Eyes that see into Infinity
Chapter Forty One
Part Three
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Macedonia Headquarters, India
"He has said nothing." Philip spoke when the notified generals all arrived at the royal tent. "He has done nothing."
"He's awake! I find that far more exciting news." Leonnatus exclaimed cheerfully.
"It's not as exciting as one would hope." The doctor replied. Alexander's eyes were open but that was about as far as Philip's vote of confidence went.
"Why not?" Leonnatus frowned as he looked around at all the weighty faces.
"I shouldn't have risen your hopes, my friend. He might see now but he's still disconnected from reality. He has barely blinked." Perdicas retorted against his friends better judgment.
"That's a sign from the gods. He is improving. Otherwise, why call us here for more false hope?" Leonnatus desperately asked out. But none of them seemed certain enough to respond. "The point that I'm trying to make is that he's not dead!"
"You don't understand. He never was dead and the more he doesn't fight, then dead he will be."
"He is fighting. He moved! His eyes are fucking open!" Leonnatus cursed at Perdicas.
"I am telling you that it might do him better if he was dead. A brain dead king is no king, Leon." Perdicas spoke clearly, not to anger anyone but to ease their hopes.
Leonnatus scoffed in annoyance and turned away. Perdicas rolled his eyes and began his pacing.
"What bunch of nonsense are you spouting!?" Craterus barked at the two arguing generals but mostly towards Perdicas, who was always one to be pessimistic. "This isn't easy but this isn't the time."
"What time do we have?" Perdicas strolled up to Craterus and the bigger general sighed out in impatience. "What is the proper term for this? Please, let me know because if he's going to live, then I will stop counting every single one of my doubts. I will fight our next battle naked. But we've seen things like this before. The men never make it."
"We pull them out of their misery first. That's what we know as the right thing to do but never have we waited out their suffering." Craterus explained.
"And this time we should?"
"We haven't seen this." Ptolemy joined the squabble. "Those men did not live this long because we never allowed it, Perdicas. What if Alexander does come through?"
"Just because we think him divine, doesn't mean that he is." Perdicas argued.
"We understand that he's only mortal. And the one person who knows it now more than anyone is Alexander himself as he's trying to break free from something beyond his control. His divinity has been proven time and time again but morality was always the thing Alexander feared the most. This doesn't make him divine, it makes him stronger than divine." Ptolemy voiced passionately.
"What can be greater than divinity?" Perdicas targeted his optimism dismissively.
"Alexander." Philip answered for them all. They looked to him. "This is an undesirable situation. I've dealt with many men on the way to death or steering from it and believe me when I say, Alexander should be dead. But he's not. The king will die when he chooses to die. He hasn't yet seen the afterlife. But he has seen another world. His journey doesn't end in India."
"There is still no good explanation for this. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see but hear this, if I were Alexander I would haunt you for the rest of your days if you allowed me to suffer this way."
"You're being dramatic." Leonnatus told his blonde friend. "You're always dramatic."
"Then don't listen to me."
Leonnatus could strangle him. "Now you're being stubborn."
"Alexander would want this. He would want us to keep him as alive as we possibly can keep him." Ptolemy said trying to reason further with him.
Perdicas scoffed and shook his head. "Sometimes what we want isn't always best for us."
Philip quieted them by hushing them. But he was in strict agreement with the curled haired general. "Though unresponsive, his pupils still respond to light. The reflexes we see are actual in command movements. There is still activity in his brain. He is not dead. The dead don't move. There is damage, yes, but he's somewhere else right now. In a different state of being trying to conquer whatever it is that's restrains him. Take a look in his eyes, men, when you're not blinded by anger, fear or sadness. They are eyes that see something we do not. He's somewhere far. He's somewhere in an infinite space where he fears to disappear."
"Can he hear us?" asked Hephaistion as calm as he ever was. His thoughts had been completely private and silent they had to forget he was even present.
"Yes." Philip nodded. "I believe he can."
Hephaistion was keeping a proper distance. He was strangely quiet and the men were surprised he hadn't had anything more to offer. Though the passed couple of days he already allowed most of his emotions out. Perhaps he had nothing left in him. He was in the corner with arms folded low, watching Alexander, masked by the darkness where the candle light did not touch. There was a hidden nervousness in him that would cause any man to fear.
Philip came up to him, landed an old hand on his shoulder having a look of sleeplessness as much as the rest of the men. "It may seem as if there are only bad things happening after another." He knew Hephaistion was taking it the hardest and by his small anxious twitches in his fingers he'd probably break down eventually. "But he's strong. Alexander is strong. And the stronger he remains, you shall too." That's all the doctor said before passing the gesture on to the rest of the men.
Ptolemy then walked up to the king who was just staring above into nothing. "Alexander?" He called. There was a twitch in the dark lashes. The king didn't respond but Ptolemy wasn't expecting a response. He just wanted Alexander to hear his voice. "Could he be asleep still?" The curled haired general turned to the Philip. "He did inherit his mothers sleep patterns."
"I'm afraid I don't know what it is." Phillip answered to no help but they would always be grateful for his assistance as he dampened another cloth and placed it over the king's grey roots. "But since his eyes have opened, he's been sweating. He's still suffering from a fever."
"This is what I speak of! What is Alexander without words or thoughts. That is not our king. That is just a dead man. Fevers melt the brain. You told us that, Philip. He's been with fever since the injury right before the battle ended. Not to mention he was plunged under water for the gods know how long. His mind will be destroyed if he wakes up!" Perdicas reacted wildly after feeling a type of way about Alexander's body being a pale display rather than the sun lit man they grew up with. "You can damn me for my opposition all you want. Look at him. What are his options? Huh? How can we all just stand here and gaze and speculate. This won't help him break out of an infinite sight. He is scared and he's allowed to be. The minute Alexander has the fear of death in his eyes is the same minute we should end his suffering or we will live in his same despair."
Hephaistion looked at him with a lowered glare. He said nothing and would agree even, though he was equally offended. But that was the bias in him. Lately he couldn't figure out what he wanted. But he had been recognizing his own selfishness. Alexander would hate to exist without being the man he once was. Alexander was a giver, a speaker, a dreamer, a fighter, a leader. If he couldn't do any of that, what good was he? He could tell himself to let Alexander go but...he could never.
"You're freaking out." Craterus murmured. "Get some air."
"I don't need fucking air."
"Then calm yourself right now."
Perdicas snarled and slumped onto the floor with his face in his hands.
"What do we do now?" Leonnatus muttered exhaustively. "Because all we seem to do lately is agree to disagree on everything. Is he dead or not? If we can agree that he is fully gone then we should end his life so that he may find peace. I agree with you on that much, Perdicas."
