Eyes that see Into Infinity, I will Disappear

by I'veAbandonedControl

After bearing an injury, Alexander is reborn into a more modern world as a child. He remembers nothing of his official ancient life except pieces but mostly of his lover. However Alex's life in the new world is also limited. Can he or can he not succeed back as Phai's lover before death finally takes him?

44. Chapter 44

Eyes that see into Infinity

Chapter Forty-Three

Part Four

/

"It's healing." Phai said groggily as he stroked lightly the shiny words of his own name on Alex's lower back. He blew on it. It tickled and Alex smiled at the touch.

It didn't hurt and Alex couldn't remember when he stopped feeling it. He had forgotten it was even there. Too bad forgetting his dreams wasn't as easy; it being the most crucial part of his horrific life. "Morning, my sleeping beauty, who looks astonishing every time he wakes up, no matter what."

"Morning, Alex." Phai smiled sweetly, loving to be worshiped so early in the morning.

"That's it? I don't get a cute nickname?" Alex asked childishly.

Phai smiled uncivilly. "I can call you The King?"

Alex chuckled. Then he yawned like a tired big cat. He was laying on his naked stomach, eyes loosely shut, and cheek flat against his crossed arms, soaking in the moment he had with the one who had just woken up on top of him. "How did you sleep?"

Phai sighed, bothered by the question, especially since Alex asks every time. "You know I hate that question."

"I wouldn't ask you if I was going to be offended by your answer."

"I slept great." Phai said in a low voice and Alex smiled. Phai was one to need sleep, the same way Alex was one to need food. But he hated the question because it wasn't fair to Alex. He'd wake up next to him feeling guilty every time because of obvious reasons that were hard to talk about.

"Last night was good then?" Alex asked mildly with a cheap smirk on his face.

"I've had better nights with you." Phai joked and Alex knew it by the lack of concern.

And as if simple mornings meant nothing, Alex ruined it by simply saying, "Cleitus did it."

"What?" Phai murmured through exhaustion.

"Cleitus tattooed me."

Propped up by Alex's brawny lower half, Phai shifted eyes up towards him not sure he meant to confess that. He wasn't upset, just happy that Alex told him. "He did a shitty job. Was he in a hurry?"

Alex, on his way back to being a blonde again—starting to show at his roots because of cheap dye—parted his lips into a handsome smile. "He said he needed the practice. And don't freak out but I think he may be more obsessed with you than I am."

Phai looked interested. "Were you drunk?"

"I think you already know the answer to that question."

"How drunk?"

"Very drunk."

"On a scale of one to ten."

"You don't want to know."

"I'm curious."

"Are you trying to get me to get you to hate me?"

"Just tell me." Blue eyes pleaded.

"Eleven." Alex answered, breathing deeply in. He waited for a dramatic response.

"There was no option eleven." Phai said.

"The drugs made it eleven."

"Wow. You're such a record breaker."

Alex opened his eyes and blinked twice. "You're not mad?"

Phai shrugged looking a little mad. "I was."

"Not anymore?"

"Not really. I mean, I am, but how is being mad going to help."

Alex went back to relaxing thinking he was off the hook. "If it makes you feel better, I freaked out when I sobered up. We both did. Cleitus thought he was going to jail and I thought my world was ending. It was so much more dramatic at the time. Now, it's hilarious."

Phai couldn't help but snicker. "As illegal as that is considering you're not of age yet, I am so honored that you two found the unnecessary time to come to a final agreement about my name being above your ass."

"You should be. Frown all you want when it comes to intoxication but at times it brings out the best in us."

"Oh, is that how you're justifying this bad boy? It's tasteless, Alex." Phai said climbing over him. "What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't." Alex chuckled, being drawn in by the beautiful man above him.

Phai pressed his face into the back of Alex's neck, loving his scent. Even after steamy sex, Alex could smell like a flower that doesn't exist. "You're so smug sometimes. You know, you weren't always this way. You used to be so timid and innocent and humble. Naive. Now, I don't know what you are." He said as if he missed those days.

"It's a gift I only put to use when I feel attacked. Like a defense mechanism."

"Do you feel attacked right now, Alex." Phai said nipping at his ear.

"I feel something else." Alex groaned.

Phai rolled his eyes and unfolded his body around Alex's, looking down at him. Maybe it was okay that Alex left. Maybe he had been thinking too seriously about it. The good news was, Alex was back and safe and himself again. Himself, as in sober. However, it wasn't okay, when asked, Cleitus pretended to be as clueless about Alex's whereabouts. But it made sense that those two were together during the time Phillip died. "I'm glad you weren't alone. That's all I cared about." Phai said, ruefully.

They both adjusted their positions on the floor. Alex rearranged himself to where he was now on his back and Phai's head resting on his chest. Alex rubbed at small strands of Phai's short fine hair as he stared up at the ceiling with a dreamlike sort of glare. "I never went to Florida, Phai. You're smarter than I am so you already knew that." He finally admitted and Phai listened, still and attentive. "I don't remember where I went and even more unsure how I returned. When I left here I didn't mean to leave you. You weren't the one I was trying to escape. I was only trying to get away from the situation. You told me before that escaping never seems to work out the way it should and you were right. Every time I tried, the further back I was. It didn't help and the further I went the more pain I felt. The more I resisted, the more I hated myself. I was able to talk to him, my dad. He gave me some clarity. I had long conversations with him. I wanted them to mean nothing to me but they only made sense. Then he dissipated and I knew it was going to be the last time I ever see or hear from him. So it was just me, fighting myself again. And I was ready for it this time. He made me pick up the sword and fight him to the death. And even though I was the only one of us standing, my blade at this throat, he welcomed death with open arms, invigorated by losing to me. I pussied out, no matter how much I wanted him dead. The opportunity was right there and I backed down. So he degraded me and told me to cut out my eye instead. When I came close to it, looking in the mirror back at him, my phone rang and it was you. It was the sixteenth time you had called me since I left. And the only reason I didn't answer was because I didn't know how to tell you that I wanted to be dead with my dad. You would have never approved."

Phai cleared his throat tensely. "When did you get back?"

"Three days before the funeral. I stopped by, just to see if you were here. But you weren't. I don't know why I thought you would be here waiting for me. There was so much stuff I wanted to tell you and ask you, so I stayed hoping you'd show up eventually. Cleitus had found me the next day and he made me stay with him until I was ready to face more horrors. I didn't make him promise anything. He made the promise on his own."

Phai sighed, shutting his eyes as if soothed by nothing else but the chest rising against him. The confession suddenly didn't matter. He knew Alex wasn't looking for sympathy or for forgiveness. He was simply wanting Phai to know him on a deeper level. There was no one else on the planet he could have explained what happened to without being and feeling fully scrutinized. "It makes sense now." Phai had said through a whisper.

"What?" Alex looked down at him, curious as to what he was going to say.

"Cleitus dyes his hair black." Phai replied gently. Alex frowned, already had braced himself for whatever speech he thought Phai had planned for him but surprised when it never came. "That wouldn't have been your first option if not the only color available."

Alex was now quiet, a part of him drowning in fear until he soon realized what Phai was doing by dropping the subject. "Huh." He blinked. "I suppose you're right."

Phai opened his eyes now during another thought. "That means Cassy knew where you were."

"Yea. He knew."

"Who else knew?"

"Just those two. And Star."

"The bartender you met at the club?"

"Yea."

"Her and Cleitus are friends?"

"Yea. They met through the same drug dealer."

No wonder Cassy mentioned her yesterday, Phai thought. Another girl in Alex's life. Great. Phai tried his best not to be disturbed by the thought of those two getting drunk together. She was obviously into him, after having witnessed the very small interaction at the club. What if they had a threesome? And why was he thinking drugs and alcohol made people think of wanting threesomes? "You know, being an adult himself, Cleitus could have gotten in trouble with the law if your mom had called the police and found out he knew where you were and said nothing to anyone."

"Good thing she kept her mouth shut."

Phai wasn't sure if he liked that answer. He leaned up and looked strictly down at him. Actually, he didn't like it at all. "Alex, what you did was dangerous and stupid. You're lucky there weren't worse consequences than almost cutting out your damn eyeball. If I had ran away and said nothing to anyone, not even you, what would you have done?"

Alex sighed, followed by no answer, knowing that reserving an excuse for later would have failed the second he'd open his mouth. Phai was good at cornering him.

"Exactly. It's the same thing. I always think about running away so that I can clear my head. At times, I do, but guess what? I always have my phone on me and I never go far." Phai said before laying his head back on top of him. "Next time, I'll be prepared. I'll have upped my immunity to your escapades because it's not fair that we have to be scared for you when you expect us not to be. And the next time I see Cassy and Cleitus, I'm going to kick their dicks off."

Alex playfully chuckled and then went back to resting his eyes. He was having a very blissful morning and Phai couldn't understand why. Why was he in such a good mood? "I would have chased you by the way."

Phai frowned just as he was comfortable being quiet again. "What?"

"If you upped and left, I would have found you and I would have caught you and brought you back to me."

"I would never make you go through that."

"I'm sorry, Phai. I shouldn't have gone and I should have told you where I was."

"It's okay to leave, Alex." The blue-eyed teen had said calmly. "It's okay to want to die. Just not for good."

