealing with it. Phai hugged him from behind while Alex's back was turned. "Take as much time as you need. I'll be back for you."
Then Phai ended up leaving him and when he got back to the neighborhood, all he saw were cops and paramedics and the obnoxious red and blue flashing lights. The entire neighborhood was watching as he came up to his own house, he could see Phillip's dead body in the doorway which was way to unreal. Amyntor was watching from the front door and Phai came up to him.
"What happened? Are you hurt?" He asked his father worriedly.
"No, I'm fine." His dad looked exhausted, sickly, disgusted, pissed off. Phai couldn't tell if he'd been crying or not. "A man, in all black, came up to the house, rung the bell waking us both up. I didn't realize how late it was so I was getting ready to leave and when Phillip opened the door, the man shot him in the heart. He stayed alive with me until the police arrived. I was able to get the license number and every single car detail. The cops are already in pursuit. Everything happened fast, just heard the gun go off and saw the car speed away. The guy who did it, specifically asked for him. The cops are thinking Phillip was either in bad business or just hated."
"Where's mom?"
"In our room, sleeping. They don't know about it yet. But I need you to stay here in case they wake up." He handed his son the whining puppy.
"Where are you going?"
"They want me down at the department for questioning since I was the only witness." He kissed his son on the head. "And stay inside. Where's Alex?"
Phai shook his head. "He couldn't come. We won't face it and I don't blame him."
Amyntor didn't blame him either. "Keep your phone on you and let me know when Alex returns. Make sure he comes straight here. Don't let him inside that house for anything. Not you either. Everything he needs or wants, I'll get when I get back. "You know where my gun is hidden?"
Phai nodded at the responsibility. He said nothing and watched his dad walk over to the police. His dad was calm about it. It was eating away at him, that much he could tell, but he had the perfect kind of mental built to handle situations like this. He was a soldier and soldiers knew how to handle death but for some reason...
Phai then watched the body bag get lifted into the back of the paramedic truck. It was almost 4 in the morning.
…this just wasn't the way death should feel.
Alexander, the king, walked out from behind Alex who was staring off with eyes that hadn't produced any tears yet and stood next to the sitting man. "Look how beautiful the moon is right now. You're probably not worried about that but it's important. During my death scare, the sun arose like it had never done before and a fire was created upon a land so wet, it should have been impossible. But the moon still shined for me and the sun still rose when it didn't need to anymore. This means, our heart still beats. You can close your eyes and make the pain go away but it won't. It never does. Not for you. Not for us. My father died from a paid execution from a tortured ex lover arranged by my mother all because his guard was down. It was the happiest day of his life and then it was taken. Just like today, your joy was stolen. Good times vanish with just a snap of a finger. It's why we cherish the good of them. This is what it takes to be us, except, I lost myself and everything else along the way despite the soldiers, the status and empire that I had gained. I had knowledge, power, strength, beauty, love and greatness but I lost what made me human. I was obsessed with the thought of becoming a god, I forgot how human I was. We are human, Alex. It shouldn't be a bad thing to unlock your emotion. You can't afford to lose yourself. Not here and not now. Not yet. Go to your father and make peace with him. Sit at the funeral and forgive him. And then never move on but move on. Don't wear it but never forget. If you can't, your life might as well end here. We can't have two Alexander's dead, can we?"
"What makes you so relentless?" Alex spoke up.
The king finally sat next to his alternative self. "Words from a dead father and tears from a mother I never saw again. What made me unmoved after that, I don't know?"
The king was gone again and Alex looked ahead and saw a vision of his dad on the other side of the pond throwing an infant Alexander up in the air and catching him in his adoring and warm arms and then he embraced the laughing baby close, kissing him gently on his blonde soft head. Then he whispered into the baby's twitchy ear.
"Alexander, my son, one day you must know how to hurt those you love. It's lonely being great, being a king. Ask anyone. Ask Heracles. Ask any of the greats who you will grow to admire, even the ones you will rise above. Fate is cruel. You'll learn one of these days, just how cruel it can be. I love you, Alexander, and whatever happens, happened because it had to. You are loved, more than you know. More than you could ever imagine. More than you can fathom. You are my absolute everything and I promise you, I will embrace you again in another life."
Only in death has he seen his father look that joyful and loving. Then his own tears began to fall. It would have been easier if his father didn't love him. But he did and then Alex couldn't remember the last time he told his father that he loved him and meant it.