The troubled general unburied his face from his palms and looked up at Leonnatus. "Believe me, Leon, none of us want this but I would do it for you. I would end it for all of you."
Then there was a long silence in the dead air.
"This doesn't change anything." Replied Craterus first. "We still move out first thing after the arrival of Coenus and Antigonus. Alexander will be himself again. When he is, he would want to see that we weren't neglecting his empire, quarreling over pointless endeavors and shaming his conquests. For now, no matter the differences, we stay on his path and we keep him as comfortable as possible. The people will be happy to know that he's still alive. Sometimes that's all they need to know to move on."
"Then it's settled." Ptolemy said while nodding to Craterus, relieved to end the day. According to the looks on their faces, they all agreed.
Philip sighed and then nodded himself. "He needs to eat and drink to get any strength back or he won't survive the journey back home. I've been keeping his skin preserved with a special honey. It's proving quite effective. But there is much more to comfort."
"Wonderful. We force feed him. What can go wrong?" Perdicas doubtfully replied.
"Of-course we would have to take extreme precaution. I've only been able to give him beads of water. He could choke if his neck muscles are to weak to swallow anything solid." Answered Philip. "That's the risk."
"I refuse." Said Perdicas. "Hephaistion was difficult enough and he had the ability to eat. "
"Here we go again." Leonnatus tiredly exhaled.
"I'm just being truthful. He was a nightmare and all we were trying to do was take care of him."
Hephaistion said nothing as he kept his sophistication.
"You've been a man of few words." Perdicas pushed his body from the floor and walked up to address Hephaistion who had every intent to say nothing. "What's your opinion? We all know you have one."
"Always with a smart remark, Perdicas. Do you ever get tired of your own cynicism?" Leonnatus stated, coming to back him off.
"You're starting to sound much like Cassander. If you'd like to join him, let me know and I'll put you there." Hephaistion finally responded with commanding gleaming eyes but much more was concealed.
Perdicas chuckled. "You are in no position to make threats."
"Then silence that fucking tongue of yours. And I am in any position I choose to be in. Be careful with your next words."
Perdicas grinned. "Since when did you turn combative? Where has this Hephaistion been?"
Hephaistion normally would have collected himself before jumping into a confrontation. This time, it didn't call for it. "Since Alexander was taken from us or do I have to remind you of everything that has gone wrong the last few months! It's quite the list! So allow me this, stress makes men combative."
"He's right. Stress is our enemy now. All we do is fight, kill each other, complain about the weather and dream of going home. But we won the battle and no one has rejoiced." Said Leonnatus.
"Because it's Alexander's glory. None of us wanted this." Perdicas replied.
"But who knew our incompetent king had the ability to keep us tamed." Hephaistion replied grimly, reminding the generals what they all once thought.
"Take some control, Hephaistion. You're the one who changed the most." Perdicas pointed.
"What did I say about your tongue?" Hephaistion uttered severely. He unfolded his arms and that was when Ptolemy and Craterus stepped between them. They knew quite a lot about body language being around men their entire lives. They also knew how unpredictable Hephaistion has been lately. They couldn't afford to lose either Perdicas or Hephaistion and it would be unfortunate for Perdicas to suffer the same fate Cleitus had.
"Alexander would have listened if you had told him that going into India was a bad idea." Perdicas pushed further.
"Fuck me." Craterus uttered heavily. "Not now."
"This is my fault?" Hephaistion growled, all patience long gone.
"Wouldn't you say so?" Shrugged Perdicas daringly.
"What are you saying, that I purposely dismiss his faults?"
"Yes!"
"I did speak out and look where we are. In fucking India!" The blue-eyed general yelled. "We have had plenty of disagreements and the result was always the same. He stopped listening when everyone questioned his loyalty and judgment. I would say that's on the rest of you!"
"Hephaistion!" Craterus squeezed his arm tighter. "You need to relax."
They have never seen Hephaistion this radical. They had never seen blue eyes turn so black.
"I don't believe you tried hard enough."
"I don't care what you believe. After all, it's only a belief."
"Get him out of here!" shouted Craterus. He had fought Hephaistion before. Craterus was bigger but Hephaistion was far more treacherous.
"Alexander's trust in you has always been durable so what went wrong?"
"Enough." Ptolemy pulled back Perdicas. "We're leaving!"
"Let him stay." Hephaistion said glaring at Perdicas."If this will help, tell me more about myself, Perdicas."
"I will and I want everyone to hear me out. Politics, negotiating, military procedure, oral conduct. You are clearly the most competent when it comes to the inner workings of Alexander's operational brilliance. You are his chief counselor. You are his better judgement so why are we here?"
"I am also a Calvary commander. Not just a logistics officer. And we are here because Alexander wanted to be here just like how we were wherever he needed us to be before we arrived here. Do I need to make that any more clear? What answers are you looking for? You want me to tell you that we are here because Alexander had a death wish for us all. That this is where he wanted us to die and be forgotten? He can hear us. Why don't you ask him yourself and when he wakes up, hopefully he gives you the answer you're looking for but I am not to be accused."
"Can we stop this before it gets out of hand and Hephaistion attacks you the way he attacked me when I was pushing him to the edge? Not to mention what happened to Cassander?" Craterus glared hard at Perdicas, pleading him with dangerous eyes to stop. Perdicas's intentions were good but he was handling it in an irrational way to a man who used to be a rational thinker. He didn't take into consideration how tormented Hephaistion had been lately and that was his first mistake.
Perdicas and Hephaistion were always assigned missions together especially when it came to building and constructing foundations and bridges so Perdicas felt comfortable addressing Hephaistion as a friend whether Hephaistion felt the same way. All the men knew how guarded Hephaistion preferred to remain.
"We are all aware where your true strengths lie."
"I don't think you do." Hephaistion's eyes unfastened. Craterus still remained on to him in-case he were to erupt.
"To hell with it." Ptolemy said.
Perdicas came face to face with Hephaistion after Ptolemy released him, warning him about an early burial. "When Alexander is in a mood thinking unreasonably, you are the one we count on to differentiate the types of logic and he was out of his mind before this. You don't trust us and this was the perfect place to make sure we would never live again. You hate us because of how you've been mistreated."
"You speak from your ass. I am one man. You are all thousands. Alexander is one man. Wounded at that in mind and body. If you wanted to prevent Alexander from making the biggest mistake of his life, you all could have rebelled and stopped him. This isn't only on me. And if I wanted you all dead, I wouldn't do it this way. It's a bit too complicated wouldn't you say? If I am as competent as you say I am I would do it in a way that makes fate seem fair. You will never see it coming."
