A/N: Hope you all had a nice weekend! I obsessively checked my story stats instead of writing haha. If you've read this in the last hour… I reconsidered and wrote another half to this chapter (which is now included below). Now we're all primed to meet my new character tomorrow
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Chapter 10 - ShellshockedI'm too out of shape to run for long but I try to push myself anyway. I need it - the pounding of my heart in my ears, breaths whooshing in and out. It helps me block out all the thoughts - helps keep me from spiraling. Eventually biology takes over and I slow to a walk. The lactic acid is throbbing in my muscles, pricking sharp pains all over.
I'm not sure how long it is, but at some point the roads start to look familiar. I don't realize until I'm upon it that I've come back to my apartment somehow. Old stone bricks held up by scaffolding and rickety fire escapes. Home. I'm almost impressed by myself - I usually have such a terrible sense of direction.
It feels strange to be here. Like I lived in this walk-up years ago - not just days. I shake it off, trying to calm myself. This is ridiculous. It's just my apartment.
I go to fish my keys out of my purse then realize … I have nothing on me. Not a purse, not a wallet, not my keys, not my phone. I'm overcome with a fit of giggles. I let my body collapse against the wall outside my front door and I slide down - staring up at the ceiling and laughing. I'm locked out of my own apartment! It's an incredible relief to laugh. I let go of all my worries - all the horror that has happened to me and just laugh and laugh and laugh.
Suddenly, the door opens abruptly and a woman walks out. An expression of incredulity marks her features as her brown eyes take me in.
"What the hell?" My eyebrows knit together - isn't this my apartment? I stare at the door, looking to verify the apartment number. No - I'm at the right door…
"Are you homeless or something? How did you get in here?"
She shifts a little, her stance protective, and the movement adjusts the angle of the door. I can see glimpses of the apartment inside now - a different couch, a different coffee table, a different rug than the ones I had picked out and I knew had to be there just days ago.
"Who… are you?" I say, confused. Could I have been evicted and could an entirely new person have moved in already? I tally the days out in a mental calendar, trying to make sense of what's going on.
"Who am I? Who are you?!" She says indignantly. "Now clear out of here before I call the cops!" She slams the door in my face, leaving me stunned.
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I stumble back out onto the street, thoroughly perplexed. But this time I'm not ensconced in my own thoughts and I see it - really see it. I'm looking at the street signs over and over, trying to verify that I'm on the right road - and I am. But things are … wrong. Here on this corner, there had been a coffee shop - I was sure of it. But it definitely wasn't a coffee shop now.
"Joe's Diner - Since 1977" it reads. But how could that be? I'd just ordered coffee here last week and it had been called Star Light Cafe then .
I start walking, branching out, testing. I take note of a flower shop that didn't used to be there. Or I had never noticed it. And this section of sidewalk - hadn't there been a large crack in it? It was gone now - not repaired but never broken. Even the signs looked a little wrong - was it the font? Or the color?
I'm walking, walking, walking - noticing all the differences and all the similarities. Not everything is different. But everything is definitely not the same either. My feet propel me forward, a deep sense of dread filling me as I start to hyperventilate. What are the possibilities? What is going on? What am I going to do? Oh god, what am I going to do?
My feet stop and I realize where I am. 32nd St. I stare up, up, up at the enormously tall building before me. The building where my office is. Or rather, where it should be. In gleaming silver letters high up above me, it reads 'New York Presbyterian Hospital' - the same hospital I'd just left this morning.
I stumble away from it, tripping backwards and falling. Someone catches me and I recognize the scent before I even hear his voice.
"Bella. Bella I'm so sorry, I didn't want you to find out this way. I know this must be so disconcerting, I-"
"Let go of me!" I whirl around and punch him square in the jaw. He lets go of me but I don't have the time to feel triumphant because my hand is burning with pain. Fuck, fuck, fuck that hurts.
"Ow!" I glare up at him. To his credit he doesn't laugh as I cradle my fist. He reaches out to me tentatively, his green eyes widened with concern and … pain? I shy away from him, still angry, trying to put distance between us.
"Tell me what the hell is going on." I'm talking a little too loudly - shouting almost. I don't care. A woman rushes by hurriedly, glancing over her shoulder at me as if I'm a bomb that might explode. Edward is looking at me cautiously too now and I wonder what I must look like to them. Unhinged, apparently. Well - hell hath no fury…
"I swear to God, Edward. If you don't start talking real soon, I -"
He puts his hands up in surrender. Those damn eyes so deep with feeling I almost feel bad for him. "Of course, of course. I just … could we do this somewhere more private?"
I glare at him, hand throbbing, itching to say no. But something in his expression stops me.
"Fine. Lead the way."
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I'm sitting in the foyer of a Penthouse suite. Well, actually, I'm not actually that sure what a foyer is so I can't be sure that's the correct name for where I am but that's neither here nor there.