Phai figured the topic was too serious for it being that early and Alex was already feeling enough guilt so he released a deep breath, reached over Alex, grabbed his phone from the couch and saw that he had a message from his mom. It was only nine in the morning but with the sun as hot and glaring as it was, it felt like three in the afternoon. "I have pancakes waiting for me at home. Want to come and enjoy them with me?"

"Are they smiley face pancakes or regular pancakes?"

Phai couldn't tell if he was joking or not but he found it humorous anyhow. Alex could be really funny at times when he wasn't being so damn serious. Maybe the sex last night was that good. Maybe it turned him unhinged or something. Or maybe it had nothing to do with sex at all and he was just enjoying his final moments with the only person on earth he'd give anything for. "I think since we're not in kindergarten anymore, regular pancakes."

"Well I won't eat pancakes if they're not smiling at me." Alex grinned. "I like to know that my food enjoys being eaten before I shit it out."

Phai laughed in disgust and texted his mom back. "Fine, I will have her add the damn smile to your damn pancakes."

"Was that so hard?" Alex leaned up and smooched him on the cheek.

They both stood, stretched and looked around for their shirts. They still had pants on even though it wasn't quite around their hips.

"Do you think they know we come out here to do what we do?" Phai asked, snatching up his blue t-shirt that he found by the TV.

Alex already had found his on the other side of the couch. "Who?" He said, struggling to zip up his pants. "Your parents?"

"Oh, God, no. They would kill me. I'm talking about your friends." Phai answered, pulling his shirt over his head.

"Do you really want to know what they know?"

"I mean, I've always been curious as to how we've never been caught before. Statistically speaking, counting the times we've messed around out here with the number of friends that we have who also claim this space as their fortress for activities, such as playing games and watching TV, we should have been caught at least once, especially by Tolem and Thais, who we can assume come out here for their make out sessions...of course only if they have no knowledge of us doing what we do out here."

"No one wants to be outside in the middle of the night, in an eerie field, fucking around in a bug shack. We're the brave ones. We claim the night."

Phai grinned. "So, in other words?"

Alex exhaled in fake disappointment. "They definitely know. I'm so sorry. It was meant to be a secret. No one was ever supposed to know about the love affair we've been having behind their backs. They're just kind enough to spare us the humiliation by keeping it to themselves."

"How kind." Phai came up to Alex, took his hands away from the zipper that wasn't budging and helped him with it. After that, he started to fix Alex's hair so that it didn't look like they were up to something fun and wild the night before. They were saints. He ran it back admiring the loveliness of it. "Are we going to make today a great day?"

"Absolutely. But first..." Alex said before kissing Phai on the nose. "...pancakes."

---

Macedonia Headquarters, India's final days

Followed by an ongoing of rude awakenings, Cassander woke up from a pail of water being thrown in his face. It stung from the burning sun and was sticky from the horses' supper the night before. The restrained man grunted, shaking away what he could of the excess dripping and was grateful to see that it was Craterus and Ptolemy and not the man who had terrorized him late in the night, though there could have been a better way to wake him.

Panting, the green-eyed general spat at the dry dirt and glared at the both of them after adjusting to the sun blaring at their backs and in his face. "Fuck you!"

They were expecting such a delightful greeting.

"It looks to us like you're the only one getting fucked here." Ptolemy said, patience already at a loss. "We could have easily thrown horse piss in your face."

"It's all the same thing." Cassander spat again. "Horse piss, river water, rain. It all tastes the fucking same here."

"Welcome us with a little more will to live, will ya?" Craterus said with folded arms and a half smile.

Ptolemy tossed aside the wooden jug. "You look well... aside from the fact that you're looking redder than a bloody cock."

"Have you only come to taunt me? Is this going to be a new thing, because I have had quite enough of it."

The two generals stood there, looking questioning at the one upon his ass.

"Hephaistion!" Cassander was quick to temper, blowing strings of hair away that have fallen in-front of his eyes. "He somehow felt inclined to visit and harass me last night after your stupid little squabble. I don't know what happened but he took it out on me and it was quite unpleasant."

Craterus shrugged, uncaring. He began peeling away at an apple with a knife and popping the pieces in his mouth. It was juicy and fresh and it was plainly a ploy to provoke the man who had been banned from eating for days due to a punishment well-deserved. "You know what it's like to be a man. Men need to take their anger out somehow, somewhere, sometime. We've all been there. Why would we advise Hephaistion to do any differently?"

Cassander shifted to a more comfortable sitting position, to better explain himself. "There was no justification for it. He now prefers to torture me with his persistent grief."

"You tried to take him by force, you fucking twat. I'd say you got off easier than most." Ptolemy cautioned, also not feeling very inclined to care all that much. "He could have just killed you. Thank the fucking gods you're still among the living."

Cassander laughed like it wasn't something to take seriously. "He doesn't have it in him. He may be possessed by dark moods but if his intention was to kill me, I'd be dead. But we all know his true intention isn't exactly clear."

"On the contrary, I think his intention is quite clear." Ptolemy replied.

Cassander gave them an eyeful of hatred.

The bigger general then weighed in. "All you had to do was be smart, Cassander. We usually credit you for your cunning ways but what you did was just stupid and sloppy. This is what I would suggest, next time don't go out of your way to patronize a man who strongly believes he has nothing to lose. And maybe pleasure yourself to satisfy the urges you have for him. It's far simpler. trust me."

"Lesson learned. Now do me a favor and untie me. I take it we're about ready to leave this hellhole?" Cassander said shuffling to his feet, feeling optimistically certain that's why they were there in the first place. "You wouldn't leave me exposed to rot here, would you?"

The two generals shared unimpressed expressions. "We thought about it." Craterus answered, heartlessly.

"I am deserving of many things but not that!" Cassander exclaimed. "Do not leave me here!"

"Coenus passed this morning." Ptolemy sighed, saddened by it. "The illness finally took him. So if we're feeling any type of generous way it's only because we have respect for our fellow brother who held no hate towards you."

Craterus sighed, strolled up to the forever disgraced man, removed a knife connected to his hip and cut the binds away. Once free, Cassander quickly began to rub at his bruised wrists, that itched and ached but he would never thank them for pardoning him. The bigger general then landed a sturdy grip upon Cassander's tender shoulder causing him to hiss from the physical pain of his stiff and swollen muscles. "Before you get comfortable, answer me this simple question, will you?"

"Another lesson so soon?" Green eyes rolled distastefully. He would never allow them to know where he was mentally. As far as they were concerned, he didn't act out of character. He was only behaving the way Cassander would behave. Hephaistion, on the other hand, was the one acting unusual and deranged and Cassander would use that to his advantage when the advantage arises. But now, he had to keep quiet and keep good.

"Are you going to continue to be a pain in our asses if we allow you to live?" It was a fair question.

"Anyone threatened with death will wise up and know exactly what to say. If I say yes, how could you possibly know if I'm telling the truth?"

"Convince me. Really, really, convince me." Craterus came off threatening.

Cassander, stood up to him, looking him dead in the eyes. "I promise, I will not be a problem."

"I'm not sure, Tol's? Was that convincing enough to you?" Craterus asked while staring down the smaller general. Although ballsy, Cassander would never win. If Craterus wanted to, he'd snap him like a twig.

Ptolemy grinned. In a way it felt great to mess with Cassander. Then the curly haired general nodded after contemplating his response by saying nothing for what seemed like the longest minute.

"I, too, believe you won't be doing anything stupid. Mostly because I will be watching you." Craterus concluded the remark by punching Cassander in the gut, causing him to drop to his knees and heave direly.

"Good thing you hadn't eaten anything, that would have felt a lot worse." Ptolemy mocked.

Craterus, humming a popular hymn for fallen soldiers that had been sung at the bedside of Coenus, dropped his half-eaten apple by the coughing man and went back to go stand next to Ptolemy. "Eat up." The two watched as Cassander recovered from the blow. "You're going to need the energy for this next part."

Cassander was hugging his stomach with green eyes glaring furiously at the bruised fruit. "Are you fucking joking?" He cursed. "Is there a shortage of apples back at camp?"

"No. Not at all." Ptolemy answered bluntly with hands on his hips.

Cassander snatched the apple and bit into it like a hungry man. He thought about refusing it but even he wasn't that compromising to himself. He was a survivor.

"Heed these instructions. Men will be watching you like a fucking hawk. They'll follow you when you pee, shit, eat and fuck. You will not march at the front with your men. You have no men and no status effective the same day you tried to harm one of your own. I suggest you adjust to being among the common people. When we return, we will have a suitable discussion with your father about your treachery and perhaps, depending on your honesty, given a suitable fate. Fair enough?" Craterus explained.

"Sounds fucking peachy." Cassander retorted with a mischievous flare and flung the fruit core elsewhere once done. He stood up. "Now what? I must say you haven't satisfied my appetite. May I have fucking meat like the rest of the men?"

"You're not like the rest of the men. You're not a fucking man, so fuck your appetite." Ptolemy was feeling less tolerant than even Craterus which wasn't a normal thing for him. But Cassander fucked with his friend and Ptolemy was feeling quite relentless, deserving so. "There's something else you should know. We thought you might want to witness a true active miracle. You know, since you're no believer. Alexander made some improvements."