Perdicas smiled at the threat that wasn't so silent. "Use that power then. I'm saying that the way Alexander is with you, you are now the most powerful man in his empire. Or you could be if you wanted it. To be strategic and tactical was Alexander's strength. He saw formation as if he was an eagle looking down at the world but he is a shit politician. Forgive me, Alexander. Hephaistion, you have everything in front of you and the capacity to overrule him while he's gone. You can be feared because of your influence on the king. The people already trust you. Take it."
"I will not abuse my rights he's been through trouble and mocked for. What will be said? That I had to warm his bed in order to snatch the throne from under him? I will not give any of you that satisfaction."
"Not even for the greater good?"
"What greater good is there? There is no good in this world. You should look at yourselves for that answer."
"We know our sins but we also know that you are good. You want to know how I know. Because we are all still living. If you wanted us dead, you would have ordered our executions and Alexander would have went through with it. I know how much you hate us, even the ones who had nothing to do with any of it. We did nothing for you. We acted as friends but friends would have never allowed it. I would want us dead too. You stood up for yourself out there and with Cassander. Shouldn't that be a regular thing?"
"Enough." Philip responded loudly. "Are you boys or are you men? Now direct your hostility away from each other. We are all under the same pressure. I will be the one to make sure Alexander is well nourished. The rest of you, get your rest before the sun rises. You can kill each other when the king chooses to die. Now go. All of you. Out."
Perdicas did back down and Craterus released Hephaistion. Everyone felt the tension finally die down but emotions were still stirred.
Hephaistion, was the first to leave. He didn't even look to any of them, not even Alexander before dismissing himself. When he stormed from the tent, he charged forward to the edge of a small dirt cliff that peered over the grandest jungle he once thanked he made it back from. But anger had ways to tamper with a man's weakness. He hated himself for fighting as hard as he did only to return to nothing familiar but still too familiar and shamed blue eyes sought out the moon. Even the bittersweet feeling was no longer sweet, just bitter. He didn't recognize how gone Alexander really was until he saw him awake but not moving. That was worse than seeing him completely lifeless. How far gone he was. Seeing Alexander that way made immortal fear pale in comparison. Hephaistion had been seeing a lot of moons lately but not enough sun. Another unsettling omen. The gods were showing him exactly what he needed to see. And it wasn't mercy. Alexander wasn't healing. He was departing.
"I pray you are good to him." Hephaistion said to the gods that may take Alexander away from him one day. "I pray he is the happiest he's ever been where he truly belongs. How deserving he is of it."
The rest of the generals had left back to their tents, except for Ptolemy, who came up next to Hephaistion who was glaring through the sky. Hephaistion heard him but chose to keep him out of his sight.
"Just because I can't understand your pain doesn't mean that I can't feel it. I'm sorry. We should have told you that we had discussed your future without Alexander."
"You should have told me! What do you want?"
"I want to join in your prayer. Alexander will be with the greats. That's the thing about destiny I'm sure of. That should help put your mind to rest, Hephaistion."
"How can I?" The blue eyed man hastily answered.
"By closing your eyes. We have a big day ahead of us and long days after."
"Then follows the nightmares."
"At times, nightmares get us moving in the right direction."
"I'm tired of being frightened by the things I choose to put in my head. It doesn't matter how much I want to forget, the fact is, I don't forget. I can't forget what happened out there. What happened to me, I can get by. I will heal because I have the chose to heal. What happened to him, the things I didn't see, haunts me to no end. I've never seen him suffer before, not in this way, and I'm seeing it now and I can't get myself to end it for him."
"He chooses for us not to see that part because if he suffers, we suffer."
"We're suffering now." Said Hephaistion, angrily.
"I don't think so. We only tell ourselves that because it makes it easier to dwell and act out certain behaviors. That way, we take no accountability. We tell ourselves we're allowed to feel this way because we've lost. But we know that isn't true. You're the one who believed that." Hephaistion sighed, not ready to hear it, but Ptolemy continued anyway. "I think we are doing what we do when we are without influence. We're not suffering, we're just staring at the enemy line, with our swords withdrawn and readied to strike and our shields up. We're not moving, we're not killing yet, we're just waiting for the enemy to make the first move. But they are afraid to make the first move because they don't know what's meant to happen. We are only at a dead end and all we have to do is turn around."
"You and Alexander talk to much during times silence and prayer is all that is necessary."
"Aristotle would be the one to blame." Chuckled Ptolemy, taking no offense to his friends up-tightness. "He warped the way of our minds. And if you ask me, you don't speak enough."
"I don't have to."
"I think it's good for you. Perdicas is right."
"What?" Hephaistion shot his friend a look full of betrayal.
"Listen first before you get angry with me."
"I am already furious! You went behind my back!"
"Only because we see the potential you don't want to see."
"I can't be anything more. I am nothing without him."
The curled haired general was no longer at his side but at his front. "You are him. None of this is your fault. It's ours and you're right about that. Alexander would have dragged us here regardless of your influence. And the way you've been treated is insufferable. Now we see your strength and your will. The men should no longer believe that you are without voice. When you do speak, they hear you. In ways they will never admit, they fear you. I believe people will listen to you if one day you have to speak up for Alexander. Alexander is filled with emotion, some emotions a human should never have to wear. You are the more articulate one. More balanced. Perhaps if they knew what it takes to engage in such diplomacy, they will respect you more."
"I shouldn't have to prove that to anyone. I don't want their respect. They already lost mine." Hephaistion hissed. "Why am I the only one who has to fight to prove my worth?"
"Perdicas respects you or else he would have never said the things he said. I respect you because I fight for you every day. Craterus respects you or he would have never challenged you. Leonnatus loves you like a brother."
"So few men. I am being accused of taking advantage of Alexander's emotions and leading his men to their deaths because somehow that benefits me. Don't you think I would have considered Alexander first?"
"No one believes that. Perdicas was only trying to prove a point in a terrible way. He was hoping you would fight back a little harder."
"To the point that I kill him, because that's where it would have led. Why are you agreeing with him?"
"I'm not agreeing with him in the way that you believe I am. I'm sorry that I am worsening your anger but you need to know what your value is."
Hephaistion ran frustrated hands through his hair. He felt everyone was against him. He felt he didn't belong. "It makes me sick to think that I would have to be Alexander's voice one day. That is not what I want. That is not what's supposed to happen."
"What's supposed to happen, Hephaistion?"
"I'm supposed to set him free." Tears started to fall.
Ptolemy shook his head. He didn't understand why Hephaistion would take on such a burden."That isn't your purpose."
"It is. I didn't want to come here. I felt something bad would happen if we came here. But then he told me that this place will set him free. He would dream it. I would dream it. I didn't know what it meant but that's all I wanted for him, to be free. That's why we are here. Because I couldn't see the freedom he was speaking of."