The furniture is ridiculous. Gold trimmed with ornate designs and plush velvet fabrics. I feel criminal just sitting in them in my outdoor clothes. I catch a glimpse of myself in a gilded mirror in the corner and groan internally in embarrassment. The joggers look ridiculous in this setting.
Edward tries again, coaxing me to relinquish my hand to him. "I just want to make sure nothing is broken," he says softly. "Please, will you let me look at it?" He looks up at me from underneath his long lashes, his breath washing over me. I stop breathing to prevent the onslaught of emotions that will trigger and steel my features.
"Talk. Now," I nearly growl.
Edward leans back scowling. "You're not usually so difficult," he muses. "I just -"
"If you don't start explaining in 3 seconds," I seethe.
Palms up in surrender. "Alright, alright." He hesitates, then looks up at me again. I've never noticed before but there is a hint of amber in his eyes. I stare into them, falling deeper and deeper. They seem to go on for eternity - full of emotion, full of history. Ancient and longing and kind.
"I don't know where to start," he says after a moment. I get the feeling that it was difficult for him to admit this. My eyes soften a fraction. I match his gaze.
"The beginning is as good a place as any."
He nods and begins speaking. His eyes seem to cloud over and although he's looking at me, I get the sense that he's not seeing me but something else far, far away.
"I was born here, in New York City, to a Carlisle and Esme Cullen. I was … a surprise. Conceiving is not … common for our kind and she didn't understand what was happening at first. They were scared. But once they understood, Esme was overjoyed. When -"
"What do you mean 'our kind?'" I interrupted.
Edward's eyes snapped back into focus and he stared at me for a moment. Deciding something, I thought.
"I'm not … I'm not altogether human, Bella." He said this quickly - as if a confession. He stared at me, his face blank, unreadable. But there was a tiny furrow in his brows. I digested this for a moment. I supposed I had known this. After all, he had run faster than a train. He had spoken as clearly into my mind as if he had been speaking aloud. And whatever his scent did to my body - that couldn't be wholly natural either. I was surprised at how rationally my brain was able to sort through this new information.
"That makes sense," I said evenly. "Go on."
Shock flashed across his features and he looked as if he were about to protest. But I wanted to hear the story.
"Please continue," I urged. He stared at me, assessing. Something like resolve settled into his features and he must have thought better than to argue. His eyes took on that glazed tone again as he sunk back into the story.
"They tried to hide what had happened. Afraid of how others would perceive it. And it worked for a while. They took to living in largely human communities, passing as human when they could. My father took a job as a doctor and kept up the charade while my mother stayed home with me. We used to spend hours playing and laughing at nothing. It was the best years of my life."
A frown creased his lovely features and he shook his head, clearing away the memory. He looked at me with cloudless eyes and I could tell he was making a great effort to stay present.
"They grew comfortable," he was almost whispering. "They didn't know - couldn't see that they had been noticed. She fell pregnant again. She was so happy when she found out. So was my father. I was happy too - though I was only 3. I was just happy to see them happy. I had no idea what was happening."
I hissed and realized I had been clenching my fingers so tightly that pain had blossomed in my injured hand. My chest felt taught and I knew from the sinking feeling in my stomach that this story did not have a happy ending.
"Sorry - just my hand."
"I wish you would let me take a look at it," he said again.
"It's fine. Go on, Edward."
He looked as if he were going to protest but thought better of it. "Another of our kind - a female had noticed us. I was too different from a human to be thought of as a pet. She knew immediately that I was the same as her and that I must have come from my mother. She was jealous of my mother's gift. Jealousy grew into rage and when she learned of the second child - she could take it no longer. She attacked."
Edward's eyes were wide again - wild with the horror of a past he couldn't change.
"The night that my sister was born, father was called away to the hospital. There was a winter storm and many humans were injured. My mother - she did not think she was due for several weeks yet and so urged him to go. But that night was the night my sister decided to come. My mother could call for no one to help - so secret was her situation. I tried to ease her pain but I was so young. I'm afraid I only made things worse with my crying…"
"I thought it was all over. The delivery had gone smoothly and the house was quiet again. My sister was healthy and so was my mother. I curled up on the floor in some blankets to sleep by the bedside vanity, exhausted… I awoke to a scream. Another of our kind - a female, was standing over my mother. Something wet touched me and it was everywhere - the blood. I was so young. I didn't know what I was doing then. The female was stalking toward me - I saw the intent to kill in her eyes. My sister was screaming - I think she knew even then that our mother was dead. I didn't know what I was doing. I only know that I wished dearly for her to be erased - obliterated from the world. Somehow I pulled something - a black ball from thin air. And even though I had never seen it before, I somehow knew how to wield it. I pulled free the pin and hurled it at the female as she raced toward me. On contact it self-destructed and shattered her along with itself. When father came home the next day - there was no trace of her left."