Craterus added. "It's quite impressive really."

"So, I've heard. His eyes have opened. It still doesn't mean anything. He's still a corpse."

"We thought you'd answer foolishly. Actually, it's his lucky day. And not so much yours. The king has spoken."

Cassander looked to them both as if they were spouting nonsense. His face pale at the thought. "Impossible." He came off more frightened than surprised.

"Philip tells us that he remembers nothing before he was nearly killed in battle or anything after, meaning your fate is on hold. Who knew we had such generous gods?" Ptolemy taunted. "But aside from that, I understand how important it was for you to hear his voice again."

"Is there something to be scared of?" Craterus asked condescendingly knowing how fast Cassander's heart must have been beating.

"I wasn't involved with his disappearance. I might add, Hephaistion had his suspicions but now those suspicions are on another. He no longer believes I had anything to do with it."

"Yes, but the theory around camp is you may have helped." Ptolemy said.

"You have no proof. Whoever you think I was conspiring with would have sold me out by now." Cassander was tense.

"Unless you killed them before they had the chance. We'll take inventory later."

"That would be ridiculous and unlikely, Ptolemy. I'm not that idiotic to try to pull something like that off. You can't believe that!"

"Says the man who attempted to attack Hephaistion and get away with it. You're capable of a lot, Cassander." Replied Craterus. "I mean that as both complimentary and distrustfully."

"If you truly thought I had something to do with it, I would have been executed the day I was accused. There is no conspiracy. It was just an unfortunate time to be the king. Many want him dead and the fucking Indians took advantage of that. You think anyone in this camp would attempt to kill Alexander after what happened to the others? Who is that fucking bold? Tell me."

It was honest enough. Cassander wasn't a pleader, too proud for it, yet he was pleading before them.

"Let's say that we believe you but if Alexander doesn't, it won't matter much what we believe. It's impossible to convince Alexander, paranoid now more than ever, of the truth these days. If he sees a trial in your future, you won't be spared." Craterus explained, further more interrogating him. "You will be as unlucky as Parmenion after Philotas was ratted out."

"I am telling the truth!" Cassander pleaded once more.

Ptolemy chuckled seeing Cassander sweating his insides out. Only Alexander had that effect on him. "No need to be nervous. We haven't told him yet of your attempt to overthrow him as king and kill him during his slumber. And with that, you do deserve death. Let's go. He awaits us." Ptolemy turned and began walking back towards camp.

Craterus waited for Cassander to follow who seemed to be unable to command himself to move. "Cold feet?"

Cassander could only hear the blood from his heart crashing at his ears. His chest was tight and his breath clogged from the closing of his throat. He was sweating as if walking through a heatwave. But there wasn't enough time between now and the distance to the king to recover from an internal episode of fear so he blocked it all out and moved forward. Passing him, he shoved Craterus with his shoulder as to discredit him for making him feel shamed. Craterus smirked, shaking his head and followed.

On the way to the royal tent, where Alexander was apparently roaming about like a free lion, Cassander was consumed by the dread of it but sucking it up anyway. It felt like an execution waiting to happen. Philotas must have felt this way before the spear flew through his gut. He couldn't even conjure a single thought on what to expect.

When they entered the tent, all of the generals were gathered except for Hephaistion, who was no doubt the most conflicted hearing the news but was sure to be on his way. The green-eyed general, gulped down harsh air and the constant mucous caused by the intimidating appearance of the golden eyes that he had presumed he'd never look upon again.

---

They were on their way back from the field. When they came over the small hill, Phai and Alex stopped in place both caught off guard by the exact same thing. They saw two 26-foot moving trucks parked in front of Alex's house and it didn't take a genius to wonder why.

Phai was scared to even see what Alex's reaction was. He looked over at him. Today was no longer going to be a great day. "She would tell you about this, right?"

"No. She wouldn't."

"I knew it was soon but not this soon." Phai didn't know what else to say. Trucks were being loaded up and that only meant his time with Alex was going to be a lot shorter.

"Give me a second. I'll meet you for breakfast soon." Alex said, his voice shaky and unsettling which meant that he was beyond pissed.

The thing that made Alex peculiar and gripping was that nothing was ever made evident. In so many ways, nothing made sense about him. He acted in ways outside the bounds of reality. Then there were times like now, he'd be angry and you know it, but you'd never know what follows. It leaves a trail of fire that doesn't burn what it touches right away. It lingers until everything finally dies.

"Alex." Phai stopped him by touching his arm. He was going to tell him to not get angry. But that would be an impossible request. So he said nothing and just let his hand fall back at his side. In truth Phai wanted him to get mad because he was mad all the same but Phai knew nothing would come of it.

Alex knew what Phai wanted to say and watched him until he was inside of his house. Then he charged over to his mother who was giving the moving guys direction. She was wearing a sunhat, sunglasses and drinking ice tea, sitting in a lawn chair on the grass looking purposefully disdain. The movers were already coming in and out of the house with stuff and Alex didn't even know where or how to direct his anger. But he counted to ten just like he had been told to do before his anger materialized. "What the hell are you doing? What the fuck is this?"

"Ah, there you are darling!" She pretended nothing was the matter. "I was wondering where you were. This would be a lot cheaper if you were helping."

"You didn't tell me about this. You didn't fucking ask."

"I tried calling you but as usual, you chose not to answer me." She knew why he didn't answer. Aside from being distracted by the boy next door, he never answered.

"You can't do this!"

"Yes, I can. I'm the adult and you're the child. And this is my house. I can do with it as I please."

"Dad has been dead for less than a month and you're already getting rid of his shit and packing up?"

"Yes, honey. I couldn't bear looking at his things anymore and being in this house. It's suffocating and makes me sad. I can tell that it makes you sad too. You barely live in it. I think it's time we put the past behind us and go forward. I got a great deal; the services are only costing seven thousand dollars including loading and unloading, disassembly and reassembly. Oh and we got the basic liability protection."

Alex couldn't believe it. "I don't care about any of that!"

"Miss, is this a bad time?" The mover in charge was looking at mother and son with a clipboard in his hand scared to even approach, keeping on the sidewalk and not the grass itself. Even strangers were smart enough to know the dangers of their relation.

"Yes!" Alex snapped at him. "Piss off. We're busy!"

"Oh for gods sake!" She rolled her eyes and stood from her chair. "Not at all, what is it?" She walked over to the poor man who Alex almost scared into submission.

"Uh...are you going to be taking the bar? It, it isn't on your list of included assets." He stuttered.

"No. It stays." She smiled charmingly. "And I apologize for my son, we just had a death in the family so he's a bit upset."

"Understandably. I'm sorry for your loss." The man nodded kindly to the remainders of the family and continued on with his work.

"Well, I hope your happy. You have an audience and you're not even ashamed about it." Olympias turned to Alex who was struggling to remain calm.

The neighbors were watching, spying, eavesdropping, whatever it was neighbors do when they're bored.

"You think I'm the one making a scene?" Alex shouted in her face. "You are!"

"There's no reason to be angry, sweetie. This is life." She sat back down, inhaling as if the hot Summer air seduced her. "People die and then we move on. What did you think was going to happen? That you would be living in this house all by yourself next to your partner for the rest of your life? Or did you think that I was going to willingly come back here after your father was no longer around and things would go back to normal? Alex, things were never normal here. You are more lost here than you will ever be anywhere else. Also, who do you think is going to pay for your schooling or for a new car. Of course, you can use whatever money you saved from working or the money your father left you but legally it's not to be touched until you are 18. You could apply for emancipation but there's also no point in that seeing how long the process takes and I would never sign to it. So, you should suck it up and do what I say until then." Looking up into her son's sweet and wounded face, she sighed as if to sympathize which held no weight. "I know you're going to miss your friends but you have no future here. And they'll all split up when they go to different colleges, out of state, same state, wherever. Friends don't stay friends. It's time to grow up. Besides, you deserve no say. When you disappeared, I thought you were gone forever. So I made the call without you."

"I was coming back!" Alex angrily sputtered. "You knew I was."

"No one knew you were coming back! Now take responsibility for your actions. The family who bought the house is extremely charming. Maybe they'll leave better memories behind." He had no power to do a damn thing and that's what angered him the most. "Once you're done being mad at me, you also have work to do. They're going to move the bedrooms last. I suggest you go through the things you want and throw away the things you don't. You could just throw away your room entirely because you don't use it anyway. And be ready to leave by the end of the week. I'm paying these guys well over their worth. You can call me every name in the book but I would suggest you look at the bright side and turn your thoughts away from what you'll be losing and on the things I have already given you. Here is what will never change, my love for you and I only want what's best. I wish you could see it."

"This isn't just about my life you seem to be so overly enthusiastic about destroying. The problem here is that you don't care about what happened to dad."

"The investigation is still happening and they know how to contact me when and if they find who shot him." She said passively.

"Why would you bury him here only to leave him with nothing left of his or his family?"

"He's dead, Alex. He doesn't care that we visit him at his grave because he's dead. You're giving him life by not letting him go. And don't act like this is for him. It's for you and that boy you enjoy fucking. What you need to do is get your act together and let him go."

Alex scoffed furiously, forgetting where his internal anger can lead. Forgetting who controlled it. And The King, with a breath full of anger, spared him. "I am going to shit all over your grave after your dead, you immoral fucking bitch."