"You still believe he wanted to die?"
"Yes. Alexander wanted to die the day he was born. He would joke about it. But I know his honesty."
Ptolemy saw it now. Alexander didn't like the life he was destined to live. Alexander enjoyed the reign in the beginning. It was his opportunity to prove himself to the world who said he couldn't. Then the further he went, it slowly ate him alive. He didn't know how to be human anymore. So becoming a god was his only choice. Now the weight of it all was crushing him slowly.
"Why is he fighting now when he should have been fighting then?"
Hephaistion released a breath made of heartache. "He sees now that we need him. He hears us and he knows that we are no good without him and it's true. We can't rule his kingdom. We can't even rule ourselves."
Ptolemy sighed and looked at the same moon. "You truly do not want this?"
"I am not Alexander. I don't have his view of glory. I don't believe in it. He would tell me that the world was mine but he had to conquer it first. I should have told him early on that I didn't like living in this world. I should have told him that his dreams would never make me happy."
"What are your dreams?"
"It doesn't matter. They wouldn't make him happy either. Alexander was never meant to be happy therefore neither will I."
"You have never thought of your life without him?"
"I grew up with him. You can't live simply when you know Alexander."
"I was taught by Thais to read and feel a persons aura. She's into that gypsy shit but it's not shit. I felt Alexander's. He is planning to wake up and embrace you again. That will make him happy."
"Only on his terms."
"He's not suffering the way we think he is."
"I'll try to believe that."
"Try for once to believe in you." Ptolemy encouraged strongly. "Alexander believed you would save him and you did. Stop being so modest and accept your worth. These men know what you are capable of. You are not useless. Being emotionally intelligent among thousands of brutes is intimidating but it doesn't make you physically weak, it makes you in charge of the greatest man to have ever lived. You rule us because you rule him. Think about that before you venture towards Perdicas's tent to kill him. Like we've always said, you are the only good among us. Stay that way." Ptolemy clenched his shoulder comfortingly knowing the weight Hephaistion was bearing and then headed for his tent.
The night was young but their journey to sleep will be impossible.
Hephaistion remained isolated. The tensity lessened in his nerves, mind and soul because he was drained from it all. He sat at the ridge to breathe, not to think. But thoughts came with worries as he became encircled by the billion stars highlighting every one of them. He looked back to the moon, all night, waiting for the sun to finally rise.
Two Weeks Later
Phai was staring in the mirror at himself. He thought maybe Alex did it this way to determine what he really saw. Looking at himself, because what other way was there to define how despicable you really were. Phai didn't feel right. And he knew why. Something was at the back of his mind and it hurt. Alex was going away after this and it's all he could think about. They didn't talk about it. It was impossible, not at the rate Alex was declining. He could tell Alex was avoiding the obvious by making it obvious that he was avoiding it. It was as if the blonde had told himself nothing was real but in truth they both couldn't accept it. Alex was just showing it the hardest. He was taking everything the hardest. Speaking of Alex, he was acting weird. Not that much strange for anyone who has recently lost a loved one but it was an 'Alex' Phai didn't know how to communicate with. His dad died and then his car broke, then he dipped out of town and after that...all things and everything made him weird. It scared Phai. Phai knew what level of Alex he could fix and tolerate. This new Alex was needier, short-tempered, boldly insecure and irrationally horny much like his dead dad and Phai had to remind himself that it was Alex he fell in love with and not Phillip. But he saw Phillip in him. He saw many things other than Phillip in him. The death of his father turned him into an entire different human. Emotion had much to do with it but something else was there. It was something else Phai couldn't recognize and therefore couldn't diagnose.
Phai cleared his throat and fixed his tie that didn't need fixing. It was the day of the funeral and he was at his house getting ready and Alex was nowhere to be found. He disappeared with the puppy the day after the death and no one knew where to. Alex would call him randomly at different hours of the day and that would be all the Alex he got. Alex would never tell him where he was and conversations were brief. Strange and brief. But at least he heard his voice even if it was only when he was crying, yelling, or sex talking him. Then the next week came and nothing. Phai had been trying to call him but he wouldn't pick up and that was the most anxiety filled moment Phai has ever had. Worse than the night Alex passed out in a desert after shooting up heroin. Only bad thoughts came with it. Maybe Alex killed himself and would be found later in a ditch somewhere. Maybe he overdosed on drugs. Or had alcohol poisoning. That would be a sad lonely fate but Alex has proven time and time again, loneliness is where he'd rather be. It has been two weeks since he's seen or heard from his blonde Prince. No one else has seen or heard from him either. Everyone grew afraid that he wouldn't show up for his own father's funeral. Everyone was afraid he was out and about getting fucked up and drinking himself to death. It was something that made the most sense. Olympias had mentioned that's what Phillip had done when his father passed and Alex's biggest fear was becoming his dad. They were similar but so far apart.
Just when Phai was beginning to panic internally, thinking he was going to need to send out a search party which he was surprised Olympias hasn't already done, Alex entered the bathroom. Phai froze, eyes wide with surprise. Then he quickly turned to face the blonde who wasn't blonde anymore. Hell, Alex was completely unrecognizable and Phai didn't know how to feel or think. He looked like he had just seen a ghost. Alex looked beaten and tormented and not at all ready for the sad day. He didn't look like Alex. Not one bit. Al
Alex smiled like nothing ever should have been wrong and handed him the puppy. Phai looked at the puppy who was licking at his face and then back at Alex. What the hell was going on?
"Your hair?" Phai first noticed the hair. Anyone's first reaction would have been about the hair. Alex had shaved away his natural curls. His hair was slick and pitch black. He didn't look like Alex. He was Alex...just...not Alex. Phai could cry. Alex looked dark, rugged and…"You look…different." He looked older. His eyes were more prominent and it wasn't him. It couldn't have been him. Maybe Philip but not at all Alex.
Phai couldn't figure out why it bothered him so much. Alex could make pink hair look good but…what the fuck happened? Phai wanted to yell it but he couldn't. How could he when Alex was in the worst place imaginable.
"I didn't like the way it was."
Phai still looked as shock as he did when Alex entered. It was like someone slapped him in the face with no warning. "What happened?" Then blue eyes turned to indifferent eyes. He noticed the large stitched cut under one eye. The brown eye.
"Nothing happened."
"Are you okay? What happened to your eye?"
"Nothing."
"Tell me, Alex?" Phai asked tenderly.
Alex was hesitating. He looked disturbed and discomfited.
"Please Alex. What happened? Did you get into a fight?"
"I tried to cut my eye out." He said it like it wasn't a big deal. He figured the faster he said it the faster Phai will move on.
Phai had no words. He just looked mortified. There was nothing about this new man to remind him of Alex. "You told me not to worry. I didn't think you were coming." Phai finally said to the man who wore an expression he couldn't read.
Alex moved close to him. "I wouldn't miss it." He took the puppy from Phai's hands and set her down.
Alex smelt of alcohol and cigarettes. He must have just finished the smoke. Phai frowned. Alex never smoked before. He was definitely becoming his father. An unstable piece of work. Now he was going to have to adjust to Alex the way his father adjusted to Phillip.
Phai cleared his throat, still trying to battle the shock of it. "I'm glad you're here. And I think he would be happy that you were there for him." Of all the things Phai really wanted to say, he held back. Today wasn't the day for a fight.
Alex began to feel up Phai, gliding firm hands down his sides. "I'm glad to see you. I missed you."
"Where have you been?" Asked Phai in a way that Alex wouldn't get defensive. The blonde seemed delirious again and in a world of his own.
"Nowhere. Just in my own head. In my head I realized how much I missed you. I miss you all the time."
Phai moaned inwardly when Alex pressed his body against his, pinning him gently between the counter and himself. He began to kiss his neck. It wasn't fair. He wanted it but knew it wasn't about wanting it. "I missed you, too."
"I need to feel you, Phai. I thought about you the whole time."
"You weren't wondering if I was at all worried?"
Alex had a hand wrapped around his neck now and Phai growled into it. His parents had left early with Alex's mom to make sure everything was prepped for the view. "I'm here now. We're alive."
"Alex, you don't seem alright." Phai breathed heavily within his clutch. He could have a panic attack. He no longer felt like Alex. And as desirable as he still was, he couldn't get himself to be turned on.
"I promise. I am." The blonde whispered to him.
Phai stopped Alex, pushing back against him a little. "Where were you?"
"I was in Florida."
"The whole time?"
"I don't remember."
"What's in Florida?"
"Crime, gators and the far side of the moon."
"You've been drinking?"
"I had a couple of drinks. We were just celebrating the man who made me."
"Who?"
"Alexander. He and I had an adventure."
"You're drunk, Alex."
"I feel good though. I need you to feel good with me." Alex turned Phai around and kissed him with an addiction. "I need to feel better. You're the only one who can make me feel better."
Phai stopped him again. "This isn't like you, Alex." Then he worried if it was very much like Alex. The Alex he kept thinking he knew must have died somewhere on his hiatus but Phai wasn't in the mood for sex just like any normal person wouldn't have been. But it has always been said, funerals make people horny. It was a time for mourning but Alex made it clear that he had already took time to mourn privately.
"I just want you. Why is that so wrong?"
Phai conflicted with his own emotions at what to do allowed Alex to undo his pants. He couldn't stand the smell of the smoke and alcohol on his breath and clothes and he couldn't believe he gave in that easily even though right now the disgust with himself made him feel fucking sick to his stomach. He'd puke first before allowing Alex inside of him. He shut his eyes in aggravating pleasure when Alex began to rub him off. "I need you hard for me." The blonde cooed against his exposed sweet throat and Phai realized this made Alex feel better. But it didn't. Alex thought it would make him feel better. "Turn around." Alex demanded.
Phai slowly turned as Alex dropped his pants but he was scared. He was far to tense and he didn't think he would open up as easily as normal. It would only hurt. Other times it was welcoming pain, the pain Phai liked. This time, not so much. And Bucephalus was watching.
Before anything happened, Phai quickly turned around stopping Alex once more. He could see through his eyes, he was hurting badly so it wasn't easy to turn him down. "Alex, this isn't the best time."
Alex frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I'm not in the mood."
"I am."
"I'm not. I'm sorry. I can't. Not right now." Phai pulled back up his pants, zipped and buttoned himself, then turned back facing the mirror to fix the rest of himself. He delayed eye contact with Alex and that didn't help Alex's insecure uncertainties.
"Do you hate me?"
"No, of-course not."
"Are you turned off by me?"
Phai paused to look at him. "No."
"Then what is it?" Alex deeply voiced.
Phai kept calm. "It's not the right time."
"That's not what you're meaning to say, Phai."
"Fine. I'm not turned on by you in this particular moment. You taste like cigarettes and alcohol and you know I am sickened by both of those things. You look nothing like you used to which I can not fault you for but you have to give me time to adjust or some kind of warning. I won't pretend this transformation isn't unsettling. Also your fathers funeral begins in less than two hours and you're not ready at all. How do you expect me to feel?"
Alex, without a word back, turned and left. He didn't look disappointed and he didn't look genial and Phai could only hold in a breath. He was dealing with a completely different person. Old Alex would have apologized or at-least acknowledged him.
Phai, conflicted for a about ten seconds, gave in, growled and went after him. "Alex?"
Alex was already at the bottom of the stairs. He stopped and turned to look up at Phai. "Yes, Phai?"
"Don't leave again. I'm sorry. I don't know what you're going through and I shouldn't be selfish. This day isn't about me but I would really like it if you talk to me and tell me exactly what happened so that I can understand?"
"You're judging me. You've never judged me before, Phai, even when you found out I was drinking, you were only worried. I don't like to be judged by you because I can never judge you back. I've done enough of that already for myself and I don't have it in me anymore. And let me tell you something, I exhaust me and I know I exhaust you but when you look at me like how you are, I can't handle it. I don't know how to so please stop looking at me like you hate me."
Phai shook his head. "Alex, I'm not judging you. I don't hate you. How can I when you're impossible to form any conclusion about? That's why I put so much of my thoughts and time on you, because you amaze me even if the amazement scares me. Can you blame me for wanting to know why you disappeared when you told me never to worry about you again the exact same day?"
"I'm sorry. I should have told you where I was."
"You still haven't."
"I said I was in Florida."
"That's a fucking lie. You're not good at lying."
Alex stared at him and Phai stared back and right away Phai knew he wasn't going to ever know what happened for those two weeks.
"Is this about your father?" Phai changed the subject because he wasn't getting anywhere about the other thing.
"I think so."
"Did you not like your blonde hair?"
"It reminded me of who I shouldn't be. So I chopped it off and colored it." Alex shortly chuckled. "It's not the end of the world, Phai."
"You're right. It was just a surprise, that's all. It does make you look a little pale."
"It does."
The next question was the hardest to ask. "Why would you try to cut out your eye?"
Alex shrugged carelessly. "Because every time I look at myself I see what I don't want to see. I figured if I lost an eye, I wouldn't be able to see that piece of him anymore."
"What you saw must have not been too terrible."
"How's that?"
"Because you didn't do it. You still have your eye."
Alex smiled. "He told me to do it. That's the only reason why I didn't. Apparently, I enjoy defying myself. Whatever that means."