Olympias picked up her drink. "Ah, you sound just like your daddy. I suppose I was right about that, also. You'll be dead long before I am, sweetheart, if you keep becoming him. But I will certainly visit your grave. No matter how far you want to be buried from me."

Then she got pulled away from the driver who needed her Hancock on a couple of forms. Alex was standing there, his outrage keeping him immobilized and unresponsive. He felt the same numbness, the same heat, the same shock when he saw his dad kissing that other woman that one bad day. Then he blinked and went far away.

/

Olympias glares to be insulting. Her chin rests on her son's bare shoulder as they both overlook the king celebrating his new wife. Pregnant, so soon? The little whore. She hisses in disgust before turning away. He will marry her in the spring, during the Dionysus festival. And when her first son is born, Attalus will convince Phillip to name the boy his successor. And what will you be doing, Alexander?

The prince sighs and deflects his attention from her.

Will you ignore me, too? The queen says pulling a venomous snake from a basket and kissing it.

Alexander turns to her after his father disappears from the view of where he stood at the balcony. I am not ignoring you, mother.

Good. You will be sent on some impossible mission against some barbarous northern tribe, to be mutilated in one more meaningless battle. And I, no longer Queen, will be put to death with your sister and the remaining members of our family. Does that sound like a bright and shining future for us?

I wish sometimes you could see the light, mother. The truth is he's taken from you nothing that you've not been long without.

The sorceress queen snickers bitterly as she strokes her white slimy pet, speaking to it. You have such a young mind. And young minds are strong when put to use.

The prince shakes his head in conflicting shame, knowing what she has planned. I will not.

You will. It's the only way.

There are better ways, mother. There is always a better way.

The only way is to strike, Alexander, or you will be nothing. Announce your marriage to a Macedonian, now! Beget a child of pure blood. He would be one of them, not mine. And he would have no choice but to make you king. Eurydice was perfect! If your father, that pig, had not ravaged her first!

Say nothing more of my father! Do you hear me? Say nothing! The prince shouts and the snake looks to him as if to strike. He glares at it, unafraid, used to having them around.

She whispers to it, and it calms, then gently places the serpent back in its dark place with the others. The queen now glares at her uncooperative son.You're right. Forgive me. A mother loves too much.

The prince quickly submits, putting his guilt on display for her. I'm sorry, mother. But it's difficult to defend you against my father when you speak of murder through envy rather than what's lawful.

There is no law in the Macedonian court and your father speaks of me in worse ways. I hope you defend me the same. She folds her jeweled covered arms over her soft breasts, staring above him.

I do. You know I do. He says to comfort her with a range of emotions cracking at his throat. It's why he hates me in the first place. Because of all I do for you.

Turn that pity into anger, Alexander, and use it for once! She says with hunger at the front of her mystic eyes.

I would mother, if I were like you. But I can never be like you. He rejects her by not looking to her after saying the words he could never take back.

She strolls up to him and places a loving but heavy hand on his cheek, forcing her stare into his eyes. Do you reject my love for you?

The prince struggles to answer her. Instead, he wishes her a good night, kisses her on half of her silky lips and leaves her to be alone, casting her love aside.

…. "Alex!" ….

Luckily for Alex, his dark place could vanish with the sound a voice. He looked towards the one calling him and wasn't surprised when he saw it was Phai. Only Phai was allowed such things. "Don't go over there. Be with us." Phai said, waiting for him by the doorway.

Alex stared across the lawn at him. He heard him but couldn't find the will to move, like a drunk man thinking too hard about finding his footing. He felt an intense pressure pushing against him. So Phai helped him out, used to his unresponsive ways. He walked over to him, took his hand and the next thing Alex was doing was sitting down with Phai's whole family, eating the best pancakes he's ever tasted, though his loss of appetite was combating his enjoyment of them. He was staring at his smiley ones and Callista and Phai were staring at him waiting to see if the second bite would cheer him up. He was so excited about them earlier. He was in such a good mood. Alex had been right all along, the universe wanted nothing but misery from him.

Alex noticed they were staring and when he looked up, they quickly pretended to go back to eating. He knew what they were all thinking because he was thinking the same thing.

"The food is good." Alex reassured them seconds before any of them asked and they gave pleased smiles but weren't convinced. Alex began to dread what they were dreading. "Everything will be okay. I think she'll end up changing her mind." He obviously only said that not to worry them. Lying to himself again.

"We certainly hope so." Phai's mother said, taking it pretty hard by the sound of her voice. Amyntor was trying to mind his own business but knew his wife would put in her two cents eventually. "It's so sudden."

"This is the second time she's taken you away and we won't allow it this time." Said a pouty Callista stabbing at her scrambled eggs. "We fight to the death."

"Callista?" Amyntor scolded her from across the table after drinking from his juice. "Let's maybe not discuss this right now. Can we do that? This is something we're not sure we can do anything about. We can only be supportive."

Everything was quiet again because they all went back to eating. Alex lowered his fork, and glanced around at the family who were trying to be modest by keeping their feelings about it to themselves. He spoke up unexpectedly.

"I have a week." They all stopped eating and looked at him like he had just said the most offensive thing imaginable. "That's all she's giving me."

"What? The process to move, ideally, is eight to sixteen weeks. Has she even considered the expenses to manage that?" Phai's mom was livid.

"She was already talking to buyers before my birthday. I'm sure my dad knew about it. He had mentioned awhile back a contract they had signed together last June but I never asked what it was about. He spent his last days as if they were his last so I imagine that's why. He had nothing that belonged to him anymore. She took it all."

"We don't have to talk about it, Alex." Amyntor said, respecting his feelings not to.

"It's okay. You all deserve to know." Alex thanked him with a smile and then turned to Phai who he knew was taking it the hardest by trying not to show it. Seeing that Phai was keeping to himself, Alex turned back to the food and started eating again.

"Phai got accepted into Stanford University." Phai's mom said to steer the topic in a more pleasant light.

Alex's eyes brightened. "That's great, Phai!"

Phai tried his best to act happy that Alex was happy. His head was lowered to not look Alex in the eyes. "I meant to tell you but with everything going on I didn't think it was appropriate to bring it up." It didn't feel right to brag about getting into a college Alex won't be attending because he will be in another state but, as usual, Alex didn't mind and was first and foremost very happy for him.

"Communications, right? There's plenty to do with a degree like that. That's amazing." It brightened Alex's mood. He was proud, not disappointed.

"And linguistics." Callista added proudly. "You know, Phai can speak over five languages, Alex. Has he ever mentioned that before? Probably not. When he's mad at us, he says shit under his breath that he knows we can't understand."

Phai rolled his eyes and Alex smiled at his obvious blushing.

"Pretty fluently." His mother also said. "He's been approved for many scholarships as well. It will help pay down some of that tuition. What about you, Alex, have you thought about going to college?"

He wasn't prepared for the question. "Uh," Alex truly thought about it and quickly discovered that he had not a single passion. Not in this life anyway. "Not really." He answered hesitantly and went back to eating.

Her face softened as if she pitied him, Phai stayed quiet and Callista was just surprised he brought the fork to his mouth.

"You're still young, Alex. You have time." Amyntor proposed after being quiet for so long. Then he excused himself from the table, cleared his plate, kissed his wife and left the house to go run a couple of errands.

"Is he okay?" Alex asked, hoping he was.

"No."- "Yes." Both Callista and the mom replied.

"No, he's not, mom."

"He's fine." She replied lightly.

"He watched a complete documentary on the ocean yesterday. People only do that when they're sad about something."

"He'll be alright. He just needs time."

"Time for what?" Alex asked again.

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about it. Dad gets mad when we assume things about him behind his back." Phai briefly shifted in his seat like he was uncomfortable with the chair which was obvious to all that it was about the topic and a bunch of other loaded things on his mind.

The table turned quiet again, this time followed by awkwardness.

"Is he upset about what happened to my dad?" Alex pushed, wanting to know. That was one thing that will never go away. His damn curious nature.

She was hesitant to respond. "Um, I don't think he knows that he can talk to somebody about it. He's been struggling to express his feelings and open up. I'm just his wife. There's just some things men won't discuss with us."

"I can talk to him if it will help."

"You don't have to do that, Alex." Said Phai, knowing the delicacy and dangers of two men on the same level of disturbances. His dad was a warrior and Alex was a warrior king at heart. They had vengeful spirits and a concern for justice. Together, they could do some bad things. Amyntor was no stranger to killing men and Alex would possibly enjoy it.

"I don't mind." Alex insisted.

"Alex, thank you, but we can't ask that of you. You're going through it yourself." Said Phai's mom.

"He was there and he's probably feeling stronger about what happened. He deserves to have someone hear him out."

"We agree but we're not to sure he will go through with it. Thank you for the thought though, sweetie." Then like Phai had been suggesting with the discontent in his face, she changed the subject. "We were thinking about going to dinner sometime this weekend."

"It's to celebrate Phai getting accepted into one of the most overrated, aristocratic, rich, elite universities in America. Would you like to come?" Asked Callista with a pudgy smile.