Phai didn't know what to say and said nothing. He just shifted his wet eyes away from him.
"I'm fine, Phai. Everything will be okay. I promise."
"I've heard that before. You've promised that two weeks ago."
Phai knew it wouldn't be but again it was easier to throw the truth away especially knowing damn well Alex was going away after this, a conversation Alex was going to avoid until he was gone one day.
"You know what, something did happen that might cheer you up. He convinced me to get this."
Phai didn't want to know more but needed to know. And he was also starting to hate this Alexander guy.
Alex turned around and lifted his t-shirt showing off his lower back. Phai had the same look on his face that Alex had on his once he sobered up.
It was a tramp stamp. Phai's name, big, bold and scripted. Alex with a cocky grin, already noting Phai's expression, put back down his shirt and turned to look at him. He knew Phai was having an anxiety attack and thought he could ease it with a simple smile. "I got drunk enough, Alexander got drunk enough and I went for it. I had a rough two weeks, Phai and I see that you're devastated but I learned something on my path of self destruction."
"What was that?"
"When I am fearless, I'll do anything. I'll be next door. I'm gonna go change now. When you're ready to leave come find me."
Alex then blew him a blissful kiss and left the house. And again Phai was confused at what the fuck just happened.
Alex walked sixteen steps and entered his house for the first time since his dad was gunned down. He walked through the door and looked around and touched things trying to feel any remembrance of him. He went through some of his fathers mail that was sitting on the counter. Then he moved on from that, not being able to look at his name printed on the front of every envelope. He left the kitchen and sat on Phillip's favorite couch. He called it his 'pass out' couch because it was much more comfortable than his actual bed. In fact, even before his parents split, Phillip always preferred the couch. Alex stood and caught eye of the piano covered by the silk drape that was very rarely removed. His birthday gift from years ago that he never touched or played. He went to sit before the piano and ripped away the cover. He smiled, because some memories were actually missed.
"The price to play is tricky and when it brings tears to your eyes, it's no longer a chore but a sensation." He remembered his dad telling him the first and only time they sat together before a piano, the most beautiful instrument of all. "Go on. Caress it."
Alex scooted upright and began to play the piano with soft keys. He hadn't played it before and it felt nice to the touch. It felt brand new. It felt unreal.
Then he stopped when his father appeared next to him and took over the board. He began to play a song for Alex and Alex remembered everything about that day when he was a child. Phillip sang the industrial song.
"You say it's all about intention
A chimera in disguise
It's about your life, the greed
The loneliness it needs now
Just to say you've claimed the prize
Of letting go..."
Alex joined his father in the same passionate tune playing harder notes this time.
"You say it's all about your virtue now
Like a harlequin of shame
You look around, you hear the sound
Your intention's gone aground now
Because it's all about the fame,"
Alex grinned the same as his dad.
"And now you're letting go...But it's a little late
There's little time to show
So tell me now
Would you do it all again?"
His father disappeared but Alex remained singing like he had nothing to prove to himself anymore.
"You say it's all about forgiveness now
Well, you can grovel if you'd like
But turn around, do you hear that sound?
That's integrity gone aground now
In the name of sacrifice,"
Then he suddenly stopped. He'd stay while everyone else cried. But he would never be forgiven and he needed to be forgiven for everything, past, present and future. So he gathered himself, went upstairs to shower, brush his teeth and change into a suit and tie. Phai still hadn't come for him and he wondered if Phai was avoiding him. He went down stairs, and covered back up the piano as if it was never touched and headed back to the house next door. Before he entered to see if Phai was ready, Phai opened the door slowly and Alex blinked in disbelief, the same way Phai had looked at him earlier. Time felt like it was going by way to slow before Alex gave his blue eyed lover a satisfied smirk.
"Why?" The blonde asked.
Phai shrugged shyly. "I don't want you to feel out of place. I don't want you to feel alone."
Alex stepped up to him and began to touch Phai's new short hair as if it would have felt differently. It did. Much thinner by the roots. Less heavy. It was gone. Most of it. There was still enough to put in a very short ponytail but gone were the days of the famous length. Phai was known for his hair that grew like weeds in a field. Now he looked like his father. They didn't plan it but they were looking more and more like their dads. They were becoming men. "Thank you." Alex said and then hugged Phai. And they hugged for a minute. That was the Alex he remembered. He felt better now. Thank God. He couldn't lose another piece of him.
"This was really hard for me to do. I was pacing and crying and internally yelling at myself but then I grabbed the closest scissors and it all went away. I'm fine now." Phai said holding back more tears. "If anyone asks, we both had a really, really bad day, okay?"
Alex nodded then released Phai. "I'm sure they won't notice a thing."
Macedonia Headquarters, India
Hephaistion didn't head back to his tent to fetch the sleep everyone claimed he needed. How could he? Instead he went to go visit a dear friend. After all they have been through together, he could still consider him one. Their relationship was quite requisite even with all the complimentary and passionate dislike they had for each other.
The green-eyed general was throwing rocks as far as his chained hands would allow. He was secluded from the rest of the prisoners and men, outside, tied and bound to a wooden post. He had been suffering in the muggy weather where odd bugs in the night found him attractive and the sun, whatever there was of it, was unkind to his white skin but just as he was about to regret every decision he had ever made, he debated whether it was worth it to beg for forgiveness. Then his prayers must have been answered when green eyes grinned as he saw a notable shadow stand before him.
The blue-eyed general was wrapped comfortably in a heavy cloak. And eyes were as empty as his soul has been. "Enjoying the night sky?" He asked, cruelly and meaninglessly, but Cassander couldn't tell. Hephaistion always had a way to sweet talk those he truly meant to suffer.
The sharp eyed general chuckled and it echoed through the silent sky. "Lurking, I see. The night isn't all that precious."
Hephaistion smiled, able to read between the lines. Cassander meant him. "You are not wrong."
"I see that you finally found the decency to come visit. Have you forgiven me yet, Prince Hephaistion? Because the gods know anyone should beg for your forgiveness." He hissed, derisively.
Hephaistion said nothing and sat on the dirt ground across from him. His leg was healing but it was stiff. He should have had his crutch but he had been ignoring any and all medical advice. Then he just stared until he saw any physical discomfort in the prisoner.
Cassander grunted, falling for it. "If you're not here to untie me or kill me, you should leave."
"I actually enjoy watching you suffer. Who knew it would bring me such happiness."
"You can't fool me. You're not happy. This makes you sick. You've always had a weak stomach for heinous crimes. "
Hephaistion nodded. "You are right. I have actually come to apologize." He smiled kindly to him but Cassander braced himself for something less endearing.
"What for?"
"I acted out of myself and I would have been angry the rest of my life if I had cut to deep. I am joyful that you are still capable of breathing. I just don't trust you and you can not expect me to. I see and hear things most men don't. And though I am sorry, don't think for one second I should be sorry for what I did. I only feel sorry for what I did but I know deep down I shouldn't be. That's just who I am. That's the part I dislike about me. I empathize with my enemies. I try to understand why those who dislike me, want me dead or hurt. I know why men hate me. I have Alexander's heart. I own it. I own all of it. But that was a gift to me. He gave it to me. I shouldn't be persecuted for it. That heart is my only influence in this disgusting little world filled with disgusting little people. If it is true about your feelings, then you should take them back immediately. You shouldn't have fallen in love with me. The way I look, it does that to men, even the ones who were once innocent of thought. There is a deceit to beauty. I didn't mean to look this way and the gods did not favor me. What I have is a curse that has followed me everywhere and if it is my sight that turns men dumb then I am perfectly alright being as hideous as I am now, all of me. If I frightened you, good. If I have turned you away from me, I prefer your distance. But the Hephaistion you knew, that passive, innocent, whore you think of me, he never existed. Only in thought, never in truth. In truth, I've always been this way despite what everyone assumes of me. You think me ball-less. I think you clueless. There is no trauma that turned me. I've always felt this way. Enraged and broken-hearted. Maybe a fragile mind like mine should have never made it into an army of rebellion. I was hoping I could go the rest of my life without having to come out from the darkness that protects me. Hiding had been far easier. Then that happened, out there and I was finally able to release everything I have ever felt before. The feeling was wonderful. It was freeing. Anger motivates, I've learned. If I chose to be who I pretended to be, I would have never made it out of that jungle. What I felt then was what I've felt all my life. Those barbarians were unfortunate to be around as I became no longer suppressed by that urge to hold back. I understand no one will care as much as I do about what happened to me. I understand that being primitive is a way of life. I understand that I am a man and I should express nothing. But I am grateful that I lived to bring Alexander back. He's getting a second chance. I am grateful to Ptolemy for encouraging me to live when I believed I would never live again. I am grateful to you for allowing me to expose you the way you have exposed me. You're not that terrible. Not yet anyway. If I know you as well as I think I do, because I watch you when you think no one sees you, your turn to evil doesn't start until the king is actually dead. That's when you move in for the kill. When the empire is broken because it's easier that way. You loathe Alexander because he's standing in the way of your dreams. And your dream is to have everything he has. You were born to be ruthless."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I need someone to hear me. I have been holding in my thoughts, never knowing how to unleash them."
"Do you not have Ptolemy for that? Why me?"
"Though I don't trust you, not a single bit, there is one person worse than you will ever be."
Cassander didn't dare blink and listened. "Tell me."
"You're more cunning than her because you understand how society and politics work. She is cunning for the sake of being cunning. She loves to hurt. You don't. You do it for security. She does it because vengeance sounds good. Alexander has always fallen for the worst type of human."
"Is that including yourself?"
Hephaistion said nothing but he fashioned him with a little grin exposing his rage and sadness.
"What are you saying, Hephaistion? Are you telling me that you believe it was the queen behind all of this?"
"I'm going to kill her one day whether she had anything to do with it or not. It can be before my fated death or after but she will die because I would have willed it so."
Cassander leaned up, intrigued. "This is completely unlike you."
"It's exactly like me."
"She's wanted you dead for so long and now look at the sudden turn in events? Again, how does this benefit me?"
"Because you will have a very important part to play when it comes to it. I know how much you take a disliking to her."
Cassander frowned but was generally excited. "Hephaistion, what are you becoming? I must say, I am beyond anxious. Why in Hades would you hide this part of you from Alexander. He would have killed to see you this way. Just think of all the things you could have convinced him of."
"Do not mistake a thing. I do not enjoy the way it makes me feel and I love Alexander and I would never want him to lose trust or sight of me. There's a reason he doesn't trust you. Because he knows all to well about your slyness. I can't have him thinking the one person who knows him best is just like any other man."
Cassander adjusted himself on his bottom to be more comfortable and less engaged. "Who knew, you'd be the most cunning of us all. I can't say that I'm shocked."
"Senses heighten when you were told to always keep silent. My mother said I could know anything I wanted to know, but only if I kept my mouth closed. To listen is a skill. To hear is a gift."
Cassander kept a lingering glare. "You truly are his opposite. The moon to his sun. The blood to his heart. The rule to his reign. Tell me, how did you gain this much power?"
"Power isn't as useful as you think. To have it is actually quite destructive and uninspiring. Soulless even."
Cassander spat, ridiculing him for his beliefs. "Only you would deny power and only Alexander would let you deny it. For someone so bright, Alexander was never the brightest. Always so trusting and forgiving. Still to this day, he thinks that everyone should love him. Still he believes he is the savior for all of these tribes. He's probably dreaming of a flowery field where he is being worshiped by all men and all gods. But he's smart because he surrounds himself by men who would do anything to protect him no matter how much envy he is surrounded by. That's power. Then there is you."
Hephaistion licked his pink lips, blue eyes matching green ones. "What about me?"
"Alexander has you." Cassander laughed a little. "You are the one with the secrets. You know more than you let on. You keep quiet in the shadows but you hear what we all say, what we'll do. But you are no traitor or snitch, no. You keep what you know to yourself and only strike when it's the right moment. The rest of us act as animals do. Not you. You're more refined like a wave that tears away our battle ships. Alexander knows something dark is in you but he's terrified and refuses to see it so he keeps the darkness on him because he wields it better. Our king, bless him once more, is so good at dumbing down all senses. Only love would keep a man like him close. That is your power, Hephaistion. It's not so boring when you use it right."
"There is no right way to power." Hephaistion said.
"Only an idiot would turn down any ability that makes men bow. Isn't that what you truly want? To see everyone who wronged you shift to their knees and cower at your feet?"
Hephaistion slowly smirked. "What do you think you're doing now?"
Cassander looked to himself and noticed he had been caught on his knees before him. Then he chuckled at being found out before relaxing back against the wooden pole. "What a treat you have been to me. But are you not afraid?"
"Of what?" Hephaistion titled his head, cockily grinning.
"That I might expose you?"
"Not at all. Because we have an understanding."
"Alexander can't protect you if he can't speak."
"I don't need protecting."
"Now look who is abusing their power?"
"Let me quickly remind you, this isn't power that I'm using. It's power you are giving me by being afraid."
Cassander scoffed, more impressed than the most cunning of all the gods would be. Hephaistion was a mastermind. How did he not see it before. "Do you feel free yet, Hephaistion? Let me be honest, I don't think you have it in you to be bad let alone free."
"I think just the opposite."