In truth they were inviting him places to give him time away from his mother. And to not be alone. He was probably feeling very down about moving away from all of his friends and distraction was the best thing for him. So what better way to distract him with no other than Phai himself?

"Sure. I would love to." He agreed with an appreciative smile. Then his phone vibrated. He peeked down after taking it half way out of his pocket. Discreetly, he opened the new message and it was from his mom. She texted him to let him know that she was getting groceries for the week and that she'll be back. Something dark in him overshadowed the room that only Phai recognized. He could see the malice in Alex that had been brewing for awhile. He didn't text back and slipped the phone away and like he was called to do something important he excused himself. "Thanks for the food. It was great but I should get going."

"Oh, okay, well we appreciate you dropping by. Know you can stop by anytime you want." Phai's mom said, not questioning the reason.

"Thank you for having me." Alex said. He politely stood and went to go kiss Phai's mom on the cheek and Callista on her head before fluffing her hair.

"We'll send Phai over to pick you up on Saturday at around 730ish?"

"Sounds good." He cleared his plate and thanked her once more before leaving. But before he walked out the front door, he gave Phai a special look that no one else saw. Phai took that as a clue to follow him. He knew things were about to get primitive and needed to be there to stop him or to aid him in whatever it was.

"I'll walk him out." Phai said suspicion reading all over his face because he was still not very good at keeping his desires confidential. Luckily his mom and sister didn't catch on. He quickly got up from the table. "I should make sure he feeds the puppy while I'm at it. I'll clean the kitchen when I get back." He promised his mom, kissed her on her cheek, shoved his pain in the ass sister until she almost fell off her chair and left the house after Alex.

---

Macedonia Headquarters, India's final days

Cassander was wide-eyed when he saw Alexander up and about. He wondered why he even tried denying it. He was there, before him, alive as ever basking in the brilliance of the sight. Everyone present already had their tongue-tied and staggered minutes seeing the king as he was.

The eunuch was helping Alexander dress while Philip was at the king's side filling him in and asking questions he knew not how to answer. The generals stood around anxiously waiting.

They had a table set out with enough chalices filled to the top with wine. They were clearly ready to celebrate but their blonde king was oddly silent, only nodding at Philip and speaking only to say 'yes' or 'no'. He still had a stern look to him but it was overshadowed by his paleness, fatigue and injuries. It was reason enough to explain why he didn't seem as happy to be alive or to be in a celebrating mood. He was also only restricted to drinking water and eating soft foods which meant no meat. They couldn't imagine what his cravings were like after going so long without food. On a normal day, Alexander could devour more meat than ten healthy gladiators in their prime. He needed his meat and was grumpy without it. And his wine. He needed his wine, feeling pretty foul about that, too.

When Philip and Bagoas were done attending to him, they stepped aside and let the king take over the room, but before that, Philip had quietly warned the generals about his mood. It was bad, apparently.

"Say nothing stupid. Especially you." The doctor glared at the obvious one and Cassander rolled his eyes, meaning he had no other choice but to agree to it. "He's in pain, he's frustrated, confused, embarrassed, angry and in a very unhealthy state of denial. Say nothing stupid that will get you impaled through your ass." Giving the last warning, he failed to mention that Alexander may never be the same again which would become obvious to them very soon.

Alexander hooked to his crutch and limped away from the bed. He nodded at the companions with a short smile.

Cassander swallowed heavily, looking sickly. Alexander could make even the bravest men stone cold. "How great it is to see you alive." His words were frail, like he was hiding some other meaning behind them.

"Dying would have been less insulting." The king answered. His voice was rough like dry sand. He didn't seem to give special attention to anyone or anything, coming across subdued and unemotional. "Now that I have you all here, fill me in and make it as quick as you possibly can."

"You almost died, Alexander. Something we would have never forgiven you for." Perdicas spoke, bravely. "We deserve to soak in this moment before we speak of different matters."

The blonde king looked to each of them, noting that they all felt the same way and then respectively nodded. He quietly dismissed Bagoas with just a look. The boy bowed and left and they were left in private. Alexander began to do slow laps around the room, required by Philip who was tracking them.

"How do you feel?" Perdicas then asked. "I see that you're on your feet already. Philip mentioned the impossibilities of that."

"Fortunately, his body is as resilient as his mind." Philip complimented.

"I hurt here and there but nothing significant anymore. That pain is gone." Alexander answered less informative than they had hoped for. They were expecting a 'I feel amazing and I'm happy to be back' speech but no such excitement came.

"He's still under strict supervision and needs to take it easy." Phillip included. The generals gave their acknowledgment and so did Alexander when he expressed his contempt by mumbling something derisive under his breath. "When it comes time to move, he mustn't ride. But he is well enough for the travels."

Alexander was dressed in a white see-through linen tunic and a colorful pair of lounging trousers. After a couple minutes of lapping, he was deceived by his own will and felt he was going uphill instead of in circles on flat ground. He gave up, tossing aside the crutch while landing heavily on his bedside. Philip allowed it. It was part of the healing process.

Not giving his men more time to recover from his fit of bad temper he spoke quickly of business. "I hear we are going back home. Who has decided this?"

"All of us. We think it's for the best. The goal was to keep you alive and your men. Ultimately it's up to you but everything is in order." Craterus confidently, replied. They knew Alexander might fight them on going back home because he was stubborn, most times for no reason at all just to prove that he was.

Alexander nodded, withdrawn still. There was no look of betrayal, anger or even sadness behind his eyes. "We take care of our people the same they have taken care of us. We go home." It was all he said as he caught his breath from applying his body to work.

The men were surprised of his response but in truth, not yet relieved.

Alexander, though absent like, did see it on all of their faces. He hadn't forgotten that he had dragged them out there for this long. "You should have been home months ago with your families."

"The men refused to leave without news from you first. They stayed loyal through our many disagreements on what we thought moving forward looked like." Craterus answered. "That being said, they will be happier hearing it come from you."

"I will make my appearance now. Announce me." He stood after his small rest, seeming eager, being drawn by the light peeking under and through the crevices outside the dark tent, but Philip reminded him that it was still too early for that.

"We will make an announcement after the men finish breaking down camp. You shouldn't expose your position, not yet. If you just stroll out there, they'll see you, overexcite themselves and then you'll be crushed by open arms. They must be ready for you and you for them. Besides, it will only distract them before the travels. Right now, you mustn't over stimulate yourself. Rest now." Philip replied, helping Alexander back to sit.

The king yelled in frustration, frightening his men for a short moment. "I am not a child that needs to be cared for or looked after. What I need is fresh air. And wine. I need wine!" He demanded stubbornly.

"No wine!" Philip scolded back, knowing he'd get backlash for doing his only job, and handed him a large cup of water instead. "The wine will kill you, Alexander."

Alexander obeyed but they knew he wasn't fond of his new restrictions. They could see it in his face. He was like a captured animal that needed freedom. "I'm already dead." He muttered, sampling the water as if it were foul.

The men shared the same concerned look. They didn't know what he meant by that and weren't daring enough to ask.

"What all do you remember, Alexander?" Asked Leonnatus trying to avoid anything else.

"I remember being pierced and falling from my horse. That's it."

His answers were very short and unenthusiastic. They concluded that more was wrong. However, it was understandable if he was feeling irritable and uncomfortable.

"It's not too important that he regains memory of what happened and even more understandable if he doesn't. Being unconscious for most of it, he probably won't remember much even if he tried." Philip clarified.

"What if memories do start to form? Should we be concerned?" Perdicas asked, rightfully, seeing as what they had to deal with when it came to Hephaistion and what suppressing it did to him. And Alexander was a more highly emotional person. They would be lying if they weren't scared for their lives.

"It shouldn't destruct his capabilities to lead." Phillip stated but his lack of validity in his voice sent fraught looks across the room.

"Speaking of which, Philip informed me with the only knowledge he knows. Is there more that needs to be discussed? Evidently, falling ill from a spear to my gut and being in a prolonged state of unconsciousness isn't the only exciting thing that has happened. Who would care to speak first?" Alexander asked after being brought his morning broth. Bagoas set it upon his desk and left as quickly as he dropped it off. Alexander, refusing the help of Philip, managed to pick up the supporting crutch from the floor and helped himself over to the desk.

The men shifted uncomfortably looking at each other wondering who was brave enough. By his tone, it was a demand.

Ptolemy replied. And also, being the only other one who could clarify what had happened. "After the battle, after we had made peace with the enemy, you were shortly captured by a tribe of Indians. You suffered greatly, even if you don't feel you have. So seeing you right now as you are is more than a miracle. The gods must love you more than any man."

"Miracle? How do you mean?" Alexander asked as he ate what he was served.

"When we left to seek you out, you were found under water, deep in the Indian jungle and far from headquarters. They threw your body off a cliff and you had sunk to the bottom of a 40-foot cascade, held down by a boulder so that any attempt to save yourself would be impossible. You must have been under for weeks but you were gone for months. We still aren't sure if you were ever awake for the days you went missing. As far as we know, you were unconscious the whole time, from the moment you fell from your house up until now. We don't know why they sentenced you, but the prize was your body. As you've caught on by now, no man can live after that. And we saw the fire when we pulled you out burn down the jungle that took you. It was created from nothing. It sparked before our very eyes. That's when we knew you sent a sign that day. Now look at you, breathing and talking. It was a good omen after all. You were dead, Alexander. We brought you back as dead as dead can be. After examining you a little more, Philip had told us you were showing signs of life which we all thought was impossible. He was right for reasons unbeknownst to us. You showed no signs of decay so we did all that we could to maintain your life."

"Why not end my misery?" The king asked seriously. "Why keep me alive?"

"That would have been the right thing to do, as you have told us to do before but we didn't believe we had to. You were moving. We'd visit every night and speak to you, hoping that you'd hear us and answer us one day. We'd dress you and keep your skin rejuvenated with honey knowing that would only last so long. We all held on to hope that you would wake up to us. Here you are, before us now."

"And as happy as we all are, I can't help but shake the fact that I should have been dead and I'm not. How is that possible?"

"The gods wanted you alive."

He was aroused in partial curiosity. He looked to each man. "Is this true?"

"Yes." They answered.

Alexander, troubled at the thought, continued to eat, already deciding half way through that it couldn't have been true. Who in their sane mind could believe in an incident as demonstrated to him? It was too much to take in, yet believe so he dismissed it entirely. But he always thought himself a god so he didn't understand why he had been reduced to doubt at all. He should have felt divine, living up to the tales the world believed anyway. So, he cleared his throat and changed the topic rather quickly. "What of Bucephalus?"

Ptolemy sighed, respectfully dropping it. It was a rare thing, to get through to him. Alexander felt demeaned and shamefaced but he would never admit it to himself or to his men because that meant to be weak. To be weak would bring him back to the past how he was before he was king, when his mother would molest and warp his mind and his father would ridicule and beat him.

"She died protecting you from a flock of enemies coming your way just in time for us to pull you out of the field." Craterus replied. "We have her ashes, unburied. We knew you would wish to do something special for her."

The king's manner to the news was complex. He was feeling much regret as tears gathered to the corner of his hollow eyes but his posture remained collected and formal. Alexander nodded once again. "I had great plans for her. No other beast will be the same." He smiled sadly, reminiscing about her glory days. Noticing he was getting into his feelings, he cleared again his throat and went back to business. To admit to sadness was to admit to fault. "What did we do about the tribe of men who took me? Were they Malli? Have any been imprisoned? I've been found so they must have been dealt with?"

"Not Malli and there wasn't any need to imprison them. There motive was simple. They wanted you dead and failed to do so and in the end they suffered greatly." Leonnatus replied strongly. "And to put your mind at ease, Porus had no ties to them and even considers them his enemy. In fact, whatever tribe they are associated with, he just declared war against them in your honor."

Alexander was pleased with the response. "Well done. When we get back to Babylon, I want special services for my guards who I had assigned to protect me. Can we get that planned, Perdicas?"

Again more quiet and confused expressions were shared. That was usually Hephaistion's job.

"Yes, of course." Perdicas said briefly as to not offend.

"I'm sure you all have heard what happened to our dear friend, Coenus. I would like to do something in his honor as-well."

Alexander had finished the clear soup and pushed the empty bowl towards the corner of his desk and began to write on a piece of parchment. His hand was trembling as he did, his motor ability still coming back to him. He handed the illegible note to Perdicas. It was the name of his guards. He'd ask Hephaistion later what the hell it said so that he doesn't get executed for spelling their tombstones wrong. He slowly took it and went back to his position. Then Alexander began going through other reports left for him. He skimmed over them, not focused enough, which was out of the ordinary. "Who are the other men who risked their lives for my safety? I should give my thanks to them. I would like to do it in person. If they're not busy please send them to me."

The generals didn't have to grow silent. They already were.

Alexander looked to them all. "I find your silence trying. Are there no men? It couldn't have been all of you because that would have been irresponsible to leave the fort and myself susceptible."

"Forgive me for steering this conversation elsewhere but whom do you think saved you?" Asked Perdicas just as confused as the rest of them. Something didn't feel right. Something felt off because who was Alexander if not wondering where Hephaistion was? The meeting was already adjourned and no Hephaistion. He gave Perdicas a list of something that Hephaistion normally took care of and he made no mention of Hephaistion at all. It was now growing to be very concerning.

Alexander blinked in irritation as if the question was another brain exercise he already hated Philip for. He looked to Craterus and Craterus shamefully shook his head. "I was the one to oppose it, my king."

"We all went, excluding Craterus and Cassander." Ptolemy said.

The king leaned back in his chair, chastising them for their irresponsibility. "You all know better."

"We sent men for you but had no such luck. The second time we weren't searching for you." Ptolemy answered honestly. "Because we knew you would not have wanted that."

"Who in the hell is as important as me that you would go in the wild in search of?"

Cassander almost could smile as wide as a vast mountain but he knew that it wasn't the time or place. "By Zeus's holy name, you have no recollection of him?"

Again, Alexander looked confused and upset that he wasn't given any direct answer. "Who are you speaking of?"

"Hephaistion." Leonnatus said with a concerning frown. "We went to find Hephaistion to bring him back. He would have died out there looking for you. This is while we had already presumed you dead."

"Who?" The king asked as clueless as he's ever been.

"Alexander, you must remember Hephaistion. You know that name. You know that person." Ptolemy wasn't believing him. Why would he be joking around during such a serious time? "Please tell me you remember him."

The king put down his writing utensil, thought long and hard to the point it frustrated him instead. He then shook his head. "I don't know that name. It's an interesting name but I don't know it."

"Amyntoros?" Philip mentioned, quite as worried as the rest.

"Yes. I'm aware. What about him?"

"He had a son that you grew up with. His name is Hephaistion."

"That name doesn't induce me. I am very certain I have never heard that name before. What is this about? Why should I know that name?" Alexander watched the color drain from every face when they realized he truly didn't remember.

"Holy fuck, you're serious." Perdicas stated, regretting that he did because now it became a very real thing.

"Is he a noble warrior? A satrap? A whore? Go on. Tell me." Alexander patiently waited, tapping a finger on the wood top.

They couldn't give him an answer because what was the point if he didn't remember the only man who meant more to him than life itself. They looked to each-other thinking of an easier way out of the situation. Ptolemy's first thought was to leave in attempt to stop Hephaistion but it didn't work out that way.

"I will not be ignored!" Alexander stood, slamming a hand on his desk, growing annoyed at his own men ignoring his demands. "Who is this man to me?" A new pain crept up from the sudden strain but one would never tell how much pain he was in as the king kept his straight-faced expression.

Before they had a chance to respond, Hephaistion hurried in, drawing back the limber flap hanging loosely before the room. As entranced as the day they first met, he stared at the king and as if struck by lightning, Alexander paused, also intrigued. The look on his face had exposed him. He didn't recognize him at all. "Hephaistion?" Asked the king, examining him from head to toe with a firm stance from behind the desk. "My men here tell me that I am supposed to know you? Are you the one who saved me from an imminent death?"

Cassander finally gave a long-lasting smile seeing Hephaistion's go from alive and vigorous to petrified and dead. "I'm just going to go ahead and say it. May the gods be with us all. Yet again." He then picked up a chalice of wine and went to lean against a post, drinking to his own satisfaction as Hephaistion deserved to be forgotten.

---

Phai mindlessly followed Alex into his home. The movers were still in the way but it seemed only important that his mom wasn't home. Phai couldn't describe what he was feeling. It was haunting, and felt that he was on a slow motion walk to something strange. He was in wonder, like a ritual was being performed but the only ritual he seemed to be a part of was the one where Alex walked up the stairs and him following his every step. What the Hell was about to happen? Phai stopped abruptly when Alex walked passed his own room and towards the master bedroom. Oh no.

Alex removed his shirt and tossed it over the banister and it fluttered like a feather to the lower ground. Phai squinted in curiosity and continued to follow the shirtless man knowing whatever it was he was being dragged into was going to be bad.

My atrocities, the brutal things I have ever done, can not and will not be forgotten or forgiven. I've killed millions. Some with reason, some without but I was the main participant. Now I'm living this double life because he tells me that I need to learn a lesson in anger management. That I need to love myself before I can break free. How can I love myself? How can I expect to be loved? I'm supposed to be figuring out how to answer these questions but instead, I'm wasting time because I don't seem to care anymore where this life is taking me. I've wasted time caring and I'm nowhere near the finish line. If he doesn't care, why should I? If we are one in the same then why become something I'm clearly not?

By the end of my life, I deserved to be emotionally dead. My dad taught me that you can't fight the monsters you can't beat. But you can beat them by becoming them. It's this way they can't control you anymore. Never again.

Alex pushed opened the door to his mother's room. When Phai came through, Alex slammed it shut. Phai stared at him. Concerned, scared, fascinated. Alex stared at him too. Dark, impenetrable, chaotic.

"What are we doing in here, Alex?" Phai shivered when Alex brushed by him.

"Releasing. I can no longer control myself."

The blonde strolled up to the side of her bed, pulled out his cock, closed his eyes and released just like he said he wanted. Phai in a shocking composure watched what he did. This was that vengeance thing he was talking about and whether she deserved it or not, it was still unlike him. Or maybe that's what Alex was getting tired of hearing. Maybe this was him. Or what he wanted to be. Or what he had no choice but to become. Either way, he was seeing Alexander. Not Alex.