"Right, because of the challenges you've had to face. Are you ever not going to continuously rub our faces in that?"
"I haven't even begun. I've been without a voice, posing as a feeble component all of my life. But I've had a change of heart. This is the time to be loud. After all, a man should know his wrongs. And while we're out and about sharing stories," Hephaistion leaned into him. "Tell them to me, your wrongs."
"What?" Cassander's brows furrowed deeply.
"Tell me what you all have done?"
Cassander scoffed again, perplexed by the demand. Also not ready to revel his sins. Is that what Hephaistion was asking him to do? "How absurd. I will not confess to you especially not for any of the others. We know what you went through and we've told you countless of times how sorry we were."
Hephaistion grabbed him by the neck, squeezing around the cut that was now closed. "Only because shit would be trailing down your leg if Alexander were to found out. I will dig my fingers into your throat until I touch the bone if you do not confess right now!"
There was something more than anger in his voice but their was absolute saturation in his eyes. Only when it remains blue, has the point of saturation been reached.
"Why would you want to hear any of it? Isn't it easier to just forget? For your sake?" Cassander choked at the clutch. He couldn't do anything with hands bound but wince and still himself.
"This will help my sanity. I promise you, it will. This will no longer be shrugged under the fucking dirt. You men say you're sorry but keep quiet as if its not important for me to hear it out loud. Tell me what you have done to me. I want to see how good your sense of sight has always been."
"I'm not the serpent you think I am."
"Alexander loved snakes. He loved keeping them close. And as much as he admired the legless creatures, I never fell for them." Hephaistion angrily moaned at his ear, eyes soaking. "Tell me or die!"
"Alright, alright. I've seen it all. I've done it all." Hephaistion aggressively released him and Cassander coughed back up his breath. "I've seen the way men treat you. I recognize how I have treated you. You were only some common whore. That's what we thought of you. We thought you had to sleep with Alexander to gain his favor. We would touch you, mock you, drug you, force ourselves on you because we wanted to demean you. We loved the way it made us feel. To touch you was as close to invigoration we've ever had. We've seen it done before by Phillip and his men. But you didn't fight back. You never fought back. You took it like a good soldier so we thought it was something you pretended not to enjoy. We thought you liked getting fucked. So we would hurt you and we would piss on you and we would watch people hurt and piss on you. You had no self respect! None at all. We would mock you and laugh at you because you have qualities of a women. Women didn't belong in the army. We thought you weak, pretty and in the wrong place, at the wrong time. And then you would lie for us and tell Alexander nothing, no matter his suspicion. We thought you a coward. You would weep every night and then put on a brave face every morning. This happened every day. We wanted a reaction and you gave us nothing. I know how much Alexander doesn't see. I know you want him to see your pain but you're too good. You're too good to burden him. You're too good to us. We never understood why you would conceal your pain to protect us from him. We abused you with words and aggression. We treated you as a slave and not as a equal. You deserve to hate us and we deserve retribution. We were resentful and envious. We still are. We wanted you dead even if we could never follow through with it. You had everything. You had Alexander and we didn't understand why. We didn't trust you around him because we didn't know what your intentions were. We felt betrayed. We didn't know the real you. But we didn't try. All we saw was perfection, a sculpted statue of a god. We respected the gods but we didn't respect you. In fact we treated you as a god, in secret. We worshiped you in secret. Our cocks worshiped you. Our faults are because we are men who lust. What faults do you have other than being a very fuck worthy victim? Yes, we take complete advantage of your kindness and good heart. Especially your body. You are the only one of us who Alexander feels safe with because he believes we have all plotted against him. And we have plotted, so you keep Alexander as close to you as you possibly can. To protect him from us just as you protect yourself from us. You love him because he is the only one who has ever been good to you. He cherishes you. And he does it formally and publicly. Where we were ashamed, he was proud. Proud to the point he'd embarrass you by the attention. I've been waiting a long time to see you as you are but now I don't wish to see it ever again. I get it now. You want revenge, you want revenge on the world but you are better than us. That's your identity you wish to hold on to."
Hephaistion didn't even try to remove the tears that drenched his cheeks. He wanted Cassander to see them. They were real.
"I am sorry. You asked this of me. You wanted me to be truthful. If I knew you were going to cry about it, I would have kept most of it to myself."
"That's not what I wanted to hear. But thank you for that." Hephaistion stood, ready to leave.
"Wait, what did you want to hear?" Cassander couldn't believe how he was tricked into revealing more.
"It no longer matters."
"Untie me. I've done what you've asked. Untie me!"
"I don't think I will."
"Hephaistion, please."
"What are you fearing? That you may end up like Philotas or his father. Or Cleitus. Cleitus, I had nothing to do with. He did that himself. I always warn you men not to annoy a drunk king who thinks himself a god. But the others, they had it coming. To hurt Alexander is to only hurt yourself."
"You ordered their deaths?"
"I did."
"What about Alexander? He's hurt people."
"Who has he hurt?"
"You. He's hurt you."
"Yes. But the only thing he's guilty of, is like you said, being stupid. His intentions are never cruel just misled."
Cassander didn't respond. The innocence of the blue-eyed man was quickly drifting. But if he had been listening correctly, Hephaistion was never innocent. He saw that now. "I won't tell anyone. You have my word."
Hephaistion glanced. It was detrimental and oddly vulnerable. "I'm not worried about whether you do or not. Tell away." Then he removed himself from Cassander's small and lonely confinement and began to walk.
"Where are you going? Don't leave me here." He begged. "Untie me!"
Hephaistion continued to walk and Cassander finally knew what betrayal and fear felt like. He deserved it, that much he knew but still it wasn't expected of Hephaistion to be so merciless.
"At-least give me food and water so that I'm ready for the travels tomorrow!" He shouted but Hephaistion continued to ignore his cries. Panic grew in him and he tried frantically breaking free. "Hephaistion! This isn't you! What happened to remorse and forgiveness?"
Hephaistion slowly stopped. There was a fulfillment hearing Cassander beg out for mercy. "Of-course, how can I be so inconsiderate." He turned back, came up to him and wiped the dirty tears from the humiliated face. "That's better. I don't think I've ever seen such tears from you before."
"I'm not much a crier." Hissed Cassander, who had never once been chastened this way.
"They're beautiful on you. It makes you appear humble." Hephaistion then stepped back, released his cock and took a piss on Cassander's face. When he was done, he abandoned him permanently.
"Fuck you, Hephaistion!" Cassander spat in fury. "I hate you!"
Happy New Year! Here's a new chapter to start the new year. Thanks for all the reviews I haven't been able to respond to, but I see them and I appreciate them! One more chapter and Part Three officially ends. Part Four (and last part) begins soon! Welcome to the end.
-Stranger