Phai blinked, enchanted, not just by the sight but by the way it made him feel. He had seen nothing like it and it made him feel...aroused. It wasn't supposed, he was sure of that. The animalistic behavior should have made him sick. It didn't feel modern but tribal and he could now perfectly differentiate an angry Alex from a hateful one. It was always okay to be angry but never...this.

The sickness churned but he found he was nauseous from a different result and when Alex was done pissing all over his mother's bed with a smirk made up of satisfaction that could shatter a million hearts, Phai approached him, shoved him onto the wet covers, responding to the impulsion by kissing him.

It was wrong and we knew it was wrong but we didn't care because why should we? Everyone else gets away with it.

Alex closed his eyes as Phai desperately began to suck him off and suddenly reality detached itself. It bent and forged and closed in on him. And when the King opened his contrasted eyes, they opened to a windowless chamber where the full moon peeked and Persian fern blew with the clean wind, and musical symbols floated about by a professional harpist. But nothing was as mystical or intensifying as the man who kissed his naked body, pleasuring his flesh as desired.

The King moaned while flames from a fire he started burned everything around him but the royal bed where they made their love. But he had faith in his lover and the fire eventually died down by the storm that swept it away.

---

Macedonia Headquarters, India Final Days

Alexander stared at Hephaistion with deeply stirred eyes, waiting for a proper response. Hephaistion, not knowing what to think, looked to the generals, specifically Craterus and Ptolemy, for their backing but only caught cramping reactions. He quickly determined the silence in the room wasn't a means of disrespect but of level confusion from whatever it was that had surfaced before he arrived. No one wished to be the bringer of bad news to an already taxed Hephaistion. Distorted blue eyes landed back on the king who he had missed so much. He sees him and hears him, lastly, but why didn't Alexander see him and hear him the same way? That's when the anger stewed in his heart, knowing all he had done, all he had been through, will last forever with him. "Is this a trick?"

Alexander chose to speak. His voice remained mighty even if the rest of him was not. "I give my thanks to you, Hephaistion Amyntoros. You shall be rewarded substantially. Any desire you wish. You will blessed with abundance."

"That is how you choose to honor me?" Hephaistion frowned as if he had just heard the most horrible thing. He was deserving of more than riches. He deserved an embrace so that he could hold Alexander in his arms again.

Alexander was never hesitant before speaking and completely dismissed the feelings of the man before him, not understanding what they were. "Is there a better way to honor one who frees the king from dissolution?"

Hephaistion still at a loss, looked to Ptolemy demanding an answer Ptolemy wasn't sure how to give. "What has happened?"

"I'm sorry, Hephaistion. I meant to warn you before you got here. It appears that the king has forgotten who you are to him." There was no easy way to put it.

"We had just discovered this ourselves." Leonnatus cleared up.

"And much still hasn't been made clear." Alexander said with eyes insufficient. "Who are you to me?"

Hephaistion's face hardened and confronted the king who was always inherently delirious. "I risked all of me for you and you have the guts to stand here and insult me? You know who I am to you, Alexander! You know damn well who I am to you! I am not to be played with!"

Alexander, seeming to be unscathed by the man's anger, remained calm. And he had that arrogant soft smile on his face because challenging things made him smile. But it was the first genuine smile they had seen from him. That had to count for something. "I am sorry. I do not. If it means anything at all, this is as concerning to me as it is to you. We have all lost something."

Hephaistion glared harshly at him, who he knew deep down was far from innocent. "Don't you dare compare our ill fortunes."

The generals refused to participate in anything that was being exchanged between the two.

Alexander chuckled to himself, with no such ease and relaxed back in his chair. It didn't seem suitable to argue. "I don't mean to offend you but I can't, in good conscience, fabricate memories of you when I do not know you. I do mean how sorry I am and when I demand solutions, I get them. Patience is all I can offer."

"Hephaistion, he's speaking the truth. This is no ploy. He doesn't remember many things upon waking up. The complications were boundless." Philip said. "Rest assured, he will remember you again."

Hephaistion, coming back from an unsweetened moment to himself, responded gravely. "But he remembers all of you? How unfortunate for me that I am the only one who seems to have been forgotten."

They said nothing. How could they. Putting it that way, it seemed intentional. It shouldn't have been him.

Hephaistion knew deep in his heart, if it were true and Alexander wasn't playing some sick twisted game with him, he should fair with the cause and be more understanding. It wasn't unlikely that something like this could have happened after being asleep for so long. It wasn't some strange plot the gods held against him and it was only coincidental. He knew this so why blame the king for something that was a disadvantage to himself?

Alexander smiled to him and it was sweet but perhaps not genuine enough. "If there is anything that I can do for you, please do not hesitate and come to me. I can't imagine what it is that you are feeling and I would like to find an answer for you."

"Surely." Hephaistion said, refusing his kindness. "I am happy that you are well, my king, but I will not be needing anything from you. Not at this time." He bowed his head, the appropriate thing to do for a king no longer a friend, before leaving them feeling more dispirited. Alexander's smile was no longer holding. It died with the man who turned his back to him.

Ptolemy was about to speak up at Hephaistion's defense seeing that Alexander had a displeased look on his face. But the king spoke first, lifting his finger to stop him. And they knew he would after having displayed such generosity only to be turned down. He was the king. No one ever turned him down. "I admire his passion and regard for our rapport but if he ever speaks to me that way again, I will hang him from his fucking cock." Then he snatched up his cup of water and began drinking from it.

"He's only your dearest friend, Alexander." Said Cassander not prepared for the king's aggression or to be defending Hephaistion because the entire purpose of his existence was to do everything but defend him. "You've made promises to him that you would never make for the rest of us. With him, it was less about favoritism and more about loyalty. He's the only one you ever completely trusted with good reason."

Alexander raised an eyebrow in irritation. "I don't remember so I won't fret over it."

Cassander gave the rest of the men a look that said 'I tried'.

"He had no intention of disrespecting you." Craterus stepped in.

"It's appearing that way." Alexander replied darkly.

"He doesn't mean to accuse you of anything. He only speaks from grief. That's coming from me. I have never been fond of the man but what he did for you, there has been no greater loyalty demonstrated. To make threats against him isn't in your best interest." Craterus tried reasoning, knowing that was the right thing to do. If it weren't for Hephaistion, Alexander would be barely human.

"You don't know what's in my best interest. None of you do." The king finally snapped, fed up with all of it. Fed up with their disobedience's, fed up with their thoughts and feelings and mostly fed up with his own mental and physical exhaustion. "All of you, leave. I need rest now."

Though difficult, they knew not to reflect on his behavior towards them. Craterus left first, followed by the rest. Philip was last to leave. The only one who remained was Ptolemy, feeling bold enough to try to get through to him, though his body told him to flee. Also knowing that if he didn't, the king was capable of things much worse than rebuking them.

"We have to talk about it. I won't be leaving." He said sternly with his arms crossed. "I'm putting my foot down."

Alexander grunted as he pulled himself to stand. He made his way over to the table of wasted wine looking for the fullest cup. "If you're going to overstay your welcome, I deserve a drink for it. So do you."

"Only water." Ptolemy claimed.

"Take one and don't make me ask you again." Alexander commanded.

Ptolemy sighed, came to the table and picked up a chalice. "We'll drink but first you need to listen."

"I'm done listening. I'm tired." Alexander exhaled. He was generating far greater self-righteousness than before. Then he picked one and looked upon the red liquid with a longing desire.

Ptolemy took the wine from his hand right as he was about to chug it and slammed the goblet back on the table. "Listen to me."

The king soon turned back towards his bed, after his leg had tired out. "You're lucky none spilled. Go on. I'm listening."

"Are you angry with us for wanting to head westward? You know that it is the right thing to do. You share our exact same worries but you chose not to engage us. Why?"

Alexander seemed to have forgotten any lesson taught to him in endurance. "I don't have the strength to be angry anymore. You men won before we even passed through the Indus." His eyes were impatient as he went to sit.

"Was this whole thing a death wish for us or for you? You couldn't have possibly thought we'd win this battle as quickly as the others knowing you and your men were at their weakest. We almost lost. We never came that close to losing."

"So is it fear you men have? Because I thought I was leading men who feared nothing."

"You continued to take us to fight tribes that were surrendering and you became injured and many men died. Coenus is gone and it wasn't even from a battle wound. This place is killing us, you know it. It's not about fear of battle, it's about fear of meaningless death."

"I will honor him with a splendid burial. I will give all of my dead men great burials."

"What a lack of lament." Ptolemy scoffed, unbelieving of the kings haughtiness.

"I will lament privately as I do with every dead man, woman, child and beast."

"You don't have to be strong all the time."

"Go on with it, are you accusing me of something, Ptolemy?" Alexander grew angry.

"Who is this punishment really for? Your men believe that you lead them out here to die. Hephaistion believes you lead yourself out here to die. Which one is it?"

Alexander scoffed. "There goes that name again."

"Yes, and you're going to be hearing it a lot. Hephaistion means more to you than you even mean to yourself. I am hoping you'll figure it out on your own. Rediscover it."

"I'm not interested in that man. I'm not interested in remembering any of the suffering. That is my right. And I will have you know, the gods know of all my prayers and they weep with me every night for the fallen."

"What about those who are still fighting the fall? They don't need prayers or to be mourned when they can just live and see their lives through. Hephaistion would tell you that if he was here. Silly me for being hopeful but that man you want to hang from the balls is your official bodyguard, your only confidant, your personal analyst, your logistics and diplomatic officer, your chosen correspondent with your favored philosophers, second in command only to you and your dearest friend since you were able to talk. I could go on."

Alexander only looked detached. "If this man is so important in my life, why does he speak to me the way he did?"

"For fucksake, his name is Hephaistion and he's the only one of us who speaks against your superior conceit because you respect his opinion enough to allow him to be verbal towards you when we can not. You can be extremely pompous but far more without him."

Alexander chuckled admiring his effort. "Hephaistion must be very important to you if you can stand up to me for him."

"I love him as a brother and you love him more."

"I love many things and many people, Ptolemy."

"You do. But nothing like what you shared with him."

"First impressions are everything."

Ptolemy angrily huffed. "When you two first met, you didn't give him the first great impression either. In fact he hated your guts before even meeting you. You want to know what he thought of you? He thought you were a stalking, self righteous, disposable prick of boy who didn't know the difference between delusion and truth. You want to know what he thinks of you now? He thinks the world of you even with all of your faults. We all do."

"You speak about him as if he was a lover of mine."

"He holds all of your secrets and carries most of your burdens. You owe it to him to remember him. He went out in that jungle, almost died for you. He went out there risking his life willingly only to find that you had been tortured and drowned by an enemy he killed single-highhandedly after being strung up, pissed on, raped, starved and humiliated by. You owe it to him to remember."

"I didn't ask him to do any of it."

"You did when you took him on this never-ending journey."

Alexander looked somewhat remorseful but he chose not to speak on it. There were many things he felt guilt about. Even about a man he didn't know.

"I'm sorry." Ptolemy sighed after his outburst. "You don't remember and you shouldn't be faulted for it. What you went through was terrible enough."

"It's only terrible if I remember it."

The curly haired general lightly chuckled at Alexander's twisted view of things, took two chalices of wine and handed one to the king. Alexander grinned as if he knew he would give in.

Alexander drank. He closed his eyes as if he had been missing the taste during his soberly sleep. Ptolemy watched him, making sure he didn't overdo it. He drank under stress. It wasn't exactly what they needed right now, a drunk, dehydrated king who could barely walk about to lead his people through miles and miles of hot terrain after being told of a male lover he had forgotten but apparently meant everything to him. Emotions were bound to be vigorous. It was much to take in and he quite pitied him. But they were used to Alexander thinking he could do anything stupid and dangerous and live to tell the tale. They loved him and equally hated him for it. Not everyone could master a lesson in impulsive divinity.

Alexander finally lowered the cup away from his lips. Ptolemy thought he was sure to compliment the flavor because it was a from bottle never having been opened. "If I don't remember my own lover, if that is what we were, how could I have loved him at all?"

It was a fair question with a bad after taste, causing Ptolemy to grow more tense. Hephaistion was already heartbroken. Could he handle more collateral? "I'm not sure how it works. Just know that you loved him at one point." Ptolemy finally drank, hesitating at first due to other things on his mind.

"Bring him to me."

Ptolemy looked to his king with a puzzled look. "I don't believe that is the best idea. He will need time. You need time. Hephaistion isn't of sound mind right now. With all due respect, neither are you. He may say something he will regret and you may do something you'll regret. Remember that time as a boy you stared into the eyes of one of your mother's snakes, challenging it like a moron?"

Alexander chuckled, already feeling the wine. 'I do. Then it struck at me and I had the nerve to act surprised."

"Exactly. You may want to tread carefully with this one." Ptolemy cautioned wisely.

"Tread carefully? Who is this man to think me, his own damn king, needs to be wary of him?"

"You have always been terribly irresponsible. And you ruined your luck by drinking. Now you must come down off it and I must face Philip for letting you."

Alexander grinned "Fine. I'll wait for him."

Ptolemy then took the empty chalice from him. "That's enough until Philip says you can. I'm going to remind you once again in case you have been ignoring our instructions, you're not better and you won't be anytime soon."

"If I stand for too long, I will collapse and things may worsen, if I sit for too long, my strength may never come back. I've been listening." Alexander grumbled.

"And less wine and more water?"

"That too."

"Glad to hear it. I'll send him to you when he's ready."

"I've been unreasonable. Send the men back in for their drinks. I will let them do what they came here for."

Ptolemy was surprised and took that as a dismissal. "I will. They will be joyful and as tipsy as you."

Alexander nodded with a smile and Ptolemy turned to leave.

Then Alexander said something more. "Ptolemy, give me one good reason why I should keep a man alive who knows more about me than I do of him."

Being one of the only among the companions who could converse with the king on personal matters, Ptolemy was authorized to read between the lines. He knew the question was meant as a threat. Alexander was devoted to discipline. He was an observer of it. "What are you saying?"

"This Hephaistion holds all of my secrets. He knows more about me than apparently I know of myself. When have I ever trusted a man with secrets? When have I ever been okay with that?"

"He would never use them against you. He loves you too much."

"Can we be sure of that?"

"I trust him with my life."

"Can I be sure of that?"

"I absolutely trust him with your secrets and you have always given me your trust."

"If you trust him, I trust him. But make sure he trusts me."

Ptolemy nodded, and Alexander was satisfied to hear no objection. Then the king grinned, with arrogance beyond bounds before laying in his bed to rest.

The curly haired general, hating what waking up has done to Alexander, left in a hurry to warn Hephaistion of the king's message.

---

Olympias pulled back up to the house. She was on the phone with somebody talking as if they were long lost friends but it was only the wife of the buyer. Then shocked at the sight that came next, she paused mid sentence. Alex and Phai were exiting her house. This time Alex following Phai out the same way Phai followed him in. They looked a mess. She was young and in love before. She was reminded of days her and Phillip would sneak about and do things that made their love life ecstatic but this was something else.

Phai gave her the most perfect smile. It wasn't devious or spiteful. It was impervious. And she never knew he could be so disrespectful. Was this the same boy from before? It was her fault for underestimating him and mistaking his kindness for weakness. But it wasn't Phai that wanted her to know that. Whatever Alex did to him, Phai absolutely wanted. Then she looked to her son. This was spite. Alex kissed Phai in front of her before the boys split ways. It was the first time she had seen it. Phai went back into his home to wash up, brush his teeth, get dressed and finish cleaning the kitchen like he had promised his mom. And Alex came up to his mother with a smile on his face that she didn't like.

"I have to call you back." She said to whoever was on the phone and hung up while glaring at her son who was now unloading the groceries for her. In one trip, because he wasn't planning on coming back, went inside of the house being emptied of everything good and everything evil and dropped the bags off on the counter. Still shocked about what happened, because something happened, she charged into the kitchen as he put the groceries away, still with nothing to say.

"Hi, mom." He said innocently.

"What's with the smirk, Alex?" She asked with deeply angry eyes already knowing he had done something terrible. "And why do you smell like piss?"

"Oh, I took a piss all over your bed." That's all he said, maintaining a straight face, still putting the groceries away. She looked completely disgusted, offended and furious.

"Is that your way to get back at me?" She could hardly hold in her anger.

"Don't be ridiculous. I can never get back at you."

"So what the fuck is this!"

"I'm only expressing myself. I've been holding so much back and I just feel like this is the right time to be me."

She heavily scoffed. "You're pathetic, you know that. You don't know who you are."

"Yep, you tell me all the time. I'm just showing you how pathetic I can really be. It will never match to your amount but it will do."

"What else did you do? Did you fuck that boy in my bed?"

"His name is Phai. Not the boy. Not the neighbor kid. Not the little whore. Not the faggot who stole your son. Phai is his name. And no. I would never fuck Phai in your bed. He deserves to be loved in a less tainted place. However, he did fuck me in your bed. And I came very quickly and everywhere. But don't worry, every thing will look brand new before your bed time."

Olympias looked horrified. Alex knew how she saw it. No one knew but him her biggest fear in life. They thought it was him becoming his dad when it was actually her son being taken by another man.

She had once said to me before she suspected anything that I could take them but they could never take me. Now I know what she meant by that even if we were just discussing something completely unrelated.

"You can't possibly think that I have been that terrible to you for you to do this to me!" Tears were in her eyes now. "You and Philip have been so wrong to me. What have I done to be treated this way?"

Alex stopped what he was doing. "We have been wrong to you. His abuse, his cheating. My ungratefulness and lack of responsibility." He hugged her. "I'm sorry. I do love you mom but I know how cruel your intentions are and I'm not falling for it anymore." Then he pulled back from her. "And this is me going easy on you because I want to be sure to save my real anger, the silent ones, for the feelings you do actually have. You're not the victim right now, neither am I. The next time you decide to have a chat with Phai and I discover that you are feeding him lies and stories about me, making him feel worthless about himself, I will deal with you myself, no matter how effective or unethical. The good news is that I can forgive you like I forgave dad. I'll start packing."

Then he went upstairs to go wash up, brush his teeth, get dressed, feed the puppy and pack his things.

That's how we started our day. It wasn't a great day or even a good one, but it was another day I had left with him.

---

-Stranger